


Shining Future

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Series: Where I've Always Been [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Children, Asexual Character, Child Abandonment, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Fate & Destiny, Final Battle, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gabby Is Out of Control, Gen, Gray Jedi, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, New Jedi Order, Next Generation, One Big Happy Family, Plans For The Future, Post-Rebellion Story, Psychological Trauma, Returning Home, Sequel, Star Wars in Fantasy AU Setting, Story within a Story, barrissoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-08-23 21:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 111
Words: 335,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16626617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: As the Rebellion reaches a tipping point, Ahsoka, Barriss and their adopted family adapt to a changing reality. It's time to build a new world and a brighter future.This is part of the "Where I've Always Been" universe of stories. You don’t have to read the other works in the series to get the gist. I try to write so readers can jump into the universe anywhere. That said, being familiar with the basics will enhance this story for you.Side note: For those wary of the huge chapter count (I would be!), this work is separated into 6 parts + 1 ongoing story of interludes. Think of it as 7 episodes/story arcs in a Star Wars series. Prior events are referenced in the next installment and the entire series builds to a final resolution, but each one is a complete story. So, you don't need to read all 100+ chapters to enjoy an 'episode'. Try out Part 1 and go from there or start with the intention of reading the whole thing. Either way works!





	1. Prologue: Afterimage

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins near the end of “Where I’ve Always Been” and extends beyond other works in the series. Actually, this will mark my first major foray into our post-rebellion world. That also means you will get _spoilers_ for Parts 1-7.
> 
> [Author's plea: Hey, if you feel so inclined, leave me a comment. I live for feedback. Assuming you don't mind risking an overly enthusiastic response in return, please make my week!]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Force works in mysterious ways...

Ahsoka shuddered up as chills prickled her skin and vibrating pulses ran in slow, repeated cycles through her body. Gulping air, she scanned the camp to see her family still sleeping in apparent ignorance. _What was that?_

Rubbing burning eyes, she tried to regulate the erratic breaths and calm the turbulent muscles. Finally, the odd tingling subsided and her body relaxed. Along with it came a now familiar yet always strange alignment of her senses. Ahsoka closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling, letting her mind wander instinctively. Everything rippled, as if reality had slightly shifted.

Flipping her eyes open, she immediately fixated on the far side of the camp. A fuzzy, ethereal image was hovering over Obi-Wan and Luminara. Shaking her head and trying to focus, she saw a hand reach down and touch Obi-Wan’s cheek.

She grabbed her swords, jumping up into a defensive posture. Surprised no one else stirred at the sudden movement, Ahsoka maintained a wary gaze on the unknown intruder. “Who are you?”

The figure turned slowly to face her.

Ahsoka gasped, swords dropping to her side. “Mom?”

The elegant form, arrayed in almost luminescent light, smiled happily. “Hello, my special girl. I’ve missed you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we goooooooo!
> 
> If you haven't read other works in the series and want to know more about specific characters or plot threads, they all have accompanying stories. I've put a reference list below for the most relevant, in case you're interested in a specific area.  
> "Where I've Always Been" - gives you an idea of pretty much everything and is the overall backbone of the series  
> "True Failure" - gives you Obi-Wan, Luminara, & Ahsoka's mother background  
> "Loyal Soldier" - gives you Rex, Asajj, Ahsoka, Barriss, & Ahsoka's father background as well as Rebellion development  
> Selected stories from "Family Expansion" (Ch. 1-4, 10, & 12) - gives you current family dynamics, Leia & Luke background, a bit of Han, as well as some Phoenix  
> "Complicated" - gives you Phoenix & Sabine background as well as current family dynamics


	2. PART I: REMEMBRANCE - Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready: Ahsoka sets out on a journey into the past.
> 
> [Set shortly prior to Chapter 54 of “Where I’ve Always Been” or during 1BPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka, Rex, and Obi-Wan take the twins on a exploration of memories, leading to future choices.  
> Part one is a short lead-up to the ending of WIAB, before we jump to a post-rebellion world.

“Ready, kids?”

That got Ahsoka double glares.

She gazed back innocently. “What?”

“Aunt Ahsoka,” Luke replied as if she was a small child, “we _are_ nineteen.” The young man straightened, smoothing out his jet black tunic and checking his gauntlets—probably realizing he should look the part of a dashing warrior.

Rex piped up, “Yeah, I’m not really seeing your point?”

The glare switched focus and then Leia released an exaggerated sigh. “Yes, we are ready.”

Obi-Wan raised sardonic eyebrows. “I’m not.”

The group stared at him.

“What? Only the kids get to say whether they’re ready or not?” Tossing a satchel over his cloaked shoulder, he opined, “That seems unfair.”

Barriss entered the sitting room and then halted mid-step. “Oh. I thought you all left an hour ago.”

Leia stamped a delicate foot. “There seems to be a difference of opinion on whether we are ready.”

Luke puffed out his chest. “Not from me. I was ready on time.”

His sister’s mouth dropped open. “You were not! _I_ was here on time and _you_ were nowhere to be seen.”

A shrewd grin edged up. “I didn’t say I was _here_ on time, just that I was ready.”

“That’s not ready, then!” Her eyes narrowed. “If you’re not at the designated spot at the specified time that means you’re not ready.”

Luke flicked lint off his shoulder. “I knew Aunt Ahsoka and Obi-Wan would be late, so I timed my arrival appropriately. It’s called strategic readiness. You should give it a try sometime.”

“If everyone did that, we’d never leave!” Leia cried, hands on her hips.

Rex grunted, throwing a triumphant grin at Obi-Wan. The man glared back and muttered something under his breath. Their long battle over proper arrival times was clearly never going to die.

 _Oh Gods, what have I gotten myself into._ Ahsoka opened her mouth to put an end to the squabble, but wasn’t quick enough.

“Besides,” the girl continued, cheeks flushing the color of her ruby red cape, “it’s rude! Making everyone else wait around for you is like saying your time is more valuable than ours!”

The young man stiffened. “Not everyone carries a mental clock in their head, you know!”

“Enough!” Ahsoka threw up a frustrated hand. “If you two do this the entire trip, I will turn the horses around!”

The twins jerked around in surprise and then opened their mouths, apparently about to include her in their argument, when Barriss intervened, “Alright, you have different ways of doing things. It’s done now and you are both ready. So, the question is irrelevant at this point, isn’t it?”

There were grumbling sighs with accompanying nods.

Barriss smiled. “Good. Now, it sounds like everyone is prepped. Off you go.”

The twins started moving toward the door, but Ahsoka remained in place, staring at her wife. “Are you in a hurry to get rid of us?”

An awkward pause crossed Barriss' expression. “Uh, what makes you think that?”

“The fact that you are carrying an immense amount of parchments with a happy look on your face,” Ahsoka remarked with crisp dryness.

The Mirialan’s expression turned airy. “Coincidental. I’m sure it has nothing to do with all of my major distractions leaving on a multi-day trip, allowing me uninterrupted time.”

There were several eye rolls, except from Leia, who looked envious.

Ahsoka huffed, “Well, you’ve certainly adapted quickly!”

Her wife shrugged. “You’re the one who insisted I stay here. Would you prefer I sit around, listlessly pining for your return? That wouldn’t be very rational, would it?”

“No.” Ahsoka crossed her arms. “But, you could at least pretend that’s what you plan to do.”

“I do apologize. Let me express my true feelings, then.” Barriss lifted pleading eyebrows and gripped parchments to her chest. “Ahsoka, darling, please come back to me soon! I won’t be able to rest, until you are safely in my arms once more! I will stare at your desk in abject misery, unable to focus on anything, except what you are doing at each and every moment. Go quickly, my love, so you can return!”

There was a general chorus of laughter and Ahsoka grinned. “That’s more like it!”

Luminara strolled absently through the door. “Barriss, are you read—” she broke off at seeing the occupants of the room. “Oh. I thought everyone had left after breakfast.”

Obi-Wan raised an offended eyebrow. “I take it back. I’m definitely ready to go, now.”

Barriss put in defensively, “If we’re being left behind, we intend to make productive use of our time!”

Rex snorted and strapped on his short swords. “Let’s exit the premises, before Asajj shows up. I want to continue the delusion that she will actually miss me.”

As if on cue, Asajj leaned in the doorway with an annoyed expression. “Hey, spymasters of slowness! I don't have—oh.” She flashed a snarky grin at Rex. “Shouldn't you all be leaving?”

Barriss grimaced, eyes darting to the ceiling.

“Ok,” Ahsoka exclaimed, “that’s it! Let’s go, before we’re even further depressed about our loved ones anxiously awaiting the opportunity to get rid of us for several days.”

Asajj shot Rex a small grin, before disappearing from the doorway. Luminara waved to the group and then winked at Obi-Wan as she glided after her.

Barriss remained motionless for a moment, gazing at Ahsoka. Then, she laughed nervously. “So, uh, have a good trip!” The woman expeditiously backed out of the room.

Leia glanced over at Luke. “Our family is weird.”

Her brother nodded with dramatic seriousness. “And, they call us the kids. If you ask me, we’re the only ones with any sense around here.”

Giving them a glare of death, Ahsoka bit out, “Alright, _kids,_ out the door! Otherwise, I’m cancelling the whole trip. I mean it!”

The twins just looked at her impassively.

Rex grinned. “Is it too late to say I changed my mind?”

“Not if I say it first!” Obi-Wan cried.

Letting out a growl, Ahsoka marched out the door of the sitting room. “Now!”

_______

“Ahsoka, wait!”

She twisted her head to see Barriss running down the hallway. Looking at the others, Ahsoka said, “Go on, I’ll be right there.”

There were disbelieving grumbles, but they followed instructions.

Before Ahsoka had even completely turned around, Barriss had flown into her arms. “Um, hey there. Didn’t we already say goodbye at breakfast? Besides, I thought you had productive things to do.”

Barriss stared at her, fingers tightening around the back of her neck. “I can be ready to go in ten minutes.”

She smiled softly. “I’ll be fine, my dear, I promise.” _I hope._ “In fact, when I get back, I expect a full report on your many accomplishments.”

The woman exhaled in defeat and then pressed her lips to Ahsoka’s.

As she returned the kiss, fresh confidence surged. Ahsoka finally pulled away and brushed fingers over Barriss’ diamond tattoos. “I’ll be ok, truly. Please, don’t worry.”

Her wife locked their eyes. “You better be.”

Ahsoka flashed an engaging grin and headed out, glancing back to blow her a kiss.

Barriss snorted, but gazed at her adoringly. “I love you. Don’t forget.”

As she walked out the door, Ahsoka called, “Never gonna happen!”

_______

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” Rex asked.

Ahsoka grimaced. “Let’s hope so.” The emotions were already churning as familiar woods brought up happy yet painful memories.

“Barriss was actually quite worried about you not letting her come.”

“I know, but she’s gone through it once already for me. I need to be able to handle this without her. Plus, I didn’t want—there’s no reason for both of us to relive the past. I'm the one who promised Luke.” She looked at him in concern. “Are you sure you’re going to be ok? You didn’t have to come, you know.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ve been back twice already. The first time was… difficult. But, I’m in a better place now. Besides, you might need me.”

Warmth filled her. “You really are too good to me, Rex.” She adjusted a gauntlet vacantly as they clomped down the road. Her eyes wandered ahead to where Obi-Wan and the twins were riding, throat tightening.

“Obi-Wan will be fine, as well. We’ve already talked. Why do you think he’s here?” Rex grinned.

She smiled. “Thanks. I’m also worried about Leia. But, she was determined to come. It surprised me, actually. She's never had a strong interest in her heritage. Maybe, it was wanting to be here for Luke. I don’t know.”

Rex nodded. “I think it will be ok. The destruction isn’t fresh, like Alderaan. You’ll see when you get there, but it has settled with time. The remnants of death are gone. You’ll remember what used to be. However, for her, it will be similar to exploring a historical site. Knowing Leia, I expect she’ll approach it like that, anyway. Still, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

A sense of relief flowed from his assurances. Ahsoka had serious concerns about bringing Leia, remembering her own flashbacks experiencing the aftermath of Alderaan. However, it was true that this would be a different situation. “Thanks, Rex. I’m already extremely glad you decided to come.”

He winked and gave a small salute. “Then, my work here is done, Princess.”

Obi-Wan twisted his head back and pointed ahead as he and the twins dropped from sight over a hill.

Stomach knotting, Ahsoka leaned forward, urging her mount into a quick trot. _Let’s get this over with._ Reaching the hill, she pulled to a halt. From this distance, it looked very much the same as it always had. _It’s like nothing happened._

Rex cantered up beside her, but they both stayed silent.

Then, almost in unison, they started moving again, eyes focused on the distant castle in the horizon—toward the kingdom of Shili.

_______

Ahsoka surveyed the castle gates with the best impassive gaze she could manage. While the bodies had been removed long ago, much of the wreckage remained. The castle still stood, though, ramparts teetering but erect.

It had been nearly twenty years, but the image of what was remained fixed in her mind. Everywhere her eye landed, Ahsoka saw memories. Some were joyful, others miserable, but all still alive in her mind. _When does it all go away, I wonder? Thirty years? Forty? Never?_

She noted Rex and Obi-Wan casting surreptitious glances toward her. It was annoying, but also comforting. _You can do this._ Turning to the twins, Ahsoka asked, “Well, here we are. What would you like to see first?”

They exchanged looks and then Luke said, “Um, how about your room? And, maybe the throne room? Oh, the armory? And… anything else you want to show us?”

“Yes,” Leia agreed tentatively, “and, perhaps, where you and Barriss met? Or, any other notable event locations?”

Ahsoka nodded. “Rex can show you his old barracks and the armory, if you like. And,” she added with a chuckle, “Obi-Wan can point out where he tried to make me into an archer.”

“Tried being the operative word,” Kenobi remarked dryly. “They might also find the great hall and your parent’s quarters of interest. If everything hasn’t been looted, we might discover some old paintings around. Then, you both could see what they looked like.”

The young eyes lit up.

Rex strode forward. “I’ll check for obstacles and make sure we have a clear path. The last time I was here, I had to pick my way. I’ll head toward the family quarters first. You all follow, after looking over the great hall and the throne room.”

She gave him a grateful smile. He was trying to ensure anything unpleasant was removed before they got there and the gesture didn’t bother her one bit. “Thanks, Rex.”

The man grinned and then strode through the gates.

Attempting to keep a steady voice and a clear mind, Ahsoka said carefully, “Alright, let’s check out inside.” The words flashed her back to a desperate day so many years ago, causing a brief shiver. Hoping no one noticed, she swiftly moved forward. _I'm ready._ Ahsoka crossed the threshold, keeping her eyes on the destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm formatting this work a bit differently than my past stories. I've split it into parts that focus on specific issues, storylines, characters, etc. but progress us to a general end point. There will also be an ongoing story of interludes. I've never tried formatting in this complex of a manner, so we'll see how it goes!
> 
> The full story will likely end up as the most extensive I've ever written. I have filled out this universe to the point that some kind of sequel was screaming at me ("Write me now! I don't care if you have other stories happening. Do it now!"). Sequel seems like such a misleading term, though, since it incorporates more than just the WIAB pieces. You don't have to read all the other stories to enjoy this one, of course. I always try to write as if this is your first story of mine. However, for my completist readers, I think you will find this one fulfilling. My intention is to tie things together without throwing everything in creation into one story. I'm trying hard not to overpromise as I will likely underdeliver, but I do see it as a bit of a culmination of everything else I've done.
> 
> A Note on Timeline:  
> For those who like a solid grounding in 'when' they are, I'll notate whenever we move into a new year.  
> ♦ BPY = Before Fall of Palpatine Year  
> ♦ PPY = Post Fall of Palpatine Year  
> Ex.  
> ○ 1 BPY = 1 year before the fall of Palpatine (and therefore occurring in conjunction with any other events that happen in other WIAB works during this time period)  
> ○ 0 PPY = Same year Palpatine fell  
> ○ 2 PPY = 2 years after the fall of Palpatine, etc.  
> Keep in mind, this doesn't necessarily mean a year has passed since the prior chapter. It simply means the calendar year has changed for our characters. If Chapter 10 ended on Dec 31, 2018 and Chapter 11 started on Jan 1, 2019, Ch. 11 would still have a 2019 year notation. It's merely a guide, not a detailed timeline. For that, you'll have to look at the clues in text. 
> 
> The interludes entitled "Afterimage" are not notated. You'll have to figure out when they occur all on your own. o==}::::::::::::>


	3. PART I: REMEMBRANCE - Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reflection: Our family explores remnants of the past.

“Wow. It’s… huge.” Luke’s wide eyes roved the space. “Look how high those windows are!”

“Yes, I’ve never seen a great hall this expansive.” Leia waved a gloved hand. “The vaulted ceilings and ornate stonework give it a regal appearance. I’m sure visitors would have found it quite impressive with broad tapestries, elegant decor, and proper lighting.” She shivered and pulled her thin cape tighter around her white, form-fitting tunic. “I can also see why there are ten oversized fireplaces.”

Obi-Wan shrugged off his woolly cloak and wrapped it around the girl. “That’s why many of the trade councils and other interkingdom events were held here. The adjoining ballroom is also quite large. Your aunt spent many happy a night trying to avoid talking to anyone at the multitude of functions Shili hosted.” He threw a snarky grin at the woman in question.

Dropping their supply bags in the corner, Ahsoka grinned. “Fortunately, I was on campaign quite a bit and managed to get out of a good deal of them. Still, prior to my military career, I endured so many boring parties it’s a wonder I survived the experience.”

“You found a way to make them more exciting.” Obi-Wan winked at the twins. “Remind me to tell you about the time your aunt decided to rip her dress off during the annual ball.”

Leia gaped. “You are joking, right?”

In the middle of fixing her leather jerkin, which had been pulled askew by a rogue satchel, Ahsoka glared up at him. “Really? I was like five or something.”

The man gazed back with an innocent expression. “It was a very memorable event.”

A smile played around the edges of her mouth as she tightened her weapons belt. “Whatever.”

Luke was working his way along the walls, tapping every other stone and occasionally kicking decorative notches with his boot. “Are there any secret passageways in here?”

“Um, sure,” Ahsoka said, “like thousands of them. I’m surprised you haven’t tripped over one yet.”

The young man shot a glare her direction, but continued his intent examination.

“Actually,” Obi-Wan put in, “there is one in here. But, only people who can find it are deemed worthy of using it.”

Ahsoka stared at him. “You’re not serious.”

“I’m always serious,” he replied with airy eyebrows.

Shaking a bemused head, she said, “Ok, let’s head toward the family quarters. You can continue your search on the way back, my inquisitive nephew.”

Turning away reluctantly, Luke walked back over to them. Then, he grinned. “I think you just don’t want me to find something you never did.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “You are assuming it even exists, credulous boy. Remember the source.”

“Hey now,” Obi-Wan cried, “I wouldn’t make up a secret passageway!”

Leia began assessing the walls, as well. “Hmm… it would probably be near the edges of the room to allow for easier and less noticeable exits.”

“Oh great,” she remarked, “now, you’ve got them both going.” Ahsoka couldn’t decide if she was interested, annoyed, or impatient, but her twisting stomach was saying it was time to move. _I always did hate this room._ “Come on. We’ll work on it later. Let’s find Rex.”

_______

Unsurprisingly, her parents’ quarters were stripped clean. Even the huge, canopy bed was gone. There were remnants of furniture and decor strewn along the floor, but the room was depressingly empty. Drab, stone walls closed in on her from all sides. Of everything she’d seen so far, the sight came closest to bringing tears to Ahsoka’s eyes. _It’s like my parents never existed._

Staring at a long wooden plank that must have been part of the settee, she tried to bring the emotions under control. A hand braced her shoulder. Glancing at Obi-Wan, she murmured, “It’s so…”

There was a deep, unsteady exhale. “Yes.”

Ahsoka met his eyes and saw the deep pain mirrored in her own. Taking Obi-Wan’s hand, she held it as a few tears broke through and cut a slow path down her cheeks.

There was an exclamation from the back room her father had used as a study. Rex had shown an excited Luke the secret entrance leading out to the main hallway and they evidently had found something.

Taking a calming breath, she wiped her face and looked at Obi-Wan expectantly.

The man was gazing vacantly at the corner where the settee had always been.

Leaning against his arm, Ahsoka asked, “Hey, you ok?”

He shivered and tightened the grip on her hand. “I don’t know. It’s—I was here only a few days before your mother—we were sitting right there. Even though she must have been worried about the threat to her life, she spent the entire time trying to remind me to never lose faith. I wish…” he trailed off, eyes squeezing shut.

She stepped in front of him, placing hands on his shoulders. “I think my mother would want you to remember how much she believed in and loved you. Barriss once told me to think of the past only as it gives you pleasure. Dwelling on unpleasant memories robs the beauty of those you remember. I’m terrible at it. Still, that doesn’t mean it isn’t good advice.”

A soft smile formed on Obi-Wan's face. Opening his eyes, he locked them on hers. “You’re so much like your mother. You don’t believe it, but it’s true. When you remember the past, I hope you take pleasure from knowing she lives on in you. I certainly do.”

The tears came again as Ahsoka whispered, “I’ll try.”

Obi-Wan wiped gentle knuckles over her cheek, drying the wet skin. “Come on, my darling girl. Let’s see what other beautiful memories we can find.”

_______

Young, fascinated eyes examined the family painting they had uncovered in the passageway.

Pressing a rigid back against the wall, Rex tried to avoid focusing on the queen, whose fierce eyes seemed to be boring into his.

“Ahsoka is tiny!” Leia exclaimed. “Even the blue stripes on her lekku aren’t visible yet.” She chuckled. “Look at those chubby little cheeks.”

Rex broke into a hearty laugh. “Well, she was something like eight years old when this was made.”

Luke’s gaze had fixated on the grinning face of his father. “He looks so… happy.”

Leia slipped a hand into his arm, giving it a small squeeze. “Yes, he does. It is a handsome, engaging face. I can see why he was admired by many.”

Putting kindness into his voice, Rex said, “Your father was quite charismatic and well-respected at home and abroad. He had a different leadership style than your aunt, but commanded similar levels of loyalty. Of course, his skills as a warrior are still legendary.”

Troubled blue eyes tore themselves away from the painting and focused on Rex. “Do you know what went wrong?”

Taking a deep breath, he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Luke. What actually broke inside of him, I can’t tell you. Perhaps, losing his mother and too much responsibility at a young age took a toll. Clearly, the idea of losing your mother and his unborn children made him willing to sacrifice anything and anyone,” Rex ended with more bitterness than he intended.

Lips compressing into a thin line, Leia tapped fingers against her thighs. Then, she spat out, “Like agreeing to give Ahsoka to Palpatine so he could supposedly save us all?”

Luke flinched at the words.

 _Get it together, soldier. You’re upsetting the kids._ Forcing his tight muscles to relax, he gave them a reassuring smile. “Yes, but I shouldn’t have brought it up. Your aunt got over it long ago, so should I. And, it’s important to remember no one understood what Palpatine was at the time. He was simply another Sovereign Master. Arranged marriages to solidify political alliances were not uncommon.” _That’s no excuse._

Leia’s intense brown eyes flashed. Her mouth flew open, but then closed again as she spotted Luke’s distressed face.

“I suppose,” Rex continued, “I’m trying to say your father was not an easy man to understand. So, I can’t explain it to you. Remember, I spent most of my career with Ahsoka. They were very alike, but in some ways very different. You might ask Obi-Wan. He knew Anakin from childhood.”

Luke nodded and then lapsed into silent contemplation.

Returning attention to the painting, Leia rubbed a thoughtful finger across her own chin. “It’s strange. Ahsoka has so many Togruta characteristics, yet her most striking features clearly came from her human mother, especially the eyes. The queen was amazingly beautiful.” She paused for a moment, expression fluctuating. “No, it’s more than that. Her entire aura is almost mesmerizing in quality. If she gives that impression in a painting, it must have been quite an effect in real life.”

Rex’s gaze involuntarily drifted to the face he had been trying to avoid. “Yes, it was. The queen was… incredibly special.” His mind fell into memories and he had to shake himself back into the present.

The twins fidgeted as their uncertain faces stared at him. Leia cleared her throat and asked, “Was she anything like Ahsoka?”

His jaw unclenched. “In many ways, yes. But, Ahsoka had a lot of her father, as well. I think she got the best of both of them, actually.” The man winked. “Then again, I'm a biased narrator in this story.”

The young woman grinned and then shifted attention to the sovereign, who was smiling warmly from the center of the painting, surrounded by his family. “Huh. He is strangely…” Leia frowned. “I can’t find a good word for it. It’s as if he’s won the village raffle and can’t believe his luck.”

Rex gaped. “That is a perfect description of your grandfather.”

An eyebrow lifted. “Really? I didn’t think it made any sense. I’ve never seen a ruler with so little… presence. It’s odd.”

The man stiffened. “That might be true. But, not all leaders have to exude charisma and authority. There was a quietness in him. He appreciated the people around him and encouraged their gifts. The sovereign inspired his own brand of loyalty.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps, I would have to see it in action.” The girl paused and then added gently, “It couldn’t have been that effective, though, right? Otherwise, what happened wouldn’t have been able to occur.”

Rubbing a hand over his forehead, Rex replied, “I don’t know, Leia. Like his son, the sovereign couldn’t deal with loss. After his wife died, the smile you see here never came again.”

There was a wince. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound critical. I was just trying to understand.” Turning to Luke, she opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. The young man seemed to be immersed in the painting, paying no attention to their conversation. Leia squeezed his arm. “What is it?”

He snapped out of the daze. “It's weird.” Luke waved a hand in front of his face and then stepped to each side, finally returning to his original position. “The queen is not the central figure, but for some reason it’s like she's the focus of the painting.” Shaking a rueful head, he added, “I guess that doesn't make any sense.”

His sister's eyes roved over the canvas. “No, you're right. You are automatically drawn to her and then outward. I'm not sure if the artist did it on purpose or it's something else.”

“It's who she was,” Rex said softly. “I wish you could have known her. You'd understand better.”

They looked at him with expectant interest.

Letting out a weary sigh, he said, “I'm not sure I can describe it properly. She was the center of this world.” As Rex gazed at the queen, a wistful smile formed. “Try removing her from the painting and tell me what you see.”

They raised eyebrows and attempted the exercise. Leia put a slender hand over the woman's image and sucked in a sharp breath. “It's not—how does that work?”

Luke’s eyes widened. “It's as if the light leaves the painting or something.”

“Perhaps, it's the bright yellow dress?” Leia’s voice was thoughtful, clearly trying to find a logical explanation. “Or, the way the shades of sunlight come from the top and spread horizontally? Removing a piece ruins the effect?” Her hand adjusted over the queen at various angles experimentally.

Her brother shook his head. “It's more than that. The background, the furniture, the faces, even the clothing—everything else is cast into shadows.”

“Not everything.” Rex pointed to the bottom left, where a small Ahsoka continued to grin brightly, as if generating her own personal ray of light.

They stared at the image of their aunt, mouths dropping open in unison. “Unbelievable,” Leia murmured.

Pulling his gaze away from the haunting image, Rex fixed serious eyes on them. “If you remember anything from this trip, remember your family as you see them here. This is who they truly were—before your grandmother died, before Palpatine, before everything… fell apart.” Flashing a weak smile, he added, “Ok, end of Uncle Rex’s lesson of the day.”

Luke’s expression turned impish. “I doubt it.”

“Ok, kid, you’ve done it now.” Rex grinned and put him in a headlock, digging knuckles into his scalp. The young man could easily escape the hold years since, but Rex continued the tradition.

Laughing, Luke quickly extricated himself, rubbing his head. “Are you ever going to stop doing that?”

“Nope.”

An amused voice came from the doorway, “You’ve got as much chance of that as getting him to stop calling you kid. Believe me.” Ahsoka strolled in, Obi-Wan behind her. She halted mid-step, grin fading, eyes fixed on the painting.

Leia’s fingers twitched and she rushed out, “We found it behind some crates in the passageway.”

Ahsoka floated forward, until she stood directly in front of it. A trembling hand reached out and ran gently over the faces, lingering on Anakin’s. She whispered, “I haven’t seen this in years.”

The twins looked at Rex, clear anxiety in their eyes. The man shook his head.

The group lapsed into silence, until Ahsoka suddenly refocused. Turning back to them, she smiled. “I’m glad you were able to see what they looked like. Did you find anything else interesting?”

Looking relieved, Leia responded, “No, only that. I’m not sure how it got behind some empty crates in a secret exit all by itself.”

A quiet voice said, “I put it there.”

Surprised faces darted toward Obi-Wan.

The man answered the unspoken question, “I came here a few days after Shili fell, looking for survivors and Ahsoka. I was unsuccessful, of course, but wanted to save something. Since I was on the run, I tried to preserve items I couldn’t bear to see looted by hiding them. This painting was one of those things.”

Ahsoka crossed to him and gripped his hand. “Thank you.”

He smiled at her. “No thanks needed. We’re family.” Then, Obi-Wan raised a snarky eyebrow. “Of course, I was most upset about not finding your mother’s bow. _Someone_ had beaten me to it.”

Flashing an impish grin, Ahsoka remarked, “Hmm… you can always fight Barriss for it.”

There was a snort. “I’d rather keep my life intact, thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. The idea of Rex, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka confronting their shared past together made me happy. Since these characters all have different experiences and viewpoints, taking the 'kids' to Shili and sharing them is kind of fulfilling. Outside of the story itself, it serves to recap some things for readers. Anyhow, one more chapter to finish off this part and then we're on to the post-rebellion world!


	4. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka Tano has awoken in a different reality.

Recovering from the initial shock, Ahsoka lifted her swords again. “Who are you?”

The surreal image flashed an engaging grin and Ahsoka shivered. It was the grin she remembered. “Well, I do believe you just identified me, my dear. Though, we can do it again if you like.”

Ahsoka's eyes narrowed. “My mother has been dead for nearly thirty years. You’re either a very good imposter or I’m dreaming.”

“Actually, there is a third option. However, do go on and test your theories. I’ll wait,” was the dry response.

Maintaining a wary gaze, she tried to think through the possibilities. Everyone else was still asleep, despite what was occurring around them. _I must be dreaming. I don’t feel like I am._ Of course, dreams sometimes felt like reality. _You don’t usually realize you’re in them, though. Unless I'm having a dream inside my dream. Really, Ahsoka? You're making your own head hurt._

The intruder was dressed in the leather garb of a royal huntmaster, sapphire-colored sash around her waist and dark blonde hair upswept into an elegant bun. She looked thirty at most. Except for the fierce blue eyes shining brightly, it wasn’t at all how Ahsoka pictured her mother. _If it’s a dream, shouldn’t I be seeing her as I knew her?_

Perhaps, this was real and everyone else had been incapacitated. _I felt strange when I woke up. Some kind of poison?_

The thought generated a wave of fear and Ahsoka rushed to Barriss. “What did you do to everyone?” She started shaking her wife. “Barriss, please wake up!”

“Ahsoka. Calm down.” The authoritative voice of a queen rang across the camp. “Now, please.”

She halted and flipped around to face her.

The woman gave a reassuring smile. “Barriss is fine. Everyone is fine. You’re working yourself up for no reason. Do you want me to tell you what’s going on or would you like to keep running around in chaos? I would recommend the first option, as we have limited time. I’d prefer to not waste it.”

 _This can’t be real. But, it feels so real._ “Ok, if you’re my mother, tell me…” She thought furiously for something no one else would know. “Tell me our secret hideout.”

A shrewd eyebrow raised. “Which one, my dear? We had three. You insisted we keep changing them to prevent ‘spies’ from finding us. I believe the last one was the convoree nesting area at the west end of the castle grounds.”

Ahsoka’s bottom lip started trembling. “Mom? It’s—you’re really—am I dreaming?”

The ghostly figure moved closer and placed a surprisingly solid hand on her face. “Yes and no. It’s difficult to explain.” The fingers began caressing her cheek. “I have missed you _so_ much.”

 _I don’t care if this is real or not._ Letting the swords fall to the ground, Ahsoka raised shaking hands and slid them around the woman. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”

She chuckled and wrapped arms around Ahsoka. “Always the fighter.”

Ahsoka smiled and leaned forward, laying a head on the luminescent shoulder. Gentle lips touched the side of her montrals. Then, Ahsoka realized the body she was holding was losing cohesion. Looking up, she saw the ethereal face fluctuating in and out. _No. Don’t go._

Her mother’s face filled with intense concentration and then solidified once more. “Sorry, I can only hold myself in this reality for limited periods. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to get your attention.”

Ahsoka's brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s not really important. We’re in a sort of netherworld, a world between worlds, which makes it easier for you to see me. There is a calculated cost to being here. Still, this moment makes it all worth it for me.”

Smiling ruefully, Ahsoka said, “This is beginning to remind me of a conversation with Barriss.”

The woman laughed. “By the way, I like her. Barriss, I mean. Your mother approves.”

The statement made Ahsoka's smile widen across her entire face. “Good.”

Tingling fingers stroked her cheek. “You have been so strong. You’ve built a new life, a new family, and soon a new world.”

Ahsoka's jaw dropped. “You know what’s going on here?” Voice trembling, she asked, “You know about… Anakin?”

Her mother’s expression filled with deep pain. “Yes. I can sometimes see people I love.” She met Ahsoka’s eyes. “I’m sorry for everything you had to endure, my brave girl.”

“It wasn’t your fault. Do you know about Luke and Leia, too?”

The woman nodded. “They are very special. Like their aunt.” She smiled affectionately. “I never was able to convince you of that as a child, but it's true.”

Heart swelling, she pushed back tears and made her voice light. “You sound like Luminara. She harasses me on an almost daily basis with the idea.”

A bright grin appeared as her mother glanced over at the sleeping woman. “I’m glad someone bothers to tell you.” Then, her eyes glinted. “Another point in my argument. Would Luminara be here right now if you didn’t exist?”

Dropping her gaze to the ground, Ahsoka didn’t answer.

The voice grew more insistent. “And, what about Obi-Wan? Your specialness impacted him years ago.”

Ahsoka jerked her head back up. “What?”

“I was so afraid for both of you.” Her expression floated away for a moment. “The day he showed back up in Shili and offered to teach you was when the fear left.”

“Um, I think he did that for you, Mom. It had nothing to do with me.”

Fierce blue eyes drilled into hers. “No. I was part of it, but he could have chosen many things to honor my memory. He chose you. Do you know why? Because, you made him happy. You gave him hope for the future. If you don’t believe me, ask him.”

Looking at a random piece of dirt on the ground, she shrugged. “If you say so.”

A hand lifted her chin with a sigh. “I can see I’m not going to be able to convince you this time around. But, you better believe, I won’t give up.”

“Does that mean I’ll see you again?” Ahsoka asked, excitement blossoming in her heart.

“I hope so. It’s hard to say. The circumstances have to be right. You also have to be in the right frame of mind.”

“What does that mean? Tell me what to do so I can make it happen.”

There was an engaging grin. “Why don’t you ask Barriss? I’m sure you can figure it out together.”

Ahsoka glared, but a reluctant smile crept up the sides of her face. “Maybe.”

She chuckled. “It’s just difficult to explain and I don’t want to spend all of our time talking about mystical Force things.”

Confusion morphed into unreal joy as she stared at the woman. _My mother is standing in front of me._

“Anyway, you'll get it eventually. I have faith in you. Just like the time you fought that rancor with your eyes closed. Or, was it hanging from a tree? It's so hard to keep the stories straight. Are you sure that really happened?” She winked.

Ahsoka gaped and then a happy smile spread across her face. _My mother has been watching me._ “You know a lot of stuff.”

A hand traced across her montrals. “Of course. Why would I bother with all of this if I couldn’t keep an eye on my incredible daughter?” The woman continued intently, “Ahsoka, I hope you know that I am very proud of you. I already thought you were special, but you have exceeded even my highest expectations. You are truly magnificent.”

This time she couldn’t stop the tears. _My mother is proud of me._ Slender arms pulled Ahsoka close and she returned her head to the ethereal shoulder. “I really have missed you a lot, Mom.”

“I know. I’ve missed you terribly, as well. Being able to see you, but not do anything to help has tested my soul, especially when you were in pain. Fortunately, right when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, you rose above it all. Or, someone I loved would show up to take care of you. Gods, it made me happy.”

“You sound like Barriss.” Pulling back to look at her, she added, “I wish you could meet her. She is amazing.”

Her mother grinned. “Oh, I know she is. I told you I’ve been watching you, didn’t I? Since you’ve been with Barriss most of your life, I know her almost as well as I know you now!”

Sudden horror attacked Ahsoka. Terrifying images of her mother standing nearby as amorous encounters with Barriss unfolded began flooding her mind. She sputtered, “Um, when you say watching… do you mean—not like _everything,_ right?” _Please, please say no._

There was a snort. “Not that closely, Ahsoka. Besides, I’m your mother. If it got remotely close to that sort of thing, I disappeared immediately in panic.”

Ahsoka's heart rate slowed it's chaotic thumping. “Just checking. That’s all I needed to ruin my sanity. Everytime Barriss and I so much as kissed, I’d be worried about you standing in the corner of the room or something!”

Her mother laughed. “No way, no how.”

“Excellent.”

A mischievous smile formed. “Though, I did witness many of your clumsy attempts to pretend you weren’t hopelessly in love with her.”

She cringed. “Oh.”

“Honestly, when Rex showed up I’m pretty sure I reached a new level of eternal peace. I couldn’t take anymore of you two. You should have seen how Barriss gazed in abject longing everytime your back was turned. I wanted to strangle you both.”

“Well,” Ahsoka replied somewhat defensively, “that’s easy to say when you aren’t the one having a mental breakdown.”

She chuckled. “Very true, my dear. Fortunately, my valiant hero saved the day once again.”

Ahsoka grinned. “He does that a lot.”

The woman’s expression softened as she glanced over to where Rex was slumbering with Asajj on his chest. “Yes, he does. I was so glad when he found you again. That's when I knew, between the three of you, everything would be alright.”

A sense of utter happiness started pouring into Ahsoka’s soul. “You are the best mother in existence.”

The woman looked back, surprised reluctance crossing her face. “I don’t know about that. I should have done more for you. I shouldn’t have left you all.”

Ahsoka grabbed her hands. “You didn’t leave on purpose.”

“I could have done more to prevent it. Luminara’s warning was very clear. I was too overconfident and reckless with my life. It never occurred to me, if I did happen to die, how wrong things could go. Everything fell apart, because I didn’t do more to prepare everyone.”

Ahsoka shook a vehement head. “No. We are the ones who failed you. After you died, we stopped being a family. You did prepare us. We just didn’t listen. And, I wasn't strong enough to fix things,” she ended dejectedly.

The woman pulled the joined hands up, interlocking their fingers and placing them on Ahsoka’s cheeks. “Absolutely _never_ say that again. It wasn’t your job to fix things. It never was. Please, let that go. Your father and brother made their own choices.” Her eyes flashed with restrained anger and then aching sadness. They closed briefly, before reopening with a shining intensity. “Just as you did. And, I am so proud of the woman you chose to become.”

Blinking back tears, Ahsoka smiled. “Thanks.” Pulling the hands from her face and gripping them, she continued, “But, you left me everything I needed. You taught me so much. And, everyone you see around me now is connected to you, one way or another. Even Barriss came from Luminara. So, you see? You really are the best mother in existence.”

The woman gazed at her for a moment and then a soft smile formed. “You are so special, my dear.” Suddenly, she started fluctuating in and out of reality again. “Oh no. I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka’s heart clenched. “Please, don’t go!”

A partially vanishing hand touched her cheek. “I’m never gone, my special girl. Remember, I’m always here. I love you…” The woman faded from existence.

 _No._ Ahsoka remained unmoving, arms still outstretched toward the empty air as tears rolled down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. Wonder where Gabby is going with this plotline? She's so weird sometimes.


	5. PART I: REMEMBRANCE - Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiny: It's time to shape the future.

“Do you mind if I explore here some more?” Luke asked.

Ahsoka raised amused eyebrows. “Let me guess, you want to look for the supposed secret passageway in the great hall.”

There was a diffident grin. “Maybe.”

Chuckling, she turned to Leia. “What about you? Would you rather search or see something else?”

The young woman shook her head. “It’ll be dark soon and I want to see the grounds, especially where you and Barriss met. Besides, solving impossible mysteries is definitely Luke’s thing.”

Shooting a quick glare at his sister, he looked back to Ahsoka. “I’m fine going with you, as well. I don’t mind.”

Ahsoka smiled. “No, I want you both to see what you want. We’re here for you. I’ll take Leia over the grounds. You can always catch up with us, if you get bored.”

Luke’s face lit up. “Thanks!”

Obi-Wan strolled over to the young man. “I’ll hang out with Luke. That way I can provide mysterious, vague, and unhelpful commentary as he searches.”

They all chuckled and Ahsoka turned to Rex. “What about you?”

Rex seemed thoughtful. “You all go on. I want to hit a few places I didn’t get to the last couple of times and see what I can find.”

Ahsoka nodded. “Alright, we’re all set. Let’s meet back in the great hall at dusk and we’ll make camp here for the night. Plus, I imagine we’ll be done well before Luke finds this passage of destiny.”

There was an offended cry, “Ye of little faith! You just wait. You’re all going to have to apologize, when you get back.”

Ahsoka laughed and said warmly, “I don’t doubt it. In fact, I expect no less from my amazing nephew.”

_______

“Any clues?” Luke asked hopefully.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “That would defeat the purpose.”

“It wouldn’t defeat my purpose,” Luke replied with a grin.

The man chuckled. “I’ll tell you this. Logic combined with instinct is needed.”

Bright blue eyes turned thoughtful and Luke moved to the back of the great hall, feeling carefully along the stonework.

Obi-Wan observed the process, chest thumping. Luke was on the wrong side of the room for the moment. Still, the determination and intensity were clear. _He might just find it._ The thought of what awaited the young man in the passageway caused a satisfied smile to creep onto Obi-Wan’s face.

_______

Rex tossed away broken stone and splintered wood over and over again, until reaching a depressingly bare ground. _Still nothing._ Slumping down, he rested bloodied hands on his knees. _I thought I’d found the right spot this time._

Surveying the surrounding area Rex ran through his mental map of the city. _This has to be it. The shop was right there and the square was only one street over._

Dread twisted his stomach. _Maybe… it was looted? Taken years ago? You might be searching in vain._

 _No._ He leapt up and threw his shoulders back. _It doesn’t matter. You keep fighting until the war is lost._ Wiping hands on his pants, Rex moved to the next closest pile of rubble to begin again.

_______

“Well, here we are. Barriss scaled down this tower into my waiting arms,” Ahsoka announced with dramatic flair.

Leia gazed up the still standing wall. “Wow, that’s a long way.”

“Yep. Your aunt is nothing if not impressive.”

Her brown eyes were contemplative. “It’s so strange to think about you both never meeting if the timing had been even slightly different.”

“I suppose so, now that you mention it,” Ahsoka replied thoughtfully. “I never really considered it like that. That’s probably true of much of our early relationship. We ran into each other coincidentally on more than one occasion.”

“Yes, exactly. It’s as if… you were meant to be.” The young woman shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “How did you figure that out?”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. She had a strong suspicion on why Leia was so interested in this question. “I didn’t. It’s not like I had a moment of complete clarity, where I magically knew it was destiny or something. I just knew Barriss was important to me and I didn’t want to lose her. It was still a lot of work to achieve that. We went through some rough spots. Even once we admitted we were in love, it’s not like everything was perfect. Commitment is risk. But, it’s the only way to know what is possible.”

Her niece’s face was impassive, but she nodded.

Moving closer, Ahsoka put hands on her shoulders. “You only need two things, Leia—understanding what you want and then commitment to see it through. It took awhile for us to realize who we were individually and that those people never wanted to be apart. After that came, the second part was an easy decision. Of course, keeping that commitment requires work, especially when things hurt. But, if both people are dedicated to that goal, it’s nearly impossible to fail.”

Leia’s arms folded across her chest and she stared at the ground. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Lifting the delicate chin, Ahsoka met her eyes. “You are capable of seeing anything through, my determined niece. The only thing you need to decide is if doing so is truly what you want.”

Uncertain eyes gazed back for a long moment and then slender arms slid around her. “Thanks, Aunt Ahsoka.”

Kissing the top of her head, she commented, “No need to thank me for telling the truth, my dear.”

Leia released her hold with a small grin. “So, what about the infamous pit?”

The woman laughed. “It’s out in the woods. Come on, we’ll see if I can find it without managing to fall in this time.”

_______

Luke stood motionless in the center of the hall, scanning every inch of space. Then, his face relaxed, eyelids drifting shut. Abruptly, they flipped open and he strode forward to the front corner and ran excited fingers over the stones.

Obi-Wan raised astonished eyebrows and straightened in anticipation.

There was a delighted cry as screeching stones shifted for the first time in years. Luke spun around to Obi-Wan with pure joy on his face.

A wide smile spread. “You, my boy, are brilliant.” Crossing to the opening, he picked up one of the torches, lighting it and then handing it to Luke. “You first.”

Satisfaction mixed with bashful pride on the boyish face. Taking the torch, he turned back to the passageway and stepped inside.

_______

Increasing the rapidity of his movements as a glint of metal flashed, Rex uncovered the tantalizing object. _Please._ Shifting a last, large piece of rock, he dropped to his knees and picked up the battered falchion sword.

Rex pulled out his dagger and carefully scraped a layer of rust and grime from the hilt. Examining the now visible design beneath, a slow, joyful smile lit his soul.

_______

“I guess we owe Luke an apology,” Leia commented as they stood in front of the open passageway door.

Ahsoka stared. _Unbelievable._ “You know, I really thought Obi-Wan was making this up. I can’t believe I never knew this was here. No one ever mentioned it the entire time I was growing up!”

Her niece chuckled. “From what you’ve said, I suspect you avoided the great hall like the plague. It was probably only shared with royal court members who spent significant time here, in case of emergencies. We had one in Alderaan that only a handful of people knew about. Even other household members didn’t.”

“I suppose.” She shrugged. “I definitely avoided every political event I could manage. Actually, I tried to spend as little time as possible inside the castle at all. I can find my way blindfolded through the grounds, but there are parts of the castle I’ve probably never seen. When I was here, I always wanted to be somewhere else.”

Leia pursed her lips. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” She ran absent fingers over the gem in her sword hilt. “Perhaps, it made me feel closed in, trapped in a destiny I didn’t want. And, after my mother died things were—it isn’t that I didn’t love my family or care about my people. Still, this place just never felt like… home.”

A delicate hand stopped Ahsoka’s circling fingers and gripped them.

Smiling softly at her, Ahsoka continued, “You know, when Shili was destroyed, I felt wasteful. I guess I never appreciated what I had, until it was gone. Later, I realized it wasn’t the place itself that I mourned. It was the people, the culture, the entire idea of Shili—what should have been that no longer was.” The words took on a new life in her soul. _I can’t fix the past, but maybe I can restore what was lost._

“I understand, sort of.” The intense eyes softened. “I mean I loved my home, but when I think back, it’s my parents, my people, what Alderaan represented that I miss. Not the place itself.”

Ahsoka squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to depress us both.”

Blinking back tears, the girl smiled. “It’s alright. I like when you talk about things. It makes me feel better.”

Raising dubious eyebrows, Ahsoka said, “I have no idea why. But, if that’s the case, I’ll have to depress you more often.”

There was a snort in response.

Turning back to the open entryway, Ahsoka asked, “Well, should we follow them or wait out here?”

“Oh, I definitely think we should go in. Luke is probably examining every piece of rock, reveling in his accomplishment. We could be out here for hours.”

Ahsoka laughed and grabbed a torch from one of the holders. “Ok, let’s see what secret destiny awaits, my dear.”

_______

“Woah.” The broad sword hung magnificently on the stone wall, free of its protective draping. Luke reached out a tentative hand, running fingers over the ancient engravings edging the metal blade. Then, his eyes fixated on the translucent, ice blue stone melded into the center of the hilt’s design. “Double woah.”

“It was your father’s,” Obi-Wan said gently.

Luke jerked his head around. “Oh.” He was silent for a moment and then asked, “How did it get here?”

Obi-Wan clenched fists. “After Anakin joined Palpatine, I tried to intervene—to bring him back to his senses. I don’t know what I expected, but it didn’t work. However, as a result of the confrontation, I ended up with his sword.” Forcing tight fingers to uncurl, he put a hand on the young shoulder. “When I arrived in Shili, I hid it here… for you.”

A mixture of emotions raced across Luke’s face. “You wanted me to find this passageway. It was a test. A test to see if I was worthy of the sword.”

“Yes and no. You are already worthy. This sword is your birthright. It has been passed down to every generation of Shili royals, since its founding. However, I did want to see if you were ready to wield it. It is a powerful weapon—expertly crafted from the finest steel, enhanced with an adaptable hilt, and has tensile strength ten times over standard. Yet, it’s still balanced to perfection and flies effortlessly in battle. Legend says it molds itself to the wielder. This sword can cause great destruction or great salvation. It should only be in the hands of a special warrior. Someone who understands the responsibility of life and death it can inflict. Becoming that person requires patience, hope, determination, and wisdom. Qualities you displayed in abundance by finding this place.”

Tears welled up and Luke looked back to the sword. “What if I’m not sure I’m the one to carry it?”

A hoarse voice rang out, “You are.”

Both men flipped around to see Ahsoka and Leia standing outside the small space carved into the side of the passage.

Ahsoka strode forward and gazed at the sword. “Master, you are always full of surprises. I never thought I’d see this again.”

“Well, I like to keep you on your toes,” Obi-Wan replied with a wry grin.

Happy eyes shined back at him. “Feel free to keep it up.” Then, she turned to Luke. “This sword belongs to the royal line of Shili. That is you and Leia. Either of you are already worthy to carry it.”

Leia cleared her throat. “Uh, since, I’m not a warrior and that thing looks heavier than a gundark, I’m going to pass. Besides, what Obi-Wan said is true. My brother is meant for this sword.” She met Luke’s eyes encouragingly.

The young man still looked uncertain. “I’m not you, Aunt Ahsoka. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have it?”

“You’re right. You are wiser than I’ll ever be, my amazing nephew,” she replied, fierce eyes blazing. “The fact that you’re unsure about carrying it is exactly why you should. The moment you don’t feel the weight of what it can do, put it away.”

He gazed back at her, face fluctuating, and then straightened his shoulders with a tight nod. Turning to the sword, Luke undid the bindings and took it down.

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan stepped out of the opening to give him space.

Luke stared at it for a moment, gripping hands around the hilt. Then, he removed the partial sheath and weaved it back and forth, testing the balance and movement. A small, happy smile formed on his face. Raising it in a defensive posture, Luke performed a couple of small swings. The smile grew wider and shining eyes darted over to them. “Wow.”

_______

“Ready?” Rex gripped her shoulder.

Ahsoka nodded and mounted her horse. “It’s time to go home.”

As the others trotted out what remained of the castle gates, she pulled back around to gaze across the broken landscape. _One day, Ahsoka Tano, you’ll make this right. Not now. But, one day… you will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal here was to foreshadow both Ahsoka's decision to rebuild Shili at the end of WIAB as well as Luke's decision to try to save his father in ch. 54 of WIAB. The reference to Leia dealing with what she wants ties into the yet to be finished off FE storyline. Finally, Obi-Wan being able to rectify his mistakes with Anakin by doing a better job with Luke was another theme I wanted to hint at from a story not yet told. As for what Rex was looking for (and apparently found), we'll have to wait and see. However, knowing Rex, I'd have to guess it wasn't for him... 
> 
> Now, we are hopefully set to jump straight into ch. 55 of WIAB and beyond, i.e. the post-Palpatine world.


	6. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka Tano has woken back up in her reality.

The air shimmered and Ahsoka was sitting on her bedroll, staring into a flickering campfire. _What just happened? Was that a dream? It was so real._

She continued to gaze at the fire as sad happiness permeated her heart. The tingling sensation began fading from her body. Then, it died completely and Ahsoka began to cry.

A hand gripped her shoulder. She smiled through the tears, but didn't feel able to speak.

Barriss’ concerned face appeared as the woman knelt in front of her. “What's wrong?”

Ahsoka shook a head, still too overwhelmed to even attempt a response.

There was silence for a moment and then gentle fingers stroked her cheek. “Ok, I'll wait.”

Trying to regain some control, Ahsoka took a deep breath. Then, panic started rising as she realized the memories were inching out of focus. _No, I won't forget. I can't. Please, don't leave me._

Now, two hands gripped her face. “Ahsoka, what's going on? Please, I don't know what to do.”

Fixing on the piercing blue, Ahsoka whispered, “I think I saw my mother. But, the memories are getting fuzzy. Please, _help_ me. Don't let them go.”

Barriss’ eyes widened in confused worry and then settled into determination. Tightening her grip, she said, “Alright, tell me everything you can remember, quickly. That way, if you forget, I won't. Ok?”

Tears came more freely. “Gods, I love you.”

There was a happy smile and then Barriss waited expectantly.

Leaning into her wife’s chest, Ahsoka started talking.

_______

Unable to fall asleep, Barriss tightened her embrace around a peacefully slumbering Ahsoka and stared up into the night sky. Her wife’s story had been strange, but somehow convincing. It was probably a dream. _Still…_

Feeling a strange urge to experiment, she closed her eyes and relaxed. Barriss concentrated on centering her mind, until she achieved a familiar state of calm focus and then whispered, “If you’re out there, don’t worry. I’ll take care of her. Always.”

“I know, my dear,” came a faint reply.

Flipping her eyes open, Barriss sent them careening around the area. There was nothing. _Uh, did I imagine that?_ “Alright then. I don’t know if I’ve lost it or there’s a dead woman hovering over us, right now. Either option is a bit panic-inducing, but I’m just going to go with it.”

There was no response. _Barriss, you have issues._

Ahsoka murmured and adjusted her position on Barriss’ chest, a sleepy grin on her face.

She gazed at her wife, running tender fingers over the white markings, until sleep finally came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm...


	7. PART II: CHILD - Long Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long Shadows: While on a mission, long-repressed memories surface and start Luminara Unduli on an emotional journey.
> 
> [0PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART TWO: CHILD
> 
> As rebuilding begins, long-ignored issues surface. Luminara and Obi-Wan finally face the loss that drove them apart. Barriss questions who she has become, but finds much more. Ahsoka pulls together everything she's learned to reach a new level of amazing.
> 
> [Set during the final chapter of WIAB (55) and post TF, LS, PiP, FE, Complicated, and 99% of LBtS]

_Stop._ Luminara Unduli braced herself against the gnarled tree, chest heaving. _Think about something else. Please._

Strong hands grabbed her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

Dragging her gaze up the anxious girl, she tried to respond, “Give… minute.”

The worry remained, but Ahsoka nodded. She released her grip and fell silent.

Her eye squeezed shut as Luminara attempted to banish the excruciating turmoil, but it only intensified. _You need to lock it away. No! I can handle this._ Terrible images raged in blinding flashes. _Just until you get away from here. No. I won’t risk it._ Her mind tried to navigate through a nightmare, harrowing cliffs lining every turn. _I can’t get out!_ Reason slipped away inch by terrifying inch and desperation rolled across her soul. _It’s your only option. I… have to. I can’t handle this._

Straightening, Luminara slammed the door and moved outside of herself. The blitz of images began flying away from conscious thought as comforting blankness replaced the torment.

“No!” Forceful hands crushed her shoulders, fingers digging into the throbbing muscles. “Don’t you dare!”

Luminara’s eye flipped open and saw a panicked Ahsoka.

“I know that look. I never want to see it again, from Barriss or from you. That’s not who you are anymore. _Please,_ don’t.”

The rare fear in the normally unwavering blue eyes brought the emotions crashing back in agonizing waves. Doubling over, Luminara slid down the tree. “C-can’t…”

Ahsoka crouched down and coiled strong arms around her. “Maybe you can’t, but _we_ can. You aren’t alone. I’m here. I promise I’m not going anywhere. So, don’t you leave me. Just try, please.”

A sliver of hope emerged from the agonizing cloud. As it grew, Luminara recovered a modicum of control and the pain receded enough to catch her breath. “I’ll… try.”

The almost suffocating embrace loosened as the girl let out a deep breath. “Thank you. Don’t worry. Everything will be alright.”

_______

Ahsoka finished lighting the fire and then forced her tensed muscles to relax. They had left the area that had sent Luminara careening into insanity without further incident. The woman looked calmer and the lines of pain etched into the worn face had faded.

Despite the apparent recovery, Ahsoka’s anxiety still pitched high. Luminara's attempt to revert to her old self—the emotionless, detached, empty shell of a woman trapped in her own mind—had scared the living force out of Ahsoka. _Gods, it must have been really bad. There's no way I'm ever letting that happen again. I won't lose her._

Determined resolve solidified and Ahsoka settled beside Luminara, taking the still trembling hand. “Tell me what’s going on.”

The slender fingers twitched. “I’m sorry I worried you. I didn't know what else to do.”

“It’s ok. Believe me, I’ve had some intense meltdowns,” she said with an encouraging smile. “But, that doesn’t answer my question. We’re doing this together, remember? Please, trust me to help.”

The gaze darted up and Luminara placed her other hand on Ahsoka’s cheek. “I do trust you, my dear. I’m just afraid of losing control again.”

“That's why I'm here. Trust me to deal with it. I can and I will.” Ahsoka paused thoughtfully. “Maybe, it’s also you don’t want to talk about it? Because, that means thinking about it. That’s what Barriss says to me anyway, when I’m holding back. She’s usually right.”

Luminara stared. “Perhaps. Unfortunately, it’s all I have in my head at the moment.”

“Then, we’re already ahead of the game, aren’t we? Let’s see how much further we can go. If it gets to be too much, we’ll call it a day. What do you say?” She gave the woman an engaging grin. _Please, let this work._

The fingers laying on Ahsoka’s cheek pressed into her skin and then released as a wan smile appeared. “Alright, we'll give it a try.” Her expression floated into distant misery. “That place was where something terrible happened a very long time ago. I didn’t even realize where we were, until I saw the oddly-shaped, burnt tree at the edge of the clearing. It was like I was there again. I wasn’t prepared for any of it.”

“I understand. That happens to me sometimes.” She hesitated, before asking as gently as possible, “What happened there?”

The hand she was holding went rigid. Luminara opened her mouth and a strange choking sound came out, which soon turned into desperate gasps.

 _Ok, Ahsoka. You can handle this. What does she need? No clue._ Her mind wandered instinctively toward an answer. _Don’t overthink it. Just be yourself._ She pulled Luminara into her arms. “It’s going to be alright. Just say it. Once it’s out, we can go from there. One step at a time, ok?”

A rolling cry emanated from the shuddering woman. “It-it’s where I… k-killed our child.”

 _What?!_ Thoughts tumbled out of her mind. _Child? Obi-Wan’s? When? How? Killed? Not possible._ Trying to keep her voice even, she replied, “I won’t say I understand what you mean, but let’s keep going. Can you tell me how it happened?”

The woman stuttered, “I-I had a mission. It was supposed to be low risk. I p-promised Obi-Wan I would-wouldn’t do anything dangerous, while I was pregnant. But, it all went wrong and I—” A sob drowned out the words.

 _Oh Gods. This is it. The reason for everything._ Ahsoka had picked up bits of history over the years, but never a satisfying reason for why Luminara had gone over the edge and Obi-Wan had apparently given up. Reconciling that with the people she knew had always seemed impossible. Now, pieces began falling into place. _It’s so… terrible._ Feeling a bit overcome with the horrifying clarity, Ahsoka had to push back her own tears as deep grief flowed out of the woman she was holding.

The sobs began to quiet and there was silence for a long time. Finally, Luminara rushed out, “I was injured and we—our child didn’t get a life and neither did we.”

Ahsoka had no idea what to say. There were so many problems it was difficult to know where to start. The loss of a child was clearly hurt that would never die. The blame and resulting bad choices leading to years of torment for everyone involved made it a mess of intertwined issues. _Where is Barriss when I need her?_

Clearing her throat, Ahsoka said, “I’m sorry. I wish I could make it better. I don’t know how. But, you don’t have to deal with it all by yourself. And, ignoring it—” She desperately searched for a way to communicate her own experience. “When I lost everything, it was so hard to talk about stuff. I tried to pretend things were fine and I almost lost myself. Barriss got me to open up. It took years for me to realize how important that was. I’m not sure if this makes any sense.”

There was another long silence and Ahsoka could feel the muscles calm and release beneath her. Then, Luminara leaned back with a weak smile. “You _are_ talking to the woman that defined ignoring the problem. And, you’re right. I’m not good at remembering that. Old habits, I suppose.” Her smile dropped. “I’m not certain I’m strong enough to handle it, though.”

Ahsoka moved hands to her face and gripped it. “You are. I _know_ you are.” Feeling sudden inspiration, she added, “Though, it doesn’t matter, either way. Let me tell you a story.”

The woman lifted an eyebrow.

“Stick with me here. Ok, I don’t know how much you know about the past, but Barriss and I—after Cardota, we weren’t in a very good place. Still, she saved my life and took me home to Shili. I had run away…” Ahsoka’s mind dove into terrible memories.

Luminara pulled Ahsoka's hands down and locked their fingers. “I know. It’s—” she halted with a wan expression. “I was about to tell you it wasn’t your fault, but I’m sure you’d say the same to me.”

She grinned. “Damn right, I would. We’ll argue about that later, though. Right now, I really want you to see something else. I’m just not sure if I can communicate it properly.”

“Alright.” Luminara squeezed their hands. “Keep going. I promise I’ll do my best.”

“You better,” she replied lightly, “I’m not going through my worst memories for nothing here.”

That got her an impish eyebrow. “Have faith, my dear.”

Ahsoka smiled. “Always.” Taking a deep breath, she pressed on. “So, when I found Shili in ruins and everyone I cared about apparently dead, I didn't—it was like walking through a fog that wasn’t my life. I couldn’t process it. My entire world had crumbled while I wasn’t looking. I felt guilty, furious, alone, miserable, and everything at once, really.”

A thumb rubbed over their interlocked fingers. “Understandable.”

“All I kept thinking was I had to be strong, had to keep going. I didn’t want to show any of it, so I couldn’t deal with what I was feeling. It’s a habit that still haunts me and probably drives Barriss crazy.” She tried a grin that didn’t quite come.

“Ahsoka, remember what I said about my old habits? Believe me, I understand.”

Calmed by the soothing tone, she continued more confidently, “I was shutting down. Sometimes, I wonder if it wasn’t a path of no return. I don’t know what would have happened. Point is, I was on the edge and falling off, when Barriss pulled me back. She said I didn’t have to be strong all the time. There was no need.” Ahsoka locked intent eyes on Luminara. “That’s why she was there, to make up the difference.”

The woman gazed at her, but didn’t respond.

“So, listen to the girl you raised to be the wisest woman on the planet. You are strong, but you don’t have to be all the time. You have a family now and that’s what we’re here for, to…?” she trailed off with an inviting lilt.

A quiet voice answered, “To make up the difference. Alright, special girl, I’ll try to remember.”

Ahsoka smiled happily. “You better.”

_______

“How are things, my ever-working child? We haven't gotten a chance to chat, since I returned.”

“Nothing major to report.” Barriss crossed her arms and leaned against the sitting room door. “Our military campaign against what remains of Palpatine’s forces is progressing well. However, I just finished meeting with Mon Mothma about the current state of our humanitarian and diplomatic efforts. There’s still a great deal of work to do with more appearing everyday.”

“There always is,” Luminara replied dryly. “A new world can’t be built overnight.”

“Try telling that to the multitude of kingdoms demanding immediate assistance and expecting miracles.” She blew a breath through tight lips. “When I handed off my public duties, I thought I could fade into the background and concentrate on logistics. Unfortunately, it hasn’t come to fruition. On top of that, Mon now thinks I should make public appearances to show support for critical allies facing challenging political situations and a frustrated populace.”

 _Her eyes are so… drained._ “Barriss, you’ve been doing too much for too long. There are many adept people now available. Can’t someone else take over some of your work?”

“Yes and no. My logistics and coordination staff are able, but still require a good deal of detail-level attention. They’ll become more expert over time, I hope. The political end, on the other hand, requires near immersion to manage effectively. There are very few people who can handle it and they’re all just as busy as me. Why do you think I keep sending the Master of all Master Negotiators out to assuage the masses?” She gave an apologetic smile.

“Well, I can’t say I don’t wish Obi-Wan was home more. However, I did marry a legend, so there’s only myself to blame.” Luminara chuckled. “Besides, we would both do anything to help you. Don’t concern yourself with us, please. In fact, I could help train some of your staff, if you believe it would be useful?”

Barriss seemed to hesitate, but then nodded. “Thanks, it might. I have a couple of promising protégés in logistics. They would benefit from advanced training that I don’t have time to give them. Especially now, since I’m apparently going to be occupied trotting out my mythical charms elsewhere.”

“There is really no one else that can fill that role?” _This is ridiculous. She can’t continue to be a living legend forever._

Abstracted eyes gazed at a some imaginary point in the air. “The only other person who rates state appearances is the Lady Jedi. You know how much Ahsoka hates that sort of thing. She did offer to take some off my plate. However, according to Mon, most require both of us.”

“I’m surprised she and her cadre of high-profile leaders can’t handle those. They carry quite a bit of weight with the general populace.”

“They already brought in Leia, who is Mon’s go-to for politically dicey situations. Her leadership skills, Rebellion role, and being a surviving princess of Alderaan give her a high level of credibility with a wide range of people. Apparently, it wasn’t enough. We’re not certain Ahsoka and I will even make a difference. Really, I’m more afraid everyone will start to demand the same attention. It's starting to feel as if I’ll never be free of the role.” She rubbed a shaky hand over her forehead. “Apparently, the Lady of Rebellion is needed more now than _before_ we freed the world.”

Luminara rose from her armchair and swiftly crossed the room. Gripping the exhausted face, she pressed lips to Barriss’ forehead. “Keep working at it. They’ll wean off of you, eventually. You’ve been a symbol of hope for a long time. They have to learn to create their own again and that takes time.”

The girl sagged against Luminara’s shoulder. “I hope so. You’re right that I’m more tired than usual, lately. It’s made me kind of…”

Running fingers through her child’s dark tresses, she said, “Go on. Kind of what?”

“Too introspective or something. It almost feels like I’m a stranger in my own life—changing as needed, being anything that is required of me. I spent the first part as a spy always on a mission and the second on a mission to free the world. It would be nice to spend the rest as something else. I want to just be… me.”

 _Interesting._ “And, who you are is different than what you’ve been?”

There was a heavy sigh. “I wish I knew. I didn’t used to think so. The last few months have begun to make me doubt it.”

“Hmm… I’m not certain how to make it better, my dear. Only you can decide who you’re meant to be.” She considered. “If you could do anything you wanted right now, what would it be?”

“It’s hard to say. I do enjoy my work and making a difference. At the same time, I want to spend more time with my family, maybe even add to it. It would be nice to raise a child without threat of death, betrayal, or constant upheaval. Perhaps, I’d like to finally make a permanent home, be a mother and a teacher—something quiet, but meaningful? Still, that doesn’t seem like an answer to who I am.”

“Have you talked about this with Ahsoka?”

“No, I've barely seen her for weeks. Besides, it's hardly worth discussing. It’s just restlessness. I wouldn’t have thought to mention it now, except this morning’s meeting put it in mind. Perhaps, I’m simply burnt out and it’s making me overthink my life.”

Luminara kissed the head on her shoulder. “Well, you know you can always talk to me. If it helps, I’m very proud of the incredible things you’ve accomplished. You’ve already achieved more than most do in an entire lifetime, myself included. However, I am even more proud that you’re thinking about what you want, for once. You truly are my amazing child.”

“Thanks,” was the soft reply. Then, piercing blue eyes lifted. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to digress into existential angst. I actually came to find you, because I had something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Of course, my dear. What is it?”

Her gaze flickered and darted around the room for a moment. “How about a walk?”

Luminara smiled and took her arm. “Sounds lovely.”

_______

“So, what shall we discuss?”

They had reached the top of the spire overlooking the main city. Barriss exhaled and sat down, propping her back against a stone perimeter wall. “I’m not sure you will…”

Settling down beside her, Luminara shifted, unable to get comfortable. _I miss sitting in the grass._ Being in Coruscant again, living in the former Emperor's palace no less, was off-putting. Luminara missed the freedom of exploring nature around each new rebel base. It was ironic, given most of her life had been spent in darkened corners, stark compounds, or Palpatine’s dungeon. This city had been her base of operations for years. If anything, it should at least feel familiar. Yet, it didn't. _I hate it here._ Finally finding a manageable position, she said, “I’ll talk about whatever you need to talk about, my dear.”

Barriss took Luminara’s hand, holding it between her own. She gazed at the fingers clasped between her palms. “It’s not what I need to talk about. It’s what I think you do.” Anxious eyes jumped to hers.

“Oh.” _You should have expected this._ “What did Ahsoka tell you?”

“Nothing, actually. In the two days since you've both returned, Ahsoka’s been distracted. It seems related to you. At dinner, her eyes follow you, as if she’s waiting to be needed. Clearly, something happened that neither of you are talking about.”

Warmth at Ahsoka respecting her privacy and evidently caring enough for it to be noticeable fought against the rising panic of the impending discussion. “I see.”

The hands tightened around her fingers. “Please, tell me what’s going on. If Ahsoka is worried, I’m definitely worried.”

Looking away, Luminara whispered, “I don’t know if I can handle talking about it.”

“Yes, you can,” was the firm response.

Shifting attention back to Barriss, Luminara saw the determined belief in her child’s eyes. _She believes in you again. Don’t ruin it._ Interweaving fingers into the ones around them, she said, “Alright, my amazing girl, I’ll try. For you.”

A smile crept onto Barriss’ face. She shifted into a cross-legged position, not releasing her grip, and waited expectantly.

Swallowing hard, Luminara pushed forward. “How much do you know about why Obi-Wan and I originally separated?”

There was a sharp breath. “The basic outline. Obi-Wan told me a long time ago, back when we thought you were d-dead.” Her voice trembled, but the expression remained impassive.

“So, you know about… the baby?” Luminara resisted the urge to jump up and flee the area. _Stay in control._

“Yes,” she answered quietly, “is that why—is that related to what happened on your trip?”

Giving a short nod, Luminara replied, “Our mission took us through a place I hadn’t seen since… it was where it happened. Unfortunately, I had a bit of a meltdown.” She added wanly, “Ahsoka had her hands full, I’m afraid.”

Barriss’ eyes widened. “I see.” Her expression floated away, fluctuating strangely. Then, she seemed to shake herself. “So, did you talk about it with her?”

“I explained what happened there, but that’s as far as we went.”

An eyebrow lifted. “I’m impressed. No offense, but it’s not easy getting you to talk about things.”

Luminara snorted. “None taken.” A soft smile formed. “Actually, Ahsoka did quite well. Of course, she claimed her expertise came from you.”

Barriss stared down at their clasped hands. “She always overvalues my advice.”

“I doubt that. It was definitely effective for her and for me.”

“In that case,” Barriss said, looking back up, “what was the decided outcome?”

Luminara shifted her position once again, before saying, “I’m supposed to remember to not ignore the problem. Apparently, you told her trying to be strong and handling everything yourself is irrational, when you have people who love you to… make up the difference.”

“Well then,” the girl replied with a pleased expression, “that sounds like excellent advice. Shall we try it out?”

She chuckled, in spite of the pain still stabbing her heart. “I love you, my amazing child.”

“Good,” Barriss murmured and then leaned forward into Luminara’s chest. “Now, tell me what you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter how it comes out. Just start talking. We’ll work through it as it comes. Alright?”

An unexpected sense of confidence spread over Luminara. _Perhaps, I actually can do this._ Kissing the top of her child’s head, she began to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two begins!
> 
> This section finishes off threads from TF and PIP, while acquainting us with a post-Palpatine world. It also sets the stage for future parts and introduces a couple of new faces. 
> 
> *Many thanks to MelisandreStark, who sparked my inspiration to expand on "the baby" plotline. Thank you for being such a thoughtful reader/commenter! I hope you enjoy the result!*


	8. PART II: CHILD - Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too Much: Barriss discovers an uncomfortable reality and Obi-Wan returns home

“I don’t know why, but I always underestimate how much I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

“Mmm…” Ahsoka pulled Barriss tighter, rubbing warm lips against the back of her neck. “Maybe, you should stop insisting I prioritize the world over you, then.”

“I’m giving it serious consideration these days.” She absently stroked the arm holding her, thoughts growing in and out of focus. _Gods, I can’t even concentrate on a simple conversation anymore._ “I feel like we haven’t spent time together in weeks. And, I hate sleeping alone.”

“It _has_ been weeks. I’ve been counting and it’s six too many. Giving you a kiss as I resupply for another mission and a total of three hurried lunches does _not_ count.” There was a low hiss. “In the months since we’ve taken Coruscant, I’ve been gone 90% of the time! It’s getting ridiculous. I mean, if Barriss Offee has noticed sleeping alone, imagine Ahsoka Tano’s mental state!”

Temper flaring, Barriss flipped over to face her. “It’s not as if I’m sending you away for fun. We have to secure the most critical strongholds, before they can fortify and dig in. I don’t want to do this for the rest of our lives! And, do you always have to act like I forget you exist? I may not come to bed at a reasonable hour, but I definitely want you to be there when I do.”

Ahsoka stared for a moment, but then grinned. “Good.”

The annoyance vanished at the endearing grin. “You’re impossible.” She resumed trailing fingers over Ahsoka’s arm as her thoughts wandered again. “Speaking of mental states… can we discuss my master?”

Her face tightened. “Uh, what about her?”

“Yesterday, she told me what happened on your mission.”

Ahsoka’s body relaxed. “Excellent. I was hoping she would. I couldn’t do that much to help.”

“Actually, that’s what I—well, it sounds as if you were exactly what she needed. So, maybe, you could make another attempt? Until Obi-Wan gets back, she needs someone to keep her talking.”

Her wife’s brow furrowed. “You’re much better at this kind of thing than me.”

Barriss hesitated. “It’s… difficult. I’m afraid I’ll make things worse.” _It’s too much to handle right now._

“Huh?”

She faced the ceiling above their bed, weariness seeping into her soul. “I can’t do it. It’s hard to hide what I’m feeling. She doesn’t need my issues added on top.”

Ahsoka’s face came hovering into view. “I’m sorry, I’m not understanding.”

Trying to focus, she took a deep breath and then said, “If none of it happened, the painful things in the past wouldn't have either. Luminara wouldn’t be hurting now. Her child would be alive and probably very happy with two loving parents. But, if that were true, Barriss Offee wouldn’t exist. I can’t bring myself to wish things happened differently. It’s horrible.”

“Oh,” Ahsoka murmured with a strange expression.

Unable to identify it, she asked, “What does that mean?”

Shoulders lifted in a shrug. “It doesn’t mean anything. I understand what you’re saying.”

Barriss tensed. “Do you believe I’m terrible for feeling that way?”

“Of course not.” Ahsoka blinked.

Her eyes narrowed. “You are not telling me what you really think. Why?”

There was a slow exhale. “I think there’s more to it. I’m not an expert at figuring this stuff out, but there is one part I’m good at. Do you remember what that is?”

Pulse increasing, she replied, “You always know when I’m hurting.”

Lips brushed over her forehead. “Yes, and you are. That explanation can’t be enough to cause it. Maybe, it’s part or something. I don’t know. But, I do know the kinds of things that make your eyes look like they do now and it’s not even close to your tolerance level.”

As Ahsoka said the words, inexplicable tears spilled onto her face. “Gods, you’re right. What is wrong with me?”

Gentle fingers wiped away the tears. “I don’t know. Last night was the first time I noticed it, but I’ve been gone so much. Not anymore, though. I reassigned my upcoming missions. Don’t bother to yell at me about it, either. I’m staying here for a while. End of story. We’re going to figure it out.”

The idea caused the remaining strength to drain from her body. Slumping back onto the pillow, Barriss closed exhausted eyes. _I don’t even care that she rearranged my logistics. I can’t deal with anything new. I’m too tired._

Arms wrapped around her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Curling up against Ahsoka’s chest, she said, “That I don’t care if I ever figure it out.” Apathetic flatness settled over her. “Lately, things have—it’s as if I go through endless motions day after day. I do what needs to be done, but I’m not invested in it. Almost as if I’m a bystander, watching my life happen. I want everything to stop, but it’s too much to think about how. I’m just so _tired_ , Ahsoka.”

There was a quiet curse. “How did I miss…”

“What?” She leaned back to look at her wife.

A fierce gaze locked on Barriss. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

She shrugged. “Is it important?”

“Well, yeah. We need to—” Her expression fluctuated. “Oh. You haven’t realized what’s happening. It’s a… ‘not quite yourself’ time.”

“A what time?”

“That’s what I call them in my head. You know how sometimes you have periods where—well, like I think you feel now? Where everything is too much and you’re kind of sleepwalking? I can’t believe I missed the early signs.”

She frowned. “I suppose I get overwhelmed for various reasons on occasion, but so does everyone. You’re acting as if it’s a recurring issue that’s specific to me.”

Her eyes bulged. “I can’t tell you about other people. Only about my amazing wife. And, for you… it is.” There was a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m shocked you haven’t noticed the pattern. I know we’ve never talked about it this way specifically, but we go through the same process. Maybe, since you’re inside it, you don’t realize it’s always the same?”

 _She can’t be serious. Please, tell me my wife doesn’t secretly believe I have some kind of chronic emotional problem._ Trying to keep her voice even, Barriss asked, “What’s your evidence for any of this?”

Ahsoka sighed. “Are you sad, but don’t know why? You say that a lot, when it happens. What about restless? You already mentioned having trouble caring and being tired. I saw your hands shaking, which is another sign. Do you feel like you want to talk about things, but don’t know what to say? And, you are… um, a tiny bit moody,” she ended with a nervous smile.

Barriss gaped and then rolled onto her back, staring up blankly. It was all true. Her mind automatically sorted through memories, calculated cycles, and looked for patterns. _Oh Gods. I think she’s right. How did I never realize this?_

A concerned face came into view. “That’s most of my checklist. But, whether it’s what I’m saying or not doesn’t matter. We’ll take care of whatever is going on together, like always. Ok?”

Wonder replaced the irritation and she feathered fingers over her wife’s cheek. “How is it you understand me better than I do?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that. It’s more like instinct. There are times where I just seem to… know. I can’t really explain it.”

“Huh.” Barriss tried to decide whether having recurring breakdowns made her crazy or simply lacking in discipline. Then, her hand dropped, stamina waning again. _I’ll think about it later._ “I suppose I should have mentioned this sooner,” she said mechanically. “I thought it would go away. It seemed unimportant, given everything else needing my attention.”

“You always think that.” Ahsoka ground her teeth. “That’s why it’s my job to notice. Either, I’ve been away too much or you’ve gotten better at hiding it. I don’t know. Maybe, I’ve gotten lax about watching. The last time was so long ago. They used to happen more often, when we were younger, and I was more vigilant.” She sat up, fists slamming onto her knees. “I should have paid closer attention.”

Barriss reached out to provide reassurance, but her arm fell limply back to the bed. “Don’t. It’s not your fault I have issues. I need you to not be upset. Please.”

There was a long exhale. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” Ahsoka shifted over her, placing elbows on each side of the pillow. Then, she stretched out, completely encasing Barriss in warmth. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

The confident words, spoken so many times before, along with the feel of Ahsoka’s body embracing hers created a comforting surety. “I know.” Sliding hands around her wife’s back, she pressed fingertips into strong muscles, taking in the renewed energy. “So, wise sage of Barriss Offee’s issues, what’s our plan to fix me?”

“Nope, no fixing involved.” An adoring smile looked down at her. “You’re already perfect, my dear. However, we can’t have you feeling like you’re not. So, Ahsoka Tano has worked up a whole system to make her amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife the happiest woman on the planet.” The shining eyes grew distant. “Actually, for a while, it was a bit of an obsession.” Refocusing, she flashed an impish grin. “Then, I realized I was being a bit, uh, irrationally-inclined.”

 _Wow._ Ahsoka was prone to overprotectiveness and took on too much responsibility for everyone else’s happiness, but this was something more. Systematic and detail-oriented were not phrases that applied to her wife. _I mean she has a checklist!_ The fact that Ahsoka had connected the dots on her own and consistently watched for signs over their entire relationship said it all. _I don’t know why any of this surprises me._ “It is nearly unbelievable how incredible you are.”

There was a groan of protest.

Barriss put a hand over her wife’s mouth. “No arguing about it, my shining girl. You don’t want to make me worse, do you?” she asked airily. That got her a glare, which softened into a content smile as Barriss’ fingers massaged her lips. “Tell me your brilliant strategies. Just the words ‘system’ and ‘Ahsoka Tano’ have peaked my curiosity.”

She snorted and kissed her fingertips. “Well, it’s wasn’t what you’d call methodical. I won’t even admit some of the random ideas I tried. Eventually, I figured out a few things that worked, if I put them together.”

“Why didn’t you ever mention this before, oh woman that insists we handle things together?”

Ahsoka grimaced. “See, this is where we get into my weirdness. As you have pointed out on multiple occasions, I tend to wait for you to bring this stuff up. Besides, it’s not like it happened that often. Honestly, it didn’t seem as if it needed to be mentioned in the way we’re talking about it now. It’s just the same as any other issue we have that might occasionally crop up. Sort of like when I lose it if I can’t fix a problem. Are you telling me you don’t have a standard method you use to get me back on track?”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “Maybe.”

“Uh huh. See what I mean? It’s simply something we both know. This thing of yours, I guess I thought of it the same way. I figured you’d say if you wanted to talk about it directly. Still, I couldn't let you deal with it on your own, when it did happen. I’m not exaggerating my inability to handle when you’re hurting. I literally can’t take it.”

“Ah,” Barriss replied softly, “it’s like my nightmares. You sat there night after night helping me and never saying a word. Apparently, if I hadn’t asked, you would have continued doing that until the end of time.” She shook a rueful head. “What am I going to do with you, my overly dedicated yet strangely uncommunicative wife?”

“Hmm… I have some ideas.” A mouth began massaging Barriss’ neck.

The cobwebs in her mind seemed to fade a bit as Barriss released a momentary sigh of contentment. “I’ll take your suggestion under advisement. First, answer my question. Strategies, please.”

There was a groan and lekku popped back into view. “As you wish, my lady. One was getting you to talk about every single thing you were feeling.” She chuckled. “Actually, I got that idea from you helping me. I was so excited when it worked.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “You’re saying I helped myself?”

“Something like that.” A grin flashed. “Another was throwing in something new, changing focus a bit. Like, if you were doing a bunch of repetitive surveillance missions, I’d suggest we go to a different kingdom to work on other tasks.”

“Wait. Are you saying that all the times I accused you of being impossible, in your constant wish to be on the move, you were actually trying to help me?”

Ahsoka gave her a guilty smile. “Sometimes, not always. You’re not wrong that I get bored quite easily. It was the most difficult strategy to implement, actually. When Barriss Offee is on a mission, it takes a rancor-sized effort to distract her!” She paused and then continued hoarsely, “You would have kept going, until there was no Barriss Offee left. I had already seen that and I never wanted to see it again.”

Blinking back tears, she could only manage, “Oh.”

“Fortunately,” her wife continued in a lighter tone, “I can always count on you doing whatever it takes to make me happy. If I had told you it was to help you, we would never have gone anywhere. So, it seemed wiser to let you blame me for it. You taught me the game too well, I guess.” She winked.

A pleased smile formed. “Why, Ahsoka Tano, I do believe all these years you’ve been hiding your calculating, strategic mind.”

Her wife sent eyes skyward. “No need to be insulting, my dear. Though,” she added with a kiss to Barriss’ nose, “I will take that beautiful smile on your face. Now, let’s see… giving you little goals to work toward helps too.”

“What does that mean?”

“Small things you can accomplish, but aren't too taxing. Actually, this is my favorite part, because I get to make up fun ones.” Ahsoka chuckled. “For instance, remember the time I challenged you to figure out what my favorite animal was? And, I left you a clue every morning you had to find? That kind of thing.”

Her mouth parted and then she commented wryly, “I remember I spent way too much time trying to solve that particular mystery. You really think that helps?”

Shoulders shrugged. “It seems to. You tell me.”

Barriss considered. “Well, I recall being frustrated at being unable to come up with an answer. I had no idea why I cared about such a silly thing. Of course, that means it must have engaged me. When I finally worked it out, it felt… good.” She stared at her wife. “Wow. How in the world did you come upon this strategy?”

“Out of desperation, maybe.” Momentary pain flashed and she shivered. “One time… you would hardly move from your bed roll. The night I posed the first challenge, I got my first smile in days. Three mornings later you were up before me, searching for the clue.”

Lifting hands to her face, Barriss pressed their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry. How did I ever deserve you?”

Fierce blue eyes jerked up, locking on hers. “Because, you’re _you._ I don’t care about any of that. I care about you. How many times have you done things for me? We’ve learned how to help each other. That’s what we do. It doesn’t make either of us more or less anything. Got it?”

Gazing into the mesmerizing intensity, Barriss whispered, “Gods, I love you so much.” She pulled Ahsoka back down to her lips, refusing to let go.

_______

Obi-Wan strode into headquarters of the newly appointed provisional government. It still felt strange to waltz in and out of Coruscant after years of living in hiding. At the same time, it made his heart soar. _Force, I’m happy to be home._ He headed straight for his room, hoping Luminara would be there.

“Well, about time,” a dry voice commented. The man spun around to see Barriss leaning against her office door with a stern expression. “Where have you been?”

He grinned and wrapped her in a hug. “Completing the assignment you gave me, darling girl. Or, have you been working so hard to rebuild the world that you’ve forgotten?”

There was an exasperated sound as arms slid around him to return the embrace. “You mean the one that should have ended three days ago?”

Releasing his hold, he lifted snarky eyebrows. “Someone, not mentioning any names, underestimated the level of resistance still in place after Palpatine’s demise. Requiring someone else, not mentioning any names, to make last minute adjustments on timeline and negotiation tactics.”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “Good thing this brilliant mastermind sent the best to take care of it, then. Quite the foresight on her part, don’t you think?”

Obi-Wan laughed. “Indeed. In any case, I’ve successfully negotiated a working agreement between the rival factions in Ryloth with Hera’s able assistance.”

“Where is Hera? I thought she was coming back with you?”

Shaking a rueful head, he replied, “Caleb sent about fifty messages during the negotiations. Clearly, you raised a man that can’t survive without the woman he loves for more than a day at a time.” Obi-Wan grinned. “In any case, I knew it would be a lost cause to get her to come for a visit.”

She nodded with an absent expression. “Very probably.”

Assessing her for a moment, he added, “I think we need to keep an eye on the situation, though. Syndulla is an admirable fighter, but not exactly prone to compromise, while Taa likes to throw his power around.”

Barriss let out a long exhale, pressing fingers into her forehead. “Who would have thought managing peace would be so much harder than freeing an entire planet from a seemingly unstoppable evil dictator?”

He snorted. “Well, I could have told you that. Or, have I not mentioned my many painful negotiations prior to Palpatine’s reign?”

The woman glared, but then her expression turned anxious. “Speaking of the past, while you were gone… something happened.” She began biting her lip.

Obi-Wan placed supportive hands on her cheeks. “What is it?”

“Ahsoka and Luminara went to scout one of the remaining strongholds near Umbara. On their way back, they passed through the place where…”

“Where what?”

Her eyes darted away and a soft reply came, “Where you both lost your child.”

Dropping his hands, Obi-Wan stepped back, shock and pain rolling over him. “Oh.” Bringing some of the turmoil under control, he looked back at Barriss.

She hadn’t moved and seemed to be gripping the doorway. There was a hard swallow. “Are you alright?”

“I’m not certain… Luminara, how is she?”

“Not great. We’ve been trying, but I think she needs you.”

The man nodded, still attempting to calm the raging emotions. Giving her a weak smile, he said, “Don’t worry. I’ll handle it.”

Barriss returned the smile, but her face was pinched and distant. “I hope so. I’m glad you’re back.”

Immediate concern overtook the aching hurt. Obi-Wan ran an evaluative gaze over the girl, noting the tight posture, whitening knuckles, and weary demeanor. “Something else is wrong.”

“No, that’s it. Why? Isn’t that enough for one day?” she remarked dryly.

He stared at her. “Something is wrong with _you,_ my dear.”

Her eyes widened and then dropped to the ground. “I’m fine.” An impassive gaze returned to his. “Don’t worry about me. Just take care of Luminara.”

Before Obi-Wan could respond, she turned and walked back into her office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've referenced in more than one story that Barriss is prone to depressive episodes. However, most of these references are simply part of the plot/dialogue without being spelled out. So, I decided to bring it out into the open, I guess! And, in this world, it appears the idea of psychological disorders aren't mainstream.
> 
> Barriss is superb at understanding everyone else, but doesn't do so great at dealing with her own emotions. Perhaps, it's a result of the spy background. She's been trained to assess and analyze other's emotional states, but repress her own (much like in canon as a Jedi). Or, maybe, she gets it from Luminara, ha. Also, it seems to me that Ahsoka is the most expert psychotherapist on the planet, who thinks she isn't. I suppose our favorite Togruta would argue that she may not understand much, but she does understand Barriss Offee. :-) If you like mystical things, you could also argue there is a force connection/bond there that instinctively leads Ahsoka to solutions.
> 
> Getting back to Barriss, if anyone is interested in my random musings on the topic…  
> If I was getting super philosophical, I might postulate it's because Barriss understands emotions so well that hers are over the top complex and hard to tease out. I'm not saying everyone else is simplistic emotionally-speaking, but compared to Barriss... um, maybe. In other words, she’s so deep it's near impossible for her to deal with everything she understands. Leading to her over-complicating every issue and analyzing every centimeter of a feeling. She may finally reach an accurate conclusion at the bottom layer of issues, but is she happier for it or not? Hmm... I don't know. Maybe, it gives her a feeling of control over her world to understand. Either way, when Barriss can't figure it out, she represses it. Because, if she can't figure it out it must be dangerous or scary or irrelevant or some other reason, maybe? Who knows. I'm just rambling about the nature of human emotions now. Sometimes, I wonder if she wouldn’t be happier going through life like Ahsoka, rolling with each thing as it comes and not giving too much deep thought to what she’s feeling. Then again, if everyone did that we might all be Anakin Skywalker. 
> 
> I don't know... what do you all think? Is it better to be Barriss or better to be Ahsoka in how you deal with your emotions?


	9. PART II: CHILD - Handling It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Handling It: Everyone tries to resolve their issues, but finds the work has just begun.

“I’ve been thinking. The thing with Obi-Wan and Luminara, I might be jealous.”

Ahsoka looked up from her pillow. “Um, ok. Are you sure?” _Her eyes are brighter today._ The energy level had increased steadily over the last two weeks and Barriss was smiling more often. _Now, I need to figure out how to remove her from this environment for a bit. Gods, why does she make things so difficult?_ Unable to execute a successful strategy for that, she had concentrated her efforts on drawing out everything Barriss was feeling. This specific one was proving problematic, though. Ahsoka knew from hard-learned experience that when her wife didn’t understand a problem it was always a core issue. _It’s like her mind hides it from her or something._ It needed to be addressed or there could be a sharp downward spiral, despite their current progress.

There was a shrug as Barriss pulled on a chemise sleeping top. “I only know I get seriously upset everytime I hear about it. It's like sadness mixed with anger, but not exactly that. Plus, it's totally irrational. Then, I feel guilty and selfish afterward. It’s the only idea I could come up with today.” Finally ready for bed, she laid down next to Ahsoka.

She rolled onto her side to look directly at Barriss. _That’s not deep enough._ “Nope. Sorry, not buying it, my dear.” Her wife’s issues were always a mess of overcomplicated layers that Ahsoka had no hope of figuring out. The only option was to get Barriss to solve the mystery herself. So far, they were getting nowhere on why Luminara and Obi-Wan’s child was causing her so much angst.

“What?” Barriss asked, teasing lilt in her voice. “You don’t think I can be jealous?”

Ahsoka raised emphatic eyebrows. “Oh, I didn’t say that.”

Her wife’s face took on an annoyed quality. “What are those eyebrows supposed to mean?”

“It means you better make up your mind. Either you want to be the jealous type or you don’t. Which is it? It would be helpful to know how to appropriately answer. I’d rather not be sleeping on the settee for the next week.”

An impassive stare fixed on her.

Working hard to keep a straight face, Ahsoka continued, “So… you’re saying you _are_ or are _not_ secretly screaming on the inside everytime I find another woman attractive?”

Barriss’ mouth dropped open. “Attractive?! Like who?”

Ahsoka let out a small whoop. “Got ya! I knew it! You’re totally the jealous type.” She held up a triumphant fist. “All these years, you’ve been pretending not to mind my multitude of admirers.”

There was a strangled noise, before her wife cried, “That’s not evidence! What kind of response did you expect? There’s a difference between being irrationally jealous and having rational concern when your wife tells you she finds people other than you attractive!”

“Uh huh,” Ahsoka replied airily, “it’s too late to clean this up, my dear. The truth has come out.”

Her wife crashed on top of her, loose fists jabbing at Ahsoka’s chest and face. “Not even close! Multitude of admirers, my eye!”

Laughing so hard it hurt, Ahsoka had difficulty grabbing the attacking hands. “So violent!” Finally succeeding, she locked fingers around her wife’s wrists. “You’re only making my point here, you know.”

Barriss’ expression turned murderous. “I am going to strangle you in a minute.”

“Hmm, might be worth it.” Pulling the immobilized hands down to the bed, Ahsoka lifted her head and enveloped the hovering mouth with her own.

A grin formed on the opposing face as it returned the passionate kiss. After a few glorious moments, Barriss broke away with a devilish air. “You are so going to pay for this… later.” Ripping hands out of the grip, she ran them over Ahsoka's body, while forceful lips grabbed her neck.

Laughing between gasps, she managed to reply, “I expect no less, my amazing, brilliant, jealous wife.”

There was an exasperated sound and then teeth joined the hungry mouth digging into her skin.

Ahsoka let out a happy groan. “Oh, how I wish I had made you jealous long ago.”

This time there was a raspy chuckle as Barriss continued her delightful work.

_______

“I don’t know how to get over it, Obi-Wan.”

Pulling Luminara into his chest, he propped a chin on the top of her head. “I don’t either, my love. Where does that leave us?”

“Where we started, I suppose.”

Obi-Wan considered. “I don’t think that’s true. At least, we can talk about it without breaking down now. Perhaps, it’s just going to be a slow process? We’ve accepted the pain or that there’s nothing we can do about it. What’s next?”

There was a choked reply, “The guilt. There are so many things, I don’t know where to begin. Why didn’t I listen to you and not take any missions? Why wasn’t I more prepared for complications? Why did it go wrong in the first place? Why did I lose faith? Why did I run away and destroy both our lives in the process? Why—”

“No. Stop there. We can only take on one thing at a time. Let’s ignore everything afterward for the moment. We’ll focus on the choices that led to—” his voice broke, “to losing the baby. Ok?”

She let out an unsteady breath. “Alright, we’ll try it and see what happens. It’s hard to separate it all in my mind.”

“It is for me, as well,” he said hoarsely. “We’ve covered a lot of our other failures already, though. This is the one we’ve always ignored. And, it’s probably the most important.”

There was a brief silence. “You’re right. It’s hard to process, when I don’t even understand what happened. We’ve been attacking the effects all these years, but not the catalyst.”

“That’s a good way of putting it. It’s going to be difficult, but let's try. If we keep at it, I can see a day where our child becomes someone to commemorate and remember, rather than forget.”

Luminara leaned back to gaze at him, lip trembling. “I want that. Our child deserves better than to be ignored. They didn’t get a life. Maybe, we can give it to them in some small way?”

Obi-Wan felt a soft smile forming. “That idea already makes me happier.”

A matching smile looked back at him. “Me too.”

_______

“Luminara and I are going on a bit of a sabbatical.”

Barriss’ head shot up from her communique. “What?”

Obi-Wan met her eyes. “I know it will probably cause some issues with upcoming assignments and I'm sorry.”

Pushing down annoyance, she laid her quill on the desk and asked evenly, “For how long?”

There was a sigh. “I don’t know how long.” He added quietly, “It’s about our child. We’re trying to work out the details of what happened and maybe deal with some of it, finally.”

Inexplicable hurt surged. Barriss swiftly rose and rearranged some random items on her desk. _What is wrong with you?!_ Regaining control, she returned attention to Obi-Wan. “Alright, I’ll make the adjustments. When are you leaving?”

A strange gaze fixed on her. “The day after tomorrow, assuming we can complete the arrangements.”

Putting brightness into her voice, she said, “Sounds good. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

“I will… Barriss, are you alright? You’ve been acting oddly the last few weeks.”

“Yes,” she replied as casually as possible, “I’m not sure what you mean.” An alarming thought materialized, causing Barriss to blurt, “You’re both coming back, right?”

His eyes widened and then Obi-Wan rounded the desk to grip her shoulders. “Of course, we’re coming back.”

The worry subsided and she smiled. “Good, just making sure.”

Obi-Wan didn’t seem satisfied at the response. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Barriss shrugged. “I’m a bit distracted lately is all. Go do what you need to do and definitely don’t worry about me. Please?”

He exhaled and then wrapped her in a hug. “I can see this is pointless. Still, don’t forget I’m here if you need to talk.”

 _Not if you're off chasing down the child you always wanted. What kind of stupidly irrational thought was that, Barriss?_ She returned the embrace. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Obi-Wan pulled away, but brushed knuckles over her cheek. “You better, my darling girl.”

The unexplainable feelings came again and Barriss worked hard to flash a grin back at him. “Now get out of here, Master Negotiator. You’ve got a mission to prep.”

“Yes, ma’am, was the grinning reply.

_______

“This is getting out of hand, my dear. We need to figure it out fast.” Ahsoka's voice was filled with concern.

Barriss continued to stare at the wall. “I know that. What do you want me to do about it?”

A firm hand pulled Barriss onto her back. “We'll start by you actually looking at me.”

“I'll look wherever I want,” she snapped.

Her wife's eyes widened, momentary panic passing through them. “Please, don't shut me out.”

Shame burned and she rolled into Ahsoka’s chest. “I'm sorry. You know what happens when I get scared. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Arms wrapped around her. “Ok, that's a good start. I can take hurt. I can’t take you pushing me away. So, let's keep going, please. Before yesterday, you were upset but managing. What changed?”

Barriss answered tremulously, “Obi-Wan told me they were leaving. It's been unbearable since then.”

“Oh. The same feelings as before or different?”

She considered. “I don't know.” Her voice rose in frustration, “I don't know anything! It’s so stupid!” Barriss jerked into a sitting position. Massaging a hand over her forehead, she realized it was shaking. “I'm losing it and I don't even understand why!”

Ahsoka sat up and rubbed thumbs over her cheeks. “Hey, it's ok. Irrational, inexplicable emotions I can’t process are my special gift. You get to be me! Guess that means I get to try reading your mind. This is a learning experience all around!” She ended with an endearing grin.

Barriss snorted, feeling some of the unfathomable emotions recede. “Uh, was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“What, it didn't work? You just wait. I've had years under the tutelage of the most brilliant, beautiful, amazing mind-reader in the 47 kingdoms. You should feel privileged.”

“My apologies, I am definitely the luckiest woman in the planet,” she replied dryly.

“Now, that's more like it!”

_______

Luminara found Barriss in her office, pouring over complicated diagrams of the city water system. “Still working at this hour?”

The girl jumped and looked up. “Uh, I suppose I am. What time is it?”

“Well beyond your bedtime, my dear,” she answered with a small grin. “Listen to your mother and go to sleep.”

There was a flinch, quickly followed by a weak chuckle. “Advice noted.”

Immediately concerned, Luminara moved closer. “What was that?”

Barriss began clearing the desk. “Who knows. Exhaustion? I guess you're right. I should go to bed.” She turned away to file plans in the cabinet behind her.

Luminara surveyed the back now facing her, noting the tight muscles and jerky movements. “Barriss…”

The girl stiffened, but kept going. “Yes?”

Circling the desk, she put a hand on Barriss’ shoulder.

There was another flinch, but then a resigned sigh as she faced Luminara. “I don't know. I haven't been myself lately.”

“Is this related to what we talked about a few weeks ago? Your restless feeling?”

Barriss shrugged. “Perhaps. In any case, it’s nothing you should worry about. I'm alright.”

 _Should I push or leave it alone?_ “Are you sure?”

There was a bright grin. “Positive. Anyway, shouldn't you be packing?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Already done. I wasn't exaggerating the lateness, my dear. I came to find you, since we're leaving in the morning. I was actually afraid you might be asleep and I'd have to wake you up early to say goodbye.”

“I see.” Then, Barriss gave her a tentative hug. “Thanks for making the effort.”

As she returned the embrace, the uneasiness intensified. _There's something very wrong._ Leaning back, but keeping hold of Barriss, the woman locked a probing gaze on her. “What is going on?”

“Nothing.” Impassive eyes looked back. “I told you. I'm just tired.”

 _She’s shutting me out. Why?_ “Don't lie to me, Barriss. I know better.”

Sudden anger blazed and she wrenched herself out of Luminara’s grip. “Do you? Great. I'm glad you know me so well. When you figure it out, be sure to explain it to me.” Barriss slammed the cabinet and stalked out the door.

Flabbergasted, it took Luminara a few seconds to react. She caught up halfway down the hall and grabbed her arm. “Stop. I'm sorry I said that. I am just worried.”

Barriss halted, shoulders slumping. “No, I'm—I can't really explain what's wrong. But, I'll work on it while you're gone. Try not to worry. I want you to focus on what you and Obi-Wan need. We can talk when you get back. Maybe then, I'll have an answer.”

Luminara gazed at her, conflicting emotions careening around.

“Please,” a weak voice begged.

She looked into her child's pleading eyes, but it only made it worse. _She's hurting. I don't understand._ Realizing she wasn't going to get anywhere at this moment, Luminara said, “Alright, my amazing girl. But, I'm going to hold you to that.” Lifting a hand, she ran fingertips over the diamond tattoos. “So, be ready for a very long discussion when I get back.”

Barriss swallowed and produced a weak smile. “It's a deal.” She took the hand from her face and squeezed, before dropping it and quickly walking away.

Luminara stared after her, feeling utterly helpless.

_______

Ahsoka leapt awake, rolling out of bed into a defensive crouch.

Luminara held out a panicked hand and put a finger to her lips.

Jaw dropping, she glanced over at a still sleeping Barriss and then to the window where only the slightest signs of dawn were creeping in. Straightening, Ahsoka nodded and followed the woman from the room.

They headed down the hallway to an alcove and Ahsoka finally spoke, “What in Force’s name is going on?”

Luminara’s voice pulsed with intensity. “What is wrong with Barriss?”

She started and then looked away. “I can’t answer that, I’m sorry.” _I don’t need double meltdowns._

“Ahsoka, please. We’re leaving in an hour. I can’t go, while she’s in this state. There is something terribly wrong. I need to know.” The voice was pleading and filled with anxiety.

Wincing, her eyes traced a path back to Luminara. “You already know she hasn’t been feeling like herself, lately. That’s an issue I’m familiar with and we’re already working on it. Try not to worry.”

Trembling hands scrunched into fists and her face tightened. “No, there’s more to it than that and you know it. Something specific, perhaps to me.”

“Fine,” Ahsoka ground out. “Sometimes, when she’s like this, things that were never a problem before become major issues. Don’t ask me if one causes the other or if being in her current state brings up stuff she’s ignored. I can’t explain the why, only the outcomes. In any case, another problem surfaced that Barriss doesn’t understand and neither do I. The underlying stuff makes things difficult to figure out. Happy now?”

Luminara slumped back against the wall. “Is it—am I right? Does this new issue relate to me?”

She shrugged. “I told you. I don’t know.”

The woman assessed her for a moment. “You know more than you’re saying. That suggests it does and you don’t want to tell me. I understand why you’re reluctant, but I’m not going anywhere until this is resolved.”

Ahsoka forced a frustrated breath through her teeth. “What do you want me to say? I don’t understand enough to give you anything helpful. Telling you the little I do know will only make things worse. It could be anyone or anything. It's probably something deeper altogether.” Focusing on a cracked stone behind Luminara, she tried to ignore the painful knot in her stomach. “There are always crazy, complicated layers to these things. It’s hard enough already. _Please,_ let it go for now. If you delay your trip because of her, it could—she won’t take it well.”

Luminara was silent and her expression grew distant. Then, it morphed into misery as she slid down the wall, placing a head in her hands.

 _Gods, I’m worn out._ Dropping to the floor, Ahsoka leaned against her shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s been a rough few weeks for everyone. Please, do what you need to do with Obi-Wan. I’ll keep working on things here in the meantime.”

There was a hollow laugh. “You want me to go take care of myself, while my child is in pain?”

“Yes,” she replied simply.

The woman lifted her head. “Would you do that?”

Ahsoka glanced up from Luminara’s shoulder and flashed a guilty smile. “Nope. But, would you tell me to do it anyway?”

She released a defeated-sounding sigh. “Yes. I’d tell you it's impossible to help Barriss, if you’re at risk of having your own mental breakdown.”

“See? I do listen sometimes.”

That got a small chuckle. A slender hand reached over and began stroking her montrals.  

Something about the comforting touch gave her the happy sense of content stability Ahsoka hadn’t felt for quite a while. Relaxing against the woman’s shoulder, she let it fill her completely.

“You’re tired and on edge, my special girl. You need to take care of yourself, not just everyone else.”

She grimaced. “There’s only one way to do that. I need my family to be ok.”

“Ah.” Luminara shifted and pulled Ahsoka’s head into her lap, continuing the gentle movements over her montrals. “In that case, we’d better get ourselves together, then.”

Ahsoka grinned up at her. “Yeah, totally. I’m waiting forever here.”

The woman snorted. “Request noted.”

Fixing an earnest gaze, she said, “Trust me, please. I may not be the best at understanding emotions, mine or anyone else’s. However, I _do_ understand Barriss Offee. Let me handle this one, while you go handle the other stuff.”

A cerulean eye roved around, before returning to Ahsoka’s. “Alright, my dear, we’ll try it your way. I’ll leave a list of our intended locations.” Luminara added sternly, “If anything happens, I expect you to summon us immediately.”

Crossing her heart, Ahsoka flashed an endearing grin. “Warrior’s honor.”

_______

As Ahsoka crawled back into bed, a tentative voice spoke. “What was that about?”

She flipped over to see a wide awake Barriss staring at her. _Force, I’m tired._ “Luminara is worried about leaving you. She wanted to know what was going on.”

Her wife tensed. “What did you tell her?”

Ahsoka curled a hand around Barriss’ pillow and began running small circles into her forehead. “Nothing, except we were working on it. She was not happy, but I think I convinced her to leave as planned. I knew that was what you wanted. Though, she made me promise to send for them if you needed her.”

Barriss’ eyes closed as she released an unsteady breath. “Thank you.”

The muscles started relaxing beneath her moving fingers. “Don’t worry, my dear. We can handle it. Everything will be alright.”

There was a soft smile and Barriss pivoted to lay her head on Ahsoka’s chest. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this was a heavy chapter with some complicated issues to explain and set-up. I tried to chunk it up a bit, so it wasn't quite so wordy and overwhelming. However, not sure I succeeded.


	10. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During her first trip back to Shili, Ahsoka has another strange experience.

Ahsoka leapt to her feet. “Mom?” She scanned the great hall to see no one else had stirred from their bedrolls.

The ghostly image smiled. “Hello again, my dear. How are things?”

Memories began to surface in slowly congealing clarity. Barriss had told her the strange story more than once in the last two years. It had become a running joke, with Ahsoka calling it Barriss’ dream—much to her wife’s annoyance. For the first time, images and words came into focus. “Wow. So, that last time actually happened. I owe Barriss an apology.”

Her mother snorted. “It's a good thing you have a long-suffering wife dedicated to your happiness.”

Ahsoka grinned. “Can't argue with that.” Rushing forward, she wrapped the woman in a tight hug. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Ethereal arms slid around her as a happy voice replied, “Well, you’d better. It’d be nice if you remembered me this time around.”

Pulling back with a wince, she said, “I’ll do my best.”

Tender fingers stroked her cheek. “Good. I want you to know how proud I am of you, at least.”

“I’d kind of like to remember that, too.” Ahsoka smiled diffidently.

There was a twinkling laugh. “You should, because it’s so very true. Now, I don’t know how much time we have and I need to tell you something important. This location is more closely aligned and I’m hopeful you’ll retain more than last time. Especially, since Barriss is back at base and can’t remember for you.”

“How do you know that?” Ahsoka asked in amazement.

She sighed. “I can see you don’t recall our extensive conversation about me watching you.”

“Sort of,” Ahsoka said sheepishly. “Guess I just forgot how much you do.”

“Besides, do you think I wouldn’t stick around to see how your first trip back to Shili went?”

Comforting surety warmed her heart. _My mother is with me. I can do this._ “I love you, Mom.”

Lips pressed against Ahsoka’s forehead for a long moment. “And, I love you, my magnificent child. Everyday, you amaze me more than the day before. This trip only proves the point.”

She locked their eyes. “I come by it honestly.”

There was a soft smile. “I can see you haven’t given up trying to convince me of things, either. In any case, it’s critical that you remember what I’m about to say, alright?”

Ahsoka nodded and fixed an intense gaze on the luminescent face.

The woman grinned. “You look like that boy that used to follow you around like a puppy dog, hanging on your every word. What was his name? The prince from Onderon?”

“Lux?” Ahsoka furrowed her brow. “I remember him being a bit pompous and trying to impress me, but not much else. Are you sure you’re thinking of the right prince?”

“Yes, my dear. When you were young, he cried if you wouldn’t speak to him. Which, I am sad to say, you refused to do quite often. I think his apparent preference for your company made you uncomfortable. You never liked being treated differently. I’m not surprised Lux became more standoffish as you both got older. Though, I bet he still liked you very much.”

“Oh.” She lowered her eyes. “Lux did ask me to marry him when we were teenagers, but I guess I didn’t think he actually meant it. I treated it very—well, it wasn’t one of my finest moments. When I found out he had survived the destruction of Onderon, I finally realized he was important to me. Anyway, I’m trying to be a better friend this time around,” she ended quietly.

“Of course, you are. Ahsoka Tano never let pride get in the way of fixing mistakes.” The woman ran a hand over her chin. “Another reason you’re special.” She smiled. “Now, I’ve gotten us off topic. Are you ready?”

Ahsoka tried to clear her mind and concentrate. “Ready.”

“Go to the swamps of Dagobah. You’ll find an ancient being named Yoda. Don’t tell anyone about him or where you’re headed. Well, except for Barriss, I suppose. Once you locate Yoda, he’ll know what to do.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Yoda? As in, the legendary Jedi philosopher? I thought he died centuries ago?”

“His species is quite long-lived. He has been biding his time for a purpose.”

“How do you know about him? Is this another Great Force thing?”

She chuckled. “No, I met him while I was still alive.” Her expression floated away. “I have a promise to keep.” Refocusing, the woman added, “Make sure you take your long sword—or rather Fives’ crystal—with you.”

Ahsoka stared and then shook a rueful head. “You really do know a lot.”

An engaging grin flashed. “Well, I don’t have much else to do. I _am_ dead.”

The joke brought sudden tears to Ahsoka’s eyes, but she tried to return the grin.

“Oh, I’m sorry, my dear.” A hand cupped her cheek. “I didn’t mean to make light of it. It’s easier when you’re like me to think of things differently. Though, I do wish we had gotten more time together.”

“So do I,” Ahsoka whispered as a tear escaped.

Gentle fingers wiped it away and her mother smiled. “Alright, now that we’ve gotten the critical item out of the way, what else is going on?”

She raised snarky eyebrows. “Um, don’t you already know? I thought you spent all of your time following me around?”

A guilty grin appeared. “I have to admit that I do spend quite a bit of eternity with you. However, not all of it. Besides, watching things doesn’t mean I know what’s going on inside your head.”

“Well, don’t look at me! Next time, appear to Barriss if you want that kind of thing.”

Her mother snorted. “Advice noted.” Then, she traced a finger down Ahsoka’s lekku with a wistful smile. “You are so beautiful. I’m such a lucky mother to see the end result.”

She ducked her head and replied, “Not as beautiful as my mother.”

“Really? I don’t know why you never let me give you a compliment.”

“Hmm… I’ve been told I come by that honestly, as well.” Ahsoka grinned. “According to Luminara, you are downright clueless about how amazing you are.”

Her lips pursed. “I don’t know where she gets these ideas from. I’m no more amazing than anyone else in the world.”

“Right.” Ahsoka produced a highly dubious expression. “You are kind of making her point, you know.”

The woman sent eyes skyward. “Whatever you say, Ahsoka. I’m not going to spend time arguing about it. And, you have successfully thrown me off track. I want to know how you are doing.”

Rolling shoulders in a shrug, she said, “I don’t really know what to tell you. Things are fine, same as always.”

“Are you sure?” A hand took hers and held it. “You seemed upset in our quarters today. Especially, when you saw the family painting…”

Tears pooled and Ahsoka averted her eyes. “You watch a little _too_ closely sometimes, Mom.”

Her mother rubbed their joined fingers over Ahsoka’s cheek. “Perhaps, I do. I can’t seem to help it, sometimes. You and Obi-Wan were hurting. It draws me in…” she trailed off with an odd lilt.

Gaze darting back at the unusual tone, her heart wrenched. Ahsoka pulled her hand out of the grip and placed it on the mournful face. “You’re sad.”  

The melancholy blue disappeared from view as eyelids closed. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka. Being in your reality is a bit difficult. Everything is… more intense. Still, I wanted to at least be there for you in spirit.” Her eyes opened and a wan grin formed. “Literally. But, if you don’t want me to watch you anymore, I won’t.”

“No! I don’t mean that. I’m not—I suppose I didn’t want you to know I was upset, which is silly. That doesn’t mean I—please, don’t leave me.”

Anchoring eyes to Ahsoka’s, she replied, “Even if I wasn’t watching, I’d still be with you. The Force is all around us. It binds everything together.”

Ahsoka scrunched her nose. “Huh?”

There was a soft smile. “I’m trying to say I will always be here, whether we’re standing in the same room or not.”

“Oh.” She considered and then grinned. “Nope. Not good enough. I want you in the same room, please.”

Her mother laughed. “Alright, my demanding child. I’ll do my best.” The fierce eyes narrowed. “Though, I’m still waiting for an answer about how you’re doing. If you don’t want to talk about Shili, tell me about Barriss’ vision. Have you two finalized your plan?”

She stiffened. “Oh. Well, we—mostly, I guess.” Ahsoka pasted a smile. “I’m sure it will all work out.”

The woman ran an evaluative gaze over her. “You’re worried, _very_ worried. Aren’t you?”

Exhaling in defeat, Ahsoka nodded. “What if I make a mistake? What if it doesn’t go like we think? I can’t lose her, Mom.”

Arms wrapped around her. “Have faith, my darling girl. With faith anything is possible.”

Leaning into the embrace, Ahsoka choked out a laugh. “Now, I know how Barriss feels when people use her own words against her.”

There was a small chuckle. “To be fair, I said it first. Ask Luminara how often I said that to her!”

Ahsoka pulled back and asked, “Is that where I got it from?”

“Oh. I don’t know, but it seems unlikely. You were so young when I died. Maybe, it came naturally to you. Unsurprising. Have I mentioned how special you are?”

“Not in the last five minutes,” Ahsoka answered with extreme dryness.

“Well, I’ll have to step it up!”

Flashing a cheeky grin, Ahsoka remarked, “I know, right? I’d almost forgotten!”

She laughed and then tapped her cheek playfully. “You are incorrigible.” Suddenly, the hand fluctuated out of existence mid-tap.

Ahsoka’s chest tightened. “No. Stay longer. Please.”

The ghostly face began to fade, but Ahsoka could just make out a sad smile. “I’m sorry, my special girl. We’ll talk again soon. Don’t forget about Yoda. I love you.” Then, she was gone.

When Ahsoka re-entered reality, she was staring at a darkened wall. Placing shaking hands on the cold stone, she regulated her breathing. As the tingling feeling waned, Ahsoka desperately focused, trying to commit everything to memory. But, she could feel herself losing the realness of the details. _There’s no way to keep it all. Maybe, I can keep some of it?_

_Yoda. Dagobah. Mom. Jedi. Vision. Faith. Watching. Proud. Force. Mom. No, do less… Yoda. Dagobah. Mom. Yoda. Dagobah. Mom._

After a few minutes, her mind calmed, the strange sensations died, and the tears came. But, she kept repeating the mantra over and over again.

All of a sudden, Ahsoka realized she had no idea why words were running through her head. _Yoda? Dagobah? Mom? What does that mean?_

_Wait. Why am I staring at a wall?_ She looked around the great hall, but nothing seemed amiss. Shaking a confused head, Ahsoka returned to her bedroll and laid down. Feeling strangely exhausted, she dropped off quickly. Her last thoughts were of Dagobah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long time you may wait.  
> Warn you, I did.
> 
> *Hmm*


	11. PART II: CHILD - At the Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the Core: Luminara and Barriss peel away the layers of fear.

Luminara gazed at a burnt-out tree in the clearing, trying to control the urge to panic. The memories weren’t nearly as overwhelming this time, but she was still struggling.

A strong arm wrapped around her shoulders. “What are you feeling? Talk to me.”

Swallowing hard, she whispered, “Pain, guilt, emptiness, and… fear.”

Obi-Wan pressed lips against her temple. “Me too.”

_______

Barriss curled up on the office settee and counted the inlaid golden weaves twisting through the mahogany-shaded upholstery. _I hate this color._

A hand raised her chin to meet fierce blue eyes. “It sounds like you’re saying you could figure out the problem, but don’t want to?”

“Sort of,” she replied wearily. “When I was young, I learned how to… protect myself, I suppose. If there was something I couldn’t handle, I compartmentalized it.”

“I do recall the experience,” Ahsoka commented dryly. “Still, I thought you’d kicked the habit?”

She winced. “So did I. It took a good deal of committed effort over the years to stop doing it automatically. I think I’ve done it here and didn’t realize. I guess the underlying emotional mess is causing me to fall back into old patterns.” Her head began to throb. “Maybe, something inside me knows I can’t deal with it. Defense mechanisms are there for a reason. Not every truth should be known.”

There was a long pause, before a gentle voice asked, “Do you really believe that? It sounds like another form of ignoring the problem.”

Barriss mashed fingers into her forehead. “Possibly.” _I don’t really care._

“Ok, I can tell you’re reaching an exhaustion point. We’ll pick this apart later.”

Straightening, she shook her head. “No. I’m not giving up that easily. Let’s keep going.”

Ahsoka cupped her cheeks. “Gods, you are _amazing._ So, if you do pull it out of your secret headspace, what’s the outcome you're most afraid of?”

Barriss considered. “What if I discover a truth I can’t handle and I’m never able to reconcile it? What happens then?”

“Then, that’s how things are.” Tender thumbs massaged across her tattoos. “Besides, what you’re doing now isn’t working. It’s wrecking you, even without all the other stuff we’ve been working through. We have to talk about everything that’s bothering you, remember? It’s tried and true strategy.” Ahsoka winked. “No matter what, I’ll still be here. Same as always.”

Pressing their foreheads together, Barriss breathed, “I love you.”

Lips touched hers. “Not as much as I love you. If anything inside you tries to say otherwise, you better not believe it.”

An ethereal smile spread and Barriss leaned back, tracing fingers over the warrior markings. “Never gonna happen.” Her smile edged into a wry grin. “Good thing, too. Because, if this works, you may have your hands full.”

Ahsoka’s face turned airy. “You obviously haven’t experienced my recently perfected therapeutic skills at meltdowns, my dear.”

She snorted. “You might need them.” Trying to still her shaking hands, Barriss continued, “Alright, let’s see if I can figure out my parental issues without losing it.”

“Wait!” Ahsoka grabbed her face and kissed her for a long moment. “So, you don’t forget I’m here.”

Feeling a burst of energy, Barriss grinned. Then, she closed her eyes and focused. Her mind worked through the chaotic emotions and pulled everything together, until the ever-present fear began to overwhelm her efforts.

A soft voice said, “You can do this, my amazing wife.”

_I can do this._ Tossing away her carefully constructed mental shields, she let thoughts spew out in quick succession, “I was a replacement child. I’ve always been a poor substitute for the original. They’d both gladly give me up to get back the one they lost. I’ve never been anything special at all.” Her muscles spasmed and heaving breaths hammered her chest. It was impossible to get any more words out, but Barriss’ mind kept rolling to the deeper conclusion. _I’m the unwanted girl. I’m everything and I’m nothing. Barriss Offee doesn’t actually exist. She never has…_

A strong grip held Barriss’ face. “Look at me. Please.”

Her mind catapulted into a vicious spin. _No. I can’t. Don’t. Stop thinking._ “Can’t…” She lurched away, leaping from the settee and flailing out of the room.

_______

“I’m afraid of finding out it truly was my fault,” Luminara blurted out.

Obi-Wan spun around from the campfire he was lighting. “Oh. You mean—wait, what do you mean?”

His wife stared at the ground. “I’ve always blamed myself, but this feels different. I took the mission and I didn’t listen to you. That’s my fault, but somehow less—what if I chose a poor strategy or was in the incorrect location? What if I made the mistake that—”

“Ah,” he replied softly, “what if it was a foreseeable event that you could have controlled, but didn’t. That’s what you mean, isn’t it?”

She nodded in misery.

Obi-Wan shifted over and pulled her close. “It doesn’t matter, either way. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes they have terrible consequences. We both know that from personal experience. There’s really only one choice after that, the path we didn’t take all those years ago. Deal with our failures and move forward, trying not to do it again.”

Luminara pressed herself into his chest as tears came. “Knowing that and doing it are very different things.”

“True.” There was silence, broken only by an occasional sniffle from the woman in his arms. Then, he rushed out, “One of mine cost so many lives it’s unbearable sometimes.”

She jerked up to look at him, confusion evident. “What?”

Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut. “Anakin. I made a horrible mistake. It was foreseeable and fixable. I chose the wrong strategy. Everyone I love, the whole world, suffered because of it.”

Luminara gripped his face and pressed their foreheads together. “I understand.” She laughed bitterly. “I was about to argue you can’t blame yourself, but since I can’t even get past step one it seems a bit hypocritical.”

He leaned back and produced a bright smile. “Well, at least, I have company.”

That got him a true laugh and she brushed lips over his. “I suppose I always said I wanted everything.”

Obi-Wan raised impish eyebrows and pulled her tighter. “Oh, you definitely got it.”

_______

“We don’t have to talk about it, right now.”

Barriss continued staring out into the distant horizon. “If you say so.”

Ahsoka strode across the spire and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m saying that I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

_Give her something, Barriss._ Turning around, she laid against her wife’s chest. “Alright. Let’s talk about a little of it.”

There was a relieved exhale as Ahsoka slid arms around her. “Ok, start wherever you want.”

Considering briefly, Barriss said, “Well, I guess we figured it out. I don’t know what to do about it, though. There is also something deeper that is the core issue, but it’s difficult to put into words.”

“Related to… their other child? Or, something else?”

Barriss noted the use of the term other. She appreciated the gesture, but lacked the certainty to agree. _I suppose I am their child, just not the one they wanted. Whose child am I, really? I’m no one. An unwanted girl clawing for scraps of love. Was I ever somebody else?_ “Maybe.”

“Ok, so…” Ahsoka trailed off, clearly not sure how to respond to the unhelpful answer.

Trying to soothe her worry, Barriss searched for a thought to communicate. The one that came was surprising. “I don’t remember my birth mother, you know. I always assumed she died, leaving me to fend for myself. I only have vague images, before I ended up in that terrible excuse for an orphanage. Now, I wonder if she…”

Lips kissed her hair. “If she what?”

“If she abandoned me. Perhaps, I wasn’t what my mother wanted.” Barriss looked up to gauge the reaction.

There was a sharp inhale and fierce eyes blazed down at her. “Not possible. No one who knew you could even consider giving you up.”

Barriss smiled. “You wouldn’t, my shining girl. I do believe that.”

An emphatic head shook. “It’s not only me.” Horror tinged her face. “Wait. Do you think that about everyone else? That they don’t really… want you?”

Clarity finally came. _Did anyone ever want the real Barriss Offee? Is there even a real Barriss Offee?_

Ahsoka’s chest was thudding against Barriss’ tucked head. “Oh Gods. That is what you think, isn’t it?”

“Not exactly. I know my family loves me. It's more like they happened to get me or something. I'm loved because I'm… here.”

“I don't—you mean—Yeah, sorry, I’m not getting it.”

“It's hard to explain.” Barriss grimaced in frustration. “Alright, look at the issue that started all of this. I always depended on the idea that Luminara chose me. Even when things were terrible, there was a underlying comfort in knowing I was special. I sometimes think I worked so hard to please her because it would prove she made a good choice. As long as I made her proud, I was worthy.”

Ahsoka tensed. “Do you still feel that way?”

“No. I got over it long ago. But, I think I did it with the thought that she wanted me, no matter what. Since, out of everyone, she chose me as her child. I filled a place that no one else could. I was her first choice. But, that's not really true is it? She was hurting and I was simply… there. If Luminara hadn’t needed me, if I hadn’t become what she wanted, she might have thrown me away.”

Words gaining rapidity as she worked out the feelings, Barriss continued, “It's the same with Obi-Wan. He only wanted to take care of me because I reminded him of what could have been. It wasn’t because he saw something special in me. It was because of his own wish to fix the past. If my birth mother didn't want me, as well, that would just confirm it.” _Is that who I am? The unwanted girl everyone makes into what they truly want? The woman who will become anything to be wanted?_

Ahsoka’s eyes flashed. “No. They love you, because you're _you._ They wanted to be your parents, because they realized you were incredibly special. The same way I wanted you as my wife. That's true of the rest of our family, as well.”

“Is it?” Barriss asked bitterly. “Or, do they love me because I’m your wife? All of them wanted you. I happened to come with you. Luck of the draw.”

“No, no, no!” Ahsoka’s voice was taking on an edge of panic. “You’re the support system for everyone. You take care of them. They depend on you.”

“That’s arguable. Either way, it doesn’t change what I'm saying,” Barriss replied in frustration. “I’m talking about being wanted because I’m me—whoever me is—not because I become whatever they need.” _She’ll never understand. She's always been wanted. You’re only making things worse for her._ Putting lightness in her tone, she added, “I’ll think about it some more. You’re probably right.”

Ahsoka stared down, uncertainty playing across her features. “Ok, I’ll let you think. But, we _will_ talk about this again soon.”

Barriss tilted her head up to run lips over Ahsoka’s. “It’s a deal. Please, don’t worry. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Her wife hesitated and then a grin flashed. “Course it will.”

_______

Luminara strolled through the Dantooine council building, glancing casually at architecture. Then, Obi-Wan signaled from the other side of the room. Giving a barely perceptible nod, she moved to the target area.

Obi-Wan walked up to a disreputable-looking Rodian and bumped into him. “Hey, watch where you’re going!”

A green head rared back. “You ran into me, sleemo!”

“Sleemo?! How dare you! You—you scruffy-looking nerfherder!”

That apparently sent the Rodian over the edge and he crashed into Obi-Wan with a vicious howl.

As mass chaos erupted, the woman slipped into the archive room and quickly scanned the various cabinets. Locating the objective, Luminara pulled out a parchment and memorized the details on their target. Then, she returned it to the cabinet, before making her way out. Reaching the main chamber, she had to suppress a smile.

A battered and bleeding Obi-Wan was bellowing at five council guards, who were struggling to pin him to the floor. Upon spotting her, his violent flailing came to a halt and he commented politely, “Oh, my apologies. I didn’t realize you wished me to accompany you immediately. Perhaps, we should discuss the situation like civilized beings?”

There were guttural growls in response.

As Luminara sauntered out the exit, she threw him a small wink. A barely perceptible grin flashed back at her.

_______

Tracing fingers over the faded scar on Ahsoka’s stomach, Barriss tried once again to figure out why she had no control over her own mind. It apparently decided to randomly create problems for itself.

Underneath it all, Barriss knew she wasn’t dealing with the core issue. It was stagnating and roiling. _Who am I? Barriss Offee, the perfect girl. Did I need to be wanted so much that I became someone else? Is Barriss Offee a reflection of what everyone else wanted or is she real? Am I so crazy I’m making up problems that don’t exist now?_

Barriss’ hand fell to the bed as exhaustion swept over her. Eyelids drooping, she tried to focus, but it wouldn’t come. It felt as if her mind was operating inside of a dense fog. She was standing in the middle of it, trying to decide which path would lead her out, but never moving more than a few feet in any direction. _Gods, Barriss, you are one messed up girl. So messed up, you didn’t even know it. I think that’s the definition of crazy._  

Ahsoka suddenly asked, “You’re still drinking Chandrilan leaf tea, aren’t you?”

Not even bothering to look up, she answered vacantly, “No. I switched to a Coruscant blend.”

Her wife jerked into a sitting position. “How long ago?!”

She shrugged. “A couple of months, maybe.”

“Seriously? It’s been your favorite drink since we were young. You ran a whole rebellion with the stuff. Force it all, Barriss. Why now?!”

The tinge of panic in the voice dragged her back to reality. Rolling up, she replied, “It makes me a bit drowsy and I can’t afford to be these days. Besides, I wanted… a change, I guess.”

Head dropping into trembling hands, the woman muttered, “Stupid, Ahsoka. Is there _anything_ you didn’t miss? Blast it!”

Barriss lifted her wife’s face to see tears shining. “Tell me what’s going on. Why are my tea drinking habits sending you into a meltdown?”

“Remember, I said I figured out some things that helped you? The tea is one of them.” Her eyes blazed with sudden intensity. “I don’t care if it makes you fall asleep standing up. You are drinking at least a cup a day. I mean it.”

She stared. “You are not joking.”

“Please, Barriss,” she pleaded, “you don’t understand. It really does work. I mean, it’s not the only thing, but it helps. Why do you think I spent our last datari that one time to buy you tin of it? I wouldn’t risk your wrath and accusations of irrationality for nothing!”

Feelings she didn’t quite understand began ebbing and Barriss stuttered, “I-I don’t know what—why—how did you come to this conclusion?”

Rubbing her eyes, Ahsoka focused on a distant point in the air. “In Shili, we had this healer, Jocasta. She didn’t treat me like a delicate case study and was the only healer I’d let touch me as a child. My mother discovered her on some travel or other and offered her a position in the royal household, even though our other healers objected to her old-fashioned methods.”

“Old-fashioned?”

“Jocasta used what she called ancient remedies, passed down her family since the time of the Jedi. The other healers acted like she was out of touch, but it wasn’t true. She was brilliant. Anyhow, my father was—you know how he—” Ahsoka swallowed.

Placing a hand on her cheek, Barriss murmured, “I know.”

Her wife took the hand and kissed it. “Anyway, Jocasta started him drinking Chandrilan leaf tea. He loved the stuff and Mom would make him a huge mug of it each evening. I asked my parents once why Dad drank so much tea, when he could have Alderaanian chocolate nectar instead. Seemed silly to me.” She winked.

“Shocking,” she remarked dryly. “And, what was the answer?” _Where is she going with this?_

“They laughed and called it his ‘happy juice’.” Ahsoka’s expression floated away. “Jocasta died around the same time as my mother. I don’t know if it was his own grief or the other healers, but—well, Dad stopped drinking it. I was too young to connect anything, then. But, when you were having a rough spot, I saw some in a shop and it hit me. I figured it was worth a try.”

Thoughts whirled in quick succession. “When—why did—” _Wait._ Lip curling, Barriss bit out, “What if I had decided I didn’t like it? Were you planning on tipping tea down my throat in the middle of the night?”

Her wife’s mouth fell open. “Of course not! If you hadn’t kept drinking it consistently on your own, I would have suggested the tea being helpful in other ways. Since, you loved it anyway, I figured it didn’t matter.”

“So,” she stated in clipped tones, “you took it upon yourself to give me some kind of backwoods tonic? As if, I can’t be trusted to handle my own emotions or make a decision on my own health?” Her voice chilled. “Then, didn’t even tell me you were doing it for twenty years? Do I have that right?”

Ahsoka flinched. “Please, don’t be angry. I didn’t understand as much as I do now and you were having trouble even getting out of bed. It’s just tea you like to drink.” She paused and then rushed on, “You say healers who use non-traditional methods are killing their patients! I was afraid you might stop drinking it on principle and I might not be able to fix—my dad stopped and he never—” she broke off as tears rushed down her cheeks.

Slamming eyes shut, Barriss tried to calm the tumult of emotions. _Why are you so angry? She should have told me! Yes, but that’s not all, is it? No. Then, why? You know why._ Despite Ahsoka’s protestations to the contrary, she had given Barriss something to make her someone else. _Am I even the woman she loves or does she love the woman she created?_ The only person who had always wanted her just the way she was… didn’t.

_No, that’s not true. It’s because she loves you. She was afraid to lose you, like her father. You’re not thinking properly, remember? Stop it._ But, Barriss couldn’t make it stop. For the first time, doubt invaded the one safe space she had left. Her sole source of remaining identity was crumbling to ashes.

_Talk to her. No. You can’t handle it._ Barriss opened her eyes and saw Ahsoka’s desperate tears. _You always hurt her. No wonder she had to fix you. Stop! Stop thinking. Stop this conversation. Now._ Attempting to blank her mind and produce an even tone, she said, “It’s alright. I understand. It caught me by surprise is all.”

“No, it’s more than surprise. You’re really upset.” Ahsoka gripped her hand. “I didn’t realize you would mind. Actually, I didn’t think you’d even believe the tea did anything. Oh Gods, I’ve seriously messed up, haven’t I? I am _so_ sorry. I should have told you and let you decide. In my head, it didn’t feel like any potential bonus effects mattered. I was rationalizing wasn’t I? Please, Barriss. Tell me how to fix my mistakes. What can I do to make this ok?”

“Nothing. It’s fine.” _The only reason you’ve accomplished anything is because you’ve been unknowingly doped up on ‘happy juice’. You should thank her for working so hard to make you worth something._ “Please, don’t worry. I’ll start drinking the tea again tomorrow, alright?”

Ahsoka stared and then shook a defiant head. “No, no, no. You’re just trying to make me happy at the expense of yourself, again. Don’t drink it for me. Only if you want to. It always should have been your choice, not mine.”

She shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I? You’ve been right about everything else.” _Obviously, I need it to be normal. Because, you never have been, have you? No one wants that you. If there even is a you._ “Either way, like you said, it can’t hurt to drink something I already enjoy.” Laying back down on her pillow, Barriss added, “I’m sure things will soon be back to… normal.”

There was silence and then an arm wrapped around her. Ahsoka nuzzled into her neck, warm breath flitting against the skin. “I love you, Barriss Offee. Whether you drink tea, conquer the world, get sad on occasion, or anything else. You know that, right?”

_Barriss Offee doesn’t exist. She never has._ “I know. Don’t worry. Everything is fine.”

_______

Obi-Wan sat in a dingy cell, close to desperation. Luminara should have already paid the fine to get him released yesterday. The man kept telling himself reasonable explanations for the delay. However, when he woke up this morning to throbbing ribs and the smell of his new cellmate, there was no denying truth. _She has gone off to find Porter on her own._ The reasons why worried him more than the action itself and Obi-Wan’s mind circled in endless anxiety.

“Hey Benji, thought you had a girl coming for you?”

Kenobi exhaled and pasted a smile on his face. “Indeed I do, my good man. Obviously, she’s run into some unexpected delays.”

The Weequay snorted and slapped his legs. “Ah, young love!” Putting up a clearly inebriated finger, he added, “Good thing you’re learning this lesson now, my boy.”

Sending exasperated eyes to the cracked ceiling, Obi-Wan commented, “If you think I’m young, Hondo, you’re drunker than I thought.”

“Testy, testy, young Benji. I’m—” He was momentarily distracted by a wine stain that had long since dried on his doublet. Poking at it for a few moments, the man finally shrugged and continued, “I am only giving you the benefit of Hondo’s vast experience with women. First lesson.” He waggled an erratic finger. “Don’t trust them to bail you out. Ever.”

Obi-Wan sighed and slumped against the dirty cell wall. “In this case, my friend, it’s looking like you may be correct.”

_______

Ahsoka raced down corridors, searching frantically. _Where is she? Why didn’t I keep closer tabs on her?!_ Her heart palpitated with painful levels of dread as she checked room after room in vain. _Please, Barriss. Tell me you didn’t._

Returning to their office, Ahsoka examined it carefully. Stomach jumping to her throat, she rushed to the desk and looked underneath for the always packed supply bag. _No._

Spinning on her heels, Ahsoka sprinted to the stables.

_______

Barriss pulled her horse to a halt and considered options. There were only two, accept the truth or ignore the lie. _It’s time to find out who Barriss Offee truly is._ Straightening, the woman kicked into a gallop and entered the depths of Coruscant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's obviously quite a bit going on in this chapter. I was initially afraid it might be a little too complicated as the themes I'm trying to get at are a bit obtuse. It was one of my most heavily edited chapters ever. I can't tell you how many things I wrote, tweaked, and then deleted as I vacillated between explaining vs. implying. Hopefully, I made things clear, especially as regards Barriss. If I didn't, feel free to tell me! Or, if I overdid it, tell me that too!
> 
> In any case, this is the halfway point of Part 2 (yay!) and sends our characters off on a detour of discovery. Finding truth can be terrible or beautiful, I suppose.


	12. PART II: CHILD - Cold Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold Truth: Answers always lead to more questions.

“Well then, looks like someone barely escaped a bored wampa.”

Recognizing the voice, Obi-Wan shot up off the cell bench to see a heavily cloaked Ahsoka. “You have no idea, my dear.”

The hearty, grating noise that was Hondo's excuse for a laugh rang out and he clapped his hands in delight. “Benji! Hondo is impressed! Your woman came through after all.” The man swaggered over and leaned so close Obi-Wan felt dizzy from the wafting toxic vapors. Speaking in an anything but quiet conspiratorial whisper, he continued, “You, uh, must tell Hondo how you engender such loyalty among the ladies of the night, yes? Come, come, share some tips with your old friend.”

A throat cleared loudly. The men looked up at Ahsoka, who managed to convey intense annoyance, even with her face completely covered. “I must have misheard, because I know you did not just call me a—”

Leaping forward, the Weequay circled a hand over himself in a frenetic flourish. “Hondo Ohnaka at your service, my lady. I was merely saying to Benji here that he doesn’t deserve a woman of such fine distinction and discriminating taste.”

There was a small snort in response.

Obi-Wan moved to the bars. “Please, tell me you’re getting me out of here.”

She chuckled. “They’re processing your paperwork now. I _strongly_ insisted on waiting with you in the meantime. Are you ok?”

“Oh, lovely,” he replied dryly, “never been better.”

Hondo stuck his head between them and wrapped an arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders. “Yes, yes, _we_ are in excellent condition. Maybe, you’d like _two_ strong men to keep you company, my dear? By a stroke of amazing luck, I just happen to have no pressing engagements at the moment.”

Ahsoka deadpanned, “Shocking.”

Putting a hand to his heart, Hondo exclaimed, “I know! It is a travesty! However, I’m sure a fine lady, such as yourself, recognizes a diamond in the rough when she sees one, yes?”

Obi-Wan’s mouth dropped open as Ahsoka chuckled and said, “Indeed. A friend of mine actually finds you quite… unique.”

“Ah!” Hondo cried, “you’ve heard of me, then? My reputation precedes me.” He jabbed a hard elbow into Obi-Wan’s aching ribs. “See, Benji? I told you I was in-infa-infamilious among the ladies!”

“Infamous,” Obi-Wan commented automatically, rubbing his throbbing side.

“Yes, yes.” A dismissive hand waved across the air. “That is what I said.”

Obi-Wan glared at Ahsoka. “Now, we’ll never get him to shut up. Good work.”

She shrugged. “We need something to entertain us. I didn’t get the impression Dantooine security was in an efficient mood today.”

Sighing heavily, Obi-Wan dropped back onto his bench. “Great.”

_______

“Do you remember me?”

The elderly man spat at Luminara’s feet as his pudgy arms fought uselessly against the well-secured bonds. “Should I?”

Her expression hardened. “I was only your primary source of intel for a decade. So, yes, you should.”

He guffawed. “Sorry, you’ve got the wrong man.”

Giving a hollow laugh, she sat in the chair across from him. “Oh, I definitely don’t, Porter.” Luminara surveyed the richly furnished bedroom with distaste. “Looks like you did well for yourself.”

There was no response, but the violent struggling ceased.

Her gaze continued to wander around the room in apparent nonchalance. _Three minutes, maximum._

Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, there was a grunt. “I suppose this is pointless. You clearly intend to have a conversation. So, let’s talk.”

Hiding grim satisfaction, she let her attention float back to him.

His thin lips drew back into a simpering smirk. “I must say I never thought to see you again. Last I heard, you died in some kind of vicious battle with the Lord Protector. I’m glad to know the rumors were wrong.” Bushy eyebrows pinched together. “Though, you’ve looked better.”

Luminara stared at him impassively.

There was a nervous chuckle. “Fine, no small talk. What is you want, Master Unduli?”

“I want to know why you once sent me on a supposedly low-risk surveillance mission that was actually in a heavy ordinance zone.”

His jaw clenched, but no surprise registered at the question, which told her all she needed to know. “Bad intel. These things happen.”

“I used to think that,” she replied in a bored tone, “but not anymore. You see, I have spent the last few weeks digging up the past. Do you know where it led me?” Her voice chilled. “Straight to you.”

Porter swallowed multiple times, desperate eyes darting toward the door.

“Don’t bother. I’ve disposed of your personal guard and disabled all five alarm bells in your tackily lavish residence. My, we _are_ paranoid. Oh, the emergency escape is also collapsed, in case you were wondering. You may recall that I prefer not to leave things to chance. It’s just you and me, now. Isn’t that lovely?”

Fear leapt into the beady eyes. “All of this trouble for a rundown, old man? You want vengeance for an accident that happened decades ago?”

She projected a cold malevolence. “If you continue to lie about what I know to be the truth, you _will_ see my vengeful side.”

The opposing expression immediately turned wheedling. “Come on, Luminara. We even worked together afterward. I never betrayed you again. Besides, it’s not like you died or were even permanently injured. It barely slowed you down. You know how it is in our world. No harm, no foul, right?”

Fury blazed and she leapt forward, locking a death hold around his bloated neck. “You killed my unborn child that day and everything I was died.”

Choking noises sputtered, “I-I didn’t kn-know… h-h-had noooo—choice!”

Cold rage permeating her entire being, she bit out, “You better explain why. Quickly.”

“D-d-doooo-ku—” Strangled gasps followed.

Dread spiking, she lessened the pressure. “Are you trying to say Dooku?”

Porter nodded vigorously, sucking air through the slightly larger opening he had gained. “He—f-forced me…”

Her hand dropped and she stumbled back in shock. _No._

The man inhaled huge lungfuls of air as Luminara slumped back into her chair. _No. He wouldn't._ Reigning in the chaos, she looked back at the pitiful wheezing lump. “You expect me to believe the man who trained me to be a symbol of his mighty legacy decided to destroy it?”

Porter’s eyes locked on her. “You know me, Luminara. I’m a dealer, a thief, and a blackmailer. I may be a selfish excuse for a man, who would sell his mother out to protect himself, but I don’t try to kill my associates—at least not the deadly ones. Honestly, I was surprised not to be floating through the Great Force two days after hearing you had survived.”

She stared at him, unwelcome truth ringing in her ears. “Convince me.”

Relief shone as the man processed he might actually survive this encounter. “I refused at first. You were valuable to my continued operations and, as I said, you’re damn fear-inducing. Plus, I always had a soft spot for you.” He tried an ingratiating grin.

Giving him an icy glare, she said, “Continue.”

The grin vanished. “Besides, I hated that arrogant prick. I wasn't inclined to take the job all around. He paid me a visit and I was… not so pleasantly persuaded to give you bad intel. I never knew why Dooku wanted you dead or why he chose me as the method. A bit risky and inexact for an assassination, when you think about it…” Porter trailed off thoughtfully.

 _Obviously, his objective was something else._ The thought sent her into a near panic at the implications and she pushed it away. “And, you got nothing out of it, I’m sure,” Luminara commented flatly.

“Now, I didn’t say that. He forked over a pretty sum, yeah. This time, though, I didn’t do it for the money. I don’t know why you’d believe me, but it’s true. I did it, because I happen to like keeping my limbs attached to my body.” The man automatically drew his bowed legs up as if remembering distant pain.

 _No._ She gazed blankly at nothing, unable to process, but believing it all.

“Wasn't it your apprentice that eventually took him down?” He gave a satisfied grunt. “Fitting.”

Unable to maintain control any longer, she rose from her seat. _I need to get out of here._ “Enjoy what’s left of the miserable, grubby existence you call a life, Porter. I’m certain we’ll be seeing each other again… _very_ soon.”

Luminara heard a disturbed cry as she walked out the door.

_______

“Luminara sent a message. It was short on details, except that you were being held. But, that's only half the problem.” Her voice trembled. “Barriss has run away and I have no idea where she is.”

Obi-Wan halted mid-step. Taking a deep breath and trying to focus through now double the worry, he replied, “Alright, one thing at a time. I need to wash up, change, and retrieve our supplies—assuming Luminara left them. We can review what's been happening at both ends, while I do that. By the time we're ready to go, maybe we'll have figured out a plan.”

There was silence and then a hand grabbed his. “I'm glad you're here.”

He squeezed back. “Not as glad as me that you're here. Or, did you not meet my cellmate?”

Ahsoka snorted. “Come on, master of suspicious odors. If you don't get a bath, I'm so not going anywhere with you. I won't survive.”

Raising mock offended eyebrows, Obi-Wan wrapped flailing arms around her. “What was that, my dear? You want a hug?”

There was a choking sound as she struggled out of his grasp and started running toward the city square. “Don't even think about it!”

Sprinting after her, he called, “Was it something I said?”

_______

“I'm told you've lived here your entire life and know everyone.”

The elderly woman assessed Barriss’ cloaked figure with a sly glint. “Maybe, maybe not. My memory isn't what it used to be.”

She took two dataris out of her cloak. “Perhaps, I can aid in it's recall.”

Greed lit the ancient eyes and she motioned Barriss into the ramshackle residence. “Well, having funds for my, um, medicine certainly helps.”

Walking in, Barriss placed one of the coins on the dingy kitchen table. “You get the other once you tell me what I want to know.”

The woman creaked into a chair and poured herself a large mug of a green, hissing liquid that wisped a putrid smell. “Guess you'd best tell me who you're interested in, first. We'll see if I can help. My needs might change, depending on the circumstances.”

“A wise precaution,” Barriss answered casually. “I’m interested in a woman I was told lived in this tenement for many years. Her name was… Offee.”

_______

“Um, I think this is for you.”

Obi-Wan glanced at the rolled parchment Ahsoka had untied from a satchel of supplies. Opening it, his eyes ran over the words.

_Sorry, my love. Security refused to process you, until you'd spent at least a day in confinement and I didn't want to lose the trail. If I'm being honest, part of me is glad. This next stop will require skills I thought I left behind. I never wanted you to be sullied by my terrible world and it gives me comfort to know you still won't. I'm sure you disagree, but I can't help it._

_Hopefully, Ahsoka reached you quickly and your stay wasn’t too difficult. In the meantime, I'm headed to the target. I'll rendezvous at our next location, perhaps with some answers. I love you. Please, don't be upset._

Letting out a frustrated breath, the man handed it to Ahsoka.

The girl’s face relaxed as she read. “Ok, that makes sense.”

Obi-Wan gaped. “Leaving me behind and running off alone to interrogate the man who may have killed our child is _not_ making sense!”

Ahsoka put a hand on his shoulder. “It's not ideal, true. Still, we know where and what she's doing. I know you wanted to be with her, but the reasons are understandable.”

He gritted teeth. “We'll have to disagree on the reasons.” Calming a bit, the man added, “However, you're right that I am glad to know what's going on.”

The hand tightened. “Luminara can handle it. Have faith.”

Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan pushed away the worry. “Alright, darling girl, I'll try. Let's go get her. She may have some ideas on locating Barriss.”

_______

Luminara slumped against the back gate of Porter’s residence, thoughts raging in bursts of pain and confusion. _Not possible. Why? You know why. No._

Running through her newly developed calming exercises, she regained some control as the chaos receded. Trying to think through options, her mind returned only one thought. _Let go of the fear._

Straightening, Luminara leapt onto her horse. It was time to face the truth.

_______

“Offee, huh? What else? Age? Species?”

Barriss considered. “A Mirialan. The age I’m not sure of, but she would be older now—likely over sixty.”

“Ah. Yes, I seem to remember a woman who fits the bill. Let’s see… Amrie? No, Amira Offee, I think. Lived here a long time. She died years ago, though. Not sure if that’s who you’re interested in.”

The response was expected, but still affecting. The name rang a vaguely familiar note. _Amira sounds right. Does it matter now?_ Either way, her mother was dead. Barriss paused, ensuring her voice remained neutral. “Could be. Did she have a young child when you met?”

Her face turned thoughtful. “Yeah, already had a little girl when she first moved in down the way. Not for long, though. Gave the girl up as I recall.”

Pain crashed over her. _It's not like you didn't know how it would be. But, you still hoped it wasn't, didn't you?_ She filed the emotions away and projected boredom. “Gave her up? To who?”

The woman shrugged. “Maybe, an orphanage? Probably couldn’t take care of her properly. Girl was real young. Likely told herself the child had a chance of getting adopted. That’s what they always say. But, I really don’t know in her case.”

Bitter irony surged. Being apprenticed to a spymaster probably wasn’t what her mother had in mind. Then again, maybe the woman hadn’t cared either way. “I suppose that’s not unusual in troubled times.”

There was a cackling laugh. “True enough. In any case, not sure what else you want to know about her. After too many years, it’s difficult to remember details.”

 _I’m not sure I want to know anything else._ Barriss rose to leave, placing the second datari on the table. “That's all. Thank you.”

“Why’re interested in a poor slag that died so long ago, anyway?” The woman fixed her with an innocent expression. “Bit odd you aren’t interested in the rest of the family.”

Stiffening, Barriss couldn’t help a startled reply. “She had more family?” Her voice hardened, “I don’t pay twice.”

The wrinkled lips parted in a shrewd smile. “Oh, I already gave you what you paid for, dearie—details on Amira Offee.”

Exhaling in annoyance at herself, she said flatly, “Very well. I’m trying to… resolve an old debt, you might say. If there is other family still alive, it may be of interest to me.”

Nonexistent eyebrows raised. “Paying old debts is a great thing, but paying new ones is preferable.”

Flicking her wrist, another coin landed on the table with a clink.

Wizened fingers crept out and swept it away. “Offee had another child.”

Barriss gaped, grateful she had kept the hood over her face.

The woman continued, “This one was much later than the first, called Narys. Lived here her whole life, that one did. Even after her mother died.”

 _She got rid of me. Replaced me with a child she actually wanted. Don’t. Don’t process it now. Focus!_ “Where is the daughter now?”

“Dead. Some kind of fever going round, few years back.”

Her voice filled with icy threat. “I don’t pay for useless information.”

Defensive hands went up. “Wait a minute, dearie. I didn’t say I was finished. You’ll get what you paid for.”

Silently waiting, Barriss fixed a hooded stare.

“Narys had her own daughter. That one is still alive.”

Too many conflicting emotions hit her at once. Slamming them down with intensity, Barriss asked, “Where is the girl now?”

“Orphanage, last I heard. Might not be anymore, who knows.”

“Which one? What’s her name?”

There was a dismissive shrug. “There are several in these parts. One of them. Let me think… Narys called the kid… Kerrin? Kyra? Or, was it Kareen? Something like that, anyway.”

“Who was the father?”

The woman snorted derisively. “No idea. Never saw one.”

The spewing emotions were overwhelming, but Barriss pushed on, trying to get as much as possible. “I take it the girl was young when her mother died?”

“Yeah, four or five, maybe. Hard to remember. So many children come and go round here.”

Her control reached a breaking point. “Very well. Your bargain is fulfilled.” She struggled to maintain a steady gait out the door.

Once she hit the street, Barriss stumbled to a nearby overhang. Sliding down the dirty stone, she pulled legs to her chest and began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. What to do with these revelations?


	13. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss start to connect the dots.

“What’s wrong?”

Ahsoka glanced down at the woman on her chest. “Nothing, I think.”

There was an exasperated sound and Barriss lifted a head to look directly at her. “Really? Do we have to do this everytime?”

Not able to prevent a small grin, Ahsoka said, “Do what?”

“Oh, I am so not going through this tonight. Do you know what kind of day I’ve had?” Barriss said in annoyance. “Just tell me.”

“What fun is that?” she asked impishly.

A hand gripped her chin and piercing blue eyes flashed. “Ahsoka Tano, I love you, but I might strangle you one day. You have been warned.”

Starting to feel a bit guilty at the tired frustration in her wife’s eyes, Ahsoka stroked her cheek. “Alright, you win. Only because I love you too much to say no to anything you want.”

The expression softened. “Excellent.”

Still running fingers over the diamonds, Ahsoka said, “I’ve been having this weird sort of mantra running through my head over the last few weeks. I have no idea where it came from or what it means. It’s annoying.”

“Hmm, that is strange. What’s the mantra?”

“The same three words over and over again. Yoda. Dagobah. Mom.”

Barriss shot up in their bed. “Do you remember when it started? Like where you were or what you were doing?”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows at the sudden intensity. “Um, maybe. Is it important?”

“Yes, it might be,” her wife replied, seriousness unabated. 

“Ok then.” Ahsoka stared. “I guess I was in the great hall on the first night in Shili? Or, maybe it was the next day? I do remember thinking them in the great hall, though.”

Barriss’ face grew even more intense. “Were you sleeping at the time? Or had you just been sleeping?”

Ahsoka contemplated. “I could have been. Yeah, actually, I think I was.”

Her wife’s eyes floated away and seemed to be calculating. 

Watching for a few moments, she finally said, “Are you going to explain why you think this is so important?”

Barriss refocused. “I think you saw your mother again. She clearly wanted you to remember something.”

“Oh, your dream thing? You really think that happened?”

There was an annoyed exhale. “It was  _ your _ dream thing, Ahsoka. You’re the one who thought it happened and then made me remember it for you. I’m beginning to wish I had never promised to do so.”

Ahsoka assessed her wife for a moment. Then, she pulled Barriss down, wrapping arms around her. “Ok, I’m sorry. I believe you. Let’s assume it wasn’t a dream and what I saw was real. And, if you’re right that it happened again, what does Yoda and Dagobah mean?”

“Thank the Force. I was getting extremely tired of trying to convince you.” A slender hand intertwined with hers, thumb rubbing over the fingers. “I don’t know what it means. The swamps of Dagobah are uninhabited and dangerous. Even if they weren’t, what would the name of a long dead, Jedi philosopher have to do with them?”

“No idea. I told you it didn’t make any sense. But, it's in my head and I can’t seem to get it out.”

They both went silent for a moment. Then, Barriss said slowly, “Let me try something. This is crazy, but I’m going to do it anyway. Stay absolutely quiet and still. I need complete concentration.”

“That sounds dramatic.” A face glared up at her and Ahsoka grinned. “Sorry, my dear. Do your crazy thing.”

Barriss relaxed on Ahsoka’s chest and closed her eyes, breaths becoming slow and steady. 

Feeling antsy, Ahsoka tried not to move with great difficulty as the silence stretched for what felt like years.  _ What in the world is she doing? It’s taking forever, whatever it is. _

Finally, her wife said, “What’s in Dagobah?”

Ahsoka opened her mouth, unsure of whether to respond, when a faint yet vaguely familiar voice came from nowhere. “Yoda, my dear.”

Jerking up, Ahsoka frantically scanned the room. “Mom?”

“Really? I thought I said to not to move,” came an exasperated, muffled voice.

Glancing down, she saw Barriss lifting herself face first from the bed. “Sorry. But, did you hear that?”

Eyes rolled. “What do you think I was trying to do? Except, now I’ve lost it. After I do, it takes forever for me to accomplish again.”

Ahsoka stared at her. “You knew that was going to happen? How?”

“I didn’t for sure. It happened the last time you had a dream. I’ve tried to talk to her again since then, but it never worked. So, it was just an experiment. I wasn’t even sure if I imagined it the first time or not.”

Still surveying the room, she murmured, “That was my mother’s voice. I’m positive.”

A hand touched her face and turned it to Barriss’ smiling one. “Then, I suppose we know two things. Your dream was real. Unless, we’re both under the same mass delusion. And, Yoda is in Dagobah.”

Ahsoka’s soul burst with an ethereal happiness.  _ My mother is out there somewhere. Watching me. She can hear me. Or, she can hear Barriss. Wait.  _ Looking back at her wife, she said, “Why can you talk to her and I can’t?”

Barriss shrugged. “Maybe you can and you’ve never tried it. I’m more confused on why I could at all. From what you told me originally, it sounded like your mother could sometimes see people she loved. Which suggests she can enter our world, but can’t interact here. She had to get you into some kind of alternate reality to do it. Maybe, talking is easier than appearing in person?” Her face grew excited. “No wait. Maybe, she can only interact if the other person is in the right state to hear it?”

Ahsoka considered. “Can you teach me what you did? So, I can talk to her?”

“I can try. It’s kind of hard to explain. You have to promise not to get frustrated if it doesn’t work,” she stated with a meaningful expression.

Grinning, Ahsoka crossed her heart. “Warrior’s honor.”

Barriss chuckled. “Ok, but first, let’s work out what she wants you to know.”

“Well, Yoda is in Dagobah. Does that mean he’s still alive? Or, is it more conceptual than that? Like some hidden scrolls are there or something?”

“Hmm, good point. I don’t know. There isn’t enough data to calculate. I know very little about Yoda, not even his species. I suppose it’s possible he’s still alive. I’d have to do some research.”

“Either way,” Ahsoka said thoughtfully, “it seems like she wants us to go to Dagobah, right?”

“Probably a reasonable assumption. When and why are less clear, though. Maybe, we should attempt more questions when I teach you. Though,” Barriss added softly, “minor correction, she wants  _ you _ to go to Dagobah. I wasn’t part of your mantra.”

_ Oh, no way. That’s never happening. _ Ahsoka placed both hands on her wife’s face, rubbing thumbs over the diamonds. “Maybe. Maybe not. Clearly, I could only retain so much. I didn’t even get the ‘go’ part of the instructions. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. You might not be part of the mantra, but you  _ are _ a part of me. If I go on some crazy crusade into the swamps of Dagobah on my dead mother’s instructions, you are  _ so _ going with me.”

Barriss gazed at her and then an adoring smile formed. “Gods, I love you.”

Brushing lips over hers, Ahsoka whispered, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I up your hmm with two more hmms.


	14. PART II: CHILD - Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanted: Ahsoka and Obi-Wan try to handle their holding pattern, while Barriss decides who she truly is.

“Hey lady, you ok?”

Barriss lifted her head to see a rutian Twi’lek girl hovering over her. “I don’t know.”

The child glanced around. “Well, stay here and the vultures will get ya. Your clothes are too supra for this street.”

She laughed bitterly. “They’re welcome to try.”

Disbelieving confusion looked back at her. “Whatever. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” She started to creep away.

“Wait,” Barriss called out with sudden impulse, “let me ask you something. If your mother abandoned you, how would you feel about it?”

An unexpectedly brash grin shined back. “Don’t reckon I’d care that much. Really, I can say for sure, cuz she did.”

Barriss stared. “You don't care?”

Teal lekku flicked impatiently. “She didn’t care, why should I? I’m making it all on my own.” She puffed out a sunken chest. “I figure if she couldn’t see what she had, that’s her loss.”

“Huh.” Barriss’ mind flipped. “So, you think if someone doesn’t want you, they’re the one with the problem, not you?”

The girl returned to her and knelt down. “Um, yeah. Why should I care if she had issues? Doesn’t mean I have to, right? That’s not very fair.”

Unable to hold back a smile at the logic, Barriss replied, “You make good points, my philosophical girl.”

“Phila-philoso-tical, huh?” She rolled the word around a few more times. “That’s a new one. I’ve been called a lot, but never that. That means smart or something, right?”

Barriss nodded. “Smart, wise, clever, thoughtful. All of those things.”

A bright grin appeared. “Thanks. Does that answer your question, then? Or, do you need more philosophistical advice?”

Chuckling, Barriss asked, “How old are you?”

“Dunno.” Small shoulders shrugged. “How old are you?”

“I'm—actually, I suppose I don't really know either. I made up a number when I was young and went with that ever since.”

“Guess it doesn’t matter much, then.”

“Nope.” Barriss grinned. “You have a name?”

“Sure. Everyone has a name, right? Except for the weirdos that live over there. They just call each other numbers.”

Raising an amused eyebrow, she said, “And, yours is?”

Lekku shook a negative. “What’s yours?”

“Hmm, I see your point. Alright, young philosopher, my name is Barriss Offee.”

She gave a small jolt. “No way. You’re lying.”

“Nope, I’m telling the truth. But, if you don’t believe me, guess that’s your issue. Shouldn’t be mine, right? A very wise person once told me that.”

The disbelieving expression morphed into airy confidence. “Sounds like a very philosophistical person.”

“Oh, she is,” Barriss stated. “I’d tell you her name, but…”

There was a snort. “Ok, legendarious spymaster, my name is Caam. And, that’s my real name, so ya know.”

Sticking out a hand, Barriss said, “Good to meet you, Caam.”

A tentative hand took hers. “Uh, good to meet you too… whoever you are.”

Barriss sent eyes skyward. “One day, I’m going to prove it to you.”

“Woah! Now, what we got here?” A menacing voice floated in from the street. “A supra lady and her slave girl.”

Caam spun around, fear tinting her tawny eyes. She covered it with a cocky smile. “You picked the wrong suckers, joopa-spits. Prepare to get walloped.”

Five figures, ranging in age and species, all branded variations of pitiful looking weapons. They guffawed at the bravado.

Throwing a meaningful glance at Barriss, Caam wiggled two running fingers—clearly suggesting escape at the first opportunity.

Barriss jumped up and pushed the child behind her. “Are you collecting donations to help the orphans of Coruscant? Hoping to get my opinion on your terrible fashion choices? Or, were you just trying to impress me with your poor excuse for a threatening voice?” Waving a disgusted hand, she added, “Ugh. Is the smell a bonus?”

Five stupid-looking mouths gaped open and there was a tiny cry from behind her.

She lifted a palm toward the girl. “Stay back. Looks like I get to prove it sooner than I thought.” Barriss took two steps forward into the street. “I’m sorry. Did my questions cause your puny minds to implode? I can repeat them, if it would be helpful.”

The lead ruffian sputtered, “You must be crazy, lady.”

“Very possibly. Though, I am potentially reconsidering that assessment. Now, I’m wondering if it’s simply the rest of the world that’s crazy. What do you think?”

There were more gapes, before weapons rose amid growls.

“Sorry, I’m being too philosophistical for you, aren’t I? I can speak more slowly if it—oh, nevermind. I’m not in the mood for witty insults today.” Spinning forward, she drop-kicked the leader and then worked her way down the line. In less than a minute, all five were moaning on the ground. “Anything else? No? In that case, get up and go take baths. Oh, and find something else to do with your lives.” Her voice lowered to a menacing level. “All of you. Now.”

There were gasping groans as five bodies lumbered away, colliding into walls and crates as they went.

Unexpected surety spread across her entire being. _I am Barriss Offee. That’s who I chose to be. She exists because I exist. People want that person or they don’t. I have my own issues to handle. I don’t have enough happy juice for theirs too._ Laughter flew up from her soul at the thought.

Fingers jerked on her cloak. Twisting around, she saw an admiring gaze.

Caam whispered, “Are you _really_ Barriss Offee?”

Gripping the small shoulders, the woman smiled. “Yes. That’s exactly who I am. Who I’ve always been. Barriss Offee.”

_______

“How long do we wait?”

Obi-Wan closed tired eyes and leaned against the building. “I don’t know, Ahsoka. You’re the one that told me to have faith.”

The girl blew out a frustrated breath. “Fine. We’ll give it a few more hours.”

Opening his eyes, he saw Ahsoka pacing. “It might be a while. I don’t know how long Porter would take or when Luminara left Dantooine. You can go, though. I know you’re worried about Barriss. I plan to get a room at the local tavern, if she doesn’t arrive by sundown.”

Ahsoka winced and stopped her frantic circling. “No. Barriss is capable of taking care of herself. I need to have faith, too. Sorry, I’ll try to calm down.”

Smiling warmly, he reached out a hand. “Come here, my darling child.”

She took it and laid against his shoulder, gazing out to the dusky village square.

Obi-Wan kissed her montrals. “Everything will be alright.”

Her body relaxed against him and a soft smile formed. “I know.”

_______

Barriss walked back into the palace with trepidation. She was not looking forward to the inevitable angst she’d created.

“Aunt Barriss, you’re back!” Luke came sprinting down the main corridor.

She reached out joyful arms as he lifted her into a huge hug. _Gods, I think he’s gotten even stronger._ “When did you get here, my always on the move nephew?”

“A few days ago. I’m headed out again this afternoon, though. Ezra, Shan, and Sabine are waiting for me in Chandrila. I’m glad I got to see you. Aunt Ahsoka said she wasn’t sure when you’d be back from your mission.”

Barriss smiled. Of course, Ahsoka would avoid worrying them. “Me too. I swear you’ve grown another two inches.”

Bright blue eyes rolled. “Um, you know I’ve only been gone for three weeks, right?”

“Your point is?” She raised an eyebrow.

Luke laughed. “Maybe, you’ve just gotten shorter. Hunched over your desk too much while saving the world, probably.”

She punched his arm and glared. “Being all manly and grown up doesn’t mean you now get to insult your aunt’s height deficiencies.”

Putting on an expression of utmost seriousness, he said, “Apologies, my brilliant, amazing, definitely not lacking in height aunt, who I love very much—even when I throw my back out to give her a hug.”

Unable to suppress a grin, Barriss replied, “Lucky for you, I blame Ahsoka for this impudent behavior. Where is your aunt, anyway?”

“Oh, a message came not too long after I arrived and she flew out of here like a mynock on spice.”

Anxiety spiked. “What message?”

The young man shrugged. “Something about Obi-Wan needing to be bailed out of jail in Dantooine. Nothing too shocking.” He grinned.

 _Uh, ok._ Taking his arm, she said, “Come on. Let’s go see what disasters have unfolded, while I’ve been gone.”

“To your office, my lady!” he cried with gusto.

As they entered the office, Barriss scanned Ahsoka’s desk, shoulders slumping. The message she had sent, telling her wife everything was alright, was still sitting unopened. It must have come after the woman had left. _Gods, she is probably so worried. Good work, Offee. You’ve really made a mess of this._

Luke gazed at her. “Is everything ok?”

Biting her lip, Barriss replied, “I don’t know.” Her intention had been to explain things to Ahsoka and then continue looking for her newly discovered niece. She had only come back, because the centralized resources at her disposal here would make the search more effective. Now, there were competing priorities.

Deciding to focus on the family in front of her, Barriss brushed fingers over his cheek and asked, “Do you want to have lunch, before you go? I’ve missed you.”

A boyish smile shined. “Absolutely.”

_______

Barriss stared blankly over the rim of her tea cup. _What now?_ Obi-Wan’s situation suggested problems, especially since Luminara obviously wasn’t present or able to get him released. However, Barriss had no idea if they’d even be in Dantooine at this point. _What if they’re on the way back? Then again, what if they need help?_

Picking up the list of intended locations Luminara had left, she scanned it again. Perhaps, skipping Dantooine altogether would be the wisest course. _Assuming, everything hasn’t gone off the rails since this list was made._

Then, there was her niece. She felt a sense of responsibility for the girl that was undeniable. Hissing in frustration, she ran a hand over her forehead. _Which family member needs me more? What if the girl doesn’t even want you? Doesn’t matter. You have to try._

“Well, look who’s decided to grace us with her illustrious presence.”

She looked at the door to see a snarky grin. “Good to see you too, oh glorious hunter of bounties.”

Asajj gazed at her for a moment and then sauntered over. “Alright, what’s going on. Spill it, kid.”

Barriss shrugged. “I wish I knew.”

A smirk appeared. “Oh, you know. That’s Barriss code for ‘I don’t want to talk about something complicated’.”

Throwing a glare and a return smirk, she said, “Fine. I’m trying to decide whether to chase down my wife, who thinks I’ve gone AWOL and is probably worrying herself into oblivion. Meanwhile, my master has left her husband locked up in a Dantooine jail, while they both deal with past emotional trauma. Oh, and I recently discovered my birth mother gave me up and had another child, who then had her own daughter. That girl is the only one left alive, last seen in the care of an unidentified Coruscant orphanage. Anything else you want to know?”

An impassive face stared at her. “No, I think that covers it.”

Returning a hand to her forehead, Barriss slumped back into the chair. “Glad you asked?”

“Undecided.” Asajj perched herself on the edge of the desk, thin lips pursing. “How about we divide and conquer?”

“What?”

Turquoise glinted in the sharp eyes. “You can’t do everything. So, which of these many issues do you need to handle personally? I can take care of a different one.”

Barriss opened her mouth, but then considered the idea. “Huh.”

“You seem to have forgotten you have a family, Barriss Offee. I think all of this diving into the past has made you regress to our mutual childhood.” Her voice was light, but tinged with meaning. “We’re not unwanted kids living on a street, anymore. As you’re so fond of telling me, we'll never be alone again.”

Gazing at Asajj, Barriss’ heart blossomed with a reassuring stability she hadn’t felt in weeks. “You're right. Thanks for the reminder.”

A genuine smile shined back. “Tell you what, I’ll take the girl. You go rescue Ahsoka, or Kenobi, or Luminara—or all three. Sounds like they need you, not me. Maybe… you need them too? Besides, tracking people down in unknown locations happens to be my specialty,” the woman ended dryly.

She chuckled. “Alright. If you find the girl, just maintain surveillance. Unless, there is an urgent need to get her out of whatever situation she’s in.”

Asajj raised snarky eyebrows. “Um, that was my plan. I don’t do children. Write down any details you have and let me handle it.” One side of her mouth curved up. “Then, _please_ go find your wife. I’d rather not have to deal with an Ahsoka Tano meltdown.”

Barriss laughed. “It’s a deal.”

_______

Lowering her hood, Barriss flashed a tentative grin. “Did you miss me?”

They both leapt up from their rickety tavern chairs and Ahsoka’s eyes bulged. “You’re… here.”

Barriss laid arms over her wife’s shoulders. “Yes. I came to find you. I sent a message after I left, but you apparently missed it. I didn’t realize you had no idea I was alright. I'm so sorry, Ahsoka.”

The woman stared for a moment and then grabbed her up. “Gods, I was so worried.”

“I know. I really am sorry. There was something I needed to do.”

Leaning back, Ahsoka opened her mouth, but then closed it again.

 _She’s afraid to ask._ Moving hands to her wife’s face, she whispered, “I’ll fill you in soon, alright?” Barriss brushed lips across hers and then turned to Obi-Wan. “I hear you managed to get yourself thrown in jail?”

The man smiled. “All in a good cause, of course.” His expression fluctuated and he wrapped Barriss in a tight hug. “I’m glad you’re alright, my dear. Ahsoka wasn’t the only one who was worried.”

“I know,” she murmured and returned the embrace. When they broke apart, Barriss saw pain flash across his face. “What’s wrong?”

“We’ll talk about it later. I’m just happy you’re here.” Looking at Ahsoka, he continued, “I suppose it’s time to face reality.”

Her wife nodded. “We’ve given her over two days.”

Barriss glanced between them. “What does that mean?”

Obi-Wan sighed and then met her eyes. “We had better bring you up to date.”

_______

Barriss calculated options. “I believe we should find Porter. We need to know what he told her.”

Obi-Wan grimaced. “I don't know where he is, unfortunately. Luminara retrieved the location, while I was busy being arrested. Going back to Dantooine and running another operation would take a decent amount of time.”

She shook her head. “We’ve had dealings over the years. Unless he’s gone underground, I shouldn’t have trouble locating him. Porter is a creature of habit and enjoys living in comfort, despite his paranoia.”

He raised impressed eyebrows. “Well then.” Glancing at Ahsoka, he asked, “Are we agreed?”

The woman shrugged. “It’s a place to start.” Her eyes drifted away.

Barriss intertwined their fingers, rubbing a thumb over them. “Ok, we’re headed toward Dantooine, but a bit off the beaten path. If we leave now, we’ll be having a conversation with our target by nightfall.”

Hope surged into Obi-Wan’s face. “Excellent. I’ll take care of our bill and we can go.” His usual confident smile returned as he strode off.

Turning to her wife, Barriss asked nervously, “Everything alright?”

Ahsoka responded with a vacant nod, “Sure.”

Assessing her for a moment, she said, “Are you angry at me?”

Fierce blue eyes flickered and then focused on her. “I was never angry, just worried. I suppose I’m… I don’t know what I am. Tired and confused, maybe. Trying to figure myself out isn’t exactly my skill set, you know.” She snorted.

Feeling comforted by the response, Barriss relaxed. “I’m sorry I ran off so suddenly. I wanted to find some answers and needed time to think. It was too much at once or something. Plus, someone did tell me a change might help.”

“Did it?” Badly concealed anxiety flowed under the words.

Barriss smiled and traced two fingers along her wife’s warrior markings. “It was a good start. Everything feels more manageable. Let’s talk on the way, ok? I have a lot to tell you.”

Ahsoka let out a relieved breath and pressed lips to her forehead. “Good.”

_______

Barriss finished her story as they trotted into the outskirts of a small settlement. _Gods, it feels good to say all of this out loud._ “That’s pretty much everything, I suppose.”

There was silence for a few moments and then Ahsoka asked, “You said Asajj is looking for the girl?”

“Yes,” she replied, “hopefully, she has some luck while we’re gone.”

“Do you still think we didn’t want—” Obi-Wan’s distressed voice broke off.

 _Do I? Sort of._ Barriss sighed. “I don’t know. I need to think it through some more. We can talk about it later, if you want.” _I know who I am now, but who do they see?_

Obi-Wan fixed her with a determined gaze. “Oh, we definitely will. There is no way I’m letting you even remotely contemplate the idea any longer.”

Warmth spread though her and she smiled. “Who am I to argue with the most amazing negotiator in the history of negotiation?”

He grinned. “And, don’t you forget it. Because, there is no compromise in this negotiation, my darling child.”

Her smile turned a bit shy. “Ok.” Turning back to the road, she continued, “Alright, let’s head to the far end of the settlement. We can’t do a normal approach. So, follow my lead.”

_______

“Seriously? Haven’t I been through enough this week?!” The man attempted a lumbering roll out of the bed, but crashed back into his gigantic pillow, limbs askew like a toppled rancor. There was a muffled groan. “Why didn’t you run, Porter? No, you just couldn’t bear leaving every last possession, could you?”

“Greed has always been your weakness,” Barriss remarked.

He grunted. “True enough.” Managing to achieve a sitting position, beady eyes assessed Barriss. “So, what do you want, Offee?”

Impatience pushing his flaring temper, Obi-Wan bit out, “We want to know what you told my wife. After that, I’d like to discuss whether you killed our child. Then, we’ll talk about what happens to you.”

Bushy eyebrows flew into a nonexistent hairline and the man scrambled off his bed. “You-your wife—child?! Son of a—listen, I’ll tell you what I told Luminara, if you promise not to kill me. Deal?”

A calming hand rested on Obi-Wan’s arm as Barriss moved forward. “Here is the deal you’ll actually get, Porter. You tell us everything, we _may_ let you live. You tell us nothing, you _will_ die. You lie to us, you will die _very_ slowly. You try to weasel, betray, or otherwise slime your way out of this conversation, you don’t even want to contemplate the consequences. Any questions?”

Ahsoka spun her swords in casual circles. “Can’t I just kill him now? Anyone who owns anything this ugly needs to be put out of his misery.” One of the swords smashed into a discolored vase on the side table.

“Stop!” Porter threw frantic hands in the air. “Do you know how much that cost? It was an original piece, dating back to the Bane dynasty!”

The woman glanced around. “Really? How about this one?” Precise slashes whipped across a chartreuse-checkered tapestry, leaving a vague outline resembling the letter ‘J’. Her expression turned innocently inquisitive. “Does that bring the value down?”

Skin flushing apoplectic, his mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

“Oh wait!” Ahsoka lit up with sudden enthusiasm. Dual swords swished in perpendicular directions, leaving a ‘L’ to the left of the previous creation. She gazed at her work in appreciative admiration. “Now, that’s what I call a collector’s piece.”

“Agh!” Pivoting to Barriss, the man bellowed, “Call off your deranged Wookie! Doesn’t she know threatening my life was enough to get me to talk?!”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Of course. She’s just bored. The longer we stay, the more bored she becomes.”

Obi-Wan smiled through the worried anger. His girls were so _very_ good.

“Ok, ok! Luminara was here a few days ago. I told her the accident—” He glanced nervously at Obi-Wan. “It happened because I was forced to feed her bad intel by her old master. The arrogant bastard tortured me. It wasn't my fault!” Terrified eyes fixed on Obi-Wan and he pleaded, “She believed me and let me live!”

 _Dooku?!_ Sudden fury blazed like wildfire through his soul. Everything stopped. There was no processing, no thinking, no logic. Obi-Wan simply seethed in burning rage. _Is he already dead? If not… he will be. Soon._

An abrupt touch made him twist around. Ahsoka had locked a hand on his shoulder. The worry in her eyes brought him back to reality and Obi-Wan realized his fists were clenched as intense heat pulsed over his skin. Forcing the muscles to uncoil, he glanced over at Barriss. The girl was staring blankly at the wall, mouth hanging open.

Ahsoka kept a bracing hold on both of them as she stared down Porter. “Alright, bantha-spawn, keep your miserable life for now. Don’t forget this mercy.” She pushed them toward the door. As they exited, the woman elbowed a glass sculpture off a side table.

The last thing Obi-Wan heard was shattering glass and a distressed cry as Ahsoka dragged them from the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so much going on in this chapter, I'm not sure what to comment on. It was one of my favorites to write, though. Maybe, I'll just say why...  
> Caam.  
> Barriss realizing she is who she is, no matter how she got there, and then promptly kicking a**.  
> Ahsoka and Barriss: Master Interrogators.  
> Caam.  
> Obi-Wan going over the edge.  
> Ahsoka managing everyone.  
> Caam.  
> Whether you liked these items or not, you'll have to tell me. :-)


	15. PART II: CHILD - Paths Not Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka finally understands, Luminara accepts the truth, Barriss comes clean, and Obi-Wan is once again the happiest man on the planet.

“Who was her master?” Ahsoka asked hesitantly.

They had travelled silently away from the settlement for the last hour. After settling her shocked companions in, Ahsoka had set-up camp for the night. Now, it was time for answers.

Barriss cringed and looked at Obi-Wan. 

Anger still pulsed beneath his expression, but the man appeared more in control than at the house. “You tell her.”

“Dooku,” Barriss stated simply.

Jaw dropping, Ahsoka replied, “As in the Count of Serenno? The one you brought down at the behest of Windu? That Dooku?”

Her wife nodded. 

_ Huh. _ “I didn’t even know he was a spy.”

“He wasn’t, strictly speaking. However, the Count did have an excellent mastery of spycraft.” Barriss’ lips compressed. “We only interacted a few times, while I was Luminara’s apprentice. Still, I always hated it.”

Ahsoka interweaved their fingers. “Why?”

Barriss gazed at a distant point. “My master always seemed upset afterward. I didn’t like her to be upset. And, he was—Dooku was smooth and genteel on the surface, but something underneath… terrified me.” She shivered. “He was a terrible man.”

“Did he raise her, as well? Like she did you?”

“I don’t know.” She glanced at Obi-Wan curiously. 

The man grimaced. “Not exactly. I’d rather not go into detail. Maybe, she will tell you the story one day. He did teach her for many years, though. Dooku considered Luminara his legacy—a testament to his own greatness and skill. The pressure nearly overwhelmed her. That’s why I find it unbelievable that he would try to kill her.”

Emotions flew across Barriss’ face. “She was… like me.”

He smiled. “Yes, my dear. I’m surprised I have to tell you this. Your experience didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s how she learned. If Luminara had been in her right mind, it would have been tempered better by love.”

“She had to know,” Barriss said, expression contemplative, “the only way to make him happy would be to achieve that destiny. It must have been challenging to walk away from that for you.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

Barriss lifted an eyebrow. “She was going to marry you and have a child. There would be no hope of fulfilling Dooku’s wishes. I don’t know if she personally wanted that life or not. Either way, it was probably a terrifying risk.” A soft smile formed. “She rejected destiny for love.”

He stiffened. “Are you saying she couldn’t have been a successful spy as my wife?”

“She could have maintained spymaster status, certainly. But, we are talking about becoming legendary. The dedicated time and high-profile missions required to achieve it would be extensive. She may have gotten some passing recognition, but not an enduring legacy. That needs a level of commitment that wouldn’t leave room for anything else.”

Obi-Wan didn’t look convinced. “I would have supported her. Luminara is amazing. She could have still done it.”

_ Really, Master? And, people claim I’m too idealistic. Besides, they’re both missing the point.  _ Ahsoka opened her mouth, but then decided to stay out of it. 

Barriss made an exasperated sound. “I love you dearly, Obi-Wan, but you’re ignoring reality. Even in your world, there’s a difference between a master negotiator and a legendary one. Do you think you would be the latter today, if you hadn’t thrown yourself single-mindedly into your work for so many years?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

Unable to hold back any longer, Ahsoka piped up, “Whether she could have pulled it off or not isn't the real issue. You were already a well-respected negotiator with a child on the way, right?”

“What does that have to do with it?” His tone rang with nervous annoyance.

Her wife gave a small start. “Oh. Having a world-famous spymaster as a wife would have caused your career significant issues. Then, there’s your child. The kind of notoriety involved in becoming what Dooku wanted would carry considerable danger for anyone she loved.”

Nodding furiously, Ahsoka replied, “Exactly. You both can argue about realistic outcomes all day long, but you’re forgetting the essence of Luminara Unduli. There is no way the woman I know would risk the safety or happiness of the people she loved. Whether she wanted to achieve Dooku’s idea of destiny or not, Luminara charted a new one for something she wanted more—her family.”

Obi-Wan’s head dropped into his hands. “Oh Gods, you’re right.”

Barriss’ gaze fell to the ground, teeth chewing her bottom lip.

Ahsoka glanced between them. “Um, what did I say?”

Raising a trembling head, Obi-Wan responded, “Dooku must have understood what you clearly do. He wasn’t trying to kill Luminara. His intention was to put her back on track. And… it worked.”

“No,” Barriss cried, leaping to her feet, “it didn’t. He probably thought so, but Luminara never went all in. If she had, we would both be lost now. Besides, do you know how many grand missions we could have accomplished together toward that end, if my master had truly wanted it?” The woman halted her circles in the dirt and stared at nothing. “Oh. Why didn’t I see it before?”

“What is it?” Obi-Wan asked, strange hope ringing.

“She didn’t give me an assassination until I was around twenty-one.” Excitement was rising in her eyes. “Do you know how young most apprenticed spies complete one? Fourteen is the standard.”

The man nodded sadly. “Desensitization and adaptability are easier when young.”

“Exactly my point. If I was supposed to carry on or help achieve a legacy, there should have been no hesitation to totally destroy the person I was and rebuild me. It was as if she could only go so far…”

“Luminara did assign you one eventually,” Ahsoka put in gently. 

“Of course,” Barriss stated as if it was obvious. “There had to come a point where there were no more logical justifications to fall back on in her mind. Even then, the mission was in the only place I had ever found an emotional connection—a fact she was well aware of. Consciously or not, she was offering me a chance to choose my own destiny, not hers. By that point, I had the ability to understand the choice I was making.”

Ahsoka frowned. It seemed like a bit of a leap. Then again, knowing how Luminara’s mind worked…  _ maybe not. Actually, you’ve seen more convoluted emotional chaos from Barriss. _

A smile crept up Obi-Wan’s face. “Now, that idea makes me very happy.” Fixing an intent gaze on Barriss, he continued, “Do you know what else this means? Not only the final choice, but all of it. What did Ahsoka just tell us?”

Her wife’s eyes darted between the trees, the ground, the fire, and back again. Eventually, the piercing blue returned to him as she whispered, “The paths were open before her and what she wanted most was… me.” Suddenly, Barriss collapsed and began to cry.

_______

Ahsoka circled gentle fingers over Barriss’ forehead. “Do you remember the first time we did this?”

Sleepy eyes fluttered opened and then gazed up at her. “Did what?”

“You laying in my lap, firelight shining off your dazzling face. Me getting to run my fingers across your delicate skin, while I marvel at how incredibly beautiful you are.”

A shy smile formed. “You are overdoing it a bit.”

“Nope. In fact,” Ahsoka said, “it was so much more than that. I always found you utterly mesmerizing. But, the first time we were like this is when I realized what that meant. It’s when I truly knew I loved you.”

Mouth parting, Barriss replied, “Really?”

“Really. It was right after your fight with Luminara. Remember, I dragged you to the fire to check you over? I couldn’t seem to let you go afterward and left you lying in my lap.” Bringing her hand down to a smooth cheek, she twisted fingers over it. “That’s when it came to me. All I could think was how amazing you were and how miserable I’d be without you. You were home, part of who I was. With you, for the first time in my life, I felt… complete.”

“Wow.” Barriss placed a hand over the one laying on her stomach. “But, is that because you…”

“Because I what?” 

“It’s only that if you hadn’t helped make me better…” she trailed off, biting her lip. “Nevermind, it’s not important.” 

_ Wait. _ Ahsoka’s eyes widened as horrible realization flew into her mind. “Oh Gods. That’s why you went over the edge, when you found out about the tea. You’re worried I only feel that way because I fixed you or something. As if, I made you into the woman I love. Aren’t you?”

Her wife shrugged. “I'm not sure. I did at the time. My mind isn’t as foggy and I think it doesn't matter, maybe. I am who I am now. And, you love that person.”

“Whether it matters or not, it’s literally impossible.”

Lips pursed. “What do you mean?”

“First off, the tea is just that. Sure, it does more than give you something to sip on while you save the world. That’s true of lots of stuff. Like Blossom wine, Corellian Salthia beans, or those disgusting weeds you make us eat that you  _ claim _ are healthier than Eopie cream pie.” 

Barriss rolled her eyes. “They are  _ not _ weeds. They’re tang roots from—”

“Whatever,” Ahsoka interrupted with a grin. “My point is it’s tea thousands of people drink. It’s not some kind of weird toxin that has the ability to make you someone you’re not.”

“I suppose.” Slender fingers absently trailed over Ahsoka’s arm. “But, if I have to drink it all the time to be normal, that’s different.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “Normal? I bet neither one of us will fit the definition. But, how do you know that’s not true about everyone, just in different ways?”

Her nose scrunched up. “What do you mean?”

“Ok, I’ve been thinking a lot about this stuff lately and I have a theory. What if we all have things like this inside of us? The same way we are born with a certain eye color or how some babies have illnesses? I don’t think it’s a stretch given some of the things we’ve experienced.”

Barriss lifted an eyebrow. “So, you’re suggesting I have a disease that makes me sad?”

“Not exactly.” Ahsoka grimaced. “I’m terrible at explaining my random thoughts.” She considered for a moment and then continued, “More like everyone is prone to different kinds of problems. Remember, how Caleb used to not be able to sleep at night? Stubborn boy never told us and eventually became so exhausted that he fell asleep, tumbled off a convoy wagon, and broke his leg? What did you do?”

She smiled softly. “I made him drink hot nerf’s milk and do meditative exercises every night.”

“Yep. And, it worked. He still does that. What if there’s something in the milk that counteracts whatever thing inside of him causes the problem? It could be mental or physical, right? Drinking milk didn’t make him a different person. It simply helped a bit with an issue that person already had.”

Barriss’ nose pinched. “Your hypothesis is that my situation is similar?”

“Why not? Some people could eat or drink things that make their stuff better or worse and don’t even know it. We happened to have discovered yours. Which is actually a good thing. It has nothing to do with being normal, if there is such a thing. It’s just giving you additional control that a lot of people don’t have.” 

Barriss’ face turned contemplative. “Hmm… it’s an interesting idea. I’ll have to give it more thought.”

“Honestly though, all of this is irrelevant to your original question. I’ve just told you when I first realized how much I love you. I’m certain I did before then and didn’t understand what I was feeling. However, let’s go with the night I got a clue. When was that?”

“Uh… maybe a year or two after we found each other again? I know it was shortly after we started our rebellion work, because that’s why Palpatine sent Luminara after us.”

“Yep. And, now tell me when I bought you Chandrilan leaf tea for the first time?”

“Oh.” The thoughtful expression Ahsoka loved to watch flitted across her face as she calculated a timeline. “You gave it to me after our first meeting with Mon. She heard about our efforts from Bail and we didn’t meet him until…” Joy blazed into the piercing blue. “You loved me before you figured out any of your strategies, didn’t you?”

“Of course,” Ahsoka replied softly. “I told you. I only went to such extremes, because I can’t handle when the woman I love is hurting.”

Glassy eyes locked on hers and Barriss reached up, gripping the sides of her face. “Kiss me. Right now.”

A devilish grin formed. “As you wish, my lady. Oh, but first, let's make sure we're on the same page.” Ahsoka leaned down, hovering over her wife’s lips. “Sad or happy, tea or no tea, rebellion legend or doting mother—it doesn’t matter. I love  _ you, _ Barriss Offee. Who you’ve been, who you are, and who you will always be. Got it?”

There was an ethereal smile. “I so got it.”

_______

Luminara stood in the sitting room of the rundown castle, glaring at the faded coat of arms teetering on the wall.  _ I always hated that thing.  _ A wave of bitterness crashed over her and she leapt into a spinning kick. The metal shield careened off the wall and sailed across the room, landing with a thunderous crash that echoed painfully in her ears. 

She had spent days going through every nook and cranny, every hidden compartment, every scrap of information she could find. There was nothing. No records, no sign, no clues.  _ What were you looking for? Confirmation, absolution, or something else? _

_ Accept what you cannot change.  _ Bracing herself against the fireplace mantle, Luminara released a long, terrible wail as bitter tears shed their skin and burned a path down her cheek.

It didn’t matter now. Nothing could help. Luminara was left with inescapable truth. Her master had killed her child. Evidence or not, she could no longer ignore that Dooku intended that potential result.  _ Whether the child died, you were too weak to survive, it made you reconsider, or injury simply caused a rift with Obi-Wan… his goals were met. He wins. He always did. _

_ Until he didn’t.  _ Wiping away the vestiges of sorrow, she smiled with intense satisfaction. Barriss hadn’t let him win. Her child had beaten the man at his own game. Not only that, she had kept Luminara Unduli off his path and on hers, even if it had taken Luminara half a lifetime to see it. _ Gods, my special girl, I was so lucky the day I found you. _

“Master?”

Luminara twisted around in shock. “Barriss?”

The girl approached carefully. “We’ve been looking for you. Are you… ok?”

“I don’t know, my dear. Who’s we?”

Moving closer, Barriss answered, “Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and I. We split up to search the castle. I’m sure they’ll be along eventually.”

Sighing heavily, she said, “I suppose I have some explaining to do.” Luminara froze. “Wait. How did you know to look here?”

“We talked to Porter. Dooku’s former residence was a logical next stop.”

“Oh.” Sudden panic rose. “How is Obi-Wan?”

A hand grabbed her arm. “Don’t worry. He’s handling it. You both can talk through things, now that we’ve found you. It will be alright.”

Luminara took a calming breath and then ran gentle fingers over the diamond tattoos. “It’s always been alright, when I’ve had you.”

Piercing blue eyes misted and the girl fell forward into Luminara, sliding arms around her. “I love you.”

“Not as much as I love you, my amazing child.”

_______

“I suppose I could see my way to overlooking this transgression at some future date.”

Luminara rolled her eye. “That’s very magnanimous of you, my love.”

Obi-Wan nodded with dramatic seriousness. “I thought so.”

Shimmying up his chest, she rubbed lips over his chin. “Mmm… perhaps, we could speed up the future date to now?”

Rough hands slid down the bare skin on her back, leaving prickling goosebumps in their wake. “I shall give your request due consideration.”

Continuing the slow massaging of Obi-Wan’s jaw, she murmured, “I’d suggest a quick decision.”

The hands moved to Luminara’s face and Obi-Wan lifted it to gaze at her. “Before we get to that, I need to know if you’re truly alright. You’ve spent two days avoiding the question.”

“Oh.” Considering for a moment, she replied, “It’s a difficult question to answer is all. I think I’m fine or getting there. Actually,” she paused and then rushed out, “I was more worried about you. We haven’t talked about… Dooku.”

He swallowed and gave a quick nod. “I was waiting for you to bring it up.”

She smiled ruefully. “And, I was waiting for you. We should be better at this by now, shouldn’t we?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Probably.” Then, his expression turned serious. “So, how  _ do _ you feel about it?”

Luminara shrugged. “At first, guilty, bitter, betrayed, miserable… uncertain if I did everything I could to prevent him from taking action. Now, it’s settled and I don’t know what I feel. All of those things and none of them.”

Lips pressed against her forehead. “Me too.”

A sudden sense of confidence settled over her.  _ We can handle anything together. _ “Perhaps, it’s something we can deal with as we go?”

“Guess so.” He moaned. “Force, we have a lot of problems.”

Luminara snorted. “Who doesn’t?” Then, she met his eyes. “That said, I do—remember, when we started this journey we talked about remembering our child at the end of it? I think… I’m ready to do that now.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes widened and then morphed into contemplation. There was a slow nod and he pulled them both into a sitting position. “So am I.”

Content bliss flowed through her heart and she smiled. “How do we do it, then?”

“We already are, I suppose. Still, let’s discuss it more as we work through the rest. Maybe, we can think of some other ways, as well.” His expression intensified. “That said, I need to tell you something else, now that you’re ready. Or, at least, give you the option of knowing it.”

Her smile dropped and she gazed at him warily. “What is it?”

His fingers twisted over Luminara’s cheek. “When the healer told me they had been able to save you, but not the baby, she also said—well, whether it was—” he paused and then blurted out, “she told me the gender.” 

She froze as chaotic emotions began to swell.  _ No. Not this time. _ Squeezing her eye shut, Luminara ran through the new calming exercises she had developed and felt the feelings wax and wane erratically. A gentle hand stroked along her shoulder and she focused on the solid stability it conveyed. Finally, the chaos seemed manageable and her mind began to work a path through it.  _ This doesn’t change anything. It just gives my child more life. _ Opening her eye, she fixed a determined gaze on Obi-Wan. “Tell me.”

Watery eyes looked back at her and then he whispered, “It was a boy.”

Immediate tears flowed and she leaned into his chest as they turned into sobs.

_______

Luminara finished listening to Barriss’ tale, each piece stabbing new pain into her heart. 

The girl stared at the settee they were sitting on. “I suppose that’s it.”

Placing both hands on her child’s face, she locked their eyes. “I wish you had told me all of this. I never should have left you.”

“I’m sorry,” Barriss replied weakly, “but there was nothing you could have done at the time. It would have been selfish of me. You were both already in so much pain. Plus, I didn’t even understand why I was upset.”

“Did it ever occur to you that knowing my child was hurting and being unable to do anything about it would be  _ worse _ than anything else I was feeling?”

She blinked. “Oh. I guess it didn’t.”

Luminara sighed. “Barriss, if you do this again, I swear I will—well, I don’t know what I’ll do. Please, don’t not tell me things for my own good  _ ever _ again. Now, I need you to do something else for me.”

“Uh, ok. What?”

“Tell me you know I always wanted you. That I could have chosen any child in the entire world to be mine and I picked Barriss Offee. Then, say ‘Luminara Unduli chose to be my mother, because I am the most special child in existence’.”

Barriss gaped. “You’re not serious.”

Tightening her grip, she fixed a stern look. “Listen to your mother. Let’s hear it.”

The girl blew out an exasperated breath. “Fine, if it will make you happy. Uh, so I know that you picked me. That you always wa-wanted me.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Luminara Unduli chose t-to be my… mother.” She paused and then rolled out in one long, uninterrupted breath, “Because, I’m the most special child in existence.” A small, happy smile settled onto Barriss’ face.

“Excellent.” Luminara kissed her forehead. “Memorize it, because you’ll need to repeat it to me often.”

The usually subdued sapphire hues in Barriss’ eyes glittered. “Only if I get to add that I also know she sacrificed her destiny for me.”

Luminara’s mouth parted. “That’s not true at all. It’s only sacrifice if the choice is difficult.” Voice softening, she added, “This is the only destiny I ever truly wanted, even when I didn’t understand it myself. My children  _ always _ win.”

Barriss grinned shyly. “That makes this child very happy.”

_______

“We should also talk with the girls about him.”

Luminara stiffened and gripped the chair. “Are you sure that’s wise? Barriss—”

“I know,” he put in, loosening her fingers from the chair back and holding them, “but she’s in a better place now. And, I think it will help in the long run. Barriss needs to understand that she’s not separate from our past. She’s our child, the same as her brother would have been. I want Ahsoka to feel like she’s part of us, too. Does that make sense?”

She considered for a moment. “Yes, I think so. The more we talk about it, the stronger we  _ all _ become. Is that the idea?”

Obi-Wan nodded ruefully. “You always manage to distill what I’m trying to say into a simple, understandable statement.”

“Oh, I know, my love. Why do you think I let you talk first? That way I can come along behind you and clean it all up.”

He laughed and then picked her up. Sweeping Luminara onto their bed, Obi-Wan laid on top of her, head propped on his elbows. Gazing down, his expression filled with amazement. “Force, you’re still as breathtakingly beautiful as when we first met. I’m not sure how you manage it. I certainly can’t replicate it myself.”

Pleased smile spreading, Luminara remarked, “Don’t underestimate yourself, my dear.” Circling fingertips over his entire face, she added, “You have multiple modes of handsome, actually.”

His eyebrows rose. “What does that mean?”

“Well, when you’re serious, you have a distinguished look that I find quite attractive.”

Obi-Wan grinned. “Do tell me more.”

Still trailing fingers over his skin, she said, “Now, that grin reminds me of the charming, young hunter I couldn’t take my eyes off of when we first met.”

His mouth ran over the sides of her face. “Mmm… getting better and better.”

She smiled as rough lips caressed down her neckline and hands slid under her top. “Ah, my favorite version of Obi-Wan Kenobi is about to appear.”

There was a snort as his head popped up. “I can’t wait to hear this one.”

Luminara gripped his face and pulled it down to hover an inch from her own. The deep, steadfast eyes gazed back. Sighing happily, she murmured, “There. That’s it. My Obi-Wan. This is what you looked like the day I first told you I loved you. It was as if I had fallen irrevocably into your eyes. It was the first time I ever felt… complete.”

The eyes in question widened. “Well then.” His voice turned airy. “Guess, I’ve been underestimating my magnetic attraction all these years. Here I was, thinking  _ I _ was the lucky one.”

She grinned. “So, does that mean I am finally forgiven for running off without you? I’d really like to show you how lucky I actually am.”

Obi-Wan put on a thoughtful expression. “Hmm… sort of. I might allow you to make it up to me.” 

“Really? I’ve just admitted, with full knowledge of it being used against me in some future battle, that you are multiple levels of handsome, make me the luckiest woman on the planet, and literally complete me. Is that the best you can do?”

Flashing a boyish grin, Obi-Wan straddled Luminara’s waist and pulled the shirt from her body. Then, he massaged teasing fingers over her breasts. “Oh, I can do much, much better than that.”

Gasping in pleasure, she breathed, “You better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, I love happy endings. Rather, happy endings where at least everyone is moving forward, despite their many issues. Which is my kind of happy ending. Life ain't perfect, but it's worth it people. Keep believing, keep going, keep loving.
> 
> Oh, one more chapter in this part to wrap-up and we're moving on!


	16. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss tries to teach Ahsoka something she already knows.

“It should kind of feel as if your mind is centered.”

Ahsoka opened her eyes and raised amused eyebrows. “Um, ok. I’m not getting it. How did you figure this out?”

Barriss grinned. “Because of you. Remember years ago when you were dying from the scarno bite? While you were recovering, I couldn’t take the pain on your face. So, I told you I loved you for the first time out loud and was trying to calm down. Then, it sort of… happened.”

“Wow. Hold on, you told me you loved me and I still had to wait ages after that?!”

Her wife’s eyes rolled. “Whatever.” Then, her expression grew distant. “Actually, it’s strange. When it happened, my hands sort of tightened around your face and tingled oddly. Then, you stopped convulsing. I didn’t really connect it at the time, but I wonder if that state of mind somehow channels something not quite of this world.”

“Like Great Force stuff?” Ahsoka asked. “Didn’t Mom say something about that in my dream?”

“Yes, she did mention the Force being involved in her appearance. In any case, that’s the first time I did it. After that, I realized it was a good way to not go into panic mode and I tried to get better at it.” She smiled ruefully. “It took forever to be able to do it properly and it still takes a lot of concentration. So, sometimes it’s not that useful.”

“Hmm, when your mind is like that how do you feel?”

There was a shrug. “Calm, focused, almost as if all of me is harmonious or something.”

Ahsoka gaped. “Wait. Would you say it’s kind of like your senses are aligned into one point? And, energy is almost flowing through you?”

Barriss’ eyes widened and then she replied intently, “Yes, that is exactly what I would say it feels like.”

A slow grin spread. “In that case, my amazing wife, I don’t think you’ll need to teach me at all.” She closed her eyes and let her mind wander instinctively, until the familiar alignment happened. “Mom? Are you here?”

“Oh, well done, my special girl,” a smiling voice said. 

Joy hit her with so much intensity, she almost lost focus. “Wow. Um, I—you’re—this is—uh… hi.”

The twinkling laugh Ahsoka remembered came from the air. “Hi back. I’ve missed you.”

“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” she replied happily.

There was a light snort. “We have actually had this conversation before. So, what can I do for my brilliant girls today?”

_ This is crazy, but I’m so going with it. _ “Oh, right. Do you want us to go to Dagobah to find Yoda?”

There was a long silence, before a reply came, “Yes, but not yet. You know all that you need for the moment. Go after.”

“After what?”

“You’ll know when.” The voice seemed distant, as if it was fading. There was a final ethereal whisper, “I love you.”

She opened her eyes to see Barriss staring at her. “Did you hear that?”

The woman nodded and then reached out to dry tears Ahsoka hadn’t realized were on her cheeks. Barriss murmured, “You are amazing, my shining girl.”

Ahsoka grabbed the hand and kissed it. “Only when I have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww and what?


	17. PART II: CHILD - Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real: Barriss visits an orphanage and leaves with a new reality.

“A bit of an odd girl, but very quiet and responsible. She has been with us for a few years, unusual in itself. As they get older, many children leave our care, especially the more capable ones.”

Barriss planted herself in the center of the tiny office. “I see. And, is she one of these capable ones you speak of?”

The stooping man nodded with more vigor than Barriss thought possible from his withering form. “Oh yes, my lady. We often task her with duties beyond what we would normally expect from one so young. My attendants actually claim she’s the most intelligent child they’ve had. I’m never sure what to make of her myself to be honest. Of course, I’m only a lowly administrator and my opinion means little.” The orphanage director bowed obsequiously.

Barriss performed the best regal nod she could manage. “Not at all. I am interested in your assessment.” A good many Coruscant citizens, especially this type, treated the former Lady of the Rebellion with an annoying amount of deference. She assumed it was a holdover of Palpatine’s reign. Ingrained fear had a long reach. Barriss had taken to traveling without her signature cloaks to avoid it.  _ I’m so tired of being her. One of these days, I’ll manage it. _

Today, however, there was no one but herself to blame. She had decked herself in a richly-appointed, velvet indigo garment. Their family crest, also recognizable as an emblem of the Rebellion, was stitched in elegant gold down the front lapels. Double-layered, ebony ruffles along the sleeves added a regal flare. Sabine had created it as a gift several years ago. Ahsoka jokingly termed it the royal robe and Barriss had to admit it did have that effect. Something she intended to capitalize on for this mission. “What else can you tell me about her?”

He fidgeted. “Well… Oh, I believe the mother died. She wasn’t a voluntary castaway, like so many others.”

Barriss held back a wince.  _ Like me. _ At least, the girl would never have that pain. Maintaining an expectant gaze, she said, “And?”

There was a small wheeze as the man rushed over to his desk and scanned a parchment. “No given father. Not sure if Offee was the mother’s, an unknown father’s, or her real one for that matter. Never can tell. Most of our children don’t have a family name. There is a given birthdate here. If correct, she recently turned eight years of age. However, there’s not much else.”

“Does she have any friends here?”

Patchy eyebrows rose. “Friends? I doubt it. As I said, she’s extremely quiet and difficult to make out.” He paused, swallowing repeatedly, and then blurted out, “May I ask your interest in the girl?”

Barriss raised an imperious eyebrow. “You may ask. I may not answer.”

His skin turned ashen and the man bowed so deeply Barriss feared he would hit the floor. “Of course, of course, my lady! Apologies for my unacceptable curiosity.”

Regretting the tactic, Barriss replied, “It is quite alright, Master Olep. I’m sure you were simply taking an interest in the well-being of one of your charges.”

He jerked up, eyes bulging. Then, his body relaxed. “Thank you, my lady.”

Accepting she was unlikely to get any more useful details, Barriss said, “I would like to meet her. Is that possible?”

“Certainly! Anything you wish! I will summon her personally.” The man shuffled out of the room.

Barriss let out an unsteady breath and tried to quiet the nerves. Glancing around the office, her lip twisted. The depressing stone gray walls were in serious disrepair, a deeply scratched painting hung behind the ramshackle desk, and the only chair for visitors looked like it might collapse at any moment.  _ We need to divert more funds to the orphanages. After, I investigate them. _ Barriss had little trust for the institutions or those who ran them, whether from her own experience or a simple knowledge of the terribleness of the world. Though, she had to admit, if this one was corrupt it certainly didn’t show in the administrator’s office.

The thoughts turned to her niece, who had evidently stayed put. Interesting choice for a reportedly smart and capable girl. Barriss had left her own by this age. Perhaps, this place wasn’t as bad. Or, maybe, the girl had a different strategy in mind.  _ Guess, I’ll find out. _

Asajj had been able to locate the child by reviewing the records of every orphanage in the vicinity, one by one. This was the only facility with an Offee. All the other details checked out and Barriss was positive she had found her target. What to do about it was a different question.  _ Another thing to figure out. _

There was a clattering step and the administrator reappeared, accompanied by a slip of a girl with raven hair, lightly olive-shaded skin, and striking, midnight blue eyes. Those same eyes opened wide upon seeing Barriss and she froze in the doorway.

_ Probably, the Mirialan tattoos. _ The memory of her own amazement when meeting Luminara kindled.  _ Wonder if I had the same expression? _

“Karyna, this is  _ the _ Lady.”

Barriss was annoyed at his casual mispronunciation of the Mirialan name. Though, it was possible the child didn’t know the difference.

Apparently recovering from her initial shock, similar annoyance flashed through the vivid eyes. 

_ Ah. That’s my girl. _ “Thank you, Master Olep. It is a pleasure to meet you, Karyna.” Barriss was careful to enunciate the ‘y’ as a long ‘e’. Tiny arching eyebrows shot up.  _ She does remember what her name is supposed to sound like. Good. _

The child made a well-executed bow and replied politely, “The pleasure is mine, my lady.”

Barriss smiled and then turned to Olep. “If it is acceptable, I would like Karyna to take me on a tour of the facility.”

Panicked eyes darted to and fro as he stuttered, “Uh, I mean, we weren’t expecting—I would hate to—”

She interrupted, “Is there a problem I should know about?”

Sagging, he mumbled, “No. No problem, my lady. Please, go wherever you wish. I’m sure Karyna would be happy to accompany you.”

The girl had watched their exchange in silence. A sardonic wisp in her eyes, she addressed Barriss formally, “I would be honored to give you a tour of our fine institution, my lady.”

Barriss nodded. “Excellent. Lead on then, my able guide.”

Spinning around, she marched out of the room with Barriss on her heels.

________

She observed every movement and expression as Karyna led her from room to room. The girl laid out the purpose of each area in an accurate and concise manner, but a dry amusement floated underneath the straightforward commentary. Barriss adored the glimpse she had gotten of the child’s true personality. For eight years old, her niece was well-spoken, perceptive, and surprisingly assured. In fact, she rivalled most adults in controlled poise and mastery of language.  _ More than I did at her age.  _

“We are now entering the kitchen area, where the attendants create nutritious and targeted meals for our benefit,” Karyna waved a sweeping hand over the miniscule area, as if it was the great hall of a castle. “You will note the efficiency expended in their endeavors.”

The corners of Barriss’ mouth edged up. “In other words, they do a lot with a little and the results are less than satisfying?”

The small head jerked up to look at her. She clearly hadn’t expected Barriss to pick up what was likely a running internal monologue for her own personal amusement. “You would know better than I, my lady.” The reply was politely delivered, but the underlying commentary was still there, almost as a challenge.

“I very much doubt that, my able guide. However, do continue with your eloquent description. I’m quite enjoying it.”

An eyebrow quirked and the young face fluctuated, uncertain whether Barriss was playing along or missing the point. Evidently deciding the latter, the girl’s expression drooped a bit and she began pointing out the long, poorly constructed tables that served as the dining area.

_ She’s given up the idea of anyone understanding her.  _ The subtle reactions and understated humor would prove difficult for most to warm up to, while the assessing gaze that carried a tinge of aloofness would be off-putting for adults and children alike.  _ It's hard to make friends when you're the only genius in a room of idiots, especially if you have no idea what you’re doing wrong.  _ Barriss could easily detect the sense of alienation and its resulting loneliness. It was different than her own had been, but the signs were the same.  _ She wants to belong, but doesn’t think it's possible. _

Barriss’ attention wandered as they strolled through the orphanage’s excuse for sleeping quarters. _ I want to discover every last nuance. I want to take care of her. I want her to know she’s special, just the way she is. _ How to make it happen was less clear. If the girl already believed no one could understand her, it would be challenging to convince her otherwise.  _ She’s already developing a shield to keep people out. _

As they headed back into the hallway, Karyna stated, “You are Mirialan.”

Barriss nodded. “Indeed.”

“I’ve never met anyone like me. Except for my mother, I suppose.”

“I’m glad to be a milestone for you, then,” Barriss said warmly. “Do you remember your mother?”

“A little. I believe her tattoos were different than yours, though.” Open, curious eyes looked up at her.

_ There she is. The real Karyna. _ “Yes, they would be. Each Mirialan’s tattoos are unique. They represent the soul of the wearer.”

There was silence for a moment and then Karyna asked, “What do yours represent?”

She winced. _ You should have expected the question. _ Barriss replied, “I’m afraid I can’t answer that. I’m sorry.”

The child’s shoulders slumped and the tone reverted to formality. “I apologize for the questions, my lady.”

Cursing herself, Barriss stepped in front of her and locked their eyes. “No apologies. It was a perfectly reasonable question. I wish I could tell you. It’s only that they are an extremely personal experience and a Mirialan may not be able to put into words what they mean. It’s difficult to explain.” She added with an encouraging smile, “When you get yours, you’ll understand.”

Bottom lip trembling, she shook her head. “I won’t get any. There’s no one left to give them to me.”

Barriss had to stop herself from grabbing the girl up and telling her that wasn’t true.  _ Don’t rush it. You better not mess this up, Offee. _ She fixed an intent gaze on her niece. “Don’t give up, my dear. You’re very young. Who knows what the future will bring. I’m certain you will someday.”

Disbelieving eyes gazed back at her, but then a bashful smile formed. “I hope so.”

_______

Reaching the end of the undersized, understaffed, and overcrowded facility, Karyna addressed her respectfully, “Is there anything else you wish to see, my lady?”

Considering for a moment, Barriss nodded. “Your favorite place.”

Her eyes widened and then darted away. “I, uh, am not sure I have one.”

“Oh, you do. However, if you’d rather not show me, I understand. It is not a requirement.”

Karyna’s gaze jumped back to hers and then morphed into avid interest. “You are not like the others.”

“Others?” 

“The other important people who come here to pretend they care,” the girl answered in a matter of fact tone.

“Ah,” Barriss replied, “you think I’m here for show or a cause. Some kind of political or social goal. A logical deduction on your part. In this case, however, it is not accurate.” She raised a challenging eyebrow.

An utterly serious expression of contemplation appeared on the child’s features and Barriss had to hold back an adoring smile. There was silence as the girl attempted to come up with an alternate explanation. After a few moments, a frustrated voice said, “Fine. I give up. Why are you here, then?”

Barriss grinned impishly. “Hmm… secrets usually require a quid pro quo, clever girl. What mystery will you solve for me?”

Karyna’s lips curved up. “Didn’t you say you wanted to know my favorite place?”

“Excellent strategy. Does this place of yours offer some privacy? If so, let’s head there first and then I can answer your question.”

The girl stared at her uncertainly.

Barriss met her gaze. “Karyna, please trust me. I won’t reveal your secrets and you will get an answer. Actually, quite a few of them, if you wish. You have my word. However, I can’t talk about it here.”

The vivid blue hues swirled with indecision. 

_ Please, let me in. Just a little. Please. _

The young face congealed into determination. “Alright. This way, my lady.”

_______

They had crawled through a concealed hole in a disused corridor and reached some sort of long forgotten storage room. “It’s lovely,” Barriss commented, glancing around the small space.

She noted the variety of random yet organized items, which included a pile of tattered books, a cheap bracelet, and a smattering of broken objects in the process of being repaired. Occupying a prominent position at the center of the collection was a lyre with two broken strings. Bits of torn parchment that looked like they held handwritten musical notations lay beside it.  _ Interesting. _ There was a wad of fabric that could only be termed a pillow under the most generous of descriptions. It rested on a ragged, neatly folded blanket. Presumably, this provided a spot to sit and best use any light coming through the tiny window above it.

It was a carefully constructed oasis of solitude.  _ This is her world. All hers. I can’t believe she actually brought me here. It was a huge risk. _

Karyna was shifting from one foot to another, but didn’t speak.

Smiling warmly, Barriss said, “Thank you for showing me. It’s clearly very special. I’m honored.”

The girl grinned, revealing cute dimples in her cheeks for the first time. Then, she stuttered, “I-I d-don’t, uh, I usually sit on the floor. I’m sorry I don’t have any place for you to—”

“This is perfect. Don’t worry.” She shrugged off her cloak and tossed it to the side, hoping to appear less intimidating in nothing but her plain, navy blue tunic. Then, she sat cross-legged under the window. “The orphanage I lived in didn’t have any secret rooms. If it had, I might never have run away.”

A small mouth dropped open and Karyna floated over to her. “You lived in one?”

“Yes, for a bit. I ran away when I was only a little younger than you.”

The girl lowered herself into a matching position facing Barriss. “What did you do then?”

“Well, while I was there I tried to learn as many skills as possible. I wanted to be able to survive on my own. After I left, I joined one of the street gangs, who liked my ability to crack locks.” She grinned mischievously. “That didn’t last long, though. I was caught on a job by a spymaster. She decided to take me on as her apprentice. And, that was my life for quite a while.”

Her eyes lit up. “You were a spy?! Did you like it?”

Barriss winced. “Not really, my dear. I enjoyed learning new skills and planning strategies. But, it’s a hard life and spies don’t really help people, do they? I always wanted something more.”

“Is that why you started the rebellion?”

“Ah,” Barriss remarked wryly, “I see you know some of my history, already.”

“Of course. Master Olep did introduce us, remember? There is only  _ one _ Lady.”

She laughed. “Right now, I guess that’s true. I’ll hopefully fade into oblivion before too long. To answer your question, yes, I suppose I did it to help people. Though, I’m not sure if I realized that at the time.”

The girl turned thoughtful. “I always wanted to be a spy. Maybe, it’s not as great as it sounds in my books?”

Barriss answered with more intensity than she intended, “It’s nothing like in books, my dear. The life of a spy is full of distrust, pain, and loneliness.”

Karyna stared. “You don’t seem like that.”

“That’s because I changed my life and I had people who helped me.” She tried to lighten the mood. “So, you read books about spies, huh? Any other reasons for that choice of career?”

The diminutive body stiffened and she looked away.

Concerned, Barriss reached out, but paused uncertainly. Compromising, she brushed the girl’s arm and then removed her hand. “What is it?”

Her gaze jerked down to the skin Barriss had touched. “It’s stupid.”

“I doubt that, my dear,” she said encouragingly. “Give me a try.”

A resigned exhale came as a small voice replied, “There’s this spymaster the other kids tell stories about and I wanted to be like her.”

Barriss froze, mind jumping to desperately desired conclusions.  _ Don’t get excited. Could be anyone. _ Keeping her voice even, she asked, “Oh, really? And, why her?”

There was a shrug. “She does great things and is amazing. And, I guess, I kind of liked the idea because she has my name.”

Unwanted tears formed as Barriss sucked in a sharp breath. She pushed them back forcefully.  _ Don't mess this up! _

Karyna looked back at her with alarm. “I’m sorry. I told you it was stupid. Did I upset you?”

Shaking a head, she said, “No, it’s only that—you’re talking about Barriss Offee, I assume?”

The girl gave an awkward nod.

Barriss wallowed in nervous doubt.  _ Just do it. _ “I think it’s time I answered your question about why I’m here.”

Confusion appeared at the apparent change in topic. “Oh. Uh, alright.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, she calmed the jittering nerves. Flipping them open, Barriss stated firmly, “I came for you, Karyna Offee.”

Now, anxiety joined the confusion. “I don’t understand.”

Locking an intent gaze, she said, “My real name is Barriss Offee. However, that’s not the important part. My mother’s name was Amira Offee. My half-sister’s name was Narys Offee.”

Recognition of some or all of the names seemed to hit and the girl’s mouth opened, nothing but a high-pitched squeak coming out. 

Attempting to ensure her intentions were clear, Barriss added, “So, I’m your aunt. I didn’t know you existed until recently. Otherwise, you would never have been here. Ever. And, if you’d like—or we could—I’m trying to say that I’d like you to come live with me. If you want too.”

Fear, disbelief, and hope alternated in Karyna’s face, but she didn’t respond.

Barriss began rambling, “It’s probably scary to leave everything and come with me, when we just met. I hope we can remedy that. Because, I really want to get to know you better. Even if you don’t want to live with me, we can still be friends or just talk sometimes. I could tell you spy stories or something.” A high-pitched laugh came out unbidden.

There was a choked breath and the girl finally spoke, “Where would we live?”

Encouraged at a response, Barriss tried a smile. “Right now, we’d be in the palace here in Coruscant, but we might not stay there long. I have to travel a lot in my work. Of course, I would stay home more if you were there. Or, we could pick a more permanent home, if you’d like that. Our family is spread all over. So, there are lots of choices.”

“Family?” Awe rang in her voice.

Barriss lifted a tentative hand and ran fingers over her cheek. “Yes, my darling niece, we have a lot of family. I have a wife named Ahsoka.” She lifted an impish eyebrow. “You might know her better as the Lady Jedi.”

The girl’s eyes bulged and her breathing became more rapid.

“There’s also my master, Luminara. Her husband is Obi-Wan. They’d be like your grandparents. Ahsoka and I have a nephew and niece on her side, called Luke and Leia. They’re older than you, but would love to have a little sister. Then, there’s your Uncle Rex and his companion, Asajj. She actually helped me find you. We grew up together on the streets of Coruscant. Those are the ones that live with us most of the time. Beyond that, we have an extended family who come and go quite a bit. There is—”

Realizing her words were spilling out in one long uninterrupted flood, Barriss winced to a halt. “Sorry, I’m throwing everything at you. I’m a bit nervous and not sure how to do this properly. It must be overwhelming. If you want, I can let you think about things and come back some other time to talk.”

“No!” Panic leapt into the young face. “Don’t go anywhere! Please.”

Taken aback, Barriss rushed out, “Alright, don’t worry. I won’t leave, if you don’t want me too.”

The small body relaxed. “Good.”

Unsure how to continue, Barriss sat in silence.

Karyna suddenly asked, “Is all of this real?”

Barriss stared, unsure how to answer the random question. “Uh, yes.” Flashing a grin, she added, “Unless, we’re both in the same mass delusion, anyway.”

That got her a small grin in return. “It just seems like one of my…” she trailed off and looked away.

_ Oh. Of course. Have you forgotten? _ Barriss gripped the delicate chin. “I understand. It feels like one of your dreams or the plot of your favorite novel. A long lost relative comes to take you away. She happens to be Barriss Offee, the spy you’ve always wanted to meet. On top of that, she’s secretly the Lady of the Rebellion, the closest thing to royalty these days. This fantasy aunt offers a home in a palace, a loving family, and a new life. Actually, when I put it like that, even I hardly believe it.” She chuckled.

Eyes drifted back to hers. There was still wary fear, but joyful hope filtered behind it. “Something like that.”

Rubbing a thumb along Karyna’s chin, Barriss reiterated, “I promise you. This is real and I meant everything I said. Please, try to believe in me.”

The girl gazed at her, clearly battling between desperate belief and learned self-preservation.

_ Give her something real to you. _ Trying to go on instinct, she went with the first feeling that came. “It’s strange. If you told me when I was your age that Barriss Offee would be someone who existed in the dreams of children, I’d have thought you were crazy. I still can’t quite grasp the idea. I was the girl no one wanted, you know,” she ended quietly, mind drifting away. A small hand touched hers and Barriss refocused. 

The midnight blue was shining, not with fear but adoration. “That can’t be true.”

Barriss smiled softly. “Well, it’s not something you’ll ever have to worry about, my special girl. I’m not sure what else to say, other than you are real to me. I love you and I want you. If you want me, I’ll go sign the paperwork with Master Olep right now and we’ll start a new life together. If you don’t, that’s alright too. It won’t change me loving you. No matter what you decide, you’ll  _ never _ be alone again. I promise.”

Karyna stared for a few more moments, body trembling. Then, she burst forward into Barriss’ chest with a tiny cry. “I want to come with you, please.”

Releasing tears of joy, Barriss slid arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “That makes me very, very happy.”

_______

As they walked out the front door of the orphanage, Karyna halted, sudden fear spiking across her face.

Barriss smiled and reached out a hand. “Come on, my amazing child, let’s go build a future. Together.”

The small hand twitched and then grabbed hers in a clinging hold. “Ok… Aunt Barriss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Well, of this part. 
> 
> I adore Karyna. I adore Barriss adoring Karyna. I'm going to adore writing everyone else adoring Karyna.


	18. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss discuss 'after'.

“Do you think we’re in the ‘after’?”

Barriss tore her gaze away from the campfire to look at her wife. “What?”

“Lately, my mind keeps focusing on my mother’s instructions. The thoughts seem to pop up at random times. At first, I thought it was because our lives had gotten less chaotic and I had more time to dwell on things. But, maybe, it’s something else. I know it’s been months since Palpatine was destroyed. Still, I was wondering if his defeat might have been what my mother was talking about.”

“Oh.” The death of Palpatine and Anakin Skywalker certainly was a turning point for their lives. Whether it was for the eternal realm or not was another question. “Do you think it is?”

There was a sigh as Ahsoka leaned back against a log. “I don’t know. It feels like it could be. Nothing dramatic has occurred since. Also, something strange happened back then that’s been sticking in my mind over the last few weeks—I had to—oh, nevermind.”

“No, tell me.”

“It’s going to sound a bit crazy.”

Shifting her position to lay against Ahsoka’s shoulder, Barriss gazed up with a sardonic grin. “Really? I’m not even going to bother.”

She snorted and then caressed Barriss’ cheek. “I don’t know why I even preface my insane confessions with warnings anymore.”

“Me neither,” she replied lightly.

The hand moved to her forehead, fingers massaging over it. “After you ‘died’, Palpatine kind of—it felt like he was in my head or something. But, I did our Force thing and it vanished. He was not happy about it. I somehow knew I had fought him off. I think I actually said ‘I win’ in my head.” She chuckled and then added, “Anyway, it feels important somehow. Lately, even more than it did.”

Barriss lifted her head, possibilities pinging. “Interesting. That suggests quite a bit about him, as well. However, in terms of our immediate question, it does make me think you might be right…” Her mind floated off, considering the implications.

“Uh huh. Are you going to explain why or leave me hanging?”

Refocusing on her wife, Barriss produced an airy expression. “Well, I don’t know. What’s it worth to you?”

Lips kissed the top of Barriss’ head as hands ran over her back. “Mmm… I’m sure we can work out some kind of arrangement.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” she murmured.

Ahsoka lifted Barriss’ chin to face an amused pair of blue eyes. “That’s the goal, my brilliant, amazing, beautiful wife.” Soft lips dragged along her skin.

She smiled and enjoyed the warmth flowing into her. As the mouth caressed her neck, Barriss whispered, “You so win.”

There was a soft laugh and Ahsoka pulled away. “In that case, to be continued. Now, tell me why I’m right.”

Lifting a hand, she traced the warrior markings. “It occurred to me that your mother wanted you to find Yoda much earlier. She probably thought you’d go right then, if you remembered. Or, not at all if you didn’t. You only partially remembering things threw off the timing by a few weeks. Honestly, if we had gone when we figured out the mantra, we may not have even been back in time to go after Luke.”

A sharp inhale came from Ahsoka, probably at what could have happened in their absence. “That’s possible. But, if there was a risk of that, why tell me at all?”

“Perhaps, she knew you would need to recognize and control your mental focus for the confrontation with Palpatine. And, whatever you learned in Dagobah would give you that. Once you illustrated your ability to do it already, she decided you should wait. Your mother did say something about having what you needed for now. I mean why tell you about Yoda then, if she didn’t want you to go until later? Unless, something changed her mind. It’s just a theory. Still, it could mean that the events in Coruscant were what she was waiting for.”

Ahsoka nodded. “Sounds reasonable. Really, though, we have no idea. For all I know, she could have told me all of this in my dream.” The tone was dejected.

Wrapping fingers around Ahsoka’s chin, she said, “I think I’m having a bad influence on you. You can do something 99.9% of people can’t attempt and you still managed to retain a bit. Don’t even think about getting upset about it.”

A small grin formed on her wife’s face. “Point taken.”

Hesitating for a moment, Barriss suggested, “Maybe… we should ask?”

Ahsoka stiffened and then shrugged. “She hasn’t answered back since that first time. I’ve tried.” The fierce eyes tightened and her jaw began trembling.

Sliding a hand downward, she massaged Ahsoka’s shoulder, “Perhaps, she couldn’t. It might not work all the time. It doesn’t hurt to keep trying. Either way, we can always just go once we get things settled here. We’ll send Karyna on a visit to Leia or Phoenix, so she won’t even know we’re gone.”

Her wife smiled and grabbed Barriss’ hand, kissing it tenderly. “I _love_ you.”

The ever-present happiness spread across her. “Good.”

Ahsoka’s face split into a mischievous grin. “Should we try now?”

Barriss’ eyes widened and she lifted her head to glance around the camp. Their family was sleeping soundly after the hard-fought battle to free Umbara. “If anyone wakes up and hears us talking to the air, they’ll think we’ve gone over the edge.”

“So, you’re saying it will be no different than what they always think?”

Barriss laughed. “Point acknowledged. Ok, you want to try or me?”

“Why not both? We do everything better together.”

_Oh. Maybe?_ “Actually,” she said slowly, “that might be true. You remember when I said I tried a few times after your first dream and it never worked again? I thought it worked the second time because you’d recently had another dream. What if it worked because we were together?”

Ahsoka stared. “Wait. Now, I’m trying to remember if any of my attempts since then have been when you were with me. I don’t think they have…”

A slow smile crept up the sides of her face. “In that case, my darling wife, I think we should give it our best Jedi effort.”

Ahsoka leaned down and brushed lips over hers. “Oh no, that comes later. I still have a bargain to fulfill.”

Shy grin forming, Barriss lifted a meaningful eyebrow. “Stop stalling. Let’s get it done. We have other things to take care of.”

Laughing, Ahsoka laid back and closed her eyes.

Doing the same, Barriss focused until the ethereal calm filled her senses. “I’m ready.”

A quiet, hopeful voice said, “Mom, are you here?”

“I’m always here, my dear.” The response was stronger and clearer than on previous interactions.

Barriss grinned.

A clearly ecstatic Ahsoka said, “Excellent. It’s about time.”

“So demanding. As if all I do is wait around day after day for my wayward daughter to decide to drop by for a chat.”

“What? Don’t you?” Ahsoka replied impishly.

“Of course,” was the dry response, “it’s boring in eternity, you know. Speaking of, what mysteries of the universe can I reveal for you?”

Ahsoka laughed. “I guess we need to know if it’s time to go to Dagobah now.”

An amused-sounding reply came. “I do believe you two just finished figuring that out.”

Her wife’s body started squirming and Barriss could tell she was overjoyed that her mother had been watching them. Then, Ahsoka remarked, “Well, it’s always nice to have confirmation.”

There was a twinkling laugh. “Consider yourself confirmed. By the way, you two are positively brilliant. If you keep this up, you won’t need me anymore.”

“Absolutely not,” Ahsoka said with a hint of panic, “don’t even think about going anywhere.”

“Uh, I was only joking, my overly anxious girl. I’m dead. There aren’t a lot of places for me to go.”

Barriss snorted and could practically feel Ahsoka glaring at her through closed eyes. “Do we need to go immediately?” Barriss asked.

“Do you feel you should go now, my dear?”

This time Ahsoka snorted. “That’s what you get for asking specifics of an immortal spirit.”

Exhaling in annoyance, Barriss considered. “Fine. We’ll give it some thought. I’m not certain a mission that puts us out of contact for an extended period would be the wisest course at the moment.”

The voice replied, “Don’t just think, Barriss. Feel.”

_Ok then._ “Could you be a _little_ more specific, please?”

“Your mind can deceive you, don’t trust it.”

Barriss gave up. “Right. Uh, we’ll take that under consideration.”

Ahsoka murmured, “Five weeks… we should go in five weeks.”

Surprised, her focus slipped and Barriss had to struggle to regain the centered feeling. Then, she realized what Ahsoka meant. The instinct was undeniable. “Yes, you’re right.”

Her wife chuckled. “Aren’t I always?”

“Don’t push it, my darling wife.”

A laugh floated out of the air. “You two are adorable.”

“Oh thanks, Mom. There a million words you could have used to describe us and you chose adorable.”

Barriss piped up, “I like being adorable. What did you want? Cute?”

An exasperated sigh came from Ahsoka. “What else do we need to know?”

There was a long pause and then a grinning voice replied, “That you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

Barriss raised a confused eyebrow. “What?”

“I’ll let you get to it. I love you. Both of you. Be safe.” As the voice faded out, it whispered, “I love you, as well, Obi-Wan.”

Eyelids flying open, Barriss jerked up, barely noting Ahsoka doing the same beside her.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was standing over them, mouth opening and closing repeatedly.

She glanced at Ahsoka, who looked horrified and didn’t seem capable of speech. _How can he hear her?_ Yet another unanswered question in a long line of them.

Emotions ranging from shock to hope to terror were ranging across Obi-Wan’s face as ragged breaths heaved at an exponential rate.

Leaping up, Barriss put both hands on his face and forced him to meet her eyes. “It’s alright. I promise. You’re not crazy. We’ll explain.”

Eyelids slammed shut and the breathing began to slow. After a few moments, he opened calm yet wary eyes. “Somebody better explain something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody got some 'splainin to do.


	19. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning: Our family adapts to having a new member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART 3: BUILDING THE FUTURE  
> A next generation of children takes their place with help from the ones who came before them.
> 
> [Set during the final chapter of WIAB (55) and post TF, LS, PiP, FE, Complicated, and 99% of LBtS]

Ahsoka paced across every square inch of the sitting room floor.

The longer Luminara watched the relentless tread, the more her stomach made clear it's intentions to totally revolt. Going over the edge, she grabbed a passing arm and yanked the girl down onto the settee. “Quit it, my dear. You’re making me nervous.”

A mouth flew open, but then Ahsoka deflated and slouched back against the cushions. “Fine.”

“Well then.” Obi-Wan leaned a casual elbow on the arm of his chair. “Luminara Unduli and Ahsoka Tano in a glorious tizzy of nerves. Will wonders never cease.”

Both women glared death at him.

He raised innocent eyebrows. “What?”

Before anyone could formulate a response, a dry voice wafted in, “Looks like we arrived just in time, Karyna. Five minutes more and they would have passed out from the anticipation.”

All three of the room’s occupants leapt to their feet to see Barriss standing in the doorway, her hands resting on the shoulders of an apprehensive-looking girl.

Luminara felt a bit woozy. _She looks so much like a young Barriss._ Her diminutive figure barely reached the top of Barriss’ stomach in height. The olive skin was lighter than typical for a Mirialan, but had a shining quality, as did the obsidian hair falling down her shoulders. Delicate cheekbones and a symmetrical facial structure spoke of quiet beauty to come. Her entire aura had a subtle flare. It was a presence that could be easily overlooked at first glance, but was unmistakably striking upon the second.

The eyes commanded immediate attention, however. They had an evaluative gleam with coloring reminiscent of a sparkling, indigo-tinted sky surrounding a full moon. The kind of night Luminara had never truly appreciated until her rescue from Palpatine. It was a wonder that meant more through deprivation and restoration.

Barriss leaned down to whisper something and the small figure puffed up in fledgling confidence.

Ahsoka hopped forward with an engaging grin. “Hi there, Karyna. I’m Ahsoka.”

The girl craned a neck. “You—you're the Lady Jedi?”

“You told her that already?!” Ahsoka exclaimed.

Barriss shrugged. “Desperate measures.”

Karyna piped up, “I think she was sort of throwing everything at the wall, because I was freaked out.”

Ahsoka’s attention jumped back to her, grin widening. “Oh, you are just about perfect, my dear.”

A tiny eyebrow quirked. “Only about?”

The woman laughed and picked the child up in a whirling hug. “Don’t worry. I’ll reassess your perfection level on a regular basis. I strongly suspect you will soon reach 110%.”

There was a pleased smile in return.

Barriss snorted. “If you two are done establishing your perfection, there are other people to meet.”

“Indeed,” Luminara remarked and moved forward.

“Karyna, this is Luminara.”

Vivid blue eyes scanned her tattoos and then gazed at her with the same level of awe Ahsoka had received. “You’re a spymaster too, right?”

Luminara gave her a warm smile. “I used to be. Are you interested in spies?”

There was an enthusiastic nod. “I always wanted to be one.”

“In that case, I’ll have to tell you some stories.”

Barriss frowned. “Make sure you don’t limit them to exciting ones.”

Luminara resisted the urge to roll an eye. Clearly, Barriss was already determined her child was never going to be a spy. “We’ll see what I can do,” she replied airily, “but no promises. I refuse to bore my new grandniece. Or, is it granddaughter? Oh, nevermind.” Winking at the girl, she said, “How about you make up your own codename for me?”

Looking as if she had been given a very important mission, a determined Karyna replied, “Yes, ma’am.”

 _No, not this time. I recognize that expression._ Lowering herself to one knee, Luminara said quietly, “You don’t have to make up a name, unless you’d like it. Everyone calls me Luminara. Except for Barriss, who sometimes uses Master. My point is that I will love you, no matter what you call me. I promise.”

Karyna seemed to contemplate and then a hesitant voice asked, “Can I call you… Nara?”

Luminara blinked back tears. “It’s perfect. Just like you, my little Ryna.”

The girl's eyes lit up. “I like mine, too.” She paused for a moment and then whispered, “Does that mean I’m the only one who has a codename for you?”

She ran a single finger over the dimpled cheek. “Yes. You’re the only one I have a codename for, as well.”

Her face filled with childish delight. “Excellent.”

Barriss cleared her throat. “Is there something you’d like to share with the group, oh secretive ones?”

Luminara raised an eyebrow. “No, I don’t believe so. Karyna?”

Producing an innocent expression, she shook her head. “We have nothing to report at this time, Aunt Barriss.”

Eyes rolled skyward and Barriss opened her mouth to respond, when Obi-Wan interjected, “Don’t mind me. I’m just standing here. Waiting.”

Laughing, Luminara rose and stepped out of the way. “Hmm, I hope you remember this sacrifice.”

He snorted, but then gave the girl an open smile. “Hello, Karyna.”

She looked up at him. “Are you Obi-Wan?”

“I am indeed, my dear. You either have a good memory for random facts your aunt throws out or Barriss spent the entire trip drilling you on family details.”

A mischievous expression flashed. “Why can’t it be both?”

They all laughed and he brushed knuckles over her forehead. “Very good. I can see you are going to give Barriss a run for her money.”

Her small brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Barriss is accustomed to being the clever one in the family, my impressive niece. Obi-Wan is warning her that she had better watch out for her job.”

A shyly satisfied smile spread across Karyna’s face. “I’ll see what I can do.”

_______

“This is mine?” Wary disbelief dripped from her voice.

Barriss grinned. “Of course. You didn't want to sleep in the storage room, right?”

Karyna gazed at her. “Do you need me to stay there? I don’t want to be any trouble.”

She pulled the child inside the room. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Now, put your bag down. It’s time to get ready for bed.”

Creeping to the side table, Karyna gingerly set her ragged satchel on the floor. Straightening up with extreme slowness, she stared at it, as if expecting it to explode at any moment.

 _What is wrong?_ The woman walked over and said encouragingly, “Alright, that’s done. Now, let’s check out your bed.”

Wide eyes looked up at her. “Uh, are you sure?”

Barriss sat down on the blanket, patting the space beside her.

The girl looked askance at the hand and then shook a frantic head.

None of the other children they’d taken care of had resisted having their own room. _Usually, they’re thrilled._ Frustrated, she tried again. “Karyna, this is your room. Why won’t you sit on the bed?”

A small lip began to tremble.

Cursing herself, Barriss knelt down in front of her. “Hey, it’s ok. If you don’t want this room, we'll find you something else.”

Karyna stuttered, “I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not upset. I just need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

The vivid blue shined with repressed tears. “Nothing,” she mumbled, “it’s fine. I can s-stay here.” Her tiny frame began to shake.

 _Come on, Offee. Handle it._ Barriss reached up and massaged gentle fingers over the girl’s cheeks. “Karyna, it’s alright to say what you’re feeling. I promise it won’t change how much I love you. Besides,” she added with a warm smile, “there is no way I’m letting my special niece sleep anywhere that makes her less than perfectly happy.”

Karyna’s face tightened and then she slumped forward into Barriss’ chest. “It’s too empty or big or something. I’m… scared.”

 _Ah._ Wrapping arms around her, Barriss searched for a solution. Going with the only idea that came, she replied, “I understand. Do you want to sleep with Ahsoka and I? So, you can get used to things?”

A tearful gaze looked up, relief etched into the midnight blue. “Is that o-ok?”

Barriss gave her a bright smile. “Absolutely. We’ll work on creating your perfect room together, once you’re better settled. For now, you can stay with us. Alright?”

Panic leapt into the young face. “Can—can I take my bag with me or do I have to leave it here?”

“Of course, you can bring it,” Barriss replied quickly. “Whatever you like.”

Her body relaxed. “Ok.” The girl ran to the table and grabbed the bag. Clutching it to her chest, she stood like an expectant, miniature statue.

 _You can do this._ Reaching out, she said, “Let’s go, darling girl.”

A hand slipped into hers and they headed down the hallway.

At their entrance, Ahsoka looked up from polishing her swords. “Um, hey there.”

The girl fidgeted and pressed herself closer to Barriss.

“Karyna’s going to sleep here. Her room is… not quite ready yet.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows, perfectly aware there were any number of rooms always available in this huge palace. Then, she gave Karyna an engaging grin. “I see. Guess you’re stuck with us, huh? Hopefully, you’ll survive the experience. I warn you, your Aunt Barriss snores.”

“I do not!” Barriss cried.

The tight grip on Barriss’ hand relaxed and Karyna grinned back. “I’ll risk it.”

Putting down the swords, Ahsoka bounded across the room and picked the girl up. Planting a kiss on her forehead, she swung Karyna into the bed. “I expected no less, my courageous niece.” Sitting next to her, she continued in a conspiratorial tone, “Don’t tell your aunt I said this, but she sometimes steals the covers. So, if that happens, just pull them really hard and she’ll turn back over. Ok?”

The smiling dimples appeared and she settled cross-legged on the bed. “Ok.”

Barriss rolled her eyes. “Don’t believe a word your Aunt Ahsoka says, Karyna. She’s the one who steals all the covers.”

Ahsoka gasped in shock and grabbed her chest, collapsing face first onto the blanket as if mortally wounded. Then, she lifted a head to wink at the girl. “Not to worry. If we put you in the middle, you’ll have covers either way.”

There was a responding giggle and Barriss jumped. It was the first time anything approaching a laugh had happened and it warmed her soul. “Alright, time to change for bed.”

Karyna stiffened, head dropping.

Barriss’ happiness similarly vanished. “What is it?”

“I don’t—I never—this is all I have.”

“You don’t have any sleep clothes?” _Why didn’t you think to check?!_ It never occurred to her that the orphanage wouldn’t supply at least a minimal set of clothing. _Did mine? I can't remember._ Plus, the child was extremely well-groomed. _She must take meticulous care of those clothes, if she sleeps in them._

There was an awkward head shake in response.

Ahsoka frowned. “Do we have anything her size?”

“I'm afraid not.” All their children’s clothes had been given away over the years. In any case, they had never had a charge this young or this lacking in basic necessities. Even the displaced Caleb had owned something to sleep in. _I refuse to let my niece spend her first night in clothes that make her feel like an orphan._ “I’m sure we can find something for tonight. We’ll get you some new clothes tomorrow.”

The small head jerked up. “New ones?”

“Yes,” Barriss answered lightly, “a whole wardrobe full, if you like.”

She seemed to consider this idea. “What if I only want a few?”

Barriss smiled. “That’s fine. They’re your clothes. Though, we’ll need at least one of each kind.”

A small eyebrow lifted. “Of each kind?”

“Yes—sleep clothes, dress clothes, training clothes, everyday clothes, travel clothes, a light cloak, a heavy cloak…”

Karyna’s eyes widened and she glanced at Ahsoka.

Her wife chuckled. “I know. Your Aunt Barriss is very precise with her clothing specifications. I wear the same two outfits pretty much everywhere. It drives her crazy.” Leaping up, she threw open their wardrobe. “Come and see what you like, my dear.”

The small figure slid down the side of the high bed and padded over. Midnight blue orbs grew to saucer-size proportions. “Wow.”

Ahsoka’s expression turned impish. “How much of this do you think belongs to me?”

Barriss blew out an annoyed breath. “Fine. I have more clothes than you. I can’t help if—”

“Nope!” Ahsoka interrupted. “I was asking my clever niece for an answer.”

The child’s face morphed with intense contemplation as she tried to solve the mystery. Thoughtful eyes assessed both women. Finally, she looked at Ahsoka, pointing a finger near the far end. “I think everything to the right of here is yours.”

Ahsoka raised impressed eyebrows. “Excellent, brilliant girl. You are correct.”

Barriss walked over to look for herself. “Indeed. Well done.”

Karyna grinned in triumph. Then, she pointed to an oversized lavender tunic that belonged to Barriss. “Can I sleep in that one?”

Before Barriss could object that there were other options that would be less voluminous, Ahsoka whipped it out and placed it in the small hands. “Absolutely.” She glanced around and then waved at the fireplace screen. “There’s a changing area over there.”

Elated eyes gazed at the garment, before Karyna skipped to the fictitious changing space.

Barriss stared after the now happy girl. “How did you know any of that was going to work?”

Ahsoka grinned and pulled Barriss into her arms. “I’ve got lots of experience with Offees and their odd quirks.”

She laughed. “I am such the luckiest woman on the planet.”

“Mmm… good.” Ahsoka pressed lips against hers.

After a blissful moment, Barriss broke away and murmured, “I really am, you know.” She traced fingers over Ahsoka’s warrior markings. “What would I do without you?”

“Oh, you’d still be amazing. However, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather we never find out.”

Barriss opened her mouth to reinforce the point, when a nervous voice asked, “Is this alright?”

Twisting around, they saw a tiny head peeking out of a what now resembled a puffy, purple gown, completed by half-sleeves that reached her fingers.

“You look adorable,” Barriss said. _She really does._

Ahsoka nodded agreement. “You’re as cute as a Felucian mushroom.”

“A what?” Karyna’s nose pinched, evidently unsure whether being a form of fungus was a good thing.

Grinning brightly, Ahsoka replied, “They are the most sought after and beautiful plant in the 47 kingdoms.”

“Why?”

Barriss answered, “They’re extremely rare, have healing properties, and their crystalline structure makes them glimmer even in the darkness. Felucians believe they are imbued with the Great Force, itself.”

The vivid blue lit up and focused at Ahsoka. “You think I’m like that?”

The woman crossed the room and knelt in front of her. Placing both hands on the dimpled cheeks, she locked their eyes. “Absolutely.”

Her lip trembled and then she threw herself into Ahsoka’s chest. There was a soft, “Thank you.”

Wrapping arms around her, she said, “Just don’t you forget it, my brilliant little mushroom.”

The girl leaned back with a bashful smile. “Alright… Aunt Ahsoka.”

Fierce blue eyes misted and she kissed the top of Karyna’s head. “So, shall we try out your new outfit in action?”

“Yep.” The girl grinned and took a tiny, running leap onto the bed. “Ok. I’m all ready to sleep, now.”

The women laughed and Barriss remarked, “In that case, we’d better change too, huh?” Moving to the bed, she pulled back the blanket. “You go ahead and get under the covers, while we do.”

Karyna slid underneath and smiled up at her.

Leaning over, Barriss kissed her forehead. “You are the most adorable child on the planet. You know that, right?”

Olive skin tinged pink, but happiness shined from her eyes. “If you say so, Aunt Barriss.”

Brushing fingers over Karyna’s cheek, she replied softly, “I definitely do, my adorable niece.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned how adorable I find Karyna to be? She's my little Felucian mushroom.


	20. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Goals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goals: Barriss has them. She wants everyone else to have them too.

“Here, ya lumberstack. She told me to give you this.”

Ahsoka grinned at the brazen voice floating over the palace gates. She tethered her horse and then peeked around the guardhouse.

A painfully thin Twi’lek girl, who looked ten at most, stood defiantly in front of a burly palace guard. “Well? Can I go in, now?” Chartreuse pants sagged underneath an oversized, black belt that had been wrapped twice more than it should to hold them up. They were garishly complimented by a tangerine singlet that looked like it had gone ten rounds with a rancor. Still, the girl exuded complete confidence in the ensemble as she added, “I even wore my best outfit to look presentsable.”

The guard stared at the scrap of parchment with clear suspicion.

_I wonder…_ Ahsoka called, “Let her pass, Ferea. I’ll handle it.”

He straightened to attention with a salute and stepped out of the way.

The girl grinned. “Thanks, F-Fei-Feriosa. Good man.” She sauntered up to Ahsoka and hooked thumbs into non-existent belt loops. “So, you the person in charge? I’m here to see a friend.”

Ahsoka raised her eyebrows. “And, this friend is?”

The cocksure expression faltered a bit. “Uh, might seem crazy—I mean told me she was, but dunno if it’s true. Figured I’d try, right?” A brash grin flashed. “Never seen the inside of a palace before.”

_Spunky kid. I like it._ Holding back a smile, Ahsoka asked, “Was there an answer somewhere in there?”

That got her an insolent glare. “Barriss Offee, boss lady.”

_Ah._ Ahsoka chuckled. “You’re Caam.”

Her mouth dropped open and then drew back into a crooked smile. “Yep. That’s me.”

“In that case, let’s find Barriss for you.”

“Supra.”

_______

Barriss looked up from her desk as Ahsoka strolled in. An immediate smile formed as she saw the small figure trailing behind her. “Caam! So, you decided to check out my story after all, huh?” Rising from her chair, she walked up and put hands on the girl's scrawny shoulders. _She's lost even more weight._

A sassy grin shined up at her. “Well, yeah. I mean it is a palace and such.”

Barriss chuckled. “And, you’ve already met a bigger celebrity than me on your way in, I see.”

Her tawny eyes swiveled to Ahsoka. “Uh, I did?”

“Now,” Ahsoka remarked, “I take issue with the suggestion that anyone is a bigger celebrity than you, my dear.”

Barriss rolled her eyes. “Caam, this is Ahsoka Tano, otherwise known as the Lady Jedi.”

The girl’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly. “Oh.”

“Wait a minute,” Ahsoka opined, “I bet you didn't tell her your other name. She asked for Barriss Offee.”

Caam glanced between them. “How many names you got?”

Barriss snorted. “Just one. Ahsoka is teasing.”

“Nuh uh. Let's see who's right, shall we?” Looking at the girl, she said, “You've met Barriss Offee and the Lady Jedi… who else would you need to complete your trifecta of celebrities?”

“My what? Tritifectum?”

Barriss grinned. “Just ignore her, Caam.”

“No! This is too good an opening to pass up. Is there anyone more famous than us you'd like to meet?”

“Oh,” the girl replied, “the Rebellion Lady, of course.” Her face grew excited. “Is she in this palace too?! You people should split up a bit.”

Ahsoka puffed out her chest. “Ha! Got ya, Offee!”

She shot an exasperated glare back. “You coached her to say that or something.”

“Did not!”

“Um, so is she here or not?” an annoyed voice asked.

Ahsoka's eyes twinkled. “Yep, she's definitely here. In fact, you're standing next to her.”

The perplexed face morphed into disbelief as Caam slowly looked up at Barriss. “You’re joshing me.”

“Of course, she is. Don’t believe a word the Lady Jedi tells you, my dear,” Barriss replied with a straight face.

There was an outraged cry from Ahsoka. “You are _not_ getting away with this!” Sprinting to the door, she bellowed, “Luke! Get in here quick!”

“Seriously, Ahsoka?” Barriss remarked. “You’re taking this a bit far.”

“Me?! Don't even try to turn this around. You started it!”

Luke came tumbling into the room, panic in his voice. “What’s wrong?”

The woman grabbed his arm. “I want you to settle an argument. This is Caam, by the way.”

He glanced at the girl and then back to Ahsoka. “Did you just send me into a panic attack for no reason?”

Barriss piped up, “Yes, she totally did.”

Caam shook her lekku and commented, “You people are weird.”

Ahsoka raised a palm. “Enough! No more talking until I’m finished. Luke, please identify the Lady of the Rebellion.”

His face scrunched. “Huh?”

Ahsoka blew out a breath and tapped her foot. “Just do it!”

Hissing in vexation, he pointed to Barriss. “Is there a reason I have to tell my aunt who my other aunt is? Have you installed an illicit tavern I’m not aware of in the palace?”

“No way!” Caam cried and stepped back from Barriss, incredulous gaze locked on her.

She threw hands in the air. “Fine! I’m Barriss Offee, Lady of the Rebellion. Any other secrets you’d like to reveal?”

A deeply satisfied Ahsoka replied, “Nope. That covers it.”

Luke's eyes rolled to the ceiling. “Are you done with me now? I _was_ actually doing something.”

“Wait!” Caam exclaimed. “Did you say your aunts?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“But, they don’t even look alike.”

Staring at her, Luke replied, “They’re married, kid.” Shaking his head, he walked out. “Next time you call me, I’m so not coming!”

Caam started backing toward the door. “I’m part of some kinda nerf’s day joke or something, right?”

Barriss grabbed her arm. “Get back here. I promised you a tour and that’s what you’re getting, my doubting girl. If it’s conducted by the Lady of the Rebellion, Barriss Offee, or some random woman you met on the street, it’s happening. Got it?”

A cheeky grin flashed. “Fine. Lead on, whoever you are.”

She laughed and then winked at her wife. “See you later. We’ve got places to go.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Don’t let me stop you.”

Caam nodded very seriously. “We won’t, Jedi lady.”

Still laughing, Barriss dragged the girl from the room.

_______

“So, what are your plans for the future?”

Caam's nose pinched as she chomped down on some bread. “Huh?”

Barriss smiled. “I meant what are you going to do with your life, my dear.”

She wiped a sleeve across her mouth after polishing off the final bite. “Um, dunno. Never thought about it.”

“Why not?”

The girl shrugged. “Why should I?”

_Hmm, good question actually._ “I suppose it's something to work toward. Let's try this a different way. Is there anything you've always wanted to do? A goal you want to reach?”

“You ask strange questions, Rebellion lady.”

“Why are they strange?”

Caam paused her rummage through a pastry tray. “I guess cuz I kinda do whatever comes my way. Oh! I want to stay alive. Is that what you mean as a goal thingy?”

She gazed at her for a moment. “I suppose it qualifies.” _She has so much potential._ Caam deserved a chance to become anything she wanted in life. Convincing her of that would be difficult. Despite the confident air, Barriss knew an outright offer of help would be met with distrust, disbelief, and fear. The girl hadn’t survived this long by depending on the goodwill of others. _I just need time and opportunity._ Food was apparently a good place to start. _Basics first, I suppose._

Turning around with a large, chocolate-filled eclair in hand, Caam asked, “What's your goal, then?”

“I have a lot of them. Though, the biggest one right now is rebuilding the world.” Barriss grinned.

There was a snort that resulted in bits of pastry flying from her mouth. “You don't believe,” a choking sound followed by a hard swallow happened, before she finished, “in the whole going small thing.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “What's the point of that?”

Caam stared back as she chewed. There was a mouthful reply of, “M-make… sure… arghum… get your goal?”

“Why is that necessary? Even halfway is better than nothing. If I didn’t have the goal at all, none of it would get done.”

Her expression turned thoughtful as she gulped down a much too large final chunk of eclair. “Maybe. Halfway dead is still pretty bad.”

“Possibly, but you're still halfway alive too.”

Tawny eyes rolled as she popped a newly discovered piece of red gelatin into her mouth and then promptly spit it out into her hand. “Yuck!”

Holding out a cloth to receive the evidently disgusting item, Barriss continued, “Let's say you reach your goal and survive for a really long time… what's the point if you don't do anything with your life while you do? Might as well be dead for all it matters, right?”

“Well, it kinda matters to me if I'm alive. But, I get your point.”

“Good. So, let me ask again.” She poured out a glass of blue milk and handed it to the girl. “If you could do anything you want, while you're surviving, what would it be?”

Caam's face took on an air of extreme contemplation, light teal lekku twitching. “Ok, I dunno. Got any suggestions?” She sniffed the milk and then sucked down the entire contents in one long swig.

“Nope. It's your life.” She refilled the glass. “Only you know what you want to do with it.”

The girl glared over the rim. “Whatever. You trying to give me some sorta philosophistical lesson?”

Barriss grinned. “Maybe. Or, maybe I was simply curious. When you figure it out, let me know. Then, I'll tell you why I wanted to know.”

There was an exasperated breath. “You are a weird spy.” Another giant piece of eclair went into the small mouth.

“Yep. That's another goal. To drive you crazy.”

Caam shook her head and mumbled between chews, “Totally… garght… that one… in the bag.”

“Excellent. My work here is done, then. Time for a new goal.”

“I have one for ya.”

Barriss raised an expectant eyebrow.

Taking on an expression of utmost seriousness, Caam said, “Show me where you keep more of these things.” She lifted the remaining portion of the chocolate pastry between sticky fingers, before tossing it in her mouth.

The woman laughed. Wetting her thumb, she cleaned leftover chocolate smears off the girl’s cheek. “I think you’ve polished off the last of them. But, we’ll make some more for your next visit.”

Caam jumped and then quickly swallowed. “My… next visit?”

Barriss gave her a warm smile. “Yes, my dear. I’ll inform the palace guard to let you come and go freely. At the very least, I hope you’ll show up for a fresh batch of your favorite Alderaanian eclairs.”

Her eyes shined with confused pleasure. “Oh. Um, ok.”

“Then again, you probably have enough on you to last a week.” She chuckled and once again tried to wipe the remnants away.

Caam gazed at her strangely as Barriss grabbed a fresh cloth and rubbed it over her entire face.

Finishing up, the woman grinned. “That’s better. Now, you look as beautiful as when you first arrived. Plus, no one will ever know you ate the last eclair.”

The odd expression grew stronger and the girl seemed to hesitate. Then, she slowly held up her hands. “Uh, what about my fingers? It’s a dead giveaway.”

“True.” She took each one, scrubbing them down in turn. Barriss glanced up and saw an expression of desperate contentment on the young face. _I wonder if she remembers anyone ever taking care of her._ Completing her work, she retained a hold on one of the hands and said, “Come on, my philosophistical girl. Let’s check out the royal stores, next. There are a multitude of items my staff want to dispose of. Maybe, you can help me decide what to do with some of it.”

Caam grinned. “Oh yeah, I’m good at figuring out what to do with stuff people don’t want.”

Pulling her out the kitchen door, Barriss laughed. “I suspected as much.”

________

“Hey, Jedi lady.”

Ahsoka twisted around from the sparring dummy. “Um, hi. Where did you come from?”

Caam shrugged. “Barriss told me I could come and go, if I wanted. It was kinda boring on my street today, so thought I’d come here. Besides, you have way better food,” she ended with a jaunty grin.

The woman laughed. “I see. Very wise, my dear.” Ahsoka ran an evaluative eye over the girl. _She looks healthier._ Her figure was still malnourished, but not quite as skeletal. She was wearing a russet-colored tunic, decorated with garnet stripes across the sleeves and neckline. The matching pants had similar striping running vertically down each leg. A sleeveless cotton jerkin that probably added a layer of warmth topped off the outfit. Overall, the ensemble fit her frame much better than her previous outfit. _I wonder if those are the clothes Barriss gave her?_ If so, her wife had chosen well. It was practical for life on the street and simple enough to not attract undue attention, yet still would provide a sense of added confidence in her appearance. Ahsoka had a feeling that was important for this particular child.

“Yep. I’m philosophistical, you know. Can you teach me that move you just did?”

She chuckled. “Depends. Can you learn it?”

Caam seemed to consider and then asked, “I mean how would I know if I don’t try it first?”

Raising eyebrows, Ahsoka nodded. “Good answer. Let’s see if you can.”

The tawny eyes brightened and she swaggered into the sparring ring.

Ahsoka assessed her for a moment, before walking to the weapons stand. She selected a lightweight training sword and handed it to her.

It was clear the girl had never held a sword before. She gripped it awkwardly and swung it around a few times, nearly crashing into Ahsoka in the process.

“Stop!” the woman cried. “First lesson, don’t do anything until I tell you how to do it.”

Caam glared, but lowered the sword.

Meeting the young eyes, she said, “If you really want to learn that move, you have to learn quite a few other things first. That means lots of practice and lessons, before you even attempt what I did. How badly do you want to learn it?”

The girl's expression turned thoughtful. “Learning this other stuff will help me fight better too, right?”

“That’s the idea. Good basic form is required, before you can do much. It’s sometimes boring and repetitive. But, if you don’t have that, there’s not much point in learning anything else. Only you can decide whether you're willing to put up with the beginning stuff to get to the cool stuff.”

Her face lit up. “That's like a goal, right?”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “Um, yeah, guess you’d call it that.”

A brash grin sprang into existence. “Let’s do it, Jedi lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caam is also adorable. As Obi-Wan would say, 'I love you both equally my dears'.


	21. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Potential

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potential: Sometimes, it takes a push to see what's there.

Karyna screamed with delight as Rex swung her in dizzying circles.

Barriss leaned against Ahsoka's shoulder with an adoring smile. The girl had adapted quickly to the new environment, despite the uncertain start, and seemed to blossom more with each passing day. _Gods, I'm so happy._

An arm wrapped around her and gentle lips kissed her hair. “She is amazing.”

Grinning up, she replied, “Well, no arguments here.”

“Good, because she reminds me of her aunt. So, the next time you argue with me about your amazingness just remember who you're insulting.”

Barriss glared. “Oh, that's low.”

An airy voice remarked, “Just telling the truth, my dear.”

Before Barriss could come up with a retort, a small figure landed on top of them.

Karyna struggled to a sitting position on Barriss’ lap and grinned. “Uncle Rex says you two are supposed to be paying attention to my spinning abilities, not—” she paused, clearly trying to get the wording correct, “not making lovey-dovey—” she looked at the man for confirmation and then continued more confidently, “making lovey-dovey eyes at each other!”  

The women burst out laughing and then Ahsoka gave her an overly serious nod. “Absolutely, my dear. Your Aunt Barriss is so distracting. I tried to get her to stop, so I could admire your skills, but you know how she is.”

Karyna looked at Barriss, tiny eyebrow raised.

Barriss cried, “Oh, I don’t think so! It was totally your Aunt Ahsoka's fault! She started the entire discussion.”

The girl rolled her eyes and glanced at Rex.

Shaking a sympathetic head, the man said, “I think it's a lost cause, my clever little spy.” He stretched out hands. “Come on, let's go reward our hard work with a treat from the kitchens.”

Dimples appeared and she jumped off the settee into his arms. Rex threw an evil grin behind him as he ran out of the room, Karyna tucked to his chest.

Barriss blew out an annoyed breath. “I wish he wouldn't do that.”

“What?” Ahsoka's eyebrows lifted. “Try to be the best uncle in existence?”

Biting her lip, she said, “No, call her that spy nickname.”

“Ah.”

Barriss looked at her wife. “What does that mean?”

Ahsoka shrugged. “What do you want it to mean?”

“Oh, don't be difficult. I want to know what you’re trying to say.”

“No, you don't, my dear. You've already made up your mind on the subject. It'll either start an argument or reinforce an opinion you already hold. Either way, it's kind of pointless.”

Barriss stared. “I don’t—” She exhaled. “I have made up my mind, haven't I?”

Her wife grinned. “You tell me.”

“I just don’t want her to…”

Ahsoka sighed. “You don’t want her to be like you. I know. Or, do you not remember this exact conversation about Luke?”

Barriss crossed her arms and stared at the floor. _That’s different. Being a warrior isn’t exactly a terrible life choice._

“I know that look. You don’t agree. I’m sure you’re thinking it isn’t the same thing as being a spy. You are missing the point, though.”

“Am I?” Barriss replied in annoyance. “In what way is becoming a disreputable, mistress of the shadows with lifelong issues a good thing?”

“Just because your experience was filled with pain and trauma, doesn’t mean hers would be. As for the rest, Karyna can be any kind of spy she wants. In fact, with you as a teacher, she could be a whole new breed of spy. You’re still a spymaster, whether you call yourself that or not. Much like I’m a warrior without a kingdom. Why can’t she choose that same path?”

She rubbed her forehead. “It’s possible, I suppose.”

“She’s only eight, anyway. Karyna might give up the idea as she gets older. Her world is much bigger now. There are more options to explore,” Ahsoka said intently. “Besides, if there is anything we’ve learned, it’s that trying to control their choices leads to problems. Don’t cause what you intend to prevent.”

Potential outcomes flowed into Barriss’ mind. _What if she starts to feel the need to prove herself to you? Or, won’t tell you her true feelings for fear of disapproval? Thinks you will never understand her? You might end up pushing away any hope of influencing a positive outcome and make her very unhappy in the process._

Ahsoka pulled Barriss into her chest. “More importantly, you’re afraid. The same as I was.”

 _Oh Gods. I am. You know what happens when you’re scared. No, I won’t mess this up. This is your issue. Don’t make it Karyna’s. Let the fear go, Offee._ Taking a deep breath, she interlocked fingers with the ones around her. “You’re right. I’ll work on it.”

“Well, that’s not something I hear very often. This is a momentous day.”

Barriss smirked. “Don’t get used to it.”

Ahsoka snorted and kissed the top of her head. “No chance of that, my dear.”

_______

“Can I come in?”

Karyna glanced up from her stretched position on the bed. The girl was lying on her stomach, chin propped on tiny fists, with an open book on the blanket beneath her. She grinned. “Yes, please.”

Barriss grinned back and moved to the bed, putting the crate she was carrying on the floor. Sitting down and leaning over, she kissed her hair. “What are you reading?”

“A book Luke gave me. He said it was one you really liked.”

Curious, Barriss looked closer and then smiled. “It is. We used to read it together when he was young. Do you like it?”

Her expression faltered, but she answered quickly, “Of course.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s great.” The girl didn't meet her eyes.

Considering for a moment, Barriss laid next to her, matching their positions. “It's ok if you don't. I don't expect you to like everything I do and neither does Luke.”

Karyna's face pinched. “I said I liked it, didn't I?”

“Alright. What's your favorite part? We can discuss it.”

“Uh…” Her head dropped and she mumbled, “Fine. I don't like it. It is all sword fights and warrior stuff. I've read it twice and it’s even worse the second time.”

Concerned, Barriss lifted the small chin to look directly at her. “Why would you read something you didn't like twice?”

There was a frustrated cry. “Luke said you liked it, so I must be missing something. But, I'll figure it out. Don't tell me.”

Barriss sighed. “Karyna, you're not missing anything. Just because I like it, doesn't mean it's something special.”

The girl gazed at her in disbelief.

“I promise you, there is nothing hidden in this book. It’s simply a story about a warrior overcoming all odds to do heroic deeds, nothing more. Luke loves it, but Leia hates it. I like it, but Ahsoka has never even read it. None of that means anything.”

There was a frustrated exhale. “If you say so.”

She tried another approach. “Let’s think of it a different way. I was raised by your Nara from around the same age as you. Would you say we are the same person?”

A mischievous grin flashed. “Definitely not.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “I’m not even going to ask what that’s supposed to mean. If I told you she disliked this book, does it make a difference?”

The girl seemed to consider. “You mean that just because she’s your mother doesn’t mean you like the same things?”

“Yes, but more than that. I don’t _need_ to. Nor does she want me too. She wants me to figure out whether things mean something to me, not figure out what they meant to her. The same as I want for you.”

A slow smile formed. “Ok, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good.” Running fingers over her cheek, Barriss said, “Because, I want you to discover what  _ you _ enjoy.” Sitting up, she reached to the floor. “Speaking of, I brought you something.”

Her eyes lit up. “You did?”

“Yes, a special present for my special girl.”

Karyna ducked her head. “You’ve already given me a bunch of stuff.”

“Your point is?” Barriss replied impishly. “Besides, that was different. Everyone needs clothes, books, and supplies. This gift could only be for you.”

The midnight blue shined. “Like what?”

Placing the medium-sized crate on the bed, Barriss said, “Guess you’ll have to open it to find out.”

An adorable grin flashed and she popped up into a kneeling position over her present. Curious eyes examined every inch of the packaging. Careful fingers ran over the rough paper covering, experimentally pressing various points.

Barriss could barely contain a laugh. “If you’re going to do this with every gift, we’re going to have to dedicate an entire day to the event.”

A tiny glare fixed on her. “Don’t rush me, please.” Then, a shrewd expression edged into place. “Just because I don’t open presents the same way as you doesn’t mean anything.”

She chuckled. “Point acknowledged, clever girl. Though, one must always deal with the consequences of being yourself. In this case, it means suffering through impertinent remarks from the gift giver. Be warned, if you try this with your Aunt Ahsoka, she will rip the cover off for you.”

Karyna giggled and then started removing the paper one fold at a time to reveal a wooden crate. The examination process began all over again.

Barriss simply watched in fascination. _Gods, she is adorable._

Finally, small hands loosened the crate top. Apparently, laying it to the side wasn’t good enough. The girl slid off the bed, placing it on a nearby table in a perfectly symmetrical fashion, and then returned to her prior position.

“Are we ready now?” Barriss commented dryly.

There was another giggle. “Maybe.” Gingerly digging fingers into the straw packing material, her face scrunched. “I can’t figure out what it is.”

“Well, there’s an easy way to resolve that problem.”

“Fine,” she said in exasperation. Reaching both hands in, she pulled out the object. As the straw fell away, her eyes widened and then unfettered excitement began filling them.

Barriss grinned with delight at the reaction.

The girl carefully laid it on the bed and brushed away the remnants of packing material. Short fingers caressed the smooth, cypher wood as vivid eyes roved over the lyre. She hesitantly plucked a string and her expression morphed into utter happiness. Karyna finally looked up and whispered, “This is mine?”

“Yes, my musical girl, it’s all yours.”

Her face blazed with disbelieving joy. “H-how did you know I—”

Barriss smiled and brushed her cheek. “I saw the one you had at the orphanage and your handwritten pieces. We don’t have a musician in the family. You’ll have to be a trailblazer.”

Lips trembled and then Karyna leapt forward into her chest. “Why are you so nice to me?”

Wrapping arms around her, Barriss said softly, “Because, I love you. Also, because you’re the most special child in existence and you deserve everything.”

A small head pressed into her. “No, it’s because I have the most special aunt in existence.”

Blinking back tears, Barriss murmured, “Alright, we’ll be special together.”

_______

“Who are you?”

Caam jerked out of her final attack position to see a girl with shiny black hair and supra clothes staring at her. _Jedi's toe, she's itty bitty. I know they have food here. Maybe, I should tell her about it?_ “I’m Caam. Who are you?”

“I’m Karyna. Why are you in the secure sparring area?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

Awesome-looking blue eyes flared. “Well, I would think the word _secure_ might give it away.”

“If you say so, chica. I’m just practicing my form thingies, before Jedi lady comes to test me.”

“Jedi lady? Do you mean Aunt Ahsoka?”

Caam gaped. “She’s your aunt, too?! Holy mother of Yoda, you people have the strangest family I’ve ever seen. And, that’s saying something. There are people on my street who call each other numbers.”

Karyna lifted a tiny eyebrow. “Your street?”

“Yeah, the street I live on.”

“If you have a home in the city, why do you come here to practice?”

Caam looked away. “I didn’t say I had a home, chica.”

“Oh,” was the soft reply.

Glancing back, she saw the girl biting her miniature lip. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” The awesome eyes darted around like a geonosian firefly. “I didn’t really have a home either, until Aunt Barriss found me a couple of months ago. So, I suppose it was me saying I understood.”

“Huh.” Interest in the pocket-sized girl with the cool eyes surged and she asked, “Do you want to help me practice?”

The girl’s mouth parted. “Uh, if you want.”

Caam smiled brightly. “Course I do.”

Karyna's face turned strange. “Why would you?”

 _She's weird. I kinda like it._ “Why not? Besides, I don’t got anyone my age to hang out with anymore.”

“Anymore?”

Fidgeting with the sword in her hand, she answered, “Yeah. I had a friend named Wuulo for a while. But, he… well, he's gone now.”

“I’m sorry.”

Caam put on a grin. “That’s life, I guess. Anyways, point is, I’m in a friend shortage currently.”

Karyna stared at her. “You want to be my… friend?”

“Um, yeah. That’s what I said, right?” She shifted to her back foot and casually spun the sword in her hand. Nearly dropping it, she planted her feet and added, “I mean, if you don’t want to be my friend, it’s ok. I get it. I’m nobody important or anything.”

“No! I do,” the girl blurted out. She paused and then added hesitantly, “I’ve never had a friend before. I don’t—well, how do you do it?”

Feeling suddenly very happy, Caam laughed. “You’re already doing it. It’s not hard. Except, I can’t call you chica now, since you’re my friend. Friends gotta have nicknames. Let’s see, Kareeeena… Kari? Kar? Ria? Ena? Rena? I don’t like the n. Rey? Reeree?” Stomping her foot, she frowned. “Grrrr! Do you have a last name?”

“Offee.”

“Oh. She's like really your aunt, huh? Let me try that… Off? Oaf? Feefee? Fifer? Ofenheimer?”

There was an exasperated sound. “By the time you get done, I’ll be called Peosophat the Second or something.”

Lighting up, Caam whooped. “You did it! That's perfect. Kayo! Get it? Like your initials. Kay-ohhhh.”

Her friend stared. “How did you even get that out of what I said?”

She shrugged. “No idea. You can’t think too much about these things, Kayo. It’s just got to hit ya.”

Karyna rolled her eyes, but then a cute grin appeared. “Is that right, Cabbage?”

Caam made a face. “Seriously? That's a veggietable or something, right?”

She nodded. “It was the only thing I liked at the orphanage.”

“No wonder you are the same size as my sword.” Still, the girl naming Caam after her favorite food was weirdly sweet. _And, it does kinda sound like my name, I guess. A bit._

Her tiny lip trembled. “If you don’t like it—”

“Hold your jitterbugs, Kayo! I didn’t say that,” Caam interrupted. “It could totally work.” She rolled the word around a few times, “Cabbbbayge. Cabbiage. Cabbaragiesss….”

There was a giggle. “We can shorten it to Cab, if you want.”

She grinned. “Yeah, that's better.”

“Cab it is, then.”

“Supra.” Caam waved the sword at her. “Come on and let’s practice, Kayo. I’m thinking, since you’re new like me, I can win. But, I won’t beat you too bad, since you’re my friend now.”

“Oh, you won't have to worry about that, Cab. Because, _I_ am so going to win.”

_______

Ahsoka ambled into the sparring area and came to an immediate halt. _What the…?_

Karyna and Caam were waving training swords in the air and laughing like maniacs, while running in circles after each other. _Well, I've seen stranger things. Actually… they're kind of adorable._

A slow grin spread as she leaned against the weapons rack and watched the happy chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friendship is born and a new generation begins their journey. I'm really fascinated with the idea of generational cycles. Does each one learn from the next or are they doomed to repeat their elders mistakes? Is Yoda correct that the greatest teacher failure is? This is a different world post-rebellion and I wonder how children growing up in it respond. Does the success of one generation help or hinder the next? Are Ahsoka and Barriss anomalies who overcame the odds or the start of a new trend? Do they do an adequate job of instilling the values that made them successful into the next generation? 
> 
> Random thoughts that have nothing to do with this chapter:  
> In SW canon, it seems as if each successful generation neglects to pass on something to the next. For example, if you follow the progression of Jedi starting with Yoda... Dooku... Qui-Gon... Obi-Wan... Anakin... Ahsoka/Luke/Leia... Kylo... Looking at the entire history suggests a underlying issue that gets passed down. So, why do some overcome it and some don't?
> 
> It occurs to me much is determined by circumstance as well as personal choice. In this world, Ahsoka and Barriss are the lynchpin. If they were lost, where does everyone else end up? Do others step up to fill the void? This didn't happen when Ahsoka's mother died. That was very much my basis for this version of Anakin. The queen was the lynchpin of that world. Things might have turned out very differently if she had lived. A fact Palpatine well knew. Really, if you include Obi-Wan, only 1 out of 4 in her family managed to bounce back after her death. Why that one did is another theme I occasionally like to explore. Of course, all four *eventually* kind of get it together on varying levels but only after years of pain and the damage is done. Anyhow, these are the thoughts that go through my head as I write and I was in the mood to ramble today. So... you're welcome?


	22. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan gets his explanation.

“So, yeah. That’s about it,” Ahsoka ended with a weak grin.

Obi-Wan stared blankly back.

They were sitting at the far edge of the clearing, well away from their sleeping family. Explaining the strange events surrounding her mother had taken quite a while and the morning sun was now peeking over the horizon. Uncertain on whether to let him process or say something encouraging, Ahsoka sat in silent indecision.

Finally, a hoarse voice asked, “Why can I hear her?”

Ahsoka looked at Barriss, who shrugged and said, “I have no idea. Maybe, you have the same ability? Or, it’s an emotional connection? Could be both, I suppose.”

His face turned thoughtful. “How does it feel when you do this mental focus?”

“Um, as if all of your senses are aligned. Your mind is completely calm and there’s a sort of clarity,” Barriss replied.

“Sometimes, it feels like a weird energy is flowing through you, as well,” Ahsoka added.

Obi-Wan nodded. “Ah.” He fell silent and appeared to be contemplating.

“So,” Ahsoka spoke tentatively, “are you… ok?”

The man refocused on her with a wan smile. “Well, your dead mother is apparently an ethereal ghost watching our every move and dispensing vague advice from the afterlife. What’s not to be ok about?”

Ahsoka snorted. “Tell me about it.”

“You know,” Barriss commented, “if the Great Force, or whatever it is, lets you appear to your loved ones, why doesn’t it happen more often?”

“I suppose,” Ahsoka said, “it would only happen to people who can focus like we do. Or, if everyone has that ability, then it would just be people who figure it out.”

“Yes, but we can’t be that unique, right? Surely people throughout time would have realized it. You’d think there would be legends about communing with those who passed on or something. And, why her? You both have lost other loved ones. None of them have talked to you.”

“Huh,” Ahsoka replied slowly, “never thought about that. Strange.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “Not really. Your mother was… uniquely special. I wouldn’t be surprised if it had more to do with her than us.”

“Oh!” Barriss’ face lit up. “What if she learned how to do it before she died, somehow? Perhaps, even from this Yoda? Like ancient Jedi knowledge?”

Ahsoka raised doubtful eyebrows. “Um, maybe.”

However, Obi-Wan seemed taken by the idea. “That would make sense. She was definitely an adventurer early in life and could have discovered this philosopher. Her keen mind would have wanted to learn everything it could. Plus, she knew her life was in danger. What if your mother somehow sensed she would be needed? Like the Jedi of old.”

“I notice both of you are assuming the Jedi are the godlike entities of legend,” Ahsoka commented. “Don’t you think those stories have been exaggerated?”

Barriss shrugged. “I only know your dead mother is talking to us from the Great Force and wants us to find a Jedi philosopher. Seems connected to me.”

Ahsoka couldn’t argue with that. Flashing an impish grin, she remarked, “Are you trying to say my mother was a secret Jedi?”

They both rolled exasperated eyes at her.

A dry voice came from behind them, “Is this some kind of strange post-battle ritual I am unfamiliar with? Or, do you three always gather in a semi-circle to watch the sunrise?”

Twisting around, they saw a bemused Luminara standing a few feet away.

Grimacing, Obi-Wan replied weakly, “Perhaps, we’re just crazy.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow and fixed an impassive gaze.

“Well—it’s—you see—,” Ahsoka sputtered.

Barriss rose from the ground with a sigh. “I’m afraid an explanation will have to wait. Though, I’m not sure if you’ll believe it. In any case, we should get breakfast ready. Everyone will be up soon.”

Taking the opportunity, Ahsoka leapt to her feet. “Yep, sorry about that. I’m sure Obi-Wan can fill you in at some point.”

There was a strangled groan as the man stood up. “Right.”

Barriss held up a hand. “But, no one else, agreed? I think it might be… dangerous.”

Ahsoka gaped at her. “Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling. Plus, one part involves something that has been hidden a long time for a reason.”

Obi-Wan gave a slow nod. “I think that’s wise. Agreed.”

Luminara’s evaluative eyes were rotating between them. “Well then.”

Ahsoka grinned. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I bet that was an interesting conversation...


	23. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Lessons Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lessons Learned: The greatest teacher, failure is.
> 
> [1PPY]

“Can I go visit Caam?” 

Barriss’ head jerked up from her desk. “In the city, you mean?” 

Karyna nodded with a hopeful expression.

 _Not happening._ “I’m sorry, my dear. That’s not a good idea.”

The young face fell and then filled with annoyance. “Why?”

Putting her quill down, Barriss answered firmly, “It’s dangerous there and I don’t have time to accompany you at the moment. I know you want to see your friend, but it can’t happen today.”

“I don’t need anyone to go with me,” the girl replied stubbornly. “She lives there. It can’t be that bad.”

“You’ll have to take my word for it, Karyna.”

“I just want to give her a book I think she'll like. It won't take long. I can be back by lunchtime,” a childish voice pleaded.

Barriss fixed a stern look. “No. I'm sorry, but that’s my final answer.”

The adorable face turned petulant. “Fine.” She stomped as loudly as her tiny frame could manage on the way out the door.

Sighing and leaning back in the chair, Barriss massaged her forehead. Raising an extremely intelligent, emotionally chaotic child, who had a touch of overconfidence, was proving more trying than anticipated. After the teenage boys they had already survived, she hadn’t expected this level of challenge. _Gods, how wrong I was._

________

Luke stuck his head in the office door. “Where’s Karyna? I promised to show her my new mare today.”

Barriss continued writing and answered absently, “Pouting in her room, probably.”

The young man strolled to the desk. “Pouting?”

Finishing up the communique, she affixed her seal. “Yes, I wouldn’t let her go visit Caam and she stalked out of here an hour ago.”

“In the city tenements?!” Luke exclaimed.

“Yes. She couldn’t understand why. The girl thinks she’s invincible or something.”

He snorted. “One day, she might be.”

She straightened and rubbed the back of her cricked neck. “Very probably. Not today, though.” Barriss gazed at him for a moment and then put down her quill. Rising, she leaned across the desk to run fingers over his chin. “Much like a child I once knew, who thought no adventure was too dangerous for him.”

A boyish grin formed on the now manly face. “After me, sweet little Karyna must be a breeze.”

Barriss shook her head. “Karyna is a whole other kind of experience. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s a bit younger, but it seems to be more challenging for me.”

He lifted eyebrows. “How do you mean?”

“It’s difficult to explain. I suppose your reactions made sense to me. When you were angry, sad, scared, or happy I usually understood why. The same was true of Caleb and Ezra. Karyna is different. Even when I do know what she’s feeling, I don’t understand why she’s feeling it. It makes it hard to figure out the best approach.”

“So, you’re saying I’m shallow and you can read me like a book?” Luke commented in an airy tone. “I should be personally offended.”

Barriss groaned and tapped his cheek. “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it, clever boy.”

He laughed and grabbed her hand. “Don’t even bother. I know the truth. At least, us boys are in the shallow club together.” Luke paused. “What about Sabine? She was always hard for me to get. Still is, really. Maybe, girls just like to make things difficult?” He flashed an impudent grin.

She quirked an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t repeat that in hearing range of most of your family. Besides, Sabine is a bit unique. Her entire personality consisted of keeping everything hidden. I doubt gender is relevant. In any case, she was so self-sufficient I rarely got a chance to do any kind of mothering. When she did actually need something, Hera or Ahsoka handled it.”

“Hmm… I wonder how Leia was when she was nine. I bet it would have been impossible to manage her.”

Barriss laughed. “You’re probably right. She wasn’t easy during limited visits at fifteen for that matter. Though, I’m not trying to manage anyone necessarily, only help and protect her. I also want Karyna become her own person. It’s hard to figure out how to do all of that, when I don’t understand what’s going on inside her head.”

Luke seemed thoughtful. “Perhaps, you should try the speech about how it’s all because you love her and want her to be happy. And, that she has to decide when she needs something different? That worked on me.”

She smiled in some amazement. “I can’t believe you still remember that.”

“Of course! It was a formative moment, you know.” He grinned endearingly.

Warmth spread and she squeezed his hand. “I’m glad it helped.” Then, the woman sighed. “Unfortunately, Karyna’s too young for that kind of speech. You were mature enough to take on some of that responsibility.”

Luke gazed at her. “I’m not sure that’s true. You said you wanted Karyna to become her own person, right? Yet, you’re treating her like she’s not—like a child.”

“She is a child,” Barriss replied dryly.

“Yeah, but so was I. You think at thirteen I knew half of what you were talking about? What I did know was that you were giving me responsibility. My choices were under my control for the first time. It felt… good. It made me take them more seriously, even if I did make dumb ones on _very_ rare occasions,” he ended innocently.

She rolled her eyes.

“I’m still not sure I know when to ask for help,” Luke added. “But, because of you, I do think about it whenever problems come up. I also know there are people who will support me, no matter what.”

“Huh.” She contemplated the idea for a moment. “So, you’re suggesting I treat her like a grown-up, not a nine-year old?”

He shrugged. “I’m only telling you what worked for me. I don’t mean you should let her go running around willy-nilly or anything. But, having some agency over her own choices might make Karyna more likely to accept yours.” His bright eyes flickered and he added quietly, “I didn’t think I was invincible, you know. Ok, I kind of did, but I also wanted to prove I could take care of myself.”

Her mouth parted. “Oh.”

Luke smiled wanly. “It sounds silly, but I thought if you both realized you didn’t need to protect me all the time, you’d let me do things on my own. Of course, I was seriously underestimating the danger I was in, as I later discovered. Your worry was totally justified. If I was my mom, I probably would have strangled me.” His smile curved into a diffident grin.

Barriss chuckled. “Ahsoka nearly did go over the edge a few times. If I’m being honest, I was in a constant state of anxiety when you were off on your own. That said, your logic makes a certain amount of sense. It’s not like you had a concept of the danger, given how protected you were. Even when you joined that squad, Ahsoka kept a tight rein on their assignments or assisted personally in more dangerous missions.”

Luke snorted. “Tell me about it. When we were assigned surveillance missions, they gave me no end of grief. When we infiltrated enemy bases with the Lady Jedi, I was a hero.”

She grimaced. “I’m sorry, my dear. The point is you had no opportunity to appreciate the level of danger to you personally. It might even have been an effective strategy. Like I said, I can understand why you do things.”

“Oh, I know. You’re the one who usually convinced Aunt Ahsoka to let me off the reservation. Don’t think I wasn’t well aware of that fact. Why do you think I always went to you first?” He flashed an endearing grin.

Laughing, Barriss replied, “I taught you strategy too well.”

“Yep. Only yourself to blame. Why should Karyna be any different, though? I bet she already makes more rational decisions than me,” he ended lightly.

Barriss sighed. “She’s nine, Luke. Besides, you had training to defend yourself and were quite adept at other skills. Karyna has only begun developing hers.”

The young man shook his head. “I didn’t mean let her walk into life-threatening danger or anything close. I’m talking about her feeling like she has some level of control over her life.” His face crunched in evident thought. “Ok, try it this way. The orphanage—did she have people always telling her what to do there?”

“Hmm, probably. I was only there for a day, but it seemed pretty regimented. Actually,” she said with a soft smile, “Karyna had created an entire secret space to be herself and do whatever she wanted…” Barriss trailed off with realization. _Oh Gods. Caam has become her oasis of freedom. I’ve controlled too much of her world._

“Uh, yeah. That’s kind of my point,” he said wryly.

Dropping her head, Barriss pressed forceful palms onto the desk. “I’ve screwed this up. Force it all!” A hand touched her cheek. Letting out a calming breath, she looked up.

Luke’s concerned eyes met hers. “We don’t know if I’m right. Even if I am, what is it you always tell me about mistakes?”

She blinked back tears and murmured, “One mistake isn’t the end. It’s compounding them that causes problems.”

“Yep.” A boyish grin appeared. “See? I do listen, sometimes.”

Placing a hand over his, she said, “You always listened, my special boy. You are my star student.”

Glassy blue eyes shined back at her. “I had a star teacher.”

_______

Barriss marched to Karyna’s room and knocked. There was no response. “Karyna? Can we talk for a minute?” Only silence greeted her. Barriss cracked the door to see an empty room. _Strange._

She headed to the library. Finding no one, Barriss hit every section of the family quarters with ever-rising dread. By the time she left the sparring area, the woman was running at a full-out sprint.

Returning to Karyna’s room, she scanned it. Her supplies, lyre, and satchel were arranged neatly in their usual positions. She opened the wardrobe. The small collection of minimalist clothing was hanging undisturbed. Turning an assessing eye to the bed, Barriss fixed on the side table. Moving closer, she examined the symmetrical pile of books. The girl always kept exactly six books and one appeared to be missing. _Oh Gods._

Shooting down the hall, she skidded into Luke’s room. “Karyna’s run off to the city.” Not even waiting for a response, the woman spun around and sprinted toward the stables, only stopping to grab her cloak and weapons.

As Barriss mounted her horse, Luke came flying in and leapt onto his mare. They both rode at a full gallop from the palace.

_______

“What are you doing here, Kayo?!”

“I came to see you, of course,” Karyna said with a cute grin.

“Grr!” Caam grabbed the girl’s arm, dragging her off the main street and behind a large stack of crates. “That’s stupid. And, you’re wearing supra clothes! Do you have a death wish?”

Her mouth dropped open. “Why is it stupid to want to see you?” A bottom lip stuck out. “Besides, I wore a cloak.”

She made a strangled sound. “That makes it worse! It’s like the nicest cloak ever. You’re screaming, ‘I’m a rich kid in disguise, please attack me’. For an uber smarty, I wonder about your brain sometimes.”

A tiny foot stamped. “You’re overdoing it a bit. I made it here safely, didn’t I? I even found you with only your descriptions and a map of the city to go on. Plus, this place can’t be _that_ bad.”

“Yeah, it totally is. I can’t believe Barriss let you come. She knows how things are here.”

Her friend looked down and mumbled, “Uh, she didn’t.” A head popped back up and the awesome eyes flashed. “But, I can do what I want!”

Grabbing her shoulders, Caam groaned. “No one knows you’re here?! Get outta here right now. You hear me?”

“No!” Karyna jerked out of the grip. “I came to see you. I’m staying. You’re acting like everyone else. I can take care of myself, you know.”

She glared. “Why would you _want_ to take care of yourself?!”

The girl made a strange face. “Why not? You’re happy, right?”

“You don't—” She glanced away. Spotting a scrawny insect by her hand, Caam watched it struggle to right itself on a crate. “Just cuz I try to be happy doesn’t mean—” She reached out a finger and let the little bug crawl onto it. “It’s not fun here, Kayo. Sometimes it’s ok and, sure, I get to do what I want. Well, kinda. There’s things I can’t do if I want to stay alive and such. Anyways, that doesn’t mean it’s—” Her bug fluttered away to freedom and she stuttered out, “It-it’s scary and lonely here, ok?”

Karyna stared. “Oh.”

Blowing out a breath, she plopped down behind the crates. “K, you should know this stuff. You think my street is way different than your orphanage? How long did you dream about having someone who cared about you?”

The girl sat beside her and whispered, “The whole time I was there.”

“Yeah, so guess what? You got it. You have like a whole frackin’ fairytale from one of those books of yours. Why would you want to get rid of it?”

“I don’t! I just wanted to see you and…” She jammed her chin onto two tiny fists and frowned. “I suppose I don’t know why I ran off.”

Caam snorted. “Guess that’s life. I dunno why I do anything.”

Her friend grinned. “We can keep each other company, then.” Shifting around, she pulled a book from her cloak pocket. “Actually, I did also come to give you this.”

She made a face. _Only Kayo would hoof it into crazy danger to give me a book I probably can’t even read._ “Um, ok.”

“I know you don’t like to read, but this one is really good. It’s about best friends who have adventures together. I can help you with some of the weird words. I thought, maybe, we could read it together?” she ended hopefully.

Something warm filled up her insides and Caam reached for the book. There was a colorful drawing on the front of two, supra-looking girls. She smiled and ran fingers over it. “Ok. We’ll read it together.” Looking at her friend, she added, “But, only if you promise to never come back here.”

Karyna’s nostrils flared out. “How can we read it together if I don’t come back? Why are you acting like I’m a little kid?!”

“I’m not!” Gripping the book, Caam desperately searched for a way to convince her. “You just don’t understand, K. Bad things could happen to you here. What do you think happened to Wuulo? I can’t—I don’t want that.”

There was silence and then a small hand laid on top of hers. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, either.”

Feeling a weird happiness, Caam picked up the hand. She pressed their palms together, sliding fingers between Karyna’s and holding tightly. “No worries. I’m good at staying alive. You could really be somebody, though. Don't let me mess it up.”

“Don’t say that! You’re my friend, remember?” Tiny dimples popped onto her cheeks. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, Cabbage patch.”

Gazing into the awesome eyes for a moment, Caam realized that was exactly what she wanted. There was a strange knot in her throat and she had to swallow a few times to say, “Works for me.”

A cute smile shined back at her. “Excellent. If it will make my friend happy, I’ll go. But, you have to promise to visit me tomorrow with the book.”

Laughing with relief, she replied, “Dealio, Kayo.”

“Before I leave, though, I insist on seeing your infamous secret hiding spot.”

Caam grinned. “Ok. Guess you better get something outta your trip. Cuz you’re totally gonna be locked in your room for days after this. Come on.”

_______

Luke scanned the entire alleyway in rising distress. _This must be what it felt like everytime I ran off. I'm paying for my own sins._ He tried to laugh, but couldn't quite get it out. _Come on, kid. Where are you?_

He was about to head to the next alley, when an oddly arranged pile of crates caught his attention. _I wonder._

The young man shifted them away two at a time. A triumphant grin formed as he spotted the roughly-hewn opening in the stone wall and the carved-out viewing hole. Kneeling next to it, he called, “Karyna? Caam? Are you in here?”

There was a distant rustle and then whimpering.

Worry spiking, he said, “Caam? Karyna? Is that you? It's Luke. Can you come out?”

“Hel-help.... can't…. ” The voice was so weak, he almost couldn't make it out.

“Ok, I'm going to get you.”

Assessing the hole, he cursed. “Hey, I'm too big to fit. Can you crawl toward me? Then, I can pull you out?”

There was faint movement and a cry of pain, before the sounds stopped.

 _No._ Surveying the wall structure, Luke calculated options. All of them were risky. “I'm going to try to enlarge the opening a bit. So, hang tight and curl up into a ball, if you can. Ok?”

There was no response and that sent Luke into action mode. Pulling out his sword, he chipped away at the edges as carefully as possible. It was painstakingly maddening work and his anxiety level rose with every slow cut. Finally, Luke was able to get his head and partial shoulders inside.

Stretching arms as far as possible and twisting them around, his hands hit something warm and small. _Thank the Force._ Gripping anything he could, Luke pulled the child down the makeshift tunnel.

Realizing his shoulders were now jammed into the opening, Luke braced knees against the wall and wrenched himself backwards. Tumbling out of the hole, he looked up to see Barriss hovering over him. “I've got someone. Hold on.” Shifting into a crouch, Luke dragged the small figure the rest of the way and laid her on the ground.

“Caam! Gods, what happened?” Barriss dropped to the ground and started assessing the girl's injuries.

Luke cringed. Copious amounts of blood covered the front of a ripped tunic and the girl's arm was twisted at an unnatural angle. Returning to the opening, he crawled back in and felt around to see if anyone else was inside. _Blast it. Where's Karyna?_ As he desperately checked again, his hand hit a solid object. Pulling it out, Luke examined it. “A book?”

Barriss jerked up, eyes fixed on the item. “That's one of Karyna's. It was in her room, prior to this morning.”

Swallowing the fear, Luke said, “I'm going to check the other side of the wall. If it’s like mine was, the tunnel runs across as an escape route. Karyna could be at that end.”

His aunt nodded and continued working on the girl, clearly trying to maintain control.

He gripped her shoulder. “Don't worry. Everything will be alright.”

Her muscles relaxed slightly. “I know, thanks. Hurry back. Once I get Caam stabilized, I may need help. These injuries are potentially life-threatening.”

Luke took off, praying for a miracle.

_______

 _This should never have happened._ As Barriss worked to stabilize the girl for transport, creeping failure began to choke her mind. _It’s been nearly a year, Offee. You should have succeeded by now._

The child had remained extremely resistant to Barriss’ prodding. Caam’s visits had become more frequent in the last few months, but still only at an average rate of once every three days. Hints about staying the night were met with panic. An outright offer of a daily meal had resulted in the girl fleeing the palace and not returning for an anxiety-inducing two weeks. Barriss hadn’t made that mistake again. Every piece of help given was carefully planned and disguised. She had even established a rotating group of people to unobtrusively check on the girl everyday, especially when Barriss was away from Coruscant. But, it clearly wasn’t good enough. _I can’t keep her safe all the time. Now, I might lose her. No. That’s not going to happen. I won’t let it._

“Kay…”

Barriss halted her ministrations and fixed on the fluctuating face. “What was that, Caam?”

Eyelids flickered and words shot out, “Save Kayo. They took her.”

Pure fear bit her heart. “Who took her?”

“Boss gang. Told her to…” There was a gasping breath. “... run. Tried to save me. Put me… hiding spot. Not space for both. Found her.” Tears started rolling out of the fluttering eyelids. “Stupid.” She began to shiver. “You didn't… listen, K.”

Running soothing fingers over the distressed face, Barriss said, “It’s ok, Caam. We’ll find her. Where is this boss gang?”

“Dunno,” she cried, “said meet… ware-warehouse fifteen. Never heard… that one.” Small shudders ran along the girl's body. “Why didn’t she… listen?”

“Ssh, it’s ok, my brave girl. Try to rest now. We’ll get her back. It's going to be alright. I promise.”

The small figure relaxed and Caam fell back into unconsciousness.

 _Ok. You have somewhere to start._ Barriss pushed down the anxiety and finished stabilizing the injuries. As she gazed at the young face, sudden rage overwhelmed every other feeling. _Who does this to a child?! Well, they won’t be around to do it again once I get through with them._

Luke came sprinting back into view. “Nothing. I can’t find her anywhere.” His voice was full of distressed worry, verging on panic.

Barriss rose and nodded. “Caam regained consciousness. Karyna was taken by what she called a boss gang, who said they were going to warehouse fifteen. The girl had no idea where that was.”

The young man contemplated. “How about you take Caam to the palace for treatment and I’ll see what I can find out here?”

She considered. It made the most logical sense, but Barriss resisted. _Don't be irrational. You can't be in two places at once._

A hand gripped her shoulder. “Trust me. I can do this. You save Caam. I’ll find Karyna. Once I have a location, I’ll send a message back. If you get Caam fixed up before then, you can return and we’ll keep working on it together. Ok?”

Barriss gazed at him and then smiled weakly. “Alright. It’s a plan.”

He grinned and gave her a quick hug. “Let’s get Caam on your horse.”

_______

He sent the urchin packing with the message for his aunt and took up position outside the dingy warehouse.

 _Should I wait for reinforcements or go in swords blazing?_ Luke knew which one he preferred. However, if experience had taught him anything, impulsive choices sometimes led to problems. Still, if Karyna was in there, she might be in urgent danger. _Combo approach._

Circling the entire building, he assessed security, layout, and entry points. Satisfied a solo strategy was feasible, Luke began climbing.

_______

“Make up your mind, bantha breath. You want the kid dead or alive?”

Luke gritted teeth, evaluating options. Two lone thugs separated him from the terrified little girl, currently gazing at him with a dagger to her throat. “If you kill her, I _will_ kill you.”

The hulking man chortled. “Maybe. But, she’ll be dead. I’m guessing, after all the work you put in to track us down and get in here, you won’t be too happy to let that happen.”

His compatriot, a greasy looking Gotal held up a hand. “Hold up, Cinto. We might got somethin’ real valuable here. Like better than the thirty dataris we’d get from slavers. This one here looks pretty supra. He also took out twelve prize fighters on his way in, which means serious warrior trainin’, like elite stuff. Them kind only serve big shots.” A hand stroked his version of a chin. “Yeah, real valuable.”

“What’s all that got to do with anything?” Cinto asked.

The Gotal neighed. “They don’t send no high-class warriors to track down random street trash, no matter how nice a cloak they stole. This here smells of profit.” Looking at Luke, he said, “Right, aren’t I? How much you willin’ to give us for this one?”

The idea of paying these repulsive creatures made his blood boil. _You don’t have a lot of options, Skywalker._ “Fine. I’ll give you five over what the slavers would.”

“Nuh uh, we want double.”

Fixing them with as menacing a look as he was capable of producing, Luke said, “You’ve got two options, now. Kill her, you get nothing from anyone. Except my sword in your worthless excuse for a carcass. Take my offer, you’re better off than you started and you both live.”

Cinto’s mangled face twisted into what appeared to be a grimace. “He’s kinda got a point, Kigg.”

The Gotal glared at him. “Yer a blinkin’ idiot at negotiation.”

His compatriot jerked Karyna around harshly to argue back, nicking her throat in the process.

Luke winced. “Tell you what. Since I took out your men, I’ll compensate you for the inconvenience of finding new help. Forty-five dataris.” His voice lowered, “And, that gentlemen, is my _final_ offer.” _Especially true, since it's all I've got on me._

They both stared at him and then glanced at each other. Karyna fidgeted, scared eyes locked on Luke.

Kigg said slowly, “How we know you won’t just kill us after we hand 'er over and get yer money back?”

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Luke replied, “You don’t. Except, I told you I wouldn’t. But, otherwise, what we do is stand here all day and stare at your ugly friend.”

Cinto bellowed an offended cry, but Kigg snorted out a neigh. “That’s a point, that is.”

“Plus,” Luke added, “I called for reinforcements, before I came in. Know what that means? You’ll soon be outnumbered by the best. They’re not as reasonable about compensation as I am. They’ll take you both out, before you get a chance to say bye to your mothers—assuming you have them and weren't rathtar-spawn. If I were you, I’d accept my offer and run, while you still can.” Shifting carefully, he pulled out his money purse and shook it. The enticing sound of clinking coins echoed around the empty warehouse.

Two sets of eyes lit up with both greed and fear.

Tossing the purse in front of him, he moved a step back. “Kigg takes the money at the same time Cinto releases the girl. Deal?”

Kigg shook a mangy head. “I ain’t gettin’ any closer to yer sword. No deal.”

“I was hoping you'd say that,” a satisfied voice rang out as an arrow came sailing through the air. It landed perfectly square in Cinto’s chest, a good five inches above the diminutive Karyna.

Karyna ripped herself free of the screaming man and began running toward Luke. At the same time, Kigg leapt forward and grabbed at her. Somehow, she sensed him and executed a smooth, twisting spin out of his grasp. Another arrow flew into the Gotal’s side with a whistling thud and he collapsed.

Luke reached the girl and grabbed her up. Releasing every breath in his body, he held her tightly. “Thank the Force.” Quiet sobs began coming from Karyna and he kissed the top of her head. “It’s ok. Don’t be scared anymore. You’re safe.”

She wrapped arms and legs around him, laying a head on his shoulder. Luke kept murmuring comfort as he turned and headed out of the warehouse. “Everything is alright.”

_______

Barriss swiftly made her way along the crossbeams. Finally reaching the end, the woman leapt to the window ledge she had used to gain access.

Sticking an anxious head outside, she saw Luke scanning the walls. Upon spotting her, he said something and Karyna looked up. Barriss smiled with relief and waved. Then, she slid out of the window and hung off the ledge. Using the pockmarked holes in the building, the woman worked her way left to a lower ledge and dropped smoothly to the ground.

Springing up, Barriss rushed over and took Karyna from Luke. She crushed the girl to her chest, feeling the fear drain out of her soul. “Are you alright? Did they hurt you?”

“No,” a quiet voice said, “not really.” Karyna jerked back in Barriss’ arms. “What about Caam, though? She’s really hurt. We have to help her!”

“It’s alright. We found her. I’ve already taken her back to the palace for treatment.”

The girl relaxed, but then tears started flowing. “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault Caam got attacked. None of this would have happened. I’m so stupid!”

Setting the girl on her feet, Barriss knelt down and gripped the crying face. “Never say that again. You’re not stupid for wanting to see your friend. I wish you hadn’t run off, true. But, you didn’t realize what would happen.”

Karyna shook her head and stared at the ground. “I should have. You told me it was dangerous. I didn’t—I don’t know why I didn’t listen.”

Barriss sighed. “We’ll talk about that part later. Right now, it’s time to go home. Ok?”

Desperate eyes jumped back to hers. “You—you still want me?”

Mouth dropping open, Barriss choked out, “Of course. How could you ever think I wouldn’t?”

“I disobeyed you and got Caam hurt. Then, you and Luke could have been killed trying to rescue me. And—”

“Stop.” Barriss fixed an intense gaze. “Karyna Offee, I love you. Nothing you do will ever change that. The only thing I want right now is to get you home and make sure you’re alright. I’m not angry. Do you understand?”

Her expression fluctuated. “So, it’s ok that I messed up?”

She smiled and rubbed thumbs over the small cheeks. “Yes, it’s ok. You made a mistake, but everyone does. I’ve made much, much worse ones. We just try not to make them again.” Glancing up at Luke with a soft smile, she added, “One mistake isn’t the end. It’s compounding them that causes problems.”

Luke put hands on Karyna’s shoulders, bright eyes shining. “Yep. After we get back, I’ll tell you some of mine. We can start with me running away from home and getting captured by slavers.”

The girl twisted around to gape at him. “You did?”

He nodded. “True story. Actually, I was ten. So, you’re already ahead of me!”

Karyna quirked an eyebrow. “I’m not sure that’s a compliment.”

The young man laughed and picked her up. “Come on, brave girl. Time to go home.”

Wrapping her arms around Luke's neck and laying against his chest, she sighed happily. “I like that plan.”

Barriss followed them with a content smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shall now ramble about things I enjoyed when writing this chapter...  
> \--Barriss is so used to understanding everyone that she feels off-kilter when that doesn’t happen. Ex. Back in WIAB, whenever she can't figure out why Ahsoka is upset or is unable to figure out an approach, she tends to shut down, take her objectivity to extremes, and/or otherwise overcompensate. She's developed more balanced reactions, however the tendencies are still there. For whatever reason, she can't get a handle on Karyna--perhaps, resulting in a bit of over-zealous mothering.  
> \--Showcasing how Barriss and an older Luke interact. They had a lovely mother-child relationship in WIAB and writing an end result is fulfilling.  
> \--Luke's maturity in becoming a responsible adult. His confidence yet anxiety to take care of his ‘little sister’ and family in general echoes a young Ahsoka. However, Barriss’ influence is also apparent in his approach, especially during the rescue of Karyna, him drawing parallels, analyzing his own behavior, etc.  
> \----How does environment impact development? Karyna is a perfect opportunity for me to explore that more, due to her age and our familiarity with Barriss. She starts out very similarly to a pre-Luminara Barriss in circumstance, mind, and personality. Does a new situation influence recessive traits to become more dominant and/or development of additional characteristics that diverge from Barriss, who had a very different environment growing up? Guess we’ll see how it all plays out!  
> 


	24. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Opportunity: Barriss Offee never lets one go to waste.

_This doesn’t feel right._ Slitting her eyelids, Caam edged them around to see a bright room with walls that were too clean. _Where am I?! Did they get me too?_

Squeezing her eyes shut again, she listened desperately for clues and heard faint rustling a few feet away. _What am I laying on? It’s like an Alduvian marshmallow._ Deciding to risk it, Caam experimentally shifted her legs. _Ok, not tied down. That’s good._ She tried the same thing with her arms and maxi pain shot to her toes. “Agh!”

There was movement and then a soft hand laid on her cheek. “Don’t move, my dear. You have severe chest wounds and your arm is broken.”

_Hold up._ Flipping her eyelids open, she stuttered, “B-Barriss?”

The deep blue eyes that reminded Caam of crazy, dancing ice crystals looked down at her. “Yes, it’s me. You're at the palace. How are you feeling?”

“Oh. Um, I’m ok. It hurts some, but all good. How did I, uh, get here?”

“Luke found your secret hiding spot and pulled you out. I brought you here for treatment, while he searched for Karyna.”

The fear came back. “Did you find her? They took—”

“Stay calm. She’s safe with only minor injuries, thanks to you.” Fingers brushed over her forehead. “You probably don’t remember, but you told me to look at warehouse fifteen. We found her.”

Caam let out a breath. “Good.”

“Actually, I had to force Karyna to go rest. She wanted to stay here. I told her she could come back, once you were awake.”

She grinned. “That’s nice.”

Barriss picked up a glass of bright green liquid. “Now, I need you to drink this. It tastes terrible, but I want you to swallow it all, ok?”

Caam made a face. “How come?”

The woman chuckled. “It’s medicine. Your injuries are serious. I’ve done everything I can for the moment, but your insides have to heal. You can’t even walk right now. This will help. You’ll have to take it everyday, until you’re better.”

“Until I’m better? How long will that be?” _I can’t lay around on a marshmallow. Things will happen._ “I have to get back to my street.”

Barriss’ expression turned strange. “Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you so worried about getting back?”

“Oh.” Caam hesitated. “See, I got other hiding spots with belongings and such. If I’m not there, people will take stuff. I need to reset my traps everyday to keep the vultures out.”

“Ah,” Barriss replied thoughtfully, “what if we retrieve everything for you, while you recover? Then, you won’t lose anything. Maybe, you could even… find a new place for it after you’re feeling better.”

She shook her head. “Only I can get past the traps. Besides, it’s…” _It’s what?_

The dancing blue eyes looked at her in _that_ way. The way that always made Caam feel like they could see everything inside of her. “You don’t want any help? Is that it?”

“Dunno.” Caam rolled her shoulders, but then yelped in pain. _Stupid!_

Barriss massaged her cheek. “Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine. You’ll be able to do more soon, _if_ you take your medicine.”

Feeling better as Barriss’ fingers did their magic, she nodded. “Ok.”

The woman put the glass to her lips. “Here.”

Caam sucked it all down as Barriss tipped it into her mouth. “Ugh. That’s gross.”

There was a chuckle. “I told you.” Then, Barriss cleaned around her lips and rubbed a thumb across her chin. “There we go.”

The nice feeling that always came with the magic fingers had started to settle in, but vanished as soon as the hand left her face. Not thinking, Caam blurted out, “Can you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Uh, nevermind,” she mumbled. _Stupid._

“You mean this?” Barriss asked and returned her fingers to Caam’s cheek.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

The woman smiled. “Anytime you want, my philosophistical girl.” Barriss kissed her forehead.

Caam suddenly realized she was happier than a drunk miner and closed her eyes to take it in. _This must be what it’s like to have a family._ She could feel tears coming, but couldn’t stop them. Lifting her uninjured arm, she wiped it across her face. “Sorry. Dunno what’s wrong with me.”

A quiet voice said, “Nothing at all. You’re perfect, just the way you are.”

Her eyes shot open and she saw the crazy, dancing blue shining. “Oh.”

Fingers tweaked her nose. “And, don’t you forget it.”

Grinning, Caam let her eyes close again. “Ok, boss lady.” As sleep came, she thought how nice it would be to never go back to her street. _Don't be stupid._

_______

Karyna sat next to Caam’s bed and stared at her, hoping she would wake up. _This is all my fault._ Taking the girl’s hand, she held it.

Suddenly, there was a sharp breath and tawny eyes flipped open. They focused on her and Caam grinned. “Hey, Kayo.”

She grinned back. “Hey, Cab. How are you feeling?”

Her friend grimaced. “Ok. Not bad. Not great, neither. And, your aunt is making me drink the worst stuff on the planet.”

Rolling her eyes, Karyna replied, “I’m sure it’s medicine to help you.”

“Yeah, that’s what she said. Still doesn’t mean it’s not the worse stuff on the planet.”

She laughed. “You have a point, I suppose.” Then, Karyna averted her eyes and mumbled, “I’m sorry you were attacked. They saw my clothes, I guess. I should have listened.” Tears started coming as she choked out, “It’s all my fault.”

“Nope!” Caam squeezed her hand. “No thinking that stuff. I might have gotten attacked, either way. It happens, you know. Besides, you saved me! And, your family saved me again. Since you’re a-ok too, everything is topsy day, yeah?”

Karyna gazed at her and then a slow smile crept onto her face. “Guess so.”

“That’s better! Now, boss lady says I can’t move for like forever or something. Seeing as I’m stuck here, I was thinking… we could maybe read that book together? Like you said?”

She froze. “Oh no. It’s still in your secret hiding spot, isn’t it?”

“Don’t freak out, K. If we don’t got it, we don’t. Just means you'll have to think of some other way to give me entertainsment.”

“No! I’ll get it, somehow. I know! I can ask Aunt Barriss or Luke.” She got up, intending to do just that. The hand still gripping hers didn’t let go and Karyna twisted back around to look at her friend.

Caam’s eyes had turned strange. “Can we figure out the book thing later and you stay here for a bit?”

_Oh._ Sitting back down, Karyna smiled. “Course.” She considered for a moment and then said, “How about I tell you a story, instead?”

The girl grinned happily. “Supra.”

_______

Barriss entered the room and stopped at the scene before her.

Karyna and Caam were laying next to each other giggling. Her niece lifted triumphant arms into the air. “And then, everyone lived happily ever after!”

Laughing, Barriss clapped. “As they should.”

The girls looked over at her in some embarrassment. Caam said, “Oh. See, K was telling me a story and—”

Waving a hand, Barriss smiled. “I got that much. It was clearly very well told, though I only heard the end. Excellent work at keeping the patient occupied and excellent work on the patient’s part to make sure she didn’t move. Good job all around, my dears.”

They grinned back at her and then Karyna said, “Speaking of, there was a book we were going to read together. But, I think it might still be in Caam’s hiding spot. Is there—can we get it somehow? Please?” The midnight blue eyes fixed on Barriss pleadingly.

The woman put on an innocent expression. “Hmm… maybe.” She stuck a head out the door and yelled, “Luke! Luuuke!” Turning back to the girls, she saw two confused faces.

Crossing to the bed, the woman adjusted Caam into a sitting position against the headboard, placing a pillow behind her for support. “There. Is that better? Now, you won't strain yourself trying to look at everyone. Just don’t lie back down on your own. I don’t want you reopening the wounds.”

Caam smiled. “Yeah, mucho better. Thanks.”

Luke ambled in. “It’s a good thing I’m only two doors down. The way you people yell down hallways around here, it’s a wonder the whole palace doesn’t know when someone wants me.”

The girls giggled.

He sat down on the end of the bed and tousled Karyna’s hair. “Looks like everyone is on the mend after their little adventure.”

A tiny, frustrated face glared at him. “You know I hate when you do that.” Shaking her hair and running fingers through it, she tried to tame the mess.

Caam laughed. “I like it that way. Your hair is too perfect.”

The girl turned her glare on Caam. “Just because you don’t have any, doesn’t mean you get to give opinions on mine. I happen to like my hair to _not_ look like a Wookie’s behind.”

Luke snorted. “I'm not even going to ask who taught you that phrase. Anyhow, what can I do for you ladies?”

Barriss chuckled. “First off, I seem to remember a boy who used to turn murderous when I did this.” She ran a messy hand over his thick, blond locks.

He ducked out of the way. “Ugh! Quit it!” Then, frantic hands smoothed it back down. “You’d think by the time I reached twenty-one, you would break the habit!”

“Seriously?!” Karyna exclaimed. “It’s like you’re taking out revenge on me for Aunt Barriss doing it to you or something.”

Looking back up, a diffident grin formed on his face. Then, it turned mischievous. “Hmm, maybe. Or, maybe you're just so adorable I can’t help it.”

The girl tried to glare, but couldn’t hide the pleased smiled. She ended up with a choked giggle. “Whatever.”

Caam was gazing at them with something between longing and amusement.

Barriss commented, “Now that we’ve discovered every annoying thing Luke does can be traced back to me, I’m feeling better already.”

Karyna and Luke glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. The young man remarked, “I can’t decide if you’re taking credit or blame.”

“Then, my work here is done.” Looking at the girls, Barriss continued, “So, you had a request, didn’t you?”

Luke turned his attention to them and raised an expectant eyebrow.

Karyna’s eyes darted around. “Well—I wanted—we have a—”

Caam picked up the slack. “Karyna gave me a book, before everything went down. We were going to read it together. But, with getting attacked and all, it got left in my hiding spot. We were thinking, maybe we could read it, since I’m all done up with nothing to do.”

“Ah,” Luke said very seriously, “but it’s there and you’re here. So, you want me to go get it for you?”

“I mean, you don’t have to,” Karyna put in quickly, “if you don’t want to or anything.”

Luke’s face turned airy. “Hmm, I’ll give it due consideration. What do I get out of it?”

The girls stared at him and Karyna asked, “Uh, what do you want?”

The young man pretended to consider for a long moment, edges of his mouth twitching. “A kiss, I think. From both of you.”

Face contorting in slight revulsion, Karyna blurted, “Not on the lips, right?”

Luke’s expression filled with horror. “Absolutely not.”

Karyna seemed relieved, but Caam looked mildly offended. “Are you trying to say we’re ugly or something?”

He grinned. “Nope. You are two of the most adorable girls on the planet. However, I’m afraid I make it a policy to never kiss my family on the lips.”

Caam’s eyes widened and then dropped to the bed.

Barriss smiled to herself. Luke had clearly determined Caam needed them and intended to communicate the message anyway he could.

Karyna's nose wrinkled. “Exactly. It would be like kissing my brother. Eew.”

“Uh, not like. It would _be_ kissing your brother, silly.” He tousled her hair again and leapt from the bed. “Hold on. I’ll be back.” Luke sprinted out of the room.

The girl groaned and started fixing her frizzled hair again, but Caam kept staring at her hands, fingers twitching.

Barriss watched her for a moment and could nearly feel the conflict. _So close, my stubborn girl. Come on._ While recent events had been unexpected and terrible, she wasn’t going to let them go to waste. _I won’t lose her._

Luke reappeared with hands behind his back. Swaggering over to the bed, he whipped something out and placed it in Karyna’s hands. “Now then, where’s my reward?”

The girls stared at the book and then him, before Karyna made an annoyed face. “You already had it?”

“Yep. I anticipated my adorable girls’ needs. That’s what big brother’s do, you know.” He grinned impishly.

Karyna giggled and leaned over Caam to peck his cheek. “You’re the best.”

“Oh, I know,” he replied and leaned his head next to Caam’s expectantly.

The girl gazed at him for a moment and then a brash grin formed. Kissing him on the cheek, she said, “Thanks.”

Luke smiled. “Anytime, kid.” Straightening up, he announced, “Guess my work here is done! Let me know if you need any other miracles. My price varies on demand.” Chuckling, he strolled out of the room.

Karyna immediately opened the book, but Caam gazed at the doorway Luke had disappeared through. Her eyes wandered up to Barriss.

The woman ran fingers over the girl’s forehead. “Don’t forget, if you want us to get your stuff, we can. Just tell me, alright?”

Caam looked at her uncertainly. “Maybe. I'll think or something.”

“Good.” Barriss smiled and added, “I’ll let you two read for a bit. Then, I’ll be back to change Caam’s bandages. She needs to rest after that.”

There were unified nods and Barriss left the room with satisfaction. If their experiences in Dagobah had taught her anything, it was that the Force worked in mysterious ways. She had met the girl for a reason. It had taken longer than anticipated, but success or failure was closing in. She could feel it. And, this time, Barriss Offee refused to fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter. Something about Barriss and Caam's relationship is just, I don't know, lovely. Let's hope it all works out...


	25. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Agenda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agenda: Barriss has one and Ahsoka is going to get one.

“So, what’s your plan, my dear?”

Barriss arced over Ahsoka’s head and spun around to block the incoming blow. “You’ll have to be more specific, my darling wife. I have a lot of plans. Currently, I’m focused on the one that will allow me to utterly crush you.”

She grinned and used her staff to spin into a 180, thrusting both feet into Barriss’ chest. “How’s that going for you?”

Her wife sailed across the sparring ring, but sprung back into a flying leap toward Ahsoka. At the last moment, Barriss dropped and swept a leg through hers, knocking them both to the ground. Throwing out a hand, she sent Ahsoka's staff clattering away and leapt on top of her. “Not too bad.”

The woman laughed and twisted her lower body, locking legs around Barriss’ waist. Coiling muscles, she propelled herself upwards, reversing their positions and pinning the slender arms to the floor. “Not too good, either. Getting too fancy with your pushes.”

Barriss groaned. “You distracted me. What _are_ you asking about, anyway?”

“Caam, of course.”

An eyebrow quirked. “What makes you think I have one?”

Snorting, Ahsoka replied, “First off, you have a plan for everything. Second, you’ve spent the last several months giving the girl free reign of the palace, one-on-one time at every opportunity, progressively stronger hints about making life goals, and not so subtle encouragement of me teaching her anything she wants to know. Now, I get back from my latest mission to find her getting VIP treatment, in her own room, surrounded by more attention than she knows what to do with. I haven’t even gotten to say hi to my niece this morning, who is apparently sleeping in there. In fact, I suspect if I hadn’t arrived in the middle of the night, I wouldn’t have even managed to steal you away. You clearly have an agenda that involves more than providing occasional help to a disadvantaged child.”

Barriss’ expression turned innocent. Suddenly, the woman ripped herself from the hold and forced them both into a roll. Sitting on top of Ahsoka’s chest, legs pressing down on now immobilized arms, she gave a triumphant grin. “Hmm, I’m sure you have a theory about my secret plan. Let’s hear it.”

Shaking a rueful head, Ahsoka replied, “That I should always get an official concession from you, before fulfilling my curiosity.”

“Is that your way of saying I win?”

“Absolutely not,” Ahsoka cried. “Momentary setback only, my dear. While I’m thinking of a way to get out of it, answer my question.”

Briefly hesitating, she replied, “I have less of a plan than a goal. I want the girl to have a fighting chance. She could do so much. It won’t happen if Caam believes she’s at risk of dying everyday and that’s all the life there is for her. I’m trying to gain trust, but also give her hope—make her realize the possibilities.”

Ahsoka gazed at her. “And, what happens when we leave? Which could happen very soon. The new government is almost ready to take over. We’ll be moving along again. You can’t create dependence on us and then leave her to fend for herself.”

Barriss chewed her lip and then looked away. “I don’t plan to.”

Eyes widening, she said, “You want to take her with us. You’ve been working on making her part of our family. Were you planning on mentioning adding another child to our ever-growing set of responsibilities, before or after you did it?”

Defiant blue met hers. “I can’t help how I feel. We’ve been given a lot for a reason. What’s the use of any of this if we can’t help lost children like Caam?”

Ahsoka hissed a breath through her teeth. “It’s not that I disagree with you. I like the kid and she deserves a chance in life. But, we make these decisions together. You haven’t left me much of a choice, now. Plus, we could have been working on it together. It’s not only you she has to trust, you know.”

Barriss deflated and released her hold, tumbling to the floor. She pulled knees to her chest. “It’s not that I started with that goal in mind. I only wanted to help. The more time I spent with her, watching her and Karyna together—they make each other better, happier—it just… happened.” She paused and then rushed out, “I don’t want to lose her, Ahsoka.”

Sitting up, she lifted her wife’s chin. “You were afraid I’d say no, weren’t you?”

Barriss nodded weakly. “Our life has been so chaotic since rebuilding started. We barely have time to spend with each other. Plus, after Dagobah, we have a whole new mission. I know you’ve been feeling overwhelmed with it all. I couldn’t—I didn’t want—I thought things would calm down and I’d bring it up then. Or, after you had a chance to spend more time with Caam, you’d want it too and everything would be alright.”

Ahsoka sighed. “I have been a bit restless, but it has nothing to do with having family. That is all I really care about anymore, honestly. That’s why I’m frustrated at having to be gone so much. I am more likely to add to our family if anything. And, I do care about Caam. Have faith in me, please.”

The piercing blue eyes fluctuated and then tears spilled out of them. She leaned forward into Ahsoka’s chest. “I’m sorry. I was so scared of losing her that I messed it all up, didn’t I? What do you want me to do?”

Sliding arms around her, Ahsoka kissed her hair. “The only thing I want is for it to not happen again. Ok?”

“I promise,” Barriss whispered.

“Now that’s settled, let’s talk about how we can make it happen.”

Barriss leaned back with a joyful smile. “Gods, I love you.”

Brushing lips over her wife’s, Ahsoka grinned. “Good.” Then, she continued gently, “Have you thought that she may not be ready or want to stay with us?”

“I won’t let that happen,” was the firm answer.

“You can’t control her choices, my dear. It’s possible Caam may never believe in us or herself enough to leave everything she knows. It’s a huge leap of faith.”

Barriss fixed a determined gaze. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do? I know I can make her see what’s possible. I just need a little more time. We were meant to find her. She’s meant to be with us. I know it.”

Raising eyebrows, Ahsoka replied slowly, “Alright. Even if that’s true, not everyone sees what we see.” Her mind wandered through painful memories as she continued, “No matter how much you try to convince them. Caam gets to make her own choice and we respect it. Agreed?”

Her wife exhaled with a frown, but nodded. “Agreed.”

_______

Caam watched Rex spin Karyna around in the air, wishing she could move. _You’re stupid. Why do you want to be swung around like a little kid? Probably wouldn’t do you, anyway. He’s not your uncle._

The man finally sat the wobbling girl on the floor and steadied her.

Karyna giggled and ran over to the bed, falling over at Caam’s feet. “I’m so dizzy!”

Pasting a grin, Caam commented, “That’s what happens when you fly round like a drunk mynock.”

Her friend laughed and stood up. “Whatever. Don’t be jealous of my spinning abilities.”

Grin fading, Caam tried a casual, “Oh, please.”

Rex chuckled and said, “Better be careful, my clever little spy. Once Caam gets better, you might have some competition.”

Karyna stuck out a tongue, but Caam jerked her head to look at him. _Is he for real?_

The man smiled at her. “Yep. When you’re fully recovered, my bold little fighter, Uncle Rex is going to see what you’ve got. So, you better be ready.”

A happy feeling filled her up and Caam smiled back. “Ok.”

There was a cough from the doorway as Ahsoka walked in. “Here I come to check on the invalid and maybe give her some entertainment. Guess I shouldn’t have bothered. Clearly, watching you two spin is better than anything I can manage.”

Karyna screamed so loud it hurt Caam’s head. “Aunt Ahsoka!”

The woman laughed and hopped forward as the girl threw herself into Ahsoka's arms. Picking her up, she kissed Karyna’s hair. “I missed you so much, my adorable mushroom.”

“I missed you too,” she said, tightly hanging around Ahsoka’s neck. “I thought you were never coming back. You were gone so long.”

“I’m sorry, my dear. It was an extended operation. But, I’ll always come back. Promise.”

The girl leaned back in Ahsoka’s arms with a cute smile. “Good.”

After a final kiss on the cheek, the woman placed her on the ground. Glancing over at Caam, she said, “I hear you two had an adventure, while I was gone.”

Karyna winced. “I messed up and Caam got hurt.”

Jumping in quickly, Caam said, “Will you stop saying that, Kayo? Everything is fine. You’re so mel-meladrymatics.”

Ahsoka grinned and brushed knuckles over Caam’s cheek. “Runs in the family. You have met Barriss, right?”

Feeling the strange happiness she liked but didn’t understand at the touch, Caam smiled up at her. “Yeah, guess you got a point.” Looking over at her friend, she said, “It’s not your fault, K. You come by it naturaslly.”

She glared. “I am not being melodramatic! You are lying in a bed and can’t walk because of me!”

Caam grinned and stared up at Ahsoka, secretly hoping the woman would do the thing to her face again. “Yep. Can’t help some people.”

Chuckling, Ahsoka sat on the edge of the bed. “Very true, my dear.” Turning to Karyna, she added, “Come here, my mushroom. I want another hug and then your Aunt Barriss says it’s time for your lessons.”

The girl made a petulant face, but came over for her hug. “Do I have to? You just got back!”

Ahsoka smiled and gripped the itty bitty chin. “I’ll be home for a while this time, don’t worry. Besides, if you’re going to rule the world one day, you have to learn lots of stuff.”

Karyna rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to rule the world.”

“Why not? You can do anything you put your brilliant mind to, so no need to go small. But, if you don’t want the whole world, I suppose we could settle for half of it or something.”

The girl giggled and then kissed Ahsoka’s cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Cab, and we can finish our book.”

Caam grinned. “It was getting good, so you better.”

Karyna laughed and waved, before running out the door.

Rex cleared his throat and said, “I think it’s time for my lessons, as well.” Striding over to the bed, he pulled another blanket over Caam and tucked it around her. She always liked when he did that. “Stay warm, my bold little fighter. Don’t forget we have spinning to do.”

She smiled happily at him. “I won’t.”

Grinning, he nodded to Ahsoka and strode out.

Caam suddenly felt awkward, all alone with Ahsoka, but also pleased the woman was here just to see her. “Um, so you were on a mission?”

“Yep. I’ve been gone a lot lately, trying to finish off what’s left of Palpatine’s forces in the outer regions. It’s annoying.”

“Why annoying?”

“I guess I shouldn’t say that. It’s something I’ve been working toward half my life and it’s finally coming to pass. So, I should be thrilled. But, when I’m gone, all I think about is being home. I suppose I want to be with my family more than I want to free the world, now…” she trailed off with a weird expression.

Caam watched her eyes. They were the most supra eyes ever and reminded her of bright, blue fire or something. She liked how they moved and shined by themselves, seeming to say things all on their own. Whenever they looked at her, Caam felt like she could do anything.

Ahsoka shook her head and said, “Sorry, I wandered off for a second. How are you feeling?”

“Ok. It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. But, I’m still not allowed to move much.”

“I definitely understand. I’m a terrible patient. Drives Barriss crazy. Hopefully, you won’t be stuck in a bed for much longer.”

For some reason, the idea made Caam sad. _I want to move, but I don’t. You’re crazy._ “Oh… yeah.”

The fire eyes flashed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. All good, Jedi Lady.” She tried to grin.

“Caam, you don’t have to tell me what's wrong. But, if you do, I promise I won’t tell anyone else. Maybe, we can figure out how to fix it together?”

The girl stared at her hands. _I want to tell her. Tell her what? I dunno._

“Even if you don’t understand what it is, you can still tell me. That happens to me all the time. I feel stuff, but don’t know why.”

Interest peaked, she looked up and asked, “What do you do?”

“I talk to someone about it, usually Barriss. They help me figure it out. When I was young, I didn’t do that and I had a lot of problems. But, I learned how and it makes things better.”

“Really? _You_ had problems?” Caam couldn’t imagine it.

Ahsoka gazed at her and then seemed to think for a minute. “I was a princess, you know, a long time ago. I hated being one, but I tried to do my best. When I was nine, my mother was killed and my family kind of fell apart. Then, my brother—” She took a deep breath. “My brother abandoned us. He killed our father and destroyed the kingdom. I lost my whole world that day. It took me a long time to get over it.”

Caam’s mouth hung open. “Then, what did you do? What happened to your brother? Did you get revenge?”

The woman's face looked sad. “No revenge, my dear. I didn’t want revenge, really. I wanted my brother back. The one I loved. I didn’t get that either, though. He died saving his son from the old Emperor. So, I suppose he came back in the end, but he’s gone now.” She wiped a tear away.

It was like a story from one of Karyna’s books or something. Except, in those, everyone ended up happy like nothing had ever happened, which Caam found ridiculous. Her mind snapped on the words and she blurted out, “His son? Like you mean Luke?”

Ahsoka nodded. “My brother destroyed everything right before he was born. Luke’s mother died around the same time, so everyone thought the babies had too. He has a twin sister named Leia. Luke never knew either of his parents or his sister, because of everything that happened. He lived in a foster home and those people died, as well. Once I found out he was alive, though, Luke came to live with us.”

“Like Karyna? Barriss found out about her and went and got her, right?”

“Yes. But, not just them. We have a lot of other family you haven’t met as they are based elsewhere at the moment. Most of us aren’t blood-related. You know what we all have in common, though?”

Caam shook her head, unable to look away from the fire eyes.

Ahsoka smiled. “We were all alone and needed a family.”

She gazed at the woman, a bunch of strange feelings running around her mind.

Fingertips began to circle over Caam’s forehead. “What I’m trying to say is that when you want to tell me things, I want to hear about them. It doesn’t matter if they make sense or not. That’s the point of talking. So, people who care about you can help you figure it out.”

Caam whispered, “You… care about me?”

Ahsoka leaned over and kissed the top of her lekku. “Very much, my spunky girl.”

This time, Caam knew exactly what she was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then. Barriss has been playing things close to the vest. Her protectiveness over Caam is interesting, yes?  
> In any case, Barriss seems to have forgotten that she and Ahsoka are always more successful in reaching their goals together.


	26. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss prepare for Dagobah.

“You saved your brother. He has a chance to find peace now.”

“Luke saved him, not me.”

Ethereal eyes rolled. “Luke only did what you taught him. Who instilled hope, faith, strength, and wisdom in his mind?”

“I think he came by it naturally,” Ahsoka replied quietly. “He is so special.” Giving her mother an impish grin, she added, “Though, the wisdom part was definitely Barriss.”

“Everyone has an influence on who we become. However, Ahsoka Tano has a unique ability to impact the lives of others. You give them faith and confidence to achieve things they didn’t believe they could do. Without you, this family would not exist. These people wouldn’t be who they are. You are very, very special, Ahsoka.”

She gazed back at the ghostly yet viscerally expressive face. “I’m not the only one.”

There was a soft smile. “If that’s what it takes for you to accept your specialness, I’ll go with it.”

Ahsoka chuckled and wiped away the tears that had fallen. “So, why am I here? Were you just unable to survive eternity any longer without trying to convince me how amazing I am? Or, is there something you need to tell me?”

Her mother laughed. “Why can’t it be both?”

“I get the impression bringing me here is not an easy feat. That suggests a reason.”

Impressed eyebrows lifted. “Have I also mentioned how brilliant you are? Because, that is also true.” She winked. “One small correction, though. I don’t bring you here. You bring yourself here. However, you’re right that this is challenging for me. It’s always been a calculated risk.”

Sudden fear welled up. “That doesn’t sound safe. I’ll be ok, Mom. Please, stop.”

“No can do, bossy girl.” Tender fingers traced her montrals. “The line of balance must endure and you deserve a chance to reach your potential. It’s the only thing I can do now and I intend to see it through. In this case, it required me to deliver the message in person.” Her expression turned distant for a moment and then she refocused with an engaging grin. “I certainly didn’t haunt you for decades to fail at the finish line.”

Ahsoka opened a mouth to argue, but saw the piercing worry behind the fierce blue. _She really needs me to listen right now._ Closing her eyes and trying to concentrate, she nodded. “Ok. Tell me.”

There was a contented sigh. “Gods, you have come so far from the stubborn child that wouldn’t let me carry her to bed.”

“Well, don’t get used to it,” she remarked impishly.

The woman abruptly grabbed her and didn’t let go. “I love you so much, Ahsoka.” Tingling hands guided her head to an ethereal shoulder, slowly stroking the lekku. “Please, don’t mourn for me anymore, my amazing child. Force knows, I’ve been the luckiest mother in eternity.”

Anxiety rising at the tenor of the conversation, Ahsoka slid arms around her. “I love you too, but you’re worrying me a bit.”

“Sorry, my dear. Guess, I’m getting sappy in my eternal years,” was the light reply, but Ahsoka could hear a shaky tremor underneath. Then, there was a nearly inaudible murmur, “Time to let go.”

Getting more panicked by the moment, Ahsoka’s heart began pulsing. “Mom, what is—”

Gentle lips touched her temple. “I need you to clear your mind and listen to nothing but my words.” The tone turned pleading. “Please, Ahsoka. For me.”

She pressed herself into the comforting embrace for a few moments and then whispered, “Yes, ma’am.” Exhaling slowly, Ahsoka worked to push away the fear. “Ok, I’m ready.”

There was a deep breath and then a determined voice said, “When you find Yoda, give him the following message—‘What is done cannot be undone. What is to come can be.’ That’s it. Repeat it back to me.”

“What is done cannot be… undone. What is to come, uh, can be.”

“Again.”

“What is done cannot be undone. What is to come can be.”

The arms around her tightened and a choked voice whispered, “Once more, my special girl.”

“What is done cannot be undone. What is to come can be. Can I stop now?”

There was no response and Ahsoka opened her eyes to find herself in bed, tingling sensation fading. _Where did she go? Did she mean to leave? What if something happened to her?_ Anxiety flooded her mind and she started trembling. After several moments of tearful contemplation, she jerked in realization. _Get it together, Ahsoka. You need to remember the message._

Leaping up, she rushed down the hallway. Bursting in the office door, Ahsoka blurted, “What is done cannot be undone. What is to come can be.”

A startled Barriss blinked and then understanding seemed to dawn. She pulled a new piece of parchment from a desk drawer. “Say it again.”

The memories were swiftly fading and Ahsoka struggled to stutter out, “W-what is, um, done can’t be done—no wait, undone. What will or what is to come… can’t be?”

“Can be,” Barriss replied vacantly as she wrote, “you said ‘can’ the first time.”

“Yeah, that sounds right. We have to tell that to… someone.” Suddenly, Ahsoka realized she had no idea why she was standing in their office, half dressed.

“Who? Tell it to who, Ahsoka? Focus.”

She looked at her wife in confusion. “What?”

Barriss let out a frustrated exhale. “Nevermind.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “I wonder…”

“Um,” Ahsoka asked slowly, “how did I get here?”

Her wife grinned. “Well, you promised to help me with some communiques.”

Ahsoka gave her a highly dubious look. “That is not even remotely believable, my dear.”

“I can’t help if you had a fit of unprecedented compassion for your wife, which you have now conveniently forgotten.”

Snorting, Ahsoka said, “I had another dream, didn’t I? That’s the only time I end up strangely staring at things with no memory of how I got there.”

“Hmm, who knows. Maybe, you’re just so excited about our trip to Dagobah tomorrow that you couldn’t contain yourself. It evidently resulted in you wandering around the palace, wearing nothing but a highly alluring set of cotton pants and a practically non-existent chest wrap.”

Eager grin forming, Ahsoka sauntered behind the desk and slid hands over her wife’s shoulders. “I never realized how much you loved my cotton pants.” She bent down, running lips over Barriss’ neck.

There was a pleased murmur as the woman leaned her head back. “Actually, I love them in more ways than one.”

Ahsoka rolled teasing fingers over Barriss’ chest and heard a sharp breath in response. “Please, do tell.”

Barriss reached up to lightly grip the back of her lekku, pushing Ahsoka’s head down and forcing her massaging mouth deeper into soft skin. “Well, they make good feet warmers for my toes in the middle of the night. However, I love them even better… when I get to take them off.”

Ahsoka halted her efforts at the bold response. Then, a devilish grin crept onto her face. “Oh, my amazing, beautiful, apparently saucy wife, you have just given me a brilliant idea.”

There was a small giggle. “It’s about time.”

Beaming with delight, Ahsoka spun the chair around and scooped Barriss up, carrying her straight to their bedroom.

_______

“It’s not working, obviously,” Ahsoka hissed through clenched teeth. “We may never know who's supposed to get the message.”

Barriss traced two fingers over her face markings. “It’s alright. It doesn’t always, remember? We probably scared her away with your cotton pants,” she added mischievously.

She snorted and then stiffened in abrupt horror. “Oh Gods. I hope so. You don’t think she’s…”

“No, Ahsoka. I told you this. In the first dream, you asked her. I believe your mother said something about disappearing in panic.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, “That’s right. Whew. I guess we can try again on the way to Dagobah.”

“Definitely. Speaking of, we should probably get some rest.”

Pulling Barriss onto her chest, the woman grinned. “I suppose. Though, you will have to stop being unbelievably mesmerizing for a few minutes, if we are to have any success.”

Barriss snuggled further into Ahsoka. “I’ll do my best, but no promises.”

Stroking her wife’s forehead, Ahsoka murmured, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then.


	27. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Best Laid Plans: Everyone has them. Sometimes they have unexpected results.

Karyna recited, “That period of peace in Mandalore only lasted a decade. It ended when a Dathomirian warrior usurped the throne with the help of a splinter group of Mandalorians. This is often termed the Rogue Mandalorian War. However, records during the period shortly before Palpatine’s reign are spotty and little is known about the details of the conflict.”

Barriss nodded. “Do we know how it ended?”

“The Mandalorians called on their ally kingdom of Shili for help in putting down the rebellion. This is notable, as it was the first time in a century Mandalore had requested assistance with an internal conflict. Shili sent one of their battalions to assist. Together, they were able to defeat and expel the rogue forces. The Mandalorians still hold the Shili commander in high regard. Modern historians have suggested this person may be one of the few outsiders that can bring the rival houses together for peace talks.”

Smiling slightly, Barriss asked, “What can you tell me about this paragon?”

The girl grimaced. “Not much. There seems to be disagreement on the identity of the battalion commander involved. The Mandalorian records say it was a lady warrior and have colorful but conflicting descriptors of her beauty and prowess. However, Shili records indicate there were no women battalion commanders during that period.”

“And, what is your theory?”

Karyna grinned, clearly waiting for the chance to answer this very question. “I believe it was a company commander or elite warrior, who was temporarily put in command of the battalion. I think it makes sense for the Master General to have assigned an up and coming warrior they thought would impress the Mandalorian ruling houses and therefore strengthen the relationship between the kingdoms.”

Barriss raised an impressed eyebrow. “Well-reasoned. Any contenders, then?”

She frowned. “No. I went through six different books, but the records from that period appear to be lost. I couldn’t even find a complete list of company commanders to narrow down the options.”

“Excellent analysis, my dear. I have a project for you, since you're so well-versed on this subject.”

Karyna’s eyes shined with pleasure. Quill poised above her parchment, she waited expectantly.

Unable to hold back an adoring smile, she said, “I want you to identify this mystery commander.”

The small mouth parted. “Uh, I just said…” she trailed off. “Yes, ma’am.” Her expression abruptly morphed into determination. “I'll figure it out.”

Barriss knelt next to her chair. “Do you want some advice on completing your project?”

Her face fluctuated for a few moments and then deflated. “I guess.”

“Karyna, asking for help is not a bad thing. No one knows everything, nor can any of us do everything on our own.”

There was a sigh. “If you say so.”

“Do you think this legendary commander won the war alone?”

“No, but she was in charge. She did it her way and her way worked, right?” 

“Ah,” Barriss replied with sudden understanding, “you want to complete it on your terms. Is that what you’re saying?”

Surprised blue eyes flicked up to hers. “Yeah.”

She smiled and ran a finger over the girl’s cheek. “That makes perfect sense, my clever girl. I’ll let you handle it on your own, then. You only have to agree to tell me if you run into problems and need some ideas. Deal?”

A happy grin appeared. “Deal.”

_______

“This commander sounds uber cool. But, how are you gonna find out who she is?”

Karyna whipped out her list. “Here’s what I came up with for ideas. What do you think?”

Caam skimmed it and pointed to line four. “What’s this mean? Swords?”

“That’s for confirmation. If I find a contender, I can see if there’s any record of them using special weapons. The Mandalorian ruling houses gave the warrior a set of custom-made swords. The short sword dated back to the founding of Mandalore and has a special inscription in Mando'a. That’s the language they speak there.”

“You’re so smart, K. What about the second one? It says write… Sab-Saby-Sibalene?”

“Oh, you’ve never met her. Sabine is family and is Mandalorian. They have a strong tradition of passing on history to each generation there. Since the commander is supposedly a legend in Mandalore, I thought she might know more details. Sabine’s in Chandrila, though. I’d have to write her to ask and that would take a while. So, I figured I’d only do that if the first idea doesn’t work.”

Caam perked up. “How big is your family?”

Karyna tried to count in her head. “Um, there’s a lot of us. About half live here. Let’s see, you already know Uncle Rex, Luke, Nara and Obi-Wan. Leia is Luke’s twin sister, but you’ve never met her. She’s part of the Alliance Council and is always travelling around to negotiate and help other kingdoms. So, she's rarely home. Did you meet Asajj on any of your visits? She is gone a lot, because she’s a bounty hunter.”

She shook her head with a certain amount of awe. “A bounty hunter? Cool.”

“That’s Uncle Rex’s true love.” Karyna flashed a crooked grin. “She’s kind of strange and hard to understand, but I like her. She and Aunt Barriss knew each other when they were kids and living on the streets of Coruscant.”

Tawny eyes widened. “Hold up. Barriss lived on the streets like me?”

Karyna nodded. “Sorry, thought I’d told you. She was at an orphanage like I was, but ran away. Then, she joined a gang. Eventually, she got caught breaking into Nara’s compound. Nara was a spymaster and decided to train Aunt Barriss as her apprentice. That’s how she got her start as a spy.”

Caam seemed contemplative. “So, she kinda found her a family or something, huh?”

“Yeah, guess you could say that.” Karyna gazed at her for a moment, feeling like she was missing something. “Why?”

Her friend shrugged and looked back at the list. “Ok, so personal statements is the big plan, then? It’s listed first.”

“Yep. Uncle Rex is from Shili. He was actually a battalion captain, before it was destroyed. I figured I could ask him if he remembered what battalion it was or who was assigned. Even if he doesn’t, Uncle Rex knows a lot about military history and might have other ideas on how to find out. If that doesn’t work, I can ask Aunt Ahsoka.”

“Why her?”

“She was a warrior from Shili too, but only a teenager then. So, I doubt she knows. Still, I thought it could be a back-up plan if Uncle Rex can’t help.”

Caam’s lekku flicked around. “But, I mean she was the princess and might know a lot of stuff.”

Karyna’s jaw dropped. “What are you talking about?”

“Um, you said it was destroyed and all, right? So, gotta be where she was a princess. People aren’t princesses of different kingdoms than they’re from, are they?”

“No, I meant why do you think she was a princess at all?!” Karyna exclaimed. _Where does she get these things?_

Caam stared at her. “You serious?”

Getting annoyed now, she glared. “I’m serious that I have no clue where you got that idea from.”

Her friend glared back. “She told me herself. Go ask her, if you don’t believe me!”

Karyna’s mouth opened and closed several times. “You’re not making this up, right? Just to mess with me?”

Caam looked mad. “I’m not a liar, Kayo.” Then, her face turned odd. “You really didn’t know? Do you think… she told me the truth?”

“I’m sorry.” Karyna leaned forward and grabbed her hand. “I believe you. Aunt Ahsoka never lies. If she said that, it’s true.” Her heart hurt a bit and she whispered, “I can’t believe she never told me.” _She told Caam and not me?_

Fingers slid into hers. “Don’t be upset, K. I think she was just trying to make me feel better—probably doesn’t like to talk about it much.” The girl paused and added softly, “She cried a little.”

Karyna gaped at her, trying to imagine such an occurrence. “Oh.” _I need more information._ Jumping up, she said, “I have to do something. I’ll be back later.”

The hand didn’t let go and Caam pleaded, “Don’t go. I’m sorry I made you upset.”

Wincing, she sat back down. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything. I want to go look up Shili and see what happened is all. I never read about the royal house for any of my lessons.”

The grip on her hand relaxed and then tawny eyes lit up. “Maybe you could bring your researchy stuff in here and we could do it together?”

Karyna smiled. “Ok. Let me go gather books and supplies for us. It’ll take a bit, but I’ll try to hurry. Then, you can tell me what she said to get us started. Deal?”

Caam gave her a cheeky grin. “Dealio, Kayo.”

_______

“Woah.”

Karyna stared at the words. “So, do you think this means…”

Caam whooped. “Your Aunt Ahsoka is totally the mystery commander!” She raised her hand and started lifting fingers one by one. “We already found out she was a supra-famous princess warrior of Shili. During this roguey war, she was a—whatchacallit—company commander. Her battalion was the 501st, which you said was the best. They’d send the best if they were wanting to impress them Mandolasians, right? And, it says right there,” the girl pointed to the book for emphasis as she finished, “Ahsoka Tano is known for using two mandolasian-made swords! Come on!”

A slow smile crept onto her face. “Alright, all strong points. Still, we need definitive proof. Can you imagine if I told Aunt Barriss that and I was wrong?”

Her friend laughed. “Ok. I get ya. What about the swords, then? You said that would prove it, right?”

She nodded and calculated options. “I’ll have to sneak into their room or something. That’s where she keeps her swords, when she's not wearing them. I don’t want anyone to know I’m looking, so it will be a surprise.”

Caam looked thoughtful. “How about I distract them? I’ll ask her and Barriss to come visit me and keep them here or something. How long you need?”

“Great idea, Cab!” Karyna considered. “In theory, I only need five minutes to sneak in and look for the inscription. But, let’s make it ten, just in case. Can you do ten?”

Her friend’s expression turned cocky. “Easy peasy, Kayo.”

_______

“I hear you wanted to see me?”

An innocent-looking smile appeared on Caam’s face. “Yep.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Barriss lowered herself into the chair by the bed. “Alright, here I am.”

Ahsoka popped a head in the doorway. “Oh, sorry to interrupt. Karyna said you needed to talk to me? I can come back—”

“Don’t go!” Caam exclaimed. “I wanted both of you.”

“Um, ok.” Ahsoka sidled over and sat on the edge of the bed.

Barriss glanced at her wife, who shrugged. _Ok, neither of us have any idea what this is about._ Looking back at Caam, she saw the girl watching them carefully. “So, what can we do for you?”

“Oh. Well, see I was wondering…” Caam trailed off and her eyes darted around the room as if searching for an answer. Suddenly, her face lit up. “You said you could go get my stuff, right?”

Barriss sucked in a breath. _Woah._

Ahsoka asked, “Your stuff?”

“Yeah, my stuff that’s hidden on my street. Some of it might be gone now, since I’m done up here. Barriss said you’d get it for me, if I wanted to keep it safe.”

“Ok,” Ahsoka replied with a supportive smile, “where is it? I’ll take care of it.”

“That’s the thing,” the girl replied, “cuz it’s spread out and there are traps set on it. It’s gonna take two people. So, I’ll have to tell you how to get past them and where to find them.”

Barriss nodded. “We can handle it. Do you want to tell us now, then?”

“Yep,” Caam answered eagerly. “You ready? It might take a few minutes.”

She ran gentle fingers over the girl’s cheek. “Definitely ready.”

A happy smile shined back and Caam gazed at Barriss for a moment. “Can you do that while I’m telling you? It helps me think and such.”

“Absolutely.” Barriss flicked eyes to Ahsoka.

Her wife winked and said, “Ok, lay it on us, my dear.”

_______

Karyna peeked in the doorway and saw Caam still talking to her aunts. _Gosh, she’s good._ Impatient, the girl started pacing up and down the hallway. She had everything they needed and was desperate to share the news. _Wait. Maybe I can. Yeah, I’ll just signal Caam and we can tell them both at the same time._

Grinning, she ran back to the room and started to go in, but halted. Caam was crying. Backing out of the doorway, she pressed herself to the wall and listened.

“It’s going to be ok, my dear. We’ll find it. I promise,” Aunt Ahsoka said firmly.

Aunt Barriss spoke next. “Even if your special necklace is missing, we can try to track it down. We’re good at finding lost things. So, please, don’t worry.”

There was an unintelligible mumble in response.

_What are they talking about? She has a special necklace? Wonder why it’s special?_ Karyna strained to hear more.

Caam choked out, “Why are you so nice to me?”

Karyna’s eyes widened. She had never heard her friend talk in that voice before. _It’s like mine. Oh._ It hit her all at once. Caam was just as sad and alone as Karyna had been a year ago. And, her aunts were trying to make it better. _Caam doesn’t understand why they would. Just like I didn’t._

_I’ve been so stupid._ All of the strange looks and the comments about family made sense now. Even Aunt Ahsoka talking about things that made her sad. _Wait. Does that mean they might let her live with us?_ Karyna’s entire body shook with excitement as she awaited the answer.

“Because, we care about you very much, darling girl,” Aunt Barriss said. “I know you probably don’t believe it, but it’s true.”

There was silence and her other aunt added, “Just think about it. Meanwhile, we’ll go get your stuff and you work on getting better. Remember what I said. If you want to talk, you only have to tell us. It’s your choice. Deal?”

Caam mumbled something that sounded like ‘deal’, but Karyna couldn’t be sure. Then, there was movement.

Sprinting as fast as possible away from the room, she leapt into her own with relief. The girl climbed onto the bed and crossed her legs, resting a chin on her fist. _I'll help make Caam happy, too. I know I can fix this. Then, we can all be happy together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of the girls learning modern history which consists heavily of their own family without knowing it. Ha.


	28. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Possibilities: Difficult to see, but harder to accept

Caam grinned as Karyna padded into the room. “About time. I’ve been waiting forever! Thought you went to bed on me or something. Did you get the proof?”

She looked unsure for a few seconds and then ran over, hopping onto bed. “We were totally right!”

Raising a fist, Caam yelled, “Woot woot!” Cringing, she followed up with an, “Ow!”

Karyna leaned over her. “Are you ok?”

She tried to smile as her chest stabbed with little daggers. “Yeah. Just forgot I was messed up for a minute.” Gritting teeth, she slammed her head against the pillow. “This is so not supra!”

“I know.” Her friend crawled up and rested a head on Caam’s uninjured shoulder. “I’ll stay with you and try to make it better, alright?”

Warm sunshine spread over her. “Thanks, K.”

Fingers wrapped between hers and a soft voice said, “It’s selfish, but I don't want you to get better really fast. I want you to stay here.”

Caam’s muscles felt like jelly and she looked down at the awesome eyes gazing up from her shoulder. “Oh. Well, can’t stay forever you know. Think what would happen to my street!”

The eyes looked sad and then changed direction to stare at the blanket. “If you say so.”

 _I can’t, K. Why don’t you get it?_ “It’s not that I don’t like being here. It’s nice. But, if I’m gone too long, I might…”

Karyna looked back up. “Might what?”

Her lekku twitched. “It’s just that I gotta—well, it’s too safe here. I don’t have to worry about people stealing my stuff, hiding from boss gangs, cribbing for yuck food, or nothing really. And, I’m not… alone.” Caam’s throat got raspy, but she kept going, wanting her friend to understand, “Real life isn’t like that, Kayo. If I get used to it, I might not be able to deal with things when I go back. Know what I mean?”

Small eyebrows scrunched together. “Yeah, but not really. If you don’t ever go back, this _is_ real life. So, it doesn’t matter if you get used to it, right?”

Caam stared at her. “Maybe. But, it’s not—it can’t be like this all the time.”

“Uh, actually it is. You'd have to do lessons and people wouldn’t be checking on you constantly, I suppose. Still, it’s basically the same. Always.”

Her mind felt spinney and she couldn’t focus. “Oh.”

A quiet voice said, “It took me a while to understand, too. I didn’t know why anyone cared about me and couldn’t believe it was real. But, I was wrong. Remember, what you told me when I came to visit you? About getting my dream?”

She tightened up her face and nodded, trying to make sure no crying happened in front of her friend.

“You were right. I got a fairytale. Except, it’s a real one. You could too. Like in the books, all you have to do is believe.” She smiled and then snuggled into Caam’s shoulder with a tiny yawn. “So, don’t decide based on it not being real. Because, it is. Plus, it’s totally supra here.” The eyelids fluttered closed and her breathing got soft.

Caam gazed down at her for a long time and then the tears finally came.

_______

Barriss leaned against the door and watched the girls sleep. _Gods, they’re adorable._

A snarky voice commented, “Well, this is a new pose.”

Smiling, she turned around. “That’s what happens when you’re gone too often. I take to staring in doorways.”

Asajj chuckled and wandered over, glancing inside the bedroom. Eyebrows lifted. “Have we picked up yet _another_ unfortunate in the few weeks I’ve been away? You people missed your calling as orphanage administrators, apparently.”

Throwing a glare, Barriss swung back to her original position. “Actually, this one has been around for a while. If you were ever here more than two days at a time, you might have noticed.”

There was silence for a moment and then a hand touched her shoulder. “I do understand why you want to help. You just can’t help them all.”

Barriss released a breath through tight lips. “I’m not trying to help them all. There are only two at the moment. My niece was my responsibility. Surely, you didn’t expect me to leave her in that orphanage?”

“That’s not what I meant. Given your support system, a couple more kids aren’t going to break the bank. I’m concerned about _you._ You don’t exactly delegate and that’s true of mothering, as well. There is a point where you have to recognize reality. Children this young need a great deal of attention. You’re always stretched thin. Adding another only makes it more untenable.”

“Fine. I acknowledge the point. However, when a deserving child appears in front of me, I can’t _not_ help. It goes against everything I am to leave them on their own.”

A slight smile flickered across Asajj’s face. “That’s what makes you amazing, kid. So, this extra materialized from the Great Force on high, then?”

Barriss grinned. “Sort of. Caam helped me when I needed someone.” Her heart began to ache. “The girl believes her life is worth nothing. Her only goal is surviving the street she lives on. Caam has such potential. Is it so bad to want her to realize it?”

The woman sighed and stood beside her, gazing at the sleeping children. “Not as long as you follow through. You can’t give her hope and no opportunity to change her life. I take it that’s why she’s here.”

“Yes and no. Technically, she’s recovering after being critically injured trying to protect Karyna, who was kidnapped by a Coruscant street gang.”

She snorted. “You’re right. I clearly shouldn’t leave you people alone for extended periods.”

Barriss chuckled. “No arguments here. As for Caam, it’s not only about giving her a fighting chance anymore. I love her, Asajj. Gods, I think I’d do nearly anything to make her see that.” Taking a deep breath, she added, “I’m beginning to fear it won’t work, though. She can’t seem to grasp that anyone would ever care about her.”

“Understandable, if she’s been surviving on the street. Impressive, actually. How old is she?”

“She doesn’t know, but my best guess is eleven. From what I can gather, her mother abandoned her years ago.”

“Huh. _Very_ impressive. It will be hard to get through to her.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve been trying for months. All I’ve accomplished is sporadic visits and an occasional acceptance of help. Though, I have made significant progress in the last few weeks, since she’s literally my captive audience.”

The stark jaw tightened. “At her age on the streets—it’s when you finally learn to be hard or… you die. Stop it now and the kid may have a chance.”

Barriss squeezed her arm. “I know. I won’t give up.” She sighed. “I wish you could see how much the child wants love, but how hard she fights against it. Just me cleaning her up or rubbing her cheek makes her eyes turn so…”

“Desperate,” Asajj whispered.

Barriss stared. “Yes.”

Shaking herself, the woman smiled wanly. “Keep at it, Mother Jedi. You’ll get there.” Asajj began to stroll away, but then suddenly turned back. “Oh, has she expressed worry about being gone from her stomping grounds for too long?”

Raising an eyebrow, she nodded. “Quite often. If Caam could walk, I’m sure she would have been out of here by now.”

“Thought so. Girl probably thinks she’s going soft being here. Too much comfort and love will ruin her for the streets. The longer she stays and the more she likes it, the more panicked the kid will become.”

“Force it all. I should have realized. How do I counter that?”

Asajj shrugged. “Only one way. Call it out and tell her it doesn’t matter, because she’s never going back. Pick your moment soon. You need to do it before the girl is mobile again. Otherwise, you might lose her. She needs time to process.”

Barriss considered, anxiety rising. “Ok, thanks. I’ll figure it out.” Adding a grateful smile, she said, “I’m glad you’re back.”

A warm smile shined back at her. “It’s good to be home. Now, make the kids feel the same way.”

_______

“Hey, kid.”

Caam looked up from her Shili book to see a tall, thin woman with purple tattoos and uber cool clothes. “Uh, hey.”

“You’re Caam, I hear. I’m Asajj.” The woman walked in and towered over her bed.

“Oh! You’re the bounty hunter, right? You’re even more supra than I pictured in my head!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Someone mentioned me, I take it?”

“Yeah, Kayo—Karyna, I mean—said you’re strange, but she likes you.”

The woman snorted. “Well, that’s a ringing endorsement, if ever I’ve heard one.”

“Um, right. What’s an endor-endorrissment?”

Asajj chuckled. “Not important. I hear you decided to single-handedly fight off a boss gang?”

Caam shook her head. “Not really. They decided to fight me. I was just trying to give K time to escape. Of course, she didn’t and saved me instead. Stupid. Guess it all worked out, though.”

“Ah, that’s what happens when people don’t understand the streets.”

“I know! She shouldn’t have even come to visit me in the first place. And, she was wearing supra clothes! K is really smart, but sometimes she doesn’t think or something. Know what I mean?”

The woman laughed and leaned against the bedpost. “Yeah, I know.”

She hesitated and then asked, “You grew up like me, right?”

Asajj nodded. “For a long time. I ran a gang, over in the north end of the city.”

“Wow.” Caam gazed at her in admiration. “How old were you, when you ran the gang?”

“Hmm, around thirteen is when I took over, maybe? I never knew my actual age for sure.”

“Yeah, me neither. Still cool, though. How did you do it? I might need tips.” She grinned.

Asajj’s expression turned weird. “I don’t think you do, kid. It’s not something you want to do. It’s hard and you have to be mean and cold. You can’t save your friends. You can’t _have_ friends. My tip would be to get out now, while you can.”

Caam blinked. “Um, yeah, but I don’t have any choice. You didn’t either, right?”

“Not until I got older and saved enough credits. I became a bounty hunter to get out. But, you have a choice right now.”

“I do?” Caam asked in confusion.

The woman rolled her eyes. “Tell me something. How many kids you know on the street that not only survive what you did, but also get to recover in a palace?”

Feeling awkward, she shrugged. “None, probably.”

“And, now that you’re the special one who does, you got a choice. Don't you?”

She looked at her hands. “Dunno.”

“Oh, yes you do. Don’t give me that. This family loves you. Whether you believe it or not doesn’t matter. Either way, you could stay here forever. Just wait. They’ll tell you. When they do, you better decide what choice you want to make.” She started to leave.

Caam called after her, “But, what if it doesn’t—”

She turned back at the door. “It will. These people aren’t like the people you know. They’re different. They will love you forever. You’ll never have to go back.” Pausing, Asajj added, “Karyna may not understand your street, but she understands here. Know what that means? She’s now the expert and you’re the smart girl in the supra clothes wandering around like a newber. Don’t repeat her mistake in reverse. Listen to the people who understand these streets. You get what I’m saying?”

Caam stared for a moment and then nodded weakly. “I got it.”

The woman grinned. “Good. Don’t be stupid, kid. Take your chance and run.” Then, she was gone.

Head dropping back on the pillow, her insides felt like they might explode from all the crazy thoughts. _Don’t be stupid, kid. Huh._ For the first time, Caam let herself think about the possibilities.

________

Barriss said softly, “Because, we love you, Caam. I know it’s hard to believe in people, to depend on them. Please, try to believe in us. I promise you’ll never be alone again. We want you and we’ll always be here. You only have to decide if that’s what you want too.”

“Remember what I said before?” Ahsoka chimed in. “We’re all lost people who needed a family, just like you. And, we’ll take care of you forever. That’s what family means. We have faith in each other and are always there for each other. You don’t have to figure it out, now. If you want to be part of our family, all you have to do is say so. If you don’t, it’s alright. Ok?”

Caam stared at them, lip trembling. “Ok.”

“Alright, we’ll leave you alone and let you think about what you want,” Barriss said, rubbing fingers across Caam’s cheek.

The girl gazed at her and then asked hesitantly, “Did you find my necklace?”

Barriss grimaced. “I’m sorry, Caam. We’ve looked twice, but the hiding spot had been raided. It could be anywhere.”

Caam nodded and stared numbly at her hands.

Ahsoka leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I'm sure it'll turn up, don’t worry. Everything will be alright.”

_______

Karyna scurried into the office. “Caam’s gone!” Her small body began shaking as tears spilled from panicked eyes.

Ahsoka leapt from the settee and grabbed the girl up as she rushed out the door—Barriss, Asajj, and Rex on her heels.

They all came to a halt in Caam’s room. The bed was indeed empty.

“I thought she couldn’t really move?” Rex asked.

“It would be painful, but if she was determined enough…” Barriss examined Caam’s items they had retrieved from Coruscant. There were a couple missing, but everything else was still laying on the side table. _Strange._ “She left most of her things.”

“If she’s in a lot of pain, girl wouldn't try to carry all of it,” Asajj remarked. “This one has brains and survival instincts. Did she take anything?”

“A piece of parchment with notations she called secret codes. And, there was a lock-picking key. That’s gone, as well.”

A tearful voice came from Ahsoka’s arms, “That’s not all. Caam wanted to see the dagger Aunt Ahsoka gave me. I left it here this morning, but it’s gone now.”

Barriss let out a worried breath. _What does that mean?_

Asajj walked around the entire room, sharp eyes surveying it. “This might not be what it seems. I take it you made the offer?”

“Yes, last night,” Barriss answered shakily. _No. I won’t let this happen._ She laid a hand on Ahsoka’s arm. “I know we said we’d let Caam make her own choice, but she’s still in bad shape. She might not survive in her current condition. We’ve only made things worse if we let her go like this.”

Karyna’s quiet sniffles were the only sound as Ahsoka gazed at the empty bed. Her head shot toward Asajj. “If Caam was missing something, as in an object really important to her that we couldn’t find—even if she did want to stay here—what would she do?”

The woman’s eyebrows lifted. “Depends on the item. Is it something she’s had her entire life on the streets? Does it have a special meaning?”

Barriss stiffened in realization. “It belonged to her mother. The woman put it around Caam’s neck when she left her.”

“Ah,” Asajj replied softly, “then, yes. She would try to find it at any cost. I doubt she’d even be capable of choosing to stay. To her, that would mean never going back and losing the item forever. Plus, the girl probably feels not quite right without it.” She crossed her arms, eyes flashing. “Why didn’t you find it?”

“We looked!” Barriss retorted. “The stash it was in had been raided. It’s not easy to track down a random piece of jewelry.”

Ahsoka shook her head. “We didn’t try hard enough. We only looked twice. I had planned to hit the dealers tomorrow. We should have made sure she knew we wouldn’t give up.”

Asajj sighed. “It’s too late for that now. However, given the evidence, I’d say the kid’s gone to find it herself. Whether that means she intends to return or not, I don’t know.”

Barriss fixed her wife with a steely gaze. “I want her back, Ahsoka.”

Everyone stared at the woman expectantly. Ahsoka looked down into Karyna’s teary eyes. “Alright. Let’s go find our girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, our poor family is trying so hard.  
> Some random questions for fun...  
> 1\. Is Asajj a secret softie?  
> 2\. Let's pretend Ahsoka had said, 'No, we said Caam got to make her own choice. Let her go.' What would Barriss have done?  
> 3\. Does Ahsoka ignore her earlier declaration about Caam making her own choice because...  
> \--it's the right thing to do in this situation (i.e. the girl is injured, this isn't a normal situation),  
> \--her instincts (Ahsoka's inherent ability to sense a path),  
> \--she can't bear to lose Caam either,  
> \--for Barriss,  
> \--Ahsoka thinks she can fix this,  
> \--she can't bear to see Karyna's tears/sadness (even more interestingly, what if she doesn't want to lose Karyna's adoration/belief in Aunt Ahsoka fixing anything),  
> \--she promised Caam everything would be alright and feels like she failed in not finding her necklace,  
> \--or some other reason I didn't list.  
> I'm sure the natural reaction is to say all of the above. Some could be justifications she uses or how she processes things. However, if you were doing a psychological analysis of Ahsoka, which would you choose a her main motivator? (Unconciously or not.) Just curious! There's no 'right' answer to any of these things!


	29. PART III: BUILDING THE FUTURE - Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Completion: Will Caam and Barriss reach their goals?

Caam stuffed the scrawled out latch combinations in her pocket, before stumbling into the back room. _Come on. Almost there._

Forcing herself forward, she reached the huge metal chest, where Zuri kept his high-end stuff. Angling the picker and working it, she heard the sweet click of a releasing lock. Caam grinned. _You still got it._

Digging through the mass of items, her heart soared. _Knew it. Filthy bithhuffer._ Pulling out the necklace, Caam slid it over her head, feeling complete at long last. Then, her throbbing muscles started to die. Dizziness attacked and she leaned against the chest.

As Caam waited for the spinning to stop, her thoughts wandered. _Ok. Now what? Do I go back? What if they don’t really mean it? I’ll be all messed up. What if they do? It would be like a dream, but real life._

Her mind slammed into itself over and over again. She gripped the emblem around her neck. Everything seemed to freeze and only one thought came. _Don’t be stupid, kid. Take your chance._ Grinning, she straightened up with a burst of energy. _Caam, you’re gonna have a family._

Suddenly, raucous voices sounded outside the door. Relocking the chest, she took off toward the corner to hide. Halfway there, Caam’s not quite working feet hit a loose plank and her entire body smacked the floor. She bit down hard to keep from crying out. The taste of blood seeped into her mouth as everything burned.

Pushing through the pain, she sat up and twisted around. Three of Zuri’s thugs were carrying a crate into the room. It dropped when they spotted her. _Bluff your way out. Act like a bigshot._ Pulling out Karyna’s dagger, Caam leapt up, but immediately doubled over as her insides revolted.

A hairy arm knocked the weapon away. Then, a huge fist slammed into her already exploding chest.

Screaming, she flew backwards against a stack of crates and slid to the floor. Her legs wouldn’t move. _No. I’m dead. Stupid. You’re so stupid._ Caam stared numbly at the dirty ceiling as dancing spots flashed in and out of existence. _Why didn’t you stay put?_

Sneering faces surrounded her. Once Zuri got to the back room, it would be over. She would be dead. _Now, you’ll never know what it was like to have a family._ Tears of pain blended with tears of misery as she gazed up at her doom. _No. I won’t die crying._

Squeezing her eyes shut, Caam slid a hand around the comforting emblem and pictured happy things. The day she finished her first hiding spot. Crowd picking with a juiced up Wuulo. The nice, old lady she had saved from the Teedos. Karyna reading her a story. The cute smile as she said they were best friends. Kissing Luke’s cheek. Rex wrapping her in a warm blanket. Learning cool sword moves with Ahsoka. Fire eyes that made Caam feel special. Barriss taking care of her as magic fingers made everything better. Telling Caam she was perfect… that she loved her…

Desperate hope came from nowhere. _Barriss. Please, come get me. You said you’d always be here, if I wanted. I want you. I’m sorry I messed up. Help me. Please…_

_______

Barriss tore from alleyway to alleyway, dread and panic congealing together in overwhelming waves. Caam was nowhere. _What if you never find her? What if you're too late when you do?_

She forced herself to stop. _Calm. Center. Listen. Feel._

A faint child’s voice blazed to life. “Barriss. Help me. Please…”

Jerking at the intensity, she focused on the terrifying images flooding her mind. _Caam, I’m coming. It’s going to be alright._

Yelling at the top of her lungs, Barriss bolted into the street, “I know where she is!”

_______

Caam flipped open foggy eyelids as grinding crashes and bellowing curses echoed around her. Twisting her head, she saw blurry figures flying through the air like sewer bats. Her body shivered and jerked as she tried to get up once again. _Come on!_ It was no use.

Suddenly, familiar fingers touched her face. “Hey, we’re here. Don’t try to move on your own.”

Pinning desperate eyes to the fuzzy shape, Caam struggled to confirm reality. Finally, Barriss floated into focus. “You-you’re—are you really here?”

“Yes, my special girl, I’ll always be here. I promise.” The hands shifted to her jacket. “I’m going to examine your injuries, ok?”

“No! Please, don’t stop,” Caam cried, tears burning her skin. She had to know Barriss wasn’t going anywhere.

The hands returned to her face. “Alright, I won’t.” She looked up at someone else.

Ahsoka appeared and kissed her forehead. “I need to give you a once over, spunky girl. So, stay still.”

Caam nodded happily as magic fingers rubbed over her cheeks and made everything ok again.

“Did you find your necklace?”

Her eyes widened and fixed on Barriss. “Yeah. How’d you know that’s what I was doing?”

“Asajj thought it might be. We would never have stopped looking, Caam. I’m sorry we didn’t make that clear. We would’ve taken out half the dealers in Coruscant to find it for you.”

Looking away, she said, “I’m sorry. I had to—I needed it or something.”

Barriss turned Caam’s face back to hers. “I understand. Next time, though, tell us how you’re feeling so we can fix it together.” Her voice sounded raspy as she continued, “We might have lost you. And, I wouldn’t have been able to handle that.”

Caam stared desperately into the crazy, dancing blue crystals that could see everything inside of her. “Do you mean that for real?”

“Yes,” the woman replied quietly, “I love you very much.”

Smiling so big it hurt, she whispered, “I love you too.”

Tears scurried down Barriss’ cheeks like tiny raindrops. “Good.”

Ahsoka came back into view with a bright grin. “Ok, it’s safe to move you. Ready to go home?”

Caam’s heart felt like a yelper getting a flea bath. _I have a home._ She giggled. “Yep.”

_______

Barriss finished wrapping the girl’s chest and felt the tension drain from her muscles. _I was almost too late._ “There we go. Now, you know what this means, don’t you?” She fixed a stern expression.

Caam grimaced. “I’m not allowed to move for even longer.”

She chuckled. “Exactly. Next time you want to run off on a dangerous mission all alone, reconsider. Otherwise, you’re going to be laying around, very bored, for a good chunk of the future.”

“I’ll give it due considerations,” she replied airily.

The woman laughed and then stroked her cheek. “Good. Alright, time for bed.” Rising, Barriss put her healing supplies away. Turning back around, she froze. Caam was gazing at her as tears escaped the tawny orbs. “What’s wrong, my darling girl?”

“I dunno,” was the mumbled reply. “I don’t want you to leave or something.”

_She’s afraid we’re going to disappear, maybe?_ Contemplating for a moment, Barriss smiled. “Ok, I won’t then.”

Relief looked back at her. “Really?”

“Really.” Barriss flipped her shoes under the bed and laid down. Wrapping an arm around Caam’s lekku, she trailed gentle fingers across her forehead. “How about I sleep here?”

The small body relaxed and leaned into Barriss’ chest with a happy sigh. “Supra.”

_______

Ahsoka scooped Karyna out of her bed. “Good morning, sleepy head. Let’s go find our family, shall we?”

The girl tried to grin, but it turned into a tiny yawn. “About time.”

She laughed as they headed down the hall. “Well, you were already asleep when we got back. I couldn’t wake up my sleeping mushroom. You were too adorable.”

Karyna laid a head on Ahsoka’s shoulder. “I suppose that is an acceptable excuse.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Your Aunt Barriss is having a bad influence on you.”

There was a giggle in response.

Arriving at Caam’s room, happy warmth spread over Ahsoka. The girl was sleeping with a content smile in Barriss’ arms.

Her wife glanced up as they entered. “Hey there,” she said softly.

Karyna lifted her head and exclaimed in a not so quiet whisper, “Cab looks really happy.”

Stirring at the sound, Caam opened her eyes and slowly focused. Seeing Karyna, she grinned. “About time you showed up. I’ve been waiting all night.”

“They didn’t wake me up, until now!”

“Uh huh. Likely story,” Caam replied.

Struggling out of Ahsoka’s arms, the girl rushed to the bed and settled next to Caam. “It’s true!”

Barriss laughed and gave each of them a kiss, before rising. “Alright. I’m going to change and fix us some breakfast. Then, we’ll check bandages.” She crawled under the bed, apparently searching for her shoes, resulting in giggles from the girls above. Lifting her head back up, the woman stuck a tongue out at them, which caused the giggles to escalate.

Snorting, Ahsoka walked over and brushed knuckles over Caam’s cheek. “Feeling ok this morning, my dear?”

“Yep.” Childish annoyance appeared. “Though, now I’m not allowed to move for even longer.”

“Ah, that’s what happens when you go ten rounds with burly henchmen, who want to kill you.” Ahsoka smiled. “Not to worry. You’ll be ship shape in no time. Then, we’ll teach you how to beat them up instead.”

Tawny eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Definitely. You’re a natural. Given enough time and practice, you’ll be able to take down half of Coruscant. Wait and see.”

Karyna gaped at her friend. “Wow. You must be really good, Cab.”

Caam beamed and then her expression turned mischievous. “Maybe, it’s cuz I have a mystery warrior lady as a teacher.” They giggled at each other conspiratorially.

Ahsoka glanced at Barriss, who shrugged and asked, “Alright, what are you two laughing about so suspiciously?”

Bringing herself under control, Karyna answered with utmost seriousness, “I am pleased to report that we have completed my project.”

Barriss stared and then a slow smile formed. “Oh, I see.”

“Um, I don’t,” Ahsoka commented.

Caam piped up, “See, Barriss assigned Karyna this project to find the mystery person that ended a Mand-Manda—them Mando people’s roguey war like a hundred years ago.”

“Twenty-five, not a hundred,” Barriss interjected with extreme dryness.

The girl waved a hand. “Whatever. A long time ago. Anyway, we figured it out together,” she ended proudly.

Confusion morphed into realization and then amusement. Looking at Barriss, she remarked, “Oh, _did_ she?”

Her wife gazed back with an innocent expression. “It’s better when the kids can connect history to real life.” Turning to the girls, she asked, “Well, what’s your official answer?”

Karyna sat up straight and announced in a formal tone, “We propose that the commander was none other than Ahsoka Tano, Lady Jedi, the Princess of Shili and commander of the 501st.”

Ahsoka put a shocked hand over her heart. “Ack! I demand to know your evidence for such an accusation!”

Caam started ticking reasons off her fingers. “You were an uber famous warrior and princess back then. So, they’d totally send you if they wanted to impress the Mandalosians. Since, there wasn’t no women battalion commanders, it must have been a…” she looked at Karyna questioningly.

“Company.”

“... company commander. We think it was the 501st, which was the best and also the one you got later. But, Karyna was really smart and figured out the sword thing. Go ahead, tell them.” She nudged her friend.

Karyna grinned with shy pride. “The ruling houses gave the Shili commander Mandalorian-made swords to honor her bravery, expertise, and warrior spirit. One of them has a special inscription in Mando’a. So, we decided to get the evidence.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “How did you do that, exactly?”

They glanced at each other and Caam shook a frantic head. Karyna said, “Uh, we’d rather not reveal our methods. Point is, your short sword has the inscription.”

“Yep, total proof!” Caam puffed out her bandaged chest and then winced.

Ahsoka laughed and gave a formal bow. “Very well, I concede. You are correct, clever girls.”

Barriss clapped. “Excellent work.” She gazed at Karyna. “I am truly very impressed. You are officially in charge of all your future projects. Your terms.”

The midnight blue eyes shined. “Thanks.”

Tapping a finger to her chin, the woman continued, “I’m going to have to assign you both harder projects in future, I see.”

They made faces and Caam whined, “That doesn’t seem very fair. If we did good, we should get rewards or something, not more work.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Getting more challenging projects is a reward.”

They stared at her, clearly unsure whether she was joking or not.

Ahsoka snorted. “Don’t bother, girls. Barriss really does believe that. Not to worry, I’ll make sure you get appropriately rewarded for such brilliance. Any requests?”

They grinned and started whispering into each other’s ears.

Barriss slipped a hand in Ahsoka’s arm and murmured, “Gods, they’re adorable.”

Pressing lips to her wife’s temple, she replied, “Very. And, you were right. They do bring out the best in each other.”

Apparently completing their discussion, Karyna said, “We would like two stories, please. One for each of us.”

“Anything specific you want to hear about?” Ahsoka asked.

Caam nodded. “I want to know more about the second—” Her face scrunched and then she grimaced, pointing to a book on the side table. Karyna grabbed it and handed it to her. Flipping pages, Caam looked back up. “The Second Great Um-Umbarian Conflict. It says here you were in charge, but not much else.”

Jaw dropping, Ahsoka plucked the book from the girl’s hand. Scanning the cover, she rattled off, “Kingdom of Eternal Warriors: An Unabridged Guide to the Military History of Shili. Where did you get this?”

Karyna said, “I found it in the palace library. We used it in our research. Caam liked it so much she read the whole thing!”

“Woah.” Ahsoka grinned at the girl. “I’m impressed.”

“As am I,” Barriss added. “Is it Shili you are interested in or the military campaigns themselves?”

Caam’s eyes brightened. “Both. Shili was a whole kingdom of supra warriors, so it was two for one, you know? Kayo found me some more books. I only got part of one done. It’s about the Mand-Mando—?” she glanced at Karyna.

“Man-da-lor-ee-ans. Sound it out, remember?” the girl said.

Screwing up her face, Caam said, “It’s about the Manda-LOR-ians.” She looked anxiously back to Karyna, who grinned and nodded. Beaming with delight, she refocused on Barriss. “They’re big-time warriors, too. They fight a lot of wars, but mostly with each other. And, they have these clans and such, which is cool.”

Barriss’ expression softened and she brushed fingers over Caam’s face. “Excellent. Once you’re recovered, I know what we’ll start with for your lessons.”

The girl gave her a bright smile, as if she had just been promised a new pony. “Good, cuz I want to learn stuff.”

Tweaking Caam’s nose, Barriss replied, “I’ll remind you of that when we get to geometry.”

“What’s geo-mitery?”

Karyna sighed. “You don’t want to know. Can we get back to our rewards, now?”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Alright, reward number one shall be granted. What’s the second request?”

Expression fluctuating, Karyna mumbled, “I want to know about your…” she trailed off, chewing a tiny lip.

Sitting on the bed, Ahsoka held her face. “Go ahead. I promise, if I can, I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

Vivid blue eyes drifted to hers. “How Shili was destroyed?”

Ahsoka flinched. “Oh.” Barriss’ hand gripped her shoulder and the spinning thoughts calmed.

“I’m sorry!” a distressed voice cried. “It’s just that you told Caam stuff and I didn’t even know you were a princess. So, I wanted to know more. I looked it up, but the books don’t have hardly anything about it. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s ok.” Gripping the girl’s cheeks, she said, “Don’t be sorry. I was surprised is all, but I’ll tell you about it.”

Caam asked tentatively, “Uh, me too, right?”

Ahsoka switched her gaze and nodded. “Of course. Both my girls solved the mystery, both will get the reward.” Giving each one a kiss in turn, she rose and took Barriss’ hand. “Ok, we’ll let you two hang out for a bit. Maybe, I’ll tell you one of the stories during breakfast.”

There were matching grins in response.

Ahsoka winked as she led her wife out the door.

_______

“Come on girls, enough of that. Finish packing your stuff.”

Karyna produced an offended expression. “I’m almost finished, already. I only have my music stuff left. Caam is the one who hasn’t packed anything!”

The girl in question grinned brashly and twisted into a well-executed spinning slash of the sparring dummy. “It won’t take me any time to throw my stuff in a crate. You’re the one who takes forever!”

“Do not!”

“Do too. You wrap everything up and arrange it in order of size or something.”

Karyna glared. “I can’t help it if I like my stuff to be properly taken care of!”

Caam rolled her eyes and continued practicing.

Barriss blew out an exasperated breath. “I don’t care if it takes five minutes or five hours, I want both of you completely packed.” She lowered her voice, “Now, please.”

There were matching grumbles, but the swords went back on the rack.

Karyna edged to the doorway with a superior air. “I bet I’ll be done before you.” Then, she sprinted into the hallway.

“Argh!” Caam cried and took off after her.

Barriss sighed and rearranged the hastily strewn weapons into their proper place.

_______

Barriss peeked in Caam’s door to assess her progress.

The girl was on her bed, staring blankly at a pile of items.

Concerned, she walked into the room. “What’s wrong, my dear?”

Caam jerked her head up, eyes glistening. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just thinking.”

Raising an eyebrow, Barriss crossed to the bed and sat next to her. “It’s alright if you’re unsure about leaving, you know. It’s a bit scary to go somewhere new.”

She lowered her head. “It’s not that. I was thinking maybe I should—”

Lifting her chin, Barriss asked, “Should what?”

The girl’s eyes darted around. “These things seem like they aren’t mine anymore or something.”

“I’m not sure I understand. Are you saying you don’t want them?”

Shoulders lifted in a shrug, but the eyes snuck a glance at her as if gauging the reaction. “Dunno. What do you think?”

Barriss considered. “Are you asking me if I think you’ll want to have them in the future?”

Caam looked at her nervously. “Sorta. I guess I kept them around, just in case. But, now, I’m wondering if I should get rid of them. Cuz I won’t… be coming back, right?” The question was delivered with hopeful hesitancy.

_Oh._ Barriss pulled the girl to her chest and stroked the small lekku. “You can keep them as mementos, if you like. However, you’ll definitely _never_ need them again.”

There was a sniffle as Caam leaned into the embrace. “Supra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END! Of Part 3 anyway...  
> Gods, I loved writing this one. I may have to take a month off to recover from all the sappy, heart-warming loveliness. Sigh.


	30. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hm?

“Ahsoka Tano, you are.”

Trying to hide the surprise, Ahsoka gripped her swords and didn’t respond.

Slinging the bow over her chest, Barriss gazed down at the small, fern-colored creature. “Yoda, you are.”

This time, Ahsoka couldn’t stop her mouth from dropping open. “You’re Yoda? The legendary expert in the way of Jedi warriors? I thought you would be taller or something.”

Oversized ears rared back on a gnarled head. “Judge me by my size, do you?”

Ahsoka grinned. “I wouldn’t say that. Size matters little to proficiency. I guess I just pictured more muscles, less… ears.”

Barriss shot her a look of reproach and then asked, “You’ve been waiting for Ahsoka, I take it?”

Yoda turned sharp, amber-green eyes to her wife. “Waiting, I am not. Expecting I was, Barriss Offee.”

“Um, ok,” Ahsoka said, still maintaining a wary hold on her swords. Barriss might trust this seemingly harmless old hermit. But, if the last week had taught her anything, it was that nothing was as it appeared in Dagobah. “Well, here I am. What now?”

His attention remained focused on Barriss. “Why here, are you?”

The woman quirked an eyebrow. “Why not?” Her voice was impassive, but Ahsoka felt the underlying anxiety.

“She goes where I go, Yoda,” Ahsoka put in. “Is there a problem with that?”

Still staring at Barriss, Yoda let out a small sigh. “Reckless you are, young Tano—like your mother.”

“I consider that a compliment,” she replied lightly.

An impish grin crossed Barriss’ face. “Embarking on a vaguely defined and potentially deadly mission—one you apparently had a part in orchestrating—to find a supposedly-dead Jedi philosopher on the advice of her definitely-dead mother is reckless. Bringing me along is the rational part.”

He gazed at her for a moment and then harrumphed. “Need your wife’s impertinence, you do not.”

She laughed. “Now, that is _definitely_ a compliment.”

Ahsoka smiled at her adoringly.

Yoda shook a small head, apparently resigned to the situation. “Talk we must, Ahsoka Tano.”

Assessing him for a moment, she finally sheathed her swords. “Very well. Let’s talk, Master of the Jedi.”

The green ears stiffened. “Master, I am not. No more the Jedi are.” A pained sadness tinged his voice.

Feeling a flash of sympathy, Ahsoka said, “A master is still a master if he keeps faith. Losing everything does not have to mean everything is lost.”

The ancient eyes blazed to life and then a high pitched chuckle emanated from the wrinkled mouth. “Surprise me, you have. Come.”

Ahsoka glanced at Barriss, who shrugged. “Ok, on we go then.”

They followed behind their unusual new acquaintance as he led them further into the swamps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to unlearn what you have learned...   
> [About this universe, anyway.]


	31. PART IV: CHANGE - Journey's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journey's End: It can bring both joy and sorrow.
> 
> [2PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART IV: CHANGE  
> After defeating the final vestiges of Palpatine’s empire, Ahsoka, Barriss, and their family begin new lives in an ever-changing world.
> 
> Timeline Note:  
> Chapter 1 occurs during the final scenes of "Where I've Always Been". The remainder of Part IV is set post WIAB, TF, LS, PiP, FE, Complicated, and LBtS. In other words, after every other current work in the series.  
> [Ok, if you're being picky... about 1/4 of Chapter 2 bleeds into Chapter 55 of WIAB and the TF epilogue in LBtS happens after this. But, does anyone really care to plot out an obsessive timeline? Well, except for me. Point is, we are in new territory and anything could happen now!]

Exhilaration pushed Ahsoka ever faster along the sand dunes of Jakku. All the sectors were clear. The last major pocket of Palpatine’s forces had now fallen. Once she reached the main encampment with the official offer of surrender, it would be over. _Over._

Her long journey was finally ending, destination shining in spectacular relief. The cascading emotions were intoxicating and overwhelming. _Over._ _It’s going to be over. Today._

Skidding into camp, she leapt from the horse and scanned for her wife. Ahsoka’s exultant grin froze. Every visible operations staff member was standing at their stations, heads bowed. Terrible silence reigned, broken only by an occasional sob.

In the center of the camp, a small group of stoic rebels were in a semi-circle around two hunched figures. _That’s part of the northern attack group._ They should have reported back to their own egress point after securing the sector. Coming en masse to the operations encampment could only mean one thing. They needed to talk to someone stationed here—in-person and as one. _Please no._

Knot forming in the pit of her stomach, she edged forward. Barriss was holding a shaking Katooni in her arms. _No._

Amethyst blue eyes from one of the hovering rebels locked on hers with silent misery and reality could no longer be denied. Still, she desperately fought against the oncoming tidal wave of horrifying realization. _No. Not now. We’ve won. It’s over. Over._

Ezra backed away from the group and stood next to her. “I’m so sorry, Ahsoka. We captured the north quadrant, but Lux… didn’t make it.”

Clenching every muscle, she jerked a head in response and then gazed vacantly at the weeping woman in Barriss’ arms. _He survived impossible odds for so long._ On the cusp of total victory, the Force had seen fit to rip him away. The man wouldn’t even get to taste the freedom he helped create. _Oh Gods, Lux. I’m sorry. I should have put someone else in command of the sector. I should have been with you. Something. I should have done something._

A hand gripped hers. “Are you ok?”

 _I’ve lost my oldest friend. He followed my orders and it got him killed. Another child will grow up without a father… because of me. Of course, I’m not ok._ Forcing her body to uncoil, she managed a nod. “What happened?”

He stared blankly into the distant air. “We outflanked them and were closing in. The remaining squads took up position behind a sand barricade, but they were beaten and we all knew it. Lux halted the attack to give them a chance to surrender. When he moved forward to make the offer, there was an explosion.” Ezra’s voice hardened as his fingers crushed her own. “They had mined the entire area.”

 _They killed him for nothing. He died… for nothing._ “Did any of them survive?” she bit out. _Stop. It won’t bring Lux back._ Ahsoka pushed away the rising fury and helplessness, but it ebbed and simmered, trying to force a path into her soul. _No. It doesn’t control me. I control it. Remember?_

There was a long pause, before Ezra answered, “Once we breached their position, six of them were left standing. I… took them prisoner.” As if expecting a rebuke, he added, “I didn’t think Lux would want his death to cause more bloodshed. So, I completed his orders and gave them a final chance to surrender. They did.”

The piercing anger drained and tears pressed against the back of her eyes. Meeting his gaze, she smiled softly. “Ezra Bridger, you are a wise man. You certainly didn’t get that from me.” Ahsoka squeezed his hand. “Gods, I’m so very glad you didn’t.”

_______

Barriss gazed numbly at the death and destruction surrounding them as the flag of the Rebellion was hoisted above the broken, desert landscape. Cheers began cascading and she turned to find herself being serenaded with choruses of admiration and gratitude. _No._  

Putting up hands, she said, “Please, this is not my victory. This is your work, your determination, your sacrifice. Even when loss and pain attacked from all sides, you kept hope in a better future. I’m honored to have joined each of you on the journey. Now go, celebrate the memory of those we have lost and the freedom you have wrought together. Never forget the day _your_ faith saved the world.”

There were even louder celebratory screams and whoops as everyone began to hang on to one another in crazed joy. Pasting a smile, the woman began to edge toward the shadows, overwhelmed by feelings she couldn’t begin to process.

A hand grabbed her arm and she flipped around in dread. _I can’t take anymore._ Desperate relief flowed as Barriss realized who owned the strong grip.

Ahsoka pulled her behind a partially demolished bunker. “Are you alright?”

Tears broke through and she collapsed into her wife’s arms. “No.”

Lips pressed against the top of her head. “Me neither. Let’s get out of here for a while, ok?”

Sagging against Ahsoka, she whispered, “Please.”

_______

“I don’t—I’m so sorry.”

Katooni gazed up at him with vacant eyes. “It’s not your fault, Ezra.”

He clenched his fists, feeling utterly helpless. Glancing around at the joyfully dancing rebels, his ire rose. _Not all of us are here, you know. Have some respect._ Loud drum beats and triumphant music wafted in from across the dunes, along with more raucous cheers. The man tried to calm the irrational anger. _They’ve lost people too. They deserve this moment, Bridger._

Ezra looked down at the woman hunched next to the campfire. _Why is she here?_ Watching the elation around her, knowing Lux only had to make it one more day… Each new sound of joy must be a fresh stab to her shattered heart. They should be celebrating together right now, excited their child would grow up in a new world. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be resting or something?”

A hollow laugh sounded. “I can't. All I do is think about—I thought being here would—” There was a rasping breath as she choked out, “He’d want me to celebrate.”

“I understand.” He did, really. Still, Ezra couldn’t bear the traumatized face he could do nothing about. For the fiftieth time in the last twelve hours, an image blazed to life. Lux giving him a triumphant grin as he stepped forward. Then, came the blinding flash that knocked them all back. Finally, the roiling dread and horrifying realization as Ezra scanned the area where his friend had been standing. He shuddered at the memory and closed burning eyes, trying to banish it forever. _Only one more day… I should have stopped him. I should have made the offer. We should have checked the area, first. Something. I should have done something._

“Ezra…”

His eyelids flipped open to see a concerned gaze focused on him.

Katooni reached out a hand. “It’s not your fault.”

Taking the hand, he slumped to the ground next to her. “I just wish…”

“I know,” she whispered.

Glancing over, his heart blanched at the terrible pain etched across her face. Tightening his grip, Ezra tried to put reassurance into his voice. “I can’t make it better. But, I can tell you one thing. You and Mina will never be alone. I promise.”

Katooni began to shake and then sudden tears spilled out of glazed eyes.

Unable to think of anything comforting to say, he simply put an arm around her.

She pressed herself into him as quiet tears rolled down both of their faces.

_______

After leaving their celebrating companions, they’d made a small camp outside of Jakku. Talking through the shock, elation, and sorrow had been difficult. However, Ahsoka’s chaotic emotions had finally calmed and a feeling of completion was settling in.

 _We’ve won. It’s actually over. Yes, it is… over. Huh._ Gazing down at the woman in her lap, Ahsoka asked, “Well, my dear, what now?”

Barriss turned her head and looked up. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Ahsoka considered. “I really don’t know. We’ve been doing this for so long, it’s hard to think of anything else.” There was their long-term mission, of course, but it didn’t preclude living their life in the meantime. In fact, it demanded involvement of some kind in the world around them. What that involvement consisted of was another question entirely. “I suppose we’ve already delegated a lot of the rebuilding efforts. We could make it official and retire to the outer regions somewhere.” _Though, I know one slimy mudhole we can take off the list._

Her mind conjured an image of a wizened figure, gnarled cane in clawed hands, standing serenely among a swampy landscape. However, the disturbing creation had Barriss’ face, complete with large, green ears. ‘Mudhole? Slimy? Our home this is, my darling wife.’ Ahsoka barely restrained a silly giggle.    
  
“Oh yes, that would last for all of one week before you got bored,” the real Barriss commented.  
  
“You never know! Maybe, I’m more capable of entertaining myself than I used to be.”  
  
Barriss quirked an eyebrow and simply stared up at her, clearly convinced of the impossibility of such an occurrence.

The reaction caused the imaginary Barriss-Yoda to stab Ahsoka with a cane and remark, ‘A hermit you are not, impertinent one’. Grinning at her own ridiculousness, she ran fingers over Barriss’ forehead and tried to consider the question seriously. _Hmm. What do I want? Not this. I’m tired of being this. Whatever this is. Ok. So, what isn't this? No idea._

Giving up, Ahsoka said, “I suppose there is plenty to keep us occupied for years to come. We could continue the work we've already been doing since we took Coruscant. Many of the kingdoms are still in disarray. Also, someone needs to coordinate between the various factions that seem to keep appearing.” She had an instinctual rejection of her own words. _We’ve already given the world a lifetime._ “I don’t know, though. Haven’t we done enough?”

Assessing her for a moment, Barriss stated, “You’re serious.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. I’m tired of it all or something. I can’t really explain it.”

“Hmm…” Her wife seemed contemplative and then stated, “Tell me what you really want.”

Ahsoka stared down at her. “What do you mean?”

Sitting up, Barriss placed a hand on her cheek. “Remember, a long time ago, I told you to ask me again sometime about your restlessness with being the Lady Jedi?”

“Um, I think so?”

Barriss rolled her eyes, but then traced fingers over Ahsoka’s warrior markings, eyes fluctuating in apparent thought. Then, her gaze locked on Ahsoka. “You have a dream in there somewhere, in your head. You think it’s crazy or unrealistic or something like that, and you don’t want to say it out loud. But, it’s there, gnawing at you. I know it is. Well, now it’s time to tell me what it is, so we can make it happen.”

Ahsoka stared in disbelief. _How does she always know? It would take years of work with no guarantee of success. She’d do it anyway. For me._ She pulled Barriss into her arms and pressed passionate lips to hers. _Gods, I love you._ After a blissful moment, another feeling surfaced. _No. It's her turn._ Barriss had started this journey for her and it was now complete. If they were going to begin a new one, her wife should choose the path. Breaking away, Ahsoka whispered, “I want you to tell me what your dreams are first.”

There was a soft smile as slender arms wrapped around Ahsoka’s neck. “I’ve only ever had one dream and I’m already living it, my brave, magnificent, shining girl. My dream has always been you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Lux Bonteri. You've existed since Chapter 1 of WIAB. Good run, mate, good run.


	32. PART IV: CHANGE - Journey's Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journey's Beginning: New paths are forged.

“Do you think we should build a living and operations area for our long-term mission?”

Barriss looked up from the castle blueprints. “Actually, I had the same thought. It makes sense to design for future requirements and not adapt inadequate spaces later. We might not need it for quite a while, though. I’m not sure what we’d do with it in the meantime.”

Ahsoka considered. “True. That's extra maintenance and upkeep for what would be an unused section of the castle. It also may invite questions.” 

“I’ll give it some thought. Perhaps, we could find a temporary use for the space.”

“Sounds good. Ok, let’s move on to the surrounding city planning.”

Barriss held up a hand. “First, semi-related question. Should we keep the girls with us in Shili the entire time or let them rotate between family?”

Ahsoka raised surprised eyebrows. “I want them with us. Don’t you?”

“Of course, but I’m trying to be practical. We plan to prioritize city reconstruction. It’ll be a few years, before the castle is inhabitable. We can enhance the settlement with some comforts, but it’s essentially tent-living. Karyna already dislikes staying outdoors, or in any environment she can’t control for that matter. Can you imagine if a speck of dust gets on her lyre?” Barriss snorted. “You do remember your brilliant idea to take the girls on a camping expedition through the outer regions, yes?”

She grimaced. “Gods, please don’t remind me of that trip.”

Her wife chuckled. “Also, there won’t be much for them to do. Everyone will be working and there are unlikely to be other children. Caam will go stir-crazy and harass everyone. That, in turn, will send Karyna into higher levels of irritation.”

“Hmm, I see your point. What if we play it by ear? Once they—or more likely we—reach the edge of sanity, we’ll let them go visit someone else.” Ahsoka grinned. “Plus, if either one starts to drive the other crazy, we can send them to separate locations for a bit and they’ll be thrilled about it.”

Barriss laughed. “Wise strategy, my dear.” She continued thoughtfully, “What if I created some small rebuilding projects for them? It’s valuable experience and would give them something active to do.”

“Good idea.” Sudden inspiration struck. “What if we take that one step further? Maybe, even switch things up a bit?”

“How?”

“Well, it’s rare to have such a large endeavor with so many moving pieces. It’s a great learning opportunity. What if we actually assign them roles of some kind? Like little assistants. Karyna can help me with on-site implementation tasks. Caam could help you with coordination and logistics. Karyna’s planning and organizational abilities are first-class, but it does no good to design brilliant things that won't work in real life. The child needs practical, on-the-ground experience—less thinking, more doing.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, I have no problem letting you handle Karyna for a change.”

Ahsoka stared. “Why are you acting like it’s going to be difficult?”

An airy expression formed. “No reason. I’m sure it will be a learning experience for both of you. I’ve been wanting to expand Caam’s logistical and analytical skills, anyway.” The piercing blue glinted impishly. “You know—less doing, more thinking.”

Rolling eyes, but feeling suddenly wary about her own idea, Ahsoka replied, “Um, right. Ok… that’s settled. I guess.”

Barriss gave a way too satisfied-looking smile. “Yep.”

_______

“Well, are we decided, then?”

Luminara smiled. “Sounds like it.”

Obi-Wan flashed a boyish grin. “Semi-retirement in Shili it is!”

Laughing, she rolled on top of him. “Indeed.”

_______

“Do you want to go to Shili and help Ahsoka?”

Rex considered as he unstrapped his short swords and threw them on a nearby chair. “Huh. You know what’s strange? If you’d asked me that question a few years ago, I wouldn’t have even thought about it. Now, I’m not actually sure.”

Asajj stared. “Um, that’s not just strange. Did you hit your head on something tackling Ohnaka to the ground?”

He laughed. “Maybe, it was his aromatic flair.” Mulling the question over some more, Rex asked, “What about you?”

She shrugged. “I can do what I do from anywhere. Though…”

“Though, what?”  

The woman leaned against the doorway, gaze drifting to the stonework along the floor. “Since Jakku, we’ve both been doing the same thing. I’m not away for weeks at a time, while you fight a rebellion.” Her voice faded into a whisper, “I suppose I’ve gotten used to… having you around.”

Rex crossed the room and lifted her chin. “You mean that if we move to Shili, it’ll go back to how things were. I’ll have my job and you’ll have yours.” An impish smile inched across his face. “Are you saying you might miss me?”

Annoyance flashed, but then her eyes softened. “Maybe so, hero. Still, you shouldn’t give up your life for mine. You’re a warrior, not a bounty hunter.”

Kissing her forehead, he murmured, “True. But, right now, there’s no need for warriors in Shili. If I have to choose between hauling rocks and beams or spending everyday with you… there’s really no contest.”

Asajj gave him a snarky grin. “Rocks it is, then?”

Rex snorted. “Let’s keep doing this for a while. When I’m really needed in Shili, we’ll revisit the question. You never know. Maybe by then, you’ll be tired of bounty hunting and want to try out the hero thing with me.”

Amused eyebrows raised. “I think you have me confused with the woman of your dreams.”

“Mmm… well, until she shows up, how about we celebrate another successful hunt? It _is_ my favorite part of this job.”

“In that case, I'll be sure to pick up twice as many bounties next time.” Spindly fingers ran through his shaved hair, leaving pleasant tingling in their path. “We can't have you unfulfilled in life.”

He slid arms around her waist. “Make them easy ones, so we can get to the celebrating faster.”

The smile Rex loved shined back at him. “No way, hero. You want the woman of your dreams, you gotta work for it.”

Grinning, he pulled her toward the bed. “That sounds like a challenge.”

Asajj chuckled as they toppled onto the blankets. “Oh, it definitely is.”

_______

“What about your necklace? Do you want to wear it or pack it?”

Caam’s nose wrinkled. “Hmm… I think wear it. What if the crate it was in got lost or something? Plus, it might accidentally get put with the storage stuff.”

“Sounds like a wise strategy to me,” Barriss said lightly.

A brash grin flashed. “Yep. I _am_ very philosophistical, ya know.”

Barriss laughed and brushed affectionate fingers across a cheek that had lightened into a turquoise hue. Caam’s language skills had improved exponentially over the last year, but that one was clearly never going to die. _Gods, she’s grown so much._ “You better believe it.”

There was a happy smile at the touch, followed by an airy, “Oh, I do.”

Chuckling, Barriss retrieved the necklace from the side table. As she picked it up, a flash of light reflected off the emblem. _Wait. I know this symbol. Don’t I?_ Barriss examined the elegantly flared design, trying to raise the memory from the recesses of her mind. _Perhaps, an artistic style I’ve seen before? An organizational or religious icon?_ She had looked at the item on many occasions, but this was the first time a feeling of recognition had come. _Maybe, all this studying of ancient texts makes everything seem meaningful._

A hand tugged her elbow. “Um, what’s up?”

Barriss shrugged off the odd mystery. “I had a strange feeling about something, but it’s gone now.”

“About my necklace?” Caam asked.

She nodded. “I thought I recognized the design, but I’m probably imagining things.”

“Always looked like a messed up snake to me.” Her brow furrowed. “Mom probably found it on the street and thought it was cool. It’s nothing special, really. I just—guess it made me feel… not alone or something. Dunno why.”

“Hmm… perhaps, it reminded you of your mother?” Barriss said carefully. “If she gave it to you before leaving, it obviously meant something to her.”

“Maybe. Not sure why that would make me feel better,” she replied with a distant expression. “Mom did wear it all the time, though. I remember being proud of myself, when Mom said she trusted me to take care of it while she was gone.” Caam winced. “Stupid, huh?”

“Absolutely not.” She rubbed a thumb over the girl’s chin. “It means you loved your mother and there’s nothing stupid about that. Remember what you told me, when we first met? Just because she had issues…?”

A small grin crept onto her face. “Doesn’t mean I have to. Ok. So, yeah, I kinda like my weird necklace.”

“Good. Because, you can love whatever you want.”

“Yep,” Caam stated with a superior wave of her hand, “sounds fair to me.”

She laughed. “Alright, philosophistical girl, finish up the last of your packing.” Putting the necklace around Caam’s neck, Barriss kissed her forehead. “I’m going to make sure everything else has been loaded out. Then, we’ll be on our way to Shili.”

A happy smile shined back. “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

“What are you going to do?”

Luke grinned. “Go to Shili, of course. Someone has to keep our family in line.”

Caleb snorted. “Good luck with that one.”

“You all could always come help me out, you know.”

There was a heavy sigh. “I know, but Hera and her father are finally rebuilding their relationship. I don’t want to risk damaging it by relocating. Besides, Cham is the proudest grandfather on the planet. The most intimidating, intense man I’ve ever known turns into a pile of putty everytime Jacen so much as looks at him. I can’t even imagine the reaction, if I dared to suggest the idea.”

“Perhaps,” Luke commented with a wry expression, “you should have less adorable children in future or you may be stuck in Ryloth for eternity.”

The child in question toddled up to Luke and reached out pudgy hands. “Unks ook, up.”

Laughing, the young man lifted Jacen from the floor and swung him around. “As you wish, demanding boy.”

Hera appeared in the door of the sitting room, balancing several crates. “Alright, I think I’ve got everything Barriss wanted. The rest is in the hallway.”

Caleb grabbed the teetering stack from her hands, placing a chin on top to keep them from toppling over. “Luke is busy being the best uncle in existence at the moment. I’ll load everything on the wagon.”

“Thanks,” Luke called after him as he threw Jacen in the air to delighted squeals.

“Are you going to stay in Shili once you get there?” Hera asked, collapsing onto the settee with a tired exhale.

“Yep. Like I told Caleb, someone has to keep our family on the straight and narrow.”

She chuckled. “Good luck.”

Luke snorted. “That’s what your husband said.”

Hera smiled and then her expression turned wistful. “We’ll come visit at some point, I hope. Things are still in flux here. My father wants me to take more of a role in managing the political factions.”

Getting a bit dizzy from spinning, Luke set Jacen on the ground, appeasing the child with the new wooden horse he'd brought him. Then, he settled next to Hera. “Is that what you want to do?”

She grimaced. “Not really. But, I do want Ryloth to be stable and if that helps us get there, I'll give it a shot.”

“Didn’t Obi-Wan negotiate a working agreement a while back? Is it not in place anymore?”

Hera nodded. “He got them to agree to a tentative form of government and even that was a hard-fought battle. As a result, it isn’t an ideal solution. There are essentially three sovereign masters. Orn Free Taa, the only court member remaining from pre-Palpatine. My father, the people’s freedom fighter. And, Dala Yindel, the leader of the northern factions. Between the three of them, they have the loyalty of the public. However, they all hold different segments of the population and it’s a tenuous alliance.”

Luke scrunched his face. “How does that work? Who does what? Do they vote on things or something?”

“Right now, all three are involved in every piece of kingdom management. As I said, not ideal. My father is trying to install a citizen-elected, governing body that would make everyday decisions. However, Taa is highly resistant to releasing any authority into the hands of what he calls an ill-educated populace. Dala wants to compromise by creating the organization, but having the sovereigns select the representatives. My father is not big on compromise, either way, so they’re currently at an impasse.” She rubbed her forehead. “Quite honestly, Luke, it’s exhausting.”

“What about the Alliance? Couldn’t they help negotiate a more permanent, workable arrangement? Leia has done that in several kingdoms over the last year.”

She choked out a laugh. “I suggested the same thing. It did not go over well. There is still fear about any centralized, external entity gaining a foothold in Ryloth. Additionally, the Alliance’s new position on demilitarization does not sit well. _Not_ bringing in the Alliance has been the only thing all three of them have agreed on, actually.”

Luke frowned. “Why does everything have to be so complicated? You’d think people would just be happy to be free and all get along.”

A bemused face gazed at him. “Ah, to be young and idealistic, again.” Patting his cheek, she said, “Don’t you forget that statement. One day, you may need to remind yourself of it.”

He shot her a small glare, but then grinned. “Anyhow, guess this means we won’t be seeing you for a bit. I’ll have to visit periodically to make sure Jacen doesn’t forget me!”

She chuckled. “How could he forget his unks ook?” Expression fluctuating strangely, she added, “Please, do. See if you can wrangle some of the others into coming, as well. The only person we see much of anymore is a roving Ezra, now that Zeb has gone to resettle his people in Lira San and Sabine has permanently relocated to Chandrila. Caleb is carrying on for me, but I can tell he misses everyone. Plus, I want Jacen to know both sides of his family.”

Luke squeezed her hand. “Not to worry. We’ll be around.”

Hera’s sea-green eyes ebbed with faint sadness. “I'm going to hold you to that.”

_______

“If you say so, _Captain_ Shan.”

The woman in question sent a small glare in response. “Let’s not make that a thing, please.”

Sabine piled dinner plates by the wash basin and then brushed lips over Shan’s forehead. “Hmm, I don’t know. I need some kind of consolation for you ruining my favorite term of endearment. My adorable captain doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.”

A pleased, childlike grin formed. “Oh, I’ll so make it up to you later.”

Ezra rose from the table with an exaggerated sigh. “Do I need to be here for this conversation? It’s bad enough watching you two stare into each other’s eyes all day long. Now, I have to listen to sappy flirting, as well?”

That got a snort from Sabine, but an apologetic smile from Shan. The latter left her seat to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You know Sabine is always trying to impress you with her smooth skills.”

He burst out laughing at the glare of death from Sabine. “True.” Shaking his head dramatically, the man added, “I’m afraid there’s still a long way to go.”

Shan winked and took his arm. “So, are you going to stay the night? Or, do you plan to cut and run like the rest of our very busy and important family?”

Ezra opened his mouth to disappoint her, when he saw resigned sadness pass through Sabine’s eyes. She obviously expected the negative. _Huh._ The others attending Shan’s promotion ceremony had left after the celebratory lunch. Unsurprising, given the level of upheaval happening at the moment. _That’s our family. Dropping everything to be supportive and then running off to do the next world-changing thing._

Though, the amount of fawning they had been subjected to would have had them fleeing post-haste, either way. His personal highlight of the day was Ahsoka awkwardly escaping a drooling group of lieutenants wanting to touch her swords. Barriss, in true Lady of the Rebellion form, had kept her hood up the entire time. Ezra strongly suspected it had little to do with anonymity and everything to do with appearing unapproachable. The more intimidated—or, perhaps, just less foolishly brave—Chandrilans had concentrated their efforts on the rest of Shan’s guests.

For his part, Ezra had found the experience quite enjoyable, especially when surrounded by no shortage of attractive women requesting stories about his role in famous Rebellion offensives. Despite several tempting offers from said women to ‘tour’ the city this evening, the man had planned to make an exit after dinner. The kingdom of Mygeeto was nearby and he wanted to check on Katooni and Mina. However, Sabine's reaction gave him pause. _Maybe, she misses everyone? One more day can’t hurt, Bridger._ “Well, I _suppose_ I could be convinced,” he replied with a superior air. “What’s in it for me?”

Sabine brightened and then her sienna eyes rolled. “Oh, please. Don’t do us any favors, master of smooth.”

Shan tightened her grip on Ezra’s arm. “How about chocolate nectar, a warm fire, and some eye of the rancor action? It’ll be like old times, except for the whole mortal danger part.”

He smiled wistfully at the memories. “Sounds perfect.”

A happy grin crept onto Sabine’s face. “It kinda does.”

_______

Leia rubbed her temples, trying to stop the pounding. Then, strong hands began massaging her shoulders. She looked up with a soft smile. “Perfect timing, Ferdinand.”

Han grinned and kissed her forehead. “It’s a gift, what can I say?”

Sending eyes skyward, Leia remarked, “I am so the luckiest woman on the planet.”

“Hmm, possibly ever,” he murmured, leaning down and brushing lips over hers.

She returned the kiss and then quirked an eyebrow. “We’ll see. I’m still waiting on an answer, you know.”

He grimaced. “Listen Leia, it’s not that I don’t want—I just don’t know if—” Han glanced away. “How many of them are there?”

Leia gazed up at him. “You’re nervous. Han Solo—intrepid smuggler, reluctant hero, and unabashed scoundrel—is afraid of meeting my family.”

“Come on,” he replied a little too casually, “you think I’m scared of a few distant royal cousins or whatever?”

She laughed. “Oh, this is too good. They aren’t anything like you think. Actually,” she added mischievously, “you’ve already met a few of them.”

“Huh?” His eyes raced, likely thinking of possibilities. “How come you didn’t mention it at the time?”

Leia sighed. “Because, I couldn’t. My family has always been classified for long and complicated reasons I don’t want to get into at the moment. Technically, they aren’t anymore, but I still don’t go around advertising who they are for other reasons.” Her voice softened, “Now, though, it’s—if we are—I suppose I want you to get to know them.”

Han gazed at her and then a charming grin flashed. “In that case, when do we leave?”

_______

Ahsoka grabbed Karyna and swung her around. “Ready for another day of work, my assistant mushroom?”

Tiny cheeks dimpled into a bright grin. “Yep.”

Kissing her forehead, Ahsoka grinned back. “Good. We’ve got a kingdom to rebuild.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I call my "state of the family" chapter. I enjoyed plotting out where everyone is both physically and mentally at the beginning of our post-rebellion journey and giving you a "flash" update, so to speak. :-)


	33. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time have I watched.

“Let me get this straight. You want me to learn mystical powers, so I can restart some kind of Jedi empire?”

There was a huff from the small figure. “Deliberately misunderstand me, you do.”

Ahsoka clenched her jaw. “Actually, you’re the one who doesn’t understand me, if you think I’d be interested in creating any kind of potentially corruptible group of super powerful beings. In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve spent two decades freeing the world from only  _ one _ of them.”

“Two decades it was, because no Jedi there were,” was the simple reply.

Not able to refute the point, Ahsoka glanced at Barriss. “What do you think?”

The woman was gazing at the jagged vines lining Yoda’s tiny hut. She jumped a bit at the question. Looking between them, Barriss shrugged. “This path is being placed before you. The choice should be yours.”

Ahsoka’s jaw dropped and then annoyance flared. “You don’t have any concerns about this? Apart from the personal impacts it could have on our life, there are ramifications to the entire world.”

Barriss nodded. “You already know all of these things. What is it you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me what you think!”  _ Why is she being like this? _

Her wife’s face fluctuated and then she fixed on Yoda. “The one providing the choice should present the arguments.”

He chuckled. “Wise you are, young Offee.” Looking back at a highly annoyed Ahsoka, his expression intensified. “A life of sacrifice and commitment, it is. Challenges, there will be—to teach others more so. Betrayal and corruption to the unprepared can come.”

Ahsoka snorted. “You’re not making it sound all that appealing.”

Yoda threw a stern glare that clearly intended to silence. “Done I was not, impertinent one. Bring prosperity and peace, proper Jedi can. Serve and protect the world around them, their mission is.”

The words created a strange sense of excitement and Ahsoka swallowed.

“With the Force as an ally, immense good comes. Corruption of the Force leads to darkness.” He added intently, “Seen this, you have. Happen again, it will. Maintain balance, we must.”

Ahsoka gasped in sudden understanding.  _ Anakin. _ A slender hand gripped hers and she looked at Barriss. “You think I should do it, don’t you? You’re afraid another Palpatine or Anakin will rise and the world we’ve worked so hard to save will be lost. No one will be here to save it.”

Her wife sighed. “I can’t say, Ahsoka. Someone will always be here to fight. Success is less certain. However, if you’re asking whether I think your choice will determine the fate of the entire future then… no.” Meeting Yoda’s eyes, she smiled slightly. “The end of the world, it is not.”

He inclined a gnarled head. “True that is. No single choice determines destiny. Though, this opportunity closes. When gone am I, the last of the Jedi would you both be.”

Barriss started. “Both?”

An off-putting, toothy grin appeared. “Speak it, did I not?”

There was a glare in response. “You didn’t even want me to be here and now you’re declaring me a Jedi?”

The ancient face turned almost mischievous. “Old, I am. Little jokes, I must have.”

Her wife’s expression morphed through confusion to realization. “You somehow knew Ahsoka wouldn’t come without me. Your goal was to get both of us, to assess both of us. You were baiting me on purpose.”

Another high-pitched chuckle rang out. “A wise Jedi you will make, Barriss Offee.”

Ahsoka produced a triumphant grin. “Guess that means you can tell me what you think  _ we _ should do, now. No more excuses, my reluctant wife.”

Barriss sent eyes skyward, but the edges of her mouth twitched. “You are impossible.”

“Yep. Stop stalling.” She kissed the fingers holding hers.

There was a long exhale and then Barriss looked at Yoda. “We need a bit of time to discuss the proposal. This is a life changing commitment you are asking for, Master. We must be sure.”

The small being nodded. “Certain, you must be.” He paused thoughtfully. “By the next moon cycle, your decision I need.”

Ahsoka glanced at Barriss and then replied, “Seems reasonable.”

Yoda’s frail body lifted itself from a ratty cushion and a kindly voice said, “Now, food you require. Come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hmmmm?”


	34. PART IV: CHANGE - Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Proposition: Everybody has one these days.

Rex laughed. “So, how can we serve her royal highness?”

Ahsoka shot him a death glare. “Don’t even think about making that a habit.”

Asajj flashed a snarky grin. “Too late.”

“I never should have let Barriss talk me into this leadership thing.” Ahsoka slumped back in her chair.

“No,” Rex replied firmly, “you _are_ a leader. It’s always been true. Everyone seems to know it but you. Besides,” he added with a twinkle, “I’d call you that either way. Might as well do the work that goes along with it.”

Ahsoka let out a heavy sigh. “Guess, I’m stuck with it now. In any case, I did track you down for a reason. I have a proposition.” Nerves pinging, she rushed out, “Here’s the thing. I want you both in Shili to manage the military rebuild.”

Asajj raised eyebrows and the side of Rex’s mouth edged up.

“I intended this to come later,” Ahsoka continued, “but things have changed. We have more help than I ever imagined. It’s only been five months and the progress is incredible. I think we’ll have a defendable kingdom within two years, perhaps a fully operational one in three. I don’t want anyone tearing it down, before it can thrive. That means we need to start work now.”

Jaw tightening, Rex asked, “Is it true the interkingdom alliance Mon Mothma has built involves a drawdown?”

She grimaced. “Yes. Mon and her council feel strongly that the only way to keep a lasting peace and prevent another Palpatine is to encourage less militarized kingdoms. Alliance members will maintain a basic defense force only. In theory, a standing interkingdom army would reinforce members when needed, keeping non-aligned kingdoms in check. For most, the sacrifice is acceptable. Some are unlikely targets. Others have limited resources and reducing their military spending is beneficial. A few kingdoms want the commerce benefits of joining the alliance, either way.”

The man locked eyes on her. “What is Shili’s position?”

“We’ve had several… discussions on the topic,” she replied with a slight scowl. “I’m not leaving Shili dependent on an external force of questionable skill. Besides, Shili’s army has always been it’s primary source of prosperity. It attracts commerce, diversity, and wealth. The land itself holds little resources and what does exist must be well-protected.”

“If over half the kingdoms are going to be without full-fledged armies, Shili could become a critical ally,” Asajj mused. “That would bring additional financial and political benefits.”

Rex nodded agreement. “What was the result of these discussions?”

“I’ve informed her Shili will join, if the military stipulation is optional. Mon has accepted my terms. Honestly, she has no choice. Having the Lady Jedi’s kingdom reject the Alliance would be a blow to her efforts. However, I also suspect she hopes to change my mind over time.”

Asajj snorted. “She should know you better than that.”

Ahsoka grinned. “Well, she’ll figure it out eventually. That’s another reason I’d like to start the military rebuild now. The coming reduction in forces will flood the market with experienced soldiers. I want to snap up the best, before they go elsewhere. It also means we can’t rely on other kingdoms for support during our fledgling state.”

The couple glanced at each other, apparently carrying on some silent dialogue.

“You don’t have to accept, of course,” Ahsoka said with some trepidation. “It’s a big commitment and will likely impede your other interests. Still, I can’t lie. I desperately want you both there with me from the ground-up.”

Asajj rolled eyes. “What you’re actually saying is you want Rex.” Her face softened. “And, I’m sure he wants to do it. I can base my operations from almost anywhere. So, if this is a badly concealed attempt to get me on board, it’s unnecessary.”

“No, you don’t understand.” She sat up in her chair. “Yes, I want Rex to be my Master General. However, I want you just as much, Asajj. Your skills are extensive by any measure and you have a wide breadth of experience in multiple types of combat. Plus, you’re creative, assessing, realistic, and diligent. You get things done, no matter the circumstance. It’s a perfect combination for the Royal Training Master.”

A blank expression appeared on the woman’s face.

Fixing an intent gaze, Ahsoka added, “In Shili, it’s an equivalent position to Master General. You would oversee the entire training program for the army and have equal input on promotions and organizational decisions. Both positions report to the Sovereign Master and all three work together to produce the greatest army on the planet. If I’m going to take on that role, I need the best helping me. The best is _you,_ Asajj.”

She swallowed a few times. “Ahsoka, you can’t be serious. I’m terrible at that sort of thing. I don’t suffer incompetence and I definitely don’t play well with others. You’d have mass desertions after their first training session.”

“All the better.” Rex grinned. “That means I’d only end up with the best in my army. Your opinion won’t be clouded by political or sentimental concerns. The people you deemed worthy, would be.”

Ahsoka matched his grin and nodded. “Exactly my point. Plus, once you get a basic structure in place, I imagine you’ll spend most of your time on evaluation, organization, and technique advancement. You can hand-select people to oversee areas like day-to-day training and screening.”

The woman seemed contemplative, but didn’t give an immediate response.

Feeling success within her grasp, Ahsoka pushed on. “Asajj, please don’t dismiss it because of a preconceived idea. You’re not chained to the job, if you end up disliking it. However, I suspect you will find it fulfilling work that utilizes your entire skillset. I wouldn’t have asked otherwise. I know who you are and what you can do. I _need_ that person. Also, I want an opposing viewpoint—someone I trust, who isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong. I really can’t think of anyone better suited to that role,” she ended dryly.

“Sounds like a match made by the Force itself to me,” Rex remarked.

Asajj glanced between them, edges of her mouth twitching. “Why do I get the strange feeling that this entire conversation was a setup?”

His face turned airy. “I don’t know what you mean.”

_______

“Thanks, Ezra.”

The man grinned as he laid the last piece of thatching over the roof. “Not a problem. That’s what I’m here for.”

Katooni chuckled as she began to clean up their work area. “Is it? I thought you came for my Eopie cream pie.”

“Oh, that too. You think I patch roofs and repair walls for people who can’t make the best Eopie cream pie on the planet? No way.”

There was a snort. “Guess I better keep you well-supplied, then.”

Ezra laughed and assessed the work. _Looks good. Ok, on to the next._ “So, what else needs to be done?”

There was no response and he glanced down.  

Katooni was standing motionless on the ground with a distant expression. Her hands were clenching leftover thatching as she gazed into the fading sunlight.

Sliding down the ladder, he gripped her shoulders. “Hey. Are you ok?”

The aqua eyes slowly focused on him. “Oh, sorry. I drifted off.”

“It’s fine. What’s wrong, though?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

Ezra fixed an intent gaze. “It’s not nothing. Please, tell me.”

Katooni looked down and mumbled, “Lux used to do this kind of stuff. I guess I relied on him too much. It didn’t even occur to me to learn how. I thought he’d always…”

Putting both hands on her face, Ezra lifted it to meet her eyes. “I understand. Though, relying on others is never bad. In a sense, Lux left everything you needed. I mean that’s why I’m here, right?”

A soft smile formed and she leaned against his chest. “You’re a good friend, Ezra.”

Wrapping her in a warm hug, he said, “So, are you. Speaking of, I have a proposition for you.”

She pulled back and raised eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Well, I’m headed to Shili next. I was wondering if you and Mina might want to come along?” Ezra was convinced Katooni needed to get away from this place and the memory of what was. Even a temporary absence might help. She needed to be reminded there was a world out there. Plus, being surrounded by people who cared about her could only be a benefit.

Her expression filled with reluctance. “I don’t know.”

Giving his best endearing smile, Ezra said, “Come on. I hate travelling alone all the time. Mina would get to see a new place and be spoiled by my doting family. You would get to see the rebuilding of a kingdom, which I know your logistical mind will adore. Plus, Barriss has been harassing me about getting you to visit. As she would no doubt point out, it’s a win for everyone. What do you say?” He mentally crossed his fingers.

She stared at him for a moment and then a mischievous grin appeared. “Ezra Bridger, I think you’ve been hiding a logical, strategic mind behind that facade of charming enthusiasm.”

Putting on a mock offended expression, the man said, “No need to be insulting.” Switching to a boyish grin, he asked, “And, is that a yes?”

Katooni laughed and kissed his cheek. “Alright, my faithful handyman. I’m in.”

Joy lighting his heart, he smiled happily. “Excellent, my lady. I shall escort you to the kingdom of Shili on the morrow.”

She snorted, before giving him a shrewd look. “Though, if I’m going to be gone for a while, I may have a few tasks to take care of around the house.”

Ezra laughed. “You’re in luck. I happen to be available and ready for duty, assuming Eopie cream pie is on the agenda.”

“Hmm, I’ll see what I can do.”

_______

Barriss assessed their unexpected arrival for a moment. “Commander. To what do we owe the honor of this visit?”

Thrawn made a formal bow. “My lady, it is a true pleasure to see you again. Though, I am no longer a commander, as you well know.”

“Hmm, technically that may be accurate. I suspect, however, it is a descriptor that always applies to you.”

Bemused crimson eyes gazed back at her. “I would never presume to argue with the reigning power.”

“I believe you are under a misapprehension,” she commented dryly.

“Not at all,” he replied in a casual tone. “After an illuminating meeting with your so-called Alliance Council, it’s become clear to me there is only one true power remaining in this part of the world. If you are amenable, I wish to discuss a proposition that may serve to our mutual advantage.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Interesting.” Considering briefly, she lifted three fingers.

Rex frowned, but turned to the squad holding wary swords on their visitor. “Return to your positions.” Stepping beside Barriss, he eyed Thrawn with obvious suspicion.

The man inclined a regal head. “Captain, I’m glad to see you survived your insurgency intact.”

“I’d return the sentiment,” Rex answered flatly, “but I pride myself in being forthright.”

There was a dry chuckle. “That is why I respect you, Captain. Oh, I do apologize. It’s Master General now, yes?”

Rex stared. “You are very well-informed.”

Jet black eyebrows arched. “You both seem to be under the mistaken impression that your activities aren’t of great interest and discussion in the wider world. It required no effort on my part to ascertain.”

Barriss sighed. “Unfortunately, that is probably true.” Turning to Rex, she put a hand on his arm. “Can you retrieve Ahsoka? I imagine the Commander’s proposal will require the presence of the Sovereign.”

“It will,” Thrawn put in pleasantly. “If you have an advisory council, you may wish them to attend, as well.”

Rex glanced between them, clearly reluctant to leave Barriss alone with their visitor.

Apparently sensing the resistance, Thrawn raised a languid hand and then removed his weapons. Presenting them to Rex, he remarked, “My intentions are honorable, General. You have my word.”

Jaw setting, Rex took the proffered items. “Very well.” Looking at Barriss, he asked, “Anyone else?”

She contemplated. “Asajj, of course. If you can easily locate Obi-Wan and Luminara, their presence may be beneficial.”

The man gave a quick nod and strode away.

Waving toward the main tent, Barriss said, “Shall we have some refreshment, while awaiting the others?”

Slight smile crossing his face, Thrawn bowed. “With pleasure, my lady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "An enemy will almost never be anything except an enemy. All one can do with an enemy is defeat him. But an adversary can sometimes become an ally. There is a cost, of course... But in all such situations, the calculation is straightforward: whether or not the potential gain is worth the potential loss. And the warrior must never forget that he and his adversary are not the only ones in that equation. Sometimes, all the universe may hang in the balance.”  
> ― Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Thrawn
> 
> Gabby's proposition: Speculate freely. Because you won't get answers anytime soon. [What fun is that?!] I mean think how excited you'll be if you're right! Either way, there's always "Chapter 157: Answers" to look forward too.


	35. PART IV: CHANGE - Healers and Warriors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healers and Warriors: Rex hunts down an old comrade.

Rex studied the handwritten directions and then counted entryways. _There. That must be it._ Surveying the dilapidated residence and surrounding squalor, he grimaced. _We’re going to do something about this, either way._

Striding up, he knocked firmly. Receiving no immediate response, Rex banged knuckles against the rickety, wooden door. After two more attempts, he glanced around.

Spotting some children playing nearby, he called, “Hey! You know if the man who lives here is home?”

The Bith girl shook her head. “Eck’s gone. Jovi took him to the healer’s yesterday. He was real sick.”

Rex stiffened. “Which healer? Where?”

A small Rodian pointed west along the roadway. “By the Pulcery. Eck couldn’t pay for no fancy healer.”

Chest tightening, Rex flipped a couple of dataries to the kids. “Thanks.” Then, he took off down the street.

_______

“I’m afraid he needs more extensive treatment than we can deliver.”

Rex stared at the harried-looking healer. “What does that mean?”

She grimaced and ran a willowy hand through messy, blonde curls. “He has Revarian pox. That’s only treatable with an extremely expensive medicine. Medicine we don’t have. Right now, we’re simply trying to make him comfortable.”

His hands balled into fists. “Are you saying you’re just letting him die?”

Fiery green eyes flashed. “This is not some posh healing facility in Naboo that only the rich can afford. We provide as much care as we can.”

 _Oh, it’s bad luck he came down with something expensive, huh? Stop. Focus._ Blowing a breath through his teeth, Rex tried to speak calmly, “Alright. Tell me what he needs and I’ll get it.”

Dubious eyebrows lifted. “It’s twenty dataries an ounce.”

He nodded. “And? How many ounces does he need?”

She seemed to consider him for a moment. “Very well. I can acquire the appropriate treatment, if you are willing to pay for it. However, you should know there is no guarantee of recovery. It has only a 20% success rate.”

Rex clenched his jaw. “Twenty is better than none. He’s strong. He’ll make it— _if_ his healer doesn't give up on him.”

The tired, cynical eyes softened. “I'm not giving up. I will do everything in my power to save him, if you provide me the ability to do so. We are one of the few healing facilities in Corellia that provides no-cost care. There are very limited resources. I can’t expend all of them on one patient. Quite frankly, saving your friend’s life would mean letting ten others perish. When there is a low guarantee of success, it’s difficult to balance that against the lives of others. We have to make decisions for the good of the whole. You are obviously a warrior. I’m sure you understand the concept.”

Exhaling, Rex rubbed his forehead. “Maybe, I’m more angry at myself. He never should have been in this situation.” Smiling wanly, he added, “A captain should never leave one of his soldiers without support.”

A gentle voice replied, “A captain, like a healer, can’t control everything. They work within the realities of life.”

He met her gaze. “I’m not sure you truly believe that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.”

Her lips parted and then edged into a small grin. “Perhaps.” She continued, “Alright, Captain, let’s make your friend well.”

_______

Rex stood next to the cot and gazed at the feverish man. The once close-cropped, black hair had grown over the nape of his neck and the early age lines creased his clean-shaven face. It gave him a more distinguished look than in his youth, but the man he’d always known remained. It was a stolid, stable presence. One Rex never thought to lose. _He moved here two years ago. You couldn’t be bothered to visit in all that time? If you hadn’t needed something, would you ever have?_

Clenching fists and fixing on the dingy wall of the main ward, he tried to control the guilt-ridden anger. _Damn you, Rex. Who else have you lost over the years? You don’t even know, do you?_

There was a stifled gasp and Rex jerked back into reality. His friend was writhing and crying out. Realizing immediately what was happening, he sat on the edge of the cot. Placing a hand on the trembling shoulder, Rex murmured, “It’s ok, Echo. The battle is over. You did your duty. We’ve won. You’re a good soldier. Everything is alright…” After a few minutes, the distress subsided and the labored breaths calmed.

As Echo fell back into a restful slumber, Rex let out a long breath. The feeling of content success—of being needed—momentarily eclipsed his own guilt.

A soft voice came from behind him. “That was well done, Captain.”

Twisting around to the young healer, he shrugged. “Too much experience, I guess.”

“Experience only enhances what one _chooses_ to practice. Don’t tell me you didn’t support your soldiers.” Giving him a meaningful look, she moved away to check on another patient.

Looking back at the peacefully sleeping face, Rex smiled.

_______

“I’ve sent for more funds. We can keep trying.”

She pursed her lips. “Rex, I know you don’t want to hear this, but he’s completed three rounds of treatment. Once we reach that point, the odds of recovery become infinitesimal. It might be time to… let him go.”

Stiffening, he shook a vehement head. “No, Juliayl. He’s still fighting. I can see it.”

The healer gave him a wan smile and struggled to pick up a newly delivered crate of medical supplies. “I don’t know why I even bothered.”

Rex grinned and took the crate from her hands, carrying it to the stack in the corner. “Me neither.”

She tapped fingers on her chin. “You know, there is another option. It's impossible to accomplish, but I'm beginning to believe you might be capable of pulling off a miracle.”

He fixed on her. “I’m listening.”

“There used to be a more effective treatment for Revarian pox called Cumin. Unfortunately, the knowledge of its composition was lost nearly ten years ago, courtesy of the former Emperor.” Fiery eyes blazed. “Already existing supplies began to sell for exorbitant amounts and then it faded out of existence. The rumor was that Palpatine himself hoarded some of it. For what purpose, I don’t know. However, since his reign ended, none has apparently been found. Occasionally, one can find a dose on the black market. Though, authenticity is questionable.”

Rex contemplated. He knew very well they hadn’t discovered a secret storehouse of medicines in Palpatine’s former residence. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to ask Barriss. Perhaps, she would have some ideas. Feeling hope blossoming, he said, “Tell me everything you can about it.”

_______

Rex chatted brightly to the unconscious man. “So, I was thinking you could come out of retirement and help me in Shili. What do you think? Whatever job you like. Battalion commander was what I was going to suggest. However, if you’d prefer a desk job, there’s always my adjutant. Then again, maybe you’d rather not deal with me all day long.” He grunted. “I wouldn’t.”

Running a damp cloth over Echo’s sallow face, he continued, “How about a training commander? Of course, you’d have to put up with some sass from the love of my life.” Rex began to chuckle and it soon turned into a hearty laugh. “Oh, I might pay money to see you argue with her about regulations.”

Rex absently twisted the cloth in his hands. “Come on, old buddy. Don’t let me down. I need you.” The worry of the last week began to overwhelm his control. Blinking tears away, Rex stared in helpless misery at the pale, sickly face.

A hand squeezed his shoulder. “You should rest.”

He shook his head. “A captain doesn’t rest while his soldiers are fighting for their lives.” Looking up and running a critical eye over her exhausted face, he added, “Just like a healer doesn’t, apparently.”

She sat beside him on the edge of the cot, wry grin forming. “You were right, you know. I don’t believe half the things I say.”

Rex chuckled. “Did you always want to do this kind of work?”

“Be a healer, yes. Did I think I would end up providing no-cost services in the slums of Corellia? No. I had a promising career in one of the premiere facilities at the north end of the city. Then, a friend convinced me to help him provide supplemental care to those who couldn’t afford it in my spare time. That’s when I realized.” Intensity dripped from every word as she met his eyes. “I’m needed here.”

He smiled softly. “Perhaps, healers and warriors have a lot in common, after all.”

Juliayl grinned, but it faded as she gazed at Echo. “It’s hard to know you can save someone, but are prevented from doing so by things that shouldn’t be. We started this facility with six healers. There are three of us left. It gets to you over time. Sometimes, I wonder how long it will be before I can’t go on, as well.”

Taking her hand, Rex replied, “Have you ever thought about trying another kingdom? Somewhere you would get more support?”

A sardonic expression looked back at him. “What kingdom is that? Are you under the impression Corellia is an exception to the rule?”

He winked. “You might be surprised.”

She stared for a moment and then shook her head. “Even if that were true, I wouldn’t leave everyone worse off. I have a duty to my patients.”

Rex snorted. “Yep. Warriors and Healers.”

Juliayl laughed. “Simpatico, huh?”

A bemused voice floated in, “Most definitely.”

Rex leapt up, deep relief filling his soul. Striding forward, he wrapped Barriss in his arms, feeling an immediate sense of comforting surety.

She leaned back with an impish glint. “You called?”

_______

Rex watched anxiously as Barriss examined Echo. Pursing lips, she looked up. “How many rounds of Mezo?”

Juliayl raised eyebrows. “Four.”

Barriss grimaced and glanced at Rex. “Will you grab my satchel?”

Springing over to the chair where Barriss had deposited her supplies, he retrieved it and took up position behind her.

“What exactly are you doing to my patient?” Juliayl asked flatly.

Slender fingers lifted Echo’s eyelids as an absent voice replied, “Checking for pupil distortion, among other things.”

The healer moved to the other side of the cot, directly across from her. “Why?”

Barriss straightened and twisted around to dig inside the satchel in Rex’s hands. “To ensure there is no contraindicated condition, such as Iritis.”

“Uh, contraindicated to what?”

Opening a pouch, Barriss removed a small vial and held it up. “The use of Cumin.”

The young healer's mouth dropped open. “You have—how?”

Rex smiled broadly. “You did challenge me to go above and beyond.”

Barriss chuckled. “I’m not sure anyone has ever needed to challenge you to get that result, Rex.”

A forceful palm raised into the air. “Nuh uh. You both don’t get off that easy. Someone is going to tell me who you are and how you got ahold of Cumin.”

They glanced at each other. Then, Barriss grinned and stuck out a hand. “Hello. I’m Barriss Offee, and I stole it from Palpatine.”

_______

“You called me. I’m here. Now, let me do my job, Rex. There’s nothing you can do at the moment, except get in the way.” Barriss fixed him with a stern expression.

The man slumped. “Fine. I’ll go rest for a bit. But, if anything changes—at all—you better wake me up.”

Spreading fingers across his cheek, she stroked it gently. “I promise. We’re a team, remember?”

Taking her hand, he brushed lips across it. “Damn right we are.” Rex grinned and then headed toward an empty cot to lay down.

Barriss turned back to her patient, examining his vital signs with some anxiety. Despite the confident demeanor for Rex’s benefit, she was concerned. Echo hadn’t responded as expected to the Cumin. _Please._

A quiet voice came from her shoulder, “He’s not responding.”

Straightening up, Barriss nodded. “I know.”

Juliayl stared down at Echo with an odd expression. “It’s strange. All of this care for one man, while hundreds die in this city everyday.”

“That's life,” Barriss said sadly. “Why are we here, while so many others are not? Whether it’s simply taking a left turn when we should have turned right, or something more meaningful, I don't know. There is no way to reconcile it. It just… is.”

Her jaw clenched. “That doesn’t mean I can’t try to make it happen differently.”

“True. In the end, though, one must accept your own limits.”

“Is that what you do, Barriss Offee, legendary spymaster?” the woman asked with a sardonic grin. “Don’t think I haven’t heard of you.”

Giving her a guilty smile, she said, “Doesn’t mean you should repeat my mistakes. Though, to be fair, it happens on occasion. Usually, someone talks me into it.”

Juliayl snorted. “Is that how you convinced Rex to rest? I’ve been trying without success for days. I usually find him passed out next to the bed.”

Barriss chuckled. “That particular feat is only a result of hard-fought experience.”

The healer hesitated and then asked, “How much Cumin do you have?”

Considering for a moment, she finally answered, “This is the only vial I have remaining.”

Her face fell. “Such a waste.”

Stiffening, Barriss said, “A waste to save a man’s life?”

Juliayl sighed. “That’s not what I meant. It’s clear you are a skilled healer. Surely, you can see the overarching impact? This might be the only Cumin left in existence. Without analysis and research, it might never be replicated again. The world has lost its most effective treatment for a deadly ailment. All to save one man’s life, assuming it even works. It isn’t saving him that saddens me. It’s not saving everyone else.”

“Ah.” This healer had caught Barriss’ interest. Rex’s clear respect for the woman was also a strong point in her favor. _Let’s see._ “Four vials were recovered from Palpatine’s palace. Three are with a premiere healer I trust, a master in his field. He is currently trying to replicate it. I held this one back, in case of emergency. So, it is a sacrifice, but not as great as you think.”

Eyes widened and then narrowed. “I have so many questions about that explanation. First off… why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would a spymaster care? Do you plan to use the results for some ulterior purpose?”

Barriss responded with bemusement, “I intend exactly what you wanted. There is no other motive than to restore an effective treatment to the world as a whole.”

“Assuming I believe you, who will manage the distribution? This posh healer?” she asked with a hint of bitterness.

“If he’s able to replicate it, we will decide together how best to provide it to the healing community at large. However, if you are concerned about availability, don’t be. There will be a fee for the actual cost of research and production, but that is all. The composition will be shared for external replication and enhancement, as well.”

Dubious eyebrows lifted.

“Juliayl, don't fall into the same trap you claim for others. You're judging a healer you’ve never met, based on who they serve. Without people like him, you wouldn’t have the remedies to save your patients. He works in a premiere facility, because that is where the resources exist to fulfill his calling. Research to save lives has a high cost. Like you, an accomplished healer went where he was most needed, where he could make a difference. Neither of us wishes to make a profit from suffering.”

She winced. “Alright, point taken. Sometimes, it's difficult to remain objective, when you are prevented from saving people due to factors outside of your control.”

Placing a hand on her arm, Barriss smiled. “I think that makes you a healer.”

The woman chuckled. “Guess I’m in the right line of work, then.” Her expression turned shrewd. “Now then, on to my other questions. How and why were you ‘recovering’ things from Palpatine’s residence?”

Quirking an eyebrow, she said, “Why don’t you see if you can figure it out?”

There was an exasperated sound. “I nearly forgot who you were.”

“Oh, I am many things, my dear.”

A wry face looked back at her. “I think that makes you a spy.”

_______

Rex laid a cooling cloth over the clammy skin. “Shouldn’t we have seen some kind of improvement by now?”

Slender arms laid over Rex’s shoulders as Barriss rested a chin on his head. “I’ve called in reinforcements. Don’t lose hope, my valiant captain. We keep fighting, until the war is lost or…?”

Interlocking their fingers, he murmured, “We win.”

_______

“Can I help you?” Juliayl asked the distinguished-looking Tholothian absently gazing around the foyer of the receiving area.

The man gave a small start at being addressed and rubbed his ear. “I hope so. I’m looking for Juliayl Zaz.”

She raised eyebrows. “You’ve found her.”

“Excellent!” An excited grin shined on the mature face. Extending a hand from the sleeve of his healer’s robe he stuck it out. “Hansan Allie, at your service.”

She halted mid-shake as the name struck. “ _The_ Hansan Allie? Researcher behind the breakthroughs on using human biomes in Togruta to enhance their recuperative abilities?”

His ebony-skin flushed with enthusiasm. “Oh, you know my older work? I didn’t think they taught that to young healers anymore. I’m usually asked about my work on cosmetic de-aging.” He frowned. “Which wasn’t the intention of that research, but seems to be all people take from it. It was supposed to promote a cost-effective method to help correct disfigurations for those who couldn’t afford it.”

The woman held back a wince. She had dismissed the great Hansan Allie as another example of what not to be—a brilliant healer lost to greed and oligarchy—when learning of his work on cosmetics for the wealthy. She hadn’t even bothered to read the research in question. _Barriss might have a point about you, Juliayl._ “Well, what brings you to our little facility, Master?”

“Oh, yes!” Electric purple eyes lit up. “I hear you have a difficult case of Revarian pox that hasn’t responded to Cumin.”

She gaped at him. “Um, how did you know that?”

“The Lady sent for me. She spoke very highly of you and your work here. I’ve been developing a vaccine for the condition in conjunction with my research on replicating Cumin. There are some illuminating findings I think may aid in your treatment.”

Juliayl stared blankly. “The… Lady. Oh.” Pasting a smile on what must now look like a dumbfounded face, she motioned toward the ward. “Well, let’s go find our patient and see what you recommend.”

“Excellent.”

_______

Barriss turned as the healers approached. She rushed over and hugged her old friend with relief. “Thank you for coming, Hans.”

He smiled and gave her a small bow. “Not at all, my lady. Now, let’s see what we can do.” The man immediately began examining Echo with an anxious Rex hovering.

A hand touched her arm, and Barriss twisted around to see a sardonic grin.

“Your famous healer seems to be under the impression he is here at the behest of the Lady of the Rebellion,” Juliayl remarked.

Putting on an airy expression, Barriss replied, “Huh. How about that?”

Intense eyes bored into hers. “He’s correct, isn’t he?”

Barriss shrugged. “I told you. I am many things. Does it really matter? Right now, I’m simply another healer trying to save a man’s life through whatever resources are available to her.”

A slow smile formed. “Works for me.”

_______

Rex rubbed tired eyes as he hunkered down in the chair next to Echo’s cot.

Suddenly, a raspy voice commented, “Well, some of us are showing their age.”

Jerking up, he stared at the groggy face. “Echo? You’re—are you alright?”

The man flashed a weak grin. “Ship shape, Captain, sir. Ready for inspection. Though, can’t say the same for you. Why are you sitting beside my sick bed looking like you’ve barely survived ten skirmishes with an entire tribe of Wookies?”

Jumping to his feet, Rex beckoned the others who were chatting at the other end of the ward. Gripping Echo’s hand, his voice turned hoarse. “Because, you tried to go and die on me, soldier. Unacceptable.”

“Oh.” Echo seemed to mull this over. “Guess, I’ll have to get myself together. That’s definitely against regulations.”

Face splitting into a broad smile, Rex said, “I have an idea on how you can make it up to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm assuming most readers will find this chapter fairly inconsequential? Either way, it did serve some narrative purposes for me. One of these I can't tell you about at the moment. Take that as you will. ;-) 
> 
> Some random thoughts in no particular order or clarity... Harkening back to the lovely Barriss & Rex bond is always fun. Echo serves as a bit of a macguffin. However, his return was a primary intent behind this chapter. If Shili is being rebuilt, it's time for our Echo to go home. Barriss' favorite healer from the 'scarno incident' (aka fish of death!) makes a return. Apparently, when the woman finds one she likes, she hangs on to them. [Did anyone make the connection? That story was so long ago and he was never named, so just curious.] I also wanted to give Rex some 'screen time' before we move into other territory. He still manages to charm any woman he meets without even trying. I didn't even do it on purpose. When I read my drafted chapter, it was just... there.


	36. PART IV: CHANGE - Death Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death Squad: Han Solo is marched into one. Leia just wants to survive the experience.

Han paced around the tent. “How long are we supposed to wait exactly?”

Leia grimaced. “Until someone gets here. Will you relax? It’s not a death squad, you know.” _I hope._

A superior smirk appeared. “So you say.”

She was about to deliver a snarky rejoinder, when Ahsoka strode in and Han’s eyes bulged.

The woman gave him a short nod. “Solo. I see you’re still around.” Looking at Leia, she spread her arms wide. “Well, do I get a hug my super important, always on the move, never bothers to visit niece?”

Leia wrapped herself into the always comforting embrace. “I’m sorry. It’s difficult to get away. You would have thought me being out of contact for two weeks was a travesty of planetary importance, given the amount of fuss they made over it.” The woman didn’t add that she likely wouldn’t have gotten away at all, if Mon hadn’t wanted her to persuade Ahsoka of something Leia knew was never going to happen. _Then again, it would probably be easier if everyone knew you were visiting your family, not sightseeing. No one but yourself to blame._

“Excuses, excuses.” The expressive blue eyes glinted with affection.

She gave Ahsoka another hug. “I really have missed you all.”

Lips touched the top of her head. “Not as much as we’ve missed you, my dear.”

There was a loud cough and they turned to see a smarmy-looking Solo. “I thought you told me meeting your family _wasn’t_ going to involve a death squad.”

Chuckling, Leia said, “I do believe you’ve met my aunt on a prior occasion. However, I suppose we should do a formal introduction. Han Solo meet Ahsoka Tano, former leader of the Rebellion and Sovereign Master of the soon to be rebuilt kingdom of Shili.”

Han shifted weight to his left foot. “Right. Good to, uh, see you again… your worship.”

She stole a glance at her aunt. _Please, be nice._

Ahsoka responded with something between annoyance and amusement, “If you ever call me that again, I might just turn into a death squad.”

The man swallowed, but then hooked casual thumbs into his weapons belt. “So, I should call you what exactly? Lady of the Jedi? Queen of the warriors? Royal highnessness? Or, do you prefer a simple your majesty?”

Rolling eyes, she replied, “Ahsoka will do. Unless, of course, you anger me. In which case, you might want to revert to Her Worshipful Almighty Sovereign and Goddess Divine.”

Leia relaxed at the light tone and took Han’s arm. “If you _ever_ call her that, she’s likely to accidentally stab you.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Guess we’ll never find out, now.” Glancing around, she asked, “Where’s everyone else?”

Leia shrugged. “We were wondering the same thing.”

Two figures came barreling into the tent on cue. “Leia!” cried a small voice.

A happy smile lit her face and Leia bent down to receive an excited Karyna. “Hello there. I’ve missed you!” She beckoned to Caam. “Both of you.”

The Twi’lek girl grinned and gave her a hug. “It’s about time you got here. You were supposed to visit ages ago!”

Leia grimaced. “I know, my dear. I’m sorry. Still, I’ve brought someone new you can harass to make it up to you. This is Han. Han, this is Karyna and Caam.” She pointed to each of them in turn.

The man smiled awkwardly. “Uh, hey there. Let me guess, you’re the aunts who are secretly mythical sprites?”

They stared at him. Then, Karyna stated in a pained voice, “That doesn’t even make any sense.”

Han smirked. “Nothing makes sense to me around here, kid.”

Caam grinned. “That’s better. You’ll do.”

He raised eyebrows at Leia, who laughed.

Another voice floated from the tent flap, “Well, look who finally decided to meet the family.” An engaging grin flashed as Luke Skywalker bounded in and picked Leia up in a whirling hug.

The woman held onto him tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here. I wasn’t sure if you would still be in Ryloth.”

Luke leaned back and grinned. “Came back early, when you sent me the message. No way I’m missing this visit.”

Pressing herself to his chest, she murmured, “I can always count on you.”

“Yep. Don’t you forget it.”

Pulling away, she kissed his cheek. “Never gonna happen, as our aunts would say.”

He laughed and turned around. “Hey, Han.”

“Finally,” Han commented, “someone who likes me.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Luke responded airily.

Grunting, he gave Luke a quick slap on the back. “Good to see you’ve managed to stay in one piece, kid.”

“Well, you weren’t around to rescue me, so I had to make do on my own.”

Karyna piped up, “You rescued Luke?”

The man glanced down. “Yep. More than once, actually, but who's counting?” There was a groan from Luke as Han continued, “Once, he managed to get himself captured by a nest of soldiers in a heavily fortified compound. I had to outwit a dozen squads, while carrying him on my back to safety.”

“A dozen, huh?” Luke remarked dryly.

“Rough estimate,” was the innocent response.

Caam asked, “Wow. How did you get him out?”

“I knocked on the door and asked them to let me in,” he replied, tugging his lapels with flourish.

The girls stared at him with uncertain admiration.

Ahsoka crossed her arms and slouched against the edge of the table. “I'm sure he'll regale you with the heroic tale in glorious detail at some point. Will you girls see if you can find the rest of our wayward family?”

“Aunt Barriss said she was coming once the new master builder was settled,” Luke put in. “So, don’t bother finding her.”

Karyna said, “Uncle Rex and Nara, either. There was a problem with the new shipment of spices for the barracks kitchen. Which is ridiculous,” the girl added with a tiny, exasperated sigh, “because we’ve told them to stop changing the specifications. I think we should use a new supplier, perhaps a local one, who understands how things work here. This one keeps insisting small alterations shouldn’t impact us. It isn’t—” Apparently realizing everyone was staring at her, she halted and rushed out, “Anyway, they went to pick up an emergency supply and said to not wait for them on dinner.”

Leia raised an impressed eyebrow. “Well, look who is a professional kingdom steward, now.” Brushing fingers over Karyna’s cheek, she said, “Also, I agree. A local supplier is always preferable, if available. It can sometimes be a bit more costly than a warehouse supplier, but the personal touch and understanding of needs saves time, money, and resources in the long run. It also creates goodwill in the surrounding areas.”

A shyly pleased grin looked back at her. “I’m learning.”

Affectionate smile on her lips, Ahsoka said, “Ok, see if you two can hunt down Asajj and Obi-Wan. Once we get the family reunion out of the way, we can work on dinner. I’m sure Leia refused to let them stop and eat.”

Han threw dramatic hands in the air. “Tell me about it.”

Leia glared mulishly. “There was no need. I knew we could be here in time for dinner, _if_ we didn't waste time stopping.”

Karyna and Caam giggled as they ran out of the tent.

Han cleared his throat. “So, uh, Luke is your… ?”

“Oh,” Leia responded, “he's my brother.”

Han’s mouth dropped open and then drew back into a grin. “Like a sister to you, huh?”

The young man shrugged diffidently. “Generally accurate.”

Leia glanced between them, but didn’t inquire further. “The girls are… well, that one is more difficult to explain. Technically speaking, one is my cousin by marriage and the other is—oh, nevermind, think of them as little sisters or something.”

Luke laughed. “Get used to it, Han. Our family is going to get very complicated very quickly. You’ll get the hang of it, though.”

A crooked smile flashed. “Guess we’ll find out. So, what about the others? I heard another aunt thrown in there somewhere.”

“Yes,” Leia answered, “that’s my Aunt Barriss, also known as the Lady of the Rebellion.”

Han produced a half-smirk. “Of course, she is. Why would you be related to anyone not mythical? Silly me.”

“She’s also Barriss Offee, legendary spymaster,” Luke said, edges of his mouth twitching, “if that helps.”

“Ohhhh, that makes it _much_ better. Thanks, kid,” Han replied wryly.

“You’ve actually already met her once,” Leia added with a mischievous glint. “Though, at the time, you thought she was my lady-in-waiting.”

He gulped. “Lovely. Always nice to meet someone who knows you from that time you kidnapped their niece and put her in mortal danger. Does she hate me too?”

Ahsoka hissed through clenched teeth. “I've already told you I don’t hate you, Solo. Lucky for you, my wife is more forgiving of stupidity and is unlikely to kill you on sight.”

Han gazed at her for a moment, before a cocky grin fell back into place. “Excellent. I have high hopes of winning her over, then.”

A dry voice commented, “I can’t wait to see what that involves.”

They all turned to see a bemused Barriss. Delighted at the sight of her aunt, Leia rushed over.

The woman wrapped arms around her and murmured, “I’ve missed you so much, darling girl.”

“I’ve missed you, as well.” She leaned back, feeling a rush of happiness. _I really have._ Leia tried to put the emotion in her eyes, hoping the woman would realize how true it was.

Barriss brushed fingers over her face with a soft smile. “Good.” After a moment, she kissed Leia’s forehead and released her hold. They both turned their attention on Han, who was observing them with what looked like casual interest. However, Leia could see the finger twitch she had long ago recognized as a nervous tic.

“So, I've heard a great deal about you, Han Solo.” her aunt said lightly. “I do believe roughly 14% of the information wasn't terrible.”

“Well, that's a higher percentage than I usually start off on, so things are looking up.” He produced a roguish grin coupled with a somewhat awkward bow that still managed to appear more mocking than charming. “M'lady, I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Really?” Ahsoka grumbled. “All I got was smarmy your majesties.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Clearly, the man knows who he needs to impress in this family.” That got a round of chuckles and then her aunt crossed the tent to join Han and Luke.

Leia watched their interaction and noted Han’s muscles relaxing as the woman drew him into conversation. _Aunt Barriss, I love you._ Leia resisted the urge to chew her lip as she looked over at Ahsoka, whose disapproving eyes were fixed on Han. _Please, don’t let bringing him here be a mistake._

Rubbing her forehead, Leia exhaled and then floated back across the tent to the others. Taking Han’s arm, she tried to focus on their conversation, but found her attention wandering. _Why does she dislike him so much?_ Leia had seen her aunt forgive many a worse people over the years. The continued disapproval of Han was mystifying. There was only one explanation left she could think of. Ahsoka simply didn’t like him. Something about Han Solo drove her into the highest levels of irritation. Glancing over at the silent, hovering cloud of disapprobation, her frustration sprang to life. _Why can’t you just try?_

Luke moved next to her and leaned into her ear, “Don’t worry. She’ll come around. Either way, Han can handle it. Even if you threw a pile of rathtars at him, he’s not going anywhere.”

She gazed up at him, the words somehow filling her with confidence. “Thanks.”

Karyna and Caam came tumbling back in, dragging a laughing Obi-Wan behind them. “We found him!” Karyna exclaimed. “Asajj is coming too.”

A sarcastic voice remarked, “Oh, she’s already here.” Asajj halted in the tent flap and fixed cold eyes on Han. “Solo. I’d say good to see you again, but we both know I’d be lying.”

His face momentarily froze and then he swung around to Leia. “Ventress?!”

Leia glanced between them nervously. “Uh, I take it you know each other?” _Wonderful._

Neither one responded. Then, Han slowly turned back to Asajj, expression setting into a determined line. “Well, I’m here and I'm not going anywhere. So, I guess you'll have to either kill me or get used to it.”

She assessed him for a heavy moment. Her eyes flicked to Leia. “This one is with you, Princess?”

Leia straightened and met her gaze. “Yes. He is.”

Asajj seemed thoughtful and then gave a curt nod to Han. “In that case, we’ll let our outstanding business go.”

His body relaxed. “I always knew I liked you, Ventress.”

She growled and joined Ahsoka by the table. “Don’t push it, Solo.”

 _Ok. Crisis averted._ Leia could feel a splitting headache coming on.

“Well then,” Obi-Wan remarked. Looking at Han, he stuck out a hand. “Obi-Wan Kenobi, pleasure to meet you.”

Han halted mid-shake. “Uh, Kenobi? As in—oh, forget it. I don’t know why I bother confirming. Of course, you are. Good to meet you.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Very wise, Han Solo, very wise indeed.”

_______

“So, um, let me ask you… is there some kinda protocol if I wanted to… uh…”

Luke stared at him. “I have no idea what you’re trying to ask me, Han. You’re going to have to come out and say it.”

He grimaced and leaned against the tree. Han had volunteered to accompany Luke on the nightly perimeter check for a purpose, but now his nerve was failing. _Come on. What is wrong with you, Solo?_

The bright blue eyes assessed him for a moment. “Is this something about Leia?”

Han felt his hands getting clammy. “Not necessarily. I’m just curious about royal protocols and so forth. For example, if one happened to want to ask a princess to—” he swallowed hard before rushing onward, “marry them or something… what would he need to do?” Now, his entire body was flushing hot with sweat.

Luke’s eyes widened and then a grin crept up his face. “I see. A theoretical question, then?”

His hands unclenched and he put on a casual air, “Yeah, theoretically.”

“Hmm, it depends on situation. If the one asking had something to prove to the princess’ family—specifically a deadly, overprotective aunt—I imagine it would be more complicated.”

Sucking a breath through his teeth, Han gritted out, “Alright, kid. Tell me what I need to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, let's see how this goes, shall we?


	37. PART IV: CHANGE - Making an Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making an Effort: Some of us do it better than others.

Barriss watched the interaction with amusement. It was clear Leia was annoyed at having to bring the issue up. _Mon probably forced her._ It was also clear that Ahsoka was equally annoyed about having to discuss it, yet again. Nothing could frustrate her wife more quickly than politics.

“You may as well give up, Leia. I will _never_ demilitarize Shili.”

The girl sighed in resignation and resumed picking at her breakfast. “I know. I told Mon that. She insisted I try to convince you, anyway.”

Ahsoka frowned. “She shouldn’t put you in that position. We’ve already discussed this at length and I’ve made myself _extremely_ clear. I find the entire principle problematic.”

“Oh, I suspect she understands your feelings. Mon probably wanted to be able to tell her council that she had sent,” her tone took on a regal denouement, “Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan, a close associate of the Lady Jedi, as an emissary to continue the dialog.”

Barriss chuckled. “That’s exactly what she’s doing. Your political savvy has always impressed me, Leia.”

The young woman grinned. “I suppose it’s a side effect of princess training.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Not mine. I’m tired of talking to them. I’ve given Shili’s position and that should be the end of it. The council can do whatever they like. Perhaps, they’ll prove me wrong.”

Leia pursed her lips. “You both spent half your lives fighting to save the world. Now, you’re content with leaving it to manage itself?”

Halting mid-chew, she glanced at Barriss, who shrugged. Slowly finishing her bite, Ahsoka finally said, “If the Alliance feels they’ve found a path forward, that’s their choice. If other kingdoms wish to join them on that journey, it’s also their choice. Do we wish they were doing something different? Yes. But, you can’t control the results of freedom. That’s why we fought in the first place. We wanted to give everyone an opportunity to make their own choices. Our work is done and it’s time to focus on something else.”

Barriss added, “We aren’t abandoning the world, Leia. Still, we have given them everything for a long time. The journey has sometimes been difficult and required a great deal of sacrifice. Now, we want to achieve other goals and build our own future.”

Steepling fingers, Leia dragged them across her forehead. “I understand. It’s just difficult. They operate in some kind of philosophical bubble. Every decision lately seems to take us down the same road and leaves little in the way of options. Some are fearful of another Palpatine, others are trying to advance their own interests, a few are true believers, and the rest simply go along with whoever is talking. Mon believes so strongly in peaceful collaboration, she compromises against her better judgement. It’s a lovely ideal. Perhaps, one I might have believed in myself a few years ago. Many of them weren’t on the ground, though. They didn’t see the results of too much compromise on the people they serve.” Her voice hitched. “They never experienced things like… Alderaan.”

Barriss took one of her hands and rubbed a thumb over it. “That’s why they have you, darling girl. We have faith in you to communicate the message.”

A wan smile appeared. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I am afraid I’m failing. My voice is becoming a wash in the mass of opinions. Yours would carry a great deal more weight in the discussion, if you were involved.”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I’m sorry, my dear. Our voices would die out soon enough, as well. People always find reasons to do what they want.” She hesitated and then said, “We are better equipped to deal with things outside of normal channels. We've always been at our most effective when working around the status quo.”

Her head swiveled between them and then shrewd, brown eyes narrowed. “You aren’t sitting it out. You’re planning to make Shili the last line of defense, if anything goes wrong.”

The woman winked. “Maybe. Or, maybe that’s only one possibility. As your aunt says, diverse strategies create, uh, success or something.”

Giving an exaggerated sigh, Barriss remarked, “Close enough.”

Ahsoka grinned. “Whatever. Let’s just say we have benefactors who share our point of view. You keep doing the best you can, my capable niece. We’ll work on getting Shili rebuilt.”

A small smile crept onto Leia’s face. “For some reason, I don’t think that will be a problem for the Ladies of the Rebellion.”

Barriss laughed. “Well, that endeavor did take twenty years. Don’t get too excited.”

Posture relaxing, Leia began to eat her breakfast in earnest. “Uh huh. We’ll see.”

“So, where’s Han this morning?” Barriss asked.

Leia winced. “He left before dawn, saying there was something critical to take care of, but refused to tell me what.”

Ahsoka grunted, but didn’t comment.

Barriss could practically hear her wife’s thoughts. ‘ _See? Told you he was unreliable.’_ She assessed Leia for a moment. “Do you think it’s something we did that caused him to leave so suddenly?”

Her shoulders lifted. “No idea. Sometimes, I’m not sure what he’s thinking to be honest.” Fixing eyes on Ahsoka, she added, “Of course, it probably doesn’t help to get glares of death every other minute.”

“I told the man I didn’t hate him,” Ahsoka said innocently. “Can’t help if he doesn’t believe me.”

“You’re not exactly convincing at it,” Leia replied with crisp dryness.

Ahsoka threw up her hands. “Alright, my demanding niece. I’ll reduce the number of death glares. Happy?”

Leia’s eyes closed and whitening fingers rubbed her temples. “I’ll be happy if I can make it through this without losing it. Now, I understand what Sabine meant about bringing Shan home the first time. I should have been more sympathetic.”

 _This is getting ridiculous._ Barriss’ gentle prodding over the last few days was apparently having no effect on Ahsoka’s attitude. _I love you, my stubborn wife, but you are taxing my patience._ Despite appearances, Barriss knew very well that Leia wanted Ahsoka’s approval. But, her wife appeared to be determined not to give it. Whether Solo was good enough for Leia was irrelevant. Ahsoka’s opinion on who was qualified to take care of her family could be summed up as absolutely no one. _Except for her, of course._

Barriss suspected Sabine would have experienced resistance, as well, if she hadn’t chosen someone Ahsoka already approved of and loved in her own right. _Not as much as Leia, though._ For whatever reason, Ahsoka seemed to exceed her already extreme protective standards when it came to Leia. Perhaps, it was not wanting to fail Bail and Breha or even her brother.

 _Of course, it also doesn’t help that this particular man drives her crazy._ There were few people as antithetical to Ahsoka's forthright character as Han Solo. Still, if her wife kept this up, it could complicate the couple’s relationship and would definitely make Leia unhappy. Not to mention, the rest of the family tended to follow Ahsoka’s lead. Barriss had no intention of letting any of that happen.

“Don’t worry, Leia,” Barriss said, brushing the girl’s cheek. “I know it’s stressful to ensure everyone gets along, especially given his history with us. But, Han appears to be adapting well. It doesn’t hurt that his confidence never wavers.” She chuckled. “Either way, he’s making an effort. His commitment level has impressed me, actually. It’s quite clear Han Solo intends to stick around.”

Leia gazed at her. “Do you really believe that?”

Before she could respond, Ahsoka chomped down hard on a tang root and growled. “Yes. It’s obvious.”

“Well, don’t sound too thrilled about it,” Leia retorted, crossing arms and slumping back in her chair.

 _Alright, that’s it. I’m done being gentle. She’s just going to have to get over it._ Barriss shot a look of reproach at Ahsoka. “Ignore your aunt, darling girl. For some reason, Han Solo appears to be the only person on the planet she can’t make allowances for. However, Ahsoka’s petulance doesn’t change what is.”

“Hey now,” Ahsoka cried, “I’m not petulant! The man _did_ almost get Leia killed!”

Barriss locked an intense gaze on her. “I almost got you killed. You seem to have gotten over that. Why is it so hard to accept Leia would do the same? Not to mention, he's worked hard to make up for it. The man also _saved_ Luke's life, in case you've forgotten.”

The woman’s eyes flashed and her mouth flew open.

Before she could get a word out, Barriss continued, “Our niece sees something special in Han Solo. Perhaps, she’s picked up your habit of seeing what others can’t in people. Either way, none of this matters, does it? Leia gets to decide what she wants.” Lowering her voice to a level she knew only Ahsoka’s montrals would pick up, Barriss added, “It is not about you, my darling wife. Let go.”

There was a wince and the fierce eyes softened. “Point acknowledged, my dear.” Her face turned pained. “He’s just so…”

“So what?” Leia asked with a hint of defensiveness.

Ahsoka went back to her breakfast. “Nevermind. If you love him, that’s all that matters.” Looking back up, she asked intently, “You do love him, don’t you?”

The girl gazed at her and then murmured, “Yes. I do.”

There was a determined nod. “Alright. Don’t worry. I won’t get in the way.” Ahsoka flashed an endearing grin. “I can even manage to be supportive.”

Leia stared for a moment and then jumped up, throwing arms around her. “Good.”

Smiling, Ahsoka kissed her temple. “I’m sorry, Leia. I haven’t made a proper effort. But, I will. It’ll be alright. I promise.”

The young woman leaned back with a bright smile. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

_______

Leia grabbed her aunt’s arm as everyone began to head out on their assigned tasks for the day.

Barriss turned around with a questioning expression.

Kissing the woman’s cheek, Leia whispered, “I don’t say it often enough, but I love you very much, my amazing aunt.”

There was a happy smile and slender fingertips brushed her face. “And, I love you, my amazing niece.”

_______

Han hovered outside the tent in the torchlit darkness. _You can do this._ Squaring his shoulders back, he strode in.

Ahsoka glanced up from a large diagram of what looked like a city square. “Solo. What can I do for you?”

He fingered the item in his hands. _Do it!_ Trying to relax his muscles, Han slouched a bit. “I brought a peace offering.” Realizing his nerve was failing, he quickly set the object on the table. “Uh, so yeah.”

The woman raised eyebrows and walked around the table. Taking the item and unwrapping it, her entire body went rigid.

Sweat began seeping down his back. The reaction was unexpected and worrying. _Kid better have been right about this._ “Uh, I didn’t—Luke said it was something you lost—”

Her hand raised, but she continued to stare at it. “Give me a moment.” She blinked repeatedly and then said, “This couldn’t have been easy to recover. I wasn’t even able to ascertain its location.” Intense eyes fixed on him. “I won’t ask how you did it, but I do want to know why you did.”

Feeling a bit relieved that the gaze held no malice, he shrugged. “I didn’t make the greatest first impression, I guess. Plus, I know I’m probably not what you had in mind for…” Focusing on the tent pole behind her, he plunged forward, “I want to ask Leia to marry me at some point. Soon, I hope. I’ll do it either way, but you’re important to her. It would be nice if you were ok with that is all.” Licking his lips, Han dragged eyes back to one of the few people he found intimidating. “I know it doesn’t change anything really, but it was the best I could come up with to show I’m serious.”

What looked like surprise crossed her face. There was a long silence as a curious gaze assessed him. “Solo, are you asking permission to court my niece?”

He cringed, but quickly switched into a casual posture. “Come on. Court? What’s that? Fancy royal talk for loving someone?”

There was a snort and she sat the item on the table. Stepping directly in front of him, Ahsoka placed hands on his shoulders. “Permission granted.”

Han gaped. “Oh. Um, great.” Then, he shifted to his best smirk. “I always knew you secretly liked me.”

Annoyance sprang into the fierce blue eyes, but it swiftly vanished. “That’ll take more than a flashy grin and the restoration of a family heirloom.” Her grip tightened painfully. “You better take damn good care of her.”

He swallowed a few times and then forced himself to meet her unwavering gaze. “That’s my plan.”

She nodded. “Good.” Releasing her hold, Ahsoka returned to the diagram. “Anything else I can do for you, then?”

“Nope. That covers it for today.” Muttering to himself, Han added, “For eternity, hopefully.”

“In that case,” she replied with dry amusement, “you are dismissed.”

 _Did she hear that? Nah._ He swaggered toward the tent flap. “As you wish, your royal majesty divine.”

Ahsoka suddenly called out, “And, Han?”

Halting in surprise, he twisted around. “Yeah?”

A shockingly genuine smile shined back at him. “Welcome to the family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever since I've posted an update. So much work to pay the bills, so little time to write! In any case, looks like Han and Leia are on the way to the future. Maybe, we should check in with a few of our other wayward family members, now. Then again, we might want to warp back to Yoda-land, first. Eh, I'll just go on an updating rampage or something. Maybe.


	38. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss delivers the message and Yoda reveals a piece of the past.

Barriss turned back at the edge of Yoda’s swamp. “Before we go, I should tell you something. I assume you know Ahsoka’s mother can appear and communicate from the afterlife?”

A green head inclined. “Know this, I do.”

Ahsoka perked up. “How does she do that?”

“Explain it to you I may, if Jedi you become.”

Mouth parting, Ahsoka blurted out, “Are you saying my mother was trained as a Jedi?”

Yoda gazed at her for a long moment. “Training, she began. Finish, she did not. Reckless, your mother was.” Before Ahsoka could object, he held out a claw-like hand. “Special, she also was. Different priorities, we had.”

“In any case,” Barriss interjected, “Ahsoka had a vision, before we came. They met in something her mother called a ‘world between worlds’.”

His drooping eyelids flipped wide. “Dangerous, that is. Lose herself, she can.”

Sudden anxiety filled Ahsoka. “What do you mean?”

“Explain it, I cannot. Answered later, your questions may be.”

Barriss put a hand on Ahsoka’s arm and she forced herself to relax. It was clear they weren’t going to get answers and continuing to ask would only create more frustration for everyone. “Fine. But, I’ll have a list, Yoda. So, you better be ready.”

His expression turned unexpectedly thoughtful. “Passionate, impulsive, and reckless you are, Ahsoka Tano. Qualities of a powerful Jedi they can be. Dangerous, they can also be. Tempered by reason and wisdom yours have been. Forget those lessons, do not.”

The woman stared at him and then grinned. “That may be the first thing you’ve said to me that makes sense.”

There was a soft harrumph in response, a trace of humor behind it.

“Back to what I was saying,” Barriss remarked with some impatience. “Ahsoka retains very little from these interactions. However, in the last one, she managed to repeat a message from her mother that we were to deliver to someone. Unfortunately, Ahsoka didn’t remember who. I think it’s reasonable to assume it was you, though, given our prior conversations pertained to that topic.”

Yoda nodded understanding and waited expectantly.

“What is done cannot be undone. What is to come can be,” Barriss recited.

The ears flew back and Yoda’s eyes darted to a distant point. “Ah.”

“I take it that means something to you,” Ahsoka inquired wryly.

He refocused and answered with bemusement. “Indeed.” Turning to Barriss, he said, “Appreciate this information, I do.”

The woman gave him a slight bow. “Now, we shall leave you, Master. We will return in a few weeks.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows at the deference and produced a jaunty salute. “Yep. See you soon, Yoda.”

There may have been an exasperated flash in the wizened eyes, but it was hard to tell. “Expecting you, I will be.” He shifted around on his cane and ambled away.

Barriss rolled her eyes. “Would it kill you to be a bit less… you?”

Ahsoka grinned and grabbed her wife around the waist. “It just might.”

The woman brushed lips over Ahsoka’s. “I don’t know why I try.”

“Me neither, my dear. I’m a lost cause.”

“Hmm, my thoughts exactly.” An adoring smile appeared. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................................. uh, so yeah.


	39. PART IV: CHANGE - Working in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Working in the Dark: It's apparently a way of life for Sabine and Shan.

Sabine shifted in the chair, foot tapping out a complicated rhythm. _Seriously? This is ridiculous._ Unable to sit any longer, she leapt up and began pacing around the office. _I should just leave._ But, the woman continued her endless circle. The longer it continued, the more morose she became.

There was a clattering step at the door. _About time._ The woman spun around, mouth flying open to express her feelings about being kept waiting for thirty minutes. Then, she froze, anger blending into hurt.

Shan’s young adjutant stood nervously in the doorway. “Uh, my apologies, ma’am. I’m afraid Captain Shan has been unavoidably detained. She asked me to convey her apologies about lunch and tell you that she will see you this evening.”

Sabine stared at him, desperately trying not to take out her frustration on the innocent young man. “I see.” Clenching fists, she added, “Would you please return a message for me?”

He nodded, radiating clear relief at not being the recipient of her ire.

Keeping her voice as even as possible, Sabine clipped out, “Let your captain know I’m leaving for Shili this afternoon. I had hoped to tell her this myself, but apparently that is not going to happen. I’m uncertain how long I will be gone as the Sovereign Master has requested my services for an unspecified reason. That is all.”

Control failing, Sabine swept past him and out the door.

_______

Shan leapt off her horse and raced into the house. “Sabine? Are you still here?” Tears formed as she rushed from room to room. “Sabine!”

Reaching their bedroom, she scanned it, noting the missing items. _No. She’s gone._ Legs weakening, the woman collapsed onto the bed. “Damn you, Rie! Why didn’t you just drop everything as soon as you got the message?”

Folding arms around her chest, she stared at the ceiling. _You’ve screwed this up._ Balancing her new duties with her personal life was apparently not something she could do. Sabine seemed to need constant attention, but so did Chandrila. Everytime Shan tried to make things better, it always backfired. Today’s lunch was the case in point. _What should I do?_

Her first impulse was to ask for leave and chase after the woman she loved. However, her prior attempts hadn’t improved the situation. There was no reason to think that was the correct choice. _What if I make it worse?_

Shan rolled onto her side, clutching the jai'galaar around her neck. _I need help._ The thought sent unexpected hope through her heart. _You do have help, remember? And, they're where Sabine is going._ Her chest compressed at the thought of returning… there. A few quick breaths came unbidden as she struggled to push the childish fear away. _There’s no other choice. You’re not losing Sabine. Get over it, Riela Shan._

Rising from the bed, Shan started packing a bag.

_______

Sabine strode into the main tent and glanced around.

An excited voice cried, “Bean!”

Spinning around with a grin, she held out her arms as Karyna raced across over.

Small hands wrapped around her. “I’ve been waiting all day.”

She laughed. “Well, if I had known you would be here to greet me, I would have made my horse gallop faster.”

Karyna grinned up with satisfaction. “That is an acceptable response.”

Kissing her forehead, she gave the girl a once over. In typical Karyna minimalist fashion, her outfit consisted of a plain, light brown dress. The raven hair shined as it fell over her shoulders, but a new feature drew Sabine’s eye. “Well, look at these.” She brushed fingers across the symmetrical tattoos mirrored on both sides of her face.

A grouping of tiny triangles formed a larger one that ran over each cheekbone, directly beneath the girl's striking eyes. The smaller triangles alternated up then down for an interlocked puzzle look. Both ends of overarching triangles pointed to her outer cheeks, while the broad base framed the lower eye ridges. It gave the adorable face subtle elegance, yet also a surprising fierceness. “Very nice,” Sabine commented appreciatively.

She ducked her head, olive skin flushing, but clearly pleased Sabine had noticed her ascension marks. “Thanks.”

“Also, I think you’ve gotten a smidge taller. Pretty soon, you’ll make it to my gauntlets.”

There was a tiny glare. “I’ll have you know that I’ve grown three-eighths of an inch, since you were here. That makes one and three-quarter inches total this year!”

Putting a hand over her heart, Sabine said, “My apologies. You might reach my chestplate soon, then.”

Looking even more annoyed, Karyna pressed her head into Sabine’s chest. “See?” Then, she leaned back with a smirk. “Maybe, if you were Aunt Ahsoka you would be right. Since, you’re shorter than Aunt Barriss I’ll probably be taller than you soon. Wait and see.”

Sabine rolled her eyes. “Actually, Barriss is not taller than me.”

Karyna quirked an eyebrow. “Is too.”

“Is not!”

A superior expression formed on the child’s face. “If it makes you feel better to think that, I will let you continue your delusion.”

Another voice remarked, “As fascinating as this discussion is, perhaps we could defer it until the rest of us say hello.” Barriss strolled over. “Besides, you are so not taller than me.”

Sabine snorted and gave the woman a hug. “Whatever.”

Ahsoka came next, wrapping Sabine up in her strong arms. “I’m glad to see you, my dear.”

“Me too,” she replied softly, hanging onto the comforting embrace for a long moment. Reluctantly pulling away, she saw an expression of concern cross the woman’s face. Quickly shifting her attention to the young Twi’lek girl standing a bit behind the others, she smiled. “Hi Caam. Don’t I get a hug?”

The girl moved forward and did just that. Then, she flashed a brash grin. “I like to make you wait. That way it’s more special.”

Sabine pinched the turquoise cheeks. “What am I going to do with you?” She had often taken care of a young Karyna, when Ahsoka and Barriss were on extended missions. By the time Caam joined their family, though, Sabine had relocated to Chandrila and Barriss’ duties rarely required her to leave the children with someone else. As a result, Sabine and Caam hadn’t gotten a chance to spend much quality time together. _Let’s fix that._ “I know. Tomorrow, I’ll teach you the Mandalorian Pecto maneuver you asked about in your letter. Ahsoka is probably influencing you into adopting reckless fighting styles only a Jedi can handle.”

Caam squirmed with excitement. “Supra.”

Ahsoka snorted and placed hands on the girl’s shoulders. “Be careful, Sabine. My apprentice Jedi might give you a run for your money.”

Chest puffing out, Caam’s smile almost fell off her face.

The added confidence radiating from the girl made Sabine take a second look. Her muscles and formerly thin frame were filling out. At only twelve, she already had the posture of a warrior. Even against the backdrop of a towering Ahsoka, Caam still managed to convey an aura of poised strength. It was enhanced by her outfit, an intricately-designed jerkin with matching rycrit hide pants and calf-high boots. The jeweled weapons belt, embroidered gauntlets, and multi-colored silk bands across her lekku added a refined flair. _The girl might outclass Barriss’ indefatigable style one day._

A small hand slipped into hers and Sabine shifted attention to Karyna.

Hesitant eyes gazed up at her. “Will you teach me, too?”

_Ah._ The two girls were very different, each with their own special gifts. Karyna didn’t have Caam’s expertise or natural abilities in combat, but was a brilliant strategist. If she could learn to hold off a superior opponent for long enough, Sabine was convinced she'd be able to outthink her way to victory. Like her own fighting style, Karyna only needed to be creative to win.

Sabine picked her up. “Absolutely, my bright star.” The child was too old to be held, but she continued to do it anyway.

Apparently, Karyna didn’t mind as she wrapped arms and legs around her, laying a head on Sabine’s shoulder with a content sigh. “Excellent.”

_______

Sabine cleared the plates from dinner and piled them next to the wash basin. _Force, I’m tired._

Returning to the table, she gave each girl a hug, before Barriss trundled them off to bed. As they disappeared through the flap, exhaustion swept over her. She slumped into a chair and looked at Ahsoka. “Alright, here I am. What couldn’t wait until my visit next month?”

The woman gazed at her for a moment and then moved behind the chair. Hands gripped Sabine’s shoulders. “Tell me what’s wrong first.”

Stiffening, she tried a casual reply, “Nothing important.”

Fingers pressed into her muscles. “It obviously is. You’re hurting, Sabine.” Her voice softened. “Please, let me help.”

Closing her eyes, she felt tears forming behind them. “Shan and I have been having some problems. I don’t know how to explain it. Since she got her promotion, things have been different.”

Lips touched the top of her head. “I see. How did she feel about you coming here out of the blue?”

Sabine let out a hollow laugh. “I have no idea. She didn’t even have time to discuss it. I had to tell her adjutant I was leaving.”

The hands tightened. “Sabine, are you saying you ran off without even talking to her about it?”

She leapt to her feet and began to circle the space. “What was I supposed to do? You said to come as soon as I could get away. It's not like I had anything else to do. Why should I delay my plans for an unknown amount of time, in order to tell her something she evidently doesn’t care about knowing?!”

Ahsoka crossed her arms and simply gazed at her.

Running a hand through her hair, Sabine bit out, “Fine. I left without discussing it. But, even if we had, it wouldn’t have mattered. She probably would have been happy to have one less obligation to worry about. That way, Chandrila could get all of her attention!”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I don’t know.” The tent flap swayed in the cool, night breeze and Sabine drifted over to it, stopping it’s movement with a trembling hand. “I told you. I can’t explain it.”

“You just did. Shan has been spending a good deal of time and energy on her duties. You feel neglected.”

Running absent fingers over the thick, canvas beneath them, she replied softly, “It’s not only that, though. I’m not… happy or something.”

There was silence and then a gentle voice asked, “With Shan? Or, with your life?”

Exhaustion crept over her again. “I don't know. Maybe, both. Maybe, neither.” Moving back to the chair, she sagged into it. “What’s wrong with me?”

The hands returned to her shoulders, lightly massaging them. “Hmm… I’d say nothing. There’s something bothering you that you can’t figure out, but that doesn’t mean what you’re feeling isn’t important. It also doesn’t mean Shan isn’t having problems, as well. Have you both talked about any of this?”

Sliding down in her seat, Sabine didn’t respond. _Of course not. I’m terrible at talking about things. This is probably all my fault._

“Ah.” The fingers kept up their comforting movements without further comment.

The tears finally came and she whispered, “What should I do?”

Ahsoka kissed the top of her head. “You already know that, my incredible girl. If you want to hold on to Shan, give her a chance to hold on to you. She can’t fix the problem, if you don’t tell her what you’re feeling. You can’t help her, if you don’t know what she’s feeling. You’re both working in the dark and guessing at what the other wants, probably making things worse in the process. If there’s something deeper going on, she’s the one to help you figure it out.”

Wiping her cheeks, Sabine sunk further down. “I know, but telling her is—she doesn’t handle it well, when I’m unhappy. It hurts her. What if I end up ruining everything?”

Hands clenched down on her shoulders. “You already are.”

She flinched as pain shot through her heart. “I c-can’t…”

Ahsoka crouched in front of the chair and pulled Sabine into a comforting embrace. “I’m sorry, but you can’t hide from the truth.”

She collapsed against Ahsoka and let her control fall away. The latent tears soon turned into sobs. The woman held her quietly, running gentle fingers through Sabine’s hair.

After what felt like an eternity of released misery, her body calmed and the tears began to dissipate.

Resting a chin on the top of her head, Ahsoka said, “If you keep ignoring the problem, you will definitely lose her or yourself. Don’t go down without a fight. Sabine Wren has never been a coward.”

Some confidence seeped back into her soul. Taking a deep breath, she replied firmly, “Damn right she’s not.”

_______

Night had fallen as Shan galloped into the encampment. Torches littered the area, producing an eerie glow, but there was little movement. _Gods, I’m glad I can’t see the city._ Returning to Shili for the first time since childhood had pressed on her soul the entire trip. Arriving in darkness had lessened the impact and Shan’s confidence level rose.

Tying off her horse, the woman spotted what looked like the main tent. Ducking through the flap, she froze in place. Ahsoka was holding a distraught Sabine. Shan could only see the back of the woman she loved, but it was clear her body was convulsing with sobs.

Ahsoka’s gaze jumped to hers and then a relieved smile formed. Fierce blue eyes bored into Shan’s and flicked toward the flap.

Obeying instructions, she backed out and began pacing around the tent.

“Rie? Is that you?”

Pivoting, she saw Barriss exiting a smaller tent adjoining the main one. A sense of relief filled her at the solid presence and Shan knew tears were coming.

Approaching swiftly, the woman pulled Shan into an embrace. “What’s wrong?”

Leaning against the woman’s shoulder, she choked out, “I don’t know. I’ve messed things up, I think. I came here to find Sabine, because she ran off without talking to me. Now, she’s crying in a tent with Ahsoka. Something is wrong and I don’t have any idea how to fix it. Please, help me.”

Barriss lifted Shan’s head and looked directly at her. “There’s only one way to do that. You can’t fix what you don’t understand. You both need to communicate.”

“I’ve tried!” she cried in frustration. “Sabine won’t talk to me. All she says is that everything is fine. Then, it is for a week or two, until we do it all over again.”

There was a pained sigh. “Gods, she is like Ahsoka times two.” Barriss rubbed thumbs over her cheeks. “I can’t tell you what’s wrong, but I can tell you what worked when we had these kind of issues. Would that help?”

_They had problems like this?_ Shan’s heart filled with sudden hope. “Please, I’ll try anything at this point.”

Barriss smiled. “I know that feeling. Come on, let’s take a walk.”

_______

Ahsoka stuck her head out of the tent and frowned. _Did she leave? Oh, wait. Barriss._ Ducking back in, she said, “We’ll get you settled and then see if we can find Barriss to chat about why we asked you to visit. Sound good?”

Sabine rubbed red-rimmed eyes and stood up. “Works for me.”

Flashing an engaging grin, Ahsoka said, “Don’t worry, my dear. Everything will be alright.”

There was a snort, but her shoulders straightened. “I’ve heard that before.”

“And? Have I ever been wrong?”

Sabine chuckled. “Depends on your definition of alright, I suppose.”

Grabbing her around the neck, Ahsoka cried, “Ye of little faith! Let’s go, doubting girl!” She dragged a laughing Sabine out of the tent.

_______

Barriss stuck her head in the main tent and frowned. _Where did they go?_ Turning back to Shan, she smiled. “Not here. Perhaps, they’ve gone to get Sabine settled. Let’s check.”

Shan nodded anxiously and followed Barriss to a group of vacant tents they used as guest quarters. There was a moving light shining from one of the flaps. Putting up a hand to the young woman, she walked inside.

Ahsoka and Sabine looked up from lighting the lamps. Her wife grinned. “About time.”

Putting on an innocent expression, Barriss said, “Well, a distraught family member required my attention.”

The grin widened and Ahsoka handed her lamp to Sabine. “Here, you might need this.”

Sabine glanced between them and then sent eyes skyward. “Am I supposed to understand what is going on?”

“Nope,” Ahsoka replied and tucked Barriss’ hand into her arm.

Fixing Sabine with a stern gaze, Barriss said, “It’s clear you have not followed my oft-given advice. All I have to say is… stop being stupid. _Now,_ Sabine Wren.”

The young woman gaped. “Um… huh?”

Barriss sighed. “Let's go.”

Ahsoka gave Sabine an encouraging smile as they exited the tent. “Be brave, my dear.”

Shan was hovering a few feet away, looking close to passing out.

Barriss brushed fingers over her cheek. “Remember, first rule, be open about your own feelings. It might hurt in the moment, but you can handle it. Second, when she gets upset don’t argue, just listen and clarify. Last, don’t let her slide out of it. Keep pushing until you both hit a truth. Then, take a break and pick it up again later. Ok?”

Blinking a few times, Shan’s head jerked an assent.

“Don’t worry, Rie,” Ahsoka added confidently. “Everything will be alright.”

The young woman’s muscles relaxed and she gave Ahsoka a quick hug. “Thanks. And, I'm happy to see you.”

Her wife grinned brightly. “If you need us, we’re right over there. It doesn’t matter what time it is. You’d better come. Got it?”

Shan gave her a wan smile. “I got it.” Then, she took a deep breath and marched into the tent.

_______

Sabine looked up from the lamp she was lighting as Shan walked in. Emotions sped across her face. “Oh.”

Shan swallowed. “You left. I came home after I got your message, but you were already gone.”

The hand holding the lamp began trembling. “I-I didn’t think it mattered. You didn’t seem to—” She looked down at the flickering light and didn't continue.

Moving closer, Shan took the lamp from her hand and put it on the small table next to the camp bed. “I didn’t seem to what?”

Sabine stared at her fingers and mumbled something unintelligible.

Feeling tears rising, Shan tried to keep her voice even, “Sabine, please. Tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand anything and it…” she trailed off, unable to maintain control.

Sabine’s gaze jumped to hers. “It what?”

“It hurts,” she whispered. _Be open._ “You’re unhappy and everything I try seems to make it worse. I don’t know what to do. Is it me? Am I the problem? Do you not want—am I not what you—” She couldn’t finish the question.

Hands gripped her face and Sabine pressed their foreheads together. “I’m sorry. I’ve messed things up. Again.” She pulled back, sienna eyes burning. “I love you. Please, don’t doubt it.”

“Then, why are you acting like you don’t?” Shan asked desperately.

“Me?!” Sabine dropped her hands and anger blazed into existence. “I’m not the one who could care less whether she sees me or not!”

Shan stepped back and her mouth flew open to defend herself. _Don’t argue, just listen._ She took a steadying breath. “Ok. Is that why you’re unhappy?”

The anger drained and Sabine slumped onto the bed. “I don’t know.”

_Keep pushing._ “I don’t blame you for being upset. I feel like all I do is work, now. Everytime I have to miss our plans or I end up stuck in the castle all night, I want to scream. Maybe, I'm not very good at balancing and make the wrong choice sometimes. I don’t know. But, it's not because I don't love you. Force, how I love you. What can I do to make things better?”

“Nothing. Everything. It’s—” There was a long silence and then Sabine looked up, tears glistening. “I am unhappy, but I’m not sure why. I don't know if it’s related to what we’re talking about or completely different. The only thing I know is that I don’t want to hurt you. And, I can't lose you.”

Understanding finally coming, Shan sat next to her. “You were afraid if you told me any of this, I might take it the wrong way. You were scared I’d leave you.”

There was a weak nod and then Sabine met her gaze. “Are you?”

Mouth dropping open, Shan cupped the woman's cheeks. “Absolutely not. The fact that you’re even contemplating the idea after everything we’ve been through tells me I’ve screwed things up more than I thought.” Filling with determination, she stated, “That stops now. I’ve taken an open-ended leave of absence from the guard. I’m not going anywhere, until we’re ok.”

Sabine stared. “What about your position? If you’re gone too long, they might—”

“I don’t care. There is no way I’m losing you.”

There was an emphatic head shake. “I can’t let you do that. I’m being irrational and selfish. You’ve worked too hard to throw it away because I’m going through some kind of phase. You head back to Chandrila. I’ll take care of whatever Ahsoka and Barriss want and then meet you there.”

“You’re not listening to me.” Shan tightened her grip. “I’m not going back, until we figure this out. There is no ‘letting me’ do anything. It’s already done and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Flashing a childish grin, she added, “Get used to having me around, Sabine Wren.”

Her mouth opened and then closed as a happy smile crept onto it. “Oh, I can definitely handle that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, a lot of stuff in this chapter...  
> Caam and Karyna are growing up so fast! Speaking of, who's the most adorable girl in the world with their little tattoos now?!  
> Sabine and Shan = communication issues. It's like the never-ending story. Guess, it's their thing. Every couple has a thing, right? Well, this one does anyway.  
> Ahsoka and Barriss are a well-oiled machine. You got a problem? They can solve it.  
> We'll get some more hints of rebuilding next chapter, but I'm digging this whole tent life with the comforts of home thing we got going on.  
> Have I mentioned how cute Caam and Karyna are? It makes me want to rush through the next few chapters to get to--oh wait. I can't tell you about that yet. Uh, nevermind.


	40. PART IV: CHANGE - Honest Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honest Communication: GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE.

Sabine ran tender fingers over the gorgeous face. _I’ve missed you so much._

Slate gray eyes fluttered open and a content smile shined up at her. “Force, that was incredible. Have you been practicing with someone else, while I’ve been working?”

Sabine snorted. “Unfortunately, no.”

Eyebrows rose. “ _Un-_ fortunately?”

She grinned. “All a matter of perspective.”

Shan glared and rolled on top of her. “Is that right? _Fortunately_ for you, Wren, I’m too happy right now to get jealous.” Lips began moving over Sabine’s chest with gusto.

She laughed and gasped at the same time. “Good thing I am the luckiest woman on the planet, then.”

There was an impish nip to her breast. “And, don’t you forget it.” Then, the mouth continued its delightful work.

_______

Shan stretched as she rose from the tiny camp bed, feeling happier than she’d been in months.

An arm wrapped around her stomach and pulled Shan back down. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Collapsing onto Sabine, she laughed. “Well, since it’s light outside, I thought we might want to get up and see why we’re actually here.”

Sabine tightened her embrace. “I don’t care for that idea very much.”

Shan twisted around to kiss her nose. “Also, it occurred to me that someone might just come to retrieve us. I’d prefer to be dressed when that happens.”

“Yeah, I’m not finding that a compelling argument for letting go of you, either. We do have a blanket, you know.” Reaching down, Sabine pulled it over them with aplomb. “See? Problem fixed.”

Raising a mischievous eyebrow, Shan said, “What if it’s Karyna that drops by?”

Sabine’s face filled with horror and she sat up. “Ok, you win. Let’s get dressed.”

Shan laughed and dragged her back down onto the bed. “No, I think I changed my mind.”

“Mmm…” Sabine’s mouth brushed over hers. “We’ll have to compromise, I guess. Get dressed now. Find out what Ahsoka wants. Say hi to the kids. Then, find a nice, secluded spot to continue this conversation.”

Trailing fingers over Sabine’s lips, Shan grinned. “I hear compromise is important in relationships.”

“You’ve been talking to Barriss too much,” Sabine replied airily. “I bet Ahsoka would say differently.”

Shan snorted. “Yeah, she’d say I do whatever Barriss tells me and we’re fine.”

Sabine choked out a laugh. “Never _ever_ say that in front of her, please. I want you to live.”

They both looked at each other and then burst into giggles.

A sudden voice from outside intruded into the fit of laughter. “I hate to interrupt, but there are excited people waiting to see you both. I’m not sure I can hold them back much longer. It is high noon.”

They both jerked up and replied in unison, “Noon?!”

A responding snort came from Ahsoka. “Yep. Lunch awaits.” There was a chuckle and the sound of departing feet.

They stared at each other for a moment, before the giggles began again.

_______

Shan walked into the main tent, feeling a bit bashful as multiple faces looked up at her with knowing expressions. Then, Karyna skipped over. “Hi, Rie.”

Shan gave her a hug and smiled. “Hi, Karyna. You’ve gotten taller since I saw you last. And, wow, are these new?”

The girl smiled shyly. “Yep. They're my ascension tattoos. Do you like them?”

“Very much. They make you even more beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she replied with a pleased grin. Then, a childish expression of curiosity filled the adorable face. “Where have you and Bean been all morning?”

Sabine shifted awkwardly. “Um…”

Shan grinned. “I didn’t get here until late, so we both stayed in bed for a while.”

Karyna slipped a hand inside Sabine’s. “That’s ok. Bean needs lots of energy, because she promised to teach us stuff today.”

She threw an impish glance at Sabine. “Did she, now? Looks like we’ll need to adjust our compromise, Wren.”

The sienna eyes flashed with momentary frustration, but then she grinned. “Guess so.”

Looking around, she spotted the young Twi’lek. Shan had spent very little time with Caam, thus far. When Ahsoka had meetings with Mon Mothma, she sometimes brought the girls along, but those visits were few and far between in the last year. _And, I was working during most of them. Time to do better, Rie._ “Hi, Caam.”

The girl straightened in her chair with a brash grin. “Hi. It's about time you came to visit. I have more questions.”

Ahsoka laughed. “Caam has been reading up on Chandrilan military history and organization.”

“I see.” Walking over to the table, she grabbed a plate of food and sat next to her. “In that case, ask away!”

Caam smiled and began doing just that.

_______

Rex walked into the tent and glanced around. Spotting his quarry, he smiled broadly.

Shan looked up from her lunch and leapt from the table. Bounding over, she threw herself into his arms.

He laughed and swung her around. “There you are, my brave little warrior. Ahsoka claimed you had arrived in the middle of the night, but I was beginning to despair of it being true.”

She held onto him tightly. “Sabine and I had some things to take care of this morning. I’m so happy to see you.”

Rex kissed the top of her head. “Not as happy as I am to see you.”

Laying against his chest, she smiled. “Good.”

_______

Shan fastened her gauntlet and tried to calm the ticking in her heart. _I can do this._

“You’re not ok,” a soft voice said.

Grimacing, she turned to look down at the woman stretched out in the bed. “I’ll be fine.”

Sabine gazed at her for a moment and then jumped up, pulling on clothes. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Shan stared. “Um, there’s no need for you to come. I’ll be back shortly.”

“So not happening.” She grinned as a chamois top went over her head.

Realizing her muscles were uncoiling, Shan murmured, “Thanks.”

The grinning face reemerged and leaned forward to brush lips over hers. “Any excuse to never let you out of my sight is a win in my book.”

Rolling eyes, she smoothed the rest of Sabine’s top down. “Hmm, we’re going to have to make this quick. I’m not sure how long I can look at you in this outfit, before I have an uncontrollable urge to take it off.”

Raising devilish eyebrows, Sabine grabbed the hands resting on her waist and ran tender lips over them. “Now, I can definitely handle that.”

_______

Rex looked up as Shan marched into the armory, Sabine at her side. _Damn._ Sabine’s presence was going to complicate what he wanted to say. _Play it by ear._ He gave a formal salute. “Good morning, _Captain_ Shan.”

Her slate gray eyes rolled skyward. “Not you too. I get enough of that from Leia, thank you very much.”

“Sorry, you’ll just have to put up with your family being proud of you, I’m afraid.” Turning to Sabine, he winked. “Good morning to you, as well, my Mandalorian commando.”

Sabine laughed. “That’s a new one. Are you trying to find something as impressive-sounding as Captain Shan? You might as well give up. I’ve already tried and failed. I’m afraid I need to accept my inconsequential nature in the world.”

The words were delivered with a grin, but Rex thought he detected a sliver of sadness underneath them. “Well, what do you think of our progress?”

Shan swallowed. “I’m amazed at how much has been accomplished in less than a year. Parts of the city look almost… as they were.”

Noting the hitch in her voice, Rex briefly reconsidered his intentions.

Sabine took the woman’s hand and interweaved their fingers. “Yes, it’s quite impressive. Even the armory looks much further along than I expected. Last time I was here, this was nothing but an empty space.”

Shan seemed to relax and smiled at him. “Definitely impressive. What else is on the agenda to make Shili ready for business?”

 _Last chance to turn back. Trust your instincts, Rex._ He locked an intent gaze on her. “I need a Captain of the Guard.”

Her mouth parted and then compressed into a tight line.

Sabine glanced between them. “Are you suggesting Rie fill that role?”

He nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.”

“I don’t—” Shan didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, Uncle Rex. I am pledged to Chandrila’s safety. You want me to abandon my post there for another kingdom? Would _you_ do that?”

It was the response he’d expected. “Not unless circumstances demanded it happen.” Rex’s voice turned wistful. “When I was your age, not even then. However, just because I made mistakes, doesn’t mean you should.”

She stiffened. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. What circumstances could possibly warrant abandoning my duty?”

“Rie,” he replied with a long exhale, “you must be aware that Chandrila is drawing back it’s forces. Mon Mothma is committed to creating a more peaceful world. I’m not saying it isn’t a nice thought, but it changes circumstances drastically for everyone—not only Chandrila. The interkingdom alliance she has worked to forge includes a cooperative between participating kingdoms. It means Chandrila will become dependent on allies for military support. Within three years, I intend to make Shili prepared to defend any and every kingdom, if necessary. To do that, I need the best in key positions. By taking my offer, you would still be serving Chandrila’s interests.”

“It’s not quite the same thing,” Shan replied with a grimace. “Besides, I don’t know if I…”

Rex put hands on her shoulders. “I understand. It’s not easy being back here. The idea of living in Shili must be a bit overwhelming. It will fade over time, though. This _can_ be your home again. All I’m asking is for you to consider the option. Take your time and think it through, before you dismiss the idea, ok?”

Her eyes flickered. “Alright, I’ll try.”

He brushed knuckles over her chin. “That’s all I needed to hear. Whatever you decide, I’ll understand. I’m still your Uncle Rex.”

A small smile edged up and her muscles relaxed once more. “I know.”

Sabine cleared her throat. “Well, any other boulders you’d like to drop on us today?”

Rex laughed. “I did have one more, but I think I’ll save it. I’ve got to work up to these things.”

Both women rolled their eyes.

“She’s in here!” They turned to see a pointing Karyna in the armory door. “And, so are Shan and Uncle Rex!”

A tanned face and amethyst blue eyes poked around the doorway, accompanied by a jaunty grin. “About time. It’s like they’re hiding from me. Now, that’s not very nice of them, is it Karyna?”

The girl giggled. “Nope.”

“Ezra!” Sabine made a beeline across the armory.

Taking the opportunity, Rex held Shan back. “One more thing. I had another motivation I didn’t want to mention in front of Sabine. The drawdown means Royal Guard resources will continue to be reduced. I’m sure you’ve already noticed a heavier workload. It will only become more difficult. You’ll be spending long hours doing things well beneath your skill level. You won't be able to perform to your exacting standards, either. It will wear you down, Rie.”

The gray flashed silver. “That doesn’t stop—”

“A warrior from doing their duty.” He chuckled. “I know. In this case, though, you don’t have to sacrifice everything for duty.” Rex added gently, “I want you to have a life, Rie. I spent years thinking I only had one purpose and it almost cost me happiness. Don’t make my mistakes.”

She didn’t respond, but was gazing at a happy-looking Sabine gesturing excitedly to Ezra.

 _Go on. Have faith in her to handle it._ Pushing forward, Rex said, “I’m sorry, but I have to be blunt. Your narrow, concept of duty should not outweigh Sabine’s happiness.”

Her head jerked back to him, mouth dropping open. “What are you talking about?”

“Ahsoka offered Sabine another position,” he said intently. “One she would excel at and enjoy. But, we both know she’ll never take it. You are in Chandrila, so she is in Chandrila.”

Shan blinked. “What do you mean _another_ position?”

 _Oh._ “Uh, I take it you didn’t know Ahsoka has offered Sabine three different positions since rebuilding began?”

Her expression hardened. “No, I did not.”

Rex sighed. “I’m not sure if I’m sorry or glad to have accidentally informed you. Clearly, you both need to talk. When you do, I want you to remember something. Sabine is sacrificing who she is meant to be. Whether it’s because she believes you can’t be happy elsewhere, is afraid to lose you, or just doesn’t want to be apart again, I don’t know. However, it will begin to make her unhappy, if it hasn’t already. Sabine is a woman of action and purpose, who currently has neither. You, on the other hand, can be who you’re meant to be in Chandrila _or_ in Shili. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Shan swallowed tightly and nodded.

“I hate having to upset you.” Rex ran knuckles across her cheek. “I’m trying to make sure you’re happy in life. Coming to Shili may not be the answer. Only you and Sabine can decide what’s best. I just know from personal experience, if you can’t figure out a way to reconcile your duty with your heart, you may end up failing both.”

A strained voice replied, “I understand.”

“Good. I’m here if you need to talk, ok? I love you.” Kissing the top of her head, he headed over to the ongoing reunion with a pained step. _Gods, I hope I did the right thing._

_______

Collapsing in the corner of what would one day be a sitting room, Shan curled into a ball. She had barely maintained control through a brief reunion with Ezra. By the time she’d made an excuse and hit the corridor, the tears were flowing.

Everything made sense now—Sabine’s unhappiness, the strain of Shan’s duties on their relationship, the lack of communication. _Why didn’t she tell me? You know why. She thinks it'll hurt you. Worried she’ll make you unhappy. Afraid you'll leave her. It's always the same._

Now, there was an opportunity to meet both needs. It should be an easy decision. Yet, it wasn’t. _All I ever had was duty. Now, I have a life and duty is killing it._ Even if her commitment to Chandrila wasn't an issue, the idea of living here created near panic. _Gods, why did the answer have to be Shili? It's too much. You always feel too much. Why can't you get over it, Rie?_

None of these things changed the fact that Shan had inadvertently been making the woman she loved miserable and that hurt so much more than anything else. _If she won’t talk to me, how can we ever make this work?_

 _We can’t._ Shan curled up even tighter as sobs wracked her entire body.

_______

 _There’s something wrong._ Shan had practically run away from them a few minutes ago. Sabine tried to gauge Rex’s expression, who was listening to an animated Ezra regale him with his latest adventure. The woman had noted their intense conversation as she and Ezra had chatted.

A small hand slipped into hers and Sabine looked down to see Karyna’s concerned blue eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Pasting a smile, she replied, “Nothing, my bright star. I was just thinking.”

The girl shook her head. “That’s not true. You’re upset.”

Squeezing the tiny fingers, Sabine said, “Maybe, a little. Don’t worry, though. I just need to talk to someone.”

Karyna’s expression turned contemplative. “Do you want me to find Rie for you?”

She stared down at the earnest face. “Thanks, but I’ll take care of it.”

The child leaned against her. “Ok. But, if you’re not happy by tomorrow, I may have to take drastic measures.”

Sabine laughed and put her arm around the girl’s shoulders. “Thank you for your forbearance. I shall endeavor to meet your stated deadline.”

An adorable grin shined up. “That’s more like it.”

_______

“Are you enjoying being a roaming nomad?”

Ezra glared. “That is not my official position, you know.”

Sabine smirked. “What is the name of your made-up job, anyway?”

“Hey! It’s not made-up.” He puffed out his chest. “I’m the captain of the Shili Exploration and Survey squad.” Flashing a diffident grin, he added, “Ok, it’s a squad of one. Still, it is an actual position assigned to me by the Sovereign Master.”

She snorted. “Yeah, because she’s a softie. It must be the only job that involves travelling wherever you want and occasionally sending back reports on what you see.”

A guilty smile crept up the sides of his face. “A bit of an oversimplification, though basically accurate.”

Sabine chuckled. “Is there a reason you don’t want to stay in Shili on a more permanent basis? I thought for sure you’d wrangle command of one of Rex’s ever-growing military units.”

Ezra shrugged. “He did offer me command of an elite company. Hera and Caleb wanted me to come to Ryloth, as well. I can’t seem to settle, though. Whenever I stay anywhere too long, I get restless. Maybe, it’s all those years of fighting and staying on the move—never knowing what might happen everyday.”

“Huh.” Sabine considered. “Actually, there’s something appealing about that. Settling down doesn’t always work out like you think…” she trailed off distantly.

Ezra gazed at her for a moment. “What’s going on? Are you and Shan ok?”

She sighed. “We’ve been having some problems. We’re working on it, though.”

He put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m not an expert on relationships, but I’m happy to listen.”

Sabine smiled. “Thanks. We’ll figure it out. Speaking of, any luck on the woman of your dreams front?”

Ezra grimaced. “Unfortunately, nothing to report. Plenty of women, but none of them are the right one, I guess.” Giving an impish grin, he continued, “Maybe, that’s why I’m still wandering the planet.”

Laughing, she took his hand and squeezed it. “I’ll keep my eyes open for promising prospects.” Taking the opportunity to redirect the conversation away from her own issues, she asked, “So, where are you headed next?”

“Mygeeto. I want to check on Katooni and Mina, now that I’m back from the outer regions. Besides, there are quite a few things on my list I need to work on.”

Sabine raised eyebrows. “You have a list?”

“Course.” He frowned. “She doesn’t have anyone. Lux used to handle a lot of the house upkeep and they avoided making friends there for obvious reasons. Katooni’s trying to do things herself, but having to work and raise a small child doesn’t make it easy. She’s all alone.”

“Hmm, that must be tough. Does she have family anywhere else? Perhaps, she should relocate?”

Ezra shook his head. “Lux was all the family she had. I’ve been hoping she might think about moving here. I know Barriss and Ahsoka would take care of her, while I’m travelling. But, it’s difficult to convince her to even visit. I think she feels like leaving Mygeeto means leaving Lux behind or something. I don’t know.”

Sabine considered. “Well, it’s only been a year. She might just need more time.”

He sighed. “I hope so. In the meantime, I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure she’s ok.” His hands clenched. “I owe Lux that much.”

Smiling softly, she took his arm. “Ezra Bridger, you’re a good man. When you do find the woman of your dreams, she better be something _very_ special. Otherwise, I may have serious objections.”

Giving her a small salute, Ezra replied, “I shall do my utmost to ensure I fall in love with a woman who meets your high standards, my lady.”

“Excellent.” Waving a hand, she added in a regal tone, “In that case, soldier of destiny, get to it.”

_______

Sabine leapt off the bed when Shan finally walked into their tent. “Where have you been? What’s wrong?”

The woman looked away. “I needed some time to think. Sorry if I worried you.”

 _Oh, that’s not going to fly._ Stepping forward, she placed both hands on the woman’s face. “Tell me what’s going on.” Shan’s fingers started rolling the pants fabric beneath them and Sabine’s heart compressed. It had been a long time since she’d seen that gesture. “Please, Rie, don’t shut down on me. We’re supposed to be communicating, remember?”

Gray eyes flashed silver and she jerked away. “Are we? Is that why you didn’t tell me Ahsoka offered you not one, but _three_ different positions in Shili?”

Sabine froze. “Oh.” Dropping back onto the bed, she frowned. “I didn’t want you to feel bad. I’m sorry.”

There was a hiss of breath. “Instead, you decided to make yourself unhappy without even talking to me about it.”

Her face scrunched. “What?”

“That’s _why_ you’re unhappy, Sabine. You’re stuck in Chandrila with me, apart from your family, unable to be who you are. Taking a position in Shili would have fixed that problem. Yet, instead of even discussing it and seeing what we could come up with together you made a command decision. Then, after sacrificing part of yourself for me, I’ve been hardly spending any time with you. No wonder we’ve been spinning in circles. And, that made us both unhappy, didn’t it?”

Thoughts started cascading into place. _Oh Gods. She’s right._ “I wasn’t—I didn’t realize…”  

Shan folded arms around her chest. “Force it all, Sabine. We could have figured this out together long ago. I’ve been making you unhappy and I didn’t even realize it. If it hadn’t been for Rex accidentally mentioning it, I might never have! Knowing that makes me feel much worse than you telling me any of this. Why can’t you ever talk to me? What am I doing wrong?”

Jumping up, Sabine cupped her cheeks. “You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s me. I’m not—I can’t seem to—” she broke off as tears formed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I do it. I only know I don't want you to be unhappy.”

There was a long silence and then Shan asked, “What do you want to do? Move to Shili?”

Eyes widening, Sabine asked, “Uh, is that what you want to do?”

An impassive face looked back at her. “I’m not answering that, until you tell me what you want. We’ll both say. If it’s different, we’ll talk it through. Then, we’ll make a joint decision or discuss another strategy. All you have to do is tell me what you want. Shili, Chandrila, or even neither. Pick one and say it.”

Sabine swallowed and considered the best response. _I don’t want her to move to Shili for me. This place still gives her nightmares. Plus, she would be abandoning Chandrila, which would hurt her. Then again, maybe she’s more ok with it than I think. I don’t know. What’s the right answer?_

Before she could decide, Shan’s face flooded with misery. “I thought so. You’re trying to decide what I want, before you answer. Do you even remember what Obi-Wan told us back when we started this? Honest communication is important. You’re communicating lies! Are you doing that everyday of our lives? Have you always done it? Do I even know you at all?”

Sabine gaped. “I don’t—what—”  

Shan pulled away. “Forget it. I’m done listening to nothing.” With that, she spun around and fled the tent.

 _No. It finally happened._ Sabine remained staring at the empty space where the woman she loved had just walked out of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh...


	41. PART IV: CHANGE - Duty of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duty of the Heart: Shan comes to grips with her past and her future, while Sabine figures out this honest communication thing. FINALLY.

“There’s something wrong with Bean.”

Ahsoka halted mid-step and stared at Karyna. “What?”

“She’s upset. I don’t know how to fix it. I thought you could.” The young face looked seriously distraught.

Putting the crate of supplies on the table, she knelt down in front of the girl. “What makes you think she’s upset?”

“Well, earlier Shan ran away after talking to Uncle Rex. Bean looked sad, but told me she’d feel better tomorrow. I went to check on her, just in case. She was sitting on her bed with a strange face. I tried to get her to do something with me, but it didn’t work.” Her bottom lip trembled. “So, I don’t think she’s going to get better by tomorrow.”

Concern flooded Ahsoka’s mind. Wrapping arms around Karyna, she said, “It’s alright, my mushroom. Don’t worry about it anymore. I’ll check on her.”

The small body relaxed. “Good.”

_______

Ahsoka peeked into the tent. “Hey, can I come in?”

Sabine shrugged from the bed and continued adjusting her gauntlet.

Kneeling in front of her, Ahsoka lifted the trembling chin. “What’s going on?”

The sienna eyes were vacant. “Nothing. I’m fixing the bracket. It keeps popping loose, when I twist my arm to the left.”

Ahsoka gripped both sides of her face. “Sabine. Focus on me. Now.”

Her eyes gradually sharpened into reality and then immediately filled with misery. “I lost her.”

 _That can’t be true._ “What happened?”

“I don’t know. She was upset because I didn’t tell her about you offering me positions in Shili. Rie said that’s why I was unhappy and asked me if I wanted to move here. I didn’t know what to say, because I wasn’t sure if she would be ok with it. She got angry and said all I do is communicate lies. Then, she… left me.”

Ahsoka gritted teeth. _Please, tell me I was never this bad._ “Sabine, first off, her walking away from an argument doesn’t mean she’s gone forever. More importantly, what in the blazes were you thinking?! You didn’t tell her anything and then when she found out, you pushed her away again? It’s like you don’t listen to a word I say.”

Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean? I would never go anywhere without Rie. So, there was no point in telling her about it. She would’ve felt guilty. It would only have made her unhappy.”

Closing frustrated eyes, Ahsoka sucked air through her nostrils. “I’m not sure if I’ve failed you or you’ve simply ignored everything I’ve ever said. All I know, Sabine Wren, is that we’re not leaving this tent until I manage to knock some sense into you.”

_______

Shan squinted in the dusky light at the partially reconstructed line of shops. _There._

 _I can't. You can. If you're even going to consider building a future here, you have to._ Forcing one foot in front of the other in slow succession, she reached the spot where her world had died.

_Mom, get up!_

Screaming voices and flashing memories assaulted her from all sides. Then, the smells came. Sweat, blood, and death were everywhere. Collapsing to her knees, she ran desperate fingers through musty air.

_Mom, get up! Please…_

Uncontainable fury flooded her soul. “You left me, damn you! For what?! For duty? For honor? For someone else’s child? All of it was more important than your family, wasn’t it?!”

A bitter laugh burst from her chest. “Well, guess what? Your daughter is just like you. Except, it won’t take a crazed Skywalker. She’s killing herself.” Her fists began slamming into the nonexistent body. “I hate you!” Over and over again, she beat the lifeless image that remained forever burned into her mind.

Then, the rage abruptly drained and Shan fell forward, forehead hitting the ground as her shaking palms sunk into the mud. “Mom, please. Help me. I don’t know how to get over it. Please.”

Hands grabbed her shoulders and she jerked up. A figure floated in and out of focus. Then, her fuzzy vision pinpointed on intense sienna eyes and the horrifying images faded away. “Sabine?” she croaked.

“Yes, it’s me,” was the soft reply. Strong arms slid around her, picking Shan up and cradling her against a warm chest. “Come on. We’re going to talk. Really talk this time. Ok?”

Tears rolled up from her soul and burned down Shan’s cheeks. Pressing herself into the comforting embrace, she whispered, “I'm sorry I got angry. Please, don’t leave me.”

Gentle lips touched her head. “That’s never happening. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

The tears turned into violent sobs as Sabine carried her away from the dead.

_______

Shan found Rex in the workout yard, setting up a sparring station. “Wouldn’t that be better suited on the other side?”

The man twisted around with a glare. “Watch it, kid. I just sent the woman I love to another section of the castle due to excessive opinions. Don’t make me run off all my family in the same day.”

She grinned. “Sorry, not trying to be picky. I only know in Chandrila, the sparring area is about two feet further away from the archery range and we still have unfortunate… accidents.”

Rex stared. “Oh.” Surveying the yard, he sighed. “Ok, snappy girl. How do you propose we set up ten separate stations on the other side without compromising the quarterstaff training area?”

Shan assessed the space for a few moments. “Hmm… what if we alter the design to use a dex layout? It might limit the quarterstaff area by a few feet. However, if the workout schedule was managed appropriately, the two end sparring stations could overlap to add additional size. It also would allow future expansion of other areas without redesigning the entire yard. Since you plan on building the greatest army in the 47 kingdoms, you’ll likely need it.” She flashed a childish grin.

His head rotated around, apparently calculating. Then, a slow smile formed. “Have I mentioned how much I want you here?”

She snorted. “Only about ten times a conversation.”

Rex laughed. “I’ll need to step it up, then.” Turning serious, he continued, “Speaking of, how are you doing?”

Giving a wan smile, she shrugged. “Better than I was. Sabine and I have been talking through it all. We haven’t decided how to make everything work, but we’ll figure it out. I wouldn’t have said that a week ago. Now, I’m certain we can handle it.”

A broad smile spread across his face and he wrapped her in a warm hug. “Good.”

Leaning back, she gazed at him happily. “In any case, she’s going to finish up a final task for Ahsoka and then meet me in Chandrila. I’m heading out in the morning. That’s why I came to find you. I thought we could spend time together, before I go. If you have some?”

He kissed her forehead. “Absolutely, my brave little warrior.”

_______

“Wait!”

The women turned around to see a half-dressed Rex sprinting up to them in the early morning light, a long wooden crate tucked under his arm.

The man finally reached them, breathing heavily. “Glad… caught you.”

Sabine grinned. “Uh, glad you caught us too. Actually, I’d pay good money to see you run across the camp like that again. Especially, if you plan on wearing nothing but old man cotton pants.”

An evil grin appeared. “Overwhelming ladies with my manly physique is nothing new, of course, but I had despaired of aweing Sabine Wren. Unfortunately, I’m forced to inform you that I draw the line at women I’ve known since they were thirteen.”

A look of utter revulsion appeared on Sabine’s face.

Shan choked out a laugh and couldn’t seem to stop. “Oh, this may be one of the best moments of my life.”

Sabine tried to glare, but the creeping grin negated its effect. “Alright, old man. What’s so urgent it requires you to appear in such dashing form?”

Rex hesitated and then fixed an intent gaze on Shan. Lifting the box, he presented it to her. “Take this with you.”

She stared at him. “Uh, ok. What is it?”

He shook his head. “You’ll find out when you open it. But, don’t do it now. Get home and settled. Make sure you have some time, when you do. Ok?”

Shan swallowed. “Alright.”

Rex brushed knuckles over her forehead. “I love you. Don’t forget, if you want to come home, we’re here. Anytime.”

She blinked back tears and whispered, “I know.”

Flashing a grin at both of them, he pivoted around and strode back across the camp.

_______

“Captain, welcome back. I trust you were able to accomplish your goals, while on leave?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Shan responded with a salute. Pushing through the nervousness, she added, “However, it also raised another issue I wish to discuss, when you have a moment.”

Mon Mothma gazed at her and then waved toward the office. “Please, come in.”

Shan followed and stood at attention, trying to calm the nerves.

The woman lowered herself behind the desk and pursed her lips. “May I ask if this issue involves your service to Chandrila?”

Keeping the surprise off her face, she nodded. “It does.”

There was a wan smile. “Ahsoka wants you.”

Shan’s eyes widened. “Uh, technically, it was the Master General who made the request. However, I imagine she approved it.”

“Yes, Rex knows the best when he sees it.” She sighed. “And, what was your response?”

“I was pledged to Chandrila and that commitment was unlikely to change. However, he insisted I give it more thought. I agreed to do so.”

Mon Mothma inclined her head. “As I suspected.” The woman rose from her seat and began circling the room.

Shan’s eyes followed her, unsure whether to speak.

Finally, the Sovereign halted her wandering tread and fixed an intent gaze on Shan. “Do you want to take the position in Shili?”

Grimacing, she replied honestly, “Yes and no, my lady. There is a certain appeal in returning to Shili and being near people I care about. There’s also some anxiety due to the prior events I experienced there. Overall, though, I feel I can not abandon my duty to Chandrila.”

“Hmm, yes I can see the dilemma. What does Sabine think?”

Looking away, Shan said, “She has been offered a position, as well. However, I believe she is unlikely to take it if I remain here.”

“Ah.”

Returning her attention to Mon Mothma, Shan was startled to see concern on the woman’s usually unreadable face. “In any case, I thought it was right to inform you that I am considering it, whatever the outcome.”

There was a slow nod. “I appreciate that, Captain.” She paused, before continuing in a pained voice, “Shan, let me be honest. I find myself struggling between my own wishes and what I know to be true. Your service to Chandrila has been exemplary in more ways than one. Losing you would be a serious blow to Chandrila’s security as well as me personally. That said, I must advise you to take the position in Shili.”

Shan’s jaw dropped and all protocol was forgotten. “What?”

“I know,” she remarked wryly, “I’ve surprised myself, as well. As I said, I don’t wish to lose you. However, I suspect the continuing military drawdown will result in dissatisfaction with your work. Your innovative approach will be seriously impeded. It may lead to sacrificing other parts of your life to perform at a standard your sense of duty would demand. Also…”

The Sovereign began to circle the room again, fingers absently tapping the sides of her robe. “This may seem like a contradiction of what I have said publicly about a less militarized world of peace, but you taking the position has potential benefits for Chandrila. I am an idealist, but I do not ignore the practical. I’ve recently come to believe that the stronger Shili is, the better off we all will be should anything unexpected happen. If any kingdom must be militarized, I want it in the hands of people I trust.”

Shan stared. “Oh.”

Mon Mothma crossed the room and placed hands on her shoulders. “The decision is yours, of course. However, if you choose not to accept, don’t do so based on an inaccurate perception. Whether you remain here or serve in Shili, your duty to Chandrila is fulfilled. Understood?”

Swallowing sudden tears, she choked out, “Understood, my lady.”

The woman smiled softly. “Excellent.”

_______

_Rie,_

_I recovered this from the ashes of Shili a few years ago. Your mother always wanted you to have it. However, I couldn’t seem to find the nerve to fulfill her wishes. I think I was afraid of causing my brave little warrior more pain._

_Your strength in confronting the past and the present over the last week has shown me my own weakness. I’ve been an overprotective uncle, who couldn’t see past the traumatized girl he had failed, in order to properly acknowledge the strong, amazing woman that girl had become. It resulted in me holding on to your birthright for far too long._

_The enclosed has been passed down your family’s warrior line for generations. Whatever you choose to do in life, I hope you will remember the strength it represents. The strength you still carry. It is your legacy and your future._

_It might have taken a while for this old warrior to see what was in front of him, but that doesn’t change who you are. You are a Shan and, like your mother, you can handle anything. You always have. I’m so very proud of the woman you have become._

_Love,_

_Your Uncle Rex_

Tears trailed down her cheeks as blurry eyes read the words over and over again. Finally, Shan placed the note on the table and wiped her face. Shifting attention to the wooden crate, her trepidation rose. She knew what it likely contained and her hands began to shake as they hovered over it. _Be the person he believes you are._

Prying off the top, she slowly unwrapped the protective cloth. Her mother’s falchion sword came into view, shining just as brightly as in her memories. Running trembling fingers over the Shan family crest etched into the hilt, the terrible images blazed to life once more. _Mom, get up!_ Trying to maintain control, she pressed palms on the table and gazed at her warped reflection in the glistening metal blade.

Then, a glimmer of light reflected off the translucent, silver crystal centered in the crest. _I can handle this._ Setting her face into a determined line, the warrior stood to attention. Plunging in, she gripped the sword and lifted it from the crate.

As Shan’s fingers melded around the hilt, a strange confidence filled her soul. It was warmth, faith, and strength. It whispered everything would be alright. It was a feeling she last remembered having when her mother came running down a city street. _This is your legacy and your future._

_Mom, you can rest, now. Don’t worry. I’ll carry on._

_______

Shan lowered herself onto the settee in their small sitting room. “Did discussing options with Ahsoka help?”

Sabine exhaled and sat beside her. “A bit. She said I could do some outside work for Shili. If I did, I’d be gone some, but my home base would still be here. I don’t know if that’s the right answer or not. Barriss gave me a few other suggestions. I thought we could talk them through together. The only thing I'm certain of is that I don’t want us to be apart. We've already done enough of that to last a lifetime.”

“Will any of the options make you happier?” Shan asked anxiously.

She shrugged. “It’s like we said, right now, I’m just treading water. I imagine anything is better than nothing. Maybe, we’ll have to play it by ear? If one thing doesn’t work out, I can try another.”

Leaning against her shoulder, Shan said, “Force, why is everything always so complicated?”

There was a snort as Sabine wrapped an arm around her. “Maybe, the Great Force knows we need excitement in our lives.”

Shan chuckled. “I’d be perfectly fine with a simple life, thank you very much.”

Lips brushed her hair. “Nah. What fun is that?”

Looking up, she grinned. “True.” As Shan gazed up at the woman she loved, the deep sense of confidence spread once again across her soul. _We can handle it. Together._ Sitting up, she said, “I have a better idea.”

Sabine’s eyebrows rose. “Um, ok.”

Taking a steadying breath, she locked their eyes. “Let’s move to Shili.”

The woman’s mouth dropped open and she stared with no response.

Shan rushed on, “I talked to Mon Mothma about it, while you were gone. She gave me similar reasons as Uncle Rex for accepting the position. Even still, I wasn’t sure I could handle living there. But, I think I can, if I have you.”

Probing sienna eyes searched hers. “I don’t want you to be unhappy for me. Anymore than you wanted me to be unhappy for you.”

“I know. That’s not what this is. It took me a while to process, but I think I’ve gotten there. Being near our family will make us both happy. The work we’ll each be doing will make us both happy. The Sovereign persuaded me that serving Shili would also fulfill my duty to Chandrila, so that’s ok. The only part I’m still worried about is the memories. I don’t want to break down everytime I stroll down a city street. However, it should be more manageable over time. We’ll make new, happier memories. Either way, it will be alright. Because, I’ll have you. So, it’s not a matter of being unhappy at all—for either of us. What do you think?”

Sabine sucked in a breath and pressed their foreheads together. “I think I'd like that very much. But, _only_ if you're absolutely certain.”

Unexpected joy flowed through her heart at the decision and a childish grin formed. “It’s time to uncomplicate our life, Sabine Wren. So, you better get used to the idea.”

A smiling voice murmured, “Oh, I can definitely handle that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, look at my messed up girls uncomplicating their life. FINALLY. Oh, and looks like we have two more of our little family back home now. As it should be.  
> _______  
> Timeline note: I do put some time frame references in-story, however I realize it may be difficult to ground yourself as we go. Since I already have the timeline mapped out, I figured sharing it might help those who are interested.
> 
> Part 4 (so far) has occured during what I notate as 2PPY [post palpatine year]--the second year after the death of Palpatine. Jakku kicks off 2PPY and this chapter finishes out the year. I'll try to remember to put a PPY notation whenever we change years going forward. 
> 
> If you need further clarification... following the ages of the children may help:  
> Part 1: Ahsoka takes Luke/Leia (19) to Shili = ~1BPY [before the fall of palpatine year]  
> Part 2: Barriss adopts Karyna (8) and meets Caam (10) = 0PPY  
> Part 3: Caam (11) joins the family = 1PPY  
> Part 4: Rebuilding Shili begins, Karyna (10) and Caam (12) = 2PPY  
> And on we go...


	42. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss discuss Yoda's offer.

“There are also immediate considerations. This training could be extensive. I’m not sure how we’ll manage an extended absence with current operations. However, if we wait until we’ve defeated the remnants of Palpatine’s forces, it may be too late.”

“Do they really need us, though?” Ahsoka asked. “The humanitarian and political operations are finally running smoothly. I've mostly been leading major offensives and consulting on strategic choices. It's time consuming, but I suspect they can do without me for a bit. Since, we have some time to prepare, we can plan accordingly. Except when Mon forces us to make public appearances, which I’m happy to do without, I'm not sure my presence is crucial to anything at the moment. What about you?”

Barriss circled absent fingers on her wife's bare stomach as she calculated. “I’ve still been managing the logistics and coordination, but my staff is extremely capable and fully trained now. There are people who can take over temporarily. Overall, I’m more concerned about morale, if we both disappear.”

“Hmm, good point. Could we simply say we have a critical mission elsewhere?”

“Yes, but anxiety will set in over time. Since we have no idea on a return date, I don’t know how to gauge the impact.”

“I also don’t like the idea of leaving everyone unprotected. What if something happened while we're out of contact?”

Barriss sighed. “You always worry. Our family is perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Plus, they already operate mostly independent of us. Have faith.”

There was a resigned groan. “Stop using my words against me. I hate that.”

She grinned. “That’s what you get for being so amazingly wise.”

Her wife snorted. “Fine. What about Karyna, though?”

Wincing, Barriss answered, “I am worried about leaving her for an extended period. Of course, she may not miss us that much, especially if Obi-Wan and Luminara spoil her in the meantime. She handles short absences well. We could ask Sabine to come and stay, also, which would make Karyna thrilled. Still, I hate it.”  _That’s not the only child I’m concerned about. Perhaps, I can set up a team to watch over Caam while I’m gone?_ The young Twi’lek had been surviving on her own for a long time, but Barriss didn’t want to risk that changing. She looked up at her wife, trying to decide whether to mention it. _No, not yet. It’s already complicated enough._ “There is another option," Barriss continued hesitantly. "One of us could stay and one could go.”

The body beneath her stiffened. “I hate that even more.”

She shifted on Ahsoka’s chest to look up at her. “I don’t particularly like it, either. However, it is a way to achieve both objectives.”

Her wife’s face fluctuated and Barriss could tell she was desperately trying to think of alternative options. The resulting grimace told her the effort was unsuccessful. Still, Ahsoka didn’t respond.

Lifting a hand, she traced the warrior markings. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we need to decide our priorities,” Ahsoka answered softly. “Yoda said he and my mother had different priorities. Now, I understand what he meant.”

“You’re saying you don’t want divided attention?”

“Sort of.” The reply was flat.

Concerned, Barriss sat up to lean directly over her. “What is it?”

Ahsoka reached up and ran fingers over the diamond tattoos. “I guess I don’t want _us_ to have different priorities.”

 _Oh._ Barriss pressed her forehead against Ahsoka’s. “Alright. Whatever we decide, we’ll do it together.”

A relieved exhale came and then a happy voice said, “I love you so much.”

Lifting her head, Barriss gazed into the fierce blue eyes. “Good.”

_______

“I don’t want to spend our lives doing Jedi stuff.”

Barriss chuckled and laid her head on Ahsoka's chest. “Me neither. I assume anything we do is better than nothing, though. We appear to be the only option left.”

She grinned. “He must be desperate.”

“I suppose I’m conceptualizing it as we learn everything we can and then we go about our lives. Meanwhile, we find promising people to mentor along the way. Actually, it’s not really that different than what we’ve always done.”

“Guess not. But, if we’re talking about multiple people we’d need organization, rules, and a system wouldn’t we? Who sends them out on assignments? Who evaluates potential trainees? Where do they live? Not to mention training them all.”

“A basic concept should work for the immediate term,” Barriss said thoughtfully. “Later, it would be akin to running an organized rebellion, which we just so happen to have experience doing.” She chuckled. “That might not be for years. We’d have to see how things go. By the time we get there, we might even have a number of completely trained people to entrust the future to.”

“Then, we retire and let them figure it out?” Ahsoka grinned. “I like that idea.”

Her wife laughed. “Not quite that hands off. My point is the organizational challenges only come with size. If we’re slow and methodical that won’t be a concern for quite a while. It also means we can have other priorities in the interim.”

Ahsoka nodded slowly. “I agree. Ok, we’ve decided it’s doable to live a relatively normal life—normal for us anyway—and still handle it. Other than the temporary absence for training, everything else is ok. I suppose the remaining question is… do we actually want to do this?”

“Do you?”

“Yes and no. Having more skills to protect and defend people isn’t something I’ve ever passed up. If it was only us I wouldn’t hesitate. But, training a new generation of Jedi means we’d be responsible for… everything.”

“I know,” Barriss replied quietly. “With or without us, though, another Palpatine could happen. That’s life. At least, this way, we could potentially influence their development. They would be supported, not alone and vulnerable.”

“Support and love doesn’t work for everyone,” she murmured, mind wandering into painful memories.

Barriss lifted her head to look directly at Ahsoka. “You don’t know that. Anakin may have had a little sister who adored him and a love he barely saw. But, did your brother have someone he could confide everything in? Someone to support him through the most difficult times? A mentor to guide him on how to deal with his stress and responsibilities at such a young age?”

Tears started pooling as Ahsoka whispered, “Unfortunately, yes.”

“Exactly. He chose poorly. Our Jedi will have us. If we do it the right way, we leave that legacy. Our Jedi philosophy would have to be radically different than the supposed monks of legend. The ones who had faith and compassion, but an incomplete vision of reality. They had no emotional connections to the people around them. A life of sacrifice is not something that requires detachment.” Her voice trembled as she added, “Attachments should be controlled, but never ignored. We know where that can lead… personally.”

Tightening her embrace, Ahsoka replied, “I guess we do. What if Yoda doesn’t agree with that assessment?”

“Then, I suppose we have our answer,” the woman responded simply and snuggled back onto Ahsoka’s chest.

She smiled. “You are brilliant.” The smile faded. “Do you think my mother wanted me to do this?”

Barriss was silent for a few moments. “I don’t know. Perhaps, she merely wanted to give you the opportunity. It was a choice she rejected for her own reasons. Though, it’s possible your mother would have completed her training and raised the next generation of Jedi, if she’d had more time. She certainly gathered people around her worthy of it. It’s hard to know.”

 _Why won't she answer anymore?_ Ahsoka banged fists on the bed. “Do you think something…”

An arm slid over Ahsoka's stomach as Barriss answered the unfinished thought, “I hope not, my shining girl. We’ll ask Yoda again when we return. In the meantime, let’s keep trying to contact her. The afterlife is obviously a complicated place. There could be explanations we wouldn’t even begin to think about.”

Ahsoka released a breath. “You’re right. I’ll try not to worry.”

Lifting her head, Barriss locked their eyes. “Don’t forget her first priority was always you. No matter the outcome, she accomplished her goals. Not only that, she got to watch you grow up and even talk to you again. That’s more than any mother could dream of having. So, wherever she is, your mother is likely very happy.”

A feeling of warmth filled her soul. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“Mmm… definitely not enough.”

Ahsoka rolled on top of her wife with a devilish grin. “Let me show you, my dear.”

_______

“Let’s talk, Yoda. We have a few questions for you, before we make our final decision.”

“Expected that is. Come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is a new day; a new beginning."  
> \--Ahsoka Tano, Star Wars: Rebels


	43. PART IV: CHANGE - Ghosts of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghosts of the Past: A mysterious stranger arrives in Shili.
> 
> [3PPY]

The figure crept through the treeline, until she could make out the surprisingly large settlement. _Yes, she’s here. I can feel it. Why here?_

Sliding her large hood back to gain unobstructed peripheral vision, she scanned the area. People were milling about, likely preparing for another day’s work. The progress made in only a year and a half was incredible. Much of the castle was rebuilt—smaller scale than before, but still imposing. On her way in, she had noted sections of the reconstructed city looked already inhabited. There had even been an area that resembled the old square.

Restoring Shili was a noble goal and the woman expected nothing less from Ahsoka Tano. Since returning to civilization, she had been surprised, though not shocked, to learn of the Togruta’s eventual success in freeing the world from Palpatine. _I wonder if the mythical Lady of the Rebellion is here, as well?_

 _What now? Do I make myself known? Ask for assistance? Watch and wait?_ She surveyed the camp inhabitants, trying to assess the best approach, when her attention pinpointed on a new yet familiar figure.

Barriss Offee had emerged from the main tent. Many in the vicinity gave courtly bows. She smiled in return and pulled out a long parchment, securing it to a wooden table a few feet away. Others approached, seeking direction. Evidently, Offee was coordinating the rebuilding efforts. _Interesting._

Suddenly, Ahsoka Tano bounded out of the same tent. _She hasn't changed._ The confident posture coupled with an engaging grin was visible, even from this distance. A few hovering soldiers sprang to attention and Ahsoka waved them off with diffidence. After kissing Offee on the cheek, she sauntered over to an adjoining tent and went inside. _Huh. That explains it._

Adjusting the folds of her cloak, the woman hunkered down behind a large tree to observe the Mirialan. She noted the intense deference paid to her by those who approached. Offee had obviously earned a great deal of respect.

Then, everything changed. Ahsoka reappeared from the smaller tent, two children trailing behind her. One looked like a Mirialan and the other… _No._

The young Twi’lek girl ran over to Offee and gestured excitedly. The woman looked at her with affection as she responded. _No._ The girl grinned and then sprinted to Ahsoka. She ran a messy hand through the other child’s hair, much to the small Mirialan’s annoyance, who punched her arm and fixed the now frazzled hair.  

Offee called after her, “Caam! Be back by mid-day, alright?”

Twisting around, Caam yelled, “Do I have to?”

The woman gave her a stern look and the child slumped. Posture softening, Offee reached out a beckoning hand. Caam slouched over to her, eyes on the ground, hands stuffed into pockets.

Gentle fingers ran over the young cheek and Offee said something, before kissing the top of her lekku. A happy grin formed on the girl’s face. Then, she nodded and ran off to catch up with the others.

Even without hearing what was said, the implication was clear. It was an interaction between a loving mother and her stubborn child.

Heart racing, the figure braced herself against the tree. _Barriss Offee has my daughter._

_______

“Who are you?”

Stomach jumping to her throat, she spun around. A young warrior was pointing a sword at her. _Where did he come from?_ It was extremely rare that someone could sneak up on her. “Who are you?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I asked first.”

She smiled, hoping to talk her way out of the inconvenience. Killing one of Ahsoka's warriors was unlikely to be a winning strategy for getting her daughter back. “I’m not sure that’s a convincing argument.”

The corners of his mouth twitched. “It will have to be, I’m afraid. You are trespassing in the royal woods of Shili. Unless you have a good reason for doing so, things will get a lot less pleasant for both of us.”

Considering for a moment, she said, “I do have a reason. However, I’d prefer not to tell you. What would you say our options are?”

He sighed. “I was afraid you would say that. I’m going to need you to come with me, please.”

 _Definitely not._ Being locked in any kind of cage again would never happen. Swinging into action, she flipped backwards, while drawing her sword.

The young man was extremely quick, almost unnaturally so. He was on her before she had even completely landed on the ground.

Barely avoiding his attack, she twisted into a defensive position. After regaining her footing, the woman countered with her own strike. She focused on disarming, rather than injuring him. However, the parries and blocks continued relentlessly and she could feel herself getting tired. _I’m so out of practice. And, Force, he’s good._ As their swords clashed, a preternatural flash from the blue crystal in his hilt caught her eye.

Jaw dropping, the woman stepped back, weapon lowering to her side. “You’re Luke Skywalker.”

Halting mid-swing, he said, “Uh, how did you know that?”

Her face hardened. “That sword belonged to your father.”

His eyes popped. “Who _are_ you?”

Sheathing her sword, she decided the course. “Take me to your aunt, please.”

_______

Barriss glanced up from plans for the east wing as Luke approached, a cloaked figure beside him.

Her nephew halted at the table and addressed his unknown companion. “Well, here she is.”

The mysterious stranger didn’t respond.

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “What is going on?”

Luke shrugged. “I found this one wandering around the woods. She asked to see you.”

There was a snort from beneath the hood. “Actually, I asked to see your aunt. I should have been more specific, apparently.”

The voice rang a distant bell in Barriss’ mind, but she couldn’t place it. Running an assessing eye over the figure, she noted the defensive posture and a blue-skinned hand hovering near a bulge in her pitch black cloak. “Indeed. I take it you really wanted Ahsoka?”

“Yes, but I suppose you will do.”

“I’m glad, considering you are trespassing,” she replied dryly. Turning to Luke, Barriss asked, “How exactly did she convince you to bring her to me fully armed?”

The young man squirmed. “Yeah, well, she… knew my sword.”

Her gaze flew back to the intruder. “Interesting. In that case, would you like to tell me what you want, before we decide what to do with you?”

There was a long silence and then thin fingers slid back the hood to reveal a face Barriss hadn’t seen in twenty years. Yet, it was a face forever seared in her memory.

Aayla Secura fixed a determined expression. “I’ve come for my daughter, Barriss Offee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, well, this should be... interesting?
> 
> Universe note: I will not rehash Aayla's backstory with Ahsoka and Barriss, except in a general way. That is contained in a one-shot from the "Life Behind the Scenes" collection/work entitled "Faceless Victims". I recommend reading it, if you haven't already, for better context as we move forward.


	44. PART IV: CHANGE - Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother: Define the term.

An image of Caam’s necklace flashed in stark realization. The vague connection Barriss had never been able to make finally materialized. _Oh Gods. No._

Luke interjected into the silence, “Um, who’s your daughter?”

Aayla glanced at him. “Caam.”

His eyes widened and then narrowed. “I don’t think so.”

“And, why is that?” she replied flatly.

Luke’s mouth tightened, before he bit out, “Assuming that's even true, why would we _ever_ hand her over to the person who left her to die on the streets of Coruscant? Caam wouldn’t even be alive right now, if not for Aunt Barriss. Do you know what she’s been through? No. You don’t. Because, you didn’t care enough in the first place, did you? It's not—”

Managing to recover herself, Barriss grabbed his arm. “That’s enough, Luke.”

His ire swung to her. “Enough?! You’re not remotely considering giving Caam to this—”

“I said,” Barriss cut him off with a hard tone, “that’s _enough._ ”

Luke’s mouth slammed shut, but his muscles twitched as he fixed a furious gaze on Aayla, who had turned impassive at his onslaught.

Taking a deep breath, Barriss turned his face toward her own. “Will you retrieve Ahsoka for me, please? Don’t alarm the girls. Maybe, you could stay with them.”

Frustrated blue eyes closed. When they reopened, his expression had calmed and Luke nodded. “I’ll take care of them.” Giving Barriss a quick kiss on the cheek, he walked away without so much as a backward glance at Aayla.

Returning attention to their visitor, Barriss performed a quick assessment. The once exquisitely beautiful face was blemished with small scars. Faded incisions from a thin blade ran down her neck to the chest hidden beneath the folds of her cloak. One of the formerly elegant lekku had been shorn in half. Badly healed, jagged cuts were still visible from whatever had inflicted the injury. Aayla’s other headtail hung limply onto a drooping shoulder. The memorable spark in her hazel eyes had disappeared completely. Even the teal blue skin pallor had a dullness to it. _What happened to her?_

Repressing a shudder, Barriss pointed to their nearby tent. “I think we’ll be more comfortable talking inside.”

A wary expression floated across the worn face, but she inclined her head. “Very well.”

_______

“Please, have a seat.” Barriss waved toward a chair at the main table as she dug through a stack of storage crates in the corner of the tent. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

“I’d rather stand,” was the only reply.

Barriss sighed. “Whatever you prefer.” There was no response as she continued her search. After a couple of minutes containing nothing but awkward silence and her digging through old parchments, she added, “I’m sorry about Luke. He’s a bit of a protective older brother.”

“Understandable.” There was a long pause and then a hesitant voice asked, “What he said—is it true she almost died?”

Finding what she was looking for, Barriss unfolded it to confirm her suspicions. _It is._ Heaviness settled on her soul as she crossed to the table and lowered herself into a chair. “Yes.”

Hazel eyes filled with pain. “I didn’t—”

Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by the entrance of a worried-looking Ahsoka. She pulled up short at seeing their visitor. Her expression fluctuated for several moments, before uncertain recognition came. “Aayla? Is that you?”

The Twi’lek produced a wan smile. “I’m not sure myself sometimes. It is good to see you again, Ahsoka Tano.”

Her wife grinned. “I’m glad to see you, as well. I hoped we might run into you over the years. I worried there was a reason we hadn’t.”

Aayla looked away. “There was.” Taking an unsteady breath, she continued, “I was captured by Palpatine many years ago. I've been held in a place that could only charitably be termed a prison for what feels like an eternity. I recently managed to escape.”

Barriss sucked in a breath. _She didn’t abandon Caam on purpose._ Conflicting emotions battled within her soul.

Ahsoka frowned. “Recently? I thought the remaining detention facilities had been shut down as part of the Jakku accords.”

“It was still in operation as of two months ago, so obviously not. It’s hidden along the far edge of the outer regions. I doubt anyone is aware of its existence, even what remains of Palpatine’s forces. I got the impression it ran independently of any chain of command, other than the former Emperor.”

Barriss and Ahsoka exchanged concerned glances. Not only could there be more prisoners, unknown enemy facilities might turn into a long-term threat. Operating outside of the standard hierarchy also suggested high priority detainees or a secret purpose, perhaps aligned with Palpatine’s hidden interests.

Aayla continued distantly, “It’s a well-made purgatory. They call it the Citadel and the name is apt. The defensive measures, toxic moat, elite guards, and remote location make escaping near impossible. It’s not easy to keep me locked up.” She smiled, but there was bitterness underlying the expression. “I had almost despaired of seeing freedom again…”

Ahsoka strode across the tent to grip Aayla’s shoulder. “I know what it is to be locked in a cage. The feeling of hopelessness feeds on your soul everyday. But, hope never dies completely, unless you let it. The fact that you’re here now tells me you didn’t.”

Her eyes refocused. “You’re right. One day, something changed. They seemed to lose interest in me. Other than my daily meal, they rarely checked on my continued presence. I began to pay closer attention and soon realized the guard competence and quantity had diminished. Perhaps, they realized the futility of their situation.” She shrugged. “That’s when hope returned and I made my choice. Instead of slowly dying from the inside, Aayla Secura would go out on her terms. She would escape or die. My desperate gambit succeeded and I finally found myself… free.” The last word echoed with hesitance, as if the speaker was unsure of its veracity.

“I’m so sorry,” Ahsoka replied regretfully. “I wish we had known. We might have been able to help.”

There was a weary exhale. “What’s done is done. Since escaping, I’ve been catching up on events. Imagine my surprise to learn of the fall of Palpatine.” A mischievous glint flitted briefly across her face, the first recognizable sign of the woman they had once met. “Of course, I’ve heard no end of tales about your exploits in freeing the world, Lady Jedi. When I left, you were a myth. I returned to find you a living legend.”

Her wife laughed. “More likely you’ve been hearing about Barriss’ heroics. She’s the celebrity in the family.”

Aayla’s gaze swerved to Barriss and her mouth parted in apparent realization. “You’re the Lady of the Rebellion.”

Giving a short nod, she replied, “I was. Not anymore. I’m done being a legend.”

Eyebrows rose, but her attention returned to Ahsoka. “I’ve also been trying to put my life back together and… looking for my daughter.”

Barriss closed her eyes, trying to reign in the emotions. _No. I won’t give her up. To anyone._

“Oh. Well, how can we help?” Ahsoka responded. “I assume you came to Shili for a reason.”

Aayla cleared her throat and Barriss opened reluctant eyes to see the Twi’lek looking at her expectantly.

Rising, Barriss moved to her wife and said gently, “Caam is her daughter.”

Ahsoka’s expression cycled from confusion to disbelief to anger. “What?” She spun around to Aayla. “Yours? You’re the one who abandoned her?”

Hazel eyes flashed. “I didn’t abandon her. I just told you. I was captured.”

Crossing arms, Ahsoka’s barely controlled voice asked, “How did she end up on her own, then? You must have left her in a precarious position, when you ran off to do whatever got you captured.”

“She was fine! A capable seven-year old can take care of herself for a day. I left Caam with plenty of supplies in a safe house. I couldn’t take her with me. It was too dangerous.”

Her wife’s face hardened. “Unacceptable. You left with no backup plan for her care, while you went off on a potentially deadly mission?! What could possibly have been so important?”

Aayla’s entire presence shut down. “I can’t answer that.”

Barriss held up hands. “Enough! This argument isn’t getting us anywhere. We need to talk about what happens now.”

“That’s easy,” the Twi’lek answered flatly. “Bring my daughter to me and we’ll be out of your life.”

Ahsoka’s skin flushed, hands moving to her sword hilts. “The hell you will. Caam isn’t going anywhere with you. How do we even know you’re telling us the truth?”

“Go get Caam,” Aayla bit back. “I’m sure she’ll recognize me.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Please!” Barriss stepped between them. Looking at Ahsoka, she said, “This is not helping anything.” Turning to Aayla, she added, “Springing you on Caam would not be good for her.”

Both women stared at her without responding.

Letting out a long exhale, Barriss continued, “Besides, we don’t need proof. I know you’re her mother. She still wears your necklace. I didn’t make the connection until today, but it has your family emblem on it.”

Aayla stiffened. “How did you know that?”

Picking up the worn parchment she had dug out of storage, the woman handed it to Aayla.

Her intelligent eyes scanned it and then darted up to Barriss. “You kept this all these years?”

“It was… important to me.”

Aayla gazed at her for a moment and then the edges of her mouth twitched. “Well, at least I’m off the hook for the postscript. You apparently followed instructions.”

Muscles relaxing, Barriss tried a small grin. “Eventually.”

“Um, am I supposed to understand what you’re talking about?” Ahsoka asked in a calmer tone.

Aayla passed the note to her.

Her wife read it, soft smile forming. “Ah.” Looking back up, she said, “Alright, Aayla Secura. Let’s talk.”

_______

Aayla observed the two women carefully during the discussion. _Force, this is going to be difficult. They truly love her._

She was grateful her daughter had found a home, but also fearful of what it would mean. _My child doesn’t even need me anymore. No one does._ Slumping back in the chair, she said, “Alright, we’ll try it your way and see how it goes. It’s not my intention to rip her away from everything she knows and people who love her.”

Ahsoka seemed mollified, but her wife still looked raw and edgy.

_She’s different. Softer. Easier to read. Yet, somehow stronger. Or, perhaps, I’m the one who’s changed…_ “You look worried, Offee. What is it?”

The woman quirked an eyebrow. “Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

Aayla snorted. “Probably not, but tell me anyway.”

Her face tightened. “It took us a long time to gain Caam’s trust. Her adjustment to having a family was also challenging. Even now, there is occasional fear that we will disappear one day. At the moment, she’s fairly settled and happy. Having you back could give her more of that. Or, it could cause a regression to the child who wouldn’t depend on anyone. The Caam we almost lost.” She shuddered at an apparent memory. “I really don’t know what will happen. That doesn’t just worry me. It terrifies me.”

“It terrifies me as well,” Aayla whispered, “but I have to try. She’s my daughter and I love her.”

“I know and you both deserve an opportunity to rebuild what was lost. I also think it’s possible to do. You could bring Caam greater stability and happiness, _if_ you don’t rush it. Give her space and time. Otherwise, the consequences could be—” She paused and then fixed a fierce expression. “Quite frankly, I don’t care if I’m right, wrong, or anything inbetween. All I know is that I won’t allow your presence to have a detrimental impact on Caam. Are we clear?”

There was an authority radiating off the Mirialan that took Aayla aback. This was not the troubled girl who regretted the past and wanted to die for her mistakes. This was a resolute woman who had accepted everything and found a place in the world. And, right now, that place included protecting her adopted child—even from its mother.

Considering for a moment, Aayla found herself respecting the position and the passion with which it was delivered. More than that, the idea of such a single-minded, immovable force encircling her daughter created a surprising sense of surety. _No matter what happens, Caam will be alright._ Aayla met the intense eyes. “Understood, Barriss Offee.”

_______

Barriss reluctantly walked into the castle, conflicting thoughts raging. _I’m going to lose her. No. I won’t let that happen. Ever. Aayla will have to kill me first. She’s mine. Not hers._ She came to a halt as shockwaves of realization rolled. _You’re terrified._

Her hands pressed against the wall as the breaths came faster. _What will you become to keep her, Barriss? Think about what’s best for Caam, not for you. You know what happens when you’re afraid. Don’t let it control you. Calm, center, listen, feel…_ The panic receded and she straightened. _Don’t you dare fail her. You’re going to make this work, somehow. Now, get on with it._ The woman began to move with determined purpose.

She found the kids hanging a tapestry in the corridor leading to the family quarters. Rather, Caam and Luke were hanging it, while Karyna provided on the ground commentary.

“The left is a quarter inch lower than the right,” a disapproving Karyna remarked.

There were two exasperated groans, but the top left edged up.

“That’s better,” the girl said with a satisfied nod.

Once they had secured it, Barriss stepped forward with a bright smile. “Looks good. We should have you do them all.” That got her two glares and one pleased grin. Chuckling, she shifted her attention to the girl still perched halfway up a ladder. “Caam, I need you for a few minutes.”

Luke’s face set into stone, while Karyna’s began assessing everyone, likely trying to solve the mystery of what was happening. Caam, on the other hand, looked nervous. “Um, why?”

She pasted a smile on her face. “I’ll tell you on the way. You can come back after we’re done.”

The girl climbed down the ladder with the plodding pace of a Corellian snail and then shuffled over.

Putting an arm around her, Barriss guided them out of the castle. Instead of going a direct route back to camp, she took the hidden trail through the woods they often walked together. Reaching their favorite rock, she stopped and sat on it.

Caam remained standing, shifting back and forth on each leg. “What’s going on?”

Shoving unwanted tears away, she lifted a hand. Caam took it warily and sat beside her. _Prolonging this is only heightening her anxiety. Do it, Offee._ Taking a deep breath, Barriss tightened her grip. “Your mother is here.”

The girl froze. “Um, what?”

“She’s in Shili. She never meant to leave you, Caam. Things simply went wrong. Your mother was captured and imprisoned by Palpatine. She finally managed to escape and has been trying to locate you.”

There was no response, but Caam began trembling.

Barriss placed her free hand on the girl’s cheek, rubbing fingers over it. “I know it’s a shock and you probably aren’t sure how to feel. That’s alright. You both can talk through things together.”

“W-what if I don’t want to?”

“It’s up to you. She’s agreed to stay with us for a while. The only thing you have to do is give her an opportunity to tell you what she wants and take some time to figure out what you want. Ok?”

“Does that mean she’s going to—you’re not like giving me away, right?” The short lekku flicked in erratic jerks.

“Absolutely not.” Kissing her forehead, Barriss continued, “Palpatine took her and that hurt both of you. She deserves a chance to try to make it better and you deserve a chance to see what's possible. Either way, you’ll still have us.”

Desperate eyes locked on hers. “You promise?”

She gripped the sides of Caam’s face and spoke with quiet intensity. “I promise. You are my child. No matter how things work out, I’m still yours. The same is true for the rest of our family. Understand?”

There was a twitchy nod, but the trembling didn’t subside.

Wrapping arms around the girl, she held her close. “I love you very much, Caam. You already know this. What’s our pact?”

“You’ll always be here,” she murmured, pressing herself into Barriss’ chest.

“Always means _always._ Adding her to your life won’t change it.”

“Ok.” There was a sniffle. “Can I—will you stay with me when we talk?”

“Of course, if you want me to be there.”

The trembling stopped and Caam whispered, “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.  
> -Hellen Keller


	45. PART IV: CHANGE - Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conflicted: Everyone is.

“Were there other prisoners in this citadel?”

Aayla cringed. “I don't know. I checked my block on the way out, but found no one. There may be others elsewhere in the facility. I was not in a position to verify. Early on, the guards occasionally escorted someone past my cell.” _Then, they never came back._ “By the time of my escape, though, I hadn’t seen or heard another prisoner in a very long time.”

Ahsoka's face turned thoughtful. “Once you get settled, I'd like to find out more details on this place.”

Assessing the woman for a moment, she stated, “You intend to take it down.”

“Damn right I do.” Ahsoka clenched a fist. “Knowing Palpatine, the purpose of it concerns me. The hidden nature also suggests high-priority detainees.” Her eyes flicked to Aayla.

 _You could tell her why you were put there. But, you won’t. Is it fear or loyalty, Aayla?_ Terrifying images burned from the ashes of her mind. _‘Your only escape is death.’_ She took a steadying breath and locked the memories away.

Upon receiving no response to the implied question, Ahsoka continued, “Either way, the idea of potentially leaving others to that existence goes against everything I am. I couldn't help you, but maybe I can help them.”

Aayla smiled. “Same Ahsoka Tano, warrior of justice.”

There was a self-deprecating grin. “I like to think of it as finishing what I started.”

She chuckled and then decided to broach the topic pressing on her soul. “Tell me about her.”

Ahsoka's expression brightened. “She is amazing, Aayla—confident, bright, funny, adventurous. Her genuine, open disposition could make friends with a rancor. Not to mention, Caam’s skills with the sword are superb. Your daughter is one of the most promising students I’ve ever had. One day, I fully expect her to surpass me.”

Her heart swelled. “Good.” Contemplating for a moment, she asked, “What about what Barriss mentioned? About her being afraid of trusting others?”

The woman grimaced. “Yes, that’s true. Barriss would be able to explain it better. It took her nearly a year of dedicated work to get the girl to simply consider letting us in. I think there’s a fear of depending on people and then being aban—” she halted awkwardly.

“Being abandoned,” Aayla finished the sentence, pain piercing her chest. “You can say it. That’s what happened. Whether I meant to do so is irrelevant.”

“Perhaps, but she remains one of the most self-assured, positive children I’ve ever seen. There is no bitterness with the world around her, only interest and compassion. Your daughter is truly special and that has nothing to do with us. You provided the foundation she built on. Caam turned what should have been a crippling turn of events into strength. As I said, she is amazing.”

Warmth spread across Aayla. Whether the words were accurate or only meant to comfort, she didn’t care. Her heart latched on to them desperately. “Thank you.”

Ahsoka smiled. “It’s only the truth.”

Returning the smile, she said, “I also want to thank you for saving her and giving her a proper home. It brings me some relief to know for at least part of her life Caam was given what she deserved. Please, let me—”

A hand went up. “Don’t. It wasn’t me who saved your daughter. It was Barriss’ committed determination that made it a reality.” Her expression floated off. “Caam helped my wife at a time when she needed someone very badly. She’d probably tell you Caam saved her.”

Aayla blinked. _What does that mean?_ She decided to change the approach. “I met Luke. He’s quite impressive.”

The fierce blue lit up. “Yes, he is. Like Caam, his experiences could have led him down a different path. But, they didn’t. Gods, he is a special boy.”

“Also, an incredibly skilled warrior. My best moves had no effect.”

Ahsoka’s eyebrows rose. “Am I to understand you engaged my nephew in combat?”

She flashed a guilty grin. “For a bit. He caught me wandering around the woods and tried to take me into custody. I’m afraid I don’t respond well to being locked up.” Unable to stop a shiver, Aayla rushed on, “However, once I realized who he was, I disengaged and asked to see you. He brought me to Barriss instead,” she ended wryly.

The woman laughed. “Of course, he did. You’ve already learned all you need to know about our family. If anyone has a problem, Barriss is the parent of choice. I’m not sure if she finds that to be a good or a bad thing.”

Aayla snorted. “What about you?”

An engaging grin flashed. “Oh, it works out quite well for me. I get to be the fun parent.”

Shaking her head, she asked, “Have you two been together the entire time, since we first met?”

Ahsoka’s grin dropped and she looked away. “It depends on how you define together. In spirit, yes. However, for a while, I was dead.”

“Um… am I supposed to understand that answer?”

Her gaze drifted back. “Many years ago Palpatine designed a very clever trap. Everyone saw me die during the resulting confrontation with my—his enforcer. And, I almost did.” She lifted her plain, sage tunic to reveal a large, faded scar running across her entire stomach.

 _How did she survive such a wound?_ Aayla noted the veiled reference to Skywalker and saw the deep pain in the normally bright eyes. “I see.”

“In actuality, I was imprisoned for two years. It was a difficult period for all of us.”

She inhaled sharply. “That’s how you understood the hopelessness.”

There was a short nod. “It’s a horrible feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.” Sad regret flowed into the fierce eyes. “It was my own doing. We suspected it was a trap, but my hubris insisted we save the village, anyway.”

“Understandable,” Aayla remarked.

“Is it?” Ahsoka murmured. “The mission was doomed to fail. Barriss knew it, but I pushed.” The woman shuddered. “She almost died that night, as well. Someone extremely important to Barriss sacrificed herself to save her.”

“That doesn’t make it your fault.” The words sounded hollow and meaningless. _Because they are._

She frowned. “I was impulsive and reckless with my life. I gave no thought to the effect my death would have on those around me. Barriss was—even after recovering physically, the guilt and pain nearly overwhelmed her. I’m not sure many people would understand, but I think you might. You saw a part of her very few have.”

 _Have I?_ Aayla pondered the statement for a moment. Unsure of how to respond, she said, “Well, I’m glad you both were able to move forward.”

Ahsoka smiled wanly. “It’s still there. However, you’re right in the sense that it made us stronger—especially Barriss. Instead of giving up, she turned the fledgling rebellion we had started into a thriving uprising. By the time I came back from the dead, Barriss Offee had done more for the cause of freedom than I dreamed possible. And, she did it all after losing me forever. Strong does not even begin to describe it.”

Her damaged lek began to sting and Aayla automatically rubbed fingers over it as she considered the words. “You may be right that I understand. I certainly understand where she draws that strength. Whether you were there in person or in spirit, it always came from you.”

A mouth flew open, but Aayla put up a hand. “I don’t mean she doesn’t have inner strength. I’m only saying your unwavering faith gives her confidence to achieve its full potential. I saw it twenty years ago and it’s still evident today.”

There was a long silence and then Ahsoka shrugged. “If you’re right, it goes both ways. I didn’t survive living in a cage or the aftermath without her. I survived because of her. The world wasn’t freed because of Ahsoka Tano’s impulsive need to defend it. It is free, because Barriss Offee tempered that person into something more grounded and effective. She gives me strength to do things I never could on my own. We are… I can’t find the word…”

“Interdependent,” Aayla said simply. _Something I’ll never be again._

The woman stared. “Perhaps. We certainly work better together than apart.”

A triumphant grin blazed onto her face. “So, without _both_ of you, my daughter wouldn’t be here today?”

“Ah,” Ahsoka said with a grin, “this is all a roundabout way of getting me to accept your thank you, isn’t it?”

The Twi’lek chuckled. “And, if it was?”

Leaping from her chair, Ahsoka gave a small bow. “You’re very welcome, Aayla Secura.” Her eyes twinkled. “But, you should really thank my wife.”

Whatever rejoinder Aayla had planned was forgotten as the woman in question walked in with her daughter.

Aayla took in the sight with desperate joy. The distant glimpse she’d gotten this morning hadn’t conveyed the full measure of what was before her now. _She’s grown so much._ The once scrawny frame had vanished, replaced by wiry strength. Her skin had lightened into more of a pale turquoise hue. Toned arms and a bare stomach revealed fledgling muscles. The lekku weren’t fully grown, but had all the vestiges of elegance to come. Her still developing face already had an exotic quality and, perhaps, an impish bent. _She is going to be so beautiful._

 _She’s taller than I expected for thirteen. And, more… stylish._ A scarlet-colored, midriff top with embellished, diamond-like designs around the neckline gave her a casual yet refined appearance. The ebony pants were made of soft leather, while black boots stretched to her calves. A high-quality sword sheath, engraved with unknown symbols, hung from her left side. What appeared to be a mandalorian-made dagger with an exquisitely inlaid hilt protruded from the top of the right boot. The outfit was enhanced by a wide weapons belt that had a shiny, jeweled buckle with lekku bands to match.

The entire ensemble exuded confidence and flair that told Aayla more about who her daughter had become than anything else. It had been a fight every morning to get a young Caam to wear anything other than her sleep clothes. Yet, here she was, the most fashionable person in the room. _Other than Barriss Offee, perhaps. Oh._

Forcing herself to focus, Aayla smiled nervously. “Hi, little one. Do you remember me?”

Caam stared for a long moment and then slowly nodded.

Ahsoka cleared her throat and moved forward. “I guess we should let you two talk. We’ll be right outside if you need us.”

The young face turned a look of panic on Offee.

Placing a reassuring hand on Caam's shoulder, the woman shook her head. “Go ahead. I’m staying.”

Aayla frowned, but didn’t object. _It’s clear Caam wants her here. Don’t push, remember?_

Ahsoka nodded and brushed knuckles over Caam’s forehead. “Don’t worry, my spunky girl. Everything’s going to be alright.”

The child gazed up at her, shoulders straightening as a brash grin flashed. “I know.”

She winked and then threw a supportive smile at her wife, before striding out.

The Mirialan rubbed Caam’s cheek. “I’m going to sit at the table, while you two talk, alright?”

There was a small jerk in response. Offee leaned close and whispered something. Whatever it was caused a content smile to pass over Caam’s face. Then, she moved across the tent and sat down.

Grateful the woman was trying to give them a bit of space, Aayla approached carefully. Bending on one knee in front of her daughter, she looked up and met the wary eyes. “I've missed you _so_ much, Caam. I’m sorry for everything. You should never have been alone. It wasn't supposed to happen. I intended to be back the same evening.”

Her child looked away and shrugged. “No big deal. I survived just fine on my own.”

“No,” Aayla replied firmly, “I never should have left you at all. The risk was too great. You should have been my only priority. I don’t know if you can forgive me or even if you should. It’s only because you’re so strong and thrived in spite of my mistakes that I have a chance to tell you any of this.”

A strained voice asked, “What do you want from me?”

Reaching out to provide comfort, she reconsidered, hand falling back to her knee. “I can’t make up for everything, but I do want to get to know you again, if you’ll let me. At least, can we talk some? Please?”

Tawny eyes floated back to hers for a moment and then darted over to the woman at the table. Whatever Caam saw there must have encouraged her, because she tried a tentative smile. “I guess I can handle that.”

Aayla wiped away tears she thought would never come again. “Thank you.” Lifting out a hand, she left it in mid-air, hoping desperately.

Small fingers twitched in response and then slowly raised. They lightly brushed hers, before returning to her side. She looked at Offee. “Can I go back now?”

Aayla shifted her own attention to the woman and saw the conflict. _She wants this, but doesn’t. Ahsoka was right. I do understand Barriss Offee._

Rising from her seat, the woman crossed to them. Caam pressed herself close as if needing reassurance. Gentle fingers trailed over the girl’s lekku for a few moments. “Alright, go on. We’ll talk more later.”

Caam relaxed, gave Aayla a final look, and then took off out the tent flap.

Stumbling over to a chair, Aayla collapsed into it. “She hates me.”

“Of course, she doesn’t,” was the slightly impatient reply. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have even gotten a conversation. Actually, that went better than I anticipated. You did well.”

Aayla gaped. “Well? She would barely touch me.”

“What did you expect? She agreed to talk more and at least contemplate the idea of letting you into her life again. For Caam, that is impressive. So, yes, it went well.” Her voice softened. “She loved you very much. It will take time for her to trust that feeling again.”

She felt a small surge of confidence. “Thanks. I suppose I need to temper my expectations. Caam was always very independent. Honestly, I’m amazed she so clearly relies on you for support. That must have taken a great deal of effort. I’m not the only one who did well.”

There was a blink and the woman’s eyes glazed over. Slender fingers absently smoothed the wispy sleeves of her elegant, crimson dress, before shifting to trace an unusual design on her leather belt of diamond-framed sabers crossing in a repeated pattern. Finally, a shaky voice whispered, “She was worth it. I love her very much.”

Standing up, Aayla gripped her shoulders. “Barriss, in that letter I said if I ever saw you again I hoped to be able to say the words I couldn’t manage then. I spent a lot of time in prison thinking about what was truly important in life. I found myself contemplating the spy who had bombed a barracks and killed my brother for what she thought were the right reasons. The girl who was so scared, she made terrible choices that hurt everyone. The young woman she turned into, who wanted to die for her mistakes. Well, I want the person she became to know something.” Aayla locked their eyes. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

The tears pooling behind the piercing blue abruptly spilled over. Her head dropped and there was a quiet, “Thank you.”

“Beyond that,” Aayla continued earnestly, “it’s obvious that Ahsoka was right all those years ago. The world is a better place with Barriss Offee in it. You have saved countless lives, since then. More important to me is that you also saved my daughter. And, I’m _very_ grateful.”

Her gaze darted back up. “Don’t be. You told me to make amends by building something new. That it was the best way to honor your brother’s memory. I took the advice to heart as best I could.” Her expression took on a shining intensity. “So, perhaps, you should thank yourself.”

A feeling of peace entered her soul. Whether from the words she had spoken, the response that was given, or seeing her child again, Aayla didn’t know. A serene voice whispered from the past. _‘Trust in the Force to take care of what will be.’_ She sucked in a breath. _Maybe, it did after all._  “So, how about I follow my own advice and you give me something to do? Might as well help rebuild something that was lost, while I’m here.”

Barriss smiled. “Alright. Let’s see what we can figure out.”

_______

“Caam!”

The girl crunched her teeth together, before turning around. _Be strong. No crying in front of Ahsoka._

Hurrying over, the woman put hands on Caam's shoulders. “How did it go? Are you ok?”

She rolled her shoulders. “Fine, I guess. She wants me to talk to her a bit and such.”

Ahsoka scanned her face. “And, you’re alright doing that?”

“Course. No big deal. It’s just talking. I talk to people all the time.”

There was a small sigh and then Ahsoka wrapped her in a tight embrace. “It’s ok to be upset about this, you know. It’s not easy for us, either.”

Caam leaned back to look at her. “It’s not?”

“No, my dear. I’m not sure we know how to feel about it. You belong to us. Now, there’s someone else that—well, we only want you to be happy.”

The girl considered for a moment and then asked, “Even if I talk to her, it won’t—I’ll still… belong to you, right?”

Fire eyes fixed on her. “No matter how much talking you do, who you spend your time with, or where you go in this world that will be true. Even if you decide you want your mom back, you’d still be ours. It doesn't change who you are. You can be my spunky girl, Cab the bold little fighter, Barriss’ darling child, _and_ Caam Secura. All, some, or none of it. It’s up to you. Whoever you decide to be, that person is part of our family. You’ll always belong to us.”

She smiled happily and rested her head against Ahsoka’s chest. “Supra.”

_______

“I wanted to apologize.”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “Thanks, but it's unnecessary.”

Luke crossed from the doorway of the storage room to stand beside her. “Actually, I think it is. I flew off the handle without even knowing the facts and I’m sorry.”

Tossing the last item into a crate, she faced him. “It’s alright. Honestly, I found it rather comforting to know my daughter has someone so protective of her wellbeing.”

He gazed at her for a moment and then a diffident grin formed. “That’s good, because I plan to keep doing it.”

Aayla smiled. “Excellent.” Picking up the now packed crate, she walked it to her ongoing stack. “Besides, I’m not sure anything you said was out of line.” Placing the crate on top of the pile, she left hands gripping it and added quietly, “It was all true…”

A hand laid on her shoulder. “You lost each other, yes. But, abandoning her, no. That is not what happened.” There was a pause and his voice became soft. “It makes a difference, you know. No matter how difficult the journey is, a child should know their parents loved them. Now, she does. That’s the important part.”

Twisting around, she saw the pain in his expressive blue eyes. “I hope you’re right. Because, there’s nothing else I can do at this point.”

The pain vanished and bright hope replaced it. “Oh, I am. You’ll see. Everything is going to be alright.”

Mesmerized by the faith shining from the young man, Aayla murmured, “I almost believe that.”

An engaging grin, reminiscent of Ahsoka, appeared. “Almost, huh? I’ll see what I can do, then. We’ll have you totally, utterly, and completely believing before too long.”

She snorted. “I look forward to it.”

_______

Ahsoka turned over and reached out a hand, but didn't find anything. Realization penetrated her foggy mind and she opened her eyes. Seeing the empty pillow, the woman rubbed her face and sat up.

Then, she shifted into alertness, vestiges of sleep gone. Ahsoka knew that sound. Leaping from the bed, she ducked out of the private area into the main part of their tent.

Spotting her quarry, she rushed to the settee and sat beside Barriss. Placing both hands on her wife’s face, Ahsoka said, “Look at me, my amazing wife. I’m right here. Focus on my eyes. Please.”

The erratic breaths began to slow as vacant eyes centered on Ahsoka's. Finally, the panic receded and Barriss let out a deep breath.

She kissed her forehead. “It's ok, now. Everything's going to be alright.”

There was a gasping cry. “No! It's not. I might lose her, Ahsoka.”

The woman winced and pulled Barriss to her chest. “That’s not true. Caam will always love you.”

“But, she won't be… mine.”

Ahsoka exhaled and gently stroked her hair. _I don’t know how to fix this._ Barriss had always been extraordinarily possessive of Caam. It was something the girl herself seemed to need. Ahsoka suspected her wife had adapted to meet that need. _It’s what she does._ Even under normal circumstances, letting someone else take care of Caam was challenging for her. “I understand. We don't know how things will turn out, though. Have faith. We _can_ make this work. If we have to adjust to ensure Caam is happy, that’s what we’ll do. It’s certainly what you do. You can handle this.”

Barriss began to tremble and pressed herself closer. “I'll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are so many things I needed to convey in this chapter--information dumping, character building, plot furthering, theme threading, resolving a long-term issue... so many goals, so few words to communicate them. Or, maybe, too many words? Hmm... I don't know. What did you get out of this chapter?


	46. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a certain point of view...

“Master, why now? You could have trained a multitude of Jedi over the centuries to restart the order.” 

“Irrelevant time is to the Force,” Yoda replied. “Cosmic balance carries the burden. Awaiting the proper moment, I was.”

Barriss wiped her brow after their arduous training session and arranged herself cross-legged on the muddy Dagobah ground. “Why us, then? Even assuming a pre-ordained period of time, there must have been other candidates to train as Jedi over the last several years? The fact that you trained Ahsoka’s mother suggests you weren’t waiting for us, specifically.”

Keen eyes assessed her for a moment. “Others, there have been.”

Ahsoka’s mouth dropped open. “Wait. The first time we met, you said we’d be the only Jedi around.”

He inclined his head. “The last of the Jedi, will you be.”

Stripping down to her chamois top and tossing away the sweat-drenched outer tunic, Ahsoka dropped next to her wife. “I’m not getting it. Surely, all of these others can’t be dead?”

Impassive orbs blinked with no response.

Barriss sucked in a breath. “They aren’t. You don’t consider them Jedi.”

There was a weary sigh as Yoda settled onto a large, vine-encrusted rock. “Jedi, they are not.”

Ahsoka sent eyes to the tree canopy. “Well, that’s a bit misleading, Master. If there are people out there with your training under their belts, we need to know about them.”

The tips of his ears drooped. “Perished, most have. Grave peril, there was.”

“Ah,” Barriss said, “I understand. Any Jedi alive when Palpatine seized power was hunted down. The small numbers and secretive nature would make it difficult, but not impossible for someone with his resources and vision. I assume you foresaw the danger and that’s why you chose to conceal their existence, until the threat had passed?” 

Yoda nodded. “Trying to provide for the future, I was.” His small body sagged. “Underestimated the Emperor, I did.”

“As did we all,” Barriss said in a low tone. “If I had known then what I do now, I would have understood the futility of my strategies. Cardota never…” A shudder ran over her body. 

Ahsoka gripped her wife’s arm.

The woman took a deep breath and continued, “Knowing the man, he had probably identified and eliminated most well before making his move.” She glanced at Ahsoka. “Like your mother. Even with incomplete training, she was a threat to him. Her death served more than one purpose.”

A lump formed in Ahsoka’s throat and she took in a lungful of humid air.

Yoda fixed on her, not without sympathy. “The key to many things, your mother was. Yet, achieve one of them, Palpatine did not.”

Swallowing hard, she whispered, “He didn’t get me.”

“Too strong for him, you were.” The comment was delivered lightly, but there was a hint of challenge underneath.

Her mind floated into memories. “No. It was because I had help. Someone usually saved me. Not just from him, but from… myself.”

He smiled. “Good. Strength must be tempered by wisdom. Invincible, you are not.” Yoda paused in contemplation. “Other Jedi, you also had.”

Ahsoka gaped. “Like who?”

Mournful eyes gazed at her. “One of my trusted masters, Plo Koon was.”

Stiffening, Ahsoka’s head dropped into her hands. “Oh.”

“Believe in you, he did.” There was a wry chuckle. “Impressed with you I was not, Ahsoka Tano. Disagree, Master Plo did.” 

Looking back up, she smiled softly. “He always told me I was capable of much more than I realized.”

A toothy grin appeared. “Correct, he was. Saw things others could not.” 

Barriss put in, “You said most perished. What about the rest?”

His expression turned distant. “Those that remain chose to leave the path.”

“So,” Barriss asked, “are you saying the few who didn’t die in Palpatine’s purge renounced the ways of a Jedi to survive?”

A flash of anger kindled in Ahsoka’s heart. “There were people with these abilities the entire time he was in power and they did nothing, while others suffered and died around them?!”

Wrinkled eye ridges lifted. “Angry at me, are you? Help, I could have.”

She lowered her gaze. “No.” Then, her head popped back up. “But, you had a good reason. If you died, the entire legacy of the Jedi would have been lost.  _ They _ were only trying to protect themselves.”

Barriss put a hand on her arm. “You don’t know that. It’s possible they did help those around them, but kept a low profile to avoid attracting notice. Given how few have been trained and the secrecy involved, it wouldn’t be surprising if they were good at operating in the shadows. They likely wouldn’t have even known who else was out there, except Jedi they had personally encountered.” She looked at Yoda for confirmation. 

His chin dipped with a regretful air. “Safety, but also isolation it created.”

“Yes,” her wife mused, “they would have felt alone and possibly inadequate to the task of taking on a role in the rebellion. Either way, direct confrontations would have forced them to occasionally fall back on Jedi abilities. Since they weren't the Lady Jedi,” she said with a small wink, “people would’ve noticed. They'd avoid an organized resistance at all costs, even if they  _ were _ trying to operate as Jedi on some level.”

Ahsoka released a calming breath. “Ok, point taken.” Looking at Yoda, she said, “They could be Jedi again, right? If we found them?”

He gazed into the distance. “Perhaps. Difficult to come back from pain, fear, and shame it is. Also, dangerous.”

“Dangerous how?” Ahsoka asked.

“Underlying selfishness, there may be. A path to the dark side that is.”

Barriss pursed her lips. “You mean they have already shown a proclivity for protecting themselves at the expense of the greater good. Bringing them back into the fold may lead to creating a new threat. It is a risk, I agree. However, everyone deserves a chance to overcome their failure.” She blinked several times, before adding, “I wouldn’t be here now, if Ahsoka hadn’t given me one.”

She leaned over and kissed her wife’s temple. “Best decision of my life.”

A happy smile shined back at her and then Barriss looked at Yoda. “Besides, there are other explanations. Perhaps, they were prevented by forces outside of their control or merely lost and waiting for direction. They could have been biding their time for a higher purpose. As you were.”

There was a harrumph. “Possible. Still, if renounced the selfless path they did, a good sign that is not.”

Ahsoka considered. “I’m not willing to give up on anyone. As Barriss said, they may have been doing what they could.” Her jaw twitched. “Either way, being alone can do terrible things to a person. We could evaluate them on a case-by-case basis, right?”

A cane traced absently over the ground for a few moments. “Mistakes I have made, young ones.” His eyes locked on theirs. “Do not repeat them.”

They both stared at him. Then, Ahsoka asked hesitantly, “Are you suggesting some of them shouldn’t have been trained in the first place?”

There was a small shrug. “Difficult to see. Underestimated the challenges, I have. Too damaged, some were. Lack support, most did. With you, make the same mistakes I did not.”

Barriss’ eyes widened and her voice rose in excitement. “That’s why you waited so long to send for us. You wanted to train Jedi who had already shown an ability to adapt and serve the greater good, despite circumstances. People who could have attachments, but also control them.”

Yoda nodded. “Know the importance, you do. Pass on what you have learned.”

“What if—” Ahsoka clenched her fists and rushed out, “What if we fail to communicate the lesson well enough? What if, in our efforts to create a better world, we make mistakes that end up hurting it?”

His ancient eyes swirled with pain. “Live with it, you must. Learn from it, you will. As I have.”

Barriss pried Ahsoka’s fingers apart, intertwining her own between them. “We have been living with those lessons already,” she said quietly. “We can only do what we’ve always done…”

Ahsoka gazed at her for a moment and then tightened their hands. “What we believe is right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain.” --Yoda in "Dark Rendezvous"


	47. PART IV: CHANGE - Adjustment Period

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjustment Period: Fun they are not.

Aayla stabbed the sparring dummy again and again, until her aching muscles faltered. _‘Sensory deprivation next, I think.’_ Sucking in ragged breaths, she pushed back tears. The ability to cry had left her long ago. _Or, so I thought._ It appeared to be making its return with a vengeance.  

_‘Last chance, girl. What is your choice? Life or death?’_ Sending a vicious slash across the dummy’s chest, she stumbled—only stopping the fall by digging her swordpoint into the ground.

Steadying herself, Aayla focused and once again tried to regain the missing piece, the solid current that had steadied her during years of torment. Since escaping, it had vanished completely, leaving a gaping hole. Its continued absence gnawed at what remained of her soul. _Gods, you have issues._

“Hello.”

Twisting around, she saw the young Mirialan gazing at her with an evaluative expression. The girl was wearing a plain, white cotton tunic paired with midnight blue pants that matched her striking eyes. They fit her under-sized frame well, though it was clear—unlike Caam—this child cared little for anything beyond the practical in terms of style. Though, that apparently didn't extend to the elegant and shining raven hair, draped perfectly over her shoulders. The evident meticulous care for this specific feature combined with the otherwise pragmatic look piqued Aayla's interest. A small dagger hung from a golden sash around her waist, but no other weaponry was visible.  _ Not training to be a warrior it seems. _ “Hello to you.”

“You don’t look happy.”

Feeling overwhelmed and weary, she slumped to the ground with a hollow laugh. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever be happy again, I'm afraid.”

The girl approached and sat next to her. Leather-soled boots peeked out as she crossed short legs. “Well, that’s not good. If you’re going to be Caam’s mom again, you need to be happy. Otherwise, how can she be?”

Aayla gazed at the child for a moment. “I suppose you’re right. What’s your name?”

“Karyna Offee.”

“Offee, huh? So, Barriss is your…”

“Aunt. Though, we didn’t know about each other until I was eight. I was in an orphanage. Aunt Barriss came to get me, once she found out I existed. I’ve been with her and Aunt Ahsoka ever since.”

“Ah.” These women certainly had a habit of picking up lost children. It was fitting somehow. _Weren’t we all just lost children ourselves once? Maybe, I still am._ “I’m Aayla Secura. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m pleased to meet you, as well. That is,” she continued warily, “it’s true that you didn’t leave Cab on purpose, right?”

_Cab? Wonder where that came from?_ “Yes,” Aayla answered distantly, “I was imprisoned by the former Emperor. I recently escaped and I’ve been looking for her ever since.”

Her face brightened. “In that case, I will try to help.”

Aayla lifted eyebrows. “Help?”

She nodded with immense seriousness. “I guess Cab doesn’t believe you or something, because she’s nervous about you being here.”

The woman stared and then smiled. “Well, it’s probably difficult for her to adjust. How long did it take you to get used to the idea of having an Aunt?”

“True,” Karyna said thoughtfully, “but I didn’t know her before. I thought, since she already had you, it would be easier. You must be right, though, because Cab isn’t taking it well.”

Aayla winced. “I hope to make that better with time. Until yesterday, all she knew was I left and never came back. That’s a long time to think I didn’t love her. Even though that definitely wasn’t true, if I hadn’t run off on a mission it never would have happened. So, either way, it’s my fault she was alone.”

“I suppose. But, it doesn’t matter now, right? We all make mistakes. My Nara says the only thing you can do is move forward and try to never make that mistake again. Dwelling on it doesn't help anyone. She thinks life means taking the bad with the good, otherwise you miss out on the beautiful things along the way.” 

“Huh,” Aayla said, “I guess that’s one way of putting it. Who is your Nara?”

“Oh, she’s my… grandmother?”

“You aren’t sure?” she asked bemusedly. _This is such an odd family._

There was a shrug. “Aunt Barriss was an orphan too and then lived on the streets of Coruscant, like Cab. Nara was a spymaster and caught her breaking into her compound. She decided to make Aunt Barriss her apprentice. So, Nara is her mother. That means something like my grandmother, right? I’ll ask her when they get back. She and Obi-Wan went to visit some of our family in Ryloth.”

Aayla reeled at the amount of previously unknown details contained in the response. Then, she registered the last part. “Wait. Did you say Obi-Wan? Not Obi-Wan Kenobi?”

An eyebrow that screamed exactly whose niece she was quirked with interest. “Yes. He and Nara are married. Do you know him?”

“I did…” Her mind wandered into memories. _I’m glad he’s still alive._ “It seems like another life now. What is your Nara’s actual name?”

“Luminara Unduli.”

She stiffened. “Oh.” _Obi-Wan Kenobi married a notorious spymaster with a laundry list of crimes, who worked for Palpatine? She raised Barriss Offee? That explains a lot. Yet, nothing at all. The world has changed around you, Aayla. You’ve missed a lifetime._

A small hand slipped into hers. “You’re sad, again.”

The feel of the child’s fingers gripping her own brought fresh tears. Blinking them back, she tried to brighten her voice. “I’m sorry, dear one. I’ve been alone a long time and things hit me oddly on occasion.”

“It’s ok. Aunt Barriss gets like that too, sometimes. Luke tells me not to worry, when it happens. Because, she's got us and that’s why we’re together—so none of us go through things alone.” She paused in apparent contemplation, before adding, “Aunt Ahsoka always says family means being there and having faith. Maybe, you should try that. Then, you would never be alone again, because you'd be part of our family, too.”

The innocent earnesty in the young face was breathtaking. _She really believes that._ Aayla knew faith like that didn’t come from nowhere. The world had a habit of ripping it away. Given Karyna’s background, it should have left her long ago. Being there and having faith must be much more than just a family mantra. _Force, they’re good parents._ “I’m not sure it’s quite that simple in my case, but I appreciate the thought.”

There was a tiny sigh. “Cab didn’t believe it at first, either. Neither did I. Now, we’re very happy. It would be nice if we could all be happy together.”

Aayla squeezed her hand. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

The girl grinned and adorable dimples appeared. “Good. Because, we don’t give up on anyone in this family. Aunt Barriss says that one.”

Returning the grin, she said, “You’re very much like both your aunts. I can see you share Barriss’ calm, analytical disposition—probably her determined approach to problems, too. What surprises me is how much Ahsoka you have in you.”

Karyna stared in disbelief. “Do you mean that?”

“Absolutely. Ahsoka has always been direct, loyal, and just. She also sees the best in others and encourages them. All traits you’ve already shown in this conversation. The fact that you’re spending time trying to make a relative stranger feel better tells me you have a compassionate nature. That the endeavor may help Caam suggests deep attachment to the people you love and a need to make them happy. Ahsoka Tano is a woman of feeling and faith. I suspect, at your core, you are more like her than you realize.”

The vivid blue eyes filled with joy. “Thanks. You figured out a lot of stuff about me. That’s impressive.”

She laughed. “Perhaps, you remind me of how I used to be. In any case, I can tell you will do great things in the world, Karyna Offee.”

She bit her tiny lip. “Do you think that’s true even if I’m not as good a warrior as Cab or Luke?”

_Ah._ Meeting the worried eyes, Aayla said, “Of course. What makes Ahsoka great isn’t that she’s an amazing warrior. It’s who she is on the inside. Even if you share many of her qualities, they may display differently in your case. Who we are depends not only on our inherent traits and abilities, but also our choices. The things that make her a great warrior may make you a great something else. Do you want to be a warrior?”

Karyna grimaced. “No. That’s the problem. I don’t even enjoy warrior stuff very much. So, you’re saying, even if I’m not the same kind of thing as my family, it doesn’t mean I’m not like them on the inside?”

“Exactly.” Aayla lifted her free hand and brushed Karyna's cheek. “I’m sure they want you to be what you want.”

“That’s what they say. I just feel a bit different than everyone else. Luke is a lot like Aunt Ahsoka and is an amazing warrior. Cab will probably be the same. She’s really good. Uncle Rex, Shan, Zeb, and Ezra are also great warriors. Aunt Barriss and Nara were spymasters. Caleb and Bean are kind of spy and warrior combined. Obi-Wan was a huntmaster and now he’s a legendary negotiator. Leia is probably going to be as good as him one day. Plus, she’s a leader too, like my aunts and Hera. I suppose Aunt Barriss is also a healer. But, none of those things seem like… me. Which leaves Asajj, who was a bounty hunter. I can’t even imagine doing that. Oh, I forgot Han. Though, I definitely don’t want to be a smuggler.”

Aayla filed away the various names and occupations in some surprise. _Wow, they’ve built a huge family. It’s definitely… eclectic, anyway._ Still, a mix of perspectives and skills would benefit any child’s development. It also meant a robust support system for her daughter. “Do you have something you want to be, then?”

Karyna shrugged. “I used to want to be a spy, when I was young. Now, I don't think that's for me.”

She held back a smile at the phrase ‘when I was young’. The girl couldn’t be more than ten or eleven. “Well, you’ve still got plenty of time to decide. Hmm… what’s your favorite thing to do?”

An expression of utter contemplation formed on the child’s face. “Um, I love to read. Maybe… figuring out how things work and improving them? Even silly stuff. Cab thinks I’m crazy, because I’m always redoing how I organize my books.” She grinned diffidently. “Sometimes, I take a piece of music and try to make it better or different. Planning and creating anything really makes me happy.” Her voice filled with enthusiasm. “Like, right now, I’m building a scale model of Shili for Aunt Ahsoka. I thought she could put it in her office, when we move into the castle. Don’t tell her, though. It’s a surprise.”

Aayla chuckled. “Your secret is safe with me. That’s a very sweet gift. I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“You think so?” she asked hopefully.

“Definitely. In any case, it sounds as if you’re more like everyone than you think. Creativity, analysis, determination, and dedication to improvement are qualities of all great warriors, spies, healers, leaders, hunters, and negotiators alike. Even bounty hunters and smugglers.” She winked. “They also apply to builders, musicians, and planners. You could do many things, Karyna Offee. And, that is a good problem to have.”

The girl seemed to consider the response and then a happy smile crept into place. “Maybe so.”

Aayla rubbed fingers over the triangle-patterned tattoos. “Tell you what. I’ll think about your advice, if you think about mine. Deal?”

Karyna grinned. “Deal.”

_______

Caam hovered outside of the tent. _I’m not really hungry, anyway._

Small fingers intertwined with hers. “It’s going to be fine, Cab. I’ll stay with you the whole time, if you want.”

She looked over at Karyna and smiled. “How do you always know what I’m thinking, Kayo?”

“Because, we’ve been friends for eternity.”

Caam laughed. “I’m not sure three years counts as eternity, K.”

An airy expression formed. “It does to me. That is over a quarter of my life, you know.”

Tightening her hand around Karyna's, she said, “It’s really weird is all. I dunno what to say. I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to feel.”

Karyna leaned against her arm. “I understand. I bet it will get better as you go, though. Remember, when you first started lessons and had to write reports for Aunt Barriss?”

“Um, yeah?”

“You hated it and didn’t know how. Now, you’re really good at them. Actually,” she added with a shrewd smile, “sometimes I think you enjoy it.”

Caam gave her a guilty grin. “Maybe. You’re giving me some kinda philosophistical lesson here, aren’t you?”

There was a tiny giggle. “I’m only saying things are easier to figure out once you get used to them. Why can’t that apply to your mother?”

“Not sure it’s the same thing,” she mumbled.

“How do you know, until you try?” Her expression lit up. “That’s it! We’ll make it a project. You can try out different strategies and see what works best to make you feel ok with everything. It’s like learning and making yourself happier all in one. Then, you can write it up and we’ll dissect it to figure things out together. What do you think?”

_I actually kinda like this crazy idea. I’ve got issues._ “Alright, Kayo. Let’s do it. We’ll call it… project…” Frowning, she tried and failed to come up with any appropriate descriptors.

“Project Lost Cabbage,” Karyna said with an impish eyebrow.

Caam wrinkled her nose. “K, that is one of the weirdest titles I’ve heard in my life.”

Her friend nodded. “That’s why it’s perfect for us.”

She gazed at the girl, happy grin forming. “Project Lost Cabbage it is.” Caam giggled a little at the words.

Karyna started giggling as well and then pulled her into the tent.

_______

Barriss glanced up as the girls came tumbling in the tent flap, both giggling. _Ok then._ It was hardly the entrance she expected on the first night Aayla was joining them for dinner. Still, she wasn’t going to object. The happier Caam was, the better this was going to go.

Ahsoka strode in a moment later. “We can go ahead. Rex and Asajj are on their own for dinner. Sabine and Shan are prepping for their trip to Mandalore. And, Luke is on patrol.”

“Alright,” Barriss said, “let’s eat.”

Aayla didn’t move. She remained seated, eyes following Caam as the girl got a plate and sat down. Finally, she leaned forward and said brightly, “Hello, girls. How was your day?”

Caam stared at her hands, but Karyna grinned. “Good, thank you. Wasn’t it, Cab?”

The girl absently moved food around her plate. Karyna nudged her and Caam slowly looked up. “Yes, fine.” She paused and then rushed out, “How was yours?”

Aayla's posture relaxed. “Not too bad. Barriss gave me some new things to do, so I kept busy.”

Seeming lost for a response, Caam glanced at Karyna, who said, “What kind of things?”

“Mostly clearing out a storage room in the castle, so it was ready to be converted into a guardsman's post. I also started organizing the supplemental armory.”

“Really?” Caam asked with sudden interest. “How did you know where all the different weapons went?”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “From experience, little one.”

“You were a warrior?” Caam’s expression turned doubtful.

The woman shook her head. “Not a warrior, exactly. I did a lot of things. However, I’m well-versed in military standards and weaponry.”

Ahsoka snorted. “I bet you are.” Looking at Caam, she added, “The first time I met your mother I had to pull out all the stops to stab her. Even then, she managed to deflect my blow—an unheard of occurrence,” she ended with an impish wink.

Caam’s jaw dropped and then her eyes narrowed. “Hold up. Why were you fighting?”

Her wife winced and looked at Barriss for help.

She could practically hear the apology. _‘Sorry, didn’t think that one through, my dear.’_ Trying to keep her voice casual, Barriss said, “Actually, it was my fault, Caam. We were all quite young and impulsive. Your mother was only reacting to something I had done. Ahsoka didn’t realize the situation and came in swords blazing.”

Ahsoka snorted. “I used to do that quite often. Why do you think I’m always trying to get you to stop and think, before you stab something, spunky girl?”

Caam grinned and then glanced at Aayla. “What did Barriss do that made you upset?”

Panic gripped Barriss' heart. _No._

The Twi’lek gave the girl a bright smile. “It doesn’t matter now. That’s all in the past.”

Desperate relief flowed and Barriss forced herself to relax. “Actually, your mother is quite an impressive warrior, whether she calls herself that or not.”

Aayla chuckled. “Not impressive enough to avoid getting stabbed, though.”

Karyna giggled, but Caam returned to picking at her food.

Slumping back in the chair, Aayla’s hand gripped the edge of the table as her expression grew distant.

“Aren’t you going to get something to eat?” Karyna asked her.

The woman started and then a wan smile formed. “I suppose I should. Thanks for the reminder.” She rose and wandered over to the side table to fix a plate.

Karyna stopped Caam's roving fingers and intertwined her own. Then, she lowered their locked hands beneath the table. “Try some more questions. Don’t forget Project Lost Cabbage.”

Barriss and Ahsoka studiously chewed, pretending they couldn’t hear Karyna’s not so quiet whisper. Though, they did exchange amused glances.

Caam straightened as her mother returned. “If you weren’t a warrior, what did you do?”

Aayla froze mid-sit. Grimacing, she dropped into the chair and met the girl’s gaze. “Many of the things I did I can’t really tell you about. I wish I could, but it isn’t my secret to reveal. Doing so could endanger people, even now. I’m sorry, Caam.”

The child withered and slid down in her seat. “Sure. I understand.”

Karyna looked distressed. “Couldn’t you tell us something? Were you doing rebellion work? Or, was it for a kingdom?”

Barriss observed the woman, trying to gauge the response. It was clear Aayla was hiding a good deal. What it was and why it remained important after this many years was a mystery.

Her fingers rubbed over the jagged nub of her shorn lek. Finally, she replied, “It wasn’t rebellion work. Well, not directly, anyway. I was… part of a secret organization that was designed to provide assistance to anyone who needed it. We were stationed in various kingdoms and tasked with giving help to the populace. Unfortunately, there were so few of us we had to work alone and usually didn’t even know who each other were. That was also for our safety. The organization was known to Palpatine and he expended a great many resources hunting down it’s members.”

A wild idea flew into Barriss’ mind. _Can’t be. Can it?_ All the pieces fell into place—the hidden detention facility, the continued secrecy, the wide range of skills, and the specialized knowledge of Palpatine's regime. The lack of information on the inner workings and leadership of the rebellion prior to her capture had seemed odd, given the other facts. But, that would make sense. There would be a need to stay apart from any organized efforts.

Barriss looked at Ahsoka, who had the same expression on her face. _Maybe? Shouldn't we be able to sense it, though? Unless… she's able to completely obscure her presence or has cut herself off._ Both explanations were viable under the circumstances. Either also meant a significant level of mastery.

Caam had perked back up at the additional information and asked tentatively, “Is that what happened when… you left me?”

Aayla gave a jerky nod, eyes glistening. “I was trying to rescue another member of our organization. Her interrogation could have compromised others. She was also the only friend I had left.” Her voice became stilted. “It was stupid of me to think I could—it was a trap and I was too overconfident in my—” There was a deep breath. “Obviously, I failed and it resulted in me losing the only other person I cared about in the process.” Apparently unable to stop the tears, Aayla leapt up from her chair. “I’m sorry. I need to—” She fixed on Caam and choked out, “I am so sorry.” Then, the woman fled the tent.

Young, distressed faces watched her go and then immediately turned plaintive eyes on them.

Barriss rose and knelt between their chairs. “It’s alright. Aayla’s been through something no one should ever have to experience. Her life, her freedom, and part of herself was taken away. Sometimes, when people have times like that, it makes talking about things difficult. So, when they need it, we try to help. And, when they need time alone, we give them that too. Does that make sense?”

Caam returned her attention back to the tent flap and didn’t say anything.

“How do you know when to do what?” Karyna asked, still looking confused.

Ahsoka answered, “Sometimes you don’t. You have to follow your instincts. In this case, I think a combo approach.” She glanced at Barriss, who nodded agreement. “We’ll give her a few minutes and then check on her.”

Still staring at where her mother had disappeared, Caam whispered, “What if she doesn’t…”  

Barriss gripped her hand. “She’s not going anywhere, Caam. You are all she cares about in this world. It’ll be alright.”

Ahsoka got up and strode toward the exit. “Don’t worry. We’re going to make sure of it, my dear.” She threw a confident smile at Caam.

The tawny eyes wavered and then she grinned. “Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now we're getting somewhere. Some random writing notes on this chapter, if you're interested...  
> 1\. The idea of Aayla hanging on by a thread, mostly for Caam, in the desperate hope of things somehow working out was meant to show she hasn't lost everything through her experiences--whatever she may think.  
> 2\. Her interaction with Karyna I especially enjoyed writing for several reasons. It shows Aayla's ability to nurture, even in her current state. So, we get a feel for what kind of mother she was to a young Caam. It also gives Aayla insight into the strength this family has and how beneficial it must be for Caam. There is obviously some plot exposition, as well.  
> 3\. The other aim of that scene was Karyna development. She has Barriss' logic/determination and Ahsoka's directness/emotions, which gives her a unique bent and makes for interesting interactions with others. I imagine people who didn't know her may find her a bit off-putting. Also, it's clear our adorable mushroom has picked up a lot of Ahsoka in the last few years and it's changed her outlook on certain things.  
> 4\. As in life, naturally occuring traits can be intensified or tempered by environment. Really, many of the characteristics Aayla attributes to Ahsoka are present in Barriss, as well (i.e. loyalty, compassion, deep attachment, just, encouraging others). Perhaps, they aren't as dominant and/or have a different twist. It's possible some only surfaced in Barriss after Ahsoka encouraged their growth. It's an interesting thought exercise to try to parse them out. How much is a result of people naturally taking on new patterns of behavior indicative of their loved ones or their loved ones bringing out their less dominant, already existing traits? It's less nature vs. nurture than which nature gets nurtured, I guess.  
> 5\. Our little chicas are still bringing out the best in each other!  
> 6\. Of course, the final piece is us approaching the reveal of some of Aayla's story, which you've likely figured out part of by now. Back in her introduction, in LBtS, she was a bit mysterious. Overall, she was skilled, thoughtful, and disciplined, but in a terrible place. Now, I've brought her back in an even worse place. We are getting Aayla Secura at her lowest points, for sure. Hopefully, I can also weave hints of a less broken version as we go. Gabby apparently can't give this poor woman a break!


	48. PART IV: CHANGE - Return of the...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return of the... [FILL IN THE BLANK HERE]

Ahsoka found Aayla sitting behind her tent, staring out into the moonless night. Plopping down beside her, she asked brightly, “So, want to talk about it?”

There was a weary sigh. “Not really.”

Letting her mind wander instinctively, Ahsoka searched for the correct path. The one that came was surprising and risky. _Well, never led me wrong before._ She focused on a smooth stone lying by Aayla’s foot and twisted her fingers. It flipped over.

Aayla started and glanced around, but didn’t show any obvious sign of recognition.

 _Hmm._ Resting a hand on her knee, Ahsoka shot fingers outward and the stone skipped away.

This time, the Twi’lek leapt up and scanned the area. She stiffened and then slowly turned to Ahsoka. “You. You did that.”

She raised eyebrows. “What exactly did I do?”

“You moved that rock,” Aayla paused, face cycling through emotions, “using the Force.”

“If I did, what would that mean to you?”

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. At the same time, an underlying current blazed to life. Indecision, fear, and hope radiated from her presence and Ahsoka knew.

“Have faith, Aayla. The Emperor hasn’t taken everything.” Reaching out, Ahsoka floated the now distant stone into her own hand and locked an intent gaze on the scarred face. “It’s still there.”

The woman wrapped arms around herself, but didn’t look away. Then, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, thin fingers flexing forward. The rock left Ahsoka’s hand and flew into Aayla’s. She opened her eyes as tears began streaming from them. “You’re a Jedi. I’m not alone.”

Rising, Ahsoka gripped her shoulders. “I’m a Jedi and you’re definitely not alone.”

Aayla’s head dropped and she began to shake. Ahsoka simply held the battered woman as misery flowed out of her.

_______

Barriss was seated on the settee, two small heads in her lap, when the women returned together. A subtle nod from Ahsoka told her everything she needed to know. Smiling, she nudged the girls awake.

They rubbed their eyes and looked around. Spotting Aayla, both of them shot up.

The ends of Caam's lekku twitched. “Are you… ok?”

Aayla crossed to her and crouched down. Lifting a tentative hand, she brushed it across the girl’s cheek. “Yes, I’m ok now. I didn't mean to worry you. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with things. I’ll try not to let it happen again.”

Karyna piped up, “It’s alright if you do. That’s what we’re here for.” She looked at Barriss for confirmation. “Right?”

The woman kissed her forehead. “Exactly right, my brilliant niece.”

Slight smile curling her lips, Aayla said, “No one could ever accuse you of not having faith, Karyna Offee.” Turning back to Caam, she continued, “I’m sorry.”

There was another twitch and then the girl reached out a hand.

Aayla’s eyes widened. She took the offered hand and rubbed a thumb over it. “Don’t worry, little one. As long as I have you, I’ll be alright.”

Caam gazed at her for a moment and then murmured, “Good.” Looking abruptly awkward, she took her hand back and stood up. “I think it’s time for bed.”

Karyna looked at Barriss questioningly, who said, “Probably a good idea. It is getting late.”

Ahsoka cleared her throat. “I’ll take them. While I’m gone, why don’t you show Aayla your bow.”

“Ah.” Barriss nodded, before kissing the girls goodnight. “Alright, go on.”

They moved to join Ahsoka, but then Caam turned back to her mother. “Um, see you tomorrow?”

A happy smile formed on the woman’s face. “You most definitely will.”

Flashing a grin, Caam ran out after the others.

Aayla remained kneeling and took a deep breath.

Leaning forward, Barriss gripped her shoulder. “Progress.”

There was a soft smile and then Aayla sat beside her. “Barriss, I know this isn’t easy. It must feel like you could lose her.” Earnest eyes met hers. “But, I’ll never try to take her away. It’s become obvious to me how much she needs all of you. This is home, where Caam feels she belongs. I know how hard that is to find in life. I also can’t replicate this kind of support system and I want the best for her.” She sagged against the settee. “At the same time, I don’t think I can bear to let her go.”

Desperate hope surged. “Then, don’t. She needs you just as much. Stay here. Be a part of our family. This could be your home, as well. You don’t have to be alone. Actually, you shouldn’t ever be alone.”

“Why is that?” a strained voice replied.

Barriss reached out a hand and her bow flew into it. Flipping it around, she brandished the crystal embedded into the riser. “Because, Jedi are always stronger together.”

Aayla’s jaw dropped. Then, a mischievous glint shined from the hazel eyes. “Barriss Offee, you find new ways to surprise me everytime we talk.”

_______

Ahsoka strode back into the tent to see Aayla examining Barriss’ kyber crystal. “Looks like you didn’t need me to move things along.”

“Well, you did give me specific instructions before leaving,” Barriss said.

“If telling her to show me a bow constitutes specific instructions,” Aayla remarked wryly, “I’m going to need a codebook.”

Ahsoka threw up hands. “Why does everyone say that? You’d think we talk another language. It was perfectly clear that I meant, ‘Aayla is a Jedi. Show her your crystal and tell her you’re one too. Hopefully, convince her to stick around while you’re at it.’ Didn’t that come through?”

Barriss handed her bow to Ahsoka. “Of course.”

The Twi’lek shook a rueful head. “Yeah, definitely a codebook is in order.”

Placing the weapon on the table, Ahsoka said, “So, did my wife manage to follow instructions?”

Aayla’s mouth edged into smile. “Hmm, I think she made significant progress.”

“Excellent.” Ahsoka sat on the other side of Barriss, propping her back against the settee arm and facing both women.

“How long have you both been Jedi?” Aayla relaxed back against the cushions. “You weren’t when we met.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”

“First off, even if you had mastered concealing your presence, maintaining it in such a highly charged situation would be challenging. Though, I must admit it was near impossible to get any kind of read on you, despite what I now know must have been severe distress. My perceptive abilities are quite good, further enhanced by Jedi training. That’s one of the reasons I assumed you were lying.” Her tone took on an edge of regret. “I’m afraid it only increased my anger, making it harder to properly sense anything.”

“Ah,” Barriss murmured, “you still picked up a good deal. It surprised me.” She smiled diffidently. “I’m not accustomed to being read.”

Aayla chuckled. “I guess that makes me feel a little better. On the other hand, the presence Ahsoka generated was… I almost had to reveal my true nature in order to survive, a rare occurrence. The raw power was there, but uncontrolled. It’s doubtful Ahsoka would have resisted using every resource to save you in that moment, given her level of… intensity.”

“You mean my rage,” Ahsoka said weakly, a small shiver passing through her body. “Fortunately, someone knew better than to enhance my deadliness at that point.” _Gods, what could I have become?_

Perhaps realizing she had hit a nerve, Aayla lifted a hand. “As Barriss told Caam, we were young and impulsive—also, not exactly in the best state of mind. Though,” she added airily, “if I hadn't been a Jedi in hiding, I so would have won that fight.”

A grin crept onto her face. “Whatever.”

Returning the grin, the woman continued, “Also, I think Plo would have mentioned training Ahsoka. He talked enough about you for it to have come up,” she ended dryly.

Ahsoka gaped. “Plo trained you? Not Yoda?”

Aayla jolted upright. “You were both trained by Master Yoda?”

“Yes,” Barriss answered, “and you’re correct that we haven’t been Jedi for a long time. However, it sounds like you have been.”

“Sort of. I completed my training right before Cardota fell. So, it was still new. After I lost Master Plo,” her voice faded into sadness, “I wasn’t sure what to do. I lost my way for quite a while.”

Ahsoka’s jaw trembled. “We were all a bit lost back then.”

Barriss took her hand and interweaved their fingers. “Yes… we were.”

“I wandered around for years,” Aayla said distantly, “helping where I could, but still feeling alone and purposeless. I might never have gotten on track again, if it hadn’t been for a woman named Shaak Ti. She was a masterful Jedi.”

“Lady Ti?” Barriss exclaimed.

Hazel eyes widened. “You knew her?”

“A long time ago,” her wife murmured.

Ahsoka squeezed her hand. “That’s why she wanted you. Even back then, she knew what you were meant to be.”

Aayla glanced between them, but apparently decided not to follow-up. “Master Ti took me under her wing. We worked together in the shadows. Sometimes it was humanitarian work, but much of it was specialized. We infiltrated, sabotaged, or otherwise tried to derail Palatine’s operations. We never directly interacted with the rebellion, but Shaak had unaffiliated contacts we used to gauge areas of interest or deliver critical information.” She grinned. “To you, as it turns out.”

Barriss perked up. “Fascinating. We had a handful of reliable sources that always provided accurate and timely intel. I wonder which of them were supplied by you.”

There was a shrug. “Shaak managed that end. She had a much better working knowledge of the rebellion than me. We tried to keep specific areas confined to only one of us, in case of capture. I knew an occasional codename for a contact, but that’s about it. Anyway, it gave me a sense of purpose again.” Her expression filled with sudden misery. “Until, we both lost everything.”

Taking Aayla’s hand, Barriss gripped it. “We have a saying in this family. Losing everything doesn’t mean everything is lost.”

The woman gazed at her for a moment. “I do believe Ahsoka told me that when we first met. I can see the intervening years have done nothing but strengthen it. You people definitely have the faith of Jedi.”

Ahsoka winked. “It’s kind of the family motto.”

“Oh, I know,” Aayla commented wryly. “Let's see… being there and having faith. That’s what family means, right?”

Both of them stared at her.

The Twi’lek laughed. “Your determined niece informed me the second day I was here. She insisted I could be part of this family if I’d just try it.”

A soft smile lit Barriss’ face. “Karyna is so special.”

“Yes,” Aayla agreed, “she is. I'm sure it also reflects her reality. Being raised in an orphanage wouldn’t have induced that kind of faith. Not to mention, Karyna is a… unusual child. She must have felt different and therefore very alone. You instilled faith in her and it flourished. The girl truly believes. Honestly, how like both of you she is took me by surprise.”

Ahsoka’s heart swelled. “Thanks.”

“Actually,” Barriss said, “Caam was her first friend. Karyna was convinced no one could ever understand her. Your daughter accepted her as she was. Her faith today has as much to do with Caam as it does anything else. And, without Karyna, Caam may never have let us take care of her. They bring out the best in each other. They always have.”

“That was clearly on display this evening,” Aayla replied with an amused expression. “You know, when we first talked, I got the distinct impression Karyna was assessing me. It’s a very odd thing to feel evaluated by an eleven-year old. Then, your niece calmly informed me not to worry, since she would help with Caam. I think there’s an instinctive need for everyone around her to be ok. She declared we should all to be happy together.”

Ahsoka grinned. “That’s my girl.”

Barriss rolled her eyes. “That is all my darling wife’s influence. I’m going to have another one prone to meltdowns everytime any of us dares to frown.”

“I told her as much.” Intent eyes met Ahsoka’s. “The child wants to be like you a great deal. She’s worried about not being as good a warrior as Caam or Luke. I doubt Karyna realizes it, but I think there's an underlying fear that she’ll disappoint you.”

Ahsoka blinked and then stated with determination, “That’s never been and never will be true. I’ll make sure she knows it.”

Her wife sighed. “We went through the same thing with Luke. He had the makings of a great warrior, but was the youngest child at the time. The rest of the family were already at their height in terms of skill and Luke always compared himself to them. Then, there was living up to the legacy of having the Lady Jedi as an aunt. Not to mention his…” she trailed off and glanced at Ahsoka.

Swallowing, Ahsoka finished the thought, “His father’s legend.”

Aayla’s face fluctuated. “Who killed the legend? The stories are wildly inconsistent. I understand you were all there, when the Emperor was destroyed. I’d like to know the end of the journey, if you can share it.”

Ahsoka looked away. “Palpatine struck him down, while he was protecting Luke.” Shifting attention back to Aayla, she added, “Anakin saved his son and killed Palpatine, but lost his own life in the process.”

“Oh.” Her expression floated off. “Such a waste. Everything gone… for nothing.”

Squeezing her hand, Barriss said, “Life can be terrible sometimes, but we must take the bad to truly enjoy the good.”

Aayla refocused, edges of her mouth twitching. “Did that come from Luminara Unduli or Obi-Wan Kenobi? I get the sayings mixed up.”

“How in the world—” Barriss halted and then an affectionate smile formed. “Karyna is very good at remembering every word we utter.”

The Twi’lek laughed. “Indeed. I’m pretty sure our first conversation consisted of her giving me a rundown of every tidbit of wisdom she had ever heard.”

Ahsoka grimaced. “I need to be more careful in future. Who knows what will get repeated.”

“I’ve been trying to tell you that for years,” Barriss remarked dryly.

She glared and then kissed her wife’s forehead. “I hate that you’re always right.”

An impish eyebrow rose. “Not always. Just a vast majority of the time.”

Aayla snorted. “Don’t repeat that in front of Karyna.” They all laughed and then the woman continued, “Returning to the original topic, how did you find Master Yoda? We only met once. Plo brought me to a remote location for some kind of evaluation and he was there.”

“That’s a long, complicated story we’ll probably have to save for another evening, but it was quite the journey,” Barriss answered. “Where was the remote location?”

“An ice tundra in the unmapped expanse, well beyond the outer regions. Plo called it Ilum. I returned there after everything went wrong, seeking Yoda and guidance, but didn’t find either.” She gave a wan smile. “I’m not sure Master Yoda approved of me, actually.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Ahsoka remarked. “His exact words were ‘Impressed with you, I was not, Ahsoka Tano’.”

“That sounds about right,” Aayla replied with a small grin. “Still, Plo was very fond of him and said much of his wisdom came from Master Yoda.”

Barriss smiled. “I would agree. In any case, it’s unsurprising you couldn’t find him again. It was complex and treacherous for us to do so, even when he specifically sent for us.”

“He sent for you?” Aayla asked in surprise. “I got the impression Yoda only trained Jedi when the Force led them to him.”

She glanced at Ahsoka, who gave a nod of agreement. Looking back at Aayla, Barriss said, “For whatever reason, Master Yoda thought we would be able to succeed where others had failed and restart the Jedi order. I’m not certain if he was correct or not, but we intend to give it a try.”

Aayla’s muscles seized up. “You aren’t serious?”

“Yes, we are,” Ahsoka replied. “Part of the rebuild includes training and living facilities for that purpose. They may not be needed for many years as we intend to proceed carefully. Plus, there are many other things that need to be decided and fortified, before we can do any major work. However, that is the long-term goal.”

The woman jumped to her feet and began pacing around the tent. “Do you know what that will mean? You will become targets for everyone! You may even create the next Anakin Skywalker!”

Ahsoka winced. “We know. This has all been discussed at length. In the end, we decided the benefits outweighed the risks.”

Aayla’s lip twisted. “Did you? You’re deciding for the entire world what's best for them?”

Taken aback at the vehemence, Ahsoka considered her response for a moment. “I suppose we are on some level. However, another Palpatine or Anakin could occur either way. It already did. As Yoda once said, ‘happen before it has, happen again it will’. Without Jedi, the world may be defenseless when it comes.”

The woman crossed her arms. “You don’t know that. There were no Jedi this time and we won.”

“Who led that fight?” Barriss asked gently. “And, you’ve just told us there actually were Jedi working in the background, yourself included.”

Aayla deflated, collapsing into a chair. “What about my daughter? This plan puts your entire family in danger.”

Barriss rubbed her forehead. “Our family has been in mortal peril their entire lives and we’re stronger for it. As for Caam, being part of what will soon be a royal family in a kingdom that will probably rival the Shili of old is not a safe thing, either. Yet, you were accepting of that. Benefits do not come without risks.”

“That’s different. The risks are higher, the danger of failure more severe. You don’t _understand._ Do you know what they did to me, because I was a Jedi? What happened to Shaak Ti? How difficult it was not to give in to fear, hate, and hopelessness?!” Her body began to tremble as she whispered, “What I was forced to—do you know what I almost became?”

Rising and crossing to the woman, Barriss crouched in front of her. “We can’t grasp everything you went through, but don’t tell me we don’t understand risk. Do you think it has been easy to protect the secret children of Anakin Skywalker amidst a rebellion? Create a stable family? Lose people we care about, as well as each other? Issue orders that result in children being left without a parent? Dig through the ashes of places like Alderaan? Watch lives fall apart again and again? Keep faith, when the pain is overwhelming? We’ve endured much in freeing the world, Aayla. Don’t mistake our belief in a better future for foolish optimism. We know the cost of failure _and_ of success.”

Anguished resignation rolled across her face. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse. You know what might happen and you’re doing it, anyway.”

Ahsoka rose from her seat. “All we can do is the same as we’ve always done—what we believe is right. We prepare our family as best we can and give them every opportunity to make a life for themselves. It’s the same opportunity we fought so hard to give the rest of the world.”

Hazel eyes widened and then filled with panic. “You intend to train Caam as a Jedi.”

“It depends on her,” Ahsoka replied calmly. “Caam’s reflexes and focus already show signs of tapping into her latent abilities. It could develop without us, as it has for others. Guidance in controlling and applying it may be safer than leaving her in ignorance. That decision won’t be for a long time, though. Caam has to understand the choice she is making. If you’re suggesting we withhold the choice because we care about her, the answer is no. Caam deserves to make her life what _she_ wants.”

Her chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as shaking hands tightened around the arms of her chair. “I’m not certain I can go back myself. The thought of making my child a Jedi is terrifying. It brought so much suffering… for everyone.”

Barriss loosened the woman’s fingers and gripped them in her own. “Have faith, Aayla. With faith, anything is possible.”

Afflicted eyes locked on hers and then the heaving chest calmed. Aayla sagged back into the chair with a long exhale. After a moment, a weak smile appeared. “Where did that one come from?”

Her wife chuckled. “Ahsoka’s mother, apparently. She came back from the netherworld of the Force to tell us so.”

Aayla stared. “Um, what?”

Ahsoka sighed. “A story for another time.” Fixing an earnest gaze on the woman, she continued, “I am sorry, Aayla. I don’t know how to make it better. We’ll never understand everything you’ve gone through. However, we do understand loss, pain, and hopelessness. We _can_ do this together. Please, have faith in us and don’t try to go it alone.”

There was silence, until finally a shaky voice responded, “I’ll think about it. I still need to work through some things, I suppose.”

Barriss tightened her grip on Aayla’s hands. “We’re here to help you with that, as well. I meant what I said. Jedi are stronger together. Even if you choose not to be one anymore, you _are_ part of our family. As Karyna would say, family means never going through things alone. All you have to do is believe that.”

The woman slumped back, exhaustion sweeping over her face. “I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jedi. The word is Jedi.


	49. PART IV: CHANGE - Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress: Everyone makes some.

Aayla watched with a proud smile. This was the first time Caam had invited her to their daily sparring session. The woman suspected it had more to do with Karyna, who had been present for the conversation. However, she would take it, either way.

Lowering herself to the ground and crossing her legs, she gazed at the push and pull of the battling girls. _Force, my child is talented._ Ahsoka’s training had likely honed the natural skill, but even a great teacher could only do so much without an able, willing pupil. There was also a surprising subtlety to Caam’s movements that reminded Aayla of special operations warriors. _Or, spies. Huh. I wonder if Barriss has given her stealth training?_

Karyna, while not at Caam’s level, wasn’t nearly as substandard as she had claimed, either. The child was an intelligent fighter. Instead of focusing on a definitive strike, she parried, blocked, and watched for a mistake she could capitalize on. Clearly, Ahsoka had identified winning strategies that played to each girl’s strengths.

As Aayla took it all in, contentment flowed and she felt her muscles relaxing. It was a rare and strangely wonderful feeling.

A sudden voice wiped it away. She leapt to her feet, heart pounding, and pivoted around in a defensive stance. Seeing two shocked faces, her mind kicked out of its panic mode. _What is wrong with you?_

“I’m sorry if we startled you, Aayla. I only wanted to say hello.”

Aayla focused on the man speaking and her eyes widened. “Master Kenobi?”

He smiled and continued his approach. “Yes, it’s me. I’m happy to see you alive and well, my dear.”

She bowed. “I am glad to meet you again, as well, Master.”

“None of the reverential nonsense, Aayla.” He wrapped her in a warm embrace. “That time is long gone.”

Returning the hug, she smiled. “I suppose it is.”

Glancing back, he waved his companion forward. “This is my wife, Luminara.”

Aayla tried not to stare. Whatever she had expected the spymaster to look like, it wasn’t this. There were faded scars across the exposed skin on her arms and someone had taken one of her eyes. Still, the elegant beauty that must have been there in younger days hovered beneath the surface. More surprising was that her remaining cerulean eye had a subtle, mischievous gleam. Aayla gave a polite nod. “Hello. It’s nice to meet you.”

The woman smiled. “The same to you, my dear. I understand you will be staying with us. Perhaps, I should welcome you to our family, as well.”

She gave a small start, but managed a return smile. “Oh, thank you. I’m not sure my plans are completely settled, though I will likely be here for some time.”

Obi-Wan raised eyebrows. “Why not forever, Aayla? Might as well make it official. Even if we didn't already know you, Caam’s mother would always be family.”

Warmth filled her at the genuine response. “I’ll give it some thought, Master.”

“Obi-Wan,” he said firmly, “please.”

“Alright… Obi-Wan.” She paused. “I don’t know. That sounds a bit odd.”

Luminara chuckled. “He gets that a lot, not to worry. However, I must warn you, my stubborn husband will never give up telling you otherwise. He thinks it makes him sound old. You may find it worth your while to work an Obi-Wan into conversation here and there.”

The man glared at her. “Don’t misrepresent me to Aayla, my love. Besides, not all of us can look young and beautiful our entire lives,” he ended with a boyish grin.

Luminara kissed his cheek. “Now, you’ve made me look like a terrible wife. I tease you and you give me a compliment. What is Aayla going to think?”

His expression turned airy. “Obviously, she will know the truth. I’m a loving, dedicated husband, who adores his wife. Of course, such a man would never engage in anything less than courtly behavior toward her.”

She rolled one eye and then swiveled it toward Aayla. “Wait and verify that last part for yourself, my dear.”

Aayla laughed. The couple was strangely endearing. “I shall endeavor to come to my own conclusions on the matter,” she said with dramatic seriousness.

Obi-Wan groaned. “Wonderful. I’m in trouble, now.”

They were interrupted by an excited scream, “Nara! Obi-Wan! You’re back!”

Turning around, they saw Karyna and Caam pelting toward them, sparring forgotten.

Karyna flew into Luminara’s chest. The woman bent down, hugging her tightly. “I missed you so much, my little Ryna.” Looking up, she reached out a hand to Caam. “I missed both of you very much.”

Caam grinned and took the hand, pulling herself into the woman's embrace. “We missed you, too.”

Obi-Wan coughed. “Um, did anyone miss me?”

The girls giggled and left Luminara to both hug him at the same time. The woman straightened up and gazed at them, affection shining from her entire being.

Aayla watched the interaction, sadness creeping over her. She wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t quite belong or because her daughter clearly loved everyone more than her. _Even the nefarious spymaster. Stop. You can’t get back the past. Focus on making some kind of future._

The children finally released Obi-Wan. Caam remained between him and Luminara, but Karyna moved next to Aayla. “Did you meet Cab’s mom?”

Obi-Wan nodded. “Actually, Aayla and I know each other already. She was the prize protégé of one of my oldest friends. Back when she served Cardota, we interacted a good deal.”

Caam perked up and glanced at her. “Really? You didn’t tell us about that. What kind of work did you do in Cardota?”

Aayla grimaced. _Gods, not talking about things is killing me. Do you really have to be so secretive, anymore? Maybe not. Give her something._ “Oh, lots of things, little one. Sometimes, I was a warrior. More often, I performed special missions for the Master General. On occasion, I served as a bodyguard for the Sovereign Master or other high profile VIPs, like the legendary negotiator, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

The man laughed. “Indeed. Actually, she saved my life on one of those assignments.”

Aayla rolled her eyes. “If you’re talking about the miner dispute, I recall you saving yourself and me opening a door for us to escape.”

His expression turned innocent. “Don’t be modest, my dear.” He looked at Caam. “Your mother is quite exceptional. Don’t let her tell you otherwise.”

The girl looked at the ground and didn’t respond.

Feeling as if she was inhibiting Caam’s reunion with her family, Aayla said, “Well, it was nice to see you again, Master Kenobi. And, good to meet you, Master Unduli. I think Barriss probably has some more tasks for me.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow that told Aayla exactly where that specific family trait originated. “Calling Obi-Wan master is one thing, my dear. However, I insist on Luminara. Master Unduli died a long time ago…”

Aayla almost gasped at the momentary anguish that had passed through the woman’s face. Whatever had happened to kill the person she once was must have left much more than physical scars. _I wonder if that’s what I look like._ She met her gaze and tried to convey understanding. “My apologies. Luminara it is.”

“Unbelievable! You won’t call me Obi-Wan, but you’ll call her Luminara. This is grossly unfair treatment!”

Caam grinned up at him. “Guess, you’ll just have to work harder at it.”

The man shot a playful glare. “Ahsoka is having a bad influence on you, impudent one.”

Her grin grew wider. “Maybe.”

They all laughed and Luminara brushed fingers across Caam’s lekku. “So, have you mastered sword form three yet, my dear?”

As Caam began to regale the others with her progress, Aayla prepared to slip away. Then, a small hand slid into hers. She looked down to see vivid blue eyes gazing up.

Karyna whispered, “Don’t go.”

Her mouth parted. “Why not?”

The child’s expression set with determination. “You’ll have to trust me. Please.”

Aayla considered and then gave her a warm smile. “Alright, you’re my wise sage of all things family. I’ll follow your lead.”

A pleased grin shined back. “Good.”

As Caam finished demonstrating her Soresu stance to Obi-Wan, she looked over at them. “Do you want to finish our sparring match, now?”

Karyna shook her head. “I was thinking we could try your Mom. Aunt Ahsoka always says we should fight as many different opponents as possible, so we can learn how to adapt.” She looked up at Aayla. “Will you spar with us?”

Aayla’s eyes widened and she glanced at Caam, who seemed wary about the suggestion.

Karyna’s fingers tightened around hers as she added, “I’ll go first. If we get tired, we’ll take a break and Caam can try some other time.”

Her daughter relaxed. “Yeah, that sounds good. Great idea, K.”

The woman noted Obi-Wan and Luminara exchange knowing looks. She smiled at the girls. “Alright, let’s see what I can remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve sparred with anyone.”

Adorable dimples appeared. “Excellent.”

_______

Karyna picked up her staff and ran over to Caam. The two girls whispered together for a moment.

Aayla wiped her forehead. Ensuring she didn’t take an immediate victory to allow the child time to practice was more exhausting than anticipated.

Apparently completing their discussion, both girls walked over. Karyna announced, “Cab wants to try, now. Is that ok?”

Heart thumping, Aayla answered brightly, “Absolutely.”

Caam smiled crookedly. “Can we do swords?”

“Of course. I’ve always preferred the sword.”

The tawny eyes lit up. “Me too.” Unsheathing hers, she moved to the start position.

Giving an entirely too pleased with herself grin, Karyna ran off to watch from the sidelines.

Grinning herself, Aayla drew her sword and the sparring began.

_______

Barriss looked up from her planned changes to the city water system as a rambunctious sounding group strolled into view. The girls were gesturing excitedly to a smiling Aayla. _Huh._

Upon reaching her, they demonstrated a new move Aayla had taught them. “Impressive. Since you’ve been hard at work learning to be master warriors, I suppose we can skip your lessons for today.”

Caam grinned. “Supra.”

Karyna, on the other hand, frowned. “But, we were going to work on our projects.”

The other girl rolled her eyes. “Kayo, only you would be disappointed about not doing more stuff.”

“I’m sorry if I like learning things!” Her bottom lip stuck out. “Besides, I promised Uncle Rex I’d help scout for potential locations to add more lookout posts.” She looked at Barriss. “You said you’d help me learn how to map terrain. How can I find spots, if I don’t know that?”

“Oh, wait!” Caam exclaimed. “I forgot. I need to finish my report on the new types of roadways, too.”

Both girls gazed at Barriss expectantly. The woman threw hands into the air. “And, you two _claim_ I’m a taskmaster!”

Grins tugged at their mouths.

Unable to stop her own grin, Barriss continued, “I see how it is. Ahsoka lets you off the hook and you treat her like she’s a goddess come to earth. All I get is flack!”

Aayla laughed. “Can I do lessons, too? It sounds much more fun than cleaning out another storage room.”

There were responding giggles.

Barriss gave them an exaggerated glare. “I’ll show you fun. All three of you! Go get cleaned up and be back here in thirty minutes. We’re going to do some projects!”

“Yes, ma’am!” was the duplicate response. Giggles started anew as the girls ran off.

Aayla watched them go with a soft smile. “You really are a good mother, Barriss.”

“Oh,” she replied in surprise, “uh, thanks.”

The woman turned to look at her. “It’s true. You’re creative in approach and encourage them to expand their abilities, even the ones they don’t know they have. You’ve apparently educated them in such a way that they are actually excited about learning. I also suspect you’re the disciplinarian. I bet Ahsoka lets them get away with murder.” She chuckled. “Yet, they have confidence you love them no matter what. It’s impressive.”

Feeling pleased and awkward, Barriss said, “Thanks, but it’s not always like you just saw. We’ve had some hard-fought battles. Right now, they’re both happy. That makes things easier. Caam has a tendency to mope about doing things she’s not interested in, but is fairly quick to get over it. Karyna, on the other hand, is so determined and perfectionistic about every task it interferes with achieving the goal. The child definitely likes to do things her way and doesn’t like to tell you why. Luminara claims I’m getting my own medicine,” she ended wryly.

Aayla laughed. “Isn’t that always the case? Caam was so independent she wouldn’t even let me give her a bath without raising the dead. It made me realize the trauma I inflicted on my own mother. You appear to have overcome that particular trait, though.”

Barriss pursed lips. “It’s still there, but you are correct that she typically lets me take care of her. Though, she and Ahsoka are sometimes at odds.” She continued thoughtfully, “Ahsoka often has better luck with Karyna than I do. I wonder if it’s more to do with opposing personalities?”

“Hmm… interesting idea.” Her shoulders slumped. “At the moment, I’d be satisfied with a hug.”

Moving around the table, she gripped Aayla’s arm. “I know. It will come. She’s already adapting. You’re doing well.”

There was a snort. “You mean Karyna is doing well. The girl is a miracle worker. Caam didn’t let me spar with them by accident, you know.”

“Perhaps. Still, Karyna can’t create what’s not there. She can only encourage what is. The girls understand each other better than we do. Whether Caam shows it or not, Karyna is likely only reflecting what she knows to be true.”

A slow smile formed. “You may be right.”

Barriss grinned. “Oh, I definitely am.”

Aayla laughed. “Now, _that_ sounds like Karyna.”

_______

Aayla pointed to a passage in the book. “What about this one?”

Caam scanned it and her eyes lit up. “Good catch, Mom.” She bent over her parchment and began scribbling.

 _Mom._ Aayla’s heart soared to ethereal heights at the simple word. The first time she had heard it in so many years. The joy was nearly overwhelming. _Mom._ Blinking several times, she tried to focus on the task at hand. _Get it together. Don’t make things awkward._

Looking back up, Caam said, “Ok, now we just need to figure out which road type gives us the best cost and, um, benefit ray-ratio, right?”

She smiled. “Sounds like it. So, how would we do that?”

Her daughter’s face took on an air of extreme contemplation as she started counting facts on her fingers. “Well… we know the prices, resources, how much work each is, and the long—” her face screwed up in concentration as she enunciated the word, “lon-gev-ity. But, we don’t really know if one is better for horses or not. That seems kinda important. If horses throw shoes everytime, people may not come to Shili to do business a lot, right?”

Aayla raised impressed eyebrows. “Excellent thinking, little one. You’re right. We had similar problems in Cardota. The main road created those kind of issues. People still came, but they would deliberately enter the city from another entrance. It put pressure on the guard and brought too much traffic through roadways that weren’t designed for it.”

“Oh. I didn’t even think of that! It would totally mess up the way we’ve set up the flow of the city.” She grinned. “You’re good at this stuff.”

Taking a risk, Aayla brushed her cheek. “So, are you. I’ve had lots of experience. You are good without having seen it before. By the time you’re my age, you’ll probably be running the world.”

Caam ducked her head. “I don’t know about that. I like this stuff more than I thought, though. My projects are usually more… doing things, I guess? Like I helped Uncle Rex set-up the new company barracks. He even let me decide how to arrange the mess hall,” she said proudly.

“Impressive,” Aayla replied with a smile. “How did you decide?”

Her face lit up with enthusiasm. “Well, I asked Kayo for suggestions on how I could fit all my tables in the space and such. She gave me lots of options. Then, I took them around to the soldiers and asked what they liked. Some of them told me the set-up in the other barracks made it hard for squads to eat together. I realized the same thing would happen with Kayo’s designs, so I changed them up a bit. Also, they said the benches splintered, so people would only sit certain places—” she halted with an embarrassed expression. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear all the boring details.”

“Yes, I do,” she put in quickly. “Keep going. It was just getting good.”

The girl giggled. “Ok. So, I asked Uncle Rex if we could get metal benches instead. He said we could only afford wooden ones, but maybe I could find out if another type of wood would be better. I asked Shan what kind they used in Chandrila. She told me that, but said to check with Sabine too, cuz she knows alot about materials. After I had a big list, Barriss gave me the supplier stuff so I could look up prices. I got rid of any that cost too much, which left three choices. Then, Kayo helped me research which of them wouldn’t splinter and such. And, that’s the one we got!”

 _My child is a genius._ A proud smile spread. “You are brilliant.”

She shook her head. “Not really. I had a bunch of help. Still, Echo said the soldiers liked my set-up way better and they were happy that I asked them what they wanted. They sent me this!” She brandished a symbol sewn into her leather gauntlet. “It’s the insignia for Bravo company. I’m an honorary member!”

 _Wow._ While it seemed like a small gesture, it was no such thing. Soldiers were very protective of their company identities. The gift meant more than probably even Caam realized. “You must have impressed them, little one. That is quite an honor.”

Caam gazed at her. “Really?”

“Absolutely. It only proves my point about your brilliance.”

The small lekku curled with pleasure. “Thanks. But, Kayo is the smart one. She’s really good at this book stuff. That’s why I wasn’t sure about my new projects. Barriss said we should expand our skills, though. Neither of us were very happy about it at first. It turned out to be not so bad.”

She smiled. “That happens sometimes. You don’t really know what you are capable of, unless you try it and see, right?”

The girl stared. “Barriss says that.”

“Does she? Well, I’m in good company, then.”

A bright grin flashed. “Yep.” Turning back to her parchment, she said, “Ok, how can we find out the stuff about horses?”

“Hmm… let’s check out your other books on roads and see what we can find. If there’s not much there, we’ll think of something else.”

“Supra.” She reached for another book, but then drew her hand back. There was a brief hesitation, before a casual voice asked, “Um, is my… dad still around?”

Aayla jerked at the unexpected question that really shouldn’t have been. Taking a deep breath, she put hand on her daughter’s. “I’m sorry, Caam. I always intended to tell you about him, when you got a bit older. I should have done it sooner.” _Another mistake, Aayla._ Steeling her heart, she continued gently, “He died shortly after you were born.”

Her face fell. “I figured. Who was he?”

The woman smiled as brightly as she could manage. “His name was Bly. He was a company commander in Cardota, before… everything. We weren’t close back then, but years later I ran into him on my travels. I suppose we formed a bond, since we'd both survived. After a while, we fell in love and decided to have you. Actually, you’re a lot like him.”

“I am?” she asked hopefully.

She rubbed a thumb over Caam’s fingers. “Yes. Your eyes, especially when you laugh, are very much his. Bly had a genuine, open disposition. And, when he committed to something, it was forever. There was an unbreakable strength inside of him. His confident grin always made you think he could handle anything.” _Until, he couldn’t._ Her control slipped a bit and she forced lightness into her tone, “All of that reminds me of you. Of course, he was definitely an amazing warrior—like you will be.”

There was a weak smile, but no other response.

Unsure how to make it better, Aayla fell silent. Then, Luke’s hopeful expression floated through her mind and the words came. “He was so proud of you, little one. He always declared you the most special child in existence to anyone in hearing range.” She squeezed her hand. “Even though he can’t be here now, it doesn’t change the fact that your father loved you _very_ much.”

Happiness glowed in her father’s eyes as she murmured, “Thanks.” Then, Caam’s jaw tightened and she picked up the book. “So, um, do you want to help me figure out the road stuff?”

Aayla assessed her for a moment, trying to decide whether to continue the thread or leave it alone. _Don’t push._ “Absolutely. You start with that one and I’ll try a different book. Sound good?”

Her posture relaxed and a brash grin appeared. “Yep.”

_______

“Are you planning on starting a lending library out of your tent?”

Aayla looked up from her huge pile of books with an embarrassed grin. “Um, funny story.”

Barriss quirked an expectant eyebrow.

“So, Caam’s project on roads. She’s trying to track down each one’s effect on horses. Unfortunately, none of her books have the information. I found some others in your storage crates and was trying to help.”

She pursed lips. “By trying to help, do you mean doing the work for her?”

Aayla bristled. “No. I’m previewing them to find the one that has the answer. I don’t want to give her something that doesn’t.”

Barriss sighed and leaned against the tent post. “Aayla, I know you want to be a supportive mother and save your child frustration. But, that is part of the learning experience.”

Sitting back in her chair, Aayla frowned. “I don’t agree. Frustration often hinders learning.”

“Only if the learner doesn’t have support or lacks confidence. That is not the case with Caam. I never give direct help, unless they ask for ideas. Even then, I’m not too specific. It takes the thrill of victory and the lessons of failure away from them. It also doesn’t allow them to develop their critical thinking skills. It would be different if Caam wasn’t capable of coming up with what you’re doing on her own. But, she is.”

Aayla crossed her arms, eyes flashing. “You’re saying you know how to mother my daughter better than me? How I help her is my business.”

Pain stung her heart. _I used to be her mother, you know. I still am, whether you exist or not. Stop! Accept the things you can not change, Barriss. No, not this time._ The anger pitched higher and she turned to go, not trusting herself to respond.

“Wait, Barriss. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” There was a pause. “It’s difficult to accept someone else knows your child better than you do. Especially, when that person appears to be the one she…” Her voice pitched low. “I’m not sure what my place is in Caam’s life, anymore. Or, if I even have one.”

Rubbing her forehead, she turned back around. “You do.” Barriss chewed her lip for a moment. _Make this work, Offee. For Caam._ “No one in this family belongs to one person, really. We all support each other. The relationships have varying dynamics, like any family. Karyna is my blood relation, but she tends to open up to Luminara and listen to Ahsoka more than me. It doesn’t matter, because between all of us she gets what she needs. So, when one of our children needs something different, we let that develop naturally. Karyna is what most people would define as mine, but she really belongs to everyone.”

“Ok,” Aayla said slowly, “what are you getting at?”

“When you first arrived, I wasn’t dealing with it very well.” She smiled wanly. “I’m still not sure I am, for that matter.”

There was a snort. “That makes two of us.”

“It's just… I have a compulsion to be there for Caam I can’t explain. It’s different than with anyone else. Maybe, it’s because she desperately needed that from me and it’s become ingrained. I don’t know. But, it doesn’t mean I’m the only one she needs. She needs me in a different way than Karyna, but they both need all of us for different reasons. What I’m trying to say is that I have no idea how any of us fit together now. But, I do know Caam needs you, as well. That means we have to figure it out. I’m willing to try doing that, if you are.”

Aayla's expression floated away. “I haven’t had a family like that for a long time.” She refocused and asked hesitantly, “Do you remember me telling you about my niece, E’la?”

Barriss flinched, but managed a jerky nod.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to dredge up the past. It’s just that my sister, brother, and I raised E’la like that. Each of us were a parent to her in a sense, often providing different things. I had almost forgotten the feeling. It’s something I lost with them.”

“Let’s get it back, then,” Barriss replied intently. “We _can_ make this work.”

“I’m not sure if I… it’s difficult to figure out anything, when I’m having trouble figuring out myself.” Aayla straightened and locked their eyes. “Still, we can give it a shot. No matter what, though, don’t stop taking care of my child, Barriss. If there is anything I’m sure of right now, it’s that Caam definitely needs _you._ "

Blinking a few times, she answered softly, “I couldn’t stop, even if I tried.”

“Excellent.” A mischievous gleam appeared in the hazel eyes. “Hmm… let’s start with this road project. Convince me on why I shouldn’t help _our_ daughter.”

The words lit up Barriss’ heart. “Alright. I used to do things as you’re suggesting. It was a disaster. Karyna and Caam both need to feel some dominance over their own choices, even if they make incorrect ones or the process is slower. Children control so little of their lives already. These particular ones have experiences that make controlling their world important to their happiness. I try to give it to them whenever feasible. This is simply an easy way to do so.”

The woman let out a long exhale and then smiled wanly. “Ok, I concede. I suppose it’s also—Caam really opened up, when we were working on this project together. I didn’t want to lose that.”

“You wanted to be the hero mom, who swoops in to save the day. To show her she can depend on you to be there and help her.”

Her eyes dropped. “I guess so. Does that make me selfish?”

“No,” Barriss replied gently, “it makes you a mother who loves her child.”

Absent fingers rubbed her damaged lek. “Maybe.”

Considering for a moment, Barriss said, “The same advice applies to you, as well. If you want ideas, I’m open for business.”

Her gaze jumped back up. Then, she grinned. “Ok, let’s have it, Mother Jedi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess, we'll see if our family can build this new dynamic into something? Of course, we definitely need to get Aayla some help. She seems to alternate between hanging on to a thick, swinging string and then a final strand about to pop in any given moment. Either way, it's still a thread. Geez, Gabby, can't you even give the woman a hug or something?! I gave her a 'Mom'--what more do you want, other Gabby? A HUG FROM HER DAUGHTER, JERK!


	50. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss begins a journey.

Barriss rolled to her feet and fixed alarmed eyes on the figure. “No. Not possible.”

A young Luminara Unduli—stylishly arrayed in a simple, but elegant, alabaster dress—gazed back with two intact cerulean eyes. “What isn’t possible?”

“It’s—you’re not you. How did you get here?” Slow realization replaced the chaos. “What is this?”

Luminara produced a challenging grin. “What do you think it is?”

Assessing the image in front of her, Barriss considered. “You’re some sort of creation of the Force. It can’t be from my mind. I don’t picture you this way. You can’t be more than mid-twenties and you’re wearing…” she trailed off. _Gods, she was beautiful._

“I’m wearing what?” She frowned and glanced down at herself. “You don’t like my dress? It's Obi-Wan's favorite.”

Her mouth softened into a smile. “No, it’s lovely. I suppose I'm not used to seeing you in a dress, much less such a bright color.”

“Really? Do I not wear this kind of thing as I get older?”

Barriss’ jaw dropped. “You don’t know?”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “Of course not. I’m twenty-five. How would I know what I wear decades from now?”

Rolling eyes, she remarked, “Silly me. Do you even know who I am, then?”

The woman smiled warmly. “You’re my daughter.”

A sense of content joy blossomed and Barriss returned the smile. “Yes, I am.”

“I’m very happy to meet you.” Tentative fingers reached out and ran over the diamond tattoos. “You are so beautiful.” Her expression fluctuated. “Did I—was I a good mother?”

She froze for a moment, unsure how to respond.

The hand dropped and Luminara’s face filled with pain. “I wasn’t.”

Barriss gripped her arm. “That’s not true. You—we had some issues when I was young. But, we resolved everything and you are the best mother I could want.”

A probing gaze searched her face. “What kind of issues?”

“Nothing that’s important, now. It’s all in the past. I don’t care anymore, neither should you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

The tension seemed to release and the woman nodded. “I’m glad. What about Obi-Wan? How is he? Did he finally manage to convince me to marry him?” Her eyes drifted away. “I always wanted to, you know, but I was so worried about the consequences.” Uncertain eyes refocused. “Did everything work out, like he said?”

_No. I won’t ruin this moment._ She took Luminara’s hand, interlocking their fingers and pressing them against her own cheek. “Yes, you’re married and very happy together. You are both the most amazing parents on the planet.”

A brilliant smile blazed into existence, nearly taking Barriss’ breath away. “That makes me very happy, my darling girl.”

Barriss ran astonished eyes over the young, joyful face, taking in the bright hope. _She’s so different._ “Seeing you like this makes _me_ happy.”

The woman flashed a wry grin. “Well, if we’re both happy, my work here is done.”

She laughed. “Is that why you’re here, then? To make us happy?”

Luminara chuckled and kissed Barriss’ forehead, before releasing their joined fingers. “No, I just couldn’t resist the opportunity. I suppose we should get to the actual task at hand.”

“Which is?”

A mischievous gleam glinted from the cerulean eyes. “You tell me.”

Giving an exasperated sigh, Barriss rubbed her forehead. “I should know better than to ask Force beings anything by now.” Considering for a moment, she said, “I think I’m here to discover if I’m truly meant to be a Jedi.”

An eyebrow rose. “My child might be a Jedi. How about that?” She winked. “You were right. I was an _amazing_ mother.”

Barriss snorted. “Indeed.”

_______

Torches blazed to life on their own as the women entered an ancient-looking room. Barriss surveyed the cavernous space that was surrounded on all sides by rock formations. The mineralized ground had been smoothed out erratically, as if worn down by treading feet. Clearly, the entire area had been carved out of solid rock.  _ Interesting. _

An archaic, stone statue standing stoically at the front depicted a nondescript figure, whose features had faded over time. There was no way to even guess at who or what it had represented.  _ This place must be centuries, perhaps millennia, old. _

Luminara interrupted her examination with a question. “Do you have a family?” Subtle enthusiasm crept into her voice. “Do I have any grandchildren?”

Barriss turned toward her with a smile. “Yes to both. We have quite a large family, actually.”

The woman’s face lit up. “Excellent. Are you married?” She added with an airy tone, “Did you find someone the older me approves of?”

Feeling mischievous, Barriss nodded. “In fact, sometimes I secretly suspect you love her more than me.”

An eyebrow lifted. “I very much doubt that, my dear. Who is this paragon?”

She grinned shrewdly. “The Princess of Shili.”

Luminara’s mouth dropped open. “Ahsoka?!”

Barriss’ grin now split the sides of her face with almost childlike glee. “Yep.”

The expression bloomed with pleasure. “Oh, I  _ definitely _ approve.”

Gazing at her in strange contentment, she whispered, “I’m glad.”

Luminara smiled, pure happiness shining from her entire being. She trailed gentle fingers over Barriss’ cheek, before turning back to the room. “Well, here we are, my amazing child. Time for you to find what you came for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future… the past. Old friends long gone.” --Yoda


	51. PART IV: CHANGE - Time and Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time and Faith: Healing requires both.

The woman basked in the ethereal glow of the full moon and let her mind wander. _It's still missing._ The underlying current continued to elude her. Its steadying, comforting presence had vanished since her escape and she had no idea how to get it back. Aayla didn't even understand what it was, only that without it she wasn't quite complete.

_Force, you have issues, Secura. It's probably all in your head. Like everything else._ Ignoring the gaping hole, she let herself fall into the freeing night sky. The rare and wonderful feeling of contentment soon followed.

“I’m behind you, Aayla.”

Stomach jerking into her chest, the Twi’lek managed to resist the urge to jump into a defensive crouch. Flexing her muscles, she actively slowed her heart rate. _Get it together._

Luminara Unduli sat down next to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to startle you, but it appears I was unsuccessful.”

She smiled wanly. “I appreciate the effort.”

“I jumped myself, when I saw you sitting up here, if it helps.”

“Oh. You weren’t looking for me?”

Luminara chuckled. “No, my dear. I visit this hill often, especially when there is a full moon. It’s a sight I never tire of now.”

Aayla gazed at her. She knew little about the spymaster’s background, but suspected it had left similar scars to her own. _‘This one appears to have a lower pain threshold than the other.’_ Her lek curled in on itself. _Stop. Don't think about it._

The woman stared at the indigo-tinted stars with a wistful expression. “You never truly appreciate a night sky, until you are prevented from seeing it for far too long.”

“Yes,” she whispered, turning her own eyes upon one of the very few things that helped soothe the shattered pieces of her soul.

“It wasn’t until I returned to the land of the living that I understood what living truly meant. I suppose that’s why I enjoy sitting on this hill. It reminds me I’m alive.”

_‘Last chance, girl. Life or death?’_ Aayla clenched fists. _Stop._ The memories had become more insistent and harder to control over the last few weeks. Pushing through the assaulting images, she replied blankly, “Sometimes, I’m still not sure.”

“Ah,” was the soft reply, “that takes time and faith.”

Aayla choked out a laugh. “Faith again. Always faith.” A serene face looked back from her memories. _‘Be strong, my Jedi. Have faith.’_ Taking a moment to expel the past once more, she breathed a sigh of relief as the memories finally settled back into the recesses of her mind.

“Indeed,” Luminara said lightly. “It may also help reduce the intensity of your reactions to visitors.”

Glancing at the woman, she tried a small smile. “I’m not sure why I do that, when it’s clear there’s no immediate danger.”

“You were completely relaxed for once, my dear. It’s a state your body isn’t accustomed to feeling. Any unexpected interruption, even a small one, sends it immediately into a flight or fight response.”

Aayla stared. “How do you know that?”

A cerulean eye swiveled to hers. “Because, that’s how I was after years in one of Palpatine’s prisons. At first, I could only relax when Ahsoka was present. I think she made me feel safe. Then, I found I could also do so with Obi-Wan and Barriss. Still, any unanticipated noise had a similar effect on me. Except, I couldn’t see anything at the time to even know what the threat was.” She shuddered. “It was not a pleasant feeling.”

“Huh.” Aayla rubbed fingers over her stinging lek. “How long did it take you to not react that way?”

Luminara pursed lips. “It still happens here and there, depending on situation. Overall, though, I believe the frequency and intensity began to lessen after a couple of months.”

Aayla slumped. “Then, why am I still like this?”

“Hard to say. Everyone is different. However, if I had to guess, I’d say environment and approach.”

She raised bemused eyebrows. “And that means… what?”

Luminara’s mouth twitched. “You have been living alone, probably in less than ideal locations. As a result, I doubt you’ve felt safe enough to experience the phenomenon. There's been no chance to adapt. That’s not true anymore, though. Is this the longest you’ve stayed in one place, since escaping?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

The woman nodded. “Your mind is starting to recognize the new reality on occasion, such as tonight. However, it's possible the approach you're taking is also hindering progress. You have to actively accept it for your body to adjust.”

Aayla considered the words. “What makes you think I’m not?”

An intense gaze met hers. “Because, it’s difficult. I started my recovery surrounded by love and stability and it still took me quite a while. I remember the fear. Accepting a safe reality means depending on others, trusting in them to be there. Caam didn’t get her independent nature from thin air.”

She stiffened. “You’re suggesting I’m not allowing myself to get over it.”

“I am,” was the simple reply.

Aayla looked at the grass under her feet, conflicting emotions dancing through her head. “Maybe, that’s because I know it’s folly to do so.”

There was silence for a moment. “I’m sorry, Aayla, but that’s illogical.”

Her muscles tensed. “That's your opinion. I've learned the hard way that depending on others only brings pain. It always ends the same. The last person I depended on got herself captured. She depended on me and where did that get her? The result was utter failure, my daughter being abandoned, and years of torment.”

The woman sighed. “What if Caam had used your logic? Where would your daughter be now, if she had decided never to depend on anyone again? That kind of thinking is what turned me into a monster. It’s also why Barriss ended up in Cardota all those years ago.”

Aayla flinched.

“It’s false reasoning,” Luminara added gently. “One or even a string of bad outcomes does not invalidate the rule. Look at the people around you. Do you see twenty years of torment and pain, because Ahsoka Tano and Barriss Offee chose to depend on each other? Or, do you see a grateful world that was freed, happy children who are no longer lost, and the rebirth of a kingdom? None of that would have happened if they had decided to let their past pain dictate their future happiness.”

Tears Aayla couldn’t stop began flowing down her face.

“That's true of all of us. Ask anyone in our family for their story and you will see it is one of people regaining faith—who realized depending on each other was what gave life meaning, even when it hurts. It's a tale of lost souls that refused to let their bad outcomes control them anymore. Even your daughter's story is the same. It's one of the things that makes us all family. For every terrible result there are a hundred joyful ones. Never trying again is _choosing_ to stay in pain on the chance you might one day experience pain. As I said, illogical.”

Wiping away the tears, Aayla reigned in the sudden fear. _What are you afraid of? That she's right? Or, that you can't handle it, either way?_

Luminara gazed at the moon as she continued, “It’s going to be a difficult journey. However, that doesn’t mean the journey isn’t worth taking. I learned the hard way, as well. Far too much pain was inflicted on others, before I finally realized that life is pointless without faith. Quite simply, you can’t truly love, if you can’t trust. If you can’t trust, you can't depend on others. Without dependence, there is no faith. And, that means you’ll never feel safe.”

Aayla released an unsteady breath. “I guess I'll have to think about it.”

“No.” Thin fingers gripped hers with a surprising amount of strength.

She jerked her head up to stare at the woman. “What?”

A stern face looked back at her. “There is no purpose in thinking. You’ve already made the choice, if you do. If you’re not choosing to live, you’re choosing to die. There’s no middle ground. Right now, you are dying. But, it’s not too late for you to change your choice. Choose to live, Aayla Secura.”

The words sent her mind into a spinning tumult of fear and hope. _‘Last chance, girl. What is your choice? Life or death?’_ The hand tightened around hers and everything pinpointed on a single thought. _One choice. Do I want to live or do I want to die? I… don’t know. Oh Gods._

“Can I tell you a story?” Luminara suddenly asked.

“I imagine you’ll tell me, either way,” she replied weakly.

A surprisingly mischievous grin flashed. “Well, I suppose you could just get up and leave me talking to myself. As long as we’re here, admiring the full moon we both thought we’d never see again, why not add some commentary?”

Aayla laughed, despite the burning in her chest. “Alright, let’s hear it.”

Luminara closed her eye and whispered, “It’s a story about a young spy, who lost faith in herself and the man she loved. The regret and pain turned her into a monster, who refused to ever depend on anyone again. Until, she finally realized faith was the only thing she had left.” The cerulean blue flew back into view and locked on her. “That was when she chose to live.”

Swallowing, Aayla croaked, “That sounds like a story I’d like to hear.”

_______

“What’s going on, kid?”

Caam jerked up. “Oh, hi, Uncle Rex.” Her fingers curled tightly around the book she was holding. “Nothing. Just, um, doing some research.”

He gazed at the girl for a moment and then placed his stack of lances against the wall. “You’re doing research in the armory?”

Her shoulders lifted in a half shrug. “I kinda wanted to be alone, I guess.”

“Ah,” Rex replied, “then I’ll try not to bother you much. Though, I am interested in what kind of research involves only one book, a secret hideout, and a sad look on your face.”

Caam stared at the rack of swords she was propped against. “Dunno.”

Giving a small sigh, he crossed the space and joined her on the ground. “Come on. Tell your Uncle Rex what’s wrong. I promise it’ll feel better if you do.”

“It’s not important,” she mumbled, studying a random sword hilt intently.

_Hmm. For all I know, it could be weird teenage angst. Pushing could make it worse._ Still, Rex had a feeling this was something more. Leaning back against the stone wall behind them, he pointed his head to the ceiling, but kept Caam in his peripheral vision. “Yep. That’s what we all say.”

Her attention swung back to him. “Huh?”

The man maintained his gaze on the wooden beams above. “When we were young, no one ever wanted to talk about things. Ahsoka was the worst.” Rex snorted. “Even when she was clearly losing it, her response was always to say everything was fine. Drove me crazy. Of course, she claims I’m worse than her.” He chuckled. “Maybe, I am. Asajj certainly agrees with her.”

Caam’s mouth edged into a grin. “Guess that means I come by it honestly?”

Rex laughed. “Most definitely.” Turning his head toward her, he added, “Though, we all eventually gave in, one way or the other. You could just skip all the stress and lay it on me now. Then, we’ll both be happy quicker.”

The girl grimaced and mirrored his position against the wall. “It’s really not that big a deal. Mom told me about my dad the other day. He’s not—” Caam hesitated and then rushed on, “He died a long time ago, like when I was a baby. Since I don’t remember him, I was trying to find out more stuff.”

“Oh.” He tried to keep his tone casual. “I got ya. Find anything interesting?”

She frowned. “No! I looked him up in this book, but it didn’t say much. I’m not sure if I’m searching in the wrong place or what.”

Rex lifted the cover of the book. His eyes widened as he scanned the title. “Was your father a warrior in Cardota?”

“Yeah, a company commander. But, it only says his company and dates of command. Guess he wasn’t important enough to get more than a sentence or something,” she ended dejectedly.

The man shook his head. “This is a complete military history of Cardota. That’s a lot of people to cover. You probably want something that concentrates on the modern era. I bet you’ll find a lot more there. Company commanders don’t get the same attention of say a Master General, because there are more of them to talk about. Still, there should at least be a listing of his major campaigns and any other notable achievements.”

Her face brightened. “Good idea, Uncle Rex. Maybe, Kayo can help me find the right book.”

“Yep.” Pausing for a moment, he continued, “You can always ask people, too. Obviously, your mom could share quite a bit.”

She slid down the wall and pulled legs to her chest. “Yeah, but I—maybe.”

“It’s ok. I get it. Even if you don’t, there are a lot of people in Shili who may have known him. A few of the survivors have settled here. Your family is a good place to start, though. Cardota was a major power and a close ally of Shili. We had joint ventures on many occasions and most of the commanders knew each other well.”

Her jaw dropped and she straightened. “I didn’t think of that. Does that mean you might?”

He grinned. “Only one way to find out.”

Caam fixed on him with tentative hope. “Uh, his name was Bly.”

Rex shot up with a sharp breath. _He survived?_ A wide smile spread across his face. Then, it faded as the man realized he had missed the chance to find out when it still mattered.

Fingers wrapped around his arm. “Uncle Rex? You ok?”

Shifting focus to the tawny eyes, Rex abruptly realized they were his friend’s. The smile came back. Bly had obviously made a new life, a happy one. Having a child like Caam said it all. “Yeah, it's just that your father and I were friends. Gods, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. You’re so like him.”

She blinked. “For real?”

“You are definitely your father’s daughter, my bold little fighter. I bet he adored you.” Putting an arm around the girl’s shoulders, Rex kissed her temple. “So, want to hear a story about me and your dad hunting down a gang of pirates?”

Caam leaned against his chest with a happy sigh. “Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this one was nice. I think Luminara may be the best equipped to understand Aayla at this point. It was nice to see her reaching out and opening up to help a fellow tormented soul. Considering most of Luminara's family doesn't even know her story, this is quite notable in my mind. She's come so far. Aayla's isolation is strong, of course. She needs to feel someone understands to even contemplate moving forward.  
> Caam & Rex we don't get to see interact that often. Of course, Rex knows everyone--making him a good choice to give Caam what she needed at this point.
> 
> Side note: This and the next chapter were orginally combined, but the lengthy outcome had so much going on I was afraid the theme would get lost and the events would seemed rushed. So, I split it out into this slightly shorter than average chapter and the more standard length next one.


	52. PART IV: CHANGE - What Living Means

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Living Means: Without dependence, there is no faith.

“Can I come in?” Aayla called from the outside of the tent.

There was silence for a moment and then Karyna came to the tent flap. “Sure.”

She ducked in and saw Caam sitting cross-legged on the bed. There was a book in her lap and a nervous expression on her face. Aayla grinned. “Hey there.”

“Hi,” Caam replied with a tentative smile.

Looking down at Karyna, she said, “Sorry to interrupt.”

The girl hopped onto the bed next to Caam. “It’s ok. We were just reading a book.”

“I see. What’s it about?”

Caam's lekku flicked. “The history of, uh, Cardota.”

Aayla’s eyes widened. “Oh. Well, learn anything interesting?”

The girls glanced at each other and Karyna said, “We were wondering… the Master General who was your mentor, was that Plo Koon?”

A knot formed in her chest, but she managed a smile. “Yes. He was a great man.”

Caam nodded. “That’s what it says here. It has all his achievements and such. There’s a lot!”

“They call him one of the most respected and effective master generals of all time,” Karyna added.

“I can’t argue with any of that,” Aayla said, trying to keep her voice light. “Though, I’m not sure it does him justice. He was a great leader, yes. But, Plo was also kind, just, and wise. It wasn’t his military strategy or prowess that made him great. It was his ability to understand and inspire those around him. He could see things others could not.”

“Did he die when Cardota was destroyed?” Karyna asked hesitantly.

The woman jerked an assent and quickly sat down on the other bed.

“I’m sorry,” Caam said in clear distress, “you’re upset.”

Aayla shook her head. “It’s alright. I cared about Plo very much and would love to tell you about him sometime. I’m sure Obi-Wan would have some different insights, if you're interested. They were good friends. Actually, Plo and Ahsoka were close, as well.”

They stared at her and then Caam grinned. “Cool.”

Pushing away the memories, she focused on the task at hand. “In any case, I dropped by to see if you might be interested in a field trip.”

Her daughter frowned. “A what?”

Aayla smiled. “Since you’ve exhausted all your resources here on road systems, I thought we could go somewhere with answers. Naboo has a gigantic library. The staff there can help with almost any question. And, I know how much Karyna loves books. So, I thought we could all go on a little outing tomorrow. It would be fun and productive. What do you think?”

Karyna’s eyes lit up, but Caam looked wary. “Um, just the three of us?”

The woman nodded. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Barriss seemed to think you both might enjoy it, as well. So, I thought I’d ask.”

“You talked to Barriss about it, already?” Caam blurted out, sudden panic in her face.

“Yes,” she answered, trying to make out the unexpected reaction. “I discussed it with her, before I came. Why?”

Her gaze circled the tent for a few moments and then Caam slumped. “Oh. Sure. We can go.”

“Uh, alright. If you’re certain? You don’t have too.”

She shrugged in apparent nonchalance, but her fingers were digging into the book’s binding. “It’s fine. I’m sure Kayo wants to.”

The girl in question was staring at Caam in obvious confusion. “Yes, I do. But, we can go some other time if you’d rather not.”

Annoyance flashed in the tawny eyes. “I said it was fine, didn’t I? Why isn’t anyone listening?!”

Karyna flinched and her mouth dropped open.

Aayla froze. _What have you done? How do I fix this?_ She was still trying to think of a response, when Caam bolted up and sprinted out of the tent.

_______

Barriss scoured the woods, anxiety spiking ever higher. _Where is she?_ Inspiration struck and the woman followed the hidden path to the castle. She exhaled in relief upon rounding the bend to their favorite spot.

Caam was sitting on their rock, knees pulled to her chest.

“There you are.”

The girl jolted upright with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Quickly sitting next to her, Barriss gripped Caam’s chin. “What’s going on?”

There was a sniffle and she wiped her face. “Nothing. I’m ok.”

“No, you’re not. Please, tell me.”

The girl shifted her gaze to the surrounding trees. “It’s no big deal. I’ll be fine.”

Barriss frowned. Caam was never this recalcitrant. _Not with me. Oh Gods. I’m the problem. Somehow, I’ve made a mistake._ “You’re upset with me, aren’t you?”

“Dunno.”

“Please, Caam,” Barriss heard a note of desperation seep into her voice, “tell me what I’ve done wrong. I can’t fix it, if I don’t know.”

Tawny eyes jumped back to hers. “You didn’t—” Her lip trembled. “You said you would never give me away!” Tears came pouring out again.

Flabbergasted, Barriss sputtered, “I don’t—I’m not—what are you talking about? Why do you think I am?”

“She wants to take me away to Naboo.” Her voice choked. “She said you told her it was ok.”

 _Um… I've apparently forgotten teenage irrationality._ “That does not mean what you think. Your mother wanted to help you with your project. We thought this way would be fun for you and Karyna. It’s just a two-day trip, Caam. I’m not giving you up.”

The girl looked unconvinced.

Still confused, Barriss asked, “Why did the suggestion of a short outing make you think that?”

Caam gaped. “What if she decides to not bring me back?!”

“Oh.” Sudden understanding came. “You think that’s a real possibility. Me saying it was alright made you think I wanted that to happen. Is that it?”

There was a weak nod.

She sighed. “The problem is with your underlying hypothesis, darling girl. Your mother has no intention of taking you away from here. She’s already told me that. I understand why you were worried, but it's definitely not true.”

Caam’s face fluctuated. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she replied firmly, “we’ve talked about it more than once. In fact, recently we’ve been discussing her staying here with us indefinitely. She only wants to be part of your life, not take you away from the life you have.”

The tears stopped. “Oh.”

Barriss kissed her forehead. “If I thought there was a chance of that happening, you’d never be out of my sight. Please, believe me, Caam. I will _never_ let you go.” The statement resounded truth through her heart. _Ever. No matter how many mothers you have, you’re still mine._

Caam leaned into Barriss’ chest. “Good. Cuz I don’t want you to.” There was a trembling pause and then a quiet voice added, “You’re… mine.”

Wrapping arms around her child, tears formed as she whispered, “Always.”

_______

Aayla’s muscles finally stopped their painful seizures as Barriss and Caam appeared over the hill. Running to them, she crouched in front of her daughter. “Thank the Force you’re alright. I was so worried when we couldn’t find you. I'm sorry I suggested the trip. We don’t have to go anywhere.”

Caam shook a negative. “It’s not your fault. I misunderstood. I thought—”

Taking her hand, Aayla asked, “You thought what?”

The girl looked down and mumbled, “I thought you were going to take me away and not bring me back.”

“Oh.” Aayla squeezed her fingers. “No, little one. I only want to spend time with you. I never plan to take you away from your home.”

Tawny eyes darted back to hers. “You promise?”

Meeting the hopeful gaze, she answered firmly, “I promise.”

Her face tightened and Caam jerked forward, wrapping arms around Aayla’s neck. “Thanks, Mom.”

Tears she couldn’t control burst through as the woman slid arms around her daughter. Unable to respond, Aayla Secura simply held on, utter joy permeating her soul.

_______

“I need to leave for a bit.”

Barriss rose from the settee and gazed at her for a long moment. “And, will you be coming back?”

“Of course,” Aayla replied quickly, “I’m sorry. I should have been clearer. There are some things I need to take care of that require my presence elsewhere. It should only take a couple of weeks.”

The woman didn’t show any sign of relaxing. “A couple of weeks,” she echoed flatly.

“That’s what I said, yes. Is there a problem?”

Piercing blue eyes fixed on her. “You aren’t seriously asking me that question, are you?”

Aayla crossed her arms. “She’ll barely notice I’m gone, Barriss.”

Her jaw dropped. “You truly believe your own daughter won’t notice you abruptly leaving, potentially never to return.”

“I just told you I’m coming back.”

“Caam won’t know that, Aayla! All she will know is the woman, who was supposed to come back once before and never did, is leaving her again. Right when she’s finally decided to let her in. Whether you actually return or not may become irrelevant to the end result.”

Aayla grimaced and looked at a nearby tent pole. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

Barriss moved to stand in front of her. “You knew this already. Why did we go through this charade?”

“I didn’t know whether I was right,” she replied quietly, “and I was hoping I wasn’t.”

“Look at me.”

Aayla dragged her gaze to the intense face.

“What is going on? Why would you even risk throwing away the progress you’ve made with Caam? This makes no sense.”

She wrapped arms around herself. “It’s hard to—” Aayla halted, trying to come up with the words. “I can’t move forward. I’ve been failing at doing so. I have to figure this out and the answers are elsewhere. I can’t exist in limbo and be what Caam needs. As your master so eloquently put it… right now, I’m choosing to die.”

Her eyes widened and then turned contemplative. “Alright. Tell me what we’re dealing with here.” She raised a pre-emptive hand. “You can’t go it alone this time, Aayla. If you’re going to make this happen without harming your relationship with Caam, you need help.”

Aayla gazed at her, fear and hope fighting for dominance.

Barriss gripped her shoulders. “Please, have faith in us. If you’d prefer, I can get Ahsoka. You don’t have to tell me every detail. However, to come up with an approach, I do need the basics. I know it’s frightening to depend on others. I also know the much more frightening consequences of not doing so.” Her voice broke as she added, “Unfortunately, you’ve seen what happened when I didn’t. It only brings pain to everyone.”

Swallowing the old grief, Aayla couldn’t think of a response.

“Caam needs you. You think it’s some future possibility, but it’s already true.” Her piercing eyes took on a desperate quality. “If you try to do this alone, you’ll hurt her all over again. _Please,_ don’t.”

The words hit her core and she knew there was no other choice. _Time to live, Aayla._ “Alright. Let’s talk.”

_______

Caam gazed at them nervously. “Um, why am I here?”

Barriss sat next to her on the settee. “We need to tell you something you may find upsetting.”

The girl’s eyes flicked to Aayla and then back. “Ok. What?”

“Your mother has to leave for a little while on a special mission.”

Her face froze. “Oh.”

Ahsoka put in, “It should only take a couple of weeks. I’ll be with her, as well.”

Caam stiffened. “You’re leaving too?!”

“Yes,” Ahsoka answered with a worried glance toward Barriss, “but we’ll both be back.”

“What if you—nevermind,” the girl said weakly.  

Aayla knelt in front of Caam and brushed her cheek. “What if we what?”

There was a flinch, but not other response.

Wincing, Aayla’s voice turned pleading, “Caam, I’ll return soon. You’ll hardly notice I’m gone.”

A quiet voice replied, “That’s what you said last time.”

Her head dropped. “I know.”

Barriss coughed and both Twi’leks looked over at her. “Last time is irrelevant to today. Just because something went wrong once, doesn’t mean we give up hope. Where would we be if that happened?” Looking at Caam, she asked gently, “When you lost Wuulo, did you decide to never have another friend?”

The girl blinked. “No, course not.”

“Why not?”

Caam seemed confused. “Cuz, that’s stupid. Kayo didn’t live on the street. It wasn't the same thing.”

“Hmm, it sounds like you're saying we shouldn’t assume that because bad things happened once it means they will again. That each situation is different. Am I getting that right?”

A half-grin formed. “Maybe.” Returning attention her mother, Caam asked, “Is this mission important? Why can’t someone else do it?”

“It is critical to the future, yes,” Aayla answered. “Not only that, I’ll be able to accomplish something important to me. No one else can do that part.”

The young face assessed her for a moment. “Will doing it make you happier?”

Tears pooled in the hazel eyes. “Yes, very happy. Because, once I finish it, I’ll never have to leave you again. When I come back, I’m here to stay.”

Caam stared and then a strained voice said, “You promise?”

Aayla smiled and lifted her hand again, running fingers over the girl’s cheek. “I promise.”

Her face fluctuated and she glanced between them all. Then, Caam straightened and flashed a confident grin. “Ok.” She reached out her arms.

Sucking in a breath, the woman leaned forward and wrapped her daughter up in a tight embrace. “I love you so much, little one.”

There was a small sniffle. “I… l-love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to choose, Aayla Secura. Live or die?
> 
> So, I'm posting like a mad woman this weekend as I'm going out of town for work for a couple of weeks. Not sure how much time I'll have to update, while on the road. In any case, I wanted to get some things completed before leaving, including getting my latest completed chapters up! I may have one last chapter ready to go before heading out. Either way, not to worry, I'll be back!


	53. PART IV: CHANGE - The Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Choice: Only one matters now.

Aayla stared out into the distant horizon, where the morning sun was breaking. _I can do this._ A hand gripped her shoulder and she smiled. “Ready to go?”

“One last thing,” Ahsoka replied.

Turning to face her, Aayla raised eyebrows. “What’s that?”

The woman pointed to where Barriss and the girls were emerging with sleepy yawns from their tent. “We always say goodbye, before leaving. The girls don’t take it well, if they wake up and we’re already gone. Neither does Barriss for that matter, but don’t tell her I said that.” She winked.

Aayla tried to laugh, but found herself drifting into melancholy. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get a handle on this. You both seem to have an instinctive knowledge of my child that I’m missing.”

“Of course, you will,” she responded firmly. “We’ve learned through trial and error, so you’re benefiting from that at the moment. However, there’ll be new stuff we all manage to mess up in future. That’s ok. Because, we’ll deal with it together and our children will be the better for it. That's what family is.”

The words brought surprising comfort. Gazing at Ahsoka, she said, “I’m going to hold you to that.”

An engaging grin flashed. “Good. Because, it will happen, Aayla. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

Surety spread and she turned to hug her daughter goodbye.

When Caam pulled away, her expression turned hesitant. Then, she reached beneath her sleep tunic and pulled something over her head. “You should take this with you.”

Aayla looked at the necklace, eyes widening. “No, little one. You keep it.”

There was a head shake. “I was only supposed to keep it safe until you came back.”

She smiled and rubbed the girl’s cheek. “And, you did. Clearly, it’s in good hands with you. I always intended for you to have it one day. It happened a little earlier than expected, but it’s still yours now.”

Her fingers clenched and unclenched around the emblem. “Are you sure?”

“I’m absolutely certain. It brought us back together, you know. That’s how Barriss knew you were my daughter, when I showed up. Also, it has… special properties that make it easier for me to locate. So, as long as you wear it, I’ll never lose you.”

“Really?” Her face turned excited. “What does it do?”

Aayla grinned mischievously. “It’s a secret. Every generation of Securas finds out when they turn twenty-two. So, you’ll have to wait a bit.”

Annoyance, quickly followed by curiosity crossed her face. She examined it for a moment and then looked back up. “What if I figure it out myself?”

She laughed. “Hmm, nothing wrong with that.”

A brash grin flashed. “I’ll see what I can do, then.”

“I expect no less, my talented child.” Taking the necklace, Aayla put it over Caam’s head and then tucked it under her tunic. “Now, we’re all set. I’ll always find you.”

Caam smiled and wrapped arms around her once again. “Supra.”

_______

Ahsoka shivered and pulled her heavy cloak more tightly around her. “So, this is Ilum, huh? I can see why it hasn't turned into a premiere destination. My lekku are officially icicles.”

“You should try having half a lek sometime,” Aayla replied wryly. “There’s a chill running through your head at all times.”

She shuddered. “I can’t even.” Gazing at the woman for a moment, she asked hesitantly, “Does it still hurt? I’ve noticed you tend to rub it.”

The woman shrugged. “It stings a bit on occasion. I suppose I’ve gotten used to it.”

“When we get back, you should let Barriss look at it. She’s got way too much experience treating lekku injuries, which I’m sure she’ll be happy to complain about at length.” Ahsoka grinned diffidently.

Aayla chuckled. “It’s a good thing you married your personal healer.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. Poor Barriss. I’m not exactly a model patient.” Turning serious, she added, “I mean it, though. There’s no reason for you to be in pain, if you don’t have to be.”

Hazel eyes blinked and then a soft smile formed. “Alright. Let’s get out of here without freezing to death and we’ll see.”

“Good idea. In that case, what now?”

Aayla pointed to a huge mountain of ice a few feet away. “We need to go in there.”

“Um… in where?” Ahsoka scanned the entire formation, trying to find some hidden entrance.

“That’s exactly what I said,” Aayla remarked lightly, “when Plo first told me to go in.”

She shook a rueful head. “Alright, Master Jedi, teach me.”

Aayla stiffened and a shiver seemed to run over her entire body.

Concerned, Ahsoka put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you ok?”

There was a weak nod. “I’m just—whether I deserve that title or not is one of the questions I’m here to answer.”

Tightening her grip, Ahsoka prepared to object, but then stopped as Obi-Wan’s words echoed in her mind. _‘There’s a difference between providing unconditional faith and thinking you know best for someone, my dear. They need to take the leap, not be pushed over the edge.’_ She finally said, “I understand. Though, try to remember the past doesn't change what you are. You haven’t just survived things few others could, you’ve resisted turning to fear and hate during it all. You’ve taken torment and turned it into strength. I think you’re an amazing Jedi, Aayla. Of course, what I think doesn’t matter. You have to believe it, as well.”

Uncertain eyes gazed at her for a long moment, before softening. “Thanks.” Then, a mischievous grin flashed. “Where did you get all this wisdom, anyway?”

Putting on an airy expression, Ahsoka commented, “Random, surprising deepness is my special gift.”

There was a responding snort and then Aayla straightened. Stepping up to the frozen mountain, she lifted hands, slender fingers outstretched toward it. Her eyes closed and slow breaths wisped into the frigid air.

Ahsoka watched in astonishment as the sheet of ice seem to melt and spread outward in all directions, leaving a large opening in the middle. “Woah.”

Aayla twisted around and winked. “Welcome to Ilum, Ahsoka Tano.” Returning attention to the dark opening in front of her, she murmured, “I guess it’s time to find out what I truly am.”

_______

Aayla rolled into a crouch as elite guards surrounded her. Then, she looked up. Panic seized her as terrible recognition set in. _No. Not here._ Jumping to her feet, she fixed on the serene countenance of the woman chained to the wall. _No. Please. I can’t live this again._

Squeezing eyes shut, Aayla fought against the vision. _This isn’t real. I can make it stop._ Nothing happened. _Please, let me out. Don’t make me do this._

A malevolent voice echoed across the dank cell. “There is no escape, my young Jedi. You, like your master, are now… mine.”

Plo’s gentle face floated through the haze of fear. _‘One must accept the past to find the future, Aayla.’_ The words reverberated through her heart. Taking a steadying breath and opening her eyes, she let herself fall into the moment.

Palpatine's sickly features crinkled with perverse pleasure as the guards stripped her weapons and clapped metal binders on her limbs. “Foolish girl. Only now do you understand. Did you truly think your pitiful skills were a match for mine? If you wish to save your master and yourself, there is only one path.”

 _This was always a trap. And, you walked right into it._ She met his gaze. “What is that?”

“Join me.”

Her lip twisted. “You can’t be serious.”

A disturbing smile spread across the wrinkled visage. “I have use of your skills. Help me create stability and eliminate enemies of peace. I can teach you what true strength means. It’s the only way to save those you love. An option the Jedi will not offer you.”

Aayla frantically surveyed the area, looking for a solution. However, she couldn’t seem to focus. Her mind felt like it was clawing through a dense fog. She looked at Shaak Ti, hoping desperately for guidance.

The woman gazed back at her, regretful sadness in the fathomless purple eyes. “I am sorry, dear one. What’s done is done. Now, you must be strong.”

She strained to maintain her composure. “And, let you die?”

“Yes,” Shaak replied simply.

“What about me?! If I die, who will—” Abruptly remembering her surroundings, she broke off.

“Have faith, Aayla. Trust in the Force to take care of what will be.”

Aayla gaped, helplessness choking her thoughts. _The Force isn’t going to raise my daughter!_

“Good… good.” There was a rumbling cackle from Palpatine. “I can feel your anger. You see now what the Jedi are. They demand the sacrifice of everything. Come. Join me. It’s the only way to save everyone you hold dear.”

The furious buzzing intensified and she doubled over, putting hands to her head. “I don’t…” Images flashed in and out of existence. E’la’s bright eyes as she drew a picture of Chey. Uula laughing as Aayla burned family dinner. Plo putting a fatherly hand on her shoulder. Then, came the desperate search through the rubble of Cardota. Her terrible grief soon followed. The knowledge that she was completely alone. _No. I won’t lose everything again. But, what will you become to keep them? A shadow assassin for evil incarnate? Another Anakin Skywalker?_

More images ebbed and flowed. An ecstatic Bly held his baby daughter up to every person they passed on the street. Her soul seared with pain as his broken body engulfed the happy memory. Finally, a brash grin shined. “Mom, when are you coming back?” _Oh Gods, Caam. I never should have come here. I’m so sorry._

Sudden rage razed across her entire being. They were all responsible for this. The Jedi code that insisted she put the greater good above all… Shaak, who got herself captured and now demanded faith… Plo, who had given her a purpose and then left her… Bly, for running off to do his duty instead of staying with his family… herself for being stupid enough to think she could depend on anyone… the world itself that demanded everything from her time and again. _Not this time. You can’t have my daughter._

A strong voice cut through the chaos. “Aayla, please listen to me. Everything you are will die. Those you wish to save will suffer. Don’t—” There was a piercing cry.

Jerking back up, she gasped. Shaak Ti was hanging from chained wrists with a bloody gash across her chest, body contorted in pain.

“Wait! You said you wouldn’t hurt her!” Aayla cried.

Cold eyes glinted. “She can still be saved. You know the price.”

The bleeding woman strained to pull herself up. Locking an intense gaze on Aayla, she rasped, “Calm. Center. Listen. Feel.”

Taking a deep breath, Aayla turned inward and focused on the violent buzzing sensation, attuning to the underlying currents. Abruptly, the permeating fog lifted and her mind sharpened.

Palpatine frowned. “Unfortunate.” He waved his hand and a guard moved to Shaak, forcing her head down. Raising a falchion sword above the back of the woman’s neck, he looked at his master expectantly. Palpatine shifted attention back to Aayla. “Last chance, girl. What is your choice? Life or death?”

She began to tremble. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

His expression twisted, thin lips drawing back. “Choose carefully, young Jedi. I have plans for you, either way. Only one of them will save your master.”

Shaak lifted a determined face. “Be strong, my Jedi. Have faith. Trust the Force. Trust yourself. Let go.”

Body now shaking uncontrollably, Aayla anchored her gaze to the supportive eyes. _Caam, I love you._ She choked out, “Death.”

A lazy hand flicked, a cold sword swung, and Aayla Secura collapsed to the ground as her world died once more.

_______

Pulling knees to her chest, Aayla gazed blankly at the crooked icicle hanging in front of her. A lone drop of water slowly trailed down the huge formation, until it reached the bottom. The drop struggled for a moment, fighting to escape it’s fate. Then, it lost the battle and froze into place, becoming an anonymous part of the whole. For unknown reasons, the sight brought tears to her eyes.

“What's wrong, dear one?”

Aayla jerked her head to the voice. “This is not—” Leaping up, she backed down the passageway. “No. Go away.”

The image of Shaak Ti raised eyebrows. “Why?”

“You’re not real.”

“If I’m not real, why are you running from me?”

Halting her step, Aayla rasped, “Because, it’s too much.”

The woman floated forward and reached out a hand. “Nothing is too much, if we face it together.”

Anger blazed across her soul. “So, _you_ say. Have you forgotten what happened the last time we did that?!”

Sympathy filled her eyes and Shaak replied softly, “I remember that we faced it together and we conquered it.”

Fists clenching, Aayla spat out, “You died! I spent years in constant torment. My daughter was left to suffer on the streets. Now, she doesn’t even trust me. Don’t you dare try to tell me we conquered anything!”

“You’re looking at everything backwards, dear one. What could have happened? What would you have become? Do you think your daughter would have been the amazing child she is, if you had chosen to easy way out? Do you truly believe Palpatine would have let me live? No. Your soul would have been bent to evil. I would be dead. Caam would be lost. And, the world would have suffered at your hands.” Her expression hardened. “Don’t tell me we didn’t conquer anything, Aayla Secura. I chose to die and you chose to live. We did it together and we conquered the only thing anyone controls in this life… ourselves.”

Tears began burning down her frosty cheeks. “I don’t have your kind of faith, Master.”

“You’re wrong about that, too. It takes very little faith to die. It takes much more faith to keep living.” Her hand hovered expectantly.

Aayla stared into the supportive eyes and then slowly took the outstretched hand.

Fingers gripped hers and then pulled her into warm arms. “You are a magnificent Jedi, Aayla. More importantly, you are a fierce friend. I was honored to have you by my side to the end.”

Slumping into the embrace, she whispered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Lips pressed against her lekku. “You did save me. Your sacrifice released me from this life. You’re the one who endured the consequences. Please, don’t give up now. Be free. Go live your life. Enrich the lives of others, as you did mine.”

A new voice reverberated down the passageway. “Yes, Aayla. It’s time to choose.”

She spun around in shock.

Plo Koon stood calmly, hands clasped in front of his chest, the fatherly expression she remembered so well on his face. “Are you ready, little one?”

Glancing between the stolid images of her former masters, she felt a surge of confidence. “I suppose I am.”

“There, you must go.” Plo pointed to his left and a doorway appeared in the ice wall. Then, he opened his arms.

Aayla blinked back tears and fell into the embrace, holding on tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

“And, I you. I’m very proud of who you’ve become.”

Leaning back, she met his kind eyes. “I love you.” Aayla twisted a head to Shaak. “Both of you.”

The woman gave her a soft smile. “And, we love you, dear one.”

“Indeed.” Plo placed hands on Aayla’s shoulders and gazed at her affectionately, before stepping away. “It’s time.”

Nodding, Aayla moved to the opening. Then, she turned back to look at them one last time.

Raising a hand of farewell, Plo rumbled, “Do not mourn those who are gone, Aayla. For, in the Force, you will always find us.”

“And,” Shaak added with quiet conviction, “the Force will be with you. Always.”

Rare contentment blossomed across her soul. Wiping away tears and straightening her shoulders, she walked through the door.

_______

“Fascinating.”

Aayla crunched into a ball, running through pain suppression techniques and resisting the urge to scream. _No. They won’t get the satisfaction._

The antiseptic voices came again. “This one appears to have a lower pain threshold than the other.”

“Do you think lekku are more sensitive than tentacles?”

“Hmm, perhaps. It is also possible this one is less-disciplined or not heavily trained in control of pain. Either way, it suggests further study is needed.”

“We could try another part of their anatomy to see if we get the same results?”

“A potential option, yes.”

Unable to stop herself from asking the question that plagued her thoughts day after terrible day, Aayla rasped out, “What do you hope to accomplish by all of this?”

There was silence for a moment. Then, a matter of fact voice replied, “To ascertain what is necessary to break a Jedi, of course. Physical pain is only our current approach as it has given us partial success in the past. Do you have other suggestions?”

A hollow laugh rose from her chest. “You want me to give you ideas on how best to torment me?”

“I imagine it seems counter-productive. However, consider that your only escape is death. Once we have an answer, you will die. Your assistance would hasten that outcome.”

Aayla contemplated for a moment. The sweet release of death was sorely tempting. What was left to live for, anyway? _No, I promised Caam I’d be back. You still think that is going to happen? Don't fool yourself._

Then, the strange underlying current she often felt sprang into existence once more. Aayla never knew the source, but her soul anchored to it’s comforting presence. The feeling steadied her and the desperation receded. _No. They’ll have to drag the last ounce of strength from my body by force. I won’t give up now._

Pushing through the excruciating pain, she uncoiled. The chains encasing her body jerked on their wall supports as Aayla used them to pull herself up. Braced against the wall, blood dripping from her lek, she met the surprised eyes of her captors. “I will _never_ give you the satisfaction of an answer.”

The two figures glanced at each other. Then, the lead man stroked his chin. “Fascinating. Sensory deprivation next, I think.”

His companion growled. “That didn’t work on the other one.”

“We have just noted the variability between individual Jedi. Our Emperor needs a wide range of options, dependent on situation.”

There was a grunt. “I suppose. This is the worst assignment on the planet.”

 _Time to choose, Aayla._ She straightened up completely with a serene smile. “Get used to frustration, boys. I intend to _live._ ”

_______

Ahsoka leapt up with relief as Aayla re-appeared in the entry chamber of the cave. “Are you ok?”

The woman gazed at her for a moment and then an ethereal smile spread across a shining face. Opening her hand, she revealed a translucent, amber-shaded crystal. “I’m more than ok. I am… alive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that was... painful yet fulfilling? I don't know.  
> This is one of my favorite chapters I've ever written and I have no idea why.


	54. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss continues her journey...

Barriss lowered herself to the dusty floor in front of the ancient stone carving. “What now?”

There was no response and she looked up.  _ Oh. She’s gone. _ An unexpected sense of loss hit her.  _ She wasn’t real, Barriss. It was a creation of the force. You don’t even know if that’s who your master used to be. _ Still, the loss remained. 

Pushing it away, she closed her eyes and focused. As Barriss’ mind centered, there was a rustling noise. Flipping eyes back open, her stomach rolled into her chest.

“What exactly are you doing, Apprentice? Do you believe this is a productive use of your time?”

Barriss scrambled to her feet as a terrifyingly familiar Luminara Unduli gazed at her from cold, cerulean eyes. “What—why are you here?”

A disdainful eyebrow lifted. “Are you suggesting I shouldn’t be?”

“No! I just—” she broke off and tried to calm herself. Regaining equilibrium, Barriss met the hard gaze. “You don’t have any power over me, anymore. So, yes, I  _ am _ asking. Why are you here?”

Disapprobation looked back at her. “Do I really have to tell you? You should know. Don’t disappoint me yet again.”

Barriss flinched, but retained her composure. “I can’t control your disappointment, only my own actions. Besides, this is not you. I know who you truly are.”

Her lip curled. “You think the mewling weakling you met still exists? The foolish girl who believed the lies she was told? She chose love and hope over destiny and greatness. Faith destroyed her. She’ll never live again. I suggest you accept the reality before you.”

Moving toward the woman, Barriss replied firmly, “No.  _ That _ you may be gone, but I’ve seen what comes after  _ this _ you. I know who’s in there, right now. And, that person I could never fear.”

Luminara stepped back. “Fear is not necessary, only obedience. Why do you insist on disregarding my lessons? I’m teaching you to be strong.”

“I have my own version of strength.” Taking another step forward, Barriss said, “I know you’re in there, Master. Please, don’t give up on yourself. I love you.”

Emotions flooded the hardened face. “Love me?” Then, it was gone and Luminara’s eyes reverted to chilly objectivity. “You are attached. Unfortunate. I thought you could be truly great.”

Her resolve faltered for a moment. Taking a deep breath, Barriss attempted to center. Energy flowed through her and she locked an intense gaze on Luminara. “Attachments are not weakness. They are what make life worth living. You knew this truth once, but now you’re too scared to see it. You will find faith again, though. I’ve seen your future. I know what you will become.”

The woman lurched backwards, near panic playing along her features. “No. Not possible. I will never be that again.”

“Yes, you will. As for me, I am exactly who  _ I _ want to be.” Taking a final step, Barriss reached out a hand. “Come back. Be my mother. Please.”

“I can’t,” was the hoarse reply.

“You can,” Barriss urged, hand still outstretched. “I’ll help you. Have faith. Everything will be alright. I promise.”

A shaking hand inched up, but abruptly dropped to her side. Then, Luminara’s expression turned icy. “Yes, it will. I won’t allow your foolish faith to take me down with it. Let me show you what happens to those who are weak.” Pulling a scimitar from beneath her flowing brown cloak, she swung it at Barriss.

She leapt out of range with a shocked cry. “What are you doing?”

“It’s time to choose your path, Apprentice.” Luminara steadily moved forward, pushing Barriss toward the other side of the room. “If you can’t be strong, I can’t allow you to derail my destiny.”

“Master, please. You love me, remember? You always cared about me.”  _ I’m failing. I should be able to do this. I know she’s in there. _ “This is not who you really are.” Barriss glanced around the sparse room frantically.  _ There’s nothing to defend myself with. _

A hollow laugh echoed across the space. “I told you. That me no longer exists.” The woman backed her against the ancient statue. 

Suddenly, an elegant sword materialized in her hand. Barriss gaped in dumbfounded shock. There were strange engravings along the broad edge and a colorless, translucent crystal gleamed in the hilt.  _ What? _ Raising the weapon, she pleaded, “Please, don’t do this.”

Luminara held the scimitar high above her head, preparing to deliver a killing blow. “Last chance, Apprentice. Greatness or failure. Which will it be? Don’t disappoint me.”

_ I’ve failed. Again. _ She stared into the disapproving face and panic began to choke her mind.  _ Stop! Calm. Center. Listen. Feel. _ An ethereal surety dissolved the fear, settling over Barriss. “Neither. I may not be able to save you, but that does not change what is.” Tossing the sword away, she met the dead eyes. “I won’t take your path, Master. I choose my own. If your choice is to kill me for it, so be it.”

The hovering arms wavered, but then locked into place. “Very well. I have no choice.”

“There is always a choice.” Barriss closed her eyes, preparing for the end. “I love you.”

She felt a rush of wind as a scimitar cut through the air and then nothing. Jerking her eyes open, the woman scanned the area. There was no one. 

Sagging back against the statue, Barriss slid to the floor and began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What's in there?"  
> "Only what you take with you."


	55. PART IV: CHANGE - Support System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Support System: Our family has a pretty darn good one.

Luke absently ran fingers over his new company commander insignia as he reviewed the pile of service records. _Too inexperienced… too traditional… not creative enough… too ambitious… way too intense… oh, definitely not him… no recon experience… Seriously? What kind of qualification is takes orders well?_

The young man tilted his chair back and ran a hand through his thick blond hair. _This is ridiculous._ It was his first week on the job and he intended Bravo to be the finest company in the 501st. First on the list was finding an exceptional captain. While Echo had provided him a stack of potential options, none of them quite fit.

Giving up for the moment, Luke decided to visit the barracks. Perhaps, getting a feel for his new soldiers would help. _If that doesn't work, maybe I'll ask Uncle Rex for advice._ As he strode from the main encampment and headed down the barracks path, something caught his attention.

Caam was standing in the middle of a grassy field, staring strangely at the necklace clasped in her hands.

Changing course, Luke called, “Hey, Caamerino, what’s up?”

The girl closed fingers around the emblem and then stuffed it into her pocket. “Um, nothing.”

Luke snorted. “Yeah, right. That’s the same face you have when Aunt Barriss makes us eat those green weeds.”

A half-grin crept up. “Is not.”

“Is too.” He grinned engagingly and patted her lekku. “Come on, tell your big brother what’s wrong. I probably can’t help, but I’d rather try than not.”

There was a small sigh. “I guess I’m just worried about my mom. What if she… doesn’t come back?”

“Makes sense.” Luke contemplated. _What would Aunt Barriss say?_ “Well, let’s think it through. How many times did your mom leave and come back, before she was captured?”

“A bunch, I guess.”

“Yep. So, let’s say there was only once she didn’t and fifty times she did. That’s good odds for this time, right?”

She smiled. “Yeah.” Then, the smile dropped. “But, that one time was really bad.”

Putting an arm around her shoulder, he exhaled. “I know, Caamerino, I know.” _Ok, Aunt Ahsoka approach?_ Luke started to tell her everything would be alright, but it sounded a bit weak in his head. _Just be yourself, Skywalker._ Letting his thoughts wander instinctively, he said the first thing that came to him, “I lost my parents, when I was born. Then, a few years ago, I had a chance to get my father back. It didn’t work out and I lost him again.”

Caam pressed herself into his side. “I know. It’s sad.”

Luke pulled her tighter. “Yes, it is. But, if I got another chance, I would do it all over again. I’d try again and again, even if it always ended the same. Because, he was my father and I loved him.”

Her head rotated up to look at him. “You think I should keep trying to get my mom back no matter what?”

He smiled. “Maybe. I’m just telling you what I would do. It can hurt sometimes though, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“I suppose I’m saying only you can decide if your mom is worth the risk of hurting again. Either way, having faith in the people we love isn’t a bad thing, right?”

The tawny eyes brightened. “Guess not.”

Luke grinned and kissed the top of her lekku. “Speaking of, I hear your mom taught you a new move. Why don’t you try it out on me?”

Caam grinned back. “Ok.”

_______

Karyna stared in the dim lamplight as Barriss slept, an equally sleeping Caam in her arms. Feeling restless and unsettled, she quietly got up from her own bed and padded out of the tent.

A shiver ran through her thin nightdress. _I should have taken my cloak. And, my shoes._ She considered going back to retrieve them. _Aunt Barriss will wake up and then Cab will wake up. I’ll cause more problems for everyone._

Looking around in the darkness, Karyna spotted a fire still glowing a few tents away. Wandering over, she stoked the embers and added more wood. Feeling a comfortable heat wafting, she settled next to it.

The longer she gazed into the crackling flames, the more restless she became. Karyna had thought not watching the other two sleeping peacefully together would help. It appeared to be getting worse, though. That’s when she realized her cheeks were wet. _Why am I crying?_

“Ryna? What are you doing out here?”

Stiffening, she swiftly wiped the tears away and pasted a bright grin. “I couldn’t sleep.” Scrambling to her feet, Karyna began to edge away from Luminara. “But, I should go try again.”

“Stop.” The voice was stern and commanding.

She froze. Hands gripped her shoulders and turned Karyna around. A probing eye roved across her face. Fidgeting under the gaze that always seemed to know her thoughts, the girl looked down.

Luminara sighed. “My muscles aren’t what they used to be, but tonight I think I can manage this.” Arms picked Karyna up and began carrying her away. “We’re going to bed, my darling girl. Maybe, we can help each other sleep.”

The comforting warmth of being held brought the tears back once more. Karyna wrapped herself around Luminara and let them come.

_______

Barriss searched the camp, panic on the edges of her mind, as the sun rose over the rolling hills. _Where is she?_

Hurrying down to Luminara and Obi-Wan’s tent, she listened at the flap. Hearing nothing, Barriss peeked inside. Releasing a breath, she stepped back and began biting her lip. _Why is she with them? What happened? Why didn’t I hear her leave?_ If Luminara had gotten Karyna in the middle of night, surely they would have taken her shoes.

Pacing outside the tent, the unsettled feeling churned. On the surface, it wasn’t anything to warrant serious concern, yet her mind couldn’t seem to calm. _There’s something wrong and I have no idea what it is._

_You can find out when they wake up, Offee. Get it together._ Reluctantly walking back to the girls’ tent, she slid back into bed with Caam and waited.

_______

An hour later, Barriss heard footsteps. Closing her eyes and facing Karyna’s bed, she tried to appear asleep.

A bed creaked and then her niece’s not so quiet whisper said, “Can I stay with you again tonight?”

“Anytime you like, my little Ryna. Now, go back to sleep.”

There was a content murmur and Barriss heard Karyna’s breathing slow into a familiar rhythm. Despite the child being asleep, her master hadn't moved. Unable to restrain the curiosity any longer, Barriss slitted eyelids and nearly jumped out of her skin.

Luminara was sitting on Karyna’s bed, stroking the girl’s forehead, but her gaze was fixed on Barriss. She quirked an eyebrow and jerked her head toward the flap.

Grimacing, Barriss carefully rose and made her way outside. Luminara followed, but didn’t stop. Instead, the woman strolled inside the adjoining main tent.

Starting to feel exasperated, Barriss marched in after her. “What is going on?”

Settling on the settee, Luminara held out a hand without responding.

Blinking, she walked over, taking the hand and sitting next to her.

Luminara pulled Barriss into her lap and began rolling fingers over her forehead. “You’re hiding it very well, my dear.”

She gazed up at her. “Hiding what?”

There was a knowing smile. “You’re exhausted and conflicted.”

Barriss closed tired eyes and whispered, “Yes.”

“I can’t help much, other than to tell you that it will all work out eventually. You won’t lose Caam, though the dynamics may alter a bit. We've always been an unusual family. There's no reason she can't belong to both of you. I suspect that's what the girl herself wants, as well.”

“I hope so,” Barriss murmured. “I'm not sure I can do without her. She's my child.”

“I know. Change is difficult, especially when it involves people you love. However, essentials never change. You’ll figure a path through and our family will be stronger for it. It’s what you do, my darling girl.”

Barriss smiled. “Thanks.” Opening her eyes, she continued, “But, none of this tells me what is going on with Karyna.”

“Oh, it should.” The woman gazed down with an impish glint.

Barriss threw a small glare. “Uh, I’m going to need some help, please.”

“Well, let’s start with a question. How much time have you spent with Karyna over the last month?”

Her heart dropped. “Oh.” Anger at herself surged. “I’ve been so focused on Caam, I’ve been neglecting her. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

“Partly,” Luminara replied, “but think about how she handles things. When people she loves are upset, Karyna doesn’t do well. From a child’s perspective, it’s not getting better, despite her determined efforts. Added to receiving lessened levels of attention and comfort, we have a Karyna who wanders around barefoot and cold in the middle of the night.”

Barriss cursed. “You’re right. She’s becoming more like Ahsoka everyday. Even Aayla commented on it. If she was older, Karyna would probably be wandering around the countryside by now. How did I not see what was happening?”

“I just told you that answer, as well,” Luminara remarked lightly.

Looking up with a wan smile, she said, “So you did. What would I do without you?”

Luminara leaned over and brushed lips across her forehead. “You’d still be incredible. You’re a much better mother than I ever was.”

Reaching up, Barriss gripped the woman’s face. “Don’t say that. I got the winning strategies from somewhere.” She grinned. “Even intel gathering came in handy.”

There was a snort.

“Besides,” Barriss continued softly, “you teach me how to be a better mother everyday. You just did.”

A happy smile shined down at her. “I love you so much, my amazing child.”

She pulled Luminara’s mouth back to her forehead with a content sigh. “And, I love you, my amazing mother.”

_______

Barriss ducked back into the tent to find two anxious faces sitting in one bed. “Oh. You’re awake.”

They glanced at each other and then Caam said, “Yeah, we weren’t sure if you were coming back or not.”

“Sorry, my dears, I woke up early and needed to take care of something. I didn’t think you’d notice. You were dead to the world.” She winked.

Karyna looked down and mumbled, “We notice things.”

Barriss winced and then reached out both hands. “Come on. Let’s work on breakfast together.”

Caam grinned as she hopped off the bed, taking a hand.

Karyna slid legs over the side, but didn’t get up. “It’s ok. You both go ahead. I might rest some more.”

“What?” Caam scrunched her nose. “I thought you said you weren’t sleepy?”

_Gods, this is worse than I thought._ Considering for a moment, Barriss addressed Caam, “Will you go get a fire started? We’ll be along shortly.”

The girl glanced between them. “Um, yeah, sure.” She slowly walked out with a worried expression.

Barriss sighed. There would be more cleanup to do. _This is what happens when you get tunnel vision._ Crossing to the bed, she sat beside her niece. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired, I suppose.”

“That’s not going to fly, Karyna. You think I didn’t hear your Nara bring you back this morning?”

There was a momentary wince, but she recovered quickly with a small shrug. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk. Nara couldn’t either. She suggested we try to get some rest together.”

She had to hold back a smile. It was a truthful answer that didn’t reveal anything. _It’s like she got my issues and Ahsoka’s combined. Great._ Changing her approach, Barriss pulled the girl to her chest. “Karyna, I know the last few weeks have been difficult. I’ve been neglecting you and I’m sorry.”

There was a muffled reply, “It’s alright. Don’t worry. Caam needed you more than I did.”

“That’s not true. You need me just as much. It won’t happen again, ok?”

“I don’t—you shouldn’t—” The girl pulled back and began chewing her lip.

“Go ahead, what are you trying to say?”

Karyna rushed out, “You’ve been upset, too. I don’t want you to worry about me, in addition to Caam. I’ll be fine.”

Barriss stared and then shook a rueful head. “You are so like Ahsoka.”

The vivid blue lit up. “Really?”

She chuckled. “Yes, my dear. Anytime I’m upset, she can’t take it and has a tendency to be supportive at the expense of herself. I’m sorely tempted to tell you not to pick up the habit. However, given it’s one of the things that makes her so special, I can’t help but love you for it.”

There was a bashful grin. “I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment.”

Barriss pinched the dimpled cheeks. “It definitely is, darling girl.” Turning serious, she continued, “As long as you understand that when we’re upset it doesn’t mean you’re going to lose us or things aren’t going to work out. We’re still a family, but each of us will have difficult times in our lives. They won’t last forever. In the current situation, things are already getting better.”

“They are?” Karyna asked hopefully.

“Absolutely. That’s why Aayla and Ahsoka went on their mission. Once they return, Aayla plans to settle here with us and become part of our family.”

The small body relaxed. “That’s good. Caam will be happy.”

Barriss smiled and brushed fingers over Karyna's tattoos. “However, everyone may not be happy right away or all the time. There will be issues to work through. Adding a family member means dynamics can change. That’s ok. We’ll still be a family and can figure it out as we go.”

“Together, right?” Anxious eyes gazed at her.

“Yes, together. But, you need to accept that it will take time. People have to decide how best to adapt in their own way. It may not happen as quickly or as easily as you think it will. If you become overly concerned with making us happy, it will make you unhappy. Then, what do you think will happen?”

Her head lowered. “You’ll be worried about me and that will make things worse.”

Lifting the delicate chin, Barriss smiled softly. “You are so special, Karyna. You know that, right?”

An impish eyebrow quirked. “Maybe, you should say it more often so I’ll be sure to remember.”

Barriss tweaked her nose. “Advice noted, my impertinent niece.” She slid arms around the small figure and kissed her hair. “I love you very much.”

There was a content sigh as the girl snuggled closer. “Not as much as I love you, Aunt Barriss.”

She snorted. “I’m going to have a serious discussion with Ahsoka about you taking too much after her.”

Karyna giggled. “Nope. She wouldn’t be that way, if you didn’t love it, right? That should mean I’m close to reaching 110% perfection level.”

Barriss began to shake with laughter and choked out, “Oh, you’re already there, my perfect child.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my favorite part of this chapter is the Luke & Caam interaction as well as the Luminara dynamic with both Barriss and Karyna. Oh, and Barriss pretending to sleep, while Luminara patiently waits for her to give it up so they can get on with things, ha


	56. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss finally finds her mother.

“What’s wrong, darling girl?”

Barriss lifted foggy eyes and joy flowed into her heart. “I’m so happy to see you.”

Her Luminara knelt down next to the ancient statue, affection sparkling from a lone cerulean eye. “I’m happy to see you, as well.”

Sniffling with a smile, she reached out her arms and waited.

Familiar hands pulled Barriss into a warm embrace and began stroking her hair. “It’s alright, my amazing child. I’m here.”

“I know,” Barriss murmured, “you always were.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet bookend. Now, on with the journey!


	57. PART IV: CHANGE - Missing Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing Piece: Aayla completes her journey.

A shivering Ahsoka wrapped a blanket around herself and held stiff hands in front of the fire. “Gods, this feels good. I thought I’d never be warm again. I can’t believe you’re not freezing to death working on that.”

“Well, I must admit my fingers are a bit numb.” Aayla pulled her brown wooly cloak tighter, but continued to polish the kyber crystal now installed in her sword hilt.

“Um, yeah.” Rubbing herself vigorously, she remarked, “Remember, if you get frostbite, I’ll have to do all the cooking. I seem to recall someone being disinclined to appreciate my culinary skills.”

There was a snort. “Perhaps, that's because the only night you cooked we ended up with abnormally crunchy fish that had the distinct aroma of a sick rancor.”

“Hey! That was signature flavor!”

Aayla raised dubious eyebrows. “Then, you apparently got so offended at my lack of fine taste, you’ve been refusing to hunt down anything else for the last few days. Given I can continue to eat dry rations, frostbite or not, your argument is less than convincing.”

Ahsoka shot a death glare. “There haven’t been a lot of wildlife options in this wasteland, you know!” She added airily, “Of course, I had planned on braving the elements to go above and beyond this evening, but now…”

Her companion began to chuckle, before abruptly breaking off. Trembling fingers tightened around the amber-shaded gem in her hilt as vacant eyes focused on nothing. There was a small jerk and then Aayla locked a determined gaze on Ahsoka. “You suggested shutting down the Citadel. Let’s do it immediately.”

She stared. “Um, ok. We can work on it when we get back. Based on the details you gave us, Barriss and I have already come up with a basic attack strategy.”

The woman shook her head. “We don’t need all of that. We can do it ourselves.”

“Aayla,” she replied firmly, “be reasonable. We suspect it has a significant defense perimeter and probably a full battalion of elite soldiers—not to mention the fortified location and security measures. Two Jedi against an army is a risky proposition with little guarantee of success. And, it’s unnecessary. Once we return to Shili—”

A hand went up. “No.” Aayla took a deep breath. “I know this doesn’t make logical sense. I can’t explain it. I only know we have to go now.”

Assessing her for a moment, Ahsoka considered. There was a new confidence radiating from the Twi’lek. The fact that she was asking for help at all was even more surprising.

Fingers gripped Ahsoka’s arm and intense eyes met hers. “I’m sorry. It’s a terrible risk to take, based on nothing more than my conviction. However, I _know_ it is the correct path. I can feel it. I also know I… need you. Please, have faith in me.”

Ahsoka inhaled sharply. On the surface, it was a stupid decision. _Still…_ She placed a hand over Aayla’s. “Alright. We’ll do it together.”

_______

They looked aghast at the destruction. The prison was in ruins. Dead soldiers littered the ground, fortified buildings lay in piles of rubble, and a disturbing silence reigned around them.

“What happened here?” Ahsoka murmured, wary dread settling in.

Aayla examined one of the lifeless bodies. “This is not normal. There are no enemy casualties. The level of structural damage is extensive. These soldiers have what appear to be compression injuries. It’s almost like a force of nature came through and wiped them all out.”

Ahsoka stiffened as dread turned into certainty. _Oh Gods._ Swinging around and scanning the area, she stated, “We need to get out of here.”

Hazel eyes shot to hers. “Why?”

“I can’t explain at this moment. But, we have to go. Now.”

Aayla stood up. “I trust your judgement, but I don’t think we can leave yet. I was led here for a purpose. Why, if all we were to find was this?”

Ahsoka considered. “Ok. Let’s split up and check the compound. We shouldn’t remain here longer than necessary.”

The Twi'lek flashed a grateful smile. “I’ll take the east wing.”

_______

Aayla surveyed the mostly demolished cell block. She had never seen the east wing of the prison. Except for bright rays of sunlight, now shining through collapsed walls, it looked eerily similar to her own. She shivered with remembered misery and resisted the urge to flee. _I can do this._

Closing eyes, Aayla focused on the missing piece that had returned upon entering the Citadel. The comforting current that had always been there during her imprisonment filled her soul. She smiled as the hole that had sat empty since her escape healed and brought solid strength once more. _Strange._

Flipping eyes open, she spotted a sealed cell door. _Huh._ It seemed to be the only thing still intact in the entire wing. Searching the wreckage, Aayla located a bent set of keys on one of the surrounding bodies. Returning to the door, she tried each one. None of them fit. Either the key wasn’t here or it was too damaged.

_Alright, time to see what I can really do._ Reaching out a hand, she channeled energy into blasting the door from its hinges. Nothing happened. _You expected something different than every other time you tried?_ Whatever the cells were made of, they appeared to be impervious to force-based manipulation. _Not completely, though. You’ve done this before, remember?_

Calling up a diagram from the recesses of her mind, she compared it to the extensive locking mechanism. Aayla smiled. It had taken her a year to work out the internal construction, but it had paid off. Now, it would again. She centered and mentally shifted pins, until each tumbler clicked into an open position.

Her strength waned and she began to breathe heavily. This level of continuous, fine precision had required weeks of attempts last time. She had finally been successful, but so drained the minimal guards in Aayla’s block had nearly overpowered her. _Not anymore, though. I can do this._ Concentrating with renewed confidence, she steadily worked through the remaining pins.

There was a grating release and the door creaked open. Bursting with success, she swung it wide, flooding the dank cell with sunlight. Clanking echoed from a darkened corner.

“Hello?” Aayla said tentatively, hand gripping her sword.

A hoarse groan sounded and then a battered figure crawled into the light.

Aayla gasped at the terrible injuries visible on his emaciated body. Badly healed wounds marred sunken eye ridges. The pale green skin had a waxen, sickly pallor. His Nautolan tentacles were shriveled and one had been shorn in half. Her own scars cried out in empathetic anguish.

Moving with alacrity, she attacked the multitude of thick, overlapping chains binding him to the wall. Each swing filled her with deep satisfaction. As the last chain broke, Aayla released a freeing breath and turned back to her fellow prisoner.

Large, obsidian eyes gazed up at her. Suddenly, a bright grin, complete with surprisingly white teeth flashed. “About time.”

_______

Ahsoka sprinted across the courtyard as Aayla appeared, nearly dragging a wasted-looking figure.

Upon her approach, the Nautolan lifted his head. “Ah, you brought a friend. Good. I prefer to be carried by two beautiful women.”

Aayla snorted and sat him on the ground. Then, she put her canteen to his lips. “Less charm, more water.”

“Yes, ma’am,” was the raspy reply. He sipped the canteen a few times. Then, his head slumped back to what was probably once a powerfully muscled chest, but now had concaved into sharp ribs and loose skin.

“Looks like you found what you were looking for,” Ahsoka said, sheathing her swords and crouching next to the gaunt prisoner. His condition was horrifying and she almost couldn’t believe he was still alive, much less sane.

A voice that clearly wasn’t accustomed to use commented, “Well, I am quite the prize.”

Ahsoka chuckled as she took his other arm. “Are you alright to travel? We shouldn’t linger here.”

There was a weak nod. “A wise idea. I’ll manage.” As they made their way out of the prison gates, the man added, “Do I get to know the names of my glorious rescuers?”

The Twi'lek smiled. “I’m Aayla Secura. This is Ahsoka Tano. And, you are?”

He strained to look up at them with a toothy grin. “Kit Fisto, at your service.”

_______

“Kit, do you know what attacked the prison?” Ahsoka asked as she applied healing balm to a jagged, infected-looking gash on his arm.

He shook his head. “I did not see them. However, they were powerful and unexpected. I could hear much of it. The assault was over in a matter of minutes.”

Aayla noted Ahsoka’s worried expression at the response. It was clear the Togruta knew more about the situation than she was sharing. Deciding to follow-up later, the Twi’lek said, “How is it your cell was the only thing left intact?”

Kit raised eye ridges. “What do you think?”

She gazed at him for a moment. “Some form of defensive repel technique? It couldn’t have been anything more extensive. If you had the strength for that, you would have escaped your cell without our help.”

He grinned. “Excellent. Beautiful _and_ smart Jedi. What a lovely rescue this is turning out to be.”

Ahsoka snorted and then her brow furrowed. “What kind of repel? It seems of limited benefit, if there were superior numbers and they were out of sight.”

“Ah, I think you will find repel is best used in combination with other strategies,” he replied.

Aayla brightened. “Oh, of course. You shielded your presence and blocked anything that got close. How did you know the attackers would be fooled?”

His shoulders lifted in a half shrug. “I didn’t. Though, I did notice the sounds of death were immediately preceded by any sign of life from a soldier.” He shivered at the apparent memory. “It seemed to me the attackers honed in on some characteristic of living creatures. So, I worked to keep them out of proximity and hid as much of my life force as I could.”

“Interesting,” Ahsoka said thoughtfully. Tying off the last bandage, she continued, “Alright. I think we have you stable for the moment. Once we get to Shili, we’ll have a professional healer tend to you properly.”

He stared. “Did you say Shili?”

She flashed an engaging grin. “I did.” Leaping to her feet, the Togruta addressed Aayla, “Perhaps, you can fill him in on major events, while I work on dinner. I refuse to let our stalwart companion here survive on nothing but week-old rations.”

Aayla produced a mock offended expression. “Is that right? Rations were good enough for me to eat. I see how it is. A few hours with a new Jedi and you’ve already kicked me to the river.”

Ahsoka laughed. “I’m trying to make a good first impression here. Don’t ruin it.”

“In that case,” Aayla replied dryly, “you’d better let me cook whatever you bring back.”

The woman glared, but a smile crept onto her face. “Whatever.”

Kit let out a hoarse laugh. “For my part, I think I’ll just lay here and enjoy being impressed.”

_______

“I must say, the amount of things that can change while you’re locked up in a secret prison is astounding.”

Aayla chuckled and spread a blanket over him. “Tell me about it. And, those are just the highlights.”

Leaning back against the tree, his eyes drifted up to the night sky. “I sometimes wondered if I’d ever see the stars again.”

Shifting into a crouch, she gripped his shoulder. “I know.”

His gaze returned to Aayla's and he pulled a hand from under the blanket. Thick, roughened fingers took hers. “I am glad you are alright. When I couldn’t feel you anymore, I thought…” he trailed off with a long blink.

Comprehension finally clicked. The inexplicable, bracing current, flowing beneath the surface—always appearing when she had needed it most—now made sense. _How did I not realize?_ Sitting beside him, she tightened fingers around his. “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand you were there. I only knew something was holding on to me, giving me strength and stability. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own fear and pain, I might have realized. I never would have left you there, when I escaped.”

Kit shook his head. “No apologies, Aayla. When I first felt you, I didn’t understand either. It took me a long time to figure out what was happening. Once I did, I found it possible to hone in on your presence, especially when your emotions were strong. I didn’t know who you were, but I did know someone was out there. Your incredible strength brought me comfort and surety. I decided we could survive, if we did it together.”

She leaned against his shoulder. “You were right. I wouldn’t have made it on my own.”

“Neither would I,” he said distantly. “When you disappeared, it was almost too much. More than anything I endured, your loss took me closest to the edge of breaking.”

Tears trailed down her face. “I’m so sorry.”

He lifted their joined hands and held them to his chest. “I said no apologies. If I had known you had escaped, I would have been much happier. Feeling your presence once again today brought me more joy than I can describe. Seeing you now, still strong and fighting, makes the temporary absence worth it all.”

Aayla pressed herself closer and warm contentment spread across her soul. _This is what I was missing. Even when I thought otherwise, I still depended on someone. And, it saved us both._ She smiled through more tears and whispered, “Well, get used to it. Because, this time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Kit sighed happily and then gentle lips kissed her damaged lek. “Complete. I am complete.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this makes me happy. It's like finally reaching your destination. Force, I love this chapter.


	58. PART IV: CHANGE - Master and Apprentice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master and Apprentice: Many there are.

“You requested my presence?”

Ahsoka stopped unpacking her saddle bag as the man finally emerged from the trees. “About time.” She'd been listening to him wander in circles for at least twenty minutes. The horse apparently shared her opinion and stamped an impatient hoof upon spotting its fellow steeds.

Ezra tied off his mount with the others. “I got your message this morning. I'd say that's a pretty fast rate of return, considering I'm here before dinner.”

“Unacceptable, soldier. It’s a five hour ride from Lira San, max.” She tossed him a pouch of dried fruit bits. “Now, reward your longsuffering stallion.”

“Five hours if you don’t have to get supplies, escape from Zeb’s Lasat groupies, and then hunt down a random camp in this neverending forest!” Hand feeding the treats to his horse, he muttered, “You see what thanks we get, Destiny?”

She suppressed a smile. “Excuses, excuses.”

There was a small huff in response.

Ahsoka turned to her companions. “Ezra Bridger, meet Aayla Secura and Kit Fisto.”

“Hi there,” Ezra said with a friendly wave. Giving his stallion a final pat down, he strolled over to them.

Aayla’s face scrunched. “Ezra Bridger, the… warrior of destiny?”

The man gaped. “Uh…” Then, he produced a cocky grin. “Soldier of destiny is the correct technical term.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Who told you that tidbit, anyway?”

“Who do you think?” Aayla smirked.

“Gods, that girl.” She chuckled. “Karyna ran down the entire family dossier, apparently.”

Ezra puffed out his chest. “Well, how about that? I usually have to count on Caam to proclaim my greatness to the world at large. If I've got Karyna on board, guess that means I’ve arrived.”

Ahsoka grabbed him around the neck and dug knuckles into his scalp. “What was that, soldier of modesty?”

There was a muffled cry as a red-faced Ezra escaped the hold, rubbing his head. “Really? I get enough of that from Rex. Besides, I prefer to have at least one conversation with new acquaintances where I come off as a fierce warrior, _before_ you embarrass me.”

“No need,” Ahsoka remarked, “Aayla and Kit are family.”

Ezra’s mouth dropped open and he glanced between them. “Oh. Well, um, definitely glad to meet you, then.”

Giving Kit a wry look, Aayla said, “It seems you’ve been adopted. Two days out of prison and look what happens.”

The Nautolan flashed a pearly white grin. “Works for me. Wherever you belong is where I belong.”

She gazed at him with a soft smile and then kissed his forehead. “Good.”

Ahsoka watched them, still a bit amazed. Despite just meeting, the two had forged an intense bond. _It's like they've known each other for years or something. I’m so going to ask about this one day._

Ezra coughed. “Um, did you say out of prison?”

“You heard correctly,” Ahsoka answered. Then, she ran through a brief recounting of Aayla’s relationship to Caam, her imprisonment and escape, as well as their recent rescue of Kit.

“Woah.” Ezra fixed them with a sympathetic yet admiring gaze. “I’m honored to have you both as part of our family.”

Kit laughed. “Well, that’s quite a compliment coming from the soldier of destiny.”

Ezra hunkered down across from them. “Don’t let that stuff fool you. I was quite the overconfident teenager. Our family won’t let it die.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself, my dear,” Ahsoka put in. “You did save my life at fourteen.”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “Perhaps, we should be honored to be a part of your family, Ezra Bridger.”

He tinged red and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not like it sounds. I was a conscripted soldier for Palpatine—a bit scared, very inexperienced, and definitely lonely. Fortunately, that meant I had no problems making friends with the mysterious prisoner I was assigned to guard. Little did I know my friend was the Lady Jedi.” His voice softened. “Actually, I think she saved me.”

Ahsoka bent over and kissed the top of his head. “No, Ezra. I wouldn’t have been rescued in time, if you hadn’t risked everything to help me. More importantly, I wouldn’t have survived captivity without your company. You were my light in the darkness. You still are, my shining boy.”

A smile that reminded Ahsoka of the child that was looked up at her as amethyst blue eyes blinked back tears. Then, the more familiar cocky grin appeared. “Oh, I know. But, Caleb always says I shouldn’t wow people with my amazingness. It’s better to surprise them out of nowhere.”

That got a round of chuckles. “Speaking of,” Ahsoka asked, “have you been practicing your techniques as instructed?”

Ezra’s eyes widened and then darted to the others. “Um…”

“It’s alright. You can trust Aayla and Kit. They’re cleared.”

His eyes grew even wider. “Oh. Then, yeah.”

“Good. In that case, how about building us a fire?”

Ezra grinned and rose to his feet. Closing eyes, he lifted a hand and slowed his breathing.

The Togruta switched attention to the newly-recovered Jedi, noting their rapt interest.

An old fire pit from previous tenants whooshed as debris ejected outward. Wood began to fly in from all directions, spinning through the air for a few seconds, before neatly landing in the center. Finally, the stones surrounding the freshly created space shifted and aligned into a circle. His eyelids flipped open, expression bright with success.

“Excellent,” Ahsoka stated. “However, you’ve forgotten something, haven’t you?”

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, before mumbling, “You do remember what happened last time, right?”

She maintained an expectant gaze.

Ezra gritted his teeth. “Fine. If you have to put out a forest fire this evening, there’s only yourself to blame.” Closing eyes again, he screwed up his face. The wood sparked weakly and his tanned skin flushed with effort. A few more sparks came. After increasingly louder grunts with no results, he slumped to ground. “I’m sorry. I can’t do it. Maybe, I’m not Jedi material after all.”

Ahsoka glanced at Aayla. The Twi’lek was leaning against Kit’s tree in apparent nonchalance. But, her fingers were twitching and an intense gaze was fixed on Ezra. _Come on. Engage._

Kit said gently, “Let go of your fear.”

Ezra’s head jerked over to him. “What?”

Aayla straightened and crossed to Ezra. Crouching beside him, she laid a hand on his arm. “The Force flows more easily when you’re calm and at peace. Fear leads to a lack of control and precision.”

He gaped. “You are Jedi.”

Her expression fluctuated and then set in determination. “We are. Now, do you understand what we mean?”

Ezra shrugged. “I guess. But, I don’t understand why I’d be afraid.”

“Yes, you do. What did you say to Ahsoka, before you tried it?”

“Just that I might end up creating destruction, instead of a proper fire. That’s what happened last time.”

“And, what does that tell you about your fear?” she asked intently.

Ezra hesitated for a moment, before answering, “I’m afraid of failing. I don’t like people to think I’m not capable.” Glancing up at Ahsoka and then to the ground, he added, “Especially, certain people.”

Ahsoka winced. _Some things never change._ She opened her mouth to provide support, but Aayla put up a hand and said, “Ezra, that’s perfectly normal. None of us want to fail our mentors. The problem only comes when it interferes with reaching the goal.” She leaned into his ear and whispered something.

He looked at her in surprise, eyes brightening. “Ok. Let me try again.”

She squeezed his arm. “If I were my master, I’d probably tell you something vague and confusing, like there is no try. Fortunately for you, I always hated that one. So, I’ll go with… believe you can or don’t bother trying at all.”

Ezra snorted. “I've heard that before. Guess I'm a slow learner.” Taking a deep breath, he got to his feet. Eyelids fluttered shut and fingers flexed forward. A fire instantly blazed to life. Grin spreading, he opened his eyes and grabbed Aayla’s hand. “Thanks.”

The woman smiled. “Don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

_That was impressive and a bit annoying._ Ahsoka had repeatedly failed to teach Ezra this particular task. Aayla had accomplished it in under a minute. Unable to contain her curiosity, she asked, “Forget what?”

Two innocent faces looked back at her.

Throwing hands in the air, she exclaimed, “Nevermind! Why should I expect a straight answer out of Jedi!”

The others laughed and then Kit remarked, “So, what else can you impress us with today, Ezra Bridger?”

The man chuckled. “Not much. You’ve reached the extent of my skills thus far, I think.”

“Not even close,” Ahsoka protested. “Actually, Ezra is particularly gifted in connecting to living beings. It took him mere days to hone his natural ability. He’s now better than me.”

Aayla looked impressed. “Is that right? Demonstration, please.”

Ezra grinned diffidently. “Like what?”

Her montrals picked up a distant call from the forest behind her and a mischievous Ahsoka said, “Oh, I have just the thing.”

Amethyst blue eyes rolled. “Not again.”

“Yep.” Twirling a finger in the air, the woman continued, “Tell you what, I’ll get you started.” Reaching out with her feelings, Ahsoka found the target. Smirking, she sauntered over to Kit and sat down. “Ok, your turn.”

Kit glanced between them. “Do I even want to know?”

Ezra sighed. “You’re about to find out, either way.” As the words left his mouth, a nexu leapt into the clearing with a predatory hiss. It immediately fixed on Aayla and crouched to strike.

The Twi'lek jerked back a step and then grimaced. She turned a scowl on Ahsoka. “You did that on purpose, Tano.”

Ahsoka produced an airy expression. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Hush, you two,” Kit admonished, “I’m trying to be impressed with Ezra.”

They both snorted and looked back at the man in question, who had gained the nexu’s attention. He was holding out a hand to the mesmerized creature. Ezra moved forward and ran fingers over the terrifying head, before whispering in its ear. The nexu grinned at him and then flipped around, leaping out of sight into the forest.

“What did you tell it?” Kit asked.

Ezra grinned. “That there was a pack of antipedes grazing a mile southwest. He was hungry.”

The Nautolan laughed heartily. “Well done, my boy. Ahsoka was right. That is an advanced skill it seems you have easily mastered. Most impressive.”

“Yes,” Aayla agreed, “it took me a long time to reach that level of competence. And, I don’t have your ease in doing it, even now.”

Ezra straightened. “Thanks. Why can I do it so well, then? I mean you saw my earlier trouble with more basic stuff.”

Kit lifted his shoulders. “It’s like that. All of us have innate abilities, perhaps preferences, in how we interact with the world. You appear to have a natural connection to living creatures. There is a compassion for all things inherit in it. The mindset would pre-date Jedi training and simply be part of who you are. Anything involving that would come more easily.”

Aayla nodded. “For example, I was a quick learner at physical training with any manner of weapons, as well as using techniques like pushes. Combining them in tandem flowed naturally without a need for heavy instruction. However, more mental disciplines took a lot longer and I still haven’t mastered all of them.”

Ezra turned thoughtful. “Huh.” Looking at Kit, he said, “What about you?”

A blazing white grin flashed. “I’m quite adept at defensive abilities, such as repel, shielding, pain control, and the like. The offensive techniques Aayla mentioned were more difficult to master.”

The Twi’lek gazed at him. “Sounds like a complementary pairing.”

Kit met her eyes. “Indeed.”

Ahsoka groaned. “You two are killing me with sappiness.” Jumping up, she gripped Ezra’s shoulder. “The other stuff will come in time. What does Barriss always say about practicing things you don’t think you can do?”

“Are you asking me to repeat it, because you can’t remember the wording?” Ezra replied dryly.

Putting a wounded hand over her heart, Ahsoka cried, “Of course not! But, uh, why don’t we make sure you remember.”

He rolled his eyes. “Right. Let’s see… You don’t know what you can really do, until you fail?”

She shook her head. “Not that one. The one about trying stuff.”

Ezra pinched his nose. “Um, you don’t know who you really are, until you know what you are not?”

“No, that’s Obi-Wan’s.”

“When one strategy fails, try another. Keep fighting until you win or the war is lost?”

“Rex!”

“One mistake is not the end?”

“Also not one of Barriss’, Ezra,” she muttered, quickly becoming obsessed with tracing down the answer.

He huffed. “Well, Barriss says it all the time!”

“Maybe, but it came from Luminara.” She paused. “Or, was it my mother? I can’t remember.”

“How am I supposed to know where something originated?!” Ezra crossed his arms. “Do or do not. There is no try?”

“That’s Master Yoda!” Her brow furrowed. “I’ll think of it. Give me a minute.”

Aayla and Kit glanced at each other wryly. Holding out a hand, he said, “Just come back over here with me, dear. This could take a while. Good thing we aren’t starving. Dinner looks unlikely.”

The Twi’lek laughed and settled beside him, leaning against his chest. “Perhaps, we should get some rest and check on them again in the morning.”

Ahsoka tossed a glare. “Fine. I’ll figure it out later. Ezra and I will catch dinner. You two get out the cooking supplies. Or, I should say, Aayla will. Kit is not to move.”

The Nautolan moaned. “You’d think I was only recently freed from years of deprivation in a prison or something the way she coddles me.”

Aayla grinned. “Terrible. Maybe, we should find a family that treats us better.”

Ahsoka shot another death glare their direction. “Let’s go, Ezra.” She grabbed the fishing supplies and turned around to find the man still lost in apparent thought. “Ezra!”

He started. “Oh… um, what are we doing?”

“Dinner, soldier of destiny. Let’s go.”

Ezra walked absently toward her and then his face brightened. “All you need to succeed is faith in yourself and commitment to see it through?”

Ahsoka snorted. “Well, at least I said one thing you remember.”

His mouth parted. “That one is yours? Sabine and I always figured Caleb got it from Barriss.”

Grumbling under her breath, Ahsoka marched out of the camp. “No appreciation!”

_______

“I need you to deliver a message to a location beyond the outer regions. I’ve included directions and a passcode you’ll need to get through the security perimeter. There’s also a specific way you have to approach the target. Do not deviate from my instructions. Ok?”

Ezra rolled eyes and repositioned the net in the river. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Fixing a stern gaze, she said, “Please, Ezra, take this seriously. You'll be completely cut-off from help in strange territory. It's an area that belongs to extremely capable and secretive warriors few have ever encountered. I don’t like sending you alone, but I need to ensure Kit stays healthy enough to make it back to Shili as well as take care of another critical task on the way. However, delivery of this information can’t wait.”

He stared at her and then gave a confident nod. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”

Ahsoka brushed knuckles over his face. “I’m not worried. I know you can handle it.”

His chest puffed out. Then, a small group of fish swam into the net and they both jerked it up, capturing dinner. Looking at their prize, Ezra smiled with satisfaction. “Excellent. I’m so tired of rations.”

She smirked. “Maybe, you should stop travelling around the world and settle down. You could have delightful, home-cooked meals everyday.”

Brief pain passed through his expression as he began to wind up the net. “Yeah, I guess.”

Eyeing him for a moment, Ahsoka said, “Oh, two more things. First, when we get back to camp, I want Kit to give you a crash course on shielding your presence in combination with a repel technique. It takes a long time to master hiding your life force. Still, I want you to practice it constantly on your trip. Hopefully, you’ll be able to achieve a basic level of competence in a pinch.”

Ezra raised eyebrows. “Uh, ok. Why would I need that?”

She pursed lips. “There is an unusual enemy, likely located in the unmapped expanse. Direct confrontation appears to be ineffective. They took out the entire prison, along with its company of elite guards, in a few minutes. Kit was able to survive only through the technique I mentioned.”

He gaped. “Woah.” His expression turned thoughtful. “Interesting.”

Ahsoka frowned. “I know. It’s highly unlikely you’ll encounter them, but I want you to have some kind of option for defense, just in case.”

“Got it. What was the other thing?”

She hesitated, before asking gently, “What is going on with you and Katooni?”

He stiffened and averted his gaze, hands clenching around the net. “What do you mean?”

Ahsoka considered whether to push for a moment, but then plowed ahead. “I checked on her, like you asked. She said you hadn’t visited in two months. It was clear your continued absence was creating a lot of angst.”

Ezra’s eyes darted back to hers. “It was?”

“Yes,” she answered simply.

He tensed, voice tightening. “I don’t—it’s not—”

Gripping his shoulder, Ahsoka urged, “Come on, buddy. Tell me what’s wrong.”

His muscles released and he choked out, “I think I love her.”

“Oh.” Ahsoka winced. “I see.” Considering for a moment, she continued, “Ok, I assume you believe it’s a hopeless cause and you’re trying to remove yourself from the situation?”

“You assume correctly,” he replied dejectedly. “I’m miserable, Ahsoka. I thought staying away would make it better. But, it’s bad in a different way.” His jaw trembled. “I don’t know what to do.”

She released a slow breath. “Gods, how I understand that.”

His amethyst blue eyes widened. “You do?”

Ahsoka rubbed his cheek. “So much. Want me to tell you about it? Maybe, it’ll give you some ideas? Though, I can’t promise the same results.”

A weak smile formed. “I still want to hear about it. At least, I’ll know I’m in good company.”

She laughed. “Alright, let me tell you a story about a hopelessly in love warrior and the years she spent trying to deal with it.”

“This better have a happy ending,” he remarked dryly.

“You’ll have to ask Barriss if she considers the outcome as meeting that definition.” Ahsoka winked.

Eager excitement filling his face, Ezra fixed an expectant gaze.

Chuckling, the woman took his arm and began to talk as they headed back to camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love many things about this chapter. However, I won't bore you with my ramblings this time. How about you tell me something you liked? (Or, didn't like I guess?)


	59. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoda delivers a hard lesson.

“Control, you must learn control!”

Ahsoka pressed fists into her thighs and replied as calmly as possible, “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

There was an impatient-sounding huff from the ground. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

She ground her teeth. “Don’t even roll that one out on me, Master. I’ve heard it enough from Barriss, thank you very much.”

“Hmph. To your wife, you should listen.”

Ahsoka smirked. “I _won’t_ tell her you said that.” Glancing anxiously at the nearby cave opening once again, she asked, “How long did you say she’d be in there?”

“Give you a time, I did not.”

Slumping to the swampy ground, Ahsoka glared at the impassive countenance. “Fine. Are you trying to teach me patience or something?”

There was an unexpected chuckle. “Too old for that, I am. Dead I will be first.”

She gaped and then a grin crept onto her face. “Why Master Yoda, I do believe you have a well-hidden snarky streak.”

His ears flicked. “Hmph. Need to be insulting, there is not.”

Ahsoka laughed and began to get up. “Alright, let me try the boulders again.”

“No.” A gnarled cane poked her shoulder. “Release your fear.”

She lowered herself back down with trepidation. “Um, what?”

Wizened eyes stared at her with no response.

Pointing an awkward gaze above Yoda’s head, she mumbled, “What is my fear, then?”

“Already know this, you do.”

Concentrating on a slimy piece of wood to his left, she whispered, “I’m afraid to lose the people I love.”

“Mmm… fear of loss. A path to the dark side, it is.”

“Or, it’s just a normal human emotion,” she snapped. “No one wants to lose their family.”

The cane whacked her arm. “Fear comes in many forms that appear benign. Conquer it or suffer your brother’s fate, you will.”

Ahsoka flinched and then hunched her shoulders. “I know. I have tried. How do I conquer it?”

There was a sigh as the cane returned to its owner. “Learn control. What you can and what you cannot.”

Her brow furrowed. “You mean that I should accept there are things I can’t control? Or, try to control my emotions?”

“Both and neither. Accepting the future means controlling the present.”

Ahsoka frowned. “But, I can save them. I _have_ saved them. I understand everyone will die eventually, but I intend to do everything possible to make sure they all outlive me.” Her voice tightened. “I have to.”

The cane whipped back out and jabbed her stomach. “Arrogance and selfishness that is. Control their choices to help yourself, you would?” There was another stab to Ahsoka’s chest. “Think you know best for them, do you?”

Her eyes dropped once more to the ground. “Maybe.”

“Hmm… be wary, Ahsoka Tano or what you most fear could come to pass.”

She jerked up to look at Yoda. “What do you mean? Something is going to happen to someone I love? Who? When? Is it Barriss?!” She scrambled to her feet, preparing to rush into the cave. A rock flew out of nowhere and knocked Ahsoka to ground. Grunting in pain, she rolled onto her back.

A stern face appeared over hers. “Fear of loss, it is _not._ Fear of becoming what you most fear, it is. Conquer it, you must.” There was a soft harrumph as Yoda shuffled away.

Ahsoka remained unmoving, gazing up at the ugly vines in the oppressive tree canopy. Then, the tears came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose." --Yoda


	60. PART IV: CHANGE - Dedication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: It comes in many forms.

Ahsoka glanced at the woman riding beside her. “You did well with Ezra.”

“No, _you_ did well with Ezra,” Aayla disagreed. “I simply provided a nudge on top of an already strong foundation.”

Snapping the reigns, Ahsoka grumbled, “Why can you never accept a compliment, Secura?”

“Why can’t you?” was the pert response.

A hearty laugh sounded from the small cart hitched to Aayla’s horse. “This is too much entertainment. I am fresh off years of lonely imprisonment, you know. I can’t handle such excitement.”

Aayla looked back at him with a mischievous grin. “Get used to it. Wait until you meet the rest of this strange family you’ve inherited.”

“I should object,” Ahsoka remarked wryly, “but a Jedi never lies.”

Kit snorted. “Who told you that? _That_ Jedi most certainly lied.”

Both women laughed and then Aayla twisted around again. “Speaking of family, Caam is going to give you a challenge on snarky comebacks.”

The delivery was casual, but Ahsoka thought she detected a hesitancy under the surface and unobtrusively shifted to observe the interaction. Her initial assessment of their instinctive bond was still accurate. However, she had noticed an odd tentativeness on occasion—especially from Aayla. Ahsoka found the entire situation inexplicable and fascinating.

Intense, obsidian eyes met Aayla’s. “I look forward to it.”

She held his gaze for a long moment, before murmuring, “I’m glad.” Her tone lightened. “Are you managing ok? I’m trying to follow a smooth path, but it’s not going so well.”

There was a dramatic sigh. “That sounds like a commentary on our lives. Winding and rocky is the journey, yet calm and peaceful is the destination.”

Hazel eyes shot skyward. “You are such a Jedi.”

“Your point is?” he answered innocently.

“Well,” Ahsoka put in, “ _my_ point is that you two would make excellent teachers.”

Aayla groaned. “You never give up, Tano.”

“Uh, I _am_ a Jedi.”

“Don’t tell Aayla that,” Kit deadpanned. “It is apparently not the way to her heart.”

The Twi’lek frowned. “That’s not true and you know it, Kit Fisto.”

His magnetic grin flashed. “Well, that’s a relief.”

A pleased smile crept onto Aayla’s face. “What am I going to do with you?”

Kit raised meaningful eye ridges. “Oh, I have some ideas.”

_______

“How long can you stay?”

Ezra gave her an apologetic smile. “Only a couple of days. I promised Caleb I’d be in Ryloth for Jacen’s birthday.”

“Oh.” Katooni started picking up toys from around the sitting room. “I understand.”

As he tracked her movements, the unwelcome feelings crept into his heart. _You just couldn't stay away. Do you enjoy torturing yourself?_

The woman set the gathered pile in the corner and continued tentatively, “When will you be back again, do you think?”

Opening his mouth to respond, Ezra realized he had no idea what to do now. In true idiot-level form, he had found the woman of his dreams right in front of him. Except, she was an unattainable dream. Avoiding the problem hadn’t helped. All it had done was make him realize being without her was just as painful as being with her. Either way, he didn’t truly have her. And, Ezra Bridger was miserable.

She turned around to look at him. “You are… coming back, right?”

“Course,” he replied quickly, “just not sure when. I’ve got several kingdoms to hit on my next set of assignments and the timeline is a bit up in the air.”

Katooni's thumbs ran repeatedly over the tips of her fingers. “Oh.”

Nerves bouncing chaotically, the man felt a need to move. He picked up a missed toy and walked it over to her. “I'll be back soon, though.” _So much for resolve, Bridger._

She took the wooden figure from his hands and her eyes lowered. “I’m sorry. You're not obligated to visit at all. It's just been so long. And, it was… I suppose we’ve gotten used to having you around.”

Unable to handle the distress, he lifted her chin. “It's not obligation. I miss you and Mina, when I'm not here.” _Gods, how I miss you._

The rare, happy smile that Ezra loved to make happen appeared. “We miss you, too.”

He stared into the eyes that evoked the mesmerizing Pacifica oceans and felt himself losing control. Removing his hand, Ezra stepped back with an awkward laugh. “Well, any tasks piled up? I’m ready to work off the unacceptably long absence, my lady.”

She gazed at him for a moment and then grinned. “I always have tasks for my faithful handyman.” Her expression fluctuated. “Let’s save them for your next visit, though. If you’re only here for two days, I’d rather we spend time doing something more enjoyable. Besides, Mina will commandeer all of your limited free time.”

“I can do both,” he protested. Not having employment while here could be a recipe for disaster.

Katooni moved forward and trailed fingertips from his right temple down the side of his face. “Ezra, just because I call you my handyman doesn't mean you actually are. You’re my friend and I want to spend time with you more than anything else.” She added quietly, “I really have missed you.”

The gentle touch caused his muscles to tense. _This was a mistake. Why did you come back?_ He tried to smile, but knew it didn’t come off.

“What’s wrong?” Her cinnamon skin paled and she dropped her hand. “Did I—are you upset with me? Is that why you haven’t visited?”

“No!” he exclaimed. “You didn’t do anything. Please, don’t think that.”

“Then, what is going on?” she asked uncertainly. “Don't tell me nothing. I know you better than that.”

Ezra thought frantically and blurted out the first half-truth that came to mind, “Well, there's this girl and it’s making me a bit distracted.”

“Oh.” A strange expression surfaced that he didn't understand. Then, it was gone and she grinned. “You've been off spending time with the woman of your dreams? Is that it?”

It was a way out of this conversation, but Ezra couldn't stand for her to think that. “Not exactly. She doesn't want me.” He looked away.

“Are you sure? I can’t believe that would be true.”

His eyes darted back to hers as inspiration struck. “I don't know. I can tell you the situation and see what you think?”

She smiled. “I’d love to help, if I can.”

Choosing his words carefully, he said, “This woman loved someone deeply, but it… didn't work out. I don't think she'll be able to love anyone else. Actually, she’s told me that herself.”

Her face turned contemplative. “Hmm… everyone is different, but I'd say give her time. Be there and provide support without demanding anything. I can only speak from my own experience, but that's how it worked for Lux and I. He loved me for years, before I figured out how I felt. Even then, I lacked the confidence to act on it. His patience and faith eventually gave me the courage to take the leap.”

A sliver of hope blossomed. “Just be there, huh? You think that will work?”

Gentle fingertips once again brushed across his temple. “If she has any sense at all, it will.”

“If you say so.” _Then again, isn't that kind of what Ahsoka said she did with Barriss? Huh._

“I absolutely do. She’s bound to notice your dedication to her one day. Especially, given how many other choices you have. It’s not like you don’t have women lining up for your attention,” she ended with a mischievous lilt.

Ezra gaped. “I think you’ve mistaken me for Rex or something.”

“Um, no, I haven’t.” An eyebrow quirked. “Are you seriously trying to tell me you don’t know women are interested in you?”

He shrugged. “On some level, sure. But, I don’t think they are really interested in _me._ My romantic relationships never seem to go well. I'm lucky if they make it past one dinner. Actually, I don't typically get past one conversation. The women who do seem interested usually just laugh a lot and never say anything of importance.”

She gave him a wry grin and tapped his cheek. “I’m not surprised you find their conversation unfulfilling. That’s never stopped any number of women from chasing a young, handsome warrior. You cut quite a dashing figure. If you mumbled nonsense, you’d probably still end up with an entourage.”

_I’d be happy with just one, thanks. Specifically, the one in front of me._ “That’s not what I want.” Feeling increasing excitement at the tenor of the conversation, the man fished for more. “Besides, you’re exaggerating. It's not like I have women falling at my feet.”

She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you don’t know this. Everytime you escort me anywhere, I put up with glares from women half my age. A few men, as well, for that matter.”

Suddenly worried about the reference to their age difference, Ezra objected, “Now, you're definitely exaggerating. That would make these supposed admirers like ten years old or something.”

Katooni shook her head, but seemed pleased. “You're sweet, but now you are the one exaggerating. I _am_ thirty-five.”

“That’s only eight and a half years older than me, which is like nothing. So, don’t give me this half your age nonsense. Unless you're trying to say I’m old, too?” he asked in feigned offense.

“Of course not.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “Actually, Lux used to say I could do so much better than an old man like him. I told him he was being stupid. So, I suppose I shouldn’t be a hypocrite and act like I’m ancient either, huh? I shall henceforth call these women two-thirds my age. Better?”

He smiled with relief. _Thank you, Lux._ A brief stab of guilt at the thought made him frown. _Would you be ok with me loving her? I don’t know._

“Ezra…”

Jerking back into reality, he said, “Sorry, got lost in my thoughts.”

Her fingers gripped his chin. “It’s ok, but I wish you’d believe me. I want you to be happy.”

_There’s only one way that will happen._ Trying to recapture the prior thread, he commented airily, “Hmm, well you could tell me more about how amazing I am.”

“It is true, you know.” She began laughing and continued, “When these women of unspecified age come along, which happens quite often, I get way too much enjoyment out of torturing them. I usually take your arm and wink at them. It’s immature, but I can’t seem to help it.”

He stared at her and then a slow grin spread. “I’m so watching for this behavior in future.”

“I’ll give you a hand signal,” she quipped. “That way you can revel in your magnetic attractiveness. Then again,” the woman continued with an odd expression, “maybe I should stop. I could be preventing you from enjoying their charms.”

Grabbing her hand, Ezra said intently, “Nope. I’d rather talk to you.”

Aqua eyes blinked and then a shy smile formed. “I have no idea why. However, I shall protect you from beautiful ladies until you tell me otherwise. Deal?”

Rubbing a thumb over her fingers, he said, “Excellent. I appreciate your able assistance.”

“Of course, they don’t know you like this woman of yours should. The person you actually are is even more special.” Her voice softened. “You are loyal, earnest, supportive, compassionate, funny, brave… What I’m really trying to say is that I can’t imagine this woman _not_ seeing it, given some time. Honestly, you're quite the catch.”

Ezra's heart swelled and deflated simultaneously. _Apparently, not enough for you._

Squeezing his hand, she continued lightly, “I'm afraid that's the best advice I've got. Though, if it doesn't work out, there's always being my handyman for consolation.”

_Oh great._ Hope and dejection fought for dominance. Still, she had given him a potential strategy. One that Ahsoka herself had suggested. _Ok, Bridger. You’ve got two choices. Give up the fight and be miserable for an unknown amount of time with the possibility of eventually getting over it. Stay the course and be miserable indefinitely with a long shot at happiness. What can you handle?_ “Thanks. I’ll give it some thought.”

“It's up to you, of course. It could take a long time with no guarantee of success. Only you can decide if you love this woman enough to risk that outcome.”

_Huh._ There was really only one choice, after all. He met her eyes. “Oh, I do.”

_______

_“Are you ready to let me go, yet?”_

_Katooni trembled. “I can’t.”_

_Lux cupped the sides of her face with a gentle smile. “Why not?”_

_She lowered her eyes. “Because, I don’t know how.”_

_The man rubbed thumbs over her cheeks. “Yes, you do.”_

_Returning her gaze to his, Katooni choked out, “I’m… afraid.”_

_“I know. But, you can’t change what is, only what is to come.” Intense blue eyes fixed on her. “And, I’m afraid of what will come, if you don’t move on.”_

_Tears began falling. “I can’t do this without you.”_

_He frowned. “Of course, you can. You already are. There’s no need to be miserable while you do, though.” An expression that was almost pleading appeared. “Please, Katooni, let me go. Create a new life. Be happy. You’re still living in Jakku. It’s time to move out of the junkyard of the past and into the beautiful future that awaits.”_

_Her body began to shake and she laid against his chest. “How do you know it will be beautiful?”_

_“Because, you’re living in it.”_

_Katooni smiled softly. “Always the charmer.”_

_Lux laughed and pulled her back to lock their eyes. “Live, my amazing wife. Remember me, if you must, but don’t mourn me anymore. Please.”_

_She drew confidence from the supportive gaze. “I’ll try.”_

_Lips pressed against hers for a long moment and then a fading voice murmured, “Good…”_

Her eyes fluttered open and stared at the ceiling above her bed. Conflicting emotions roiled as Katooni whispered, “I will try, Lux. I promise.” Curling into a ball, she began to cry.

_______

As they rode back into the settlement, Aayla scanned the roaming inhabitants, who were slowly noticing their arrival. Caam came running from around a tent and her heart soared.

“Go on,” Ahsoka said. “I’ll take care of Kit.”

Giddiness rising, Aayla leapt from the horse. She sprinted across the camp and grabbed her child up. “Gods, I missed you so much.”

Caam held on tightly. “I missed you, too.” Leaning back, she fixed an earnest gaze. “I had faith in you, though. I knew you would come back.”

Aayla pressed lips to her daughter's lekku for a long moment, taking in the beautiful feeling of completeness. “Good. Because, I’ll always come back, little one. I promise.”

The girl laid against her chest with a content sigh. “Supra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One story ends and another begins... really, though, does anyone's story ever end? Not in Gabby-world, it doesn't! Speaking of endings, we're almost finished with this *very* long section of our story. Only a couple of wrap-up/bridge chapters to go and we're off to part 5. Change takes a while apparently!  
> Random note: I just noticed today that I have now officially surpassed the word count of any previous work, including WIAB. It is possible I need professional help.


	61. PART IV: CHANGE - Connected Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connected Circle: Our family forms a symbiont circle. (Otherwise known as the force works in mysterious ways.)

“You were in the same prison as my mom, right?”

Kit gave the young Twi’lek hovering over him a bright grin. “Yes, I was.”

Caam cast a surreptitious glance to where Aayla and Barriss were prepping his next set of bandages. “Was it… bad there?”

The man sighed. “Yes, I’m afraid it was.”

She perched herself on the edge of his cot. “I figured.”

Kit assessed the expressive face that was working hard not to show any distress. “But, even in misery there is joy. I met your mother there, after all.”

The girl cocked her head. “And, that makes things ok?”

“Hmm… interesting question. What do you think?”

Her nose pinched. “How would I know if meeting my mom makes you feel better or vice versa?”

He laughed. “Excellent point. Though, wisdom often comes when viewing things from a different angle. For instance, you were separated from your mother for many years. That was likely a difficult and unhappy experience. Yet, as a result, you discovered your true capabilities and met the family you now have. Tell me, does the positive outcome make the previous pain ok?”

Caam blinked. “Huh. Never thought of it like that.” Her face fluctuated for several moments. “Maybe… yes and no?”

“Then, perhaps you do know the answer to your question after all?”

The tawny eyes brightened. “Guess so.” Taking his hand, she added, “I’m glad you found a family, too.”

Wrapping fingers around hers, he smiled warmly. “And, I am glad _you_ are a part of it.”

She returned the smile. “Thanks.” Caam stole a quick glance across the healing tent once again and lowered her voice. “Um, are you gonna take care of my mom?”

Kit raised eye ridges. “Well, that is quite a question, young one.”

The girl grimaced. “Yeah, I know. It’s just… ok, here's the thing. See, I'm pretty sure Mom thinks she doesn’t need anyone, but it’s not true. I used to be that way too, until I met Barriss. Mom already likes you a whole lot. I can tell. Plus, you’d understand what’s going on in her head. I think she’d let you take care of her. If you're going to be part of our family and such, it seems kinda perfect. Then, you’d both have someone and staying here would make you both happy. It wouldn’t hurt to give it a try, right? Maybe, you could be her Barriss, you know?”

He gazed at her with interest. Clearly, Caam had been observing them closely since their arrival yesterday. It was a surprisingly insightful assessment, delivered with an endearing and persuasive innocence. Yet, despite the casualness, he was certain the girl had pre-determined her goal and how best to achieve it. The unusual combination of open sincerity and apparent strategy was fascinating. _What an exceptional child._ “You have a unique way of putting things, Caam. Though, I strongly suspect you understand much more than you pretend,” Kit replied wryly.

A guilty smile flashed, but quickly turned airy. “Is that a yes or a no, philosophistical guy?”

The man snorted. “Not to worry, savvy girl, I intend to convince her that we should take care of each other for the rest of our lives.”

Her face lit up with a satisfied grin. “Supra.”

_______

“Your stealth skills are impressive, little one.”

“Barriss is a good teacher, I guess. Other people helped me tons, too. Obi-Wan takes me on hunting trips and we practice with animals. He says I am turning into a great hunter,” Caam added proudly, but then looked embarrassed. “I need to get better at tracking, though. Anyway, Asajj taught me that last move. She said it’s good for when you need to sneak up on multiple targets.”

“But,” Aayla said, “it takes motivation and ability to learn, even from the best. That part is all you.”

Her lekku curled. “Thanks.” She sat beside Aayla. “Actually, everybody teaches me all kinda stuff.”

Laying back on the slight incline of the grassy hill, the woman gazed up at the swirling clouds. “This family definitely contains a wide range of expertise. It’s rare to have the opportunity to learn such a variety of skills. I’m glad you get the chance.”

Caam matched her position. “Yep. I’m pretty lucky. Know what else is cool? I’ll learn about someone in my lessons and then somebody knows them! It’s weird.”

The woman laughed. “I suppose we do get around.”

“Tell me about it.” Turning on her side to face Aayla, she added, “Like, did you find out Uncle Rex was friends with Dad, yet?”

Eyes widening, she twisted her head to look at Caam. “Really?”

“Yeah, he’s told me loads of stories about him. My favorite is when they hunted down a pirate gang that was attacking villages along the Shili and Cardota borders.”

“Huh.” Aayla smiled softly. “I might ask for the story myself.”

A sassy grin flashed. “I thought you’d like that one.”

She laughed. “You know me so well, little one.”

“Told you I’m learning,” the girl replied lightly, but there was tentativeness beneath it.

Reaching over, she brushed fingers across Caam’s cheek. “You most definitely are.”

There was a happy smile in response. Then, Caam shifted and laid her head on Aayla’s stomach.

The woman nearly gasped at the casual repositioning. It was how they used to sleep. Its return caused joy to flood her soul and she had to hold back tears. _Don’t ruin the moment!_

Staring up at the sky, her daughter seemed thoughtful. “Oh, and Uncle Rex might give you the pirate story for free, since you’re a shiny. But, you’ll have to trade for the rest. It’s the rules.”

“The rules?”

A triumphant grin appeared. “I knew it! No one has taught you the game. You’ve been here for three months! You must not be asking a lot of questions.”

She raised eyebrows. “Um, why don’t you teach me, then?”

Caam rotated her head to look at Aayla. “Ok. See, if you want to know something, you have to tell something. You’re supposed to find out as much as you can about the other person without giving a bunch of your own stuff away. You can do a question by question thing, but I like whole stories better.”

 _Where in the world did this family ritual come from?_ Then again, they were a group of lost and traumatized people. _I wonder if the idea was to get everyone to open up and trust more easily? Huh._ “So, if I wanted to find out your favorite food, I’d have to tell you mine?”

“Yeah, I guess,” the girl answered with a grimace. “But, that’s kinda boring. Usually, the trades are for interesting stuff.”

Aayla trailed fingers over her child’s lekku, possibilities percolating on how she could roll this conversation into something deeper. “Alright, give me a better example.”

Caam was silent for a moment, before saying, “Like, I could tell you a story about me that you wanna hear and you could tell me…” she paused and then blurted out, “how your lek got messed up?”

She shuddered as remembered pain shot through her nerves, muscles involuntarily contracting.

The girl jerked up and leaned over her. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to tell me. That was a stupid example. Are you ok?”

Desperately trying to regain control of her body’s automatic reaction, she lifted hands and gripped Caam’s face. “It’s not your fault, little one. Just give me a minute, alright?”

There was a distressed nod in response.

Aayla focused her mind, until everything calmed. She took a few deep breaths. “Sorry about that. Sometimes, when I think about it happening, my body doesn’t like it. I can’t figure out how to make that stop, yet.”

Caam winced. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

She rubbed thumbs over the turquoise cheeks. “No, it was a perfectly reasonable question. Don’t even think about blaming yourself for my problem.” The woman grinned brightly. “Just because I have issues, doesn’t mean you should.”

Her mouth dropped open and the girl sat back on the grass. “Um, where—did I—do you say that a lot?”

Aayla looked at her confusion. “Say what a lot?”

“The issues thing,” Caam murmured.

She considered. “Yes, I suppose. I used to tell you that whenever I went on a mission and had to leave you behind. I wanted you to understand my compulsion to help people didn’t have anything to do with how much I loved you. It was all about me needing to feel ok about myself—not about you. Does that make sense?”

A distant smile appeared. “Yeah. It… helped me. Barriss too, I think. It's sorta how we met.”

Aayla’s lips parted. “Really? What do you mean?”

The young face took on a mischievous quality. “Hmm, that sounds like it might need a trade.”

She laughed. “Ok, my little negotiator, what’s it going to cost me?” Aayla tried to steel herself, though she could feel her limbs already trembling. “I can try to answer your question—”

“No!” Caam fixed a determined expression. “One of the rules is that everyone gets to decide what they can handle talking about. You can tell me that story once you’re better and such.”

The woman’s muscles relaxed and she smiled. “Thanks. What else do you want to know, then?”

Her face turned contemplative. It lit up and then fell in repeated succession as Caam apparently rejected every idea. Finally, she slumped. “I’m not sure.”

 _She’s afraid everything she wants to know will upset me. Suck it up, Secura. You’re going to do this._ Reaching out a hand, Aayla asked, “What if I give you some choices and you pick from those?”

Caam took the hand. “That sounds good.”

“Ok, we could talk about how I met Plo Koon, since you were interested in him. I could recount one of my missions or some of the places I've travelled. Hmm…” All of it seemed not good enough. _Give her something deeper._ She squeezed the small fingers and said quietly, “Would you like to hear about my family? You never got to meet them, because they died when Cardota fell. But, they would have adored you.”

The girl brightened. “Yeah, is that one ok?”

She grinned. “Definitely. I’ve got you to help me, right?”

A happy smile spread across her daughter’s face. Then, Caam once again laid on Aayla’s stomach. “It’s a deal, Mom.”

_______

Ahsoka grinned. “Sorry, Master. Your wife got to me first.”

Obi-Wan groaned. “It’s so boring!”

“I find the deep blue tone quite peaceful and calming,” Luminara remarked. “It certainly is better than the one you wanted. I had no intention of waking every morning to swirling circles. It made me dizzy. And, the beige background would have shown every smudge. Don’t you want your wife to be happy in our new quarters?”

He gritted teeth. “It covers the entire back section! A tapestry is supposed to add interest to a space. Not turn a plain, gray wall into a plain, blue one!”

Barriss snorted. “At least, it’s not a plain, brown one. Believe me, things could have been depressingly worse. I’d chalk it up as a compromise, Master Negotiator.”

That got her a glare from Luminara, but then a mischievous gleam appeared in the cerulean eye. “Indeed, my love. I chose a lighter color to account for your needs.”

The man chomped down on his bread and muttered, “Don’t think I’m buying that for a second, Luminara Unduli.”

Kit let out a hearty laugh. “It’s the price we pay for happiness, Obi-Wan. Wait until you see the fluffy monstrosity Aayla calls a blanket. I nearly suffocated myself just looking at it.”

The Twi’lek huffed from across the table. “You don’t have to use it, Kit Fisto. One would think years in a cold, damp prison cell would make you appreciate thick bed coverings. Some of us prefer _not_ freezing to death in the middle of the night.”

Pearly white teeth flashed. “I thought keeping you warm was my job, dear.”

Her lips edged into a pleased grin. “You’re incorrigible.”

Ahsoka polished off her drink with amusement. “In any case, the tapestry is already installed as of today. So, it’s not moving.”

Aayla threw Luminara a look of approval. “Impressive efficiency.” Glancing at Obi-Wan, she smirked. “What’s done is done, I’m afraid. Maybe, you could try for swirls in the dressing room.”

Luminara lifted a hand. “Please, don’t give him any ideas.”

Obi-Wan rolled semi-exasperated eyes. “Perish the thought.” Then, a distant smile formed. “I had a friend who used to say that.” His expression turned serene as he spoke in a slow, melodic tone. “Dear one, what’s done is done. Get over it.”

The Twi’lek froze, a bite of greens halfway to her mouth.

Kit’s attention immediately pinpointed on her. “What is it?”

Slowly placing the food back on her plate, Aayla asked, “What was your friend’s name?”

“Shaak Ti. She was…” He trailed off, apparently noticing the entire table now staring at him. “What did I say?”

Luminara cleared her throat. “We knew her, my dear.”

“Yes,” Barriss added, “Lady Ti was a client.”

Obi-Wan’s gaze jumped to the head of the table, where Barriss was seated. He stared at her for a moment, before turning to his left and raising sardonic eyebrows at his wife. “Small world we inhabit, isn’t it?”

Luminara smiled and replied, but Ahsoka didn’t register it as she noticed Kit’s continued fixation on Aayla.  
  
Ahsoka looked at the woman on her right, who was tracing vacant fingers over the faded scars trailing up from the chest-line of her maroon, silk tunic. In the last couple of months, Aayla’s wardrobe had transitioned from clothing that covered every inch of skin to more revealing, if still modest, options. It had settled somewhere between the alluringly-clad figure they had first met and the heavily-covered ghost who had shown up in their camp six months ago. Despite the now visible reminders of the past, Aayla remained a beautiful woman and Ahsoka hoped the change was a positive sign. However, right now, the distress was evident. _She’s withdrawing. Get her to engage._ Ahsoka broke in to the ongoing conversation, “Aayla knew Shaak Ti, as well.”

Obi-Wan halted mid-response to Barriss and shifted attention to the Twi’lek. “Really?”

Aayla seemed to refocus with a slow breath. “Yes. Her friendship and support helped me through many difficult times.”

His eyes flicked to Luminara, who inclined her head. Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, before asking, “You were her apprentice, weren’t you? She took up your training after Plo died?”

A palpable shock covered the table in silence. Ahsoka realized her jaw was hanging open and she snapped it shut. _He knew Shaak Ti was a Jedi?_

Finally, Aayla answered, “In a sense. Technically, I was already a Jedi when we met, but I had lost my way. So, she took me under her wing.” Her expression turned shrewd. “I always suspected you knew much more than you let on, Master.”

Still reeling from the revelation, Ahsoka exclaimed, “Well, I didn’t! Are you telling me you knew Jedi existed well before you found us talking to my long dead mother?”

Kit blinked. “Did you say dead?”

Barriss waved a hand. “That story can wait.” She fixed sternly on Obi-Wan. “How long have you known?”

A somewhat chagrin smile appeared. “Remember, I have seen many things in this world, my dears. Also, don’t forget Plo and I were close. It was a path I chose not to pursue due to…” There was a quick glance toward Luminara. “... certain circumstances. At least, until my family convinced me otherwise in more recent years.” He winked.

Aayla laughed. “Obi-Wan Kenobi, the man of a thousand secrets.”

His expression became airy. “All in the line of duty.”

Ahsoka looked at her wife in exasperation, who mouthed back, “Later.”

Obi-Wan’s voice turned hopeful as he continued, “Tell me, is Shaak still alive? We lost touch long ago.”

Aayla’s face tightened. “We were both captured by Palpatine. She was executed.”

The hope turned into pain and Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead. “I see.”

Luminara took his hand, squeezing it gently.

He interlocked their fingers with a sad smile. “She was a magnificent woman and a loyal friend.”

“Yes,” Aayla murmured.

Obi-Wan gazed into the air. “Shaak never gave up hope in a better world. Her faith put me to shame.”

Aayla’s fingers clenched the edge of the table.

Kit shifted forward, clearly torn between wanting to provide comfort and not draw attention to her distress.

Ahsoka laid a hand on the woman’s arm and whispered, “It’s not your fault.”

Hazel eyes darted to hers. “Perhaps.” Straightening, Aayla continued, “Shaak spent her last moments reminding me to hang on to my own faith. She kept hers, until the end.”

Obi-Wan sighed. “I would have expected no less.” A slight smile formed. “It gives me some peace to know she didn’t die alone. We were both alone for a long time. Shaak was one of the few people who knew I was still alive during my exile. Even though we rarely saw each other, it provided me comfort.”

Barriss jerked up in her chair.

 _What now?_ “I believe something has caught my wife’s interest,” Ahsoka commented dryly.

They all shifted focus to the piercing blue eyes, which were clearly calculating. Barriss abruptly addressed Aayla, “You said both of you worked in the background to deliver intel through unaffiliated contacts. Do you remember any of the codenames?”

“Um, maybe. Of course, I would only know the ones I had occasion to handle personally. That was uncommon as Shaak managed that end. Is it important now?”

The woman maintained an expectant gaze. “It is to me.”

“Ok then. Uh, let’s see. Nightwing… Prophet… Darksaber… what was the one from…” Her expression filled with frustration. “Ugh! I wish I could remember it. The codenames were always overly dramatic, as if everyone wanted to ensure they sounded legendary. But, there was one that was oddly normal.” Fingers rubbed her lek absently. “The whole situation involving that contact was strange, actually.”

“Strange, how?” Barriss asked, intensity unabated.

Ahsoka glanced at Luminara questioningly, who only shrugged and sipped her wine.

“Well, we infiltrated a secret facility discovered through a prior operation. The result was a stack of seemingly critical documents. However, they were in an unknown language. It took Shaak a week of constant work to translate only one of them. I’ve never seen her as close to losing that trademark serenity as when she decoded it. An hour later, I was on my way with a message for a contact I’d never heard of before. Then, I had to deliver it to a hidden compartment in the middle of a sand dune!”

Obi-Wan stiffened. “I-I don’t believe it.”

Excitement began to seep into Barriss’ tone. “Was the drop-off in Tatooine?”

The woman’s eyes widened then narrowed. “How did you know that?”

Obi-Wan placed palms on the table. “The codename… was it ‘Old Ben’?”

Aayla gaped and barely managed a nod.

Their point finally clicked for Ahsoka. “Oh Gods. As in Ben Kenobi. You were the contact. Your anonymous source that always gave you accurate intel was them.”

The Twi’lek leaned back in her chair. “Wow.”

“Tell me,” Obi-Wan said intently, “this emergency message you delivered—do you remember when that was?”

A sad smile formed. “Actually, I do. It was the same year I lost Caam’s father. That was thirteen years ago.”

Barriss and Obi-Wan grinned at each other.

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “That means something to you both, I take it?”

Her wife's grin widened. “It means that Aayla and Shaak saved Ahsoka’s life.”

Ahsoka jolted up in her chair. “Oh. I’ve been stupid. The coded message that told you I was being held in Dantooine and in danger came from them.” Grinning at Aayla, she added, “Thanks. Good thing you were around, huh? I wouldn’t be here today to talk about it.”

“Neither would I,” Luminara said quietly, “since Ahsoka rescued me.”

Kit raised eye ridges. “Add me to the list, as well.”

“Without that message,” Obi-Wan pointed out, “I would never have found Barriss and therefore none of you.”

“And, without all of you, where do you think I’d be?” Barriss chimed in and then locked an intense gaze on Aayla. “So many things would not have been possible. Let’s recap a few. Luke wouldn’t have met us, possibly never recovered from Malastare. That means the fall of Palpatine at the hands of his father couldn’t have happened when it did, if ever. I certainly wouldn’t have been living in Coruscant to meet Caam. You, Aayla Secura, literally saved us all.”

The woman’s eyes rotated between them. “I… don’t know what to say.”

Ahsoka snorted. “You’re welcome would work. Also, you can definitely stop trying to thank us now.” Gripping the woman’s arm, she added, “It was _your_ faith that made it all possible, Master Jedi.”

Aayla’s face slowly transformed into a shining smile. “We’ll call it even or something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, what to say on this chapter? The final scene was meant to bring this story together to show their destinies have been connected far longer than they think. Bonus(!)--It also tied up a plot thread from WIAB on Obi-Wan's intel source. I liked writing additional development for Aayla and Caam. I've been awaiting an opportunity to roll our game back into mainstream usage. Caam's reaction to Kit took some character analysis work to figure out. She has a deep seated fear of abandonment, but also has a positive outlook. That suggested to me that she would approach this new person her mother clearly cares about as an opportunity to stabilize them all, rather than something to fear. Plus, Caam has never really been a jealous or selfish child, even when she had potentially valid reasons to be. Maybe, she just feels lucky to have anyone at all? Whether her specific method comes from learned behavior in reaching a goal, instinctive reading of people, or she's picked up some Barriss-like traits along the way, who knows!  
> ___  
> Semi-related rambling time... Feel free to stop reading, if you'd rather figure out your own explanation for Caam's evolving personality without my influencing your analysis. Interpretation of the reader is just as valid as the author intent to me. Plus, who knows if I pulled off my intentions adequately?! Speaking of, if you do read the below, I would appreciate feedback on whether you see this in the writing, disagree, or have your own theory. It's so hard to assess if I'm being too subtle or inconsistent!
> 
> One of the things I'm trying to develop in Caam is complicated to explain, so stick with me here... Her tendency to accept her fate, especially when she feels abandoned, is at odds with her seemingly independent, go getter nature. Examples could include how long it takes Barriss et al. to convince Caam that her destiny could be different if she chooses. It is what it is to her. When Aayla first shows up, she doesn't fight about it. She's wary and upset, but her most critical worry seems to be that Aayla will take her away. The girl is a highly capable 13. She could simply run away or back to Shili, if she didn't want to stay with her mom, yes? It doesn't seem to occur to her as a possibility. When Caam thinks Barriss has given her up, she accepts it and agrees to go to Naboo, despite clear distress. Even with Wuulo, I think we can infer having a friend she depends on allows her to achieve things she might not have on the street. Despite her background, she also seems to be a fairly non-rebellious child. Even when she doesn't want to do/learn something, Caam does as she's told. (Unlike Karyna I might add!)
> 
> So, I would posit as long as Caam has someone she can completely depend on, she displays strength beyond her years and is generally happy, proactive, risk-taking, and how we typically see her. She ceases being someone life happens to, victim of the whims of fate, and becomes someone who shapes her own destiny. More than any of our other children, she seems to critically need at least one person who is 'hers'. Someone who will always be there, no matter what. As long as she has that, Caam can survive almost anything. Suggesting she has massive inner strength, but needs someone to depend on (or who has faith in her?) to reach its full potential. 
> 
> Ok, um, now that I’ve written it out, this sounds very much like another character… wow… that was a total accident. Huh.


	62. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss finds an answer.

“Well, what did you discover, my dear?”

“That the Force likes to send me into nervous breakdowns?” Barriss proposed dryly.

Luminara snorted as she crossed to the discarded sword. “Now, why would it want to do that?” She picked up the weapon and examined the engravings on the blade.

Barriss walked over to her with a weary sigh. “I guess it’s trying to tell me something. Or, test me. However, if I don’t know the purpose, it’s difficult to judge the outcome.”

“Why?” Luminara countered.

She opened her mouth to respond, but paused. _Huh._ “Is this where you tell me it’s what _I_ get out of it that matters?”

An eyebrow quirked. “Is _that_ what you got out of it?”

Giving her an exasperated look, Barriss shifted attention to the sword Luminara was holding. “What do these engravings say? I don’t recognize the language. And, please don’t ask me what I think they mean,” she ended sternly.

The woman chuckled. “They are written in an ancient tongue that has long since died out. It is said only a Jedi can read them. So, I am afraid I don’t know what they say.”

Barriss sent eyes skyward. “Of course not. Silly me. Why would a projection of the Force itself be able to read a Jedi language?” She massaged her forehead. “I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out for this. It’s a requirement to be irrational or something.”

“Hmm, perhaps, you are too busy balancing to know when irrationality is needed?”

She stared. “What do you mean? Isn’t balance the key?”

Luminara reached out a hand to rub her tattoos. “There are many forms of balance, darling girl. Nothing is perfectly balanced at all times, even you.”

“Are you saying I should be aware of my balance, but not at the expense of the moment? Sometimes, tipping one way or the other is the proper solution?”

A mischievous gleam appeared in the cerulean eye. “Is that what you think I’m saying?”

Barriss let out a strangled groan. “Alright, that’s it. I’m done asking questions.”

Slender fingers gripped her chin. “I hope not. The way of the Jedi is a never-ending path of the seeker. You’ll never reach a final objective, but your journey is full of beautiful truths.”

She probed her master’s face searchingly. “Does that mean I’m supposed to be a Jedi?” Barriss put up a hand. “Don’t answer that. I know. It’s what I think I am.”

“See?” Luminara winked. “You’re already learning.”

Barriss laughed.

Luminara delivered a kiss to her forehead and then drew back, presenting the sword. “Good luck with your decision, my amazing child. No matter the path you choose to walk, always remember that I love you.”

Taking the weapon, Barriss blinked back tears. “I love you, too.”

There was a soft smile in response, before the woman vanished in a wisp of rustling air.

Exhaustion swept over her and Barriss slumped to the dusty ground. Crossing her legs and placing the sword on her lap, she traced absent fingers over the gold-plated hilt. _What now? Good luck with your decision, she said. Does that mean it’s up to me? I just decide and walk out? It can't be that simple, right?_

Tingling buzzed through her fingertips, causing Barriss to look down. The engravings across the broad blade were coming into focus and she could just make out fuzzy words. “Named must your fear be, before banish it you can.”

_Ah._ Wrapping fingers around the sword, she closed her eyes and centered. “I will never be perfect. I can make mistakes. I may even fail, but it doesn't change who I am. I am still Barriss Offee. And, Barriss Offee is… good enough.”

A rush of wind blew across Barriss’ face and her eyelids flipped open. The clear gem embedded in the hilt was radiating an ethereal glow. She gasped as the object left its home and floated up, hovering in front of her. The sword disappeared from existence, but Barriss barely noticed, eyes transfixed by the flashing stone. The gleaming light faded, leaving a crystal that was a deep indigo in its richness. Yet, there was a metallic luster that exuded shards of shining silver as torchlight hit the angled edges. It was… beautiful.

She slowly reached out. When her fingers tightened around it, a comforting completeness flowed through Barriss. Opening her fist, she gazed at the exquisite object. _It's mine._ The feeling was undeniable. It belonged in her hand. As if the crystal had long been awaiting its rightful owner and was finally home.

Rising from the ground, Barriss Offee chose her path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "An infinite mystery is the Force. The more we learn, the more we discover how much we do not know."  
> ―Yoda


	63. PART IV: CHANGE - Changing Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changing Tides: "You can’t stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting." — Shmi Skywalker 
> 
> [4PPY]

Aayla sagged against the fireplace wall, one arm hugging her stomach. “I don’t think I can let her go.”

Barriss drifted down onto the office settee. “I know I can’t.”

Ahsoka remained silent, waiting for them to process. She had already put off this conversation for too long. _We’re not leaving this room, until we’re all on the same page._

A strained question came from Aayla, “Does she have to live in the barracks?”

“Yes,” Ahsoka answered firmly, “all soldiers are assigned to company-specific quarters. Members of the royal house don’t get special treatment in Shili. If Caam wants to be a warrior, she has to do it like everyone else.”

Barriss gazed at her with beseeching eyes. “She could still be home some, right?”

Ahsoka sat beside her wife and put an arm around her shoulders. “When she’s on liberty sure, but not too often. She can’t be the only soldier who skips mess every night to come eat dinner at the castle. Besides, her free time will be minimal as an apprentice soldier. Asajj’s training program pushes their limits, in order to better assess and target gaps. Young soldiers also need space to adjust to army life and bond with their squad.”

“What about visiting her?” Aayla inquired hopefully. “The barracks are only a few klicks away.”

Barriss brightened. “Yes. She wouldn’t have to worry about finding time to come to us.”

Gritting teeth, Ahsoka tried another approach. “It’s not that these things can’t happen, if her duties allow it. We simply shouldn’t pressure Caam to do them. I understand this is difficult, but please keep her situation in mind. Being connected to us will already make it challenging. She’ll be treated differently at a time when she most wants to fit in. Royalty visiting on a consistent basis won’t exactly help with that.”

A hiss of breath came from Aayla. “She’s only fourteen, Ahsoka. It’s too young to leave home.”

“You are well aware most soldiers are apprenticed by thirteen,” she replied calmly. “Caam can keep training with us, but the longer she waits the harder it will be for her. You know all of this. Cardota used a similar system.”

Aayla pressed clenched fists against the wall and then squeezed her eyes shut.

Her wife’s expression took on a hint of obstinacy. “Well, _I_ don’t know. Why can’t she join the army later?”

Ahsoka pulled her closer. “You do know. We went through a similar process with Luke. It was less formalized, but the same principle. It’s also what Shan didn’t get, when joining the Chandrilan army at sixteen. Don’t forget how isolated that made her feel.”

“Fine,” Barriss said flatly. “Explain the formal process to me.”

“We put apprentice soldiers in age-appropriate squads to build camaraderie and enhance development. They stay together after finishing their apprenticeship as a bonded squad. They’ll eventually separate as their specialties surface or deployments demand. If she doesn’t get in an apprentice squad soon, there is a completely different process.”

“Why can’t she do it the other way then?” her wife countered.

“Her career would be disjointed and we’d rob Caam of a life-shaping experience. Not to mention, she’ll never become a warrior without noteworthy service as a soldier of the kingdom. The sooner Caam gets started, the more quickly she can reach her goals. Why do you think it took Shan so long to achieve a commission, despite her outstanding skills? One-off soldiers don’t get the same opportunities and are constantly asked to prove themselves. She’ll be happier, more successful, and better accepted by her fellow soldiers using the standard path.”

Calculations flew through her wife’s face as she evidently struggled to find a reasonable objection. The tightening of her mouth told Ahsoka the effort was unsuccessful. “I can’t believe you’re alright with this!” Barriss snapped. “Do you recall how difficult it was to convince you to let Luke join his squad?”

Ahsoka winced. “It’s still not easy for me, but I’m trying to do better this time around. _You_ convinced me our children need space to become who they’re meant to be. Besides, this is a different situation than Luke. The danger was greater and he didn’t necessarily have to leave home to become a warrior. Caam does. You’re the one that advocates preparing our family whenever possible. The more proficient Caam becomes now, the safer she’ll be in an increasingly uncertain future.” Pressing lips to Barriss’ temple, she added quietly, “It’s not about you, my amazing wife.”

The woman stiffened, but then slumped against the settee cushions. “I know.” Her expression morphed strangely and she mumbled to herself, “What are you thinking, Offee?”

Hazel eyes finally reopened, repressed tears shining. “I can’t argue any of your points. It’s just that I…” Aayla rubbed hands over her face and didn’t continue.

Suddenly, Barriss began to tremble and her normally sedate breathing increased rapidly.

Shifting quickly, Ahsoka gripped her face, trying to head off a full-blown attack. “Hey. Focus on me. I’m right here. It’s going to be alright. I promise.”

Aayla straightened with concern.

Fluctuating eyes locked on Ahsoka’s and the pulsing breaths gradually calmed. After a few moments, Barriss grabbed the hands still resting on her face. “I’m fine, don’t worry. I guess I realized how close I came to failing Caam. Fortunately, we both have you, my shining girl.” Glancing at Aayla, she grimaced. “Sorry about that. Sometimes my mind gets away from me.”

There was a small snort. “I know the feeling. No need to apologize.” A wry grin flashed. “That’s what family is for, I hear.”

“Indeed.” Barriss returned the grin and leaned against Ahsoka’s shoulder. “Caam can move back home at some point, right?”

Letting out a relieved exhale, she wrapped an arm around her wife once more. “Yes. When Caam becomes a warrior, she can choose to live outside of the barracks. How much she's home will depend on assignment and deployment, of course, but she won’t be gone forever. We’ll already see her more than other families with soldiers. Maybe, it won’t be as hard as we think.”

There was a long silence, until Aayla strode to the settee and sat beside them. “Ok, I want Caam to become who she’s meant to be. I agree this is the best path to get her there.” Determined eyes met Barriss’. “We can handle it, right?”

She gazed back at her with a soft smile. “Definitely.” Barriss continued thoughtfully, “Can we help by delineating the royal household?”

Ahsoka’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t have a formal hierarchy or standard positions, other than the military side. What if we created a outward-facing royal court? Our lack of structure is already a bit off-putting for those who are accustomed to such things.”

Aayla raised snarky eyebrows. “A _bit_ off-putting? More like downright strange and highly confusing, even to your family. I still don’t know what to say when some distinguished visitor asks me who I am. One time, in a truly idiotic choice, I told a Rodian court delegate I performed special services for the Sovereign Master. He spent the entire trade council following me around, offering progressively higher salaries to provide him ‘services’.” She raised an emphatic hand. “I never made that mistake again.”

“What do you say now?” Ahsoka asked amusedly.

A mischievous twinkle gleamed. “Depends on situation. I told the Hutt Conglomeration negotiator I was the royal taste tester, due to my ability to sniff out any poison. Then, I took a not-so-subtle whiff everytime he passed me. By the end of the day, I was getting murderous glares. But, no one died, so I consider it a success.”

Barriss stared and then rubbed a hand over her forehead. “Ok, I’ve just discovered another point in favor of my idea.”

Aayla grinned. “I’d given up hope of a normal approach from you two. Who knew all I had to do was make up a few false identities to get results? How would it help Caam, though?”

Looking at Ahsoka, Barriss said, “I remember you saying how difficult it was to be a soldier and a princess, which is likely how she’ll be perceived by many. I don’t want to add more burden to what will already be a challenging process. It doesn’t change our internal dynamic, but it would provide structure to outsiders.” She glanced at Aayla wryly. “And, give family members introducing themselves to visiting dignitaries something to say.”

“Interesting idea,” Ahsoka mused. “We could officially designate Aayla as… maybe, a royal advisor? Caam would publicly be the daughter of a court member, not a royal. That may make her less intimidating to her squadmates. She’ll still have to put up with some level of harassment. Overall, though, it should reduce the pressure and fitting in would be easier.”

“Hmm… do you think that will upset her?” Aayla questioned. “Will she feel like we’re kicking her out of the family or something? It’s a bit of a subtle strategy. I’m always worried about unexpected teenage reactions,” she ended dryly.

Barriss chuckled. “A valid concern.” She tapped a finger on her chin for a few moments. “What if we leave it up to her? As long as Caam understands she’s still ours, I think it’ll be fine. Once she becomes a warrior, we can backtrack and make her an official royal ward.” There was a pause. “Assuming she wants that, which may not be true. Actually, I suspect she’ll be thrilled by this plan. It relieves the pressure of representing the royal family, altogether.” A shrewd gaze came Ahsoka’s direction. “The child hates formality. Teaching her royal protocols has been a nightmare. She also gets _extremely_ frustrated when anyone treats her like a princess. The incident at the healing summit last week is a case in point.”

Ahsoka grinned. “I was so proud.”

“You have to admit,” Aayla chimed in, “it was the most exciting part of the entire meeting, Offee.”

Barriss bristled. “You two are not the ones who had to apologize to an entire group of premiere healers that you cajoled into attending!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic, my dear. You still dazzled them.” Ignoring a glare from her wife, Ahsoka turned to Aayla. “What about you, Secura? Want to be my royal advisor?”

The hazel eyes glinted. “Thought I already was?”

Ahsoka laughed. “You certainly provide opinions on a regular basis. Alright, let’s work out a basic structure. If Caam is ok with the idea, we’ll make it official.”

_______

“Hey you.”

Karyna grinned and jumped up from her desk. “You’re back!” Running over, she wrapped arms around Aayla.

The woman returned the hug with a laugh. “Looks like it.”

She released her hold and looked up. “Was Glee Anselm nice?”

Aayla threw up hands. “It was too nice! I barely got Kit to leave!”

Karyna giggled. “Well, that’s good. You both needed some relaxation.”

There was a soft smile. “As do you, dear one. I bet you’ve done nothing but read, research, and train since I’ve been gone.”

She returned a guilty grin. “Maybe. I did work on our project a little, though.”

“Excellent. Why don’t we have some lunch and then you can show me your progress?”

“Ok.” The girl added hesitantly, “I mean, if you're not too busy.” She didn't understand why the woman made so much time for her, but Karyna truly enjoyed it. Aayla knew how to do all kinds of interesting things. Before leaving, she had taught her how to carve and shape wood. They had decided to make Caam a cypher wood chest that would fit under her barracks bunk.

Fingers rubbed over her tattoos. “Karyna, you know that you’re special to me, right? Without you, I wouldn’t have learned what family means.”

Her heart lit up and she smiled bashfully. “I’m ok with that.”

Aayla pinched her cheek. “Good. Because, I care about you very much.” Her eyes grew distant. “Since Caam is gone, we should stick together.”

Karyna slid arms around the woman’s chest. “Don’t be sad.”

Lips touched the top of her head. “I’m alright, don’t worry. I miss Caam, but I’m happy for her.” The woman leaned back and smoothed a stray lock of Karyna’s hair into place. “Besides, how can I be sad when I have you?”

The girl grinned and then waved a superior hand. “That is an acceptable response.”

She laughed. “I’m glad it passes muster, Princess. Ready to put our lunch and fun plans into effect?”

“Yep.”

_______

“What do you think about accelerating our timeline?” Ahsoka threw out.

Aayla raised eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

“Are you suggesting we train more Jedi at once?” Barriss asked in surprise.

Ahsoka fidgeted. “Something like that.”

Kit assessed her for a moment. “You are concerned about the new threat.”

She let out a slow breath. “Yes. We’ve been able to ascertain no weakness, other than what you discovered. The three incidents we know about have resulted in the same outcome. Quite frankly, I’m out of ideas. I only know the more competent Jedi we have, the more options we likely have.”

“That seems a bit premature,” Aayla remarked. “We have no evidence they plan to mount a full-scale attack on us, much less in the near future. So far, they have sporadically concerned themselves only with small settlements situated at the edge of the outer regions for unknown reasons.”

Ahsoka shrugged. “I don’t disagree. However, not preparing for the unexpected cost us everything once. I don’t want it to happen again.”

There was silence. Finally, Luminara spoke up, “Training more Jedi means less individualized attention and more likelihood of our activities becoming public knowledge. Either may cause unexpected results in and of itself.”

Obi-Wan drummed fingers on the table. “A valid point. If rumors surface of our activities, it may precipitate a conflict.”

“I’m not trying to force the idea,” Ahsoka put in quickly. “I am certainly open to other suggestions and discussion. We’re a council, remember? Everyone should agree on our course.”

Kit grinned. “Watch out. Aayla might disagree with you for fun.”

The Twi’lek shot a glare his direction and then addressed Ahsoka, “Do you get a sense that this is the correct path?”

She grimaced. “I can’t get a sense of anything. I think I’m…”

“Afraid,” Barriss finished softly.

Ahsoka’s jaw tightened and she simply nodded.

“Ah,” Kit said, “fear clouds judgement. You are wise to recognize its influence. Where does it originate?”

Before she could respond, Aayla answered distantly, “Losing everything. Knowing you could have stopped it, but didn’t. Being able to give your family the skills to survive and not doing so.” She locked eyes with Ahsoka. “I’ve been worried, as well. If Caam had Jedi training, a warrior’s life becomes a safer proposition, especially if you’re correct about the threat.”

Barriss rubbed her forehead. “That is true for everyone. Do you know how many of our family and friends are candidates to be trained? Do we not give them the skills to protect themselves out of some philosophical objection?”

“Or, out of a different kind of fear?” Luminara ventured.

Aayla straightened in her chair. “Interesting. I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. We chose to proceed cautiously out of a fear of bad outcomes. It may be a justified fear. Who is to say this other fear is any more or less valid?”

“Fear itself is not inherently bad,” Kit opined. “It is an ingrained survival instinct. Controlling fear is usually where the issues originate.”

“Indeed,” Obi-Wan agreed. “As with any emotion, it is how we handle it that determines our reality.”

Ahsoka flattened palms on the table. “All true, but this is a circular discussion. We’re afraid and there are many things to fear.” Her mind floated away for a moment. “Fear comes in many forms that appear benign.”

Kit raised eye ridges. “Very astute.”

The Togruta gave him a wan smile. “Thank Master Yoda for that one. In any case, how do we propose to decide the best course?”

“What if we each meditate on the question for a few days?” Barriss suggested. “Then, we’ll share our individual results. If they all agree, perhaps that is our answer.”

“And, if they don’t?” Aayla asked dryly.

Barriss lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “We talk it through some more. An extra few weeks is hardly going to make a difference. If the danger is that urgent, there is little we can do at this point. If it isn’t, we have a bit of time to ensure we make the correct decision for the future.”

“I think that sounds reasonable,” Obi-Wan stated and glanced around the table. “Are we in agreement?”

There were unified nods in response.

Kit’s dazzling grin flashed. “Well, look at that. Apparently, we can agree after all.”

Ahsoka eyed Aayla shrewdly. “If that’s true, let’s return to the earlier discussion. I do believe someone was telling me my idea for self-selecting missions would never work.”

Hazel eyes shot skyward. “Fine. Convince me, Lady Jedi.”

_______

“I could always hang out here tonight.”

Karyna glanced up from her book. “I thought you were going to the rave district with Huxley or whatever he’s called?”

Caam rolled eyes and sat on the bed next to her. “His name is Hux, Kayo.”

“I prefer Huxley,” the girl replied airily.

 _Actually, it kind of suits him._ Unable to hold back a grin, Caam said, “Whatever. I’m saying I could cancel.”

Karyna quirked an eyebrow. “Why would you do that?”

“I kinda thought we could maybe do something instead.”

“Uh, I was planning to read my book.”

She hunched her shoulders and mumbled, “Yeah, sure. Reading your book, of course. Nevermind.”

A hand grabbed hers. “What’s wrong?”

Caam slid her fingers between Karyna’s and stared at their joined hands. “Dunno. Since I’ve moved into the barracks, we don’t get to do as much stuff. Guess, I miss you and such.”

“Oh.”  

Looking up, Caam saw surprise on her friend’s face. _She doesn’t miss me, obviously._

“Alright,” Karyna said, “I don’t mind. I can read my book another night. What do you want to do?”

“No, forget it. Not important.” Caam dropped her hand and jumped up. “I’ll go.”

The awesome blue eyes roved across her face. “You’re not making any sense, Cab. You want to do something, but when I say ok, you don’t?”

She laughed blankly. “Yep, that’s me. The cabbage that makes no sense.”

Slim legs slid off the bed and Karyna stood in front of her. “Something is wrong. Why won’t you tell me?”

Caam rolled her shoulders. “I guess I’m just moody today. Sorry.”

“Only today?” was the dry reply.

Throwing a glare, she muttered, “Fine, I’m moody all the time lately. Happy?”

There was silence for a moment and then Karyna took both of her hands, interweaving their fingers. “I’m not happy, if you’re not happy. Come on, let’s do something fun.”

Contentment reasserted itself as Caam gazed at her friend. A warm memory popped and she said excitedly, “Hey, we could read your book together. You know, like we used to do?”

A cute grin with matching dimples appeared. “Now, that sounds like fun.”

_______

Rex’s jaw clenched. “Shouldn’t we send a scouting team to ascertain the current status of the threat?”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “And, if they don’t come back we know we have a problem?”

The man frowned. “You are that certain of their invincibility?”

“I only know what I saw with my own eyes last year, Rex. Kit’s information and the prison evidence tied in with our intel from other sources. Now, we have a new incident further confirming it.”

Asajj straightened in her chair. “I agree with Ahsoka. Sending a scouting team seems to be of limited benefit with high risk. It may even precipitate a counter-strike of some kind.”

Rex exhaled. “I concede the point. However, sitting around and waiting to be attacked is not an ideal solution.”

Ahsoka tapped fingers on her office table. “I’m open to other options.”

Asajj pursed lips. “Didn’t you say Kit could protect himself? Also, Ezra was able to do so when visiting the Chiss, yes?”

Nodding warily, Ahsoka asked, “Why?”

“Is it something that can be taught to others?”

Considering for a moment, Ahsoka grimaced. “Only a few at the current moment. And, I don’t know if it works in every situation or the volume limitations. Effectiveness is also very dependent on individual skill. So, it’s not a viable defense in a large scale conflict.”

“I understand that, but I’m thinking smaller,” Asajj replied.

Rex rested elbows on the table. “What’s your idea?”

The woman shrugged. “If a handful of people are competent, your scouting suggestion may be doable. It’s clear we can’t plan any meaningful defense without more substantial information.”

Ahsoka ran a thumb over her fingers in thought. “It’s a workable possibility. Let’s keep it in mind. What else?”

Rex’s forehead furrowed. “Can we send an emissary to the Chiss? As mentioned, Ezra made it there and back safely last year. They appear to respect him.”

Asajj raised doubtful eyebrows. “I believe they made their position quite clear.”

“That doesn’t mean it can’t change with some persuasion,” he said dismissively.

“It also doesn’t mean we won’t end up antagonizing them, either,” Asajj shot back.

Rex glared and opened his mouth to respond, but Ahsoka raised a hand. “We’ll keep the option on the table.”

A firm double knock came from the office door. Ahsoka stood up and opened it to reveal Echo.

The man popped to attention and saluted. “Sovereign, I apologize for the intrusion, but the general is needed. There’s a critical issue with the new battalion deployment.”

Rex rose from his chair with a grimace. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

Echo grinned. “Better you than me.”

That got him a glare. “What do I pay my adjutant for, exactly?”

The aforementioned man smirked. “To look pretty and apologize to anyone you rake over the mustafarian coals? Oh, and don’t forget your messy paperwork. Not to be underestimated! Who says an adjutant’s work isn’t full of glory? I sometimes wonder why I didn’t take the battalion commander job when I had the chance.”

Rex growled. “That can still be arranged, mister.”

“Don’t tempt me,” was the airy reply.

Asajj snorted. “Have I mentioned how much I enjoy someone other than me putting that expression on Rex’s face?”

Flashing another grin, Echo gave her a sweeping bow. “Excellent, my lady. I aim to please. It’s job security.”

Rex groaned. “I seriously need to reconsider my choices. Putting you two together was potentially the worst command decision of my life.”

Asajj threw a snarky grin at Echo. “That’s Rex-code for he’d be lost without us.”

“Good to know he’s not delusional,” Echo responded lightly.

Ahsoka laughed. “Alright, clearly, my Master General has been commandeered by powers greater than myself. Let’s all give the question some more thought and we’ll pick the discussion up again tomorrow.”

They both nodded and followed Echo out of the office.

The woman drifted to her desk and slouched against it. Gazing at the burgundy floor rug, Ahsoka ran through the possibilities. The weight settled a little more onto her soul. Every day it got a bit heavier. The creeping fear soon followed. It was becoming a constant companion.

A concerned voice came from the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

Looking up with a smile, Ahsoka held out a hand to her wife.

Barriss floated over, taking the hand and leaning against Ahsoka.

She propped a chin on the soft hair and inhaled the comforting scent of wildflowers. “I don't know if I'm cut out for this job. Every decision may be the wrong one. There are a lot of people counting on me to make the right ones.”

“Is it really so different than the Rebellion? You made critical decisions everyday.”

“Sort of. You made most of the overall strategy choices. Besides, there we knew the goal and the enemy. Everything was tailored toward that end. This is different. I have a hundred goals at the same time. It isn’t…”

Fingers tightened around hers. “Go on.”

“It’s just, back then, we were chasing a dream—trying to change the world. We didn't even know what we would end up getting. Mistakes were expected and didn’t mean the goal was lost. Now, it's almost the opposite. I'm trying to _keep_ our world and one mistake could cost everything.”

Barriss was silent for a few moments. “I understand. It’s easier when you have nothing to lose. Still, we may not have had a permanent home with ten thousand people and growing under our protection, but we did have things to lose. At first, we had each other. Later, there was our family, those who pledged their lives in service to freedom, and every innocent victim of Palpatine depending on us. If we had failed, the entire world would have suffered. The stakes are the same. We simply did the best we could, based on what we thought was right. We didn’t fail everyone, then. We won’t this time, either.”

The confident words brought a solid feeling of stability back. Ahsoka pulled Barriss closer. “Gods, I love you.”

There was a content sigh and a soft whispering, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end of Part 4! Wow. I still sometimes get overwhelmed when I think about how many words I've written. Gods, how out of control this entire universe has gotten. Insanity. Utter insanity. 
> 
> Anyhow, we'll have a bridge interlude and then on to Part 5. Structurally speaking, there are 6 parts to this overarching story. None of them are as long as this one (thank the maker!). Next, we need to tie off some character threads and set-up our final act. Then, the um, hopefully dramatic conclusion!


	64. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka accepts her fear. Controlling it, another story that is.

Barriss trudged out of the cave, spent but fulfilled. She halted at seeing Ahsoka lying alone on the ground. Rushing forward and kneeling down, her worry spiked. “What’s wrong?”

Teary eyes flipped into view and Ahsoka sat up, crushing Barriss to her chest. “You’re ok.”

“Of course, I’m ok. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Ahsoka’s arms began trembling. “You were gone for so long, I—”

She pulled back. “You didn’t have faith in me?”

Her wife cringed. “I didn’t—of course, I do. But, it’s a creepy force cave. Who knows what’s in there! What if you needed me and I wasn’t there?”

“Then, that’s how it would have been,” Barriss responded gently. “Accept the things you can not change.”

Fierce eyes flashed and she leapt to her feet. “No! If we did that, where would we be? We make the impossible possible.”

Gazing up, she asked, “What would you have done, then? Rushed into the cave and interrupted my journey? Taken away my ability to choose my destiny? Made the choice for me? Hovered at the entrance for days and not taken your own path? Or, if you had been too late to save me, then what?”

Tears burst down her cheeks. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Ah.” Rising, Barriss placed both hands on Ahsoka’s face, thumbs wiping away the tears. “It’s still there. You’re afraid if you lose me, it will send you over the edge.”

She hung her head. “Sort of. Back when we first dealt with this, all those years ago, it was like I needed you to be me. This feels different. Like it _is_ me.”

Contemplating for a moment, Barriss frowned. “You’re afraid it’s inevitable, aren't you? As if it’s in your blood or your nature or something. If you lose me or anyone you deeply love, you will become…” She didn’t finish the thought. It didn’t need to be said.

Ahsoka nodded weakly.

Barriss lifted her wife’s chin. “Then, don’t let it.”

A desperate gaze locked on hers. “How?”

“We learned long ago, remember? Visions of death can become pathways to hope, when we choose to handle them with faith and not fear. Ahsoka Tano knows this. She taught it to me.”

The fierce blue grew distant, uncertainty swirling in and out of existence.

“Decide now,” Barriss insisted. “Plan for it. Create a strategy. When it happens—because it will one day—don’t become that. You can’t change what is to come. But, you can choose who you will become when it does. Your brother _chose_ to become what he did. You also have a choice. I have a choice. We all have a choice. _You_ control _it._ It doesn't control you.”

Ahsoka murmured, “I control it.” Her expression settled into an unusual calm. “Accept the future to control the present.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “That’s an insightful way of putting it. I’m impressed.”

“Um, actually…” A crooked smile formed. “Yoda told me that not twenty minutes ago.”

Barriss feathered fingers over the beautiful face with a laugh. “Well, I bet he didn’t look as mesmerizing as you when he said it.”

Ahsoka brushed lips over hers. “Hmm, I don’t know. Those ears are pretty sexy.”

There was a wheezing snort as the Jedi master in question ambled into the clearing. He halted and placed his battered cane between two clawed hands, resting it on the ground in front of him. Pleased eyes rotated between them. “Strong you are, together. Pass on what you have learned.”

Barriss smiled. “We will.” Opening her pouch, she pulled out the metallic indigo gem. “Master, I received this in the cave.”

Yoda straightened. “Well done, young Offee.”

“Uh, what is it?”

“Know this, you do,” he chided.

She hissed a breath through her teeth. _Would it kill someone to answer a question around here?_ “I know it looks like the same type of crystal as Ahsoka’s, but I don’t know its purpose.”

Ahsoka bent closer to examine it and then glanced up with an impish grin. “Mine’s prettier.”

“It is not!” Barriss cried.

“Is,” Ahsoka replied breezily. “Yours is way too… shiny.”

“It’s beautiful and unique! Yours is too sparkly and… green.”

“What’s wrong with green?!” Her wife’s expression took on a stubborn edge. “It isn’t meant to be a fashion accessory, Barriss Offee. In fact, you won’t even need to add it to a weapon. Just flash it in the general direction of anyone, and they’ll be blinded for life.”

Her mouth flew open to retort, but she slammed it closed, sucking a breath through flared nostrils. Throwing a final glare, Barriss said, “I refuse to continue this ridiculous discussion.” She returned her attention to an exasperated-looking Yoda. “Can you explain more about it?”

“Perhaps. If done arguing, you are.”

Barriss winced. “Sorry, Master. Yes, we’re ready.”

His eyes twinkled. “A noble color, green is.”

Ahsoka shot an evil grin her direction.

Barriss snorted. “I should have seen that coming.”

Yoda let out a gleeful chuckle. “Walk into it, you did.” Then, he shifted weight onto the cane and began moving toward his hut. “Come.”

Pecking her cheek, Ahsoka remarked, “You heard the master. Hop to.”

Rolling eyes, but not able to prevent a grin, she waved a hand. “Do lead on, my valiant Lady Jedi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I sense much fear in you.” — Yoda


	65. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Under the Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the Surface: It's not always easy to see what's there.
> 
> [6PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE  
> A rebuilt Shili continues to thrive, but new threats hover on the horizon. Our family navigates uncertain waters as they make choices that may determine the future of the world itself. Will the most dangerous enemy of all lie within?
> 
> Timeline:  
> Part 1: Ahsoka takes Luke/Leia (19) to Shili = ~1 BPY [before the fall of palpatine year]  
> Part 2: Everyone faces past trauma. Barriss adopts Karyna (8) and meets Caam (10) = 0PPY [post fall of palpatine year]  
> Part 3: Caam joins the family = 1PPY  
> Part 4: Jakku, rebuilding Shili, Aayla returns, and way too many other things to list happen = 2PPY through 4PPY  
> Part 5: Life goes on and the future takes shape = kicks off in 6PPY

“Jacen! Mina!”

Two innocent faces looked up from the large rocky formation and then Jacen called back, “We’re not doing nothin’, Mom.”

Hera put down the security proposal she had been reviewing and gave him a stern look. “Don’t give me that, mister. Stay away from those sharp rocks.” She jabbed a finger toward the front of the plateau. “Get back to the sandy area or we're going home.”

Volunteering to take care of Mina, while Ezra and Katooni accompanied Sabine to Mandalore, had seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, two six-year olds had turned out to be more challenging than anticipated. Especially since her husband had chosen to run off to meet a contact for Ahsoka in the northern regions. _He better be back here by tomorrow or I will throttle him._ Of course, it didn’t help that Jacen had apparently decided he had a mission to impress his new friend. _I so blame Caleb for this behavior._

Jacen stuck out a lip and grabbed the girl’s hand. “Come on, Min. We hafta go to the boring sand, now.”

“I like sand,” she replied.

He gaped at her. “Why?”

“It’s pretty. And fun.”

Jacen rolled his eyes. “Girls are weird.”

Mina took her hand back and crossed petulant arms. “Don’t be mean.”

“I’m not mean!” he cried. “Rocks are way funner than sand.”

“Are not.”

“Are too!”

Her small body stiffened up, lightly bronzed skin flushing. “Not!”

“ARE!”

Hera rubbed her temples as the neverending retorts continued to fly back and forth. _Force above._ About to intervene, she halted in surprise as Jacen slapped both hands over his own mouth.

Mina stared. “What are you doing?”

Barely lifting fingers from his lips, he mumbled out, “Trying to stop.”

Her viridian eyes gazed at him and then she started giggling. The girl pulled a hand from his face and held it. “You’re funny, Jace.”

The boy lit up, thin chest puffing out. “Yep. It’s a gift.”

Hera sighed. _Caleb._

Mina gave him an annoyed look. “Don’t brag.”

The lime-tinted tips of his ears darkened, nearly matching Jacen's forest green hair. “Why not?”

“Cause, it’s not nice.”

“Why?”

“Cause, my mom says so,” she replied with a sage expression, as if that was the last word on the matter.

Jacen let out a frustrated cry. “Whatever.”

A satisfied-looking smile appeared on her face. “Can we go to the sand, now?”

 _Huh._ Hera settled back onto the rock she'd been using as a makeshift desk to watch them, proposal forgotten. She had never seen Jacen concede an argument with anyone, child or adult.

“Fine,” he grumbled and pulled her along behind him to the shady area below the plateau. “Sand is still boring.”

“Is not.”

Jacen's mouth opened, but quickly slammed shut, muscles in his jaw twitching. Then, he threw himself on the sandy ground.

Mina frowned as she gazed at him. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.” He stared up at the sky.   

She hesitated for a moment, before laying beside him. “You look mad.”

Turning his head to her, he whined, “I just wanted to show you my favorite rock.”

The girl brightened. “That’s nice. You should have said.”

Jacen shrugged. “Dad says surprises always work on ladies.”

Hera ground her teeth. _Gods, Caleb. Our six-year old does not need tips on women._

Mina giggled. “I’m not a lady.”

He shook his head stubbornly. “Are too. Uncle Ezra said so. I hafta treat you like a lady.”

 _Ah. That explains a lot._ Hera held back a chuckle.

The girl seemed to consider this fact for a moment. “Ok. I’ll be your lady.”

Jacen's fair skin tinged scarlet as a happy grin appeared. “Cool.”

Hera’s lips parted and then drew back into a soft smile. _Huh._

Mina put a hand to her mouth, probably to muffle another giggle. “You’re silly, Jace. I like you.”

Grin growing wider, Jacen leapt up and made a clumsy bow. Offering a hand, he declared with childlike seriousness, “Wanna see a fun rock, m’lady?”

Smiling shyly, she took his hand and let him pull her up. “Sure.”

_______

“How long are you staying, my dear?” Luminara asked as she settled on the settee.

Leia grimaced and paced around the family sitting room. “I have to leave in the morning, I’m afraid.”

Obi-Wan frowned. “A one day visit?”

“Your aunts won’t be back from the border villages by then,” Luminara chided. “They will be quite upset at having missed you.”

She winced. “I’m sorry. It's upsetting for me, as well. I had hoped to see them. Unfortunately, I need to return before the council votes on several crucial measures in two days time. This was a spur of the moment trip.”

They glanced at each other and then Obi-Wan remarked wryly, “Not a description I’d typically apply to you.”

“Tell me about it. Though, planning my visits never seems to work out, either.” Leia took a deep breath and looked at Obi-Wan. “I have to confess there was a dual purpose to my spontaneity. I wanted to see my family, of course, but I also came to talk to you.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Well then.”

The young woman stopped her restless tread and sat down in the armchair across from them. “To cut directly to the point, I need your help.” Her mouth twitched. “A favor for your favorite grand… uh, something.”

He snorted. “Favorite, huh?”

Her tone took on a superior air. “Naturally. It’s possible Karyna and Caam might eclipse me _one day,_ but I’m positive I’ve got it in the bag at the moment.”

Luminara chuckled. “Now, you know we don’t have favorites, my dear.” A mischievous glint appeared in her cerulean eye. “Officially.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “Alright, our unofficially favorite grand-something, what does this favor involve?”

Leia leaned forward in her chair. “I know you’ve retired, but there’s a situation with the mining guild in Coruscant that every negotiator, myself included, has failed to resolve. All operations have been at a halt for weeks. It is significantly impacting the economic stability of Coruscant as well as other kingdoms that rely on their exports.”

He blinked. “And, you think I can resolve the unresolvable dispute?”

“I know you can.” She grinned. “You are legendary for a reason. Besides, the miners are convinced the Alliance is biased in favor of the government’s position. They are unwilling to come back to table, until they get an independent negotiator they can trust. More specifically, they want _you._ ”

“I see.” He glanced at his wife.

Luminara sighed. “How long would it take?”

Leia tapped anxious fingers on her knee. “Obi-Wan would have to start from scratch. The issues are complex and long-standing, so I imagine it would be a significant time investment. I’d guess several weeks, at least.” She fixed entreating eyes on him. “I know it’s a big favor to ask, when you are attempting to withdraw from public life and enjoy time with your family. I'm sure you had plans for the next month or two, as well. It’s only that we’ve exhausted other options and people are beginning to suffer due to our failure. I don’t know what else to do.”

Obi-Wan turned to Luminara. “It’s not only me that matters.”

The woman shrugged. “It’s up to you, my love. If you go, I’ll go.”

He kissed her cheek, before shifting attention back to Leia. “Coruscant, huh? Does that mean you’ll be around, while I pull off this hypothetical miracle?”

She smiled. “Yes. The Alliance is still operating out of Coruscant. That’s one of the reasons the miners distrust the relationship between us and the government. In fact, I was hoping you’d both stay with Han and I. It would be nice to have company.”

“Hmm…” Obi-Wan wagged a finger. “I’ll do it under one condition.”

Leia brightened. “That is?”

“I insist on family dinner every night.”

The edges of her lips curved up. “That seems like an excessive demand, Master Negotiator. I’ll give you two a week.”

He rubbed his chin in overdone thoughtfulness. “I _suppose_ I could manage with only four.”

Leia prepared to give the natural counteroffer, when Luminara interrupted, “Are you two under the impression this negotiation is binding? It’s clearly irrelevant, because I demand copious amounts of time with both of you. I don’t care if the Alliance is voting on world peace or the miners are insisting on an all-night summit. I only have so many retirement years. I refuse to spend them awaiting my family to grace me with their presence, simply because they’re too busy saving people from themselves.” Before either could respond, she raised a hand. “Don’t bother. _I_ don’t negotiate.”

The other two glanced at each other and rolled duplicate eyes. Then, Obi-Wan flashed a wry grin. “I am afraid my wife has the upper hand, my dear. I’m not going anywhere without her.”

Leia shook a rueful head. “Perhaps, I’ve been studying the techniques of the wrong negotiator all these years.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “Indeed.”

_______

“You guys are ridiculous. We’re just friends.”

The two young men exchanged airy looks. “If that’s true, why won’t you introduce us?” Polter asked.

Caam glared. “Have you thought maybe she doesn’t want to be introduced to you?”

“Nope,” Jungi said, “don’t even try. You just want to keep the princess all to yourself. Admit it!”

Huffing, Caam delivered a light punch to his undersized head. “You are juvenile. She doesn’t need immature boys harassing her.”

Polter spun his sword and slashed at the tree they were lounging beside. “Sounds like an excuse to me. Besides, we’re not immature. Why wouldn’t she want to hang out with us? We’re the older, handsome warriors.” Casting a disapproving look at Jungi’s mop of flat brown hair, he added, “Well, some of us are handsome, anyway.”

Jungi snorted, apparently unconcerned with the disparagement of his less than dashing features. “You’re a sixteen-year old soldier like the rest of us, doofio. Women don’t fall all over themselves for that.”

The young Togruta glared and ran a hand over his majestic-looking lekku. “Shows what you know! I’m very popular with both gentlemen and ladies!” Then, his expression turned mischievous. “Not as popular as Caam, the beauty queen, though. Only one of us has a princess.”

She blew out an annoyed breath and prepared to retort, when her friends froze and fixed on something behind her. Flipping around, Caam flinched as her two worlds collided. _What’s she doing here?_

Karyna was standing a few feet away with a nervous expression. “Uh, hi. Can you talk for a minute?”

Realizing she was staring, Caam put on a grin. “Course.” She strode forward to where Karyna was standing in the training field. “What’s up?” Her friend rarely ventured out of range of the castle alone, much less walking into an entire company of unknown soldiers. _Just to see me?_ Happiness soared at the thought.

The girl’s attention focused over Caam’s shoulder on Jungi and Polter. “What are you all doing?”

“Waiting for the rest of the squad. Did you know we’ve been officially deployed?” She added with some pride, “Not apprentices anymore. We’re now full-fledged soldiers.”

A cute smile shined back at her. “Aunt Ahsoka told me. I’m happy for you, Cab. Actually, that’s why I came to find you. I thought we could do something fun to celebrate.”

Caam grimaced. “Sorry, Kayo. I can’t right now. My squad is celebrating together. We’re going to the city.” Her heart pinged with regret. They hadn't spent quality time together in weeks. “I wish I could, though.” _I really do._ She couldn't remember the last time Karyna had taken the initiative and asked to do something. _And, I'm disappointing her._

Her face fell. “Oh. I understand. Nevermind.” Karyna’s gaze floated once again to the tree where Caam’s squadmates were standing. She abruptly stiffened and something that looked like hurt passed through her eyes.

Caam twisted around to see two innocent faces studiously staring at everything but them. Turning back to Karyna, she asked, “What is it?”

A weak smile appeared, but then vanished. “Nothing. Uh, I’ll see you later.” She turned to leave.

Caam grabbed her arm. “Hey, are you ok?”

Karyna blinked down at Caam’s hand. “Of course. I’ll go now. I don’t want your friends to think you’re not—I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Mouth dropping open, she exclaimed, “What are you talking about, K? Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

Karyna pulled away and replied flatly, “Yes, I’m fine. Have fun.” Then, she walked off, speed increasing. By the time her friend was across the training field, she was nearly running out of sight.

Caam gaped after her in confused distress. _What happened?_ Loud snickers erupted from the tree. Spinning around, she pinned them with an angry gaze. “What did you do?”

Jungi lifted his hands. “Nothing, Caam. Honest.”

“Yeah,” Polter put in, “it’s not our fault you managed to run your princess off.”

“Then, why did she leave after looking at you both?”

Polter shrugged. “I don’t know. We were only talking.”

Striding directly in front of them, she drew up to her full height, crossing arms over her chest. “Talking about _what,_ exactly?”

Jungi winced, pale skin flushing. “You and her, of course. But, she couldn’t hear us. Don’t freak out.”

“It was just kind of sappy the way you acted when she showed up is all. We couldn’t help it,” Polter added with an evil grin.

Caam ground her teeth. “Will you stop that? We’re just friends, ok?!” Falling silent, she ran through possibility after possibility, attempting to figure out what had upset Karyna.

There were rambunctious calls and whoops as the rest of their squad finally approached, but Caam ignored them. Her mind desperately tried to solve the mystery, emotions churning. Something was wrong, but she had no idea what.  

Jungi shook her. “Hey. It’ll be ok. Whatever happened, you can clear it up later, right? It’s time to go.”

She frowned. “I guess.” Caam followed the group toward the city, but her thoughts remained fixed on Karyna.

_______

“What if I throw in a dinner, complete with your favorite dessert, when we get back? That’s more than you gave me for going to Mandalore last month.”

Ezra produced an airy expression. “A dinner, one crash course in code-breaking, and two stories of my choosing, huh? Getting closer. Still, Florrum is a long trip. Not to mention, dropping Mina off in Shili on the way. Who knows what excitement I could miss in the meantime.”

Katooni handed him the final plate to dry with a smile, but there was a hint of anxiety beneath it. “Well, you have time to create a strategy that ensures no one plans any exciting things in your absence. We wouldn’t go until the next moon cycle.”

Quickly drying and putting it away, he leaned against the kitchen wall. “Make it _three_ meals like you cooked tonight and you’ve got a deal.”

Her lips twitched. “Well, I don’t know. That’s a high price. What guarantee do I have that the quality of work will be equivalent?”

“Not to worry, my lady,” he replied impishly. “There are two situations that invoke Ezra Bridger’s highest level of effort. Since both apply in this case, I think you will find the results meet your exacting standards.”

An eyebrow lifted. “And, what are those? I may need to remember them for future use.”

Tapping his chin in mock seriousness, he answered, “Not sure I want to tell you.”

She chuckled. “Hmm… one is most certainly when Eopie cream pie is involved.”

“Correct.” He raised a finger. “However, not just any Eopie cream pie. Only the best on the planet can inspire that amount of dedication.”

A pleased smile shined back at him. “Noted.” Her expression turned contemplative. “Yeah, I have no idea on the second.”

They were interrupted by a reverberating crash, followed immediately by the sound of breaking glass. “It’s ok, Mommy. Nothing happened.”

Katooni exhaled and rubbed her forehead. “You just had to buy her a toy sword, didn’t you?”

Ezra winced. “Um, yeah didn’t think that one through. But, Ahsoka said she had a full-sized training sword at six. I figured a half-sized, wooden one would be no problem.”

She stared at him. “Are you expecting my child to show Lady Jedi proclivities?”

His posture drooped. “Sorry. It was the only thing I liked in the toy shop. I suppose that’s what happens when you’re a warrior.”

A hand laid on his cheek. “Don’t apologize. It was a sweet gift. And, she clearly loves it.” Her eyes glinted. “Though, _you_ are so cleaning up the results.”

Brightening with a grin, Ezra nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.” He pivoted around, preparing to do just that.

A hand grabbed his and pulled him back. “Oh, you don’t get off that easily. What’s the second thing?”

Ezra gazed at her, pain lacing his heart. _I wish I could answer that question. So much._  

There was another crash from the sitting room. “Oops. Sorry, Mommy. Didn’t mean to.”

“Uh oh, duty calls.” Ezra kissed her fingers, before releasing them and bounding to the door. Twisting his head back, he remarked, “Guess you’ll have to figure it out on your own.”

She shot a glare. “We’ll see, Bridger. I am an information specialist, in case you’ve forgotten. One of these days, I’ll get it out of you.”

He winked. “I’m counting on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early chapter this week, just because we (ok, really Gabby) needed some fun!  
> Oh, also... welcome to part five!


	66. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patience: It's hard when you're 14, or 16, or... ok any age.

Karyna wiped away tears for the tenth time that evening as she tried to focus on her book. However, the snickering soldiers casting surreptitious looks her direction came and then the hurt quickly followed. _Cab still likes me, though. Right? Maybe. Caam has new friends now. She doesn’t need me anymore. I'm probably making things worse for her by hanging around at all._

“What’s wrong, my little prodigy?”

She jerked back into reality and saw Aayla peeking into her room.

The woman slipped inside. “Sorry to startle you. I did knock, but you weren't answering and I got concerned.” Crossing to the bed, she sat across from Karyna, folding legs underneath her body.

Pasting a smile, the girl said, “I was lost in my book, I guess. What did you need?”

“Well, everyone else is away or busy with the new military deployments this week. Given we’re basically on our own, I thought we should take advantage and work on our new short sword.”

Her smile brightened. “I’d like that. Will you teach me to do my own metal-working? Instead of only assisting you?”

She grimaced. “I’m sorry, dear one. You’re not quite ready, yet.”

Karyna withered. “Fine. I get it. I’m just the little kid who can’t do anything.”

A hand laid on her cheek. “You know better than that. I never deny you anything you want to learn, do I? I have complete faith in your abilities. It’s only that operating a forge and shaping metal requires a lot of stamina and a long, hefty grip. If you try before your body is capable of it, you can get seriously injured. It’s not a matter of competence or age. It’s simple physical size. Understand?”

She stuck out her bottom lip. “I guess.”

Fingers trailed over her tattoos. “Karyna, you can accomplish anything. However, doing so often requires more than perfectionistic determination to succeed. It also needs patience. In this case, that means waiting for your body to catch up with your mind in order to reach the goal. I promise, as soon as your arms and hands have developed a little more, I’ll teach you. Ok?”

Karyna frowned. “Alright. I’ll try to be patient. I’m not very good at it.”

The woman laughed. “The girl who will spend hours _patiently_ trying to perfect an organizational system for her books is not very good at patience. You are a mass of contradictions, Karyna Offee.”

A small grin formed. “I’m not sure that’s a compliment.”

“Oh, but it is. You are unique and that makes you very special.”

She ducked her head. “Thanks.”

Aayla massaged her cheek for a few more moments and then grinned. “So, what else is happening in Karyna-world? Have you seen Caam this week?”

Her smile faltered a bit. “Earlier today. She was going out to celebrate with her squad.”

“That’s good. I’m glad she’s enjoying herself. She deserves it.” Her voice dropped. “I wish…”

Grabbing her hand, Karyna said, “Don’t be sad. She’s not that far away.”

“I know.” Her eyes turned distant. “Still, it sometimes feels like I finally got my daughter back and then had to let her go again. I guess Caam having such a major milestone and not being part of it has made me extra maudlin.”

“You could visit her?”

“I did once, but it was awkward. I should have known better, really.” She chuckled. “A soldier doesn’t want their mother showing up in the barracks, especially if you are trying to earn the respect of your squad. She needs space to become a person in her own right. I decided to wait for when Caam visits us, which has become infrequent over this last year. It makes sense that she would need us less now and second-year training takes up more time. Still, I miss her terribly.”

“Me too,” Karyna whispered. “She’ll be able to come back after becoming a warrior, right? That's what Aunt Ahsoka said.”

Aayla sighed. “Yes, sort of. Warriors can live outside of the barracks. It depends on assignment as to how often they are around, though. A soldier’s life is always in flux. That’s why most leave home at a young age and rarely return. I hope, now that she's finished her apprenticeship and is more settled, things will be easier. She’ll feel more comfortable with being different than everyone else.”

“What do you mean?”

The woman smiled. “Her squadmates are from all walks of life, but not quite like her. She is connected to the royal household, whether people know the exact nature of her status or not. Caam probably feels a need to prove herself, while also wanting to be like everyone else. That's why we try not to show her special attention. Actually, I get away with seeing her more than your aunts do, since I'm officially an advisor and not considered a royal. So, I can sneak down to the training yard and run into her without attracting a crowd. Though, not that often. It reminds everyone she's different. Royal household members singling her out are not the best way to help as your Aunt Ahsoka likes to say,” she ended wanly.

Karyna jolted. “Maybe, that’s why…”

Aayla rubbed a gentle thumb over her cheek. “Come on. You’re upset about something. Tell me what’s going on in that brilliant head of yours.”

Looking down, Karyna mumbled, “I think Caam doesn’t want to be my friend, anymore.”

Slender fingers lifted her chin. “What makes you think that?”

Her lip began to tremble. “We never spend any time together. She’s always with her squad. Today, I went to find her, so we could do something. But, she said no and her friends were laughing at me as we talked. I guess, maybe, I’m a little kid to them or just this really weird girl. They probably think she’s stupid for being friends with me.”

Hazel eyes flashed. “And, what did Caam say?”

“Nothing, really. She seemed nervous. I was probably embarrassing her. So, I ran away. Maybe, it’s what you said. That she’s trying to be like everyone else.”

“Hmm, I can’t imagine it going that far. I understand why you’re upset, but you may be reading things that aren’t there. You can always talk to her about it and see.”

“I guess,” Karyna replied despondently.

The woman wrapped arms around her. “Don’t lose faith, dear one. Caam would never give you up. You’re extremely important to her.”

The confident words along with being held brought a sense of comfort. “You think so?”

“Absolutely.” Lips kissed the top of her head. “I’m sure there is another explanation. Just give her a chance to tell you about it, alright?”

Karyna smiled and snuggled into the embrace. “Ok.”

_______

“So, your mother is a royal advisor, right?”

“Yes, Hux,” Caam ground out. “Why are we talking about this, exactly?”

He pursed lips. “Well, I’m confused. Members of the Sovereign’s council typically stay in royal court quarters. However, my father said your mother lives in the family wing of the castle. You apparently also have quarters there, even though you’re currently stationed in the barracks with our squad.”

She stared at him. “Why does it matter?”

“I’m trying to ascertain if you are considered to be a member of the royal family or not.”

Taking another gulp of her drink and feeling like she might throttle someone, Caam snapped, “Again, why?”

Seeming oblivious to her rising annoyance, he answered in a matter of fact tone, “I don’t know who I should ask for permission to court you.”

Liquid spewed from her nose and onto Caam’s mahogany, v-cut tunic. Wincing as stinging pain filled her nostrils, she ran frantic hands over the cream-colored stitching, praying it wasn’t ruined. _Frak it! This is my favorite top!_

Hux raised eyebrows. Then, he pulled a dainty cloth from his sleeve and handed it to her. “Did it go down the wrong way?”

Wiping her face, she peeked over the top at the completely serious face. _Oh Gods._ “Um, yeah, something like that.” Glancing around, she searched for rescue. Polter was busily talking up an attractive-looking civilian. Thatcher had a soldier from Delta attached to her face. Klicker looked passed out in a chair. Ropal and L’uyta had already left. Finally, she spotted salvation throwing knives at the game board in the corner. She fixed desperate eyes on Jungi and jerked her head.

He grinned knowingly and strolled over. Upon reaching the bar, Jungi stumbled into them, putting arms around their shoulders. “Hey squadmates, wanna get some more drinks?”

Hux brushed the arm off his pristine shoulder pauldron. “We were trying to have a conversation here. Just because you’re now allowed to legally consume ale, doesn’t mean you should exhaust the bar’s entire supply.”

“Yep, pretty sure you’re right, Huxley,” the young man slurred out. “I almost hit you with a stray dagger earlier.”

Bristling, Hux bit back, “How many times have I told you not to call me that?” His voice took on a superior air. “I would recommend avoiding drink in future, if this is the result. You're certainly not going to impress women with your looks or position. One would think you'd want to remain sober and at least make an effort to use your limited charm on them. Not to mention, you've probably just spent your entire life savings in one night. Now, go pass out on a table or something. There’s no need to ruin the celebration for those of us who can hold our drink.”

Hux's casual meanness made Caam clench her fists. _Don’t do it, Secura._ It was true Jungi was scrawnier and less dashing than the average soldier. He had no family, which meant no position or funding, either. But, he was a good friend. One who was enduring insults for her benefit right now. _Do not punch Hux._

Jungi rolled his eyes. “I shall take your sage wisdom under advisement, Huxilicious.”

Caam suppressed a grin and her fists loosened. She stepped back from the bar. “We never leave a squadmate behind, remember? Let’s get him to the barracks.” She turned away swiftly, before Hux could object and took Jungi’s arm.

The young man winked up at her and then groaned. “Oh, is it time to walk, now?” His feet slid from underneath him and Caam grunted as his full weight dragged down her body.

“You’re overdoing it a bit,” she hissed in his ear.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” was the impish reply. Jungi dropped his head onto her chest with a devilish grin. Tucking his face just above the v that plunged down her breasts, he announced, “How about I stay right here? I’m quite enjoying my current view.”

She held back a snort.

There was huff from behind them and Hux roughly grabbed Jungi’s other arm. “Alright, let’s go.”

As they hit the street, Caam adjusted her grip on the overly dramatic Jungi as he slipped off the step. “Maybe, we should get transport?”

“Certainly, we should. There is no way I’m carrying him all the way back to the barracks.” Hux remained standing in place, using a free hand to straighten his lapels and clearly intending on not exerting himself any further.

Caam gritted teeth. “Fine. I’ll secure a ride.”

A dryly amused comment came from behind them, “Well, had a good night have we, soldiers?”

Jerking at the very familiar voice, Caam grimaced. _Oh, wonderful. This day keeps getting better and better._

Hux twisted around and immediately dropped Jungi to the ground, straightening to attention. “Absolutely, Sovereign. Thank you for inquiring.”

Jungi lifted a head and panic hit his face. Leaping up, he also stood at attention. “Apologies for our unseemly appearance, my lady.”

Hux’s gaze narrowed and darted to him, but then quickly resumed eyes front position.

Wincing, Caam slowly turned. “Yes, ma’am.” She resisted the impulse to gape as Ahsoka came into view. The woman looked every inch Sovereign Master and Lady Jedi combined. She was in regal battle armor, royal cape flowing off her shoulders, a ceremonial sash across her chest.  Trademark swords hung prominently from a richly-embroidered weapons belt. Even her montrals were decorated with the elegant, golden chain symbolizing her ruler status. _Why is she wandering around the city streets in that outfit?_

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “I see. Now, someone was asking about transport? I happen to have travelled by coach this evening and you’re welcome to accompany me. It is a simple matter to drop you at the barracks.”

Caam stared. Ahsoka never took the royal coach anywhere. It annoyed her to be carted around by someone else. _This so weird._

Hux shook his head. “That is not necessary, my lady. We’re fine. Better than expected, actually,” he ended with a sideways look at Jungi.

Trying not to cringe, Caam added weakly, “Yes, we’re ok.”

The woman gazed back at her for a moment, expression turning thoughtful. “No, I insist. It’s the least I can do to celebrate your official deployment.”

Her squadmates’ jaws dropped and Jungi blurted out, “How did you know that?”

Hux shot him a look of reproach. “You’re questioning the Sovereign’s knowledge of her troops?”

He flinched. “No! I was just—oh, nevermind.”

Grin edging onto her face, Ahsoka waved. “My ride is this way. Though, I think your friend may require assistance. Jungi, isn’t it?”

The man in question barely managed an awe-struck, “Yes, ma’am.”

She fixed him with an intent gaze. “I do believe you need help walking, yes? Please, don’t overdo it on my account. I want my soldiers to stay in top condition.”

His face scrunched and then cleared with a slight grin. “Thank you, Sovereign. Perhaps, I do need help.” He immediately slumped against Caam.

Ahsoka nodded. “Hux, please assist your squadmate.”

The young man started, clearly pleased at her knowing his name, but also confused at the sudden relapse of Jungi. Taking his other arm, Hux clipped out, “Yes, ma’am.”

Caam turned grateful eyes on Ahsoka, who gave her a small wink and said, “Off we go, soldiers.”

_______

“Secura, I need a word.”

Caam stopped and motioned for Hux and Jungi to go on. They both gave salutes to Ahsoka and disappeared into the barracks entrance.

The woman reached out a hand. “Come here, spunky girl.”

She slouched over and took the hand.

Assessing her for a moment, Ahsoka noted the tight face and tensed muscles. _Something is wrong._ Pulling Caam close, she wrapped arms around her.

A grinning voice remarked, “You just wanted a hug?”

She laughed. “Maybe. Or, maybe, I thought you needed one.”

Leaning back, the girl lifted eyebrows. “Is that why you were wandering around the streets in all your glory?”

A guilty smile crept up. “Ok, confession time. I knew your squad was going to celebrate at Jho’s. I thought I might just happen to show up and buy a round of drinks for all my soldiers without singling you out.”

Caam stared. “Um, why?”

Pressing lips against the girl’s lekku, Ahsoka replied, “I guess I was looking for an excuse to spend time with my spunky girl. I’ve missed you.”

Her body relaxed against Ahsoka’s and then a quiet voice said, “I’ve missed you, too.”

Ahsoka knew she should let go. If any soldiers came out of the barracks, it could cause issues for Caam. The woman released her hold, but was unwilling to end the moment. “Will you walk with me back to castle? We could catch up on the way.”

A happy grin shined back at her. “I’d like that.”

“Excellent.” Ahsoka waved at the royal coachman to depart. “Alright. Hop to, soldier.”

Caam snorted and fell in step beside her. “Yes, ma’am.”

Flashing an engaging grin, she asked, “What did I interrupt, anyway?”

There was a shrug. “It’s stupid. Hux is a bit over the top about our relationship—rather, our lack of one. Jungi was trying to save me from an awkward conversation. You showing up sorta derailed the plan.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “That much was obvious. I take it Hux is interested and you are not?”

“Yeah. We went out a few times when I first joined the squad, before I got a handle on this stuff. Hux was the first person who ever seemed interested in me like that. I thought he was handsome and such. Then, I realized he drove me crazy.” Her expression grew distant. “Now, I understand what I want better.”

Putting an arm around her shoulders, Ahsoka said, “Impressive. It’s always good to figure that out sooner, rather than later.”

“Maybe.” Caam blew out a breath.

 _Hmm._ Trying to draw out whatever was upsetting the girl, Ahsoka asked, “So, you and Thatcher are seeing each other again, right?”

She stared. “Uh, how did you know that?”

Ahsoka put a hand over her heart. “You think I don’t keep tabs on my spunky girl?!”

Caam laughed. “Well, your information is out of date. She’s moved on to a Corellian in a recon squad.”

“Huh. I’ll have to dock the pay of my spy network,” she replied lightly. “And, are you… you know, ok?”

Tawny eyes rolled. “Are you asking if I’m upset about it? Of course not. Thatcher is fun, but we’re never serious. None of us are about that kinda stuff, really. Even Hux, though he acts like it. Pretty sure he’s only interested in me because he thinks it will help his career. It’s getting a bit old.”

Ahsoka nodded understanding. She was well-versed in the casual nature of relationships between young soldiers and the occasional jockeying for position. Caam clearly had a strong grasp of the dynamics. _I guess that’s not the issue._ “Hmm, maybe you should just tell Hux directly to cease and desist?”

She grimaced and picked up a smooth stone from the castle path, running her fingers over it. “Not sure how. I’m already refusing every invite from him. I've gone out with a ton of other people since. I even kissed a girl from another squad in front of him. Then, tonight he wanted to know who to ask for permission to court me!”

“Ah, one of those. I may have, um, _accidentally_ punched a man like that when I was younger. Then, he tried to propose.”

Caam laughed. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Whether Hux takes it to heart or not, you’re better off telling him straight out that it’s never going to happen and he should concentrate energies elsewhere. Then, at least, you’ve done your part. Leaving it unaddressed can cause no end of drama in the squad, especially when the prize is someone…” She paused, but couldn’t think of a good way to say it. “... like you. Believe me. I made that mistake once and it’s not fun.”

The girl tossed the stone away. “I guess.”

 _Explain it better, Tano._ Ahsoka halted their progress and ran fingers across the nearly mature face. “Caam, you’re already turning into one of the most beautiful, eligible, and amazing warriors on the planet. Your connection to the royal court only enhances your already exceptional appeal. That means a lot of these situations in future.” Throwing a wink, she added, “Might as well start practicing how to let them down easy.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she replied with a hint of sadness.

Ahsoka probed the young eyes for a moment. “Ok, what’s really going on?”

Caam started. “That’s it.”

“Nope. You’re upset. Hux is not that big of a concern. What is?”

Her gaze dropped to the dirt path under their feet. “I think Karyna is mad at me or something.”

“Ah.” Ahsoka lifted her chin. “Tell me what happened.”

_______

Ahsoka stuck her head in Karyna’s door. _Huh._ The girl was tucked on Aayla’s chest, both of them sleeping peacefully.

Looking over at Caam, she smiled. “It appears your mother has taken matters into her own hands.”

The girl wrinkled her nose. “What?”

Ahsoka stepped away from the room. “See for yourself.”

Caam peeked inside. “Oh.” Expression turning strange, she backed away from the door. “Do they do that alot since I’ve been gone?”

“They do spend quite a bit of time together.” Ahsoka frowned, suddenly realizing she had barely seen her niece this week. _I need to re-prioritize. Again._ “Maybe, they’re both lonely without you.”

A blank stare looked back at her. “Um, why?”

Ahsoka brushed knuckles over her forehead. “It’s not easy being the ones left behind, you know.”

“Are you saying they miss me?” Caam asked incredulously.

Raising eyebrows, she said, “Why is that so hard to believe, my dear?”

She shrugged. “They don’t seem like it. I kept trying to get Kayo to do stuff with me, when I first moved to the barracks. She acted like it didn’t matter to her. And, Mom’s never said she misses me. I mean she’s only come to the barracks to visit me once. We talk when she comes by the yard, but it's not for very long.”

Ahsoka gazed at her. “Did it occur to you they might be giving you space?”

Caam’s brow furrowed. “Why would they do that?”

“Because, it’s difficult enough to prove yourself as a soldier and fit in with your squadmates. Everyone knowing your relation to the court makes it more challenging. We talked about this when you first left, remember? That's why we established standard positions. So, you didn't have the added pressure of being a royal, as well. Are you saying it’s not a problem for you?”

“It kinda is, I guess.” Her lekku flicked. “Sometimes, it’s like I have to be better than everyone else. I feel different or something. Plus, I’m not sure if people are my friends because I’m me.” Her expression turned stubborn. “I can handle it, though.”

“I know you can. I wouldn’t have suggested you join the army, otherwise. If it helps, I had the same issue. I was the youngest warrior in Shili history, which made things even more complicated. Imagine if you got a commander younger than you. It caused me to overdo things sometimes, trying to prove myself. Fortunately, Rex was my captain and he taught me better.”

The tawny eyes lit up. “Will you tell me that story?”

“I suppose,” Ahsoka replied airily, “if…”

Her mouth edged into a grin. “Ok. What’s the trade?”

She laughed. “How about you come to dinner tomorrow night?”

The girl answered with a mischievous expression, “Hmm, I’ll give it due considerations.” The tone was casual, but her muscles tensed as she added, “Will, uh, Barriss be here this time?”

Ahsoka winced. “I’m sorry, my dear. She’s away from Shili at the moment.”

Caam’s face fell. “Oh, ok. I figured.”

Her heart compressed at the pain underlying the expression. _I don’t know how to fix this._ Her wife had not taken Caam’s absence well, especially as the visits had decreased over the last year. Barriss couldn’t seem to find a way to let the girl forge her own path, yet still be her mother. It was as if she knew what needed to be done, but couldn’t handle doing it. That meant the fear of making a mistake that harmed Caam was growing worse, not better as Ahsoka had hoped. It was causing the familiar signs of withdrawal, leading to her wife's newest solution of not risking it at all by removing herself from the situation.

For once, Ahsoka had no idea what to do about it. Usually, the answer was getting Barriss to re-engage, but in this case that was exactly what they were trying to avoid. For whatever reason, her wife was not capable of being a distant mother with this particular child. It appeared to be all or nothing. _I’ll talk to her about it again when she gets back, I guess._

Voice pitching low, Caam continued, “I do miss my family, you know.”

“It’s not that we don’t know,” Ahsoka said gently. “It’s a matter of letting you choose how to deal with it. Tell me, how did it go when your mom came to visit the barracks?”

The girl grimaced. “Kinda weird. No other mothers show up to the barracks and I wasn’t sure how I should act. Still, I was happy she came.”

“Did it occur to you that your mother understands the issue and wants to try to make things easier for you by staying away?”

“No, guess not,” she mumbled. “Is that why no one else visits, either?”

“Of course,” Ahsoka replied in surprise. “Oh, I’m so sorry, my dear. I thought you understood. We’re trying not to interfere.”

“Yeah, but I thought that was just at first. I didn’t realize it would be… forever.”

Ahsoka placed a hand on her cheek. “It won’t be. It’s only until you’re ready. If you are now, we can come by here and there.”

She smiled. “That would be nice. I think everyone has gotten used to it. They don't give me a hard time anymore.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “Actually, I really don’t care if they do. I just… want my family or something.”

“Ah.” The woman rolled a thumb over her chin. “I’m glad. I was hoping you would reach a good balance point. We’ve been waiting for you to figure it all out and didn’t want to mess things up for you, while you did. Does that make sense?”

Caam contemplated for a moment. “Yeah, I get it. I still don’t wanted to be a princess, though. The being different part is fine, but I’m so not doing that royal stuff. Maybe, I could act like we’re close and all, but not tell anyone you’re my family. Would that be ok?”

Ahsoka laughed. “You can do whatever you like. We’ll follow your lead. If you want to run up and hug me everytime I come around, I’ll hug back. It might not be ok with your sergeant, of course.” She winked. “Either way, it doesn’t stop you from visiting us. We really do miss you very much.”

A brash grin flashed. “Perhaps, I'll grace you with my amazingness for dinner, then.”

“I’ll hold you to that, my dear.” She returned to the discussion that had led Ahsoka to drag Caam into the castle. “Did you feel unsure when Karyna showed up today? Maybe, she sensed that and wanted to make things better by leaving?”

Her eyes widened and then darted away. “No. That was different. My friends think I have a—well, they are stupid about us being—I was just happy she came and upset I couldn’t go with her.” Her eyes drifted back up, emotions rolling through them. “It’s hard to explain.”

It cued a distant memory and Ahsoka centered on the feeling, trying to bring it into clarity. A surprising thought leapt into her mind. _Oh. That's unexpected. Or, maybe it's not._ She rubbed the girl’s cheek with a soft smile. “I think I understand.”

Caam started and then swallowed several times. “Oh.”

Ahsoka pulled her into a warm embrace. “Don’t worry, my spunky girl. You’re sixteen. There’s a whole life ahead of you and it’s going to be full of wonderful things. Be patient and enjoy what you can for the moment. The rest will come in time.” She chuckled. “Just don’t forget to visit your family here and there, so we don’t lose it without you.”

The girl laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's strangely alot and yet very little going on in this chapter. Riddle that out.  
> Oh, we also get to meet some of Caam's squadmates. I'm sure they'll pop in and out as we go. I must say, I do like that Jungi.


	67. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Age of Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age of Decision: Wherein, Aayla gets to do mothering and Obi-Wan pretends to hate slow negotiations.

Aayla threw arms around Caam, suddenly realizing the child was near her own height now. “I can’t believe you’re here. It’s a good thing Ahsoka woke me up, because I would have strangled her if I missed the chance to see you.”

There was a tentative smile. “Well, she said you missed me or something and I shouldn’t go without saying hi.”

Tightening the embrace, Aayla murmured, “So much, little one.”

Caam leaned back to look at her. “You mean that for real?”

Her eyes widened. “Of course. Did you think I didn’t?”

The girl shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Oh Caam, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make things harder by complaining about how much I missed you. But, it’s absolutely true. Seeing you tonight is the happiest I’ve been since the last time you were here.”

A bright grin formed. “Good. Cuz I’ve missed you, too.”

Joy filled her heart and Aayla dragged the girl back into her arms. “I love you.”

A soft voice replied, “I love you too, Mom.”

After a long moment, the woman finally pulled away. She put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder as they walked down the hall. “So, tell me what’s going on with you and Karyna.”

Caam slouched. “She’s mad at me or something.”

Aayla pursed lips. “I doubt that. I think she misses you a great deal.”

The girl stared at her. “If you say so.”

“Oh, I definitely do. Did I hear Ahsoka say you’re coming for dinner tomorrow?”

Caam nodded. 

“Now, I’m even happier!” She grinned. “In that case, we won’t wake Karyna up tonight. Why don’t you come a bit early tomorrow and talk to her about things? You’ll see I’m right.”

She was silent for a few moments, before saying, “Ok, I’ll give it a try.”

“Excellent.” Aayla kissed her lekku. “It’s been a hard week for us. You’re having a big milestone and we’re unable to be with you. I suppose every family with a soldier has this issue. I’m lucky to see you more often than most. It’s a bit selfish of me to complain about it.” She smiled. “I do want you to know how proud I am, though. You are amazing, little one.”

Caam straightened with a pleased grin. “Thanks, Mom.”

Continuing their walk down the hall, she asked, “Well, anything else to report?”

“Nope. I just saw you a few weeks ago. Not much has changed, except getting deployed.”

“You’re right. I suppose I miss hearing about your day,” she said wistfully.

The girl looked over at her and smiled. “Me too.” Her face fluctuated. “Maybe… there is something.”

Aayla halted their progress and met her eyes. “What is it?”

“Well, see, I’ve been having this, um,” Caam paused, before blurting, “weird thing happening with my chest.”

She started. “Oh.”  _ Can’t be. This early? _ Choosing her words carefully, Aayla asked, “Are they really sensitive?”

Embarrassed eyes looked at everything but her. “Yeah.”

Aayla nodded, trying to maintain a casual tone and not make it more awkward for her daughter. “Let’s go to your room for a minute. I think I know what’s going on.”

_______

“How did it go today?” Leia asked hopefully.

Obi-Wan groaned. “Just pass the wine. Please.”

Han grinned and put the entire carafe in front of him. “All yours, old man.”

Pouring out a generous portion, Obi-Wan proceeded to take several large sips, before letting out a long breath and leaning back in his chair. “Next time, my dear, ask some other legend for help.”

Leia winced. “You’re only a week in. I’m sure things will get better.”

He stared at her. “Right.”

Luminara chuckled and scooped some odd-looking beans onto his plate. “Don’t worry, Leia. This is typical Kenobi whining one week into a difficult negotiation. I’d take it as a good sign.”

Obi-Wan shot a glare, but a smile crept up. “Probably true. We’ll get somewhere eventually, not to worry. It’s simply going to take much longer than I had hoped.”

The young woman relaxed. “Well, I am grateful, either way.” She took a dainty bite of her fish with a diffident grin.

He winked. “Better be.” Examining the contents of his plate, Obi-Wan raised doubtful eyebrows. “What exactly are these things?”

“An exotic delicacy Han and I hunted down for you both today,” Luminara replied. “We expect complete and utter adoration.”

“Yeah.” Han flipped his lapels with flourish. “These babies ain't easy to come by. We risked life and limb to ensure only the best for our hard-working spouses.”

“I'm not sure I want to know what that entailed.” Poking at the beans, Leia stabbed one and crunched it delicately between her teeth. Her expression twisted and she swallowed hard. “Uh… lovely. Thank you.” 

Observing her reaction, Obi-Wan grunted. “I think I’ll work on the fish, first.”

Luminara pinned him with an expectant stare. 

Gritting his teeth, he mimicked Leia’s prior movements and slowly chewed. Trying to keep an impassive face, he commented, “Well, they definitely have a… unique flavor.”

There was silence for a moment and then quiet snorts came from Han and Luminara. 

Leia’s eyes narrowed. “You knew these were terrible, didn’t you?”

Han slapped a hand over his heart. “Are you saying you don’t like them? After all we went through to give you both a nice surprise?!”

Luminara shook her head. “Clearly, we shouldn’t waste our valuable time in future.”

“That may be a wise idea, my love,” Obi-Wan remarked dryly.

She glanced over at Han. “There is a severe lack of discriminating taste at this table, I’m afraid.”

The man threw up hands of exasperation. “Tell me something I don't know. I’ve been trying to get her worship to appreciate the finer things for ages. It’s a hopeless cause.”

Leia and Obi-Wan gave each other a wry look.

Luminara tapped her chin in overdone thought. “Perhaps, tomorrow, we should try the underground bakery. They have fascinating delicacies from the wilds of Kashyyyk.”

Han rapped knuckles on the table. “Wait, what about the blackside pirate’s brewery? I have some business in that part of the city, already.”

Nodding, Luminara replied, “Sounds like a lovely establishment.”

Unable to hold back, Obi-Wan began laughing. “You two are a menace to my stomach.”

Leia gazed at her husband for a moment, before saying, “Am I correct in assuming Luminara has been accompanying you on illicit ventures, leading to you both picking up whatever food is in the vicinity for dinner?”

Han put on a wounded expression. “Illicit? Come on, now! Where’s the faith? I’m a  _ mostly _ honest businessman these days.” A half-smirk formed. “Besides, the lady knows more shady spots than I do in Coruscant.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “How kind of you to say.”

He threw a roguish wink back at her. “Not to mention, she has a killer left hook.”

The edges of Luminara’s mouth twitched. 

Obi-Wan stared and then rubbed his temples. “I need to finish this negotiation more quickly than I thought.”

Leia picked up her glass with a tired sigh. “Pass the wine. Please.”

_______

Aayla finished examining her daughter’s chest and then suppressed the impulse to hug her. “Are you a bit more focused lately? What about increased motivation and stamina? Do your emotions swing between a sort of childish extreme, like when you were younger, and a confident calmness, where you feel in complete control?”

Caam stared at her. “Yeah. All of that, I think.”

Resisting a nervous laugh, she asked, “And, do you feel as if you’re assessing everyone around you as potential… mates?”

The girl’s turquoise skin darkened and she quickly looked away. “Uh, maybe. I don’t know if I’d put it like that, though.”

Aayla cringed. “Sorry, that’s how my older sister described it to me, so it’s all I’ve got. Hopefully, you can come up with something better by the time you say it to your daughter.”

A small grin crept onto her face. “I’ll see what I can do. Does that mean this is normal, then?”

“Completely normal, don’t worry.” Stepping back, she handed Caam her tunic.

The girl pulled it back on with a relieved breath. “Good.”

Aayla sat on the bed beside Caam and tried to calm her trepidation.  _ Ok, Secura, it’s called motherhood. Do it right for once. _ “What’s going on is… well, it’s commonly called the age of decision, but I’m sure there’s a technical name for it. There are growth stages in every species’ life cycle. For example, almost everyone has some version of puberty, where your body changes to become capable of reproducing children. That probably started when you were around twelve.”

Caam suddenly became interested in her fingers. “Yeah, I know. Barriss taught us about that and how we should, uh, avoid having kids and such. It was a kinda not fun conversation.” An awkward laugh sounded. “Even Kayo couldn’t concentrate to take notes.”

“Barriss too, probably. It’s not easy for us to talk about this stuff, either.”  _ Maybe. It is Barriss. The woman probably made up diagrams for them to memorize or something.  _ She had to hold back a chuckle at the mental image of Barriss Offee, legendary spymaster, dryly pointing out the finer points of anatomy with two children squirming in their seats. 

The girl grinned. “Guess not.”

“In any case, that stage isn’t nearly as disconcerting for Twi’leks as the one you’ve reached, now. Did she mention the age of decision?”

“Don’t think so.”

Aayla considered. “I’m sure she’s aware of it. Barriss Offee is nothing if not thorough. She might have thought it wasn’t necessary, yet. I certainly didn’t. It usually happens between seventeen and eighteen, so you’re a bit ahead of the curve.”

“Ok, uh, what is it?”

“Twi’lek women reach a defined point where they move out of adolescence and into adulthood. Something in our body make-up changes. It’s a bit unusual as most species have a less pointed progression without a uniform endpoint. For example, humans start sometime after puberty, but don’t reach full maturity for years and it varies by individual. One human may get there by sixteen and another at twenty. Twi’leks aren’t like that. How long has it been happening?”

The girl shrugged. “A few months, maybe.”

She nodded. “It’s about a year before things settle. I’m afraid it can be quite stressful, between the unpredictable mood swings and rapid physical changes. I remember feeling like a needy child one moment and as if I could conquer the world the next. Essentially, you’re becoming an adult both mentally and physically. Everything inside of you is altering to function a bit differently.”

Caam grinned. “Well, that’s good, I guess. But, what does that have to do with what you said about, uh, mates and such?”

Aayla ran fingers over her child’s lekku. “I suppose it’s centuries of adaptation. Twi’lek women used to marry as soon as they reached adulthood. That’s rare now as the world has changed. However, when it was the norm, they had a year to assess all potential options. The choice always rested with them and their suitors would compete to win the woman’s favor.”

“Huh.” Caam’s expression turned contemplative. 

“Actually, a Twi’lek woman is at her height of attractiveness during this period. Some healers, like Barriss’ friend… oh, what’s his name? The one who runs her healing facility project with Juliayl.”

“Hans,” Caam replied shrewdly. “You think you’d remember the man you knocked over a table when he asked for lekku scrapings.”

“It’s his own fault!” Aayla cried defensively. “He should know better than to ask a woman with half a lek to give him a piece of it! Don’t tell him you’re in your age of decision or he’ll probably lock you in his weird lab.”

Caam laughed. “Barriss says we should help Hans, because his research saves people.”

Aayla ground her teeth “Fine. Make me feel bad about avoiding him now, why don’t you?”

The girl grinned innocently. “Just saying.”

Shooting a glare, Aayla said, “Anyway, back to my point, impertinent child.  _ Hans _ has a theory that we give off some sort of pheromone or something that increases the effect.”

“So, you mean lots of people could be competing for my attention?”

“In a sense. Though, they probably would be, either way. You are incredibly attractive, my dear—only enhanced by your engaging personality. Still, at the current moment, you’re practically irresistible.”

Caam looked both pleased and relieved. “That explains it, then.”

“Explains what?”

She smiled diffidently. “It’s like I can’t get rid of people. I’ve been out with more soldiers in the last six months than I can even remember. And, they are still harassing me.”

Aayla chuckled. “Ah, then yes. It’s true on your side, as well. A Twi’lek woman spends this time assessing what she wants. So, there is a tendency to try out many different types of suitors. That’s why Hans thinks we have increased energy and focus.”

Caam’s gaze drifted away. “What if you already know what you want?”

Her eyes widened. “Um, I guess it depends on situation. Are you sure? Is there… someone particular you have in mind?”

The girl gave a small jolt and looked at her hands. “Dunno. Just wondering.”

Aayla hesitated, uncertain how much to push. “Because you currently want someone, doesn’t make it forever. I’m only telling you how they did it centuries ago. Nowadays, it's unusual to choose a life partner so young.”

Caam’s fingers locked together as she continued to stare at them. “Maybe.”

_ Hmm. _ “Usually, Twi’lek women simply enjoy themselves during this time. It’s probably better that way. Making a life-changing decision, while undergoing such a heightened period of change, may lead to choosing rashly.”

There was no response.

Aayla put a hand over her hers. “If they are right for you, they’ll still be around down the road.”

Caam’s head slowly rose to look at her. “But, what if they don’t want me?”

“Are you saying the person you want doesn’t seem interested?” Aayla couldn’t believe such an occurrence. Even if Caam wasn’t possessed of already magnificent beauty, inside and out, the amount of attractiveness she was giving off during this stage should be exponential.  _ Are there species that are immune to the effect, I wonder? Maybe, I should risk visiting Hans to ask. _

“Dunno, but I don’t think so.”

“Oh. I’m afraid that’s life, sometimes. Still, I have a hard time imagining it being the case for you.” Aayla considered. “Perhaps… I assume it is someone near your age?”

“Yeah, something like that,” she mumbled.

“Then, I’d say give it time. Just because you’ve reached maturity doesn’t mean they have. Every species is different. As I said, you are a bit ahead of the norm. This person may not be capable of recognizing their feelings yet.”

A small smile edged into view. “I didn’t think of that. Thanks, Mom.”

Aayla kissed her forehead. “Have faith, little one. I’m sure it will all work out for the best. In the meantime, you should still enjoy this period. It only comes once and I don’t want you to miss it. There’s plenty of time in the future to worry about what you want. Ok?”

Caam sighed. “I’ll try.”

_______

“There you are!”

Karyna jerked around, sword dropping to her side. “Oh. Hi.”

Caam walked across the family sparring area. “You’re training alone?”

She shrugged and resumed practicing her forms. 

“This is the last place I thought to look. You don’t usually practice in the afternoon.”

“I do now,” Karyna replied, trying to keep her voice normal as she shifted into an ataru stance.

There was silence for a few moments. Then, Caam said lightly, “You’ve gotten better.”

“Thanks.” She moved through each form, attempting to focus.

“Kayo, can you stop for a minute and talk to me?” 

Karyna started and halted her movements. “Uh, if you want.”

Caam’s face tightened. “Course, I do. What is going on with you?”

She rolled fingers over her hilt. “Nothing.”

There was a hiss. “Stop it! Why are you lying to me?” 

Karyna flinched and sudden anger surfaced. “Why does it matter to you if I am?!” She stomped across the sparring ring and began to wipe down her sword. 

“K, please.” Her tone turned pleading. “You ran away yesterday and now you won’t even look at me. What did I do? Why are you mad at me?”

She looked up to see tears in Caam’s eyes. Dropping to the floor, Karyna mumbled, “I’m only trying to make it easier for you to not be my friend anymore. I want you to be happy.”

Feet quickly approached and Caam knelt down, panic on her face. “What are you talking about? How would you not being my friend ever make me happy?”

Karyna felt tears coming and tried to hold them back. “Because, you have new friends now, who obviously think I’m weird. They were laughing at me yesterday and I could tell you wanted me to go away.” The tears broke through and she angled her head away from Caam. “I know it’s hard to be like everyone else in your squad. You don’t visit anymore, because of that. So, I’m helping you get rid of me.”

Hands gripped her head and pulled it back to a distressed face. “Never, never, never say that again. You hear me? I could survive losing every friend in the world, but not you. Please, Kayo, don’t you dare think that.  _ Not _ having you is the way to make me very, very unhappy.”

Karyna stared. “Really?”

Caam gazed into her eyes, drying Karyna's skin with warm thumbs. “I promise. I only haven’t visited, cuz I thought you didn’t want me too.”

“Why would you think that?” 

She looked away. “When I used to come alot, you didn’t seem to care much.”

Karyna chewed her lip. “I’m sorry if—I was always happy to see you, but I should have been more—I didn’t realize how it would be. I thought I’d still see you all the time and things would stay the same. But, then you stopped coming as much and it was… bad.”

Caam’s gaze darted back to hers. “Oh. Guess I didn’t get it.” Fingers massaged the triangles along Karyna’s cheekbones. “I’m sorry. Maybe, I'll visit more often, then?”

She smiled. “I’d like that.” The girl hesitated and then rushed out, “I mean if it won’t make things difficult for you?”

“Course not. Is this about yesterday? They were laughing at me, not you.” She paused for a moment, before continuing, “See, my friends want to meet you. But, I told them no, cuz I was afraid of them harassing you with stupid questions and such. Soldiers get all hept up when there’s a pretty—well, they can be immature, sometimes. Then, you showed up while we were arguing about it. They were just laughing about that. If I was acting weird, it’s that I wanted to make sure they didn't mess with you.”

“Oh.” Feeling happier than she had in weeks, she murmured, “That’s nice.”

A tentative smile appeared. “So, are we ok, now? Please, say yes.”

Karyna grinned. “Definitely yes, Cabbage.” She blinked a few times and then leaned forward into Caam’s chest. “I’ve missed you.”

Caam slid arms around her with a content sigh. “Not as much as I’ve missed you, Kayo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is strangely awkward, but lovely at the same time. Let's see... 
> 
> Clearly, our little Caam is quite the player these days. As it should be. Caam is wary of emotional investment beyond her family circle. Of course, bunch of hept up soldiers, on their own, entering sexual maturity, fluctuating between teenager and adult, sitting around between orders, hoping they don't die tomorrow... seems ripe for fun and devil may care behavior to me. Especially contrasted to Karyna's more child-like and protected mindset. 
> 
> I love that Aayla gets to finally do something very 'mom' with Caam. Between Barriss being the girl's go-to and their still sometimes awkward relationship, she doesn't get many chances. Here she gets to be the guide at a pivotal point in her child's development. It's nice. Perhaps, Barriss' absence has some positives in forcing Caam to look elsewhere for some of her support.
> 
> Oh, the idea of Han and Luminara being strangely simpatico made me grin.


	68. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Limbo: Not a good place to be. For any of us.

“They're here!”

Waving at an excited Caam hanging out a castle window, Ezra rode into the courtyard and nudged Mina. “Hey, sleepy head, time to wake up.”

The girl shifted groggily and viridian eyes peeked into view. “Have to?”

Ezra kissed the tiny tendrils. “Yep. We’re here. Everyone will want to ooh and aah. That’s what happens when you’re cuter than a tooka-cat.”

Mina giggled and snuggled against his chest. “You’re silly, Za.”

Glancing back to a following Katooni, he flashed a thumbs up.

She shook an amused head and cantered up beside him. “Do you two plan on staying on your horse all night?”

Ezra nodded. “Oh, most definitely. Mina has informed me she doesn’t wish to be spoiled and would rather sleep like the little tooka she is.”

There was another muffled giggle from his chest. “Did not.”

What sounded like a herd of banthas approached from the inner castle gates, before Karyna and Caam came running into view.

Mina perked up as the girls surrounded their horse.

“About time you got here,” Caam commented, reaching up and lifting Mina from the horse. “We’ve been waiting all morning!” The child was immediately showered with kisses and exclamations of adoration.

Ezra gave Katooni a wry grin. “Well, we know who rates around here.”

The woman chuckled. “Are you jealous that your family loves my child more than you?”

He glared, but then shrugged. “Hard to blame them, really.” Leaping off his horse, Ezra reached up to her.

Katooni smiled and slid down into his arms. “Well, no argument here.” Leaving hands on his shoulders, she added, “Though, you have your own endearing qualities.”

Ezra felt his collar getting hot. He tried to return the compliment, but couldn’t seem to think past the feel of the woman still ensconced in his arms.

Karyna peeked around the horse. “Are you two coming? Lunch is ready and everyone is waiting for you.”

Letting go of Katooni, Ezra stepped back with a small yelp. “Yep. Coming!”

The girl came the rest of the way around to give him a hug. “Sorry. I got distracted. We did miss you.”

Ezra smiled and kissed her forehead. “I missed you, too.”

Karyna smiled and then waved to Katooni, before skipping off after Caam and Mina.

Giving the woman a crooked grin, he tried a smooth recovery by making an awkward bow. “After you, my lady. Lunch awaits.”

She stared at him strangely for a moment, before grinning back and taking his arm. “Off we go, then.”

_______

They walked into the dining room and were immediately surrounded with warm hugs and jovial greetings.

“So, are you enjoying being a big-time soldier now?”

Caam flashed a brash grin. “Something like that. Still haven’t reached destiny status, but give me a few months.”

Ezra laughed. “I have no doubt. I always knew you’d challenge my title one day!” He glanced around. “Where is everyone, anyway? I expect a full court when I grace you all with my royal presence!”

“Well,” Caam replied, ticking off her fingers, “Mom and Kit are on a fact-finding mission, whatever that means. Rex and Asajj are attending a regional military council. Obi-Wan is doing some kinda negotiation in Coruscant as a favor for Leia and Luminara went along. Luke took half of the 501st to Umbara to help with an uprising there. And, Shan is on duty, but she’ll join us in a bit. So, guess you’re stuck with just us!”

“Hmm, I suppose it’ll have to do,” he said in a regal tone. Though, Ezra was actually a bit relieved. He suspected Katooni felt sometimes overwhelmed by interacting with all of his family at once. The reduced numbers decreased the pressure of ensuring the woman he loved didn’t get unduly stressed.

The girl huffed. “I took leave for the entire day to see you! At least, _pretend_ like you appreciate it!”

Ezra laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. “I’m honored, my fellow soldier of destiny.”

She grinned. “Better be.”

“Of course,” he added dryly, “I’m sure it had nothing to do with your favorite adorable child coming along with me.”

Her face turned airy. “No idea what you mean. That was just a nice, um, bonus.”

Katooni strolled over to them. “Where’s your mother, Caam? I’ve been looking forward to finally meeting her.”

The girl grimaced. “Sorry, she’s on a mission right now. Maybe, you can catch her on the way back. She’ll be disappointed to have missed you again, actually. Mom calls you ‘the paragon'.”

There was a blank look from Katooni. “Huh?”

Tawny eyes glinted. “Well, she says being called amazing by Ahsoka Tano is impressive enough. But, Barriss Offee ranking you as one of her most talented protégés is just plain excessive.”

The woman flushed, but a pleased grin hovered. “They exaggerate.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Um, we are talking about the same Barriss, right? She doesn't say that kinda stuff without meaning it.” Caam's gaze floated to where the woman in question was directing staff to lay out lunch, expression turning strangely anxious. Then, the girl seemed to shake herself and a sassy grin appeared. “Besides, if that didn't peak Mom's interest, Ezra going on and on about you would have.”

Heat rushed into his face and Ezra became suddenly very interested in the design of the wall tapestry.

“Does he?” a pleased yet confused sounding voice murmured.

Glancing over at her, he put in, “Absolutely! You and Mina are two of my favorite people.”

She smiled and was about to respond, when a squealing Mina ran behind Caam’s legs, peeking through them at an out of breath Karyna. “Caamy, save me please.”

Karyna snorted. “You’ve chosen the wrong protector. She'll tickle you into oblivion.”

Mina looked up at Caam, wide eyes blinking. “That’s not true. Right?”

Caam smiled and picked her up. “Course not. I shall rescue you from any and all tickling by the Ryna monster.”

The child flashed a triumphant grin at Karyna.

An impish glimmer shined from the midnight blue. “Guess that means I’ll have to take you both down, then.” She waggled fingers and stepped toward them with dramatic threat.

“We’ll never surrender!” Caam declared. Holding a giggling Mina to her chest, she sprinted off across the room as Karyna gave chase.

Katooni watched them with a soft smile and then took his arm. “The girls are so good with her.”

“Well, she makes it easy,” Ezra commented, contentment rising. _This is almost perfect._

Then, Barriss directed everyone to sit down for lunch and his contentment turned into nervous energy. Throughout the meal, Ezra's attention constantly floated to where Katooni was seated between Ahsoka and Barriss. _Get it together, Bridger._ The inability to control his feelings had gotten critical over the last few months. He tapped erratic fingers on a jittery leg and briefly considered fleeing the room.

A hand gripped his arm and his attention jumped to the woman beside him.

Shrewd, sienna eyes looked back at him and then Sabine leaned close. “Ezra, focus on me. I’ll help you.”

His throat closed up, but he nodded numbly. Fixing on Sabine, Ezra tried to obey instructions. The woman began to chat aimlessly about Shili events and news from Hera and Caleb in Ryloth. She soon turned to questions on his latest travels and, before he knew it, the man was completely engaged in the conversation. As Ezra related a recent adventure in Tatooine, gentle hands laid on his shoulders. Halting mid-sentence, he looked up, stomach twisting in painful delight.

Aqua eyes gazed down at him. “Hey. I’m a bit tired. I think I’ll go lay down. The girls are going to take care of Mina.”

“I’ll escort you!” Ezra leapt up, knocking his chair over in the process. Sabine caught it mid-fall and unobtrusively slid it back into place.

Katooni shook her head. “Barriss is preparing my room and will be back in a minute to get me. I just didn’t want you to think I had disappeared on you.”

He gave her a jaunty grin. “Better not. I’ve got to earn my rewards.”

“No chance of that,” she replied mischievously. “I intend to get my promised high quality work.”

Trying to keep his voice light, he failed spectacularly and ended up with a much too intensity-laced, “Oh, you always get my best.”

She stared at him for a moment and then shifted focus to Sabine. “Sorry to interrupt. You can have him back, now.”

The woman smiled. “Good. He still owes me a recounting of the two months worth of adventures that have apparently prevented his returning home. Ezra Bridger is the only member of a royal household that is never actually in the royal household.”

He snorted. “Well, my job is to deliver on the ground reports from other kingdoms. That naturally requires me to be _in_ other kingdoms.”

Sienna eyes rolled. “Uh huh. I can’t believe Ahsoka has let you get away with this made-up job of yours for so long. One of these days you’re going to have to settle down and start a real career, you know.”

 _I wish I could._ It was now something he wanted badly. Ezra had tired of being a nomad long ago. However, being somewhere Katooni was not on a permanent basis was too painful to contemplate. His current position allowed him to forget his troubles for a while and still return to her side at a regular interval. No, Ezra Bridger would live in limbo for as long as his heart demanded it, no matter what his reason or anyone else said about it.

Katooni chuckled. “I am afraid some of it may be my fault. I steal him away at every opportunity. I’m a very needy friend.”

Ezra shook his head. “That’s not true. Besides, I enjoy helping you and Mina.” _More than enjoy. If you wanted me too, I’d happily take care of you both forever._

She kissed his cheek. “In that case, I should have negotiated a lower price point for this trip.”

He smiled stupidly back. _Yep. I would go anywhere you want, for as long as you want, anytime you want. But, if I can get more quality time out of it, that’s even better._

Sabine cleared her throat and stood up. Taking his arm, she commented, “That’s our Ezra. Always the helpful hero, especially to a beautiful lady.”

Katooni blinked and opened her mouth to respond, when Barriss reentered the dining room. “Oh. I suppose it’s time to go, now.” Looking at Ezra, she added tentatively, “See you later?”

He nodded a vigorous head. “Of course. Go get some rest.”

Giving a small wave, she joined Barriss and they left the room.

“Argh!” Ezra slumped against the wall.

Sabine sighed and leaned next to him. “I’m sorry, Ezra. I wish I could help.”

He grimaced. “How obvious am I?”

She laid a cheek on his shoulder. “Not that bad, I promise. Remember, we’ve gone through a lot together. I have seen every form of Ezra Bridger. I didn’t need to be Barriss Offee to figure out what was going on long ago.”

Snorting, the man kissed the top of her head. “That makes me feel a little better, I guess. Thanks for saving me from making a complete idiot of myself.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she replied lightly.

He ran a hand through his short, wavy hair. “I don’t know how this happened. I just wanted to help her, to do right by Lux. Somewhere in the process, things went off the rails.”

Straightening up, she met his eyes. “What are you going to do about it?”

Ezra shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do. She’ll never get over Lux’s death.”

Sabine pursed lips. “I’m not sure that’s true. People find love again all the time. We saw that during the Rebellion. It’s been four years since Jakku, right?

“Four and a half, but close enough.”

“My point is, it's too early to give up. She’s certainly in a better place than the first couple of years. Remember when you had to work up a whole strategy to get her to leave the house? Maybe, Katooni needs more time. Or, maybe you're right, but I doubt it. She already depends on you.”

He blinked. “You think so?”

She rolled her eyes. “That is also obvious. It's not as crazy as you seem to believe. And, I’m sure Lux would want her to find someone else and be happy. I would want the same thing for Shan, if something happened to me.”

“It doesn’t really matter what any of us want, does it? What matters is what she can handle.”

Pulling Ezra’s head down, she kissed his temple. “Don’t lose faith, Ezra. With faith anything is possible, remember?”

Feeling a small surge of hope, he smiled. “Thanks. Guess, I’ll have to believe that, because it’s all I’ve got.”

_______

Barriss listened as Katooni laughed about Mina's destructive abilities with her new toy sword. The softened eyes when Ezra was mentioned confirmed her earlier observations.

This was the first time Barriss had a sense of Katooni becoming aware of her own feelings. The woman had been distracted throughout lunch, attention constantly wandering to where Ezra was seated. Barriss also suspected his complete engagement with Sabine had spurred the sudden request to go to her room. “Sounds like a successfully charming, if chaotic gift.”

There was a distant smile. “That's Ezra for you.”

Changing the topic to something more mundane, Barriss related several pieces of news from other kingdoms. Eventually, she returned to her intended target. “My dear, how are things really? Are you ok?”

Katooni blinked a few times and then exhaled. “I think so. It's not like I don't still miss him. At the same time, I'm… happy. That's good, right?”

Rubbing her cheek, Barriss said, “Absolutely. I'm glad.” She added casually, “What makes you happy these days? Anything new or exciting?”

She shook her head. “I have no idea, really. It's a general contentment I haven't had since I lost Lux. I'm not even sure why it happened. I suddenly realized I was going to be alright.”

“Interesting. When was that?”

She scrunched her face in contemplation. “Maybe, six months ago? I think it was when Ezra took Mina and I to see the Cliffs of Zandur. I enjoyed it so much and that's when it hit me. Really, it could have been well before then and I never stopped long enough to think about it.”

 _Ah._ “Well, you being happy makes me happy. I’ll tell Ezra to keep up the good work.”

Distant confusion appeared in her eyes. “Uh, right.”

Barriss smiled. “I don’t suppose you’ve changed your mind about my proposal? Position’s still open, if you want it.”

A guilty grin appeared. “I actually have been thinking about it lately. Back when you first asked, I didn't think I'd ever be able to leave Mygeeto. Recently, it seems more possible.”

Raising eyebrows, Barriss said, “Well, that gives me hope. Prompting me to reiterate the offer. I still need someone to help me manage my part of kingdom administration. Quite frankly, it’s a bit overwhelming. It’s like being a chief steward, a queen, and an intendant all in one. I also want to focus more on some of our humanitarian initiatives, like expanding the healing facility. I haven’t been able to find someone I trust that can do superior work. In other words, no one else is you, my impressive girl.”

She ducked her head with a shy smile. “You overestimate my abilities as always. Still, I promise I’ll give it serious thought. Maybe, I’ll have an answer when we get back.”

“I never overestimate. I only see what’s there. But, this is an old argument.” She winked and then added gently, “What is worrying you most about taking the job? Is it the idea of moving on?”

Katooni shrugged. “Maybe? I think it's something different, though. Before, it felt like it would mean forgetting Lux. Now, I know that’s not true. He'd want me to make a new life. He told me that enough, anyway. Lately, I feel as if I might finally be able to do that.”

“Good. You and Mina deserve a happy life and Lux certainly wouldn’t be happy if you didn’t have one. Hmm, do you have people you don't want to leave in Mygeeto?”

“Not really. I never had the luxury of making many friends. The few I did have from our cell are gone. We didn't even try to put down roots there, since Lux and I knew we could be reassigned anytime. Plus, we were often away before Mina was born. Moving to Shili should be an easy choice, really, but something is holding me back. I don't quite understand it.”

“Ok, tell me the reasons you should come, then.”

“I'd like to be near you and Ahsoka. I'm sure I'll enjoy the job. Mina would love being spoiled on a regular basis. We could make a permanent home. And, Ezra would—” she broke off with a strange expression.

“Ezra would what?” Barriss asked quietly.

The woman winced. “It's stupid. I was about to say Ezra would probably like being near his family. Implying just because I'm here, he would be.” Her voice echoed with confusion. “As if my moving impacted him. For that matter, I might see him less. If I was here, I'd have more help and he wouldn't have to visit as often.”

 _It's there, but she still doesn't understand it. Or, doesn't want to. Guilt? Fear? Insecurity? All three, perhaps._ “Oh, you're wrong, my dear. Ezra doesn't visit because of duty or obligation. He doesn't even come because you need help. It's because he cares about you and Mina. Ezra enjoys spending time with you. That wouldn't change, wherever you lived.”

“You think so?” Katooni asked hopefully.

“Definitely. If anything, you'd probably see more of him. Ezra wouldn't have to leave you to come see us, between trips. But, no need to believe me. Why don't you ask him what he thinks about the idea?”

The edges of her mouth crept up. “Maybe, I will.”

_______

“Barriss wants me to come work for her in Shili.”

Ezra lifted his head from lighting the fire. “I thought you already told her no a year ago?”

Katooni sighed and pulled knees to her chest, resting a chin on top of them. “I did, but she asked again when we were there. This time, I told her I’d consider it.”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

She gazed at him, feeling a strange hesitation. “What do you think?”

The man looked away with a half shrug. “It’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

Inexplicable disappointment flowed at the response and she crunched tighter. “I don’t know.”

Wiping hands on his pants, he crossed to her and crouched down. “Sorry, that wasn’t exactly helpful advice, huh? How about we talk it through and maybe that will help you decide?”

Raising eyes to his, she murmured, “I’d like that.”

The man settled beside her with a jaunty grin, bracing his back on the log behind them. “Alright, where should we start?”

Leaning into Ezra’s side, she said, “How about we think of pros and cons?”

There was silence for a moment and then the arm she was laying against slid up and around her, pulling Katooni against a warm chest. “Sounds like a plan.”

Contentment she didn’t quite understand spread, quickly followed by a happy smile.

_______

They were two days into their trip to Florrum and Katooni still hadn’t gotten the answer she most wanted. _What is wrong with you? Why does it matter? Just ask._ As they ate dinner, she felt her nerve failing and blurted out, “Do you want me to come live in Shili?”

Ezra froze mid-chew and his entire body went rigid. “Ughm… I want...arghmum…I don’t—” He swallowed a large chunk of fish. Then, his face bulged and the man pounded his chest with a choking sound.

Concerned, she shifted forward and slapped his back with force.

A wheezing gasp shot out and then the distress faded. “Thanks,” he rasped.

She laughed and left her hands laying on his shoulders. “Didn’t your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full?”

The man stiffened and looked away with a weak chuckle.

Katooni cringed. _What were you thinking?_ Ezra’s parents had died when he was young, immediately followed by his conscription into Palpatine’s service. Whether it was from one event or both, she knew the scars were still there. A flash of anger kindled at the village that had convinced a traumatized, thirteen-year old boy sacrificing himself would make him a hero. They needed to meet their quota for Palpatine and had decided the newly orphaned boy with no one to protect him fit the bill. Of course, Ezra’s compassionate nature took a more kindly view of their actions. _He always does._ Moving hands to his face, she turned it back to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

He winced. “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I don’t know why—sometimes, it still hits me oddly is all.”

Running gentle fingers across his temple, she said, “That happens to me on occasion.”

Ezra’s jaw tightened. “You mean with Lux?”

About to answer in the affirmative, something stopped her. Changing tacts, she replied, “I lost my parents when I was young, as well.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t realize you were a child, when they died.” A charming smile flashed. “Guess, I’m in good company, then.”

“So am I.” Giving him a mischievous grin, she added vaguely, “Actually, you might say I was raised by pirates.”

Ezra stared. “Um, what?”

“Nope. You don’t get rewarded with a story, until I see my high quality results, remember?”

He laughed and gazed at her happily. “Oh, that is so going to happen.”

Suddenly, she needed to know the answer to her question. “Anyway, before you almost killed yourself on dinner, you were about to say whether you wanted me to move to Shili.”

Ezra hesitated, before answering, “I was only going to say that I want you to live wherever makes you happy.”

An unexplainable pang of sadness resulted in Katooni's hands dropping back into her lap. “Oh, ok. Makes sense. I’m not sure why I asked, really. It doesn’t matter to you what I do.”

There was silence for a moment and then he cupped her cheek. “It does matter to me. I just didn’t want to influence you to do something that might make you unhappy. However, if you want the truth…” Amethyst blue fixed on her. “I would love for you to live in Shili. Then, I’d be able to see you and Mina for longer.” His expression filled with what looked like fear and hope as he added, “In fact, if you were there, I’d probably stay on a more permanent basis.”

She couldn’t seem to tear herself away from the earnest gaze. “Really?”

Head drifting towards hers, Ezra murmured, “Really.”

He was so close, she could see a trickle of sweat on his brow. The rustic smell of soot from the hand on Katooni’s face wafted into her nostrils as calloused fingers shifted on her cheek. Everything about his presence had intensified and her senses attuned to every movement. That’s when the sound of her heart thudding registered and she noticed her hands were slightly trembling. Finally, Katooni’s mind caught up with her body and realization came. _I want him to kiss me. Desperately. Oh Gods._

She jumped to her feet with an awkward laugh. “Um, great! I’m glad! Thanks for the advice.” Thoughts ricocheting, Katooni rambled on, “We should probably sleep now, huh? Early morning tomorrow and we need our rest if we’re going to make it to Florrum on schedule.” A high-pitched giggle came out.

Ezra blinked up at her several times. Then, he slumped. “Yeah, guess so.” The man rose from the ground and turned to stoke the fire.

Katooni gazed at his back, biting her lip. The feeling wasn’t going away. She wanted him to ignore everything her chaotic mind had uttered and pull her into his arms. _Stop it. What is wrong with you? He’s your friend. Your husband’s friend. Even if that wasn’t true, he’s a young, heroic warrior in his prime. You’re a needy widow—with a child no less. Why would he want you?_

The man moved around the camp, clearing the half-finished dinner plates and packing away cooking supplies, but didn’t look up. She needed him to look at her. Unable to stop herself, Katooni whispered, “Ezra…”

He twisted around. His surprise turned into concern and something else she didn’t understand. “Are you ok?”

The woman rubbed thumbs over her fingers repeatedly. “Yes. I just—are you?”

His expression froze for a split second and then he grinned. “Course I am. Now, let’s get some rest. There’s no way I’m having you pass out from exhaustion on me. Carrying you was not part of our deal,” he ended impishly.

Feeling herself relax, she tried a small grin. “Hmm, arguable. Being an escort to a lady would naturally include all potential scenarios, I think.”

He laughed. “Point acknowledged. Still, I’ll be a more effective escort if my hands are free to defend you from any and all nefarious individuals.”

“Valid reasoning,” Katooni declared with a superior smile. Walking over to her side of the fire, she shed her belt, jerkin, and underlying tunic, leaving just a chamois top and her comfortable linen pants.

Glancing back at Ezra, she inhaled sharply. His eyes were roving over her body in a way that seemed… _No. Not possible. You don’t want that to be true. Do you? Stop it._ Still, her heart didn’t listen as it began to float. Quickly laying on her bedroll, the woman tried to calm the overwhelming emotions.

A quiet voice said, “Good night.”

Shifting her position to view him unobstructed by the fire, she smiled. “You’re a good friend, Ezra. I’m lucky to have you.”

His mouth opened and then closed. Then, it opened again as he said, “I’m lucky to have you, too.” Flashing a quick grin, Ezra began to prepare for bed, stripping his warrior tunic and boots.

Firelight hit the pale scar that ran along the edge of his shoulder and upper arm. Katooni had noticed it many times, but now all she could think about was her fingers caressing it. As he arranged his pillow, her eyes traced the well-honed chest muscles. Realizing what she was doing, Katooni winced and slammed her eyes shut. “Um, good night.”

A nearly inaudible whisper came, “Sleep well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh.


	69. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and her kyber crystal find they are simpatico.

“Do they focus our abilities or make us stronger or something?”

Yoda gazed at Ahsoka impassively. “See your crystal as a source of power, do you?”

Her brow furrowed. “Not exactly. I’m not sure I can explain it.” She looked at Barriss for help.

The woman quirked an eyebrow. “Don’t ask me. You’re the girl who’s had one for twenty years.”

Ahsoka huffed. “Fine.” She contemplated for several moments. “It’s not that it makes me more powerful necessarily. It… enhances—” Her voice rose in excitement. “No. It connects me. The Force surrounds us and penetrates us, right? The kyber crystal draws that into itself. And, its essence is accessible—part of the currents—when I’m channeling the Force. In a way, it understands better than I do in those moments.”

“Excellent, young Tano.”

Her wife glanced between them in some annoyance. “Is that supposed to make sense?”

Ahsoka smirked. “I get something Barriss Offee doesn’t? I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.”

There was an exasperated breath in response.

Yoda settled further onto his ratty cushion. “Each crystal, unique it is. Bond to their individual, they do. Understand its essence, only you can.”

Barriss gazed at the metallic blue gem in the palm of her hand. Then, she smiled ruefully. “Alright, I’ll see what we think of each other.”

“Are you saying,” Ahsoka rolled out slowly, “it knows my needs are different than anyone else?”

Yoda fixed an intent gaze. “A part of each other, you both become. Your need is its need.” He paused. “Your crystal, possessed by many it has been. Established a bond with only two.”

She raised eyebrows. “It once belonged to my mother, right?”

“In your mother’s keeping it was, but her crystal it was not.”

Ahsoka stared. “Oh. So, she had another one or it just didn’t… bond with her?”

Yoda answered with what seemed like reluctance, “Her own, she had. This one…” His face clouded. “Belonged to another, it did.”

“Who?” Ahsoka asked excitedly. “How did she get it?”

There was a small head shake. “Discover this yourself one day, you may.”

She crossed her arms and slumped against a vine-covered wall of Yoda’s hut. “Why does that totally unhelpful answer not surprise me?”

Barriss laughed. “Now, you sound like me.” Turning attention to Yoda, she continued, “I assume, based on this conversation, it has bonded with Ahsoka. That means only one other person has ever… tamed it?”

His eyes widened. “Well put, young Offee. Tamed, yes. A wild and powerful crystal, it is.”

“Because of its nature,” Barriss asked thoughtfully, “or because it takes in the essence of all who have possessed it?”

Yoda let out a high-pitched chuckle. “Understanding quickly, you are. Perhaps, both.”

Ahsoka drew her sword and ran fingers over the gem in her hilt. “Well, looks like we’re stuck with each other, mystical Force crystal. You’ve never let me down before. Let’s keep up the good work.”

There was a harrumph. “A living being, it is not.”

She put on an airy expression. “Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps, my crystal likes me to talk to it. You did say only _I_ could understand it.”

Barriss rolled eyes. “Great. Now, I’m destined to hear my wife muttering to an inanimate object at random intervals for the rest of our lives.”

“Hey! Be nice!” Ahsoka cried. “You might hurt its feelings. Then, where would you be?”

Yoda grunted. “Call me crazy, people do. Meet Ahsoka Tano, they have not.”

Ahsoka glared and then stroked her crystal. “Don’t you listen to anything the mean Jedi say. They just don’t understand us, do they?”

Barriss and Yoda looked at each other. Her wife remarked, “Master, I think it’s time for dinner.”

His eyes gleamed as he rose from the cushion. “Wise advice that is.”

Ahsoka grinned and was about to deliver a snarky reply, when her crystal briefly flashed with verdant light. Staring carefully at it, she centered her mind and traced a finger over the angled edges. “Alright, crystal mine, you and me. It’s a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart. All are intertwined. The crystal, the blade, the Jedi. You are one.” (Star Wars: Clone Wars)


	70. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Competition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Competition: All's fair as they say.

“Ezra, what happened with that woman you were in love with?”

He jerked up and fiddled with his reins. “Uh… she’s still around. Why do you ask?”

Katooni tried a casual shrug. “It's been a long time since you mentioned her. Any progress? The amount of time you’ve been spending with us can’t help your cause, right?”

His face fluctuated strangely. “Um, I wouldn’t say that. It’s more—well, I’m—” he broke off with a grimace.

She gazed at him, uncertain about her own motives in asking. _What do I want him to say? That he doesn’t love someone else? Or, that he does?_ “You don’t have to talk about it.”

Ezra slumped in his saddle. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just not sure what to tell you. I tried your strategy, but it doesn’t appear to be working yet.” He hesitated and then asked, “Do you think I should give up?”

 _Oh Gods. Don’t ask me that._ “I, uh, want you to do whatever makes you happy.” She cringed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t accept that answer for my problem, so I shouldn’t give it for yours. How can I help?”

His eyes darted away. “I don’t know.”

Katooni tried to think of something supportive to say, but kept coming back to the same thought. _Please, please don’t love someone else._ And, there it was—her answer. There was nowhere to hide. The truth was staring her in the face. _I love him. No. How did you let this happen?_

A quiet voice said, “Let me think about it and I’ll let you know how you can help, ok?”

She nodded vacantly. “Sounds good.” _You can’t._ The woman tried to think of all the reasons it was the worst idea on the planet. _It will ruin your friendship. He’s too good for you. He could never love you. Lux is only four years gone and you’ve already fallen for his friend. You can’t handle losing someone else. This is insanity, Katooni. Get yourself together._ None of it helped.

Her eyes drifted back to him. _How long have I loved you?_ The restless sadness while Ezra was away, the happy thrill when she spotted him riding up to the house, the inexplicable emotions at his touch all made sense now. Obviously, it had been longer than a day. Yet, she had somehow managed to live in ignorance. _Have you been hiding it from yourself? Probably._ That meant ignoring it now wasn’t going to make it go away.

Sudden misery poured into her heart. _Oh no. What am I going to do?_

_______

Caam’s eyes floated away from the group to where Karyna and Jungi were sitting at a table, laughing conspiratorially. _What’s so funny?_

“Hey Secura, are you planning on going with me to the company ball?”

Jerking her head around to look at Klicker, she grinned. “Now, why would I do that?”

Hux cleared his throat. “Don’t be ridiculous. Quite clearly, she’ll be going with me.”

Caam raised eyebrows. “Who says? Maybe, I have other plans?”

The young man glowered at the surrounding group. “Like who?”

Polter snorted. “No one, if she can help it. Caam hates balls.”

Producing a superior smile, she commented, “Perhaps, I am waiting for the correct incentive to make them interesting.”

There were multiple groans and then Polter gave her an evil grin. “Well, your princess looks unavailable. So, I’m afraid you’re stuck with one of us, beauty queen.”

Caam glared at him. “Will you quit that already? You know very well we’re just friends.”

He laughed. “That’s good, because Jungi is moving in on your woman.”

Blowing out a breath, Caam crossed her arms. “I’m not arguing about this anymore.”

Hux pursed his lips. “Jungi does seem to be making progress, I must admit. I don’t get it. He’s not exactly a dashing figure of a soldier. It certainly isn’t family position or fortune. Yet, she wouldn’t give the rest of us the time of day.”

“That’s not true!” Caam cried defensively. “She just doesn’t appreciate over the top simpering, Huxley.”

The young man stiffened with a haughty expression. “It seemed to work on you.”

Caam threw an angry glare back. “No. What worked for a painfully short time was the fact that you are sometimes fun to be around, when you leave off being a prick.”

Hux bristled amid a chorus of snickers.

Thatcher put up her hands. “Calm down, people. Let’s get back to the important question.”

Ropal’s antennae twitched. “Why do you care, Thatcher? Don’t you already have two recon soldiers and a captain lined up?”

The young woman grinned. “I like to keep my options open.” Fixing playful golden eyes on Caam, she continued, “We’ll do this in proper soldier fashion, Secura. State your terms for choosing a winning escort.”

L’uyta’s tangerine skin darkened with agreement. “Yes, yes. We have to know whether to explore other options. Time is short.”

Caam’s gaze once again wandered to the corner and then she sighed. “I don’t know. Polter’s right. I might skip the ball altogether, if I can get out of it. Try other options. If any of you get desperate, come back and ask me again, ok?”

There were grumbles and the conversation turned to other topics. Caam tried to focus, but found her attention constantly returning to Karyna and Jungi.

All of a sudden, the girl glanced her direction. Caam straightened and beamed a smile at her. The cute grin Caam found irresistible appeared and then Karyna waved.

Taking it as an invitation, she sped to the corner. “Well, you two look like convorees in a pod over here. What’s so interesting?”

“We’ve been engrossed in our ratings of bar occupants,” Jungi replied. “The current discussion revolves around whether we should place you above or below Hux in terms of attractiveness.”

Caam stared and then licked her lips. “Um, and what were the results?”

“Nope! It’s top secret.” His mouth twitched suspiciously. “Though, I can reveal that I came in near the top.”

Stealing a glance at Karyna, she saw nothing but confusion on her friend’s face. Realization striking, Caam scowled at him. “You two are doing no such thing.”

He laughed. “That’s what you get for barging in and demanding a rundown.”

She threw a small glare back. _I can't believe you fell for that, Secura._

Karyna frowned. “Do people really do that sort of thing?”

Jungi shrugged. “Sure.” He paused, before adding, “Um, it’s all in good fun, though. We aren’t mean about it or anything. Like, the neverending debate in our squad is on the merits of Caam versus Thatcher, which I’m pretty sure they both secretly love.”

Caam rolled eyes. “In that case, who is currently winning?”

He lifted defensive hands. “Nuh uh. Given I bunk in the same room as both of you, I have to regretfully decline to answer your question.”

She snorted. “You’re smarter than you look, Jung.”

Karyna’s frown deepened. “So, how do you decide what makes someone more attractive than another?”

Jungi stared at her uncertainly, clearly wondering if she was trying to elicit a specific response.

Caam resisted a smirk. The question from anyone else might be just that. Fishing for compliments wasn’t Karyna’s style, though, so Caam stayed silent and let Jungi struggle. _He brought it up. He can figure it out._

The young man finally said, “I guess it’s kinda personal preference.” He gave Karyna a meaningful look and added, “Of course, there is sometimes an _especially_ beautiful and amazing person almost everyone agrees on. Still, generally-speaking, we all find different things attractive, right?”

Her forehead wrinkled. “Uh, right.”

Feeling unwilling admiration and some annoyance at his threading of the needle, Caam grumbled, “Well, any topic is better than managing a group of needy soldiers wanting to take you to the ball.”

Jungi responded airily, “That’s what you get for being so available. You should try our approach some time.”

Face relaxing, Karyna glanced at him mischievously. “Yes. We have decided if you sit in a corner and look enthralled in conversation, everyone steers clear.”

Caam’s mouth parted, before it edged into a smile. “Is that right? And, who are you steering clear of exactly?”

“Huxley, of course,” Karyna answered with a pained expression. “For some reason, the boy won’t leave me alone. Jungi is protecting me.”

 _Oh, I don't think so buddy. Cards on the table._ Caam gave him a shrewd look. “Is he, now? That’s very chivalrous of you.”

The young man shifted uncomfortably. “Um, yeah, that’s me.” He let out a nervous laugh.

Karyna glanced between them. “What am I missing?”

Caam stared at him expectantly. “Yes, what is she missing?”

Jungi grimaced. “Well, I mean that _is_ true. I intend to protect you from any and all obnoxious soldiers. I also might have an additional goal of,” he cleared his throat, before blurting out, “asking you to go to the b-ball with me?”

“Oh.” Karyna’s expression fluctuated oddly with something between confusion and contemplation. Then, her face brightened. “Alright, if you want.”

Caam’s eyes widened. _Seriously? I can’t believe this._

Jungi lit up in a way Caam had never seen. He took Karyna’s hand, kissing it gallantly. “I am truly honored, my lady.”

The girl looked awkward for a moment, but soon returned a sheepish grin. “The honor is mine, good soldier.”

 _Bang up job, Secura._ Caam pasted a smile. “Yeah, so that’s done. Any other services I can render for you this evening?”

He laughed. “Nope. That’s it. I’m now in a perfect state of being, thanks.”

Karyna gazed at her. “Are you feeling alright? Your face looks strange.”

Mentally cursing herself, Caam relaxed her muscles. “Course. All this fending off desperate ball requests has tired me out, I think.”

“Oh, are you ready to leave?” Karyna asked. “I don’t want to keep you here, if you’re tired.”

Jungi furrowed his brow. “Why does it matter? I’m happy to escort you home, if Caam wants to go.”

“No!” Caam shot out.

They both stared at her.

Cringing inwardly, she continued, “I’m responsible for the princess’ safety this evening.” Putting up a hand at the annoyance leaping onto Karyna’s face, she added, “I get you don’t need it, K. But, you know how the sovereign is about your wellbeing. I promised I would stay with you everytime we went out. Otherwise, she wouldn't have let you leave the castle unaccompanied.”

She sighed. “You’re right. I suppose I should put up with it, if I want her to let me out of sight long enough to go to the ball.” Karyna grinned at Jungi.

The young man rubbed a thumb over the hand he hadn’t released. “In that case, maybe I could accompany you both back to the castle?”

Karyna grinned and waved a superior hand. “That would be acceptable, my valiant soldier.”

Caam clenched her jaw and barely managed to say, “Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

_______

“Come daughter, you’re overstating things,” he said dismissively, “Dala Yindel is a fool. We can manage without her.”

“Father, if you don’t learn to work with people, Ryloth will never be stable!”

Cham’s face hardened. “Ryloth isn’t free today, because I compromised with politicians. We took freedom by force. We will make Ryloth thrive once more the same way. It already is on the road to doing so.”

“We _were_ on the road! Until you decided to alienate one-third of it’s ruling body. The one-third that was usually willing to work with you, no less!” Rubbing her forehead, the woman sagged into a chair by the window. “I’m sorry, Father, but fighting a war is a very different thing than managing a kingdom.” Staring out at the waning sun, she murmured, “Why did I think this could ever work?”

The man stiffened. “What could work?”

Hera shifted a sad gaze to him. “You actually listening to my advice about anything.” Rising from her seat, she continued, “I work with these people everyday. I know how they will react. You do not. Without Yindel, we'll lose the northern factions. By driving her away, you have already divided Ryloth’s loyalties. When Taa dies, which the healers expect soon, what will happen then? Let me tell you. It will look as if you engineered a coup to seize power. Your plans to expand the ruling council of citizens will be met with distrust and paranoia by the remaining factions. Tell me, in what way does that make Ryloth thrive?”

Cham shrugged. “The northern factions will return, once they realize being on their own holds no benefit. The minority of elitists who followed Taa will fall into line as a result. Either way, Ryloth will move into a new era. I will not allow short-sighted fools to derail the future. Besides,” he added dryly, “my daughter is quite determined. I’m sure she can convince people of their own best interest.”

She considered for a moment and then slowly shook her head. “That’s not going to be possible. I’m done working toward resolutions you won’t support. I am afraid you’ll have to find a new liaison, whose opinion you respect.” Hera spun around and strode from his office.

_______

As they entered the great hall, Jungi dropped Karyna’s arm and wandered around the space. “Woah. This is huge! I’ve never seen the inside of the castle, before.”

Karyna quirked an eyebrow. “Never? Not even for a ceremony or something?”

“Nah, only soldiers assigned to the royal guard are allowed inside. Our ceremonial events are held in the company assembly room or the practice field by the barracks. Maybe, if I became a warrior, my promotion ceremony would be here.”

Caam nodded. “Warrior promotions usually happen in the throne room.”

“Huh,” Jungi replied absently, “might be worth the work, just to see it.”

“The work?” Karyna asked. “Are you not planning to be a warrior?”

He shrugged. “I’m fine if it happens, but it’s not a life goal or anything. I’m not like Caam, who puts in way too many hours becoming warrior material. I like to enjoy life a bit. Besides, I doubt I’d ever be good enough to be a warrior, even if I did.”

The girl took his arm. “I bet you could. You never know who you are, until you know what you are not.”

Jungi raised eyebrows. “That’s very profound and I have no idea what it means.”

Karyna laughed. “It just means how do you know, until you try?” She added thoughtfully, “Of course, if you really don’t want to be a warrior, that’s fine. But, you should make the decision based on what you want, not what you think you can do. Don't give up, before you even get started. Otherwise, you’ll never know who you could be.”

He stared at her and then grinned brightly. “You are both beautiful and wise. Perfection.”

Her olive skin darkened. “Uh, thanks.”

Caam crushed palms against her legs, seriously entertaining the idea of placing Jungi in a headlock and dragging him forcibly from the castle, when a stern voice rang out, “Jungi. Secura. Is there a reason you are in a restricted area?”

They spun around to see Rex eyeing them, a disapproving Shan beside him.

Jungi sprung to attention with a salute. “No, sir! I mean, yes, sir! We were escorting the princess home, sir.”

Caam also went to attention, but a satisfied smirk crept up the sides of her face. “That is correct, Master General. We were just heading back to the barracks.”

Shan didn’t look amused. “I run a secure castle and don’t appreciate people, soldiers or otherwise, wandering into it. Being with the princess may allow you past my guards, but that doesn’t mean you should do so.”

“Yes, Captain!” Jungi yelped out. “Our apologies!”

Her eyes narrowed. “Apologies are unnecessary. Simply correct the behavior.”

Karyna stepped forward. “I was feeling weak from a night out in the city and requested they escort me inside. Since these fine soldiers were only looking after the wellbeing of a royal family member, they haven’t disobeyed any regulations. In fact, they should be commended for their diligence.”

Rex’s mouth twitched. “Very well, _my lady,_ we will overlook this transgression.”

The girl gave an overly regal nod. “Thank you, Master General.”

Jungi blew out a relieved breath.

Shan’s face tightened. “Alright, out of here. Both of you.”

“Yes, Captain!” the soldiers barked in unison.

As they marched out, Caam side-eyed Karyna, who flashed a small grin. Winking back, she followed Jungi from the castle.

_______

Shan maintained her disapproving glare, until the soldiers disappeared from sight.

Karyna turned a diffident smile on them. “Uh, sorry. But, I really did ask them to come in.”

Rex laughed and strode forward, picking her up in a whirling hug. “It's alright, my clever little princess. It looks like you've made a valiant conquest in the tradition of princesses everywhere.”

“I have?” she asked as he placed her back on the ground.

Shan eyed her interestedly. “Yes, Jungi seems quite taken with you.”

“Really?” the girl answered with an uncertain grin.

Not for the first time, the woman thought Karyna’s obliviousness was unusual for a teenage girl. Misinterpreting signals was one thing, but Karyna appeared to miss them completely. During a recent trade council, a negotiator’s young aide had followed her around for three days to no avail. When Shan had commented on his clear interest, the girl had been flabbergasted, as if never even considering the possibility. For a child that was highly observant, the apparent gap in perception perplexed Shan. “Hmm, well what do you think?”

Her face fluctuated. “I'm not completely sure. He did ask me to go to their company ball. In books, that means the warrior thinks the other person is beautiful and so forth. But, I didn't know if that was true in real life or if it was a friend thing.”

Shan couldn’t decide if the naiveté came from being overly sheltered, underlying social anxiety, or if Mirialan sexual development was simply slower. Whatever the cause, Karyna was quickly maturing into an extremely attractive princess of a major power. The inability to pick up on these kind of cues could result in a myriad of unfortunate outcomes. _Maybe, I should mention it to Barriss? Surely, she’s noticed?_ Shan responded gently, “In this case, your books got it right.”

The girl seemed pleased by the answer and smiled with childlike satisfaction.

Rex fixed her with an intent gaze. “What about the ball?”

“Oh.” Karyna's eyes darted around. “I said I'd go.”

He grunted. “No wonder he looked way too happy for his own good.” The man frowned. “I may need to have a little talk with him.”

Karyna stiffened. “Uh, why?”

Shan snorted. “Ignore your Uncle Rex, my dear. I’m impressed. Not many princesses go to balls with common soldiers. Especially, not ones like Jungi.”

Her nose scrunched. “What do you mean?”

 _Fascinating._ Pushing away the stray thoughts, Shan smiled. “Not important. I expected no less. You always see people’s worth properly. I’m sure you’ll have fun.”

A new voice interjected, “Who's having fun?” Ahsoka strode in. “And, is there a reason you both are standing in an empty room with my niece, when you’re supposed to be meeting with me across the hall? Don’t tell me you took a wrong turn. The operations center hasn’t changed locations.”

Rex’s face turned shrewd. “We got distracted. Our princess has made her first conquest.”

Ahsoka’s brow furrowed. “What?”

Shan could practically feel Karyna’s awkward anxiety. “Bravo company is having a ball.” Moving behind her, she put hands on the small shoulders. “Apparently, Karyna has agreed to go with one of the soldiers in Caam’s squad.”

The smile froze on Ahsoka’s face. “Um, _which_ soldier?”

Shan nudged her and Karyna stuttered out, “J-J-Jungi.”

Ahsoka released a breath. “Thank the Force it’s not Hux. We would have had serious issues, my dear.” Then, her expression turned intense. “Still, I’ll need to have a small discussion with him.”

“Don’t you dare!” Karyna lifted pleading eyes to Shan.

The woman sighed. “Ahsoka…”

“What?” she replied defensively. “I’ll be nice!”

Shan fixed her with a disbelieving stare. “How about we wait until Barriss gets back, before doing anything rash?”

“I can handle this without my wife, thank you very much,” Ahsoka grumbled.

Rex put in grimly, “Oh, I can take care of it right now.”

Karyna gave a little cry. “Please, _please_ don’t make this weird.”

Ahsoka’s eyes softened. “Alright, my mushroom, we’ll do our best. But, someone has to talk to him, so get used to the idea.”

A petulant lip stuck out. “I’m not a child!”

Shan kissed the top of her head. “It has nothing to do with age, my dear. It doesn’t matter if you’re fourteen or forty, you’d never get out of it. Ask Sabine or Leia, if you don’t believe me. Your family is incapable of not intervening in some fashion. The best option is to try to limit the damage.”

Ahsoka glared. “Don’t you have a castle to protect or something?”

“Currently, I’m protecting one of my royal charges,” she replied airily.

Karyna flashed a triumphant grin at Ahsoka and pressed herself closer to Shan.

Trying not to laugh, Shan added, “Seriously, Ahsoka. It will be fine. Our princess chose wisely. Jungi is a good sort. I’ve been assessing the newly deployed soldiers and he’s got a lot of promise as a royal guard, if we can shore up his skill level in a couple of areas. His protective instincts are high.”

The girl looked up. “Really?” A satisfied smile spread across the adorable face. “I told him he was better than he thought.”

Shan grinned down at her. “You keep telling him that, my dear. He just needs a bit of confidence and some inspiration.”

Karyna’s expression filled with determination. “I’ll make it happen, somehow.”

Rex laughed heartily. “I have no doubt.”

Returning her gaze to Ahsoka, Shan raised eyebrows. “Soooo, we’re agreed on the plan, then?”

The woman tossed hands in the air. “Fine! Barriss it is! Why should anyone listen to me? I’m only in charge around here.”

Rex smirked. “Does Barriss know that?”

That got him a death glare. Moving to Karyna, Ahsoka crouched down to her height with an endearing grin. “I promise it’ll be alright. We won’t give Jungi too hard of a time. I like him. Now, give me a hug, my adorable heartbreaker.”

Karyna’s frown turned into a reluctant smile and she wrapped arms around Ahsoka’s neck. “Ok.”

_______

“No!” Ezra shuddered on his bed roll, blinding explosions still flashing through his jumbled mind.

Hands gripped his face as an insistent voice came, “Ezra. You’re awake now. Everything is fine.”

Slowly honing in on the comforting sound, the woman he loved materialized. “Ka-tooni?”

Thumbs rubbed over his cheeks. “Yes, I’m right here. Focus on me, ok?”

He numbly obeyed instructions and found himself gazing into concerned, aqua eyes. Sitting up, Ezra leaned forward into her chest. “I’m sorry.”

Her arms wrapped around him. “Why are you sorry?”

 _For not saving your husband. For you being unhappy._ “I woke you up and worried you,” he mumbled.

Katooni exhaled. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care about that. I only want to make sure you’re ok. Are you?”

“Yep.” He leaned back, trying a cocky grin. “Never better. Just a bad dream.”

“No way I’m accepting that answer, Bridger.” She left her hands laying on his shoulders and fixed a stern expression.

Ezra’s focus shifted to her chin. “I’m fine, really.”

There was silence for a moment and then a soft voice replied, “You don’t have to tell me the details, but I do need to know why you don’t want to.”

His eyes jumped to hers and saw sincere worry. Wincing at being the cause, he muttered, “It was only a nightmare. I rarely have them. Not sure why one happened tonight.”

Her fingers tightened on his shoulders. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

Frustration rising, Ezra ground out, “It will upset you.”

“As I thought.” Locking intensely on him, Katooni continued, “I don’t care if you think it will send me into a meltdown. If you’re upset I want to know about it. I am _not_ a delicate flower you need to protect, Ezra Bridger.”

He gaped. “That’s not what I meant!”

She quirked an eyebrow. “It most certainly is. You don’t want to tell me something you think I will find upsetting. Why? You think you need to protect me from anything unpleasant. That’s not life. I can handle it.”

“You shouldn’t have to! It’s my issue and I should be able to handle it without upsetting you.”

“No, no, no!” she cried. “Is that what you think about my issues? Should I stop telling you when I’m having a problem?”

 _No, I’m supposed to be strong enough for both of us._ Ezra clenched his jaw. “That’s different. It’s my job to—” He winced, realizing how that sounded.

“I see. It’s ok for you to take on both of our issues, because it’s your job. It’s not my job to help you in return. What you’re saying is we’re not really friends.” Her voice broke painfully. “I’m simply your… obligation.”

Panic rising, Ezra tried to clean up his mess. “No, please. I’m sorry. I can’t explain myself properly. Don’t think that. I need you, as well.” _I love you. All I want to do is take care of you. I need you to think you can depend on me. Can’t you see that?_

Katooni stared at him impassively. “If that’s true, then tell me about your dream.”

Realizing there was no other choice now, he stared at the ground. “It was about Lux dying, ok? Satisfied?”

The hands lifted off his shoulders and spread across both sides of Ezra’s face, lifting it back up. “Yes.”

Eyes shooting back to hers, he didn’t see misery or pain. There was only sadness and concern. “Oh.”

Fingers moved gently across his cheeks. “You still blame yourself, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “Maybe a little. I know it’s not my fault, but the feeling still comes sometimes.” _It probably doesn’t help that I’m hoping to win his wife’s heart._

“Ok, I understand. It’s not something we can solve tonight, but we’re going to work on it. Together. Got it?”

Ezra fell into the mesmerizing gaze and knew he would agree to anything and everything at this moment. “Yes, ma’am.”

She smiled and kissed his forehead. “Thank you for trusting me.”

His emotions swung higher and he slid arms around her. “Thanks for reminding me that I could. I’m sorry. Sometimes, I overdo it, I guess.”

Katooni murmured, “That’s what makes you so special.”

His heart soared and he desperately wanted to push his luck. “Will you stay with me the rest of the night?” Cringing at the awkward and hasty words, Ezra opened his mouth to fix the idiocy.

Before he could formulate something, she answered quietly, “Of course.”

Now, Ezra was floating somewhere high above the trees, gliding along an ethereal night with a gentle breeze guiding him ever higher. Unwilling to risk speaking, he simply pulled her down sideways on his bedroll, so they were facing each other.

She pressed a warm body into his, tucking her face into Ezra’s neck with what sounded like a content sigh.

He reveled in the feel of the soft skin against his own. _Gods, she smells like juniper trees._ Ezra angled his chin to rest on top of her tendrils, emotions hovering between jittery excitement and unreal happiness.

Fingertips trailed over the scar on Ezra’s bare shoulder, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Anytime you want,” she whispered.

Tightening his arms around her, he didn’t even bother to contemplate the meaning of any of it. Ezra Bridger was currently existing in a perfect state of being and absolutely nothing was going to interfere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think we have some clear winners here.


	71. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always: Both a descriptor and a promise.

“Whadda we got here, boys? Looks like Hondo’s little pet done returned to the nest.” The hulking pirate placed a hand over his heart. “It’s touchin’. Bad timin’, too. You ain’t gonna be round to save his worthless carcass this time, missy.”

Katooni quirked an eyebrow and then promptly sent her dagger flying into the guffawing chest. His eyes bulged as he hit the floor. Flipping around, she growled and waved Ezra’s sword at the remaining attackers. “Don’t tempt me, squeedos.”

The three Weequay eyed her for a moment and then took off.

Exhaling with relief, she knelt between the two men on the ground. “Ezra! Hondo! Are you ok?”

Hondo’s eyes creaked open. “Fine, fine, youngling. Your brave friend deflected the dastardly blow.”

Katooni was barely listening as she stripped Ezra’s light armor and saw the copious amounts of blood seeping from his upper chest. _No._ “Hondo, get up. I need you. They might be back with help. We have to move now.”

“Argh… alright, bossy girl.” The man moaned and struggled to his feet.

Katooni attached Ezra’s sword to her waist and put one arm under him. Looking up, she gave Hondo a meaningful look.

Patting her tendrils with his version of a fatherly smile, he took Ezra’s other side and they carried him from the warehouse.

_______

Katooni finished wrapping Ezra’s chest, anxiety still simmering. She’d done all she could. Now, it was up to him. _Don’t you dare die on me._

Fingers gripped her shoulder. “He’ll be fine, my little pirate. This one is strong. Listen to your Uncle Hondo. He knows these things.”

She rolled her eyes, but somehow felt comforted. “How exactly did you get yourself into this situation?” Holding up a hand, she continued, “No, wait. Don’t tell me. It’s always the same. You trusted your men and they betrayed you. Again.”

“As if I would let those puny-brained pirates get the better of me! I am in charge for a reason, impertinist girl.”

“I believe impertinent is the word you’re looking for,” she commented dryly.

The man waved a casual hand. “That is what I said.” He examined his fingernails and then brushed them across his flamboyant waistcoat. “It was only a small, erm, disagreement over the profits of a rather lucrative shipment of spice.”

Katooni sighed. “Nevermind. It’s clear they cleaned you out. I guess that means my item is gone, as well?”

He shook his head mournfully. “Years of sacrifice for my youngling and _this_ is the appreciation I get. No faith in me!” Eyes glinting, Hondo whipped something out of his pocket with flourish.

She stared at the tiny carving for several moments, blinking back tears. _It is. I can’t believe it._ The woman planted a kiss on his cheek with a soft, “Thanks.”

A rasping laugh echoed across the tiny room. “Yes, yes. If I were you, I would kiss Hondo too.”

Feeling a bit like the child she once was, Katooni flashed a cheeky grin and took the object from his hand. “You know very well I always had faith in you.”

He winked. “And, Hondo always had faith in you, too.”

_______

Everyone sprang up from their tables to immediate attention.

Caam couldn’t keep her eyes front. They repeatedly darted over to the woman who had just entered the mess hall. _Maybe, she’s come to visit me finally?_

Barriss chatted with the duty sergeant and then he pointed in her direction. The excitement increased. It had been forever since they'd spent real time together. Even at the lunch for Ezra and Katooni, Barriss had barely spoken to her. When Caam came to the castle, the woman always seemed to be away. Unlike the rest of the family, she hadn’t tried to visit her. _Not even once._

She struggled to remain at attention as the man led Barriss over to their table. _Maybe, Ahsoka told her I said it was ok to come, now?_ Caam suppressed a happy grin at the thought.  

Upon reaching them, the sergeant barked, “Jungi! The queen wishes to speak with you. Hop to.”

 _What?_ Her eyes jerked to Barriss, who was surveying the group. The gaze passed over Caam, but showed no sign of recognition or greeting. It just moved on, like she was simply another soldier to be assessed. Hurt pierced her heart and Caam dug nails into her palms.

Jungi sputtered, “Uh, yes sir. Coming, sir!” He stumbled from behind his chair and followed them out.

Her squadmates began buzzing with excitement, but Caam didn’t hear any of it. _She doesn’t want to see me. She’s… given me up. No._

Caam leapt from the table and fled the mess hall as tears burned down her face.

_______

“It sounds like things are getting close to a resolution in there,” Leia commented as they walked into the small sitting room provided to Obi-Wan for breaks in the negotiations.

The man settled into an armchair by the fire. “I do believe so, my dear. All major points of contention have been settled. The few remaining issues should be fairly painless to wrap up.” He smiled wanly. “Then again, I said that once during the Malastarian Civil War and ended up with an armed escort from the kingdom.”

Leia grimaced. “Let’s keep a little optimism here.”

He chuckled. “As you command, my lady.”

Waving a regal hand, she poured out two glasses of Corasian nectar. “Excellent, my good sir.” The woman handed him a drink and squeezed his shoulder. “In all seriousness, I am very grateful.”

Obi-Wan took a sip with a mischievous twinkle. “Anything for my unofficially favorite grand-something.”

She smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Thanks.” Sitting in the chair across from him, the woman stared at the crackling fire, feeling sudden vexation. “Though, if I was better at my job, it wouldn’t have been necessary.”

“Leia.”

She dragged her gaze to his. “Yes?”

“Tell me, do you believe in the concept of perfection?”

Her eyebrows rose. “Uh, I have to say I’ve never had occasion to consider such a critical life question.”

Obi-Wan grinned. “And, if you did?”

Leia sighed. “What are you trying to say?”

“Just answer the question, my dear,” he replied dryly.

“Very well, _Grandmaster_ Kenobi, I shall attempt your esoteric thought exercise,” she responded with equal levels of dryness.

He laughed. “What that title is supposed to mean I still have no clue, but Ahsoka and Barriss were insistent.”

Her eyes rolled skyward. “You know very well what a grandmaster title conveys at court and abroad. Just as you know where you’re going with this question you’ve offered oh so innocently. Lucky for you, I never refuse a challenge from a grandmaster.”

Obi-Wan lifted a snarky eyebrow. “Was there an answer in there somewhere?”

Shooting a small glare, she contemplated. “I suppose perfection is to be without flaw. In practice, it’s something we work toward, but never completely reach.”

“So, you believe it does actually exist, at least conceptually?”

She pursed lips. “You disagree?”

Obi-Wan shrugged. “I have seen many things in this world, Leia. Do you know what it’s taught me? Perfection is a truth that lies in the eye of the beholder. One person’s flaw is another’s virtue.”

The woman rubbed a finger across her chin for a moment. “Perhaps. Still, there are objective principles to reach for in life.”

“Your principles,” he remarked wryly. “Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” Obi-Wan took a deep breath, before continuing, “I believe utterly and completely that I failed your birth father. If I hadn’t fallen into grief and withdrawal after his mother’s death, leaving him practically on his own and susceptible to Palpatine’s influence, things could have been different. Do you agree?”

“Absolutely not.” Her mouth tightened. “He made his own choices.”

“That may be, but it doesn’t change my role in events. Anakin is merely one example. My choices all those years ago failed my entire family one way or the other. It is a truth to me. Obi-Wan Kenobi’s version of perfection includes never repeating those mistakes. It’s a cardinal principle I try to follow to this day. I daresay your approach is radically different. If our ideal principles only exist in our minds, how can they be objective? Working toward some personal concept of perfection is fine, as long as you realize it’s not real. Measuring yourself against a false standard is not a measurement at all.”

She frowned. “But, there are standards. Success is not failure.”

“Define success.”

 _This is a trap and I’m walking right into it. I know it._ Leia answered carefully, “Reaching your goal, I suppose.”

A triumphant grin flashed. “Indeed. And, what was your goal for the situation we find ourselves in now?”

“To resolve the—” the woman broke off in annoyance. “Fine. I concede the point. I found another way to achieve success.” She massaged her temples. “It’s just that I…”

“Wanted to do it yourself,” he finished the thought. “As if not doing so makes you less capable or talented.” His entire presence radiated quiet intensity. “Great leaders solve problems. Whether they solve it personally or persuade others to use their skills is irrelevant to the end result. If you’re looking for an objective fact, the only one you’ll find is that you accomplished the goal you set for yourself, darling girl.”

Leia smiled softly. “Perhaps, I've just set another.” Rising from her seat, she knelt down and wrapped arms around his neck. “One day, I'll be as wise as my unofficially favorite grand-something.”

Obi-Wan kissed her forehead. “When you get there, you'll realize you always were.”

_______

Caam laid on her bunk and stared at the ceiling, struggling to keep more tears at bay. _Why? Did I do something wrong?_

“Hey, where did you run off to? You missed afternoon exercises. Everyone decided you must have been kidnapped. Caam Secura missing a chance to train is like another reality.”

She shifted her gaze to Thatcher as the young woman wandered into their shared quarters. “Oh, uh, I didn’t feel good.”

Her friend leaned over her. “Hmm, you do look a bit more sky blue than turquoise today.”

Caam snorted. “Really? That’s your best bedside manner?”

She laughed and bent further down, so their faces were only inches apart. “What would you prefer?”

Spotting a chance to steer her mood in a more pleasant direction, Caam lifted her head and pressed lips against Thatcher’s particularly beautiful ones. “Feeling better already.”

Thatcher smiled puckishly and sat beside her. “Why exactly did we stop seeing each other this last time?” A slender hand flitted over Caam’s cheek. “Seems inexplicable at this moment.”

She raised eyebrows. “I do believe you preferred the company of that overly muscled, mouth breather from Delta.”

“Mmm…” Svelte fingers trailed down to her neck, leaving tingling goosebumps in their wake, as a sultry voice whispered, “Silly me.”

Caam’s sergeant had once called his wife truly magnificent and it had immediately made her think of Thatcher. The descriptor rang especially true right now. “I think you just can’t handle me,” she murmured as the teasing hand continued its path across her skin.

“You are dangerous,” the woman replied softly. Dipping her head, she dragged lips along Caam’s jawline. “I always did like playing with fire.”

She ran fingers through Thatcher’s silky locks of strawberry blonde hair. “You know it never works. We make it two weeks, before one of us ends up distracted. Usually you.” It was too bad, Caam often thought. They should have been perfect together, but there always seemed to be something missing.

Fingertips edged under the neckline of Caam’s tunic, circling just out of range of her now throbbing breasts, before a curvaceous mouth returned to hers. “But, what a two weeks it is.”

“Can’t argue with that.” The rush came and Caam pulled the grinning mouth against her own, afternoon misery forgotten completely. She fully intended to replace it with evening enjoyment. Unfortunately, it was not to be.

There was a cough from the doorway as their other bunkmate stomped extra loudly into the room. “Oh, don’t let me interrupt. I’m quite enjoying the show.”

They both glared at Jungi, but then broke into silly grins. Thatcher gave Caam one last kiss, before hopping up and crossing to her own bunk. “Next time, come back a bit slower, yeah?”

“What fun is that?” he quipped and began removing his armor.

Her body made clear its unhappiness at the lack of fulfillment and Caam slowed her breathing, forcing the pulsing muscles to relax. After a few moments, her rebellious body calmed. _Gods, I can’t wait to be done with this stupid stage. Assuming I survive it, anyway._ Sitting up, she asked, “Since when do you attend extra training exercises, anyway?”

“Hey now!” Jungi protested. “You think I don’t have life goals?”

She stared. “No, you’re the one who says that.”

Thatcher snorted and dug a buffing cloth out of her storage chest. “On a regular basis, Jung.”

There was a grimace. “Ok, fair point. Lately, I’ve been thinking I should give things a go and see how it works. Besides, Karyna says Captain Shan thinks I have promise,” he proclaimed proudly. “No way I’m disappointing two beautiful ladies.”

Caam smiled. With only a few conversations and one promised ball, Karyna had transformed her squadmate. Skills Caam never knew he had seemed to appear daily. She hadn’t realized Jungi needed someone to show faith in him, until seeing the results. _You should know this, Secura. Where would you be if Barriss hadn’t seen something in you?_ The thought brought the misery crashing back. _Maybe, she doesn’t anymore._ “So, uh, what did the queen want?”

Jungi licked his lips. “It was about taking Karyna to the ball.” His normally pale face whitened further. “Basically, I got the strongly conveyed impression that being anything other than a perfect gentleman would not be a good choice. It wasn’t what she said as much as how she said it. I thought the sovereign was intimidating, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never been that scared in my entire life.”

She would have laughed if it hadn’t been too painful. Barriss came for Karyna, not for her. _Of course. That’s her child. Not you. Not anymore._ “Well, guess you’d better be on best behavior.” She added a weak chuckle.

Thatcher glanced over at her. “Are you ok? Still not feeling well?”

Caam jumped up. “Yeah, maybe I need some air. I’ll just go for a walk.” She jogged out the door, before either of them could get a word out.

_______

“I want the fastest delivery possible, Hondo,” she stated shrewdly.

The man slapped a hand to his chest with a wounded expression. “You think I would _skimp_ on an urgent message to save my favorite little pirate’s warrior?”

Katooni lifted an eyebrow. “Yes.”

He shrugged. “Eh, depends on my mood. Today, you are in luck! I am your giving Uncle Hondo.”

She kissed his cheek. “Lucky me. Now, get it done, please.” The woman knew she was going to need help, one way or the other. The faster it got here, the better Katooni would feel.

Hondo assessed her for a moment. “Have you told your warrior how you feel about him?”

Her eyes shot to the far side of the room. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You can not fool me, youngling. I know love when I see it.”

Rubbing thumbs over her fingers, she shifted attention back to him. “Fine. Yes, I love him. But, that doesn’t mean he loves me. Why would he?”

Flailing arms circled the air. “Why wouldn’t he?! You are quite the catch! Listen to your Uncle Hondo on this. Do not be afraid of getting what you want. That is what life is all about.”

Katooni rolled her eyes. “Not everyone spends their entire lives trying to make themselves happy, you know.”

Waving a dismissive hand, the man declared, “Of course, they do! I want different things than you, yes. But, it is all the same. I am just not afraid to go out and get mine.”

She considered the idea. “And, what happens when you don’t get it?”

He let out a hearty laugh. “Then, I don’t! I try again or I move on to the next thing I want. You overcomplicate things, youngling.”

Katooni couldn’t help a chuckle. “Sometimes, Hondo, your strange wisdom still surprises me.”

“Finally! Recognition!” A genuine smile flashed and he kissed her tendrils. “Listen to your Uncle Hondo and go get what you want. Be happy.”

She gazed up at him, small grin forming. “I’ll consider it.”

_______

Caam wandered around the grounds vacantly. Realizing she had crossed into the royal woods, the girl continued to the hidden path that led to the castle. Soldiers weren’t allowed here, but she didn’t care.

She picked her way along familiar trees as happy memories flooded her mind. Images of Barriss laughing at her jokes, listening to her problems, running magic fingers over her face came and went. Caam desperately wanted that to be her life again. She wasn’t sure if it was a new feeling or had always been there.

 _You’re supposed to be an adult now, remember? You don’t need someone taking care of you anymore._ Despite the rational argument, the misery increased. _I want to go back. Back to when I was still hers._

As the girl rounded the bend that led to her favorite spot, Caam came to a halt. Barriss was crunched up on their rock, head pressed into her knees. She thought about running away, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not while Barriss was right here. _Just say hi, at least._ “Uh, hey.”

The woman jolted up, face wet with tears. She wiped them away and smiled weakly. “Hey you.”

Hovering uncertainly, Caam tried to decide what to do now. When she saw the red-rimmed eyes, her feet began moving and stopped in front of Barriss. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, don’t worry. I’m fine.” She hesitated and then held out a hand.

Caam automatically took it and sat down on their rock. Her nerves pinged, but she needed Barriss to be ok. “That’s not true. You’re upset. I know we’re not… like we were. But, I don’t want you to be sad. Can’t I still help or something?”

A confused face probed hers for a moment and then horror filled it. “You think I don’t care about you anymore, don’t you?”

Looking down, the girl shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Oh Gods, Caam. No!” Hands gripped her face and dragged it up to intense eyes. “I was only trying to—” She took a deep breath. “I love you. I’ll always love you.”

Her emotions swung and anger burst out of its deep prison. “No, you don’t! You never visit me. When I come to the castle, you don’t try to talk to me for real. Usually, you’re gone, as if you can’t be bothered to be there when I am. You act like I don’t exist!” Tears burned her eyes. “You didn’t even come to see me, when I got deployed. Then, you finally showed up today just to see Jungi! Not me!”

The woman’s chest heaved with ragged breaths. “Please, it’s not—I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what was best. Ahsoka said visiting would make things difficult for you.”

She jerked herself out of Barriss’ grip and turned away from her. “That’s what everyone says. Well, maybe, I’m the one who knows what’s best for me. Did anyone think of that?! Besides, you didn't even try! No one else gave me up. Only you!” Knowing she was losing control, Caam rushed out a desperate plea, “If I quit the army and came home, would everything be ok? I mean, could we—would you want me again?”

There was a strangled cry in response.

The girl twisted her head back and saw an expression on Barriss’ face she’d never seen. It looked like… panic. “Barriss?”

There was nothing but erratic breathing in response.

 _She’s freaking out or something. What have I done?_ Caam shifted around to face her. “I’m sorry. Are you ok?”

The woman began to shake and her eyes fluctuated between live panic and cold vacancy.

Her own panic rising, she started rambling, “Please, be ok. What do I do? Please, Barriss! I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry!” The girl scanned around for help, but there was none, of course. “Should I go get someone? How do I fix this?” Caam’s voice pitched louder and higher. “Barriss, are you hearing me? Please, I don’t—”

Two hands grabbed her face and there was a barely audible wheeze, “Ok… trying…”

Getting a response along with the comforting feel of familiar fingers on her skin calmed Caam’s ricocheting thoughts. A surge of confidence quickly followed. _I can handle this. Ok, the best way to help is…_ Fire eyes flashed into her mind and Caam’s heart soared. Meeting the panicked eyes, she stated, “Don’t worry. I’m right here, ok? Everything is going to be alright.”

A strained voice rasped, “Stay…”

She put hands over the ones holding on to her face, not breaking their contact. “I'm not going anywhere. Promise.”

The chaotic gaze locked on hers, gradually focusing. After a few moments, the gasping stopped and the breaths began to slow. Finally, her eyes sharpened and looked normal again.

Caam sagged with relief. “You’re ok now, right?”

The woman twisted her fingers into Caam’s and whispered, “As long as I have you.” She sucked in a hard breath and then lowered their interlocked hands onto her lap. “Thank you for helping me. I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just glad you are. What was that?”

“It's difficult to explain.” Her expression turned distant. “I sometimes have moments when my mind feels out of control. It makes me panic. If I have someone to focus on, it’s easier to ground myself. Ahsoka usually helps me. When I was younger, it happened quite often. Now, I’m better at managing things. I can typically stop it, before it starts.”

“What, uh, causes it?”

Barriss shrugged. “Hard to say. I think it’s related to when I fail, though.”

Scrunching her face, Caam asked, “So, why did it happen now?”

Fingers tightened around hers. “Because, I’ve made a huge mistake and I almost lost you. I hope it’s almost, anyway. I can still fix it, right? You’ll let me fix this?”

She stared. “Huh?”

“Caam, I love you very much. Please, believe me. You were right. I did what I thought was best for both of us without asking you and it was a terrible choice. But, it wasn’t because I don’t want you. It was because I do. You’re one of the most important things in my life. Why do you think I’m here? I visit our rock, whenever I’m home.”

Tentative happiness started to creep in. “Are you saying you come here, cuz you miss me?”

She smiled softly. “Yes, very much. And, I guess I was hoping you might show up one day. If you did, it might mean you were ready for me to be a part of your life again. It was stupid, wasn’t it?”

Caam gaped. “Um, yeah. That makes no sense. Just cuz you thought you shouldn’t visit me doesn’t mean I didn’t want you anymore!”

The woman winced. “I know. It was more that you needed to find your way, apart from me. I didn't want you to depend on me so much that you couldn't become your own person. Obviously, I couldn't figure out how to do it properly.”

Trying to work through the idea, Caam replied slowly, “But, couldn’t you have been there some? If you wanted me to do things myself and such, that’s fine. A little bit of help would have been ok, though. Or, if you just wanted to go for a walk sometimes, I would’ve been happy.”

Barriss grimaced. “Yes, that’s what I should have done. Sometimes, when I can’t handle things, I overcompensate. In my head, I’m always supposed to be there for you. Then, all of a sudden, I couldn’t be. With you, I can’t do halfway, I guess. Plus, I think I was…”

Caam squeezed the woman’s hands. “You were what?”

“Afraid,” she answered quietly. “I wanted you to be happy and become who you’re meant to be. But, I wasn’t sure how to give you space to do so and still be a part of your life. The line wasn’t clear and I was terrified of messing everything up for you. It seemed like never risking crossing it at all would be better. When I get scared, I make stupid decisions that hurt people. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was trying not to.” Her expression twisted painfully. “I don’t know what I was thinking, really. I only know I miss you terribly.”

Joy swelled and Caam leaned into her chest. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Arms wrapped around her as Barriss exhaled deeply. “Gods, I’m sorry. It’s apparently impossible for me to let you go, even for your own good. You are my child and you always will be.”

She smiled, happy completeness settling back into its familiar place. “Good. Cuz that’s what I want.”

Lips kissed her lekku. “I love you _so_ much, Caam. Please, remember that. You have to tell me if I’m ever messing things up for us again. I need you to be here, too. Promise?”

Pressing herself into the embrace, she murmured, “Always.”

_______

Katooni ran a damp cloth over Ezra’s forehead, trying to keep the fear in check. It had been creeping into her soul hour by hour. The man had only regained minimal consciousness and hadn’t spoken with anything approaching clarity. After Hondo had left Florrum to chase after his next big deal, her mental state had worsened. Apparently, being alone wasn’t something she could handle right now. Even if her only company was Hondo.

She trailed fingers over an ashen cheek. “Please, Ezra. Don’t you leave me, too.” Rubbing her face, Katooni leapt up and began pacing. “Look at me. I used to be able to tend sickbeds like a professional. Now, I’m falling apart.” A hollow laugh choked out as her mind spun into memories. “Maybe, that’s what happens when you lose someone who was your world.”

Raucous yells from the tavern below floated up and Katooni stood by the door, listening. Satisfied no one was wandering the hallway, she slumped against the wall. “I never thought I’d find love, you know. I didn’t even have friends. Then, Lux came along. He was patient and kind. His constant support gave me confidence in myself. I didn’t understand my feelings for the longest time. Eventually, with a little push from Barriss, I realized what it all meant. And, for a while, I was happier than I’d ever dreamed. Of course, no dream lasts forever…”

Wiping away tears, she returned to her seat and slid forward to lean over him. “After I lost Lux, I never thought it would happen again. I didn’t want it to happen again. The idea of losing someone else was too much. Despite my entire world crashing around me, I was determined to carry on for Mina. Then, one day, I realized I was no longer doing it only for her. I was doing it for me, as well. I actually could move forward. I’d always love Lux, but I would live my life, like he wanted. I didn’t quite understand what living again meant. I just knew I needed to do it.”

Katooni laid the back of her hand on Ezra’s cheek, thumb drifting across his chin. “Now, here we are. Somewhere in this long and difficult process, I’ve let it happen again after all.” Kissing his forehead, she whispered, “Because, I love you.” Tears fell on his clammy skin and she gently brushed them away. “Which is crazy. I’m nothing like you deserve.”

Continuing to roll fingers over his face, the woman smiled softly. "It took me a long time to see what was in front of me, but I've finally come to my senses. Ezra Bridger, I love you. Not because you were Lux’s friend or because you’ve kept my loneliness at bay. You’re not a replacement for what was lost. You’re different, but equally special. I love you, because you’re… you. And, I always will.”

Pressing a forehead against his cheek, she murmured, “Stay with me. Please.” The tears came once more and Katooni simply let them fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... it’s been a few chapters since I rambled, so I figured why deprive you any longer? Nope. I know what you’re thinking, but you do need Gabby’s rambling in your life. Stop thinking otherwise. I said stop!  
> \--Clearly, Barriss understands the dangers of Caam being too dependent on her, but seems unable to manage it effectively. As is her constant struggle, fear of failure (especially of hurting someone she loves) sends her into withdrawal tailspin… which results in exactly what she’s trying to avoid. To be fair, it’s been a while since we've seen that Barriss. Interesting that Caam brings it out the most in her these days. The three--for lack of a better term--'panic attacks' she has had (that we've seen on page, anyway) have all been Caam-related. Food for thought... did it actually end up helping Caam indirectly? Did their relationship actually end up a bit more mature or stronger? Did it force Caam to consider the idea that she can do things on her own as well as reach out to other less-used sources (i.e. Aayla, Ahsoka...) for support?  
> \--The Caam age of decision drama goes on. The poor girl is struggling. It's like getting all of your years of teenage angst and development squashed into one massive dose. It's a wonder she isn't running around like a maniac by this point.  
> \--We haven't gotten a lot of Thatcher, so far, but she's referred to often. Here we get a better sense of their on again/off again relationship. Clearly, they've got a bit of a magnetic physical attraction. Of course, Caam tends to hold people (even those she cares about) at arm's length, except for her family. Even with them, there are clearly family she opens up to more than others. Depending on people emotionally isn’t exactly her strong suit for understandable reasons. More food for thought… Does Caam find something missing with Thatcher, because she avoids connecting at a deeper level, because Thatcher isn't Karyna, because they just aren’t emotionally compatible, or some other reason?  
> \--Leia and Obi-Wan was a lovely scene for me, despite the rather mundane nature of it. There aren't sweeping changes or exciting action here. It's just two people talking. The older wiser “grandfather/master” relaying wisdom in a way that’s understandable to the younger generation. Obi-Wan learned long ago what his priority was. Leia is just starting out in life with the same 'workaholic' attitude, albeit for maybe different reasons. The effects may be the same, though. In any case, there are very few characters that can pull off a boring discussion of a philosophical concept. Obi-Wan and Leia totally can.  
> \--And, of course, the Katooni/Ezra saga continues. Though, in this chapter, I might term it the Katooni & Hondo permutation. We have family relationships all over this chapter (well, all over this work for that matter) and this one is no different. I like the idea that Hondo’s unconventional logic/approach can be very effective on Katooni.


	72. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connection: We crave it, but so rarely find it.

There was something stabbing his chest. _Wait. You actually were stabbed, Bridger. Remember? Ok, you’re still alive. That’s good. At least, I think you are._

Moving his arms to verify, he realized something warm was pressing on one of them. Opening eyes, he directed them down and sucked in a breath.

Katooni was contorted half in a chair and half on the bed with her head pressed into the crook of his arm, fingers intertwined with his.

As he gazed at the captivating face, incredible longing surfaced. Lifting his other hand, he laid it on her cheek. She didn’t awaken at the touch. Almost with a mind of their own, his fingers roved across cinnamon skin and exquisite joy began to tip into his heart.

There was a sleepy murmur, “Mmm…”

Halting his movements, he waited. The woman still didn’t stir.

“... love… you.”

Apparently, she was dreaming. _Did Lux used to do this? Probably. If I were him, I would have. Any chance I got. I should stop. I’m not Lux._ He let his hand fall away and blinked back tears.

“Don’t leave me…”

His eyes swerved back to her, but there was no sign she was awake. The pain in her voice made him ache. Ezra couldn’t bear it and there was nothing he could do about it.

Then, one more raspy word came, “… Ezra.”

His mind zoomed into a tunnel, things flying past at unreal speeds. _What is—does that—did I hear my—is she…_ He couldn’t even complete a thought. Stuck somewhere between delusional hope and unreal madness, he clumsily jostled her. “Hey. I’m awake.”

Aqua eyes flipped into view and Katooni jolted up. “Ezra! Are you ok?” She immediately began examining his chest. “How are you feeling?”

Doubt began to creep in. _Did I imagine my name? Maybe, that doesn’t mean what I want it to?_ His resolve seesawed. _No. Not this time. You survived. That’s gotta be a sign, right? And, no way you’re gonna risk dying without finding out. Have faith._  Yes, Ezra Bridger was done waiting. Grinning brightly, he remarked, “I’m near perfection, my lady.”

Katooni looked up as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Gods, I was so worried.” Lips pressed against his forehead for a long moment. An intense face lifted and fixed on him. “Never do this to me again.”

Confidence now bursting through the seams, Ezra raised fingers to her cheek and caressed it. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

The hand still laying on his chest began to tremble as Katooni gazed down at him. “Is that a promise?”

“Oh, it is so much more,” he replied quietly. The man added a jaunty grin. “I told you. Ezra Bridger, soldier of destiny, is currently employing maximum effort to deliver only the highest quality results for his lady.”

She blinked several times with an unreadable expression, but then a slight smile appeared. “Technically, you half told me.”

“Hmm, true.” He trailed fingers across her nose, twisting them over smooth skin. _Please, let this be the right choice. Please._ Ezra anchored to her eyes and released the pent up emotions, hoping love was etched across his face. “I want to tell you the second reason you inspire me to go above and beyond now.” His heart pounded as he asked intently, “Are you ok with that?”

There was a sharp breath and then Katooni’s face cycled through a range of emotions. Finally, a soft voice replied, “I’m so much more than ok with that.”

Raw feelings he couldn’t begin to process caused his entire body to jitter. Channeling every shred of energy into maintaining composure, Ezra slid a hand behind her head. He guided it down, until their lips were nearly touching and whispered, “I am always at my best, when I’m with the woman I love.”

Her mouth curved into a happy smile and then pressed against his.

_______

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Ahsoka, I love you, but we’ll be in Florrum tomorrow. This might be our last chance for a meal that doesn’t move on it’s own. I’d prefer it to be edible.”

She glared at her wife and crossed petulant arms.

Aayla snorted. “Thank the Force. I’ve already experienced more of Ahsoka’s gourmet skills than I can handle for one lifetime.”

Switching her glare, Ahsoka retorted, “One would think a woman who spent years surviving on prison gruel would be grateful for any meal provided to her.”

Hazel eyes glinted mischievously. “Perhaps, that should tell you something about your cooking.”

Throwing hands in the air, Ahsoka grabbed her swords. “Fine! I’ll hunt down dinner. Barriss will cook it. What exactly will you be doing, _Master_ Secura?”

“Providing supportive and inspiring commentary,” Aayla replied innocently. “If you like, I can even throw in a vague Jedi proverb or two as we go.”

Barriss laughed. “Better than the unsolicited culinary tips I usually get.” A half adoring, half annoyed gaze fixed on Ahsoka. “Assuming someone isn’t too busy rearranging my carefully organized cooking supplies, anyway.”

Edges of her mouth twitching, Ahsoka opened it to respond, when an insistent buzzing flooded her mind. Stiffening, she focused on the feeling, trying to locate the source.

Aayla stared. “Are you—”

“No, don’t interfere,” Barriss interrupted, contained worry underlying her tone, “but get ready to go.”

Ahsoka ignored the extraneous conversation and closed her eyes, trying to center. The answer finally came. _No._ Flipping her eyes open, she saw the two women standing with satchels over their shoulders. “We need to get to Florrum. Now.”

_______

Warmth spread across Katooni as Ezra’s lips moved over hers. _This is happening. He loves me._ The happiness was nearly overwhelming.

Abruptly, his body stiffened and Ezra broke away. A strange confusion passed over his face, followed by what looked like panicked realization.

At the same instant, Katooni heard distant screams and sounds of grinding metal.

A hand grabbed hers. “Get on top of me. Now.”

“Uh…”

“Katooni, listen to me,” he urged. “I need you close to protect you. Please.”

Responding to the fear in his voice, she obeyed instructions, shifting over Ezra and trying to avoid the chest injury.

“No, completely on top. Don’t mind the wound. We’ll deal with that problem later. Then, focus on my eyes.” Crashes and screams moved steadily closer. “Quickly!”

Wincing, she carefully flattened herself into his body and heard a responding gasp of pain. “Ezra, please tell me what’s happening.”

A strained voice replied, “I can’t explain everything now, but a near unstoppable enemy is coming. They sense movement, noise, and life itself. I have… a special skill that prevents them from seeing me. I’m going to try to extend that around you. For it to work, you have to stay absolutely silent and still. No matter what happens, don’t break our contact. Ok?”

Confusion and fear rising, she simply nodded.

He brushed lips over hers. “It’s going to be alright. Have faith in me.”

Returning the kiss, she murmured, “I trust you.”

Ezra smiled and then closed his eyes. His breathing slowed and a strange sensation flowed through Katooni. It felt like her entire being was aligning with everything around it. The terrible sounds became a distant ping and air rushed out of the vicinity, as if a bubble was forming around them.

The amethyst blue eyes reappeared and locked on hers. Drawn inexorably to the magnetic gaze, she fell into Ezra’s presence. Everything else seemed to dim around her. There was nothing but him. Everywhere. The feeling was… incredible.

After an indeterminate amount of time, she suddenly realized his face was scarlet, chest rising and falling erratically beneath her. _He’s losing it._ A hint of panic crept into their connection. _Do something. Help him._ Focusing on the centered feeling flowing between them, Katooni instinctively pushed outward, trying to provide strength she didn’t understand.

His eyes widened and then filled with relief. The heaving chest calmed and they were once again aligned. Only this time, she could feel them both floating in the connection, her essence intertwining with his. Ethereal perfection permeated her soul as they stared at each other in complete isolation.

She had no small regret when it began to fade. Then, the outside world returned and assaulted her senses. Shaking off the strange sadness at losing whatever she had just experienced, Katooni listened. The noises of destructive death had vanished and there was only a quiet rustle, as after the passing of a storm.

Ezra’s eyelids drooped and his breathing became shallow. A hoarse voice whispered, “I think we’re ok now.”

Pressing lips to his, she said, “Stay with me. I’m going to get us out of here.” Risking a quick glance around the room, the woman gasped. The walls were teetering, large chunks of stone were missing and outside light flooded through the gaps.

Creaking wood caught her attention. Looking up, Katooni realized too late what was happening.

Arms wrapped around her and jerked them both off the bed. They flew together across the room at an unreal speed.

Katooni twisted her head around. _Oh no._ Sharp, jutting edges of the partially collapsed stone wall were directly in their path. She spread her limbs outward, trying to protect the man behind her.

Ezra’s grip shifted and a forceful hand rose over them. Their momentum halted and they crashed to the floor in the corner of the room. He pressed Katooni to the ground, covering her body with his, as an entire building collapsed on top of them.

_______

Caleb rode up to the house with surprise.

Cham Syndulla was standing outside, gazing into the distant horizon. He pivoted around upon his approach. “Ah. I timed my arrival well.”

Sliding off his horse, Caleb commented, “I take it you're here to see me?”

“Yes. I need your help with Hera. I’ve been unable to convince her to return.”

He raised eyebrows. “And, that surprises you?”

Cham frowned. “Of course. I understand if she doesn’t wish to continue in a liaison role, given the restrictions I’ve placed on certain things. However, she can be of great assistance in many other areas of kingdom management. Unfortunately, my daughter is stubborn.”

Caleb snorted. “Wonder where she got that from?”

There was an icy glare. “Does this mean you will not assist me in persuading her?”

Meeting the intense gaze, he replied, “That’s exactly what it means. I can not encourage my wife to continue in an environment where her efforts are consistently undermined and disregarded.”

Cham’s skin darkened. “That is untrue. I respect her ideas and the work she does.”

“When it suits your purpose,” Caleb disputed flatly. “You only respect opinions and results that match your own views. You’re doing it right now. I’m telling you the problem and you are refusing to even consider my argument.”

His mouth set into a tight line with no response.

Caleb crossed his arms. “Why do you want her to come back, Cham? Others can do her job and will be less prone to challenging your decisions. So, why Hera?”

Cham looked out toward the setting sun in silence for several moments. Then, he replied softly, “She is my daughter.”

Contemplating the underlying meaning of the response, he grimaced. “It’s the only way you know how to connect with her, isn’t it? You think, without a joint goal together, your relationship will fall apart again.”

There was a sigh. “I only know I don’t want to lose her, Caleb.”

Stepping forward, he put a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Then, show her that. Because, you already are.”

Cham gazed at him and then gave a short nod. “I will… consider your advice.”

Caleb grinned. “Hey, that’s a good start. Tell Hera the same thing and you’ll be on your way.”

“You are possibly the most infuriating son-in-law on the planet,” he remarked crisply.

“Yep, it’s a gift.”

_______

Ahsoka approached the destroyed settlement with trepidation. Reaching the outskirts, she glanced around for signs of life. There was nothing, but disturbing silence.

Aayla murmured, “This looks just like…”

“Yes,” Ahsoka finished the thought.

Barriss was methodically scanning each demolished building. “I can’t sense anything from here.”

Letting out a long breath, Ahsoka leapt from her horse. “Alright, let’s spread out.”

The others followed her down the main thoroughfare, picking their way through large chunks of debris. Barriss moved to the center of the road. Closing her eyes, she stood motionless.

Ahsoka kept one eye on her as she sifted through rubble and called, “Ezra! Katooni! Can you hear me?” The process reminded her of too many terrible searches from the past and a shudder passed through her body.

After a few minutes, Aayla walked over. “This is ineffective. It could take days to search it all. And, we might still not find—” she broke off with her own shudder.

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Ahsoka murmured, “I know.” Looking back at her wife, she tried to decide whether to keep searching or wait. “Let’s do what we can, while Barriss does her thing. She’s quite skilled at pinpointing physical location. In the meantime, we might find other survivors. You never know.”

“Agreed.” As Aayla helped her shift a large beam, she continued, “Interesting. I’m competent at presence location. But, I’m getting nothing here.”

“Huh. I have trouble refining it. So, I didn’t really expect to succeed. Of course, Barriss doesn’t usually take this long, either. Is there something different about this place, do you think?”

“Hmm… possible. Since we know Barriss and I, at a minimum, can usually do it that leaves the place or the people we are trying to locate.”

“I guess.” Ahsoka glanced at the strained face of her wife. “She’s not having any success. We might need another strategy.”

Aayla looked at Barriss and then back to Ahsoka. “How can you tell?”

“When Barriss Offee is failing, I know it,” she replied distantly.

“In that case, do you want to risk shifting things in a more expeditious manner?” Her voice tightened. “There’s also a possibility she can’t pinpoint Ezra, because his life force is too weak.”

Neither of them mentioned the other possibility. _They are not dead. Don’t even think it._ “You’re right. We need a faster strategy. The risk should be minimal. If there is anyone still alive and conscious, they’ll probably think they imagined it.”

Aayla stepped into the road and scanned the area. “I agree.”

Joining her, Ahsoka waved a hand. “Shall we, Master Secura?”

There was a snort. “You get far too much enjoyment out of saying that.”

“Yep.”

Lifting arms toward the surrounding rubble, the women got to work.

_______

“Are you ok?”

Thatcher halted her vicious attack on the sparring dummy and slowly turned around. The face that had moments ago been suffused with something verging on rage now wore a pleasant smile. “Sure. What’s up?”

Caam blinked. _Did I imagine that?_ “Um, nothing. You just looked upset.”

The young woman raised eyebrows. “Maybe, you’ve just been hanging out at the castle too much and have forgotten what us common people look like, when stabbing inanimate objects.” The reply was delivered teasingly, but there was an undertone of something else Caam couldn’t identify.

Pushing away the weird feeling, she remarked, “Well, it is difficult to lower myself to such substandard conditions as mushy beans and bunkmates who snore.”

Thatcher glared. “You must be talking about Jungi, because I have never snored in my life.”

“Says the girl who happily sleeps through it,” she commented dryly.

“I do not snore! Unlike _some_ people.”

Caam laughed. “Whatever you say, sleep queen.”

Thatcher rolled eyes. “So, you really have been at the castle a lot lately. Everything alright?”

 _Well, my emotions swing like a Alduvian rat monkey, my mind is more chaotic than a Jedi on spice, while my body does whatever the frak it wants and it wants a lot. Basically, my life is a five-wagon collision waiting to happen. So, no. Everything is definitely not alright._ Caam put on a grin. “Yep. No worries. Just visiting my mom and such. She misses me apparently, so I’m trying to improve my daughtering.”

“Ah. Well, that’s nice of you.”

Once again, she thought the reply was off. _You’ll never figure her out, Secura. Why do you even try?_ Thatcher was… Thatcher. When they were together, Caam enjoyed it. But, there was always a piece missing—a connection, a feeling, a deeper sense of… something. Which confused her. Caam cared about Thatcher, but in the same way she cared about Jungi or Polter. Actually, she understood her other squadmates better, even Hux. Which didn’t make sense. Shouldn’t their sometimes romantic relationship make them closer? _Ugh. Wait it out. Barriss said I’d understand this stuff better, once I get through this stupid stage._ Then, things suddenly clicked. _There’s a difference between physical relationships and the deep stuff. And, Thatcher is all physical. Huh._

Still, it didn’t mean there wasn’t a squadmate in distress. Moving closer, Caam asked gently, “Are you sure you’re ok? You seem… not yourself or something.”

Thatcher gazed uncertainly at her. “I’ve just come off a twenty-hour endurance assessment for that elite track training program I’m doing. When I get really tired, it sometimes makes me less able to—feel a bit—I get upset about my—oh, nevermind.”

Placing a hand on the perfectly tanned cheek, she rubbed it for a moment. “Tell me. Please. You don’t have to deal with it on your own.”

The woman clenched and unclenched fingers around her sword hilt, before finally sheathing it. “Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t,” Caam insisted. “That’s why you have squadmates. We’re here when you need us.”

Anger flashed in the golden eyes. “Is that what you do, Secura? Tell us all your problems?”

She winced. “Ok, that’s fair. I’m not great at that sorta thing, I guess. It still doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Can’t I help?”

Thatcher’s expression opened up slightly, but then it drained of emotion. “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry. I’ll be fine after I get some rest. Maybe, I’ll go try now, while no one is snoring.” She winked.

Caam sighed. For a moment, there had been a connection. But, it was gone now. _Guess, we’re just not meant to understand each other._ “Ok, but I mean it. I’m here. Don’t forget.”

“I got it.” An alluring smile graced the tempting lips, before they pressed against hers. “Feeling better already.”

 _Mmm. Maybe, all physical isn’t so terrible._ She grinned and slid arms around the magnificent body. “I expect no less when I deign to bestow my kisses on a mere mortal.”

“Um, I actually bestowed you, goddess divine.”

“Details, details.”

Thatcher brushed a mouth over Caam’s once more, before pulling away. “Alright, time for me to _not_ snore.” She paused and then added softly, “Thanks for caring. See you next time you decide to come down from on high.”

Disappointed at the sudden departure, but happy her friend seemed more settled, she made an exaggerated bow. “I shall return forthwith, my lady. Faster, if you promise more such rewards for my graciousness.”

There was a snort. “That’ll take more than a snarky bow and a charming smile, oh glorious one. Still, I shall take your request under consideration.”

Caam flashed a sassy grin. “You better.”

_______

Katooni coughed in a lungful of scratchy dust and carefully twisted her body to face upwards, trying not to jostle Ezra. The man was breathing, but not responding to her.

Finally able to assess their surroundings, she glanced around in the dim light peeking through cracks in the wreckage. There was a foot of space surrounding them and only splintered stone and wood beyond it. _We’re in some kind of pocket. How did that happen?_

Examining the miraculous safe haven, Katooni’s heart dropped. The building had apparently fallen in a way that had braced everything against itself, packing each piece together tightly. It kept them from being crushed, but also meant the removal of one item would likely cause a collapse. They couldn’t stay here, but they couldn’t leave. Panic began to rise. _You’re better than this. Use your skills, Katooni._

She methodically scanned the structure, calculating the critical, load bearing junctures. The results were not heartening. Even assuming there weren’t other key pieces hidden from view, she could remove four smaller chunks at most before the entire pile crashed down on them. None of the four were large enough to pull Ezra through.

 _We could wait and hope for a rescue._ Someone from Ezra’s family should be here in the next day or two, if Hondo sent the message as promised. There was no guarantee of being found, though. Even if they were, Ezra might not survive without immediate treatment.

Looking down at the drawn face lying on her chest, Katooni ran fingers over it. _You better be ok. You hear me?_ Tears began to form, but she pushed them away. _Time for that later. If you want Ezra to live, think._

Casting her mind around for ideas, a crazy thought blazed to life. _What about what Ezra did?_ She had instinctively known how to reach out to him. _Maybe, I can do that with someone else? Let them know where we are? Don’t be stupid, Katooni. You think you’re special all of a sudden, because Ezra loves you? You’ve lost it._ Still, the thought persisted. _Why not try? It either works or it doesn’t, as Hondo would say._ Katooni chuckled and ended up choking on heavy dust.

Regaining her breath, she closed eyes and tried to recapture the centered feeling from earlier. The woman felt her senses aligning with some excitement. _I can do this._ Casting her mind outward, she went with the first person who came to mind. _“Barriss. Can you hear me? We need help. Please.”_

After a few moments, a comforting word filled her head and Katooni gasped. _“Coming…”_ She listened desperately, but heard nothing else. _Did I imagine that?_

_______

Ahsoka wiped hands on her now grimy tunic and pushed down the dread. “This isn’t working.”

Aayla gripped her shoulder. “Have faith.”

Turning a wry grin on the woman, she remarked, “I’ve created a monster.”

“Yep. Only yourself to blame.”

There was a sudden gasp behind them and they flipped around. Barriss was gazing vacantly into the air, hands twitching. Her body tensed and the woman spun in a circle, scanning the demolished buildings. Then, she took off running. “This way!”

They sped after her. Halting at a demolished structure that looked like it might have been a tavern, Barriss floated along the outside. Planting herself in front of an oddly-shaped pile of rubble, she pointed. “Here. They’re inside some kind of pocket at the bottom. Ezra must have created it as the building collapsed.”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “Impressive. Can he—”

“No,” Barriss interrupted, “I think he’s unconscious, so we can’t expect assistance.”

Ahsoka’s brow furrowed. “If Ezra’s unconscious, how did you connect to their surroundings?”

Barriss met her eyes. “Katooni reached out to me.”

“Woah.” To do that without training, much less understanding, was more than impressive. It showed outstanding aptitude and intuition. _Oh, I so want her._

Aayla stared. “Did you even know she was sensitive?”

Shaking a head, Barris answered, “No, but I should have suspected. Katooni has always displayed superior skills and intuitive adaptation. The only thing that holds her back is a lack of confidence.” She smiled softly. “If I had still been a spymaster when we met, I would have fought tooth and nail to make her my apprentice. I told you the girl is special.”

“Alright, what if we work around the edges?” Ahsoka suggested. “Once we get enough extraneous debris removed, Aayla and I can simultaneously move the main structure and hold it together, while you catch any stray chunks.”

Barriss circled the pile, expression calculating. “Yes, I think that will work. As long as we’re careful not to disturb any key pieces holding up their pocket, until the last moment.”

Cracking knuckles, Aayla grinned. “Let’s do it, people. I’m ready to meet this paragon.”

_______

Katooni grinned up at the faces looking down at her. “So, you got my message?”

Ahsoka laughed, eyes glinting. “In a manner of speaking, talented girl.”

Barriss crouched beside her and examined Ezra.

Staring at the woman’s impassive face, she began rambling, “He’s got a stab wound to his chest, which is likely bleeding again. I don’t know if there is any other trauma from the collapse. Ezra threw himself on top of me and I think he may have gotten hit by stray debris. Plus, the dust in here is—”

A hand went over her mouth and Barriss smiled reassuringly. “It’s going to be alright. We’ll take care of him. I promise.” Looking up, she continued, “It’s ok to move him, but be careful. Once you lay him flat, see if you spot any contusions and unwrap the chest wound. I’ll be right there.”

Ahsoka and a woman Katooni didn’t know lifted Ezra from her chest, before carrying him to the dusty roadway. She watched them, nerves quaking, and then tried to sit up.

Hands pressed her shoulders to the ground. “No. Don’t move yet.”

“I’m fine! It’s Ezra that needs you!” Katooni cried and began to struggle against the hold. As she did, excruciating pain shot up the left side of her body. “Agh!”

“Stop it,” came a hard voice. “Injuring yourself further is not going to help Ezra. Understand?”

Her eyes fixed on the stern ones above her. Blinking back tears of pain and worry, she whispered, “I can’t lose him, Barriss. I…”

Gentle lips pressed against her forehead. “You love him. I know. Let me make sure you’re able to tell him when he wakes up, ok?”

Katooni gaped at her. “You knew?”

Barriss smiled absently as she manipulated the injury to Katooni’s hip. “It was kind of obvious, my dear.”

She groaned. “Not to me.”

There was a dry chuckle. “Also, obvious. I knew you’d figure it out, though. Once you were ready,” she ended with a meaningful glance.

Their recent conversation came into clarity. Barriss had been trying to draw the feelings out without directly interfering, letting Katooni decide what she could handle. _Like always._ “Thanks,” she murmured.

An affectionate smile formed. “You did it on your own.”

There was a tingling sensation and then the throbbing in Katooni’s hip faded to a dull ache.

Barriss nodded with satisfaction. “Alright, you're allowed to move now. Carefully.” She rubbed fingers over her cheek. “You’ve been through so much, my dear. Yet, you never give up. You persevere, turning pain into strength. I’m so proud of you. I always have been. I hope you believe that.”

Gazing at her for a moment, Katooni took the woman's hand. “If that’s true, it’s because you taught me how.” She paused, before adding tentatively, “I’ve never said it, but you know that I love you, right? Very much.”

Happy eyes fixed on her. “I know.” Tears fell on Katooni’s forehead as Barriss leaned down to kiss it. “And, I love you, my special girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, things are looking up... I think?  
> Oh, and side note... Caleb proves himself an able husband. We see a bit of Cham's struggle, as well. His total dedication to Ryloth may not always make for family happiness. Such is life, I suppose. One could argue Cham has the right idea here. A family that fights together, stays together. Or something.


	73. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - All About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All About You: In this case, it really is.

Caam sulked against the wall, watching Jungi spin her friend down the floor. _Why did I come to this thing?_ The cute smile Karyna gave him caused a sudden urge to tear across the assembly room and put her squadmate in a sleeper hold. _What is wrong with you?! Get over it!_

“Hey, Caamerino.”

She twisted around to see a dashing-looking Luke grinning behind her. “You’re back!” Caam threw arms around him.

He lifted her in a giant embrace. “Yep, Uncle Rex finally decided to give the half of us that aren't busy attending balls a break.” Placing her back on the ground, Luke added, “Besides, heard you made full soldier and were officially deployed to Bravo. Couldn’t let that go by without some kind of notice, even if it is a month late. You did good, kid.”

She smiled happily. “Thanks. How did you end up at the company ball?”

“When I got to the castle, they told me this was where my best girls were. Just thought I’d drop by and make sure…” The man halted his survey of the room. “Uh, who is Karyna dancing with?”

Caam grimaced. “One of my squadmates, Jungi. He’s a perfect gentleman, though, don’t worry. Barriss terrified the Force out of him. Besides, I’m watching.”

He relaxed. “Poor guy has no idea what he got himself into.” Then, Luke turned attention to her. “Who's your partner?”

“Don’t have one. I only came to look after Karyna.”

“Well, that’s no fun,” he remarked. “There’s plenty of soldiers eyeing you longingly right now. Why don’t you go enjoy yourself? I’ll keep watch.”

Caam put up a hand. “No thanks. If I seem available, do you know how many drooling soldiers I’ll have to avoid the rest of the evening? Whenever I say no, they take it as a challenge or something. The last ball ended with three people in the infirmary!”

Luke nearly doubled over with laughter. “Oh my, aren’t we the heartbreaker these days!” His expression turned mischievous. “What would happen if you danced with the crown prince?”

She stared at him, conspiratorial grin forming. “They’d be too scared to bother me for fear of offending royalty _and_ their battalion commander.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Luke replied airily. Giving a formal bow, he offered a hand. “Shall we, my lady?”

Grin now splitting her face, Caam took it and was led out onto the floor.

_______

“Standard healing methods aren’t proving effective.” Barriss rubbed her forehead, considering options. “I think I’m going to try a healing trance.”

Aayla’s jaw dropped. “You can do that? How did I not know this?!”

She shrugged. “It never came up. Besides, I rarely use it. The trance is a bit tricky to execute on someone else and quite obviously not normal to onlookers. I can perform some additional Force healing on the wounds, but I don’t think it’s a physical issue.”

Ahsoka looked up from bandaging a gash on Katooni’s forearm. “Is it possible he mentally overexerted himself and it’s impairing his recovery?” Turning to a worried and highly confused-looking Katooni, she asked, “What happened when the attack came? What did Ezra do?”

The woman swallowed. “I don’t know if I can explain it. He created a sort of bubble around us.” Her expression morphed into distant happiness. “It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. We were… connected and everything else disappeared. Ezra said it was a skill he had to protect us from some kind of unstoppable enemy that sensed life.”

Barriss nodded. “Did it feel like all your senses were aligned together? As if you were completely centered?”

Katooni stared. “Yes. That’s exactly what it felt like.”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “That boy impresses me more everyday. To shield two life forces by creating a Force bond, while injured, and then repelling enemies for an extended period is incredible. It’s no wonder he isn’t recovering.”

Her aqua eyes narrowed. “You all seem to know a lot more about this than I do. What is going on?”

Ahsoka smiled and finished wrapping her wound. “The best explanation I can give at the moment is that we all have… unusual abilities. We help each other develop them. That is what you experienced.”

Katooni hesitated, before asking, “Then, how did I do it?”

Barriss fixed an intent gaze on her. “What exactly did you do?”

“Uh, I’m not sure, really.” She rubbed thumbs over her fingers. “When Ezra was protecting us I could tell he was losing whatever he’d created. I could feel his panic and exhaustion. So, I sort of—I don’t know—pushed out to help him. It seemed to work. Then, I did something similar when I called to you.”

“Yeah,” Aayla commented, “I’m trying to resist saying the word impressive again.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “You have the same abilities, my dear. Now that you know they're there, we can tell you more. If you want, we can help you develop them. However, we’ll have that discussion another time. Right now, we need to focus on making Ezra better.”

The woman blinked, but then a wan smile appeared. “Alright, I’ll just go with it.”

“That’s my girl.” Barriss grinned. “In the meantime, watch what we do and see what you can pick up.” Turning to her wife, she continued, “I may need you for the healing trance, if anything goes wrong.”

“Gods, I wish you’d never discovered you could do this.” Ahsoka’s tone was light, but Barriss could hear the underlying anxiety.

Aayla put in, “Why does it sound like this might be dangerous?”

“It’s not,” she answered with a shrug. “Assuming, I execute it correctly.”

Kneeling beside Ezra and across from Barriss, Ahsoka reached out to cup her cheek. “Twice now, I’ve had to bring her back from almost losing herself in the trance. My wife has a habit of not breaking the connection when things don’t go well.” She rubbed a thumb over the diamond tattoos. “Barriss Offee doesn’t like to fail.”

She grimaced at the gentle reproof. “I’m trying to do better.” Switching to an impish grin, Barriss said, “Besides, that’s why I keep you around. To save me from myself.”

The fierce blue eyes shot skyward and then Ahsoka leaned forward to brush lips over hers. “Let’s not make it necessary this time, please.”

“I’ll see what I can do, my dear Lady Jedi.”

_______

Karyna stumbled mid-step as she spotted Caam whirl by with… “Luke!” Pulling a startled Jungi behind her, she rushed over to them.

The man saw her coming and spread his arms. Karyna leapt into them and he swung her around. “Hey there,” Luke exclaimed, “I missed you!”

She wrapped hands around his neck. “Not as much as I missed you.”

He laughed. “As it should be.” Setting Karyna back down, Luke eyed the nervous-looking soldier beside her. “You must be Jungi.”

The young man swallowed and gave a salute. “Yes sir, Commander, sir!”

“Uh huh. You’re treating my little sister in a gentlemanly fashion, I hope.”

Karyna huffed. “Really?!”

“Yes, sir,” Jungi yelped, “of course, sir!”

Luke gave him a stern look. “Make sure it stays that way.” Turning back to a highly-annoyed Karyna, he grinned engagingly. “Sorry, my princess. I have to check these things. That’s what big brothers do.”

She couldn’t help a return grin. “Whatever.” Grabbing Jungi’s hand, the girl said airily, “We’re going now.”

Luke shrugged. “Works for me. You’re the one who interrupted my dance with a beautiful lady.”

Caam took his arm. “Yeah, what’s up with that, Kayo?”

Karyna giggled and then abruptly noticed half the room was staring at them. Heat flooded her face. “Uh, so maybe we should just go back to dancing, now.”

Jungi seemed to relax a bit and commented, “Works for me. You interrupted _my_ dance with a beautiful lady, too.”

Karyna’s awkward embarrassment flushed hotter, Caam did something weird with her teeth, and Luke raised impressed eyebrows. “Not bad, soldier. Off you go. Keep up the good work.”

The young man straightened with a snappy salute. “Yes, sir!” Then, he spun Karyna back onto the dance floor.

_______

“Well, someone is the picture of a moody rogue today.”

Han glanced up from his brood by the fire. Throwing on his best grin, he flipped his collar higher. “Nice to know I’m looking the part.”

Luminara lowered herself into the armchair across from him. “You always do, my boy.” She pinned him with a shrewd look. “Not that it fools me.”

Slouching in his chair, he muttered, “Nothing fools you, lady.”

“True,” was the matter of fact reply.

Han gave her a half smirk. “Are you trying to say something?”

“Of course, I am,” she answered amusedly. “You know what it is, as well. Why bother with the obligatory smarminess?”

“Maybe, I _like_ obligatory smarminess.”

“Just telling me the problem would be so much more efficient. In fact,” she continued with a mischievous lilt, “if you hurry, we can solve it and still make it to the underground bakery before Obi-Wan or Leia get home.”

He snorted. “You have an unhealthy obsession with that place.”

“Don’t change the subject, Solo.” Her expression turned stern in a way that reminded him of Lando’s mother. “Let’s hear it.”

Growling, he slouched further down. “Fine, master of obligatory helpfulness. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being selfish, over-dramatic, or justified in thinking my wife likes her work more than me.”

“Ah,” Luminara replied softly, “a valid concern.”

Han stared. “That’s it? No ‘don’t be stupid, my boy’ or ‘show some understanding, Solo’ or even a ‘don’t worry, Han, there’s no way that could ever be true’?”

She raised eyebrows. “I can say all of those things, but what would be the point of reiterating thoughts you’re already having? Confirming or denying your suppositions is of little benefit in this situation. You’d be unlikely to believe me, anyway.”

He threw up exasperated hands. “Great. Glad we had this little talk.”

There was a quiet chuckle. “Han, you knew what you were getting when you married Leia. Her very essence requires dedication to a cause greater than herself. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you deeply. It also doesn’t mean you can’t remind her that your needs are important, as well. Occasionally, making something all about you is the correct response.”

Han straightened up in the chair. “What are you saying?” Giving a small scowl, he added, “I'm a simple guy. Practical, lady.”

Her lone eye rolled. “Leia is prone to tunnel vision. It’s a family trait,” she said wryly. “Remember, she came from two superb leaders of what was one of the greatest kingdoms on the planet as well as two superb leaders of a world-changing rebellion. Leia’s dedication to duty, the good of the whole, and a higher purpose was ingrained her entire life. However, love and family was also nurtured. Sometimes, you simply have to remind her it’s there.”

“So, you think I should tell her when she’s got this tunnel vision thing?”

Luminara inclined her head. “Not just tell her, but insist on balance. If you don’t, it damages her as well as you. Make Leia understand that to hold on to you, she has to prioritize you.” She paused meaningfully. “That requires  _you_  to be honest about how you’re feeling.”

Han grimaced. “Not exactly my specialty area.”

“I noticed,” she replied dryly. “But, that doesn’t mean you can’t make it one. Start small. Give her one thing you’re feeling each day and then ask for one from her. If Leia questions it, say you want to understand what’s going on in her head and vice versa, because you love her.”

He leaned back and absently tapped fingers on his leather belt. “Huh.”

“It gives you both a starting point and makes deeper discussions less challenging over time. In other words, it’ll become easier to share as you go, until it becomes natural.” Her eye twinkled. “You don’t have to empty the safe on the first hit. A slow and steady embezzlement is always preferable.”

Han grunted. “Now, that’s a metaphor I understand. Also, not my style. I prefer a good smash and grab.”

“That’s why you meet with disaster so often,” she countered.

“Hey! It's not  _that_ often.”

Luminara fixed him with a dubious stare and then shrugged. “It’s high risk for temporary reward, leading to haphazard gains. The most fulfilling and lucrative reward comes from long-term success.” She rubbed a forefinger across her chin for a few moments, before saying, “Either way, your preferred modus operandi is irrelevant here. There is no ‘one and done’ option on this job. You’ve already committed to the contract. Now, it’s time to see it through.”

 _She’s kinda got a point, Solo._ “Alright, guess it can’t hurt to give your idea a try.”

“Excellent. If something goes wrong, just tell her I told you to do it. That should give you time to regroup and change safepickers.”

“Huh, not a bad idea,” he remarked, only half-joking.

An eyebrow quirked. “Of course not. If you need more exceptional advice, you know where to find me.”

Han smirked. “And, they say I’m cocky, lady.”

Her mouth twitched. “It’s not cockiness if you’re simply stating fact, my boy.”

“Yep. That’s my philosophy.” Leaping to his feet, Han offered an arm and a jaunty grin. “I think I owe you a trip to a highly suspect establishment passing itself off as a bakery.”

She rose from her chair and took his arm. “Indeed.”

_______

Ezra moaned and opened groggy eyes.

“Ah, you decided to rejoin the land of the living, I see.”

Focusing on the blurry figure, he rasped, “Barriss?”

Lips kissed his forehead. “Correct. Guess that means you don’t have any long-term damage. Though, I can’t do anything about your proclivity for putting yourself into mortal danger. It is quite possible you may be more injury-happy than Ahsoka and that's a statement I never thought to make to anyone.”

Giving her a weak grin, he glanced around in sudden worry. “Where’s Katooni? Is she alright?”

A hand turned his head back to hers. “She’s fine. I forced her to take a sedative. The girl refuses to leave your side and she needed to rest her own injuries.” Evidently seeing his expression, Barriss added quickly, “They aren't critical. She just needs time to heal.”

He relaxed. “Ok, good. I’m glad you convinced her to rest.”

Her face looked awkward. “Well, convinced is a relative term. I may have, uh, _inadvertently_ given her a stronger dose of sedative than she anticipated.”

Ezra stared and then snorted. “Are you telling me you drugged the woman I love in her own best interest?”

“I prefer to think of it as treating my stubborn patient,” Barriss responded with a guilty grin.

“She's going to be madder than a Wookie when she wakes up, you know.”

The woman grimaced. “I know.” Then, her eyes glinted. “I’ll just tell her you told me to do it. That should get me off the hook.”

“Don’t you dare!” Ezra cried.

“Hmm, I don’t know. If _you_ hadn’t gone and critically injured yourself, she wouldn’t have felt the need to endanger her own health, merely to sit by your side, worrying herself into oblivion. Not to mention, none of this would have happened if you weren’t so lovable. Yes. This is most definitely your fault,” she ended decidedly, smile playing around the edges of her mouth.

He couldn’t help a laugh. “Whatever.” Ezra shifted carefully, testing his limits. Pleased the pain was manageable, he stretched his sore muscles. “Where are we, anyway?”

“A day outside of Florrum, on our way back to Shili. And, stop moving.”

“I feel like I’ve been laying around for days!” Ezra whined.

“You have. Still doesn’t mean you should move.”

Gritting teeth, he managed a, “Yes, ma’am.”

Barriss smiled shrewdly as she finished checking his mostly-healed chest wound. “Besides, life is good, yes?”

Ezra gazed at her, happy grin spreading. “Very good.”

She chuckled. “See? Feeling better already, aren’t we?”

Now, the grin felt like it was falling off his face. “I’m near perfection, actually.” Then, a haunting thought intruded on his happiness.

“What happened to perfection?” Barriss asked in concern.

Averting his eyes, he hesitated. _Ask. She’ll know. Katooni talks to her._ Ezra mumbled, “Do you think she cares about… well, me?”

“Um, I’m not sure I understand.”

He tried to formulate the thought better. “Like me for me. Not for… any other reason.”

“Oh.” Barriss met his eyes. “Yes. If she just needed a replacement for Lux that could have happened long ago. If she wanted someone to fill the void, there was no need to choose Ezra Bridger and hope he came around. For that matter, she wouldn’t even think of you if that was the case. Katooni would believe she didn’t deserve you. None of this matters, anyway, because she never wanted a replacement for Lux. Do you know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because, when she loves, it’s with her entire being. Losing Lux was losing a part of herself. Risking that again was not on the agenda. If she is doing it now, what does that tell you?”

“That she doesn’t want to love me?” Ezra answered dryly. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

Barriss rolled eyes. “It means, clueless boy, that Katooni would only take the risk for someone extremely special. Something about you specifically caused her to ignore the fear and insecurity. Gave her the confidence to love again. It couldn’t have happened with anyone else. Which means, it’s literally _all_ about you.”

He processed the words and then tucked them into his heart. “Thanks.” Giving her a cocky grin, Ezra remarked, “I have now returned to perfection.”

She laughed and ran an affectionate hand over his cheek. “Excellent.”

_______

Jungi halted as they came around the bend leading to the castle gates. “Um, would you mind if I…”

Karyna stared. “You what?”

He shifted from one foot to the other, eyes darting toward the setting sun. “Well, this has been fun. Thanks for letting me take you to the ball.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Are you going to finish your sentence?”

The young man shook his head. “It’s probably inappropriate to ask for a—” He let out a high-pitched laugh. “So, shall I escort you to your door?”

Karyna gazed at him, trying to figure out what he had been going to ask. _Wait._ In her favorite stories, the beautiful princess always gave the valiant warrior a kiss to end the tale. The girl glanced around. The gatehouse guards were barely in sight and no one else was in view. She stepped closer. “Do you want to kiss me goodnight?”

Jungi jerked and his mouth opened, but nothing came out. Then, he nodded vigorously.

Scanning around one last time, she smiled. “Ok.”

He reached out a shaky hand and put it on her cheek. Then, his head drifted downward.

Karyna waited with impatient anticipation. _Come on!_

Finally, a trembling mouth touched hers. The contact was brief and tentative.

 _Really? That can’t be all._ Karyna reached up and put hands around his neck, pressing her lips against his.

His eyes widened and then closed. Arms wrapped around her waist and at last a mouth started properly moving over hers.

Karyna’s mind went into overdrive, unsure of what to do. She experimented with various pressures, until finding one that felt comfortable. Then, the girl angled her head. _That’s better, I think._

Jungi broke away with a stuttering breath. “Wow.”

She grinned. “Why did you stop? I was just getting the hang of it.”

He stared at her for a moment, before a boyish smile appeared. “We could try again, if you want.”

“That would be acceptable,” she said airily.

There was a snort and then a deep breath. Lips reconnected and arms pulled her closer as his mouth seemed to engulf hers.

The sensation was strange, not unpleasant, but somehow unfulfilling. In her books, everyone always had ‘bursts of ephemeral delight’ or ‘rapturous passion’. Trying to capture that intensity, she tightened her fingers around his neck. _Maybe, I just need to practice more._

A loud gasping choke came from behind them. Jumping apart, they both spun around. Caam and Luke were standing in shock, clearly having just come around the bend.

Karyna knew her entire body was blushing. Her gaze shifted around the area, avoiding them at all costs.

Jungi’s pale face had turned almost purple. He straightened to attention and stood in silence, apparently unable to speak.

“Well then.” Luke approached slowly, a vein in his neck pulsing. Fierce blue eyes locked on Jungi as he asked in a surprisingly calm tone, “Are you done saying goodnight, soldier?”

“Y-y-es, sir!”

 _I’m not a child!_ Karyna put in peevishly, “Well, maybe I wasn’t.”

Both heads jerked to her, jaws dropping.

There was a strangled cry and she finally looked at Caam, whose face was… Karyna didn’t understand the expression, but it wasn’t good _._ Her annoyance fell away, replaced by concern. “Are you alright?”

Her friend’s mouth moved wordlessly. Then, Caam flipped around and took off running.

Karyna froze for a moment, before turning a worried gaze on Luke. “What’s wrong with Cab?”

The man stared after the fleeing girl. “I’m not sure, my princess.” Returning his attention to them, he gave a stern look. “I am trying very hard not to be an overprotective brother. However, I think that is quite enough for this evening.”

She nodded absently, looking back at where Caam had disappeared. “Ok.”

Jungi blew out a breath. “Thank you, Commander.” Taking Karyna’s hand, he kissed it. “I’ll see you sometime soon, right?”

Shifting focus back to him, she grinned. “I’m sure you will. Thanks for the fun night.”

He smiled happily and pressed lips to her fingers once more. Giving a salute to Luke, the young soldier pivoted around and marched toward the barracks, a spring in his step.

Luke watched him go, before rubbing his forehead. “Gods, Karyna. I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive the next few years if you keep this up.”

Holding back a giggle, she waved a superior hand. “Not to worry, my prince. I’ll make sure you get plenty of practice at being an overprotective, big brother.”

There was a groan. “You’re just lucky I found you and not Aunt Ahsoka! We might have one less soldier in our ranks tonight.”

She stamped her foot. “I’m not a child, anymore. Why does everyone treat me like one?”

Luke laughed. “Yeah, I am so paying for my sins. Alright, princess, let’s go. We’ll keep this little incident between us.”

She wrapped arms around him. “Thanks. What about Cab, though? Are you sure she’s ok?”

He shrugged and kissed the top of her head. “Probably, didn’t want to watch me throttle her squadmate. I’ll check on her tomorrow and make sure. In the meantime, let’s raid the kitchen for some eclairs to celebrate your big night.”

Karyna grinned. “I suppose that would be acceptable.”

_______

Laying flat on their rock, Caam stared at the moonless sky. _I can't do this._

The girl desperately looked around, hoping someone would show up and tell her things would be alright. Even though she knew it was impossible. Barriss, her mother, and Ahsoka had all gone to Florrum to help Ezra. _I'm alone._

Caam curled up and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... this chapter I like in many ways.  
> \--Caam's ongoing struggle is strangely compelling to me. It's hard to say if her extreme reactions are a result of the massive changes she is currently undergoing in her age of decision or indicative of some underlying insecurities. It will be interesting to see where her story goes.  
> \--Karyna's first kiss is adorable, as befitting our little Kayo. But, also suggests potential challenges I imagine we'll explore at some point.  
> \--Hints of Han/Leia issues and then prompt and spot-on intervention from Luminara I so enjoy. Much like Obi-Wan did previously for Leia. They seem to be around at the right time to provide guidance to the fledgling couple, before they become ingrained in less healthy behaviors. This young couple are more cut-off from family support than many of our group. It's easy to forget how critical that can be.  
> \--Then, of course, Ezra's concern is an understandable one. And, as I like to emphasize at every opportunity, support is key.


	74. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Many Forms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many Forms: Love has as many incarnations as the sky has stars. Whether it's burning, faded, new, enduring, obscured, distant, or shining... it's still beautiful.

The next time he woke up, Ezra’s perfection catapulted to as yet untold levels.

Katooni was propped on an elbow beside him, running fingers over his shoulder scar with a content smile.

“Hey there,” he murmured.

Her smile brightened and she leaned in to brush lips over his. “Hey back.”

He reached over, laying a hand on her cheek. “Looks like we live to fight another day, huh?”

“Guess so.”

Trailing fingers over soft skin, Ezra had trouble controlling the flood of emotions. _I can’t believe I get to do this._ “You are… amazing.”

“Not as amazing as you,” she replied quietly.

“Incorrect.” Reveling in the closeness, he breathed, “I really don’t know how I managed to be this lucky.”

Intense eyes locked onto him. “It’s not luck. You are special, Ezra Bridger. I’m the one who has no idea why you love me.” Putting a hand over his mouth to stop the objection, Katooni continued, “You could have anyone you wanted. Why you chose me, I’ll never understand.” She grinned. “Still, I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise.”

He groaned. “I can see I’ve got my work cut out for me. One of these days, you’ll realize you’re too good for me.”

There was a hiss. “Stop it.” She shifted positions and her face hovered directly over his with a mischievous glint. “Alright, Bridger, if I’m as special as you say, such a person would obviously never love a man who wasn’t even more special.”

Ezra grimaced, but then a slow grin formed. “Except that works both ways, doesn’t it?”

“Er…ugh,” she mumbled, “yeah, didn’t think that one all the way through.”

“Um, let’s get back to the part about the man you love.” He hesitated, before asking, “Is that true?”

Her eyes widened and she leaned a forehead against his. “Yes. It’s so much deeper, though. You’re a part of me, Ezra. Saying the words doesn’t even come close to how true it is.” She paused and then abruptly rolled up. “Hold on.”

He stared. “Uh, ok.”

Gingerly crossing the camp, Katooni dug through a bag and wrapped something in her hand. Returning to him, the woman laid on her uninjured side beside him, propping herself on an elbow. “I want to give you something.”

“I don’t need—”

She shushed him. “Don’t interrupt, mister. It’s my turn to say why you inspire me to go above and beyond, now.”

The man laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

Opening her hand, she revealed a flat, wooden oval attached to a battered metal chain. It was no bigger than a datari and had a simple design. Two wavy lines crossed in the middle and a third one underlined them. The edges were rough and unfinished, but the rest of the object had a smooth sheen that shined in the firelight. “This was carved from the wood of a lovius tree. It’s not valuable, rare, or otherwise notable. But, it’s special to me. I lost it a long time ago and Hondo found it for me. This… belonged to my parents.”

Ezra gaped. “Katooni, I can’t. It’s—”

A hand covered his mouth and aqua eyes pleaded with him. “Stop talking, Bridger. Please.”

He gazed at her and slowly nodded.

She lifted the chain over Ezra’s head and laid the necklace on his chest. “My father made this for my mother, when I was born. They said it was a reminder that love comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s simple, other times shining, often imperfect, and occasionally incomplete. But, all of them become a part of us.” Katooni anchored eyes to his and spoke with quiet intensity, “Ezra Bridger, I love you in every form.”

Ethereal happiness tipped Ezra’s heart, spilling warmth across his entire being. He inhaled deeply, feeling the wooden carving rise with his expanding chest. “Congratulations, you’ve done it. I definitely feel… special.”

_______

Caam looked at the note again and tried to decide what to do. _You have to go or she'll think you don't want to be her friend._

Crushing it in her hand, she marched out of the barracks. Picking her way through the woods, Caam reached the stream she and Karyna used to play in. _Before life got so complicated._

Her friend was already there, sitting on the bank and gazing at the water.

“Uh, hey.”

Karyna leapt up and ran over to her. Wrapping arms around Caam, she murmured, “I'm glad you came.”

Patting her back awkwardly, Camm said, “Course. So, what’s going on?”

A gaping face looked up. “What do you think? You ran away after the ball and haven’t been back! Luke said you were busy with your duties, but that you’d come for dinner soon.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “I waited every night, but you never came.”

Caam couldn’t take the distress and pulled the girl into her chest. “I’m sorry, Kayo. It’s been… a rough week.”

Karyna pressed herself close. “Will you tell me about it? I can help.”

Unable to think of a response that would be convincing, Caam simply kissed the top of her head.

There was a muffled cry. “Please, Cab. Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

She winced. “Course not. It’s just… hard to explain. Sometimes, things are confusing for me.”

Karyna leaned back, tears on her face. “What things?”

Her heart compressed. “Don’t cry. I can’t stand it.”

The girl smiled weakly and lifted a hand, wiping the back of it across her face. “Sorry.”

Moving fingers to the wet cheeks, Caam dried them gently. “No, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’ll come to dinner tomorrow, ok?”

Distressed blue eyes gazed at her. “Why won’t you tell me things, anymore?”

“I do!”

An emphatic head shook. “That’s not true. You’ve been unhappy a lot lately. I can see it. I need you to be happy. Please, let me help.”

She grimaced. “It’s not something you can help with, K.”

Karyna jerked back a step. “How do you know I can’t, if you don’t tell me about it? You think I’m a little kid and won’t understand. Don’t you?!”

Caam’s jaw dropped. “No!”

Her arms crossed and a petulant lip stuck out. “Then, tell me what’s wrong with you.”

Conflict raged. _Gods, I want to tell her how she makes me feel. So much._ Was it really that different than with everyone else? _Yes._ It felt… wrong. The two years separating them suddenly seemed like opposite ends of a battlefield, too dangerous to cross. Besides, Karyna didn’t think of her that way. Even if she did, it would be like Thatcher. _I want more. Deeper. I need it to mean something. Something… real. Oh. What you want, she can’t give you yet._ Caam finally understood why Barriss had told her to wait. _Kayo has to catch up to you. It’s time to become the adult you’re supposed to be, Secura._ She stuffed hands in her pockets and stared at the stream. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

There was silence for a moment and then a broken voice whispered, “Fine. I’ll see you sometime, I guess.” With that, Karyna turned and ran.

Caam jerked around, preparing to chase after her, but didn’t move. _What would you say? It’s better this way. Let her go._ She gazed blankly at the trees Karyna had disappeared into for several moments. _Be strong. You’re an adult, now. You can handle things on your own._

Then, Caam collapsed to the ground.

_______

There was a knock at the door and Barriss looked up from unpacking. She dropped the cloak she was folding with delight. “It’s about time you came home. You’re worse than Ezra these days.”

Luke laughed and crossed the room in four strides, picking her up in a huge embrace. “You should be directing all complaints to the Master General. That said, my battalion is officially off deployment, now that we've taken care of the uprising in Umbara. So, you'll have the privilege of my presence for a while.”

She hugged him for a long moment. “Good. We’ve missed you.”

The young man smiled and released his hold. “I missed you, as well. Besides, it looks like I came back just in time.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Luke threw his hands up. “I arrive home to find my little, adorable Karyna all grown up and attending a ball with a clearly smitten soldier, while an anxious Caam watches like a hawk and tries to avoid gads of drooling soldiers herself. Don’t even get me started on the rest of the evening!”

Her lips pursed. “How did the ball go? I was not happy about having to miss it, but Ezra and Katooni needed my help.”

He shrugged. “Karyna seemed to have a good time. Caam… not so much.”

Barriss grimaced. “I see.”

Luke’s expression fluctuated for a moment. “I think you should check on Caam, actually.”

Her anxiety increased. “Why?”

“Something is wrong, but she won’t talk to me about it. When I went to see her, Caam’s explanation was less than convincing. The girl is also avoiding the castle like the plague. If I hadn’t been afraid of making things worse, by having her battalion commander single her out twice in the same week, I would have tried again.”

Barriss tensed further. “Did something happen that night I should know about?”

His gaze darted away. “Um, not really.”

 _He’s lying. Why?_ Putting sternness into her voice, she remarked, “Do you honestly expect me to believe that?”

Luke cringed, but then his jaw set. “I’m sorry. I promised Karyna it would stay between us.”

Barriss sighed. She knew arguing with an honor-bound Luke was pointless. “Alright, my stubborn nephew. I’ll do things the hard way. I’m beginning to think you get enjoyment out of it.”

He chuckled. “Believe me, I’ve come to appreciate your longsuffering patience. If I could make it easier, I would.”

She brushed fingers over his chin. “Well, that’s something.”

Luke returned a diffident grin. “If I was as good a mother as you, I could have handled it myself.”

Barriss smiled softly. “Years of practice, my dear, and lots of mistakes. You were part of my learning curve, I suppose.”

He laughed. “I’m honored. Though, I must say, you did alright.”

She tapped his cheek. “Hmm, yes, I do think you turned out rather well.”

_______

Leia pasted a smile. “Thank you, again. I truly appreciate all your work.”

Obi-Wan stared at her. “What’s wrong, darling girl?”

“Nothing.” She tried to brighten her face. “I’m a little tired, perhaps.”

Luminara turned around from packing and quirked an eyebrow. “Surely, you don’t believe a Barriss answer will work on us, Leia?”

Her mouth edged into a guilty grin. “Point acknowledged.” Letting out a long exhale, she admitted, “I don’t know, really. It’s been… nice having you both here. Now that you’re leaving I’m—maybe, I got used to having my family around or something.”

“We aren’t that far away, my dear,” Luminara replied gently. “Instead of missing your family, why not come and see them?”

She grimaced. “I know. It’s just so difficult to leave my work for an extended period. Delaying a resolution or a project for a couple of weeks may not sound like much, but it has a real impact on people’s lives. Having you here meant I could have my cake and eat it too, I suppose.”

“We actually do understand.” Obi-Wan brushed knuckles over her cheek. “You are talking to people who quite literally threw themselves into their work for years. I can’t say we recommend it. It would be nice if someone learned from our mistakes.”

“Yes,” Luminara insisted, “putting the good of the whole above your own is a problem much of your family struggles to manage. But, leaders are most effective when their own lives are balanced. One can only serve at the expense of yourself for so long, before failure creeps into the results, both personally and professionally.”

Leia rubbed hands over her face. “I know you’re right. I am trying to do better.”

Obi-Wan smiled. “Your family can help with that, too. Tell you what, let’s agree on a settlement. We’ll come back for a long stay soon, if you promise to come for a short one sooner. Small changes lead to larger success.”

She gazed at him for a moment. _Your strategies should reflect your goals. All of them, not just one. Small changes lead to larger success._ Leia smiled and wrapped arms around him, holding on tightly. “Alright, Master Negotiator. It’s a deal.”

_______

“Ahsoka, I need you.”

The woman glanced up from the conversation with her command staff. “Uh, ok. We’ll be finished in a bit.”

Barriss shook her head. “This can’t wait.”

Her wife’s expression turned annoyed, but Rex put in, “Go ahead. We’ll work on mapping out the discussed deployments, while you take care of things.”

Ahsoka sighed and gave him a short nod, before following Barriss into the hall. “What is so important it couldn’t wait until I was done?” she demanded.

Barriss grabbed her arm and dragged Ahsoka down to an alcove. “I want you to talk to Karyna, while I go find Caam. I thought we could divide and conquer.”

Her wife gaped. “Seriously? I have four more meetings after this. Running off to Florrum comes at a price. Do you know how much has piled up? If I delay the next one to chat with our niece, I won’t get out of here until midnight!”

“This isn’t about you,” Barriss stated flatly. “Our children are more important than your meetings.”

Guilt-tinged frustration crossed her exhausted face. “Fine. What’s the problem?”

Regret pinged and she traced fingers over Ahsoka’s warrior markings. “I’m sorry. I know you’re tired and stressed. It’s only that something happened at the ball. Luke says Caam has been avoiding everyone and Karyna is clearly upset, but won’t tell me why. Like someone else I know, she’s insisting everything is fine.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “That never stopped you from making me talk.”

She snorted. “I could keep pushing, but the child opens up more with you. I think she’ll respond better to your advice.” Barriss frowned. “For whatever reason, Karyna doesn’t ever want me to know she’s upset. It’s only gotten worse over the last couple of years.”

“I’ve noticed.” Her wife grimaced. “She may have picked up some of my bad habits. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m hoping our relationship will settle as she gets older. However, that doesn’t change what is. Luminara is still in Coruscant, so that leaves you. Though, I could also ask Aayla to try. She can sometimes get through to Karyna.”

Ahsoka exhaled and then slid arms around her. “No, I’ll take care of it. You’re right. Karyna is my priority. I’ll drop by after I’m done with the military staff.”

“Don’t worry, my darling wife,” Barriss murmured, running fingertips over her mouth, “midnight or not, I’ll wait up for you.”

Strong arms pulled Barriss closer and grinning lips hovered in front of hers. “You better.”

_______

Barriss hurried down the path, anxiety rising. _Please, be there._ Taking the final turn, she exhaled in relief. Caam was laid out on their rock, staring at the sky. Making her way over, Barriss said brightly, “Hey you.”

The girl jolted up and then leapt to her feet. Rushing over, she immediately threw arms around Barriss. “You’re back.”

She kissed her lekku. “What’s wrong?”

Caam started crying. “I lost Kayo.”

“It’s going to be alright, darling girl. Just tell me what happened.”

_______

“Let me ask you something, my recalcitrant mushroom. Why wouldn’t you tell your aunt any of this?”

Karyna looked down and shrugged.

“Uh huh.” Ahsoka lifted the small chin. “So, when you’re upset, it’s ok for _you_ to not tell people you love things. But, it’s not ok for Caam to do that?”

The girl stiffened and sat back against the headboard, crossing her arms. “That’s different.”

“Why?”

Karyna's eyes raced around the room. “Because, she should tell me things.”

“Why?”

Her expression filled with frustration. “Because!”

Ahsoka simply gazed at her in silence.

Small fists balled up. “If she doesn’t tell me, how can I help fix it?”

 _Gods, why couldn’t you have taken more after Barriss?_ “I see. And, how is that different than your situation?”

“I don’t need help! Plus, they’ll never be happy if they’re always worrying about me.”

Ahsoka grabbed the young face. “No, Karyna.” Her voice took on a deadly seriousness. “It’s not your job to make everyone else happy. Besides, do you think Caam is happier right now, because you tried to force her to tell you things? That’s _not_ helping. Helping is a two-way street. You need help, the same as everyone else, me included. If you can’t accept that, then you should stop trying to help anyone. Because, you will make things worse, not better. A person who can’t accept help can’t give it to others.”

The vivid blue eyes widened and then blinked several times. Suddenly, she jerked away and tried to jump off the bed.

Ahsoka grabbed her around the waist and held her tightly. “Stop. Don’t run away from things you don’t want to hear. You can argue my points if you want, but don’t avoid the discussion. That solves nothing.”

There was a terrible cry as tiny fists hit Ahsoka’s body. “Let me go!”

She winced with guilt, but retained her grip. “Not until you tell me why you think I’m wrong.”

Karyna stopped struggling and slumped against Ahsoka’s chest. Then, she choked out, “I just need everyone to be ok.”

Kissing her hair, Ahsoka said quietly, “I know. What I’m saying is that they won’t be, if you’re not ok too. That means letting them help you as much as you help them. Did it ever occur to you that helping you makes them happy, as well?”

“No,” she whispered.

Ahsoka loosened her hold. “Either way, people sometimes aren’t ready to talk about a specific issue. There are many reasons and they might not even understand why themselves. Forcing someone to do so can hurt them. If you truly want to make sure they’re ok, you should just be there. Knowing they have someone, when they are ready to talk, makes it better. Be _patient._ Let them take the leap. Don’t push them over the edge.”

There was a small sigh. “Ok, I’ll try.”

Leaning Karyna back, the woman smiled affectionately. “That’s my girl.”

There was an adorable grin in response and then arms wrapped around her neck. “Thanks for the help, Aunt Ahsoka.”

She laughed. “Anytime, my helpful mushroom.”

_______

Hera looked up from making dinner and froze.

“Hello, daughter.”

Putting down her knife, she turned to face him. “Father. What can I do for you?”

Cham glanced around the kitchen awkwardly. “I came to tell you that I have spoken with Dala Yindel. She will be returning to resume her duties on the morrow.”

Hera’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

Her father’s eyes traced a path back to hers. “Upon further consideration, I realized you were correct in your advice. So, I have remedied the situation.”

“You…” Hera stared, not quite believing what she was hearing.

He cleared his throat. “Additionally, Yindel suggested we appoint a royal vizier to carry out everyday kingdom administration. This would free us to focus on the larger planned changes and development of the citizen’s council.”

Now, Hera knew she was delusional. “You are willing to cede that much control to someone else?”

Cham shrugged. “It is not control I need. I simply wanted to ensure things are done in a way that benefits Ryloth and moves us into a new era, not a reversion to the dysfunction of the past. Until recently, I overlooked the possibility that someone else had the skills and vision to manage that process, perhaps better than I could. Now, I have realized that perception was incorrect.”

“Ok, who are you and what have you done with my father?”

A wan smile formed. “I am the same man. It is only that I have been used to leading by single-minded force of will for a long time. Never showing weakness is a hard habit to break.”

Hera rubbed hands on her face. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. I’m glad. It is the best choice for Ryloth. You were trying to manage too much alone.” She hesitated. “Do you still want me to come back? I’m happy to orient whoever you both choose for this new position.”

Cham’s eyes lit up and then filled with wry amusement. “I most definitely would like you to return. However, there is no need to orient the vizier. Dala and I have agreed on an admirable person, who already understands everything that is necessary for the role.”

She raised eyebrows “Who would—?” Hera halted, a glimmer of understanding surfacing. “You’re not serious.”

He crossed the kitchen and kissed her lekku. “Indeed, daughter. There was only one person both of us trusted to see Ryloth into its new era. All you have to say is yes.”

Tears formed and Hera slid arms around him. “I love you.”

There was silence and then a soft reply, “And, I… love you.”

Her heart swelled as she held him tightly.

After a few moments, Cham sighed and leaned back. “So, is that a yes?”

She choked out a laugh. “Let me talk to Caleb about it, first.”

He waved a hand. “No need. I already have. Your erstwhile husband agrees the position is perfect for you.”

Hera stared at him and then shook her head ruefully. “Of course, you have. Alright, my determined father, I’ll give it a shot.”

_______

There was a quiet knock at the door and Karyna padded over. Opening it, she froze.

Caam shifted nervously, Barriss behind her, but didn’t say anything.

The woman squeezed Caam’s shoulder. “I think you two need to talk.” Then, she stepped forward and ran fingers over Karyna’s tattoos. “Ok?”

She swallowed, but gave a quick nod.

Barriss smiled and floated off down the hall.

Karyna stared at her friend for a moment and then smiled awkwardly. “Uh, want to come in?”

“I guess.” Caam shuffled in the door.

Shutting it behind her, Karyna took a deep breath. She turned around and blurted out, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it. You don’t have to tell me anything. I only wanted you to be happy. Please, don’t be mad. How can I make it better? I can’t—”

The words stopped as Caam gripped her face. “It’s ok, Kayo. I’m not upset with you.”

She relaxed, tears pooling in her eyes. “Really?”

“Really. It’s not—I just can’t talk about this particular thing right now. I hope you’re ok with that.”

Karyna leaned into her chest. “It’s fine, as long as you know I’m here when you’re ready to talk about it.”

There was a relieved breath as Caam wrapped arms around her. “Don’t worry. I’ll tell you one day.” Her voice filled with intensity. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this closes out PPY6 in our saga. There's still more to come in Part 5, but this section has been a bit of a critical period for our little family. The change we got in Part 4 has chosen a path, now. These paths may lead to many things, but they are charted. As a result, I have a lot to say. Which means... Gabby-rambling time!  
> \--Ezra and Katooni are on track. Finally. Which also means we'll have Ezra and now our new family member Katooni permanently home.  
> \--Hera reaffirms her commitment to Ryloth and establishes a new relationship with her father, while Cham reassesses his priorities a bit. We didn't get a lot of Caleb's viewpoint here, but it appears his commitment is to Hera, first and foremost.  
> \--Leia and Han learn some helpful lessons to build their marriage and hopefully make it a healthy one.  
> \--Obi-Wan and Luminara cement their place as the grand patriarch/matriarch of this family. I haven't mentioned everyone's official court positions created at the end of Part 4 in story, yet. I gave you Obi-Wan's as Grandmaster here, which has both a familial as well as a real-life historical significance, not to mention an echo of Jedi structure. My dedicated readers may appreciate that Luminara has been designated as the 'Queen Mother'.  
> \--Luke is a settled commander of the 501st, echoing Ahsoka's young life (and his father's for that matter), and is the most supportive brother on the planet, poised as a future leader and protector of his family.  
> \--We didn't get much Shan and Sabine, but they set their path back in Part 4. I'm assuming no news is good news and all is well in 'semi-communicative' world. :-)  
> \--Aayla gets to be a mother to her daughter during a pivotal period and seems to have found her role in the family. She and Kit are implied to have settled into a healthy couple.  
> \--Rex is still da best and Asajj is still sticking around, doing a darn good job of proving the faith Ahsoka showed in her. They are probably the most ‘ok’ couple in our story, honestly. Like a solid presence that is always there when you need them. And, their random appearances doing just that is my way of communicating it.  
> \--The Jedi are being rebuilt and we get a little more of our unknown enemy, lurking in the shadows.  
> \--Shili appears to be thriving and on course to become the greatest power on the planet.  
> \--Caam & Karyna. Hmm... I won’t say a lot, since there is so much to come. Caam slowly puts together that physical relationships won’t satisfy her. What she wants from Karyna is a deep, emotional… everything. A type of love that she thinks (probably correctly) the girl isn’t capable of giving yet at only fourteen. Hopefully, I've communicated subtle signs that when Caam looks past the fear to commit/invest emotionally, she can’t do halfway (a la Barriss) and needs the same in return. So, she makes a decision here that sets her course and moves her into adulthood. Karyna begins her longer journey into adulthood and understanding herself that will follow us for quite a while.  
> \--Ahsoka and Barriss are still as strong as ever, though both have settled into a bit of a role reversal. What we see of Ahsoka's behavior in Part 5 (and the end of Part 4) is becoming increasingly 'Barriss-like', guided by intense focus, overwork, fear of making a mistake, etc., while Barriss appears to have channeled all her energy into her family and motherhood, leading to its own issues (especially with Caam). Though the internal motivations of a present Ahsoka vs. a past Barriss (and vice versa) may differ. Perhaps, Ahsoka taking the lead role allowed Barriss the freedom to step back. In the past, Barriss tended to do the everyday management with Ahsoka in a strong but supporting role. Now, Ahsoka has the 'Lady of Rebellion-esque' responsibilities and all the weight that comes with being the 'leader'. A role she avoided for most of her life. It might be fun to speculate on whether this is how every ruler feels. Is it a family trait? Is this how Anakin felt as he made decisions everyday for a kingdom and his family with an ever present fear of loss? Did the fear overwhelm him, turning into anger and resentment? Or, is Ahsoka’s very nature different (even if she doesn’t see it) and that combined with her past losses make this mindset unique to her? It will be interesting to see where it takes her over time.


	75. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visions and questions.

Barriss woke up screaming. _Falling… Pain… Burning… No!_

What felt like a clawed fingernail ran along her temple. Her mind stopped spinning and the horrifying images faded from conscious thought. All that remained was a vague feeling of blazing heat. _Inferno?_

Emerging from a fog of terror, the woman sat up and scanned around, trying to get her bearings. _Oh, right._ She had been sifting through the myriad of ancient texts in Yoda’s hut and gotten wrapped up in a fascinating essay on the nature of the Force. _So fascinating you apparently fell asleep and then promptly had a nightmare._

Yoda stood in front of her with an impassive gaze. “Calm your mind.”

Taking several deep breaths, she centered. Letting out a final exhale, Barriss croaked, “Sorry about that.”

“Unnecessary, your apologies are. Overwhelm the senses, visions can.”

Barriss arranged herself into a cross-legged position and tried to relax still pulsing muscles. “Do you know why mine happen the way they do?”

He shrugged. “Manifest differently for each receiver.”

“Mine are always images of death, though. Is that normal?”

A raspy series of amused coughs rang out. “Heh, young Offee. Normal? What know we of normal? A meaningless concept, that is.”

Barriss grimaced. “Point acknowledged, Master. I just meant do other Jedi’s visions typically involve terrible events to come? Ahsoka occasionally gets warnings about danger, but those are more of a feeling with accompanying flashes. A few times she’s experienced something that might be considered a vision. Hers aren’t like mine, though. She calls them turning points. They guided her to make a critical decision at the right moment.”

“Yours do not?”

“No! Mine are totally different and extremely unclear. Plus, they’re always tragic and disturbing. Hers are hopeful and steadying.”

“Hmm,” was the only comment.

Barriss waited, but nothing more came. Rubbing her forehead, she asked, “What exactly are you trying to say, Master?”

There was a sigh. “What you refuse to see. Your visions, turning points also, were they not?”

She contemplated. “I suppose.”

“Act on their import, did you?”

Barriss slumped. “I did. Sometimes, unwisely. It took me a long time to understand that what I saw was not always as it seemed.”

“Yes,” Yoda replied softly, “always in motion is the future.” A toothy grin appeared. “Perhaps, not so different from your wife’s after all, hmm?”

She frowned. “Not in that sense, but Ahsoka doesn’t wake up screaming. She’s not even asleep. Hers aren’t… terrifying.”

Yoda raised eye ridges. “Have a theory, do you?”

Pulling knees to her chest, she whispered, “Maybe, it’s because of me. If each vision reflects the person seeing it, my mind draws death and destruction from the essence of the Force. Hers draws hope and faith.”

He harrumphed. “One interpretation that is. Another there may be.”

The woman looked at him hopefully. “Such as?”

“Your mind, more attuned it is to those underlying currents, because strength you have to handle the message. Discernment to recognize the meaning. Determination to see it through.”

Her face scrunched. “You’re suggesting the Force chooses to show me tragic events because it thinks I can stop them?”

Yoda shook his head. “You show yourself, young one. Focus you do, on aspects others may not. To prevent tragedy and serve the greater good, a mission it is, yes?”

Barriss smiled diffidently. “I guess you could say that.”

His eyes gleamed. “Determines your reality, your focus does.” He paused thoughtfully. “Your wife’s visions, concern you do they?”

Her mouth parted. “Yes, the ones I’m aware of did.”

“Ah.” Yoda chuckled. “Telling that is.”

A pleased grin crept onto her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmmmm...


	76. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Waiting For Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting for Tomorrow: It will come. Are you ready?
> 
> [7PPY]

Caam rode into the main courtyard with giddy anticipation. Everything looked just as she remembered it. Swiftly tying off her horse, she ran through the inner gates.

“Hold on, Secura. Has being on campaign made you forget proper procedure?”

The girl halted at the gatehouse. “Come on, Esso! You know they don’t make me do that stuff. I want it to be a surprise. Don’t tell them I’m here. Please? They aren’t expecting me until tomorrow.”

The edges of the guard’s mouth twitched. “Hmm… let me give it some consideration.” Laughing at her expression of frustration, he relented. “Alright, soldier. Go on.”

Caam grinned and restarted her hurried movement toward the side entrance. “Thanks.”

“Oh, hey, seems like you’ve made quite a name for yourself in the last six months.”

She twisted back around. “Really? Who says?”

“Lots of people. Every week I hear some new story about your battlefield feats. Didn’t you just save an entire royal family from Tusken raiders?”

Caam rolled her eyes. “It was one princess and I only evacuated her, while the rest of our unit engaged the village warriors. Where do people get these things?”

He laughed. “Still impressive. Keep up that kind of work and you’ll be a warrior in no time.”

“Hope so!” Flashing a final grin, she sprinted into the castle and headed straight for the family wing. There was only one person on her mind at this moment.

Sneaking down the corridor, she slipped around the office, feeling a bit guilty as she heard Ahsoka and Rex’s voices float out of it. _Plenty of time to see them after I find Kayo._

Reaching Karyna’s room, Caam listened and heard the soothing melody of a lyre. Jittery excitement flooded her body. Adjusting her gauntlets and lekku bands, she smoothed down her diamond-accented, apple red tunic. Caam frowned as she noticed stray threads poking out of a sleeve. _Really? When did that happen?_ Shoving them back under the edge of the fabric, she finally knocked.

“Come in.”

Bursting at the seams, she cracked the door and stuck her head around it. “So… did you miss me?”

There was a delighted squeal as Karyna flew off the bed.

Caam stepped in the room and shut the door behind her, just in time for Karyna to sail into her arms. Exhilaration flowing, she wrapped her up tightly. _She’s gotten taller, I think._ “Hey you.”

A content sigh came from the girl on her chest. “Hey back. I missed you.”

She tucked her face into Karyna’s perfect hair and inhaled the intoxicating aroma that finally had a name. During the Naboo operation, Caam had awoken to the smell of blooming orchids in the morning dew. The wafting scent had filled her with happiness and she had soon realized why. It was _hers._ “Not as much as I missed you.”

Karyna looked up with a quirked eyebrow. “Arguable.”

Caam smiled and lifted a hand to smooth the raven locks back into place. She’d only been gone for six months, but could swear Karyna had gotten lovelier. Something about the face looked older than fifteen, now. Her cheekbones angled higher, the olive-tinged skin shined brighter, and her lips seemed fuller. Even the awesome blue eyes Caam dreamed about contained a deeper, sparkling edge. The simple, creamy dress only enhanced the effect. As if it knew it couldn't compete and was content to merely emphasize the exceptionality of the wearer. _Maybe, you’ve just forgotten how beautiful she really is._ “Nope, not this time. I really have missed you _so_ much.”

There was a cute grin and Karyna leaned back into her chest. “Good.”

_______

“Should we go find everyone else, now?” Karyna asked as she ran a brush through her long, flowing hair.

Reluctant to let go of their quality time, Caam shrugged. “Guess so.”

The girl eyed Caam's reflection in the mirror. “You don’t want to?”

“Course. I’ve missed everyone. But, once I do, I’ll probably be pinned down the rest of the day. I have to report back to the barracks tomorrow and I wanted us to spend some time together, too.”

Her expression turned thoughtful and then she hopped across the room. Taking Caam’s hand, Karyna dragged her to the bed. “You’re right. I’m not letting you go anywhere, yet. Tell me some stories.”

Smiling happily, she stretched out and locked hands behind her head. “Ok. What do you want to hear about?”

Karyna laid on Caam's crooked shoulder. “Hmm… how about your heroic rescue of a beautiful princess? Aunt Ahsoka told us you got a special commendation for it.”

She snorted. “Really? You people need other things to talk about.”

Awesome eyes looked up at her. “Afraid not, Cabbage. News about you is the most exciting thing we’ve got going around here.”

Caam laughed. “Then, you people definitely need to get out more.”

Karyna giggled. “Maybe. Still, tell me about your princess. It’s like a story from one of my books you make fun of. Was she actually beautiful?”

“Sure. But, what’s that got to do with the actual rescue?”

“Just seems more fitting that way or something. Did she give you a kiss in gratitude for your service? That would really be like my books.”

“Uh…” _She gave me quite a few, actually, but no way I’m telling you that part of the story._ An unbidden grin formed.

Karyna sat up. “She did! You kissed her!”

“Hmm, maybe? Hard to recall,” Caam replied, uncertain what the reaction meant, but feeling a need to draw it out.

The midnight blue narrowed. “Uh huh. How many princesses have you kissed since you’ve been gone exactly?”

Caam raised eyebrows. “Only one. Do you think I should up my game?”

Karyna glared. “Absolutely not. I’ll never catch up.”

Her mouth parted. “What are you talking about?”

The girl flashed an impish grin. “Well, there’s no way I’m letting you kiss more princesses than me. Princes, either, for that matter.”

“You aren’t serious.”

She smirked. “I so happened to meet a princess, while you were gone.”

Caam jerked up. “Who?!”

Her friend stared. “One of the Naboo princesses came with her father to see Aunt Ahsoka, but does it matter?”

Letting her head fall back onto the pillow, Caam tried to put lightness in her tone. “No, just wondering.”

“You’re acting weird about this.”

“Sorry, I was just surprised. I didn’t know you…” _Went around kissing everyone you met!_

“You didn’t think someone would want to kiss me, did you? I may not have as many suitors as you, but people like me too,” was the petulant reply.

Caam winced and reached up, pulling the girl flat beside her. She turned on her side to face Karyna. “Course they do. You’re… beautiful.”

The annoyed face softened. “You think so?”

Placing a hand on the delicate cheek, Caam murmured, “Yes, very much.”

Karyna gazed at her for a moment and then a grinned bashfully. “Thanks. I was exaggerating, though. Other than Jungi and her, I haven’t kissed anyone.”

Caam tried not to show her relief. “Oh. Why'd you act like that, then?”

Her eyes darted around. “It’s silly, but I—you always have someone and it makes me feel…” Her gaze returned to Caam. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me that I don’t?”

Tracing a finger over each tiny triangle, she shook her head. “It’s maybe better that way. Having a bunch makes it less meaningful, especially if it's not someone…” Caam paused and then said carefully, “None of them are what I really want. It’s more something soldiers do to pass the time. No one takes it seriously. It gets boring sitting around and waiting for new orders. You have lots of other stuff going on. So, you don’t need to entertain yourself with that kind of thing.”

“Huh. I never thought of it like that.” Karyna seemed to consider. “You think I’ll feel more like everyone else, if it’s someone I really want?”

Caam scrunched her face. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

The girl averted her eyes. “Nevermind. I’m not sure what I mean, either.” Looking back at Caam, Karyna asked, “What do you want?”

She stiffened. “Uh, what?”

“You said it’s not what you really want. That must mean you know what you do want, right?”

Assessing the inquisitive face in front of her, Caam saw nothing but innocent fascination. It was the same expression Karyna displayed when someone told her about a new system for crop rotation. Letting out a sigh, she answered, “Sort of. But, I can’t have it yet. So, I’m… waiting for it to come to me, I suppose.”

Her nose wrinkled. “I don’t understand.”

Caam smiled softly. “Hopefully, you will one day. Remember, I’m a couple of years older than you. I’m not saying I’m all wise and such. It's only things feel different than when I was fifteen.”

Karyna met her gaze with a hint of anxiety. “Is that because you’re an adult, now?”

She stared. “Huh?”

“I know Twi’leks have their age of decision around seventeen.”

“How did you know about that?” Caam asked in amazement.

A pleased grin appeared. “I researched all about Twi’leks for a project once. I was clearing out my old stuff last month and found my report. It said your process is unusual and highly stressful. Because, your body and mind change to function differently in a short period, whereas most species mature over several years.” She looked down and mumbled, “I was worried you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore—now that you are grown up.”

Caam lifted her chin. “That will never be true. Anyway, I already went through that when I was sixteen. So, it’s been done for a while and we’re all good.”

Her eyes bulged. “How come you didn’t—” She paused and then continued excitedly, “Is that what you were upset about last year? The thing you wouldn’t tell me about? You know, when you were acting strange and moody all the time?”

She grinned. “Guess you could say that.”

Karyna’s face lit up. “That makes me feel better. I’m not sure I could have helped. I see why it was hard to talk about. But, everything is ok now, right?”

“Yep.” Caam rubbed a thumb over the beautiful cheek. “Everything is very ok, now.”

_______

“To what do we owe this honor, Commander?”

Thrawn returned a formal bow. “The honor is mine, my lady. Perhaps, I simply wished to avail myself of your vast intellect.”

Barriss motioned him to a chair on the other side of her desk. “Anything is possible, however unlikely. If I’ve learned anything about you, it’s that there is always a purpose to your actions.”

He settled into the seat with a slight smile. “One could say the same for you.”

She lowered herself into her own chair. “Not always. On occasion, I do simply engage in an activity for no other reason than personal satisfaction.”

“That may be true, but I suspect your relaxation activities also have a goal.” He swept a languid hand around the office. “You have clearly selected and cultivated the decorative accents here. Why did you spend time completing them? It makes the space no more or less functional.”

Barriss smiled. “Very good, Commander. You are correct. I enjoyed the process of creating an environment to my tastes. However, it has the added benefit of putting occupants at ease. It also enhances my own feeling of satisfaction with a place I spend a great many hours. A blank and depressing office makes for poor productivity.”

“Indeed,” he replied lightly, “I do agree. Though, there is a drawback.”

“Such as?”

“It gives visitors insight into your personality and frame of reference. For example, the painting behind you originated from one of the most renowned artisans of Alderaan. The selection itself is an admirable and rare piece of middle period artwork, indicating a discerning eye and means with which to obtain it. That it hangs in such prominent relief suggests a high level of attachment, even sentimental in nature, to the past as well as a desire for subtle reminders of your principles.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Or, perhaps, I chose this piece to convey exactly that impression to my more observant visitors.”

He inclined his head. “A valid point. However, combined with my prior analysis of your character, I tend toward the first explanation.”

Barriss gazed back impassively. “You are free to believe whatever you wish, of course.”

His crimson eyes lit up. “I do hope you believe my admiration of you is quite genuine. While it does not directly influence my approach, I must own a pleasant anticipation at the opportunity to interact with you.”

She smiled. “I find I must return the sentiment. A somewhat surprising state of affairs, given our initial acquaintance consisted of you attempting to end my life. That said, shall we discuss what really brought you to me?”

Thrawn straightened. “Very well.” Reaching into the inner lining of his regal cape he pulled out a document pouch. Placing it on the desk, the man met her gaze. “We have discovered additional information that may be of benefit to your efforts.”

Barriss raised eyebrows. “Sharing intel? To what end?”

He lifted shoulders in a slight shrug. “The more prepared Shili is the better our position, no matter the outcome.”

She considered and then slowly nodded. “Understood.” Taking the pouch, Barriss fingered it. “Would you like to review this with our command staff or do you intend to depart immediately?”

“Neither,” he replied politely. “I wish to discuss it with you alone.”

The woman assessed him for a moment and then rose from her chair. Crossing to the bell, she rang it, before pointing toward the nearby circular table. “Do join me, Commander. I’ve ordered some refreshments. One should not discuss the potential destruction of one’s world without an excessive amount of tea.”

The corners of his mouth twitched. Rising, Thrawn removed his cape and laid it to the side. Taking a seat at the table, he commented, “As always, my lady, I find your insight quite compelling.”

_______

They gaped at her.

Barriss grimaced. “I am quite serious about this.”

Juliayl frowned. “Barriss, you do realize how hard it will be to figure out anything about a species make-up, much less weaknesses, without examining them firsthand?”

“I understand the difficulties. I also know I have the best in front of me. If anyone can do it, you two can.”

Hans snorted. “Flattery won’t create miracles.”

Placing the documents in his hands, Barriss locked an intense gaze. “No, but faith sometimes can. I have faith in both of you. I also know if we don’t find a strategy, the entire world could suffer on a scale that is, perhaps, worse than Palpatine. We can only wait for tomorrow for so long, until it is upon us. I intend to exhaust every option, before it arrives. Please, will you try?”

The man released a long breath and glanced at Juliayl.

She shrugged. “Don’t ask me. You’re the one who’ll be stretching the limits of research to come up with brilliant ideas.”

Hans grinned. “But, you’re the one that tells me when my ideas are completely impractical and ineffective.”

A return grin crept up the sides of her face. “That’s never stopped you before.” Running a hand through her blonde curls, she turned back to Barriss. “Alright, we’ll see what we can come up with.”

Putting a hand on each of their shoulders, Barriss smiled gratefully. “I know what you both can do and that’s good enough for me.”

_______

“I hope you don’t expect us to salute you now or anything, Lieutenant Secura,” Jungi remarked as he sipped his ale. “Because, it’s so not happening.”

Caam grinned. “Better shape up, Jung, or I’ll put you on report to your new captain.”

Polter flipped elegantly long lekku over his shoulders. “You know very well castle guards have a different command structure, beauty queen. Jungi can harass you at will. The rest of us are out of luck, though.”

Hux brushed fingers over his new lieutenant's insignia. “Speak for yourself.”

Thatcher gulped down the rest of her mug with a sour expression. “True. I still can’t believe you made warrior at the same time as Caam, Huxley. Whose arse did you kiss?”

He glared. “Perhaps, they simply recognize excellence when they see it.”

Giving an exaggerated eye roll, Klicker quipped, “Or, you annoyed them into submission.”

Ropal snickered, green antennae twitching. “I still vote for some kind of mental lapse on the part of the Master General.”

Caam raised hands. “Now, now. Hux earned his warrior promotion fair and square. He _is_ our communications expert and he’s frakin’ good at it. It’s not surprising they would give him an opening in a flag squad.”

The man in question straightened, pride shining from his face.

L’uyta groaned. “Don’t encourage him!”

“Too late,” Klicker grumbled. “Look at him. He’s lit up like a Maldosian pufferfish.”

Hux growled. “Would it kill one of you to ever congratulate me?! I work hard!”

Polter gave him an evil grin. “It just might, Huxley.”

Caam put her drink on the bar and then stuck out a hand. “Congratulations, Lieutenant Hux. You did good.”

He gazed at her for a moment, before a rare genuine smile formed. Shaking her hand, Hux replied, “You too, Lieutenant Secura.”

Everyone exchanged glances. Then, Thatcher shrugged and slapped them both on the back with a laugh. “Fine, we’ll go the sappy route. You both did our squad proud.”

There were lifted mugs of agreement, before a companionable silence fell.

It was broken by Jungi, who leaned against the bar with a vacantly happy grin. “This is a good day.”

Everyone stared at him for a moment and then multiple return grins appeared. Even Hux managed a close approximation.

Caam handed Thatcher a new ale. “How about a toast to the best apprentice squad in the history of Shili.” She raised her mug with flourish. “One day, we’ll show them all.”

Cheerful hurrahs sounded across Jho’s and the rest of the night passed in joyful celebration.

_______

Barriss glanced up as Caam ambled into her office. “Hey, my special warrior. How was your celebration last night? Have fun?”

The girl grimaced and massaged her temples. “Too much fun.” She collapsed onto the settee, stretching out and closing her eyes. “We keep this castle much too bright.”

Giving a small snort, Barriss rose from her desk and crossed the room. Shifting Caam’s gangly legs off the side, she sat in the cleared space. “Uh huh.”

A small grin appeared and then her eyelids fluttered open. “So, wanna help me move?”

She blinked. “You’re leaving the barracks?” Barriss’ heart leapt with joy at having her girl back home. Still, she knew how bonded their squad was and had expected it to take a while for Caam to adjust to the idea.

“Yep. I met with the support sergeant yesterday and we’re all set.”

Pursing lips, she asked, “Are you sure you’re ok with this? Don’t move for us. We want you to be happy.”

The girl stared for a moment and then shifted around to lean her head against Barriss’ shoulder. “Don’t worry. It’s all good. My squad is splitting up, anyway. Jungi’s moving to the guardsmans’ quarters in the castle. Polter’s been assigned to my new squad, which means he’s transferring to the special forces barracks with the rest of the recon soldiers. Hux is off to boss people around in Alpha company. Thatcher got a spot in an elite squad and is being deployed next week. So, only Klicker, L’uyta and Ropal will still be in our barracks. Besides, I…”

Barriss trailed fingers over her lekku. “You what?”

“I miss home,” she answered, looking up with a tentative grin.

A happy smile spread and then Barriss kissed her forehead. “And, home missed you. So much.”

There was a content sigh as Caam snuggled into her side. “Supra.”

_______

“Jungi!”

The young man pivoted around in the doorway leading to the guardsmans’ barracks. His eyes widened and he saluted. “Princess, what can I do for you?”

Caam growled. “If you ever call me that again, I will strangle you.”

He stood at attention, but a small grin played at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, ma’am. I shall endeavor to ignore the fact that you are a member of the royal family.” His expression shifted into the impassive stare of a royal guard. “A fact you neglected to mention to me the entire time we’ve known each other.”

She winced. “Ok, that’s fair. I am, but I’m still not a princess.”

His voice took on a dry tinge. “Then, you’ll have to explain why you have quarters in the family wing of the castle, which are designated on my classified map as ‘Her Highness, The Princess Caam’. You’ll also have to figure out why my captain is under the impression you warrant the same level of protection and deference Princess Karyna does.”

Caam grimaced and glanced around. “Are you busy? I came to see if you wanted to catch up, anyway. Let’s go to my room and talk.”

“I’m sorry, your highness. I’m not allowed inside family quarters, except for when I’m executing my duty as a royal guardsman.”

Gritting teeth, she ground out, “Fine. Can you at least walk with me down the hallway?”

“Yes, my lady, if that is what you wish,” was the wry reply.

She smiled. “Excellent. Hop to, soldier.”

A small grin flashed and they exited the barracks entryway together.

As they headed down the hall, Caam took a deep breath. “Ok, see, what happened was I lost my mom when I was young. I was kinda adopted by the queen and her family. Then, my mom came back. So, things got complicated. It's a long story, but basically they are all my family.”

Jungi stared for a moment. “Alright then. That doesn’t explain why you never mentioned it. I mean no one knows you’re even a member of the royal family.”

“Yeah, that was on purpose. We never really operated like that before. It didn’t matter who was who. We were just… family, you know? After Shili got rebuilt, it was weird. New people moved in and the kingdom kept growing. People kept treating me like I was special or something. I wanted my family, but didn’t want to be a princess. So, when I joined the army, the sovereign made my mom a royal advisor. That way I didn’t have to be. They also thought it would make it easier for me to fit in and such. I guess people didn’t know what else to put on your map, since I am sorta the kid of the sovereign and the queen.”

“Huh.” Jungi seemed to contemplate. “Still, you could have told your squadmates. I get why you didn’t want to at first. But, after a while, we wouldn’t have treated you any different.”

She frowned. “I guess. It’s just not who I am. Besides, do you know how much trouble I would have had with Hux?”

Jungi laughed. “That’s a point.” He hesitated, before saying, “But, it wasn’t—I mean you trusted us, right?”

Caam started. “Course.” _I think?_

“Sure about that? It seems like you would have at least mentioned you had other family, even in a general way. Actually,” he rushed out, “you never talk about much of anything. Not just your family, but all of it.”

She stopped walking and stared at him. “I don’t?”

He turned to face her, shifting from one foot to the other. “Yeah. Like you always helped everyone with their problems, but you never told us any of yours.”

Caam looked away. “Maybe. I dunno.”

A hand gripped her shoulder. “Hey, Secura. I’m your friend and friends talk to each other. So, give it a try sometime.”

 _He's right._ Returning her gaze to him, she smiled. “Ok, Jung. I’ll work on it.”

His face brightened. “Excellent. We can start with the story you breezed through at the beginning of this conversation.” Earnest eyes met hers. “Tell me how you lost your mom.”

Caam stiffened. _Come on, Secura. You can handle it. Make an effort._ “Alright,” she replied softly. “I don’t want to tell you the story in the hallway, though. Are you allowed to come with me to the family courtyard? No one should be there at this time of day. If you can’t go into any of the living areas, it’s the only place I can think of where we can talk in private.”

Jungi grinned. “Well, I’ve never been told not to go there. I think that means I’m totally allowed.”

She laughed and took his arm. “Not to worry, if anyone asks, you’re escorting the princess.”

The grin widened. “Supra, as my friend Caam would say.”

Giving a small snort, she replied airily, “Sounds like an amazing friend to me.”

Putting a hand over hers, he nodded. “Oh, she is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, everything is happy and nothing hurts. I'm worried.


	77. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Familia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familia: Family is... family.
> 
> [8PPY]

Obi-Wan dug through mounds of robes with rising frustration. _What did I do with it?_

There was an absent sigh from the bed. “What are you looking for, my love?”

He straightened and ran a hand through his thinning hair. “My storage crate. I know I put it in here.”

“Years ago," Luminara replied dryly. "Then, you proceeded to pile robes, parchments, and all manner of objects on top of it, until I literally couldn’t get anything in the wardrobe.”

The man twisted around in annoyance. “You moved it.”

She glanced up from her book. “I did.”

He ground his teeth. “Where, pray tell, did you move it to? And, why didn’t you inform me of said relocation?”

One side of her mouth twitched. “You were gone at the time and it must have slipped my mind.”

“Did where you put it also slip your mind?”

“Hmm… I believe I can successfully locate it for you. What do I get out of it?”

Rubbing hands over his face, he muttered, “Nevermind, I’ll find it myself.” Hissing a breath, Obi-Wan crossed to the bed and crouched down to search beneath it. A hand brushed the top of his head and he jerked up.

Luminara was stretched horizontally on her stomach, peering over the side, chin propped on her palms. “I’m sorry. Clearly, you’re on a mission. What’s so important to find at this moment?”

Obi-Wan exhaled and shifted to sit on the floor. Resting arms over his knees, he leaned sideways against the bed. “There’s something in it I want to give to the girls.”

Slender fingers ran through his hair. “Something?”

He looked up at his wife. “My familia.”

Her eye widened and then softened. “Alright. Now?”

“Yes,” he murmured, “this morning I woke up with the idea. Perhaps, I’m getting sentimental in my old age.”

Luminara lifted his chin and gazed down at him. “In that case, I’d better remember where I put it.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t help himself and raised his head to press lips against the ones hovering over him. As he pulled away, Luminara’s silver necklace dangled in front of his eyes. Obi-Wan had it custom-made by a renowned artisan as a symbol of their love, both past and present, not long after they married. The woman still wore it everyday. _Gods, I’m the luckiest man on the planet._ Flashing a boyish grin, he remarked, “I’m sure we can arrange an appropriate reward for your diligence in moving my crate from it’s proper location, not telling me about it, and then letting me spend twenty minutes searching in vain.”

There was a snort. “Indeed.”

_______

Obi-Wan removed the elegantly appointed, jeweled box from it’s protective wrapping. Opening it, he verified the contents.

Luminara ran an assessing eye over the object. “It’s in amazing condition after being carted all over the planet for more than half a century.”

He glared. “You don’t have to put it like that.”

“Apologies, my youthful husband. Would you prefer I said nearly sixty years or simply since you were ten?”

“You could have stopped at the word planet and still gotten the idea across,” he answered peevishly.

The woman laughed and trailed fingers across his chin. “Advice noted.”

Obi-Wan kissed her cheek. “Excellent. Now, I’m off to deliver my prize. Perhaps, you can return my crate to it’s proper home, while I’m gone.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “That is never going to happen, my love. You have two options. Your immense pile of messy robes or your crate. Only one is staying in the wardrobe at a time.”

The man tucked the small object under his arm with an airy smile. “We’ll see. I think you’ll come around.”

“I look forward to seeing how you plan to persuade me that we don’t actually need space for clothes in our wardrobe.”

“Think outside the box, my love! A wardrobe is so limiting for clothes,” Obi-Wan remarked as he strolled out of their quarters.

She called after him, “Is that the best you can do? I’m unconvinced!”

Leaning back in the doorway, he grinned. “Oh, I can do much, much better than that. Figure out how to get my crate in the wardrobe and I’ll show you when I get back.”

Luminara laughed. “Go see the girls, my silly husband, before you send me into an organization meltdown.”

He winked. “Your wish is my command.”

_______

As he knocked on the door, Obi-Wan felt strangely anxious. Opening the box, his fingers ran over the smooth wood. He placed the familia in the palm of his hand and admired the carving one last time. It was a perfectly rounded circle, except for small, flared cutouts around the entire circumference that gave it the appearance of a flaming sun. The intricate etching in the center weaved into an artistic figure eight. Four tiny lines spread from equidistant points of the figure like a compass, upwardly curving to guide the eye toward the next, symbolizing an endless cycle of renewal. _Now, it will never be broken._ Obi-Wan smiled softly.

The door opened and Barriss raised eyebrows. “You’re out and about early this morning.”

Slipping the familia back into its home, he replied, “I’m up early every morning, impertinent child.”

She grinned. “Perhaps, but emerging from your quarters is a different matter entirely. As I recall, you claim my master holds you hostage.”

Obi-Wan put on a serious face. “Quite true. Since my wife declared us officially retired, it has become a chore every morning to escape her gloriousness. Fortunately, today I was on a mission to see you both and she allowed me to leave.”

Barriss laughed and stepped back from the doorway. “Ahsoka, Grandmaster Kenobi has graced us with his retired presence.”

As he entered their quarters, Obi-Wan heard an annoyed voice from the dressing room. “This early?!” Snorting, the man took a seat next to the fire. “I can see my appearance before noon has caused severe consternation. I shall await your leisure, my ladies.”

“We appreciate your gracious forbearance, considering we have not yet reached the breakfast hour,” the woman replied dryly.

He waved a magnanimous hand. “You are quite welcome.”

There was a small chuckle as she sat on the settee across from him. “So, would you like to tell me what’s so important or do we have to wait for Ahsoka?”

“I have something for you both. And, I wanted to do it now. Not sure why, but you know us retired people. No concept of time.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “I’m intrigued.”

Ahsoka finally emerged with a hurried air, still tying off the lacing on her sage tunic. “Ok, here I am. What’s up?”

“Well,” Obi-Wan replied loftily, “good morning to you, too, Sovereign.”

She sent eyes skyward. “Good morning, Grandmaster Kenobi. How are you on this fine day?”

He responded with an overly polite, “Very well. I thank you for your kind inquiry.”

Ahsoka settled next to Barriss with a grin. “Glad to hear it. Now, can we start the real conversation?”

“Hmm,” Obi-Wan said with feigned thoughtfulness, “I suppose that would be acceptable.”

Barriss laughed. “Apparently, he has something for us that couldn’t wait.”

“Indeed.” Obi-Wan rose from his seat and held out the small case. “You can open it. Then, I’ll explain.”

Ahsoka took it from his hands and did just that. “Wow.”

Barriss leaned over to look at the object cradled in Ahsoka’s hand. “It’s beautiful.” She ran a fingertip along the entirety of the figure eight. “The craftsmanship is superb. I’m not sure I’ve seen it’s equal.”

The man grinned with pleasure at their reaction. “It’s called a familia. It was created through an ancient form of carving. They only utilized wooden implements and a variety of other techniques, such as hand picking, elemental hardening, and the like. The expertise has been lost over the centuries as metal tools gained popularity for being more efficient. You rarely find things made this way anymore. If you do, it’s usually in the house of an ancestral family, who passed it down from generation to generation.” Crouching in front of them, Obi-Wan continued, “A familia is a sort of ancient coat of arms. This particular one belongs to the Kenobi line. It’s been in my family for centuries.” Placing a hand on each woman’s, he met their eyes. “Now, I’m passing it on to you.”

Ahsoka swallowed tightly. “Woah.”

Barriss gazed at him, tears glistening in the piercing blue. “We’re honored.”

He leaned forward and kissed each woman’s forehead. “I’m the one who is honored. I never thought I’d have children to pass it on to. I was afraid the line would be broken. Now, it never will. I love you both so much, my amazing daughters.”

There were two sharp breaths and then both women wrapped arms around him. A voice whispered, “We love you too, our amazing father.”

_______

Obi-Wan exited the girls’ room with a content smile and began to whistle as he returned to his quarters. Until, Sabine came careening down the hallway, barely noticing his presence. The man turned back. _Something is wrong._

She skidded to a halt at Ahsoka and Barriss’ door, banging furiously.

Ahsoka appeared and Sabine reported breathlessly, “Ryloth’s been attacked by the Hutt conglomeration.” She held up a parchment. “My intelligence group is reporting they've decimated the standing army and taken the castle. Dala Yindel is dead and the entire Syndulla family has been taken hostage.”

_No._

Ahsoka’s face went ashen. She twisted back into the room. Swords flew into her hands and she fastened them around her waist. Barriss appeared behind her and all three women rushed down the hallway.

Obi-Wan began sprinting to his quarters. “I’ll get everyone else.”

He heard Ahsoka call, “Meet us in the operations center.”

_______

“Not to point out the negative, but why hold them hostage? Why not just kill the entire ruling family?” Luke asked.

Barriss shrugged. “Many reasons. In the first days of a takeover, high-value hostages are useful as bargaining chips, if any remaining Ryloth forces attempt a counter-strike. It’s possible they also intend to force Cham to officially cede power to them. His family could be leveraged to coerce the concession. Additionally, classified kingdom details may be ascertained through… questioning. Whatever the goal, their usefulness to the Hutts will soon diminish,” she ended soberly.

“Yes, our time for a response is limited.” Asajj tapped the communique. “What’s the effective date on this information?”

“The operational details are good as of twelve hours ago,” Sabine replied. “However, my people didn’t become aware of the takeover until two days after it happened. That means a potential three to four day lag on originating events.”

“Why the delay?” Aayla inquired.

Sabine grimaced. “Ryloth is on a surveillance rotation as it doesn't pose a threat to us. I don’t have the manpower to monitor every kingdom at all times. In fact, the only reason we know about it now is because my operative in the Alliance reported it. Leia provided him with the updated details. Apparently, they received the information from their own sources.”

Asajj hissed. “Of course, they would have someone stationed in an independent kingdom that is too insular to be a threat. Do they plan to intervene?”

“No,” Sabine answered flatly, “they decided, since Ryloth was unlikely to join them either way, it was a poor use of resources.”

Kit raised eyeridges. “Interesting philosophy. Pragmatic, but short-sighted. The Hutts controlling Ryloth is good for no one. It strengthens their hand, increasing the future threat to other kingdoms. Once entrenched, it will be hard to remove them. The only regime that ever had any success at doing so was Palpatine. Actually, the proliferation of crime syndicates was one of the elements that contributed to his seizing power.”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan agreed emphatically, “we can not let the Hutt occupation of Ryloth stand. It poses a grave risk to the future.”

Ahsoka nodded. “Ryloth is also an ally. While we’ve received no formal request for assistance, it’s reasonable to assume they need it. Let’s talk about how to do so.”

“Alright.” Rex rolled out the blueprints of Ryloth castle and added them to the maps of the surrounding terrain. “I’m pulling an entire battalion. We don’t have a clear idea of numbers and competence. They defeated the Ryloth forces, which is no easy task. Their army was small, but effective. That suggests significant manpower and weaponry were involved to overrun them. We can leave the other two battalions here to protect Shili.”

“Let’s mobilize one of them, as well,” Ahsoka said. “The other should go on high alert. It's unlikely, but possible, Ryloth is only part of a larger stratagem. I want Shili prepared for any eventuality.”

Obi-Wan added, “I'd also recommend seeing if we can make contact with what remains of the Ryloth forces. They are a proud people and will want to participate in retaking their kingdom. Coordinating efforts has multiple benefits.”

Sabine grinned. “I'm already ahead of you. They're regrouping in the Sulita Canyon. I've sent one of my best men to make contact with them. We only need to send him the operational details to relay to the Twi'leks.”

Ahsoka smiled. “Well done, Sabine.”

“What about Caleb, Hera, and Jacen?” Ezra clenched his fists. “It’s all well and good to expel the Hutts from Ryloth. But, we need to get them out safely.”

Rex put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s the second order of business. I suggest a two-prong approach. We have the bulk of the 501st and any remaining Ryloth forces attack the castle. Meanwhile, a few specialty squads can break off and carry out a rescue mission.”

Luke inclined his head. “The 501st is ready and willing, General.”

Ezra straightened. “Bravo company would like to volunteer for the rescue, Commander. My elite squads have a superior success rate and the wolfpack is the best recon squad in the legion. I can personally lead them during the operation.”

Katooni stiffened and Barriss gripped her arm.

Luke grinned. “My thoughts exactly. We’ll need the best to pull it off.”

Ezra returned the grin. “Excellent.”

Ahsoka put up a hand. “You’re getting ahead of yourselves. If Sabine’s intel is correct, they are being held in the castle. So, we either need to breach their defenses first or figure out another way inside.”

“I vote for the second option,” Barriss chimed in. “The Hutts could use them as shields or they may be injured during our attack.” Scanning the castle blueprints, she pointed. “Here. This is our way in. I suggest a small infiltration team, who can move quickly. The wolfpack plus a few of us would suffice. Ezra's elite squads can stand ready. If the team can get far enough to release the hostages, they can act as reinforcements to cover the egress. If the situation warrants more manpower up front, they can help secure this side gate. It will be less noticeable and is unlikely to be well-protected.”

Shan’s eyes roved over the castle infrastructure. “The infiltration should happen before they are aware of the battalion. The element of surprise will be important with any entry of additional squads. This castle is well thought-out. They have significant defensive measures in several areas, including what appears to be a ring of fire along the entire perimeter. We need to strike before they have a chance to implement them or the infiltration team could suffer heavy casualties, potentially being trapped in the process.”

Ahsoka considered. “How do we propose to get the battalion close enough to start an assault mid-rescue without them knowing about it?”

“We don’t,” Luminara stated. “Advance warning with location. We time the infiltration a bit ahead of the battalion, while ensuring the Hutts are aware of the march timeline immediately beforehand. They will be distracted preparing for the imminent attack and also not expecting anything earlier than their solid intel says it will happen.”

Rex looked at Barriss expectantly.

The woman closed eyes, calculations flying through her face. Piercing blue came back into view. “There are still a lot of variables to nail down, but my rough estimate is 86% in favor of success.”

Luke snorted. “Don’t get too specific in your _estimation_ or anything. Not 86.1138%?”

She shot a glare. “I’m only saying the number might change depending on the finalized details, my impertinent nephew. There are a lot of unknowns in the equation.”

He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Travesty of travesties.”

“Speaking of details,” Asajj commented dryly, “how do we propose to convince them of the veracity of this solid intel?”

A new voice rang out, “Oh, I think I can handle it.” They all turned to see a smirking Han Solo leaning casually in the doorway. “No need for panic. The cavalry has arrived.”

There was a huff from behind him and a grinning Leia stepped into view. “So, when do we leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple update this week. What am I going to do with myself?!
> 
> Obi-Wan has been toiling in obscurity as a loyal, steadfast, and supportive father figure for so many words I feel bad it took me so long to give him his proper recognition. Also, I found it an important idea more for Ahsoka than Barriss. It's interesting, because opportunities to imply a father-daughter relationship with Barriss were easier throughout this universe of stories than with Ahsoka for several reasons that are probably too long for a chapter note! In terms of Ahsoka, however, her character seems hesitant to assign the title of 'parent' to anyone, even if she may treat them that way in practice. Luminara is a case in point as someone who functions very much as a mother to Ahsoka now and actually would be her 'mother-in-law', but Ahsoka doesn't necessarily acknowledge as such. She has no issue taking on a parent role to others, though seems more comfortable with the title of 'aunt', despite functioning as a main caregiver. It's an interesting bit of psychology for her. 
> 
> Dynamics evolve over time for all relationships and Obi-Wan has grown into a more directly parental role, of course. Still, on some level, Obi-Wan has always filled the 'parent' hole in Ahsoka's life. He's been there, teaching & supporting her since her mother died. We've seen his advice and wisdom impact Ahsoka many times through the years, often influencing her at critical moments. Despite withdrawing from nearly everything but his work during that period, he still prioritized Ahsoka. His biggest concern when Shili fell was finding her. His grief at failing/losing her was deep. 
> 
> How you define fatherhood (rather parenthood) is maybe the real question. Ahsoka had a father, even though he wasn't emotionally around, even before his death. She also had a semi-parental figure in Anakin as her much older brother who basically took over the head family role. Yet, Anakin was someone she more worshiped than relied on and who ended up willing to sacrifice her for people he loved more (or his own happiness). Both of these men were less than effective at 'fatherhood'. When, we scour Ahsoka's life we find many mentors she has tried to rely on to fill that void who failed her in one way or another (even Plo died on her), but has she ever had a true father emotionally? Well, this chapter is my answer. 
> 
> Overall, it doesn't really matter what you call him. Giving everyone some standard family 'position' is a bit irrelevant to the end result. Because, as Ahsoka would probably tell you, family is family. Still, giving Obi-Wan something that seems important to him just felt right.
> 
> As for Ryloth, I'm sure everything will be... fine?


	78. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear: What we do with it is the true test.

Karyna crept up the secret passage that led to the operations center, where apparently her entire family was congregating. Discreetly cracking the door, she pressed herself against the wall and listened. Something was going on and Karyna Offee intended to find out what.

Her anxiety crept into indignation as her family talked. When Leia and Han arrived, the girl couldn’t take anymore. Bursting into the room, she exclaimed, “Um, was anyone planning on telling me that part of my family is in mortal danger and the rest of it is running off the save them? Without _me,_ I might add!”

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

Karyna’s anger raged higher at the lack of response. “Well?!”

Barriss exhaled and then reached out a hand. “Come here, my dear.”

The girl stomped over to her. “Yes?”

“Let’s see what we—”

“No,” Ahsoka interrupted flatly, “it’s too dangerous. There’s nothing to discuss.”

Karyna's temper broke. “Too dangerous for me, you mean! I bet Luke and Leia got to rescue people when they were sixteen. Caam’s squad is going to be on the mission. You’re not being fair!”

The woman crossed her arms and snapped, “That’s different. It was a rebellion. Everyone was in danger all the time. There’s no need for you to be. And, Caam is a fully-trained warrior. You are not.”

The words pierced her heart. _She thinks I’m not good enough. I’ll show her. I can be like them._ Her fingers curled into fists and she yelled, “I don’t care what you say! I can help. I’ll take my horse and show up on my own. You can’t stop me!”

Ahsoka’s face took on an expression Karyna had never seen. White spots appeared on skin that had turned burnt orange as fists clenched so tightly they were shaking. Her mouth drew into a thin line and the fierce eyes blazed. A voice that was not her aunt’s said with disturbing quiet, “You will _not_ disobey me.”

Karyna flinched and took a step back.

“Stop this!” Barriss’ voice cut through the room like a crack of thunder. The woman leveled a cutting gaze on Ahsoka, hissing something that was almost too low for Karyna to hear. It sounded like ‘you control it’.

Rex rounded the table and put a hand on Ahsoka’s arm, whose eyes slowly shut.

Barriss leaned close and whispered into Karyna’s ear, “Please, darling girl. We’ll make it work, ok? Just not at this moment. After we finish the meeting, I’ll talk to your aunt and then we’ll figure out how you can help. Please?”

Hurt and shame replaced the anger as Karyna mumbled, “Ok.”

Brushing the girl’s cheek, Barriss murmured, “Thanks. I promise, it’ll be alright.”

Avoiding everyone’s eyes, Karyna choked out, “I’ll be in my room.” Trying not to cry, she fled the operations center.

_______

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Barriss fixed a furious gaze on her wife. “Nevermind, don’t even bother answering. You weren’t thinking at all!”

Ahsoka collapsed onto the settee, head dropping into her hands. “I can’t—I don’t know what happened. I lost it.”

“Obviously. You _scared_ our child, Ahsoka!”

There was a painful flinch and her wife curled up into a ball. A pitiful voice whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Tears began spilling out of Barriss and she pressed hands to her cheeks. Taking a steadying breath, the woman wiped her face and sat down on the settee. Putting Ahsoka’s head in her lap, she murmured, “It’s going to be alright, my shining girl.” She ran gentle fingers over her montrals. “I know you’re afraid. So am I. But, we’ve dealt with fear our entire lives. We always conquer it. It won’t win this time, either.”

A hand reached up and took hers. Ahsoka locked their fingers together and pressed them under her chin. “I don’t know how to make it stop. I’m terrified of losing it all—of making a mistake that costs everything. It’s overwhelming sometimes. Now, our family is in mortal danger yet again. The idea of letting Karyna walk into it, when I can stop her is… too much. If something happens, I’m not sure I can handle it, much less when I could have prevented it.”

Barriss sighed and bent forward, pressing her forehead to Ahsoka’s cheek. “I understand. Letting our children become who they’re meant to be is always a risk. If something happened to Karyna, I’m not sure either one of us would be… I don’t know what the answer is. I only know what you’ve taught me—having faith and fighting on, no matter what.” She added softly, “We can only do what we’ve always done.”

There was a long silence. Then, Ahsoka turned her head and fierce blue eyes gazed up. Her wife raised their joined hands and kissed them. “What we believe is right.”

_______

“Hey, can I come in?”

Karyna pulled knees to her chest, focusing intently on the blanket. “If you want.”

Ahsoka crossed to the bed and sat down opposite her. “So, we should talk.”

The girl jerked her head in response. Fingers brushed Karyna’s cheek and she flinched.

A strained voice begged, “Karyna, I’m sorry. _Please,_ look at me.”

Dragging her head up, she gasped. Tears were falling from miserable eyes. Karyna couldn’t remember ever seeing her aunt cry. Shifting forward, she pressed herself into Ahsoka’s chest. “Don’t be sad. I didn’t mean it! I’m sorry I disappointed you and made you angry.”

There was a sharp inhale and hands gripped her face, pulling it up to meet a distressed gaze. “Don’t blame yourself for my failure, Karyna. You have _never_ disappointed me. Yes, I got angry, but that wasn’t your fault. It was because of my own issues, not yours. Do you understand?”

Her lip trembled. “Not really.”

She sighed. “I got scared, my dear. I am so sorry. It never should have happened.”

Karyna blinked. “You… get scared?”

Ahsoka rubbed fingers over her tattoos. “Of course. Everyone is scared of something. I’m terrified of losing people I love. It's not that I don't think you're capable, because you are truly exceptional. I just couldn’t stop anyone else from going, except for you. The idea of putting you in danger, when I had the option to keep you safe was too much. Then, you wouldn’t let me get away with it and I suppose my fear got the better of me.”

“Oh.” She considered. “Will it make you happier if I stay here?”

Her eyes widened and then seemed conflicted. Finally, Ahsoka shook her head. “You can’t change who you are to make me happy, Karyna. I won’t allow it. Now, what do you want? Do you feel strongly that you need to help with the mission?”

Karyna chewed her lip, trying to decide whether it was more important to make Ahsoka happy or rescue her family.

The hands tightened on her cheeks. “Be honest with me, my mushroom. Please.”

She looked at her aunt hesitantly. “I… want to help.”

Ahsoka smiled. “Alright. You have to promise to do what we say, when we say it. No arguing. Everyone in this family takes orders, when lives are at stake.”

“I promise.”

“Good.” Ahsoka kissed her forehead. “Ok, one more thing. I want you to tell me that you know I’m proud of you and have never been disappointed in you.”

The girl gaped. “Uh, sure, ok. I know.”

“Nope. You have to actually say it, please.”

Karyna swallowed. “Fine. I know you’re… proud of me.”

“And?”

Looking down, she mumbled, “You’ve never, um, been dis-disappointed in me.”

Ahsoka lifted her chin. “Say it again.”

Staring at her for a long moment, she whispered, “You’ve never been disappointed in me.” Then, a happy grin lit her heart and Karyna leapt forward into the woman’s chest. “I love you, Aunt Ahsoka.”

Arms wrapped around her with a content sigh. “Not as much as I love you, my perfect mushroom.”

_______

Obi-Wan strolled into the sitting room. “Ah, good, everyone is here. Are we ready to load the supplies?”

Leia glanced at Rex wryly. “I see you’ve had little success on our mutual endeavor in my absence.”

Rex pointed to Luke. “Hey, I got that one mostly on board. I thought you were working on our fashionably late negotiator.”

She held up a hand. “Nuh uh. The legend was supposed to be your job!”

Obi-Wan gave them an innocent look. “I’m completely in the dark here.”

Rex snorted. “Oh, I’m sure. You’re not the one standing around awaiting your arrival every single time.”

Luke moved beside Obi-Wan with a shrewd expression. “I don’t know where they get this stuff. Clearly, there is a lack of appreciation for our dramatic entrances.”

Obi-Wan nodded very seriously and put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Indeed. I’m pleased someone in this family has taken my important life lessons to heart.”

Han hooked thumbs into his weapons belt. “You do know I have no clue what any of you are talking about, right?”

Leia smiled serenely at him. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Her husband rolled his eyes. “Right.”

Obi-Wan laughed. “My loving family is simply trying to change a lifelong habit, Han. I’m uncertain why they believe they’ll have more success in my retired years.”

Leia chuckled. “We’re suckers for hopeless causes, apparently.”

“Family tradition,” Obi-Wan replied with a grin. Then, he brushed knuckles over her face. “Speaking of family, when’s little Obi-Wan Solo going to grace us with his presence?”

She glanced down at her nearly flat stomach and then quirked an eyebrow. “Little _yet-to-be-named_ Solo is still several months away, I’m afraid.”

Placing a wounded hand over his heart, the man cried, “Come, come, we discussed this. Obi-Wan is a perfectly dashing name for a royal smuggler!”

That got another eye roll from Han and a range of dubious looks from the others.

Obi-Wan glared, but then his expression turned impish. “Are you worried about too many syllables for when you yell across a room? How about Obi? Or, I hear Wan is an up and coming name for girls.”

“I always liked Ben, actually,” Luke chimed in.

That got a bright smile from Obi-Wan. “Admirable compromise, my boy. Once again proving who listens in this family.” He pronounced with a regal wave, “Actually, Ben Solo has a nice ring to it.”

Rex scowled at Luke. “Don’t encourage him, kid.”

Leia laughed. “We’ll take your helpful suggestions under advisement, Master Negotiator.”

Obi-Wan winked. “Excellent.”

She kissed his cheek. “Either way, he or she will have the best great grand-something on the planet.”

They all chuckled and then Obi-Wan lifted snarky eyebrows. “Best namesake on the planet sounds better, you know.”

Rex grunted. “Alright, enough campaigning.” Then, his eyes glinted. “Besides, _Rex_ Solo is much more dashing.”

Han threw hands in the air. “Maybe, we’re going to call our child Han, Jr.! Did any of you think of that?!”

Leia fixed him with a disbelieving gaze. “Uh, no we are not.”

“Hey!” he exclaimed. “What’s wrong with that?”

“We definitely don’t need two Han Solos in our life,” Luke commented dryly.

Han returned a glare and grumbled under his breath. Then, he shot a smirk at Leia. “There’s always Ferdinand.”

The young woman stared and then began laughing. “Oh Gods. We’re in serious trouble, aren’t we?”

Obi-Wan shrugged on his cloak and moved toward the door. “I’ve already told you the perfect answer to this dilemma. Clearly, he or she is destined for greatness. Think of the history books! No one but yourselves to blame if you end up cursing my great grand-something with a terrible name for all of eternity!”

There were multiple groans as the group followed him out of the room.

_______

“Caam!”

She flipped around to see Thatcher jogging up. “Hey, you’re back from the outer regions in one piece!”

The woman smiled. “You expected any less from an elite soldier?”

Caam laughed. “Course not. Anyway, I’m about to move out, so I can’t chat. But, we’ll catch up after, ok?”

Her smile vanished. “You’re, uh, going to Ryloth?”

She raised eyebrows. “The target is classified.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure it is. People talk when a battalion is deployed, you know. I didn’t realize the wolfpack was assigned.” The woman flexed her fingers and then curled them over her thumbs. “I suppose our group might be the only 501st troops staying behind, then.”

“Well, you did just come off a long tour. Anyway, my captain is waiting for me. So, gotta go. See you when I get back, huh?”

Her expression fluctuated and she murmured, “Yeah, of course.” Then, she pulled Caam into a hug. “Be careful, Secura. Tell Polter, too.”

Leaning back, Caam stared. “You’re acting strange. Is everything ok?”

Thatcher sighed. “I guess… I’ve lost a lot of friends on campaign over the last few months. I just don’t want you to become another one.”

She smiled and kissed the woman’s cheek. “It takes alot to kill me, soldier. So, save my seat at Jho’s.”

There was silence and then a light reply that couldn’t mask the worry came, “I’ll do my best.”

 _She’s different. More… open. Huh._ The raw emotion in the golden eyes was disconcerting, but compelling. Caam took her hand and squeezed it. “Hey, we’re soldiers. This is what we do. Sometimes we lose people, but we keep going. Hang in there, until I get back. We’ll talk about stuff. Ok?”

Thatcher gazed back for a moment. Then, she grabbed Caam’s face and pressed lips to hers. “I wish we—things might have been different if I was—” She broke off and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I’m exhausted after the long march. It’s made me a bit sappy, I suppose.” The woman stepped back with a more hopeful smile. “See you soon.”

Exhaling in relief at her friend’s recovery, Caam grinned and waved as she started up the hill. “You most definitely will.”

_______

Luke gave final orders to his company commanders and then dismissed them. “The 501st is ready to march, General. Bravo squads are en route to meet the infiltration teams.”

“Excellent.” Rex glanced at the others. “Anything else before we move out?”

Shan adjusted her gauntlet with a grim smile. “Not from me, General.”

Asajj spun her swords around, before sheathing them on her back and raising a sardonic eyebrow. “Time to be heroes.”

Fastening his cape, Rex grinned. “Let’s free Ryloth, people.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it appears Ahsoka is more on edge than she's letting on, causing a serious loss of control. That said, I love the contrast of her reaction with Anakin's back in WIAB. He loses control in much the same way in the lead-up to her leaving Shili, when she challenges his authority/choices and scares Ahsoka. When they talk about things, he makes a very different choice than Ahsoka here. Ahsoka's young life is underpinned with the idea of trying to make Anakin proud, being what she thinks he wants, making him happy, etc. Instead of stopping it, he implicitly encourages it. On some level, he wants to control her, keep her safe, make sure he never loses her. It's an understandable fear for him, just as it is for Ahsoka. However, he never recognizes its impact and the conflict she has between being what he wants vs. who she actually is. In a sense, Anakin doesn't see who she truly is, except in relation to him. Ahsoka seems tempted when Karyna offers the same kind of devotion, but stops herself. Which I find to be lovely and so indicative of who Ahsoka is and what she's learned, despite the ongoing struggle in her own mind. She has to fight her intense fear of loss to become better. And, that is a different kind of brave.
> 
> Off to Ryloth we go!


	79. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka falls into a lesson.

Ahsoka regulated her breathing as she flipped across the tree canopy.

“Good,” Yoda commented over her shoulder. “Focused, you are.”

Assessing the obscured terrain during her spin, she spotted a massive branch four trees distant and grinned. _Shortcut._ Landing smoothly on a spongy outcropping, she continued a running leap toward the target. Two seconds after her body was flying through open air, Ahsoka realized she’d made a terrible mistake.

The thick vine she had planned to use to spring onward was actually not attached to anything. It ran horizontally across the open space, but the ends were loosely draped over opposing branches. _Oh Gods._

Scanning around frantically for an escape, her focus wavered, body losing momentum. Stretching flat, Ahsoka altered her trajectory to try to reach a nearby tree. She didn’t make it.

There was a momentary freeze and then the ground started rushing into view. Wind blasting her, the woman stared in shock at the fuzzy terrain below.

Claws gripped her shoulders and Yoda’s distorted voice cut through the cyclone of air, “Calm your mind.”

Closing her eyes, Ahsoka lifted arms toward the fast approaching swamp floor. Picturing her body slowing, she pushed outward. Everything sharpened, senses aligning harmoniously as she guided them to a destination that now existed in her mind’s eye.

Landing face first on the ground, Ahsoka groaned. “Well, that didn’t go quite like I planned it.”

There was a loud harrumph as Yoda rolled off her back. “State the obvious, you do.”

Raising her head, she glared at him. “You could have helped, you know. Were you just going to let us fall to our deaths, if I didn’t figure out how to stop?”

“Hmph. My help, you wanted not. Ask before you leapt, did you?”

She shifted up to her knees. “Fair point, I suppose.”

“Learn something today, you have?”

Ahsoka snorted. “Make sure all vines are securely fastened before jumping at them?”

There was an exasperated sigh.

Sitting back on the dirt, she grimaced. “Fine. Let me think.” Contemplating for a moment, Ahsoka suggested, “Evaluate all options, before choosing one?” The woman paused. “Wait. I kind of did that. I just misjudged the path I chose.”

Yoda inclined his head. “You chose poorly. Why?”

“I guess because it was faster. Oh.” She cringed. “I eliminated the alternatives based on my criteria. I wasn’t looking for the safest or most likely path to achieve success. I wanted the shortest one.”

His eyes lit up. “Excellent, young Tano. The shortest path to victory may be the quickest path to failure.”

She frowned. “But, sometimes it is the right choice. How do I know the difference?”

“You will _know._ When your mind is calm, in tune with the world around it. Focus and instinct, strengths they are for you. If tainted by impatience, fear, or hubris, weaknesses they become. Use them wisely.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Ahsoka grinned impishly. “So, interested in another run through the canopy, Master?”

Yoda grunted. “Enough I have had for today, impudent one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you choose the quick and easy path... we know where that ends. But, what if you choose the quick and difficult one? Just askin'.


	80. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choices: They may define you but the results are shared by all.

Barriss pressed herself against the turret and signaled Ezra.

The man held up a fist in response, before disappearing behind the rocky outcropping to prep his squads.

After assessing the wall above her, Barriss began climbing.

_______

Caleb paced around the cell. “I can feel it, Hera. Something’s happening.”

The woman gazed at him for a moment and then lifted Jacen from her lap. Standing the boy on his feet, she instructed, “No matter what, I need you to do everything we say without question today, alright?”

He fidgeted and then directed imploring, azure eyes up at his father.

Caleb brushed fingers through his son’s messy shock of hair and grinned. “Listen to your mother.”

Jacen crossed his arms. “Fine.”

Hera gripped his chin. “Promise?”

His young face turned irked, but he relented, “I promise, Mom.”

“Good.” Turning to her father, Hera examined his injuries and adjusted the makeshift bandages she’d created out of pieces of clothing. The woman held the back of her hand to his forehead. “You’re still burning up.”

Cham smiled weakly. “I’ll be fine, daughter.” His expression turned intense. “Now, you must promise me something. If you have a chance to escape, you will take it. Leave me behind.”

She stiffened. “No way I’m making that promise.”

The man frowned. “Listen to your father. I want my family safe. I can not live in the knowledge that I prevented them from being so.”

Hera kissed his cheek. “We’ll argue about it later.”

Cham gave Caleb a meaningful look. “You heard my wishes, yes?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I did.”

Hera shot her husband a warning glare. “Don’t even think about it.”

“How come I have to promise to listen and you don’t, Mom?” Jacen whined. “That’s not very fair.”

Cham grinned. “Excellent point, my audacious boy.” Reaching out, he pulled the child in for a hug. “I love you.”

Jacen wrapped arms around his grandfather. “Love you, too.”

Hera rubbed hands over her face as she blinked back tears. Standing up, the woman moved to the cell door and clenched the bars, trying to steady trembling fingers. Pressing her forehead into the cold metal, she sent a desperate prayer to anyone who was listening.

_______

Obi-Wan handed the collected reigns to Karyna. “Alright, my dear. We need to go on alone from here. You take up position behind the plateau, until we signal for transport.”

She gave him a pensive nod and gathered the horses.

He kissed the top of her head with an affectionate smile. “That's my girl.”

A pleased grin formed but faded as she glanced at her family. “Everyone is going to be careful, right?”

Sabine pinched her cheek. “Absolutely, bright star. We’ll be in and out before you know it. This isn't our first rescue mission.”

She bit her lip and couldn’t think of a response.

Luminara brushed fingers across Karyna’s tattoos. “You be ready to get us safely out of here and we’ll be extra careful. Deal?”

The girl tried a smile. “Ok, deal.”

Obi-Wan grinned. “Excellent. Time to save our family.”

_______

Ahsoka and Aayla lay on their stomachs, surveying the castle. Han had been admitted nearly an hour ago with no sign of change.

Trying to ignore her inexplicable anxiety, Ahsoka commented, “Well, it looks calm enough.”

There was a snort in response. “It always does. How long until the battalion arrives?”

“Thirty.”

“Shouldn’t we be seeing more activity by now, if Han was successful?”

Ahsoka shrugged. “Depends. If they have limited forces, they'd focus on fortifying the inner gates. Outer wall defenses would remain minimal.”

Suddenly, three quick flashes, followed by a long, a short, and another long glinted from an upper arrow loop. Aayla twisted around to wave the others forward.

Kit, Leia, and Katooni crept across the plateau on all fours.

“Are we clear?” Leia hissed. “We’re behind schedule. Barriss and Bravo are already in position.”

Ahsoka ran eyes over the castle battlements once more. _Everything looks fine, Tano. What is going on with you today?_ “You’re clear. Remember, Kit, Leia, and the wolfpack should not infiltrate, until Katooni has reached Barriss and signaled the other team. That way Obi-Wan can provide support at the dungeon complex, after Luminara and Sabine head to the fire ring. Understood?”

All three gave quick nods and slid down the side of the plateau, before vanishing from sight.

The Togruta watched them go, the knot in her stomach growing. She resumed her examination of every square inch of the castle below.

A hand gripped her arm. “What is it?”

Ahsoka flexed fingers around the brass base of her spotter’s glass. “Not sure. I’m feeling—oh nevermind.”

There was silence for a moment. “I don’t feel anything other than heightened anxiety and focus from everyone.”

She grimaced. “Same here. It’s just that I’m… nervous.”

“Uh,” Aayla replied slowly, “aren’t we all?”

Ahsoka looked over at her. “You don’t understand. I don’t get nervous before a battle. Never have.”

The Twi’lek stared. “You’re serious.”

“I get nerves here and there, but not for this kind of thing.” She grinned diffidently. “There’s a reason people call me the Lady Jedi, you know.”

Aayla snorted, but then turned thoughtful. “Are you suggesting there is… something to be nervous about?”

Ahsoka frowned. “Gods, I hope not.”

_______

Caleb grinned. “About time you all got here.”

Caam laughed. “Hey! That’s my line.” Tossing the keys to Obi-Wan, she reached through the bars to ruffle Jacen’s hair. “You’ve gotten taller, buddy.”

The boy puffed out his chest. “Yep. Granddad says I’ll be as tall as him soon.”

Obi-Wan chuckled and opened the cell door. “Alright, time to go. We faced significant resistance on the way down. The rest of the team halted further up, in order to secure our route out of the dungeon. They can’t hold it indefinitely, so we need to move quickly.”

Hera crouched next to Cham. “My father can’t walk on his own.”

“We’ve got it,” Caam responded. Waving the two wolfpack soldiers that had accompanied them forward, she ordered, “Lukis. P’ila. Your priority is the sovereign. Understood?”

The men saluted. “Yes, Lieutenant!” Bracing Cham between them, they exited the cell.

Hera grabbed Jacen’s hand. “What’s the plan?”

“There are several moving pieces,” Obi-Wan replied as they all proceeded down the dungeon corridor. “For our purposes, Ezra and two elite squads are holding the rear courtyard, standing ready to back us up. We’ll signal Karyna for transport once we clear the side gates. Luminara and Sabine are sabotaging the internal security measures to aid our egress. Barriss and Katooni are on the aft turret providing aerial support to the entire operation. Meanwhile, the 501st just began an assault to capture the castle.”

Cham’s head lifted. “You are expelling the Hutts?”

Obi-Wan gripped his shoulder. “We are, old friend. Ryloth will be free once more, no matter what happens to any of us.”

A weak smile lit the pallid face. “Thank you. I can die in peace.”

“I’d prefer we all _live_ in peace, if you don’t mind,” Hera commented sharply.

Caleb halted at the edge of the dungeon steps. “Either way, we’ll do it together.”

There were grim nods of agreement and then Obi-Wan tossed Caleb a sword. “In that case, ready to save our family?”

The man spun the sword around in his hand with a cocky grin. “Just try and keep up, Kenobi.”

_______

Ahsoka shifted repeatedly as she watched the battalion begin their assault. The gnawing anxiety was becoming overwhelming. _Get it together. You chose this role. From here, you can see where you’re needed. On the ground, you might pick the wrong place to be. Stay put!_

Not being able to see what was happening with the infiltration team only added to her distress. Still, Katooni and Barriss hadn’t signaled for assistance. _Everything is fine, Tano. Fine. It is… fine._

Aayla grabbed her hand. “Ahsoka. Look at me.”

Jerking her head to the Twi’lek, she felt the now acknowledged panic swirling. “I-I don’t—”

Hazel eyes probed hers. “Go. I’ll monitor here.”

Ahsoka oscillated between fear and logic. _Forget this._ Nodding, she began to slide backward along the outcropping, when buzzing invaded her mind. _No._ Giving up all pretense of stealth, she leapt to her feet. “We both need to go. Now.” Ahsoka took a running leap off the plateau, vaguely noting Aayla following. Rolling up from the hard landing, she set an immediate trajectory for the castle.

There was a loud gasp. “Ahsoka! You’re headed into the line of fire!”

“I know,” she yelled back. “Stay out of range, until I handle this.” Focusing, the woman channeled energy through her body. Dodging and weaving through a maelstrom of arrows, Ahsoka quickly reached the main gate.

Ducking behind a decorative statue of some long dead ruler, she peeked through small squares in the metal crossbars fortifying the portcullis and let out a curse. There were a dozen bolt throwers set-up in the outer courtyard, which the soldiers were busily camouflaging. _Apparently, the Hutts are better equipped than most armies. Wonderful._

Then, Ahsoka's heart jumped into her throat as she saw Luke leading a charge down the surrounding incline. As soon as his forces penetrated the castle, the deadly throwers would be unveiled and destroy half the line, her nephew along with them.

Hutt soldiers had finally spotted her presence and were swiftly emerging from their positions with cries of alarm. Additional troops spilled out of the inner gates and headed her way, clearly intending to ensure Ahsoka didn’t report their defenses.

As the enemy soldiers entered the throwers line of fire, grim determination settled. Centering her mind, she planted herself in front of the gate. Reaching out a hand, Ahsoka triggered each one in turn. Javelin bolts ripped through multiple bodies in their path, only stopped by the clanging metal of the portcullis. She winced at the screams but kept going. The deadly projectiles continued their vicious assault.

The soldiers began to realize what was happening and scattered away from the hot zone. Pinpointing her focus, she activated the final thrower. Trying to guide the bolts, she managed to make four lodge themselves at vertical intervals halfway through the metal squares. However, the fifth was smaller than standard and sailed out the other side of its square, cutting an excruciating path across her side. _Of course, I choose one with poor craftsmanship._

Ignoring the pain, the woman climbed the handholds she had created. Perched on the top javelin, Ahsoka coiled into a force-propelled flip over the top of the castle battlements. Landing on the other side, she spotted her goal at the far end of the rampart.

Slashing a path through the guards, she took the gatehouse and then cranked the winch. Grinding metal screeched as the portcullis rose. Locking it into position, Ahsoka leaned over the side of the castle.

Luke’s troops had arrived. He ordered them through the now open entrance and then looked up at her. Grinning brightly, her nephew saluted, before disappearing after them.

Sagging against the gatehouse wall, Ahsoka smiled.

_______

Everything had gone to hell. The number of soldiers stationed in the aft sector was extreme, especially given an entire battalion was currently attacking them elsewhere. Even strategic stupidity didn't explain the prepared nature of the response. Still, if someone had tipped them off, she couldn't see how it was done. _Thoughts for later, Leia._

She gripped Ezra’s armpits and began dragging his unconscious body. The man had somehow collapsed an entire wall on top of two dozen Hutt soldiers, who were blockading the dungeon. Unfortunately, he hadn’t cleared all the falling debris. His backup squads had done their part and the escape route was secure once more, but at a very high cost.

Arrows came flying from the turret, hitting a handful of Hutt soldiers bursting from a side door. Trusting Barriss to watch her back, Leia ignored the chaos and focused every shred of energy into getting Ezra to safety.

As she reached the inner gate that led to the rear courtyard, Kit appeared at her side. Bending down, he flung Ezra over his shoulder. “I’ll get him to a medic. The wolfpack is escorting the rescue group. They’re right behind me. Everyone else has split off to create multiple targets. We'll rendezvous as planned.” Then, he raced toward the egress point.

The woman exhaled with relief and took up position by the courtyard gate. A full minute ticked by with no movement. _Something doesn’t feel right._ Leia moved to the intersection where she had expected the others to appear and caught her breath.

Only six members of the wolfpack, including Caam, were left standing as they engaged a new group of Hutt soldiers. The captain of the squad lay sprawled on the ground, sword still in his hand and an arrow through his neck. His dead eyes gazed at her. Leia shuddered and tore her own eyes away.

Caleb stumbled out of the archway leading to the dungeon complex, blood decorating his ripped tunic, as half a dozen enemy soldiers chased after him. Looking up, Leia realized the entire skirmish was outside of Barriss’ line of sight. She began to run.

Suddenly, Caam flipped out of the air and landed with a fierce growl behind Caleb, cutting off the pursuing soldiers. Before Leia even got close, the girl had taken down all six combatants. _Woah._

Her squad finished off the rest and Caam crowed, “Top of line, wolfpack! Cap would be proud.” Turning to one of her soldiers, she ordered, “Polter, see if any of ours are alive and get them out. Then, rendezvous with Bravo. Do _not_ wait for us. Your priority is the squad. Understood?”

The young Togruta hesitated for a moment, but then saluted. “Yes, Lieutenant.” He waved his compatriots toward their fallen comrades. “You heard the order. Go!” Pivoting back, Polter locked eyes with Caam. “Try not to die, Secura. Who will I torment in my free time?”

She flashed a brash grin. “Come on, Polts. You know I’d never let you get the last word.”

His face tightened. “I’m holding you to that, beauty queen.” Then, he sprinted off to help carry a wounded squadmate. “Let’s go, wolfpack! Move!”

Leia lowered Caleb to the ground and gave him a quick examination. _This is not good. We need to get him out of here, now._

Caleb took a rattling breath. “Help them… gate…” His lungs heaved and a choking cough overpowered the words as specks of blood spattered his lips.

Anxiety spiking, Leia abruptly realized she had never seen Obi-Wan’s group pass her during the chaos. Leaping to her feet, the woman sped around the arch. “Caam!”

Hera, Obi-Wan, and Jacen were trapped behind a small security gate. Cham Syndulla was further back, on the opposite side of the space, leaning heavily against a wall as two wolfpack members stood protectively in front of him. An entire company of Hutt soldiers was filling the gap, splitting up to capture both targets.

Leia reached the gate and realized the winch had been damaged. _Blast._ Her eyes scanned over the pulley assembly, trying to find a manual way to raise it.

Cham struggled up off the wall and assessed the line of approaching enemies blocking their path to the gate. Then, he picked up a nearby sword and nodded to the recon soldiers. “Your job is done. Go. Try to save yourselves.”

The men glanced at each other and then shook negatives. Raising their own swords, they faced the closing Hutt forces. “We’re with you, sir,” P’ila stated.

“That is not necessary,” Cham responded firmly. “I will go down fighting. It is my way. It does not have to be yours. I am unlikely to break through that line. However, you may have a chance, if you don’t wait for me. Go.”

“No, sir,” Lukis barked. “Wolves don’t die like cowards. We go together or not at all.”

Finally locating a promising-looking rusty chain, Leia wedged her sword between the links as a makeshift pulley and then pulled it down, link by agonizing link. The gate began to inch up but screeched to a halt only two feet off the ground as her sword collided with the unyielding stone framing the assembly. She strained to keep it in place. “Hurry. I’m not sure how long this will hold.”

Caam crouched in front of the recalcitrant gate with beckoning hands. “Come on! They’re almost on top of you!” Hera slid Jacen underneath and the girl pulled him the rest of the way.

Obi-Wan pushed Hera toward the ground. “Go!”

“No!” She jerked out of his grip and turned back for her father, who was now completely surrounded by the first group of Hutt soldiers.

“Stop, daughter. This is my choice, not yours.” Cham gave Obi-Wan a meaningful look, before returning his attention to Hera. He gripped the shoulders of his escorts and met her eyes. “I will die as I lived, a proud warrior and a proud father, in the company of honorable soldiers.”

Bellowing a deafening war cry, the Twi’lek charged the line of enemies, slashing with more power than Leia thought possible. “Ryloth will never surrender!”

Lukis and P’ila flew behind him with their own wild howls.

Hera screamed and started toward him. Before she moved more than a step, Obi-Wan tackled her to the ground. The unexpected attack gave the other group of Hutt forces pause and they halted, trying to decide which direction to go. The confusion provided Obi-Wan enough time to shift his position and force both of them into a roll under the gate.

The men were making a surprising dent against massive odds. Leia maintained a shaking grip on the chain, hoping they might perform a miraculous escape through the line.

Hera struggled to push Obi-Wan off and lifted her head, fixing desperately on her father.

Then, the second group of enemies restarted their movement toward the gate. _We just ran out of time._ Leia reluctantly let go and the metal barrier slammed down with painful finality.

Both recon soldiers finally went down, taking an enemy with them. Caam’s hands balled into fists as her eyes squeezed shut.

Leia gripped the girl’s shoulder. She knew what is was to order soldiers to their death.

The tawny eyes reopened with resolute determination. Caam picked up Jacen, who was staring in terror at his battling grandfather. Clutching him tightly, she turned the boy away from the inevitable.

A pained cry rang out, followed by a triumphant laugh as Cham Syndulla collapsed to his knees, a sword through his chest. Victorious eyes gazed at Hera, before their light faded and his lifeless body hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too distressed to think of anything to say.


	81. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Inferno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inferno:  
> “But the stars that marked our starting fall away.  
> We must go deeper into greater pain,  
> for it is not permitted that we stay.”  
> ― Dante's Inferno

Ahsoka spun into a double slash of the last two Hutt soldiers. “Go!”

Luminara and Sabine escaped across the upper battlements, heading toward the aft turret. Ahsoka watched them disappear around a corner, before catapulting off the parapet into the enemy squad below.

Her side buckled under the weight of the hard landing. _Ow. Suck it up, Tano._ Popping back to her feet, she began a final assault.

The adrenaline waned as Ahsoka finished off the remaining enemies. When the last one fell, so did she. Glancing down, she cringed at the fresh blood oozing from her side. The gash left by her stray javelin had split wider and now stretched halfway across her lower ribs.

Trying to slow the blood loss, she created a makeshift tourniquet by cutting a strip of fabric from her cape and tightening it around her chest. Running through pain suppression techniques, she managed to reduce the agony to a burning ache.

Ahsoka struggled to a standing position, biting her lip to avoid crying out. Then, the woman hobbled toward the main gate. She almost made it.

Halfway across the front courtyard, two more squads and a group of bow-equipped attackers appeared behind her. Pivoting around sluggishly, she barely blocked multiple arrows. Then, her right arm abruptly went numb. _Mother of a Sith._

Sheathing her short sword, the woman focused on operating the other one with degrading results. She deflected an arrow headed for her chest, but not far enough. It cut across her upper arm and then another nicked a lek. _I think I’m in trouble._

_______

“It’s too late, Barriss! When they activate the ring, this entire place will become an inferno.”

“Some of them are still inside!”

Luminara grabbed her arm. “We can’t help them, if we are dead. Which is what we’ll be, if we stay here.”

Sabine finished signaling Shan and then secured the rope to the turret. “Ready!” She leapt over the side and vanished.

Katooni shoved the spotter’s glass she had been using to help Barriss track targets into her satchel and clambered after Sabine.

Luminara dragged Barriss toward the wall. “Leaving this location doesn’t mean failure, darling girl. Come on, let’s finish the mission.”

She released a long breath, pushing away the inexplicable dread. “You’re right. Let’s go.”

The woman squeezed her arm and then slid onto the rope.

Barriss gazed at the sandy ground below, preparing to follow, when a single word invaded her mind. _Inferno. Oh Gods._

Sudden pain pierced her back. She twisted her head to see a long cross-bolt protruding from between her shoulder blades. _Where did…?_ Spinning in a circle, the woman spotted a Weequay sharpshooter, who had managed to take up position behind an adjoining parapet during the confusion.

His face flooded with panic, evidently realizing it would take more than one shot to neutralize her, and he fumbled to reload his weapon. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to duck below the wall, while doing so.

_Idiot._ Raising her bow, she fired. Barriss smiled with satisfaction as she heard the cry of an arrow finding its target. Then, dizzying pain caught up to her.

Muscles losing cohesion, Barriss plummeted over the side of the turret, rushing air mixing with distant screams in her ears.

_______

Karyna had been watching the ongoing battle from her hidden position for what felt like days. Not being able to see what was happening to her family inside the castle was even more panic inducing. _They’ll be fine. Have faith. Putting yourself in danger will only make things worse._

The girl paced back and forth, until the anxiety became paralyzing. Standing rigid at the edge of the plateau, she held the spotter's glass so tightly in place that her eye began to throb. Her desperate gaze scanned every iota of chaos over and over again.

When she saw her aunt plunge from the tower, Karyna Offee couldn’t handle anymore. Jumping onto her mare, she galloped toward her family.

_______

Shan was positioned on the high ground surrounding the castle. Reading the flagged signals from Sabine, she raced down to Rex, who was directing the ongoing assault. “We have a serious problem. Apparently, the fools overmixed the fire ring solution. Luminara and Sabine were unable to neutralize it as a result. They damaged the sparking mechanism and disrupted the burn line, but the sabotage will only delay the inevitable. The Hutts could still manually light the various ignition points. They’re evacuating Barriss and Katooni from the turret.”

“Damn!” Rex pivoted around and commanded in a booming voice, “Retreat! Repeat, all companies retreat. Immediately.” There were answering acknowledgements as the order flowed down the lines.

Asajj rode over from her flanking position. “Why are we retreating? We’ve beaten them back with only the aft sector remaining.”

Rex clenched his jaw. “Because, that castle is about to turn into a giant inferno.” His voice wavered. “Gods, I hope everyone gets out.”

_______

Leia finished the makeshift splint. “Done. Be careful not to put pressure on his chest.”

Caam took Jacen’s hand, while Hera and Obi-Wan braced the unconscious Caleb between them.

Freedom from this nightmare was finally in sight and Leia sped ahead of the others to ensure the courtyard gate was secure. As she reached it, three fresh squads poured out of a side door in front of her. _You have got to be kidding me._

Letting out a battle cry that was more frustrated princess than fearsome warrior, Leia cartwheeled around the edge of the line and began a complicated dance of stabbing and twisting between soldier after soldier. It worked for about half. However, the smarter among them regrouped at her continued onslaught and she soon found herself surrounded.

Executing a spinning maneuver designed more to confuse than attack, she managed to evade their pincer movement and ended up in the rear courtyard. _Huh. That actually worked. I owe Aunt Ahsoka an apology._ The woman had taught her the move many years ago, but Leia had been quite vocally doubtful of its effectiveness.

Trying to keep the remaining forces from doubling back and cutting off her family’s escape route, she taunted, “What? Can’t keep up with me?” Leia channeled her best haughty princess as she continued, “I must confess myself disappointed. I was informed by reputable sources that you Hutt scum were supposed to be tough.” The woman waved a disdainful hand. “Pitiful.”

She needn’t have worried. They apparently only had eyes for her as they growled and gave chase.

Focusing her energy on leading them away from the gate, Leia reached the middle of the courtyard. That was when she realized they weren’t quite as stupid as they had appeared. A new squad had materialized and now flanked her intended escape route. _Wonderful._

Leia began to lose ground, breaths coming hard and fast. The two disparate groups gradually backed her into a gigantic wall relief, decorated with garishly colored figures. _Great. I’m going to die in front of a piece of terrible art. Well, could be worse, I suppose._ She wasn’t sure how, but it made her feel better to think it.

_______

Ahsoka jerked as another arrow breached her clumsy defenses and sliced across her thigh. Then, salvation appeared in the form of a teal blur sailing over her head.

Aayla landed in the middle of the archers and took them out with efficiency, before shifting attention to the foot soldiers. At the same moment, Han Solo came bursting out of a nearby wagon, double crossbows in his hand. Spinning bolts thudded into multiple targets.

_Thank the Force._ Ahsoka sagged onto her sword, trying to remain upright.

Once the last enemy was dispatched, Aayla put Ahsoka’s arm around her shoulders. “I believe we should now make our daring escape, Lady Jedi.”

Solo backed up to them, warily surveying the area. “Definitely time for a dramatic exit.”

Ahsoka grinned weakly. “Who am I to argue with my rescuers?”

Aayla grunted and began half-dragging her toward the main gate. “You’re Ahsoka Tano. You’d argue with the Force itself.”

“You’re one to talk, Secura,” she commented dryly.

“Well, someone has to keep you in line.”

Han continued his watchful vigil and remarked, “Hey, at least her majesty likes you.”

“Gods, Solo,” Ahsoka hissed, “will you get over it?!”

“Nope. I’m not stopping until I’m the best something-in-law on the planet. I figure this rescue is worth a good ten points.”

As they reached the castle gate, Ahsoka twisted her head back. “Don’t push it, smuggler. I’ll give you five.”

He smirked. “And, here I was hoping for three. See, I always knew you secretly liked me.”

Letting out a growl, Ahsoka muttered, “Force, you make it so difficult sometimes.”

“I do. I really do.”

_______

Rushing air buffeted her body as Barriss attempted to stop the fast approaching impact to no avail. Her mind faded in and out everytime she tried to center it and her arms didn’t seem capable of movement.

_I can’t believe this was the mistake that killed you, Offee._ It wasn’t the way she had ever pictured herself leaving this world, caught unawares by a halfway competent gangster. _Then again, maybe it’s fitting._

Unexpectedly, her fall slowed. When the woman hit the ground, it was no more than a small bump. Lifting her head, Barriss saw Luminara dangling from the rope with an outstretched hand, before blackness overtook her.

_______

Preparing to try a desperate rush at the attackers pinning her to the wall, Leia’s jaw dropped.

Multiple Hutt soldiers went flying into the air, slamming against one another before plummeting to the dusty ground.

Spinning around, she saw a grinning Obi-Wan standing by the courtyard entrance. Circling his arms, he flung the final enemies past the head of an equally dumbfounded Caam behind him.

Jacen gazed up unblinkingly at the figures zooming over him. Then, he giggled.

Daintily brushing dirt off his battle-grimed robe, Obi-Wan remarked, “Well then. Shall we continue our egress?”

A laugh that came more from desperate exhaustion than anything else welled up from Leia’s chest. Then, she noticed blood soaking the sleeve of her sword arm. Cursing, she called, “Give me a minute.” Pulling out a bandage from her waist pouch, she wound it around the injury.

An excited Jacen tugged on Obi-Wan’s tunic. “Can you teach me that thing you did to the soldiers?”

He chuckled and ruffled the child’s hair. “Hmm, only special boys can learn that trick.” Obi-Wan rubbed his chin in mock thoughtfulness. “Yes, I do believe you’ve earned that title today.”

Jacen puffed out his chest and glanced back at Caam.

She gave him a bright smile. “Yep, definitely special.”

The tips of Jacen’s ears turned forest green and he straightened further with a cocky grin. “I know. It’s a gift.”

Hera snorted, but then let out a weary sigh. “Let’s get out of here. Please.”

“Wise advice, my dear.” Obi-Wan paused, before adding hesitantly, “I am sorry, Hera.”

The woman gazed at him for a moment and then took a deep breath. “You did what he wanted. I almost got us both killed and that wouldn’t have been good for anyone.” She kissed his cheek. “Thanks.”

He smiled softly, brushing knuckles over her forehead. Then, they carefully retrieved Caleb from the ground and started across the courtyard.

Caam held out a hand, waggling her fingers. “Ready to make our dashing escape, my brave boy?”

Jacen grabbed it with crooked grin. “Yep.”

The girl winked at him and they trailed after Obi-Wan and Hera.

Leia finished tying off her bandage and sprung off the wall. Instead of waiting for them to catch up, she raced to the exit gates and watched for any sign of enemy activity.

Their movement across the large courtyard seemed infinitesimally slow and her nerves began to ping once more. _Come on. Hurry up._

A loud crack echoed and then a hiss that turned into a roar rose in her ears. Looking down, she gasped. Her feet were standing on what looked like an embedded burn line. “Get back! They’ve activated the fire—” The warning died in her throat as flames sped down the line straight at her.

Leia’s mind automatically calculated the variables in a split second. There was no time for her to get out of the burn radius. _To hell with it. I’ll die trying._ She began to run toward her family.

An invisible force halted her progress and Leia shot backwards out of the castle. Landing hard, she rolled up into a sitting position. Shaking a dazed head, the woman spotted her aunt leaning heavily against the jutting corner of castle wall that faced the side gates.

Ahsoka dropped outstretched arms and collapsed.

In the next instant, two people came around the same corner. Aayla bent down next to Ahsoka as Han pelted toward Leia.

Her peripheral vision caught more movement to the left and she shifted focus. Luminara, Sabine, and Katooni were approaching from the other direction, carrying a clearly injured Barriss. A rider that resembled Karyna materialized on the horizon behind them.

Then, she processed intense heat wafting off her back. Stomach dropping, Leia slowly turned. _No._ The space she had been occupying as well as the courtyard behind it was nothing but wave after wave of flames.

_______

“Go!” Obi-Wan yelled.

Hera adjusted her grip on the unconscious Caleb. “We’re not leaving you.”

Caam sheathed her sword and picked up Jacen. “Obi-Wan, please! We're out of time.” She glanced behind her at the steadily increasing blaze.

_Why does no one ever listen?_ The man took down the final combatant and dashed toward them. “I said go! I’m right behind you.”

They arrived at the giant wall of fire and Obi-Wan could just make out their family through the wild mash of hungry flames. He cringed as a vicious blast knocked Luminara and Aayla to the ground and the women lost the small, unstable gap they’d created in the fiery barrier. _They'll never be able to hold it long enough. Everyone is going to die trying to save us. No. I won’t fail my family this time._

Obi-Wan scanned the area, looking for options. Soldiers were going to be spilling out of the only accessible castle door at any moment. The flames blocking their exit were too high to clear. Even assuming he had the strength to levitate four people over them, there wasn’t enough time. And, it was a huge risk. If the soldiers emerged and broke his concentration or killed him, his family would plunge to certain death. _Can’t go back, can’t go forward._

His senses aligned as Obi-Wan searched for a path that would save his family. Jerking around, he found it. “That cart. Get in it. I’ll ricochet us and try to repel as many flames as I can. Once we reach the other side, jump. Hopefully, we’ll be out before it burns through.”

Caam looked confused, but swiftly rolled the cart into place. They lifted Caleb inside and Hera braced his body between her own and a wheel hub.

Stripping armor, Caam tossed it away and removed her outer tunic. She wrapped it around Jacen, covering as much of his skin as possible. “Hang on to me, buddy. Don’t pull away, ok?”

He nodded, small chin trembling.

Putting the child in the cart and jumping beside him, Caam flattened Jacen to her chest. She kissed the top of his head and murmured, “That’s my brave boy. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

Obi-Wan crouched on the end of the cart. “Hold on tight.” He raised hands and focused, preparing to guide them through the burning mass.

Suddenly, his body exploded in agony. Looking down, he blinked at the arrow lodged in his chest. _Well, that’s not good._

Everything began moving in slow motion as he fell out of position and hit the ground. Reverberating screams from his family echoed, the underlying currents roiling with their desperate helplessness. Struggling to lift his head, Obi-Wan’s heart froze.

Hutt soldiers were surrounding them. Caam was drawing her sword and preparing to leap in front of him. Hera was lifting herself up with grim determination. Jacen’s young, terrified eyes met his. _No._

Obi-Wan stretched out shaking arms and summoned strength from everyone he had ever loved. His heart, mind, and soul united in perfect harmony. Channeling the immense force pulsing through him outward, the man shoved his family into the inferno.

Fixing on the careening cart, he strained to push angry flames out of its path. As it approached the goal, Obi-Wan found Luminara’s agonized face amidst the flickering orange. Using his last remaining strength, he radiated comfort. _‘Don’t mourn me, my love. My journey is ending as it began. With faith, hope, and love. Remember, I will be with you. Always.’_

When he saw his family jump to safety on the other side, Obi-Wan Kenobi smiled and closed his eyes forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> †Rest in peace our dear Obi-Wan. You've earned it.†


	82. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery: It's a road darkened by misery yet lit by hope.

They all stood motionless, staring at the maniacal waves of unrelenting destruction. There was a choked gasp from Karyna, but no other sound except Aayla’s chest hammering amid the roaring inferno.

Luminara fell to her knees, flickers of anguished orange illuminating her face.

Then, the cart finally burst out of its prison, trailing wild flames behind it.

Shoulders curling over her chest, Luminara flattened palms into the harsh sand with a heart wrenching wail.

Aayla’s stomach rolled in queasy heaviness as she accepted the terrible truth. Obi-Wan Kenobi was gone. _Focus, Secura. You’re needed._ Muscles lurching into action, she barked, “Get them clear! Now!” She raced to Luminara and dragged the unresponsive woman through the side gates.

Everyone jerked out of their stupor and helped the escaping cart occupants reach safety, just as the sea of fire reached the castle perimeter.

“NO!”

Aayla whirled to her left to see a half-standing Ahsoka, who had inexplicably regained consciousness. Her eyes were… _Oh Gods._ Dropping Luminara’s arm, she sprang in front of the Togruta’s path with placating hands. “There’s nothing you—”

Ahsoka barreled past, throwing out an elbow jab and knocking her to the ground.

Jumping to her feet, Aayla wiped blood from her nose and force-pulled the woman back.

Sailing across the desert landscape, Ahsoka crashed down several feet away. She immediately rolled up and crouched in an attack posture. “Get out of my way, Secura.”

Aayla planted herself between the Togruta and the fiery gates. “Ahsoka, you can’t do anything. It’s too late.”

“You don’t know that.” Her voice iced through the sizzling air, fierce eyes burning. “Now, step aside or there _will_ be consequences.” The coiled body tensed dangerously.

Her jaw twitched as a memory from long ago surfaced. Only this time she was facing a fully trained version. _Please._ “I won’t let you kill yourself, Tano. So, either take me out or come to your senses.”

Everyone else seemed paralyzed in slowly realized horror at the scene. Except for Leia, who was edging behind her aunt and raising something that looked like one of Barriss’ tranquilizer arrows.

However, the Lady Jedi knew better than to let herself be surrounded. Throwing out arms in opposite directions, she sent both women hurtling through the air.

The blast was so powerful, Aayla had to slow her landing to avoid smashing against a jagged rock. Glancing up, she saw Han spring forward and brace himself to stop Leia’s trajectory. He crashed to the ground with a strained grunt, wife safely cushioned in his arms.

Aayla scanned for her objective. _Force above, you’re going to be the death of me one day, Tano. Maybe, today._

Ahsoka was busy arcing over Sabine, who had taken up a blocking position in front of the gates. Landing at the edge of the inferno, she used her entire body to blow back flames. The explosive action sent a tremor through the boiling air and created a partial path through the fire.

Sabine attempted to grab her through the gates, but Ahsoka simply stepped forward into the hole she’d created. The blasting heat caused the young woman to stumble back and rip a smoking helmet from her head.

Manic fear and furious desperation fractured the underlying currents as the Togruta let out a vicious howl and pushed the rest of the flames out of the way, leaving a dangerously unstable path.

Despite the imperfect success, Aayla knew even a healthy Ahsoka Tano couldn’t hold it. There were already blotchy burns spreading across the woman’s skin. There would certainly be no chance of returning. Clearly the intention—if there even was one—was to endure long enough to reach her goal, consequences be damned.

Struggling to her feet, Aayla once again tried to pull the half-crazed woman back. This time, she was anticipated.

Ahsoka twisted her head and raised one hand to block it. Then, a small flick of her wrist sent Aayla flying once more. The raging yet focused power was unbelievable. _Almighty Force, I can’t stop her._

Coiling her body, Ahsoka took off into the inferno. Violent flames licked her skin and she faltered, nearly losing her tiny safe zone. A defiant scream rang out as the woman resumed her single-minded mission.

_Do something, Secura!_ She attempted to get up but stumbled to her knees as pain shot up her body. Bracing her throbbing leg, panic began to creep in. _Think! There has to be a way._

Suddenly, an invisible string snatched Ahsoka back through the burning gates, holding her in place. Flailing uselessly in mid-air, she let out the guttural shriek of a wounded animal.

Aayla’s jaw dropped at the immense display of perfect control and searched for the source. _Woah._

Luminara Unduli had risen from the ground, outstretched arms trembling with exertion. Then, her face flinted steel as an ethereally powerful voice cut through the scorched air. “You will _not_ dishonor Obi-Wan’s sacrifice by becoming something you are not, Ahsoka Tano. Stop this. Now.”

Her words seemed to penetrate Ahsoka’s fogged senses and an expression of terrible helplessness locked on Luminara.

There was a deep breath and her palms thrust out, flinging the Togruta into the side of a castle wall.

Ahsoka slammed against the hard stone with a pained gasp and lifted a dazed head.

Moving swiftly, Luminara crouched in front of her. Placing both hands on Ahsoka’s face, she gazed into the vacillating eyes. “He’s already gone, Ahsoka.” She pressed lips to her lekku. “I can't lose you as well, my special girl. Please, let him go.”

Fierce blue eyes blinked and the remaining rage ebbed away. Then, Ahsoka collapsed into Luminara’s chest.

_______

Luke surveyed the group. “Is everyone clear on their assignments?”

They all nodded with determination.

He smiled. “Good. It’s time to step up. We’ve got this.”

_______

Leia walked across the infirmary and put hands on Caam’s shoulders. “Any change?”

The girl shook her head. “She’s been in and out but hasn’t said much that makes sense.”

She gazed down at her aunt’s face. The olive skin was still a sickly green. “Well, I can take over now. You should get some rest.”

Caam grimaced. “I’d rather not.”

Leia smiled. “I know, but your cot is only a few feet away. Besides, resting will help your burns heal. You’ll be better able to help, if you’re not fighting off infection or pain.” Putting up a hand to stop the objection she could see coming, Leia remonstrated, “What would Barriss say?”

“Hey, that’s low.”

Kissing the girl’s lekku, she replied, “Totally. Doesn’t make it not true, though.”

Caam looked up with a small grin. “Barriss taught you all her tricks, huh?”

Leia laughed. “Maybe.”

A raspy voice came from the bed, “My prize pupil.”

They both shifted forward as piercing blue eyes flickered into view. Leia sat on the cot and laid a hand on her aunt’s forehead. It was still clammy, but the temperature was closer to normal. “Well, I’m glad you’ve finally decided to grace us with your royal presence.”

There was a weak grin in response. Barriss shifted her head and scanned around the infirmary. “Where’s Ahsoka?”

Caam winced. “She’s, um, in her bed at the castle. We kinda had to knock her out.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Explain.”

Leia shrugged. “She suffered serious injuries during the operation but was refusing treatment or rest. So, we took matters into our own hands.”

The woman stared and then a smile crept up. “I see. Apparently, even my unintended lessons have worn off.”

“Yep, only taking after you and all,” Caam declared.

Running fingers over her aunt’s cheek, Leia murmured, “How are you feeling?”

The smile turned strained. “I’m fine, my dear. Don’t worry.”

Caam snorted. “Right. And, Ahsoka just put herself to sleep, too.”

Barriss turned a dry gaze on the girl. “Alright. I feel terrible. Better?”

Leia raised an eyebrow. “Yes, actually. That was way too easy. You must really be in bad shape. What else?”

She blinked. “What is it you two want me to say exactly?”

Caam started to respond, but Leia shook her head and they both waited in silence.

There was a sigh. “Fine, my darling girls. I’m tired and hurting.” She paused, before more words flooded out, “I’ve lost the man who became the only father I ever had. My mother is certainly miserable, and I’m worried she may have a breakdown or worse. My wife is probably teetering on the edge of something I don’t want her anywhere near. Meanwhile, the rest of my family is in pain or critically injured.” Her voice hardened. “They need me. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a cot, unable to move, while my children hover over me like jailkeepers.”

Caam’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

Leia rubbed her own forehead and then leaned down to kiss her aunt’s. “I understand. You always support the whole, even when it hurts. Still, you’re forgetting something important. You may be the glue that holds us together, but you’ve also taught us how to make our own. Let us take care of everyone this time, Aunt Barriss, you included. We _can_ handle it. I promise.”

“Yeah, we’ve got this,” Caam added brightly. “Have faith in us.”

Piercing blue eyes roved between them and then softened. “Alright, my amazing girls. You win.”

Leia gripped her aunt’s hand, the thrill of success spawning a happy smile.

Caam straightened with a brash grin. “Supra.”

________

Sabine hesitated at the infirmary entrance, bringing her own emotions under control. Then, she crossed to Caleb’s cot, where Hera was gazing into empty space.

Pulling up a chair, she sat beside her.

“No changes,” a blank voice stated. “We won’t know anything for a day or two. There was extensive trauma and his body may not be able to recover, even though they’ve treated the damage. The healers say most people wouldn’t have survived this long.”

Sabine took her hand. “Damn right. Caleb’s too stubborn. He’ll be ok.”

There was a hollow laugh. “I used to believe that.”

“Have faith in him,” she said quietly. Brightening her tone, Sabine continued, “Ezra is going to be fine. He should be up and about by tomorrow.”

The muscle in Hera’s jaw stopped twitching and a relieved breath sounded. “Good.”

Uncertain what to say next, Sabine fell silent and simply held Hera’s hand.

After a few minutes, the woman seemed to shift into awareness. “You must have better things to do than sit here. I’m sure there are some critical tasks to manage in the wake of Ryloth. I can send you updates.”

Tightening fingers around Hera’s, Sabine met her gaze. “Nothing is more important than being here with you.”

Hera blinked several times and then closed her eyes. “I love you, Sabine. You know that, right?”

Leaning against the woman’s shoulder, she whispered, “Of course. And, I love you.”

Lips pressed against her hair for a long moment. Then, they both waited in a hopeful silence.

_______

Shan draped arms over Rex’s shoulders, propping her chin on his head. “Tell me a story about him. Just a normal one. Obi-Wan Kenobi the man, not the legend.”

His muscles slowly uncoiled as a wistful voice replied, “Alright, my brave little warrior.”

_______

Karyna crept into the darkened quarters. Her mouth felt dry and she swallowed a few times, before venturing, “Nara?”

There was rustling movement and a flat voice answered, “What is it?”

“I was, uh, wondering if—can I sleep with you tonight? Please?” Karyna held her breath.

There was a long silence, followed by a listless acquiescence. “If you want, my dear.”

Giddy at success, the girl slid into the bed and laid her head on Luminara’s shoulder. “Thanks.” Trying to convey surety, she added, “It’s going to be alright, Nara. Don’t forget we’ve got each other.”

An arm curled around her, pulling Karyna closer.

Snuggling into the woman’s chest, she murmured, “I love you.”

Luminara’s body relaxed and lips touched the top of her head. “I love you too, my little Ryna.”

_______

Katooni remained as unobtrusive as possible in the corner of the sitting room, running a hand over her ever-increasing stomach. _By the time you get here, my child, this will all be a distant memory. The world will be a better place, a happier one. I hope._

Sighing tiredly, she refocused on the children in front of her, praying this had been a good idea. So far, they had spent ten minutes not saying much at all to each other. Hope kindled as Mina sat next to Jacen on the hearth rug, clearly trying to engage him in some way.

The boy continued to silently stare at his bandaged fingers.

Taking one of his burned hands, Mina held it gingerly. “Does it hurt?”

He shrugged. “Little bit. Not much anymore.”

“That’s good,” she replied, “because I want you to feel better.”

Jacen turned his head to look at her. “You do?”

“Of course,” Mina answered with a serious nod. “That way we can play outside. There’s a big rock in the woods I think you’ll like.” She grinned shyly.

The edges of his mouth curved upward. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s like the one you showed me in Ryloth.”

The boy jerked at the mention of his former home.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in concern.

He looked back at his fingers. “Nothing.”

Mina’s face fluctuated. “Are you mad at me?”

His gaze swerved back to her. “Course not.”

“Promise?”

He tightened his fingers around hers. “Promise. I’m just… not feeling good or something.”

“I’m sorry. I wish you were,” Mina replied with earnest sincerity.

There was a small sigh. “Me too. I don’t like it.” He laid back on the rug and stared at the ceiling.

Mina matched his position. “We could try to think of ways to make you better, right?”

He twisted his head to look at her. “Like what?”

She turned on her side to face him. “Well, you’re not sick, right?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so. Because, it seems like you’re… sad?”

The boy tensed and then whispered, “Maybe.”

Mina nodded. “When my mom is sad, she tries to think of happy things. Za says the best way to feel better is spending time with people who care about you. If I’m upset, sometimes people hug me and that helps, too.”

“Huh.” Jacen seemed to contemplate. “Would you, um—” he broke off with a grimace. “Nevermind.”

Viridian eyes assessed him, and she asked tentatively, “Can I try to help you feel better? I mean, since I’m your lady, that should be my job, right?”

A boyish grin appeared. “Sure.”

Mina smiled and then shifted to lay on his shoulder, wrapping a small arm over his chest. “First, I’ll hug you.” She squeezed him. “Ok, that’s done. You’re already spending time with me, so that part is good. Now, we need to think of happy things. Hmm… do you want to tell me a story?”

Jacen gazed down at her. “Want to hear about when I caught my first blurrg with my grand—” He began blinking rapidly.

She squeezed him again. “I like all your stories.”

He wrapped the arm underneath Mina’s head around her shoulders. “It’s not—my granddad isn’t—he died so we could escape. Obi-Wan, too. I… saw them. Dad is all messed up and Mom is really upset. I think he might… you know. Guess, my stories aren’t very happy anymore.”

“Oh,” Mina said quietly. “My dad died when I was little. I don’t remember him. I wish I did. Maybe, it’s a happy thing that you get to remember your grandfather?”

Jacen started and then a half smile formed. “Maybe so.”

“That means any story about him is happy, right?”

The smile widened. “My lady is super smart.”

Her bronzed skin flushed. “Thanks.”

Giving her a crooked grin, Jacen said, “So, wanna hear my story, then?”

Mina smiled brightly. “Yes, please.”

Katooni wiped away tears as she leaned back in her chair and listened.

_______

“Please, Aunt Ahsoka!” Luke couldn’t stop his voice from turning strangled and desperate. “Please… don’t.”

The woman froze and stared at him. Then, she dropped flat on the bed, eyes fixed straight up.

His muscles stopped pulsing as he sagged back down in his bedside chair. “Thanks.”

Her head shifted to him. “I’m fine, you know.”

Luke choked out a laugh. “You’ve told me a lot of things in my life that sounded unbelievable, but that might be the most ridiculous statement I’ve ever heard.”

There was a snort and then her gaze returned to the ceiling. “I don’t know what else to say, Luke.”

He took her hand. “Yeah, I get it. I’m not sure what I want you to say, either. I only know I need you to be ok. And, if that means locking you in your room and standing guard, I’ll do it. Though, we could talk about stuff while it happens. Then, we’d both feel better.”

The edges of her mouth twitched. “This is your Aunt and Uncle’s influence. Lessons on how to keep your Aunt Ahsoka in check.”

“Maybe,” he replied with an airy expression. “If that doesn’t work, I’ve got Aayla on retainer.”

That got him a small chuckle, but then her face fell. “Is she ok? I think I might have…”

Luke shifted forward. “She’s fine. Don’t worry. That woman is practically indestructible.” He added softly, “Like my aunt.”

She blinked a few times. “I wish that was true.”

“No, you don’t.”

Her gaze darted to him. “What?”

Luke shrugged. “If you were indestructible, why would anyone care about you? You can’t love someone that doesn’t need you.” He paused contemplatively. “You might be _nearly_ indestructible. You can pull off miracles, but you’re not perfect. If you were, what would be the point of living at all? There’s no purpose to an indestructible person.”

“But,” she whispered, “if it saves the people you love, does any of that matter?”

“It is _all_ that matters,” he responded with unexplainable surety. Taking a moment to work out the sudden thought, Luke continued slowly, “Because that’s not what love is supposed to be, right? It’s imperfect people, depending on each other to do the best they can—learning and growing together. If we were perfect, why would we need each other to make us better? Either way, if someone is keeping you from making your own choices, even if it includes deciding to give your life for something you believe in, do they really love you? Or, are they simply controlling you to make themselves happy?”

Ahsoka stiffened and then blinked, wan smile forming. “You are randomly and surprisingly deep these days.”

He grinned. “Learned from the best.”

Her expression grew distant. “So, did I… but he’s gone now.”

Luke brought their joined hands up and rested a chin on them. “Yeah, he is. Still, his lessons remain. Maybe, that’s the true definition of indestructible. Making such an impact on the people around you that you live in their hearts forever.”

The fierce blue eyes filled with tears. “In that case, Obi-Wan Kenobi was definitely indestructible.”

He kissed her knuckles. “Yep. Like my aunt.”

_______

Everyone leaned forward as groggy eyes flickered into view. There was a collective exhale.

Caleb blinked up at the multitude of faces surrounding him. “Uh… guess you all missed me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find this chapter heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.


	83. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Illusory Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illusory Truth: Verity distorted by illusion or lies cloaked in reality? Depends on your point of view.

Ahsoka’s eyelids struggled open and morning light crept between them. She groggily reached toward Barriss’ side of the bed. _Argh!_ Reality flooded back as her body screamed disapproval. _Mother of a—they’re supposed to be healing me, not inventing new methods of torture!_

She ran fingers over the multitude of rough sutures, leathery burns, and gummy healing gel decorating her skin. The action only intensified the pain. Ceasing and desisting all movement, Ahsoka laid on her pillow and stared at the empty space where her wife should be. Maudlin thoughts began to seep in, so she redirected eyes toward the fresh sun edging into their quarters.

Ahsoka jumped in surprise and then bit down hard on her lip as tiny needles pierced her insides. _Is it possible someone is secretly stabbing me in my sleep?!_ Waiting for the agony to wane, she focused on the figure that had startled her.

Aayla was sitting on the wide ledge of their panoramic window, gaze anchored to the breaking dawn on the horizon. Loose arms folded over her stomach as she leaned back against the stone frame. A gentle breeze flowed in and rustled the short sleeves of her mahogany tunic.

The woman looked so peaceful, Ahsoka’s own thoughts calmed and she simply watched Aayla enjoy the sunrise.

Then, she noticed the compression bandage around Aayla’s thigh. Her nose was swollen, and discolored bruises littered the teal skin. A lump formed in Ahsoka’s throat and she rasped, “See anything exciting out there?”

Aayla turned her head with a smile. “It’s the dawn of another day, a new beginning, Ahsoka Tano. That is more than exciting. It is a gift.”

She groaned. “Great. Not only does my body feel like its been through ten rounds with an entire tribe of Wookies, you’ve taken to answering casual questions with philosophical opinions. Next, you’ll be giving me incomprehensible life advice like Obi—” Ahsoka broke off with a quick breath.

Sliding off the ledge, Aayla crossed to the bed. The woman tucked a leg and settled beside her. “Not to worry,” she said softly. “Being as wise as Obi-Wan Kenobi is a pinnacle I’ll never reach.”

Ahsoka returned a weak smile. “Me neither.”

There was silence for a moment, before a gentle voice asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Uh, all good. It hurts a bit but nothing too— “

Her hand went up. “Don’t give me your rigamarole, Tano. You should have seen the amount of work the healers had to do yesterday. Your initial refusal of treatment and rest only exacerbated already critical injuries. They think it's a miracle of the Force you’re even alive, much less conscious.” She grunted. “Except for Hans, who you’ve somehow managed to convince you’re immortal. The rest of them wanted to ship you off to a specialty trauma center at the far end of the city, but he wouldn’t allow it.”

A satisfied grin formed. “Hans knows better. Agony or no agony, if I had been cut off from my family while being poked and prodded by strange healers, I would have blown out of there like a rathtar on spice.”

The woman chuckled. “He didn’t put it like that, but yes. There was quite a to-do over it, actually. Your cadre of royal healers were not happy at being overruled by the man who runs the city clinic, even if he is legendary. Luke had to intervene and restore peace in the ranks.”

She raised eyebrows. “Maybe, I should talk to Barriss about her staff choices.”

“Well, what do you expect? They worked hard their entire lives, became masters in their field, and finally achieved a position in a royal household. Then, their sovereign doesn’t trust them to even treat an everyday cold. Your poor healers thought they were finally going to get to do their job. Of course, it probably didn’t help that Juliayl called them everything from pretentious imbeciles to snot-nosed rancors.”

Ahsoka snorted. “I knew I liked her for a reason.”

“My _point_ is you’ve gotten used to Barriss either whipping up some Force healing or her non-stop attention for the myriad of injuries you manage to inflict on yourself. That’s not an option this time. You have to do things the old-fashioned way. Got it?”

“Whatever,” she muttered. It was annoyingly accurate. Ahsoka could tolerate laying around and waiting to heal, if Barriss was the one taking care of her.

“I assume that response is Ahsoka-code for ‘Absolutely, Master Secura, I will obey your instructions to the letter and not stir from my bed.’ In which case, I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

She shot a death glare. “You need a codebook.”

The edges of her mouth twitched. “That’s what you get for never providing me with one. Anyway, you’ve gotten me off track. I know you’re physically in atrocious shape. I’m asking how you are _feeling._ ”

“Sure you want me to answer that question honestly?” Ahsoka responded wryly.

“Depends. Does an honest answer include any wailing or gnashing of teeth? If so, maybe I’ll get Luke or Kit. They’re better at that kind of thing.”

“Hey now, I don’t wail!”

“Uh huh.” Her expression turned shrewd. “Tell you what, let’s compromise. Give me two things you’re feeling.”

“Limited honesty, huh? I guess I can handle that.”

“Excellent. What’s first on the list?”

It came immediately. Her throat closed up as she tried to communicate the thought. “I’m sorry for… well, you know.” Shifting attention to the window, Ahsoka stated blankly, “I lost control.”

“Yes, you did. But, none of us are in control all the time. That’s why we have each other, right?”

Her gaze flicked back to Aayla. “I remember when you insisted otherwise.”

She smiled. “Someone taught me better, Lady Jedi. So, don’t pretend you don’t know this lesson.”

Ahsoka closed her eyes. “It’s different for me. I can’t afford to lose control. It makes me… dangerous. I could have killed you. Next time, don’t risk it.”

There was a hiss. “Don't be overdramatic, Tano. If you think I’m going to cower in a corner as you commit suicide, I’ll have them sequester you for an extra month to assess potential brain damage.” Her pitch lowered. “Yes, you let fear and pain overwhelm your control. Yes, you are incredibly powerful when channeling your rage. Yes, your pursuit of salvation for someone you loved was single-minded to a fault. Despite all of that, it’s not as terrible as you seem to believe. You are not…” she finished quietly, “... your brother.”

She flinched and snapped, “Lying to me doesn’t change what happened.” A hand slapped her face, shocking her eyes into opening.

A fiery gaze blazed down at her. “Nonsense is what you’ve got in your head, Ahsoka Tano. If you had truly lost yourself, I’d be dead. You would have simply wiped out impediments to your goal. The only mortal peril you inflicted was on yourself. Then, you allowed love and reason to bring you back to your senses, before it was too late. Even out of control, you were still you. So, stop pretending otherwise.”

Ahsoka blinked several times and then choked out, “I hope you’re right. Because, what I'm capable of terrifies me, Aayla.”

Her expression softened. “I know.” The woman placed a hand on Ahsoka’s cheek, gently rubbing the stinging spot she had slapped. “I’m sorry. I just wish you could see the truth I know in my heart. I’ve experienced a lot of hate and evil in this world. You have never been in that category, even when you were throwing me helter-skelter across the Ryloth desert.” She winked and then continued earnestly, “Viciousness, callousness, bitterness, taking pleasure in pain, more than passing hatred of even the vilest people… none of it is Ahsoka Tano. She sees the best in others. Her anger and fear come from justice and love. That cannot be bent against itself. She would collapse inward, not lash out at innocents. Ryloth only confirms it.”

She swallowed. “That’s not good either. It still could make me someone I don’t want to be.”

Aayla shrugged. “Possibly, but it is not the person you most fear becoming. Keep trying to do better, by all means. However, when you occasionally fall short of the goal don’t believe a self-perpetuating lie of who it makes you. Nothing is inevitable, unless you make it so.” She abruptly straightened. “Huh.”

Ahsoka stared. “Um, want to share?”

“I think,” she answered slowly, “I finally understand something Plo tried to tell me long ago. He said once you start down the dark path it forever dominates your destiny. It always seemed so… un-Jedi to believe someone couldn’t be redeemed. One mistake and that’s it? I might have missed the point.”

“And?” Ahsoka questioned hopefully. Yoda had said much the same thing to her once. She had rejected the argument as indicative of the strict mindset of a flawed Jedi code. Yet, on some level the idea had haunted her, especially when she lost control.

“Well, it’s like I said. We become who we choose to be. If you actively turn to the dark side and do terrible things as a result, it must be near impossible to imagine coming back. Even if you did, the memories and habits of that path would be a lifelong struggle to resist. Instead, the inclination would be to go all in. Why hold yourself back any longer? You’ve already done too much. You are what you are now. It’s your only choice, the future you can’t escape. Justifying that means building barriers to ever seeing yourself any other way. Anyone who could help break the cycle would need to be destroyed. You can’t be reminded of what you were and can never be again. So, in a way, it does always dominate your destiny no matter the outcome.”

Ahsoka jerked violently and stabs of intense pain coursed through her body. _Anakin._ She put a hand on her stomach trying to assuage the spasming muscles. Fingers hit her scar and a different kind of pain, old and deep surged. Her lungs sped into shallow heaves as new waves of suffocating agony made her gasp. _I finally understand._

Aayla leaned over her. “What’s wrong?”

“G-give… minute,” she stuttered, jerkily tracing the faded scar as her insides throbbed in rhythm with the spinning thoughts.

Aayla’s gaze roved across her in concern. Then, it fixed on the trembling fingers. She picked up the hand from Ahsoka’s stomach and locked it into hers. “Take your time.”

Eventually managing to work through the swirl of pain and realization, Ahsoka croaked, “Sorry, accidentally moved.”

Her lek flicked for several moments. Apparently deciding not to pursue whatever line of thought was there, the woman broke into a mischievous grin. “That is plain unacceptable, Lady Jedi. No more traumatic conversations, until you can have them without giving me a panic attack."

Ahsoka glared, but the light response further calmed her mind. "Master Secura can handle it. I have faith in her abilities to stop me from killing myself."

Aayla laughed. "You say that now, after I did nothing but get tossed around?"

"You had help at the end, true. However, you impeded my progress for much longer than anyone else could have. If Luminara hadn't been there, you'd have figured something else out." She added a soft, "Thanks."

The woman gazed at her and then tightened their hands. "Anytime, Tano. Speaking of help, what was your second thing? I might need reinforcements.”

Ahsoka frowned. “I miss my wife.”

Hazel eyes shot to the ceiling. “Should have seen that one coming. I’m sorry, but neither of you are allowed to move yet. If it helps, she’s not any happier about it. You both almost died. That comes with consequences.”

“I’m fine,” she grumbled. “As long as I don’t move too fast, I can handle it.”

“No, you can’t. Pretending otherwise doesn’t help in this situation. Putting aside the fact that trekking to her location would compromise your recovery, the kids would go into a meltdown. They’re intent on ensuring their family comes out of this intact. Acting like you’re oblivious to your condition is making things worse and only causes them to shift into unheard of levels of overprotectiveness.”

Feeling petulant, Ahsoka whined, “I’m just—she might need me. I feel… helpless.” _And, I need her._

“I understand,” Aayla murmured. “I promise I’ll convince them to let you visit her once your body can handle it. Right now, the risk is too high. It’s not a matter of pushing through the pain, Ahsoka. If you fall or even put pressure on the wrong spot, you could harm your freshly mended insides and literally kill yourself. That will definitely not help Barriss. For now, try to remember neither of you is alone. Barriss has someone with her always, if she needs anything.”

“I guess,” she replied dejectedly.

Her face lit up. “How about if you send her a note? I’ll write it out for you. Barriss is probably too weak to dictate a long message back, but she’ll know you’re ok and thinking of her.”

Ahsoka’s mood brightened. “Oh, yeah, perfect.”

“Alright, my absurdly sappy Jedi, let me get a quill and paper.”

_______

Ahsoka fixed an anxious gaze on Aayla. “Well? Did you say the last part exactly like I told you?”

The woman laughed and strolled into her quarters. “You two are ridiculous.” Tone dripping with overdone sappiness, Aayla mimicked, “Don’t forget I love you, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife.”

Undeterred, Ahsoka nodded excitedly, ignoring the shocks of pain the action elicited. “And? What did she say back?”

Pulling a slip of parchment from her pocket, she slowly opened it. Then, made a show of squinting at the words. “Hmm…”

Clenching teeth, Ahsoka briefly considered rolling off the bed and grabbing it from the woman’s hands. Then, she realized the simple grinding motion was sending spikes of agony into her neck and reconsidered the idea. “Come on,” she pleaded. “If I die of anticipation, it will be your fault.”

Aayla snorted and carried the message over. Pressing it into her hand, she whispered, “Never gonna happen.”

Tightening fingers around the tiny lifeline, Ahsoka smiled as her heart soared.

_______

Caam settled onto the hill overlooking the swath of woods that ran beyond the city, absently picking at a partially healed burn on her arm. She had never seen trees, until Ahsoka took them camping for the first time. The girl wasn’t entirely sure her younger self knew the world looked like anything other than grimy city streets. The colors, the smell, even the animals that inhabited them had fascinated her. Ever since, the woods always brought her a sense of comfort.

She gazed at the view below as a gentle breeze rolled over her face and the sun set on the horizon. This spot had been her favorite, when living in the barracks. It was quiet and peaceful. People rarely came to this hill. Most preferred the ones facing the mountains, the castle, or even the city itself. But, for Caam, the mass of brown and green painting the landscape was truly magnificent.

A rustle of fabric came from behind her. “Are you ok?”

Twisting around, she smiled at Thatcher. _Speaking of truly magnificent._ “Hey. How’d you find me?”

“Just a guess. I heard you were released from the field infirmary and remembered how much you loved this hill after being cooped up.”

She grinned. “You know me so well. I was going to track you down tomorrow, since I’m a free woman once again.”

Thatcher sat beside her on the grassy hillside. “I tried to come see you, but they wouldn’t let me in. Apparently, the queen was in there and didn’t think common soldiers could be trusted to visit their friends.”

Caam started at the bitterness in her tone. “I’m sure Captain Shan was just being careful. She’s paranoid like that, when her royal charges are in a public space. Besides, the queen was seriously injured during the battle and has been unconscious most of the time. So, she had nothing to do with it.”

There was a wince. “You’re right. I didn’t mean that. I was just worried, and they wouldn’t let me see you.”

Taking her hand, Caam squeezed. “I get it.”

Her friend blew out a breath. “What in the world was the queen doing to get herself injured, anyway? Why was she even there?”

“Uh,” Caam answered carefully, “the secondary mission involved some dangerous infiltration and her bow is the best, well, on the planet probably. You do know her history, right?”

“Legendary spymaster, Lady of the Rebellion, and so on. Everyone knows that. Still, it doesn’t mean she has to get her hands dirty anymore.”

Her brow furrowed. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at. She covered our infiltration and some of the ongoing assault from a turret. A sharpshooter got her, but it looks like she’s going to survive.”

Thatcher stared. “When I think I understand how things work in this world, I realize how much I don’t. She put her life at risk to protect soldiers?”

“Of course,” Caam replied in surprise. “So did the rest of the royal family. This was a difficult operation and they’re some of the best warriors on the planet. Why wouldn’t they help? The sovereign and queen don’t send people into danger without being willing to do the same themselves. They didn’t build a successful rebellion by letting everyone else do the fighting.”

“I suppose not,” she said quietly, “just unusual in my experience.” Taking a deep breath, Thatcher seemed to refocus. “You didn’t answer my question. How are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m fine. No worries.”

Golden eyes assessed her. “You don’t look fine.”

She shrugged. “The burns are mostly healed. They don’t even really hurt anymore. I’ll survive.” Caam shifted her gaze to the waning sun. “Not everyone can say the same.”

Fingers tightened around hers. “I’m sorry about your squad.”

Caam blinked a few times. “Thanks.”

“Polter said you stayed behind, so the rest of them could get out. Is that how you were hurt?”

She gave a short nod. “The Hutts overmixed the fire ring and then set it off. The entire castle went up in flames.” Her voice wavered. “I only made it out alive, because Ob—Grandmaster Kenobi sacrificed himself to save me and a few more trapped inside.”

“Oh.” There was silence for a moment. “He was married to the Queen Mother, so he would have been like a father to the sovereign, right?”

“The queen too,” Caam said distantly.

“I see. Uh, did you know him very well?”

She tried to decide how much to say and finally answered simply, “Yes.”

Thatcher cleared her throat. “It’s strange. So many people die around us and here we sit. Why is that?”

Returning attention to her friend, she said, “That’s like asking why the sun rises in the morning. It just… happens.”

“I suppose. Still, you can depend on the sun to always come up. You can’t depend on anyone else to stick around.”

Caam gazed at her. “Maybe. But, you can depend on them to be there when it counts. Obi-Wan Kenobi was there when I needed him.”

There was a hollow laugh. “Must be nice. Having people.”

“You have that too.”

Thatcher looked away. “Sure.”

Caam jerked her hand. “You do. I’m here, aren’t I? Our squad is always there for each other, yeah?”

There was a sigh. “I don’t know, Caam. I’ve never tried finding out.”

_She's like me, like I was._ The realization hit her, and everything clicked into place. _How did I never see it?_ Thatcher was friendly and open but also hidden and apart. It had always felt impossible to truly understand her—as if something was missing to form a complete picture. Now, familiar tones seeped into the gaps. _I always understood, even when I didn’t. Huh._ “I understand,” she said quietly.

A disbelieving face turned back to her. “No, you don’t.”

Her mouth parted. “What?”

“I don’t need pity. So, just stop.” She pulled her hand away.

“It’s not pity! I was saying that I get it.”

The statement only seemed to further enrage Thatcher. “Being patronizing is bad enough, but don’t act like you understand anything! Want to know why that’s not possible, Caam Secura? My father died when I was a child and my mother went over the edge. I spent my days stealing food and earning money any way I could to take care of us both. Then, I came home one day and she had sol—” There was a harsh breath. “Do you know what it’s like to be completely alone?! Don’t tell me you understand.”

Trying not to snap, she replied evenly, “Maybe, I do.”

“Stop it! Look at you. You think because your mommy forgot to tuck you in one night or you didn’t get a shiny new sword on your birthday, you understand? People care about you. Your mother loves and misses you. She’s a royal court member, no less. She would never—” A vein in her neck pulsed wildly. “Did you ever have a day where you were desperate to survive or did things you never wanted or were hurt by someone you thought—” Her voice pitched higher as the tanned skin flecked with patches of crimson. “Force, everything you touch goes right. You and your perfect life! How could you possibly get what it’s like to have no one to depend on but yourself?!”

The words pierced her heart and Caam bit back, “You don’t know anything about me!” Feeling her own anger tipping over, she leapt up. “Forget it.” Taking a few steps, the girl halted and sucked in several breaths. _You said you’d be there, Secura. Convince her. Give back what was given to you._ Turning around, she dropped beside Thatcher once more. “I should have explained better. It’s only that my—the me you see now isn’t—I’m not the person you think I am.”

She rubbed her face. “Oh Gods. I’m so sorry, Caam. I don’t know what happened. I’m usually better at controlling it. I never talk about this stuff for a reason.”

Caam tried a tentative smile. “It’s ok. I’d say I understand, but that didn’t go so well last time.”

There was a choked laugh. “Fair.” She continued hesitantly, “What do you mean you’re not who I think? Who are you then?”

Twisting her fingers, she stared down at them and whispered, “I’m Caam—the lost girl, who just got lucky one day.”

A hand laid over hers. “Lucky how?”

She exhaled. “When I was seven, my mother left and didn’t come back. I had to survive alone on the streets of Coruscant for a long time.”

Thatcher inhaled sharply. “You—wait. Your mother is here.” Her voice became wary. “Are you telling me the truth?”

Caam met her eyes. “I wouldn’t lie to you. It’s not easy for me to talk about this stuff, either. But, if you want to hear my crazy story, I’ll tell you.”

Eyes never leaving hers, Thatcher intertwined their fingers. “Please.”

Shifting her gaze to the now barely visible sun on the horizon, she let memories from another life fill her. “While I was on the streets, I met an unusual lady. For whatever reason, she took an interest in me. This woman kept trying to convince me my life was worth something and that she’d be there for me. I didn’t believe her. Experience had taught me better. When I was eleven a street gang nearly killed me. The woman saved my life. I couldn’t walk, so she took care of me for a while. It was the first time I considered the idea that it might—that I could depend on someone. Then, she and her family offered to take care of me forever. They… wanted me.”

Thatcher’s free hand massaged her own throat as a scratchy voice prompted, “You stayed with them?”

Returning attention to her friend, Caam snorted. “No, I ran away. I guess I couldn’t work out my reality with the dream I had been offered. That’s when I decided to break into a dealer’s shop to take back something he had stolen from me. I got caught. As I laid on the floor dying yet again, I realized how stupid I’d been not to take my chance at a life. But, it was too late. I was about to die.”

There was a hard swallow. “Clearly, you’re alive. What happened?”

Caam smiled softly. “She came. I looked up and the woman that became my mother was there, rubbing my cheek and telling me everything was going to be alright. She saved my life again and then took me home to my new family.”

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, before a regretful voice mumbled, “I don’t know what to say. I definitely shouldn’t have assumed—I’m sorry.” Thatcher’s nose wrinkled. “So, the woman I’ve met is the one who found you?”

“Nope. That’s my birth mother. The short explanation is she had been imprisoned by the old Emperor for years, which is why she disappeared. Mom eventually escaped and tracked me down.”

Thatcher pursed lips. “Did your adoptive mother abandon you, when your other mother came back?”

Caam smiled wanly. “That’s what I afraid of. I was so scared my new family would give me up. I’d lose them and my home. It didn’t happen, though. They refused to let me go. I don’t know how they worked it all out, but Mom became a part of my new family instead. I told you it was a crazy story.”

“Ok… where exactly is this fairytale family of yours now?”

A mischievous grin curved up. “The woman that found me, who became my mother? Her name is Barriss Offee.”

A blank stare looked back at her. “As in the queen of Shili?”

The grin widened. “That’s the one.”

There was stunned silence and then Thatcher's face turned strange. “That’s why you visit the castle so often, your close friendship with the princess, other odd—it explains a lot of things. You never mentioned the fact that you’re royalty the entire time we’ve known each other. Why?”

She raised eyebrows. “Why should I? I’m nothing special. I’m just… Caam. That’s always worked for me. Besides, my family loves me, no matter who I choose to be. That’s all I care about.”

The woman smiled. “You are an unusual person, just Caam.” Then, her expression flooded with pain. “Oh. That’s why you’re so upset about Kenobi dying. He was…”

“My family, yes. The closest thing I’ll ever have to a grandfather really.” She wiped watery eyes. Quickly regaining control, Caam continued earnestly, “Obi-Wan’s gone, but he only showed me yet again how much I could depend on people who love me. It took a very long time for me to accept that. My experience isn’t exactly the same as yours, but I do understand the things you said. I also learned trusting in people is worth the risk. It’s what makes life… living, I guess.”

Thatcher gazed at her for a long moment and then her eyes squeezed shut. “Gods, Caam. Why did you wait—I wish we had—” Tears trailed down her cheeks. “Too late.”

Caam placed both hands on her face. “No. It’s never too late. Come on. I meant what I said. You can depend on me. I’ll be here for you.”

Her mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “What could have been, huh?”

Starting to feel an urgent need to convince her, she tightened her grip. “No. What can _be._ Please, give it a try. I promise everything will be alright.”

Thatcher exhaled shakily and pressed her forehead against Caam’s. “I think in another world, where I had a different life, I could have loved you.”

“Erm…” Unable to figure out a reply to the unexpected statement, Caam simply massaged fingers over the wet cheeks, trying to provide comfort for whatever was going on in her friend’s head.

Then, lips tentatively touched hers, barely brushing skin against skin. It happened again and then again, pressure increasing with each fresh contact. Until, intensity conquered hesitancy and the mouth latched on desperately. It felt so different than their previous romantic interactions. There was a raw, genuine quality that begged for reciprocation.

Caam instinctively returned it in kind, opening up her emotions and letting them flow unhindered. The kiss deepened into something more real than she'd ever experienced but had always craved. Everything else paled in comparison, a mere shadow of this moment. What had been missing was now found.

Her hands clamped down around Thatcher’s face. Their lips melded together in a strange harmony as she fiercely held onto the incredible feeling. Caam got lost in the swirl as new and overwhelming sensations coursed through her. Her chest throbbed, lungs constricting from a lack of air and unchecked vitality, but she refused to let go.

Finally, her body couldn’t handle anymore, and it broke away. Caam sucked in panting gasps and croaked, “Wow. Um, that was…” She trailed off, unable to put the feeling into words.

Pleading, golden eyes locked on hers. “Pretend with me—pretend what could have been. Let’s see what it’s like to be with someone you… love.”

The open vulnerability and longing need in the opposing gaze mirrored a deep yearning inside her own heart. Wrapping arms around the magnificent body, she breathed, “Ok.” Diving her mouth back into Thatcher’s, Caam pretended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, I'm struggling with how much to say on this one. How about a few random comments?  
> ♦ There is one chapter left in Part 5. Then, we wrap up our story in Part 6. So, buckle up for the final leg of this 'somehow got way out of control and took over my life' journey!  
> ♦ Caam's need for deep emotional connection is... strong. So, is her fear of it.  
> ♦ My poor Ahsoka. She's had a rough week. Still, maybe we've crossed a threshold. She spent most of her life ignoring what she most fears. Then, the last several years unable to handle the acknowledged fear. Perhaps, she's ready to attack it head on now? Guess we'll see.  
> ♦ Aayla Secura-how far you've come, my dear. Amazing what happens when you aren't being tortured or losing your entire world. Nice of Gabby to let you be happy for a change.


	84. PART V: CHARTING THE COURSE - Stepping Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stepping Stones - Where will they lead?

Caam lifted her head in the darkened night and glanced around, quickly finding what had awakened her.

Thatcher was shaking beside her, muscles flinching in pained jerks.

 _She’s having a nightmare or something._ Caam ran fingers over the contorted forehead. “Shh, it’s ok.”

Her erratic breathing slowed, but the distress remained.

 _Should I wake her up?_ Caam sat up in the uncomfortable tavern bed they'd rented for the night and twisted her fingers indecisively. _Guess it's time to learn, Secura._ She pressed lips against Thatcher's, nudging her awake. “Hey. Everything is alright.”

Golden eyes flicked open and focused on her. “Um, what's going on?”

Caam stroked her cheek. “You were having a nightmare, I think. Are you ok?”

"Did I s-say… anything?”

“No. Why?”

Her body relaxed. “Not important. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Caam grinned. “Don’t be. Any chance to look upon your magnificence is a plus for me.”

Thatcher laughed and lifted a hand, brushing it over Caam’s mouth. “I’ll need to have nightmares more often, if it means I get to wake up to this divine view.”

Her grin turned impish and she trailed lips down the slender curve of Thatcher’s jawline, before nipping at her neck. “Are you sure you’re ok? If not, I think I have a remedy.”

“Mmm…” Teasing fingers flitted across her back, circling prickling skin as they continued downward. A sultry voice breathed, “I am definitely not ok. Please, fix me.”

Moaning happily as roving fingers caressed the inside of her thighs, Caam rolled on top of Thatcher and started doing just that.

_______

“Ok, that’s two decisions down. What about the request from Naboo?”

 _Two too many._ Luke pressed elbows on the table and massaged his forehead. “Um, what do you recommend?”

Rex pursed lips. “Hard to say. It’s complicated.”

Shooting a small glare, Luke prompted, “Because…?”

The man chuckled. “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Aiding Naboo strengthens our relationship. However, they’re an ally that needs us more than we need them. Then again, eliminating a violent faction creating havoc along their borders benefits surrounding kingdoms. Stable neighbors make Shili safer. Still, charging in to save the day for the third time in the last two years allows them to continue to ignore the problem. On the other hand, them being dependent on us for internal kingdom security has other benefits.”

“What kind of benefits?”

“They usually compensate us in some manner for our assistance. Providing aid to other kingdoms is a primary source of funding for the healing, education, and family housing programs we provide our soldiers.”

Luke stared. “We require compensation from allies, as well?”

He winked. “Depends on the ally. You’d need to decide if the situation warrants remuneration or it is more beneficial for Shili to provide assistance without it. Our treaty of alliance stipulates terms for the first option. The latter is case by case and typically involves political concerns.”

Considering for a moment, Luke remarked, “I see. If we provide support freely that would likely generate more requests in future—making them more dependent on us.”

Rex smiled. “Indeed. Politics is not my area, but I imagine it would give us a stronger hand in trade, joint ventures, and other negotiations.”

“It would,” a new voice echoed across Ahsoka’s office. Leia came strolling in with a wry grin. “My idealistic brother thinks everyone should just do the right thing without thought to personal gain.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Luke retorted.

Crossing to the table, the woman kissed the top of his head. “Nothing at all. It’s what makes you special. Still, a leader has work within the confines of an imperfect world. Sometimes what is right depends on your own point of view, as well. In this case, Naboo is a major exporter of specialized building materials. So, trade priority and concessions are important considerations.”

Slumping back in his chair, Luke gritted teeth. “This stuff drives me crazy. Shouldn’t they be asking your council for help?”

Leia shook her head. “The Alliance was designed for external threat protection. There isn’t enough capacity to send troops off to every member kingdom whenever they have an internal conflict. We did assist them with training for their defense forces as well as negotiators for talks with this newest splinter group. Naboo needs to put adequate resources into shoring up patrol units in the countryside, but their politics make it complicated—especially since the issue is confined to the outer regions of the kingdom. It’s difficult to convince city residents, who are vehemently anti-military funding, of the need. They could end up with unrest on two fronts.”

“Hmm,” he murmured, “sounds like refusing to provide aid won’t necessarily result in them solving their own problem.” He frowned and addressed Rex, “Do we have any units available, given recent events?”

“Yes, the other two battalions were mobilized prior to Ryloth. Of course, the 501st has come off deployment. So, committing troops to Naboo…”

“Would leave Shili more vulnerable than normal,” Luke finished thoughtfully.

Rex grinned. “See, you’re getting the hang of this.”

He smiled wanly. “I understand military strategy. It’s the rest of it that sends me into a nervous breakdown.” Luke paused and then asked hesitantly, “What do you think Aunt Ahsoka would do?”

The man shrugged. “Generally, she takes all the factors into account. The particular situation in terms of political, economic, and military concerns is weighed against the current needs and goals of Shili.”

Luke sighed. “Not very helpful, Uncle Rex.”

There was a snort. “Ok, kid. Think of it as a military operation. Where and how do you deploy your resources? What obstacles exist? Which ground are you willing to cede in order to reach your objectives?”

“Huh.” Luke shifted attention to Leia. “I need more intel on our strategic situation. Any ideas?”

She tapped a finger against her chin. “Who manages Shili finances?”

“Katooni,” Rex answered. “She’ll be able to give you an overview of every area, including the political ins and outs. If you’re interested in military resourcing details, talk to Echo.”

Leia scrunched her face. “I thought Katooni was Barriss’ intendant?”

“Technically, that’s true. However, she functions more as a chief intendant. Your aunts are extremely selective about who they entrust with kingdom administration. Barriss has other intendants for household management and the like. They all report to Katooni.”

The woman nodded and then turned to Luke. “Consult with her and Echo. Then, make your decision.”

Luke straightened. “When do we need to respond to the request?”

Rex shifted papers around and picked up a parchment. “It came in two days ago. Generally, we’d want to respond within three. However, if you need more time, they’ll keep.”

“Yeah,” Luke said tiredly, “but it means their citizens could be dying while I discuss in committee.”

Leia gripped his shoulder. “You’re used to the quick action of a field commander’s life. In politics, things are more complicated. Making a hasty decision could negatively impact the people you’re committed to protecting. Your choices have to be based on your own kingdom’s best interest. Sometimes that matches the world’s needs and sometimes it doesn’t.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Ugh. Pretty sure I’m not cut out for this job.”

Rex grunted. “Nonsense. You think your aunt learned all of this overnight? If you’d asked _me_ any of these questions when I was your age, I would have stared blankly at a wall. Strategic choices, determined purpose, measured consideration, and a dedication to what is right are traits of a strong leader in any environment, Luke. All you need is a bit more experience in this one to excel.”

Blowing out a long breath, he smiled weakly. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Still, hopefully Aunt Ahsoka will return to action in a few weeks. I’m just trying not to destroy the kingdom between now and then.” Looking up at Leia, Luke added, “And, don’t think you’re getting out of this. I demand expert assistance from my secret joint heir to the Shili throne.”

She rolled eyes but sat down at the table. “I suppose it’s only fair, since you’ve been managing everything else lately. Don’t get your hopes up, though. I have no intention of taking on a permanent crown.”

Luke brightened. “Excellent. What’s next on the list, Uncle Rex? We’ll give it our best shot.” He grinned at his sister. “Together.”

Leia returned a soft smile. “Together it is, brother mine.”

_______

Karyna kissed the top of Barriss’ sleeping head and crept away, setting a course for the next stop on her list. Slipping into Ahsoka’s quarters, she jerked to a halt.

Her aunt was gazing up at the ceiling as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Fidgeting with her sleeves, Karyna ventured, “Aunt Ahsoka?”

The woman partially jolted up at the call and then toppled back with a pained gasp.

Cringing at her stupidity, she sped to the bed and grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you alright? What can I do?”

Her chest heaved and a strangled voice replied, "Hold… on." After another minute, everything seemed to calm and there was a weak smile. “Not your fault, my mushroom. Price of almost killing yourself, I suppose.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Karyna chewed her lip. “Yeah, about that. I’d kind of rather you didn’t do it anymore. Ever.”

Ahsoka squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Karyna. You remember what I said about being scared? I let it get the better of me this time. I’m working on things, though. Hopefully, it’ll never happen again.”

She laid down beside her aunt, muscles twitching. “That’s good. And, uh, maybe I can help? If you get scared, you could talk to me about it or something. I don't mind. I mean I know in the moment that might not work. But, if it’s bothering you beforehand, you should tell someone. That way you won’t feel alone when something happens. Like you say, letting other people help you is just as important as helping them. Right?”

There was a soft laugh. “Ok, my helpful mushroom. I’ll do my best to follow your sage wisdom. Good enough?”

Her body relaxed and she grinned. “That is an acceptable response.”

Ahsoka lifted a hand and brushed her cheek. “I’m the luckiest aunt on the planet. I love you so much, Karyna."

The emotions of that terrifying day intensified. _I could have lost her._ A need to make Ahsoka understand how important she was to her life took hold. "I know, but I’d rather you love me as—I want you to—is it ok if we say you’re my… mom?”

Fierce blue eyes widened and then blinked rapidly, before fixing on Karyna. Fingers rubbed her tattoos as Ahsoka whispered, “Of course, because that’s what I am, my special daughter.”

Tears swelled and Karyna tucked her head into the woman's shoulder. “Good. Because, I love you too, my special mother.”

_______

Barriss gazed at the ceiling, trying to ignore the throb in her back and the burning in her temples. Grateful to be alone in a quiet space for the first time in days, she let her thoughts wander. Until, tears began to rise once more. She fiercely forced them down. _Crying doesn’t help anyone, Offee. Besides, it’ll hurt like a Sith._

“Well, I can see I’ve arrived just in time.”

Jerking her head toward the door, she gasped a curse at her painful stupidity.

Thin fingers rubbed her cheek. “I’m sorry. I should have forgone the dramatic entrance.”

“Don’t… go.” Barriss locked eyes on Luminara as her back spasmed. “M-my fault.”

She leaned down and kissed her hair. “We’re both too tired to argue about it. Now, take your time and settle. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Relieved at the assurance, she took several moments to center and reduced the agony to a dull ache. Gazing up at Luminara, Barriss put as much brightness in her voice as she could manage. “I’m so happy to see you.”

The woman smiled. “Not as happy as I am to see you.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Thought we were too tired to argue today?”

Luminara’s expression turned airy. “We are. That’s why you should simply agree with everything your mother says.”

“Hmm, I’ll take your advice under consideration.”

“Good.” The woman sat in the chair next to her bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m tired and there’s some pain, but—”

“Alright,” Luminara interrupted dryly, “I can see I shouldn’t have even asked. You’ll only spend your limited energy concocting reasons for why you’re perfectly happy and fine. We’ll move on and revisit the topic again another day.”

Flashing a guilty grin, Barriss carefully lifted her hand out. “You know me so well.”

Luminara took the hand and held it in her lap. “I am your mother. If I didn’t, we’d have serious issues, my dear.”

Barriss chewed her lip. “Um, what about you? Anything you want to share?”

The woman sighed and her gaze drifted away. “Not at the moment, darling girl. I need a bit of time to work it out in my own head first.”

She wrapped her fingers into Luminara’s. “Of course. I’m here, when you’re ready to talk.”

Her attention returned to Barriss with a soft smile. “The same applies to you, as well.” She pulled a familiar leather-bound book from her cloak pocket. “I took the liberty of pilfering this from your quarters. Oh, your wife said to tell you something absurdly sentimental about loving you more than the stars in the midnight sky.”

Mood immediately lightening, she asked, “How is she?”

“As well as can be expected, I suppose. Aayla was scratching out a note with possibly the best expression of restrained exasperation I have ever witnessed. So, I imagine you’ll be hearing directly from the source soon.”

Barriss grinned happily. “Poor Aayla. I’ll have to buy her something very expensive to help compensate for the amount of sappiness she’s endured over the last week.”

The woman chuckled. “Indeed. In any case, given we’ve both determined not to talk about anything substantive at the moment, how about I read to you? I thought you might need some distraction by delving into the highly unrealistic world of romantic espionage.”

Barriss blinked and then replied quietly, “I’d like that very much.”

Luminara rubbed a thumb over their interlocked fingers. “So would I.”

_______

“Well now, Caam Secura in her room. What am I to do?”

Turning around with a grin, she replied, “I’m going to take that comment as a clear sign you are lost without me.”

Luke snorted. “So, where ya been, kid?”

She pulled a fresh tunic from her wardrobe. The one she had on was flecked with dirt and smelled like musty tavern. No way was Caam visiting Barriss in that state. “Here and there.” Tossing multiple options to the side, she finally settled on a red velvet top with diamond patterns running along the sleeves. _Barriss always liked this one._

“Uh huh.” Luke assessed her for a moment. “Who’s the lucky soldier?”

Heat rushed into her face. “What makes you think there is one?”

His eyes rolled. “Let’s skip to the part where you answer my question.”

“Ugh, fine, nosy! It’s Thatcher.”

“Ah, the old flame returns, huh?”

Caam grimaced. “Something like that.”

He grinned. “Alright, I guess being eighteen means you’re too old for me to play the part of the overprotective brother.”

“Never stopped you before,” she replied dryly.

Luke chuckled. “True. In that case, maybe you should bring this girl to family dinner.”

Caam just looked at him.

He put a hand over his heart. “What? We’ll be nice!”

"You must think I've lost my mind or something." Dipping her entire head into the wash basin and then scrubbing it down absently, Caam asked, “How are things? I’m about to go take my shift with Barriss but my, uh, other activities have reduced free time to check on everybody else each hour of the day.” She glanced around for her towel. Unsuccessful, Caam shook the excess water from her lekku.

Luke smiled. “It’s ok. I think we’re on track." The man picked up a towel from under her pile of rejected tunics and crossed the room. Rubbing it over her head, he continued, "If you have an extra few minutes, you could always hang out with Aunt Ahsoka. She’s tired of glowering at me and your mom. The healers still won’t let her out of bed and it’s becoming a bit untenable for everyone involved.”

Caam tried to deliver a snarky, “Yes sir, Commander, sir.” However, it came out muffled as Luke chose that moment to vigorously dry her face. She glared. "You so did that on purpose."

"Don't know what you mean," he commented airily. Finishing one last pat down of her lekku, Luke brushed a thumb over her cheek. “Make sure you don’t spend too much time here though. You need to take care of yourself too, and a little fun never hurts.”

She gazed at him and then slid arms around his chest, hugging tightly. “Thanks.”

Luke kissed her forehead. “Anytime, Caamerino.”

_______

“Hey there, my special warrior. How are things?”

Caam pecked Barriss’ cheek. “Supra. How about you?”

“Oh, _very_ exciting. I’m apparently allowed to try sitting up tomorrow.”

She snorted and sat on the bed. Shan had gone into a near meltdown with the queen sequestered at the field infirmary, so the healers had finally agreed to move Barriss to the closest room in the castle. It had been the most choreographed, high-strung operation Caam had ever witnessed. She had been seriously concerned one of the healers was going to drop dead when an unexpected bird had soared over their heads. “Well, gotta have goals and such.” The girl grinned brashly. “Someone once told me that was important in life.”

Barriss laughed and held her hand, running a thumb over it. “Indeed.” She assessed Caam for a moment. “You look happier the last few days, my dear. Maybe longer? I’ve been out of it, so I could have missed early signs. What’s changed?”

Caam flicked eyes to the ceiling. “Just once, it might be nice if you didn’t know everything before I decide to tell you about it.”

“Can’t help it. You’re my girl.” She winked. “It comes automatically.”

Unable to stop a pleased grin, Caam locked their fingers. “I’ve been seeing Thatcher again is all.”

“Ah,” the woman replied with interest, “but it’s different this time.”

She rolled her shoulders. “Maybe. I dunno what it is.” Caam considered. “It feels different, I guess. _She_ feels different or something. It’s hard to explain.”

“Hmm, does that mean it’s more serious?”

Trying to work out the feeling, she answered slowly, “It could be, but I don’t… know if I want it to be.”

“Why not?”

She looked at their joined hands and tapped her fingers against Barriss’ absently. “Do you think it’s like—I mean I know I’m not with—it feels as if I shouldn’t even want to—” The girl broke off with a grimace.

“You’re afraid it means you don’t really feel the way you feel about Karyna,” was the quiet reply. “Is that it?”

Caam nodded glumly. “If I only want her, why would I even be seriously considering anyone else?”

“Look at me.”

Responding to the command, her gaze darted back up.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” she stated. “Karyna may be the one for you. She may not. Or, they both may be. There’s no rule that you can only love one person in your life. So far, you’ve been focused exclusively on Karyna and never invested emotionally in anyone else. Perhaps, it’s because Karyna is the one or maybe it’s because Karyna is… safe.”

She scrunched her face. “Huh?”

Barriss sighed. “Caam, what are you most afraid of?”

The girl swallowed. “People—being—dunno.”

“If I said you were afraid of depending on someone and that person abandoning you, would that sound right?”

“Maybe,” she mumbled.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, darling girl. Everyone is afraid of something. And, it’s an understandable fear, given your experiences. You’re strong, though, and have forced yourself to conquer it on some level. It’s one of the things that makes you amazing. Do you worry about your family disappearing anymore?”

She shook her head and then her mouth dropped open. “You’re saying I think Karyna wouldn't leave me and that’s why I’ve picked her?”

“Not at all. I’m saying how do _you_ know that’s not the case, if you never test the theory? How will you ever know anyone, including Karyna, is truly the one for you, if you’ve ignored every other potential option?”

“Huh.” Caam thought for a moment. “So, if I tried—like for real tried—with someone else, I’d know for sure you think?”

“I have no idea, my dear. You understand your own feelings best. I’m just raising the possibility.”

Caam glared and waited expectantly.

The edges of her mouth twitched. “Fine. My advice, which you should feel free to disregard, is if you think there’s a chance Thatcher is someone you could love, then… give it a shot.”

She smiled airily. “Hmm, I'll give it due considerations.”

Barriss chuckled. “Trust yourself, though. I only mentioned the idea at all, because this is the first time I’ve seen you seriously contemplate someone else. If you’re already certain no one but Karyna can make you happy, that’s ok. As long as you also accept that she may never return that feeling, at least not quite how you want. Either way, don’t do what I say over your own better judgement. You know better than I do how you feel.”

“Uh, right,” she replied dubiously.

Her expression turned concerned. “I mean it, Caam.” She paused, before continuing, “I’ll give you an example. Remember, when your mom first came back, and she wanted to take you on a field trip to Naboo?”

Caam winced. “Yeah. I totally freaked out for no reason.”

Barriss shook her head. “You had a reason. I didn’t understand your feelings enough to predict that outcome is all. Who do you think suggested it to Aayla? I thought it would be a non-threatening way for you both to bond by ostensibly completing your project together. It ended up being the worst possible choice for you at that point. My judgement isn’t perfect. I’m not you, so it can’t be.”

She rolled the idea around. It made sense but created a bit of distress. Barriss always understanding what was in her head was a foundation of Caam’s life. “But, you’re good at helping me figure out stuff I’m feeling.”

Fingers tightened around hers. “Don’t worry. I’ll always be here to help you. That’s what we just did, right? I simply mean you should value your own judgement more in the final decision. Don’t choose a path just because I or anyone else suggested it. Make the choice that feels right to you. Understand?”

Caam relaxed. Thinking of it that way felt better. She flashed a sassy grin. “No worries, rebellion lady. I get it.”

There was a soft laugh as the hand released hers and rubbed Caam’s cheek. “I love you so much, my philosophistical child.”

She bent forward and laid a head on Barriss’ shoulder. _I almost lost her._ An intense urge to tell the woman how important she was—the place she held in her life—flooded Caam's heart. She whispered, “I love you too, my philosophistical mother.”

There was a sharp breath and then Barriss turned her head to kiss Caam’s lekku. A voice of quiet happiness murmured, “Good.”

_______

Caam tried a casual lean against the fireplace wall. “Do you think you might… one day, um…”

Karyna gazed at her from the settee. “Cab, I have no idea what you’re asking me.”

 _Just say it, Secura. You’re done waiting on your life to begin, especially when it could end tomorrow._ “I kinda like you in a way that’s, uh,” she took a deep breath and blurted out, “more than friends.”

She blinked. “What does that mean?”

Caam grimaced. “Come on. You know what I’m saying. Don’t you?”

Karyna stared blankly for a moment and then jolted up. “Oh.” She started chewing her lip. “I see.”

Her heart dropped and then began to throb. _It’s never even occurred to her. Guess that’s my answer._ “Yeah. So, I just wanted to tell you that, but I still want to be your friend and such.” Sudden panic hit her. “We can keep being friends, right?”

The girl didn’t meet her eyes. “Of course. I don't—” Her voice got soft. “How long have you…”

“Erm, for a little bit. But, I understand if you don’t feel like that. I figured you wouldn’t.”

“Then, why tell me?” a quiet voice asked.

“I guess all the stuff that's been going on has made me realize my life is—I’ve been missing—” Caam broke off and finally said, “Not sure why I do anything really. I did want you to understand how special you are, if anything ever happened to me. Ya know?”

“Oh.” Awesome eyes traced a path back to hers. “Do you think you’ll feel like that forever?”

 _Yes._ Caam shrugged. “Dunno.”

There was a wince. “I’m sorry. It’s only that I’m not like every—I don't think I can be what—I wish I could make it better.”

Cursing inwardly, she straightened. “Don’t you dare think this is your fault. I decided how I feel. As long as you’re still my friend, I’ll be topsy day, alright?”

Karyna nodded weakly.

 _Get out of here._ The pressure in her chest was crushing her heart and she could feel tears coming. “Anyhow, that’s all I wanted to say.” Crossing to the settee, she started to kiss Karyna’s hair but then halted awkwardly. “Oh, sorry. Guess, maybe, that might be weird now.”

“No!” Karyna cried. She jumped up and wrapped arms around Caam. “Don't stop. You’ve always done that kind of stuff, so it’s more a friend thing right?”

Caam relaxed and smiled. “Yeah, guess so. Thanks, K.”

A head pressed into her chest. “I don’t want to lose you. We’re still going to be ok, aren’t we?”

Sliding arms around her, Caam replied, “Course. I mean if you’re fine with that.”

Karyna looked up with a cute grin. “Sorry, Cabbage patch. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

Some happiness traced a path through the misery and Caam grinned back. “Works for me.”

_______

Caam found Thatcher already sitting on the hill. Without even so much as a hello, she pulled her up from the ground and pressed fierce lips to hers.

Arms wrapped around her body as the woman matched her intensity. After several moments, she pulled away and murmured, “Well, someone's in a good mood today.”

She grinned. “Of course. I'm with you.”

Thatcher gazed at her. “I was right. You are definitely dangerous.”

Caam laughed. “You like playing with fire, remember?”

A happy smile shined back. “Mmm… not anymore. This time, I think I'll live in it.” Then, the magnificent mouth returned to hers.

_______

Ahsoka shifted gingerly in the chair next to Barriss’ bed, circling fingers over her forehead. _You’re still mesmerizing._

Piercing blue eyes fluttered into view and then a happy smile appeared. “Hey there. Gods, I’ve missed you.”

Her own smile spread, and she leaned over to brush Barriss’ lips. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”

Slender hands gripped her face and held their mouths together for a long moment. “Good.” Shifting her head on the pillow, she ran an assessing gaze over Ahsoka. “You don’t look good though. Are you supposed to be out of bed?”

“Yes,” she replied with an eye roll, “I’m officially allowed to visit my wife for short periods. I couldn’t have left without permission believe me. Our children have me on a level of lockdown only axe murderers usually warrant.”

Her wife chuckled. “They’ve exceeded even Rex standards of dutiful care over the last two weeks.”

“Tell me about it. We’ve created our own worst nightmares.”

Barriss traced two fingers over Ahsoka’s warrior markings. “I guess we should be proud?”

“Actually, I kind of am.” She grinned.

“Me too,” Barriss murmured. Serious eyes locked on hers. “How are you feeling?” She smiled weakly. “I’m too tired to force it out of you today. Just tell me.”

Ahsoka let out a long exhale. “The truth? I’m miserable, but also… I think I’m going to be ok.” She pressed her forehead to Barriss’. “What about you?”

There was an unsteady breath and a soft, “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've reached the end of Part 5! Our courses are set and we're sailing into the endgame (aka Part 6). Thanks for sticking with me. I'm still amazed anyone wants to read what is getting uncomfortably close to 100 chapters worth of my crazy words. Huh. 
> 
> This chapter was set-up for our final part. It also tries to tie off the Ryloth story arc and show the immediate effects of those events on our characters, potentially leading to long-term impacts. I suppose I really shouldn't say much more at this point, since we'll see where it all goes in upcoming chapters.
> 
> Let's talk about Part 5, instead. Cast your mind WAY back to the first half... Caam becomes a full soldier along with her squadmates while undergoing massive change physically and emotionally, Karyna adjusts to new dynamics in her life and family while also getting her first kiss, Barriss can't handle being a distant mother and goes into full 'Barriss' mode, Ahsoka tries to be her usual supportive self as her responsibilities start to weigh on her more and more, Aayla gets to mother both Caam and Karyna a bit, Luminara, Obi-Wan, Han, & Leia have their own little bonding time, Hera, Caleb, and Cham comes to terms. Ezra and Katooni finally get things together. Then, we're all happy for approximately one chapter, before the hammer falls. Such is life. We've been through a lot! Guess it's time to see how it all ends!


	85. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss and Yoda discuss truth.

Barriss squinted at the faded ink in the dim torchlight. She shifted the book’s position on the vine-encrusted rock and tilted the torch closer. _Better._ Curling legs underneath her body, she hunched over her makeshift desk to continue reading.

A swamp lizard skulked through the trees on her right, amber eyes glowing in the darkness. The woman flicked absent fingers toward it and turned another page. She smirked slightly as the creature skidded away with a screech.

“Tormenting harmless inhabitants of my home, you are now?”

Her head jerked up to see Yoda poised in the middle of the clearing, wearing an expression somewhere between disapproval and bemusement. Barriss grimaced. “It keeps trying to nibble the pages.”

“Hmph.” He shuffled over to her and glanced down at the tome. “Fascinated by ancient ramblings, you seem to be.”

“I suppose I am. This particular one is about healing techniques, which especially interest me. I really wanted to finish it.”

“State the obvious, you do,” Yoda replied dryly. “The middle of the night, it is.”

She rubbed the back of her cricked neck with a snort. “Why do you think I’m sitting on a damp swamp fending off annoying wildlife, instead of comfy and warm in my tent? Ahsoka would have a fit, if I kept her up reading by smoking torchlight. She finds sleep to be a priority.”

There was a grunt. “Listen to your wife, you should.”

Barriss grinned. “I won’t tell her you said that. Anyway, sleep can wait. I may never have a chance to study these texts again, and I want to learn as much as possible.”

He raised eye ridges. “Need books to learn, do you?”

She blinked. “I wouldn’t say that. There are many ways to enhance knowledge. Still, having a source of truth on a topic is critical, especially when you want to perfect a skill or ascertain unknown facts. You don’t know what you don’t know, unless you try to find out.”

“Hmm, you believe truth these books contain?”

Her mouth parted. “Don’t they? Are you saying their content is incorrect?” Barriss had assumed any Jedi writings Yoda had bothered to collect would be reliable.

There was a small shrug. “Correct their information may be. Truth, they are not.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at, Master. How will I know what is possible, if I don’t use every resource to discover it?”

“Using every resource, you are not.” A claw reached out and tapped her forehead. “Here.” Then, he poked her chest. “And here.” His cane waved around the clearing. “And here. That is where truth is contained.” Placing the tip of his cane on the ancient pages, Yoda fixed a meaningful gaze on her. “Not here.”

Barriss frowned. “Yet, those are the things whoever penned these texts used. If they discovered truth and wrote it down, shouldn’t I take advantage of it?”

He sighed. “Their truth it was, young Offee. Not yours. Already have that which you need.”

Considering for a moment, she ventured, “You’re suggesting every truth lies in the eye of the beholder?”

“More,” Yoda replied. “What they did not discover, you may yet discover. Discover it you will not, if only use their truth you do.”

“Ah,” Barriss murmured, “I can explore what they learned, but it shouldn’t limit me. Simply because they couldn’t accomplish something doesn’t mean I can’t. By the same token, what they were able to accomplish may not be the correct path for me.”

Yoda inclined his head. “Inspiration and history these books can provide. Truth and knowledge come from elsewhere.”

She smiled. “I understand.”

“Understand when time to sleep, it is?” he remarked crankily.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll go to bed.” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait. What are you doing up and about in the middle of the night, if sleep is so important?”

The ancient eyes glinted. “A multitude of screeching lizards scampering by my hut, there were.”

Barriss cringed. “Oh. Uh, bad luck. Wonder what could have happened to set them off? Told you those things were problematic. Well, like you said, I should go to bed.” Slamming the book closed, she jumped up and backed toward their tent. “Erm, thanks for the good talk, Master. Hope you get some rest!”

Yoda gazed at her and then shook his head. “Too old I am for this.”

That was the last thing Barriss heard as she dove into the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory 'hmm... '


	86. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Approaching Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Approaching Storm: It's brewing.
> 
> [9 PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH  
> Life is a changing river of hope and fear, love and loss, victory and defeat. However, faith is the current that guides us to the everlasting shore. Let's see where it takes us.
> 
> Timeline:  
> Part 1: Ahsoka takes Luke/Leia (19) to Shili = ~1 BPY [before the fall of palpatine year]  
> Part 2: Everyone faces past trauma. Barriss adopts Karyna (8) and meets Caam (10) = 0PPY [post fall of palpatine year]  
> Part 3: Caam joins the family = 1PPY  
> Part 4: Jakku, rebuilding Shili, Aayla returns, and way too many other things to list happen = 2PPY through 4PPY  
> Part 5: Caam & Karyna grow up, Ezra & Katooni find love, Ahsoka & Barriss deal with their fear, Obi-Wan's sacrifice, etc. = 6PPY through 8PPY  
> Part 6: Kicks off in 9PPY...

Rex tossed a stack of parchments on her desk. “Machines. They have machines.”

Ahsoka spun them around and studied the diagrams. “Woah. These are unlike anything I've seen. Is the entire construction wood-based?"

"As far as I can tell." He grunted. "It must be some kinda wood."

"Or, they’re fake. Are we sure these are accurate?”

“Yes,” Rex answered simply.

She looked up with raised eyebrows. “And… you know this how? Where did you get them?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Actually, I do.”

He crossed his arms. “No, you don’t.”

Her gaze hardened. “Rex, you’re trying my patience. How can I assess the reliability if I don’t know the provenance?”

The man shrugged. “You’ll have to trust me.”

She gaped. “I need—”

His hand flew up. “No. You trust me, Ahsoka Tano. I know how to do my job. That’s why you gave it to me.”

Ahsoka leaned back and rubbed her temples. “Point acknowledged, old friend. Ok, give me the highlights of what’s here.”

Sitting across from her, Rex smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

Caam rolled over and reached out but found only empty space. Rubbing her eyes, she spotted a half-dressed Thatcher by the window, gazing out as tears trailed down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Caam asked gently, “what’s wrong?”

The woman jumped and quickly wiped her face. “Nothing. Sorry if I woke you.”

Stretching out a hand, Caam beckoned, “Come here.”

Thatcher massaged her throat for a moment. Then, she slowly crossed the room and perched herself on the edge of their creaky tavern bed. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” She shifted to wrap arms around the woman's stomach, propping a chin on her shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

There was a long silence, followed by an unsteady breath. “Caam, do you think it’s possible to fix your mistakes?”

“Of course,” she answered immediately, “if not, we would be totally messed up. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Some are worse than others, though,” was the flat reply. “What if the original mistake was becoming something you never should have been? What if in the course of that you… hurt people?”

Caam had to stop herself from flinching at the question. “Um, guess I’d have to know the circumstances. Still, my answer is the same. There might be consequences or something, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try to make amends or do better next time, right?”

“What if there wouldn’t be a chance to do either of those things?”

She tightened her arms. “I don’t understand what you’re getting at. I’m sorry. I only know what my family taught me. One mistake is never the end. It’s compounding them that causes problems.”

“Maybe.” Thatcher's fingers trailed over the ones around her waist. “But, there's got to be a tipping point, right? Where the mistakes have piled so high and are so impossible to escape that you should just give up?”

“Absolutely not. Don't say things like that.” She brushed lips across the slender neck. Caam started to say more but hesitated. _Why is this so difficult for you?_ It wasn't as if she planned to cut and run. Yet, whenever it came time for a true commitment, she always held back. It felt like… everything. _She needs you. Give her something._ Caam filled her voice with confidence. “Remember, you're not alone anymore. Whatever is wrong, we'll fix it together, ok? I'll never give up on you. So, you better not give up on yourself.”

There was a sharp breath. Thatcher twisted around and pulled their mouths together. The kiss was forceful and desperate, hands holding Caam's face in a vice grip. A lithe tongue teased the insides of her mouth, teeth digging into her lip.

Surprised at the unexpected ferocity, Caam didn’t move for a moment, until the rush came. She fell back on the bed, dragging the woman on top of her.

Caam moaned into the insistent mouth as equally determined fingers massaged her breasts and a firm body pressed down on hers.

Thatcher’s lips moved over hers with no signs of stopping, until a lack of air forced them to break away with a gasping breath.

Taking advantage of the reprieve, Caam panted, “... you… ok?”

Golden eyes gazed at her with an emotion she couldn’t identify. “Only when I’m with you.” Then, her mouth locked onto Caam’s once more.

_______

Barriss slid the copied documents across her desk.

A blue-skinned hand picked them up and then crimson eyes scanned with interest. “Ah. This explains their ability to crumble massive infrastructure in mere minutes, somewhat weakening their claim of physical perfection. What a fascinating dichotomy.” Thrawn’s gaze flicked to hers. "Sharing intel, my lady?”

“I think of it more as engendering goodwill.”

A slight smile edged onto his face. “I see.” Thrawn’s lean fingers absently tapped the parchments. "It is a pity. We have been aware of them for a great while, yet still know so little about them."

"Quite,” Barriss replied with a sardonic expression. “One would think an intelligent and capable people might wish to preempt potential destruction by more active means."

There was a small shrug. "It is not our way."

"Yet, influencing, manipulating, and otherwise redirecting is?"

"I am forced to remind you that particular evaluation of our motives has always been your supposition alone," he remarked dryly. Tucking the documents into his cloak, the man rose from his chair. “I thank you for your generosity. Of course, it does not change our position.”

Barriss inclined her head. “I did not expect it would at present. Still, there will come a time for all of us, Commander—a time for a choice. It may be tomorrow, or it may be years from now. But, it will come. When it does, it will be… _the_ choice.”

Lifting closed fingers to his chin and rubbing a thumb across the knuckles, Thrawn assessed her for a few moments. “I do not wholly disagree with your assessment. However, I am not the one who will make that choice.”

She stood and offered a hand. “I would argue exceptional commanders know when to follow and when to lead.”

His crimson eyes glinted. “Perhaps.” Taking her hand, he performed a formal bow over it. “Charming, as always, my lady.”

Barriss smiled. “Until next time, Commander.”

_______

“Hi,” Karyna said as she edged in the door of Caam’s quarters.

Caam hopped up from her slouch on the settee with a grin. “Hey you. What’s up?”

Her gaze darted around. “Uh, nothing. I just wanted to…”

Concerned at the uncharacteristic tentativeness, she moved closer. “Wanted to what?”

The awesome eyes traced a winding path back to hers. “Say goodbye, I guess. I assumed you’d be busy this evening, and I might not get to see you before I left.”

“Left? What are you talking about?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “I’m leaving for Coruscant in the morning. Didn’t you know that?”

Caam gaped. “Tomorrow? I thought you weren’t going to stay with Leia until next month?”

“Plans changed.” Karyna’s face fluctuated. “You probably weren’t here when it was discussed.”

“Oh.” Putting on a grin, she asked, “You’re going to be her aide for the next council session, right? When does that mean you’ll be back?”

Her focus shifted to Caam’s arm. “Leia said they usually run six weeks. It might be a bit longer, depending on the issues. Plus, I have to train and learn procedures with her beforehand, so at least two months.”

Caam tried to hold her grin with difficulty. “Um, that's longer than I thought. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Karyna let out a small sigh. “Hope so.”

She brushed fingers over the girl’s cheek. “You always do. You’re amazing.”

Eyes lifted back to her and bashful dimples appeared. “Thanks.” Karyna hesitated, before adding, “I’ll miss you.”

Caam lit up. “Not as much as I’ll miss you.”

Disbelief flashed, but it was quickly replaced by a smile. “Arguable.”

Despite the standard response being delivered, the momentary doubt worried Caam. “You don’t think I’ll miss you?”

There was a barely noticeable wince. “Of course, I do.”

“Not good enough, K,” she said anxiously and cupped both sides of Karyna’s face. “Tell me the truth, please.”

Her expression turned impassive. “Don’t worry. Everything is fine. I’m just tired after all the packing. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

Caam could feel the delicate jaw twitch beneath her fingers and pleaded, “You think I can’t tell when Karyna Offee is upset but pretending she isn’t? I can’t convince you, if I don’t know why you believe that.”

The bridge of her nose pinched. “Fine. You’re always with Thatcher anyway, so I figured you’d hardly notice I was gone.”

“That’s not true!” she cried. “Not all the time. And, when she's on assignment, you and I do lots of stuff.”

There was a huff and a petite foot stamped. “In other words, when she’s unavailable you decide to spend time with me? I’m your way to avoid boredom, while the girl you really—while she’s gone?”

Caam cringed. “Ok, that didn’t come out right. I’m just not sure how long Thatcher and I will be here at the same time. I try to prioritize her, when we are." She rubbed thumbs over the triangles. "That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you too. Please, believe me. If I had known you were leaving, I would have prioritized you this week.”

She gazed back with a strange expression. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m positive, Kayo. You’re important to me.”

“Not like Thatcher is,” was the flat reply.

Her jaw hit the floor. “What does—do you want to be important like that?” Caam sputtered as her stomach cartwheeled violently. _What would you do if she said yes, Secura?_ Her mind tried to sort it out with no success. _Like always._ The question weighed on her more each day. It spun Caam's demanding heart in circles. Choosing between them felt like ripping out a piece of herself. _Please, don’t make me._

Karyna chewed her lip for several tense moments. “Sorry, I’m being stupid. I guess I got used to—I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a bit nervous about being in a new environment and doing a good job. It’s making me weird.” A weak grin appeared. “Aunt Ahsoka claims I turned seventeen and went off the deep end.”

Caam’s stomach didn’t quit its chaotic twirling. “Ok… but you believe me, right?”

“Please, don’t be upset. I understand. You’re in a committed relationship with Thatcher, and I’m just…” Her tone pitched oddly. “... a friend. Of course, I don’t deserve the same level of attention.”

She jerked at the word committed and then her heart wrenched at the rest of the words. _Fix this!_ “No. That doesn’t make you less—you always deserve my attention. Our relationship may be different, but you're still important to me. Very, _very_ important."

Vivid blue eyes blinked up at Caam’s with a soft, “Good.” Her eyes abruptly shot to the floor and she mumbled, “Maybe, we can talk more about things when I get back?”

Caam exhaled, unsure if that was good or bad, but decided to go with it. “Definitely.” As she kissed the top of Karyna’s perfect hair and inhaled the soft scent of blooming orchids, two months suddenly felt like forever. “Come back soon, please.”

Lithe arms wrapped around her and the girl laid a head on Caam's chest with a content sigh. “Don’t worry, Cabbage patch. I'm afraid you’re stuck with me.”

Her twisting stomach finally calmed at the comfortingly familiar reassurance. “Works for me.” Leaning back, Caam smiled and smoothed a lock of raven hair into place. “How about I cancel my plans tonight, and we do something fun before you go?”

A cute grin shined up at her. “I’d like that.”

_______

Luke stared out into the horizon, considering options.

“You look like a man with a problem.”

Turning around, he caught his breath. Luminara was standing behind him, wearing the velvet cape that had always been his favorite. Something about it gave the woman a sublime elegance. However, today was more. The deep red fabric combined with the bright midday sun was striking. Her ebony hair, which had taken on a subtle silvery hue in recent years, glinted like rays of light hitting snowy mountain caps. The faded olive skin shined with renewed radiance. The entire effect was almost ethereal in quality. Smiling softly, he said, “You know, I always loved that cape on you.”

Cerulean eye twinkling, she took his arm. “Thanks. I’m rather fond of it myself. Your grandmother gave it to me, actually. It was her favorite.”

His mouth parted. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” Her gaze grew distant. “It was so long ago and yet that day is still vivid in my mind. She was very dear to me.” The woman refocused on him. “I’m sorry you never got to meet her. You both are quite alike. I’m certain she would have adored you.” Luminara murmured, “She was uniquely special.”

Luke breathed a wistful sigh. “So, I’ve heard. I wish I could have known her.” Giving Luminara a bright grin, he added, “Then again, I have a lot to be thankful about. For instance, I have you.”

A happy smile lit her face, and she kissed his cheek. “And, I have you, my special boy. Now, what about this problem of yours? Would you like a sounding board?”

_Well, you’ve got to tell someone, Skywalker._ Given the options, Luminara was the probably his best bet. Her wise yet practical viewpoint often saw angles he hadn’t considered, and she’d respect his decisions. “Ok. I’ve been having this recurring dream for the last few months. I think it’s a vision of some kind. I can’t make heads or tails of it. It’s mostly random images I don’t recognize flashing, like a mountain peak, a creepy obelisk, a dusty road, a huge stone ring, and so forth. There’s also an unknown symbol that appears each time. I searched through Aunt Barriss’ books but couldn’t identify it.”

She motioned toward the grassy meadow in front of them, and they began strolling along. “If it is a vision, there’s likely a message, even if the details are unclear. Do you have an idea of what it’s trying to say?”

He grimaced. “That’s the problem. I don’t understand the why or the how, but I’m almost positive it wants me to go to a specific location.”

“Ah, and where is that?”

Luke glanced at her warily. “Will you keep it between us?”

She halted and gazed at him. “In other words, if you decide to go you want no one coming after you.”

He winced. “Perhaps.” The man took a moment to compose his thoughts. “It’s not only that it would be a dangerous journey for an unknown purpose. I also suspect it may be a long one.”

A muscle in her jaw twitched. “I see. You would have to leave home for an extended period and probably give up your command, as well.”

Luke ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, but I’m not worried about my career. I’m worried about my kingdom, my family, and everything else. What if something happened? I wouldn’t be here to help. What if I came back and—” He couldn’t finish the thought.

“Like your aunt,” she replied quietly. “What if disaster happened, while you were gone? What if you had to live your entire life knowing everyone was lost forever? In the meantime, you had been off following a vague, unsubstantiated dream.”

Giving a short nod, he stared out toward the distant mountains.

A hand tightened around his arm and they stood in silence. Eventually, Luminara cleared her throat. “What if not going results in exactly that outcome?”

Luke jerked attention back to her. “What?”

She smiled wanly. “You’re looking at it from your perspective. The Force sees things from a larger scope. Let’s say this vision is important to the survival of you, Shili, your family, or the world itself. By going, you could prevent catastrophe or prepare yourself for future calamity through some to be discovered means. Staying here would result in the exact outcome you are so worried about.”

His face scrunched. “That’s a lot of supposition.”

Luminara shrugged. “No more than your idea. For your worst-case scenario to pan out, something terrible must just so happen to occur during your absence. You are also assuming—rather unrealistically I might add—you being here during it would make a bit of difference to the outcome in a kingdom full of superior warriors, Jedi, and all manner of other defenses. Beyond that, you are suggesting everyone else would perish and then you would survive the aftermath upon your return. _That,_ my dear, is a lot of supposition.”

“Huh.” The man frowned. “I guess. Still, one seems better than the other.”

“Exactly,” she chided gently. “That’s what fear does. It’s your fear of one specific outcome, no matter how likely, that is the real issue.”

Luke slumped. “You’re right. I’m afraid. I don’t think I can bear to lose everything. And, not being here when my family needs me most is… I can't even think about it.”

Thin fingers rubbed his cheek. “I understand. Still, Luke Skywalker knows what he believes in his soul is right. Not visions, family, or even fear can stop the truth from being seen.”

His mind spun into indecision once more. “Any expert advice?”

Her eye squeezed shut, before she answered, “It depends on your point of view. Objectively-speaking, if catastrophe is coming in some shape or form, the odds of you finding something to save us all out there are better than the odds that your presence here will do so. Spiritually-speaking, if your vision comes from the Force, following it to its natural conclusion is the correct path, no matter the outcomes.” Her eye fluttered open. “However, personally-speaking, the idea of you running off into danger terrifies me and I want to lock you in your room.” She choked out a laugh.

Luke grinned and then wrapped her in a warm embrace. “Hmm… why does all your advice somehow leave me feeling more knowledgeable but still utterly clueless?”

“Years of careful practice.” The woman chuckled and returned the hug. “If you do this, darling boy, I’ll support your choice. But, don’t leave without saying goodbye to me.” Luminara leaned back and locked a pleading gaze on him. “Please.”

“Uh, I'll be alright. Don’t worry.”

“I know you will. I have complete faith in your abilities. You’ll return stronger and victorious. It’s me I’m concerned about. Despite my youthful appearance,” she said with a small wink, “I’m reaching the end of my life.” Her expression floated off. “I can feel it coming. Ever since I lost Obi-Wan, it’s been there.”

Anxiety flooded his mind. “What are you talking about? Do you know something you haven’t told us?”

She swiftly refocused on him. “No, nothing like that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s simply a feeling in the back of my mind—hardly surprising at my age. If it does happen sooner rather than later, I want to make sure you and I get a proper goodbye.”

He shook his head. “If you really think that, I’m not going anywhere.”

Luminara smiled. “It could be years from now, my worrier. I’m only covering the bases. It’s an old habit.”

Luke didn’t buy it and continued to stare at her expectantly.

She sighed. “You can’t put your life on hold, just in case I finish mine in the meantime. You have a destiny, Luke Skywalker. It may be here or elsewhere. Either way, my destiny is complete. My only goal now is to ensure my family has a chance to achieve theirs. The way to honor my life is to live yours. Do you understand?”

Tears began to leak from his eyes, but he couldn’t deny her imploring intensity and whispered, “I’ll do my best.”

Lips pressed against his forehead for a long moment. “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off we gooooooooo...


	87. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Divided Loyalties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Divided Loyalties: Not the path to happiness.

“Are you _ever_ gonna bring Thatcher to dinner?” Ezra whined.

Caam smirked. “Doubt it.” Sheathing her freshly polished sword, she settled into a chair at the sitting room table, where Hera was busy muttering at a huge stack of parchments.

Sabine, who was sprawled on the hearth rug, snorted and continued painting a bright blue zigzag on her helmet. “Smart.” Pointing at a blotting cloth a few feet away, she added, “Make yourself useful, soldier of destiny.”

Snatching it up, Ezra lobbed the cloth at her head. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to meet the newbie.” Dropping onto the settee next to Katooni, he crossed his arms. “You’ve been seeing her for ages! She’s way past the hazing phase.”

“This is ridiculous. Who negotiated this?!” Hera exclaimed and began scratching through entire lines of text on the Cato Neimoidian trade agreement. “Highway robbery!” Then, she glanced up. “It’s not like you don’t know her, Ezra. Thatcher’s one of _your_ soldiers.”

Caam again marveled at the woman’s apparent ability to keep several tasks in her head at once. Since taking on her new duties, Hera had been renegotiating every external trade and security agreement, while also instituting a series of structural changes to improve citizen representation in governmental decisions. Ahsoka had laughed saying she didn’t realize how much Shili needed a Royal Chancellor, until Hera came along.

“That’s different,” Ezra huffed. “I have lots of soldiers. Doesn’t mean I know what makes them all tick. Besides, I can’t in good conscience harass her while she’s doing her duty. I have a strict work-life balance.”

Katooni turned her head to stare at him, before flicking his head.

“Ow!” The man rubbed the harassed spot, mussing his wavy hair. “What was that for?”

“Being delusional.” Holding up their child, she touched noses with her. “Mmm, isn’t that right, my little pirate? We’d like to see more of your papa, wouldn’t we?”

Elara cooed and her startling violet eyes blinked a few times.

A grin edged up as Ezra looked at the cute face. “Elara knows better.” He pressed his forefinger into the tiny hand. A small fist curled around it, and his grin spawned into an adoring smile. “She understands all her papa’s saying is that he needs some space to properly, uh, _get to know_ this paragon who has caught the long-term attention of the ladykiller known as Caam Secura.”

Caam grunted. “Exactly why she’s never coming to dinner. Or, within several hundred feet of the castle for that matter.”

Caleb finished stringing his bow with a laugh. “Well, you’re going to have to break down one day, kid.”

She frowned. “I guess.” It was true. Thatcher would have to face her family at some point. _Still._ The strange reluctance Caam could never pinpoint came once more. It felt so… everything. Once she gave everything, there was no going back or something. _Secura, you’ve got problems._

Hera gripped her shoulder. “When you’re ready, dear, and not a moment sooner. Don’t let these jokers push you.”

Caam gazed back at the woman and then grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

“Karyna,” Leia said with barely controlled frustration, “you can’t simply answer a question.”

Vivid blue eyes blinked. “What do you mean? The Dantooine Councilor asked your position on the proposed economic sanctions for his kingdom. I only told him what you told me.”

Rubbing her temples, Leia sat on her office settee. “Come here, my dear.”

Karyna stood in front of her, fingers tugging at the sleeves of her chiffon dress.

“Sit.”

The girl lowered herself onto the edge of settee and asked quietly, “I messed up, didn’t I?”

Leia turned to face her. “Yes, I’m afraid you did.”

Her face fell. “I’m sorry. I don’t—I’m terrible at this job. Do you want me to go home?”

Lifting her chin, Leia smiled. “No, I want you to learn. Mistakes are how we do that.”

Karyna’s lower lip began trembling. “You can’t afford mistakes, though. What if I ruin everything?”

Tightening her grip, Leia met the distressed gaze. “Don’t be melodramatic, Karyna. No one is perfect. I’ve made a multitude of mistakes in my career. There will be many more. That’s true of everything in life. In this case, it’s a mistake I can work around. What’s more important is understanding why it is one.”

“It is?”

“Yes. It helps you not make it again, but it’s also how you learn the nuances of this environment. Once you understand that, unrelated mistakes are less likely to happen, you know how to combat them when they do, and your political skills will improve overall. Now, are you ready to do that?” She quirked an eyebrow. “Or, would you prefer to wallow in self-pitying guilt some more?”

Karyna stared and then a small grin appeared. “Ok, teach me.”

_______

Luke placed a letter on his aunt’s desk and slung the satchel over his shoulder. _Please, don’t worry about me too much._

Reaching the hallway, he wrapped Luminara in a tight embrace. “Be here when I get back, please,” Luke pleaded.

She leaned back with a soft smile. “It doesn’t matter either way. In the Force, you will always find me.”

The man kissed her forehead for a long moment. “Not quite the same, but I’ll keep it in mind.”

There was a quiet laugh and then she ran her eye over him several times, as if memorizing his face. “Give me a smile, Luke.”

He tried to flash a confident one, but it ended up as a bit of a diffident grin.

Her face flooded with happiness. “There he is—the boy I met all those years ago, who gave me hope in the world again.” Luminara rubbed his cheek. “I love you very much, my special child.”

Luke’s heart swelled and he hugged her once more. “I love you, too.”

_______

Sabine slammed the parchment down. “I’ve found the answer. It took ten months and more shady deals than my self-respect will admit, but there it is.”

Rex scanned the document and blanched. Pressing fists on his desk, he stared at the words. “Is this confirmed?”

There was a regretful sigh. “Yes. I backchecked the sources. I wanted to be absolutely sure, before reporting it.”

“Have you told anyone else?”

“No, I thought you’d want to handle it.”

Taking a deep breath, he straightened. “You were right. Pull some of the castle guard to take her into custody. I’ll inform Ahsoka and Barriss. They’ll have to decide how to proceed.”

She nodded and headed out the office door.

“Sabine,” Rex called after her, “try to be discreet. If you have to do it in front of her, there’s no help for it. We can’t wait. But, if there’s an option…”

“I know,” she replied quietly. “I’ll try.”

_______

Caam leaned back against the tree with a blissful sigh, running fingers along Thatcher’s face. The last year had been full of pain, confusion, and fear. Yet, there was also joy, pleasure, and contentment. It was a strange contradiction that seemed like it shouldn’t go together.

Gazing down at the magnificent woman on her lap, she tried once again to quantify her feelings. As always, all Caam could come up with was a sense of settled happiness. _Wonder if that means I’m in love or there’s more to love than that?_

A peripheral movement caught her attention, and she glanced up to see Sabine scanning the barracks grounds with an entire squad of castle guards. _What in the…?_

The woman spotted them and appeared to hesitate, but then her posture set in determination. She called out a command and the entire group started toward the tree.

Thatcher’s eyelids fluttered open. “What are you look—” She broke off as her head turned toward the approaching soldiers. “Oh.” Hands grabbed Caam’s face. “Please, don’t think I didn’t mean any of it.”

Shifting a confused gaze to Sabine and back, Caam scrunched her nose. “Huh?”

Thatcher pressed lips to hers for a long moment and then whispered, “I could have loved you. Maybe… I do.” She leapt to her feet to face the now arriving squad. “I’m ready, Commander.” Her voice tinged with a hint of relief.

Sabine raised eyebrows and addressed Caam with a pained expression, “I’m sorry, Lieutenant. I need to take your friend in for some questioning.” She waved the soldiers forward. They placed binders on Thatcher, after stripping her weapons.

Caam jumped up, mind chaotically tumbling in shock, while her heart thumped with rising dread. “About what?”

“I’d rather not tell you that. The sovereign can fill you in shortly.”

She gaped and then spotted a dejected-looking Jungi in the squad of castle guards. He shook his head and wouldn’t meet her eyes. Growing more desperate, Caam fixed on Thatcher. “Please, tell me what’s going on.”

Something that looked like misery gazed back at her. “You’ll find out soon enough.” Then, her face reverted to the friendly yet hidden Thatcher from years past. The version Caam hoped to never see again. “Sorry, Secura. I told you depending on people was problematic.” She turned to Sabine. “What’s the delay? You obviously were in a hurry to chat. I’m not getting any younger here.”

Sienna eyes narrowed and then darted to Caam as she barked, “Take her.”

Jungi moved forward and gripped one of Thatcher’s arms.

The young woman glanced at his stony face. “Hey, Jung. Been meaning to get together with you. So, there’s a bright side here, huh?”

His face contorted in disbelief but quickly reverted to the impassivity of a royal guard. “Let’s go.”

“Fine. Guess, we won’t catch up then.” Thatcher let out a high-pitched laugh as they marched her away.

Moving to the tree, Sabine put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s go find Ahsoka and Barriss, yeah?”

Caam didn’t respond, blankly watching as they escorted Thatcher across the yard. _Look at me. Look back at me. Please._

She didn’t.

_______

Barriss assessed the young woman sitting across from her for a few moments. “So, you admit feeding classified details to the Hutts prior to the Ryloth operation?”

There was a shrug. “There’s no point in denying it. You have the proof in front of you.”

“Indeed.” She pursed lips. “Would you like to tell me why?”

Her expression hardened. “No, I would not.”

“I see.” Barriss gazed at her impassively, considering options.

“I’m not sure if that look works on most people, but I’ve survived scarier things than you in my lifetime, lady. You might as well give it up.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You think I’m trying to scare you?”

“Naturally. This isn’t my first interrogation, you know. Though, it is my first time being questioned by a queen. Maybe, you royals think you can scare people into submission with disapproving stares? Or, is it being so used to everyone doing your bidding? You can’t imagine a situation where you don’t get what you want?”

Barriss watched the suppressed rage fade in and out of the girl’s eyes as she spoke. There was something else beneath the surface that she recognized well. _Fear. Pain. Hopelessness._

Upon receiving no response, Thatcher continued, “Either way, I’m a cold, unremorseful, admitted traitor to Shili, who got a great many of your soldiers as well as,” there was a barely noticeable hitch in her voice, “one of your family members killed. What other method would you employ to get answers?”

“Asking for the truth is where I always start.”

Golden eyes flicked up to hers with mocking amusement. “And, that gets results?”

She shrugged. “Not usually. In this case, I was hoping it might.”

“Then, you’re delusional,” Thatcher bit scornfully. “Why would I tell you anything?”

“Because, despite your claims to the contrary, you are neither cold nor uncaring. I didn’t become a legendary spymaster without being able to read people, my dear. Even if that weren’t true, I have the advantage of knowing my child. Caam would never care about the person you’re describing. She’s not capable of forging an emotional connection with anyone who doesn’t show her something… real.”

The woman looked away, fixing on the stone wall of the interrogation room. “Perhaps, she is more foolish than you think.”

“No,” Barriss stated flatly, “she isn’t.”

Chained hands shifted along the table and the silence stretched on for nearly two minutes. Then, the tormented face congealed into blankness. “I have nothing more to say.”

Rubbing her forehead, Barriss sighed. “I understand. You can’t let go of the fear. Otherwise, it will all have been pointless.”

Her lip twisted. “You understand nothing.”

She met the hardened, wary eyes. “I understand everything.” Barriss rose from the table. “Think about it, my dear. Your life is your own. Whether you die tomorrow or fifty years from now, it belongs to you. Take it back.” Then, she walked out.

_______

“Come here, my spunky girl.” Ahsoka held out her arms.

Caam slouched over. “I’m fine, you know.”

“Right.” Ahsoka pulled her into a warm embrace and whispered, “That’s what we always say.”

_______

Luminara moved slowly down the cell block, until she found the interrogation room. She hated the sight of it. Though the Shili dungeon had a much less oppressive air than the one she had lived in for years, it was still a dungeon. Repressing a shudder, Luminara entered the room. She threw a nod to the guards. “Wait outside, please.”

The prisoner chained to metal-loops in the stone table fixed an impassive gaze on her as the guards exited the space.

Leaning against the far wall, Luminara assessed her. “You know, I expected something different.”

Thatcher raised eyebrows. “I’m sorry to have disappointed you.”

“Oh, you have nothing to do with it. I was referring to me. When I finally confronted the person who helped kill my husband and hurt my family, I expected to feel many things. Yet, I find I feel none of them. Strange, isn’t it?”

“Get on with it then,” a harsh voice responded. “What is this amazingly, unexpected feeling of yours?”

“Pity.”

Her entire body recoiled. “Don’t you dare! I hurt people you love. Hate me, blame me, be sad, whatever. But, you’re not allowed to pity me.”

She shrugged. “Getting angry about it doesn’t change what I’m feeling. If it helps, I’d rather not pity you either. I was hoping for some righteous anger, a spark of disgust, or even a bit of grim satisfaction in justice being served. I suppose that means neither one of us is happy with the outcome.”

Thatcher sagged into her chair with a bitter laugh. “Figures. My outcomes never are.”

Luminara gazed off into the distance. “Mine, either. Rather, they never used to be. Until, I changed my life. Then, I was on a decent run of happiness for a while.”

There was silence, before a hesitant voice asked, “How did you change your life?”

Refocusing, she answered intently, “I realized past pain didn’t control me anymore. I stopped compounding my mistakes and tried to fix them. I recovered faith in myself and others. That’s when I decided to make my life my own again.”

“I almost forgot who I was talking to,” she hissed. “You’re part of the family that fed Caam that nonsense for years.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “Why is it nonsense?”

“Because, it’s not how life works. Everyone knows that.”

“Who is everyone? The people you know, who never bothered to try and made their own lives and everyone else’s miserable? Or, the people I know, who took the risk and got their happy outcomes?”

Her lips curled back as she scoffed, “I don’t know these magical people of yours, so I have no evidence to support your claim.”

Luminara smiled wanly. “You know Caam.”

Thatcher’s sneer turned into a gape. “And, how did that work out for her? She was betrayed by—” Her voice faltered, face tightening.

“Do you think that invalidates the other happiness she’s achieved? Do you think Caam dying on the streets, instead of choosing to depend on us, was a better outcome? I lost my husband, but do you think I’d trade any second of our life together? Happiness, like life itself, is ever-changing and has many forms. But, it’s an important part of existence. If you refuse to let yourself experience happiness and only exist in misery and pain, what's the point? If you don't believe in anything or anyone—including yourself—are you really even living?”

The golden eyes blinked, before pinpointing on her chains.

Unsure of why she was bothering to convince the woman she should hate, Luminara turned to leave. _No. She could have been a Caam, a Karyna, or even a Barriss. You do what’s right._

Crossing to the table, she lifted the girl’s chin. “It’s not too late. It’s never too late. It took me a long time to learn that. Learn it sooner, my dear. Don't give up without trying. Even if you spend the rest of your life in a cell, you can still choose who you will be. It's the only way you'll ever feel… alive.” Luminara gave her a final nod and exited the room.

_______

Barriss knocked again, but there was still no response. “I know you’re in there, Caam. Can I come in, please?”

There was no sound for several moments, but then the door swung open. “If you want.” Caam walked over to her small settee and slumped onto it.

She sat beside her. “How are you doing?”

There was a grunt. “You’re supposed to tell me that, right?”

Gazing at the burning ashes in the fireplace grate, Barriss murmured, “You’re angry with me.”

Caam’s head flipped towards her. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“I told you to give Thatcher a chance.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You told me to use my own judgement on what to do. Too bad you didn’t realize how bad my judgement is, I guess.”

“Ah,” Barriss said softly, “you’re angry at me for leaving it up to you.”

There was no response.

Returning her gaze to Caam, she continued, “That’s it, isn’t it? You think it was a terrible decision and I shouldn’t have let you make it.”

The girl crossed her arms. “It was a terrible decision. But, I—the other part is stupid. It’s not your job to make my choices.”

“What makes you think it was so terrible?”

Caam gaped. “Um, kinda obvious. I’m sure anyone else would have realized they were being used by a—” She broke off and glowered at the fire.

“Clearly not. She wasn’t discovered by anyone else. In fact, Thatcher was only caught because Sabine spent nearly a year trying to track down what happened in Ryloth. Otherwise, we might never have known, me included.”

“I should have known! I was with her all the time. I thought I understood her. I thought she—” There was a steadying breath. “She just told me what I wanted to hear. Her life story was probably a lie, too.” There was a bitter laugh. “Best way to get Caam Secura to fall for you? Talk about being abandoned as a child. Act like you have a lot of problems. Pretend you're scared to depend on people. She'll think you need her. Yep. That’ll get ya somewhere.”

Barriss turned Caam’s face back to hers. “All of that is possible, however I find it unlikely. I questioned her. I don’t know what details she told you, but Thatcher is definitely tormented, remorseful, and afraid. You only saw what was there.”

Caam stared. “How do you know? Maybe, she’s fooling you.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You’re angry at me, because you thought my judgement was better than yours. For some reason, you think I’d be able to see what you didn’t. Yet, when I give you my opinion, you don’t believe it. Which is it, darling girl? Here’s a better question. Do you believe yourself? Which is more reliable—the version of you that saw something in Thatcher for an extended period or the freshly hurt version that is shocked and angry?”

“Given events, I’d have to go with now,” Caam replied dryly.

“Why would your judgement be better now than then?”

Tawny eyes bulged. “She’s a liar and a traitor, Barriss! She got Obi-Wan killed! Hera's father! Half of my squad! She pretended to c-care about me.” Caam stopped with a gasping choke and tears started rolling down her face.

Barriss pulled the girl to her chest. “That may all be true, except for the last part. No matter what she did before you were together, Caam Secura wouldn’t have opened herself up to a pretender. It’s in her very nature. She can only let people in that let her in. You can be angry at me, at her, at anyone you like—but not yourself. If you saw something, it was there.”

There was a sniffle and Caam pressed herself into the embrace. “It hurts.”

Old guilt and miserable fierce blue eyes looked back through cold metal bars at Barriss. _‘Why did you do this to me?’_ Blinking back tears, she kissed her lekku and whispered, “I know.”

_______

“Excellent work today, my dear.”

Karyna grinned with bashful pleasure. “Thanks.”

Leia rubbed a dimpled cheek. “You’re getting good at this job.”

There was a call from the end of the corridor, “Karyna!”

The girl turned to face the fellow aide jogging up to her. “Hi, Elrik. What can I do for you?”

The young Togruta’s gaze flicked to Leia, before returning to Karyna. “I was wondering if you’d like to get some dinner or maybe go see the light show over the palace?”

Her face fluctuated and she asked slowly, “Um, alone or with some of the other aides?”

He blinked but then grinned. “Sorry, I should have been clearer. Alone, I mean. As in, I’d like to take you out.”

“Oh.” She chewed her lip. “Right now?”

“No! I mean, yes, if you want. Or, we could go later this week. Whenever would be convenient.”

Karyna smiled politely. “Well, thank you for the invitation, but I’m not sure I have the time. We’re working on several critical items.”

Leia put a hand on her shoulder. “Nonsense. I can do without you for an evening. Go have fun.”

A face jerked up to hers, distress briefly passing through it, before turning impassive. Returning her attention to Elrik, Karyna said, “Alright. How about tomorrow?”

The young man brightened. “Perfect. I’ll meet you on the council steps after the session is over. Unless, you’d prefer I pick you up at your residence?”

Karyna shook her head. “The steps would be acceptable.”

Elrik made an excited bow. “Until tomorrow, my lady.” Flashing a grateful smile at Leia, he bounced down the hallway.

Concerned she had accidentally pushed the girl into an uncomfortable situation, Leia slid an arm around her. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds, Karyna. I just didn’t want you to do nothing but work, while you were here. Elrik is a nice boy, and I thought you’d enjoy yourself. However, if you’d rather not, I can tell him I need you after all?”

The girl stared at the floor. “No, it’s fine. I’m sure I’ll have fun.”

Leia tried to decide whether to pursue the issue. “Are you certain?”

There was a short nod. “Everything is fine. Don’t worry.” She looked up with a tentative grin. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Kissing the top of her head, Leia said, “Ok. If something changes, you’ll tell me, right?”

“Of course,” she replied a little too quickly. “Can we go home now?”

Leia gazed at her for a moment and then sighed. “Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's... not great.
> 
> Gabby's question: Did anyone suspect Thatcher was not quite what she seemed? I put in ambiguous clues and Leia's random thought about someone tipping off the Hutts in the last part. However, I went back and forth on whether they were too obvious or not enough and kept reworking them. So, just curious if it was a total shock, you saw it coming a mile away, or it was more of a 'ohhh, that makes sense now'.


	88. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Inquisitorius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquisitorius: It is exactly what it sounds like.

Caam came to a reluctant halt outside the cell. Her gaze fixed on the soot-colored walls and most definitely not on the woman standing stiffly on the other side of the bars.

“You came,” Thatcher murmured.

She jerked her head. “Guess so.” _Why am I here?_ Controlling the roiling hurt, anger, and shame was proving more difficult with each passing moment.

“Why?” The question held confusion and, maybe, a tinge of hope.

Giving a half shrug, Caam answered, “Not sure really.” Finally forcing her eyes to Thatcher, she asked, “Do you want me to go?”

“No!” There was a wince. “I mean it’s up to you, but I don’t mind the company.” She smiled tentatively. “It’s a bit of a boring dungeon you’ve got going on. There’s no screaming or moaning prisoners. They feed me on a regular schedule. No crazy cellmate. They didn’t even rough me up during interrogation. So yeah, the excitement level is at an all-time low.”

Caam tried to glare or laugh or something, but it wouldn’t come.

Thatcher cleared her throat, before whispering, “I’m… sorry.”

“For what part?” she snapped with more bitterness than intended.

“Everything,” was the quiet reply.

Wrapping fingers around the bars, Caam managed a burst of flat-sounding questions. “Can you be more specific? Are you sorry for betraying the kingdom you swore to protect? Getting half my squad killed? Obi-Wan? My family being critically injured? Causing everyone involved permanent pain? Lying to your friends for years? Or, for pretending to—being with me?”

Thatcher lurched forward and reached chained hands toward Caam, but then let them drop to her side. “All of it. Except for the last one. I’m not sorry for that. It was the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“Glad I could help make your mission more enjoyable,” Caam clipped out. “Did you get everything you needed, before you were arrested? Or, were there a few secrets I didn’t give up?”

Her face paled. “No! You weren’t—” She mashed her forehead into the bars. “You’re right that I did use my relationships with other soldiers to gather intel. I was careful to never care too much. Really, I wasn't even tempted.” Thatcher dragged her head up and golden eyes locked on hers. “Except for you. That’s why I always had to move on. You were… dangerous.”

She stiffened and clenched the cold metal more tightly. “If you actually cared, you wouldn’t have nearly gotten me killed in Ryloth.”

“I didn’t know you were going!” Hands grabbed the bars, edges of her palms just touching Caam’s trembling fingers. “You told me on your way out, remember? I had already reported the movements by then.”

“And, if you did?” she countered. “Would you have done it anyway?”

Thatcher’s eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t know. I hope not.”

Her heart throbbed, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. So, Caam stood in silent pain, hoping for what she didn’t know.

The heavy silence stretched on, until hands drifted down to cover Caam’s and pleading eyes reopened. “Tell me how to fix it.”

The desperation in the opposing gaze felt genuine and Caam's stomach rolled and hardened. _That’s what I thought about everything else she said._

An almost inaudible voice muttered, “It’s my life to live. My fate to decide. I have a… choice.” Thatcher abruptly refocused and rushed out, “You said it was always possible to fix mistakes, even if there were consequences. Did you mean it? I can’t take it back but maybe there’s a chance to make amends, while I still can.”

Inhaling sharply, she probed the earnest face, not trusting her own instincts. “You’re—are you—”

“Please, Caam! Don’t give up on me.” There was a terrible, gasping cry. “Please.”

The words pierced her heart. _You promised her. Don’t be stupid. That commitment was to a person that doesn’t exist. Maybe. She doesn’t deserve another chance. Maybe. She'll hurt you again. Maybe. Caam Secura doesn’t give up on anyone. Damn right._ Taking a deep breath, she slid fingers between Thatcher’s. “Ok, we’ll fix it together.”

A choked sob escaped Thatcher’s lips. Then, tears and a smile spilled onto her drawn face. “I need to talk to your family.”

_______

Thatcher sat in Ahsoka’s office chair, glancing between the multitude of assembled faces. “I’m not sure I realized how big your family actually was.”

Ahsoka clenched fists. “You said you wanted to talk to us. We’re here. What do you want to say?”

Barriss put a hand on her arm.

The young woman smiled wanly. “Finally. Someone who hates me. It’s nice to know at least one of you has some sense. Your continued optimistic reasonableness was giving me serious mental strain.” She raised a chained hand and pointed to Luminara. “That one actually pitied me. I got her husband killed and she spent ten minutes giving me advice on how to be happy. Who does that?”

Ahsoka stiffened, but then her anger faded into sadness. “I don’t hate you, Thatcher. I wish you hadn’t betrayed us all, and I intend for you to face justice, yes. But, hate is a terrible, destructive emotion. One I try to never succumb to. Thanks for reminding me.”

Golden eyes blinked. “Great. Now, I’m back in the crazy zone.”

Caam gripped her shoulder. “No, this is reality. You’ve just never let yourself see it before.”

Thatcher gazed up at her. “Gods, you are… dangerous.”

A small grin flashed in response.

Rex cleared his throat. “Getting back to why we’re here?”

Asajj grunted. “Please. This sappiness for the admitted traitor is killing me.”

Thatcher grimaced. “Tell me about it.” She addressed Barriss, “You asked me why I did it. I want to tell you. More importantly, there’s critical information I can share that’s important to the future safety of Shili.”

The silence in the room was deafening, until Caleb commented, “Why share it then? Isn’t your goal the destruction of Shili?”

She shook her head. “That was never my goal.”

Sabine’s face dripped with suspicion. “What’s the price of this information? You want a reduced sentence? To get off scot-free?”

Thatcher shrugged. “I don’t want anything. I simply want to try to fix my mistakes, before I meet my fate.” She looked up at Caam, who was still hovering next to her. “Someone once told me that one mistake doesn’t have to be the end. It’s compounding them that causes issues.”

There were several sharp breaths from around the room.

Ahsoka considered. _She’s either very good or…_ “Alright, soldier, let’s hear it.”

The young woman straightened. “I was placed here to provide intel on a sporadic basis, whenever something of import was happening. Before Ryloth, none of it was used to interfere directly with an operation that I’m aware of. I assume they are amassing information for an overarching strategy. There are more like me in other kingdoms.”

Heads bobbled around the room.

“When I was instructed to tip-off the Hutts,” Thatcher continued, “I was surprised and… conflicted. I couldn’t rationalize it away as intelligence gathering that didn’t hurt anyone this time. But, I couldn’t disobey,” she ended with a shiver.

“Why not?” Ezra snapped. “We all have a choice. You chose the path that betrayed your fellow soldiers.”

The girl withered in her seat and began to tremble. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t. You don’t understand.”

Caam crouched down and gripped her face. “Hey. It’s ok. What don’t we understand?”

She stuttered, “The-there are w-worse things than death.”

Kit jerked up from his casual lean against the fireplace wall. “Where did you hear that?”

Terrified eyes flicked to his and a short word burst out, “Them.”

The man probed her face, before stating, “Peace is a lie. Through power, I gain victory.”

Her eyes bulged and then turned glassy. Thatcher recited in a monotone, “Through victory, my chains are broken.”

“No,” he responded firmly. “ _That_ is the lie, young one.”

The girl shrunk in on herself. “Not to them.”

Barriss pursed her lips. “Who is them?”

Thatcher’s expression fluctuated between fear and determination. Then, she sucked in a tremulous breath and opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Panic flooded her face and chained hands clawed at her throat as she slid to the floor.

Caam grabbed at her frantically. “What’s wrong? She can’t breathe or something. Help me!”

Luminara pulled the distraught Caam out of the way as Barriss knelt down and assessed the writhing woman. Aayla elevated Thatcher’s upper body to open her airway, while Ahsoka motioned everyone else back.

“This is not… right.” Barriss placed hands on the girl’s chest and a barely visible blue light glowed. There was no effect as Thatcher’s violent gasping continued.

Kit leaned over them. “Try the trance. We need more time to work through the layers.”

Barriss nodded and glanced at Ahsoka, who crossed the room and took Aayla’s spot directly across from her wife. “Be careful.”

“Always,” the woman replied lightly, before shifting attention to Thatcher. “I’m going to help you sleep, my dear, so we can make you better.”

A frightened gaze fixed on her and the choking increased.

Barriss rubbed fingers over the whitening face. “Try to calm your mind. It will help regulate your breathing.” Her voice intensified. “Center. Listen. Feel. Do you understand what I mean?”

The golden eyes widened, but there was a slight nod. After a few moments, the heaving chest slowed a tick.

“Good. Now, I’m going to relax you the rest of the way, which will be easier if you stay calm. I need you to trust us, ok?”

More erratic rasping came, and her gaze darted around, until it found Caam.

“Please, Thatcher,” the girl cried, “let us help. We won't give up on you. Promise.”

There was a tense moment of nothing but desperate wheezing, and then her head jerked assent.

Smiling reassuringly, Barriss got to work.

_______

“What happened? What’s wrong with her?” Caam sat on the other side of the bed and ran fingers over Thatcher’s sallow face.

Barriss looked up from her examination of the sleeping woman, turning expectant eyes on Kit.

The man’s voice radiated pain. “Her reaction is indicative of indoctrination into the inquisitorius.”

Aayla took his hand, rubbing a thumb over it. He smiled sadly and kissed her cheek.

Ahsoka gaped. “Those were Palpatine’s shadow assassins. They don’t exist anymore. She’s too young to be one that was missed.”

He shrugged. “His don’t. However, the concept need not have originated with him.”

“It didn’t,” Barriss put in. Attention shifted to her and she explained, “The ancient texts have scant information on dark side practices, but there are references to something similar. I imagine Palpatine had more extensive resources in that line than my books contain.”

Caam frowned. “Am I supposed to get what you all are talking about?”

Luminara moved to her side of the bed and trailed gentle fingers over Caam’s lekku. “It’s related to the Jedi stuff we told you about after Ryloth, my dear. We can explain more later, if you like. Right now, we need to figure out how to help your friend.”

The girl returned a worried gaze to Thatcher and asked hopefully, “Does this mean it’s not her fault?”

Aayla winced. “Not exactly, little one. She still made her own choices. However, it does mean the compulsion to obey her orders would have been… strong.”

Barriss reached across Thatcher to rub Caam’s cheek. “It also means her trying to tell us everything was very brave. She likely knew her mind might be unable to handle doing so, and it might be her last act.”

Tawny eyes blinked back tears. “Can you help her? I mean this inq-inquis—the other thing, too?”

“I don’t know, darling girl. She has to do much of it herself. First, we have to make her able to try. Ok?”

She sniffled and kissed Thatcher’s forehead. “Ok.”

Ahsoka threw a meaningful look at the others. “Let’s consult on how best to do that. Caam can monitor Thatcher.”

The girl jerked up. “What if something happens, while you’re gone?!”

Luminara squeezed her shoulder. “It’s highly improbable, my dear. Barriss put her into a deep sleep. She shouldn’t awaken at all, until we make it happen. However, just in case, we’ll tell the guards outside where we’re going and to retrieve us with all due speed, if you call for help.”

Caam didn’t look convinced.

Aayla flashed an encouraging smile. “We have to do some research to figure out the best options. You want us to find an answer as quickly as possible, right?”

Her gaze rotated around the group and then she straightened with a brash grin. “Course. What are you still doing here, Jedi people? Get on with it.”

They laughed and Barriss tweaked her nose. “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

“We have a larger issue here, which you are all ignoring,” Ahsoka remonstrated.

Barriss flipped another page and continued scanning the text. “I can only concentrate on the girl in front of me. If you want to figure out how to deal with the fact that there are apparently a new breed of inquisitors running around at the bidding of an unknown enemy, feel free.”

Ahsoka gritted teeth. “It’s not like I’m being unreasonable. This is kind of important.”

Aayla lifted a hand. “How about we divide and conquer? Clearly, Kit and Barriss are best equipped to help Thatcher. The rest of us can consult on ramifications and potential options.”

Forcing her muscles to relax, Ahsoka relented, “It’s a start.”

“I’d like to help with Thatcher,” Luminara put in, “unless you believe I’m critical to your discussion.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. _That’s unexpected._

The woman must have noticed her surprise, because she added sharply, “She’s been our soldier since the age of fourteen, Ahsoka. Do you know what that means? When someone must have gotten ahold of Thatcher to feel confident enough to place her in Shili at that age? The child could have been so much more. She never got a chance to find out. I intend to do everything in my power to ensure she gets it now.”

A heavy silence fell and then Kit murmured, “But for the grace of the Force, go I.”

Ahsoka let out a pained breath. “You’re right. Make it happen.” Turning to Aayla, she continued, “Ok, you and I will do some brainstorming. Perhaps, we can loop in some of the others, as well.”

_______

“Could the expanse enemy be involved?” Ezra asked.

“Seems questionable,” Shan responded, “given they have thus far shown no Force-based abilities. In fact, it appears to be their only weakness.”

Caleb drummed fingers on the table. “Does that mean there is another Palpatine out there, pulling strings? And, we are completely unaware of it? That also seems unlikely. Wouldn’t we be able to sense such a strong vortex of dark side power?”

Ahsoka shrugged. “Hard to say. If the user is adept enough and we weren’t looking for it…”

“Or, perhaps, our enemy knows how to exploit opportunity.” Aayla looked at Ahsoka thoughtfully. “You said she was too young to be one of Palpatine’s inquisitors, but that’s not entirely true. She would have been how old when he died?”

“She’s the same age as Caam, and Palpatine fell around nine years ago. That would make her maybe ten at the time.”

“Yes, it could work,” the Twi’lek mused. “It’s possible she was part of the next generation. Palpatine selected many of his candidates as children. They had to be self-sufficient enough to follow orders, but young enough to shape and control. Someone else could have taken up the banner where he left things, yes?”

Ahsoka sat up in her chair. “Interesting idea. Depending on the situation, it need not have been a force wielder. What if you were a cunning and capable adversary, who gained possession of a group of partially-trained yet now directionless children you could mold into your tools?”

Caleb stroked his chin. “Would you be able to control them, though? The girl clearly has an intense fear of these masters of hers.”

“Of course.” Aayla rubbed her damaged lek. “There are many ways to break a person. Having special abilities doesn’t make you immune. There were more Jedi than Kit and me in that prison. Where do you think they went?”

Asajj shifted in her chair. “Especially, if you are a lost child. Gaining trust and then using it to control someone happens all the time. One of the most effective methods is betraying that trust, leaving the child terrified of trusting ever again.”

Caleb grimaced. “True. However, the law of averages would suggest at least one would lash out against their tormentors. Given the natural abilities and steeping in dark emotions, it seems unlikely a non-Force using master would be able to survive such an occurrence. Making this a risky proposition for someone meeting that description. One dissenter could lead a successful rebellion against your control.”

“You don’t understand what I’m saying,” Asajj clipped out. “Leading others against the master would require a level of trust among the children that wouldn’t exist. Even if the child was the strongest and most intimidating, he’d have to scare them more than the master to be successful. If anything, they would be more likely to stop him in order to curry favor, achieve their own goals, or avoid punishment by association. Fear, loneliness, and betrayal make children… turn.” She took an unsteady breath.

“Not just children,” Ahsoka murmured.

Aayla cleared her throat. “One could have lost it and fought back, certainly. However, a half-trained child is unlikely to succeed on their own, especially if this master had help. The girl did say ‘them’. I was a fully trained Jedi and I couldn’t escape my prison, no matter how angry I got. In the end, it was only luck combined with the precise control of my emotions that got me out. Besides, I imagine any hint of dissent was met with severe punishment, if not death. Given some time, the mental conditioning would have prevented even that from happening. Their rage would be redirected toward others, not their tormentors.”

“Ok, I’m convinced,” Caleb conceded painfully. “Still, how would you further enhance their skills, if you weren’t a practitioner yourself?”

“Perhaps, you wouldn’t care,” Shan suggested. “Even a base level of knowledge would still make them highly effective agents.”

Ezra’s face lit up with excitement. “Actually, you wouldn’t want to, would you? You don’t want your slaves to become too powerful.”

“Yes,” a thoughtful Katooni finally chimed in, “it’s not as if Thatcher has shown anything approaching Jedi-level skills. If we didn’t know what she was, would we consider her more than your run-of-the-mill spy with exceptional deep cover abilities?”

“Huh,” Caleb remarked, “you’re right. The children already have better memory, reflexes, and adaptability. They would learn quickly and be more disciplined. You could simply layer standard skills on top to meet your needs. For instance, Thatcher may have received training in asset development and social infiltration to enhance her already existing Force-based abilities. Another child intended for a different environment could have gotten advanced combat or assassination training.”

“Mind-bending would be required, since the operatives would need to function outside of your direct control,” Shan pointed out. “How would you know they’d follow your orders for years?”

“Because, they were already broken,” Aayla answered distantly. She seemed to shake herself and added, “You simply needed to shape them into something that suited your purpose. You could easily apply the same triggers the previous master had established without even knowing what they meant. The girl did recite a mantra used in dark side indoctrination. Either, her current masters are practitioners, or they simply utilized the previously established control words.”

Shan’s nose wrinkled. “You really think the early programming would be strong enough to outlive the one who instilled it?”

“I know it would,” Aayla whispered, fingers gripping the edge of the table. “Once, Shaak and I discovered the location of one of Palpatine’s hidden compounds along the edge of the outer regions. We infiltrated, expecting to find classified weapons projects. And, I suppose we did.” There was a bitter smile. “It was an inquisitor training facility, staffed by a host of guards and run by…” Her lip twisted. “...a former Jedi. We neutralized them. All that remained was a small group of children ranging in age from eight to twelve. They were severely damaged.”

Everyone stared at her and then Ahsoka cleared her throat. “What happened?”

Pained eyes shut. “A couple believed it was a test of their loyalty. The others were terrified of leaving and enduring punishment. It escalated quickly, and they fought back. Before we could subdue them all safely, one of the children took the opportunity to kill an apparent rival. She expected a commendation from us on her strategic thinking.” Teary eyes opened. “There were now four traumatized children and no options. We weren’t in a position to take long-term care of them ourselves as covert Jedi in constant danger of discovery. Not to mention, I had a young Caam to protect.”

“I guess letting them wander off on their own wasn’t a good option either, huh?” Ezra commented sadly. “For the world or them.”

Aayla rubbed hands over her face. “They would have simply run back to Palpatine or killed each other in a twisted attempt to achieve the top position. I’m not sure I can communicate the level of mind-bending involved.” She shivered. “If you had seen their eyes…” Her expression hardened. “We sequestered them in a safehouse and did our best to convince them of reality for several weeks to no avail. They hated us for rescuing them. About a month in, we tried a new strategy and allowed them more freedom, trying to engender trust. The oldest attempted to kill Shaak, while her back was turned. The others were angry that she didn't execute him on the spot.”

Shan swallowed. “What did you end up doing?”

“Eventually, we accepted our situation and skills weren’t up to the task and transferred all four into the care of the Dai Bendu, who agreed to try to rehabilitate them. We checked on their progress about a year later, but our presence highly agitated the children. The Bendu believed their damaged minds had fixated on us as a symbol of their torment.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “It was decided best for us to stay away. Though, I always intended to return after a few years to try again. Despite our relationship being filled with turmoil, I had an undeniable sense of responsibility for the lost children I rescued but couldn’t save. Unfortunately, my capture meant I never got a chance to fulfill it. By the time I finished my own recovery, it seemed a bit late to be of any help. I try to keep hope they found peace and made new lives in the world.”

There was a long silence, until Katooni asked, “Um, who are the Dai Bendu?”

“An ancient order of monks dedicated to studying the Force,” Aayla replied blankly. “They live in the Andobi Mountains.”

Caleb perked up. “Are they Force wielders?”

The woman dragged her gaze from some distant point and focused on him. “Not in the traditional sense. However, they do have significant knowledge and can utilize it to achieve some incredible things. The Jedi are only one form of Force-based understanding, not the only way.”

Ezra scrunched his face. “They survived Palpatine’s purge? Where were they during the rebellion?”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “Where they’ve always been. The Bendu don’t concern themselves with the outside world, unless it impacts the balance of the Force. Even then, they have a non-confrontational belief system and prefer to remain neutral. If he knew of them, Palpatine was unlikely to prioritize eradicating a group of monks that didn’t pose a direct threat and would incur a heavy cost to subdue.”

His jaw tightened. “Must be nice to sit in your hidden mountain, while the rest of the world fights for survival.”

Caleb put a hand on his arm. “You chose your path. They chose theirs. Conviction comes in many forms.”

Ezra blew out a breath. “I guess.”

The Twi’lek smiled. “I said much the same thing to Shaak at the time. Do you know her response? ‘What makes you think your way is better, Aayla Secura? How do you know they don’t have a superior understanding?’”

Ahsoka crossed her arms. “Perhaps, but there is right and wrong in this world. Allowing evil to flourish unopposed does not meet my definition of right.”

She shrugged. “I don’t disagree. Since Shaak didn’t join the order of the Bendu, I presume she didn’t either. However, it was an important point she was making. Having conviction is admirable. Believing your way is right for everyone is arrogance. Forcing it on others is taking arrogance to the point of absolutism. And, we know where that leads. Besides, they did take the children—a risky venture that required long-term commitment. So, perhaps, they tried to stem the tide of evil as much as their beliefs would allow.”

Considering for a moment, Ahsoka sighed. “Point acknowledged. In any case, back to the question at hand. It sounds like we have two open paths for investigation. One involves an unknown dark side practitioner somewhere in the world. The other is a line we are already on for other reasons. What now?”

Asajj leaned forward. “Additional information from the girl would be helpful.”

“I know,” Ahsoka replied, “but I’m not sure she’ll be able to give it to us anytime soon. You saw what happened, when she tried. Even assuming a Force-wielder hasn’t been enforcing the programming for several years, it will take significant time and effort to heal that kind of mental conditioning as Aayla just painfully illustrated. I don’t want us to sit idle in the meantime.”

Caleb grunted. “For all we know, she’ll never tell us anything. You are the ones who just convinced me how effective her breaking has been.”

Asajj shook her head. “That’s true, but it doesn’t have to be forever. We’re here, aren’t we? It’s not quite the same level of trauma, perhaps, but all of us have something in our past that caused us to question ourselves and our faith in others. We overcame it. She can too.”

Ahsoka blinked. “Huh. I always knew there was an optimist in there somewhere, Ventress.”

There was a scowl. “Don’t make me regret the leap of faith, Tano.”

Flashing a grin, Ahsoka said, “Actually, I agree. The girl has already shown signs of breaking free. If she was under their complete control, Thatcher would never have shown a wish to make amends at all.”

Aayla inclined her head. “Plus, she trusts Caam. Depending on anyone is a major step. Others may take a while, but it’s a good start.”

Ezra fidgeted in his seat. “Right, but assuming we can’t get information from her, how do we get it?”

“She said there were more like her in other kingdoms,” Shan offered. “Is there a way we can identify them? It removes a potential threat but also provides another source of intel.”

Rolling a thumb over her fingers, Ahsoka considered. “A possibility. Though, we may run into the same issues as Thatcher. Perhaps, we should take it one step further and consider search methods for the hypothetical master, force-user or not.”

Katooni lit up. “Yes, look at the communication flow. For Ryloth, Thatcher had enough to time to discover the target, report it, receive return instructions, and alert the Hutts, before we even got there. There must be a handler within the boundaries of the 47 kingdoms, probably in the core region. Even if the expanse enemy is involved, messages can’t fly back and forth from them at lightning speed.”

Ahsoka nodded approval. “Excellent point. Someone is coordinating and likely maintaining control over operatives. It could be the mastermind or a skilled minion. Either way, they are the key we need to unlock the entire mystery.”

There were sounds of agreement.

Aayla’s eyes twinkled. “Alright, new question. How do we locate said person?”

Ezra groaned. “I take back what I said about wanting to attend a council meeting. You people are intense! I need sustenance!”

Shan punched his arm. “What a wimp.”

He glared and rubbed his arm. “I think better when my stomach isn’t eating into my chest.”

Caleb snorted. “You _think?_ ”

That got an even deadlier glare.

Katooni lifted a firm hand. “Everyone is well aware a hungry Ezra Bridger is not something we want to experience. Please, feed him.”

His glare turned into a cocky grin. “Yeah. You people should listen to my wife.”

Ahsoka leapt to her feet with a laugh and rang the bell. “We’ll get some lunch brought in.”

Ezra rubbed his hands in satisfaction. “That’s more like it!”

_______

Caam laid beside Thatcher, wrapping an arm around her head and running fingers through the loose, strawberry blonde curls. _You need to choose, Secura._

Her heart was rending in two. One part was always untouchable. It belonged forever to Karyna. No matter what Caam did to tell it otherwise, it stubbornly refused to change its allegiance. Maybe, she needed to let that piece go its own way and commit completely to the person that occupied the other half. Karyna’s cute grin floated to the surface and tears burned her insides as she pushed them away.

Caam gazed at the pale woman beside her, who had been abandoned and tormented by the world in apparently terrible ways—so lost she had nearly given up. _She could have been me. I could have been her._ That was when Caam realized there really wasn’t a choice. Thatcher had been alone for too long. _This one needs you._

 _You know what must be done._ Thatcher had faced her fear and taken the risk for Caam. Could she do any less? _It’s time to… commit._ Caam’s lungs compressed, breaths coming faster. Her vision blurred and small stabs of pain pounded her chest. She sat up and curled arms around herself as dizziness swirled. _Stop. What’s wrong with you?_ It took several minutes to regain control.

Releasing a series of rapid breaths and steeling her resolve, Caam pushed forward. “I don’t understand what’s going on, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll be here for you always. Ok?” Pressing lips against the side of Thatcher’s mouth, she choked out, “I… promise.” Then, the tears finally came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Caam.  
> Anyway, this is an interesting development. Inquisitors who aren't inquisitors running around? What to do.


	89. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoda gives Barriss & Ahsoka a parting gift.

There was a slight wheeze as Yoda floated a satchel into her hands. “Take this.”

Barriss opened it to see a collection of bound books and parchments. Her eyes bulged. “Is this… what I think it is?”

“Know what you think, I do not,” he replied with a twinkle.

A smile played around her lips. “I will miss you, Master.”

His wizened face crinkled. “Always find me in the Force, you will.”

Barriss leaned forward and gave him a quick hug. “Not quite the same, but I’ll keep it mind.”

“Hmph. Your wife’s influence, this is.” A small claw gripped her shoulder. “A wise Jedi you are, Barriss. Remember, a battle lifelong it is to control one’s fear. Be mindful.”

She gazed at him for a few moments. Then, the Jedi fixed determined eyes on her master. “I will. I promise.”

_______

_“I’ve missed you so much, my special girl.”_

Ahsoka screwed up her face in concentration, but it was no use. After meditating, vague images of a glowing figure with an engaging grin had formed. Now, they were wavering in and out of conscious thought. _I will remember you, Mom. Even if it takes years to drag the memories out of my mind, I won’t give up._

Leaning against a gnarled tree, Ahsoka clenched her fists. _Why doesn't she answer anymore?_

“Answer your question now, I can.”

The woman lifted her head to see Yoda ambling into the clearing. “Huh?”

Mournful amber-green eyes gazed at her. “Your mother—lost between worlds, she is.”

Body rooting to the spot, Ahsoka choked out, “W-what do you mean lost?”

“The line of balance must endure,” was the nebulous reply. “Sacrifice herself she did, to bring you to me.”

A painful lump formed in the back of her throat. _No._

Yoda continued, “To retain one's consciousness after death, a remarkable achievement it is. However, limited and unstable the application was.”

“How did Mom learn it,” Ahsoka asked hoarsely, “if she never finished her training?”

There was a dry chuckle. “Part of Jedi training, it is not. Special, your mother was. Instinctive understanding of certain principles she had and continued to pursue after we parted. Still, very surprised I was at her partial success.”

“So, her consciousness has been lost? Is that what you’re saying? She’s now part of the Force around us?”

Yoda looked thoughtful. “Know this, I do not. Simply lost for now, she may be. Or gone forever, she may also be.”

The tears burning a holding pattern inside began spilling onto her face. Collapsing to the ground, Ahsoka pulled knees to her chest as they turned into shaking sobs.

A small claw squeezed her shoulder. “Achieve her goals, she did. Happy, your mother must be.”

Looking up into the kind eyes, she whispered, “I know. Mom wouldn’t want me to mourn her again.”

A toothy grin lit up his ancient face. “A powerful Jedi you are, Ahsoka. Yet, faith is your strongest weapon. Forget this, do not.”

Wiping her cheeks, the Jedi straightened with determination. “I won’t, Master. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh. Here we are. The end of a winding journey for our favorite couple comes to a close as they enter the next stage of their lives. Twenty-five interludes later, we have... JEDI.


	90. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journey: We've got alot of them going on.

“We shouldn’t ask anything about her masters,” Kit stated. “It may cause another episode.”

“Yes,” Barriss agreed, “if we can break some of the underlying conditioning, it might be possible at a later date.”

Luminara stroked a finger across her chin. “We need to remove her chains.”

Barriss grimaced. “I understand you want to make her comfortable, but she is an exceptionally well-trained and effective operative. Knowing her background makes it even more dangerous. If something goes wrong, she can do significant damage. We also can’t discount the slim chance this is all a deception for some larger purpose.”

The woman shrugged. “All true. However, it doesn’t matter. Is our goal to save this girl?”

Rubbing her forehead, Barriss answered, “You know it is.”

“Then, our strategies should reflect that goal. Removing her chains is a natural first step to reaching it.”

She opened her mouth to object, but Luminara cut her off, “Barriss, if you demand trust from her, you must give it.”

“I concur with Luminara,” Kit finally weighed in. “One of us will be nearby throughout the process. I doubt the girl will pose much danger to Jedi, even when enraged. We’ve seen no indication of advanced skills. Inquisitors are under-trained by design, especially in abilities unrelated to their mission. We’ll have time to evaluate her in the first few days of treatment. If my assessment proves incorrect, we can revisit the issue. Besides, it will be difficult enough to break through the mental programming. Being chained only conveys she has become a slave to a different master.”

Considering for a moment, Barriss slowly nodded. “Very well. We’ll see how it goes. However, we need to talk to Caam. The person she knows may fluctuate. I don’t want her to be caught off-guard, if the girl lashes out.” She added quietly, “I’m also afraid if Thatcher were to lose control and hurt Caam, we might never get her back.”

Luminara murmured, “We all know what it is to hurt someone we love.”

Attention swerving to her master, Barriss returned a soft smile. “That’s why we’re going to win this one.”

Kit’s dazzling grin flashed. “In that case, let’s get to the winning.”

_______

Golden eyes flickered open with a moan.

Shifting on the bed, Caam moved to her knees and leaned over the prone figure. “Are you ok?”

Thatcher focused on the face above hers with a groggy smile. Lifting a hand, she ran fingers over Caam’s lips. “Hey there.” Then, awareness seem to come and her skin paled. “Oh Gods. I forgot what happened for a minute. I’m sorry.” Her head swiveled, spotting Barriss in the chair beside her. “You… fixed me?”

The woman smiled. “We helped with the immediate issue, yes.”

A nervous gaze darted around the room to Luminara and Kit, before landing on Caam. “What now?”

There was a brash grin. “What do you want to happen now?”

The young woman blinked up at her. “Um, what are my options?”

Barriss pursed lips. “It depends. The… training you endured has impacted your ability to process certain things. It’s what caused the attack earlier, when you were trying to talk about information I imagine was forbidden.”

Thatcher jerked and there was a gasping choke.

“Stop. Don’t think about it.” Shifting forward, Barriss circled fingers over the girl’s forehead. “You don’t have to talk about them, ok?” Maintaining her gentle movements over Thatcher’s face, she continued soothingly, “Calm, center…”

The trembling body relaxed, and her breathing regulated.

“Good,” Barriss encouraged. “We can help you break free of that way of thinking. Keep in mind, it will be a challenging process. You will also have to trust us for it to be successful. So, you need to decide if that’s something you want and are willing to commit to seeing through.”

Thatcher swallowed several times. “What if I decide it isn’t?”

Barriss shrugged. “It’s your life, my dear. If you choose not to, it makes you a continued danger to yourself and others. We’d have to discuss what that means and how to mitigate it.”

Reaching a hand to her throat, Thatcher massaged it absently. Then, she gave a small start and sat up, examining her wrists. “My chains are gone?”

“Indeed,” Luminara answered. “We don’t chain those we are trying to help, my dear. You are the master of your own fate now.”

Thatcher stared at her. “You trust me not to… do anything?”

The woman lifted an eyebrow. “Do you plan on hurting any of us?”

“No. I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Her eyes took on a haunted quality. “Even when they made us hunt—I never wanted to.”

Luminara’s face softened. “Then, why would we keep you chained up?”

The girl assessed her warily, perhaps expecting a trap. Luminara simply gazed back with a warm smile. Finally, Thatcher gave her a tentative grin. “Thanks.” She returned attention to Caam. “What do you think I should do?”

There was a small snort. “I’m kinda biased. My family can do anything, but it’s not my choice. I just want you to be happy.”

Her brow wrinkled. “If I break whatever this is, will I be normal? Like everyone else, I mean? I won’t have to do what they say anymore?” She shivered. “They can't make me hurt anyone else, right? Will I stop feeling so angry and alone?”

“That’s the idea,” Kit chimed in. “You’ll control your own destiny. Isolation and anger are the tools they use to break you down. It’s hard to see past it. Though, you already have in some ways.” His gaze flicked to Caam and back again. “Forging a connection with someone must have been difficult, yes?”

“It was… terrifying.” Golden eyes swung to Caam. “But, worth it.”

“Good,” Caam said softly.

Kit grinned. “The fact that you made an effort on your own to break away already shows us what you’re capable of, young one. We truly believe you can handle going the rest of the way. You won’t be alone. We’ll do it together. You only need to decide if being free is worth the sometimes painful journey to get there.”

Thatcher’s fingers curled around themselves. “I think—I don’t know what to do.” Her body began trembling and a strained voice whispered, “I don't really make my own choices.”

Caam gripped her face and rubbed thumbs over it. “Hey, it’s alright. That makes sense. Let’s pretend, ok? Pretend you’re allowed to get or do anything you want. What would it be?”

A shaking hand reached up to brush Caam’s cheek. “I want you.”

Tawny eyes widened. “Oh.”

Her muscles twitched. “If I do this, will I… get it?”

There was a brief hesitation, before Caam responded, “I want you to do it for you, not for me. What if I said you’d have me either way? I’ll always be here, no matter what you choose. Would that make a difference? What would you want then?”

Thatcher glanced around at everyone once more and then returned to Caam. “If I have you, I think…” Her forehead scrunched. “I’d want to be there for you, too. I suppose I’d need to be better to do that.” She smiled. “Ok, let’s fix me.”

A bright grin lit Caam’s face and she kissed Thatcher’s cheek. “Supra.”

_______

Karyna gazed into the fire as tears carved a slow path down her cheeks. _What’s wrong with me?_

There was a knock on the door. Karyna wiped her face and straightened herself in the small armchair. “Come in.”

Leia strolled into her room. “Good evening, my popular girl. How did your night out with Melania go?”

“Fine. We watched a play about the fall of Palpatine.” Trying a light grin, she added, “You should have seen the Bith they had playing Aunt Barriss, complete with ridiculous golden bow and dramatic choral music. They also seemed to be under the impression Luke made a dashing, running leap over several squads of soldiers to toss his sword through the air into Palpatine's chest, all while screaming like a banshee. And, don’t get me started on Aunt Ahsoka’s miracle jump onto a dais that was ten feet high.”

She laughed. “Actually, if memory serves, I think that last part is true.”

Karyna stared and then smiled ruefully. “Of course, it is.”

The woman sat in the armchair across from her. “So, the play was entertaining, at least. Anything else to report?”

She slid down in her seat. “Not really.”

There was silence for a moment. “Karyna, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I would like to help if I can.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she mumbled.

Leia snorted. “Gods, you are so Ahsoka and Barriss’ child.”

Karyna looked up. “What?”

The woman sighed. “Something is clearly upsetting you. Instead of simply asking for advice, you sit there in feigned contentment. When confronted directly, you act like you have no idea what I’m talking about. Next, you’ll be telling me there’s nothing wrong at all, you’re just tired.”

She grimaced. That had been her next planned response.

Brown eyes rolled skyward. “I thought so. Please, give me a try. Perhaps, the problem isn’t as terrible as you think.”

Karyna considered. She did want to ask someone about it but knew how it would sound. _I don’t even understand what the problem is._ “I’m not sure I can explain properly.”

Sitting back in her chair and steepling fingers, Leia replied, “Doesn’t matter. That’s why I’m here. We can figure it out together.”

The words caused a surge of confidence and Karyna blurted out, “I don’t think I’m like everyone else.”

“Ok. What specifically is different about you?”

Karyna chewed her lip for a moment. “I don’t want to _be_ with anyone.” Her gaze darted to Leia’s to gauge the reaction.

“Oh.” The woman turned thoughtful. “You mean romantically-speaking?”

She nodded glumly.

“Hmm, is it that you don’t like the idea of it altogether or is it the physical parts of being in a relationship you don’t want?”

Karyna relaxed at the calm, clinical tone. “Hard to say. When I kiss people,” awkwardness rushed to the surface as she continued, “I don’t feel like I think everyone else does. Plus, I don’t really… get things. It always surprises me when someone believes I’m romantically interested in them or vice versa. Also, they clearly get more enjoyment out of that kind of stuff.” She blew out a frustrated breath. “Did you know it’s a thing to rank people’s attractiveness?”

Leia smiled slightly. “I take it you find such discussions to be a waste of time?”

“Definitely. Plus, it’s boring. I don’t get the appeal. Why sit around talking about the physical traits of some person you don’t even know?” Picturing the flighty Hosnian princess from their last trade council, she mimicked, “Did you see those muscles? Whew!”

There was a soft laugh. “Well, I can’t say I disagree on that part. However, I think what you’re saying is you simply don’t think about people in those terms. This is only an issue, because it makes you uninterested in more intimate endeavors, correct? The fact that you’re worried about it suggests you want to be interested. Why?”

Karyna slumped. “I guess because it means I won’t ever—it’s not as if I wouldn’t like to have someone who loves me—maybe not in that way—but a person who wants to be with me forever. I just don’t know how to do that. It’s as if I want what everyone else has, but don’t want to do the things needed to get it.” She paused, before adding thoughtfully, “Rather, all the things that seem to come with it.”

“Ah.” Her eyes turned contemplative. “Have you ever met anyone you were attracted to in a romantic way?”

She shrugged. “I don’t think so. Well, maybe one? It’s difficult for me to tell the difference really. I know there are people that are important to me, but nobody I’ve enjoyed… doing those kinds of things with. I’ve tried it. I keep trying it. Nothing ever works.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

Leia got up and crouched in front of her. “Nothing. You are you. If that is who you are, then there’s nothing wrong.”

Karyna gazed at her and then leaned against her chest. “What if there is someone I—” She stopped, unsure whether to say the confusing feelings out loud.

Arms slid around her. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”

Taking a deep breath, she said quietly, “There is this person that’s—well, it’s a different feeling than with other people. I’m not sure if it’s romantic or not, but it is… deep. I don’t know what it means or what I should do about it.”

“I understand.” There was silence for a few moments. “Perhaps, you should explain how you feel to this person and see what happens. I can’t promise a happy outcome, but never taking a risk means you’ll never know what’s possible.”

Karyna sniffled. “Maybe.” _Why can’t I just be normal?_

Hands lifted her face to intense eyes. “Relationships mean different things to different people, my dear. Not everyone needs every part of the physical aspects to love someone.” Leia paused reflectively, before asking, “Have you ever studied Telluvians?”

She stared. “Um, I don't think so.”

The woman smiled and rubbed her cheeks. “They mate for life but never touch each other. Yet, their bond is so strong that often when one dies, so does the other. I’m not saying be a Telluvian or that will work for everyone. I’m only suggesting there is a spectrum of what people need for a lifelong partnership. If this person is the only one you’ve ever felt that way about, then don’t let them go without trying. Alright?”

A sliver of hope edged into her heart. “Ok, I’ll think about it.”

“Good.” Leia kissed her hair. “Either way, don’t forget to be you. Because, you’re incredibly special. Exactly the way you are.”

Warmth spread and she laid back against Leia’s chest. “Thanks.”

_______

A soft voice came from the other side of the bed. “Stop worrying. Luke can take care of himself. Our child has a destiny and he _will_ fulfill it. I’m more certain of that than of the sun rising tomorrow.”

As the anxiety-ridden, sleepless thoughts faded, Ahsoka smiled. “I know.” Then, she rolled over to face her wife. “How can you always tell what I’m thinking?”

“Your back muscles. When the left side droops that means you’re dreading all the work you have to do. When the right side flinches, you’re dreaming about running away on an adventure. When the entire set of muscles is fluctuating,” an impish lilt crept into her tone, “you’re in a playful mood and I’d better prepare myself for an onslaught of overzealous attentions.” Tracing two fingers over the white face markings, Barriss locked their eyes. “When they are completely still, you’ve decided utter catastrophe is occurring that you’re helpless to stop.”

She stared. “You’re not serious.”

An eyebrow quirked. “Guess you’ll never know.”

Halfway between a glare and a laugh, Ahsoka remarked, “Hmm… overzealous attentions, huh? Perhaps, I should tone down my _playful_ moods in future.”

“Absolutely not,” her wife murmured, before lips pressed against hers.

Grinning happily, Ahsoka pulled Barriss closer and gave her all the attention she could handle.

_______

Luke cleared the swampy vines encasing the hut, trying to ignore the gloomy thoughts of what had been. _Get on with it, Skywalker._

Ducking into the abode, the man lit his torch and waved it around, looking for something he didn’t understand. A flash from the far corner caught his attention and Luke approached carefully. Crouching down, he shined light over the area.

A lone kyber crystal lay on the dirt-covered flooring. _Woah._ It was a deep, blood red and had an opaqueness that was unlike any Luke had ever seen. Inexorably drawn to it, the man placed his sword on the ground and picked it up. Holding it between his fingers, a sense of immense power flooded him. Eyes transfixed on the stone, Luke barely noted his own crystal flashing erratically from its hilt.

Ethereal words floated through the air, “No, young Skywalker. Yet to be decided, your destiny is.”

Luke spun around but saw nothing. “Master Yoda? Is that you?”

“To Malachor, you must go. Only there will you find the answers you seek.”

“Malachor?!” His face tightened. “You’re not Master Yoda. He would never send me to a wellspring of darkness.”

Now, both crystals were blazing, bathing the area in warring blue and red hues. The voice came again, this time with what sounded like sad resignation. “Go, Luke. Your path to choose, it must be.”

“What does that mean?” he asked in befuddlement. _Maybe, I’m still asleep in the swamp?_

There was no response. Luke returned attention to the blood red crystal. _Hmm…_ Both fear and excitement flowed through him.

According to legend, Malachor was somewhere in the unmapped expanse. _If it actually exists._ He might never find it, much less the obvious stupidity of walking into the spiritual home of dark side practitioners, potentially through enemy territory. Even if Luke succeeded in locating it, he might not survive the experience—all on the basis of a ghostly voice with unclear motives. _Still…_ “Guess I’m already on a crazy mission. Why not make it memorable?”

He slipped the newly found gem into his pouch and picked up his sword. Running a finger over his still fluctuating crystal, he murmured, “Don’t worry. We can handle it.” The pale blue light glinted, before fading.

Sheathing his weapon, Luke exited the hut and set a course for Malachor.

_______

“No! Get away from me!” Terrified golden eyes fixed on Barriss as she backed into the corner of the room. “I won’t let it happen again!”

Barriss held up placating hands. “Thatcher, I’m trying to help you.”

White blotches speckled her tanned face. “You can’t fool me. Not this time. I know what you want. You’re trying to get me to trust you and then—so you can—you’re the same as everyone else!” Thatcher raised her hands and threw a massive Force blast at Barriss.

The woman blocked the powerful assault and then twisted out of the way of a follow-up attack.

Thatcher suffused with rage as she screamed, “You’re just like her! You plan to use me and throw me away. Sell me to monsters! You’ll pretend to care about me, but then you’ll…” her voice faltered, “... hurt me. Make me do terrible things.” Cold fury enveloped her essence. “I hate you!” She thrust out a fist and squeezed the air.

Barriss felt her throat closing up, but swiftly centered and broke the choke hold. Diving forward, she tackled the out of control girl, pinning her face first to the floor. “Thatcher, please. Focus on my voice. Listen to my words. I’m not going to hurt you. We don’t have to talk about your mother, if you’re not ready. You get to decide. Remember? It’s your life. _You_ control it.”

The guttural growl subsided, but the body beneath her was still quaking.

Barriss leaned into her ear. “Calm your mind. Find the center point. Listen to the underlying currents. You can sense me in them. The truth is there. _Feel_ it.”

After a few moments, the coiled muscles released as a heart-wrenching wail rose up from Thatcher’s chest.

Shifting positions, Barriss rolled the girl onto her lap and stroked the tormented face. “Ssh… it’s alright. You’re safe now. We will _never_ hurt you. I promise.”

Thatcher curled up and sobbed.

_______

His chestnut eyes blinked up at her, gleaming with a fierce wildness that had always reminded Karyna of the Krayt dragons from her books. The untamed, savage beauty in the illustrations had made them her favorite creature as a child. Though, Ahsoka claimed meeting one in the flesh should definitely not be on her list of life goals.

_Well, this one is perfect._ Karyna grinned as she cradled Ben in her arms and kissed his forehead. “I’ll miss you, my little dragon.”

He gurgled happily and curled a tiny fist around her finger.

She rubbed a thumb over the baby-soft skin of his hand. “I’ll be back to see you soon. I promise. Don’t forget your Aunt Karyna loves you.”

Leia entered the nursery and leaned against the door with a soft smile. “Ready to go?”

Wiping a tear away, Karyna nodded and placed Ben back in his bassinet, before giving him one last kiss.

An arm laid across her shoulders. “I’m so proud of you, Karyna. You’ve exceeded my highest expectations. Keep going and one day you really might be ruling the world as our aunt would say.”

Pleasure filled her heart and she grinned. “I had a good teacher.”

Leia chuckled. “Don’t you forget it.” She pressed lips against her temple. “We’ll miss you very much.”

Karyna leaned against the woman. “I wish you lived closer to us.”

There was a sigh as Leia wrapped her up in a warm embrace. “So do I, my dear. So, do I.”

_______

Luminara put down the quill and leaned back, a multitude of emotions flooding her. _That’s it. The last one done._

Gazing down at the drying ink, she reread the words once more. _What are you feeling?_ Trying to work out the emotional swirl, the woman tapped absent fingers on her desk.

Joy, pain, anger, sadness, contentment, fear, love, anticipation, peace… they were all there and more. _Perhaps, I’m everything and nothing at the same time?_

There was one feeling she was certain of though. As her fingers rolled the parchment and sealed it, satisfied completion swept across her soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels like I haven't rambled in a while, and I know how much you all love it (yes, you do. don't lie.).  
> ♦Looks like Luke is making some progress on his journey. Whether it's good or bad is hard to say. I imagine we'll find out more (than perhaps we want to know) before all is said and done.  
> ♦Thatcher's healing begins. It will be interesting to see the end result. It's also quite clear her primary motivation is Caam. Even being free is secondary to that. Thatcher's world revolves around Caam for good or for ill. One could go into a complicated psychological analysis for this situation, but I'll let you theorize. Side note, the implication of her mother selling her out and that leading to inquisitor slavery is absolutely what it seems. Which is just... well, between that and her training (aka torment at the hands of these masters), its kinda amazing she ever had the courage to let Caam in at all. I guess years of being a Shili soldier and the amazingness known as Caam Secura finally untwisted her mind enough to take the risk. Or, perhaps, there is something unbreakable deep inside of her. Who knows.  
> ♦Caam doubles down on her commitment to Thatcher, though I get a sense there is still a bit of hesitance. Not totally unexpected given her unwillingness to depend emotionally on anyone except a select few people (and even that took forever to accomplish). As we know, Caam--like Barriss--is an all or nothing kinda gal.  
> ♦Luminara has reached a level of wisdom that may be unmatched. How far she's come.  
> ♦Karyna... well, for those who hadn't figured out she's on the aro/ace spectrum yet... there it is. I dislike putting labels on things. People are who they are. However, given it is something she'll be dealing with as part of her development, I wanted to define the situation for those who are less familiar.


	91. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perspective: Don't forget to change it up every once in a while.

“Thatcher! It’s me, Caam. Focus on me!”

The enraged eyes fluctuated.

Stepping closer, Caam lifted defensive palms. “I'm here now. I won't let anyone hurt you. Don’t look at anything else. Ok?”

There were several blinks and then the girl’s fist unclenched, dropping to her side. At the same moment, Jungi fell to the ground with a gurgle, frantically breathing air and massaging his throat.

Caam rushed over to him. “Are you alright?”

He nodded between gasps.

Returning attention to Thatcher, who was staring blankly at the bed, she edged toward her. “Hey. Look at me. Focus on my voice, ok?”

She slowly turned and whispered, “Did I… hurt him?”

“No, he’s fine. Tell me what happened.”

Her face morphed into misery. “I don’t know! I thought he was here to hurt me or something.”

Jungi let out a rasping snort. “No chance of that, Thatch.” Laying back against the wall, he continued hoarsely, “My fault. I surprised her. Of course, I didn’t realize she could—well, whatever she did.”

“Why were you here at all?” Caam ground out. “It’s a restricted area!”

He cringed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I just wanted to talk, but Thatcher was sleeping. I was about to leave, when I realized she wasn’t chained up. I moved closer to see what was going on, but she woke up and… kind of freaked out.” Struggling to his feet, he met Thatcher’s eyes. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I didn’t mean it, Jungi,” she pleaded. “Please, believe me.”

He grinned. “Don’t worry. I’m fine, so all is well. Ok?”

“No, it’s not!” Thatcher cried. “I almost killed you." She pressed hands against both sides of her head. "I can’t control my reactions, Caam. It's getting worse. What if I hurt someone?!”

“You won’t.” Taking a final step forward, Caam carefully slid arms around her. “We knew the process was going to cause some issues, yeah? We’re going to get through those together. Have faith. Everything will be alright. I promise.”

The woman sagged against her chest and began to cry.

_______

“What in the blazes were you thinking, soldier?!” Slate gray eyes flared silver as Shan stared down Jungi.

A slight wince crossed his face, but there was no other reaction.

Shan began to pace around her office. “That was indeed a question, guardsman. Answer it.”

“I wanted to talk to her,” he clipped out.

Quietly watching from a small table in the corner, Barriss noted his finger twitch. Clearly, there was more to Jungi sneaking into Thatcher’s quarters than he wanted to share.

Circling back, Shan planted herself mere inches from his face, a note of warning in her tone. “Why?”

His stony expression didn’t budge. “I’d rather not say, Captain.”

Her jaw dropped and then clenched. “That is not an option, soldier. You _will_ tell me why one of my best guards decided to disobey my explicit orders, nearly getting himself and another soldier killed, while also causing the person he wanted to talk to severe distress.”

There was a momentary flash of guilt. “I didn’t know any of that was going to happen.”

“You weren’t meant to know. That’s why we have orders, Jungi. Perhaps, you've heard of them?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he acknowledged weakly. “You can punish me however you deem fit.”

Shan looked askance at him. “You understand what that means? If you don’t give me an acceptable reason, I have to assume at best your intentions were reckless and at worst dishonorable. Neither of those descriptions applies to a royal guard. Am I making myself clear?”

His face fell, misery washing through it. Then, it set in determination. “Very clear, Captain. I never wanted to dishonor my post. However, I can’t answer your question. I’m… sorry.”

The woman stepped back and raked a hand through her hair. “Jungi, please don’t make me do this. You have so much promise.”

He blanched, skin paling. “I don’t want to do it. It’s simply what I must do.”

Shan gazed at him sadly.

Barriss rose from her seat. “Wait.” Crossing the room, she assessed the young man. “You’re protecting someone. Who?”

There was a barely noticeable flinch, before he stiffened. “I’m not sure what you mean, my lady.”

“Yes, you do,” she stated flatly. “Do you know what the first thing I learned about you was, Jungi? Your protective instincts are extremely high. If you’re willing to throw away a promising career and potentially your freedom, it must be for someone else—someone important.”

Worry passed through his eyes for only a moment, but it was enough. “As I told Captain Shan, I can’t share my reasons.”

Observing him closely, Barriss probed for the answer. “Now, who would be that important? Your apprentice squadmates, obviously. However, I suspect the two women involved would be your highest level of attachment. They were your bunkmates after all. Polter, as well, but he’s on assignment.” There was no reaction to any of the suggestions. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “You don’t have any family. Another guardsman, perhaps?”

“You know a lot about me, ma’am,” he commented wryly.

“Of course,” she remarked, “you were my child’s squadmate for years. Even if that wasn’t true, you’re friends with one of my other—” Barriss halted in realization. “Oh Gods. You did it for Karyna.”

Jungi couldn’t hide the flicker of anxiety. “That seems like a stretch, my lady.”

She closed her eyes. “You are protecting your princess.” Taking a moment to control the anger at her child, Barriss opened her eyes. “Let’s see if she is willing to do the same.” Turning to Shan, she ordered, “Hold him here. I’ll be back.”

_______

Marching into Karyna’s room, Barriss didn’t bother with preamble. “Jungi is about to be expelled from the guard, potentially imprisoned. Do you have anything you’d like to share?”

Karyna jerked up from her desk. “What? Why?”

Setting her jaw, she answered crisply, “He snuck into a restricted area, disobeying a direct order from his captain, nearly got himself and Caam killed in the process, and now refuses to say why he would do such a recklessly stupid act.”

She froze for a moment. Then, a torrent of words burst out, “He did it for me! Don’t do anything to him. Please, Aunt Barriss. You can help him, right? It’s my fault!”

Barriss pinned her with a censuring gaze. “And, why would _you_ do such a recklessly stupid thing?”

Her lip began to tremble. “I tried to sneak in myself but couldn’t get past the guards. I knew Jungi could, since he was assigned to the door. Plus, he’s friends with Thatcher.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Karyna. Make no mistake, I will have one before I leave this room. Aside from asking Jungi to risk his career, you put both him and Caam in danger. Not only that, you seriously compromised Thatcher’s condition with your little stunt. You will tell me why. _Now._ ”

Her expression twisted into something between pain and anger. “I needed to know what was going on! Whenever I come into a room, everyone stops talking. My whole family has been on edge, since I got back. I didn’t even know who was in the quarters, until I overheard some soldiers talking about Thatcher being arrested and checked the dungeon logs. You and Nara are always in there. Caam is not… herself. I don’t even know if she’s ok!” Karyna slumped into her chair with a small cry. “I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Barriss mentally cursed. _Tunnel vision, Offee. It will be the death of you one day._ Crossing the room, she lifted the girl’s chin. “Alright. Thank you for telling me. Let’s go rescue Jungi from falling on his sword and then we’ll talk.”

Miserable blue eyes gazed up at Barriss. Then, Karyna wrapped arms around her. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Kissing her hair, the woman murmured, “We’ll work on that too, my darling girl. Everything will be alright again. I promise.”

_______

Caam trailed fingers over a smooth cheek. “Gods, you are magnificent.”

Thatcher smiled up at her. “Mmm… not as magnificent as you.”

Running lips over the woman’s jaw, she murmured, “I said it first.”

There was a soft laugh and then hands gripped her face, pulling it up. “I want to tell you something, but I—” She broke off with a nervous expression.

Concerned, Caam put hands on over hers. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Golden eyes darted around. “I know. It’s not that. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to…”

Intertwining their fingers, she kissed them. “Come on.”

Taking a deep breath, Thatcher blurted, “I love you.”

Caam blinked. “Oh.”

Anxiety flooded her face. “You don’t have to love me, though. I’m not expecting you to say it back. It’s only that, for the first time, I can feel things properly. I think I always loved you, even when I didn't understand what it meant. Just the thought of you helped me, when things were bad in my head. And, I want you to know how much you mean to me is all.”

Gazing down at her, Caam realized she didn’t know what to say. _Do I?_ It seemed like she should, maybe even did. The idea scared and excited her at the same time. It was a final destination. It meant giving… everything. Opening her mouth, she managed, “I…”

“I’m serious!” The voice swelled in panic. “Don’t feel like—”

“Hey, it’s ok.” Putting a joined hand over her mouth, Caam tried to reassure her. “You loving me makes me happy. I’m glad you told me.” The body underneath her relaxed. Feeling like there should be something more, she added, “I'm not sure if I’m ready to say it, but you know I care about you, right? You’re so important to me.”

Thatcher smiled and kissed her fingers. “I know. If you’re ever ready, you know where to find me.”

“Be careful, I might take you up on that one day.” Dipping her head, she grinned and pressed lips to the beautiful ones beneath her.

_______

“I see.” Karyna gazed into the distance.

Barriss shifted on the bed, crossing her legs and leaning against the headboard. “Any questions?”

The girl matched her position. “Thatcher is going to be ok, right?”

“I hope so, my dear. We’re working hard to get there.”

Karyna went quiet for a few moments. “Is she—does Caam—do you think they’re… in love?”

She raised eyebrows. “That’s a question for them, I’m afraid.”

“I know. It’s just that…”

“It’s what?”

Her eyes dropped to Barriss’ chin. “Nothing.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, she said, “Karyna, am I doing something wrong with you?”

The midnight blue shot back up. “What? No. Why?”

Barriss rubbed fingers over Karyna’s tattoos. “You don’t talk to me anymore—not for a very long time. Whether it’s a major issue or a minor annoyance, you shut me out. I have to either force things out of you or get help. Why? Did I make a mistake at some point? Is it the way I respond? Do you not trust me or—”

Karyna grabbed her hand. “No! Please, don’t think that.”

“Then, what?”

Her shoulders slumped. “It’s hard to explain.”

Barriss waited but nothing more came. “I see.” Putting brightness in her voice, she continued, “Well, I guess you’re up to date. Hopefully, you understand why some of it we didn’t want to share. If you’re ever getting that distressed again, though, at least talk to your Aunt Ahsoka or Nara about it, ok? No more putting devoted guardsmen into mortal peril.”

There was a weak grin. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s my girl.” Kissing her head, Barriss slid legs over the side of the bed.

A hand shot out and seized her arm. “Don’t go.”

She twisted back in surprise. “Why not?”

Her bottom lip trembled. “You always go, when I want you to stay.”

Dumfounded, Barriss shifted around to face her niece. “What do you mean?”

Karyna focused on the blanket and mumbled, “Do you wish you never adopted me?”

Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, before she sputtered, “Absolutely not. What—why—” An edge of panic invaded her heart and she took a moment to control the rising chaos. _Don't you dare lose it. Focus!_ Breathing in and out a few times, her mind centered and the panic waned. _Good, now hold it, Offee._ “Karyna, I love you so much. Do you think I don’t?”

There was a small head shake. “I know you love me. I’m not sure you… want me around sometimes is all.”

_Oh Gods._ Gripping her face, Barriss forced Karyna to look at her. “I need to know why you think that. Please, darling girl. You have to talk to me this time.”

Tears pooled in the vivid blue. “It’s just that we only spend time together when we’re doing tasks—lessons, training, projects, meals, whatever. It’s always the same. You don’t do that with Caam. You do fun stuff with her, like walks and games. You used to take her camping, too. You always say I can join you both if I want—like you don’t care if I do.”

Barriss squeezed her eyes closed. “I’m sorry it seemed that way.” She opened her eyes and locked them on her niece. “I was trying to let you control your world, Karyna. I would have loved to do those things with you. Caam said she wanted them. You didn’t. The reason we did many of the things you call tasks is because that’s what you were interested in doing. I wanted to spend time with you, so I increased the volume.”

Karyna gazed at her. “Control my world?”

“If I said you need to do things your way and feel in control of your choices to be happy, would you agree?”

A familiar and still adorable expression of utter contemplation formed. “Maybe. Sometimes. But, what’s that got to do with us spending time together?”

“Everything. Do you remember when you were nine and ran away to the city to see Caam?”

She grimaced. “Yes. It was stupid.”

“No, it made sense, once I realized why. I had controlled too much of your life. You felt trapped and it resulted in me almost losing you. I decided I’d never let that happen again. I tried to give you choices from then on, being careful to never force you to do things whenever feasible.”

Karyna gave her a dubious look. “How did you decide that was why I ran off?”

Barriss smiled. “Actually, Luke convinced me. He said me letting him make his own choices growing up helped, and I might be stifling you. When you and I talked about what happened, it only confirmed his supposition. Of course, you claimed to not know why.”

“I didn’t but… that could be right. I remember thinking Caam’s life must be perfect, because she could do whatever she wanted.” There was a cringe. “Stupid. I didn’t understand anything.” Her face turned thoughtful. “Couldn’t you have just asked me what I wanted to do?”

“I did,” Barriss answered dryly. “Your answer was always read, project, train. Usually in that order.”

“Yeah,” Karyna responded defensively, “but that’s because it’s what I thought you wanted me to do.”

The woman released a pained breath. “My dear, I think we need to talk more.”

Shy dimples appeared. “Maybe.”

Barriss massaged her own forehead. “Force it all. I tried so hard not to mess things up for you that I messed things up for you.”

“Don’t say that! I’m not great at communicating, I guess.”

“No, darling girl. It’s my job to figure out what you need. Unfortunately, I was never good at that with you. I have no idea why. Perhaps, I was so worried about making a mistake it interfered with my judgement. Or, maybe… I saw too much of myself in you and wanted to ensure you got what I didn’t.” _What were you doing, Offee? Recreating yourself in your child? Trying to make her perfect without the traumatic baggage? No. I don't think I did that. Did I?_

“What didn’t you get?”

Attempting to find a good way of putting it, she explained carefully, “When I was young, your Nara and I had some problems. She had… a very strict and disciplined approach to everything. I never had much control over my life. It made me a bit unhappy. She also thought I could achieve great things and had extremely high expectations. I tried to become perfect to make sure she wasn't disappointed in me.”

Karyna stared and then asked hesitantly, “You’re both ok now, right?”

Giving a reassuring smile, Barriss replied, “Yes, we figured things out long ago. She realized how it was affecting me and changed her approach. I realized I needed to change mine, as well. Your Nara still feels guilty about it, though. That’s why I didn’t want to make the same mistakes with you.” She grimaced. “Obviously, I didn’t do a good job of it and went too far the other way. It only made you work harder at being what you thought I wanted. I’m so sorry, Karyna.”

“Please, don’t be upset.” Her voice bled anxiety. “This is why I don’t tell you things!”

Barriss exhaled in annoyance. “Of course, it is. You and your aunt both never seem to realize momentary distress is nothing compared to me not knowing when someone I love is having problems. Especially, if I could have done something about it. I _want_ you to make me upset, because the trade is being your mother. I need to feel like I’m taking care of you, Karyna. It’s part of who I am.”

The girl bit her lip. “Well, maybe I want you to take care of me.”

“Are you just saying what you think I want to hear? Because, if you’re going to keep doing that, I might not tell you anything either.”

There was a tiny glare. “I’m not!” She continued reflectively, “Actually… even when I was annoyed by it, I think I still kind of liked it. I guess that’s why you had trouble. I didn’t really understand myself. Sometimes, I need you to—well, force me into it. I’m always happier when you do.”

Barriss blinked. “Really?”

An adorable grin shined back at her. “Yep. Ever since the first night you brought me home. Remember, I was scared of my room? You made me tell you what was wrong and then you fixed it. It was the first time I remember being tucked into bed.” Her eyes misted as she whispered, “I was so happy.”

Lifting a hand, she ran fingers over the triangles with a content sigh at the memory. “So was I.”

Karyna smiled bashfully and then leapt into her chest. “I love you, Aunt Barriss. Will you be my overly doting mother?”

Barriss laughed and slid arms around her child. Holding Karyna tightly, she murmured, “Absolutely, my special daughter.”

_______

Karyna exited the trees by the stream and came to a sudden halt.

Caam was lying face up on the bank, bare feet bobbing in the water. Her head twisted around at Karyna’s arrival and she sat up. “Hey you.”

Still hovering at the edge of the treeline, Karyna replied, “Um, hi. Sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be here. I’m sure you were looking for some peace and quiet. I’ll leave.” She began to do just that.

“No! Don’t go,” Caam cried.

“Are you, uh, sure? I don’t mind.”

Caam reached out a hand. “Please, stay. I’ve missed you.”

Her heart lit up and Karyna walked over. Taking the hand, she settled beside her. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”

There was a snort and Caam intertwined their fingers. “I’m too tired to argue about it today.”

There was a companionable silence as they gazed at the babbling stream, until Karyna broke it. “How is Thatcher?”

Caam released a deep sigh. “Ok, I think. She’s getting better at controlling the bad stuff. It’s still difficult sometimes. The things in her head are—well, no one should ever have to experience them.” She shivered, but then straightened and looked at Karyna. “I’m sorry we haven’t spent any time together, since you got back. Thatcher… needed me.”

_So, do I._ She tried a smile. “It’s ok. I understand.”

A concerned gaze assessed her. “Are you sure about that?”

Karyna shrugged. “She's going through alot and depends on you. That makes her more important than me.”

“No, it makes her need me more right now,” her voice lowered, “not more important.”

Staring into the intense eyes, a feeling Karyna didn’t recognize blazed to life. Impulsively shifting forward, she pressed lips to Caam’s. Reason reasserted itself and Karyna jerked back. Emotions flew at breakneck speed as her mind processed not just the action, but its result. _I felt… something?_ The shocked face gaping at her jolted Karyna back into reality, and her entire body flooded with shame. _What have you done?!_ She began scrambling to her feet. “Uh, sorry! I didn’t—um—”

A hand clamped around her arm like a vice grip and pulled Karyna back down. “Kayo. You kissed me.”

Flinching, she directed attention at everything but Caam. “I noticed that.”

“Look at me. Please.”

Dragging eyes to Caam’s, she chewed her lip in silence.

“I need to know why you did that,” a wavering voice stated.

Karyna grimaced. “Can we pretend that didn’t happen? I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It wasn't—”

Hands moved to her face, gripping it firmly. “Tell me why. Please.”

_I don't know! Do I? I wanted to be… closer to her. What does that mean?!_ Thinking frantically, Karyna blurted out the first idea that came, “Maybe, it was an experiment?”

“Um… huh?”

_Just tell her how messed up you are. Get it over with, Offee._ “My—I’m not like everyone else, Caam. When I kiss people, I don’t—it’s not that I dislike it, but I don’t really care one way or the other. My mind doesn’t work the same way, I guess. When other people do that kind of stuff, they get more out of it or something. I never have, no matter how hard I try.” Tears welled up as she whispered, “I’m not normal.”

“Oh.” Emotions rolled through Caam’s face, until it finally settled into thoughtfulness. “That makes sense.”

Karyna blinked. “It does?”

“Yeah. It explains some things I was confused about.” Her expression became distant. “Does that mean you don’t want a—well, you know, to… love someone?”

“No! I do!” Her stomach rolled and clenched into a knot. “I just don’t feel it the same way, I guess. I told you. There’s something wrong with me.”

Fingers tightened around her cheeks and earnest eyes locked on hers. “Never say that again. There’s nothing wrong with you. You have a different way of thinking about things, but that’s what makes you special.”

The suppressed tears spilled over. “Thanks.”

Thumbs wiped them away as they fell. “Please, don’t cry. I promise it’s ok.”

Karyna tried a smile. “Sorry, I’m alright. Don’t worry.”

Caam brushed lips across her forehead. “Better be.” Then, she cleared her throat. “That doesn’t explain why you kissed me, though. If you don’t enjoy it, why do it now?”

“I don’t know! It was impulse. I felt—Maybe, I wanted to see if you were different or something?”

Her lekku twitched. “And, uh, was I?”

Excitement lit her heart as Karyna realized the answer. She didn’t understand what the feeling meant, but it was definitely different. Then, her happiness faded as the implication swiftly followed. _Too late. She’s moved on. Now, you figure this out? Stupid. So stupid._ Taking a deep breath, Karyna pushed the dejection away. _Don’t make things even weirder, Offee._ She answered as casually as possible, “Sort of. You were different, but I’m not sure how or why.”

Eyes probed hers, but it was difficult to make out whether there was pleasure, pain, or just confusion in them. “Right. Um, ok then.”

“I’m sorry if—I didn’t mean to—” Unable to even formulate what she was trying to say, Karyna wiped the back of her hand across her face. “I should go.”

There was a long exhale, before a weak grin appeared. “Thanks for telling me about stuff. It’s important to me. And, I meant what I said.” Her face radiated intensity. “My friend Kayo is so special.”

Karyna gazed at her, pulsing with happy misery. _I need you. Forever._ The thought, the feeling behind it, the inexplicable ache in her heart—all of it—was strange yet wonderful. Barely controlling the piercing emotions cascading through her, she replied shakily, “Not as special as my friend Cab.”

The grin widened. Arms wrapped around Karyna, pulling her into a warm chest. Lips touched the top of her head and then Caam whispered, “Arguable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I'm headed out of town for a week. Per usual, I may or may not get a new chapter posted while on the road. So, here is an early one to give you something to chew on, just in case.]
> 
> There is all kinds of discovery going on in this chapter.  
> ♦Jungi, Jungi, Jungi... what to do with you? Loyal and protective to a fault. Karyna, Karyna, Karyna... I am quite displeased with you, my dear.  
> ♦In true Barriss fashion, she blames herself for the problem with Karyna. However, let's be honest, Karyna kinda walked herself into something that didn't exist. Unsurprising, given her background and mindset. It's possible there were also subtle cues her analytical mind took too much to heart (ex. 'you are the cleverest girl ever and are destined for greatness' = I need to do nothing but work and train so I become who they want.) Really, blame is irrelevant. The point is no one is a perfect child, mother, friend, whatever. That's why COMMUNICATING is important. Despite what Barriss thinks, she is not Master Unduli. There's enough support and love that Karyna should feel comfortable sharing her true feelings and not go into "super-child" mode. If our little Kayo was Barriss, anyway. Unfortunately, we have a child who has inherited a Tano 'never let them see you cry, must keep everyone happy' along with that Offee 'must be perfect and what you want me to be'. A recipe for disaster. There's no counter balance without someone forcing her into it. A fact she now recognizes, which is pretty impressive for seventeen. Good job, kid. Now that Barriss realizes Karyna needs more forceful support a la Ahsoka, I'm hoping things will be looking up on this relationship front.  
> ♦The echoes of a young Barriss in Thatcher are strong here, especially in dependence on the woman she loves to stabilize her self-destructive thoughts/fear/experiences. Though, Caam is not Ahsoka, despite trying really hard to fill that role. One could make a case that, on the inside, our little Cabbage is very Barriss-like herself.  
> ♦And... the 'kiss'. This scene requires some reading between the lines, since we're only getting Karyna's very confused perspective on whatever she feels for Caam, thus leaving us a bit confused (maybe?). I imagine we'll get some clarification at some point. That said, I find trying to read this scene from Caam's perspective to be an interesting exercise. What is she feeling?


	92. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Normal: Whatever that means.

Karyna plucked restlessly at her lyre.

Barriss looked up from her desk with bemusement. “My dear, when I said I would love some relaxing music in my office, random cacophony isn’t what I had in mind. Is this a modern form that’s all the rage in Coruscant?”

The girl gave a small start at being addressed. “Sorry, I’m distracted today or something.”

_Hmm._ Putting down her quill, Barriss crossed the room and sat beside Karyna on the settee. “Well, if plinking strings makes you happy, I can go with it. Alternatively, you could simply tell me what’s distracting you. We did promise to communicate more, yes?”

There was a grimace, before the lyre was slowly lowered to the floor. “Ok.” Karyna tugged at a crease in her dress sleeve. “You remember a few weeks ago, when I asked if you thought Caam and Thatcher were in love?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Yes. Is that what’s bothering you?”

“It’s only that Caam once told me…” There was a frown as she realized smoothing out the silky fabric on her forearm had created wrinkles in the upper part of her sleeve. Delicate fingers worked on the new aberration with a bit too much zeal. “She liked me as, um, more than a… “

“In a romantic way?” Barriss offered.

Her head jerked back up. “You knew?”

“Just because you spent your teenage years not telling me anything, doesn’t mean Caam did,” she replied wryly.

There was a tiny glare in response.

Tweaking her nose, Barriss continued in a more serious tone, “Alright, I assume you didn’t return her feelings?”

The girl sighed. “I don’t know. I mean I knew what she was saying, but I couldn’t—I don’t think I really got it, if that makes sense?”

“It makes perfect sense, my dear. Are you saying you understand it now?”

Karyna tapped her fingers against the settee cushion. “I suppose. It’s more that I kind of want her to… keep feeling it?”

“Ah. Does that mean you feel the same?”

Her shoulders lifted in a tentative shrug. “I’m not sure it’s exactly like she feels? I only know it’s different than other people. It’s as if I… need her or something.”

“I understand.” She slid arms around Karyna. “Have you decided how to handle it?”

A muffled cry came from her chest, “No!” There was a brief silence, before a wavering voice asked, “What do you think?”

“Hmm… it’s complicated at the moment. Thatcher relies heavily on Caam for support. Caam knows that and feels deeply responsible for her, no matter what other wishes may be present. Bringing it up now will cause a good deal of distress for all three of you in trying to work things out. My advice is to wait until Thatcher is stable, so everyone is on even ground and more settled. Then, talk to Caam about your feelings and see where things can go.”

The girl jerked back, blinking rapidly. “You think I should tell her?”

Barriss frowned. “You don’t?” Karyna didn’t usually shy away from a direct approach. There must be more going on under the surface. _And, I’m missing it once again._ “I’m sorry, my dear. I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to tell her. What worries you about doing that?”

Her gaze returned to the rebellious sleeve as Karyna stammered, “I’m—she won’t want someone who—I can’t be what she needs.”

She lifted the girl’s chin. “In what way?”

Karyna chewed her lip for a few moments and then a barely audible voice said, “I’m different, Aunt Barriss.”

_Oh. Stupid, Offee. Let’s finally get this out in the open._ “What do you mean by different?”

Her olive skin darkened as she rushed out, “I don’t feel the way everyone else does about this kind of thing. Leia said it was ok and I should still tell Caam, but I’m not sure I can.”

“Ok,” Barriss replied carefully, “can you describe how you do feel?”

“Sort of. It’s confusing.” Absent fingers smoothed her sleeves once more. “I’d be happy if Caam stayed with me, but we never…” She cleared her throat. “... did the physical things people in romantic relationships do.” There was a long pause. “I think. Every once in a while, I want something more, for her to be… closer to me. And, trying that stuff seems more appealing. Maybe.” Her fingers curled into fists. “Ugh! I can’t explain it properly! I don’t really understand the feeling.”

_You were right. She’s like Arvel was. Hopefully, she ends up with a better outcome._ “Ok, don’t get upset. I understand what you’re saying.”

Hopeful eyes looked back at her. “You do?”

“Yes, I had a friend who had a similar disposition. You’re not alone in feeling like that.”

“Really?” Karyna’s voice filled with excitement. “Did your friend get over it?”

Barriss winced. “No, my dear. It was part of who he was, simply another thing that made him… him. He accepted it and lived his life as we all must. We’re all unique in varying ways, right?”

Her face fell. “I guess.”

She gently rubbed the girl’s cheek. “That doesn’t mean Leia’s advice wasn’t good, Karyna. If Caam is what you want, you should still try. If you don’t explore the options, how will you know what’s possible?”

“What if it _isn’t_ possible?” Karyna’s tone pitched higher. “What if that’s it? There’s no one else I’ve ever felt this way about. W-what if she’s the only person that can make me… normal?”

Gripping her face, Barriss locked their eyes. “No one can make you any such thing. What does normal even mean? You are you, Ahsoka is Ahsoka, Rex is Rex and so on. You is all you need to be.”

“It’s not the same!” Karyna cried. “They all have someone. Everybody has someone. I never can. They’ll leave me, because I can’t be what they want. No one will be… mine forever.”

“You don’t know any of that, darling girl,” she insisted. “You haven’t even given Caam or anyone else a chance, yet. You also have people who love you deeply and will always be there. I don’t know if that’s comforting right now, but it’s important.” _Give her something real to you._ “When we believed your aunt had died, I lost my lifeline—the person who gave me strength and kept the fear at bay. Ahsoka was all I ever wanted. At first, I thought I needed her for life to have meaning. I almost gave up…” She shivered in remembered pain.

The girl stared and then asked softly, “When you got her back, everything was ok?”

“No, that’s my point. It was ok before then.” She smiled at the distant memory of a rumbling purr. _I hope you’re still fighting, my friend._ “There was no one else I could love in a romantic way, but it didn’t matter. I missed her terribly, of course, but I still had a family who supported and loved me—especially your Uncle Rex. I didn’t need Ahsoka to be happy and satisfied in life. I just needed people who truly understood me and would always be there.”

Karyna’s expression landed somewhere between confusion and disbelief. “If you say so.”

Barriss smiled and massaged her tattoos. “Having a romantic partner is not the key to happiness, despite what you see around you. It’s simply that many people choose that route to achieve what I’m talking about. It’s definitely possible for you to go that way, as well, if that’s important to you. It can be a wonderful thing, but it’s wonderful because of how that person understands you. It gives you confidence there’s someone you can always depend on for support, love, acceptance, and the things that make life worth living. Having that with one or multiple people doesn’t require gallant romantic speeches and kisses by moonlight. In fact, you already have it.”

“Oh.” There was a weak grin. “I think I get what you’re saying. Sort of.”

She twisted fingers over the girl’s cheek. “I’m not sure it matters at this moment. I just want you to consider the idea. In any case, you’re only seventeen. You’ve got an entire life ahead of you. It’s a bit early to give up on it.”

“I know.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “Still, I can’t help wishing I was like everyone else. Do you know what’s wrong with me?”

Wrapping the girl up in her arms, she replied, “Absolutely nothing. You are the most adorable, brilliant, amazing child in existence. My child, specifically, and don’t you forget it.”

There was a quiet sob as Karyna pressed herself into Barriss’ chest. “I love you.”

“And, I love you, my special girl.”

_______

“Princess.”

Karyna twisted around from her gaze at the dying sun. “Oh. Hello.”

Thatcher moved next to her and glanced around the family courtyard. “This is beautiful.”

“Yes,” she replied awkwardly, “I enjoy it.” Trying to think of something to say, Karyna asked, “How are you?”

“Better than I’ve ever been, actually. I am free.” Her face gleamed with distant happiness.

Fidgeting with her dress, Karyna said, “Well, that’s… good.”

Thatcher refocused on her. “So, it is. And, how are you?”

“Quite well, thank you,” she answered automatically.

Golden eyes assessed her for a moment. “Is that what you always say when someone asks?”

Karyna winced. “Perhaps. I’m sorry if it sounded rote.”

“Not at all. I was just curious. I never could get a good handle on you, when you came out with Caam. I don’t know why I thought I’d do better now. Maybe, the new me thinks I should understand everyone or something.”

“Good luck,” she remarked with a wan smile. “I can’t get a handle on myself sometimes.”

“Ah,” the woman replied quietly, “now that I understand.”

Unsure what to say to that, Karyna tried a different tact. “Well, I’m happy to answer your burning questions about my unfathomable personality, if you don’t mind being bored for several hours.”

Thatcher raised eyebrows. “I don’t know if I buy that one. Caam cares about you deeply. That suggests a very interesting person lurking in there.”

Karyna snorted. “She finds everyone interesting.”

There was a soft smile. “True. It’s one of the things that makes her special.”

“Yes,” she murmured.

Thatcher gazed at her. “If the offer of answers was sincere, you could help me figure out this unusual family structure you all have going on.”

Karyna chuckled. “I’ll do my best. Be warned, even we don’t understand it.”

She grinned. “I’ve noticed. Caam certainly can’t explain it to me.”

“That’s the worst person to ask. She hates putting things into boxes. To her, we’re all simply… who we are.”

“Yep, noticed that, as well,” Thatcher quipped. “What about you? Do you have a box? You’re the niece of the queen, if I understand correctly?”

“Yes, by blood. Though, I think of myself as her daughter, since she adopted and raised me.”

“Adopted you?”

“Yes,” Karyna answered absently, “my birth mother died when I was very young. I ended up at an orphanage. When I was eight, Aunt Barriss found out I existed.” Her mind wandered into happy memories. “She came to get me and promised I’d never be alone again.”

Thatcher’s mouth parted. “Huh. How many people in your family have traumatic, lonely childhoods, exactly?”

Karyna flashed a mischievous grin. “Everyone, probably. Luke always—I mean the crown prince—he likes to say it’s one of the things that makes us family. In a sense, we were all lost children.”

“That must be why…” she trailed off with an odd lilt.

“Why what?”

She released a long breath. “It’s just that I’ve done terrible things. Yet, everyone worked so hard to save me. I still don’t understand why they care, really.”

_Ah._ Karyna took her hand. “Neither did I at first. I thought it must be a mistake. I’d wake up one day, and they’d send me back. It took a while for me to accept reality. When I met Caam, it helped. I never had a friend before her. She accepted me as I was. I think it gave me the courage to not be afraid anymore.”

“She does that,” Thatcher whispered. Shaking herself, she squeezed Karyna’s hand. “In any case, you now have another friend. So, get used to it, Princess.”

Karyna blinked a few times, before a bashful smile formed. “I think I can handle it.”

“Excellent.” Thatcher lifted an arm with a playful grin. “How about a walk, friend? I need an expert tour from someone whose response doesn’t consist of ‘oh, not sure what that is, but let me show you the sparring area.’ I’ve gotten lost three times since leaving my room.”

Returning the grin, she took the woman’s arm. “You definitely should have come to me first. Caam is many things, but tour guide is nowhere on the list.”

“Yep. Noticed that, too.”

_______

“Gods, you’re ridiculous at this game,” Thatcher exclaimed, throwing cards on the table. “Why do I even bother asking for a rematch?”

Karyna smirked as she reshuffled the deck. “Glutton for punishment?”

There was a glare. “You just wait, smarmy princess. When I beat you one day, you’ll regret it. I’ve already been practicing my self-congratulatory eyebrow in the mirror.”

She lifted the eyebrow in question. “Is that supposed to be a reference to my friendly and in-absolutely-no-way triumphant expression when I win? An event that has happened approximately… hmm…” She pretended to contemplate. “Oh wait, it always happens.”

The edges of her mouth twitched. “Is that what you royals call it? In the army, we prefer the term… smug.”

They looked at each other and then broke into laughter. A loud cough halted them from escalating into unchecked giggling. The women glanced around to see Caam hovering in the sitting room door. She coughed again. “Uh, am I interrupting?”

Thatcher grinned. “Not in my case. You’ve saved me from a truly dastardly invention called Yoda’s Gambit.”

Caam snorted. “Your mistake was letting Kayo pick the game. I don’t think she’s ever lost a round.” The woman walked over, angling toward the chair beside Karyna, but then shifted her trajectory at the last moment to plop next to Thatcher. “Anyway, I was wondering where you both were hiding.”

Karyna continued to shuffle the deck, muscles tightening. “Well,” she commented as casually as possible, “look no further. You’ve found us just in time to spare Thatcher another thrashing.” Her fingers slipped off the cards and they spewed across the table. “Blast!” She cringed and started retrieving the wayward projectiles.

Grabbing a few up, Caam held out the small pile with an odd hitch in her voice. “I think you all have been playing too long. K never drops a card.”

Taking them from her hand, Karyna jerked back a little too quickly. _Get out of here._ She plastered a bright smile. “Probably right.” The girl shifted attention to Thatcher. “You and Caam likely have plans, now that she’s back from her duty shift. I’ll make myself scarce.”

Thatcher glanced between them with a slight air of confusion. “Um, I don’t think we have anything in particular going on. We could all play together for a bit, right?”

Caam shifted in her chair without responding.

_She doesn’t want me here._ Karyna desperately tried to keep her tone light. “No, we’ve got plenty of hours to play, while Caam is off being the best warrior in existence. You two should spend some time together.” She rose to her feet. “See you later?”

Golden eyes assessed her for a moment and then Thatcher grinned. “Better believe it, your smarminess. I didn’t practice in the mirror for nothing.”

The thudding in her chest slowed a tick. Karyna raised an imperious eyebrow. “We’ll see whether your efforts were in vain, my delusionally optimistic friend.”

As Thatcher laughed, Caam blurted out, “Maybe tomorrow you two could save some energy for me? We can all play Eye of the Rancor, after I’m off duty.”

Karyna blinked. “Uh, sure, if you want.”

“I do,” was the firm reply.

Thatcher leaned over to kiss Caam’s cheek. “Your wish is our command, oh glorious one.”

Her stomach twisted and Karyna backed toward the door. “Sounds good.” Then, she beat a hasty retreat from the room, before anyone could prolong the conversation.

Making her way expeditiously down the corridor, Karyna berated herself. _Unacceptable, Offee. Are you going to react this way whenever you spend time with them for the rest of your life? Get it together!_

Reaching her quarters, the girl closed the door with her entire body, slumping against it for support. Then, tears seeped down her cheeks as Karyna slid to the floor.

_______

Karyna wedged her feet into crevices along the stone wall to gain height. Jamming elbows on top of the turret, she propped her chin on a trembling fist and gazed out at the flickering lights of the darkened city. This was her refuge, when it was all too much. It was the only place where her overwhelmed thoughts finally calmed as the world faded into the background.

Though lately, the isolation wasn’t quite complete. The implied activity happening far below invaded her formerly peaceful bubble. Among those pinpricks of light, thousands of people were working, loving, planning, and… living. They had a purpose. Karyna Offee, on the other hand, did not. _I can’t even figure out my own emotions, much less my life._ She didn’t even know where to start.

Karyna let tears plummet down her cheeks without bothering to wipe them away. _You can’t get far enough away from the world anymore, apparently._

An unexpected touch on her back made Karyna jump. She yelped as her feet slipped from their stable position in the wall.

Firm hands seized her waist and arrested the backwards tumble, before setting her on the ground. “I’m sorry, Ryna. I should have warned you of my approach.”

She frowned. “No, it’s my fault for being distracted. There’s a full moon tonight. I should have anticipated you might show up here.” Curling fingers over her thumbs, she muttered, “I’m so stupid these days.”

Luminara draped an arm over her shoulder, pulling Karyna into her side. “I’m not sure where you would get such an idea, but you’re going to tell me. While we’re at it, you can also explain why you’re crying.”

The familiar warmth of being held brought fresh tears but also comforting stability. “I suppose I’ve been trying to make my problems go away, when it’s impossible.” She sniffled. “Realizing that is… hard.”

“Ah,” was the soft reply, “I understand. Do these problems concern Caam?”

“Kind of. You remember my thing with romantic relationships?”

Luminara kissed her hair. “Of course. Is there something new to report?”

“I finally talked to Aunt Barriss about it. It went ok, like you said. But, she believes I should tell Caam everything and see what’s possible. Just thinking about it is making me crazy. I’m not sure I can handle doing it.”

“Then, don’t.”

Karyna looked up. “What?”

Luminara smiled down at her. “If you aren’t ready, you aren’t. Just because your aunt says something doesn’t mean you have to do it, my dear.”

“It’s not—ok, you’re right.” Mentally slapping herself, Karyna hissed a breath. “Why do I always do that?”

“You tell me.”

She groaned. “I have no idea. I still want—Gods, I can’t deal with that one tonight. Let’s figure out my weird perfect child issues later. Are you suggesting me telling Caam is a bad idea?”

“Not at all. I think it’s a smart idea, _if_ you are ready for the potential outcomes.”

Her stomach hardened. “You mean if I can deal with the fact that she won’t want such a messed-up person.”

Luminara twisted around and gripped both sides of her face. “You listen to me, Karyna Offee. If you dare term yourself that way again, I’ll force you to sit through Ezra recounting every battle he’s ever been in, including live reenactments. Then, you will be asked to rate them in order of dashing chivalry displayed. If you relapse, I’ll ask the entirety of Phoenix to add snarky commentary throughout.”

The silly response delivered with such earnesty caused a spate of giggles. Finally managing to regain her composure, she returned a mock serious salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

Her cerulean eye gleamed. “Uh huh. Explain why you plan to obey my orders.”

Karyna sent her own eyes skyward and recited, “Because, I’m me. Trying to be someone else is the messed-up part.”

“Excellent.” The mischievous glint spread into a matching grin. “Besides, it would steal glory from the truly messed up people in this world.”

She giggled again, but quickly sobered. “So, if you don't mean I’m too messed up to tell her, why do you think I shouldn’t?”

“I don’t think you shouldn’t. You are the one who said that.”

Karyna opened her mouth and then a chagrined smile formed. “Alright, let me rephrase. You’re saying if I’m not ready, that’s ok?”

“Naturally.” Luminara rubbed her tattoos. “Only you know if you can handle the results.” An intent gaze met hers. “And when I say results, I don’t mean what you’re thinking—that Caam won’t be interested. I am talking about the more likely outcome that she will.”

“You think she…?” Karyna’s stomach jumped to her chest.

“I do,” the woman answered confidently. “I suspect you aren’t even letting yourself fully consider that scenario. There could be any number of potential results there. However, I bet you're only focusing on one. My guess would be… she's interested but wants more intimacy than you feel comfortable giving. Am I right?"

"Yes," Karyna choked out, "I can't be what she needs. I could try, but I don't know if I could… fake it.”

Luminara’s fingers tightened on her cheek. "It also wouldn't be effective to become something you are not, darling girl. Even if it meant keeping Caam in the interim, it would only make you both unhappy over time.”

She lowered her gaze and mumbled, “I know. I don't think Cab would ask me for that even if she wanted it, though. Which means, I'd make her unhappy either way."

“That’s one possibility, I suppose. Let's look at some others. Putting aside the physical aspects of a relationship, how would you feel if Caam left Thatcher to be with you?”

Guilt flooded her mind. “I’d hate it. Spending time with them lately has—Thatcher needs her. Also, I think Caam would feel sad and guilty, and that would make me unhappy.”

“Mhmm. How about if Caam returned your feelings, but wanted to be with you and Thatcher both?”

“Oh.” Her mind flew into a new direction. Karyna knew people who had multiple relationships but hadn’t considered it. “I guess I don’t know if I’d be ok with that.” She frowned, feeling a bit selfish. Still, it was there. _Could I share her? Having her at all is better than not, I guess? No, that’s settling. Or, could you be happy that way? People are, right? I’m not sure I would like it, though. Maybe._

“Now, let’s assume everything worked out well between the three of you in whatever manner. You and Caam could be together in a way that doesn’t require you to go further than your current level of intimacy _with_ a lifelong commitment attached. Would you be ok with that?”

“Well, that’s basically what I—wait.” Karyna abruptly realized the idea was producing immense anxiety. _Can I handle that kind of commitment? I don't even know where my life is going. I do want her, though. Maybe, we could try a casual relationship to see how it works?_ That thought created a new layer of worry. She strongly suspected Caam’s approach wouldn’t be casual. _Not with me._ Once Caam committed to something, it was forever—no matter the consequences. Letting her do so wasn’t something to take lightly. _How far could I go? Would it be enough? What if it turns out that doesn't work for her? I could make her unhappy and never be able to fix it._ The possibility pierced her heart. “I-I don’t know.”

Fingers rolled across her cheek. “You see? You’re so fixated on Caam or anyone never wanting you, you’re ignoring the other facets involved in a healthy relationship. You don’t have to know all the answers before you try. That’s not what ready means. However, you _do_ have to understand yourself and what you truly want. That’s how you know what you’re willing to work through to get it, while staying true to who you are. I’m positive you are capable of that, but you’re the one who has to believe it. Do you?”

Karyna’s eyes roamed around the turret, before returning to Luminara. “No.”

The woman smiled softly. “That’s ok, too. You’ll get there.” She pulled Karyna to her chest. “I promise.”

Feeling a surge of confidence, Karyna snuggled into the embrace. “Ok, I’ll figure myself out somehow.”

Lips touched the top of her head. “I have no doubt.”

_______

Karyna packed her bag with determination. Turning around to grab a stack of tunics, she froze.

Caam was standing in her open door. “Hey. Barriss said you were leaving for Naboo in the morning?”

Her throat closed up as she answered, “Yeah, I—” Karyna swallowed a few times. “Juliayl and Hans are meeting with the sovereign. She’s attempting to adapt our community healing model there, and they’re going to advise her on some structural decisions.”

The woman edged into the room. “Right, but why are you going? I mean you haven't been back from Coruscant that long and you're leaving again?” There was a hint of bitterness as she added, “You didn’t even tell me about it.”

Karyna grimaced. “Sorry, I wouldn’t have gone without saying goodbye. It’s only for a couple of weeks. Aunt Barriss thought having a royal representative along would convey a strong message of support. She’s worked hard to get other kingdoms to consider low-cost healing models. Plus, it never hurts to enhance diplomatic relations.”

It was half true. Her aunt had said it wasn’t critical, but Karyna had jumped at the opportunity. After her most recent talk with Luminara, she had been trying to work through the emotional disarray. Unfortunately, Caam and Thatcher were a regular fixture in the household now, which only caused more turmoil and confusion. Space from demands and distractions had sounded like a gift from the Force. Karyna was determined to gain perspective on what she was capable of. Trying something different on her own seemed like a good place to start. _I hope._

Caam’s jaw clenched, and she moved closer. “K, what is going on? You don’t enjoy politics and you hate being away from home in strange environments.”

She bristled. “I guess you don’t know me as well as you think. In case you’ve forgotten, I did just spend over two months as a political aide. It may surprise you to learn that I didn’t have a meltdown and actually was pretty good at my job.” Pivoting back to her bag, she stuffed the tunics into it. “Just because you don’t believe I can do it, doesn’t mean everyone else has no faith in my abilities.”

A hand grabbed her arm and flipped her around to flashing eyes. “That is not what I said, Karyna Offee. You know I think you’re capable of anything.” Caam’s expression softened. “Something is wrong. You’ve been acting weird for weeks. Now, you’re running off on a trip you’d normally avoid.” Her voice took on a note of desperation. “Please, talk to me.”

Karyna winced inwardly and changed tacts. “You’re right I wouldn’t usually be inclined to go. However, my time with Leia helped me realize I can do this kind of thing. I simply want to keep improving my skills and adaptability. Plus, Naboo is a place I’m familiar with from past visits, so it’s not quite as daunting a prospect. There’s an additional incentive, since Princess Lira is my friend. I rarely get to see her. Overall, it seemed like a good opportunity.”

The grip on Karyna’s arm stiffened. “Is she the princess you kiss—” Caam halted awkwardly. “Nevermind. That doesn’t explain how you’ve been acting lately.”

She chewed her lip. “Alright. What I said was true, but I also have been feeling… unsettled the last month or so. I figured a change of scene might help.”

A worried gaze assessed her. “Ok, is the reason—well, is it something I’m doing?”

“Of course not,” Karyna replied brightly. “Why would you think that?”

Her fingers trembled. “I'm—we aren’t—it just seems like you’re fine, until I walk into a room.” Caam’s hand dropped to her side as she mumbled, “You don’t talk to me anymore.”

The dejected expression pierced her heart, but Karyna didn’t know what to do about it. “I’m sorry if it seems that way. I’ll try to do better, ok?”

Lekku shook emphatically. “You’re doing it right now. I can’t lose—” Caam took a deep breath. “I know I’ve been kinda distracted and otherwise occupied since you got home. We’ve barely seen each other for months between you being gone and everything else. Thatcher is pretty much ok at this point, though. I thought things would get back to normal.” Her hand twitched. Then, it reached up to trace Karyna’s tattoos. “We’d actually be able to spend time together again. But, when we do, you’re not… you.”

She stared into the tawny eyes as gentle fingers caressed her skin, taking in the rare clarity. _I love you._ The conviction of the thought was overwhelming in its intensity. There was no confusion or doubt. In this moment, Karyna Offee understood exactly what the wonderful feelings meant. What to do about it was a different matter entirely.

Caam’s voice became strained, “Is it because of me not really being around and such? Or, what we talked about before you left? Did I do something else? I’m trying to fix things with us, but it’s not working. Please, K. Tell me what I did wrong.” There was a choked whisper, “I’m losing you and I don’t know why.”

The heart-wrenching distress jerked her back into reality. “Please, don’t be upset. It’s not your fault.” Karyna focused attention on Caam’s arm. “I’m trying to—it’s hard to talk about what’s going on in my head lately. I’m not ready, I guess. Give me some time to figure myself out, alright?”

There was silence for several moments, before Caam let out a resigned sigh. “Ok, I’ll wait.” She pulled Karyna’s gaze up to hers. “You know I’m here when you _are_ ready, right? I always will be.”

_Gods, how I wish that could be true._ Karyna managed a semi-light, “I know.”

Caam’s expression remained uncertain. “I’m serious, Kayo. Go to Naboo, be amazing, figure stuff out, and anything else you want. Just don’t forget to come back, because I can’t do without you.”

Her heart desperately latched onto the words. She pulled the hand from her face and pressed their palms together, sliding fingers between Caam’s. The action settled her chaotic emotions and she grinned. “Don’t worry, Cabbage patch. You’re stuck with me, remember?”

Gazing at their interlocked hands, Caam slowly raised them and pressed them against her chest. Then, a content smile crept into view. “Works for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, diving into the mind of Karyna Offee is not a simple journey. I doubt it's the last we've seen of it, either. So, let's try to make some sense of this mash of confusion...
> 
> ♦I /think/ Karyna has finally figured out what these feelings for Caam mean on some level. Whether she can figure out a path through and differentiate sex from love is another question. Of course, one probably shouldn't expect a seventeen-year old to understand the nuance. Some people never do. Romantic love doesn't have to mean everything she assumes it does as Leia tried to communicate. Barriss takes on the concept in a more encompassing way as befitting her complex mind honed by years of experience. In Barriss' view romantic love isn't necessary to happiness at all. It's committed love itself that is the key. Whether Karyna is ready to process something that deep at this point is questionable, but the idea is seeded.  
> ♦We see a developing Thatcher & Karyna friendship. Thatcher's playful nature brings out Karyna's mischievous side. Thatcher also seems to accept Karyna at face value, which I'm sure our little Kayo appreciates.  
> ♦Looks like Thatcher has finally arrived at 'freedom'. Now, I suppose she just needs to decide what to do with it--i.e. who she is and what she wants to be. As Luminara said a few chapters back, she never got that chance. We'll see where it takes her and whether we like it next chapter.  
> ♦Of course, it also brings a new dynamic to Caam and Karyna. The struggle is real as they say. It also has pushed Caam to the breaking point. I imagine she's quite confused about her own feelings, though for different reasons than K. We've already seen the mess called her heart in prior chapters. Our girl has been through a lot over the last few months. She's been a key caregiver in a long and very difficult healing process for Thatcher. That kind of constant, dedicated giving of yourself and pushing aside of everything else puts your entire life on hold and can be quite draining. Her hope that everything could go back to 'normal' now is understandable. She's probably been telling herself to just hang on a bit longer and all the people she loves will be ok and her life can stabilize once more. Except, it hasn't happened. She's been so focused on being everything for Thatcher, she may have lost Karyna (or so she fears).  
> ♦Luminara has a lot more to say, but this is a good start. Instead of delving into a deep philosophical discussion on love, she simply gives practical 'what if' examples to allow Karyna to connect the dots on her own. I think Luminara understands Karyna better than anyone else--enhanced by years of her own mistakes and experience with Barriss (add a dash of providing support to Ahsoka). It's also clear Karyna has been talking to someone about things before now, which is perhaps a reason she is finally able to start to reveal/discuss with others. Especially critical is the danger of becoming something she is not, in order to make Caam (or whoever) happy. If Karyna needs to feel wanted in order to feel good about herself, it can lead to unfortunate outcomes as we've seen with Barriss. Accepting the idea that someone might actually 'want' her won't solve a deeper, underlying confusion over who Karyna Offee actually is--nor will it magically allow her to approach a potentially complicated relationship in healthy ways.  
> ♦Karyna's current development is fresh into adulthood, a time of turbulent change and discovery on what we want our life to be and finding meaning, often apart from our family. Complicating that is her feelings for Caam and her ever-present from childhood belief of being different than everyone else. Growing up is hard for all of us, I suppose.  
> ♦Oh, there's a small reference from Barriss during her convo with Karyna to a one-shot you've never seen. I wrote it many moons ago, yet it still sits in my little (big?) LBtS file awaiting final edits. However, it exists in my mind and therefore is part of Barriss' history. Guess I should make it exist in yours too, huh? I will give it due considerations.


	93. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Cost of Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cost of Living: Discovering who you are comes at a price, but letting others make their own choices may cost more than you want to pay.

Karyna pitched her travel cloak into the wardrobe without even caring how it landed. _Stop thinking!_ Her mind ignored the command as it threatened to capsize on rocks and shoals of emotional anarchy.

Her trip to Naboo hadn’t quelled the losing battle with herself. It merely further confirmed how different she actually was. _Why can’t I just be normal?!_

Unpacking the plain, umber dress that had signaled trouble to come, she fixated on yet another example. For the first time, Karyna had been keenly aware of her own lack of sophistication—or any presence, really—amid the extravagant and flamboyant Naboo court. Even the attendants garb put hers to shame. A point driven home by snickering courtiers upon Karyna’s arrival to her lavish welcome dinner wearing the simple garment.

One of the royal advisors was even so bold to comment on how _interesting_ it was that she hadn’t followed in the Queen of Shili’s style-setting ways. Another delivered more ambiguous disparagement in an ingratiatingly simpering tone on her _unique_ fashion sense. However, most simply appraised her attire with appalled stares.

As they sat down to dinner, Lira had haughtily remarked—in a voice that carried across the entire banquet table—that those who were forced to cover up their lack of attractiveness with ostentatious finery were always jealous of anyone who had no need for such accoutrements. It was a sweet gesture but made things even more awkward.

Karyna had spent the entire evening wishing she could vanish underneath the table, briefly considering feigning illness and fleeing the nightmare. Unfortunately, that had proved impossible. Her apparently underwhelming style didn’t stop more people than she could remember constantly engaging her in conversation.

Even worse, Lira’s behavior had escalated from odd into outright incomprehensible by the end of her visit. The excited anticipation at spending time with her friend had slowly turned into disconcerting bewilderment. _Maybe, she’s just going through a phase like Cab did?_ Karyna let out a frustrated cry. _You’re probably missing something. Like always._

At every opportunity, the young woman had grilled Karyna on her romantic inclinations, often suggesting potential suitors. Yet, when Karyna had given up and finally accepted an invitation to a concert from one of Lira’s friends, the girl had become petulant and moody. Asking what was wrong only resulted in zealous denials and further agitation. It took three days to fix whatever mistake she had committed, while also managing the multitude of formal events she was required to attend. To top it all off, Lira had turned downright miserable on the eve of her departure and cajoled a promise of another visit soon. Karyna could make no sense out of any of it. She hated that feeling. _I’m sure if I was normal, I’d get it._

_Except, I never will be._ The last thought was finally too much for her teetering emotions as they crashed to the surface and flooded everything. She scrunched the now despised dress into a tiny ball and flung it across the room. “I hate you!” Instead of providing relief, the action only heightened the drowning sensation, and Karyna began to hurl everything in sight. Unable to stop the terrible feelings, she continued her onslaught, burning tears and choked screams coming in equal measure. Her mind bent in on itself as rage mixed with misery, until reality itself seemed to fall away.

The insanity stopped as she abruptly realized her body was encased in a bracing hold, arms pinned to her side. Soothing words penetrated the fog, “Ryna, listen to me. You’re going to be alright. Let everything else go and just focus on my voice, please.”

Karyna anchored to the comforting presence, and the room returned to clarity around her. “N-Nara?”

Gentle lips kissed her hair. “Yes, it’s me. Calm your mind. Let it guide you to a centering point. Take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

She didn’t quite understand what the instructions meant yet somehow knew what to do. Letting her mind wander instinctively, Karyna’s senses seemed to align. The feeling was odd but calming, as if her entire being was centered and harmonious. She stayed there for an indeterminate amount of time, before finally releasing a long breath. “Thanks. I’m ok now. I just got a bit overwhelmed with stuff, I guess.”

Warm arms tightened around her. “I understand.” There was a brief silence, before Luminara murmured, “How about we clear our heads with a visit to our little bubble?”

Karyna’s heart lightened and she wrapped fingers into one of the hands holding her. “I’d like that.”

_______

Luminara’s expression turned thoughtful as she leaned against the turret wall. “Ryna, when I say you is all you need to be, what does that mean to you?”

Shifting her attention to the waning sun on the horizon, she mumbled, “I’m not really sure it means anything.”

“Force it all,” Luminara muttered. “I’ve overlooked a critical piece. Sometimes, I forget how much of Barriss is under the surface. If I suggested many of your recent concerns have resulted in confusion about who you are, would you agree?”

Karyna bit her lip, steadily focusing on the bustling city far below. “Perhaps.” After a long silence, she whispered, “I exist, but… I don’t.”

“You believe you only exist in relation to others, don’t you? You’re the perfect child, the supportive friend, the brilliant protégé, the dutiful princess, and so on.”

Her head jerked assent. “That _is_ what I am. I don’t know who else to be. I can’t figure out what my place in the world is otherwise. I’ve always been—I’m not… normal.”

“Define normal.”

Unable to come up with a factual definition, Karyna simply said what was in her heart, “Like everyone else.”

“Who is everyone? Surely you’re not implying that all people are the same?”

She grimaced. “Not exactly. Still, they usually function the same way. For instance, all of my family have goals, their work, someone they love—a purpose for their life, I guess. I’m just a part of their life. I don’t have my own.”

“That’s one way of looking at it,” Luminara replied gently. “Or, perhaps, that’s the purpose you’ve chosen at this moment. Maybe, a few years from now you’ll choose another one. Then, another and another. Life is ever-changing, my dear. The important question is whether your current choice makes you happy?”

_Huh._ Karyna contemplated the question. “Maybe, not completely? It would be nice to have a destiny, something to work toward. Honestly, I’d settle for just a profession, other than princess by default.” She paused, trying to pin down the sudden thought. “Yes, that’s it. I’m who I am by default. I always have been. I need to take control of my own life or something.”

“If that’s what you want, it sounds like you do have goals. Yes?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You’re saying finding my purpose is my purpose?”

There was a twinkling laugh. “That’s everyone’s purpose, darling girl. It’s called living. You think your family knew theirs from birth? Or, that we haven’t changed it several times? However, I believe you are confusing what you’re meant to be or do with something deeper. Purpose, like life itself, ebbs and flows. However, the essence of who you are never changes. Aligning everything else to that is the most effective strategy. A purpose doesn’t define you. You define your purpose. In other words, once you know who you are, the rest becomes easier.”

Karyna gazed up at her. “How do I know who I am?”

“You already know,” Luminara replied matter of factly. “You’re simply not accepting or understanding what you find. Fighting yourself is always a losing battle.”

She scrunched up her face. “You mean by wanting to be normal, I’m holding up progress? I should accept that I’m not and go from there?”

“Is that what you think I’m saying?” the woman asked with an impish lilt.

Karyna glared. “I _think_ you are trying to send me over the edge.”

Luminara chuckled. “I’m sorry, my dear. It’s a personal journey. I can’t choose your path, but you _will_ get there. Though, I must warn you the end result won’t be some objective, universal normal. I’ve never seen it myself. Despite your belief to the contrary, your family hasn’t either. They are merely further along their journey than you.”

“If you say so.” Karyna jammed elbows onto the turret wall. _Why doesn’t anyone get it? I’m just not normal._

Gentle fingers ran through her hair. “Ok, I can see you’re getting a bit frustrated, and I don’t blame you. How about we call it a day on the finer points of normality and do something fun instead?”

Her tensed muscles relaxed, and she grinned. “I like that plan.”

Luminara laughed and wrapped an arm over her shoulder as they headed back into reality.

_______

“I think I can talk about them now.”

Ahsoka blinked at the girl standing in front of her desk. “Are you sure? Don’t do this, if you’re not ready.”

Thatcher smiled. “I can handle it. Besides, if I’m right, time is of the essence.” She took a deep breath and her face congealed into determination. “You’ve been trying to locate my handler. I can help with that.”

Assessing her for a moment, Ahsoka finally responded, “Alright. Let me get the others.”

She put up a hand. “Everyone, but Caam.”

“Ok… Can I ask why?”

Her jaw tightened. “She won’t understand what needs to be done. Caam’s presence during the discussion will cause her distress and may break my focus. I need to maintain control to talk about certain things.”

_It’s her choice, Tano._ “Very well.”

_______

There was a small sigh from Luminara. “Alright, doubting girl, let’s go at it from another direction. Down below us, there are thousands of people at different points along their life’s journey. Which ones are normal by your definition?”

Karyna contemplated. “I guess if they have standard things, like a profession, goals, a home, and someone they love, they’d be normal?”

“Technically speaking, you have a profession as a leader. It may not be something you want or chose, but you do have it. I’m sure some of them have jobs they don’t feel attached to, either. As for the rest, are you suggesting your home, goals, and having people you love doesn’t qualify you for the title of normal?”

She grimaced. “I can’t explain what I mean well enough. It’s more than that. It’s how they have them, I guess?” Karyna frantically searched for an example. “Ok, I bet most of them have a romantic partner. I never will.”

Eyebrows rose. “I find that last assertion to be highly arguable. However, let’s say you’re right. Does that disqualify Luke and myself, also? We don’t currently have that type of relationship. Aayla didn’t for years, but she does now. Was she not normal and then became normal?”

“No!” Karyna ground out. _Why doesn’t she get it?_ “You don’t understand. It’s something inside me that isn’t normal. The outward stuff is just a symptom.”

Luminara laid a hand on her cheek. “Ok, don’t get upset. Perhaps, we’re both not understanding each other. I can’t fully understand what you’re feeling, because I’m not you. However, that also means you can’t understand whether I’m your definition of normal on the inside either. How do you know my mind doesn’t work like yours does? Using someone’s outward trappings to determine an already dubious concept of normalcy is a rather inaccurate assessment, my dear. I actually do understand that you don’t _feel_ normal. I’m not saying those feelings aren’t important, because they are. I’m merely trying to keep you from diagnosing a problem based on that and then creating your own evidence to support it. Feelings are subjective and as such can alter over time. You’re cherry-picking outward differences to try to make your feeling an objective, fixed fact.”

She rolled the words around in her head but came up more confused than before. “I’m not getting it.”

The woman tapped her own chin for a few moments. “Your logic for determining your own normalcy is flawed. You don’t see yourself as normal, because you’re comparing yourself to people who have already been where you’re at. For instance, your aunts were clueless at seventeen. Ahsoka would tell you she didn’t figure out who she truly was until Shili was destroyed. Before that, despite having a profession, Ahsoka was simply what she thought she was supposed to be. Barriss struggled with defining who she was for even longer. Comparing yourself to others through a prism of external measures is nonsensical already. It is even more so when you’re using who they are now and not who they were.”

“You’re saying, if I figure out who I am, I can become normal like them?”

She rubbed her forehead. “I’m saying there is no such thing, objectively-speaking. Everyone’s journey is unique, because they are unique. You feel different, because you _are_ different. Take your romantic partner example. What if who you are doesn’t require that type of relationship? It has nothing to do with some fuzzy concept of normality and everything to do with who you are. Just because some people choose to have one, doesn’t mean you should. Our choices should align to who we are, not to the choices of others. Otherwise, you’d simply be pretending to be who _they_ are. That’s a recipe for unhappiness.”

“But, what if who I am does need someone like that?” Karyna asked in frustration. “I’m not normal enough to have one.”

“You’re doing it again. Creating a shaky premise without supporting facts, merely because you think you _should_ want it and then worrying about not being able to achieve it. You don’t yet know what Karyna Offee truly wants or needs, because you haven’t pinned down who she is. It does no good to think about whether you’ll ever get something you aren’t even sure you want.”

She blinked a few times. “Ok, maybe. Still…”

The woman smiled and trailed fingers through Karyna’s hair. “Let’s assume you do want a romantic partner. Your second supposition is completely inaccurate, because once again you are assuming facts not in evidence and comparing yourself with people who are further along their journey. You seem to be under a misapprehension that the relationships around us came about in some standard and prescribed manner. If you knew the details, you’d realize they developed in wildly different ways. Rex’s path wasn’t the same as say Ahsoka’s. They both had their own complications to resolve, but they were different ones. The only commonality is that they all had to discover who they were and what they wanted, before overcoming their individual challenges to achieve it. Your situation actually makes you as _normal_ as the rest of your family.” She winked. “In other words, you’re unique—just like everyone else.”

Karyna’s mind flipped. _Oh. I’ve been looking at everything upside down._ “Huh.” Her heart surged with new hope. “So, how do I figure out what my normal is?”

Luminara’s expression brightened. “Thank the Force. I was running out of snappy illustrations.”

She shot a small glare. “Was there an answer somewhere in there?”

There was a snort. “Alright, demanding girl. I can tell you what helped me. Remember what I told you about why I made such terrible mistakes?”

“You ignored the problem and pretended to be someone else, instead of working through things.”

Arms slid around her. “And, how do we apply that here?”

She leaned against the woman’s chest and analyzed the pieces. _Wait. I could make it a project._ “Ok, maybe it’s kind of like building a house. Lots of people have one, but each house reflects the owner. So…” Karyna filled out the concept with rising excitement. “Yes, that’s it. I need to understand and accept who I am, first. That’s my foundation. Next, I add supports, walls, and so forth by deciding what that person really wants. You can’t put those just anywhere. They have to be secured in the foundation and align to your design, right? Then, I’d figure out how to arrange everything in my own way. My house wouldn’t look like everyone else’s, since I’d have to work with the space I’ve built, and my style is different. That would be like me working through my unique obstacles to achieve the result I want. That might require rearranging sometimes. What do you think?”

Lips touched the top of her head. “Karyna Offee, you are… brilliant.”

A happy smile lit her soul and she snuggled closer. _Maybe, being me is good enough after all._ “Thanks, Nara. I love you.”

There was a content sigh. “And I love you, my little Ryna.”

_______

Luminara exited Karyna’s quarters and leaned against the door, taking a moment to gather her overtaxed thoughts. _I hope we made some real progress this time._ Every layer they peeled back seemed to hide five more. The number of things going on in such a young head was dizzying. Still, she refused to leave this world without starting Karyna down a path to happiness. If that meant pushing past her own exhaustion point, so be it.

A soft smile formed. _She’s going to be unstoppable._ Karyna’s only limits were those she imposed on herself. Once the girl embraced who she was, there would quite literally be nothing she couldn’t accomplish. Her smile turned wistful. _Gods, how I wish I could be here to see it._

A faint footfall from further down the corridor caught her attention. Immediately recognizing the shadowy figure, Luminara rubbed her temples. _Force, I’m tired._ Stepping into the light, she remarked, “It’s a bit late for a midnight stroll, my dear. And, you’d probably enjoy it more if you weren’t carrying a travel sack and weapons.”

Thatcher spun around with a grimace, before her expression steeled. “Please, don’t stop me.”

Luminara moved directly in front of her, probing the determined face. “You’re running off to do it on your own.”

She looked away. “It’s the only option left. I’ve shared everything I know. Hopefully, you all can come up with a long-term strategy. In the interim, someone has to shut down the praeceptor. I’m the only person with a chance to do so.”

Laying a hand on the girl’s face, she turned it back to her. “It’s suicide.”

“No,” was the quiet reply, “it’s sacrifice.”

She squeezed her eye shut for a long moment, conflict swirling. _You made a promise, Luminara Unduli. It’s time to keep it._ Opening her eye, she said, “Alright, but don’t do it like this. You have a better chance with our help.”

Thatcher gaped. “They wouldn’t even listen to my argument the other day! You heard them. I tried!”

“Sometimes people need time to consider every option or at least be convinced there aren’t any.” Luminara rubbed her cheek. “We rarely find ourselves in a no-win scenario, darling girl. You are placing yourself in one for no reason, if you follow this path alone. It is an ineffective strategy to reach your goal. A better one is to make them see what you see.”

She frowned. “What if they decide to lock me down for my own good or something? Then, I will have failed completely.”

“They won’t. However, it doesn’t matter, because you have me. What did I tell you when we first started this journey?”

Her expression softened. “I’m the master of my own fate now and…” Thatcher’s voice faded to a whisper. “… you’d make sure I got the chance to choose my destiny.”

“Do you believe me?”

She gazed back for a moment. “Yes.”

The woman slid arms around her. “If anyone tries to prevent you from becoming who you want to be, I’ll be there to stop them. I promise.”

Thatcher laid a head on her shoulder and murmured, “Ok. We’ll try it your way. I… trust you.”

Luminara kissed her hair. “Good.”

_______

“I can seal off a majority of the defenders in the upper area on my way in. That will save lives on both sides. The compound is protected by a company of conquered slaves who will fight to the last man, rather than face the wrath of the Caecus.” Golden eyes floated away. “For them there are worse things than death.” Shaking herself, Thatcher finished laying out her plan. “If we succeed in defeating their master, it might even allow some of them to break free.” She glanced at Luminara, who returned a supportive smile. The girl's posture straightened. “I can do this. Please, have faith in me.”

Barriss pinned her master with a censuring glare. _Why didn’t you put a stop to this? Why are you supporting this suicide mission?!_

The woman looked back sadly, but her entire being radiated unflinching resolve.

It was a state Barriss knew well. Fighting Thatcher would mean fighting Luminara. Emotions roiled as she gripped the chairback in front of her and attempted to center.

Sabine pursed lips. “You understand we may not reach your position in time. You’ll be on your own with enemies that will know _exactly_ who betrayed them.”

“I absolutely understand that, but there’s no help for it,” Thatcher stated. “It’s also our _only_ chance of taking down the praeceptor.”

Aayla frowned. “You don’t know that. We haven’t fully assessed the possibilities for infiltration.”

Running hands through her hair, Thatcher gritted teeth. “I’m telling you it’s impossible. Most of the compound is underground. There aren’t any windows or shafts to the outside. It’s completely self-enclosed except for one set of stairs with a guard stationed every few steps. As a curiozi, I’m one of the few Caecus slaves allowed past the inner security perimeter. There is _no_ sneaking in. The only other option is a direct assault, which would be pointless. If I don’t trap the praeceptor in the command center, his personal guard will have destroyed every piece of critical intel and he’ll escape before you even breach their outer defenses. Good soldiers will die for no reason.” Her face filled with pain. “I will not be responsible for that ever happening again.”

Conflict raged through Barriss. _No. I don’t care if it makes sense. She just got a life. I won’t let her throw it away._ “Thatcher, please listen to me,” she pleaded. “There’s no need to do this. We’ll figure out another strategy.”

There was a violent head shake. “I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and have considered every permutation. There is no viable option to accomplish the objective without me on the inside. I intended to do it alone, but someone,” she flashed a small grin at Luminara, “convinced me I’m more likely to be successful with your support. Not to mention, there’ll be at least a shot to come out alive if I have backup.”

Kit grimaced. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, young one. Given time, we may be able to come up with an alternative. Other paths could present themselves in future.”

“You don’t have any time! It’s run out!” Thatcher cried. “They are patient for a reason. The Caecus don’t take on battles they can't win. They rearrange the pieces to assure victory first, usually by critically weakening their opponents. They’ll take other kingdoms down from the inside out, before sweeping through to clean up the pieces. Unless you derail their plan now, you won’t have a chance to ward off a large-scale attack when it comes. Ryloth didn’t happen by accident, you know. It was a moderate threat but too insular to effectively cripple using outside agents. They probably indirectly supplied the Hutts with the means to take over the kingdom, removing it from the equation. When Shili decided to intervene, the Caecus saw an opportunity to deal a blow to their most dangerous prey. Whether you were successful in defeating the Hutts or not, they still won. They _always_ win.” She jerked around to Sabine. “Are your operatives in other kingdoms reporting civilian unrest, political turmoil, failed offensives, expanding splinter groups, or sudden deaths in leadership?”

Sabine swallowed. “All of that, but there were no signs of outside influence at work. We chalked it up to kingdom mismanagement, unfortunate timing, or poor strategic choices.”

“Exactly!” She pivoted to Barriss. “What about the Alliance? Have they gotten more bureaucratic, deadlocked, and reluctant to take a strong position for fear of disrupting the delicate peace they’ve established?”

Barriss barely managed a nod as her mind calculated patterns and came to an inescapable conclusion. _No._

Thatcher took a calming breath. “Not all of it may be them, but I do know how the Caecus work. They're ghosts, whispers, the monsters in the night. Except, these nightmares are real. When they show themselves, it'll be too late. They're calculating hunters that have no problem waiting out valuable prey. They… enjoy tormenting their victims before dealing the death blow.” The woman shivered and then clenched her jaw. “If you don't take action soon, there will be none left to take. They’ve apparently judged it ineffective to weaken Shili internally, or my orders would have been much different. That suggests they plan to make you vulnerable from the outside. Shili will be a lone island against a conquered world. Crippling their long-term strategy will buy potentially years of time, while they rethink their approach. That means taking down the praeceptor’s operation before any more damage is done.”

There was dead quiet in the room, until Rex cleared his throat. “I’m forced to agree. Everything we’ve learned smacks of careful and steady progress toward an end goal. We've always suspected that. The only way to stop it is through major disruption.” He glanced at Barriss. “You used that method yourself during the rebellion.” Returning his gaze to Thatcher, he gave her a respectful nod. “Your analysis and proposed counter-strategy is sound, as befitting any warrior. However, it’s your strength and passion that make you a true warrior of Shili. Well done, soldier.”

She blinked and then straightened into a salute, pride shining from her face. “Thank you, General. Even when my actions didn't reflect it, I still felt privileged to serve Shili.” Shifting attention to Barriss, she said beseechingly, “Try to understand. It’s not that I have a death wish or an urge to go down in one last blaze of glory. There is simply no other way to save everyone. Whatever else I’ve been in life, I have always been a soldier. This is what we do. _Please,_ let me be what I am.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Barriss tried to resolve the conflict. She couldn’t deny the objective truth, yet the price was too high. Not only for Thatcher, but for Caam. _I can’t. Selfishness, Offee. You’ve sent people to their deaths before. They all had lives to live and people who loved them. Now, because it hurts you, it’s too much? Yes._

Aayla asked in a pained voice, “What will you tell Caam?”

There was a long silence, before a determined response came. “The truth. You all worked tirelessly to free me, so I could chart my own destiny. This is the path I’ve decided to follow. It’s who _I choose_ to be.”

Sucking in a breath, Barriss opened her eyes and saw nothing but earnest purpose in Thatcher's. _It’s her life, Offee. You have to… let go._ Dragging her gaze to Ahsoka, she indicated tacit agreement. The final decision belonged to her.

Her wife pressed palms on the desk and stared at it for several moments. Finally, she spoke for the first time. “I can’t deny someone the courage of their convictions, even if it means potentially sacrificing themselves for them.” She added hoarsely, “Ryloth taught me that.”

Thatcher flinched, before whispering, “Like Obi-Wan Kenobi, I now have something worth dying for.”

Ahsoka gazed at her and then let out a long exhale. “Well, let’s hope it’s not necessary this time.” Looking at Sabine, she ordered, “Assign the best intel recovery and infiltration team you’ve got. The minute Thatcher secures the command center, I want them in that compound. Their priority is getting to the praeceptor and Thatcher.” The woman shifted to Rex. “I want elite squads to back-up Sabine’s people and occupy the remaining perimeter guard, so her team can move quickly.” Returning her attention to Thatcher, she smiled. “And, I’ll be there, too.”

Barriss crossed the room and lifted fingers to the girl’s cheek, massaging it gently. “As will I.”

The young face lit up with both relief and pleasure. “Thank you. For everything. I never thought any of this would be possible for me.”

Pressing lips to her forehead, she said, “Make sure you come back. Then, we’ll show you what’s truly possible, darling girl.”

Golden eyes tinged with a longing hope as her hands twitched.

_Oh, I know that look._ Barriss wrapped arms around the lost child and stroked her hair. “Remember, we never give up on anyone in this family. That includes you. We’ll always be here. I promise.”

Her body relaxed in the embrace as quiet tears fell.

_______

“You did it, my brave girl.”

Thatcher shook her head. “Only because I had you. Thanks.”

Luminara spread her arms. “Give me a hug, please.”

The girl grinned and wrapped herself into the embrace with a content sigh.

She kissed her hair. “Promise me you’ll do everything possible to survive.”

Thatcher leaned back. “Only if you promise not to be sad if I don’t. You’ve already given me everything I need. You were right. It wasn’t too late. Whether I live fifty more years or die tomorrow doesn’t matter now. This is still exactly who I want to be, and I finally feel _alive_.”

She held the happy eyes for a moment. “Alright, my dear. We'll both do our best to… live.”

Laying back against Luminara, she whispered, “It’s a deal.”

_______

“I don’t want you there.”

Caam's body seized up. “Why? I’m sure Ahsoka will let me go. I’m not letting you march into danger without even trying to help!”

Thatcher’s voice hardened. “If the Lady Jedi can’t reach me in time, then no one can. You being there will only put you at risk. And, if something happens, I don’t want you to see it.” Her face took on a desperate quality. “Please, Caam. I need you to be ok. This is going to take a huge amount of focus and control. Right now, I can’t even think about you being there without losing it. Please, please, please, if you care about me at all, don’t come.”

She gaped, lekku jerking erratically. “I can’t just—why are you—don’t do this!”

“I’m sorry. I have to,” Thatcher replied firmly.

Caam clenched fists. “No, you don’t. You’re _choosing_ to do it!” Her voice broke into a choked cry. “Please… don’t leave me.”

Her expression softened. “You don’t need me, dangerous girl. But, I definitely need you to stay alive. This is the only way to help Shili survive. It also happens to be something only I can achieve. I’m a soldier, who believes in something bigger than herself. It’s what for the first time in my life I can choose to be. Please, don’t take that away from me.”

“There’s got to be another option,” she pleaded.

Tender fingers brushed over Caam’s lips. “Not this time,” she whispered. “You fixed me. Now, let me fix the world I helped create.”

Hot tears burned up from her soul and Caam pulled Thatcher into a crushing embrace. _No. Make her understand._ Steadying herself, she rushed out, “I know I’m not the greatest at letting people—completely depending on—give me time, please. Don’t go. I can be everything you need.” Her heart screamed the truth she’d withheld for too long. “Because, I do… love you.”

There was a sharp gasp as Thatcher jerked back to stare at her. “That _is_ all I need.” Her mouth formed a joyful smile, before latching onto Caam’s.

_______

Racing into the oppressive space, Barriss’ vision slowly adjusted to the dim lighting and her heart dropped.

Thatcher was slumped in the corner, not moving. There were bodies strewn across the command center. Most were enemies, but a few she recognized as Sabine’s team. The woman in question was holding matching swords on the snarling praeceptor with barely controlled rage in her eyes. Ahsoka had the horrifying creature in a force-fueled death grip as elite soldiers warily surrounded them, attempting to capture it.

Barriss shivered. It might have been plucked from one of the ancient myths of gods and beasts. The jagged talons set on quadrupedal legs and a massive body covered in scaly, hide-like armor were nothing compared to the vicious face. A long snout and bared fangs evoked the image of a crazed, wild dog. Matching, pointed ears split at the top, leaving two independently flicking tips on each one. A mass of tangled horn-like protrusions rising from the top and sides of the terrifying head resembled twisted, pale green vines welded together with the hardness of unyielding stone. They were marred by blood stains. However, the most disturbing feature was nothing but pitch-black fur where eye sockets should be.

Tearing herself away from the chill-inducing sight, Barriss ran to Thatcher. Kneeling down, she rolled the woman onto her back. Momentary relief at feeling a pulse turned to dread as she examined the extensive compression injuries. Her body had been beaten to a pulp. The shape and size of the contusions gave Barriss no doubt as to what had inflicted the damage and whose blood now decorated the praeceptor.

“Please, Thatcher. Don’t you dare give up now.” Centering, Barriss lifted hands over the girl’s heaving chest. Blue light glowed relentlessly as she worked on the collapsed infrastructure. Everything around her fell away and she focused completely on mending the broken body. Halfway through her frantic efforts, the woman realized she was surrounded.

Looking up, Barriss saw a group of somber soldiers encircling them. Sabine said quietly, “That thing has been neutralized and the wounded are being tended. Keep going.”

She nodded and returned attention to Thatcher. Finally managing to reduce pressure on the crushed rib cage, Barriss wiped her brow. The trauma may have already done too much damage, but at least it wouldn’t continue to do so.

Suddenly, golden eyes flickered into view and Thatcher rasped, “Did… we g-get—” She began choking on the blood dripping from her mouth.

“Don’t try to talk. I’m working on your wounds, ok?”

Desperate eyes pleaded up at her, begging for an answer.

Barriss halted her ministrations and pressed lips to a bloody forehead. “Yes, darling girl. We got him. You beat them at their own game. You are _free._ ”

A happy smile formed on her battered face, and Thatcher fixed a content gaze on Barriss.

She could feel the exultant joy beneath it and rubbed fingers over the girl’s cheek. “You are amazing. I need you to keep it up for a while longer, while I heal you, alright?”

An underlying current flared, and Thatcher’s essence touched hers for a moment as it whispered, _“You already have.”_

_______

Watching anxiously from the secret entrance to the operations center, Caam saw the message passed over. A specialist quickly decoded it and handed it to Echo. The man scanned the words impassively, before handing it off to his captain. “Put this in the after-action items and then mobilize the recovery teams. I’ll inform the Master General.”

“Yes, Commander.” The woman saluted and placed the report in a wooden holder secured to the wall as she hurried out the door. Echo rubbed his eyes and then straightened, also striding from the room.

Clutching arms to her chest, Caam slipped out of her hiding spot and crossed to the holder. Her hand shook as it reached for the message. She hovered there for a few moments. Finally, the agony of uncertainty guided tremulous fingers to grip the brittle parchment and bring it to her face.

_Infiltration successful. Intel acquired. Target captured. Regret to report Thatcher killed in the line of duty. Commendation for valor recommended._

Caam crumpled to the ground as her heart dusted into ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gods. What have I done?


	94. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow: "Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind." --Nathaniel Hawthorne

“You helped her do it, even though you knew how it would be! You knew she was going to—she probably wouldn’t come back. Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!” Her entire body was shaking, but Caam didn’t care. All she felt was hot rage.

Barriss whispered, “Yes.”

The simple acknowledgment enraged her further. “You let her die! Sent her into it willingly. How could you?!”

“I am so sorry, Caam. It wasn’t what I wanted. Thatcher would have gone on her own, if we hadn’t supported the mission.” Her voice hardened. “And, I wasn’t going to let her sacrifice be purposeless.”

“Not good enough! You could have locked her up, forced her to stay, something!”

Sad eyes gazed back at her. “For how long? Forever? Made her a prisoner to a new master? We worked hard to free her so Thatcher could make her own choices, control her own life, and shape her own destiny.” Barriss added firmly, “And, that is exactly what she did.”

The statement smacked her in the face and fury crashed through its thin barrier in her soul. Picking up the dagger on Barriss’ desk, she threw it into an office wall. It ricocheted off with a vicious clang and clattered across the room. The perfect stone stared back at her in unbending defiance. Caam picked up everything she could find and flung it at taunting wall, but it remained undamaged, mocking her. Her burning rage turned on Barriss and she drew her own dagger, stabbing it into the desk with such force a reverberating backlash travelled up her arm as the jeweled grip cut into her hand. “I hate you!”

A soft voice cut through the raging fog, “And, I love you.”

The words shattered her already broken heart and Caam fell to the floor. Curling up into a ball, she stared at the golden threads woven into the rug. Her veins throbbed as breaths came in gasps.

Slender fingers massaged her lekku. “I don’t know what to say, Caam. I can’t make it better. It just is.”

The minutes stretched on as she tried to work out the feeling of guilt now permeating her soul. _I did it._ Forcing away tears, Caam rasped, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I know it’s my fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

Sitting up to face Barriss, she started to speak, but everything began spinning as her mind choked. Caam suddenly realized she couldn’t get enough air and panic set in. _What’s going on? I can’t—help me. Somebody help me._ Her chest compressed in piercing pain, limbs shaking. _Oh Gods. I’m going to die._

Familiar hands gripped her face and a soothing voice said, “Caam. Look at me, my darling girl. Please. I’ll help you. Focus on my eyes.”

Obeying the command, she locked on the dancing blue. Using them as an anchor, Caam pulled her chaotic thoughts together. As she did, the panic faded and her lungs calmed.

“Good,” Barriss murmured. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Caam relaxed her pulsing muscles and inhaled deeply, letting it out to release the last vestige of whatever had just happened. Coughing several times, she managed, “Sorry, don’t know what that was about.”

A worried gaze probed hers. “Has that ever happened to you before?”

“Don’t think so. That was weird.”

Barriss looked relieved. “Ok. Hopefully, it won’t again.” Thumbs rolled over her cheeks. “Can you tell me what you were thinking when it started?”

She looked down and mumbled, “It’s my fault she died. I couldn’t—if I’d given Thatcher everything, she never would have decided to go on a suicide mission to try to fix her mistakes or make things up to me. I held back part of myself and she paid for it.”

“No.” Barriss pulled her face level and said sharply, “That is not true, Caam. She made her choice for many reasons, but none of them had anything to do with you not being what she needed.”

Her mouth tightened. “You don’t know that.”

“The hell I don’t,” Barriss bit back. She winced and continued in a calmer tone, “Remember, her issues are not yours. You know this.”

“I know that’s what we say,” she muttered. _If it’s true, why do people I love leave? Maybe, it is me. One day, I’ll lose them all._

Fingers pressed hard into her skin. “Caam, _please,_ listen to me. It’s not your fault. I may understand Thatcher better than you do at this moment. Don’t take anything away from her. It was a final act of defiance against the chains that bound her for too long and an act of love for those who finally gave her life meaning. She chose her own path. You didn’t choose it for her.”

She blinked. “How do you know?”

“Because, she was… me.” There were several unsteady breaths, before Barriss continued, “Let me tell you a story about a young spy, who was so lost she took everyone else down with her. Until, someone gave her life meaning. Having something truly worth dying for is what finally made her _free._ ”

Unable to tear herself away from the pain in Barriss’ face, Caam listened.

_______

Ahsoka’s presence seethed as she exerted immense mental pressure on their prisoner. “You _will_ answer my questions.”

There was no apparent effect as the praeceptor growled. “Your puny threats mean nothing to me.” Coiling muscles in the chains encasing his body, he muttered, “As do your pitiful defenses. You should have struck me down, when you had the chance. You won’t get another, infidel.”

 _Impervious to Force persuasion techniques. Interesting._ Barriss continued her silent observation from the corner of the cell, maintaining her shield and noting every reaction carefully. _He’s ashamed of being a prisoner but truly believes it will be temporary._

“I look forward to testing your supposition,” her wife sneered. “Since we’ve put a stop to your little plan, I imagine your people will try something new. We’ll simply have to take you all out, I suppose.”

The fangs bared into a savage grin. “You will lose. The Caecus are never defeated. It may take longer than anticipated, but you will fall as all infidels must.”

_He literally can’t imagine a situation in which defeat is a possibility._

“Your slave certainly defeated you, didn't she?” Ahsoka taunted.

A garish laugh that sounded more animal than man echoed across the cell. “What did they expect? I told them. That whelp always was a disappointment. Of all the group we recovered from the infidel stronghold, she was the most resistant to instruction. The creature even refused to maim lowly forest dwellers at first.” Sounding defensive, he hissed, “Even after intensive conditioning, I was wary of relapse and recommended disposal but was overruled. We had limited resources and couldn't afford to waste one. They decided to place her where her softness would be a minimal liability yet provide important intel.”

“They were wrong,” Ahsoka replied with quiet conviction. “You put her somewhere that could not only help free her from your control but had the resources to aid her quest to stop you. You underestimated her resilience, strength, and intelligence. She was the one that figured out your strategies and devised the plan that brought them crashing down upon you. Thatcher beat you at your own game, despite your best efforts to break her.” Her voice hardened. “That makes her superior to every last one of you.”

His head reared back, serrated teeth glistening. “I will no longer listen to your insults! When I crush your pitiful bones, it will be sweet blood.”

“We will see,” Ahsoka murmured. Turning to the cell door, she opened it and motioned to the man waiting outside.

Hans stepped into the enclosed space, purple eyes roving over the chained figure. “Fascinating. I must say my assessment was remarkably apt. Though, I did misjudge the length of the fibula bone.” Perking up, he asked, “Tell me, are your fangs smaller than typical for your species? Or, is the jagged nubbing a natural feature?”

The man, creature, beast, whatever one wanted to term him stiffened, rough fur flattening itself against his body. “Who are you?”

Barriss smirked. Hans had hit a nerve. _He feels inadequate, imperfect. Likely enhanced after being captured by those he views as inferior._

“Oh, I do apologize. My name is Hans. I’m a healer here in this world you wish to conquer. I’ve been examining everything we know about your people. However, this is my first chance to see you in the flesh. I find your construction quite intriguing. Tell me, is your species lack of any visible means of sight a result of evolutionary adaptation, deliberate manipulation, or some calamity in your history?”

There was a nasally grunt from his long snout. “You ask meaningless questions, healer. The Caecus are what they are. Why they are is irrelevant.”

“Ah,” Hans replied, “a naive but understandable reaction. I find many species reluctant to explore the basis of their own weaknesses.”

“The Caecus have no weakness!” he snarled. “We are invincible. Your reliance on what you perceive as strength will be your undoing.”

Ahsoka guffawed. “If you’re so invincible, why are you the one chained up?”

A menacing rumble rose up from his powerful chest. “Your capture of me is also irrelevant. It will not prevent your fate.” Sniffing the air, his expression took on a bloodthirsty edge. “When the Caecus pick up the scent of their prey, nothing can stop them.”

Hans raised eyebrows. “Well, these Caecus are certainly full of themselves, aren’t they? Yet, they ignore areas that could provide useful knowledge for victory.”

“What nonsense do you speak of, healer?” the praeceptor spat.

The man glanced at Ahsoka, who nodded, before he answered, “Your heightened awareness of the world around you is quite impressive, given your lack of vision. Yet, it is also compromised. Accepting only weakness as strength is admirable, until it prevents you from recognizing advancements. For example, you cover yourself with scaly hide for protection. However, you have completely neglected the space where your eye sockets would normally be found. This suggests you don’t see it as a weakness and, perhaps, even wish to ignore the fact that it exists at all.”

His voice dripped with venom. “Why should we? Nothing there can weaken us, unlike infidels, such as yourself.”

_Ah. Anyone who can see is an infidel to be destroyed. Their culture is built around the idea. Since they are not weak, those with vision must be. Hmm._

“On the contrary, my good sir,” Hans replied with nothing but clear fascination in the discussion. “Despite your opinion otherwise, understanding what you were is very important. However it happened, you did once have sight. The lack of it now doesn’t mean all of the underlying structure has dissipated. In fact, simply by looking at you, I can see the tell-tale signs.”

The fur whipped and flayed. Then, his gravelly voice enunciated each syllable with deadly threat, “Be careful of your words, healer. The Caecus have _no_ weakness.” All four ear tips flicked forward in alignment as if targeting Hans. “They certainly have no desecration to their castus sacrum. It brings only strength.”

“If castus sacrum refers to the area of your face where eyes should be located, then I have to respectfully disagree. I suspect a quick thrust at the precise location of your conjoined lacrimal bones would result in critical injury, if not death. You ignore the past at your own peril.”

The praeceptor let out a guttural howl. “You lie, infidel!” His entire presence appeared to hone in on Hans for a few moments. Then, the powerful muscles began convulsing wildly. “No! I will not countenance this heresy. Renounce your perversions or face the wrath of the Caecus!”

Jumping back in alarm, Hans commented, “Well, I can see why your people haven’t explored the possibility.”

The howls morphed into distressed shrieks. “You tarnish my hunter spirit. I will tear you to shreds!” His massive body quaked. “Y-you will… see truth—” A croaked yowl mixed with a terrible gurgle. Then, the praeceptor slumped in his chains, hanging at an unnatural angle.

Hans stepped forward in concern, but Ahsoka shot out a hand and pulled him back. “No. Get outside.”

The man hesitated, glancing at Barriss, who simply waved a hand of dismissal. Letting out a frustrated breath, he obeyed the command.

Warily approaching the unmoving figure, Ahsoka ran eyes over him. “Is this some kind of defense mechanism or a clever trick?”

Barriss probed the underlying currents, trying to recover the praeceptor’s presence. _It’s not there. Oh Gods._ Dropping her shield, she rushed forward. “Ahsoka, I think he’s dead.”

The woman jolted up from her examination. “What?” Her gaze darted across the inert body. She carefully reached out a hand and felt under his long snout. “Uh ok, he’s not breathing. Unless, it’s some kind of natural camouflaging ability.” She took a step back. “I’m not taking any chances. Keep your distance.”

Perplexed, Barriss surveyed the unusual creature. “Could it be the idea of their perfection is so ingrained they can’t even process the idea of having any sort of weakness? It sounds ridiculous, but did we basically cause a feedback loop he was so unable to reconcile that it… killed him?”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “Nothing would surprise me at this point. Can we use that, do you think?”

She shrugged. “Hard to say. It's just as probable the fight and stress of capture caused critical injuries we couldn't see that left him severely weakened. Still, the attack seemed triggered by the idea.”

“That also presupposes he believed Hans on some level, right? If they can’t accept having any weakness, it seems like they’d always ignore evidence to the contrary—especially when delivered by an enemy.”

Barriss considered. “The Caecus have demonstrated an aptitude to sense mental states, anticipate moves, and locate hidden prey. They may have a perceptive ability to assess threat and intention, helpful to hunters. A lack of vision over generations could have resulted in those types of adaptations. He certainly responded better to Hans than you. Perhaps, he didn’t see a healer with only clinical interest as deceptive? That result would be hard to emulate in others. However, it is definitely a weakness if their entire sense of self is built on the concept. Hmm… I’ll give it some thought.” Looking back at the apparently deceased praeceptor, she sighed. “Now what?”

Her wife grimaced. “Guess we won’t be getting any more answers. It was a long shot anyway. We did discover several items of interest, especially the reference to forest dwellers. It suggests a geographical location. Forests are not common in the area of expanse we’ve been able to map and certainly not at a size that would house an entire civilization. Combined with Thatcher’s scattered intel, we may be able to narrow focus. They must be beyond the ice regions. Perhaps, in the western quadrant where theoretically the climate would be more conducive?”

She nodded. “A logical deduction. If we can locate their habitat and obtain some wood samples, we may be able to find a way to neutralize their strongest weapon. It might also allow us to monitor any major movement of forces through the expanse.”

“Agreed.” Her wife circled the praeceptor’s body. “Though, I’m still not convinced he’s really dead. I don’t want anyone but us going near him, until we’ve confirmed. If he is, what do you recommend?”

Barriss rubbed her forehead. “We need an autopsy and detailed evaluation of his make-up. Hans is not going to be happy about potentially killing someone and then immediately being asked to dissect him. This is not going to be a fun conversation.”

Ahsoka ground her teeth. “I don’t care about his crisis of conscience. That thing doesn’t deserve our pity, and I can’t say I’m sad to see him meet his fate. If the great healer has that much of a problem, I’ll find one who can handle doing what needs to be done.”

Moving closer, Barriss placed both hands on her face. “No, Ahsoka. We won’t become what we fear. Hans will deal with his conscience but don’t ignore your own.”

There was a steadying breath and then the fierce blue eyes softened. “I know, my amazing wife. I’m working on it.”

Pressing their foreheads together, she breathed, “Remember, we can only do what we’ve always done.”

“What we believe is right,” Ahsoka whispered and brushed lips over hers. “Gods, I love you.”

_______

Crossing her arms, she dropped down on the settee next to Aayla. “She left me, Mom.” Hurt anger flashed in the tawny eyes. “Abandoned me for the greater good, to fix her mistakes, whatever.”

Aayla cringed. “Like I did.”

Caam flinched. “No! I didn’t mean it like that.”

Reaching out to her daughter, she said, “There’s no point in not facing truth, little one. Understanding someone’s choice is a different thing than enduring the consequences.”

Taking her hand, Caam looked at it for a moment. “Maybe.”

Aayla rubbed a thumb over her fingers. “Except, in both cases, you may not fully understand the truth. I didn’t choose the world over you. I chose the world _for_ you.”

Her face scrunched. “What?”

She smiled sadly. “When I lost your father, I decided to leave Shaak and settle down. My goal was to dedicate myself completely to you and nothing else. It worked for a while.” Trying to keep an even tone, Aayla continued, “One day, a group of Palpatine's soldiers came through the village where we’d made our new home and began demanding conscripts and supplies. I grabbed you and snuck out of town to hide in a nearby cave. When I returned, everything was gone. Some had chosen to fight back, and the soldiers razed the village. People I’d started to call friends were dead.”

“That’s horrible,” Caam whispered.

“Yet, what most torments me is the dilemma I could never resolve.” Her mind drifted into pain and regret. “I probably could have saved them, if I had been there. To do so would have meant revealing what I was and putting you in mortal peril for the rest of your life. The decision would have been impossible. I’ve tried to find a solution so many times, I can’t count them. I still don’t know what I would have done. Either way, I never gave myself the choice. At the first sign of danger, I just… ran. I had to keep you safe.”

Caam stared and her mouth began trembling. “I wasn’t worth—”

She held up a hand. “You were to me. Still, that day set my course. The one that led to us losing each other. I held you in my arms in front of our burned-out house as you cried, because we couldn’t find your tooka-cat.” Tears burned the back of her eyelids. “That’s when I knew. You would never have a happy life, if I didn’t change things. I needed to make the world a better place… for you.”

“So, you decided to go back to Jedi work?” she asked quietly.

Aayla jerked confirmation. “I didn’t leave you for the world, the Jedi, or some philosophical higher purpose, Caam. Though, it might be nice to think I had only pure intentions. It wasn’t that I was willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good. I just wasn’t willing to sacrifice your chance at a future.”

“Oh.” Sadness floated through the tawny eyes.

Meeting her daughter’s gaze, she added softly, “Thatcher probably wanted to fix her mistakes, yes. Become the person who helped and not harmed those around her, certainly. However, she also wanted to make the world safer for the person she loved, to give you a fighting chance. If that meant sacrificing herself to do so, it was a small price to pay. Perhaps, we were both selfish in a way, but it was a choice based out of love—not cold morality.”

Caam blinked several times and then leaned against Aayla’s chest. A barely audible whisper came, “It is me, then. Just for a different reason than I thought.”

“What?” Aayla asked in confusion.

“Not important. Thanks for telling me stuff,” was the muffled reply. “I love you.”

Wrapping arms around her child, she murmured, “I can’t fix things, little one. Love is all I have to give you. It always has been. But, it’s all yours.”

_______

Luminara gazed out into the beautiful vista, wiping away a lone tear. As the sun set behind the mountains, she whispered, “Don’t worry, my dear, I intend to keep my promise. Wherever you are now, I hope you feel… alive.”

Happy, golden eyes looked back at her from the darkening horizon. Then, deep, blue ones and a charming, boyish grin joined them. Luminara wrapped fingers around her necklace, lightly tracing the figures etched into the warm metal, and smiled.

_______

“Your service has been exemplary, and we’re honored to have you among us. You will take command of the wolfpack. Congratulations, _Captain_ Secura.”

Caam stared blankly. “Thank you, Master General. I will strive to prove worthy of the assignment.”

Rex sighed and gripped her shoulder. “Caam, you’ve exceeded all expectations. Commanding the best squad in the legion at nineteen is no small honor. Be happy in that, at least.”

Her eyes shifted to his chin. “Yes, General. I will try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, no one died this chapter, so that's good right?  
> Hopefully, you got some enjoyment out of meeting our first Caecus and the insights to their culture. They are a unusual combination of instinctual, vicious hunters with strategic, calculating minds. Fortunately, it looks like our heroes stumbled upon an apparent weakness.  
> As for the rest, I'll steal a quote from future Luminara... sadness is passing and temporary, but true happiness is eternal.


	95. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Anger, Fear, Aggression and… Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger, Fear, Aggression and… Love: The chapter title speaks for itself.

“Karyna, are you listening to me?”

Her head jerked up. “Of course. Uh, that sounds fine. I can host the delegation from Cato Neimoidia, until you arrive.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Is that right? And, what about the delegation from Corellia, who are the ones actually coming?”

Karyna cringed. “Oh, um, them too.”

The woman snorted. “Alright, what’s wrong? Are you not interested in doing this? You don’t have to.”

“No! I want to take on more of a public role in kingdom management.”

Barriss assessed the girl from across her desk. “You’re not trying to be what you think I want, right?”

There was a small wince. “It’s not that. I promise. Since working with Leia, I realized I can actually do this sort of thing. I want to build on what she taught me and expand my political and social skills.” Karyna flashed an adorable grin. “I guess your lessons about seeing what I'm truly capable of have finally sunk in.”

Her muscles relaxed. “Excellent. In that case, what is going on? Usually, I can’t talk fast enough to keep up with your quill, much less have to remind you of the parties involved.”

She began to chew her lip. “It’s nothing to do with the topic or you. I’m… worried about Caam.”

“Oh.” _So, am I._

"If she didn’t want to discuss Thatcher or what she’s feeling yet, that’s one thing. Thanks to you and Aunt Ahsoka, I’ve learned how to handle that kind of issue. This is different.”

“In what way?”

She slumped in her chair. “Usually, I just try to be there and provide distraction, company, or whatever she needs. This time, I can’t get started. When Cab’s not taking on extra duty shifts, she’s avoiding me. I have to track her down. If I do manage to find her, she stares at nothing, barely responds, and then runs away at the first opportunity.” Tears started pooling in her eyes. “I can see how much she’s hurting, but I don’t know how to fix it. She won’t let me even try.”

Barriss frowned. Caam withdrawing from Karyna was more than worrying. “I understand why you’re concerned. Maybe, you should take another approach.”

Karyna sat up. “Like what?”

Running a finger over her chin, she suggested, “Have you told Caam how you feel about her behavior?”

“Uh, of course not. Talking about my issues would be selfish.”

“Sometimes, yes. This is a bit different. Just losing someone you care about is difficult enough. However, Caam’s history and the manner in which it happened further complicate things…” Barriss trailed off, unsure of how much to say. She was now certain Caam had always loved Karyna. Until Thatcher, there was a possibility her feelings were a young crush that would fade or had been influenced by fear of opening herself up to others. However, it had become increasingly clear over the last year that Karyna couldn’t be easily displaced in Caam’s heart.

Her own guilt over advising the girl to explore other options reared its head once again. The advice had seemed so reasonable at the time. Now, it felt like yet another failure. Still, Barriss couldn’t regret it. Without Caam, Thatcher would have never found the small measure of happiness and freedom she had achieved. Not to mention, Thatcher’s sacrifice might have potentially saved them, Shili, and perhaps the entire world. It was an endless circle with no resolution. _Stop. This is not about your failures._

There was a small cough. “Aunt Barriss, are you alright?”

She massaged her forehead. “Sorry, my dear. I suppose I’m not dealing with things very well either. In any case, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that Caam doesn’t depend emotionally on others easily or often. She chose to expand that circle with Thatcher and disaster struck. I think on some level she blames herself for the outcome. That may be having a ripple effect that encompasses you.”

Her nose scrunched. “Why me, though? Shouldn’t that make her the same with all of us?”

_No, you’re staying out of it this time. Trust them to handle it. Your job is to stabilize, not push._ “It’s not unusual for different types of relationships to produce variance,” Barriss answered carefully. “For instance, she’s still a bit angry at me for letting it happen. That reaction wouldn’t make sense for your relationship.” Her voice faded to a whisper. “I’m her mother. I should have protected the woman she loved at all costs.”

Karyna hesitated, before saying, “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

Barriss smiled wanly. “Knowing that objectively is one thing, darling girl. It’s something else to live with the results. Still, Ahsoka and I have struggled with this our entire lives. We’ll be fine. Concentrate your efforts on Caam. She needs you. Don’t let her push you away.”

Her own words hit home with painful realization. _Oh Gods. Caam can’t deal with it, so she’s insulating herself from future pain. Thinking she somehow caused it. Trying to protect Karyna from herself. Damn you, Offee. You just had to pass on your worst habit._ Quickly regulating her breathing to calm the rising chaos, she managed to center. _You can’t do anything about it now, except make sure she’s got help and hope the lesson sticks._ Barriss locked an intent gaze on her niece. “It’s extremely important Caam understands shutting you out is hurting you. Please, Karyna, be honest about your feelings. You have to let her in.”

There was a quick swallow. “Um, why?”

“Because, it reminds her that she’s needed. Caam can’t live in denial, thinking you are better off without her. Understanding it goes both ways is critical.”

“So… it’s like how Aunt Ahsoka says letting people help me is just as important as me helping them? They need that to be happy, too?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “I can’t believe those words came out of your aunt’s mouth, but yes. By sharing your feelings with Caam, you’re giving her the chance to be there for you. That will force her to engage to fulfill that need. It may take multiple efforts on your part, so don’t get discouraged if the first conversation doesn’t produce results. You might have to reinforce the message more than once. She has to believe you’re not going anywhere.”

“I understand.” Her expression filled with determination. “I’m not going to lose her. I’ll make it happen somehow.”

Smiling softly, Barriss replied, “I have no doubt.” And, she didn’t.

_______

“About time. It’s been a good three weeks since I’ve had a pep talk.” Caam continued slashing the makeshift sparring post as her head pounded relentlessly. “It must have taken some serious effort to hunt me down in an unused section of the castle. Let me guess. You’re ignoring my clear wish to be left alone in order to give me yet another lesson on how to be happy.”

There was no response, but she could feel Ahsoka approaching and taking up position behind her.

The only sound was the thud of Caam’s sword hitting the pockmarked wooden pole she’d secured to the floor of the empty storage room. The ongoing silence began to drive her over the edge, and she jerked around. “Well? I’m waiting. There has to be some traumatic thing you’ve experienced or terrible dilemma you’ve faced that will magically make everything ok again, right? Let’s hear it.”

Ahsoka drew her swords. “That’s not why I’m here. I came to… fight.” Without another word, she lunged forward.

Caam barely had enough time to lift her weapon, before double swords clashed against it. “What are you doing?!”

There was no reply as the attacks kept coming. Caam parried and blocked clumsily, not able to keep up with both weapons. Breathing heavily and still in shock she cried, “Wait! Let me get my short sword, if we’re doing Jar’Kai.”

“Life isn’t fair, why should this fight be?” Metal blades clattered down against her own. “I’m not sparring. I am trying to kill you. What are you going to do about it?” Flipping over her head, Ahsoka landed and immediately slashed.

Caam leapt out of the way and stood gaping at Ahsoka.

“You think you have time to stare?” A sword breezed by her chest, while the other stabbed at her stomach.

Moving sideways, Caam twisted into a backwards somersault to gain distance. Coming down a few feet out of range, she managed to take up a proper position to fight a two-sworded opponent. She had no idea what was going on and fear was beginning to creep in.

Even with the additional space, it was near impossible to keep up with the speed of Ahsoka’s constant attacks. The woman’s face was hard and unbending as strike after strike came. Caam’s stomach turned, tiny painpricks running through her chest. _Get out of here._ She launched herself into a flip toward the door.

However, Ahsoka anticipated the move and rotated up to knock her out of the air. Caam fell heavily and rolled out of the way of another strike, before leaping to her feet.

The Togruta continued her relentless assault, pushing Caam toward the far corner of the space. Anger and fear melded together in ever increasing layers, permeating her entire being. _What is wrong with her? Why is she doing this to me?!_

Caam’s leeway finally ran out. She hit an unyielding stone wall and toppled to one knee. A shining Mandalorian sword careened towards her head. _Haven’t I gone through enough?! NO MORE._

Caam exploded, somehow throwing Ahsoka across the room. Then, she took the fight to her attacker. _No more being Caam, the lost girl. For once, I’ll be the one who decides._

Her sword flew effortlessly in repeated strikes as Caam regained the lost ground. _This time, I get what I want._ The intense focus and raging power flowing through her fueled Caam’s push. It was both exhilarating and frightening as every terrible emotion released and pinpointed on her enemy. _No one can stop me. No one._

Spotting an opening, she slashed at the unguarded legs. The woman lost her footing, and Caam jumped on the imbalance. Coiling into an airborne spin, she kicked the short sword from her opponent’s hand and then thrust both feet outward, knocking her tormentor flat.

_I have you now._ Crushing a knee into the remaining sword arm, she raised her own and prepared to plunge it into the now exposed chest.

Fire blue eyes gazed up at her with a haunting intensity.

Caam blinked. Then, her mind jerked and the disturbing fog lifted. Horror at what she had momentarily been intending to do caused her to stumble back, sword clanging to the ground. “W-what…?” She stared at Ahsoka in dazed shock. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I d-don’t know what happened.” Exhaustion sweeping over her, Caam collapsed.

There was a grim smile as Ahsoka rose. The discarded sword flew back into her hand, and she sheathed both weapons. “Now, we talk.”

_______

“Are you busy, my dear?”

Barriss ripped her gaze away from the painting above the fireplace to focus on Luminara, who was hovering at her office door. “Oh, sort of. I’m trying to design an expansion to our community healing facility but not making much progress.”

The woman glided over to the desk and leaned over her shoulder. “Hmm, it might help if you actually wrote more than a title on the parchment.”

Shooting a glare, Barriss replied dryly, “I am aware of that fact, thank you.”

A mischievous grin edged up. “Looks like I came by just in time. How about a walk? Maybe, we can figure out the first paragraph together.”

She grimaced. “I guess I can’t argue I’m in the middle of something, huh?”

“You could, but I might be personally offended at being less important than a parchment with five words on it.”

Barriss chuckled and rose from her chair. “Alright, my demandingly snarky mother. A walk it is.”

Luminara brightened. “Excellent.”

Replacing the lid on her inkwell, she inquired, “What’s the occasion for this unplanned outing?”

“None at all. It’s been a while since we went on one, and I’ve missed you.”

Barriss jerked her head up. Then, a childishly happy smile formed. “Good.”

Affectionate fingers rubbed her tattoos. “Not every mother has the most special daughter in existence to take on walks, you know.”

Heat rushed to her face, but she managed an impish grin. “True. You should be thanking me for gracing you with my presence.”

Luminara snorted. “Indeed. So, what warrants my brilliant child being unable to get past the title page of her report?”

Barriss let out a long exhale. “I keep rethinking my choices with Thatcher. There should have been another way.”

“Ah,” she murmured. “Yet, there wasn’t.”

A small frown formed. “I know. That’s the part I can’t seem to accept.”

Luminara lifted her chin. “That’s because you are accustomed to thinking yourself out of impossible problems. However, doing the impossible requires controlling the solution. In this case, that wasn’t an option. Do you know why?”

She swallowed tightly and whispered, “It wasn’t my problem to solve.”

There was a soft smile. “Whether you realize it or not, you inherently believe there is no such thing as a no-win scenario. And, you may still be correct. Because, for Thatcher, this _was_ winning.”

“Perhaps, but it also meant others… lost.”

“Someone always does. Your victory means defeat for someone else. That is the way of things. Though, you’ve lost before. I think the real issue is you couldn’t actively win or lose. You had to cede control of the battle to someone else. In other words, you weren’t the hero in your own story.”

Barriss sighed. “You’re right. I’m not used to being a bystander on the losing side of winning, I suppose.”

“I might argue winning or losing is irrelevant. It’s the journey we take to get there that matters.”

Putting up a hand, she commented, “Ok, that’s it. Let’s go on our walk before you send me into a mental tailspin reexamining my entire life philosophy.”

“Whatever makes you happy, my dear,” her master replied with an innocent expression. As they strolled from the office, the woman continued, “On a lighter note, I’m taking a trip to Naboo to pick up a gift I ordered for Ahsoka. I’d love some company. How about a mother-daughter outing?”

Barriss halted and let out a curse. “Ahsoka’s Akul Day is next week. Gods, I’m the worst wife on the planet.”

“Now, now, Ahsoka clearly doesn’t agree. Besides, I’m sure you would have remembered at some point.”

She rubbed her forehead. “Yeah, when she woke up the morning of and made a terrible joke about her lekku creaking with age. Do you know how many times that’s happened? I keep a secret supply of emergency presents on hand to compensate for my terrible wifing.”

Luminara stared and then began laughing so hard she had to hold her stomach to keep from falling over.

“It’s not that funny,” she remarked peevishly. However, her mouth soon crept into a smile at the rare sight of her master’s unchecked mirth.

“Sorry, it’s just so… you.” Bringing herself under control, Luminara put on a serious face. “I definitely think you should go with me then. We’ll find her something extra special to celebrate your new level of amazing wifery.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Highly convenient that the plan to make Ahsoka happy involves exactly what you want with the implied bonus of making me proud of myself.”

Her expression turned airy. “Hmm, yes, funny how that worked out.”

Rolling eyes, Barriss took her arm. “Alright, mother mine. I’m in.”

Luminara kissed her cheek. “Good.”

_______

_Ok, make all of this worth it, Tano._ Ahsoka lowered herself to the floor and put Caam’s head in her lap. “What were you feeling?”

There was a blank response. “Angry. I was so angry.”

Running fingers over the girl’s lekku, she asked, “At me?”

There was a long silence. “At everyone. My life. All of it. I… hated everything.”

“Why?”

Caam turned her head to look up at Ahsoka. “I don’t know.” Fear leapt into the tawny eyes. “What happened to me?”

Continuing the gentle movements over her lekku, Ahsoka sighed. “I pushed you past your limits, my dear. You remember us discussing what it means to be a Jedi and the special abilities that come with it?”

“Yeah. Is that what it was?” She shivered. “I don’t want to be that out of control ever again.”

Ahsoka grimaced. “Not exactly. The abilities you used to fight back are inside of you. However, they can be used in different ways. Jedi concentrate on balance and restraint when channeling the Force. They align their mind into a sort of harmony, light and dark melding into measured responses. We never attack out of hate, terror, or rage—extremes of emotion. Those lead to exactly what you experienced. They are a path to existing in the dark side of the Force alone.”

Caam stiffened. “Are you saying my nature is—”

“Absolutely not,” she answered fiercely. “All of us are capable of it. We have strong emotions, attachments, and trauma that can trigger that kind of response. That’s why it's important to understand what it is and when we’re doing it.”

Her mouth parted. “You did it on purpose? You tried to make me k-kill you?” Caam jerked up. “What if I had?! Do you know how I would have felt—” she broke off with a choked breath. “Why did you do that to me?”

Gripping her face, Ahsoka tried to soothe the distress. “I simply allowed you to overpower me. If you hadn’t stopped yourself, I would have. I am sorry, though. I hated doing it this way, but you weren’t responding to other methods of communicating the message. You’ve become powerful without even knowing it, Caam. I had to see if you were capable of reeling yourself back in. More importantly, you needed to understand the responsibility of your quickly developing abilities. Dwelling in dark emotions no longer only threatens your own stability. It poses a danger to the world. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Slumping back into Ahsoka’s lap, Caam said weakly, “You mean if I don’t get over things, I could hurt someone by accident?”

Ahsoka bent forward and kissed her forehead. “Or, even on purpose. Over time, misery, fear, and anger eat away at your soul. It can cause you to fall into rage and lash out at everything around you, especially when you or someone you love is threatened. Tell me, while we were fighting, did you think about how unfair it all was? Believe no one understands? Feel entitled to do whatever you wanted for once?”

Caam swallowed hard. “Something like that.”

She smiled wanly. “Those are common reactions in life, especially when bad things happen to us. We usually recognize their fallacy and temper them. If we don't, they can start to become a part of us. Dwelling in negative emotions everyday wears down your restraint. It’s easier to slip over the edge during a moment of intense stress. The best strategy is to not let those feelings control you at any time.”

Her eyelids closed, tears squeezing between them. “I get it. I’ll try.”

Ahsoka rubbed her cheek. “And, you will succeed. You are so strong, my spunky girl. You put up with my incomprehensible attacks far longer than I would have and even tried to escape rather than lose control. Then, you were able to pull yourself back, despite being in a confused, dark-fueled rage. It only confirms what I’ve always known. Caam Secura is amazingly special.”

Tawny eyes reappeared and gazed up at her. “Thanks.” She hesitated, before whispering, “Can we maybe stay like this for a bit and talk about how to make myself ok again?”

The woman smiled and trailed fingers over her lekku. “Absolutely.”

_______

Wrapping up the garish, custom-made magenta cloak, she grinned at herself. It was a silly gift, but Luminara wanted something that would make Ahsoka laugh whenever she saw it.

Examining the end result, she rubbed a finger over her chin. _It needs something more._ Pulling out her quill, Luminara scratched a message on the plain, brown paper. _‘I know you always secretly wanted one of these. No need to thank me.’_

Letting out a wistful chuckle at the memory, she put the present to the side and crossed to her window. Gazing contentedly at the pale sky and wispy clouds, Luminara Unduli simply waited.

_______

Karyna topped the hill with trepidation, preparing herself to try once more. _You’re not giving up. She needs you. You need her._

Caam twisted around at her approach, expression changing from the blankness of the last few months to surprise. “How did you know I was here?”

Sitting next to her on the grass, she answered quietly, “Thatcher.”

“W-what?”

“This hill was a place she thought you might go, if something happened to her. I guess she wanted me to be able to find you.”

“Oh.” Her jaw set. “Well, it’s not necessary. I’m fine.”

“You think you can fool me, Cab? I know you better than I know myself.”

There was no reply as her friend simply stared out at the forests below.

Taking her hand, Karyna pleaded, “Please, don't keep shutting me out. I can’t take it anymore. I miss you so much. It… hurts.”

Caam jerked around to look at her, expression fluctuating.

Giving her aching emotions free reign, Karyna rasped, “I need you. Please, be here with me.”

Tawny eyes blinked several times and then pain filled them as the real Caam resurfaced. “I…”

Heart lightening, Karyna gripped her face. “You don’t have to say anything. You can keep pretending everything is fine or you don't need help or whatever you want. It doesn't matter, because I already know what you're really feeling. So, deal with things however works best, but don't think you're doing any of it without me. Got it?”

Her body started trembling. “I'm sorry. I was trying to protect—I didn’t mean to hurt—”

“Don’t be sorry.” Tightening her fingers, she smiled brightly. “I told you. I understand. The only thing you have to do is remember I'm here. No matter what.” Karyna pressed lips to her forehead and then murmured, “So, you better not go anywhere, either.”

Tears started spilling down Caam’s cheeks. She leaned into Karyna’s chest with a choked sob. “Don’t leave.”

Karyna wrapped arms around her. “Not to worry, you’re stuck with me, Cabbage patch.”

Caam pressed herself closer and whispered, “Works for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting crazy these days with 4 chapters posted in a week. This is what you get when Gabby is having a writing insecurity crisis. I've been drafting the final 2 chapters of this monstrosity for at least a month now and hating the result. I filled in my plot outline with the specifics ages ago (as in fifty chapters back at least), so I see exactly what I want in my head. I just can't make it come out that way on the page. I've even drafted an epilogue, which -shock and horror- I actually like. I'm sure you all get what I mean. Rightin stuffs iz hurd. Plus, after this many words the pressure is high (like inhaling helium levels of high) to make the ending satisfying, yes?
> 
> Back to the point... my solution is to reduce frustration and increase inspiration by focusing energy on editing prior chapters. Unfortunately (for me), once I get a final edit done, I can't hold myself back from posting. Despite the fact that having a large cushion would give me leeway in case I'm stuck for an extended period or have an epiphany about some previously completed not yet posted scene. Of course, my lack of impulse control is your gain, I suppose! Then again, I say this as if I don't already have 10-ish chapters drafted between here and the end. Still, I'm used to working 15-20 out. It takes me an obscene amount of time to edit and I like to plan for complications. Basically, I'm making myself nervous while wanting to strangle my brain for refusing to write brilliant words. Eh, life. 
> 
> *Anyway* this chapter closes out 9PPY, so I believe it's time to check on our wayward Skywalker. I bet he's having an, uh, /interesting/ journey. Though, I think we may need to backtrack to an interlude to add some context first...


	96. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young Luke begins his path to destiny.

“I don’t think so. I’m looking for a Jedi Master.”

“Ohhh… Yoda. You seek Yoda.”

Luke fixed on the tiny, green creature. “You know him?”

Comically large ears flipped forward. “Take you to him, I will.”

Eyeing the strange-looking being warily, he asked, “How far away is Yoda? Will it take us long to get there?”

“Not far.” A toothy, mischievous grin flashed. “Yoda not far.” The expression turned curious. “Why must you find him?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, friend. My aunts sent me on a mission into this slimy mudhole with annoyingly vague instructions.” Letting out a tired exhale, Luke sheathed his sword. “I suppose you’re the best lead I’ve gotten. Let’s go.”

The ancient-looking figure didn’t move. “You wish to be Jedi?”

He shrugged. “I suppose. My aunts think I should anyway.”

“Ah. Listen to everything they say, do you?”

Luke snorted. “It’s a bad habit. One I’m about to reconsider, if I have to stay in this place much longer.”

A raspy, high-pitched chuckle sounded. “Confused, you are.”

Trying to keep his voice even, he ground out, “Are you going to take me to Yoda or not?”

Off-putting, amber-green orbs blinked at him with no response.

“Fine. Forget it.” The frustration of spending a pointless week wandering around a death trap, while his family was fighting the final vestiges of tyranny overwhelmed his control. “Gods, I don’t even know what I’m doing here! I’m wasting my time.”

“Your aunt’s impatience, you have.” His tone turned melancholy. “Much anger in you, like your father. I cannot teach you.”

Luke froze, realization dawning. “Yoda?”

There was a curt nod.

Cursing himself, the young man ran a hand through his hair. “Come on! Do you know what kind of week I’ve had? I was sent on a crazy mission with no guidance, except to have faith. While trekking through the most depressing terrain on the planet, I managed to almost die a dozen times. This hasn’t exactly been an inspiring journey! For good measure, you show up just to torment me. How did you expect me to react?!”

Impassive eyes gazed back at him.

His fists clenched. _Why are you even here? You should be fighting a war. Stop. Remember their lessons._ Taking a deep breath, he calmed his mind. Whispering currents swirled and the frustration faded. _This is what I’m meant to be._ He could _feel_ it. Certainty spreading, Luke refocused on Yoda. “Being patient and controlling my emotions can be challenging for me, yes. However, that is not all I am. I can be taught.”

There was a loud harrumph. “For centuries have I trained Jedi. My own counsel I will keep on who can be trained. Luke Skywalker a long time have I watched. All his life as he looked away to the future, the next horizon.” He stamped his cane. “Never your mind on where you were, what you were doing. Hmph. Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things. You are _reckless_.”

He couldn’t help a wince. “That may have been true once, but I’ve learned so much,” Luke pleaded. “I won’t fail you.”

Yoda sighed. “Tell me, young Skywalker. Which path will you follow? Your aunt’s or your father’s?”

Luke considered for a moment and then fixed an intent gaze on the Jedi Master. “Neither. My path is my own.”

An amused look floated across the wizened face. “Your other aunt, that answer was.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “I consider that a compliment.”

“Hmph. Predictable, your family is.” An unexpectedly impish glint shined from the amber-green eyes. “And, a compliment it was.” Shifting around on his gnarled cane, he began to amble away.

Fidgeting, Luke tried to decide whether he was being dismissed. _Doesn’t matter. I’m not giving up that easy, Yoda._

An impatient voice called, “Come, young Skywalker. Old, I am. Eternity, I have not.”

Excited grin forming, Luke hopped forward and followed his new master deep into the swamps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The line of balance must endure.


	97. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into Darkness: Light only shines in the dark
> 
> [10 PPY]

The unusual structure appeared to be the only entrance into the large pyramid that was embedded in the jagged mountain ahead. Luke examined the ominous obelisk for several minutes. Finding nothing helpful, he gazed around the desolate, red-hazed landscape of Malachor. _Well, guess this is it, Skywalker. Time to see what you’ve got._

Straightening his shoulders, Luke walked through the door.

_______

Luke warily stepped into the entryway and looked around. Three openings at the far end that presumably led deeper into the pyramid were carved into the rocky walls. There was a geometric symbol decorating the sandstone floor, but otherwise nothing notable.

His eyes ran over the emblem, a crimson circle with smooth, black spikes emanating from both sides. _That’s it. The one from my vision._ Crouching, he traced the three-point spike on the right, trying to figure out what it symbolized.

A feminine-sounding voice reverberated from all directions, “Peace is a lie.”

Spinning in place, Luke scanned for the voice’s owner, but there was no one. “Um, hello?”

The booming words came again, “Peace is a lie.”

"Uh, right. What you said.”

“The Force shall break your chains, Son of Skywalker.” A rumble began to emanate from the walls. “Long has the Chosen One tarried.” Suddenly, chunks of rock started raining from the ceiling.

_Blast it!_ Luke raced across the entryway and dove into the closest opening as a huge boulder smashed down behind him. Then, everything calmed and eerie silence reigned once more. Breathing a sigh of relief, he rolled to his feet.

Squinting in the dim lighting that seemed to permeate this creepy pyramid, he surveyed his safe haven. Seeing nothing to cause interest or alarm, the man continued down the passage and emerged into an unexpectedly bright chamber that branched off in several directions.

Examining each of the apparent exits, Luke could see nothing. The light from the room he was in only threw illumination a few feet into each narrow passageway. Frowning, Luke muttered, “Ok, what now?”

“Good question,” a bemused voice commented.

Twisting around into a defensive crouch, he froze. A man around his age was standing placidly in the center of the space, decked in the garb of a Shili battalion commander complete with royal cape. Luke numbly noted the insignia of the 501st on his pauldrons. _Can’t be._ “Father?”

An engaging grin and fierce blue eyes shined back at him. “Hello, my son.”

Luke continued to gape at the unbelievable image in front of him. _He looks so real._ “What is this?”

A rebellious strand of blond hair fell over a scar above his right eyebrow as he lifted it. “Exactly what it seems.”

Tightening fingers around his sword hilt, he shook his head. “Impossible. You’re dead.”

There was a shrug. “Death is a meaningless concept to the Force. You have two options, Luke. Believe or don’t. Make a choice, so we can get to the business at hand.”

_Guess he’s got a point._ Closing eyes, Luke calmed his mind and centered, listening to the underlying currents. They were different here, more visceral and anarchic. It was difficult to settle into their rhythm. Once he managed to sort out the distorted eddies, they told him something that shouldn’t be true. _Does it matter, Skywalker? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Faith has never led you wrong before._ Opening his eyes, he grinned. “Hey, Dad.”

The man moved closer with a bright smile. He brushed knuckles over Luke’s cheek and then gripped his shoulder. “You are incredible, my son.”

Neck speckling with heat, Luke mumbled, “Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “So, what are you doing here?”

His father met his gaze. “Showing you the true nature of the Force. All of it.”

“Um, what does that mean?”

His eyes glinted with a yellowish hue. “You’ll see.”

_______

“Tell me about your sister.”

Grimacing, Luke continued down the passageway. “Um, what do you want to know?”

There was a long silence. “She was raised by the Organas.”

The flat statement made him twist his head back. There was deep pain on his father’s face. Uncertain feelings swam as Luke replied, “Yes. Leia was the crown princess of Alderaan, until—” He broke off as that terrible day flooded his mind and tried to suppress the remembered helplessness.

“We destroyed it,” the man whispered.

The memories intensified and Luke couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I was there that day, you know. Leia was seriously injured. We both almost died.”

“I am sorry, Luke.” The reply was strained. “There isn’t an excuse to make it better. It just is.” His expression grew distant. “Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me.” He shook himself. “Accept the past, Skywalker. Don’t ruin this moment.” The tormented face seemed to calm. “Tell me about now. Who has your sister become?”

Regretful at sending them down a path of what could never be resolved, Luke restarted his forward movement down the passageway and attempted to shift his mind into brightness by picturing his sister. “She is amazing. Leia’s everything I’m not, actually. She’s serious, brilliant, strong, disciplined… a great leader and negotiator. Honestly, Leia could be anything she wanted in life. If it interested her, she'd probably outdo me in combat as well,” he ended diffidently.

There was a chuckle. “You each may have different gifts, but you’re both special.”

His heart swelled. “Thanks, Dad. Um, what else… Oh, not sure if you know what Leia looks like, but Aunt Ahsoka says she is a spitting image of our mother.”

A sharp breath came from behind him.

Luke halted and spun around. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories again.”

“No.” Hands gripped his shoulders and fierce blue eyes drilled into his. “Don’t apologize. Not to me. Knowing Padme lives on in some way brings me consolation. Ahsoka, as well,” he added hoarsely. “There is a great deal of both of them in you.” Then, a weak grin appeared. “Let’s keep going.”

Nodding tightly, Luke restarted their movement but was loathe to let the conversation to die. This moment felt like a gift he shouldn’t waste. However, the question he most wanted to ask made him hesitate.

“What is it?”

He frowned. “Are you reading my mind?”

His father laughed. “I’m an immortal spirit, not a psychic. However, I can tell when my boy has something to say but is afraid to say it.”

Luke shot a small glare over his shoulder. “Ok. You don’t have to answer. It’s just no one else can explain it to me. I might not get another chance to figure it out.”

“Ask your question, Luke. If it’s within my power to do so, I’ll tell you.”

Fixing on the path in front of him, the young man mumbled, “What happened? Why did you… do what you did?”

There was a weary sigh. “I’m afraid you’ve hit upon the dilemma that keeps me spinning in purgatory. I can tell you the reasons I gave myself—love of you and your mother, protecting my family, changing the world, fulfilling my destiny. The benefit of eternal contemplation has shown me there was also fear, resentment, arrogance, and pain. Others might say it was selfishness, rage, or power that drove me. Your aunt would probably insist it was loss and isolation. Obi-Wan always believed he had failed me, while Palpatine thought it was purely due to his skill. All of us are right and none of us.” His tone faded into absent reflection. “Distilling it into a simple answer is impossible. Why someone turns to hate and fear, instead of love and hope is a question that haunts life itself.” He paused and a more focused question came, “Do you have a theory? Why do you think I did it?”

Processing the response that told him so much and nothing at all, he grumbled, “If I knew that, I wouldn’t have to ask you.”

“True enough.”

Luke blew out a breath. “I suppose it's my own fault for needing an explanation for the unexplainable.”

“Not at all. Understanding the mistakes of others is important to not repeating them. Delving into such a painful subject in order to do so tells me yet again how special you are. In fact, I would suggest you give the question some thought after we finish our journey. Perhaps, you’ll find you understand more than you realize.”

He grunted. “If you say so.” Still mulling over the response, Luke suddenly asked, “What do you mean by purgatory?”

“Ah, that is another question without a proper answer. All I can say is one destiny must be resolved to move on to the next. So, live wisely, my son.”

Luke shook a rueful head. “Talking to immortal beings isn’t very good for my mental health.”

He laughed. “Welcome to my world, Luke. At least, I have some company today.”

“Anytime,” he replied lightly. Reaching the end of their winding trek, Luke stepped into a small, nondescript chamber that was lit by a strange crimson glow. _Alright then._ Realizing his father hadn’t joined him, he looked back and saw the man still hovering at the edge of the passageway. “Uh, everything ok?”

Whitening fingers rubbed his temples. “Always the same choice, Skywalker.” Straightening, his face hardened. “What is done cannot be undone, yet what is to come can be. If not for you, for him.” Then, Anakin Skywalker crossed the threshold with a deliberate step.

Unsure if he was meant to respond to the cryptic statement, Luke fidgeted and glanced around the new chamber. It felt different than previous locations. There was an oppressive aura to it. “What is this place?”

“Power, Luke, power,” came a strangely gleeful reply.

Luke’s chest tightened. The new, off-putting current suddenly made sense. “It’s a dark side vortex.”

There was a hollow laugh. “Where do you think you are, my son? You came to a temple of darkness. Should you not expect to find it?”

Luke shivered. “Yeah, I think I’m done. Time to go.”

The fierce blue eyes cracked with streaks of yellow. “No.”

Hairs on his neck rising, Luke took a step back. “What are you talking about?”

His father’s expression distorted, the boyish features twisting. “The chasm must be crossed. I will tarry no longer.”

Edging toward the passageway out, Luke clenched fingers around his sword. “No, Father. My choices are my own.”

Cold rage flooded Anakin Skywalker’s face and he spoke with disturbing quiet, “You will not disobey me.” He flicked a hand and a stone door came crashing down, blocking Luke’s escape route.

Drawing his sword, he pointed it at the now menacing figure. “Let me go.”

There was a derisive laugh. “It would be amusing to watch you jab at me with your metal stick.” His expression turned dismissive. “Stop being foolish, boy. We will continue our journey. Your destiny awaits.”

Luke’s thoughts flew through options. Staying in this bleak chamber was not ideal. Stabbing a spirit was unlikely to get him anywhere, either. Another opportunity to escape could present itself as they moved through the temple. _I guess I did come here for a reason. It likely wasn’t to cut and run. Not as if there’s much of a choice at the moment._ Sheathing his sword, Luke stated sharply, “Fine. We’ll try things your way. However, know that if you try to stop me from choosing my own path it will not work out as you hope.”

The threat dropped and Anakin Skywalker reappeared with an engaging grin. “I expect no less from my son.”

Luke gaped. It was as if he was sharing space with two different people. Not only that, but the expression itself made him shiver. It was his aunt’s grin on a face that had just been chilling. “I don’t know who you are, but you’re _not_ my father.”

His eyes closed and a pained voice whispered, “Oh, I am, Luke. It may be a truth you don’t want to see, but that doesn’t make it a lie.” Eyelids flipped open and he jerked his hand. A new opening materialized at the other end of the chamber. “This way.”

Nerves jittering, he insisted, “You first.”

The man smiled approvingly and moved to the exit. “As you wish, Son of Skywalker.”

_______

Luke gazed down into the blackness of the chasm. “How am I supposed to cross this?”

The man who looked like his father shrugged. “You tell me.” He pointed to a triangular opening carved into the rock face, only accessible through a small outcropping on the other side. “There is the truth you seek.”

Edging along the ravine and assessing strategies, Luke complained, “It’s not possible. It’s too wide.”

There was a hiss of breath. “Always with you it cannot be done. The solution is obvious. You simply will not allow yourself to see it.”

Realization hit and Luke exclaimed, “I’m supposed to trust you to lift me across this thing?!”

“Of course,” was the matter of fact reply. “Destiny cannot be gained by those without the tenacity to take it.”

“Tenacity?! More like throwing myself off a cliff!”

A small grin flitted across the man’s face. “That too.”

Running a hand through his hair, Luke cursed. “This is insane. Why am I even here?! Blast it, Master Yoda!”

“Luke,” a quiet voice interrupted his raging thoughts, “I will not drop you.”

Letting out a choked laugh, he retorted, “Which you?”

The ambiguous figure moved directly in front of him, placing hands on his shoulders. “Both are one. And, your death serves neither of us.”

Luke probed the haunting eyes and tried to ascertain the truth. Unable to come up with anything but his own fear, he turned to logic. It was probably true him dying was not the purpose of whatever evil inhabited this temple. There were ample opportunities to kill him before now. His father, or whoever he was, could simply toss him over the side at any moment for that matter. Still, it was a lot to risk on supposition. At the same time, he couldn’t stand beside a chasm for the rest of his life. _Technically, I’d die of dehydration in a couple of weeks. Well, that’s a cheery thought. Way to stay positive, Skywalker._ Also, something about the earnest face across from him was compelling. Deciding to stick with the faith that had successfully guided him through life, he straightened. “Alright… Father. I’ll trust you.”

Anakin Skywalker smiled. “Good.” Moving behind Luke, he asked impishly, “Ready?”

Calming his mind to dispel the clawing fear, he jerked his head. Slowly floating through the air, Luke averted eyes from the bottomless darkness below. Instead, he imagined the faces of his family, letting the feeling of contentment fill him. If he was going to plunge to a long and harrowing death, Luke wanted his last thoughts to be happy.

Suddenly, he dropped onto hard stone. Jumping up, Luke released a long breath and his tensed muscles uncoiled.

“See?” his father called from the other side of the chasm. “I didn’t even bang your head.”

Luke laughed, more from relief than anything else. Examining the triangular opening, he questioned, “So, I go on alone from this point?”

“Indeed. I’ll be here, if you return.”

Twisting around, Luke remarked, “Uh, _if_ I return?”

Eyebrows rose. “That’s what I said.”

“Great. Just great,” Luke muttered.

“Oh, in case you don’t…” The fierce blue softened. “Know that I do love you, my son. I always did.”

Luke gazed at him and then croaked, “I love you too, Dad.”

A joyful smile lit his father’s face. “It’s more than I deserve, but I won’t say it doesn’t make me happier than I’ve probably ever been—in both life and death.” His expression vacillated. “Would you tell your sister the same for me? She may not want to hear it, but I do want her to know how I feel. Please?”

“I promise she’ll get your message.” Fixing an earnest gaze, Luke continued, “I’m not sure if it matters or not, but I forgive you for… everything.”

The man sucked in a harsh breath and blinked several times, before choking out, “You are _so_ special.” An encouraging smile appeared. “Choose wisely, Luke. Remember where you come from and where you are going.”

He returned a determined nod. “I will.” Then, Luke strode through the opening.

_______

“No!” Luke raced full-out toward the blazing building. He could see their desperation. His aunts reached out for each other from beneath heavy piles of rubble, struggling to spend their last moments together. Uncle Rex stumbled around half-demolished hallways, blinded by smoke as his legs burned. Caam shouted at the man, trying to direct him toward her position while avoiding crackling streams of fire. Leia stood stoically on what remained of the roof, looking at Luke with sad resignation as flames crept ever closer to her position.

No matter how fast he ran, Luke couldn’t seem to reach the collapsing structure. Their faces kept pleading with him to help them. But, he couldn’t.

Then, the end came. The entire structure disintegrated in a mass of dust and flames. Falling to his knees, Luke watched as they died, agony searing his heart. _No. I wasn’t fast enough. Helpless. Weak. Powerless. Why couldn’t I stop it?_

A kindly voice came from behind him. “I’m sorry, my boy. It looks like you were a bit too slow.”

Not even bothering to look, Luke said blankly, “This can’t be. I should have been able to save them. Why couldn't I?”

“Hmm,” the voice responded soothingly, “you lacked the proper skills. Perhaps, we can remedy that? I could teach you what you need to know, so this tragedy never occurs again.”

Luke jerked around to see a distinguished-looking man with the bearing and dress of a royal standing on the dusty, desolate road. “Who are you?”

“Oh, merely a traveler, who saw a fellow being in distress and thought to help. Do you wish to take me up on my offer? I’m in a hurry to reach my destination, so you must decide quickly. If you choose to avail yourself of my knowledge, we can travel together.”

Considering for a moment, Luke asked, “Are these Jedi skills?”

There was a small cackle. “No, no, my boy. The Force is much bigger than mere Jedi. So many abilities are there for those with the will to possess them. The question is… do you have what it takes to save your family?”

Something in his mind was repelled by the strange man and his offer. It cried out for him to stop, to turn back, to accept loss and defeat. _No. Haven’t I lost enough already? I will be the protector my family needs. I won’t fail again._ Luke rose to his feet. “Teach me.”

_______

“Focus.”

Luke’s breaths came in heavy gasps and then he sagged against the huge pillar. “I can’t. It’s too big.”

The old master’s lip twisted. “I am not interested in excuses. Do it.”

Wincing, Luke ran a hand through his hair. “Fine. I’ll try again.”

“No. There is no try. There is only victory. Do you wish to save your family or not?”

He stiffened. “Of course! I don’t see how getting angry at pillars is going to accomplish that.”

“Foolish boy. You must use your anger.” Then, his face turned thoughtful. “Perhaps, you need a more practical demonstration.” He flicked a lazy hand toward the road ahead. “There. Victory or defeat, young Skywalker. Choose wisely.”

Twisting around, Luke’s blood ran cold.

Karyna was surrounded by a dozen of the vilest creatures he’d ever seen. They had the look of rabid wolves, but the size and terror of something from the forests of Kashyyyk. Scaly hide covered matted fur and intertwined horns rose from their heads, the latter of which were currently aimed at Karyna.

Her vivid blue eyes locked on him with desperate relief. “Luke! Help me, please!”

Pure terror pierced his heart, and Luke raced toward her. “I’m coming!” But, once again, he couldn’t seem to get there.

The horrifying animals set on her with vicious growls. Her pleading screams echoed in his ears.

Frantic rage exploded from his soul. “NO!” Throwing up arms, he channeled his fury into pure, focused power. Luke tore the animals away from her battered body, ripping horns from their heads and slamming them into anything he could find.

Spotting a mass of jagged rocks lining the road, he flung three into them, reveling in the dying gurgles as they ended their pitiful lives. Luke clenched his fist and throttled another, until it’s pathetic whines ceased. Tossing the carcass to the side, he turned attention to the remaining enemies.

The inhuman creatures had frozen in place, twitching strangely.

_You’ll pay for this._ He twisted around and forced the huge pillar off the ground. Aiming with deadly intent, the man sent it spinning through the air into the paralyzed vermin. There was a gratifying sound of cracking bones as it crushed them all. Luke smiled with immense satisfaction as exhilarating power coursed through his veins.

He restarted his run to Karyna and was finally able to reach her. Luke kneeled over her battered body and breathed in relief. She was still alive.

The girl blinked up at him weakly and then her face spiked with panic. “Who… are you?”

Luke frowned. “Are you ok? Let me look you over.”

She began to scramble away from him, gasping chokes sounding as blood poured from gashes in her chest and legs. “Get away from me.”

Frustration rising, he grabbed her arm to halt the struggling movements. “Karyna, I’m your brother. Quit moving. Now.”

“No, you’re not! Luke’s eyes aren’t yours. And, he would never do...” She stared at the gory bodies surrounding them. “... that.” Her voice pitched low. “You _enjoyed_ it.”

He flinched. “Don’t be stupid. I did what had to be done.”

She pulled out of his grip and tried to get up but collapsed to the ground.

Fear rising, Luke’s mind hardened into steel. “Karyna, stop this nonsense. You _will_ obey me.”

Her lips curled back. “Don’t touch me.”

Fists clenching, he bit out, “You don’t get a choice.” Striding forward, the man wrapped an arm around her waist and started dragging Karyna toward the open road, where there was space to treat her injuries.

Small fists began jabbing him. “No! I won’t let you!”

Fury rose and he shook the girl violently, arms crunching her tighter. “Stop! I’m trying to help you!”

There was a strangled cry. “You’re hurting me!” Then, her body went slack.

His anger died as dread rose in its place. _No._ Laying Karyna down, Luke frantically examined her.

Sad eyes gazed up at him as a fading voice whispered, “You are not my… brother.” Then, her chest stopped moving and Karyna went silent.

Luke’s entire being quaked in terrible shock as a guttural scream rose up from his soul. “No!”

A flat voice came from behind him. “Well, that was unfortunate.” The man tsked. “Such an ungrateful child. You saved her life and what does she do? She didn’t understand. You did it for her.”

Unable to process anything, Luke continued to stare at the delicate, motionless body. _What have I done?_

A hand gripped his shoulder. “Still, all is not lost. Others remain, yes? Perhaps, they will be more appreciative. Shall we continue?”

His father’s face flashed with an engaging grin. Then, it distorted into yellow-tinted rage. _Where I come from… What am I doing? Where am I going?_

The wheedling voice came again. “Come, come, don’t let her lack of faith stop you. Her choices were her own. You cannot blame yourself for them. Your hate has made you powerful. Look at how easily you defeated those who threatened your family. There is so much more you can achieve.”

_‘You are not my brother.’_ The truth surfaced from waves of chaos. _This is not my path. It will bring pain to those I love, not salvation. It already has._

His eyes fixed on Karyna, hopelessness settling into his soul. _It’s too late. You’ve already gone too far. You think you can come back after what you just did?_

Luminara’s voice inexplicably flowed into his mind. _‘It’s never too late, my special boy. Don’t lose hope.’_ Latching onto the words, Luke filled with determination. _I won’t compound my mistakes._ Throwing off the hand, he rose to his feet. “No. My destiny is my own." He stepped back and pointed down the road. “Go. I have no need of you.”

The kindly eyes turned cold, voice icing over with menace. “Consider carefully, boy. Think of how powerless you felt watching your family die. It will happen again and again. By rejecting my guidance, you limit yourself. You will never reach your potential.”

Luke met his gaze unflinchingly. “Maybe. Or, perhaps, I will reach a different potential. Either way, it is mine to reach. Now, leave.”

There was a disturbing grin and then the regal face shimmered—a gaunt, wrinkled visage that was terrifyingly familiar replacing it. “No, young Skywalker. You cannot escape your destiny.” Palpatine cackled as a violent maelstrom of wind swept across the plane.

The gusts knocked him backwards, and Luke found himself being tossed around the desolate landscape as panic began to set in. _Focus!_ He centered and his senses aligned in a perfect balance he’d never experienced. Halting his uncontrolled motion, the man rose and fought through the buffeting vortex to reach Karyna’s body. He couldn’t leave her here.

Palpatine’s face contorted with rage and spindly fingers emerged from his cloak, whipping the air into a frenzy.

Blinding dust and jagged rocks pounded Luke relentlessly. Channeling his newfound harmony outward, he created a protective bubble around both him and Karyna. A furious cyclone howled around him, but the man felt none of it. Gazing at the pure evil before him, Luke smiled. “You have failed. I am a… Jedi.”

Malignant eyes stared back and then a final cackle sounded. “So be it, _Jedi._ ” Then, his nightmare vanished, and the air calmed once more.

A plaintive murmur came from his feet, “Luke?”

Desperate joy surging, he dropped to his knees and grabbed Karyna up. “Thank the Force. I thought I…” Tears burned his skin as Luke heaved breaths.

She leaned back with an adorable grin. “My brother would never hurt me.” Kissing his cheek, Karyna whispered, “We have faith in you. Keep going. See you when you get home.” Then, the girl disappeared from his arms.

Falling back onto the dusty ground, Luke numbly stared down the never-ending road as his muscles throbbed. Closing exhausted eyes, he tried to calm the turmoil. Everything aligned into balanced harmony once more, and Luke’s eyes shot open.

An indistinct sphere materialized in front of him, streaks of amethyst light radiating in all directions. It coalesced into a huge ring of shiny, pitch black stone with inscriptions carved into the entire circumference.

_It’s from my vision._ Rising to his feet, he ran fingers over the edges. A deep feeling of peace settled over him. _This is my path._

Out of the corner of his eye, Luke spotted a figure atop a nearby plateau and sucked in a happy breath.

His father gazed back at him, pride shining from his entire being. After a few moments, Anakin Skywalker raised a hand in farewell.

Smiling softly, Luke returned the gesture and then stepped into the ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was heavy...


	98. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - What We Leave Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What We Leave Behind: ...is more important than how long we stay.

Ahsoka galloped in the castle gates. Without even pulling up, she leapt off her horse and raced past saluting guards. _Please._

Running full-out down corridors, the woman finally reached her destination and rushed into the half-lit quarters. Mournful faces jerked to her amidst an oppressive stillness. _No._

Ahsoka fixed on the bed, where Luminara lay motionless, hands folded on her chest. _Please no._ Sending her gaze careening around, she pleaded for someone, anyone to tell her it wasn’t true.

Multiple pairs of sorrowful eyes gazed back at her in terrible silence, broken only by a muffled sob from Karyna as she buried her head in Caam’s chest.

Barriss was sitting on the other side of the bed with a vacant expression. Rex stood ramrod straight behind her, gripping the woman’s shoulders. His eyes met hers sadly and reality could no longer be denied.

Numbness spread from Ahsoka’s still beating chest to the tips of her fingers. _Too late. You’re too late._

Drifting forward, she gazed down at what had once been Luminara Unduli. The woman might have been sleeping peacefully, except for the already waxing skin and absent breath. _Damn you, Ahsoka. You never even told her how important she was to you. That you loved her so much. Not once._

Reaching out shaky fingers, she ran them over the not quite cold face. _So close. If I had just been a little faster._ Anger spiked her heart, and she turned to Barriss. “How did this happen? Why didn’t you send for me sooner? I should have been here!”

There was no response as her wife continued to stare blankly at Luminara. Rex pinned her with an accusing glare and tightened his hands around Barriss.

Clamping down on her spiraling emotions, Ahsoka shifted focus to the healers standing at the foot of the bed. “Someone tell me what happened. Now.”

Hans cleared his throat. “Corellian Fever. It’s not that uncommon a malady this time of year. We’ve treated a multitude of patients for it recently. It’s characterized by—”

“I don’t want a rundown of the healer’s manual,” Ahsoka snapped. _I know what Corellian Fever is!_ “Are you seriously telling me the equivalent of a bad cold did this?”

The man frowned. “Yes. She was recovering well, until yesterday. The underlying epistemology—”

Juliayl touched his shoulder. “I don’t think she needs the scientific explanation, Hans.” The woman gave her a pained look. “I’m so sorry, Ahsoka. We sent for you as soon as we realized the danger. As you know, it’s not a life-threatening illness. However, in rare cases, there can be secondary complications. Unfortunately, her already weakened system couldn’t handle them. Barriss even tried some non-traditional remedies without success. Luminara’s heart and lungs couldn’t recover and simply shut down.”

Her veins pulsed, chest slamming into itself. _You control it. It doesn’t control you. You control it. You control it._

Asajj appeared beside Ahsoka and clenched her arm. “They did everything possible. She was up and about at lunch yesterday. It just suddenly hit her.” She paused, before adding quietly, “Luminara left this world at peace and loved. I think she’d want you to remember that.”

The anger drained, leaving misery in its wake. Ahsoka squeezed burning eyes shut and shoved the tears into the recesses of her soul. _Your family needs you. Be strong._ Flipping her eyes open, she nodded stiffly toward the healers. “I understand. Thank you for doing all you could.”

Returning her gaze to Luminara, Ahsoka leaned down and pressed lips to her forehead. “I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that, while it still mattered. Wherever you are, I hope you know.” Taking a moment to calm the agonizing guilt and loss, she straightened and moved to the other side of the bed.

Rex gave Ahsoka a weary smile and then stepped back.

She knelt beside her wife and placed a hand on the drawn face. Turning Barriss away from the only mother she had ever known, Ahsoka locked their eyes. “Hey. I’m here. Focus on me, my amazing wife. We’re going to be alright. I promise.”

The piercing blue slowly sharpened into reality. Then, they flooded with anguish as a strained voice whispered, “She’s gone, Ahsoka.”

Pulling the trembling woman to her chest, she wrapped Barriss up tightly. “I know.”

________

Karyna wiped the back of her hand across her face and unrolled the parchment. Blinking hazily, she tried to read the elegant script. Unsuccessful, the girl placed it on the desk as more tears spilled down her cheeks.

After several minutes, her body seemed to run out of tears. Rubbing aching eyes, she picked up the letter once more and read each word with desperate resolve.

_Hello my little Ryna,_

_I’m very sorry to leave you, darling girl. I’ll miss you terribly. Please, don’t be too sad, though. Be happy that we got to spend so much time together. I certainly am._

_As I contemplate the coming adventure of death, I find myself not worried about your future. Ever since you walked into that sitting room in Coruscant, I’ve known how special you were. You’ve always been capable of achieving whatever you want. Whether it is simple, legendary, or anything in-between doesn’t matter. It’s all possible for you. My greatest wish was to be there for you as you journeyed to your eventual destination. Hopefully, I succeeded in some small measure. Either way, I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become._

_Now, keep going. Build your house. Become the person you want. Go out and capture what makes you happy. Find your destiny. Whatever that is, it will be amazing. Do you know why? Not because you’re brilliant, or capable, or fierce. You are all of those things. Yet, none of it compares to the pure essence of Karyna Offee. She is truly and uniquely special. There is no one like her and there never will be. And, that is wonderful._

_My only advice is to occasionally let others carry you on the journey. None of us can do things without help in this life. I may not be there anymore, but don't let that stop you from depending on others for support. You have so many people who love you. Let them travel with you and you'll find not just success, but true happiness._

_Remember, you are you. That’s all you ever need to be. So, keep being the girl I always adored and know that I love you… just the way you are._

_Your Nara_

Karyna stared numbly at the inked words, trembling fingers shaking the parchment. “I love you, too.”

________

The woman gazed at burning embers, running fingers over the sealed letter. _Really, Leia? What’s the point in putting it off? It doesn’t make her more or less dead._ She continued to watch the fire die without moving.

“Hey, do you, uh, need something?”

Twisting her head to an awkward-looking Han in the sitting room door, she shrugged. “Doubt it. Unless you can make me more rational.”

There was a low grunt. “Can’t say that goal has ever crossed my mind.” Sauntering over, he slid behind Leia’s chair and massaged her shoulders. “In fact, just the opposite.”

She tilted her head up with a small grin. “Maybe, you’re having a bad influence on me.”

“About time.” His expression turned wheedling. “Come on, tell me. What’s going on?”

Leia exhaled and returned her attention to the fireplace. “I don’t know. I’ve been holding this letter from Luminara for an hour. I came in here to finally read it, but I’m not.”

“Oh.” His fingers tightened around her shoulders. “Well, you should. The one she sent me was… nice.”

Lifting amused eyebrows, she looked back up at her husband. “Nice?”

He smirked. “Yeah, nice. You gotta problem with that?”

Raising a placating hand, she replied, “No. No problem. Nice it is.”

Han dipped his head and pressed lips to hers. “Good. Now, why don’t you want to read your nice letter?”  
  
“No idea.” Leia rubbed her temples as she felt tears rising. “I don’t know what she would want to say to me, anyway. It’s not like I was the most devoted grandchild or anything. At least, Obi-Wan and I got to spend some time together right before he died. Luminara, I hadn’t seen in months. Gods, I didn’t even take the time to reply to her last letter.”

“What’s that got to do with it? You think she didn’t have anything to say, just because you weren’t there when she died or something? That lady loved you.”

Unable to keep a few tears from escaping her eyes, she murmured, “That almost makes it worse. I should have been there. How many more will I lose, while I’m too busy to notice?”

Han rounded the chair and knelt in front of her. “Listen, Princess, you can’t do anything about it now, right? Everyone else is an easy fix. Tell those swanky councilors of yours to suck it up and just visit them more. In the meantime, give Luminara the attention that you wish you had by seeing what she has to say.”

Leia stared for a few moments and then a wan smile formed. “Alright, my surprisingly rational husband. Get out of here and let me take your sage advice.”

He grinned and kissed her once more. “Yes, your worshipfulness.”

As Han left the sitting room, Leia unrolled the parchment. Taking a deep breath, she finally read.

_Hello my determined girl,_

_It appears I’ve left this world. I’ll miss all of you, of course, but there is something exciting and fulfilling about finishing out your life. Especially, when it’s as full as mine has been._

_I originally started this letter by telling you how smart, capable, and amazing you were—that you are already well along the path to greatness. You are all those things and more, but I don’t think you need me to tell you so. Instead, I decided it was more important for you to know how much you are loved no matter where your journey takes you._

_Your family loves you so much, Leia. Whether you fulfill your destiny here with us or elsewhere makes no difference. Because, we believe in you and we always will. Keep following your calling, my dear. Your family will be here anytime you need them._

_Still, I want you to be happy as you save the world. To that end, do you remember what I told you all those years ago, when you were learning mental time? You reminded me so much of Barriss and, on some level, myself. I desperately wanted you not to repeat my mistakes. Life goes by quickly, so don’t forget to schedule a little fun now and again. It will be a difficult needle to thread, but I have complete faith in your judgement to know when continued sacrifice is necessary, it's time to pause the battle, or even retreat and fight a different war. My final words of wisdom for you, I suppose._

_What’s most important to me, though, is that you remember how much happiness you brought me. Watching you learn and grow through tragedy and joy was a rare gift. Seeing you take your rightful place as a leader gave me immense satisfaction. Hearing you sway a crowd with your passion or watching you guide people to freedom made me prouder than I can express. Whether you were doing it where I was or elsewhere was irrelevant. Simply the thought of you always made me smile._

_My last request, if you will grant it, is this. When you think of me after I’m gone, keep up the tradition. Wherever I’m going next, it would be nice to see you smile in my place every once in a while. Then, no matter what happens to either of us, the happiness will remain._

_I love you very much my unofficially favorite grand-something,_

_Luminara_

Leia laid the letter on her lap, eyes floating back to the now muted flames. Blinking back tears, she smiled.

_______

“I have something for you.”

“A present?” Ahsoka asked impishly. “Or, do you have yet another of my former possessions that you have saved, in order to return it to me at the proper psychological moment in my life?”

Barriss grinned. “Well, really more of a… ok, I don’t know what to call it this time. It’s not really a present. Neither is it returning what’s yours. But, it is also both.”

Staring in bemusement, she commented, “This is a new one.”

Her wife's grin faded as she held out a plainly wrapped package with an attached parchment roll. “It’s something Luminara wanted you to have.”

Ahsoka sucked in a breath as aching sadness passed through her. The woman's death still felt fresh. As if she might stroll through the door at any moment with a mischievous glint in her eye and a witty remark.

She shifted attention to Barriss, who was clearly fighting back tears. Wrapping arms around her, Ahsoka didn’t know what to say to make it better, so she just held her.

After a few moments, Barriss sniffed and leaned back, feathering fingers over her face. “I’m alright, don’t worry. But, you’re not. You don’t have to be strong for me. I know you loved her deeply. And, that makes me happy. It also made her happy.”

Flat tears crept out of Ahsoka’s eyes and down her cheeks. “I guess I just wish I had told her that before she…”

“She knew, my shining girl. Please, believe me. She loved you so much, as well. Not just because she loved your mother, but because you were you. I think she loved you from the time you were six years old. She wasn’t great at saying it sometimes is all.”

Ahsoka nodded tightly, feeling some comfort that Luminara knew she cared about her.

“I’ll let you open it on your own, ok?” Barriss ran a gentle hand over her cheek and then exited their room.

Sitting down on the bed, Ahsoka opened the parchment. Elegantly formed words were inked on the page.

_Well my dear, if you are reading this, I suppose I’m dead. I’m sorry to leave you. Though, I can’t say that I won’t be content to join Obi-Wan in whatever comes after this life. I’ll tell him that you said hello._

_This time, as I contemplate death, I don’t feel any regrets. You taught me long ago that regret only hampers what was meant to be. You also reminded me that attachment to others is what living means—something to be embraced and not feared. Without you, I might never have realized my mistakes._

_More than that, Ahsoka Tano always brought amazing light and happiness into my life. Your strength gave me strength. Never lose your shining faith, my dear. It not only changed my life, it changed the world. It’s your legacy and your future. I know you will pass it on to those who come after you._

_In any case, I wanted to leave something to help you remember two women who loved you deeply. Two women who thought you were so very, very special. If I do have any regret as I leave this life, it is that I’m not sure I ever convinced you of that. I hope everytime you look at the enclosed item, you will remember how special you truly are._

_I love you very much, my darling girl,_

_Luminara_

_p.s. I know this goes without saying but keep taking good care of my amazing child. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have doing it._

Tears streamed down Ahsoka’s face as she took in the words, finally releasing the grief in her soul.

Eventually, she placed the letter on the side table and slowly unwrapped the package in her lap. A small gasp escaped her lips as the velvet red fabric came into view. Ahsoka gingerly pulled the cape that had once belonged to her own mother from its bindings and let it drop out in front of her. It was still beautiful, even after all these years.

She rose from the bed and walked over to the mirror, tears of joy and pain flowing over her cheeks once more. Ahsoka stared at the cape for a moment and then whipped it around her, attaching it securely to her shoulders.

As she gazed at herself, Ahsoka Tano felt… special.

_______

Caam glowered at the ceiling, fighting off rising despair. _It’s not fair. It was only a cold. No one dies from that. Of course, someone I love would._

Her fists clenched. _Loving me is like a curse or something. Mom was tortured for years, because she wanted to save the world for me. Thatcher died trying to keep me safe. Obi-Wan sacrificed his life to save mine. Luminara caught my cold taking care of me. Even Wuulo, gone because he cared about me too much. I hurt them all._

She rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball as pain lanced her heart. _What is about me that causes it?_ It was a constant question without an answer. It tormented her thoughts. Now, Caam had another loss to add to her count. _There must be something I can do to stop it. Something. I should be able to do something._

There was a knock on her door, and she ground teeth together. _Why does everyone harass me when someone dies? I can take care of myself. I did it for years. I can do it again. Go away!_

The knock came again. “Caam, it's me. I know you’re there. Can I come in?”

She stared at the door as warring instincts fought. _K needs me. No. It’ll just make things worse when she leaves you._

The call became pleading, “Please, Cab.”

Unable to handle the distressed voice, she croaked, “Ok.”

The girl appeared with tears in her eyes. Running to the bed, she leapt onto it and buried her head in Caam’s chest.

Her own misery vanished, replaced by concerned surprise. Caam wrapped arms around her friend. “Hey, it's ok. Everything’s going to be alright.”

There was only a sob in response. Unable to come up with anything more encouraging, Caam propped a chin on Karyna's head and simply held her.

Eventually, the trembling stopped as the girl quieted. Karyna’s head lifted and she wiped the back of her hand across a tear-streaked face. “Sorry.”

Caam dried the wet cheeks with gentle fingers. “No worries, Kayo. I get it.”

Karyna sniffled. “What about you? Are you ok?”

She put on a grin. “Sure.”

An eyebrow quirked. “As if I believe that.”

Caam sighed. “Worth a try. Honestly, you’re catching me off-guard here. I usually have to beg you to tell me when you’re upset.”

There was a slight wince. Then, the midnight blue glinted. “I figured you might need practice at making me feel better.”

She snorted. “How did I do?”

Karyna waved a superior hand. “Not bad, I suppose. Next time let me into the room faster, though. I almost lost it in the hallway, where everyone could have seen me.”

Caam laughed and then quickly sobered. “Sorry, K. I was—it's just whenever something bad happens everyone sticks to me like scum on a Hutt. As if they think I can’t deal with stuff on my own.”

The girl pursed lips. “I’d say it’s more because everyone loves you and wants you to be ok. But, let’s pretend that’s the case. Why does it matter? It’s not bad to have lots of help, right?”

Raising eyebrows, Caam replied, “Who are you and what have you done with Karyna Offee?”

There was a tiny glare. “Ok, I’m not the best at it. Still, doesn’t mean it’s not true."

“Yeah, I’ll remind you of that the next time you tell me you’re…” She put her fingers up in air quotes. “... just tired.”

Her mouth edged into a cute grin. “Whatever.” Then, the grin dropped. “I mean it, though. You aren’t going to shut me out again, right?”

Caam grimaced. “I’m trying, Kayo. It’s hard sometimes is all.”

Karyna chewed her lip. “Ok… but you know I’m not going anywhere, right?”

Shifting focus to the bed, she shrugged. “Dunno.”

Hands gripped her face and pulled it up. “You don’t believe me.”

Gazing into the awesome eyes, Caam fought for control. Right now, all she wanted was to press lips to the beautiful ones in front of her and beg Karyna to stay forever. _Stop it. Don’t go there. It will be Thatcher all over again._ Risking Karyna was too much for her mind to process. Taking a few deep breaths, she managed to stop the rising panic, before saying, “It’s just that people I care about don’t really stick around. Even if you didn’t want to go, you might have to. Luminara didn’t have a choice, you know.”

“That’s not true! Lots of people you care about are still here. We’ve never left, and we won’t. I guess everyone dies eventually but not all the time. It might seem that way at the moment, because you’ve lost a lot of people in the last couple of years. That doesn’t mean you’ll lose more anytime soon.” Her expression turned fierce. “And, _I_ certainly won’t be one of them, Caam Secura. So, don’t you dare think otherwise.”

The shining confidence rekindled some hope and a smile crept up. Returning her hand to Karyna’s cheek, she massaged the triangles. “Ok, you work on telling me how you’re feeling, and I’ll work on depending on you to be here. Deal?”

The girl grinned. “Deal, Cabbage patch.” Her voice softened. “Besides, Nara had lived a long time. She was sad to leave us but happy to move on, I think. Did you read your letter?”

Caam looked away. “No.” _It’s too much._

Karyna laid a head on her shoulder. “You should. It was like talking to her again or something.” Her voice wavered. “I… miss her.”

Shifting flat, she curled an arm around Karyna. “Me too.” _Maybe, it’s not too much, if you have her? You did promise to try. Here’s your chance._ Stretching her hand to the bedside table, Caam picked up the sealed parchment. “Do you want to read mine to me?”

Karyna jerked eyes to Caam and then to the letter she was holding. “Are you sure?”

“Yep. You said not doing things on our own was good, right? We can both pretend she’s still here one last time. Together.” The words struck a deep chord. _Together. That's all I need. Besides, I haven’t lost K by just being her friend. No reason to tell her how I feel. We'll just be how we are. Yeah, it’s safer that way._ The decision brought a new sense of calm. _I can handle that._

"Ok, together it is," the girl murmured and took the parchment, before rolling onto her back.

Caam steeled her heart and gazed at the ceiling as Karyna read.

_Hello darling girl,_

_Looks like I’ve left you and I’m sorry for that. I’m afraid it’s how life is. But, it’s not all life is. Life is full of wonderful things. Love, hope, happiness, peace, awe, and contentment are all possible. However, they are only possible if you let them in. To do that, you have to depend on yourself and other people to help provide them. If you don’t, life becomes empty, lonely, and meaningless._

_I want you to remember that it’s ok to be sad right now. You are allowed to hurt. In fact, if you didn’t, I might be a bit upset with you. Because, that would mean you weren’t truly living. If you’re doing it right, life should be full of joy and pain. You can’t have one without the other. However, the joy always outweighs the pain. Sadness is passing and temporary. True happiness is eternal._

_That is how I leave this life, in a state of happy contentment. I didn’t always feel that way. I spent many years pushing people away and pretending I didn’t care about anyone. I thought it would help with the pain. However, it just made it worse, and I ended up hurting those I loved. It’s a tempting proposition when you’re in pain to think you can make it better by never taking the chance of it happening again. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Not only do you miss out on the things that make life worth living, you are also a different kind of miserable. If you’ll listen to me one last time, listen to this… Live. Don’t let anything stop you._

_While you do, remember your grandmother loves you so much. You filled my life with joy everyday. I know you will do the same for everyone else after I’m gone. So, keep shining bright, my unbreakable girl, and keep living._

_All my love,_

_Luminara_

Karyna’s voice trailed off into a broken sob. Her own tears flowing, Caam pulled her close and they both said goodbye to Luminara Unduli… together.

_______

Barriss sat on a hill above Shili, gazing out at the distant mountains. _This was your favorite spot, wasn’t it? I wish we’d come here together more often. Well, I wish a lot of things._

Glancing down at the small package with attached parchment roll, she reached out a trembling hand. Her fingers ran over the textured paper a few times, before finally picking it up and spreading it open on her lap.

_Oh, my darling child, writing this letter is bringing me to tears. It’s the last one, and yet I can’t seem to finish it. I’ve rewritten, scratched out, ripped up, and otherwise destroyed every version. Now, I’m trying again. I’m not sure if I simply don’t know what to say or there’s not enough paper to say it all._

_I love you so much, Barriss. Words have never been enough for me to express it. I had hoped writing it out would make it easier, but that is apparently not to be._

_Acknowledging the impossibility of the task, let me tell you why you deserve to be loved. This is not why I love my own child. I’d love you no matter who you were. But, I’ve always suspected you still harbor some seed of doubt on how worthy you are of my love. I will not go to my grave without remedying such an unacceptable and completely ridiculous state of affairs._

_You are magnificent, Barriss Offee. You’ve persevered through pain, loss, and neglect. You give of yourself as no one can. You work tirelessly to save everyone, no matter how deserving they may be. You are smarter, faster, and tougher than seems possible for anyone. Your skills are quite literally too long for my parchment roll to list, which in itself tells you how amazing you are. You have always been much, much more than good enough. For me, you are an ideal against which the rest of the world is measured._

_Most importantly, you make everyone you touch better. Without you, this family would not exist. Children would be suffering, never realizing their true worth. Your wife would have been lost long ago. Your parents would never have found happiness. Your friends and family would be living without purpose or in lonely misery. You are the key. So, don’t you doubt it now or in the future. If you do, I will definitely haunt you. Listen to your mother._

_Everything you are fills my soul with pride and awe. Yet, when all is said and done, that is not what truly matters to me. Because, you are more than all of those things—more than impressive, inspiring, or special. You are… mine. You always have been, and you always will be. That means I leave this world the happiest mother on the planet._

_I love you so much my amazing daughter,_

_Your mother_

_p.s. I’ve left you something to remind you that your parents wouldn’t exist without you. The Force itself can’t describe how much they loved you, so don’t you dare forget it._

Her soul blazed with both sorrow and warmth. Tears poured out as her foggy eyes reread the words too many times to count.

When dusk began to fall, Barriss finally wiped them away and calmed her crying heart. Reluctantly putting the letter to the side, she turned her attention to the package that accompanied it. Unwrapping the plain paper, the woman found a tiny, wooden box. Carefully opening it, she gasped. _It’s not. She left this to me?_

Her heart swelled, and she lifted the silver necklace. Barriss gazed at the beautiful, custom-made pendant depicting a hunter and a spy staring across a forest of trees at each other as dawn broke behind them. She blinked rapidly as the image swayed in the light breeze across the hill.

Sliding the necklace over her head, Barriss tightened fingers around it. Then, she fixed her eyes on the setting sun and thought of her parents. There were no tears this time, only joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> †Farewell, our glorious matriarch of wisdom. In the Force, we will always find you.†  
> _______
> 
> Usually, I don't have much to say after killing off one of my characters. It quite literally hurts me to do it and chapter notes seem a bit too much for my brain to process. I'm not sure if other writers find this to be the case or not. Maybe, I give them too much life in my mind. Yet, for the first time, I'm feeling content rather than depressed. Perhaps, Luminara is just that special. 
> 
> Some of the things in this chapter set the stage for the future as we close out the past. Of course, I couldn't show everyone getting letters or that would be an entire work in and of itself. I only needed specific people to serve certain story beats. And, Luke already got his equivalent before leaving on his vision quest. That doesn't mean the rest of the family didn't get one, because they did. I tried to ensure this was clear by Han mentioning his. Potential fodder for later one-shots, I suppose. 
> 
> I do try to vary my approach to deaths. Sometimes, I go for out of nowhere, shock factor. Other times, it's an extended death scene with lots of tearful goodbyes. Others happen off screen and we only get get the reactions. More rarely, it's told in flashback. Often, it's some mixture of these factors. I try to make it unique so no one's death feels the same. In this case, I signaled pretty heavily Luminara's coming demise (signaled as in she told us outright). The only 'surprise' was when. In a sense, we've been going through her death scene since we started this part. This chapter was merely the aftermath. Interestingly, this made it the most different for me. Before I kill someone, I feel a strong need to give them a shining moment and final interactions with the people they love. Because Luminara left letters, her moments came after death. I found the inverse approach quite fulfilling. You'll have to tell me if you agree!
> 
> On a structural note, my completist readers will have noticed this chapter contains the deleted "True Failure" epilogue which is posted in "Life Behind the Scenes" (i.e. Ahsoka receives her mother's cape). It's a bit different as its theme relates more to the afterimage interludes and prior works than current main story events, unlike the other letters. Hopefully, it flows with the rest of the chapter. I debated on its inclusion, but in the end felt it belonged here as a character beat that was important in Ahsoka's development overall and to tie in prior events. This also means I have now FINALLY exceeded the timeline of every other currently published story. Even though we caught up to everything except the epilogue back in Part 4, I find this fact strangely fulfilling.


	99. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balance: Once discovered, it changes everything.

Luke stumbled out of the other side of the ring and braced against it to steady his balance. As his head slowed its spinning, he tried to process the chaotic sounds and images from the strange passage. A few were recognizable from his own past, but others were unfamiliar. Unable to make any sense of it, the man straightened and glanced around.

 _Force, it’s cold._ He appeared to be in some sort of cavern. The rock walls were made of smooth obsidian and radiated their own light that was neither bright nor dim. _Well, that's different._ Still, there was something familiar about this place.

“It’s about time,” an annoyed voice commented.

Spinning in a half circle, Luke’s mouth fell open.

A young woman was leaning against an obsidian wall. She was dressed for the weather in a fleeced jerkin, dark wool pants, and fur-lined boots that hugged every inch of her lithe frame. Lean fingers gripped the hilt of a dao sabre hanging from her side. The black leather scabbard was decorated with wispy, silver creatures that resembled krayt dragons. Shoulder length, golden red hair framed a lightly freckled, captivating face. “We expected you hours ago.”

Picking his jaw up from the floor, he replied dryly, “Sorry to inconvenience you. I had a bit of trouble deciding whether to ruin my life or not.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “And?”

Luke rolled tired shoulders. “Guess we’ll find out.”

Sharp, emerald eyes assessed him. “What are your intentions, portal man?”

He stared for a moment and then grinned. “Since I have no idea where I am, who you are, or what I’m supposed to be doing, it’s hard to say. If you prefer, I can make up a dashing story about being kidnapped by evil sprites and shoved into a glowing ring of destiny.”

There was a growl. “Great. A smart ass. Just what I need.”

A stern voice rang out from behind him. “Mara, are you harassing our guest? You were supposed to escort him to the chamber.”

Luke flipped back around to see a figure cloaked in white hovering at the cavern entrance.

The woman evidently named Mara strutted over to the newcomer. “He came from the Malachor temple!”

A pale hand emerged from the cloak and laid on her shoulder. “The Force has decreed his arrival. Where he originated is irrelevant.”

She gritted teeth. “Not to me.”

 _Can you people argue about this later?_ Luke stamped his feet, trying to fight off both frustration and cold. “Uh, so who exactly are you?”

The figure bowed and answered in a solemn tone, “We are the Dai Bendu. The ones in the middle.”

“Ok… not super helpful, but I guess it’s nice to meet you.” Another shiver made him scrunch his shoulders tighter. “Where are we?”

Mara locked arms across her chest. “Why do you want to know?”

His stretched nerves finally snapped. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe, because I’ve been away from home for more than a year on an insane mission, courtesy of an incomprehensible vision and a disembodied spirit of a Jedi master. I’ve just survived one of the most horrifying experiences of my life that almost sent me down a path of darkness. Then, I promptly got transported into an unknown place for an unclear purpose. To top it all off, I’m starving, frozen, and may pass out at any moment, while putting up with a snippy interrogation. But, hey, if a simple answer about where in the bloody Force I am is too much, _fine._ I’ll probably be dead from hypothermia soon, anyway.”

The woman gazed at him and then the edges of her mouth formed an insolent grin. “Finally, an answer worth hearing.”

There was a heavy sigh from under the cloak. “We’ll provide sustenance and warmth, while we discuss what brought you here, young Jedi. Will you accompany us to the Chamber of Awakening?”

Luke rubbed his hands vigorously. “I have no idea what that is, but you had me at the whole warm part.”

_______

“Andobi, huh?” Luke chewed the gritty wad of something that tasted like a cross between ragger’s bread and smoked anuba meat. “That’s like the other side of the world.” Swallowing the last bite of food, his gaze travelled around the circle of robed figures. “How did I get here?”

The white clad man he’d met earlier responded, “You tell us, young Skywalker.”

Luke stretched his hands toward the large block of obsidian stone centered between them all, enjoying the heat stinging his fingers. Feeling the kind of contentment that comes from being warm and fed, he grinned. “A giant stone ring with engravings appeared. I walked through it.”

Mara, who had been pacing restlessly around the circle, halted. “What did the engravings say?”

He shrugged. “I couldn’t read them.”

“Then, how did you know to enter the portal?” she asked dryly.

Luke repositioned himself on the circular, stone bench they were occupying, crossing his legs and leaning against the rock slab behind his back. “I just knew.”

Mara scowled. “Jedi.”

He gave her a bright smile. “What’s your point?”

Her mouth tightened, and she resumed wearing down the chamber floor without responding.

“Um, I take it you don’t care for Jedi?”

“I didn’t say that, portal man,” Mara snapped. Clenching her sabre and taking a deep breath, she added in a calmer tone, “If I were you, I’d ask your questions, before the elders go into meditation. You might never get another chance.”

Luke considered continuing the thread, but then decided to take her advice. Finding out more about this unusual woman could wait. Returning attention to the anonymous figures, he asked, “Do you know why I was brought here?”

The scarlet-cloaked elder sitting closest to him answered, “You brought yourself here.”

 _These people are worse than Master Yoda._ “Alright. I suppose that means if I ask why I brought myself here, you’ll just ask me to tell you that.”

Five hoods stared back at him.

Running a hand through his hair, Luke tried a different approach. “Ok, so I was in Malachor because a Jedi Master—at least, I think it was him—told me I’d choose my path there. Then, I was led into a dark vortex by my dead father—at least, I think it was him—where I met a supposed traveler. He guided me to choose the wrong path. As soon as I rejected it, the man turned into Palpatine—at least, I think it was him. He vanished and the portal, as you call it, appeared. Now, here I am. Does that tell you anything?”

Mara froze in place and whispered, “You saw the emperor?”

Luke looked at her in surprise. “Yes. I mean he’s dead, so it was probably a creation of whatever part of the Force inhabits Malachor. Though, it felt more like an afterimage of sorts. I suppose the traveler I first met could have been a younger Palpatine or something. If so, his physical appearance definitely degraded by the time I knew him.”

Her posture tensed. “You knew him?”

He focused on the warming stone. “Unfortunately, yes.”

The indigo-shrouded elder murmured, “Why did you begin the journey?”

“A vision and… hope, I suppose.” Lifting his gaze to the encircling figures, Luke continued, “I had a recurring vision that seemed to be drawing me to Dagobah. There I found an unusual kyber crystal. That’s when the Jedi Master I mentioned directed me to Malachor.”

"Yoda spoke to you from the cosmic plane?" the man in white inquired sharply.

His mouth parted. "I guess you could say that. Did you know him?"

There was no response to that question, but a gravelly voice that sounded neither male nor female emanated from the pitch-black robe, “What of the crystal?”

Reaching into his pouch, he dug out the object. It filled the dimly lit chamber with a crimson glow.

There was a collective inhale from the group.

“Uh,” Luke asked slowly, “does it mean something?”

The figure in black rasped, “You carry the essence of the Chosen One, do you not?”

He blinked. _Long has the Chosen One tarried. Huh._ “If by chosen one you are referring to Anakin Skywalker and by essence you are referring to his kyber crystal… then, yes.” Luke drew his sword and brandished the hilt. His ice blue stone flashed briefly.

The final elder, who was shrouded in a deep green, finally spoke in melodious tones. “What was the hope?”

Running fingers over his crystal for a few moments, he answered quietly, “I hoped I’d find something to help save my family, my home, and even the world from the coming storm.”

“Ah,” she uttered. Then, her cloaked head rotated around the circle. “Eternity approaches.”

The man in white cleared his throat. “Son of Skywalker, Child of the Lady Jedi, Ruler of the Eternal Kingdom, and Holder of the Sacred Balance, leave us. We must meditate on what is to come and what can be. You will have an answer in five of your days.”

Luke gaped, preparing to spit out the multitude of questions now tumbling through his mind.

Mara held up a hand and shook her head.

He stared at her for a moment and then closed his mouth. Rising, Luke bowed. “Thank you, Elders. I will await your guidance.” Then, he followed Mara from the chamber.

_______

Mara led him into a small cave, equipped with a sleeping mat and warming stone. “You can stay here.”

Luke stripped his weapons and stretched aching muscles. “Thanks.”

The woman gave a short nod, before turning to leave.

“Wait!” he cried.

She looked back at him expectantly.

Luke fingered his satchel. “I thought maybe you could tell me some more about this place and the Dai Bendu.” He paused and then added quickly, “Or, even yourself?”

Mara lifted eyebrows. “Why would I do that?”

Trying an endearing grin, he replied, “Because I'm a nice guy?”

She smirked. “Try again, Holder of the Sacred Balance.”

Luke frowned. “What does that even mean?”

Mara shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I just live here.”

Tossing his satchel to the side, Luke slumped onto the sleeping mat. “I swear this is the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And, that’s saying a lot.”

Her emerald eyes assessed him. “How did you know the emperor?”

He hesitated. She had offered him a way in, but it was a path Luke didn’t want to take. _I suppose you could be vague on the details. No need to go into your family drama. Wait. Maybe, it is your way in._ Giving her a shrewd look, he answered, “Hmm… information usually has a quid pro quo. The game has rules, you know. Your objective is to find out everything you want without giving away too many of your own secrets. Interested in playing?” His voice turned innocent. “Of course, I _am_ a master at this game, so maybe it wouldn’t be a fair fight.”

She glared. “Don’t count on it, Ruler of the Holy Whatever. I don’t lose.”

“Actually,” he remarked airily, “I believe the technical term is Ruler of the Eternal Kingdom. Just so you know.”

Her tone dripped with scorn. “My apologies, master of inexplicable things.”

Luke returned a magnanimous hand wave. “You are forgiven.” Then, he grinned engagingly. “So, are you in or out, Woman of Mystery?”

Her gaze roamed around the small space as lithe fingers clenched her sword hilt. Then, she hissed a breath through clenched teeth. “Fine, portal man. Someone needs to take you down a peg. Give me the rules of your game.”

Trying not to show his excitement, Luke laid back against an obsidian wall and locked hands behind his head. “Excellent.”

_______

“Really, Skywalker?! What do you want now?”

Luke flashed his most endearing grin. “I finished chatting with the monks in the library and thought we could do something fun.”

Mara echoed flatly, “Fun.”

“Yeah, fun,” he responded with an innocent expression.

Arms locked across her chest. “What, pray tell, do you envision as _fun_ on a mountain full of meditating monks?”

He shrugged. “That’s why I need you. Surely, you must have figured it out in your time here, right?” Luke hesitated, before adding lightly, “I mean I assume you’ve been here long enough to know.”

Her eyes narrowed into sharp slits. “I can’t decide whether you’re clueless, have a death wish, or are trying to be annoying. What is it about the words I prefer not to have company that you don’t understand?”

Luke fidgeted. “Come on, please?” His voice turned more desperate than intended. “I’ve been traveling forever by myself to places that weren’t exactly mental health boosts. It’s been… hard. Now, I’m stuck on a mountain with nothing to do for days, while I await some kind of judgement or whatever. The Bendu may be wise founts of knowledge, but they’re not exactly—I just want to talk to someone… real.”

The slits widened and her gaze went oddly distant. Then, there was a small growl. “Fine. I’ll show you around. I don’t know that any of it qualifies as fun, but maybe it’ll keep you from bugging me for the next four days.”

Happiness lit his heart. Though, he knew the last part of her statement was most certainly never going to happen. “Thanks. Besides, anything you show me will be fun by definition.”

“Clearly, the air up here is too thin for you to handle. You’re talking nonsense.”

“Nope,” he answered brightly, “as long as you’re there, I’m good to go.”

Mara gazed at him for a long moment and then the insolent grin Luke found strangely attractive appeared. “We’ll see, portal man.”

_______

Luke laughed. “I’m serious!”

Mara cocked an eyebrow. “Whatever you say, eternal prince.”

He threw up his hands. “Come to Shili one day and I’ll prove it to you. I still have the cape, claw marks and all.”

She smirked. “Of course, you do.”

Luke flashed the most charming grin he could manage as they continued climbing up the rocky terrain, secretly hoping the elders would need more time. Breaking through Mara’s caustic reserve to see the woman underneath had become his only goal for the last four and a half days. It had taken more effort than he’d possibly expended on anyone, but the rare glimpses he’d gotten had only made him desperate for more. Luke wasn’t sure if something about her was unique or it came from being alone for so long.

Whatever the explanation, his obsession with the mission was surprising even himself. This morning the woman had quite seriously threatened to throw him off the side of the mountain, if he didn’t stop following her around. Pushing himself on others was not his natural inclination, but Luke couldn’t shake the feeling that it was exactly what was required. So, he’d promptly shown back up a few hours later asking for a walk. There had been a gnashing of teeth, but he had withstood the assault patiently, eyes fixed on the prize. His perseverance had been rewarded, and Luke Skywalker was literally on top of the world at this moment.

They finally reached the summit overlooking the mountain range. He gazed out into pale sky and wispy clouds, taking in the snowy peaks dotting the horizon. “Woah. You were right. This is incredible.”

Mara stood beside him with a content sigh. “It’s more. There’s something about it that makes you feel… at peace or something.”

The man glanced over at the face that looked almost happy for once. “Thank you for sharing it with me.”

She grunted. “I stupidly hoped it might make you go away, but I’m starting to suspect that is a delusion on my part.”

“Yep,” Luke replied honestly, “might as well give it up.”

Instead of the cutting retort he’d expected, she continued to gaze into the horizon and whispered, “Apparently.”

Praying the response was a positive sign, he asked tentatively, “How did you end up here?”

Mara flinched, eyes darting to his and then back to the mountains. There was a long silence, before she replied, “That is a story that would definitely require a big trade, game master.”

Luke chuckled, muscles releasing the anxiety he hadn’t realized was there. No threat about pitching him off the summit at the question felt like a victory in and of itself. “Fair. What do you want to know?”

Her jaw twitched. “Why you’re so important to the elders.”

“Huh?”

A biting gaze fixed on him. “People come through the portal on occasion, but never are they greeted by a full council. Nor are they questioned with such intensity. No visitor has ever prompted them to go into a multi-day meditation. I haven’t even heard Veridia utter a sound in months, much less a full sentence, until you showed up.” Her tone took on a bitter edge. “You're so important even dead emperors and cosmic Jedi masters talk to you. Not to mention all the fancy titles. What makes you so special?”

“I have no idea,” Luke exclaimed. “You just told me more than I knew about it.”

Mara’s intensity didn’t abate. “I don’t want you to explain them. I want you to explain _you._ Tales of your adventures and a short on details story about being captured by Palpatine doesn’t tell me that. Who is Luke Skywalker?”

He grimaced. “I’m not sure that question has an answer.”

She returned her attention to the snow-capped mountains. “It’s the same question you just asked me.”

 _Who am I?_ It was perhaps the thing he had set out to discover and didn’t feel any closer to finding. Luke evaluated the profiled face that was locked in unreadable stone. “Ok. I’m not sure if I can explain what I don’t understand myself. For you, though, I’ll give it a shot.”

Her posture relaxed and emerald eyes returned to his, a true smile edging onto the freckled face. The unexpected expression elevated what had been already extremely attractive into the realms of the sublime.

His stomach lurched. “Um, right, so—erm, deal?”

The smile morphed into the more familiar insolent grin, which Luke still found equally appealing. “Deal, Child of the… whoever it was. Actually, we can start there.”

Wrapping his wooly cloak the Bendu had provided him tighter, he murmured, “The Lady Jedi.” Luke considered how deep to go but found he already knew the answer. _You give what you want in return, Skywalker._ Looking out at the breathtaking view, he began, “Let me tell you a story about a foolish boy, who didn't appreciate what he had. He dreamed of adventure and ended up finding both joy and pain. That’s when his life truly began.”

_______

Luke entered the chamber, spine tingling oddly. The elders were still arrayed in a circle, as if they hadn’t budged since he walked out. The man glanced back at Mara, who was hovering by the entrance.

She rolled her eyes and pointed to the spot he had occupied five days ago.

Wincing, he crossed to the seat. Luke scoured his memory for the names Mara had reeled off. _Puruus was the one in white, I think?_ The only name his mind was certain of was Veridia, which he was pretty sure was the woman in green. Giving up, he coughed. “Um, so I’m here.”

The man possibly named Puruus rumbled, “Son of Skywalker, what is done cannot be undone.” He waved a pale hand. "However, what is to come can be."

Veridia rose and set a weathered, leather-bound book beside him. “The Secrets of Revan will guide the Sage of the Jedi in your hope.” Then, she returned to her seat. 

“First,” the gravelly elder’s voice rasped as a gnarled, yellowed finger pointed to the obsidian stone between them, “the crystals.”

Luke stiffened. “What? I’m not giving you my crystal.”

The indigo hood shook a negative. “You do not give them to us. You return them from whence they came. The line of balance must endure.”

Orange claws surfaced from the scarlet cloak and circled the air. “Your path must be walked, Holder of the Sacred Balance. To do so requires your own essence to be balanced.”

He eyed them warily. “What does that mean?”

“Feel the Force," Puruus instructed. "It is speaking. Listen.”

Exhaling, Luke centered his mind and focused on the underlying currents. After a few minutes, his eyes opened with knowledge he didn’t want. Reluctantly pulling out his sword, the man ran fingers over his crystal. Tears formed as he worked the object from its home. Holding the comforting gem in the palm of his hand, he murmured, “Do you understand what must be done?”

It glinted sadly and then bathed the area in pale blue light.

Luke steeled himself and took out the blood red crystal, placing it on the obsidian stone. He hesitated, still gripping his own tightly. _Let go of what is done to save what can be, Skywalker._ Opening his hand to let the radiance wash over him one last time, he set it next to the other.

Focusing on the opposing crystals, Luke plunged in, falling into both currents. They fought for dominance. His muscles flinched with strain as he tried to control the warring extremes, mind tipping perilously towards annihilation.

Finally, his essence calmed into a carefully controlled balancing point. The formerly battling currents eddied around him, intermingling and flowing into one. Taking the last step, Luke pushed the fused energy outward and held everything in place as currents sizzled. Both crystals blazed with nearly blinding light, before fading out completely.

Sagging in every kind of exhaustion, he focused spotty vision on the reborn creation. As it sharpened into view, Luke reached out and lifted a lone, glittering amethyst stone.

It glowed brightly in his fingers, and he smiled.

_______

“So, uh, do you ever come down from your mountain?”

Mara looked out toward the rising sun. “Are you suggesting there’s a reason I should?”

Luke rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, kinda. I mean you could come visit me in Shili. I still have to prove half of my stories and all.”

Intense, emerald eyes returned to him and then she smirked. “Hmm, I am a bit in doubt about the existence of these miraculous aunts of yours.”

He laughed. “Whatever it takes.” His voice turned serious. “As long as you come.”

Mara's fingers clenched her sabre hilt. “We’ll see, eternal prince.” She walked up the winding path of the mountain but halted at the first curve and glanced back.

“I’m not going away, you know,” he called out. “Thought you’d learned that by now.” Luke flashed an endearing grin.

She gazed at him for a long moment. “That’ll take more than you being bored and a semi-charming grin.” With that the woman turned the corner and vanished from sight.

Luke stared after her for an unknown amount of time. _Wait and see, Mara Jade._ Letting out a long exhale, he threw his shoulders back. “Alright, Skywalker. It’s done.”

As he said the words, satisfied completion and rising anticipation filled his soul. Luke leapt onto his newly gifted horse, setting a course for home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, Luke has finished his journey. Hurrah!  
> ♦ Crystals, balance, Bendu, portals, prophecies, and destiny, oh my! This was more Force lore than I've probably ever dumped in one chapter. Yet, it barely scratched the surface. There was a decent amount in Luke's last chapter, as well. Bring them together with some of the interludes and you might get a clearer picture of my interpretation of the Force in this world. While one should never explain these things completely, I hope by the end the pieces will have filled out the world a bit for you.  
> ♦ For those less interested in mystical things, it also FINALLY introduced my favorite legends character. Aren't you proud I held myself back for so long? I certainly am. I promised myself I wouldn't shove my favorites in just because I wanted to. There had to be a purpose and a story reason to do so. Thrawn made it into "Complicated" because I needed an antagonist that could match our rebels. Not just anyone could outwit Leia, capture Sabine, and give Barriss a run for her money. However, I never had an opportunity for Mara Jade. Until now. And, Gods it made me happy.  
> ♦ This Mara is a bit different, but shares some important characteristics with the Mara we know. There is likely to be different development here, given the Bendu influence and how this world/family functions. I imagine those of you who enjoy speculating may already have put together her background. I'll be interested to see if Mara fans enjoy my version.  
> ♦ So, 10PPY was a bit of a rough year, huh? Still, we've moved past the trauma and sorrow to close out on hope... let's see what the future brings!


	100. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Moment of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moment of Truth: Otherwise known as turning points. 
> 
> [11 PPY]

“This is it.” Barriss’ voice echoed across the large council chamber. “We have come before you on multiple occasions urging decisiveness. Now, the turning point is upon us. Soon, combined action will no longer be a viable strategy. You must accept the truth and prepare accordingly, if we are all to survive.”

Disbelieving grumbles, fearful looks, and cries of support alike shot back at her. Meanwhile, Ahsoka leaned against a nearby wall, crossing arms to prevent herself from interrupting.

Leia took up position beside Barriss on the dais. “Please, consider the Lady’s words. We have presented the likely outcomes along with the newest reports from the unmapped expanse. This is not fearmongering or delusion. The Caecus are real and a deadly threat. We must work together to defend ourselves.”

Some in the crowd wore thoughtful expressions, but others appeared even more dismissive. The voices in both dissent and support grew louder, until no one could be heard.

Mon Mothma stood with a weary sigh, looking much older than she should. “Thank you, Lady Offee. We appreciate you delivering this information personally. The council will take the matter under discussion.”

Unable to hold back any longer, Ahsoka strode onto the dais with a fierce glare. “No! The time for talking is over. If you continue to wait to take action, there will be none left to take. You will perish. And, with you, so will the world itself. You must prepare. We’ve only delayed the inevitable. The Caecus will come. And, when they do, they will wipe you out. _All_ of you.”

A councilor from Sullust rose with a haughty guffaw. “You cannot scare us into war, Lady Jedi. The supposed Caecus plot was stopped two years ago. Some do not believe it could have ever succeeded, much less serve as evidence of further danger from this hypothetical group of enemies. You expect us to raise armies and upend the peace we’ve established based only on the ramblings of a deranged former tool of Palpatine and your presentation of a dead creature that could have come from anywhere?”

“You overstate your case, Councilor Jarrod,” Lady Patagolia admonished. “Not all of us believe the threat is not real, nor do we believe such distinguished figures are unreasonable in asking us to consider action. We of the Naboo simply wish to proceed cautiously and weigh all potential options.”

There were several knocks of agreement around the chamber.

A Toydarian buzzed loudly. “If we think the threat is genuine, action is called for immediately. There is no time to waste in fruitless discussion!”

That resulted in the Malastare delegates shouting, “Vote now! Vote now!”

“Don’t be fools!” a representative named Gallius spat. “Councilor Jarrod speaks truth! Shili has flouted this council’s restrictions for years and developed a military rivaling Palpatine. We in Coruscant know what happens when a Sovereign is bent on conquest.” He glowered at Ahsoka. “If you think these fairytales to be such a threat, why don’t you send your army out to take care of them?”

Another member Ahsoka didn’t know stood to her feet. “Yes! We know your true goal. You simply want an excuse to conquer us all, after we’ve exhausted our resources on a fictitious enemy.”

There were a few knocks, but most of the members glanced around in surprise, fear, and confusion.

Gritting teeth, Ahsoka bit back, “Don’t be ridiculous. If Shili desired domination, we wouldn’t need any such thing. I’d simply order my army to roll over your pitiful defenses right now. Not even that—a half of one my battalions could take most of you! Suggesting my forces rival Palpatine’s only confirms my point. You are living in a naive delusion, blind to your own vulnerability.”

An anonymous voice in the crowd yelled, “Get out, Skywalker scum! We’ve already suffered enough at the hands of your family!”

The chattering voices immediately died as everyone fixed on Ahsoka with trepidation. She closed her eyes in pain. _They will never listen. They're all going to die, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it._ Slowly opening her eyes, Ahsoka surveyed the assembled council with sadness.

Mon thrust out her hands, anger tinging the usually placid face. “Please. We can discuss this without resorting to impugning the honor of a respected figure and sovereign, who came before us in good faith. You would question the integrity of one who fought her own to free us all? Calm yourselves.”

The words further quieted the chamber, and the silence became deafening.

Feeling Barriss’ restraining hand on her arm, Ahsoka tried to keep her voice even. “I am sorry, Mon. I had hoped we could work together to save the world we fought so hard to free. However, it is clear to me this body is no longer capable of action. Whether through willful ignorance, selfish motivations, or deliberate manipulation by the Caecus, the Alliance has become impotent. You cannot do what needs to be done to save yourselves or the people you serve.”

She rotated an earnest gaze across the assembled faces and continued, “I await your official response before the next moon cycle. However, know this. If you will not fight together now, while there is still a chance to do so, Shili will take another path of survival for itself alone.” Straightening, she projected an authoritative finality. “This is your last crossroads. If you choose to die out of fear, cowardice, or stupidity, your fate is your own. We will not be able to save you this time.” With that, Ahsoka strode out of the chamber.

_______

“Your usual Toniray? Or, would you prefer the Riosan?”

“Hmm, yes, perhaps something stronger today,” Leia answered wryly as she took a seat by the fire.

Mon chuckled and poured out two glasses of the spicy mead. Handing one to Leia, she settled into the chair facing her. “What do you intend to do, if the council votes to take no action?”

She sipped her drink for a few moments. Finally meeting the concerned eyes, Leia sighed. “I don’t know, Mon. However, I do know I can’t sit by and let it happen again.”

The high councilor tapped fingers on the arm of her chair. “I understand.”

“What will you do?”

“What I always do, my dear,” Mon replied wanly. “Believe in democracy.”

Leia pursed lips. “Even if it can’t protect the people it serves?”

Her expression hardened. “I take issue with that assertion. It is based on your assumption the Caecus want us to do nothing. What if they are attempting to lead us to exactly that conclusion? Perhaps, they want us to focus our resources on raising armies they will conquer through an already devised means? Marching into unknown territory may play into their hands. Even if we concentrated on defense, they could destabilize militarized kingdoms, resulting in coups and wars that weaken us all. You, Ahsoka, and Barriss are the ones who regularly expound on their devious acumen. Have you not considered that possibility?”

She shook her head. “If we start thinking in circles, we’ll never take any action at all. Even if your supposition was true, they don’t understand what we’re capable of when united. It doesn’t matter what plan they have. If we all fight together, we will prevail.”

There was a soft smile. “Your tenacious faith has always inspired me, Leia. You are a credit to your family—both of them.”

Leia started and then returned a small grin.

Mon’s gaze floated away as she continued, “Yet, your confidence is as ethereal as mine. What we believe in our souls to be right drives us forward against all odds. However, we could both lose in the end. What if they are exerting influence in both directions to completely divide us and prevent future cooperation in any area? If that is their true goal, it is certainly working.” Pain crossed her face. “Two superb, legendary leaders of our most powerful kingdom intend to break with the Alliance and go it alone should we not do things their way.”

Taking a gulp of mead, Leia ground out, “That is unfair. You know they would defend the world with their dying breath. However, the situation has become urgent. The Caecus have now had two years to regroup and form a new strategy. If Shili cannot count on the rest of the world to help, they need to totally commit their resources in another direction. Ahsoka Tano will never let Shili fall again.”

“That is my point. Everyone has a belief for which they would sacrifice everything. Decisions are not as black and white as you try to make them. I’ve spent half my life trying to bring peace, freedom, and democracy to our world, Leia. I can’t give up on it now.”

“This is not what you fought so hard to build,” Leia insisted. “It has been manipulated by external forces.”

Intense eyes met hers. “If our principles can be so easily influenced, we deserve our fate.”

Her lips parted. “You can’t be serious.”

The woman rubbed her forehead, looking suddenly frail and tired. “Leia, before you were born, I learned my most important lesson. Do you know how Palpatine rose? People too readily forget what came before the military conquest and iron grip. That never would have happened, if he hadn’t already laid the world at his feet. Palpatine gained power because he manipulated others into ceding it to him. If we who saw it once before can’t recognize it again, it is time for us to… die.”

She blinked several times. “I have no idea what to say to that.”

Mon chuckled. “That’s a first.” Sliding forward in her chair, she gripped Leia’s hand. “Keep believing, Leia Organa, woman of wisdom and faith. You are right. There is nothing we all can’t accomplish together. I intend to lead the world into a new era. They shall choose the means. Whether it comes from a long, winding slog through the minefields of politics or the cleansing fire of war, it _will_ come. No matter where you choose to lead, or if I’m here to see it, I am content in knowing you will carry on.”

Leia released a heavy breath and then squeezed her hand. “I’ll do my best.”

_______

Hans burst through Ahsoka’s office door with more vigor than his aging frame seemed capable of and waved enthusiastic hands. “We found something!” The animated movements caused him to tip precariously.

Juliayl came rushing in, grabbing the back of the man’s robe to steady his balance. “Hans, I told you to—” She broke off, horrified eyes fixed on the two women arranged more than suggestively across the settee. “Oh Gods.”

“I thought you said you locked the door!” Barriss cried as heat rushed into her cheeks.

“Could be worse, my dear,” Ahsoka quipped. “At least, we’re still _mostly_ clothed.”

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better,” she replied dryly.

Her wife raised devilish eyebrows. “Hold that thought. We’ll get there in a moment.” Ahsoka grinned and propped elbows on the seat cushions, keeping Barriss pinned underneath her. Then, she peered over the top of the settee at the healers. “Yes? What can we do for you both on this fine evening?”

Barriss slapped at her arms. “Really?!”

Apparently finally processing the situation, Hans tugged at his ear. “Oh, uh, I didn’t think about—erm—the possibility of—”

Juliayl ran a hand through her mess of blonde curls. “I told you to knock! You don’t just go flying into a sovereign master’s office!”

The man frowned. “Shouldn’t there be guards or something outside the door, if we’re meant to stop?”

Barriss groaned. “ _Someone_ refuses to allow Shan to post any.”

Ahsoka maintained her overly bright grin. “Well, I’m waiting for this amazing news that is interrupting the first evening my wife and I have spent together in two weeks.”

Juliayl winced and edged toward the door. “Maybe, we should come back later.”

Hans didn’t seem to register the suggestion as his electric purple eyes surveyed them with innocent fascination. “Are you planning to stay in that position while we discuss it?”

“No. She is _not_ ,” Barriss clipped out.

Ahsoka’s grin became strained. “ _Still_ waiting.”

Whether sensing the implied warning or simply overcome with excitement, Hans blurted out, “We’ve found something! As you know, we’ve been at an impasse with discovering other weaknesses in Caecus physiognomy. So, Juliayl suggested we try an inverse approach and experiment with substances that are considered relatively safe to most species. Then, it occurred to me fermentation and high-acidity might not be a combination the Caecus had encountered.”

Juliayl put in wryly, “In other words, we decided to throw some wine at the problem.”

The man gave a vigorous nod. “Yes, we tested the preserved remains of the praeceptor and uncovered a high susceptibility to Riosan mead of all things. It also had an effect on the scaly hide they wear for protection. We’ll have to do more research to determine if it’s a viable option in combat.” His expression floated off. “Perhaps, we could run trials of fermentation periods—”

“Seriously, Hans? Can you wait to think up more work for us until _after_ we tell them the most exciting part?” Juliayl interrupted with a creeping grin. “We’ve already noted their hypodermis tissue has plant-like characteristics, which is mind-boggling. However, that suggests some commonality with their surrounding environment. Since the hide likely comes from prey in the same region as the Caecus themselves and shows the same vulnerability they do, we think it’s possible other living things from that area—specifically the _plants_ —may share similar features. Which means—”

“The mead could be extremely effective against the wood in their city-destroyers!” Hans proclaimed in triumph.

Both women immediately rolled off the settee and scrambled to their feet. Ahsoka’s eyes gleamed. “Let’s talk.”

_______

Sagging into her office chair, Leia massaged throbbing temples. _What now?_ She had held out hope reason would prevail, but the council was deadlocked as always. Ahsoka’s deadline was fast approaching. Despite making inroads among the undecided, Leia suspected her efforts wouldn’t be enough. _If they choose to die, what will you do? What is left to do? Perhaps, it’s finally time to go… home._

Her mind jerked to attention at a faint scraping sound from the outer office. No one should be here at this time of night. _I’m in danger._ The thought came out of nowhere, but she knew it was true.

Leia crept across the room to her sword. She faded into a darkened corner and remained motionless.

Her inner office door silently cracked. A shadowy figure slipped through and pressed against the wall. Then, there was a soft breath as the intruder clearly realized Leia was nowhere to be found. Crossing to her desk, he materialized in the flickering glow of the fireplace, scanning the area.

_No._ Stepping into the light, Leia raised her sword. “Elrik. What can I do for you on this fine evening?”

The young Togruta spun around with a gasp, his own sword flying up. A disturbing grin appeared to match fearfully cold eyes. “Excellent. I was afraid I’d have to track you on the street or infiltrate your home, and that is such a chore.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You could have simply asked for an audience.”

He laughed derisively. “You and your damned superiority. Leia Organa always has something to say. Usually, the most inconvenient things possible for our purposes. Do you know how many complications you’ve created for me? I’m so tired of cleaning up your messy influence. I can’t tell you how pleased I was when I finally got the order to terminate your life.”

Leia assessed him sadly. “You’re one of them, aren’t you? The lost children the Caecus use as slaves to do their bidding.”

He stiffened. “I’m no slave! I am more powerful than you can possibly imagine. In fact, you will soon see how pitiful you are in comparison.”

Ignoring the threat, she mused, “Your masters must be scared I might actually succeed in my quest for combined, military action. That tells me they are not in a position to attack for some time. Otherwise, they would not be concerned about a build-up of troops that would take nearly a year to fully assemble, train, and march into the expanse. Excellent. Thank you for the information.”

“Information means nothing to the dead,” Elrik snarled. “I’m looking forward to seeing if that trademark calm stays intact as I gut you.”

Continuing as if she hadn’t heard him, Leia tapped her chin. “Still, it is a bold action. If you kill me, it will likely engender sympathy for my cause and result in the exact opposite of your goal. Are you sure your masters have thought this through?”

His face darkened into a burnt orange. “Wrong again, infidel. Your precious friends in Shili will get the blame. I’ve already laid a trail leading straight back to them.”

“Ah,” Leia murmured, “clever. The vote will be delayed to investigate, missing the deadline. On the chance Shili decides to extend it, your false evidence implicates them. The assumption will be I discovered some nefarious scheme surrounding their request for military action and was silenced, before I could report it. Even if the vote goes forward as scheduled, any support will be withdrawn after the supposed truth comes out. No matter the outcome, the Caecus win. Give my regards to your masters on their political savvy.”

“It is my plan!” he spat. “Mine!”

“Oh, my pardon,” she replied politely. “I salute your creativity. It’s impressive for a slave. Unfortunately, your plan won’t succeed. There are specific reasons the blame will not end up falling on Shili. I don’t fault your logic. You simply do not have all the pertinent facts. One must completely understand a situation to manipulate it properly. More importantly, you won’t get past step one. I am not easily killed.” She locked eyes with his. “If you insist on ending your life this way, I won’t stop you. Your choices are your own. However, there is another option. One of your compatriots freed herself from your masters’ control. Perhaps, we can do the same for you.”

Elrik’s lip twisted. “You mean Thatcher. I barely contained my disgust when your sainted Lady Jedi reported her failure and betrayal. She was always weak. I never was. I could see truth. Why do you think they put me here? I am the best. I will be honored above all others after the Caecus take their rightful place over infidels.”

“Oh, I doubt that. You are an infidel to them, as well. The praeceptor made that very clear, before his imperfection killed him. They may keep you around to serve them as a mindless slave, I suppose. However, I think it more likely they will wipe you out after achieving their goals. There won’t be any further need for substandard children, who betrayed their own.”

Letting out a vicious howl, the young man charged her. “You will speak no more!”

The woman simply lifted a hand and blew him back against the wall. Twisting her wrist, she called his dropped sword to her fingers.

Elrik gaped and then leapt up, raising his arms and throwing a Force blast at her.

Leia stumbled but quickly regained her balance, prepared for a follow-up attack. However, the room was empty. Rushing through her outer office, the woman reached the corridor. A flash of lekku rounding the next corner caught her eye and she pelted after him.

However fast she ran, Leia couldn’t seem to catch up. _He must be using some sort of Force-enhanced acceleration._ By the time she reached the street, the young Togruta was nowhere in sight. Centering, she tried to locate his presence in the surrounding area without success. Elrik was gone.

_______

Barriss woke up screaming. Pulling knees to her chest, she pressed a pounding head into them as her entire body screeched in agony. A strange white light cascaded across everything. The castle was overrun with Caecus. Soldiers were dying all around her. Flashes of family members came and went with no comprehension. Yet, they all had one thing in common. _Fear._

Calming the heaving breaths, Barriss tried to raise clearer images from the ashes of her vision. She could only get a few this time. Rex bellowed orders. Ahsoka gazed at her in desperation. Caam screamed from Leia’s arms. Luke stared in abject horror. Barriss flinched as a new one she’d never picked up before blazed into existence. Karyna’s vivid blue eyes darkened in fierce, unbending anger. _No._

Then, the final constant floated into view. Its battered cover and incomprehensible words plagued her every thought. She knew it was the critical piece but had yet to understand its truths.

A wizened voice whispered into the darkness. _‘Their truth it was, young Offee. Not yours. Already have that which you need.’_

Jerking up, Barriss tugged a tunic over her chamois top and sprinted to her office. Lighting a lamp, she retrieved the Bendu text Luke had given her from its locked compartment. Then, the woman spread her compiled notes on the table. _Finding truth requires every resource._

Flipping open the book, she centered. Her mind aligned in a harmony she’d never experienced. It felt less controlled, more visceral. _Deeper._ Focusing on discovering her own key, Barriss dived through the currents, avoiding jagged rocks of anarchy. Each new depth revealed another in an unending succession of layers.

Until, finally, she hit the bottom of everything, and clarity came. _It must be read through your own prism._

Slowly opening her eyes, Barriss blinked down at the ancient pages. The formerly inexplicable language congealed into recognizable symbols and words. They still didn’t make sense but were familiar. _Ah. Discovering its secrets requires both internal harmony and external wisdom. A code within a code. This Revan had a wicked sense of humor. Or, was just really, really paranoid._

She grinned as beautiful triumph flooded her mind. _Time to make your vision of death into a pathway of hope._

This mission Barriss Offee knew she wouldn’t fail.

_______

“Well, that’s not good.”

Leia slumped into an armchair and rubbed her temples. “Tell me about it.”

Han’s finger twitched. “So, this kid could show up and try to kill you at any moment, yeah? Maybe, we should, uh, do something about it.”

She raised eyebrows. “Such as?”

He smirked. “I think it’s time to visit your family.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t leave. The final vote is coming up next week.”

The smirk vanished. “I don’t care if the Caecus march into Coruscant tomorrow. Staying here with an expert assassin on your tail is not an option. Start packing. Now.”

Leaping to her feet, she snapped, “You don’t control me, Han Solo! I won’t let Elrik stop through escape what he couldn’t accomplish by killing me. I intend to do everything I can to prevent the destruction of my world.”

His face tightened. “Fine, Princess. Choose the world once again. It’s what your best at.” Without another word, Han stormed out of the house.

Leia gaped after him, mind spinning. _What just happened?_ She began to pace around the front room. _What did he expect me to do? I’m not letting evil win. Besides, I have to at least try. Why doesn’t he understand?_

Gripping the back of a chair, she tried to come up with options. _Maybe, we can work something out. I could get a bodyguard? Or, reduce my late-night work in the council chambers?_ Her fingers dug into the upholstery. _He’s coming back, right? Of course, he is. Don’t be stupid, Leia. Han just needs some time to cool off. He’ll sneak back in during the night… I hope._

_______

Han kicked the stack of crates he’d been meaning to get rid of for a year and then leaned against the side of their house. _She’d rather die for a cause that she’s never going to win than live for me. Come on, Solo. Be reasonable. We are talking about the last vote of possibly her career here. The world is hanging in the balance. What did you expect her to do?_

Scowling at his own argument, Han tried to decide his options. Before he’d gotten past step one, a swordpoint pressed into his back. “Don’t move, Solo.”

Putting hands in the air, he remarked casually, “Hey now, no need to get violent. I’m sure we can work out some sort of arrangement. I’ll pay ya back double what I owe you.”

There was a snarling laugh. “You disgust me, smuggler. What the sanctimonious Leia Organa sees in you, I can’t imagine. I guess we should find out.”

Han froze. _Please, don’t let me be right about this._ “Uh, I don’t suppose your name is Elrik?”

A derisive snort sounded. “You’ve heard of me. I’m honored. Now, how about we test our little theory?”

Playing for time to come up with a strategy, he asked, “What theory is that, kid?”

“How much she loves you,” was the unsettlingly soft reply.

Han had barely processed the words when his head exploded in pain, and he collapsed.

_______

Echo strode through the city clinic, searching for his target. He found her hunched over a worktable in the back room. Straightening his gauntlets and trying to fluff his annoyingly thinning hair, the man crossed to Juliayl. “Well, someone is looking especially ravishing today.”

The healer spun around and then gave him a wry smile. “You never give up, do you?”

“Nope,” he stated honestly. “I’m rather fond of people who save my life.”

Her eyes rolled and then turned impish. “When should I congratulate you and Rex on your upcoming nuptials, then?”

Echo worked hard at keeping a straight face. “Hmm, it depends.”

An eyebrow lifted. “On what?”

“Whether I can ever get my brilliant, dedicated, and extremely dazzling healer to agree to dinner. Rex is a valiant warrior and all but not quite in the same league. Plus, he gets a bit cranky when I call him dazzling.”

She laughed but then pursed her lips. “Seriously, Echo, we’ve talked about this. I’m a lost cause. I don’t have time for dinner or anything else. I barely have time to sleep.”

“Actually, that works out quite well for my purposes. Because, there will definitely be no sleeping on our agenda.”

Juliayl shook a rueful head. “I give up. What do you need, anyway? Or, was this visit purely to expound upon my bewitching charms once again?”

He chuckled and dug a small box out of his adjutant satchel. “It is for me. Not so much for my general. Rex needed someone to deliver this wood sample to you. Fortunately, I was in the room and prevented him from summoning a poor, put-upon lieutenant, who couldn't possibly appreciate the gloriousness of said task.”

Flashing a grin, she took the box and set it on her worktable. “Such unwavering devotion. What am I going to do with you?”

Echo made a sweeping bow and then took her hand. “Oh, I have some lovely ideas on that subject, my lady.” Fixing an intent gaze, he added, “Besides, lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.”

Juliayl stared at him for a moment and then her intense green eyes softened. “Be careful, my overly dedicated commander. One day I might just decide sleep is overrated after all.”

He kissed her hand with a wink. “I’m counting on it.”

_______

Leia’s mind flooded with relief as a loud knock sounded. Han had probably left in such a huff that he’d forgotten his latch key. _About time, Solo. It’s the middle of the night!_

Sliding out of bed, the woman composed herself and strode to the front door. _Stay calm. Don’t argue. Just listen. We’re going to figure this out._

She took a steadying breath and opened the door. There was no one. Sticking her head out, Leia frowned. Then, a piece of parchment on the ground caught her attention. Stomach knotting, she picked it up and ducked back into the house.

_I salute your tenacity, Leia Organa. However, it is time for you to see truth. Your final lesson will be at the Pike warehouse in the red-light district. Bring no one. Come unarmed. You have one hour. Disobey my instructions and your husband becomes the student. See you soon._

Her throat closed up as the words blurred in front of her eyes. Gripping the note, she ran to their bedroom. Leia was dressed and running out the door within three minutes.

_______

_Gods, why didn't I make more time to finish my damned Jedi training? Story of your life, Princess. Oh well. Let’s see what you've got._ Leia took a moment to center and then walked boldly into the warehouse. Squinting in the dim lighting, she surveyed the area, noting the multitude of crates scattered across it but not much else. Crossing her arms, she called, “Well, I’m here, my little friend. Are you coming out to play?”

There was a grunt from a large stack of crates at the far end of the space. Then, Han came stumbling out, metal binders around his wrists and thick chains on his ankles. He shuffled forward with a frustrated cry. “What are you doing here?!”

Elrik appeared behind him with a disturbing grin. “Congratulations, smuggler. Looks like she loves you after all. I always knew the pious Leia Organa must have a chink in her armor of rectitude. Apparently, it’s falling for disreputable, unworthy men. I find that strangely fitting.”

Leia ignored him and assessed Han’s condition. Blood was streaked over his face and there were multiple contusions visible through ripped clothing. Apparently, he had put up a fight to disastrous results. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah. Never better, Princess. I was captured by a half-baked kid and my wife has decided to walk straight into a death trap. Don’t even get me started on the rest of my night.”

She smiled softly. “Good. Your wife would have been seriously dismayed if you weren’t angry with her.”

Han stared for a moment, before a smirk crept into place. “I’ll keep it up, then.”

Elrik growled. “What is with you people? Oh, forget it. Let’s get this done. You want him to live? There are binders in the crate next to you. Put them on and then lay on the ground. I’ll make it quick, since you’ve proven to be a worthy opponent.”

Leia quirked an eyebrow. “Absolutely not. Let him go first.”

The young man grabbed Han by the throat. “You don’t have a choice. Obey. Now.”

Not moving, she offered, “How about I put the binders on, you let him go, and then I lay on the ground?”

There was a snarl, and Han began choking in the death grip. “Obey!”

Leia sighed. “Alright, if you insist. It was worth a try.” Locating the binders, she tightened them around her wrists.

A strangled Han choked out, “N-no… d-don’t!”

Bending to her knees, she locked their eyes. “Have faith, Ferdinand.”

The fear in his eyes turned to surprise and then understanding. He gave her a subtle nod.

Smiling, the woman laid on her back and looked at Elrik. “Done. Ready to kill me? Or, have you lost your nerve?”

A rumble rose from the Togruta’s chest. “I changed my mind. You will both die very slowly.”

Leia sat up. “Um, if you don’t let my husband go now, I’m not going to keep up my end of the arrangement. Don’t even bother threatening to kill him. If you go through with it, you lose your leverage and fail your mission. Because, I _will_ kill you in return." Her expression hardened into flinted steel. “That’s a promise.”

His face fluctuated and then Elrik flung Han to the side. “I’ll deal with you later, smuggler scum.” Stepping with menacing deliberation, he continued, “Doesn’t matter. I can take you, either way. I only needed him to get you here.”

Once he had made it halfway to her position, Leia replied flatly, “Let’s find out.” Pushing herself off the ground, she spun through the air, slamming feet into Elrik’s chest.

He staggered back, but quickly recovered and rushed her, sword slashing.

Twisting out of the way of the deadly blade, she went into a propelled leap over his head. Landing on one foot, Leia pivoted around and delivered a spinning kick into his back, knocking him to the floor.

However, unlike their prior confrontation, he was more prepared and didn’t lose his sword. Elrik rolled back up and coiled his body, preparing to resume his attack.

Backing up to gain distance, she flicked her fingers at a nearby crate. It flew toward him, but she lost control at the last second and it only swiped his arm.

Elrik’s face contorted in gleeful fury and he charged her. As the enraged Togruta bared down on her position, he threw out a hand.

The unexpected push tipped her off balance, and she stumbled to one knee. _Anytime, Solo._

A huge conglomeration of netted crates sailed over her head. The mass collided with Elrik, and he crashed to the ground with a yelp.

Leia twisted her fingers, and his sword skidded across the warehouse. Approaching warily, she assessed the unmoving figure. Elrik was still breathing, but the impact had knocked him out, if the bloody gash on his forehead was any indication.

Letting out a long breath, she turned around to see a grinning Han Solo leaning against the pulley he had used to swing the crates across the warehouse. “Hey, we’ve still got it, Princess.”

“Damn right, Ferdinand.”

His grin widened. It was still endearing.

_______

Leia tightened her fists and tried to restrain the overwhelming emotions. It had been a close vote, but the terrible choice had been made. The evidence of Elrik’s duplicity had swayed some to her side. But, it had also resulted in others insisting the Caecus couldn’t possibly move with their key spy out of commission. As her aunt once told her, people always find a reason to do what they want.

Luminara’s parting wisdom sounded from the recesses of her mind. _You’ll know when it’s time to retreat and fight a different war, my dear._

Rising with determination, she projected across the assembled faces. “I am sorry you have chosen to die. However, I will not go down willingly. Effective immediately, I am resigning my position in the Alliance.”

There was a chattering around the room. Mon slumped but raised hands to quiet the crowd. “If that is your wish, Special Councilor Organa. We are loathe to lose your dedication and wisdom, but you must do what you feel is right.”

Giving the woman a sad smile, Leia responded, “And, I you, High Councilor. Your friendship has been a great boon to my soul over the many years. We have fought a rebellion and rebuilt a world together. Unfortunately, it seems we must part ways. I cannot sit idly by and watch history repeat itself. If the Alliance can, clearly our goals are no longer aligned. It is time for me to fight for my own home, since the world no longer needs me.”

There were confused glances, until a squeaky Rodian asked, “What home?”

She straightened. “You know me as Leia Organa of Alderaan. You may also know I was adopted as a baby by Bail and Breha Organa. However, what you do not know is that I was born Leia… Skywalker.”

Waiting for the shocked gasps to die, she continued, “Now, I go to join my family in Shili. I have sacrificed them for many years to stay here with you and work toward a better world. Since that mission has ended in failure, I will spend the time we have left with those I love most. May the Force be with you all.”

Leia gave Mon a respectful nod and then strode from the chamber, piercing defeat mixing with resigned completion in her soul.

________

“It’s the moment of truth,” Ahsoka stated, trying to contain the desperate hope. “Do it.”

Rex signaled his team. He bounced on the balls of his feet, jaw clenched, as the archers strung their bows and sent the mead-treated arrows sailing into a thick piece of wood on the other side of the field.

The unusual bark recovered from the expanse had thus far been impervious to every type of damage. _Not this time._ It sizzled and crackled. Then, chunks began falling away at a spectacular rate. Within a minute, there was nothing but a pile of smoldering ashes.

Letting out a whoop, Rex spun around to her. “It works!”

Ahsoka closed her eyes and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random things Gabby enjoyed when writing this chapter:  
> ♦Ahsoka dropping the mic and walking out.  
> ♦Mon Mothma still exuding strength and wisdom, while being totally wrong. Then again... is she?  
> ♦Ahsoka. Barriss. Settee. 'Nuff said.  
> ♦Finally getting to reveal that rando Karyna pseudo-boyfriend is a Thatcher on steroids. Not sure this one's saveable, people.  
> ♦Leia's fake it 'til you make it. That's her motto.  
> ♦Echo has had trauma after trauma his whole life, yet he keeps on fighting in charming-style. That's my boy.  
> ♦Han's night going from bad to absolutely terrible to coming up roses in true Solo-style.  
> ♦Leia dropping the mic and walking out.  
> Yeah... um, did anyone else enjoy these things or am I a self-deluded author?


	101. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scars: A symbol of both pain and healing
> 
> “It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”  
> ― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Lira placed a glass of Karyna’s favorite nectar in her hand, fingers lingering on hers.

The walls of the assembly room closed in on Caam, who was unable to look away from the sheer horror of the scene. The interkingdom trade council had sent her into a freefall. A supremely alluring Naboo princess had monopolized Karyna since arriving. Her friend also clearly enjoyed the woman’s company. Once remembering this was the same princess that had practically been Karyna’s first kiss, not counting Jungi—which Caam didn’t—she had lost it completely.

Karyna pointed to an oil landscape on the far wall. Lira glanced at it and said something that made her friend laugh. The monstrous interloper then had the audacity to take Karyna’s hand and drag her over to the painting. Lira didn’t drop the hand once they arrived. She held it tightly as they chatted about whatever nonsense had caught their attention.

Her stomach twisted, and Caam had a very real fear she was going to violently expel the lunch they’d just finished. _No, no, no! Do something! Go over there. Stop this!_ She didn’t move.

Pressing palms into the wall behind her, Caam tried to steady the shaking. Her resolve to avoid changing the status quo fluctuated between surety and chaos. Knowing Karyna’s feelings on physical relationships had only added weight to keeping their friendship as is. Surely, the girl herself wouldn’t want anything more, right? Of course, it was all a lie that didn’t work anymore. Telling Karyna she wanted to belong to her forever wasn’t the same thing.

She realized her hands were slipping off the wall from sweaty slickness. Wiping them on her warrior tunic, Caam attempted to calm the madness. She almost succeeded.

Then, Lira smiled and gently tucked a stray wisp of raven hair behind Karyna’s ear. Her friend flashed a cute grin back and it was all over.

Everything began spinning, and Caam’s lungs compressed. _Oh Gods._ Pushing off the wall, she fled the room.

_______

“My dear, is there a reason you’re hovering in my office pulling leaves off my favorite plant?”

Caam spun around, dropping the silvery leaf she had been shredding, while awaiting Barriss' arrival. “N-no, uh, I’m—” Unable to come up with an excuse, she began to straighten the harassed plant. “Sorry. I’ll, um, fix it.”

A hand touched her shoulder. “As interested as I am in seeing how you plan to reattach tiny bits of fauna, let’s not. Instead, why don’t you tell me what has caused such destructive tendencies on harmless house plants?”

She slumped and slowly turned to meet the knowing gaze. “I don’t know what to do.”

Barriss pursed lips. “About…?”

Caam focused on the golden threaded floor rug. It brought back memories she hadn’t allowed to surface for two years. Pain swirling, she whispered, “Karyna.”

“I see.” Barriss took her arm and led her to the settee. “How about we talk it through? Would that help?” The woman sat down and patted the space beside her.

Still gazing at the rug, she shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Caam. Look at me.”

Breaking her mesmerized contact with the reminder of the past, she jerked attention to Barriss.

The woman lifted a hand. “Come here, darling girl.”

Caam took the hand and sat down.

An arm wrapped around her. “Focus on this moment, Caam. Be here with me.”

Leaning into Barriss’ side, she released a long breath. “Ok.”

Fingers trailed over her lekku. “Good. So, the last time we talked, you weren’t ready to act on your feelings. Has that changed?”

“I don’t know!” Caam cried. “I thought everything was fine. Now, I’m not sure.”

“Why?”

“What if someone takes her away from me?! She and Lira have been inseparable for the entire council! I never thought I’d lose her to that kind of thing.”

“Ah,” Barriss said softly, “a romantic rival, you mean?”

Caam nodded in misery. “I’ve been so happy lately. I got my promotion to company commander. My new duties let me stay here alot more. My family is all home. And, Karyna and I were ok again—like before… everything. My life felt settled. I should have known it wouldn't last." Her tone edged into bitterness. "It never does.”

“Life is ever-changing, my dear, but you do have some control over how it does. Things don't have to happen to you. You can make them happen.” A thumb rubbed across her lekku as Barriss continued, "Pretend Lira doesn’t exist. Let’s say Karyna never leaves you the rest of your life, but there's no overtly romantic aspect to your relationship, especially in terms of physical intimacy. Would you be happy with that?”

She looked up at Barriss. “Yes. I figured that out after Luminara died. I was so messed up and she fixed me. It made everything super clear or something. I realized what I really wanted.”

The woman probed her face. “And, what is that?”

Caam smiled. “Someone like you.”

Barriss blinked. “Huh?”

“Ok, that sounds weird, but it—see, here’s the thing. When I have someone who believes in me and is always there, it's like I can handle anything. I want a person I can depend on that really gets me, who loves me no matter what.” She paused, before adding hesitantly, “And, I kinda want to be first.” Caam focused on the floor and rushed out, “I mean not in a selfish way. Or, maybe it is. I dunno. I just need to be more important to them than other stuff. You know?”

Slender fingers lifted her chin and dancing blue eyes gazed down at her. “You want to be their priority.”

“Yeah,” Caam murmured.

There was a soft smile. “I understand. And, Karyna is all those things?”

“She always has been. I just didn’t get it. Now, I do. That’s why it doesn’t matter how we are. Sure, I’d enjoy, um, doing—well, _those_ things with her. But, that’s separate. Remember when you tried to explain the difference between physical relationships and the deep stuff to me?”

Barriss nodded. “During your age of decision? When we talked about relationships built on an emotional connection?”

“Yeah. It’s like you said, temporary enjoyment that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.” Her attention wandered to the fire in front of them. “I was trying to make that stuff mean something. That’s why I always thought something was missing. Because, it was. The weird bit was having deep and physical in one, you know? Both things seemed to go together. It took me alot longer to get that part.”

“Ah. So, what was your final conclusion?”

“Well, sorta the same as before. It’s still two different things. In my head, it’s like the physical parts are just one way of being close to someone. It can mean something, if it’s in a relationship that’s already deep. But, if you don’t have it, that doesn’t make your relationship not as deep. Everything made sense, then. See, I’m already happy with Karyna without any of that stuff. Which confused me, until I figured all this out.” She shifted earnest eyes back to Barriss. “Maybe, some people need that kinda thing, but I don’t. I just need her.”

The woman stared for a moment and then an adoring smile formed. “You are so special, Caam Secura. You’ve discovered a truth by the age of twenty-one some people go their entire lives without understanding. Gods, you're _amazing._ ”

Caam’s lekku curled as her face got hot. Returning her gaze to the fire, she grinned crookedly. “Come by it honest, I guess.”

There was a twinkling laugh. “Indeed. Alright, now that we’ve established your brilliance, let’s try another question. You’re worried about losing Karyna to someone else, because you know you want her forever. You also know you’d be content with whatever form a long-term committed relationship with her takes. Yet, you haven’t tried to achieve what you’ve just told me will make you happy by telling Karyna any of this. Why?”

Her body stiffened. “I can’t.”

Fingers stroked her cheek. “You said she understands and loves you without reservation. You don’t think she’ll comprehend your feelings?”

She stared at the crackling flames, insides twisting. “It might—it’s more about me than her. I can’t explain it. I only know when I think about telling her, everything stops. Like I’m paralyzed or something.” Her mind started flinging memories at her from all directions. _Stop. Don’t think!_

“Hmm…” There was a long pause, before a hesitant voice asked, “Do you think it's related to… Thatcher?”

Caam flinched and lost the battle as her lungs abruptly stopped functioning. _No. Not now._ Breaths choked out. She tried to move, but the muscles seemed frozen in place and her vision blurred. _I think I’m really going to die this time._ It became impossible to focus on anything but the terrible pain in her chest.

Firm hands shifted Caam into a sitting position and then gripped her face. “Caam, look at me. I’m here. Everything is going to be alright. I’ll help you. Just focus on me, ok?”

Obeying instructions, she pinpointed on the supportive eyes. Soon, the golden ones faded away and her breathing regulated. Inhaling deeply and releasing it, Caam rasped, “Not supra.”

Thumbs rubbed over her cheeks. “Yes, it’s definitely the opposite of supra. Has that happened more than the last time I know about?”

"Erm, not really."

There was a stern look. "Define not really."

"Ugh. Fine. Maybe a few times, but it's no big deal.”

Barriss cursed under her breath. “Ok, I need you to tell me what you were thinking before it started.”

Caam grimaced. “Do I have to?”

The woman grinned and tweaked her nose. “Yes. It’s important to figure out the problem, so it doesn’t keep bothering you.”

Gritting teeth, she tried to work out the feeling. “Thatcher, but not her exactly. More… what it taught me. I remembered begging her to stay instead of going on that mission. But, she wouldn’t. I couldn't stop it from happening. Once I gave her everything, I lost her." Her voice dropped. "People who love me too much try to save me. Or, maybe it's me loving them too much. Either way, they leave.”

Barriss rubbed her own forehead with a deep sigh. “You believe it's your fault, don't you? As if you committing to someone is the thing that causes terrible results."

She averted her gaze and mumbled, "I know it's stupid. I can't seem to help it."

"It's not stupid, if that's what you feel. It might be inaccurate, but that doesn't mean you should dismiss it. Ignoring the issue will only cause more issues."

Caam looked back at her. "How do I fix it?"

"You have to accept that your past doesn't dictate your future. Committing to someone doesn’t make them leave, darling girl. It's usually the opposite. Blaming yourself is simply masking the fear and making yourself miserable in the process. It lets you feel like you’re doing the right thing for the other person, instead of confronting the real problem. You’re trying to commit to Karyna without truly committing to her.”

She scrunched up her face. “Huh?”

Barriss tapped her fingers on the settee. “Caam, your approach to commitment is… it’s as if you are handing over yourself in a sense. I suppose that's why you rarely give it. However, all or nothing isn’t an easy existence. Life is messy. Things don’t always work out. If you’re going to approach relationships that way, it’s critical to remember each situation is different. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to commit again. I’ve struggled to learn this lesson myself in some areas of my life. So, have you. Your mother and Wuulo are good examples. This is just another version of the same principle. What I’m trying to say is just because the last romantic-based commitment went badly, doesn’t mean the same thing will happen with Karyna.”

“Right, I know,” she replied quickly, feeling a sudden need to end this conversation. “Great, um, thanks. I’ll think about it.” Caam had no intention of doing any such thing, of course. She couldn’t. Having Karyna as they currently existed was safe. It had always been. Telling the girl she loved her and never wanted her to go was something else entirely. _Remember, what happened the last time you did that? You can't risk her._ Caam shuddered at the thought. _If she abandons you, there is no way you would survive this time._ Her lungs began to tighten again. _Don’t think, stop!_

“Hey, we don’t have to talk about this now. Let it go for the moment.” Fingers returned to her cheeks, doing their magic. “Calm. Center. Listen…”

The chaotic thoughts settled once more as she finished the mantra, “... Feel. I’m ok. Don’t worry.”

Arms wrapped around her, pulling Caam into a comfortingly familiar chest. “Good. When you’re ready, we’ll tackle it together. In the meantime, if you ever start to feel like you just did, try to center. It will help calm your mind. Make it a habit, even when you’re doing ok, alright? The more you practice it, the easier it will be to work through the emotions. Remember, fear can lead us into exactly what we most want to avoid. You control it. Don’t let it control you.”

Caam relaxed into the reassuring embrace. “I’ll try.”

_______

Karyna watched Caam squirm from across the assembly room. _What is wrong?_ She tried to focus on what Lira was saying, but it was becoming impossible. Giving up, she interrupted, “I’m sorry, I need to check on something. I’ll be right back.”

Her friend raised perfectly manicured eyebrows, but then smiled graciously. “Of course, darling. I’ll retrieve some drinks for us, shall I?”

She nodded absently. “Sounds good.” Catching Caam’s attention, Karyna motioned toward the hallway.

The young woman gave a slight jolt in response but started after her. Heading to an alcove, Karyna waited from the incredibly slow-moving Caam to arrive.

Her friend peeked around the corner. “What’s up?”

Pointing directly in front of her, Karyna commanded, “Get in here.”

Caam slouched to the space indicated, stuffing hands into her pockets and fixing on the floor. “What?”

Lifting her chin, Karyna murmured, “You tell me what. There’s something wrong.”

Tawny eyes darted around. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Gods, Caam, I might actually strangle you.”

There was a reluctant grin. “I'd prefer an old-fashioned stabbing. Much more warriory.”

Karyna couldn’t help her own grin. “If you keep up this recently acquired habit of stalking assembly rooms, either one is a real possibility. Seriously, you’ve been alternating between pouting in a corner or pacing like an Alduvian water tiger the entire evening. I can’t handle it anymore.”

Caam frowned. “Don’t you have better things to do than watch me all night long?”

“Yes,” Karyna replied peevishly, “I do. That’s my point. Let’s fix the problem, so we can both enjoy ourselves.”

She crossed her arms. “Sorry to interrupt fun time with your princess. I’ll try to stop distracting you.”

Karyna stared. “What are you talking about? And, that doesn’t answer my question.”

Her mouth set in a tight line. “I don’t have anything else to say.”

_This is ridiculous._ Caam was rarely this uncommunicative, and Karyna had no idea what that meant. _Guess this is how everyone else feels trying to get things out of you, huh? Maybe, she’s just in a mood lately?_ Raising her hand, she brushed it over the girl’s cheek. “Please, don’t be upset.” The touch of her fingertips on Caam’s skin caused the wonderful flutter in her heart. Karyna now understood exactly what she wanted but was still torn on whether to try and get it. _Tell her you love her and never want to be apart._ She mentally shook her head. _It’s not fair. You'd make her unhappy, just to make yourself happy? You can’t give her everything she needs. Don’t pretend you can._

There was a slow exhale. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to get myself together. I guess it’s been a long week, and I’m having trouble focusing. Don’t stress, K.”

She wouldn’t have believed that excuse if it had been wrapped in a bow and presented to her by the Force itself. However, pushing wasn’t getting her anywhere. “Alright. Don’t forget I’m here, though.”

Caam’s expression fluctuated and then she grabbed Karyna’s hand. “Stay with me.”

“Uh, ok. Do you want to talk about it some more?”

“No, I mean—” Fingers tightened around hers, and Caam’s jaw began to tremble. Then, her face turned panicked. “Sorry, just remembered something. Gotta run.” She took off and was halfway down the hall, before Karyna even exited the alcove.

Gazing after the vanishing girl, she chewed her lip. _Should I go after her?_ Karyna was still debating, when Lira popped out of the assembly room. “There you are. I was afraid you’d abandoned me with a roomful of catty courtiers.”

Pasting her now perfected princess smile, Karyna turned around. “Sorry. I was headed back and got distracted.”

Lira took her arm. “No more distractions, darling. I’m leaving in the morning. I insist we have some fun on our last night.”

Glancing once more down the hall, Karyna straightened her shoulders. It was true. She and Lira rarely saw each other, and her friend really should get priority this evening. If Caam wanted to talk, she knew where to find her. _I’m not going to chase her all over creation for unknown reasons that she'll refuse to share._ “Absolutely, lead on to the fun.”

_______

Barriss cross-checked the reference in her notes. _I’m right. We could use this. It all fits._ Leaning back in her chair, she swallowed several times. _I don’t know if I can._

Her eyes strayed to the painting at the far end of her office. It framed the wall above the fireplace mantle as her reminder—a reminder of life, death, faith, and failure. The shining towers of Cardota rose from the center of the sprawling city. Splotches of colorful buildings and people dotted the landscape as everything simply existed, unaware of their fate, no idea that they would soon cease to be. _Not this time._

Returning to the Bendu text, Barriss Offee got to work on her final strategy.

_______

Caam gazed across the sitting room as Karyna held Ben in her arms and laughed along with Leia and Hera at his determined attempts to grab clumps of her hair. _Stop it, Secura._ Forcing her eyes down, she twisted fingers together.

_This is stupid._ Caam woke up every morning with the intention of begging Karyna to be hers forever. Then, she spent the bulk of the day telling herself why it was the worst idea on the planet. By each evening, Caam seemed to be capable of doing nothing but staring longingly at what she couldn’t let herself have.

What she had told Barriss was sometimes true and sometimes ridiculous. Though, Caam never wavered on one point. She needed Karyna to always be there in some form or another. Her confidence in that never changing had brought near perfect contentment, until that blasted trade council stole it away.

Caam’s eyes floated back up, and she jumped. Ben was happily chewing on a strand of Karyna’s hair as the girl gazed at her, concern etched across the beautiful face. Putting on what she hoped looked like a fascinated expression, Caam pretended to listen to Rex, Luke and Ezra chat about the latest battalion deployments.

The alluring and debonair Princess Lira had become a monstrous threat bent on conquest, and Caam had done nothing about it. She had cowered in a corner like a scared child. Until then, losing Karyna had been a background anxiety. It was now full-blown fear. The council had ended two months ago with no sign of change in their relationship, but she still couldn’t regain her prior contentment.

Caam was a wreck, because now she understood what had to be done. _Then, do it, Secura! Tell her. I can't!_ She still couldn’t contemplate it without panic setting in. There was only one way to ensure Karyna stayed forever, but it was the same way her broken mind screamed would lead to destruction. _Stop thinking!_

It didn't work. Her breaths began to come faster. She needed to get out of here, find space to center. It was the only thing that helped.

Keeping a casual air, despite the room closing in around her, Caam strolled out of the sitting room and ducked into the nearest alcove. Slumping to the stone floor, she closed her eyes, trying to control the chaos.

As her body finally calmed its irrational madness, she felt a hand on her arm. Flipping eyes open, she saw vivid blue ones gazing back in worry. “Oh. Uh, hi.”

Karyna knelt in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

She tried a grin. “Nothing. Just got a bit tired of hanging out, I guess.”

There was a tiny huff. “Caam, your random moodiness these days is sending me over the edge.” A delicate hand laid on her cheek. “Tell me, please.”

“I need…” _You._ The words died in her throat as it closed up. Focusing on the floor, she took a several quick breaths. “Sorry, can’t. Please, don’t make me.”

Karyna gripped her face and brought it up to lock their eyes. “Alright. You don’t have to say. But, you know I’m here, right? I always will be.”

Caam fixed a desperate gaze on her. “Promise?”

Fingers pressed into Caam’s cheeks. “I promise.”

She grabbed the girl and pulled her close, grasping hold of the words. “Don’t worry. I'm always ok when I have you.”

Karyna snuggled into her chest with a soft sigh. “Better be, because I won’t accept any less.”

Contentment flooded her soul once more. Reveling in the renewed confidence, Caam smiled. “Dealio, Kayo.”

_______

Caam sat cross-legged on their rock and worked through the feelings. She pictured herself walking up to Karyna and taking her hand. Caam’s mouth opened, ready to confess everything. That was when her lungs constricted, and panic rose.

Shoving the mental image far away, she centered, until her breathing slowed. _I can’t do this! Why? I don’t understand._

Fingers brushed her face, and Caam jerked her eyes open. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey back.” Barriss settled next to her. “Well, Luke has run off to Andobi once again, so I’m left to my own devices this afternoon.” She added amusedly, “Apparently, our weekly sparring session pales in comparison to strange monks and freezing temperatures.”

Caam grinned. “Or, a mysterious and enchanting maiden of the mountain?”

The woman put a hand over her heart in feigned shock. “Are you trying to say spending time with his aunt is less exciting?”

“Hmm, now that you mention it…” she mused in overdone contemplation, "... probably."

“Ack! Travesty of travesties!” Giving a small wink, Barriss continued, “So, are you working on our project? How’s it going?”

She slumped. “Yeah, it’s—this is stupid! I know what I want to say but can’t say it. What’s wrong with me?”

Barriss rubbed her cheek. “Nothing, my dear. Perhaps, there’s something wrong with your premise. Are you sure you really want to say it?”

Caam gaped. “Of course!”

The dancing blue eyes gazed at her in _that_ way.

She looked down. “You think I don’t.”

“I think you’re scared, darling girl. As long as the fear outweighs the desire, you’ll never be able to say it.”

Dragging her gaze back to Barriss, she asked, “How do I stop being afraid?”

The woman shrugged. “You don’t. Fear is a part of life. The only way to conquer it is to decide doing something is worth the risk of your fear coming true.”

Caam frowned. “If I thought it might ever come true, I’d never do it. I can’t risk losing her.”

Barriss pressed lips to her forehead. “As long as you think that, you’ll never be able to say what you want. Sometimes fear leads us to make measured choices or assess danger. However, often it is simply the easy way out. It’s tempting to avoid the potential of pain for you or those you love. The problem is it may deny you and them the things that make life worth living, as well.”

“How?” Caam asked doubtfully. “Seems like not risking being hurt would make everyone happier.”

“It might seem like that, but it's fallacy.” She paused thoughtfully. “When you wanted to join the army, what if we had refused and locked you in your room?”

Caam stared. “Why would you do that?”

“Because, we were afraid of losing you. Not only would you be apart from us, but the life of a soldier isn’t exactly safe. On the other hand, you finding your path and being happy was something we wanted. So, we pushed past the fear and took the risk. If you had died at Ryloth, would we still feel like we made the right choice? Would you have chosen to hide away in your room, either way? Or, were you happier on your chosen path no matter the outcome?”

She grimaced. “Fine. I get that one. It just feels different with Karyna.”

“That’s what fear does. It’s your fear of one specific outcome that paralyzes you, no matter how likely it is to happen or how happy taking the risk might make you in the interim. Even worse, not being able to resolve that conflict is producing a physical rejection of the threat. You can risk your life with equanimity. Your heart is a different matter altogether. Much like a person may go into a panic at an attacking rancor, some part of your mind is seeing the risk as something that threatens your entire being. Your fear may not be as obvious, but it has the same effect.”

“Huh.” Leaning forward into the woman’s chest, Caam mumbled, “Do you think if I keep trying, I’ll get over the fear stuff?”

Arms slid around her, and Barriss propped a chin on her lekku. “What do you think?”

Letting out a hiss, she muttered, “I don’t know. That’s why I asked you!”

There was a light laugh. “Despite your belief to the contrary, my philosophistical child, I can’t read your mind. Does the targeted meditation help?”

“Yeah, some. It makes it easier to sort through the feelings and such.”

“Then, perhaps you should keep at it and see what happens?”

Caam sighed. “Ok, I’ll stick it out.”

“When you do, try various angles. Instead of focusing on the actual action you want to do, maybe skip over that part. Play out the potential outcomes of doing or not doing it. Dive a bit deeper to chase down why you feel the way you feel. See if that tells you anything different.”

The fresh idea gave her renewed hope but also anxiety. _What if I can’t deal with the results?_

“Don’t worry,” the woman murmured, "you can handle it. My special girl can conquer anything."

Her chest lightened, and Caam pressed herself closer with a content smile. “Oh, I know. It comes naturaslly.”

Barriss laughed and kissed her lekku. “Supra.”

_______

Caam bid farewell to her old squadmates and headed home. Her heart was tired. They had just concluded a celebration for Klicker’s promotion to sergeant. It felt like a lifetime since they’d last been at Jho’s to celebrate something. _It has been._

After a few pints of ale, the usual reminiscing had commenced with L’uyta and Ropal boisterously recounting the standby tale of an elaborate, long-running practical joke involving Hux’s gauntlets, much to the man in question’s annoyance. It wasn’t important except for what they didn’t say—rather _who_ they didn’t say. Thatcher had been the mastermind behind that particular escapade.

The woman’s puckish grin as she stroked Caam’s cheek and proclaimed it her greatest triumph had haunted everything for the rest of the night. The lack of Thatcher’s presence at the gathering was the unspoken pain no one could bring themselves to mention. Acting as if she never existed hurt, yet Caam couldn’t bear to make it right.

Wandering aimlessly, she found herself heading up her favorite hill overlooking the Shili woods. It had been two years since her last visit to the spot. Caam never again wanted to be the person she had turned into after losing Thatcher. So, she had simply avoided everything that might risk misery returning.

Why she was doing it now, Caam didn’t know. Still, she soldiered onward as her chest throbbed.

Reaching the summit, she lowered herself to the ground and stared out into the moonlit night. Memories floated across her eyes. She ran fingers along the grass beside her. The empty space still hurt.

Yet, it wasn’t the visceral, brooding agony of before. It was more muted, like an old wound ghosting over her heart. Caam centered and focused on the feeling, searching for the why. What came was a declaration. _It’s time to face what was, what is, and what can be._

Steeling her twitching muscles, she gazed at the deserted ground next to her. “Gods, I loved you.” Caam curled up, stretching an arm over the grass as quiet tears fell. "But, you left me anyway."

After an unknown amount of silent grief, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the indigo-tinted sky. Somehow, her heart felt stronger. "I'm not sorry for loving you, though. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I think… I would."

A magnificent, golden star flashed in startling clarity above her, and then Luminara’s final lesson rang through her mind. ‘ _Live, my unbreakable girl. Don’t let anything stop you.’_

Inhaling what felt like a breath of new life, she murmured, “Enough. It’s enough now. I’m going to carry on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gods in the heavens above, Caam Secura. I thought our trip through the mind of Karyna Offee a few chapters ago was mind-boggling. I didn't mean it as a challenge. 
> 
> Hopefully, we've got our girl on the road to emotional health now. Clearly, there were still alot of unresolved issues from Thatcher. That combined with an all or nothing mentality is a recipe for trouble. Fear and loss does strange things to people. Guess we'll see if Caam can roll this healthier outlook into something. Though, it's not exactly all on her. Karyna, honey, remember that whole see what's possible thing? Maybe, you should look into that. 
> 
> Side note... This entire story is now completely drafted. The last chunk is only awaiting various levels of editing. The end is upon us all.


	102. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Emergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emergence:  
>  **e·mer·gence**  
>  _noun ___  
> The process of coming into existence.

“Are you planning on staying in that uncomfortable position the entire evening, my dear?”

Mara jolted. _No way._ She was concealed behind a thick tablecloth. Whoever had entered the office a few minutes ago couldn’t possibly have seen her.

The light voice came again, “Fair warning, I work late into the night. You’ll be scrunched under that tea table for hours. However, if you enjoy aching muscles, feel free to keep up the pretense.”

Her jaw dropped. _Impossible. Who is she?_ Mara contemplated. _Only one way to find out, I suppose._ Rolling out of her hiding spot, she leapt to her feet and whipped her sabre up.

A woman with symmetrical diamond tattoos, coal black hair, and olive skin was writing at her desk. Despite no visible reaction at Mara’s emergence, there was a slight smile on her lips. Evidently finishing her task, the woman put down the quill and ran an evaluative gaze over her. “Excellent choice. Now, what can I do for you?”

Even if she wasn't occupying an office in the royal household, her richly-designed indigo dress would have signaled a privileged status. _Courtier? Intendant?_ An actual royal was unlikely to be working well into the evening hours. They certainly wouldn't sit unconcernedly writing a letter, apparently without assistants at the ready, while an intruder held a sword on them, right?

Granted, her experience with royalty was limited, but every leader she'd encountered in the outside world always had a large entourage, flashy attire, and a haughty expression. This was a quiet elegance. It had a trace of superiority, but not snobbery. This woman seemed too… subtle to be royal. Mara tried to remain impassive, in spite of her pinging nerves. “Who are you?”

An eyebrow quirked. “You don’t even know whose office you snuck into?”

Gripping her weapon, she replied tightly, “Obviously.”

Piercing blue eyes roved across Mara as if evaluating her entire being. “Fascinating.”

"Really?" she growled. “That’s all you’ve got? I’m an intruder in your private office, lady. Shouldn’t you be calling some guards or something?”

“Hmm… I doubt that’s necessary. Do you plan on doing anything nefarious or otherwise unpleasant?”

She smirked. “Let’s pretend such a person would answer your question honestly. If I said yes, what would you do?”

The woman shrugged. “Probably the same thing if the answer was no. I merely wanted to see what you’d say.”

“Uh huh. So, what _is_ the thing you plan to do?”

“Ask again what it is you want.”

Mara fidgeted. “Fine. I ducked in here to avoid a guard coming down the hallway. Then, you arrived, and I had to improvise. How did you know I was under the table?”

The uncomfortably perceptive eyes gazed at her. “You didn’t really answer my question. That’s not how the game works. Information has a quid pro quo, my dear.”

Her lips parted. _The game. This can't be one of his aunts?_ She hesitated, before saying, “I’m looking for someone.”

“Alright. And, is that person Luke?”

Now, her mouth hung open. “How did you know that?”

She rose from her chair with a satisfied smile. “The same way I knew you were under the table, Mara Jade. Observation and a lucky guess.” Rounding her desk, the unusual woman waved toward the hallway. “If you’ll accompany me to the sitting room, I can retrieve Luke for you.”

 _This is like a conversation with Veridia._ “Who _are_ you?”

“Oh, I do apologize. My name is Barriss Offee. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, my dear.”

 _The Lady of the Rebellion and the Queen of Shili._ She was reluctantly impressed. _He didn't exaggerate._ At the same time, this entire interaction was throwing her off-kilter. Mara hated that feeling. It made control difficult and exhausting. She considered ditching the whole idea and making a run for it.

Heading out the door, Offee remarked, “Coming?”

 _Guess I’m here now. Maybe, the rest of his family won't be this weird._ Blowing out a breath, Mara sheathed her sword. “Looks like it,” she muttered and followed the woman from the office.

_______

Luke smirked. “You could have just announced yourself at the gates, you know. There was no need to creep through the castle and scare my aunt.”

Mara huffed. “Scare her?! I could have been a crazed Wampa crashing through her office and she probably would have just raised an eyebrow!”

He began to choke with laughter. “So… true.”

Unable to hold back a grin, Mara said, “Besides, I like to avoid unnecessary advertisement of myself.”

“Well, you managed to do the exact opposite,” Luke commented dryly. “Do you know how much attention you’re going to have to put up with? If you’d informed the guards you were here to see me, I would've had time to plan a strategy. There is no way that’s going to happen now. In fact, I’m shocked they’ve left us alone for the last ten minutes.”

She grimaced. “Great. Are all of them like your aunt? I may have to take drastic measures.” _Like running out the door, before I lose control and you find out what I'm truly capable of._

He snorted. “Aunt Barriss is the least of our problems.”

A striking Togruta warrior came striding into the room. She crossed her arms and evaluated Mara without speaking. Her entire aura exuded power and intensity. Mara couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from the fierce gaze.

Luke hissed, “Told you.” He announced with what sounded distinctly like extreme nervousness, “Mara Jade meet my other aunt, Ahsoka Tano.”

 _The Lady Jedi in the flesh. Hmm._ The woman looked nothing as Mara had pictured, yet she wasn’t disappointed. Deciding to make an effort, Mara tried a smile. “Hello. Nice to meet you.”

There was a long silence, before a flat voice responded, “So, you’re the mysterious Mara of the Dai Bendu that Luke runs off to visit on a semi-regular basis.” There was a grunt. “His description was accurate.”

“Obviously,” she replied wryly, “given your wife identified me on sight.” Mara shot a sideways glance at Luke.

The man rubbed his neck. “Yeah, well, you’re memorable.”

Mara felt an inexplicable urge to smile. “I see.”

Barriss Offee appeared in the doorway with an exasperated expression. “Ahsoka, I told you to give them time to catch up.”

She shrugged. “I did.”

Luke fixed a pleading gaze on Offee.

The woman gave him a supportive smile and then took her wife’s arm. “Let’s go, Lady Jedi. You can grill Mara later.” Tano opened her mouth, when piercing blue eyes flashed and Offee whispered something Mara couldn’t hear.

There was a distinct sound of teeth grinding. The Togruta gave Mara a short nod. “We’ll chat again soon.”

She raised eyebrows. “Uh, great. Can’t wait.”

Offee practically dragged her wife from the room, and Mara whistled. “You weren’t kidding.”

Luke ran a hand through his thick, blond hair. “Gods, this is going to be… interesting.”

_______

“So, what made you finally decide to take me up on my many offers to visit?” The man relaxed against the settee, grateful for the lack of interruption over the last hour. He only had one goal at this moment, and Luke Skywalker didn’t accept defeat. “I thought I was going to have to continue to climb a mountain every few months for eternity in order to bug you!”

Her gaze darted toward the fire and arms locked across her chest. “Don’t read anything into it, Skywalker. The monks have been harassing me to get out more. I was simply tired of hearing about it.”

Luke gave her the most charming smile he could manage. “Whatever it takes.”

There was an insolent grin in response. “I figured if I was taking the trouble of wandering the world, I might as well drop by and say hello. Besides, when I get back, the elders will demand an update on their super special Jedi. Hopefully, this means you’ll delay the next expedition. Your random, unannounced visits throw the monks into a meditation frenzy.”

“Excellent.” The dismissive response in no way deterred him from ensuring Mara remained in Shili for as long as possible. “That means to give them a full report, you’ll have to stay a while. Actually, it should be an interesting challenge for you.”

Mara’s attention jerked back to him. “What does that mean?”

Putting on an innocent air, he replied, “Well, not many people can handle my family for extended periods. Guess we’ll see what you’ve got.”

The emerald eyes narrowed. “Nice try, portal man.”

He put a hand over his heart. “What?”

“Throwing down the gauntlet is not going to magically convince me to stick around with your weird family hovering.”

Luke flashed an engaging grin. “Are you saying you plan to stick around, either way?”

Her face fluctuated and then she cocked an eyebrow. “You want that, you’ll have to work for it.”

He leaned closer. “Tell you what… you promise to put up with my weird family and I’ll rise to the occasion.”

Mara gazed at him for a moment. Finally, a challenging smile edged onto the rosy lips. “Alright, eternal prince. We’ll see what _you’ve_ got.”

_______

“So, you’re the one who bypassed castle security and ended up in the queen’s office.”

Mara sneered at the warrior blocking the door of her guest quarters. “Who wants to know?”

The woman’s slate gray eyes flared silver. “The Captain of the Shili Royal Guard, that’s who.”

Gripping her sabre hilt, Mara taunted, “Guess you’ll have to step it up, huh?”

“That’s my point. I want to know how and where you got in. Now.”

“You didn’t ask nicely,” she countered.

Her fists clenched. “Listen lady, you’re friends with Luke, which is the only reason your carcass isn’t in my dungeon. The least you can do is help me fix the problem. My job is to protect everyone. I have no intention of allowing a hole in my defenses to be exploited again.”

Considering the intense gaze, Mara realized she had finally found a person in this insane place that she understood.

Before she could respond, another figure rounded the corner and jerked to a halt. “Uh, Shan, is everything ok?”

“Fine,” the Captain snapped. “We’re just having a small discussion about people illicitly infiltrating the castle.”

There was a sigh as the fresh arrival finished fastening her brightly colored gauntlets. The armor wasn’t army issue, if the other soldiers around here were any indication. Mara thought it looked Mandalorian, but the unusual design and its presence on a warrior of Shili made her doubt that assessment. The Mandalorian who'd come through the portal a few years back had told her they didn’t export their special metal and armor was ritualistically passed down family lines. Striding forward, the newcomer stuck out a hand. “Hi there. I don’t think we’ve met. You’re Luke’s friend from Andobi, right?”

Mara stared at the hand, before slowly shaking it. “Right. I’m Mara. Mara Jade.”

There was a sparky grin. “I’m Sabine Wren. Oh, and the Commander of Shili Intelligence, if you’re trying to organize everyone in your head. Our family can be a bit overwhelming to get a handle on. This is Riela Shan. You likely already know she’s the Captain of the Guard. It’s nice to have you with us.”

“Um, thanks,” she replied warily, unsure about the varying receptions and surprised that they were also members of Luke’s family. _Is this family really weird or are all families like this?_ Mara didn’t have much experience with the concept but was pretty sure this one wasn’t standard. Looking back at her interrogator, she continued in a more conciliatory tone, “I don’t mind sharing my entry method. However, I doubt it can be replicated by others. It is less your failure and more a unique situation.”

Shan’s posture relaxed. “Even so, I want to know. Guarding for the unexpected is what I do.”

“Alright. It’s complicated to explain. Do you have blueprints I can illustrate with?”

“Absolutely.” The woman pointed down the hall. “In my office. We can do it now.”

Wren jumped in, “If it is convenient for you, of course.” She threw a meaningful look at Shan.

The other woman ground her teeth. “Yes, if you are available, I would prefer to have the details as soon as possible.”

The clear frustration at not being able to haul her down to the office post haste increased Mara’s own comfort level. It reminded her of everytime someone came through the portal, and the monks simply gave them free reign of the mountain. Meeting the irate eyes, she shrugged. “Now works for me.”

Shan held her gaze for a moment, before a small grin appeared. “I think we’re going to get along after all, Mara Jade.”

_______

Finishing her recitation, Mara straightened from the blueprints. “Any questions?”

Shan stared at her. “Navigating the internal structure of the castle without intel is impressive enough. However, to be able to scale the aft turret requires skills exceeding that of a Jedi. I only know of one person who has ever done it successfully.”

“It was quite difficult. My life on the mountain has given me more extensive abilities in that line. If I’m being honest, your security is excellent. The turret was my final option. If I had found an easier path in, I would have used it. As mentioned, I doubt my method could be replicated. Though, it sounds like I’m wrong, if you’re already aware of a prior success. Who do I need to challenge for the title?”

There was a wry grin. “A legendary spy by the name of Barriss Offee.”

“Oh.” Mara shook her head ruefully. “Yeah, nevermind.”

Shan chuckled. “I can see you’ve already picked up the basics.” She paused and then her expression opened up. “I understand what it’s like, you know. Coming into this family cold and trying to work your way through it.”

Mara blinked and shifted weight to her back leg. “Uh, I don’t need to work through anything. I’m just here for a few days to visit Luke.”

Uncomfortably empathetic eyes locked on her. “Whatever you say. I only meant I get how overwhelming and confusing it can be. All I remember thinking is that this was the weirdest family on the planet.”

“The thought has crossed my mind,” she remarked dryly.

Shan laughed. “It’s odd to realize I’m now part of the weirdness.”

Her curiosity peaked, she asked, “How did you actually become part of this family?” The concept of family in and of itself had a strangeness for Mara. The woman wasn’t quite sure she understood what it meant in an everyday sense.

“Ah. The woman you met earlier, Sabine, is my partner. We started our relationship during the rebellion. At the time, I was a royal guard in Chandrila, and she was a classified rebel operative. So, we lived in two different worlds. I didn’t even know she had a family. It was difficult for both of us.” Her voice drifted as she continued, “Then, Sabine was captured by Palpatine’s best commander. I kind of stumbled into it, while we worked to rescue her.” The woman refocused with a wan smile. “By the end of it, though, I had a family.”

“You didn’t have one before?” Her face turned pained, and Mara put in, “Nevermind. It’s your business.” _Why am I so interested?_

She waved a hand. “No, it’s fine. I lost mine when I was young. Sometimes, it still hits me oddly is all.”

Mara was about to inquire how they had died but stopped herself. _You’re turning into Scarla with all the intrusive questions about people’s lives._

“My mother was killed by Anakin Skywalker during the fall of Shili,” Shan continued as if reading her mind. “My father died several years later.” Her voice strained. “He never quite recovered from losing everything.”

Surprise gave way to intensified interest. _Skywalker._ Thanks to Luke she now knew the identity of the Lord Protector that had haunted her childhood. A young Mara Jade had aspirations of taking his place by the emperor's side. The adult that deluded girl had become realized the foolishness of the fantasy. Yet, there was still a certain mystique about the man she couldn’t shake. He had been special, important… somebody. Mara hated and admired him. _You have so many issues._ Struggling to manage the memories her mind still couldn’t quite control, she replied weakly, “I see.”

Shan appeared to assess her for a moment. “More important is what having a family again meant to me, though. I had been alone a long time. Having people I could depend on, who loved me as I was, changed _everything_.”

Mara’s heart jumped strangely. “Well, that’s… nice.” _Nice?! Very eloquent, Jade._

The woman flashed a surprisingly childlike grin. “Yep. Point is, you’re not alone. So, if you need questions answered or tips on navigating the weirdness, you know where to come. In fact, I won't even make you trade for it.”

 _Huh._ Her mouth curved into a smile. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

_______

 _What have I gotten myself into?_ In all of Luke’s stories, Mara had never quite grasped the enormity of his family. The woman couldn’t remember being in the company of this many talking people of varying dispositions ever. A crowd of mostly silent monks was one thing. Standing in this sitting room was something else entirely. The demands required a level of constant control that was straining her limits to a breaking point.

The woman ran through her calming exercises once more as Luke’s sister _—Leia, right?—_ Sabine, and a tall, imposing woman, whose name Mara couldn’t recall, discussed a new clan war in Mandalore.

Her mind felt raw with the effort. Yet, it elicited a visceral sense of aliveness Mara wasn’t sure she’d ever had. The further the edges of her mind bended, the stronger the feeling became. She locked arms across her chest and tried to center with limited success.

A girl Luke had introduced as another one of his sisters touched her shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Mara flinched. “Oh, yeah.” _This one is… Karyna. I think._

Vivid blue eyes assessed her. “No, you’re not. Do you need a break? I can take you on a tour of the castle. Or, we can just pretend we’re doing that, and you can go rest in your room for a bit. Will that help?”

She stared at the strangely perceptive girl. The directness was disconcerting. “Uh…”

Karyna sighed. “It’s ok, you know. No one will notice, if we aren’t gone for too long. Except maybe Luke, but he’ll get over it.”

“I don’t think—”

Fingers tightened around her arm. “I don’t do well with lots of people either, sometimes. Please, let me make it better.” She paused and added quietly, “Actually, I’d enjoy a break and giving you a tour sounds like a gift from the Force right now.”

Mara relented in secret relief. “Alright, let’s see what you’ve got, crackerjack.”

A satisfied grin looked back at her. “Oh, you will, doubting girl.”

Mara snorted and followed Karyna out. As they hit the hallway, her nerves settled.

“So, what would you like to see?” the girl asked lightly. “Any requests?”

“Nope. This is your party. I’m ready to be impressed.”

Her expression took an air of extreme contemplation. Then, she smiled. “I know just the place.”

_______

“Woah.” Mara gazed at the magnificent view. There was just enough light left from the setting sun to make it all out. Mountains were on the distant horizon, rolling hills in front of them, while green and brown swaths of forest ran along the sides. The city nestled between it all, radiating bustling activity.

Karyna propped her elbows on top of the turret wall and rested a delicate chin on her hands. “Yep. I always come here, when I get overwhelmed. It relaxes me and puts things in perspective.”

Moving beside her, Mara took in the landscape. “I have a place on my mountain that gives me the same feeling. It’s so high I’m literally standing in wispy clouds and snow-covered peaks. Sometimes, you can’t hear anything except ice caps melting and your own breath. It’s exquisite.”

“I wish I could see that. It sounds even better.”

“Come with Luke next time he visits, and I’ll show you. Still, yours is just as good. I’m never able to see what’s happening below.” Her eyes roved over the city. “This feels more… alive or something.”

“I suppose, but it might be nice to pretend the world doesn’t exist.” There was a slight wince. “Not like forever, just for a bit.”

Surprised at the sentiment that so closely aligned with her own feelings lately, she asked, “What kinds of things make you want that?”

“I get stuck in my own head, I guess,” Karyna answered slowly. “I know what I want to happen, but it doesn’t seem possible. It feels like I should be able to figure out a solution. When I think about it too much, it’s… not good.”

Mara exhaled. “Yeah. I get like that about stuff.”

The girl blinked. “You do?”

She drummed fingers on the stone wall as an inexplicable need to work through the confusion surfaced. “Right now, I can’t even get to the what I want to happen part. I’ve lived with the monks since I was a child. Before that, I—” Mara shuddered. Taking a moment to push the memories back down, she rushed on, “The mountain is the only home I’ve ever had, but I can’t stay there forever. There’s no future for me with retired monks, who live their life only to commune with the Force. They’ve taught me all they can and, as they keep insisting, it’s past time to start my own life. Everytime I try, though, my mind has trouble with it.”

Karyna chewed her lip. “What kind of trouble?”

Mara focused on the pricks of light beginning to appear in the darkening city. “I guess I don’t know where to start. I’ve never had a life in that sense. How do you get one?”

A hand laid on hers. “Hmm, good question. I had that problem too—still do kind of. I suppose my life really started when Aunt Barriss found me, but sometimes it feels like it hasn’t. I mean I have a home and a family, so that's good. At the same time, I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m meant to do.”

“That makes two of us.” Gazing at the fingers touching hers, her mind calmed in a way Mara hadn’t felt since leaving the mountain. With it came renewed confidence. _Maybe, I can handle doing this after all?_ Glancing at Karyna, she said, “What do you mean found you?”

“Oh, I was in an orphanage, until I was eight. Even after Aunt Barriss adopted me, it took a while to get used to having a family. Also, my life was hard to control between a rebellion and rebuilding Shili. We moved around, family came and went, everything was always in flux. Then, suddenly, we had a permanent home, and I became a princess. I don’t feel like one, but I do the best I can. It’s confusing. Everyone I know has a purpose in the world. I keep trying, but I'm still not sure what mine is supposed to be.” She blew out a breath. “It would be nice to nail down some kind of normal for my life.”

“The Bendu would say there’s no such thing as normal. You are who you are.” Mara sighed wistfully. “I, on the other hand, would argue if you don’t know who you are, normal sounds great.”

Karyna’s expression floated away. “I used to think that.” Her fingers began to tremble. “Until, someone very wise helped me understand I'm unique, just like everyone else…”

She assessed the distantly pained face and had an unaccountable impulse to make the girl feel better but had no idea how. Providing emotional support wasn’t exactly a priority need of monks. “Um, I guess that makes sense.” It didn’t really but was the only thing she could come up with to say.

The striking eyes refocused on her. “Her point was that while the people around you may seem like they have everything figured out, you don’t know what’s going on inside or how they got there. Every person has their own issues to overcome and follows a unique path. Normal implies a standard existence that isn’t real. Each person’s life reflects who they are and what they want individually. Your life should reflect who you are and what you want. In other words, what is _your_ normal?”

“Huh.” Mara considered. “If that’s true, then I’m in trouble. Because, I have no clue.” She paused. “Actually, I suppose that’s what the monks were trying to say. They know, like I do, I’m not meant to be a hermit who lives on a mountain. So, why would I stay somewhere that reflects someone I’m not?” She frowned. “Still, that doesn’t tell me who I am.”

The fingers tightened around hers. “It’s a start, though. You’ll never know who you are, until you know what you are not.”

Mara groaned. “Great. Here I was hoping nonsensical, profound-sounding statements were the province of Force-obsessed monks. But, nooooo…”

Karyna laughed. “Oh, you have no idea. It’s a family specialty. Anyhow, I’m sure we’ll both figure out our lives eventually, right?”

She grunted. “If you say so.”

A confident grin flashed. “I definitely do. Have faith. We can handle it.”

The certainty radiating off the girl was compelling. Mara swallowed and then flashed a snarky grin. “Guess we’ll see, tiny princess.”

Karyna squinted at her. “If you refuse to call me by my actual name, can you at least pick something that doesn’t make me sound like a child? I’m nineteen, you know. And, not _that_ small.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “What would you prefer?”

“Karyna will do.” Her expression turned airy. “In a pinch, I will accept glorious goddess of wisdom.”

“Nah. Not my style. And, way too many syllables.”

There was a glare that was more cute than threatening in response.

Mara smirked. “That’s settled then. Ready to return to reality, old girl?”

“Gah! Now, I sound like a horse!”

“No one to blame but yourself,” she replied innocently. “You asked for older.”

Karyna gritted teeth but even that made her oddly adorable. “Let’s go, mountain girl, before I end up worse off.”

She started across the turret, before calling back, “How about little cutie?” Mara grinned at the exasperated cry behind her as she sped through the door.

_______

Aayla strolled into the dining room, rubbing her aching neck. _I’m officially too old to ride all night anymore._ She had just arrived home after an exhausting trek from Glee Anselm and was already missing Kit, who had stayed behind to help with an underwater rehabilitation project. The woman was definitely looking forward to a warm meal and lots of uninterrupted sleep.

Heads jerked around upon her entrance with what looked like trepidation. Surprised, Aayla scanned the table and saw a young woman she didn’t recognize. _Great. We’ve got a special visitor. Gods, I’m too tired for this._ Putting on a smile, she approached the table. “Well, nice to know my family missed me. Don’t everyone celebrate at once or anything.”

Karyna skipped over to hug her. “I’m glad you’re home. Can’t help the rest of them.”

The woman laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Well, obviously I don't need them when I have you, dear one.”

"That is an acceptable response," Karyna responded with an adorable grin.

Caam huffed from the table, “Um, your daughter is right here, you know.”

Aayla lifted eyebrows. “Your point?”

The girl glared. “One would think you’d want to hug _her_ after a three-week absence.”

Laughing, Aayla moved around the table and draped arms over her shoulders. She squeezed Caam tightly, before kissing her lekku. “Apologies, my amazing daughter. I missed you so much.”

A brash grin shined up at her. “That’s more like it. Missed you, too.”

Ahsoka grunted. “Well, for my part, I’ve rather enjoyed the lack of unsolicited advice over the last few weeks.” She eyed Barriss. “Rather, the _additional_ lack of it.”

“If you’d simply respond to my gentle prodding,” her wife replied innocently, “there wouldn’t be any need for me to outright tell you what to do.”

That got snickers from Ezra, Sabine, and Caam. However, they quickly shifted attention to their dinner at Ahsoka’s death glare.

Aayla chuckled. “Glad to see all is how I left it.”

Barriss rose from her chair. "I hope your trip was productive. I'll let the attendants know you’re here, if they don’t already. I’m beginning to suspect they have a secret spy network running to watch for unexpected dinner guests.”

Rex snorted. “Uh, of course they do. They’re _your_ staff, Barriss.”

Right on cue, two royal dining attendants rolled out the door that led to the kitchens with a platter of food and an extra table setting.

Everyone watched in barely restrained amusement as they swiftly set a place and drew out a chair for Aayla, both giving formal bows.

The Twi’lek grinned and sat in the prepared spot. “Now, this is what I call first-class service. Your staff deserves a raise, your majesty.”

Both attendants showed no sign of acknowledgement, but their postures straightened, and they bounced out of the room with their cart.

The entire table held back for another few moments, before raucous laughter filled the room. Except for Barriss, who surveyed them all with a superior smile. “Now, see what efficiency can do?”

Leia remarked wryly, “Try and tell Han that.”

The man in question put a hand over his heart. “Hey! I’m efficient!”

“In that case,” Ahsoka replied in apparent seriousness, “maybe we should let you do a few days in the kitchens? You can show them how it's done.”

Han fidgeted, clearly unsure on whether this was a genuine suggestion or a hidden threat. “Um…”

Barriss raised a forceful hand. “Absolutely not. I will not have anyone destroying the happiness and productivity of my staff. Han would throw them completely off their game.”

“Now, wait a—" He slammed his mouth closed, probably realizing defending himself might be a fast path to the kitchens. Han slumped back in his seat with a growl. “You two are like a machine.”

Ahsoka smirked. “I don’t know what you mean, Solo. I was just trying to give you a chance to shine.”

A grinding jaw chomped down on his bread in response.

Leia laughed and rubbed his cheek. “One would think you’d stop walking into my aunts’ ploys after a few months.”

Asajj commented drolly, “Solo is a _very_ slow learner.”

Before Han could get a retort in, Barriss interjected, “Wait, we’ve forgotten something.” She shot an expectant look at Luke.

He cleared his throat. “Oh, right. Uh, this is my friend—” Luke halted and then blurted, “Mara Jade. Mara this is Aayla Secura.”

The Twi’lek froze, wine halfway to her lips. While Luke had been stubbornly unforthcoming, Aayla knew who this mysterious young woman living with the Bendu must be. His apprehensive reaction only confirmed it. She appraised the girl and flipped through memories, pinpointing the child that was. The fiery emerald eyes came into focus as they raged at her. _'Liar! I hate you! Get away from me!'_ Her lek twitched, and she carefully set her glass on the table. "Hello."

Mara was gazing warily across the table at her. “Do we know each other? You seem familiar.”

Aayla swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes, we do. But, let’s talk about it later. How about we eat first?”

The young woman glanced at Luke, who grimaced and said, “She’s right. It’s not really a dinner conversation.”

Her eyes narrowed and then returned to Aayla, probing for an answer. Then, they fixed strangely on Aayla’s own. Mara’s body seized up, mouth opening and closing repeatedly. “You—you’re…” There was a choked cry as she fled the dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mara Jade, welcome to the weirdest family on the planet. As is par for the course, it looks like the poor girl got way more than she bargained for. I suppose we'll have to see how this goes...


	103. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - The Easy Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Easy Path: Just don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Reader warning:_ This chapter contains sexual elements that could be considered non-consensual. That isn't the intent/purpose of this content and it is not overly explicit or intense in my opinion. However, everyone experiences things differently. I am not you. 
> 
> If you are sensitive to this type of imagery or prefer not to read 'mature' sexual content, I have denoted the material in question with **. When you see **, simply skip forward to the next **. You will miss a minimal amount of story this way. There is a good deal happening in this chapter, so I don't want to exclude any of my lovely readers due to this small section. However, I also don't want anyone reading with a "T" rating expectation to be distraught. I write to give people enjoyment, not pain. 
> 
> If none of this applies to you, ignore this entire comment and read away!

As Mara bolted from the dining room, Aayla centered. Her path rang out in complete clarity. _You’re needed._ Rising from the table, she commanded, “No, Luke. Stay here.”

The man halted his hurried step and spun around in astonishment. “What?”

Aayla strode past him. “You heard what I said.”

Luke grabbed her arm, jaw twitching. “The person who just sent Mara into a meltdown should not be the one to talk her off the edge.”

She jerked out of his grip. “You’re going to have to trust me. Mara needs something specific at this moment that you can’t give her. From the day I rescued her out of slavery to Palpatine, it’s been true. It still is. I’m the one she needs right now.” Her voice flinted steel. “Sit.”

His mouth flew open but whatever retort he’d planned was preempted by Ahsoka, who stated authoritatively, “She’s right, Luke. Stand down.”

Aayla didn’t even wait for his reaction. Trusting Ahsoka to ensure Luke didn’t interfere, she swiftly exited the dining room.

_______

_‘You have been chosen. A new life of glorious service to our emperor awaits. Welcome to the inquisitorius.’_

Mara paced around her guest quarters, unable to repress the memories. They invaded everything.

A ghastly visage flowed up from another life. Thin lips twisted. _‘Prove your loyalty, girl.’_

She ripped a painting off the wall and sent it spiraling across the room. “Stop!” In the last two weeks, Mara had found herself settling into the rhythm of this place. For the first time ever, there was real hope she might be able to control it. If that was possible, then a life might be too. That hope had been swept away in a moment.

_‘There’s no point, Mara.’_ L’opia gazed vacantly from her mind’s eye. _‘It’s better this way.’_

“Shut up! That’s not true!” she shrieked back at the girl that could no longer hear her.

_‘Peace is a lie.’_ Her training master uncoiled a whip. _‘I think it’s time for another lesson in loyalty.’_  

Mashing shaking palms against the wall, she begged herself, “Please… stop.”

More images flew by. Polar stretched his arms into white nothingness with a desperate howl. Jai cowered in a corner.

A loud knock sounded from somewhere. Ignoring it, she focused burning eyes on the blurry stone in front of them. The rage spiked higher and her lungs quickened into erratic gasps. _No. Control it!_

Then, the worst one of all came. Ionie laid bleeding on the ground, still spitting curses at her as the light left his eyes. Mara flushed in victory and pivoted around, only to see expressions of utter horror. Her exultation was replaced with confused betrayal as both Jedi slammed her into a security gate. _‘I’m loyal!’_

The insistent rapping came again.

_Go away!_ Attempting to banish the terrible flashes into obscurity, she beat fists against the unyielding wall, until it slickened with her own blood.

A quiet, “Mara,” pierced the madness.

Jerking around, she saw _her._ “Get away from me!”

The Jedi of dreams and nightmares closed the door behind her. “Not this time.”

Running through calming exercises, she desperately tried to hold herself in check. “Get out. I can’t control it.”

Haunting eyes locked on Mara’s and wouldn’t let go. “You don’t have to. Tell me what you’re feeling. I promise I can handle anything you throw at me.”

Mara backed into a corner. “I… can’t. You know what I’m capable of.”

“That’s my point. I already know. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

Her control slipped, and she screamed, “I hate you!”

There was a tight nod. “Ok. Why?”

More fury leaked out, sending tremors through the air and shattering a nearby vase. Tiny shards pricked her skin as they blew in all directions. “You robbed me of my destiny! I could have been imp—” She grabbed her head, body shivering violently. “No, that’s not true, Mara. Stop it!”

"Keep going," a soothing voice said.

"No!" She flung a Force blast at the Twi’lek. “I don't want to talk to you. Go away!”

Defensive arms shot up to block the sloppy attack. “I admit to rescuing you from being a slave to evil and hate. But, that's not the issue, is it? What are you really angry about?”

Mara twisted wrists and sent a table hurtling at her. “I don’t know!”

Outstretched hands stopped the object mid-flight and tossed it against a wall. “You do know. Don't think, just say it.”

Her mind switched off and then exploded. She rushed her tormentor, leaping into the air and spinning into a vicious kick. “You promised me!”

The woman stumbled, but then quickly flipped behind her and immobilized Mara in a rigid body lock. “I promised what?”

Screeching in the hold, she shouted, “Everything would be alright one day. I could have a future. You said I was _special._ I believed you! But, you never came back!"

There was a sharp breath, and the grip went slack.

Taking the opening, Mara knocked the Jedi’s legs out from under her. Jumping onto the woman’s chest, she pinned her to the floor. “You could have helped us! The others—it was too much. Jai ran away years ago. We never saw him again. L’opia was injured in an icer. I tried so hard to make her see—she didn’t even fight to live. She just gave up! Polar never—h-he threw himself off the mountain!” Her hands gripped the woman’s throat and rage flowed out of its broken prison. “I’m all that’s left! You didn’t even bother to check on the children you tore from the only life they had known.”

There was a strangled wheeze as pain gazed up at her.

“The monks cared for us but couldn’t—they don't love anything! We were alone with terrible memories and an empty promise. Then, I didn't even have the others anymore.” Her eyes burned into the hazel ones below. They looked back from her childhood dreams. The only eyes that ever cared, yet didn’t. The eyes she hated and craved. Mara’s fingers quaked around the teal neck that she suddenly realized had faded scars crisscrossing it. “No one ever came for us. No one…” Exhaustion swept over her as the rage died, leaving dazed misery. Sliding to the floor, she pulled knees to her chest. “You lied. I'm not special. I've never been important to anyone. Not to Palpatine, not to the monks, not to you. I’m nothing. I don't exist.”

“Mara, I am so sorry,” she croaked. “I didn’t think you believed—everytime we said those things, it made you worse.” The woman sat up and faced her. “When Polar tried to kill us, we realized you needed more expert healing from people who hadn’t turned into a symbol of your trauma. We did plan to come back, when you hopefully would be ready to see us again. But, we were captured by Palpatine, before there was a chance. My friend was executed, and I was imprisoned for many years. When I finally got out, I wasn’t—” There was an unsteady breath. “After that much time, it seemed too late to mean anything. I didn't even think you'd still be there. I should have done it anyway. It wasn't that we didn't care. We stayed away because we did. I still do.”

Numbness spread across her mind. “It doesn’t matter now. You risked your life to save us once already. You don't owe me anything. I don’t know why I'm angry with you. I’m not even sure I really am. It doesn't make sense.”

“You feel the way you feel. It’s alright to accept what is. Ignoring it doesn’t help either of us. What else do you need to say? Don’t hold back. Let’s get through it all."

The question that tormented everything hovered on her lips. Mara hesitated and then rushed out, “None of it will go away. The Bendu taught me how to control my reactions, but the memories and rage are still there. Everytime I leave the mountain, there's too much to handle at once. I can’t center and my calming exercises only help a little. Do you know how I can make it stop?”

There was a grimace. “I understand. My own experience left those kinds of scars. They never disappear completely. However, you can balance them with better memories and a sense of purpose. To do that, you have to build a life. Hiding away with the Bendu won’t give it to you. I’m sure they’d agree.”

Mara scrunched her knees tighter. “I know. They keep insisting I need to find my way, choose my own path. I have tried so many times, but I can’t control it. I don’t even know how to start. I think I’m just not meant to—it seems impossible.”

“Only if you’re alone.” Fingers lightly brushed her cheek. “You’re not anymore.”

The gentle touch made Mara flinch. Then, her chest constricted, breaths becoming shallow. “What?”

Aayla smiled encouragingly. “I may not have been there when you needed me, but that doesn’t make you not important. You’ve always been special. It’s past time I showed you that.”

Shrill stabbing pounded her head. “H-how?”

“We’ll start with the promise I made all those years ago. Everything _will_ be alright. Keep believing it. You’re so strong. Don’t you dare give up now. It’s time to step out of the shadows of limbo and live the life you were meant to have. We’ll do it together.”

“Together?” she echoed with both desperation and doubt.

The haunting eyes drilled into hers. “Absolutely. I’m not going anywhere this time. No matter how angry you get or how many memories get in our way.” Arms slid carefully around Mara, holding her loosely. “I’ll always be here to remind you how special you truly are.”

Her first instinct was to jerk away and run, but she stayed frozen, teetering on an icy precipice and waiting for the inevitable tip toward safety or destruction. Mara’s chest hammered against itself as warring emotions fought for dominance. _What? You want to be loved, foolish girl? You don’t need anyone. Maybe…_

“Please,” Aayla pleaded, “give it a try. You _are_ important to me, Mara Jade. That was true when I said it all those years ago, and it’s true today.” The arms tightened around her. “Your life can start in this moment. All you have to do is let me keep my promise and show you how."

_I still believe her. I never stopped._ The relentless assault halted, and her body calmed. Then, a surprising grain of truth sprouted, planting roots in her heart with unexpected vehemence. The caring eyes that had carried her through the pain, that had whispered she was special, that had told her one day she’d have a life were real once more, and Mara didn’t want to let them go. Relaxing in the embrace, she fell over the edge. “Ok.”

_______

Ahsoka glanced up as Aayla walked into the training area with… Mara. _Uh, ok._ Waving a hand at the girls to stop their levitation exercises, she turned. “What can I do for you?”

Aayla raised eyebrows. “Nothing, please continue. I want Mara to observe.” She winked at the girls. “Besides, I need to size up my future pupils. After Ahsoka is done with you, you’re all mine for pulses and multi-target throws.”

Caam grinned. “I’m so going to be your star student.”

“Who says?!” Karyna cried.

Ahsoka cut them off and pinned Aayla with an intent stare. “I need to talk to you for a minute.”

Hazel eyes narrowed, before the woman addressed Mara, “Be right back.”

There was an apprehensive look. “We can do this later.”

“I’ll just be a minute.” Aayla brushed fingers over the girl’s cheek. “It’ll be alright. I promise.”

Karyna hopped up and grabbed Mara’s arm. “Not to worry, we’ll keep you entertained. You can watch me totally dominate Caam at levitation.”

The other girl jumped to her feet with an outraged cry. “We’ll see about that, K!”

Mara smirked. “The little princess who could against the big, bad warrior, huh?”

Karyna huffed and dragged the young woman over to Caam. “You just wait, mountain girl. I’ll show you what this adorable princess can really do.”

Aayla watched them interact with a content smile.

Giving an expectant cough, Ahsoka pointed to the corner of the training area.

There was a hiss of breath as the Twi’lek followed her. Upon reaching the designated spot, she demanded, “What is it? You’re making Mara nervous!”

Ahsoka crossed her arms. “And, you’re surprised? You just marched an inquisitor child straight into a secret Jedi training area.”

Aayla stiffened. “She hasn’t been anything of the sort in years, Tano. Don’t even try that tact with me. You’re the one that insists everyone needs a chance to become who they’re meant to be.”

She clenched her jaw. “That’s true, and I have no problem giving Mara that chance, _if_ the council feels she’s ready. But, you don’t get to make sweeping decisions for everyone. _You’re_ the one who is always worried about creating the—" her voice strained, "the next Anakin Skywalker as you like to put it. There is a process we use to assess candidates for training. You were the most adamant proponent of it!”

The woman looked away and fell silent for several moments. Finally, there was a long exhale and her eyes returned to Ahsoka’s. “I concede your point. At the same time, I can’t wait for a long deliberation. Mara needs help now.”

Trying to keep her tone gentle, she said, “I know you want to make up for the past, Aayla, but we can’t fix everything. It’s a lesson I’ve yet to master myself. Doesn’t mean it’s not a good one.”

“She’s in pain, Ahsoka,” Aayla replied quietly. “I have to do something. Without proper control techniques, her mind can’t handle the conflicting emotions, especially with the distractions of the world coming at her. Why do you think she hasn’t left that damned mountain? Everytime she tries, it overwhelms her. Instead of risking hurting anyone or losing herself, Mara runs back to the Bendu. They taught her a form of passive control that works fine for a life outside of reality. She needs active ones. Otherwise, we’ll lose her.”

“Doesn’t that suggest she’s not actually ready to be entrusted with additional responsibility?”

“It suggests that we have a wild flame sparking around us that is desperately trying to be better but doesn’t know where to start. Her strength and discipline are incredible. She’s the only child who managed some semblance of recovery. If you could feel the raw power radiating off her in certain moments—Mara has the potential to be a great Jedi or something else entirely. We have a chance, given to us by the Force, to guide that development. If we don’t do it now, the world will do it for us.” Her face hardened. “And, _that_ will definitely create the next Anakin Skywalker.”

Ahsoka involuntarily flinched. _Why does it still hurt so much?_

A hand grabbed hers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—” Aayla fixed pleading eyes on her. “I was just trying to communicate the danger of not taking action. Mara is approaching a crossroads. You know what can happen without proper support and guidance for people like us. It’s not as if she isn’t already aware of her capabilities—the worst formulation of them, anyway. Palpatine made sure of that. If Mara chooses the easy path, she’ll know exactly how to maximize her skills. And, that path looks so tempting when you’re in pain. Telling her it will lead to terrible outcomes doesn’t mean anything, if she’s struggling to deal with reality itself. The girl is incredibly strong, but she can’t resist the darkness on her own forever. You know this better than anyone. We have to give her the tools to understand what’s truly possible. She needs… hope."

Letting out a long exhale, her gaze floated over to where Caam was gesturing animatedly to Mara, whose posture was strained as if unable to cope with the rapidity of the conversation. Ahsoka smiled as Karyna took Mara’s arm and directed Caam’s attention toward a teetering block of wood. The girl whispered something. Mara relaxed, before returning a small grin. Returning attention to Aayla, she nodded. “We need to proceed cautiously, and you’ll have to justify it to the council at some point.”

Aayla squeezed her fingers. “Don’t worry. I only plan to teach her basic control techniques. Hopefully, that will give her enough confidence to manage the memories, so she can at least contemplate making a life for herself. I intended on bringing it to the council, before moving into full training, assuming we get that far. Despite appearances, I’m not being totally reckless. I admit I want to save the child I failed once before. That may make me more motivated, but it also makes me invested in ensuring I don’t do more harm than good.”

Ahsoka rubbed hands over her face. “Gods, Secura. You’re going to send me over the edge one day.”

“What? Not there yet? I’ll have to step it up.”

Throwing arms in the air, she exclaimed, “Why do I put up with you?!”

Aayla began to walk back to the girls with an airy expression. “My sage advice, glamorous smile, and witty repartee?”

Ahsoka snorted. “I think you’re confusing yourself with Kit.”

There was a backwards glare, followed by a mischievous grin. “I won’t tell him you said that.”

_______

“Alright, now focus.”

Mara floated the rock through the air. After nearly an hour of meticulous, maddening slowness the end was in sight. Settling the final stone onto the person-high pile, she impatiently let it drop into place as her other hand stabilized the rest. It was a split second too soon and the entire stack crashed to the dirt. Letting out a scream, she sent chunks of rock spewing in all directions. “I can’t do this!” Her frustration edged into fury, and large boulders whipped off the ground to join the careening projectiles.

The ricocheting objects jerked to a halt and hovered mid-flight.

Mara spun around and winced.

Aayla met her gaze and then casually twisted outstretched fingers. Rocks sailed two by two into a perfectly aligned pile and the boulders returned to their original positions. “Ready to start over?”

Locking arms over her chest, Mara scowled. “Why should I?”

Aayla shrugged. “Why shouldn’t you?”

Glowering at a rotted log in the clearing, Mara resisted the intense urge to toss it at the woman’s head.

A hand lifted her chin and supportive eyes locked on hers. “Mara, I’m not teaching you to move rocks for the sake of moving rocks. This task requires part of your essence you never got the chance to fully develop. The precision and control needed to complete it come from a place that isn’t anger or fear. Those are powerful but blunt instruments, when they aren’t paired with anything else.”

She mulled over the words. “Do you mean the rage can be harnessed, if I learn how?”

“More like… balanced. The Bendu taught you passive techniques befitting their mindset and environment. It's a good foundation. However, as you’ve discovered, more active approaches are sometimes needed in real world situations. That kind of controlled action has to come from somewhere that isn't the same place you were forced to draw on in your early training. You have to learn how to use your entire essence to balance the extremes.”

Mara swallowed a few times. “You really think I can do this?”

Aayla smiled. “I’m positive. You are incredible. As with anything in life, it takes practice and discipline to learn. I failed many times at this task myself. Once you master it—and you will—the rest will follow.”

Gazing at her for a long moment, Mara uncrossed her arms and sighed. “Fine, I’ll give it another try.”

“No. Do or do not. There is no try.”

She hissed a breath through clenched teeth. “You’re as bad as Veridia. You know that profound-sounding statement makes no sense, right?”

The woman grinned. “Once you figure out that it does, you will have arrived at your destination.”

Mara growled. “Jedi.”

Aayla laughed softly and rubbed fingers over her cheek. “Let’s see what you’ve got, my special girl.”

Warmth shot through her chest as Mara swiftly turned back to the rocks. _Oh, I am so going to master this._

_______

Luke popped his head in the sitting room doorway. “Hey. Been looking for you.”

Mara uncurled from her chair next to the fire. “Well, you found me.”

“Yep.” He grinned engagingly. “Wanna take a walk or something?”

She stared. “Uh, why?”

He stuck out his bottom lip in mock petulance. “You’ve been spending so much time with Aayla lately, I’m feeling neglected.”

Mara rolled indulgent eyes. “Alright, pouty prince. I can tell you are going to bug me, until I give in. Let’s get it over with now.”

Luke bounced on his heels and held out his arm. “Excellent. Shall we, my lady?”

She blew out a breath but took the offered arm. “If you ever call me that again, I’ll throw you off a turret.”

“Hmm, I consider that an improvement. You used to threaten to throw me off a mountain.”

Mara couldn’t help a grin. “Well, next time you visit, I might just revert to standard.”

Luke’s expression fluctuated. “Yeah, about that. I was thinking why should I visit when you could just… stay here?”

Her body stiffened, and she dropped his arm. “What are you talking about?”

His face flooded with anxiety. “I mean you’ve been here more than a month and things are ok, yeah? I mean we’re not so bad, right? Why not stick around and make a life with us or something?”

She stepped back. “I don’t—” Mara gazed into his hopeful eyes as her mind began to spin. “I can’t—” Unable to control it, she ran.

_______

A knot formed in her stomach as Aayla knocked on Mara’s door.

Luke ran a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It just seemed to be going so well. I wanted her to know we’d like her to stay. I don’t know what I was thinking!”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. Beating yourself up isn’t going to help. Let’s focus on working through the problem, ok?”

His muscles relaxed slightly. “You’re right.”

Aayla cracked the door and the knot twisted. _No._ She swung it wide to verify. “She’s gone.”

Luke stared blankly. “Oh Gods. What have I done?”

_______

Mara rode across the wide-open plains, trying to calm the raging chaos. _What are you doing? Where are you going?_

She pulled up on the reigns and came to a halt, looking in all directions. Returning to the mountain seemed useless. There was nothing for her there. Going back to Shili created intense levels of fear. _Why? You liked it there. Admit it._ She sucked in several breaths. _I liked it too much. Is that so bad?_ Somehow, it scared her.

_I need somewhere to think._ Seeing lights in the distance, she set her course for an unknown destiny.

_______

“Aayla Secura, you have returned.”

The woman bowed to the gathered semi-circle of elders. “I always said I would. Perhaps, it took longer than expected, but I am here.”

Scarla’s red hood fixed on her. “You have endured much since last we met.”

She nodded tightly. “Your point?”

A pale hand emerged from white fabric as Puruus stood and touched his forehead. “And, you brought the Holder of the Sacred Balance with you. You are always welcome, Son of Skywalker.”

Aayla raised eyebrows at Luke. “Holder of the what?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, remind me to tell you about that.”

Zaffre’s indigo cloak swished. “What request does the Consiliario of the Jedi wish to make of us?”

Aayla cleared her throat. “We are looking for Mara Jade. She disappeared from Shili over a week ago. We have been unable to locate her. Is she here?”

Puruus sighed. “She is not.”

“Do you have any idea where she might be?” Luke asked anxiously.

A white-cloaked head rotated between his compatriots, before the man answered, “Mara must choose her own path. We cannot interfere.”

“The hell you can't.” Aayla stepped in front of Luke and towered over the elders. “Mara is on her own in the world—probably scared, confused, and lost.” She put up a hand. “Don’t give me any nonsense about neutrality of choice, either. You may tell yourselves that, and she certainly believes you mean it. I do not. You didn’t teach her, heal her, and invest in her wellbeing for years simply because of some philosophical belief. If that was all it was, you would have forced her out into the world long ago. Mara Jade is a Child of the Bendu.” Softening her tone, Aayla added, “You are correct that the girl needs to choose her own path. However, she can’t do it alone. The world will take everything you have given her, if she doesn’t have support. I left her here with a promise that she would one day be able to achieve a life. You’ve reached the limits of what you can do for her. Now, it is my turn to take over. Please, help me fulfill the promise we _both_ made all those years ago.”

There was silence for several moments and then the green-cloaked figure Aayla thought was named Veridia murmured, “The currents sing.”

Zaffre shifted his hood toward the others. “Yes. The Consiliario of the Jedi speaks truth.”

Scarla whispered, “The Child of the Bendu must find her way.”

The figure in black, whose name Aayla never had picked up, rasped what sounded like an affirmative.

Puruus rose to his feet. “Very well, Aayla Secura. Your words are not without wisdom. Come. If the Force wills it, you may find what you seek in the portal.”

Luke released a huge breath and smiled at Aayla.

She bowed. “Thank you. We are ready, elder.”

_______

A terrified scream rang out from the alley, and Mara glanced around the corner. A group of well-armed ruffians had an elderly Bith cornered. The old woman cried, “I’ve given you my belongings. What more do you want?”

A harsh voice came from the shadows. “Nothing, except your life.”

The injustice of it enraged Mara. To rob someone was one thing. To kill a defenseless victim for no reason hit something deep within her. Without even contemplating the consequences, she attacked. Flying down the alleyway, the woman spun through a half-dozen attackers in quick succession. Whipping out her sabre and taking up a defensive position in front of the Bith, she snarled, “Why don’t you pick on someone that’s a challenge, cowards.”

There were growls as they dragged themselves up off the ground, shaking dazed heads.

"Wait!” A younger man than expected stepped out of the shadows. “Mara?”

She stiffened, gaping at the gang’s leader. _Can’t be._ Mara’s sabre dropped to her side as she whispered, “Jai?”

He grinned. “It is you.” Waving his people back, he sneered at the cowering Bith. “It’s your lucky day. Get lost, lady.”

The woman picked up her skirts and ran faster than Mara thought possible for her elderly frame.

Jai moved forward and put a hand on her shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Mara stared. Gone was the pale, scrawny boy she’d once known. His well-muscled arms, darkly tanned complexion, and rugged face spoke to a life in the elements. His outfit had a rough and tumble look. It gave him the appearance of a ready for action outlaw, only enhanced by a long, black jacket. His hair was the same shade of auburn but had grown out and was coiled in a knot on the top of his head. _Force, he’s gotten… wow._ Shaking herself, Mara sputtered, “I thought you were—you never came back.”

He snorted. “Course not. Why would I do that?”

She locked arms across her chest. “We didn’t—L’opia worried about you! You know how she was about things!”

That got a wince, but then his face hardened. “That’s life, honey. How is little Lopi, anyway? Still pious as a monk?”

Mara met his eyes. “Dead. An ice fissure during the spring thaw.”

“Oh.” Jai turned and addressed his people, “Scram. Me and my friend gotta catch up.”

There were grumbles, but the gang obeyed instructions. As they vanished from sight, he said in a softer tone, “I couldn’t stay. After Polar—well, let’s just say I wasn’t going to stick around long enough to throw myself off a cliff or become a monk.”

“There were other choices, you know! I didn’t do either.”

He guffawed. “Yeah? What are you doing skulking around alleyways, then?”

Mara looked away. “It’s temporary, while I figure out what I want to do with myself.”

“Uh huh,” Jai replied gruffly, “that’s what I thought too.” He paused. “Still, you got the right idea. In fact, you might find this kind of life suits you.”

She scowled. “Murdering helpless old ladies in an alley? No thanks.”

He bristled. “Hey, it’s the way of the world, Jade. I can’t leave bunches of people around to identify us to authorities. We do what we have to do to survive. You always were high and mighty. I can see leaving the glorious mountain hasn’t changed anything.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me,” Mara sneered. “Just a reason to not have to deal with your choices. Why control yourself, when you can just let loose, huh?”

Surprisingly, Jai grinned. “Now, you’re getting it.” He gripped her shoulders. “Seriously, Mara, you should try it. It’s so… freeing. None of that ‘one with yourself’ nonsense the monks pounded into our heads. That junk don’t work in the real world. There’s no need to suffer through the memories, if you just embrace them.” His voice steeped with breathy exhilaration. “The feeling is incredible. You can do anything you want.”

His copper eyes glinted with a disturbing glee. The expression made her shiver, yet the words produced a strange excitement. “That takes the memories away?”

He stepped closer, trailing rough fingers over her cheek. “Yes and no. You can use them to your advantage.” His hand roamed down and rolled across her neck. “We could be unstoppable together. With you by my side, we could do anything. None of this jumping old bags in alleyways nonsense. We could be truly great, make a difference in the world. You could give me a higher purpose.”

Mara sucked in a breath, whether at the touch or the idea she didn’t know. His entire presence oozed a magnetic intensity.

Fingers slid down and caressed her breast. “You are still beautiful. I always wanted you so much.” He leaned closer, running lips across hers. “Make me a better man, Mara.” His mouth began to skim along her jaw.

Her stomach flipped as breaths came faster. _I could do it. I could do anything. I would finally be someone. My life would mean something. All I have to do to get it is… let go._ The idea of not controlling herself anymore tempted her very being. It would be so easy.

**Jai’s movements abruptly became forceful, accompanied by increasingly agitated pants. His mouth sucked on every inch of skin, until it ran out of real estate. He shoved her against the side of the building and began attacking her body in earnest. Not bothering with buttons, he simply ripped through Mara’s tunic. His muscled frame pinned her to the wall as fingers dug into her bare breasts.

Mara stood in paralyzed indecision as intoxicating feelings flooded her senses. “Maybe, we should—”

He slammed her head against uneven stone. “No talking.” Strong hands gripped her hips and rubbed them into his with an excited moan. “You are a prize worthy of me for once, and I intend to enjoy every piece of you.” Fingers burrowed under her waistband, jabbing sensitive areas as he tried to work her pants down.

Her insides swelled in anticipated pleasure, but the sudden change in his presence to something grasping replaced excitement with wariness. Grabbing his arms, she held them in place. “No, Jai. Not like this. We need to talk.”

He ripped himself out of the grip. Grabbing her face, Jai spat, “Don’t move, woman.” His eyes flared with wolfish desire. “I want you, and I will have you.”

“The hell you will.” Coiling her muscles, Mara jammed a vicious knee into his groin.

There was a terrible howl as he stumbled back and bent over.

Spinning away from the wall, she edged down the alley. “I’m sorry, Jai. You’ve chosen the wrong path. It’s not mine.”

“Oh, but it is,” a deadly quiet voice replied. He jerked up and his arms flung out, sending her flying into a pile of rubble. Before she could put up a defense, he pulled her back through the air into him. Locking a restraining arm around Mara, he bit hard into her neck. “You’re not going anywhere. This is destiny. You belong to me.” Fingers slid down her pants and hooked themselves inside of her. "You've always wanted a man who could control you. This time, I can."

Mara let out a soft moan as commanding fingers delivered shots of ecstasy. She bucked into his touch and raw desire began to push everything else aside.

Maintaining the vice grip on her body, Jai chewed on every part of skin he could manage as his fingers continued their rough yet electrifying work. He groaned happily. "Oh yes. This is what you want. I can feel it."

It was true, but not. His onslaught spoke to something familiar and primal inside of her. The part she had tried to bury and repress. _I could do it… Let him think he has me, make him mine, and then control him myself. It would be so very easy._ Resolve was fading in the wake of her body's cries for gratification, especially as more fingers probed deeply inside of her. Everything buzzed in dizzying pleasure.

Jai released his hold, shifting his other hand to her breast and rubbing into it. "I'm going to give you exactly what you want, Mara. I wasn't powerful enough back on the mountain, but now I am a god. You'll see." He began frantically unfastening his belt, apparently anxious to make good on his promise.

**Mara nearly let go in that moment. What did consequences matter? She’d deal with those later. A rebellious voice from deep within whispered. _No. This you isn't who you want to be ever again. Mara Jade can control it._

Flushing her senses, she slammed her head into Jai's. He lurched away with a surprised yelp.

She bit out, "You’re wrong. I belong to no one. And, you certainly don’t have what it takes to tempt me otherwise."

“I do!” he screamed. Coiling his muscles, the man hurled a force-enhanced punch at her face, sending her careening to the ground. “I’m not the weakling you can dominate anymore.”

Rolling up, Mara spit blood from her mouth. “You’re worse, Jai. You’ve become truly powerless—a blunt instrument that can’t even control himself.” The words brought sudden inspiration. Spotting a large stack of crates behind him, she smiled.

Pale rage speckled his face, disfiguring the handsome features into something grotesque. “I’m more powerful than you can possibly imagine! You’ll see.” He started toward her with a gaunt, hungry expression.

Floating several crates into the air, Mara jeered, “You always were short-sighted.” One by one, the woman sent the objects flying at his head, maintaining careful control of their velocity and angle. She couldn’t bear to kill him.

Twisting around with a surprised curse, he flailed arms in a useless attempt to push them away. His defense was sloppy and haphazard. Jai took one out only to have another slam into his back. His rotating movements became sluggish as she guided crate after crate into him with precision.

“This is where no control gets you, Jai. Consider this lesson a freebie.” Mara flung the entire stack at him in a final burst.

A strangled howl erupted, and the man crumpled to the ground.

She approached warily, waving the crates off his body. Kneeling down, Mara checked his vital signs and exhaled in relief. She brushed fingers over the ashen forehead. “I’m sorry, Jai. I can’t let you tempt me off my path. Maybe, one day, I’ll be strong enough to help you find yours.”

“Uh, Mara?”

Spinning up, she gaped at Luke and Aayla standing in the alleyway entrance. “What are you doing here?!”

Luke’s eyes bulged, face turning scarlet. His head jerked up to the roofline with no response.

Aayla strode forward and removed her cloak. Wrapping it around Mara, she grinned. “Looking for you, my dear.”

Mara glanced down at herself and suddenly understood Luke’s reaction. Flushing, she pulled Aayla's cloak around the naked breasts hanging out of her ripped tunic. “Oh, uh, ok then.”

The woman lifted Mara's chin, examining her bloodied lip and swelling cheek. “Are you alright?”

Her emotions cycled from embarrassed annoyance to desperate comfort, before finally settling into a sparkling contentment. _They came for me._ “I’m fine. My friend not so much,” she ended dejectedly.

Aayla looked over at the unconscious man. “Friend?”

Mara swallowed. “That’s… Jai.”

The woman stiffened and fixed on him. “What happened?”

“Nothing good. He chose the easy path.”

Aayla’s chin sank to her chest.

Luke finally approached and glowered down at Jai. An expression Mara had never seen on the usually bright face appeared as a vein pulsed in his neck. After a few moments, a carefully controlled voice asked, “Is he the one who hurt you?”

The reaction shot a different kind of warmth into Mara's body. “Yes, but I’m ok.” She put a hand on his tensed arm. “Really.”

His muscles unclenched beneath her fingers, and he dragged fierce eyes to hers. “Good.”

Heat tinged her cheeks, and she quickly returned attention to Aayla. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do, but Jai shouldn’t be free on the street. He’s dangerous, especially when channeling his rage.”

The woman rubbed hands over her own face. “Alright. I trust your judgement. I’ll take care of it. Perhaps, over time, we can get through to him.”

“I hope so.” Mara gazed at the stranger, who had been the needy boy she once knew. “The monks didn’t prepare us for this kind of life. It was too much for him on his own.”

Aayla turned Mara’s head back to her. “He made his own choices, just as you did.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Still, it could have been different.”

Fingers massaged her cheek. “There’s always hope, Mara. Jai won’t be alone anymore. I won’t give up on him. I promise.”

“Why do you care so much?” she choked out. “Why did you both come after me?”

Aayla smiled softly. “Because you're important to us, my special girl. Jai may not have had anyone, but you do. There’s no reason to find your path alone."

Luke cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m sorry about—I didn’t mean to push. I was only trying to say we cared and Shili could be your home, if you wanted. You don’t have to or—”

Mara put a hand over his mouth. “It’s not your fault, Luke. I just wasn’t sure what I wanted and needed space to think.”

He took her hand and held it, blue eyes shining with nervous hope. “And, uh, did you figure anything out?”

She gazed at him indecisively. _They came for you._ Mara smiled. “Yes. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed fleshing out this version of Mara. Obviously, she's a bit different than her legends version and her background diverges in mid-childhood. However, in this world, everyone needs emotional support to move forward. And, of course, overdramatic trauma is my thing, ha. So, I tried to leave her strength, resiliency, and hardened nature intact yet reveal underlying vulnerability with specific people. You'll have to tell me if it worked?
> 
> Her association with Aayla adds interconnectivity to our world that I always enjoy weaving. Aayla relays this history in Ch. 88, where we first learn of the Dai Bendu. Really, Aayla's analysis in that council meeting is based on her experiences with Mara et al. Reviewing it will provide more context to this chapter. Unless you're binging, it was a long time ago!
> 
> Luke gives Mara some specific things she needs to at least make another attempt at moving forward. Her instinct would be that his loyal, open, and optimistic disposition is insincere. Realizing he's what he appears must be quite hard to process. Further strengthened by his determined efforts to draw her out, dedicated visits, etc. (For the first time, someone came back for her.) Their relationship having a romantic aspect is a bit secondary. As I detailed out Luke's vision quest and Mara's development, I really only needed an emotional bond between them. Whether it ended up as romantic in nature was kinda irrelevant to its purpose. However, as is my general rule of thumb on whether to do something expected, there wasn't a plot reason /not/ to give legends fans of the couple a small slice of happiness. If it comes to any fruition is yet to be seen. Also, Luke's already got a ton of sister-types in his family. Giving him a different kind of relationship interested me. And, I mean, they are kinda awkwardly cute. :D
> 
> All that said, this chapter should make it obvious that I'm focused on her relationship with Aayla, the lingering emotional trauma, feelings of isolation, and need for someone to care/be important to someone. This is more how I envision a former inquisitor child to react/be in this world (as opposed to Thatcher, who barely got started before being snatched up by a different kind of villain and had a different tenor to her issues). Mara appears to have made it through significant training under Palps, even excelled at it, and was invested in achieving greatness/dominance in the ranks. She's more bitter, force-skilled, and the rage is less controlled even after years of 'therapy'. The Bendu helped her gain a basic semblance of recovery, but she has a different outlook on life than Thatcher did (maybe also due to her teenage years being spent in isolation among the supposedly non-attached Bendu). In any case, the trauma runs deep, especially from what it turned her into that still hovers at the edges. Overall, from her viewpoint, Mara's loyalty to anyone has never been rewarded or reciprocated. Until now, perhaps.
> 
> Aayla also gains something, of course. A chance to fix a failure and yet another unfortunate result of her imprisonment with a child that depends on/needs her specifically.


	104. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stay: ... with me.
> 
> [12 PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the end of an era (or so it feels to me). After this, we spin into the endgame of this story. As such, I want to pause and thank all of my amazing readers, who have provided feedback and a never-ending supply of encouragement throughout this journey. Even if you simply left a kudo, it means so much to me. I am still in awe that anyone reads what I write. Thank you all.
> 
> Special thanks to a few people whose support and feedback made this story possible.  
> ♦[Nny11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nny11/pseuds/Nny11), who has been with me since the beginning of WIAB and whose encouraging, perceptive, and witty comments are a staple of my existence as a writer. You have the amazing and rare ability to always make me smile, no matter what kind of day I've had. (If you haven't read any of Nny11's supra fics, you should! Dew it!)  
> ♦Dragonheart, who endured a multitude of email discussions on ace/aro relationships and whose brilliant insights always inspire me. One day, I'll figure out how to post her glorious fanart, so everyone can enjoy it. You are so special, my dear.  
> ♦[Lammen_Gorthaur (Shaun)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lammen_Gorthaur/pseuds/Lammen_Gorthaur), who is the most rabid Barrissoka and Caamaryna supporter in the 47 kingdoms. I can always count on you. An inquisitor with such unwavering loyalty has never been seen.
> 
> I wish I could make a novel of this note and list everyone who has helped along the way. For that, simply look at the comments section. Even if you left only one, it meant the world to me. It's very difficult to write in a vacuum. If it wasn't for you, I would have stopped expanding this universe long ago. You are truly amazing.

Aayla slipped out of an archway. “What’s wrong?”

Mara slumped against the corridor wall. “Nothing.”

“Right. Because, people who have absolutely nothing bothering them always walk into a ballroom and then immediately run back out of it.”

Gritting teeth, she ground out, “I look like I escaped from some kind of strange council of elders garden party. If they had parties. Or gardens."

Aayla laughed. “Technically, you escaped from a royal ball. So, we’re right on target, aren’t we?”

Mara glared and then tugged at the flowing, silk green, entirely too formal dress that these people seemed to think constituted attire someone like her should actually wear. “I feel weird in this outfit. Plus, I’ll probably mess up the dance steps you taught me. Not to mention, there are more people in that place than ice fleas on a dobi-bat. Maybe, I should just skip this thing.”

“You can do whatever you want, Mara. However, make sure what you do _is_ actually what you want.”

She scowled. “I swear your Jedi-ness gets worse on a weekly basis.”

Aayla snorted. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway, you know exactly what I’m saying. What is it?”

Letting out a hiss, Mara recited, “Don’t just react. Actually consider what I’m feeling and then make a decision.”

“Excellent. So, let’s figure this one out together. How about I list some reasons you should go back into the ballroom? Then, you tell me why you shouldn’t. That will give us a fuller picture for you to decide. Ok?”

“Fine,” she muttered.

“First, you’ve spent weeks learning everything from dancing to protocol for this ball, so you might as well complete the mission. Second, it will be a new experience to add to your skillset.” Her voice turned shrewd. “Third, Luke will be extremely disappointed if you don’t come, given he’s been anxiously checking every possible entry point for your arrival all evening.”

Mara jerked up to look at her. “He has?”

“Yep.” She rubbed Mara’s cheek. “Last, but perhaps most importantly, you look absolutely _stunning_. It’s always nice to flaunt it on occasion, my dear.”

Her neck spattered with warmth, and she mumbled, “Thanks.”

Aayla smiled. “Oh, and if you’ll allow me to be a bit selfish, I’m adding that it will also make me happy. I want to see you dance and enjoy yourself, while the room ogles in admiration.”

Mara gazed at her and then smirked. “I suppose I’ll let that one slide.”

“You’re too good to me,” the woman remarked dryly. “Now, you tell me why you shouldn’t go. Feeling out of place in your first formal dress, remembering the dance steps, and handling the crowd you’ve mentioned. Is there anything else? Because, those things all lead back to the same reason. What is it?”

Her attention dropped to the floor. “I’m… afraid.”

Fingers lifted her chin and supportive eyes locked on hers. “And, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a perfectly normal reaction. Still, fear has never stopped Mara Jade from accomplishing something she wants to do. The question is, does she want to do it?”

_Huh._ Straightening off the wall, Mara decided. “I think she does. No way I put on this ridiculous monstrosity and learned how to dance for nothing.”

“Sounds reasonable to me.” Aayla smiled softly as she smoothed down Mara’s dress and swept a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. “You really are incredibly beautiful, Mara.” Then, her eyes glinted. “Ready to show the fleas what you’ve got, my special girl?”

She couldn’t help a happy grin. “Lead on, Ballmaster.”

_______

Luke spotted Aayla and Mara appear from an archway on the opposite end of the ballroom. _She came._ His heart soared and the man immediately extricated himself from a group of chattering guests. Forcing himself not to run, he worked his way over to them.

Halfway there, the rest of him finally processed what his eyes were seeing, and he froze in place. Stomach careening into his throat, Luke’s pulse shot to dangerous levels. _Almighty gracious Force in the everlasting heavens._ There weren’t even words to describe the sight before him. It was more than beautiful. It was… well, whatever was more than beautiful.

After an indeterminate amount of time, he realized two things. One, the women were staring back at him. Mara’s expression was unreadable, but Aayla’s held amused satisfaction. Two, his jaw was hanging open.

Slamming his mouth closed, Luke tore across the rest of the space, ignoring astonished exclamations as the crown prince elbowed through anyone who dared block his path. He had no intention of letting some other hopeful get the jump on him.

Arriving at his goal and giving the best sweeping bow he could manage, Luke didn’t bother with preamble. “May I have this dance, my lady?” His muscles jittered. _Please._

Mara’s eyes darted to Aayla, who remarked airily, “I expect fulfillment of my reason.”

The woman smirked back at her, before returning attention to him. Luke had no idea what the comment meant, but it resulted in perfection as his favorite insolent grin appeared. “Alright, I suppose I’d like to see what you’ve got, eternal prince.”

Positive he was grinning stupidly and not caring one bit, Luke held out a hand. “Whatever it takes.”

Tentative fingers slid into his accompanied by a smile.

_______

“I brought you a new one.”

Jai turned over on the bunk and propped a head on his hand. “Really, strawman? You do know I could kill you without even straining a muscle, right?”

Jungi grinned. “So, you keep telling me.” He slid the book through the bars of Jai’s cell door and tossed it his direction. “I’m not seeing the benefit, though. Who will bring you books you don’t want to read, if you did that?”

The man grunted. “I can’t decide if you’re naturally annoying or just really stupid.”

He shrugged. “Why can’t I simply be interested in your welfare?”

His chiseled jaw clenched and then he rolled back to the wall. “Go away.”

“No can do. I’m on your guard detail tonight. You have the privilege of my company for the entire evening.”

There was a growl. “Blasted Force! This is some new form of torture. It’s not enough to be locked up by pious Jedi, who harass me on a regular basis about changing my life. Now, I’ve got a chatty guard with a death wish.”

He gazed at the tensed back and fidgeted with his sword. Jai’s guards were supposed to keep their distance and not do anything to antagonize him. The enclosed cell was made of some kind of special metal that prevented the man from breaking out. However, it didn’t stop an enraged Jai from inflicting damage to anyone stupid enough to get within range of the open bars making up his cell door. That had already resulted in major compression injuries to an overconfident guard, who couldn’t handle Jai’s goading and had gotten mouthy in return.

His captain would be livid, if she knew about Jungi’s habit of interacting with their prisoner. He couldn’t seem to help it somehow. The aching misery and muted rage behind the copper eyes echoed golden ones from his past. Staying just felt… right. He asked hesitantly, “Are the memories really bad lately?”

Jai stiffened. “What do you know about it?”

Letting out a sigh, Jungi answered, “I had a friend like you. She was part of the inquisitorius as a child, as well. The Jedi helped her work through things and get better.”

“Where is this friend now?” was the derisive reply. “She should be my guard. She’d know better than to annoy me.”

“Dead,” Jungi whispered. “She sacrificed herself to save us—save the world really. It seemed so unfair. Thatcher fought through all the pain, finally achieved happiness, even found someone she loved, and then was gone.”

“Is this story going somewhere, strawman?” Jai snarled. “Because, it ain’t exactly inspirational.”

“I suppose it depends on how you look at it,” he replied quietly. “She would say it is. Her life finally had meaning, and the memories didn’t control her anymore. Thatcher was free to live or die the way she wanted—to choose who she wanted to be.” His hands curled into fists. “I try to remember that.” He paused at a sudden thought. “I suppose she was right, huh? Having people who miss you long after you’re gone must mean you were incredibly special. That sounds inspirational to me.”

There was a long silence and then a husky voice muttered, “Perhaps.”

Lightening his tone, Jungi added, “Actually, she tried to kill me once. So, you’re not alone. I’d prefer you avoid the whole choking the life from my body thing, if you don’t mind. Maybe, just slam me into a wall or something.”

A raspy chuckle came from the bunk. “I’ll see what I can do.”

_______

Caam adjusted her satin doublet and formal dress cape for the hundredth time. _I hate balls._

Giving up her losing battle with being comfortable, she gazed across the room and resumed her anxious analysis. Currently, Karyna was dancing with a clearly smitten Hosnian prince, but it was unclear whether she was enjoying it or not. _She’s gotten too good at this stuff._

Karyna’s former awkwardness in social situations had long since disappeared, or at least was well hidden. Her diplomatic graciousness in any company had become so befitting a princess that Caam sometimes had trouble discerning when the pleasure was real or simply polite. A fact that was driving her into madness this evening.

Thus far, her friend had spent the entirety of the Shili annual ball being fawned over by every eligible person of status in the room. _Even the non-eligible ones._ A married Dantooine royal advisor three times her age had gotten way too friendly during their dance. Karyna had deflected him admirably and swiftly extricated herself from his zealous attentions, apparently nonplussed at the situation.

Caam, on the other hand, had to avoid causing a political incident by literally forcing herself to glower at a wall—instead of the much more satisfying option of drop-kicking him off a balcony. By the time she'd turned around, the man was scurrying away as a deadly-looking Ahsoka Tano stared him down from across the ballroom. That was when Caam had decided she needed to cultivate her own stare of death. _Tomorrow, I am so practicing in the mirror._

_I'm gonna need it._ At twenty years old, Karyna had become a truly breathtaking sight to behold. Tonight was no exception. Her plain yet elegant gown matched the midnight blue eyes and clung to her body in all the right places, accentuating the delicate curves. The light olive skin shined radiantly in the soft ballroom lighting, while perfect raven hair trailed down her back, the top layer pinned with a silver clip. The simplicity only highlighted the untouched, raw beauty of the woman herself. It appeared the rest of the world had finally figured out what Caam had always known. _But, they don’t see the real her. Who she is inside is so much more._

As Karyna ended her dance and joined a collection of conversing guests at the far end of the room, Caam moved along the perimeter. Edging ever closer to her goal, she halted a few feet away and leaned casually against the wall. _Stop stalling, you coward. You’re going to miss your chance again._

The alluring Princess Lira finished her own dance and began gliding toward the group, eyes fixed on Karyna.

_No, no, no…_ She took a steadying breath. _You’re not cowering in the corner this go round. No more fear. Move!_ For the first time, it worked. Her nemesis propelled Caam into action and not paralysis.

Double-timing it, she slid in front of the approaching royal and planted herself beside Karyna, cutting off whoever had been talking. Giving a deep bow, Caam lifted a hand. “My lady, I believe this is our dance.” Beads of sweat trailed down her back as she awaited the answer. _Please._

Karyna smiled graciously. “Why, of course, Commander. I had forgotten.” Handing off her drink to a nearby admirer, she placed a hand in Caam’s.

Jittery with success, she tried not to sprint Karyna onto the floor. Remembering at the last moment that she'd requested the dance and should therefore lead, Caam quickly repositioned herself. She slid one arm around the girl’s waist, before locking their right hands together and raising them. _Thank the Force I know this one._ Dancing was definitely not her best skill and an activity she generally avoided. However, Barriss had forced them both to learn as children and the number up next was one of the few Caam had mastered.

Delicate fingers gripped her shoulder and they began to waltz down the ballroom. That was when Karyna’s regal expression dropped and she let out a small snort. “Were you trying to rescue me or just really bored?”

Grinning brashly, she met the awesome eyes. “Maybe, I simply wanted to dance with you.” Her mouth opened, but Caam didn’t hear the response as the dance required them to cross to the opposing couple. Impatiently completing the required steps with her alternating partners, she finally had Karyna back in her arms. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

The girl gazed at her as they flowed along. Fingers tightened around Caam’s shoulder. “I said… good.”

Caam floated through the rest of the dance, until the final refrain caused reality to rear its ugly head once more. _No. I won’t let her go. Ever. Then, finally do something about it, Secura._ This time the words rang with confidence and no panic followed them. _Woah. Actually… maybe, I can._

Performing the ending bow, she kissed Karyna’s hand and pleaded, “Don’t go. Take a walk in the gardens with me. Please?”

Her eyes widened, but then a cute grin flashed. “Alright.”

Exhilaration pumping, Caam pulled her out the closest archway.

_______

Karyna halted their hurried steps as Caam practically ran her into the royal gardens. “Ok, we’re here. No need to drag me behind you like a recalcitrant horse!”

Caam turned around with a grimace. “Oh, sorry about that.”

“Why the rush?”

She shrugged. “I just didn’t want any of your fanclub to stop us.”

Karyna stared at her and then a small grin formed. “Fanclub, huh?”

“Yep.” Caam tightened their hands and guided her deeper into the tall shrubbery lining the path furthest from the entrance. “In fact, I wouldn’t put it past any of them to chase us down. Let’s keep walking.”

Raising eyebrows, the girl chided, “They’re not that bad. A few of them are even interesting conversationalists, you know.”

“If you say so,” was the half-hearted reply. “I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with my company for a bit. Not to worry, your Naboo princess is probably busy searching the entire castle for you.”

Karyna stared. “Of course, she isn’t. Why do you always act weird about Lira?”

A clipped laugh came from Caam. “Why does it bother you if I do?” Shifting attention back to the path in front of them, she continued leading them deeper into the gardens. “Something you want to tell me about you two?”

_Wait. Does she think…?_ “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re just friends.”

There was a snort. “Right.”

Karyna brought them to a halt and crossed her arms. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Caam winced. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Not important.”

Assessing her friend for a moment, she stated flatly, “You don’t believe me.”

Caam looked away. “I believe you think so.”

“Are you suggesting she’s romantically interested in me?” _Of course, she is. You never think that, and they always are._ Though, in this case, Karyna probably should have been more perceptive. _That one you’ve actually kissed. A bit of a clue there, Offee._

“Uh, yeah. It’s sorta obvious, Kayo.” There was a pause. “Hold up. You do know those people you were hanging out with are too, right?”

“Ok, now you’re exaggerating. I’m sure most of them merely wanted company for the evening.”

Caam’s gaze flicked upward. “Yeah, company as in _you._ I guess I can’t say for sure about all of them, but a good two-thirds were totally aboveboard about it.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Give me some examples of this supposed obviousness. And, that handsy Dantooine advisor doesn't count.”

“Come on, K!” Her fingers rose and ticked them off one by one. “The Hosnian prince literally tripped over his own feet during your dance, because you laughed at something he said. That builder’s guild bigshot kept kissing your hand at every opportunity. The Malastarian Vizier brought you drinks every five seconds. I couldn’t even hear what that ritzy negotiator lady was saying, but it was super obvious she was trying to impress you. The Saleucami twins turned matching shades of red whenever you smiled at them. Your princess tracked you like a hawk-bat all night, even when she was surrounded by her own entourage. The worst was the Corellian whatchamacallit's son.” Caam scowled. “That prick didn’t even look at you while you were talking, because he was too busy drooling at your chest! I seriously considered putting him in a sleeper hold and dragging his disrespectful carcass to the dungeon, so he could make friends with the rats.”

“Oh.” She shifted attention to the paving stones under their feet. _Why can’t anyone just want to be my friend?_

There was a long exhale and then fingers lifted her chin. “I’m sorry. I’ve upset you. Those things are true, but I shouldn't have gone off about it. You deserve the attention. It’s only that I kinda… really, _really_ don't like it.”

Karyna frowned. “Why?”

Tawny eyes darted around. “I’m—I don’t want someone to—” The eyes traced a path back to hers and Caam blurted, “Stay with me, please.”

“Uh, ok. I’m not going anywhere at the moment.”

The woman edged closer, taking several quick breaths. “That’s just it. Not only at the moment. I want you to not go anywhere… forever.”

Her mouth dropped open. “W-what—” _Does that mean what I think it means?_ Pulse racing, Karyna attempted to keep her voice even. “Be more specific, please. I need you to say exactly what you want.”

There was a hard swallow, followed by two more. “I mean I want you for the rest of our lives. In whatever way makes you happy—a partner, a wife, a best friend, anything. It doesn’t matter. I just want you.”

Karyna sucked in a breath, heart now bursting. Then, familiar fear crept into the elation. _What if that isn’t enough? She can’t waste her life on me._ Once Caam committed to something, it was forever. Even if she was unhappy, she’d never leave. Karyna couldn’t stand the idea of ever being the cause. “What if we find out I can’t be everything you need?”

Caam scrunched her face. “Sorry, I’m not getting what you’re asking me.”

Her bottom lip began to tremble. “I’m not—you know how I am. What if the best I can give you is an occasional kiss or—”

A hand laid on her mouth. “Ok, I see. Don’t be upset. I get why you’re worried, but I’ve already thought all that through. If we had the same type of relationship we do now, it would be enough. As long as you were mine, I’d be happy.”

Karyna’s stomach quivered. “How do you know?”

“Because, I already am.” Caam traced a finger over each tiny triangle on her cheek. “I learned long ago that kinda stuff is not what’s important to me. It's enjoyable, sure, but not something I need. That is totally different from what I'm talking about. How you make me feel is so much deeper, like you're a part of me. That’s what I’ve always wanted. The rest was me stumbling around in the dark trying to get it the wrong way. I finally realized what Caam Secura needs to be complete. It’s Karyna Offee—exactly how she is, how she's always been. I just need _you._ The only thing that makes me unhappy is the thought of losing you.” Her voice wavered. “Um, is that going to happen?”

The words rang true in her own heart and doubt began to fade. Still, not being able to give everything pierced her soul. Caam deserved everything. _If it hurts this much now, how will it feel in years to come?_ Then, long-ignored advice surfaced from the recesses of her mind. _Maybe… everything doesn’t require what you always assumed it did? Find out what's possible._ “I-I do—it’s not that I don’t want—can I try something?”

Her expression fluctuated between hope and anxiety. “Uh, sure. I mean yes. Anything you want.”

Lifting a tentative hand, Karyna ran it over the woman's cheek. The wonderful flutter in her heart began to rise. She roved across Caam’s nose to her other cheek, slowly twisting fingers along every inch of turquoise skin.

Caam turned her face into the touch with a pleased murmur.

Thrilled at the reaction, she ranged into new territory and caressed the smooth forehead. _More._ A need for something deeper spurred Karyna on to elegant lekku. Her tingling fingers glided down and rolled the end of a lek between them.

Eyelids fluttered closed as Caam breathed, “Please, don’t stop.”

The feel of the supple skin melding into her own created layers of contentment on top of a gradual crescendo of emotion. It all led back to the woman in front of her, like a connection intertwining their souls. Chest pulsing, Karyna let the emotional current fill her and continued on newfound instinct. Still massaging the lek with one hand, her other ghosted over thick eyelashes.

A soft hum from Caam made her heart thud erratically as she forged a path across flickering eyelids to the woman’s temple. Stroking down the side of her face, Karyna lightly traced the graceful lines of her neck and shoulders.

The hum became a near purr, matching rhythm with the fingertips dancing along her skin.

Halting at the bottom of her throat, Karyna splayed fingers across the taut chest muscles, reveling in the rise and fall of the breathing beneath them. Their connection deepened and she could feel intoxicating pleasure radiating off Caam’s body.

Taking a moment to work out the tumult of emotions, realization blossomed into delight. _I want more. I need her closer._ Flattening her palm onto Caam’s chest, Karyna murmured, “Kiss me.”

Eyelids flipped wide and the body beneath her hand began to tremble as breaths came more quickly. “Are you s-sure?”

“Please. I have to know what’s possible.” The lek twitched in her fingers.

Caam lowered her head, brushing tentative lips across Karyna’s. There was a shaky exhale, before the mouth pressed against hers once more with increased confidence. It released for a moment, before returning again and then again, each time staying longer.

By the fifth tender touch, certainty filled her and Karyna knew. However far she could go, it would be… enough.

Moving hands to Caam’s face, Karyna held it and locked their mouths together. The contact was still an odd sensation, but this time it was also something else. Something beautiful.

The longer it went, the more beautiful it became. The willowy texture of the expressive lips caused her own to ply and mold into the gaps. Karyna's skin frayed as gentle fingers rubbed her cheek and then flowed through her hair.

Senses spiking, she explored every nuance of the moment in a way that had never seemed possible. It wasn't the touch as much as what it created. The deep connection flowing beneath it felt infinite. That was when Karyna truly understood.

Everything was already given. It always had been.

Breaking away, she pulled Caam’s forehead down to her own. “Ask me again.”

There was a ragged breath. “I l-love you. Will you stay with me? Please, be mine. Always.”

Sparkling bliss lit her soul. “I’m already yours.” _More. She needs surety._ Karyna radiated a fierce intensity. “I promise you, Caam Secura. I am _never_ going anywhere. I will always be where I’ve always been. With you.”

Caam’s head jerked back and then a vacant grin spread. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. It didn’t matter. The pure joy shining from her tawny eyes said it all.

"Oh, and….” Karyna stretched fingers across the warm cheeks. “… I totally love you more.”

The grin widened, until it threatened to fall off her face. “Arguable.”

“Mmm, good thing you think that, Cabbage patch. Because, you are definitely stuck with me now.”

Caam’s expression pulsed. “ _So_ works for me.” Taking one of Karyna’s hands, she pressed lips to the knuckles and then guided it back to her lekku. “Gods, it's unbelievable how happy you make me.”

Pleasure flooded her heart as she worked slow fingers over a curling lek. “Get used to it. You're mine forever, and I am definitely never stopping.”

The quiet hum rose once more along with a whispered, “Supra.”

_______

Barriss leaned against the door of the sitting room and smiled happily. _Finally. Guess that explains where they went._

Caam was stretched out on the settee, holding a curled up Karyna on her chest, who had her face tucked into Caam's neck. Both of them were still in their formal dress from the ball, blissful smiles on their sleeping faces.

Her wife sauntered down the hallway with an annoyed expression. “Where did you run off to? Balls are bad enough on their own. Going through one without you is my worst-case scenario!”

Barriss glared and held a finger to her lips, before pointing into the room.

Ahsoka raised eyebrows and then peered over her shoulder. “Ah. About time.” Sliding arms around her waist, she propped a chin on Barriss’ head with a content sigh. “Maybe, balls aren’t so bad after all.”

_______

Awesome eyes looked up at her and Caam grinned. Tilting her head, she kissed the hair splayed across her shoulder, taking in the comforting scent of blooming orchids. “Force, you are beautiful.”

Karyna smiled bashfully and slid her arm across Caam’s stomach. “If you say so.”

“Oh, I definitely do.” They had been laying in Karyna’s bed for the entire evening, reading and talking together. Caam was loathe to leave perfection, but it was now the middle of the night and exhaustion was threatening. Sleeping here might be more than Karyna could handle for their first two weeks together. She scooted down onto her side, so they were facing each other. “I guess it’s time for me to go, huh?”

Her eyes dropped to the blanket. “If you want.”

Caam rubbed fingers over her tattoos. “I didn't say that. What do you want?”

The girl began chewing her lip. “I…”

Cupping her cheek, she prodded gently, “Come on. We promised to talk about things, remember? I need to understand what you’re feeling.”

Her gaze returned to Caam’s. “I want you to stay. Not just stay, but also…”

Kissing her forehead, she urged, “Keep going. It’ll be ok.”

There was a nervous smile. “I want to make you happy.”

Caam scrunched her face. “You already make me happy.”

She grimaced. “I know. I meant—” There was a small twitch. “Things other couples do. I need you to tell me what makes you feel good, and I want to do that.”

Her jaw dropped, exhaustion immediately vanishing. “Oh.”

Anxious eyes fixed on her. “I know I haven’t ever—I don’t really know how. But, will you let me try?”

Caam searched her face, trying to restrain her body's automatic excitement. “Whether you’re an expert doesn’t matter to me, K. I just don’t need that kind of thing to love you. Don’t do something you don’t want to make me happy.”

“That’s not what this is. Making you happy makes me happy. Besides, I want you as close as possible. Sometimes, it's—I have this feeling of—when we kissed in the gardens, everything felt deeper or something. I'm not sure I can explain what I mean. It might not work for either of us. I only know I want to see how it feels and how far we can go.” There was a small giggle. “We can make it a project.”

She snorted. “Yeah, let’s not give this one a name. I don’t even want to guess what you’d come up with.” The desire was pitching ever higher, but Caam needed to be sure. “If we do this, you have to promise to be honest with me. If how we’re doing things isn’t working, tell me, so we can try different stuff. But, mostly, I want to know if it’s not something you enjoy overall.”

Karyna edged closer on the bed. “Promise. Still, I’m feeling pretty optimistic at the moment.”

Caam smiled vacantly. “Ok. Where should we start?”

She pressed lips against Caam’s for a long moment and then said happily, “Teach me how you like to be kissed, first.”

Massaging fingers over the triangles, she flashed a cheeky grin. “On the mouth or elsewhere?”

Karyna blinked. “Oh.” Her eyes glinted mischievously. “Let’s start with the mouth. Once we’ve exhausted that area, I’ll have the hang of it. Then, I’ve got a whole body to perfect my skills on.”

Caam nearly choked at the response and sputtered, “Best… project… ever.”

The cute grin she found irresistible appeared. “That’s the goal, my incredible Cabbage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fkjwfijqevjneprubndfvjnSDCknpdfjkapwofij... done, done, done! I mean there's other stuff happening in this chapter, but let's be honest, it's all about Caam and Karyna. The level of completion I'm feeling at this moment is off the charts amazing. How long have I been waiting to post this chapter? TOO LONG. How many obsessive edits did it undergo? TOO MANY. How excited am I right now? TOO EXCITED. As Caam might say... Gabby is happier than a yelper getting a flea bath. 
> 
> Ok, keyboard flailing is over. Back to our regularly scheduled end of the world events.  
> ___  
> Side note: I've left some room for reader interpretation on Karyna's ace spectrum placement (aro too for that matter). However, I did try to communicate that Karyna's approach toward sex is more about making the woman she loves happy and as a way to enhance emotional intimacy/bonding. While she could be some form of demi (i.e. a person who only feels sexual attraction to someone once forging a deep, emotional bond) or more broadly gray (not very strong or occasional attraction), it's not heavy physical desire motivating her. Otherwise, she'd be experiencing more erotic reactions like passion, aching, sensuality, etc. Touch and physical closeness has always been a key emotional need of Karyna since childhood. That doesn't make it a sexual need. It's a messy line I'm drawing as in real life. Still, giving Caam enjoyment and being closer to her sounds very Karyna to me. Of course, your mileage may vary. Either way, Karyna wants to explore this new type of relationship and feelings, but that doesn't change who she is.


	105. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twilight: It is upon us and soon night must fall.

“The Alliance forces have fallen.” Sabine hesitated and then added softly, “Mon Mothma is dead.”

Ahsoka clutched the arms of her chair. _Oh, Mon. We could have stopped this together. Why didn’t you listen to me?_ She swallowed the tightness in her throat. “Are the Caecus on the march?”

“No, they’re still holding in Coruscant, despite now having no impediment to advancing on the remaining core kingdoms. My intel is confirmed, though. Perhaps, their all-out onslaught across the region resulted in a need to replenish forces & supplies?”

She shook her head. “They’re leveraging the fear and urgency they’ve created through rapid victories. They want us to believe they’re temporarily vulnerable and launch a hasty offensive. Even if Shili gathered support from other kingdoms, we’d march it straight into their death trap as the Alliance did. Alternatively, if everyone cowers behind their own borders, it allows the Caecus to pick each of us off at their leisure. Either way, they win.” Ahsoka smiled grimly. “Except, I’m not playing their game.” Rising from her chair, she clipped out, “Get the others. It’s time to institute Twilight.”

_______

“Never fear, Hondo is here!”

Katooni sighed. “Hondo Ohnaka meet Ahsoka Tano.”

“We’re acquainted,” the woman replied dryly. “Glad to see you weaseled your way out of jail once again.”

Hondo circled his hand with a flourish. “I have no idea who you are, but clearly you know me well. Perhaps, we spent a few memorable nights together in Nal Hutta? No wait, Dantooine?”

Katooni hissed, “This is the Lady Jedi and Sovereign Master of Shili. Will you at least attempt to be a gentleman?”

The man reared back. “Well, well, well—in the flesh! I must say the legend doesn’t do justice to your radiant beauty and striking, er…” He ogled Ahsoka’s body appreciatively. “... bearing, my lady. And, between you and me, Hondo is not easily impressed.”

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “I’m honored. Now, did you bring the merchandise?”

“Ah, straight to business. I like it.” He signaled his gang to begin unloading the wagons. “Premium supplies and weapons as requested. Plus what is, quite frankly, an unhealthy amount of Riosan mead. But who am I to judge!” He brushed fingernails over his doublet and then studiously examined them. “For a premium price, of course. The danger and expense of such a hasty delivery amid the current, erm, unfortunate circumstances has increased my expenses rather considerably.”

“Family discount, Uncle Hondo,” Katooni remarked sharply.

His expression of pained distress was so good, she almost laughed. He managed a somewhat magnanimous response of, “Naturally, I would never demand _fair_ , market value from my favorite little pirate.” Hondo eyed Ahsoka. “Or, her magnificent Lady Jedi.”

“You’ve gone soft in your old age, Ohnaka.” Asajj sauntered out of a side door and loomed over the proceedings. “Lucky for you, I’m not in the bounty business these days.”

The pirate twitched but recovered with an overly delighted cry. “Ventress, my friend! What good fortune to look upon your gloriousness once again.” He leaned sideways into Katooni’s ear in a less than subtle manner. “You did not tell me you keep terrifyingly ravishing bounty hunters in this home of yours, my dear. How many more exquisite ladies may I expect? And, do any more of them have a vendetta against your Uncle Hondo?”

Rex appeared behind Asajj with a sardonic grin. “Do I count?”

“Gah!” Hondo squawked. “Not what I had in mind! That brute left a permanent mark.” Scrunching up his sleeve, he jabbed at a miniscule scar on his forearm. “See?”

Katooni kissed his cheek. “I appreciate the sacrifice. Now, do you want to see Elara and Mina, while you’re here?”

The man patted her tendrils with his version of a fatherly smile. “There is no trial Hondo Ohnaka wouldn’t go through for his youngling. And, of course, I must kiss my tiniest pirate and daring buccaneer! What about your warrior?”

“Yes, Ezra is waiting for you, as well.” Turning to Ahsoka, Katooni warned, “My staff will verify the contents of each crate. However, you should watch the gang closely. Don’t let anyone stray too far from the wagons or we’re likely to lose anything not welded to the ground.”

“You wound me, youngling!” Hondo exclaimed. “As if I would steal from such distinguished personages.”

Ahsoka smirked. “I’ve got it. Go on.”

“Too late,” Asajj growled. “While Ohnaka’s been raving nonsense, two of his people have been busily removing gold trim from the gate latches.”

They all spun around. There was a strangled cough from Hondo as he leapt forward and shouted, “How dare you plunder from the Lady Jedi?! I am shocked—no appalled!—that persons in my employ would be so lacking in honorable, businessmanly behavior. Cease and desist at this moment. I will deal with you both later!” Turning back to Ahsoka, he shook a mournful head. “Apologies, magnificence. Pirates will be pirates as they say.”

Katooni ground teeth and addressed the gang, “Your boss and I are going into the castle, squeedos. Let me be very clear. If anything comes up missing, either in the delivery or the castle property while we are gone, you will _all_ be imprisoned in the dungeon for the rest of your pitiful lives. In case you stupidly believe we may not notice, I’d like to point out your person as well as every wagon will be searched before leaving. The false panels below the wheel hubs won’t save you. Who do you think designed them for Hondo?” She marked each one with her eyes. “Do we understand each other?”

There were nervous glances and then a random collection of objects began coming out of pockets.

Asajj scowled and drew her katanas. Striding forward and towering over the group, she spun them threateningly. Crossing the blades, she pointed razor sharp tips at the ground and snarled, “Drop it all here. You have one minute to comply. Potentially less, if I get bored.”

As the pirates raced to rid themselves of their deadly booty, Hondo rubbed his forehead with an overdone groan. “Oh my, my, my… What _is_ the world coming to? It is so difficult to find good help these days. I blame our education system."

Katooni couldn’t hold back a laugh. “You are incorrigible, but I love you. Come on. I’ll make it up to you with some Corellian ale, while you regale my daughters with stories of your glorious riches.”

“Ah, Corellian, aye? Very civilized.” He rasped a chuckle and tucked her hand into his arm. “Hondo loves you too, my little pirate.”

_______

“Aunt Barriss said you wanted to see me?”

Ahsoka grinned and leapt up from her desk. “Yep.”

Karyna quirked an expectant eyebrow.

“Would I be correct in guessing you intend to stay and help, instead of evacuating?”

She stiffened. “Of course! I’m not running away, while my family defends our home!” A frown appeared. “Are we about to have fight number eighty-seven over your insistence I hold the horses, guard an insignificant room of the castle, or something equally distant from the actual battle?”

Trying to maintain a serious expression, Ahsoka rubbed her chin. “Hmm… I think your outfit is missing something.”

“Huh?” She glanced down at her sandstone tunic and matching pants.

Ahsoka pretended to consider for a few moments. “Wait, I know!” Striding to the other side of her office, the woman threw open the storage cabinet. “Let’s see. Ah, here it is.” Whipping back around, she placed a long crate on the table.

Karyna floated over and stared at it. “What is that?”

Lifting her hand, she rubbed the triangle tattoos. “It’s your promotion gift.”

Her nose pinched. “Promotion to what?”

Ahsoka smiled softly. “To my warrior mushroom.”

Karyna’s mouth dropped open and then a small squeak came out.

“Wow. Speechless Karyna, what to do with myself,” she quipped with impatient anticipation. “Go ahead. Open it.”

The girl switched attention to the crate, carefully examining every inch of it.

Ahsoka blew out a breath and flicked her arm. “Nuh uh. I can’t handle your usual rigamarole today. Have mercy on your mother. Please.”

There was a tiny glare, soon replaced by a bashful grin. “Fine. Just this once.” Karyna pried off the lid and gasped. “A ninjatō!” Elated eyes roved over every detail off the sword as she breathed, "It's… exquisite."

Her heart swelled at the reaction. “Only the best for my mushroom.” She continued excitedly, “It’s customized for your fighting style and size, though you may want to play with the hilt to see what you like best. It should serve your preference for a reverse grip well. I got you a back sling, but it's also compatible with a waist belt or shoulder baldric.”

Delicate fingers caressed the family crest decorating the scabbard. “Thank you.”

Ahsoka lifted her chin and smiled. “I should have given it to you long ago. You are an incredible and fierce warrior, Karyna Offee. Just because you don’t call yourself one, doesn’t change what is.”

Vivid blue gazed up at her with adoration. “I love you, Mom.”

Grabbing the girl up, Ahsoka held her tightly. “And I love you, my special daughter. I’ll be proud no matter what you choose to be in life. So, as you conquer the world, remember I believe in everything you are. For today, though, you’re a warrior. Specifically, _my_ warrior.”

There was a happy sigh as a small head laid against Ahsoka’s chest. “Perfect. My life is perfect.”

_______

“Are you ready to talk?”

Elrik sneered. “No matter how many years you keep me in this dank prison, my answer will always be the same. You infidels are such fools. You should have killed me. One day I will escape this dungeon and you’ll regret your mistake.”

Ahsoka raised eyebrows. “Whatever you say, kid.” She unlocked his chains from the table. “Fun time’s over.”

Rex came rushing into the interrogation room. “Sovereign, the Caecus have captured Coruscant. They appear to be holding there, but my scouts have confirmed your suspicions. Victory will be even easier than—"

Dropping Elrik’s chains, she cut him off and pointed outside the door. They huddled together in the corridor. Speaking at a level she knew Togruta montrals would just pick up, Ahsoka whispered, “I knew those fools couldn't resist some complicated scheme to try to draw us in. We couldn’t have planned it better. If they had decided to attack the castle, our new weapon would have been useless. Did you identify how far out their shadow defenses run?”

Rex mumbled something unintelligible.

“Perfect. We won’t have to get anywhere close to wipe them all out. Send the pre-arranged code for our allies to rendezvous here, and we’ll march together. That way they’ll believe we are walking into their trap, when they are walking into ours.”

He saluted. “Yes, my lady.” Rex sprinted away.

Ahsoka felt Elrik’s agitation ping the underlying currents. She called down to the guard post, “Someone escort this child back to his cell.”

Jogging to the end of the dungeon corridor, she ducked into a hidden alcove.

An already waiting Rex grinned. “Think he bought it?”

She snorted. “Oh yeah. I expect us to see results right about… “

There were distant shouts and the sound of armored feet pounding the flagstones. Then, a flash of speed whipped by as Elrik escaped.

_______

“Luke?”

He spun around to see his aunts appear from behind a hedge. “Huh. Fancy meeting you two here.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Since we told you at the briefing we were going on a walk in the gardens, it must be quite a shock to find us… in the gardens.”

“Not really. I have incredible intuition about these things.”

The woman replied dryly, “Impressive.”

His mouth twitched. “Well, I had _very_ good teachers, you know.”

Barriss chuckled and took his arm. “Indeed.”

Ahsoka snorted. “So, what can we do for you?”

Luke shrugged. “I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. It feels like forever since the three of us have spent real time together. There always seems to be so much going on and people demanding your attention.” His mind drifted into childhood memories. “All of this preparing for the end of the world has made me nostalgic for the good old days, I suppose. Despite a rebellion, mortal peril around every corner, and my teenage angst, life seemed simpler somehow.”

“It always does,” Ahsoka murmured.

Giving an impish grin, Barriss tousled his hair. “I think that means you’re getting old, darling boy.”

Luke shot a glare and smoothed his hair back down. “Ugh, I’ve forgotten what quality time entails. Maybe, I should reconsider this idea.”

Barriss kissed his cheek. “Absolutely not. We are so taking a walk, and you can’t get out of it now.”

He laughed. “Yes, ma’am.” Holding out his other arm toward Ahsoka, he grinned engagingly. “Shall we, my lady?”

A happy smile formed as she wrapped a hand around his arm. “Lead on, my amazing nephew.”

_______

“Any status change?”

Rex shook his head. “Not that our scouts have seen. Even if Elrik made it to Coruscant in record time and the Caecus move at double the speed of a normal army, it should still take a minimum of three days to deliver the false intel, assess the situation, mount a major attack force, and march here—especially hauling massive machines. My guess is that we won’t see any movement for at least twice that. Given past behavior, I suspect they’ll spend significant time strategizing and investigating Elrik’s claims. Either way, Shili will be fully mobilized by tomorrow.”

Ahsoka nodded. “Excellent. What’s the state of our ally forces?”

“Malastare, Cato Neimoidia, Rodia, and Dantooine are cowering inside their own borders as expected. Contingents from Lothal, Mygeeto, Felucia, Toydaria, and Kashyyyk have arrived or are en route. Other than the Wookies and a small number that were rebels, there won’t be a great deal of experienced fighters among them. Though, Hera managed to secure a few squads from Ryloth.”

“Huh. Impressive. They haven’t ventured outside their kingdom, since the Hutts.” Ahsoka traced absent fingers over the familia on her desk.

“True, but Hera still garners quite a bit of respect there. I imagine they also see it as a debt of honor,” Rex ended gruffly.

Pushing away the terrible image of an inferno, she instead pictured Obi-Wan raising his eyebrows with a challenging expression. That brought a smile, and Ahsoka dragged herself back to the present. “Ok, anyone else?”

“The decimation of the core kingdoms has left only scattered survivors from their defense forces. However, isolated groups from Chandrila, Sullust, and Naboo have sent word. They should trickle in over the next day. There are rumors an elite unit of Hosnian soldiers are headed our way, but I can’t get confirmation.”

“What about the Mandalorians? Did they respond to my personal appeal you and Sabine insisted would work?”

Rex grinned. “You doubted us? Nearly all the houses have dispatched warriors with a pledge of assistance to the Lady Warrior of Shili. Additionally, the remaining Alliance forces should be here by sundown. Apparently, they were given orders by Mon Mothma to report to you should the Alliance fall.”

Ahsoka rubbed hands over her face. “She always did prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, her contingency plan should have been the primary one. How is the evacuation of the city going?”

“We’re about two-thirds complete. However, a sizeable number have refused evacuation and plan to defend their home to the end.”

She frowned. “Are your people explaining that we can’t protect the city, if the Caecus choose to attack it prior to assaulting the castle? Either way, they’ll be in mortal danger with little hope of escape.”

“We’ve made it crystal clear,” he answered wanly, “but these are citizens of Shili. Tucking tail is not a concept they easily accept.”

 _No. I can’t let it happen again._ Her people dying in a doomed effort to protect their home hurt. She fixed on the old family portrait hanging across from her desk. Ahsoka’s chest spasmed, and she yanked her gaze to the opposite end of the office. Unfortunately, it landed on the bittersweet painting of Shili that Bail had given her so many years ago, only intensifying the painful sting. _Not again. It’s too much._

Rex cleared his throat. “Like their sovereign, they believe Shili means strength and nothing is impossible with faith.”

The words seeped into her soul as she stared at the Shili of her childhood, standing erect in proud defiance of reality. _This is not about you. If they want to brave death defending something they believe in, it’s their choice. Not yours._ Ahsoka inhaled a cleansing breath and returned eyes to his. “Understood. If they are that determined to fight, let’s offer them a chance to join our forces. At least, they would have an opportunity to make a meaningful stand.”

He smirked. “I’m way ahead of you. We’ve already gotten two hundred, able-bodied volunteers. A surprising number have some level of combat training or can at least handle a weapon. I’ve placed the rest with the civilian core. They can aid the healers or run supplies and support to the castle guards.”

Ahsoka grunted. “You always did take liberties with my orders.”

The man laughed. “I prefer to think of it as being a good captain.”

Returning a grin, she said, “Alright, my valiant captain. How many does that give us?”

His jaw tightened. “Not as many as I’d like. It roughly doubles our forces. My reports suggest we’ll still be outnumbered by half, assuming they only leave a minimal complement behind to protect their captured holdings. Taking out their destroyer machines won’t make the Caecus themselves disappear. If it was simply a matter of defeating their conquered slaves, I’d call it even. However, other species appear to only make up about a third of their forces. The rest are Caecus hunters. Given the difficulty of delivering a killing blow to just one of them and the varying level of skill in our forces, the situation is not ideal.”

Ahsoka grimaced and cascaded fingernails on her desk. “Well, we’ve been up against impossible odds before.”

“So, we have.” Rex’s eyes floated away to some distant point. “Before the fall of Shili, your father told me it was our time to make a stand. Whether we were victorious or not, we would go out fighting with one last effort.”

She blinked and then a soft smile formed. “Alright, Dad. We’ll save Shili or die trying.”

_______

“Hey there.”

Karyna looked up from the table. “Hey back.”

Barriss crossed the sitting room and leaned over her shoulder. “What are you working on?”

“I’m adjusting the hilt of my new ninjatō. If I’ve calculated correctly, adding five-eighths grip to the left side will enhance the balance without compromising power on the backswing.”

Fingers ran through her hair. “That’s my clever girl.”

Her face flushed. “So, uh, did you need me?”

“Well, we’ve been prepping the traps and have run into a few kinks. Since you helped design them, I thought you might like to help me assess if they're still viable. However, if you’re busy—”

“No!” Karyna interrupted. “I definitely want to make them work, if I can.” She added quietly, “Besides, I always enjoy spending time with my mother.”

Barriss rubbed her cheek with an adoring smile. “And, your mother enjoys spending time with you. In fact, after we finish our project, why don’t we go on a walk to our favorite spot and see if the nestlings have hatched?”

Warmth suffused Karyna’s heart as a childishly pleased grin spread. “I’d like that.” Once again, her life seemed absolutely perfect.

_______

“I can see you all are lost without me,” a gruff voice remarked from her office door.

Ahsoka leapt up from the table and grabbed Zeb around the neck. “It’s about time.”

He guffawed. “I prefer dramatic entrances in life or death situations. That way I get proper appreciation.”

Ezra grunted and rose from his seat to punch the man’s arm. “Who said anything about appreciation?”

The Lasat glared. “I meant from the people who have sense, kid.”

Sabine slid arms around the huge chest with a snort. “Truer words were never spoken.”

A laughing Caleb slapped Zeb on the back. “We’re glad you’re here, buddy.”

Hera’s sea green eyes softened with understated happiness. “Yes, our family can conquer anything together.”

Zeb crossed the office and lifted her in a giant hug. “You know it.” Placing Hera on the ground, he turned to Rex. “I’ve brought a unit of fifty warriors. Where do you want us?”

The general grinned. “Excellent. Lasat warriors are exactly what I need. We were just about to draw up some battle plans. Have a seat.”

Dropping into a chair, Zeb’s mouth stretched back into a broad smile. “Ah, it’s good to be saving the world again.”

_______

“Now, can you see the damage?”

“Yes,” Caam murmured and rotated her mind around the cut on Barriss’ finger. “It’s not deep. Only the outer skin layers are broken.”

“Good. Can you repair it?”

“Think so.” Caam manipulated each layer, until the wound was sealed. As she spun outward, something caught her attention. _What’s that?_ A thin, jagged line was embedded along the bottom edge of the palm. Examining the strange formation, she frowned.

“What is it?”

“There’s something else that shouldn’t be here. It’s part of the underlying structure, which doesn’t make any sense.” The hand jerked away, and Caam flipped her eyes open in surprise.

Barriss rubbed her wrist. “Don’t worry about it, my dear. It’s an old injury. Nothing you can do.” She settled into a cross-legged position on her meditation mat.

Caam stared. “What caused it?”

There was a brief hesitation. “I was experimenting with some new techniques and one went a bit awry is all. I’ve already tried repairing it myself. Actually, I’m impressed. The remaining damage is deep and extremely difficult to detect. You really do have a special talent for healing, Caam.”

She grinned crookedly. “Thanks. So, what kind of technique?”

Barriss grimaced. “Not letting this one go, huh?”

“Nope,” she answered with an innocent expression. “How can I learn stuff, if you don’t teach me what I don’t know?”

The woman stuck out a tongue. “I’ve taught you too well, apparently, sly girl. Quite a while ago, I found a reference in the Bendu text to an ability I’d never even considered. I wanted to see if I could figure out the mechanics.”

Caam waited expectantly, but nothing more came. “Ugh, you’re officially killing me. _And_ that ability was…?”

Barriss pursed lips. “It’s complicated. You sort of channel the Force through your essence and gather it. If you maintain perfect control, it provides a focused burst of power. I’m afraid that’s the best explanation I have. In any case, it ended up being not viable beyond the single use and quite dangerous. Unfortunately, I have a habit of not stopping when I’m failing at something, which resulted in permanent scarring. So, don’t repeat my mistakes.”

“Uh huh.” Caam raised a shrewd eyebrow. “Did you eventually master it?”

A guilty grin flashed. “Maybe.”

“Right,” she remarked dryly. “What is the lesson you want me to learn, exactly? Keep trying something I can’t do, until I kill myself?”

Barriss glared but then her eyes gleamed. “No, more like… don’t take after your overly obsessive mother.” Launching off her mat, she tackled Caam to the ground and began tickling her. “Got it?”

Unable to respond for laughing, Caam curled into a ball. “Ergnoo-mfa-air!”

“What was that, my bold warrior?” Fingers flitted across her ticklish right side. “I’m absolutely right?”

“Argh!” Finally managing to roll away and escape the merciless assault, she gasped out, “Ok, you win! I shall endeavor to be wiser than my philosophistical mother by mastering things _without_ killing myself.”

There was a groan. Then, a happy smile appeared over her. “I love you so much, darling girl.” The smile turned distant as she continued, “It’s strange. We’re about to fight a desperate battle for everything we hold dear. There’s no guarantee any of us or the world itself will survive. Yet, this moment is more important to me than all of that.”

Caam scrunched up her face. “Um, why?”

“Because, this moment can never be lost. Not even death itself can take life’s beauty from us, unless we let it.” Her deep blue eyes danced brightly. “No matter what the future brings, I’m still…” She brushed fingers over Caam’s heart. “... here. I always will be and nothing can change that.”

Her chest tightened. “Nah, not quite the same. I’d rather have us both here in person to make more moments instead.”

Barriss tweaked her nose with a laugh. “My philosophistical child is awfully demanding today.”

“Come by it honest,” she replied airily.

The woman grinned and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Yep. Another thing that makes life beautiful. So, you better remember this moment.”

Caam gazed up at her. Then, she grabbed Barriss’ hand and placed it on her own cheek. “Always.”

_______

Han tousled his son’s wild hair and grinned. “Be good, buddy.”

Chestnut eyes blinked up at him. “Why?”

Leia smiled and crouched down to his three-year old height. “So, Katooni doesn’t have to wear herself ragged chasing you all over existence. We’ll come and get you soon, though. Then, you can go back to being incorrigible.”

Ben smirked with childish satisfaction, despite probably having no idea what incorrigible meant. “K.”

The woman wrapped him up in her arms. “That’s my boy.”

Ezra bent on one knee in front of Elara. “Same goes for you, my little minion. Behave for your mom.”

She made a face and put tiny hands on her hips in a gesture very reminiscent of Katooni.

He laughed. “Pretty please? For me?”

Her mouth fluctuated into an unwilling smile. “Fine.”

Ezra gave the girl one last kiss. “Thanks. Don’t forget your papa loves you.” Then, he grabbed Mina and hugged her tightly. “I love you too, my tooka cat. Help your mom with Elara and Ben, ok?”

She mumbled, “I’ll do my best.”

The man leaned her back with a grin. “Your best is better than the best.”

She ducked her head, but then looked back up at him, lip trembling. “You-you’re coming back to get us soon, right?”

Ezra locked their eyes. “I promise. Have faith.”

Caleb eyed Jacen and added, “Yep, you’ll both be back harassing the groundskeepers before you know it. Plus, you’ll have your very own adventure you can use to milk people out of their stories for a good two months.”

Katooni snorted. “Don’t give them any ideas. They’ll be climbing out a window of the safehouse to enhance their story and make a more exciting trade.”

Jacen straightened. “Nope. Don’t worry. You can count on us.” Taking Mina’s hand, he gazed determinedly at the assembled adults. “We’ll protect the kids, until you get done saving Shili. Promise.”

Hera brushed fingers over his chin with a soft smile. “I have no doubt.”

_______

“My lady! Come quickly!”

Barriss twisted around to see an animated perimeter guard beckoning her. Moving back through the inner gates to the castle courtyard, she saw nothing. The man continued his hurried movement toward the outer gates with an agitated wave.

Befuddled, she raced after him into the main gatehouse and up the narrow ladder to the lookout post.

He shoved a spotter’s glass into her hand and pointed toward the horizon. “They came!”

Pressing the glass to her eye, she didn’t need to scan far to see what had so excited the man. An entire army of well-equipped and blue-skinned Chiss warriors was marching toward the castle.

Barriss smiled.

_______

Thrawn swept back his regal cape and bowed. “The choice has been made, my lady. The inevitable cannot be denied. Your last communication on your ability to neutralize their city-destroyers swayed some of the…” He glanced at a few members of his command staff. “... more wary among us that Shili has the wherewithal to defeat the Caecus. This is our best opportunity to stop the threat, before it arrives at our borders strengthened by conquered slaves and resources.”

Barriss surveyed his assembled party with a confident air. “It is a wise tactical decision and one you will not regret.”

A few of the Chiss brandished highly dismissive expressions but held their tongues.

Ahsoka came striding into the courtyard and halted beside Barriss. She nodded at Thrawn. “Commander. For once, I am glad to see you.”

The edges of his mouth twitched, and he waved a languid hand toward his people. “These are the marshals of the Chiss legion. This is the Sovereign of Shili, Lady Tano. You may otherwise know her by the more fanciful moniker of… the Lady Jedi.”

The pronounced emphasis on the last words confused Barriss, until she saw the reaction of the others. If Chiss could look shocked, this had to be as close as they came. _Huh._

A woman at the end of the line, who had previously looked downright hostile, turned to Thrawn with clear annoyance. “You did not inform us of this, Mitth'raw'nuruodo. Why?”

He arched eyebrows. “Strategic decisions should be based on fact, not legend. Though, I must admit both are closely aligned in this instance.”

Ahsoka regarded him in bemusement. “I’m not even going to ask. However, I assume this means you intend to join our fight?”

The crimson hues glinted. “Indeed. We will make our stand here.” His intense gaze shifted to Barriss. “With you.”

_______

“Oh, Caam, wait.”

She spun back around to Ahsoka.

The woman grinned and tossed her a package. “For luck.”

Caam brightened and ripped the wrapping off. Two leather lekku bands appeared, embossed with the family crest and decorated in jeweled accents. “Woah.” She examined them excitedly. “These are uber cool!”

“Whew.” Ahsoka wiped a dramatic hand over her brow. “That's a relief! I’m terrible at picking out fashion accessories. Still, I wanted to get my spunky girl something special before we fight for our lives.”

She flashed a sassy grin and hopped across the office to give the woman a hug. “You did good, Jedi lady.”

Laughing, Ahsoka pulled her in and kissed her lekku. “I love you so much, Caam.”

The content confidence that always came from being safely held by Ahsoka warmed her insides. She relaxed in the embrace and took it in, before murmuring, “You’re a supra mother.”

Arms tightened around her with a happy sigh. “And, you’re a supra daughter.”

_______

His jaw clenched, muscles coiling tightly. “There must be another way.”

Barriss sighed. “I hope there will be, Rex. However, I can’t ignore the option as a final recourse. It’s a small price to pay to save everything we’ve spent our lives defending.”

“Not to me,” he bit out. His chest thudded, blood pulsing through ear canals. Turning away from her, Rex tried to calm the emotions.

Slender fingers rubbed his cheek and then she whispered, “I know. We’re a team.”

Dragging eyes back to her, he gazed into the piercing blue. “We always will be. I won’t let you down.”

Barriss smiled and laid against his chest. “I know that too.”

_______

Ahsoka stood stiffly, staring at her desk and mashing palms into the smooth wood. “So, they’re finally coming.”

Rex scowled. “Took long enough. Ten days is ridiculous. We were about to implement the contingency plan. As it is, they’ve handed us enough time to gather an equal number of forces and further prepare our troops.”

Leia mused, “The Caecus must not have trusted Elrik without independent confirmation of military movements. Or, perhaps, it took them a while to discover the false evidence planted in the Coruscant archives on our supposed secret weapon.”

“Or,” Asajj suggested dryly, “they’re so overconfident they were waiting on purpose, in order to take out all of their major enemies at once.”

“Either way, it will be their last mistake,” Hera stated with a grim smile. “I’m ready to finish what they started in Ryloth.”

Ezra fidgeted. “Well, _I’m_ ready to deliver a dose of reality.”

Caam flashed a brash grin. “Yeah, let’s get on with the thrashing, people.”

Sabine punched Ezra’s arm. “See? You’re a bad influence on the children. In a hurry to get carted out of the battle yet again?”

Zeb guffawed loudly. “Nice to know things haven’t changed in my absence.”

Ezra threw double glares as he rubbed his arm.

Shan kissed his cheek. “I think Sabine’s just jealous of you getting all the after-battle attention.”

That got a cocky grin. “Yep. Sorry, Sabine. Can’t help if I sacrifice my body on a regular basis to the delight of a grateful world.”

Caleb snorted. “Not sure how you meant that to come out, kid, but it didn’t work.”

Ezra opened his mouth to retort, but Kit preempted him, “Well, I’m not carrying the soldier of destiny this time. It’s someone else’s turn.”

Mara cocked a decidedly snarky eyebrow. “Not it. I only carry adorable princesses.”

Karyna shot tiny daggers of death at her. “I won’t be the one needing to be carried, mountain girl. If you ask nicely, I’ll try not to let your head hit too many rocks as I drag you to safety.”

Han grunted. “You people are crazy. Tell me again how I ended up in this castle of insanity?”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “Being a hero.”

There was a wry smirk in response. “Thanks, kid. That makes me feel _so_ much better.”

Aayla laughed and put up hands. “Alright people, back to the impending doom.” She shifted attention to Ahsoka. “Well, Tano, are we ready to save life as we know it?”

Barriss gripped Ahsoka’s arm and murmured, “Once more into the breach, Lady Jedi.”

Smiling, Ahsoka straightened. Her gaze floated around the room, meeting the eyes of each family member. “Whether this will be our last stand or the beginning of yet another new world, I can’t say. I can only tell you what I know in my soul. No matter the outcome, we’re already victorious. We’ve learned how much can be accomplished with faith and belief in each other. All we can do now is what we’ve always done—what we believe is right. And that is always enough.”

Ahsoka paused and then continued hoarsely, “Living or dying with a family that loves her is more than this lost princess could ever have dreamed of all those years ago as she stood in the ashes of her former home. It took that girl a long time to realize losing everything doesn’t mean everything is lost. Each of you has given me strength to endure and grow through adversity, fear, and tragedy in unique ways. More importantly, you’ve brought a joy and meaning to my life that I never thought possible. I love you all _so_ much.”

There was silence around the room, until Luke stated with quiet conviction, “We love you, too.”

Taking Barriss’ hand, Ahsoka grinned. “Alright, family mine, it’s time to make our stand. Let’s save the world, Shili, and our family. Together. May the Force be with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot to unpack in this chapter. What you choose to unpack, how each character's journey resonates, and where any of it leads may be exactly as it seems or nothing like one might think. Since I can expound no further on these questions, I shall leave you with a quote for the future... 
> 
> The past is the beginning of the beginning and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn.  
> \--H.G. Wells


	106. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Time to Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to Stand: One last effort.

Breath cut through Rex’s chest as the remaining Shili advance troops retreated inside the castle gates, which were promptly secured.

A hand gripped his shoulder. “We had to try, Rex.”

“I know, Echo. Still…” He had just lost a lot of good soldiers in a multi-pronged offensive, intended to pick off vulnerable edges of the enemy lines. Yet, it had barely made a dent. The Caecus forces had immediately resumed their steady, nerve-wracking approach as if nothing had happened. _No more._ “Instruct all units to prepare for a siege. This castle is where we make our stand.”

_______

Rex analyzed the construction as he waited. Two-dimensional blueprints were one thing. Seeing the deviously clever creation in reality was something else. The city-destroyers were essentially gigantic, self-propelled battering rams. A series of spinning flywheels apparently supplied the needed kinetic energy to maintain momentum through massive amounts of fortified stone. Every component looked to be made of the nearly indestructible expanse wood, even down to smoothly rounded bolts reinforcing the supports. _Wonder how they shape and carve the wood?_ He had to admire the simplicity and effectiveness of the design.

Of course, it had a drawback. The weapon could only be employed upon reaching the structure it was intended to decimate. In this case, that would prove a fatal flaw. Raising his fist, Rex held it steady as the last of the ten rolling monstrosities came into range. Then, he hurled his arm forward with a booming, “Fire!”

There was a split second of silence, before hundreds of arrows littered the sky above the battlements. They whistled into wooden supports and wheels. Despite being specially made and treated for just this purpose, many of the tips didn’t pierce the tough bark. Still, a small number penetrated the outer layers. Strays also bounced uselessly off the scaly, protective hides of various Caecus. Vicious grins erupted from the enemy along with mocking barks as they continued their inexorable progress toward the castle.

Until, low popping sizzled across the battlefield. The Caecus spun around in confusion, unable to locate the source.

Rex smirked and shouted, “Second volley, fire!”

Another flight of mead-treated arrows pelted the approaching forces to even better effect. A few managed to hit the weak spot in the invisible eye sockets, dropping their victims immediately. _Impressive._ “Fire at will!”

Within two minutes, a furious roar was echoing across the Caecus lines as their weapons of mass destruction steadily disintegrated into huge piles of smoldering ashes.

There were victorious whoops along the battlements. Rex let them enjoy the moment briefly, before lifting a fist once more. “Prepare for frontal assault!” He heard his order carried down and then the gratifying sounds of an efficient army repositioning itself.

Remaining in place, Rex awaited the inevitable. The enemy had only one choice now. Soon, piercing howls filled the air as a mass of enraged Caecus attacked the castle gates.

_______

Ahsoka squinted over the battlements to observe the inexplicable hexagons of Caecus hunters regrouping just outside of range. “What in the bloody force are they doing?”

“No idea. That’s why I called for a second opinion.” Rex turned to Thrawn. “Over the last few hours, they’ve attempted five failed breaches at the main, west, and rear gates. They appear to have no standard means of access, such as ladders or grappling hooks. None have shown any ability to free climb. If they have siege equipment, they’re not deploying it. Nor have they made any move to construct a battering ram. Their entire strategy since losing their machines has been slamming themselves en masse against our defensive walls and gates with no success.” He waved a hand down below. “Until this.”

The Chiss rubbed a thumb over his knuckles thoughtfully as a sharp gaze assessed the enemy. “Fascinating. Their offensive strategy does not align…” Then, his crimson eyes lit up. “Have they thus far been attacking in only bipedal form?”

Rex’s brow furrowed. “Yes. It’s odd, actually. One would think charging on all fours would provide more power to smash against fortified stone and metal.”

“What is the lowest peak of the castle battlements?”

Expression going distant as Rex presumably flipped through specifications in his mind, he finally answered, “The aft turret support wall stands roughly five feet below the rest.”

“The forest sits in closer proximity to the castle perimeter there, does it not?” Getting an affirmative, Thrawn inclined his head. “That is their intended entry point.”

Ahsoka stared. “Uh, how does a lower wall make a difference without a way to scale it?”

“Ah,” he replied matter of factly, “they do have a way. Have you not considered their unique physiognomy, penchant for redirection, and affinity for using forms found in nature?”

Rex blinked and then swiftly reassessed the Caecus lines. “Mother of a—” Twisting around, he bellowed over a parapet, “Bridger! Take half of your battalion and accompanying ally units to the aft turret and set up a defensive grid. All archers should scan for enemy movement in the trees. Move!”

As he continued barking orders, Ahsoka commented dryly, “Well, at least Rex understands what you’re getting at.”

Thrawn's eyebrows lifted. “While they are currently attacking in bipedal form, the Caecus are quadrupedal. They could theoretically leverage the combination to create vertical formations, similar to step pyramids or elevated ramps with multiple support points. However, they will need time and cover to assemble such a configuration, before their compatriots can use them as an access point.”

Ahsoka stiffened. “Oh Gods. They are trying to confuse us with a nonsensical troop formation that provides a distractionary assault on the front gates, while another group sneaks around the back to breach the aft section using a living ladder of sorts. That area also provides additional tree coverage for a stealthy approach and slower response time.”

“Indeed. It is not supported by tangible evidence but is a logical deduction based on prior tactics and an analysis of their culture. The Caecus investment in external presentation is ironic, given their lack of sight. Even choosing the skinned hide of a predator as their only armor is an artistic expression of dominance, invincibility, connection to nature, and hunter prowess. Actually, your wife has postulated they believe in their own propaganda so deeply that they manipulate reality in an effort to reconcile the external with the internal, which is a fascinating hypothesis. Regardless, the Caecus exploit their opponent's perceived weaknesses. In this situation, they think we can only see what our eyes tell us. Whether they realize we know of their multimodal physiognomy, I can’t say. However, not using the more effective form for their ostensibly irrational assaults is telling. It suggests they are attempting to shape our perceptions of their capabilities and draw our minds away from certain possibilities. I also suspect their earlier attacks were designed to present enraged monsters, who would never engage in subtlety.” Twisting around to Rex, he continued, “General, might I suggest an alternative strategy?”

“I think you’ve just earned the right to suggest anything you want,” Rex stated wryly.

There was a slight smile. “Chiss vision ranges into higher bands, allowing us to pick up faint movements of stealth-based opponents. We also have a unit of expert marksman, who can hit a target at half a klick using specialized longbows. If you provide the substance that has proven effective for your archers, I believe we have the best chance of crippling their strategy.”

Rex stared for a moment, before spinning on his heel to address a flagman, “Hux, signal Commander Bridger that his group is to withdraw to a support position.” Returning attention to Thrawn, he gave the man a nod of respect. “Commander, deploy your troops. The aft sector is yours.”

_______

Karyna tested the counterweight on her enhanced ballista catapult with a crisp nod. “This is ready to redeploy, Captain. You should now have a maximum range of 562 meters for javelins. So, anything more than half a klick out is a waste of ammunition. If you use the sling, rocks or other projectiles will travel up to a full klick but spray with imprecise accuracy.”

“Quick work, my lady. Appreciate the assist.” The woman motioned to her soldiers. Karyna gnawed on her lip as she watched them load the twin arms with flammable javelins. The more hours of constant vigilance ticked by, the more fear ate into her soul. _It’s not fair._

In the last several months, everything had fallen into place, bringing a sense of control, harmony, and confidence across her entire life. Karyna had truly accepted who she was and, more importantly, that herself was who she wanted to be. The long-fought victory had brought beautiful contentment. A larger destiny still eluded her, but it didn’t matter. She was certain it would come. Her house was built—filled with love, faith, belonging, and purpose. Karyna was merely awaiting the centerpiece to bring it all together.

Yet, her perfect design could be shattered in a moment. _Perhaps today._ The thought made her lungs hammer once more.

 _No. I won’t let it._ Whatever came, she would expend every resource in her arsenal to keep her world. Karyna Offee understood what she was capable of now. _Anything._ And the person she had become refused to lose her home or those she loved. _Ever._

Setting with determination, the woman strode toward the next station and got to work.

_______

Caleb stood defiantly in front of Thrawn. “I assure you, Commander, I’m capable of outshooting your best. Let me join your line.”

Jet black eyebrows arched. “You would have me remove one of my highly competent archers to install an unknown quantity with no tangible basis for doing so?”

“A reasonable objection. I will provide a basis.” Caleb pivoted to his left and nocked an arrow. Aiming at the small vane topping an opposing turret, he centered and let the bow meld into his arm. His fingers released and the arrow sailed into it, sending the object spinning to the left. Quickly stringing another, the man let it fly, pinging the right side to knock the vane back into position.

Turning back to Thrawn, he continued, “I have just illustrated my marksmanship. Now, let me provide other points in my favor. I am the royal huntmaster of Shili, which means I have vast experience as well as an aptitude for predicting and targeting stealth-based prey. I know the terrain surrounding the castle better than any of your people. In fact, I am capable of visualizing the entire topography, including hidden approaches. Lastly, I was trained in the bow by the best archer on the planet from the age of fifteen, and she is the only person that has ever been able to best me. I am not grandstanding or overestimating my skills. I’m simply stating objective fact. My bow can only strengthen your defensive strategy.”

The man assessed him for a moment and then his crimson eyes glinted. “Barriss Offee chooses her protégés wisely.” He stepped over to a nearby Chiss and spoke briefly. Thrawn looked back at him and waved a hand toward his officer. “Very well, Caleb Dume. Kres'ten'tarthi will arrange for you to take up position at the center of the wall. Also, inform him of any terrain of note that may aid our archers in locating the enemy.”

Caleb grinned, before racing up the turret steps after the Chiss.

_______

Ezra entered the main courtyard and assessed the other half of his battalion. Glazed expressions, anxious twitching, and drooping eyelids were prevalent. Knuckles tapped against his thighs indecisively. They’d been idle for twelve hours now. He knew what the logical decision was but didn’t want to do it. _You’ve already put it off too long, Bridger._ Monitoring an empty space, while the action happened elsewhere was not good for morale. Plus, it would take a while to rotate everyone through.

He motioned to Caam, who was currently driving her soldiers to distraction by pacing back and forth in front of them.

The girl came jogging over with a hopeful expression. “Do you need us to do something, sir?”

Holding back an evil grin, he nodded. “Order your company to get some sleep. We’ll run four-hour rotations. Echo assigned the great hall to the 501st as a crash area. I’m headed to the east courtyard to send Delta along with you, as well. I’ll redeploy Alpha to cover.”

“What if they break through while we’re gone?!”

Ezra shrugged. “Could happen. However, this siege could go on for days. Soldiers can’t fight Caecus and exhaustion at the same time. I’m assigning a flag squad to serve as an alert system. If the enemy breaches our defenses, any company off rotation will report back on the double.”

Caam’s teeth ground together. “Fine.”

He eyed her intently. “My orders include you, as well, Commander.”

Her mouth flew open and then slammed shut, forming a tight line with no response.

Gripping her shoulder, Ezra said, “It’s important for a commander to know when to push soldiers past their limits and when to prevent breaking them. I know it’s hard, not knowing what might happen while you’re asleep. But fear can trick us into the exact outcome we want to avoid. Rest now may be the difference between victory and defeat, Caam. It also could mean having the extra presence of mind you need to lead your soldiers to survival.”

She let out a long exhale, and her posture loosened. “Understood.”

Ezra punched her arm. “Cheer up, soldier of destiny. We’ll leave a few for you.”

Her eyes squinted. “I didn’t catch when you will be napping, _sir_?”

He grimaced. “Point acknowledged. I’ll go next shift. Now, get.”

A sassy grin flashed. “You’re the boss.”

“That’s boss of destiny to you, Secura.”

Throwing up a jaunty salute, she clipped out, “So never calling you that.”

He snorted as the girl raced back to the west end of the courtyard. Ezra watched Caam deliver the order and then manage her clearly grumbling troops. The advice he’d just given for Caam’s benefit settled into his own mind. Straightening his shoulders, the man set a course for Delta company.

_______

“I’ve deployed guards at every entrance and key corridors. I’ve also positioned backup units in each wing to reinforce as needed. We’re utilizing the Jedi training area as a safe zone, since it’s easily defendable and less accessible than other parts of the castle. I doubt the Caecus respect conventions of war as regards non-combatants and healers. Rex assigned Ghost company to man the perimeter. Still, I’ve left a few of my people in reserve, in case anything manages to slip through both lines.”

“Uh, you saved some to help you, right?” Sabine looked up from her prone position underneath the maze of interlocking spikes she’d finally finished installing on the castle doors. “You are not indestructible, Riela Shan.”

The woman smiled. “Yes, I assigned a squad here.”

“Just one squad? This _is_ the main entrance, my overconfident captain,” Sabine muttered and shimmied out from under her creation.

There was an annoyed breath. “I only have so many people, Wren. Concentrating them the same place a Jedi is already stationed doesn’t make sense. The Caecus are the definition of sneaky and are unlikely to focus a large quantity of forces on the obvious entry point, anyway. Even if they did, my guards are laid out in such a way that getting past me doesn’t mean they’ll gain access to the rest of the castle. There are more critical positions than the front door,” she ended dryly.

 _I don’t care about the rest of the castle. I care about you!_ Sabine had no reasonable response to the totally Shan assessment of the situation. It wasn’t as if she was wrong. Her duty was to protect the castle and the non-combatants inside it, not herself. The strategy reflected that goal and, as always, her approach was well thought-out, creative, and effective. Of course, Sabine hated it.

Shan’s voice softened. “Besides, I’ll have your brilliant… whatever that thing is to protect me, right?”

Her chest spasmed, but she flashed a grin and locked the last spike into place. “Ok, all done. This _thing_ should now be a death trap. I hope.”

Eyebrows lifted. “You hope?”

She grimaced and turned back to do a final check. “Rie, over the last day, I’ve seen these creatures survive everything from flaming javelins to falling boulders. Hope is all I’ve got.”

Caressing fingers ran along her shoulders and up through her hair. “That’s all we need,” Shan murmured as a mouth dragged along the back of her neck.

Muscles uncoiling, Sabine smiled and enjoyed the warmth spreading over her skin. “Gods, how I wish we weren’t fighting a battle to the death right now. Otherwise, I’d be carrying you to our quarters posthaste to discuss this further.”

There was a quiet laugh. “Story of our lives, my incredible commander.” There was a long pause, before a wavering voice whispered, “You better not die on me, Wren.”

Flipping around, she grabbed Shan’s face and dug a desperate mouth into hers. Letting go completely, Sabine put everything she was into the moment.

There was a responding intensity, and the kiss deepened into something that defied reality. It was as if their souls were intertwining at a level outside of physical space. The perfect harmony continued for a full two minutes, before they finally broke apart.

Sabine rasped, “Almighty Force, that was…”

“Amazing,” Shan breathed.

Meeting the exquisite eyes, Sabine rubbed trembling fingers over the woman’s lips. “Don’t you even think about leaving me. Please. I… need you.” Giving the best grin she could manage, the woman added, “In fact, I’m going to demand you stay in top condition, because I fully intend to hold you hostage in our quarters for at least a week after we save the world.”

Shan brushed a tender mouth over each fingertip and then a childlike grin appeared. “Oh, that is _so_ happening.”

_______

Caleb released an arrow and smiled in satisfaction as a Caecus hunter came stumbling out of a bend in the treeline and collapsed.

There was a grunt from the Chiss woman beside him. “How did you know he was there?”

The man grinned. “Trade secret. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

Crimson eyes narrowed.

Caleb sighed. “Once again, I’m only joking, Puma. I’ve used that covered approach myself when hunting and recognized the tell-tale leaf movement. Besides, Rilo tree branches are dense and wouldn’t sway in this minimal breeze.”

Her lips twitched. “Do all your people consider not providing helpful information to be humorous?”

“Are you asking if everyone else has my charming wit? Absolutely not,” he cried in feigned offense. “It’s a gift.”

She resumed scanning the forest with a dry expression. “Lucky me.”

_______

“Any sign of the Princeps?” Leia asked, glancing over the battlements to the enemies below.

Ahsoka frowned. “Nothing. I guess he doesn’t come out to play when his hunters are busy doing all the work.” Clenching the spotter’s glass more tightly, she continued her relentless scanning.

Barriss’ theory was that defeating the lead Caecus would send the enemy forces scurrying back home in complete disarray. Multiple teams had been set up for the express purpose of locating him in the mass of fur below. Once found, they could hopefully concentrate all their energies into bringing the Princeps down. However, there hadn’t been so much as a suspect for the role over the last day and a half. Apparently, he knew better than to become a target. _Smart._

Their expert spotters would be more likely to locate him, but Ahsoka continued her own search. _If he’s even out there. Stop. No thinking like that. He’s got to be._ She had to believe it. The alternatives were paths she didn’t want to take.

A petite hand laid on hers and guided the glass down. Ahsoka jerked around in surprise.

Leia gazed at her for a moment and then leaned into her chest. “I love you, Aunt Ahsoka. You know that, right?”

Heart swelling, she wrapped the woman up in her arms. “Of course. And, I love you, my amazing niece.”

“Good.”

_______

Echo strode through the castle, verifying the defensive measures.

Reaching the safe zone, he assessed the area. _Excellent._ Ghost company was properly deployed, and the perimeter was well-secured. _Not that it matters._ If the Caecus made it this far in… well, there wouldn’t be much need for healing and supplies at that point. Still, it would provide some protection if a few stray combatants slipped through the lines.

 _Now, one last stop._ Continuing through the perimeter, he headed toward the large, training area they had converted into a field infirmary. The man quickly spotted his quarry rolling bandages. Crossing to Juliayl, Echo grabbed her shoulder. “Hey.”

She swung around in surprise. Then, her eyes softened. “Hey back. What are you doing here?”

“The man you love wanted me to give you a message.”

Juliayl raised an amused eyebrow. “Did he? And, that is?”

Echo pulled her into his arms with a happy grin. Kissing her nose, he murmured, “He loves you back.”

She brushed lips across his and then smiled. “He better.”

_______

Karyna’s quick-moving progress was interrupted by tough leather digging into her neck for the thirty-second time in the last two days, and she blew out a frustrated breath. _Really, Offee? You can build complicated killing machines but can’t fix the thing that holds your sword?!_

Stepping into an unoccupied archer’s nook and out of the path of people running along the parapet, she took her new back sling off. _I should have spent less time fiddling with my hilt and redesigned this instead._

She coiled her dark tresses and pinned them in a tight knot on the top of her head. The plan to cushion her skin with hair clearly had backfired. It not only resulted in the sling jerking strands out at random but had also further irritated the welt on her neck.

Gingerly prodding the raw patch, she evaluated the provoking accessory. _I suppose I could switch to a waist belt or baldric._ Except, Karyna hated the feel of a sword swinging against her legs. Plus, it slightly distorted her balance during her often acrobatic maneuvers. _Blistering skin or adjusting your approach. Which is more annoying?_

“Well, someone is clearly having a deep moment with their new toy. Should I come back later?”

Karyna looked up with a grin. “What are you doing up here?”

Caam chuckled and ducked inside the nook. “It’s boringer than boring in the main courtyard. So, instead of continuing to stare at the glazed eyes of my soldiers, I exercised commander’s prerogative to, uh, handle some important business.”

“Such as?”

Lips pressed against her forehead. “Say hi to the woman I love, of course.”

She smiled happily. “Definitely critical. Hi back.”

Tawny eyes roved over her body. “Wow, it was more than worth the trip. Where did you get this outfit? It’s like a full-body singlet or something. You look…” There was a slight shiver. “... amazing.”

Karyna flushed and glanced down at herself. “Think so? Apparently, when Aunt Ahsoka mentioned her plan to get me a ninjatō, Asajj decided I needed more specialized attire to maximize its effectiveness. She custom-ordered this from a clothier who is renowned in bounty hunter circles for his innovative designs. He calls this unified tactile armored dress or unitard for short. Since I prefer hit and fades, fluid strikes, and range of movement, Asajj thought this style would complement mine. Oh, and because ‘looking the part’ is half the battle, whatever that means. I do like it alot. It’s comfortable and very flexible. The material reminds me of a stretchy, dense silk which is weird and unique—and therefore very me.” She grinned. “Plus, this shade of black matches my hair, and you know how much I appreciate symmetry.”

Caam’s gaze flicked skyward but swiftly returned to Karyna’s figure. “Hmm, I’m so telling Asajj you need at least ten more of these delightful outfits.” Her hands flitted down the sides of the skin-tight fabric, coming to rest on Karyna’s waist with an appreciative sigh. “Karyna Offee, you are _perfect._ It’s a good thing the Caecus are blind. Gods, it’s a wonder half the army isn’t chasing you around the battlements.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You’re overdoing it, aren’t you? It’s just a fancy one-piece. I suppose it is a bit more form-fitting than my usual attire, but nothing too risqué.”

There was a strangled cough. “A bit?!” Caam gave her lekku a quick shake. “Well, at least, you’re keeping the soldier’s spirits up, while they anxiously await a battle to the death. You feel free to keep on thinking they have some perfectly rational reason for tracking your every move. Though, believe me, whatever theory you have is _so_ not the reason.”

Her posture straightened. Karyna knew her form had some generally accepted traits of attractiveness but had never given much thought to whether that made her objectively appealing. The idea was surprisingly gratifying. Of course, it was possible Caam was simply biased. “If you say so, my incredible Cabbage.”

Fingers tightened around her waist. “Oh, I definitely do.”

Running light fingers over an elegant lek, she rolled the end between them with a content smile. Her romantic relationship with Caam had given her a better understanding of many things but figuring out what made someone attractive still eluded her. She had even done some serious research on the topic in a vain effort to come up with a checklist. Until, Karyna realized she already had one. She didn’t need a book to know Caam exceeded every standard. But there was more to it, a spark of _something_ that permeated the woman’s essence. For Karyna, everything about Caam was… beautiful. “I am so the luckiest woman on the planet.”

There was a happy murmur. “Not as lucky as me.”

“Arguable.” A sharp sting came from the welt on her neck, and she automatically rubbed it. “Speaking of my fashion issues that have nothing to do with fashion, do you have any ideas on how I can keep this Sith torture device from cutting off the blood flow in my neck?”

“Don’t mess with it, K!” Caam slapped Karyna’s hand away. “You’ll make it worse.” She peered at the swelling skin. “Oh, nevermind, just stay still.” Her eyelids fluttered closed, breaths slowing. Nimble fingers skimmed the wound, producing a slight tingling sensation. Caam opened her eyes with a satisfied nod. “Now, let’s fix the cause.” She took the sling and examined it.

Karyna absently massaged the now healed spot as she gazed at the intent face. _Gods, Caam Secura, you are… everything._

“Yeah, we can make this work.” Pulling the dagger from her boot, she notched a rectangular section out of the inner edge and then manipulated the leather in several directions. Placing it on Karyna, the woman adjusted the positioning. “Don’t move yet.” Digging into the lining of her cape, Caam whipped out a long piece of twine. Tying one end to the waist belt, she stretched the other up to the shoulder section, snugging the sling tightly, and then secured it. An expression of wistful regret appeared. “Ok, I’ve ruined the enthralling sight of pure, black leather hugging the miracle of nature you call a body, but that should do it.”

“Prioritizing my lack of pain over looking pretty. What a concept,” she stated dryly. Truthfully, the atypical vocalizing of what was clearly visceral admiration was pleasing. She was used to chaste comments on her beauty, but this was different. _Maybe, she thinks this kind of stuff all the time and just doesn’t say it out loud?_

“Not just pretty,” she uttered breathily. “Totally and completely mesmerizing.”

 _Huh._ Caam was never direct about her desires and annoyingly hesitant to take the initiative. As a result, Karyna had spent the last few months enhancing her skills at picking up physical clues like dilated pupils, flushed skin, and respiration patterns to know when Caam might need more intimate stimulation. And the woman was currently checking all the boxes. More surprisingly, the idea of somehow generating those feelings in Caam by simply standing here was inexplicably creating her own version of them. It was such a rare occurrence, Karyna wasn’t quite sure she was accurately assessing herself. “Alright, let me give it a try.” She twisted side to side and then flailed her arms. There wasn’t so much as a twitch from the formerly rebellious sling, and she exclaimed, “How did you do that?”

Her expression turned airy. “Warrior trade secret.”

She glared but didn’t bother to hold it. Lifting a hand, the woman trailed fingers over hot skin, until reaching Caam’s mouth. Her stomach fluttered and pleasant anticipation spread through her body. _Yes, I think I’m right._ It was the closest Karyna ever got to what she thought other people experienced. Rubbing her thumb over a moist lip, she murmured, “How much longer do I have to wait for you to kiss me?”

Tawny eyes flipped wide and then blazed to life. Caam’s arms shot around her, clenching Karyna against a thudding chest. Instead of the usual tentative prelude, the lips instantly engulfed hers, digging in hard and fast.

Karyna grinned through the intense kiss. _Oh, I was definitely right._

_______

“So, if I don’t see you again, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Jai snarled, “You’ve kept me locked up in this dungeon for over a year and now what? You expect me to give you a tearful send-off as you charge into death for the people who keep me in purgatory?”

Mara wasn’t sure why she thought this was a good idea. Her interactions with Jai never went well. It always seemed to make him more agitated, and she had no idea what to say. _This might be your last chance, Jade. Figure it out._ “Yes, I am defending Shili and the people who’ve become my family, but I’m also defending you. If we don’t succeed, your life is over, as well.” Trying to soften her tone, she added, “You might not care if either of us die, but I do.”

His mouth twisted into a sneer. “I’m thrilled you found a family that meets your exacting standards.”

She stiffened and locked arms over her chest. “It’s not a particularly high standard, Jai Kell. Family means being there and having faith in each other. They stick together, no matter what.” Her tone laced with bitterness. “They don’t run away, leaving the rest of us worried and alone. They certainly don’t attack each other.”

Specks of anger flushed his skin but then abruptly faded. His face darkened and dropped to the floor.

Cursing her impulsive reaction, Mara gripped the bars of his cell door. “Jai, I didn’t—” Taking a moment to consider what she was feeling, a surprising truth came. “You’re right. We were a family. We still are. Why do you think you’re here, when we could have just turned you over to the kingdoms where you’ve wreaked havoc? This isn’t the lap of luxury, but it’s way better than the squalid, soul-killing torture those places call prisons or execution. Really, what I’m trying to say is you’re not alone against the world anymore. I… care about you.”

Copper eyes slowly lifted to meet hers. Then, they glazed over, and he flopped flat on his bunk. “Get out.”

Her fingers squeezed the cold metal and then released. “Ok, I'll go. I’m due back at my post, and I know it’s hard to manage these kinds of conversations. Was for me, anyway. Still is kinda. But I meant what I said. At least, give it some thought.” Receiving no response, Mara sighed and turned to leave. “See you around, Jai.”

A husky voice called out, “Is Jungi fighting these unkillable monsters, too?”

Mara spun back around and stared at his clenched face. “Um, Jungi from the castle guard? I’m sure he is. Everyone is. Why?”

There was a long silence. “Tell him I said… valiant effort.” Then, Jai rolled over to face the wall.

She gaped at the tensed back for a few moments, before replying, “Alright. I’ll give him your message.”

Jai’s muscles twitched and he mumbled, “Don’t die, Jade.”

Her heart lightened. “I’ll do my best.”

_______

“About time, Solo.”

Han scowled as he dragged the sloshing metal container over to Hera. “Hey, this thing is heavier than it looks, lady.” He flashed his most charming grin. “Not to mention if I accidentally knock it over, my favorite boots will smell like cheap mead for eternity and ruin my rep as a high-rolling smuggler.”

The woman didn’t look impressed as she arranged the hopefully deadly liquid into position. “My twelve-year old can move faster than that.”

“I don’t doubt it. That kid’s a maniac,” he retorted, trying not to be obvious about massaging his throbbing shoulder.

Hera grunted and adjusted the door latch. “Alright, that should take care of a few if they get this far. Let’s hit the next spot.”

Han held back a groan. “You’re the boss.”

As they moved to the great hall, she commented, “You’re the one that agreed to a castle defense assignment, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s because I thought setting traps and fortifying doorways would be more enjoyable than fending off a horde of crazy monsters. However, I’m starting to reconsider that assessment.” Han didn’t mention that it was also because he’d lost a knock-down, drag-out fight with Leia. In infuriatingly rational fashion, she had laid out the reasons why being separated increased the probability of at least one of them surviving to raise their son.

Hera huffed. “You really are a piece of work, Solo.”

Flashing a mock salute, he deadpanned, “Why thank you, your almightiness. Your faith in me is inspirational.”

There was a distinct sound of teeth grinding. “Listen, smartass, I didn’t ask for you as my assistant either. Let’s just do our job and hope it's not necessary, while we avoid thinking about the fact that our family is elsewhere, potentially risking their lives without us.”

Han fidgeted with his belt buckle. “Yeah, right.”

Hera glanced at him and then sighed. “Ok, fine, we’re both unhappy about it.”

He stared at her, before reverting to a smirk. “Worried about your husband harassing you about doing all the work, while you were getting sloshed with mead?”

She snorted. “I wasn’t, but now I am. Thanks for that.”

“Yep, that’s what I’m here for.”

_______

Barriss held up a fist, until the targets were aligned. Then, she jerked her hand down and the soldiers released the catapult arm, sending projectiles hurtling toward the small group of Caecus attempting to infiltrate the east gate.

The mead bottles shattered on impact and exploded in all directions. There were yips and howls as the enemy attempted to escape the spewing liquid. Some made it out and some didn’t. Either way, the gate was secure once more.

Leia grinned and hugged her neck. “You are brilliant, Aunt Barriss.”

“Tell me that after we win, my dear,” she remarked wanly.

“We will,” was the earnest reply. “Have faith.”

Barriss smiled softly and brushed fingers over her cheek. “Point acknowledged, determined girl. Now, let’s get reset for their next crazy strategy.”

There was a grin. “Yes, ma’am.” Leia spun away to direct the soldiers.

Letting out a deep breath, Barriss massaged her aching forehead. They had made a dent in the enemy forces over the last two and a half days, but their haphazard defenses could only last so long. She just hoped it was long enough.

_______

“Watch out!” Ahsoka yelled from the other end of the battlement walkway. “They’re using—well, themselves!”

Squinting into the barely risen sun on the horizon, Rex’s gut clenched. Massive boulders were sliding down the backs of a densely packed line of Caecus, picking up unreal levels of speed. They bounced onto the ground in front of the castle and kept rolling as more followed behind them. It was a man-made avalanche.

Ahsoka swept her arms in wide circles through the air, flailing more and more desperately as she tried to knock the overwhelming numbers of oversized rocks away.

Rex directed his archers to try to pick off the Caecus crouched in a living conveyor belt to little success. Without direct access to their eye sockets, the arrows mostly glanced off the back of their impenetrable scaly hides. Even an occasional lucky shot only resulted in another hunter shifting to fill the gap.

Boulders began slamming into the portcullis and surrounding walls like claps of thunder. Rex could detect the tell-tale sounds of metal weakening. One or even twenty hits wasn’t enough but fifty might be.

He scanned the brightening landscape. A long line of hunters extended to a hill at the edge of his vision. They were passing the huge projectiles from behind it and then down to their compatriots, who efficiently loaded them onto the Caecus serving as the delivery mechanism. There was no sign of them running out of ammunition. _No._

That was when Ahsoka exploded. An inhuman roar rose up from her chest and powerful fists punched the air. Colossal boulders careened away from the castle. They bowled through the crouched Caecus and destroyed the devious formation, momentarily halting the onslaught.

However, the Togruta kept going. She used the Force to pick up stray rocks, throwing them into anything that moved on the ground in increasingly vicious attacks.

Rex cursed. Ahsoka was ten seconds away from throwing herself off the battlements and becoming a one-woman killing machine. Unfortunately, that would likely mean killing herself in the process. Ahsoka Tano could do many things but take on an entire army alone wasn’t one of them.

Even if it didn’t result in death or serious injury, exhaustion always followed the rage. Either way, it would leave her incapacitated for the rest of the coming battle. If she had been rational, the woman would have realized stopping one Caecus strategy wasn’t worth it. Them breaching the castle without a functional Ahsoka Tano available might be.

 _Ahsoka, I love you, but sometimes I really could strangle you._ Steeling himself, Rex started to sprint toward her, when relief stopped his movement.

Barriss materialized out of nowhere and jerked Ahsoka around. Grabbing her face, she spoke intensely. Rex couldn’t hear what was said, but the Togruta’s posture uncoiled. She took several breaths and nodded.

As the enemy reset themselves, both women manipulated the remaining boulders to block potential paths to the gates.

Ezra and Aayla appeared and took up position next to them. The next wave of rocks spun toward the castle and all four continued to combat anything that came into range. But it was a losing battle.

The Caecus had apparently amassed a quarry’s worth of stone in secret over the last three days. The volume was too heavy for even Jedi to combat as boulders snuck through their defenses and pounded the makeshift barricade.

After several chaotic minutes, a mammoth rock burst through the protective dam. Freed from encumbrance, a multitude of projectiles collided into the castle in a moving mountain of destruction.

Blood pulsed through Rex’s veins at the sound of metal screeching and reverberating crashes below his feet. Billowing dust rose from the ashes of what had been the main gates of the castle.

Then, victorious howls rang across the air. The Caecus had finally broken through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter is essentially everyone maintaining a holding pattern, I really enjoyed it. I've never tried a siege-based dynamic. However, this is an odd one without conventional weaponry. I was more interested in leveraging this high-stress, under constant danger of missing something, yet basically sitting around situation to illustrate the strengths and progression of many of our characters as they work together to prevent the castle from falling. Some highlights for me:  
> ♦ Rex's strategic expertise, nerves of steel, and strong leadership. He's not too proud to ask for help from a former enemy like Thrawn and recognizes the skills of those around him.  
> ♦ Barriss. Ahsoka. Themselves. The goddesses they have become. Perfect.  
> ♦ Ezra overcoming his own anxiety and need for action to be a wise leader to this troops. It's a small moment but his maturity allows him to mentor Caam by recognizing his own struggle with the same thing.  
> ♦ Sabine & Shan seeming to communicate without words now.  
> ♦ A fully-developed Karyna understanding and being ok with herself. Interestingly, it is tinged with a bit of overconfidence in an underlying belief she can literally do/conquer anything. Of course, her whole family has been telling her that her entire life. We haven't seen much of that Karyna since she was nine and learned she actually couldn't. This version is settled in the idea of belonging and being loved, though. Embracing who she is has brought a more grounded in reality confidence but fear of losing anything that she has gained. Barriss was always right that she likes to control her world. It's a state of mind with it's own possible pitfalls yet amazing potential. And dare I say a melding of Barriss and Ahsoka? Along with all of this is her progressing romantic relationship with Caam and her very Karyna-like approach to master that area of her life.  
> ♦ This comment is already too long for me to analyze Caam's side of things, but there is alot to dissect there, as well. Also, she's got mad skills. Side note: There was another 2-3 pages of the K/C scene that was cut and adds more relationship context. Maybe it will go into a behind the scenes work at some point.  
> ♦ Leia taking the time to slow down and tell her family she loves them.  
> ♦ While we haven't seen much of Caleb in this story, he's always been more Barriss' protege than Ahsoka's. His interaction with Thrawn conveys that in his use of rational argument and bowmanship. Though, that sense of humor is way more Ahsoka ha.  
> ♦ Mara's progress in accepting she has a family, growing faith, and attempts to reach out--despite still working through her past trauma and feelings of neglect. She's not completely entrenched in her new life yet but getting there.  
> ♦ Han's now completely weak protestations at being a selfish guy, while hardly believing it himself anymore. Even the intense and serious Hera doesn't buy it this time.  
> ♦ Juliayl and Echo's off-screen romance is a bit of a side note, but it shows her overcoming her workaholic dedication to consider her own needs. Though, the important point is our boy Echo is happy! He deserves it. 
> 
> Well, it looks like we'll get a bit more action in the next chapter. How much and what kind, I can't say. Though, I will say there are only 5 chapters until... THE END.


	107. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Endgame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endgame: It's how we choose to win.

Caam scanned the strategic situation. Luke had taken command of Alpha company and pulled them to the east end of the main courtyard. He was managing it with an ease that made her teeth grind together. On the other hand, her company was responsible for the west side and holes were appearing in the line. If the Caecus made it to their turret, they would have access to the upper battlements and overrun the forces providing support to the ground defense.

 _Never gonna happen._ “Tika, take your squad to the rear and protect the turret entrance.” Switching her attention, Caam looked for Captain Lipe and blanched as she spotted him sprawled lifelessly on the ground. Steeling herself, she shouted an order at his lieutenant, “Wolfpack! Shore up the right side.”

“Yes, Commander,” Polter clipped out and moved what remained of his squad to reinforce the weakest area.

Caam took up position in front of her soldiers to directly engage an oncoming group of enemies. “Hold the line, Bravo!” she yelled as her sword sliced through two invisible eye sockets.

Finishing off every Caecus in range, she checked their defenses. Her heart compressed. _No._

A new group of enemies were viciously attacking the right side. The wolfpack was scrambling to hold their formation. Polter was drawing a chunk away from his soldiers by dodging and weaving desperately, while avoiding five sets of alternating horns swiping at him.

Caam prepared to jump to the rescue, when screams came from her left. A few hunters had broken through and were headed for the turret door. _Blast!_ There was a split second of paralyzed indecision, before she tore toward the turret.

As she rotated through the air, Caam threw out a hand and knocked the enemies to the ground. Landing between all three with a brash grin, she taunted, “Come and get me, uglies.”

They howled and rolled to their feet. Caam took them down with one corkscrewing kick and three sword thrusts, before pelting back toward Polter.

The Togruta was now laying on his side, sword pointed weakly up at his four remaining enemies, who coiled for a death blow.

A lithe figure came twisting off the upper battlements and smoothly planted herself in front of him. Vivid blue eyes flashed fiercely as her body danced around, ducking under horns and spinning in and out of range. Karyna’s ninjatō flicked and sliced in one fluid motion, efficiently disposing of all four combatants in a matter of seconds.

Caam’s pulse quickened as definitely not battle-appropriate feelings flooded her. It was possibly the best thing she had ever seen. _Gods, Karyna Offee. You are… everything._

Karyna dragged Polter, who was grinning up at her like an idiot, out of the combat zone and propped him against the turret wall.

Finally reaching them, Caam huffed. “Really, Polts? I looked away for two seconds!”

He replied airily, “Don’t you have some monsters to kill or something, beauty queen? I’m currently being saved by a warrior goddess of legend here.” His eyes fixed on Karyna with radiant admiration.

The young woman laughed and kissed the top of his montrals. “It’s always nice to be appreciated. Alright, my courageous lieutenant, this goddess has a kingdom to save. Stay out of trouble.”

His smile turned vacant. “Your wish is my command, empress divine.”

“That is an acceptable response,” Karyna replied with a superior hand wave. Then, she winked at Caam, before flipping backwards over the line to engage the next wave of approaching Caecus.

Caam gaped after her and then a slow grin crept up. “See ya around, wolfman. I’ve got a goddess to impress. Try not to die and such.”

There was a perturbed cry in response as Caam followed the woman she loved into the fray.

_______

 _Well, this is turning into an unpleasant day._ Kit spun his pike and rotated in a three-sixty to assess the situation. The east inner courtyard contained one of only three unblocked castle doors. If the enemy captured it, they would have unfettered access to the interior of the castle.

Delta company had already sustained heavy casualties, and what remained had broken into chunks on each side of the space. Aayla was holding the left archway with her small support unit. However, at least a hundred Caecus had taken the right archway and were preparing a coordinated assault on their meager forces.

“Any ideas?” Kit called as he thrust his pike into a rogue Caecus, who had snuck through both lines to reach the middle of the space.

Surveying the area, Ezra brightened. “Yep. Stay clear of my side.”

Kit pivoted around to see Ezra’s archway crash down on a majority of the invaders.

The man opened his eyes with a cocky grin, when a secondary collapse of an adjoining parapet plummeted to the ground. Ezra dove out of the way but wasn’t quite fast enough, and a support beam glanced off his head. There was a frustrated cry, before he collapsed.

Kit groaned. “Again, soldier of destiny? It’s someone else’s turn.”

Aayla laughed as she sliced through enemies trickling through her archway. “Hey, I’m busy.”

He shot her an exasperated look but then sighed. Picking up the unconscious Ezra, Kit slung him over his shoulder.

Shifting attention to Ezra’s remaining squad, Aayla motioned them over to join her own. “Since your boss has mostly blocked that access point, take up position with my unit.” Turning to her sergeant, she ordered, “Klicker, put everyone into a lateral grid under the archway. I’ll take the middle and ensure nothing sneaks in another way. If any slip past your line, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle them.”

The sergeant saluted and clipped out, “Lateral! L’uyta and Ropal will lead up each end.” Both units swiftly fused to protect the remaining entrance.

A few Caecus emerged from the rubble of Ezra’s onslaught. One immediately charged Kit. Throwing out a hand, he sent him flying toward Aayla. “Take care of that one, my warrior muse.”

The woman grunted and did just that, before crouching into a twisting leap over two more. A blur of leather, teal, and metal sliced through their eye sockets from above. She landed on the other side with a grin. “Hurry up and get back here. This is a totally unfair workload.”

He raised eye ridges. “We can trade if you like?”

She spun into a full rotation around the last surviving enemy, before answering, “No way, fishman.”

Laughing, Kit began running Ezra to the unblocked castle door at the far end of the long, narrow courtyard. As he arrived, a new group of Caecus came bursting through what had been a supposedly inaccessible security gate. “Lovely.” _Hmm, fight or evade, Fisto? Why bother asking yourself?_ Kit always had a preference.

Despite the trickiness of shielding two living beings, it seemed preferable to killing. Plus, he’d left his pike behind and protecting the unconscious man during a full skirmish would be difficult. Focusing, Kit created a bubble around himself and Ezra. Pushing outward, he radiated small waves of repellant.

He grinned as the Caecus halted in confusion. Inspiration striking, Kit waggled his fingers and created subtle vibrations through the wall behind him. Their split ears perked up and flicked around, pinpointing in unison. They all took off back through the gate to chase a ghost. _Huh. Not bad, Fisto._

Laying Ezra by the door, he crossed to the security gate and swung it back into a closed position. Squatting by the lock, Kit examined it. The pins had been mangled, presumably by enemy talons. _Hmm._

Digging through nearby debris, the man found two hefty rods from a large statue Ezra had knocked over in an earlier skirmish. Lodging each one through opposing squares in the metal gate lattice, he intersected the tips and locked them together. Gripping the long sections of the rods on his side, Kit ground every muscle to bend the disparate ends against the wall framing each side of the gate. Breathing heavily, he centered and manipulated the currents surrounding each one, further wedging the metal into stone. He shook the gate to test his invention, and it didn’t budge. _Excellent._

The satisfaction turned to alarm as he glanced at the other end of the long courtyard. Aayla was engrossed by at least twenty enraged Caecus that had broken through the line. Meanwhile, their soldiers were desperately struggling with a dozen more. The lateral grid had merged and taken up a square formation to protect the group. However, they were surrounded and being picked off one by one.

His mind sorted through options. Leaving a defenseless Ezra out in the open seemed unwise. Taking him to the field infirmary as planned would mean not helping the others. _Why do things always have to be so complicated?_ Tossing Ezra onto his shoulder, he raced back toward the battle.

_______

Barriss surveyed the ongoing clash below and calculated. The siege and entry traps had heavily reduced the attacking forces. The additional ally support had provided a more even playing field and three days to chip away at the enemy. Without those factors, she definitely never could have effectively enacted her last resort option, which required specific positioning and numbers.

Still, the half that remained were made up of the significantly more deadly Caecus hunters. With the addition of the Chiss, who had proven to be masterful warriors, their assembled forces may yet prevail. However, victory would come at a terrible cost. A cost Shili and their family may not survive.

It was as if the Force aligned everything just enough to leave only one viable path. She tilted her head to the sky. _Fine. But I’m doing it my way._

A bellow from Rex ordered the reserve units to engage at will, and her vision flashed in stark certainty.

Barriss straightened with a cleansing breath. This was the moment. It was time for her final strategy.

_______

Shan twisted her sword into the last mangy head in grim satisfaction. Not even stopping to catch her breath, she began checking her downed guardsmen. The woman moved from body to body, furious pain rising with each missing pulse. “I am so sorry. I swear your sacrifice won’t be in vain.” _Gods, let me keep that promise._

Her heart ached as she continued to search the bodies strewn across the entryway for signs of life. _Please._

Grunting sounds interrupted her progress. She spun toward the conglomeration of supposedly impassable metal spikes protecting the main castle door. Five Caecus emerged unscathed, sporting bloodthirsty grins. _Blast it, Wren! Your death trap needs some work._

Letting out wild yips, they crouched on all fours and charged her. Shan flipped over them and all five collided with the stone wall behind her. They skidded around and tried again. Once more, the woman rotated above them, this time slashing one set of invisible eye sockets as she went.

That one went down, enraging the other four. Before they could resume their pointless charging, however, a new Caecus slipped through the maze of metal. “Pincer, fools.”

Shan swallowed. If that meant what she thought, it was not good. Moving with the practiced smoothness of hunters, all five surrounded her. _Why do I always have to be right?_

 _Fine, we’ll do this the hard way._ The woman threw out a massive Force blast, blowing her enemies out of the way. Shan sprinted for the main corridor, planning to use the narrower space to neutralize their number advantage.

Right as she reached it, what felt like metal spikes pierced her leg. She stumbled into the door, jerking around to see what had happened. Her stomach dropped. _Great. I just had to get the smart Caecus._

The lead hunter had somehow anticipated her move. He lay in a prone position on the ground, stretched talons plunged into her calf. Presumably, he had taken a flying leap through the air to snag her. A head of tangled horns lifted with a vicious growl. “Now, you will _see,_ infidel.”

Talons ripped through her leg and then rock-hard horns slammed into Shan’s side, sending her careening into the corner wall. Agony washed across her senses as she numbly noted blood spilling onto the floor. _My blood. Huh._

Her attacker rolled upright and sauntered over. “Foolish whelp. Your lack of true vision blinds you. You will see before you die as all infidels must. Prepare yourself to face the wrath of the Caecus.” His fellow hunters appeared behind him.

Letting out a derisive laugh, she spat, “It took thirty of you, most of which are now dead, to simply put a dent in me. Sorry, but I’m not impressed.” Shan ran through pain control techniques as she talked, preparing herself for action. “You can’t even conquer one lone castle without your machines to do the fighting for you. I’ll tell you what I see. _Imperfection_.”

Instead of immediately attacking as she had hoped, her Caecus barked at his enraged compatriots to keep them in place. Then, he seemed to consider the words. Finally, glistening teeth bared into a cunning grin. “How perfection is achieved is irrelevant. Only the final outcome matters.”

A determined voice came from behind them. “Yep. That’s what a weakling with delusions of grandeur would think, isn’t it?”

All five whirled around, and Shan seized the opening, launching herself into the rafters high above.

Her nemesis jerked up with a guttural rumble. “You will not escape me, whelp. I will make you see truth.” Then, his tone took on a sly edge. “However, perhaps you wish us to destroy your loyal slave first?”

Shan gazed down at the battered Jungi. Her relief at him being alive twisted into terrible dread. _No._ Crawling across the narrow beams to reach him, her destroyed leg bent in on itself and she slipped. Hand latching desperately onto a wooden slat, Shan swung precariously above guffawing Caecus. Spots flashed, and her vision blurred. She could feel numbness spreading. Her muscles were shutting down. _I must have lost a lot of blood._ Shan centered and attempted to restore control to her body. _Come on. Get it together, Rie._

Jungi groaned. “See what you nerfherders have done? Now, my captain might fall to her death. After I’ve gone to all this trouble to impress her. Typical.”

Shan once again tried to right herself and do something, when a firm voice halted her movements. “Captain, if you kill yourself, I’ll be seriously displeased. Do _not_ move. That’s an order.” She gaped at Jungi.

He grinned and then backed toward a hanging tapestry at the far end of the entryway. “Come and get me, not so perfect ones.”

They all snarled and coiled their bodies in unison, before tearing across the space.

_______

Barriss gazed mournfully across the battlefield, picking out family and friends. _I don’t want to go._

Forcing her eyes shut, she found the center point. A feeling of peace rolled across her soul. _We’ve given them everything they need. It’s time to let them find their own destinies._

Opening her eyes, Barriss located her wife in the middle of the fray.

Ahsoka spun into an airborne strike through multiple Caecus. She landed and immediately jerked her head up toward Barriss’ position.

She was too far away to make out her expression, but Barriss could feel the desperate agreement. Placing her bow and quiver on the parapet, she ran trembling fingers over the smooth wood.

Blinking back tears, she pushed backwards off the top of the turret with her hands. Completing a one-eighty resulted in the balls of her feet hitting stone. They only planted for a split second as she propelled herself forward, landing on her palms again. Repeating the same movements, Barriss’ body flipped end over end down the wall.

As her feet hit the bottom section, she launched off hard stone. The woman corkscrewed through the air, blasting Caecus out of her path as she went.

Barriss finally came to a stop in Ahsoka’s arms. Passionate lips pressed against hers, and she fell into the moment. It felt eternal. _It will be._

_______

 _This might be it, Jade._ Backing against the demolished castle gates, she desperately sliced through two Caecus as four more charged her. _Probably should have told Luke you think you love him, huh? Oh well. He’ll get over it._

Smiling grimly, Mara Jade prepared to go down fighting.

_______

Hera halted her efforts on enhancing the spiked runner in the great hall at the sound of echoing howls. Han jumped to his feet.

They both sprinted down the corridor, stopping at the door to the castle entryway. Hera listened for a moment. Then, she drew her sword and met his eyes.

 _Well, Solo, it was a good run. Who ever thought you’d go out like a hero?_ Han grunted. _Not me._ He took up position on the other side and spun his crossbow with a determined nod.

Hera smiled wanly and flung open the door.

_______

Her wife drew back to engage another group of charging enemies. “Clear the debris, will you?”

Focusing, Barriss channeled energy through her body. Thrusting arms outward, she threw every moving thing in the surrounding area—friend or enemy—hurtling through the air.

Safe space temporarily assured, Ahsoka floated her swords to the far end of the huge courtyard. She dropped them beside Caam, who was struggling to sit up after Barriss’ pulse.

Karyna, who had unbelievably managed to remain standing, rocked unsteadily beside her. Vivid blue eyes blinked at them in dazed confusion.

Ahsoka blew her a kiss and then faced Barriss. The women lifted their arms and pressed palms together in matching, symmetrical poses. Then, they dove into the underlying currents.

Barriss felt their essences align. ‘ _Ready, my shining girl?’_

 _‘Let’s save the world one last time. Together,’_ was the soft response.

Smiling to herself, Barriss focused, using Ahsoka’s strength to stabilize her mental control. Picturing the Caecus, she twisted her mind inward, pulling it further and further down.

Abruptly, it reached a precipice and would go no further. Panic began to creep in. _I’m losing it._

 _‘You can do this, my amazing, brilliant, beautiful wife.’_ Renewed power flowed into their connection and the path forward opened.

Taking a flying leap over the edge of no return, Barriss sucked the dangerous yet controlled energy into her own essence and let it permeate everything. Opening her eyes, she locked on the fierce blue ones across from her.

As infinity stretched before them, Barriss Offee let go.

_______

Kit continued his clumsy, jostling run toward their struggling soldiers, hoping he wouldn’t be too late.

Suddenly, Ropal leapt out of the defensive square, trying to cut a path through the death trap for his comrades. He made a hole just as vicious talons ripped through his body.

L’uyta shrieked, immediately charging the enemy. Klicker roared an order, before rushing after her, his remaining soldiers following.

They broke through the gap Ropal had sacrificed himself to make, gaining enough space to have a fighting chance at survival. However, freeing themselves from certain destruction only brought more as a chunk of Aayla’s Caecus broke off and headed toward them.

 _Not today._ Finally close enough to take action, Kit dropped Ezra. Focusing every shred of energy, he sent a stun pulse cutting through the middle of the closely packed group of hunters before they could reach their targets. They hit the ground with confused yelps.

The soldiers didn’t wait for an invitation and quickly fell upon their downed enemies with desperate cries.

Switching attention to Aayla, Kit’s heart rolled into his throat. A blood-soaked arm hung limply at her side as she held a shaky sword on the remaining combatants.

That same moment reality shifted. A radiant streak of white flew through the archway, striking every Caecus still standing. Their enemies vanished into nothingness one by one. _Well, that's a new one._

The soldiers stared in dumbfounded amazement at their salvation as it disappeared over the ramparts. Then, the cheers came.

_______

As the charging blurs got within a few feet of his position, Jungi dove to his left, slicing an oddly shaped hole into the tapestry as he went. It split apart and a large urn they had used to treat arrows toppled out, clattering across the stone floor. Riosan mead spewed into the path of the still moving Caecus.

Unable to stop in time, the enemies skidded into it with pained yelps. Their razor talons dulled and lost cohesion as they attempted to escape the widening radius. The clumsy movements caused them to slip and slide, covering the rest of their bodies with the acidic substance.

Jungi circled the mass with grim determination. One crawled to the edge, and he put the Caecus out of his misery using a direct sword thrust through invisible eye sockets. Another made a desperate leap, and the man repeated his strategy. He eventually whittled the threat down to a lone enemy.

Her nemesis remained defiant in the center of the deadly liquid, popping sizzles spreading across blackening fur. He fixed an unseeing yet vicious gaze on Shan. “You will see, infidel.” The hunter slumped to the ground with a strangled breath. “We are… n-never…” Then, he stopped moving.

Letting out a shuddering exhale, Jungi murmured, “I wish there had been another way.”

Shan could feel his pain. Killing outright was one thing. Watching living beings, even enemies, suffer at your hands was something more. “They didn’t leave one, Jungi. You just saved countless lives in this castle. The Caecus chose their path and you chose yours. And I’m certainly glad you’re still here to talk about it.”

He straightened and looked up at her. “You’re right. I’ll get over it. Oh, and you are now allowed to come down.”

She grunted. “Yes, sir.” Before the woman could figure out the best way to do so, there was a commotion at the main door as half a dozen Caecus began working their way through the maze of spikes. _You have got to be kidding me!_

Wiping blood from claw marks on his cheek, Jungi shifted into a defensive position. “Nevermind, Captain. Looks like I’ve got a little more work to do first.”

“Don’t even think about it, soldier!” Shan braced her still numb muscles and let go, trying to cushion the dangerously long drop with the Force. However, she didn’t get the timing quite right and her leg crushed against hard stone. Choking back an agonized scream, she dragged herself over to him. “No way I’m letting you defend this castle without me.”

His nostrils flared. “How can I impress my captain, if she’s dead?”

She commented wryly, “We really need to talk about your tendency toward martyrdom, guardsman.”

A reluctant grin flashed. “Just doing what you taught me. Besides, a bit late to worry about it now.”

Raising her falchion sword, she ran a thumb over the hilted crystal. It glinted silver, and Shan smiled. “We’ll see about that.”

The first enemy slid out of the metal spikes, leaving pieces of fur in his wake. That was when a burst of wild energy spiraled through the castle entryway, hitting him and every Caecus still working their way through the trap.

Shan blinked as they all vanished in front of her. Then, the blur sped back out the door.

Jungi’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly. “Uh…”

Collapsing to the ground, Shan began to laugh. “Looks like there’ll be time to reform you after all, guardsman.”

_______

Hera and Han both rolled into the castle entryway, prepared for a fight to the death.

What they found was a laughing Shan and Jungi on the floor, bodies of Caecus littered around them.

“Uh, ok then,” Han remarked wryly. “Glad we came to rescue you.”

The two soldiers twisted around to look at them, and then the weary laughter started all over again.

_______

Mara spun sideways to avoid slashing talons and stumbled into the castle wall. Before she could right herself, a streak of white light flew past her face.

She gaped as it collided with every Caecus around her, each one blinking out of existence. It halted a few feet outside the castle perimeter, before spinning back over the battlements. She heard distant shouts as it apparently continued its work.

 _Ok._ Not even bothering to process whatever that was, she turned attention to the remaining enemies, who had apparently been outside the energy’s range. They had stopped their onslaught and were standing frozen. Matted faces contorted into something that resembled terrified shock, if blind animals could display such a thing.

Backing toward the gates, Mara peeked through the twisted metal and saw her supposition had been correct. The only forces in sight were Shili, Chiss, and other assorted members of their alliance. _Huh. Maybe there's something to this faith thing._

Something between a laugh and a sigh rose up from her chest as she faced the still stupefied enemies. “It’s over, scum. You have _lost._ ”

A hulking Caecus, clad in richly embroidered scaly hide, appeared from behind a cluster of enemies at the back of the line. His distinctive attire and commanding demeanor made Mara suspect this was the Princeps discussed during their briefing. _Oh, now you show up? Figures._

He stood to his full height and flexed razor-sharp talons into the air. “The Caecus are never defeated!”

“They are today,” Mara sneered. “Your forces are decimated. Every Caecus inside the castle has been vanquished. You don’t have what it takes to defeat us. Surrender or run, loser.” She maintained her defensive posture, not really expecting the argument to work. Though, it wasn’t a lie. Their remaining numbers weren’t enough to take Shili. However, they could kill quite a few, before being finally overcome. _Including me._

A few of the Caecus began to emit stuttering yowls. Their leader snarled, “Sniveling perfidia! Victory is still ours!”

A strangled gurgle came from the hunter on his left, “You have led us to ruin. The Caecus are… no more.” Then, he collapsed unmoving to the ground.

The dying words seemed to spur an outbreak of insanity. A small number toppled over with pitiful whines and writhed on the ground, before going still. A more significant portion went onto all fours and ran, hysterical yelps in their wake.

“Cowards! You bring shame upon our glorious hunt!” the Princeps bellowed. His forces didn’t slow their frantic retreat, and he let out a furious howl.

About half of the enemies remained yet did nothing. They appeared frozen in place, their split eartips all pinpointed on the Princeps. Glowering at his troops, he roared, “Truth will prevail.”

 _Ok, then._ Intending to not press her luck, Mara edged around the demolished gates to retreat inside the castle and alert them of the remaining threat. Unfortunately, her movements caught the attention of the Princeps. _Oh, great._

Pinning her with a bloodthirsty expression, he crouched on all fours. “You will see, infidel. We are invincible.” Then, muscles and fur barreled toward her.

_______

Barriss felt rather than saw the radiating blur of death continue its wild trajectory, vanishing over battlements and inside doorways. Her heart swelled at the palpable relief and joy flowing through the currents as it obliterated enemy after enemy with unerring accuracy.

Her body tensed as the spent creation finished its work and hardened into a fiery, white ball. Then, the raw energy set a direct course back to its sender.

Locking fingers with her wife, she prepared for the end step, blocking out everything except her connection to Ahsoka. In that moment, beautiful triumph swept through her soul. Images of Cardota, Shili, Alderaan, and more rose from the ashes of failure into shining hope. This time… _‘It worked.’_

Ahsoka’s elated gaze pulsed back at her. _‘You are… amazing.’_

That was the final thing Barriss Offee heard as her strategy reached a glorious completion and luminous light consumed its last two targets.

_______

Sabine somersaulted over the battlement walkway, before crisscrossing short swords through two Caecus that had managed to breach their position.

Caleb grunted as he sent an arrow flying into the eye sockets of another one in the main courtyard. “Nice move.”

She grinned and resumed her protective stance behind him. “Saving you is all in a day’s work.”

Setting up another shot, Caleb gasped. “What the—”

Sabine crouched next to him as they both gaped. Ahsoka and Barriss had done… something.

“Woah,” he murmured as every enemy in sight disappeared. They watched the streak of light fly in and out of view in open-mouthed amazement. Then, his gut twisted as Caleb understood what the end result would be. Energy at this level of magnitude couldn't dissipate on its own. It had to go somewhere. “No.”

Sabine glanced at him in confusion. “What are you—” She broke off as the now spent energy congealed and initiated an inexorable path toward Ahsoka and Barriss. “No, no, no!” The woman jumped up, preparing to dive off the side of the battlement.

Caleb shot out a hand and jerked her back down. “Stop. There’s nothing you can do, except get yourself killed.”

She ripped out of his grip. “We have to do something! They just saved us all. They’re our family. We can’t let—let them—” The words stopped in a gasping choke.

He pulled her into his side, heart throbbing. His eyes locked on the two figures below, who looked peaceful in the face of destruction. The women that had been fixtures of his life, always there. The two people who had given him the most important lesson. Pressing lips to her temple, Caleb whispered, “Have faith. They made their choice. Now, they expect us to make ours. Just like they taught us.”

Sabine’s body began trembling and sagged against him.

After what felt like an eternity, blinding white light seared everything. When it finally faded away, the space occupied by the two women was empty. Ahsoka Tano and Barriss Offee were… gone.

_______

An immense force exploded from his aunts and blazed into an oscillating white light, spinning through every Caecus in its path. Their enemies faded into nothingness one by one.

Luke’s incredulous relief similarly vanished as he realized what the price of salvation would be. _No._ The hurtling pulse had reappeared at the top of the battlements. It sputtered out and condensed into a jagged ball. Then, it angled a slower but unwavering line back to its creators, spikes of erratic energy sizzling over the circumference.

His muscles careened into motion but then froze as amethyst light flashed from his sword hilt. Running fingers over the pulsating gem and forcing himself to center, truth he didn’t want filled his entire being. _I can’t interfere._ Luke had no idea what would happen if he tried to disrupt the reabsorption of the deadly energy. However, if his aunts were standing in the path of destruction, there was a reason.

 _Be the man they taught you to be, Skywalker. Let go._ Trying to control the shuddering in his chest, he stared blankly at the two women standing in complete isolation at the center of everything.

There was a piercing scream from the other end of the courtyard, and he jerked around.

Karyna’s essence vibrated with fear and desperation. Her face hardened, the diminutive body coiled, and vivid blue eyes rippled into a shade nearly matching the pitch-black fabric of her tunic. Then, everything melded into furious resolve that spewed streams of anarchy along the underlying currents. She began running toward Ahsoka and Barriss.

 _No, no, noooooo…_ “Karyna, don’t!” Luke took off.

Leia dove at her as she passed, but Karyna threw out an arm and tossed her aside.

Caam groggily stared at the scene from her half-sitting position. When Leia went flying, she appeared to realize what was happening. Her expression twisted into something verging on terror, and she leapt up to chase Karyna.

Asajj appeared out of nowhere and whipped her hand, causing Caam to stumble. Continuing her forward motion, she cartwheeled into the young woman and pinned her to the ground. "Sorry, kid. We don't need two crazy Jedi."

Luke enhanced his velocity, but Karyna accelerated to a phenomenal rate in response. _I’m not going to make it. Again. I’m still not fast enough. No, Skywalker. Speed is irrelevant. Your path is… balance._ Luke skidded to a halt as his mind clicked into perfect alignment. Raising arms, he latched onto Karyna’s presence and held her in place.

Fierce, unbending anger crashed along the currents as her enraged cries echoed across the open space. She struggled violently and nearly broke his hold.

 _Gods, she is powerful._ Luke regained a solid grip, but this was a difficult skill to execute on any Force wielder. A single-minded Karyna was requiring perfect control.

Eerily crisp eyes fixed on him as a disturbingly flat voice stated, “You don’t have the strength required to hold me much longer. Now, let me save our family, before it’s too late.”

“Strength is irrelevant, my princess. Calm your mind and center. Listen to the currents. There’s nothing you can do. This is their choice. Not yours.”

She let out a shriek that Luke could have never imagined coming from her delicate mouth. “You’re wrong! You think I’m a child. That I'm not powerful enough to stop it, but I am. I can do anything!”

He glanced at the approaching projectile. _Just hold it another ten seconds._ The thought of precisely what outcome he was awaiting sliced through Luke’s heart, and his control momentarily slipped.

Karyna seized the opportunity to hurl a Force blast, knocking Luke back a few steps.

Caam, who had apparently managed to escape Asajj but was now restrained by a recovered Leia, screamed, "Karyna Offee, don't you dare leave me!” Her voice pitched in broken desperation. “Kayo… _please._ ”

The heartwrenching plea seemed to make Karyna hesitate, and she blinked several times.

It was enough as a new figure sailed through the air and tackled the unprepared girl to the ground. Rex immobilized her in an unflinching body lock and yelled, “Stay back, all of you!”

Three seconds later the bright ball of death enveloped its last two victims, and Luke Skywalker fell to his knees as his world changed forever.

_______

Ethereal light faded to nothing. Karyna was safe in Rex’s arms. Everything dulled into a terrible silence. Caam stared at the blank space, unable to process anything.

The frozen quiet abruptly shattered at a choked cry from Luke. He sprang to his feet and tore across the courtyard, vanishing through the demolished gates.

That was when Caam’s mind caught up to reality. Rushing air, creaking wood, and sounds of both victory and grief assaulted her from every direction. It crushed down on her soul, grinding it into tiny shards. _They left me._

She plummeted out of Leia’s hold and curled into a ball on the battle-hardened dirt, heaving lungs unable to cope with the horrible truth. _Barriss, you promised me. Always means always. That’s what you said._

Caam didn’t know how long it would be. How long until her mind spun too far away to return? How long before her body shut down? Who would save her then? _Me. I have to save myself now. I can do that, right? I don’t know._ Her chest constricted further, and strained gasps were all she could manage.

She stiffened as slender fingers began stroking her lekku. The reassuring touch grounded her thoughts, and the emotional tidal wave receded to a flood.

Leia whispered hoarsely, “Remember, you’re not alone.” Her voice strengthened. “You never will be.”

Her erratic breathing slowed, and the shuddering faded to prickling twinges. Then, dancing blue eyes gazed back from nowhere. _‘I’m always here, my darling girl. Nothing can change that.’_ Caam reached a trembling hand to her lekku and pulled off one of the bands. Bringing it to her face, she stared at the fierce crest of crossed sabers, shining diamonds, and a rising phoenix. _Always._

She turned her head to look up at Leia’s tear-streaked face. “I know. That’s what family means.”

_______

 _Damn._ Mara leapt over the charging Princeps and spun around into a strike. It bounced off his scaly hide to no effect and huge horns swiped at her.

Twisting out of the way, she tried another assault but hit only empty air.

His speed was incredible and after three more useless attempts, she changed strategies. Centering her mind, the woman vaulted into the air. Rotating over him, she slashed at his head. Hitting the ground, Mara rebounded back up and continued in an unending succession of flipping attacks.

She eventually managed to get one good strike at his eye sockets, but it wasn’t a precise hit and only pierced the periphery.

He belched a rough bark and launched upward as she sailed over him once more. His rocklike horns finally connected with her leg, and she felt a bone snap.

Mara crashed to the ground, grinding her teeth to avoid crying out. Rolling out of the way of slashing talons, she threw out a hand to push herself backwards. Bumping along the uneven terrain, leg screaming in protest, she gained some distance.

The woman struggled into the best defensive position she could manage on one leg. That was when Mara realized a mass of speeding fur was nearly on top of her.

She tried to lunge out of his path but wasn’t fast enough. There was a crushing blow to her lower ribs that sent Mara flying into a castle wall. Pure agony crunched her body.

He rumbled with menacing delight, “I have you now, infidel. Prepare to face the wrath of the Caecus.”

Bracing herself and holding pulsating ribs, she slid up the rough stone. Mara leveled a sword at him as a hollow laugh came unbidden. “Well, always figured I’d die alone in some insane way. Death by blind monster wasn't in the mix, though.”

An intense voice came from her left. “That’s _never_ gonna happen.”

Her heart flooded with relief and then sublime warmth. _He came for me. He always does._ Mara collapsed onto her back as the excruciating throbbing overwhelmed her willpower. Straining her head, she watched a blurry figure dart in and out of view at unreal speed. The pain began to meld with tight breaths and a churning stomach. _You better not die on me, Skywalker._

There was a shriek, followed by the satisfying thud of a large body hitting the ground. A chorus of disturbed bays sounded, and she shifted her attention to see the remaining Caecus fleeing the area. _Huh. Guess Barriss was right. And you're surprised by this why, Jade?_

Luke’s strong, blue eyes appeared above her, piercing worry in them. “Hey, are you ok?”

She gazed up at him for a few moments. Raising trembling hands, Mara pulled his earnest face down to hers. “I am now, my eternal prince.” She lifted her head and pressed lips to his.

It only took him a second to return the passionate kiss, and their mouths melded together. The feeling wasn’t the raw desire she associated with romantic interactions. It was something deeper, and so much better. If she hadn’t simultaneously had crushing pain rolling through her chest, Mara would have never let go.

As it was, they soon broke apart, and Luke released a content sigh. “Now, you tell me.”

Mara couldn’t resist a smirk. “Well, it took a while to see what you’ve got, portal man.”

Luke snorted. Then, his expression fluctuated, and the normally bright eyes dimmed with what looked like repressed tears.

“What’s wrong? I mean I’m a great kisser but no need for all that.”

He smiled weakly and then a single tear escaped down his cheek. “They’re gone, Mara. My aunts are gone.”

Understanding clicked. “Oh.” The energy pulse that had saved her, saved everyone, had a price. The two women that had always seemed larger than life, utterly indestructible somehow… weren’t. Her chest compressed, muscles twitching. The result was a shot of agony through her damaged body, and Mara bit her lip so hard she tasted blood.

An anxious gaze immediately focused on her. “Oh Gods, you’re really hurt. What am I thinking?!” Luke carefully picked her up, wincing as an involuntary cry came from the jostling of her leg. “Ok, let’s get to the healers.” The man cradled her gently and carried her through the gates, taking a side door into the castle.

She noted his path had completely avoided the main courtyard. The woman watched his trembling jaw and clenched face as they trundled along, feeling helpless. There had to be some way to make it better, but Mara didn’t know how. Barriss’ knowing smile surfaced in her mind. _‘Try observation and a lucky guess, my dear. Have faith in yourself.’_ Lifting a shaking hand, she ran fingers over his chin. “Hey, look at me.”

Luke halted in surprise and stared down. “What is it?”

Mara rubbed his cheek and channeled as much confidence as she could manage. “Everything is not ok now. But it will be. We’ll do it together.” She smiled. “Whatever it takes.”

His mouth parted and then brushed over her forehead, before he murmured, “You've got a deal.”

_______

Karyna sat in Rex’s arms and stared at the empty ground in front of her. The terrified fury had seeped away, leaving only blankness. Her house was burning, and she was helpless to stop it.

Rex tightened his embrace and kissed her hair. “It’s going to be alright, princess. I promise.”

She leaned back into his chest and continued to gaze at the spot where her parents had died.

_______

Caleb remained unmoving on the parapet, numbly watching the aftermath of their desperate battle for survival. Shock, grief, hope, and victory dotted the landscape.

After a few minutes it was over. All of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o==}:::::::::> ♥
> 
> I can't talk about it. 
> 
> "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all."  
> \--Emily Dickinson


	108. Interlude: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Barriss decide.

“I’m certainly not going to translate the text for you, so you might as well give up that idea. I already have expertise in the techniques needed. Besides, you are much more critical to Shili.” Barriss put up a hand. “Don’t get upset. There’s no point. You’re not going to convince me to let you sacrifice yourself instead, especially when it doesn’t make logical sense. I didn’t tell you about this so you could waste our time together stewing in pointless arguments. Please?”

Ahsoka’s frustration morphed into fear as she gazed at her wife’s determined face. It was an expression she knew too well. _No._ Her muscles twinged, chest constricting.

Barriss adjusted her position in the bed so their eyes were level. “What are you thinking?”

 _I think I’m never going to let you do any such thing. I don’t care what it means. I can’t._ She answered blankly, “I don’t know.”

A hand laid on her cheek. “It’s a last resort to save everyone. Not just our family, but the kingdom we’ve built together as well as the world we’ve spent our lives serving. What are we in comparison to all of that?”

Unable to come up with a response to such unselfish, infallible, and horrifying logic, Ahsoka stopped breathing. The room closed in on her and everything blurred.

Piercing blue eyes shifted from trepidation to worry. “Ahsoka, it’s only a discussion. It may never happen. Stay with me in this moment, please.”

Locking her gaze on Barriss, she worked a path through the chaos. The turmoil receded far enough to manage a weak reply. “Ok. I’m here.”

Two fingers traced Ahsoka’s warrior markings. “Telling you wasn’t an easy choice. I knew it would make you feel… I didn’t want to hurt you. But it would have been unfair to make a life-changing decision for both of us. I have faith in you to handle it.” Her fingers began to tremble. “Plus, I realized it—I’m—”

“You’re what?” she rasped.

“A-afraid,” Barriss choked out. “I need you.”

Ahsoka grabbed her face and pressed their foreheads together. “You made the right choice, I promise.” _Prove it to her, Tano._ She continued shakily, “Ok, let me be honest in return. I don’t think I can deal with the consequences. Not for anyone or anything. I’m literally hanging onto my control by a thread just imagining it.”

Hands covered hers as Barriss whispered, “So, am I.”

They laid in silence for several moments, listening to each other’s stuttered breaths. Finally, Ahsoka lifted her head. “What if we do it together?”

Her mouth parted. “Are you suggesting both of us generate the pulse?”

She nodded anxiously. “Neither of us is going to let the other do this alone. Besides, it can’t be an easy feat for one person to accomplish. It would take immense power to be effective at the levels we're talking about. We do everything better together. Is it possible?”

Calculations flew through her wife’s face, before she refocused with a wary expression. “Yes, your support would definitely help me successfully execute it. But what happens to everything here, if we both—”

Ahsoka covered her mouth. “The world will be free once more and move into a new era, whether we’re here or not. Shili is rebuilt and stable. We’ve given our family everything they need to thrive. They’ve proven it time and again over the last few years. Maybe, it’s finally time for us to let go. It’s their turn to show the world what they can do.”

Barriss chewed her lip. “Are you certain?”

She smiled softly. “I’ve accomplished everything I could have dreamt of and more. Sure, I could stick around a bit longer to go above and beyond, but I don’t want to. My life only works with you in it. I’ve tried over the years to parse us out. Now, I think it really doesn’t matter. We are meant to be together. Call it destiny, interdependence, or anything you want. It just _is._ If it’s time for one of us to take the next step in their journey, then the other travels with them. That’s what we do. You knew that truth years ago, my brilliant, amazing, beautiful wife. Remember, when you first told me you loved me? What did you say?”

Tears trailed down her cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere. I am exactly where I’ve always been. Where I was always meant to be. With you.” Barriss brushed lips over Ahsoka’s and then murmured, “I should have added… it’s where I always _will_ be.”

Ahsoka rubbed the diamond tattoos as perfect joy lit her soul. “Gods, I love you.”


	109. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legacy: It's all we get to leave.

Luke rubbed a thumb over the flared edges, tracing the unending symbol of renewal in the smooth wood. _Get on with it, Skywalker._

He and Leia had directed the clean-up of their terrible battle for survival from the operations center. Now, Shili was settling into normalcy once more, and he could no longer put off taking possession of what was supposed to be his.

His sister had insisted he take Ahsoka’s office, but Luke had avoided the space over the last several weeks. He doubted his other aunt’s office would have felt any better. It didn’t really matter. Neither one belonged to him.

Taking a steadying breath, he placed the familia Rex had presented him on the desk. Lowering himself into what still felt like his aunt’s chair, it creaked a familiar sound that caused both comfort and pain.

Luke’s gaze rotated around the room. It was odd to see things from this angle. He couldn’t yet bear the thought of changing anything. Adding the Kenobi familia felt right. It belonged here. _I don’t._

His eyes strayed to the old family portrait hanging on the opposite wall. It had been the first thing Ahsoka put in her office and hadn’t moved since. _It never will._ The painting was a message that should never be displaced from this space.

When they had discovered it in the ashes of Shili all those years ago, Luke never could have imagined his future. The entire world had changed since then. His world had changed. He had lost, yet also gained so many beautiful things. That first trip to Shili felt like another life altogether.

Examining each family member, he lingered on the tiny, radiant grin of his aunt. _What did you feel like sitting in this office for the first time? Was it strange? Were you nervous at all? I guess you never wanted to rule a kingdom either, huh?_

The thought brought sudden comfort. Grinning back at her bright face, he murmured, “Alright, Aunt Ahsoka. We’ll figure it out together.”

_______

Caam circled a trembling finger over the hilted emerald crystal. “Ahsoka wanted me to have these?”

Rex gripped her shoulders. “Yes. Even if she hadn’t told me so, her last act was to put them next to you. It must have been important to her.”

She clenched the swords. “Why me, though? There are tons of other people. Seems like they’d get first dibs.”

“That’s not how things work in this family, my bold little fighter. What’s most important is where something belongs. And these swords belong with Caam Secura.”

Tawny eyes misted and blinked rapidly. Then, her posture straightened. “I won’t let her down.”

Rex smiled. “I know.”

_______

Leia sat in an armchair that wasn’t hers and gazed at the painting above the fireplace mantle. The spires of Cardota shined above a bustling city. While it was a beautiful piece of art, she had always found it a bit depressing. _I suppose you should take that down._ Barriss had completed her mission started so long ago. Perhaps, it was time for Cardota to finally rest.

A knock came from the open door, and Rex cleared his throat. “Am I interrupting?”

Leia shook her head. “Do come in. I was just contemplating my new office that isn’t mine.”

“Ah.” He strode across the room. “Not sure I can help with that problem. However, I can give you something that is definitely yours.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Handing over a sleek, mahogany box, he said quietly, “Your aunts wanted you to have this.”

“Oh.” Steeling her emotions, she slowly opened the hinged top. Leia inhaled sharply. Teary eyes traced the engraving in the hilt of crossed sabers framed by shining diamonds. She looked back up at Rex. “You know, Barriss first gave me this dagger when we met. I used it during our escape, when you all rescued me from Palpatine’s prison.”

The man grinned. “Well, it's come full circle then, hasn’t it?”

“I suppose so.” Her mind wandered into the past. “That was before I had another family, before Alderaan, before the world was free, before… everything. Gods, it seems so long ago.”

Rex brushed knuckles over her forehead. “That’s because it was, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Our lives are ever-changing, but what is most important endures. That’s the message of this dagger. Ahsoka gave it to Barriss so she would always remember how much she was loved, no matter how life ebbed and flowed around them. For them, it was a symbol of faith, commitment, and the future. I hope it can be the same for you.”

Leia gazed up at him and then smiled. Taking the dagger from its home, the woman attached it to her belt. Then, she rose from her armchair and kissed his cheek. “Time to build the future, Uncle Rex.”

_______

Caam finally found Karyna at the nesting grounds. _Thank the Force._ “Hey.”

The girl didn’t turn around and continued staring at the baby convorees. “They finally hatched,” she said blankly. “Aunt Barriss never got to see them.”

Taking a deep breath, Caam stepped in front of her. Placing both hands on Karyna’s face, she pinpointed on the glazed eyes. “Kayo, look at me.”

The vivid blue fluctuated and slowly focused. Her jaw trembled slightly, face tightening. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Caam rubbed thumbs over the triangles. “No. You’re not. And that’s ok. You don’t have to be strong for me.”

Her gaze dropped to Caam’s arm without responding.

She brushed lips over Karyna’s forehead. “We handle things together, remember? I need you. Be here with me, please.”

The eyes darted back to hers and then deep misery filled them. Karyna slumped against her with a choked sob. “I couldn't stop it.”

Wrapping her up tightly, Caam whispered, "I know."

_______

Aayla strolled through the silvery night in no particular direction and eventually found herself at the training grounds. Stopping in the middle of an empty sparring pitch, she gazed up at the full moon, a lifetime of memories playing through her mind.

“Well, what an unexpected delight,” came a wry voice from her shoulder.

Heart careening into her throat, she spun around and scowled. “You did that on purpose.”

Asajj pressed a hand to her chest. “Me? Finally succeed in my quest to get the jump on the glorious Master Secura? Don’t be ridiculous.”

Aayla threw a squinty-eyed glare. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

The woman stood beside her with a shrug. “What are you?”

“Gods, do you _always_ have to make things difficult?”

“Yes.”

She stared for a moment. Then, a laugh bubbled up. “Oh, I give up. I was wandering aimlessly, so top that.”

There was a snort. “Alright, Secura. The truth is I’m getting sappy in my old age. This is my last official day on the job. I suppose I simply wanted to look at everything one last time.”

“I see,” she murmured in some surprise at the sentiment. “What are you and Rex planning to do now?”

“Undecided. Perhaps, exploring somewhere new like the expanse? We’ve always wanted to retire to a bit of adventure. I suspect we’ll stay in Shili for the near future, however. Rex insists otherwise, but I know better. He will want to make sure the kids are ok, before running off on any kind of extended trip. I’ll wait until he figures that out to put much thought into it.”

Aayla grunted. “He will definitely be here longer, if Luke gets to him. Kit and I have just been sweet-talked out of retirement and into being Jedi grandmasters.”

Snarky eyebrows lifted. “Well, I hope you don’t expect me to start calling you _Grandmaster_ Secura.”

“Only if you say it in that sarcastic tone,” she replied dryly.

Asajj smirked. “I’ll see what I can do. Anyhow, whenever Rex feels he's ready, we’ll decide.”

“Do you think you’ll enjoy being a wandering nomad again?” she asked thoughtfully. “I'm not sure I’d want to go back.”

“Hard to tell. Though, I always did enjoy seeing new places. I’m also a bit restless lately. I’ve been in one spot a long time, after spending most of my life roaming the planet.” Asajj paused, before continuing softly, “It’s like another life now. I drifted around on my own for years. Then, before I knew what was happening, I had Rex, Barriss, and Ahsoka. Barriss used to say travelling with the three of us was like dancing with rathtars.” She chuckled. “I wonder how it will feel with just Rex?” Her gaze focused on some distant point in the horizon. “I guess it won’t make a difference, either way. Stay or go, they’re not going to be part of the journey.”

Aayla wrapped arms around her stomach. “I know. With such a bustling place and huge family, you wouldn’t think—it just feels so… empty.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Aayla croaked, “Who could have predicted thirty years ago the woman I wanted to kill and the one that tried to kill me would change my life? Strange how things work out.”

“When the girl I once was let a scrawny, brilliant child join my gang, I certainly wouldn’t have believed she’d change mine.” There was a raspy exhale. “Now, that kid is gone. Yet, I’m still here.”

Aayla wiped away a tear and took the woman’s hand. “Yes, but I’m sure she’d remind you the rest of your family is still here too.”

Turquoise hues glinted behind the pale blue eyes. “I’ll keep it in mind, Secura.”

_______

Rex placed the ancient tome on her desk. “Barriss left this for you, my clever little princess.”

Karyna stared. “Why?”

“There’s a note inside that might help explain. I suppose she believed it belonged with you.”

She gazed at the book, lower lip trembling. “My aunts knew they were going to die, didn’t they?”

Rex clasped an arm around her. “They knew there was a possibility, yes. It was a last resort to save everyone. Ahsoka and Barriss wanted their family to be ok, so they prepared for that potential outcome.”

Karyna laid against his chest with a scratchy breath. “What if we’re not ok?”

He kissed the top of her head gently. “You will be. We all will be. They left us everything we need to carry on. We won’t let them down, right?”

Fierce eyes slowly lifted to his. “Never.”

_______

Rex finished securing the elegant cypher-wood bow into the mantle display. It had taken a while to locate the weapon in the cleanup, and he had spent weeks making it look as beautiful as it deserved. Now, the hallowed object was finally laid to rest in its proper home. _Last one done._

His heart clenched. _What now?_ There were no tasks left to do for the women he loved. They didn’t need him anymore. And Rex felt… empty.

A soft voice came from behind him. “It’s perfect.”

He turned with a sad smile. “Your aunts wanted it to return to where it started all those years ago as Shili was reborn once more, and a new generation took their place.”

Luke sighed. “I guess we have to.” There was a pause. “You’re not going anywhere, right?”

The man winced. “I don’t know, Luke. Shili is up and running again, everything is settled, and Asajj and I have officially retired. You and Leia need space to create your own way of doing things, a fresh start.”

He looked away. “If you say so.”

Rex squeezed his shoulders. “Hey, you can do this. You are both magnificent leaders. It’s what you’ve been taught to be. Ahsoka and Barriss left everything you need for the task. It’s time to achieve your own destinies now. That’s what they wanted most.”

An intense gaze returned to his. “You’re right, Uncle Rex. They did leave us everything we need, including the _people_ we need.”

Blowing out a long breath, he replied, “Luke, we won’t be around forever. Don’t depend on us too much.”

“That’s not what this is,” he said quickly. “See, I’m mostly going to be focused on expanding the new Jedi order. I’ve convinced Aayla and Kit to serve as grandmasters to get us started. Leia really wants you and Asajj to provide insight on kingdom administration areas Hera doesn’t handle, since you both know the history and players involved. Plus, Ezra needs someone to help him learn the ropes of Master General. Sabine wants the same thing for her new Royal Training Master role. We were all thinking maybe you both could stay on as royal advisors for a little while. After that, you could travel or try whatever new adventure you’d like, but still come home every so often to help us along.” An Ahsoka-esque grin flashed. “What do you think?”

Rex gazed at him. The emptiness faded away as his family—the family that still needed him—filled the gap. _Huh. Guess Asajj was right._ He brushed knuckles over the hopeful face. “Ok, kid. It's a deal.”

_______

Aayla trailed fingers over the lekku splayed across her stomach. “Are you ok?”

Caam rotated her head from the pale sky to look at her. “Dunno. What about you?”

“Hard to say. Things feel different, huh?”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

Aayla exhaled. “Well, guess we’ll figure it out as we go.”

A weak grin appeared. “Guess we’ll have to.”

“True.” Returning her gaze to the wispy clouds, she smiled softly. “Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. All it takes is time and faith.”

Caam took her hand and held it. “I know. We can handle anything together. That’s what our family does.”

Aayla wrapped fingers around her daughter’s with a content sigh. “Yes, we do.”

They laid in a comfortable silence, until Caam remarked in apparent nonchalance, “So, I’ve been twenty-two for a while now.”

Her eyes jumped back to Caam and then she grinned mischievously. “I am aware of your birthdate, little one. It was quite a memorable experience for me.”

There was a glare. “You know what I’m getting at, Mom.” She pulled the family necklace from under her tunic. “I’ve been waiting almost ten years to find out the secret of this thing!”

“Well, _someone’s_ gotten demanding in their old age.” The glare intensified, and Aayla desperately tried to hold a straight face.

Caam’s mouth edged up and soon they were flat on their backs, laughter ringing across the grassy hillside.

Turning on her side, Aayla brushed her child’s cheek. “Alright, my amazing daughter. Let's talk family secrets.”

There was a brash grin. “Supra.”

_______

Shan suppressed a smile. “Does that mean you accept the position?”

Jungi snapped his hanging jaw shut and straightened to attention. “Yes, Captain! Absolutely, Captain!”

“Excellent. Alright, _Lieutenant._ Your first order of business as my adjutant is finding my wayward consort. I’d recommend starting at the training grounds. Once you locate Master Wren, please inform her she is late for our lunch date.”

His face pinched, but he managed to keep a mostly stoic expression. “On it.” The young man pivoted around to complete his assignment.

Shan called after him, “Oh, Jungi, your warrior initiation ceremony is scheduled for next week. So, don’t screw it up before then.”

He grinned like a schoolboy. “Don’t worry, ma’am. I plan to be the best adjutant in existence.”

She raised stern eyebrows. “I expect no less.”

Jungi gulped and then threw up a salute “Yes, Captain!” Then, he raced out of her office.

Shan leaned back in her chair as the smile finally broke through.

_______

Caleb grimaced. “I can make the attempt, but last time I interacted with the western frontier clans they were downright hostile to outside trade.”

Leia sighed. “Well, it doesn’t hurt to try again. Hera’s right. With Naboo and Chandrila out of commission, wood prices are going to soar. We need to diversify and find new suppliers. You appear to be the only one they’ll even talk to from Shili.”

“That’s because they only respect hunters.” Hera winked at her husband. “Who says being a royal huntmaster doesn’t have perks?”

Caleb sent eyes skyward. “When I took the job, I was imagining more hunting, less politics.”

Sabine swatted the air. “You should try royal training master sometime. I know Asajj didn’t put up with this nonsense. Last week, I had a city council elder demand an audience to complain about his son not being allowed to have his pet tooka-cat at the apprentice barracks. It took every ounce of self-control not to dropkick him out of my office.”

Leia pursed her lips. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but did Asajj tell you what her approach was for those situations?”

She snorted. “You’re right. You don’t want to ask. It’s a wonder we still have a city council.”

Shooting a breath out his nose, Ezra complained, “At least, you don’t get unsolicited advice on troop deployments from tavern patrons, while you’re trying to relax. No wonder Rex got so cranky.”

Luke laughed. “I thought you liked being the center of attention?”

Ezra returned a glare of death across the table.

“Why don’t you try the ruffers in Yavin?” Han put in as he delivered a cup of tea to his wife.

Hera blinked. “What?”

The man dropped into a chair at the table. “Wood. The ruffers process a ton of the stuff. Where do you think a big chunk of the supply comes from? You can cut out the middleman and go to the source. They hate dealing directly with kingdoms, but I’m sure we could finagle some on the downlow by keeping the shipments small. No one has to know where we got it, which would make the ruffers and us happy.”

A smile crept onto Hera’s face. “I like the way you think, Solo. Will you set up the contact for me?”

“Sure. If you want, I can even negotiate. I’ve done lots of business with them as an intermediary.”

“Excellent.” The woman resumed scribbling on her parchment. “Let’s nail down the details tomorrow.”

Han nodded absently as he tapped fingers on his thigh. “Ya know, it’s a long way and would be complicated, but might be worth our while to send some kind of scouting team to Caecus territory. They seem to be out of commission, right?”

Ezra scrunched his forehead. “We’ve already done that. The survivors appear to have vacated all their captured holdings and withdrawn to the far end of their territory. They didn’t budge when our team went through the area.”

Luke chimed in, “If Aunt Barriss’ theory was correct—and, let’s be honest, when was she not right—they’re in the midst of a cultural crisis. In the future, we might see if we can open a dialogue. I didn’t know the intrepid Han Solo was into military strategy,” he ended wryly.

There was a smirk. “Kid, it’s money strategy I’m into. That wood is practically indestructible. Even if we could only harvest a small amount, it would save us a ton. Not to mention give us a secret backup supply in case of market fluctuations. We’d have to be careful about it. Don’t want to attract attention from less reputable players who’d strip it out from under us or bring those weirdos out of hiding. Plus, if we plan to make nice with them later, you don’t want to be caught helping yourself to their stuff. Still, we’d have multiple sources of a critical item. If we need some extra funds, any surplus would sell for a huge profit.”

Everyone stared at him, except Leia who continued writing out her citizen relief bill with a slight smile.

Han glanced around. “What? Not a good idea?”

Hera’s expression turned thoughtful. “Solo, would you like a job?”

He gave her a blank look. “Huh?”

She leaned forward. “We could put your business acumen to use. I’m in need of a trade minister.”

Han’s mouth gaped open. “You’re joking, right?” His fingers fidgeted with his belt buckle. “I’m not bureaucrat material, lady.”

Hera appeared undaunted. “Who said anything about a bureaucratic position? My ministers don’t sit in an office. They get things done. We’ll assign you people to keep track of the paperwork. However, if you’d prefer a less pompous title, how about trade liaison? Economic advisor? Or, ‘man who knows how to procure items at a bargain on the downlow’?

The corners of his mouth twitched. “Hmm, not sure you can afford me. Skills like this don’t come cheap, ya know. I’m thinking… fifteen percent of the gross profit on every deal.”

“Highway robbery!” Hera exclaimed. “Who do you think I am? Luke? I’ll give you three percent on the _net_ profit.”

There was an offended cry from Luke as Han casually leaned back in his chair. “Good thing I’m not easily insulted. Twelve on gross.”

Hera scowled. “Five on net and not a tenth of a percentage more. However, I _will_ throw in your room and board, plus your horse stabling, generous expense allowance, wagon repairs, and other royal amenities. You don’t work for free, you don’t live for free.”

Han swallowed with a sideways glance at his wife, who studiously ignored him and continued writing. “Oh, come on!” Seeing she wasn’t going to come to his rescue, he made a swift recovery and flicked his lapels with a flourish. “I always was a sucker for a hard-luck case. You’ve got yourself a deal, almightiness.”

She sat back with a satisfied smile. “Excellent. First day of work is tomorrow, so don’t stay out too late celebrating.”

The man grunted. “Lady, you missed your calling as a swindler.”

Leia finally looked up in bemusement. “Who knew your illicit activities would come in handy, sweetheart?”

He slapped a hand to his chest. “I’ll have you know it comes in handy a lot, princess. How do you think you got that royal seal you’re busily stamping on letters right now?”

She waved a superior hand. “That’s Sovereign Master to you, Ferdinand.”

Luke laughed. “He’s got a point. That seal was his dowry, you know.”

Han threw a disgruntled look at him. “That’s overdoing it a bit, kid.”

“Hey, that’s Sovereign Master to you, Trade Minister Solo,” Luke replied haughtily.

“Don’t get your hopes up, _kid._ You either, _princess._ ”

Leia ignored the barb and glanced between them. “Dowry? What does that mean?”

Luke turned an expect stare on Han, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair before blurting, “It was just a sorta gift I hunted down for Ahsoka, back when we first met.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “You’re not serious.” Then, a knowing grin flitted across her face. “Trying to make sure she didn’t accidentally stab you, when you proposed?”

Han growled. “Something like that.”

Leia smiled and kissed his cheek. “Well, it apparently worked.”

His face brightened. “Hey, yeah. It went nice and smooth. Takes some serious know-how to get the Lady Jedi on board.” He tossed an innocent look at Hera. “That’s why I deserve ten percent.”

There were multiple groans around the room that soon turned into laughter.

_______

Mara came to a sudden halt at the last turn in the dungeon corridor. _No way._ The sound wafting from around the corner was one she hadn’t heard in years. Jai was… laughing. _Sort of._ It was really more of a thin chuckle but as close as he got. It was the laugh of the needy boy she once knew, not the harsh man he had become.

Hovering out of sight, she listened intently.

“I think you’re just worried my promotion means you’ll see less of my charming face.”

Jai hissed. “That’s a positive, strawman.” A dry lilt entered his tone. “Better for your continued health, anyway. Less visits means less chance of me finally killing you.”

Whoever this strawman was snorted. “I’ll take my chances.” There was a heavy pause. “It won’t happen, you know. I’ll still visit just as often. I promise.”

There was a long silence and then a husky voice replied, “Yeah, I mean how else will you force illicit books on me that I don’t want to read?”

The unknown man chuckled. “Speaking of, I brought you a new one.” There was a flat thud of something hitting the stone floor. “This one is special.”

“Special, how?”

“It belonged to Thatcher,” was the quiet answer.

“Oh.”

_Who’s Thatcher?_ Mara strained to hear more.

Jai continued, “Well, maybe I’ll see if I like this one. Stranger things have happened. Besides, it’s pretty mind-numbing around here, now that the world hasn’t ended.”

“Excellent,” his visitor responded brightly. “Ok, I’ve gotta get back to my captain. Tomorrow, I expect a detailed book report, though.”

“Whatever. I said I _might_ give it a try, not magically suck it into my head overnight.”

There was an airy reply, “I think you’re up for the challenge.”

Jai grunted. “Get out, strawman.”

“If you insist, grouchy.” Scraping feet turned to go.

“Hey, Jungi!”

“Yeah?”

“I’m, uh… see you tomorrow.”

A grinning voice stated, “Definitely.”

Jai growled. “Didn’t I say to get out of here?”

There was a laugh and then armored footfalls strode toward her position.

Mara ducked into an unused cell behind her and watched Jungi speed down the corridor. _Huh._ Considering for a moment, she headed out of the dungeon to find Aayla.

_______

Aayla finished shaving the edges of her new creation. Sliding it through her fingers, she assessed it for imperfections. _Excellent._ Picking up the genuine article Kres'ten'tarthi had given her, she compared them. _Hmm._ Raising the new hanbō, she spun it in one hand and landed a flat strike on her worktable. _Maybe, a little less weight on this end?_

“Such intensity. That must be the most amazing piece of wood on the planet,” a wry voice stated from the doorway.

She looked up at Mara and grinned. “You better hope so, since it’s yours.”

The woman blinked. “Huh?”

Aayla laughed. “I saw one of the Chiss warriors fend off Caecus with this thing. He ripped their talons practically out of the sockets using an unconventional block and parry technique. Then, he locked one end into their horns and finished them off with a dagger. It was unreal. I bugged him so much, Stent finally showed me some basic techniques. Apparently, he was impressed enough with my progress to present me with my very own hanbō, as they call it, before leaving. I’m trying to replicate one for you. I thought we could master it together.”

Her eyes flashed with pleasure, before taking on a sardonic edge. “I’m not sure whether to be honored or worried that you chose me to beat up on.”

Tossing the hanbō at her, Aayla remarked, “I’d say you’re simply special.”

She snatched the half-sized staff from mid-air, before twisting it around experimentally. There was a rare happy smile, which morphed into a smirk. “It feels out of balance. There's too much weight on this end.”

Aayla flicked her eyes skyward. “Picky, picky. I’m not making you any more presents, demanding girl.”

Mara laughed and walked over to her. Handing it back, she murmured, “Thanks.”

Brushing fingers over her face, Aayla smiled. “Now that you’ve ruined the surprise, did you just wander by my workshop to give me a hard time or did you need something?”

“Why can’t it be both?” she answered lightly. Then, her expression sobered. “Though, I did want to talk to you about Jai. Did you know Jungi has been regularly interacting with him, even when he’s not on guard duty?”

Her mouth parted. “No, I did not. He knows better than that. Jungi has first-hand knowledge of what can happen.”

Mara cocked her head. “That’s the thing. It didn’t happen. In fact, I just heard Jai actually laughing. And I’m positive there was underlying distress at the possibility of Jungi’s promotion resulting in less visits. His protests to the contrary didn’t seem to fool Jungi, either, who promised it wouldn’t.”

Now, her jaw dropped. Laying the hanbō on the table, Aayla’s mind rolled.

There was a brief hesitation, before Mara continued, “You said Jungi has first-hand knowledge. What does that mean? Are you talking about the incident with G’utal?”

Aayla shook a pained head. “I meant Thatcher.”

Mara perked up. “Yes, who is that? Jungi gave Jai a book he said belonged to Thatcher. It seemed to mean something to both of them.”

_Oh. I guess we don’t really talk about her._ She was momentarily saddened by that. _Well, fix it, Secura._ “Thatcher was like you—an inquisitor child. Only she, as well as the other children in her compound, were captured by the Caecus. They trained them to be ruthless operatives as part of their long-term strategy. Elrik was also one of that group. Thatcher was deployed as a sleeper soldier in Shili. She was in the same bonded apprentice squad as Jungi and Caam. They were… very close.”

Her eyes widened. “I take it she was discovered?”

“Yes, but that’s one piece of a long story. The point being we helped Thatcher to free herself of their control. Some of it was similar to the sessions you and I did together, when you first wanted to work through the memories. In her case, she was starting from scratch with multiple layers of fear, distrust, and trauma. Even if inquisitor mindbending hadn’t been in the mix, the Caecus programming was intense and extremely difficult to break. At one point, she nearly killed Jungi. Would have succeeded, probably, if Caam hadn’t arrived in time to stop it. So, he should understand the risk.”

“Huh.” Mara’s face turned thoughtful. “Perhaps, that’s why he was able to get through? Jungi doesn’t carry the baggage we do for Jai, of course. Still, he’d better understand what may be going on inside Jai’s head and what’s possible. His prior experience probably taught him when to back off, as well.” Her voice lowered. “Having someone who knows what you’re capable of but sticks around anyway is important. That person doing so because they care about you specifically is something Jai’s never had. It gives you stability and makes you feel worthwhile or… special, I guess.”

The woman smiled softly and rubbed her cheek. “Good, because you are.”

Her freckled skin flushed. “So, uh, where is Thatcher now?”

Aayla’s smile crashed. “Dead. She sacrificed herself to take down the Caecus operation a few years ago. Actually, the reason we’re all here today is because of her.”

“Oh.” Mara shifted weight from one foot to the other. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. I only was wondering if we could leverage Jungi’s unexpected ability to reach Jai. Is it a way in, do you think?”

“Maybe. Knowing Jungi, he’s unlikely to give up, even if we tell him to.” Aayla frowned. “If your assessment is accurate, our determined guardsman hasn’t left us many options. Taking away Jai’s only connection could be disastrous. It’s just so dangerous. Even if he convinced Jai to work through things, the recovery process is turbulent and stressful. You experienced that yourself, though you definitely had more control than Jai does. Jungi isn’t a Jedi. Jai might lash out and hurt or even kill him. We could lose them both. Do you think Jai could come back after something like that?”

There was a distressed grimace. “No. I wouldn’t be able to, I don’t think. Hurting the only person who believed in you? It would be like confirming every terrible thing you thought about yourself.”

She nodded as ideas pinged around. “Jungi’s never displayed any sign of Force sensitivity, but everyone has some level of connection. If there’s even a weak ability to channel the Force, perhaps he could develop some defensive techniques to prevent permanent damage. If that’s not possible, there is always having a Jedi with them during visits. It will hinder progress but could work over time. Jai has to eventually trust a Jedi, if we’re going to be successful. Kit helped with Thatcher and has experience in this sort of thing. I’ll talk to him and the council about it.” She rubbed hands over her face. “This is the kind of problem Ahsoka or Barriss would have been able to solve. Or, Luminara and Obi-Wan. Gods, they were wise Jedi. I’m not sure my skills are up for the challenge.”

Mara’s fingers twitched. “They are. You saved me. Helped me create a life. You can handle anything.”

Aayla stared and then grabbed the girl up in a tight embrace. “You did it yourself, Mara Jade. I’m just glad you let me be part of your journey.”

Tentative arms slid around her, and a hoarse voice whispered, “I’m glad you wanted to be.”

_______

Karyna picked up the note once again, eyes scanning the cryptic words.

_What is done cannot be undone, my darling girl. However, what is to come can be._  
_Find your destiny and here eternity begins._  
_Love, your mother_

Securing the message above her desk, Karyna Offee opened the Bendu text and got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, hard to know what to say right now. I guess I'd simply point out that every single moment in this chapter demonstrates both the beautiful legacy of Ahsoka and Barriss as well as the gaping hole their absence creates. Still, as Rex would say, 'they left us everything we need to carry on'.
> 
> Only two chapters to go. Huh. I'm not sure I've quite processed this fact. What /will/ I do with my life?
> 
>   
> 


	110. PART VI: ACTS OF FAITH - Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiny: Here eternity begins.
> 
> [13 PPY]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It matters not how strait the gate,  
> How charged with punishments the scroll,  
> I am the master of my fate:  
> I am the captain of my soul. ~ Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Karyna laid in bed, body intertwined with Caam’s, listening to willowy breaths of sleep in her ear. Lifting a hand, she stroked down her favorite lek and then thoughtfully rolled the end between her fingertips.

She had a destiny now. However long it took to achieve and what came afterward didn’t matter. Her path was clear. Unfortunately, following it might mean losing something Karyna couldn’t bear to be without.

Feeling an urge to look once more for another solution, she gingerly extricated herself and slid out of bed. Karyna shivered at the cold flowing through her thin chemise without Caam's warmth. Reaching blindly around, she found the extra blanket at the bottom of their bed that Caam maintained they might need, if a sudden chill moved in overnight. Wrapping it around herself, Karyna shook a rueful head. _I know she wasn’t like this when we lived together during rebuilding. Of course, she could have been and just didn’t say. You were so picky back then, you’d never have let her change anything in the tent._

Caam moving into her quarters had been a learning experience. Karyna thought she had known every facet of the woman’s quirks but soon found that assessment woefully incorrect. Caam was surprisingly particular and habitual, especially as regarded sleep. There had to be a full glass of water on her nightstand and complete darkness. Even the window had to be shuttered. Her sleep clothes were all made of soft satin, and she preferred a different set every night. Gods forbid if one had a loose hem. 

If these conditions were not met, the results were not pleasant. _Maybe it’s an effect of army life? You’d think that would make her used to sleeping in all types of environments, though._ Caam had also taken to keeping packed travel sacks under the bed for both of them. Just in case, she insisted. Karyna certainly didn’t object to being prepared, but it felt like overkill for people living in a heavily fortified castle.

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to which things brought out obsessive Caam versus sith-may-care Caam. On the opposite spectrum, the woman was terrible at organization. She could never find anything. The few objects along with a wagonload of clothing Caam had moved into their shared space were commonly strewn about in haphazard fashion. Except for the silvery house plant Caam had set-up in the corner of their bedroom, which she tended as if it was a small child. Karyna had once made the mistake of trimming it to make the form more symmetrical and promptly sent the woman she loved into a meltdown. 

Not wanting to awaken the usually light-sleeping woman, she padded to the back room by memory. Karyna winced as she stubbed her toe on something that went skidding away. _Probably, one of Caam’s books. This is why I like having a lamp at night, Secura!_

Careful not to open the door wide enough to hit the creaky hinge, she slipped through the narrow slit. The soft glow from her always lit desk lamp guided her the rest of the way. It annoyed the fastidious Caam, who claimed she was going to burn down the castle one day. However, Karyna had put her foot down. If she was to be shrouded in darkness every night, she needed an easily accessible light source.

Reaching her desk, she raised the wick. Able to finally see properly, the young woman retrieved the Bendu text from a drawer and settled into her chair. Scanning the ancient language that was now as familiar as her own, she flipped pages and searched for an alternative. By her fourth review, tears were pooling.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she jerked around.

Caam rubbed groggy eyes. “Why are you reading that incomprehensible thing in the middle of the night?” Her gaze sharpened into sudden alertness. “What’s going on?”

She returned attention to the book. “Couldn’t sleep, so thought I’d do something productive.”

The woman knelt next to her chair. “Kayo, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing. Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

A hand laid on her face, turning it back to Caam. “You think you can fool me? We deal with things together, remember?”

Karyna winced. “I know, it's only…”

Stroking a thumb over her cheek, Caam implored, “Please, K. Let me in.”

She chewed her lip for a few moments, before whispering, “I think I can get them back.”

“Huh?”

Words flooded out. “Ahsoka and Barriss. They’re out there somewhere. I can feel it. And there’s a deeper piece—as if I can unlock the secrets of the Force or something. It sounds crazy, but I feel like it’s the greater purpose I’ve been searching for in my life. This is what I’m meant to do.”

Tawny eyes roved over her face. “Ok. If anyone can do it, you can. I certainly hope you succeed. That doesn’t explain why you’re upset. Did you think I wouldn’t believe you?”

She shook her head. “I know you have faith in me.” _It is what it is, Offee. Do it._ “I finally broke the code awhile ago and have been studying the text. I figured out what technique they used, and something didn’t add up. Both of their essences were channeled into the pulse creation, making it incredibly powerful. It needed to be dispersed or risk a massive implosion. Reabsorbing that level of pure energy definitely would have been deadly, but in the same way someone dies of exposure. They shouldn’t have vanished. Last week, during my meditation, it came to me. They didn’t just reabsorb the energy, they harnessed it. In simple terms, they’re in another reality. If I’m right, we might be able to find them, but it’s… complicated.”

“Woah.” Caam’s expression alternated between excitement and trepidation. “Based on your reaction to this miracle, I take it complicated means something bad.”

“Maybe. It requires me to develop some additional skills. Plus, it’s based on my analysis and interpretation of what happened, so I could be wrong. It also is likely to be quite dangerous. Normally, I wouldn’t care about any of that. But…”

Her lekku twitched. “But…?”

Taking a deep breath, Karyna rushed out, “There’s a specific location needed—a juncture that connects all the realities together, where the Cosmic and Living Force intersect. The text calls it a world between worlds. I know it theoretically exists, but I don’t know where it is or how to access it. That means searching who knows how long for a hidden place.”

“Uh,” she replied slowly, “I’m missing something. I mean I get it’s a big undertaking, but why would finding this magical world worry you more than the dangerous part? It certainly isn’t my main concern.”

Karyna gaped. “You realize it could take years? I'm not sure there'd be an opportunity to return home at any point. What would—what about us?”

Caam’s entire face furrowed and then it froze. “Oh Gods, Kayo. Are you under the impression I’d ever let you run off to do this without me? Please, tell me you aren’t thinking that.”

Her insides quivered. “You want to come? What about your career? You have a whole life here. You can’t give it up, because I believe I have a destiny that may or may not be real.”

There was a strangled growl. “Karyna Offee, you must be the most clueless girl on the planet. None of that is as important as you. Really, what can you possibly be thinking?! Sometimes, I wonder if your ridiculously brilliant brain just decides it’s done functioning for the day.” Her expression took on a burning intensity. “There is absolutely no way I’m _ever_ letting you leave me. Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? If this is what you need to do, it is what we both do. Together.”

Desperate hope fought to escape, but she held it back. “What about your mom and the rest of our family? Both of us leaving might be too much for them.”

“They’ll understand. I mean we’re talking about Barriss and Ahsoka here! Besides, everyone else has their path in life already. They got to see where it took them. Now, it’s our turn. That’s what they’ve always wanted for us, right?”

“I guess,” she replied hesitantly. “What about—” Her gaze dropped to the floor. “What if giving up your entire life to stay with me makes you… unhappy?”

Firm hands pulled Karyna’s head up and resolute eyes locked on hers. “It’s literally impossible for you to make me unhappy. Even when I’ve been miserable, you’ve been the star that guided me back to happiness. I love my family and my home, yes. But there is only one thing I can’t handle being separated from. I’m certainly not going to let it walk away from me.”

The weight on her heart lifted. Grabbing Caam’s face, Karyna pulled their mouths together, allowing joy to fill her heart. _Force, I love you._

Gentle lips began caressing hers as nimble fingers flowed through her hair. Karyna soaked in the texture of the moment. _Let her in._ Despite the expanding feeling of perfection, she broke away and said quietly, “I’m sorry. It’s not that I doubted you or wanted to leave. I only—sometimes I worry about making you unhappy. I can’t stand the idea and it gets me a little crazy. I promise I’ll try to do better the rest of our lives.”

Caam smiled and smoothed her hair back into place. “Good. Because, I’m never letting you go, whether you think it’s good, bad, or anything else. My life doesn’t work without you.”

“Mine either,” Karyna whispered. “I don’t want a destiny, if you’re not in it. I love you so much. But it’s more. I need you, Caam Secura. You’re my anchor. It’s always been true. When I have you, I can do things that seem impossible. You make me better, stronger… just more. You are the best part of me.”

“Uh, wow. That was…”

She grinned. “Supra? I thought so.”

Tawny eyes flicked skyward but came back to rest on Karyna with radiant happiness. “Something like that.”

Trailing fingers over Caam’s lekku, she murmured, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re stuck with me forever, Cabbage patch. If we do this, it could quite literally be eternity.”

A brash grin shined. “Works for me.”

She grinned back. “Good. Since that’s out of the way, where were we?” Karyna wrapped hands around Caam’s neck. “Oh yes, getting ready to have the most amazing kiss of all time.” She dove her mouth back into the other woman’s.

Karyna had no intention of letting go, until giving Caam every ounce of pleasure she could deliver. Considering options, she chose her favorite opening move. Occasionally, Caam’s reaction to it also elicited a physical response of her own, which seemed to relax the other woman during their intimate endeavors. _Please, let this be an on night._ Sliding fingers underneath the neckline of the woman’s sleepshirt, she circled them over a breast in teasing strokes.

Caam gasped and everything about her presence flared. The gentle kiss turned needy and forceful, hands pressing Karyna closer.

Her own body responded with pleasant anticipation. _Excellent. The Force loves me today._ Taking a single moment away from the soft lips, she breathed, “Project Incredible Cabbage is a go.”

A grin formed on the opposing mouth and then arms slid underneath her.

As Caam carried her back to their bed, lips still locked together, Karyna Offee couldn’t remember ever being this happy.

_______

Karyna finished presenting their case, and silence reigned around the family sitting room.

Leia rubbed her temples. “Is there a reason you and Caam feel compelled to do this all on your own?”

The girl nodded. “First off, I’m the expert on what we’re looking for. Even if that wasn’t true, this is what I’m meant to do. I can feel it.”

“And,” Caam interjected, “what she’s meant to do, I’m meant to do.”

Karyna smiled and wrapped a hand around hers. She looked back at Leia with a nervous glance toward the brooding Luke. “As for why us going alone is the best choice, it simply makes the most sense. Aunt Barriss left the book to me for a reason. She and Aunt Ahsoka certainly wouldn’t want us tearing down what they worked so hard to build in an effort to bring them back. All of you have a vital role in keeping that dream alive. Caam and I, on the other hand, are not critical to the future of Shili.”

Sabine put in stubbornly, “You’re critical to us.”

Karyna returned a bashful grin. “Thanks. I’m only saying from a practical perspective, you can do without a princess and a company commander. Shili losing its royal training master or captain of the guard would be a serious blow. Obviously, the sovereigns can’t go running off on a long-term mission. Neither can the Master General, even if Mina and Elara didn’t need a father. Of course, I wouldn’t want to see the state of the kingdom without Katooni to manage the logistics. The same is true, personally and professionally, for Hera and Caleb. Uncle Rex and Asajj are enjoying retirement, exploring the expanse somewhere. I could go on, but do I need to? It’s obvious. All of you are crucial not just to Shili but to our family thriving. We are the only ones in a position to do this right now.”

Aayla fixed sharply on Caam. “What’s your reasoning for why I should stay here, while you two march into danger, perhaps never—for what might be years?”

Mara locked arms across her chest and stared at the rug.

“Because,” Caam answered quietly, “people here depend on you.” Her attention flicked to Mara for a moment and then back. “You know they do. It’s why you’re still serving as Grandmaster. You and Kit being here is why Uncle Rex and Asajj felt confident in leaving for an extended period to achieve some of their own goals. I'm sure it's a reason Ahsoka and Barriss knew everything would be ok. Shili, the Jedi, and our family need you. This is where you belong.”

The woman gazed at her daughter, pain filling the hazel eyes. “I see.”

Karyna felt Caam’s hand trembling and jumped in, “It’s not only about us being the logical choice, though. It’s scary for us to leave home and start a journey without a clear destination. The thought of not seeing our family for potentially years hurts. But this is something we need to do on our own. It’s time to find our path, our destiny in life. You have already found yours. Now, it’s our turn.”

Caam straightened. “Yes, please have faith in us. We can do this.”

Luke let out a long breath and finally spoke, “I suppose the man who ran off on a vision quest for over a year can’t really talk, huh?”

Mara grunted. “Nope.”

He shot a glare back and then looked at Leia. “Well?”

She was silent for a moment and then crossed the room. Wrapping arms around both girls, Leia kissed their foreheads. Gazing between them, she smiled softly. “I do believe we’ve been outmaneuvered by the best, brother mine.”

Karyna grinned with satisfaction. “That is an acceptable response.”

_______

“I’m not sure I can handle it, Kit.”

Strong arms enveloped her, pulling Aayla into a muscled chest. “You can handle anything.”

She brought her hands up and wrapped fingers around his arms. “I’m glad you believe that.”

Warm breath caressed her neck. “So, do you, dear. If Aayla Secura didn’t know it in her soul, she wouldn’t be here now. I wouldn’t either for that matter. Kit Fisto never would have made it out of prison alive without her, much less recovered his life.”

Aayla smiled wanly. “You always give me too much credit.” She let out a weary sigh. “Maybe, I’m tired of handling things.”

“No, you’re not,” he murmured.

She hissed a breath through her teeth. “Why do you always say the opposite of what I’m telling you?”

“Hmm, excellent question.” The grin in his voice was obvious. “Perhaps, it’s because you say the opposite of what you mean? Or, you say it in order to hear me contradict you? Then again, maybe it’s simply that I’m always right?”

She dug fingernails into his skin and heard a satisfying grunt. “Clean it up fast, Fisto.”

Kit chuckled and tightened his embrace. “I _suppose_ it could also be that you underestimate yourself and need someone to remind you what you’re truly capable of.”

Relaxing into his chest, Aayla smirked. “Better.”

“In this case, it’s quite obvious. Caam is heading off to start a new phase of her life, perhaps find a greater destiny, without you. Losing Karyna is a serious blow, as well. However, you’re not begging them to stay, withdrawing in on yourself, or demanding to go along. In fact, you’re lying in my arms and contemplating the future. That tells me you’re miserable but going to win the battle yet again, my ravishing muse. Even if all of that wasn’t so, there is another reason I know you’re never giving up.”

She raised eyebrows. "That is?”

Lips pressed against her damaged lek. “Your savvy daughter already told you the answer. You have people here who need you.”

“Like my dazzling Nautolan paramour?”

There was a snort. “Of course. Though, he'd certainly be following you wherever you went. However, I do believe Caam and I were thinking more along the lines of the woman who is still partly a lost child in need of a mother. The one who has yet to discover her destiny."

She inhaled sharply. “Mara.”

“Yes, dear. She’s the one you’ve been pushing through pain, exhaustion, and memories for time and again over the last two years. The girl you ensure is never alone. You love them all, but at this point in their lives, it's obvious Mara is the child you think depends on you most.”

Aayla twisted her head to gaze at him. “You’re right. I’ll never give up as long as she needs me.”

Kit flashed a pearly white grin. “Isn’t that what I said?”

She tried to glare but couldn’t hold it. Turning over in Kit’s arms, Aayla pressed lips to his. “Have I ever mentioned you drive me crazy?”

“I can’t help my magnetic appeal, dear. However, feel free to tell me more about these crazy levels I inspire in you.”

“Mmm, let me show you, my beautiful fishman.”

_______

Caam laughed and settled back against the bar, enjoying the comforting banter. It had been forever since they’d all been together at Jho’s, and she was reveling in every minute of it.

Klicker groaned. “I can see years of service have done little to curb your enthusiasm for yourself.”

Hux daintily brushed his new insignia. “Show some respect, Sergeant. In case you’ve forgotten, you are speaking to the commander of the best flag unit in the legion.”

L’uyta hissed. “We couldn’t forget that if we wanted to, Huxley. You keep reminding us.”

Jungi released a tired sigh. “Can you people knock it off? This is supposed to be Caam’s going away celebration. Don’t ruin it.”

Polter snorted. “We never should have let our little Jungilicous join the castle guard. He’s become more intense than a bagger casing a safehouse. It’s only gotten worse now that he’s a busy and important adjutant.” He punched the glaring Jungi’s arm.

Klicker snickered. “That’s a new one. A bagger? Really?”

The Togruta flipped back lekku that had only gotten more elegant over the years and sniffed. “I’ll have you know that’s a common expression in high-class warrior circles.”

Hux smirked. “I don’t doubt it. Recon soldiers aren’t exactly celebrated for their mental prowess.”

Polter stiffened. “Watch your mouth, Huxley. Of course, I wouldn’t expect a prissy flagger to understand what it takes to do the jobs no one else has the guts to do.”

L’uyta’s tangerine skin darkened. “Being promoted to Captain has gone to your head, Polter. It’s not as if the rest of us don’t risk our lives. Or, even sacrifice them…” She rubbed a shaky hand over her chest.

Body going rigid at her words, Klicker muttered, “Well, some of us just prance around a walled-in castle.”

Jungi bristled and bit back, “You think I haven’t done my share of fighting? My job is to keep everyone safe all the time. I don’t get a day off from my duty, like the rest of you!”

Caam straightened off the bar, recognizing a bitter fight erupting. “Enough.” Her gaze rotated across each person as she singled them out. “Without flaggers like Hux putting themselves in harm’s way to communicate orders, Polter’s wolfpack would have no idea where to go or what to do when achieving the impossible. Without brave soldiers of line like L’uyta and Klicker standing between life and death, no one would have support or cover to accomplish anything, much less make it out alive. And, without loyal guardsmen to protect our stronghold, we wouldn’t have a kingdom to fight for in the first place. We’re all critical. Or, does one of you think you can win a war by yourself?”

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

Lowering her voice, Caam added hoarsely, “There are two people not here tonight, who understood that. Thatcher and Ropal didn’t think they were more important than the rest of us. They didn’t want glory or recognition. They just did what their hearts said was right.”

The sounds in the bar faded into the background as they hovered in silence, until Klicker gripped Jungi’s shoulder. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Ropal was my responsibility and—” The man inhaled an unsteady breath and said gruffly, “He was a good man.”

L’uyta sniffled. “He was a hero. Ropal took on those monsters alone to save us.”

Polter took the woman’s arm and murmured something into her ear.

Jungi ran trembling fingers through his hair. “I know. I guess I’m still—Thatcher did my job. She marched herself into a suicide mission to protect everyone. Even though it meant…” His eyes fixed sadly on Caam. “... leaving the person she loved.”

Feeling tears coming on, Caam rubbed hands over her face. Bringing the emotions under control, she looked back up to see miserable faces. The woman tried to think of something encouraging to say, but it wouldn’t come.

It appeared from a surprising source as Hux cleared his throat. “Let’s have a toast to the two bravest soldiers in the best squad of apprentice soldiers Shili has ever seen. In the end, we really did show them all.”

Heads jerked to him in unblinking shock. Caam’s pulsing muscles relaxed as the old pain faded, and she picked up her drink. “You got it, Commander Hux.”

Grins started to dot the other faces as mugs were raised. They all looked at Hux expectantly.

The man awkwardly flung his own drink into the air, clearly never having led a toast before. “Uh… to Thatcher and Ropal!”

Everyone laughed and echoed, “To Thatcher and Ropal!” As they downed their tributes, Caam smiled.

_______

“This is for you.”

Aayla glanced down at the package in Karyna’s hands and then grinned. “A present, huh? Is this your strategy to ensure I miss you?”

Her expression turned airy. “Perhaps.”

Rubbing fingers over Karyna’s triangles, she murmured, “I don’t need presents for that, dear one.”

Bashful dimples appeared. “I know, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

Aayla laughed and took the gift. “Alright, my little prodigy, let’s see what brilliant thing you’ve come up with to make me cry.” She unwrapped it and found a midnight blue, hardback journal. There was an embedded Secura family emblem rising from the cover. “Woah.” Aayla ran a finger over the exquisitely crafted, cypher wood creation. “Did you carve this yourself?”

“Yep, just like you taught me,” came the pleased reply.

Dragging her eyes from the gift to the girl who had made it, she blinked back tears. “It’s beautiful.”

Karyna grinned in clear satisfaction at the response, but then began chewing her lip. “I thought, maybe—if you want—you could write some stuff in it while we’re gone. You know, random thoughts, notes to us, what’s going on, or whatever you like. That way, when we get back…” she paused and looked down at her feet. “... it’ll be here.”

_Even if I’m not._ It was the unspoken thought no one could say. Aayla grabbed the girl up in her arms. “It’s perfect. Just like you.”

She tucked her head into Aayla’s chest with a muffled sniffle. “I love you.”

Aayla kissed the top of her head and held her tightly. “And, I love you. Now, keep going, Karyna Offee. Don't ever stop, because you really can do _anything_.”

_______

Jacen fidgeted and glanced over at Mina for help.

The girl grinned. “Basically, we’re saying it’s time for us to start getting things done.”

Hera slumped back in her chair, rubbing a hand over her forehead. Caleb paced around the sitting room as Ezra clenched his fists, but none of them spoke. In the end it was a pained-sounding Katooni who responded, “You don't need to start your apprenticeships now. You’re only thirteen. There’s plenty of time to join the army.”

Jacen’s mouth flew open, but Mina preempted him. “Sorry, Mom, that’s just not true. We’re almost fourteen and that’s edging into too old. Also, the earlier we start, the sooner we can make warrior. You know how these things work. We’re simply being practical like you always taught us.”

Apparently unable to stop himself, Jacen added stubbornly, “Besides, you all have been saying that since we were ten. We’re tired of waiting. This is what we’re meant to do.”

Hera tapped fingers on her knee and then a wan smile formed. “Our children have learned their lessons well. They’ve presented both logical and emotional appeals for why we should let them run away from home and engage in a dangerous profession.” She eyed them both. “I don’t suppose you consulted Karyna and Caam on your approach.”

A badly suppressed guilty grin appeared on Jacen’s face, but Mina replied innocently, “Not sure what you mean. We’re merely providing all the angles for your consideration.”

Caleb snorted and stood behind his wife, gripping her shoulders. “Well, the question is… did it work?”

Hera stared up at him and then let out a resigned exhale. She turned to the other two adults expectantly. Mina knew this was the moment of truth. Hera and Caleb hadn’t been her main concern, despite Jacen’s anxiety. He and Mina had agreed this was something they’d do together. She didn’t want to hold him back, because her parents refused to let her go. _Please._

Ezra crossed the room and whispered something into her mother’s ear. The woman’s fingers curled over her thumbs, eyes squeezing shut.

Mina shifted her weight from one foot to the other, before saying, “I’ll be alright, Mom. I promise. Please, let me do this.”

Jacen pleaded, “Yes, have faith in us.”

Aqua eyes opened and gazed at Mina for a few moments. Then, a smile appeared. “Ok, our tenacious children, under one condition. We demand you come to family dinner on a bi-weekly basis, when you’re on liberty.”

Her chest pulsed as Mina fixed a triumphant gaze on Jacen.

Returning an excited grin, he bounced on his toes and put a hand over his heart. “Word of honor.”

Caleb laughed. “Did we just let our kids outwit us?”

Ezra grunted. “Yep.” Then, a cocky grin flashed. “Still, one would expect no less from our little soldiers of destiny. They learned from the best.”

There were groans from both adults and children alike.

Katooni flicked his head. "If I were you, I wouldn't remind me that this is all your fault. I'm convinced this craziness started with that ridiculous toy sword you gave her at six."

Mina grinned. "I still have it, you know. Best present ever."

His wife pinned a told you so expression on him.

Ezra hissed out the side of his mouth, "You're not helping me here, Tooka."

Hera chuckled. “Alright, let’s hammer out the details to get you on the path to destiny, my dears.”

Jacen grabbed Mina’s hand and replied happily, “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

“Can you do me a favor?”

Mara wiped her brow after the strenuous sparring session and returned her staff to the weapons rack. “Depends on what it is, I guess.”

Caam grinned. “Knew you would say that.” Her grin faded as she fidgeted with her own staff. “See, here’s the thing, my mom needs someone to take care of.”

She stared. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

The woman grimaced. “Probably.” Placing her weapon on the rack, she continued to grip it. “Do you know anything about my mom’s imprisonment?”

“Only that she was captured by Palpatine for several years and it… wasn’t a great experience.”

Caam let out a long breath and turned to face her. “I was seven, when it happened. I had to survive on the streets thinking she had abandoned me for years. That’s where I met Barriss. The details aren’t as important as the result. When Mom escaped and tracked me down, it obviously took us a while to rebuild our relationship. She wasn’t in a good place, either. They did terrible things to her there. We worked through stuff eventually. But then, I joined the army and was hardly at home. Even when I did need something, I usually—well, I had Barriss and I didn’t—Anyway, I think it still makes her a bit sad, though she’ll never say so.”

Despite the casual delivery, there was an undercurrent of pain. That was when Mara realized her salvation had come at a high cost to not just Aayla, but also Caam. Maybe, not directly. Still, if Aayla had stayed out of the fight, all the other terrible consequences might not have happened. But then, Mara Jade wouldn’t exist. It was a strange feeling and not a pleasant one. Shaking the thoughts away, she asked, “What are you getting at?”

“Point is she never really got much of a chance to take care of me and be the person I depended on most in that sense, ya know? Now, I’m leaving again for potentially a long time. So is Karyna, who Mom loves alot. I’m just worried about her.”

Mara crossed her arms and looked away. “And you think I can help?”

“You already do,” Caam replied quietly. “She loves you. Mom wants to take care of you. She’ll probably never tell you how much, but it’s there. I can see it. You don’t have to do anything different, really. I’m just asking if you could keep being there and maybe, sometimes, you could let her kinda… well, be your mother.”

Opening her mouth to tell her why it was a crazy suggestion, Mara stopped. _Don’t just react. Remember?_ Taking a moment to consider what she was feeling, the idea locked onto her heart with more vehemence than anticipated. _I want it. Desperately. Oh._ Dragging eyes back to Caam, she smiled weakly. “Ok, Secura. I’ll see what I can do.”

The girl lit up and grabbed Mara in a giant hug. “Believe me you won’t regret it. I know it seems weird and scary at first, but it’s like your life is complete in a way you didn't realize you needed or something. So, give it a chance. I promise you’ll be happy.”

Mara slowly lifted her arms and returned the embrace. Then, she pulled away with a smirk. “Be careful about your promises, big shot. If you get back and I haven’t achieved life happiness, your welcome home party is not going to be pleasant.”

Caam laughed and remarked breezily, “I’ll risk it.”

_______

“Rough session today?”

Jai scowled from his bed.

Jungi walked into the secured quarters and leaned against the bedpost. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“I had no idea what I was getting myself into, when I agreed to this junk,” Jai grumbled. “How much longer do you think, until I’m a normal person?”

“Hmm, depends on what you mean by normal. Are you asking me how long it will be before you’re allowed to leave this room without a Jedi hovering at all times? How long until you can have an argument without strangling someone? Or, how long until I stop harassing you about sticking with it?”

He smirked. “All of the above, strawman.”

Jungi sighed. “Jai, I know you don’t want to hear this answer, but as long as it takes.”

There was a short growl. “Get out.”

Shaking a head, he stated, “Not this time. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not. I’m not letting you quit. You deserve a life, Jai Kell. Even if you kill me for it, I’m going to make sure you get one.”

Copper eyes stared at him. “Why do you care so much?”

He met the wary gaze. “Because, friends care about each other.”

Jai blinked several times, expression fluctuating. Then, a small grin formed. “Wanna play Yoda’s Gambit?”

Jungi raised skeptical eyebrows.

He folded decidedly petulant-looking arms over his broad chest and ground out, “I promise not to crush the table this time, if I lose. Ok?”

The edges of Jungi’s mouth curved up. “Alright, grouchy. Let’s play.”

_______

Karyna finished packing, mentally checking off her list. _One last thing._ The young woman unpinned her aunt’s final lesson from the wall. Then, she opened her desk drawer and pulled out a well-worn parchment.

Unfolding it, she ran fingers over the elegantly scripted words, lump forming in her throat. “I’ve finally figured it out, Nara. I wish you could be here to see it.”

“She is,” a rough voice responded from her door.

Glancing back at Luke, Karyna smiled. Folding up Luminara’s letter, she put it with Barriss’ and tucked them both into the Bendu text, before turning around. “I know.”

He strode across the room and wrapped strong arms around her. “Gods, I’ll miss you. Please, be careful.”

She looked up with a mischievous grin. “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do.”

Luke groaned. “Once again, I am paying for my sins.”

Laying her head against his chest, Karyna replied softly, “I’d think of it more as seeing the results of an amazing big brother teaching his scared little sister to have faith in herself.”

There was a sharp inhale and then his body relaxed. Kissing the top of her head, Luke murmured, “In that case, go out and conquer the world, my princess.”

_______

Caam held onto her mother. “Please, try not to miss me too much. And you better be… ready to celebrate when we get home.”

Aayla leaned back, fresh tears and a weak smile on her face. “I’ll do my best, little one.” Rubbing fingers over Caam’s cheek, she choked out, “I love you so much.”

She sniffled. “Love you too, Mom.”

Placing her hand on the emblem around Caam’s neck, Aayla met her eyes. “Don’t forget. We’ll always find each other. No matter what.”

A wave of content confidence spread across her entire being. Straightening her shoulders, Caam flashed a brash grin. “Supra.”

_______

Luke remained standing at the castle gates, watching the two figures gallop away, until they disappeared over a hill at the edge of his vision. Swallowing tightness in his throat, he continued to gaze at the distant horizon.

Lithe arms slid around his stomach and a sly voice floated into his ear. “Have faith, my eternal prince. I hear it’s good for you.”

He laughed, wrapping fingers around Mara’s. Contentment settled over him as he whispered, “Always.”

_______

Aayla watched muted flames lick the darkening logs, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Um, hi.”

Twisting her head, she saw Mara hovering awkwardly. Wiping her face and reaching out a hand, she smiled. “Hey there. What’s up?”

Mara took the offered hand and sat beside her on the settee. “Nothing, just seeing how you were.”

Aayla shrugged. “I’m alright, my dear. Caam and Karyna will be fine. It's simply hard to let them go. Plus, it sometimes feels like the Force takes perverse pleasure in constantly asking me to give up the things I love.”

There was a long silence. “Or, maybe it knows where you’re needed most.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s—I’m sure you probably wish you could have gone with them. Still, I’m glad you’re… around.”

Her lips parted. “Mara, do you think I don’t love you, as well? I’m sad, yes, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you. Leaving you isn’t an option, understand?”

Emerald eyes jerked to hers. “Really?”

Aayla placed both hands on Mara’s face. “Really. I know you don’t want someone taking care of you, but you’ve got it anyway. It’s what I intend to do for as long as I breathe. Like Caam we didn’t get to spend all of your childhood together, but that doesn’t change what is.” She grinned and rubbed thumbs over the girl’s cheeks. “As far as I’m concerned, the Bendu just babysat for a very long time. You are mine, whether you like it or not.”

A rare, happy smile crept onto her face. “Hmm, yeah, pretty sure I could get used to it.”

She blinked. “Oh.” Joy rising in her soul, Aayla pulled Mara close and stroked her hair. “I love you so much, my special girl.”

There was a scratchy whispered, “I l-love you, too.”

_______

As they hit the final hill leading out of Shili, Caam halted her horse and gazed back at the vaguely outlined castle. Her thoughts drifted through memories of joy and pain, finally settling into wistful contentment. _Caam, the lost girl, could never have imagined her life turning out like this. Gods, I’m lucky._

Karyna cantered up next to her. “It’s beautiful even from this distance.”

“Yes,” she agreed softly.

Delicate fingers gripped hers. “We’ll see everyone again.”

She smiled. “I know. Only it will be even better, because we’ll have Ahsoka and Barriss with us.”

There was a cute grin. “It’s a deal, Cabbage patch.”

Raising Karyna’s knuckles to her lips, Caam murmured, “Alright, Kayo. Let’s go find our destiny. Together.”

“Works for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.  
> Ok, yeah there is an Afterimage epilogue coming. However, this is where our family's journey ends--or more properly--BEGINS. They move into their shining future. Together.  
> _______  
> Worried author's question for her amazing readers: Barriss and Ahsoka's uncertain fate. Is it... ok?


	111. Epilogue: Afterimage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forever is composed of nows.  
> -Emily Dickinson

_Mournful amber-green eyes gazed at her. “Your mother—lost between worlds, she is.”_

_Body rooting to the spot, Ahsoka choked out, “W-what do you mean lost?”_

_“The line of balance must endure,” was the nebulous reply._

Ahsoka tapped fingers against her crossed legs for a few moments. _Hmm._ Diving deeper, she smoothed out the fuzzy edges, and her mother’s luminous face sharpened into clarity.

_“Sorry, I can only hold myself in this reality for limited periods. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to get your attention.”_

_Ahsoka's brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”_

_“It’s not really important. We’re in a sort of netherworld, a world between worlds, which makes it easier for you to see me."_

_No. It must have been later._ Ahsoka refocused and sorted through the memories.

_Her mother winked. “One small correction, though. I don’t bring you here. You bring yourself here. However, you’re right that this is challenging for me. It’s always been a calculated risk.”_

_Grr. Maybe, the second one?_ Her mind strained with effort, until the next memory was fully formed. Skipping through the conversation, Ahsoka finally pinpointed what had sent her down this Alduvian rat trail.

_A twinkling laugh sounded. “Now, I don’t know how much time we have and I need to tell you something important. This location is more closely aligned, so I’m hopeful you’ll retain more than last time.”_

Ahsoka percolated on her idea. _I need Barriss._ Rising from her meditation mat, she jogged out of the Jedi training area and set a direct course for her wife.

_______

She glanced up as Ahsoka came striding into her office, face etched with a look Barriss knew too well. Resigning herself to getting no more work accomplished this morning, she preempted the interruption that was imminent. “Hold that thought and let me finish this, please.”

There was a hiss of breath but no other response.

She scratched out the last two lines of instruction to the chief cook about the dietary needs of an imminent delegation of Wookies. Barriss could hear a foot tapping, which soon turned into pacing. Suppressing a smile, the woman reviewed the finished words to the sound of rapid fingernails rapping the fireplace mantle. Then, she perfectly creased the parchment.

There was an anticipatory halt to the resumed pacing, when she rose from her chair. Then, a strangled groan as Barriss crossed to the bell and rang it.

Finally turning attention to her now positively exasperated wife, she remarked, “Sixty more seconds, my dear.”

Ahsoka gritted teeth, palms pressing against her thighs. It was adorable. The longer Barriss watched her wife squirm in desperately restrained impatience, the less she cared about the interruption.

By the time a royal attendant appeared in the doorway, Barriss had only one feeling and it definitely wasn’t annoyance. She handed him the note. “Can you deliver this to C’scyl, please? If she has any questions or concerns, tell her not to bother writing them out. I can come and see her to discuss them.”

“Yes, my lady.” He bowed to both her and Ahsoka, before shooting away.

Closing and locking the door behind him, Barriss said airily, “I am now available for consultation.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to also send critical information to the groundskeeper, first?” was the testy reply.

Crossing the room, she locked fingers around the back of her wife’s neck. “Only if you promise to keep pacing around my office like a charmingly frustrated tooka-cat.”

Ahsoka tried to glare but the corners of her mouth edged up. “I don’t know why I bother trying to stay annoyed at you.”

“Me neither,” Barriss murmured and rubbed lips over hers.

Ahsoka groaned. “Now, look what you’ve done, my mesmerizing wife. I’m in a crisis of indecision. Should I discuss the very important thing I trekked across the entire castle and waited an eternity to talk to you about? Or, should I avail myself of the unexpected opportunity to kiss you unrelentingly?”

“Such a tough life you lead. I must say you're very persevering in the face of such difficult circumstances," she replied softly, before dragging her mouth along Ahsoka’s jawline. “Mmm, does this help in your decision-making process?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Good.” Her mouth worked down to a warm neck as she slowly unfastened Ahsoka’s tunic. “That means I get to choose.”

There was a half-strangled sigh. “Barriss, you’re killing me!”

“Am I?” Not leaving any room for argument, Barriss slipped her fingers inside the now open tunic and circled a tightening breast. “I had no idea,” she breathed and then promptly dug unyielding lips into her wife’s.

A grin formed on the opposing mouth and the inevitable decision was made.

_______

Barriss adjusted her position in the bed as they finally got around to discussing what had sent Ahsoka rushing into her office this morning. “So, you think this close alignment Shili has can be manipulated in some way?”

Relaxing back on her pillow, Ahsoka replied, “More like… accessed? The portals Luke described could be a more tangible method of doing so. It suggests there is a central path that all currents travel along or at least an intersection point, right? What are we aligning to otherwise? That’s why the Force feels different in various places—like vortexes, which have a distinct strength you don’t find anywhere else. It could also explain why individual power level fluctuates. It’s all about the mixture of currents and location alignment.”

Her fingers drifted down Ahsoka’s chest to trace the scar on her stomach. “I’ve been struck, while studying the Bendu text, how complicated the underlying structure of the Force must be. It has to encompass everything that is, was, and will be, yet remain in flux. It would have to be an interwoven mess of realities, essentially different worlds in the same existence for everything to make sense. Don’t even get me started on where things like your mother fit. Visions could be us tapping into that to grab a piece. Everything at once would be too much to process, which explains why Luke couldn’t understand what he experienced in the portal. Even if you did interact with the whole, your mind would still filter it.”

Her face scrunched. “Ok, this is a bit simplistic, but it’s maybe less of a road and more like a multi-dimensional river with lots of tributaries that could also interconnect layers of reality. If the Force was out of balance, the flow would be erratic, leading to cascading ripples and unpredictable pathways. That’s why balance is so critical.”

“Ok. Are the various realities stops along the river or part of it?”

“Hmm, good question. Maybe they’re all intertwined? What if the river itself is the Cosmic Force that carries the living realities? When your personal existence ends, you become part of the flow—unless you’re Mom, anyway. Still, on some level, everyone would always exist in various worlds. Even supposing you had the ability to move through the river to reach another reality, you’d have to navigate the currents to get to where you want to be. It would be quite an undertaking.”

“Are you suggesting your mother used this river to travel between worlds?”

“No, I think Mom couldn’t fully enter our reality, since her existence outside of the cosmic plane was already tenuous. I’m wondering if she found a workaround. Yoda seemed to think her doing so was dangerous, and she told me it was a calculated risk.” Ahsoka’s eyes turned glassy. “The way she acted in our last conversation… it was as if Mom knew she’d never see me again or that she might cease to exist.”

Massaging her cheek, Barriss waited for the fierce blue to refocus. “So, what was the workaround?”

Ahsoka kissed the thumb crossing her lips. “When Mom said we were in a world between worlds, I think she was simplifying for my benefit. For that matter, I doubt I was even perceiving the place itself, assuming it has a physical form. My connection to the Force wasn’t deep enough to see much of anything, except a distorted version of the location I currently occupied. Still, it suggests that it's possible to access this connecting hub from our reality _and_ from hers. Since Yoda said she was lost between worlds, I guess I’m asking… do you think she used a figurative island in the river to reach me and then got stuck there?”

She blinked. “I think you are amazing. The Bendu text describes the world between worlds as a physical representation of Living and Cosmic Force interposition. This Revan postulated it was created by ancient Force beings to more easily manipulate realities and keep the Force balanced. If that’s accurate, it would have to be accessible from every level of existence in some manner. You’re also right about it manifesting differently to each person, since it’s based on their reality and how they interpret the Force. Even assuming your mother couldn’t actually travel the river or enter our world directly, it may be a place she could still reach. How did you figure this out?”

There was a shrug. “Not sure, really. It just came to me while I was meditating. So, I reviewed my conversations with Mom, and it sort of gelled. Of course, it was only a half-formed idea I couldn’t quite work out. When that happens, I immediately track down my brilliant wife.”

Barriss grinned wryly. “Except, I’ve contributed nothing but confirmations of your own theory.”

Ahsoka kissed her nose. “I take issue with that, my dear.” She raised devilish eyebrows. “Getting you into bed before lunch may make my list of life accomplishments. However, you can send me into new heights of achievement by answering the question I am really getting at with all of this philosophistical talk, as our Caam would say. There must be thin barriers scattered around the underlying infrastructure, other than using some magical netherworld of portals, right? Given Shili’s close alignment in the context of our plan, can we use that?”

Her mouth went slack. “Oh. Interesting idea.” Barriss calculated the variables. “Actually, there’s an ideal tool to pry things open in this case. The pure energy bends our reality already. It could be harnessed to realign ourselves at the critical moment.”

She fidgeted excitedly. “And? Could we pull it off?”

“Perhaps. It would be tricky to execute, and the result would be unpredictable.”

“Right, but the alternative is plain, boring death by reabsorbed energy blast.” Ahsoka winked. “This sounds much more fun.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Barriss laughed. “It’s hard to gauge the potential outcomes, though. We might pop right back into our reality after dispersing the energy into the cosmic stream. However, given its chaotic nature, it’s more likely we’ll end up careening off to somewhere else, possibly even some _when_ else. There’s also a chance we’ll get thrown to the equivalent of nowhere. To use your analogy, we might end up beached on a barren rock or swirling in a cosmic whirlpool for eternity. Not an enticing prospect.”

“Depends.” Playful eyes glinted. “Would we be shipwrecked together?”

“Theoretically?” She smiled softly. “Yes.”

Ahsoka whooped and rolled on top of her. Placing both hands on Barriss’ face, she rubbed thumbs over the diamonds and gazed down at her. “Best. Day. _Ever._ ”

_______

Barriss lifted a screaming head and wished she hadn’t as her vision was pierced by blinding light. _Well, I don’t feel dead. Though, I've never been dead. Who knows what it feels like. I know who I am, anyway. I'll go with it's a good sign._

Forcing her eyes to stay open, she worked through a foggy analysis. The Caecus had been effectively neutralized. The energy pulse had returned for reabsorption. And then… _The realignment must have worked. But where did it take us? Us._

“A-ah-soka?” There was no response and panic chased every other thought from her mind. Sitting up, she called again, “Ahsoka? Where are you?”

Nothing but rustling wind sounded around her. “No.” Struggling to her feet, she spun around in the bright haze. “Ahsoka! Please, answer me!” Nothing but her echoing voice returned.

Raising a hand to shade her eyes from the unbearable glare, she searched frantically, but her vision remained out of focus. “You better be here, you hear me?! Don’t you dare leave me!”

Her limbs trembled as Barriss' mind began to bend into pure terror. She choked bleakly, “Ahsoka… _please._ I can’t survive eternity without you.”

Barriss yelped as fingers wrapped around her leg. Looking down, she saw a dark shape at her feet. “Ahsoka?!”

Dropping to the ground, her hands flailed around until they hit familiar lekku. Tears came hot and fast as she collapsed on the woman’s chest. “Oh Gods, I thought I lost you.”

A grinning voice rasped, “Never gonna happen. Literally.”

An ethereal smile spread, and she found Ahsoka’s mouth. Pressing lips to her wife’s, Barriss breathed, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah. That's it. Huh. I never could have imagined the result of what I originally thought would be a WIAB-size undertaking. How did it spin into 100+ chapters and 300,000+ words? No idea. I'm not sure if I should throw myself a party or seek professional help. Please, someone tell me you enjoyed it. _Please._
> 
> WHAT'S NEXT:  
> ♦ I have tons of cut scenes from SF. However, most are the equivalent of deleted scenes from your favorite movie. ['Ooo look, look! He's walking down the hallway and said hi to that other guy.' Ha.] A few do add context to SF, though. I'll edit the minimally interesting ones and post them in a new 2nd "Life Behind the Scenes" work as Part 9 of this series. Anything tying into Part 5 onward would be included there (i.e. Family Expansion -> SF). That way new readers working through the series in order won't get spoilers (or confusion!), since the first LBtS only covers Parts 1-3. My list of potential one-shots for SF alone runs multiple pages. If I ever write any of those, they'll slot into this new LBtS, also.
> 
> ♦ There are a couple of stories for the 1st LBtS gathering dust. I have a totally different Barrissoka one-shot set in the canon SW universe languishing, as well. SF literally took over my life, ha. I'll definitely post those, once they undergo final edits.
> 
> ♦ My intention was to go straight into Caam & Karyna's quest from here. I actually drafted the first couple of chapters two months ago. However, it has now stalled in the same place I left my brain. The last few chapters of SF were a struggle. I couldn't quite get the ideas from my mind to come out right on the page. I don't usually have trouble with endings, but due to it's complexity (and maybe my perfectionism) it was challenging. I finally got it together to produce a hopefully satisfying(?) result. However, I may have burnt out my remaining brain cells in the process. [Ex. I created a huge freakin' spreadsheet that tracks every year of every main character's life, including events I haven't even written. If you all could see my folder of supplemental notes and materials for this entire series, you'd be appalled.] Point is, I might take a break from writing any sequel content to SF for a bit, until I can get my brain in order. I want to give you all the best!
> 
> ♦ If you get bored, there's always (re)reading works 1-8 to pick up new things or see old friends long gone. SF especially calls back themes and events from past stories. Feel free to tell me what you noticed, liked, needs expanding, whatever. Maybe I'll get some inspiration! That happens amazingly often, actually. My commenters have shaped much of what you see on the page. 
> 
> Hopefully all of the above will keep you entertained during my recovery period, ha. More importantly, I can't sign-off without expressing my everlasting appreciation to you all. The comments, kudos, and hits motivated me to keep fighting through the writing process. If you're reading this note, you presumably made it through all 111 chapters, which is no small achievement. I bow to your tenacity and endurance! I'm also taking the liberty of assuming that means you liked at least some of it. And that idea, my amazing readers, makes me the happiest woman on the planet. Thank you.
> 
> Remember, with faith anything is possible.  
> Gabby  
> o==}::::::::::::>


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